A lot of you ask me about inner work so I thought I would share with you and maybe it might help or at least give you something to think about :) First you need a notebook or a journal. Then you need to face yourself head on. Keep it hidden away and be honest and give it a lot of thought before you write it down. I will take these from my own Journal. Here goes......Page 1
"A Journey Of Self Discovery and Healing"
1: Name the three most unpleasant events in your life that you would like to change.
2:How did you react to each event?
3.Could you have prevented them or were they beyond your control?
4.Knowing what you know now, if you could go back how would you react to them?

5.If it were in your power to go back what would you change?
6.What have you learned from these events that you can now apply to your life?

I did this and found that I was chastising myself for many things that were beyond my control. I realize now that I can't go on punishing myself for things that happened in the past because I can't go back and start again with all the right answers and reactions.I can only go forward with less baggage.
Babs :)


------------------

Babs, I can not beleave this post was not seen before ! This is GREAT !!!! :)
Allowing myself to blabber on here, being as no one else is saying anything lol

I did this and guess what? Your so right !
BUT, even more important was, I finally was able to trace when I started to gain weight !
It was the same time I was was feeling the most like a failure in my life.
I was being abuse by my husband ( now ex - husband, thank God ! ), I was home with a 5 month old, poor and felt trapped. I was regeting not finishing college and oh just tons more crap was happening. I always had a faint glimmer of this time frame in my mind when I thought about being over weight, but never finished the picture. I think that was because this should had been the happest time in my life. I mean I had a beautiful, wonderful baby girl, who I felt so blessed to have and thank God for every day.
All these years, I have been beating myself up thinking it was all me !
Here it was my way of escape, as well as self abusing myself as I did not feel good enough or have any control about what was happening in my life.
Gosh women, where were you 18 years ago when I needed to be told this ? lol :)
Many years and yes even one more failed marrage later, I FINALLY have some peace within.
Thank you, Thank you Babs :)
I think if many of us did this, we would find there is a dead, ugly root under our weight troubles. I can now throw this dead root away :)
Jade
Taking Life - One Day At A Time and One Pound At A Time

Wow, this is GREAT! Where has this been hiding? I never saw it! The thought of re-visiting the 3 worst times in my life sends chills down my spine. I will, though. I have a feeling that is an important place to look. Thanx for the great post.

Thanks girls. I can continue this thread for the both of you if you'd like. Just let me know.
Babs ;)

You mean there is more?
I thought I was done lol :)
Sure if you have more, please share.
As hard as this was it has also brought me great peace within.
Babs I won't list any names here, but I am getting lots of private message about this post. More women are reading it then you think :) It is helping them as well as me and discomama....


Please share more :)

Jade
Taking Life - One Day At A Time and One Pound At A Time

i would love for you to keep sharing about "inner work" babs. i am going to start on mine today.
this will be tough but i am a big believer in past events determining our future if we let them!
hugs bell :)

Joni thank you for sharing that. I know it must have been hard but now maybe you can go forward.
1.Name three of the most pleasant events of your life
2. Where were you when these events occured?
3. Who was with you?
4. How did you feel?
5. Thinking back to these events what did you learn from them?

I learned that I could be loved and love and not be afraid. Love doesn't always cause pain.
Babs :)

Joni (((((HUGS)))) :)
We are here for you........

Opps I had to come back and say that I am doing this next assigment as well and will post here as soon as I complete it - may take a few days....but I will return :)

Jade
Taking Life - One Day At A Time and One Pound At A Time

[ 02-26-2001: Message edited by: Jade ]

Babs and others...I had to delete my post from yesterday. It was too painful to look at and see so "out there". Sorry. I'll come back to that another time! You all are the best!

Joni, what you post or don't post is not important, its what you are working on inside yourself that counts :)

Jade
Taking Life - One Day At A Time and One Pound At A Time

Joni, You and I have more in common than is imaginable. I read your post before it was deleted.

Carrying this stuff around gets to be quite a job, doesn't it?

Babs, thank you for this thread. I'm sure I'm not the only one working along with you from the sidelines.

ThinLynn

i am finding it tough going just thinking about the three worst moments. cant bring myself to write it down as its so painful.
i will do it today. i know i will feel better when its on paper.
you are strong joni. we are here with you.
hugs bell

Yes Bell it hurts, hurts, hurts and then you may get mad but then as if by magic...it goes away. It feels so good then like a thousand pounds are gone forever. Great way to shed the big pounds huh?
Good luck everyone.
http://gifs123.tripod.com/page29/rosebouquet.gif
Babs

Babs,
I told you I would come back and post on the second part when I figured it out. Sorry but I have searched and searched my memories and that time in my life never happened.
I have had a few moments, such as a birth of a child and such events that brought me great joy. However I never had a time period that I would call pleasent. Just moments......
I have had a super rough past few days, and just today pulling it together again. Part of this was seeing that at 38 yrs. old I could not think of any time period in my life that I was at peace................
Maybe I need to go back and re do first step here and see what else needs uncovered that may be hiding the second step.
However not sure if after just coming through a rough few days that is wise or not....
I will think about it.
Please keep posting any information you have on this "project" of inner self here. I may take a few steps backwards but I am sure this thread will help me grow :)
Jade
Taking Life - One Day At A Time and One Pound At A Time

Jade I felt the same as you and had to think long and hard to find pleasurable moments and that's all life is really...moments in time. I then remembered the day I first saw the ocean and how small I felt compared to the whole world and how blessed by God to be able to see such a creation. Another time I recalled being on a ferry boat in the Carolinas and the sky was so beautiful and clear blue and the wind was blowing my hair and there were big puffy white clouds up there and a bunch of birds following behind the boat. I realized that joyful moments don't have to always include people sometimes it's just when you feel so wonderful with the sun shining in your face or you hear a song or you have a connection with God and nature. These were the moments I found that gave me pure joy because love was all around me even though I was alone. But I wasn't you see because I had eyes to see the beauty of the earth and that was all the company I needed. I remembered my first dolly too and guess what Jade? This weekend I bought myself a beautiful doll and I love her! Am I reverting back to childhood in my old age or what? LOL
Gee but am I ratteling on or what?
Babs ;)
You're never to old to be a child again at heart.

This is really interesting.. I don't know if I'll write anything down.. (privacy issues). But it's definitely food for thought.. thanks.

Thanks Babs for clearing that up. I feel "normal" again :)
Moments of pleasure I have many !
Babs I have a question please.
In first "assigment" what do we do with feelings that we do think are our faults?
Most of us do things in life that cause some of our problems - any mental exercises for getting rid of these?
I can deal with the ones that are someone elses fault, but much harder to accept the ones where my blame is.
How does one get rid of self blame - I mean even if it is our fault - we should not have to carry it forever right?
Babs, please know this - maybe I am really really messed up in the head ( lol ), but I come back here and do these assigments every day. Seeing them in black and white makes my thoughts clearer :)
They are a HUGE help to me right now....just wanted you to know, please don't give up I am getting "there" :)
Some day I hope to know where there is lol
Each day I do these, my thoughts and feelings are clearer and clearer. It is hard to return to this every day, but I encourge those of you who really want inner healing to do this.
Jade
Taking Life - One Day At A Time and One Pound At A Time

Hi Steph. It's nice to meet you.
Jade self forginess is the hardest thing you will ever have to do or at least it was for me and I had a lot of guilt hanging on myself believe me. Some of the things I felt guitly for were easier to forgive than others because there were circomatances leading up to the action and I just picked the wrong way to handle it was all.
As for the rest. Well Jade the clock never runs backward. You can never change the things you did in the past, not one minute or one word of it. What you have to do is see those things as learning experiences that teach you to do better now. I hurt someone who is dead now. I can't bring them back to say I'm sorry and I love you. Nope, sure can't. All I can do is love the people I know now and not make the same mistake again thereby becoming. I hope, a better more loving person than I was in the past. Do you see what I mean? Yesterday is over. We all made mistakes...yesterday. We will make some more I'm sure because that is just human nature. Today is all there is and today just try to be the best you can be because it's all you have and there are no promises you even have all of it!
Don't be so hard on yourself dear. It will all work out in time.
(((Hugs))) Babs :)

What a wonderful string. Just last night I was momentarily over-whelmed by one of those horrible things in my life, and it happened over 25 years ago. Some things you always carry with you, but they don't always hurt. What hurts now is that I can see lingering effects--persistent insecurity, a change forever in the way I deal with others, particularly women. I now have my first woman friend in over 25 years, someone to go shopping with, walk with once in a while, talk gardening with. I made several life changes as a result of this one incident. I would be so different without it in my life. I never would have felt the need to go to college and study communication and writing. I never would have found my love of writing, and my skill. I would never have raised my children with the realistic image of relations with others. But the scars are nasty. Every once in a while they seem unavoidable, and then I feel guilty about not being able to leave it behind.

Well, since starting this, I've had a LOT come up. It's like a let the cork out of the bottle after it was shook up. Stuff is pouring out of me: big things, little things, annoying things, things I forgot about, things I accepted as fact but never gave a thought to how injust they were. It is amazing. I sure wish I kept a journal all my life! Along with the nightmares are some incredible, beautiful dreams as well. Again, things I had forgotten about or took for granted. This thread has really had an impact on me!

HI :)
Just letting you know I have not stoped lol
I am still thinking and processing.
Some days I can work through many feelings and other days none - but I will stick this out till I am "ok".

Real short bio - married at 19, abused and had daughter less then one year later.
Abuse never stoped. Had son 2 yrs later, who passed away of SIDS at a very young age.
Abuse still going on. Finally I gain the strength to leave.
Married again, to a man who had 3 children from past marrage - he adopted my daughter and then begin to abuse me. Took in foster children -who all had special needs and were on all kinds of machines to help keep them alive. I only took in the ones that no one else wanted, as I felt no child shuld die alone. 2 of them died in my arms at my home.
Abuse atill going on - I kept quiet about abuse as I did not want to lose any of the foster children or give hy husbands ex a reason to take her children back - she was a very negative person who did not care for kids when they would visit her.
My husband then gave the kids I had raised for 10 yrs back to his ex wife - tell me she now had her act together - the death of the 2 children and the loss of the 3 children I raised for 10 yrs all happened in one years time. I divorced him also.
I have felt guily for many things above many of times.
If I had kept taking the beatings and mental abuse I would still have my 3 kids with me.

I know that is ALL wrong, but I know it in my head, now its time to come to peace with my heart......

I opened up my own business and met my honey 3 years ago:

To date my thoughts have resulted in this:
The times is my life that I gained weight, I was lonely ( inside ), feeling unsure of myself as person with worth, and feeling like I had no control over what was happening in my life - I think I over ate as it was one thing I could control. Also in my mind I was nothing and going no where, so it was also a form a self-abuse.

The times I was successful at losing and keeping weight off:
1. I was content with life and at peace within myself.
2. Even if times were hard I felt I had control of my situation.
3. I was not lonely inside myself.
4. I felt I had a life to work and live for.
5. I beleaved I was "ok" as a person.

So now I have a good life, and a wonderful daughter, with 3 beautiful grandchildren and a super good man, a great job, my health, and all kinds of other good things in my life.So I had to ask myself this question - why am I over weight again?

1. After many years of living the doubtful,depressed, and feeling worthless life - this life is hard to adjust to.
I think I was subcousie ( sp? ) getting ready for the downfall in life that always seems to come my way and effect me in such a negative way - kinda like the bear getting ready to the long winter months.

Now I see I have much more control of life then I ever did, and many many postive things/people in life then ever before.

I also have learned that I will NEVER allow myself to be abuse mentally, or physically again, so I no longer need this protective "hide" I have.

So I need to take more control of this weight situation as I have many other areas of my life and move ahead !!!!

Sorry did not mean to write a book lol
Just want to share in hopes that this will help someone else.
Jade
PS: sorry about mis spells and poo grammer here - I wrote this in tears, I jsut wrote with my feelings not my brain. But do not worry they are tears of healing :)

[ 03-13-2001: Message edited by: Jade ]

I am so glad this thread is helping all of you. I will first tell you I only went to the ninth grade in school. Many things happened to me in the course of my life among them rape, abuse, loss of a child, so much death I could hardly bare and many things of which I had no control over and many things of which I did and yet I made the wrong choices and years later suffered much guilt over them.
I held my mothers hand as she lay dying and it was too late then to make things right all of which were entirely my fault. I held my husband as he lay dying also and once again it was to late to make ammends. I hated my fathers guts and even though he was dead I wished to dig him up and kill him again so to make a long story short I was filled with guilt, rage and hate.
It has taken me 10 years of inner work to let it go and find peace inside myself. It was not easy but I have finally made it. I have forgiven the past and forgiven myself which was the hardest part and learned through it all that the only thing you can change about your life is your life today.
You learn and you change. You learn and you get wise. You learn and you become a better person for the people you have left and then when you have to say goodbye there are no regrets. Each thing and each event in your life becomes then not a burden but a blessing to make you a better person in the end.
I will add to this thread again tomorrow. Thank you all for listening and learning.
Babs~ :)

I went to a weightloss seminar last night. I was also thinking about this string and what I wrote yesterday. I came to the conclusion that losing the weight will be a major step in healing old hurts. I gained this weight trying to cope with stuff, and I feel bad because of this unproductive, unsatisfying side effect of my past problems that I really have to let it go to let go of the pain of the past.

I am not unhappy with who I have become, past and all, so it is time to shed the reminder.

1. What brings you pain?
2. Why do these things you listed bring you pain?
3. Why do you feel they bring you pain?
4. When you are in pain how do you feel about yourself?
5. How do you feel about others?
6. What emotion do you use to express your pain?
7. What is your treatment to make it feel better or make it go away?
8. In one word what is pain to you?
9. Find, in your own words, three things that you can do to heal yourself

Babs~ :)