I see Babs doing this and I think, why not. I found reading her entries interesting. I'm pulling for you.

Doing better and better after my surgery. I've lost a couple of pounds, but now my apetite is back. The furnice got repaired at last. I'm afraid to overdo, but I do walk around the house for exercise. I'm up to 35 minutes, of very slow walking. I'm also starting to do some housework again. Just puttering around, nothing that really acomplishes much, but it keeps things tolerable. I've been studying my cookbooks for nutritious menu ideas. I resolve to plan my meals ahead. :)

Be accountable. That is the first step. Believe in yourself. That is the second.
You can do it!
Babs ;)

I am pondering ways to be accountable. This journal is such an attempt. Yesterday went well, no after dinner eating, my big down fall. No over sleeping today. I was up at six. Also attempting another letter to the editor, my attempt to get back to my writing, and take control of my life. This is funny: I've got my dog walking around the house with me for exercise. I toss in a few commands just to keep him on his toes. Can't say he is sure he likes it, doesn't understand it, but I don't have to get out the leash to get him to do it either.

I notice my heart healthy and Stop Dieting and Lose Weight cook books use far more ingredients than I normally use in my adverage cooking. Maybe this is important to sticking to an eating plan.

You're on your way! As for the food, do the best you can with what you have in the pantry.
Thinking of your dog made me smile. A four legged exercise companion. So sweet! :)
Remember the weekend is just another two days in your life. You can do it!
Babs :)

Was sick this weekend. Nothing tasted right. Walked outside on Sunday, it was nearly 60F here. Now the cat is following me and the dog around the house on our bad weather walks. She just doesn't want to be left out.

Donuts hubby got for me were frozen, but he has already eaten one of mine. So much for his commitment to weightloss, and weightloss support.

Weight today, 2-26-01, is 159.

Okay, a not so daily journal. I've been having an awful time getting on line and staying on line. I've been walking everyday, and with this March snow coming down it is an inside walk today. Yesterday, Monday, I got the all clear from my doctor and went to an exercise class. I feel I need some help to get back my energy. The idea of months, as the doctor said, doesn't appeal to me. I have a lot planned for spring and summer. Gardening mostly.

Hubby has been bringing home donuts, making substancial evening snacks, and urging me to have a drink with him in the evening. All calories I don't need. He added bread, boxed augratin potatoes and mashed potato flakes to my grocery list. I guess I had enough veggies listed.

I weigh 158 lbs. by my home scale. I lost a total of six pounds with my surgery and recovery. Girl Scout cookies came in, and I have eaten a few, but reasonable amounts.
Tonights dinner will be sausage and sauerkraut.

I'm glad you're better and can exercise again! I eat mashed potaoes about three times a week..without butter of course! LOL As for those doughnuts my late husband used to do the same thing but once I decided to put those fat balls in the sink and turn the tap on after a while he decided it was a waste of money and I lost 115 lbs! Showed him!
Babs :)

May have gotten my computer problems resolved. We will find out soon I guess.

Gained a couple lbs. My appetite is back, but I'm not up to my regular routine yet. In response I've increased my walking. Went to the mall yesterday, and I'll go again today. This mall has ramps to go up, I'm not ready for a lot of stairs yet.

Maybe in response to the additional exercise, I wanted to eat everything in the house last night. I kept myself busy and away from snaking all day. The minute I sat down to watch TV I wanted to eat everything in sight. Tonight I am going with a friend to learn about hypnosis for weightloss.

The donuts sat on the counter and dried out, yet I am sure I would have gone for them last night if they hadn't been thrown out. I think I'll get out my cross stitch project and try to use that to distract me tonight in front of the TV.

Yesterday was not such a good day.

Bk.
Cherrios
skim Milk
1/2 grapefruit

six dates (135 calories)

Lunch
light canned peaches
1/2 cup cottage cheese
1/2 cinnamon bagel
with light marg.

(Okay, here is where I lost any semblance of control) about 2 p.m.
7 maple nut candies (280 calories)
4 more maple nut candies
Brie with Freetoes
more Brie with Feetoes

Dinner
baked potato with sour cream
one serving of meatloaf

around 10 pm
an apple with peanut butter

I went to a weightloss seminar with two friends in the PM. It was very interesting. I now have focused meditation tapes (self hypnosis)and so far I like them. I am a believer in meditation.
I weighed myself. I'm holding steady.

The sugar is doing you in. Sometimes if I want sugar I eat the opposite of sweet..which is sour. The next time you crave a candy eat a pickle and see if it works. Also I keep on hand the small wrapped Peppermint Patties. 3 have 1 grm. of fat and 180 calories. At night with my cup of tea I slowly savor one or two and my sweet taste is satisfied, I don't feel deprived and I feel good about the fact that I am still consious of my plan while enjoying a sweet.
Hang in the dear. Just keep believing that you can do it and you WILL!
Babs ;)

Did okay!
7 a.m. - Multi Bran Chex w/skim milk

10:30 - 1/2 grapefruit

noon - Meatloaf sandwich :)

3: 30 - salad w/ balsamic vinigrett
Apple w/ peanut butter

6:30 - Roast Beef & Cheese sandwich
Potato Salad
Chips (just a small amt.)
Lemonaid

Exercise - a.m. did a Jenny Craig workout with TV and didn't even work up a sweat. The did some standing yoga postures. This took me into the challeng level. I am so weak and stiff. I remember being strong and flexible. In the p.m. I walked the dog 1/2 hour. My pace is picking up, I walked an extra block in that time. The stairs don't put me off anymore. I'm very pleased with my recovery so far.

I noticed I had no sugar yesterday. Maybe that is what set me off yesterday. Having a busier day helps also. And I have a busy day planned again so I expect you will find a good report tomorrow.

In my planner I am keeping track of my calories, but some things I just don't know how to count. I did go a little over-board with the cheese in my roast beef sandwich, but it was so good. ;)

We will not always be perfect so just remember that small steps still bring big rewards. Keep believing and it will happen!
Babs~ :)

Thursday
7 a.m. - Quaker Oat Bran w/ skim Milk

9;30 - Lite Pears

Noon - Liver and onions, baked apple and Mixed veggies.

4:00 - prunes

Dinner - Corn Chowder, Half an italian sausage

Streusel Apple

What a day! Awoke full of energy. Was dancing to the radio at 7 a.m. Speed cleaned so I could get out and shop. Walked all afternoon, and had a great time with my friend Coyne. Then I had a meeting after dinner, for a second day in a row, and boy was I hungry when I got home. Trying to up my veggie consumption. I really don't like them much.

Hi, Dreamweaver!

Just stopped by to say "Hi!"

Your "animal parade" made me laugh. We have three dogs and five cats. The whole crew thinks it's great fun to be right underfoot when "mommy" is trying to exercise. Lying on the floor here is impossible - they all just jump right on top!

Good luck to you in your journey. I find keeping a journal a very big help, and it looks like you do, too.

ThinLynn

No food log for this weekend. Two parties this weekend. On Saterday was the monthly meeting of our dinner group, this month jointly with the wine group. I tried to keep my eating reasonable, but I'm only human. Sunday was a family celebration of hubby's 50th birthday. The kids came home, my parents came up. I spent the entire day cooking. Hubby was so content, either it was the company, the food, or the wine. Yes, more wine. Totally non nutritious calories.

Was going to send the left over cake into work with hubby, but the dog ate it. What a porker. I have to watch him every second.

Sugar really does do me in. I never realized it before I started keeping track. Even with all the food I ate yesterday, and the day before, I could not stop at only one slice of birthday cake. It is a real problem. The birthday season around here is May and June. Just before swimsuit season! The extended family is getting together for one big party. But the kids will still expect their cakes on their birthday from Mom and Dad.

My exercise over the weekend was mostly shopping. We ran all over the place looking for cranberries and never found them. Friday night Hubby and I did go mall walking. After the third family fight of the week with our 14 year old we both needed to walk off some steam.

I have found walking works even better than eating for getting ride of anger and frustration. Just keep going until it is all vented.

Wow you had a busy weekend! Made me tired just reading about it! LOL
You sound so much like me. There are certain foods that, if I have one bite, I'm on a roll and can't stop eating it and crave more the next day. Sugar is a big booger when it comes to that. Sugar raises your blood sugar fast and then drops it just as fast so you have this great big energy boost and then you dive so you go for more to get that big boost again! It's a vicious cycle. What to do? Nix the sugar. Say to yourself "I am going to this party for the people I love, for the conversation, for the fun and I will not eat cake. I am sorry if this hurts anyones feelings but I love myself and I am going to be healthy and thin no matter what it takes."
You can do this. You have it in you. Just keep believing and working for what you want and it will be yours for the taking!
Barb~ :>)

Barb, I really wish there was another way, but I think not.

Did not write down my food intake yesterday. My diet in general is okay if I avoid the cake and candy. Which I didn't do. The girl scout cookies are in. But I will report tomorrow. I did however, work out in the yard, raking. It was good to be out in the sunshine, and today is another day.

You're right... everyday is a new day to learn something you can apply to the next day and make it better. Just keep going one step at a time and you will make it!
Babs~

I swear I have some kind of a hangover. If I could just stick to the basics I would be fine. I'll be honest, I thought of lying, but that is sort of self defeating because I know no-one really cares if I have donut or not but myself.

7-Quaker Crunchy Corn Bran with Skim Milk
10- serving of V-8 Splash
12- Chicken sandwich on Italian with mayo and apple chutney (nice)
Lentil Soup
2:30 - second serving of V-8 Splash
4 tiny little girl scout cookies
6:30 - Ham, Scalloped Potatoes, Corn
9:30 or after- 2 peanut butter on rye toasts
Baked Chips and salsa
one donut

I did the Jenny Craig Karate Moves workout followed by a Yoga waist strengthening routine. I also raked part of the yard. I'm sore today, but just a little. I'm also very tired feeling.

In the pm we checked out a charge on our visa bill that we didn't recognize. Son, 14, took our credit card number and charged to a porn site. The charge was forgiven. Son is so confused that we would think He is the one that did this. He can't remember doing this. He has been avoiding us. He doesn't get to use the computer anymore, and unless he memorized the credit card number he will have to get passed a locked cabinet to ever get his hands on that again. In general he has had a bad week. We found out he traded his watch for a lighter, which he used to play hide and seek in the dark church during a youth group sleep over. Where his watch was for two weeks wasn't any of our business. Hubby and son ended up in a wrestling match before the truth came out. Homework isn't getting done in a timely manner. But the good news is that he did join track, but already claims he has hurt his ankle after the first practice. Walking anyplace but to the kitchen hurts his ankle. This kid just isn't getting the parent/child thing at all.

Dreamweaver- your 14-year-old sounds like our oldest son. Same stupid tricks! Guess what? He's 29 now, with a wife and beautiful baby, and has his own auto glass business down in Atlanta, GA. Owns a nice home with in-ground pool, 2 big dogs, nice vehicles in the driveway.

Our youngest was a dream as a kid. But he's back home now after serving almost a year in jail on drug charges.

Sometimes I think it's best if they get all the devilement out of their systems while they're kids! I'll pray for your sanity!

ThinLynn

7 - ham and egg sandwich
6 prunes

12 - Salad
2 donuts

6 - fried chicken
sweet potato

10 - Apple

Thank goodness it rained. It kept me from doing more raking. My Arms, back, and LEGS hurt. I did do a Yoga strenght training routine. I also danced around the living room. Hubby got out the power massager and gave my back and legs a good massage.

I think I'll reward myself with a massage every five pounds. Maybe that will motivate me to stay on track.

Nice day but I didn't do anything active. I hurt to much.
eating:
7 - Quaker corn bran with skim milk
prunes
12- Large chef salad
6 - rice with taco soup
pork chop
v-8

also three cookies and then they were packed up for a bake sale at school and outa here.

Finally got Dr. Phil's book, Life Strategies. And it is clear that I have not been the weaver of my own dreams. Not a surprise, but still, active thought on the subject does create a emotional response. The thing is, I just can't see what to do about it. Time is just slipping by and can't be reclaimed. So, I am seriously bummed.
:( :( :(

It's true time can't be reclaimed but the time you have now for today can be better and so can the time you have left. You will see when working the book that we have to make peace with the past and move on into today. Today, afterall, is all you really have.
The book may bum you and make some anger come up but then something will happen. You will no longer use food to fill up the holes inside and when an emotion hits you will deal with it in newer, better ways.
You are a winner everyday in everyway!
Babs~ ;)

Meals aren't the problem, It is those cream horns I got while running around doing errands for my sick neighbor. The weekend was full of fast food and restraunts. And family saying you look great, you have to eat more, we are celebrating your husband being half a century, and beside this might be your last meal with us old folks. Watch what you eat when we aren't around. These things may not all have been said explicitly this time, but they have been said many times before, and exactly like that. I have to become a hermit.

I am really tired of being a crybaby.

The good news is exercise. I've been very good about sticking with it. Glad I'm doing yoga regularly. I am getting stronger and stronger. I can walk farther in the same amount of time. My clothing does fit better. Everyone tells me I look great. (See how long that lasts if I don't stay away from the Cream Horns! I can be my own worst enemy!)

From last Friday to this Friday, the week was just stressful and bad. Sunday night I dumped on someone who didn't deserve the entire dump, he just said the wrong judgemental thing in church at the wrong time, and the flood gates opened. My husband wanted to leave after the potluck, before the program, because these comments have been irritating me for weeks (I am the biggest liberal of this particular small group). I thought that was a bad idea. I love the old hymns we get to sing and want our son to learn them. Guess I was wrong.

Now I just have to shake off the entire bad week and start over again.

I completely understand about family sayin eat more. I sometimes think they are more afraid of our change than we are!
Good job on the exercise and don't appologize for venting...we all have to now and then. Keep up the good work. You can do it! http://cwmonkey.virtualave.net/s/asian3/ppeace1.gif
Barb~

Thanks for the encouragement Barb. Had a busy day around the house yesterday, but yes, I did have time to eat a little something.

bk- cereal with skim milk
lunch- apple with peanut butter
cauliflower, and pineapple.
dinner-pasta with turkey, mixed veggies, and alfredo saucw.
PM- prunes.
also- I munched upon chocolate chips from time to time.

I don't know if I'm getting depressed or am just under the weather. My sinuses seem to be acting up with this lake affect snow here in Cleveland. Six to 8 inches yesterday, and it is snowing again now. Finished the laundry and ironing yesterday, used the snow blower for the first time, and just puttered around the house. I've been reading about machine quilting and other fabric embellishments, and am going to a quilt show today. I'm hoping a hobbie will help get me back on track.

Have to have some serious talks with our sex crazed 14 year old. Tried to help him out by putting his math homework into his book bag, and found a computer game magazine with thong bikini clad, pumped up Barbie video game beauties in provocative posses.

If that isn't enough, I have to worry about the cat. She was playing with a rubberband, and afraid I was going to take it away, she ate it! Dumb cat!

Good on the food I see. I know what you mean it seems cold weather has been around here for a lifetime and taking a lifetime to GO AWAY! I just keep trying to hang in there and wait....it has to come sometime...I hope!
As for your son I went through the same thing! I think they go through a phase or something!
As for the cat I would watch and make sure it comes out and doesn't get hung up in his intestines. UGH!
You have a good day and try to think warm thoughts if possible. Spring is coming and we will be rewarded with all our hard work in a thinner body!
YOU CAN DO IT!
Babs~

Cat isn't dead yet. The Quilt show was great. Studied three hours with son for his history test, and need to call the teacher, who doesn't seem to get that a kid with his handicap needs a call to mom when he isn't doing his work at all. They may get each other again next year.

Eating: Corn Bran cereal with skim milk. Cauliflower, V-8, Pasta, turkey, veggies with alfredo sauce (left overs). Pork chop, baked potato with butter, corn. Pinapple, and tootsie rolls.

Hubby home late again, and no time for anything thing in evening. He was romantic, but passive, I was tired. Nothing happened. Oh well.

Bk- Quaker oat bran with skim milk
10- stomach unsettled, ate a handful of cereal and some pineapple
1- omlet, hashbrowns, rye toast
6- beef stew, salad, biscuits and honey, 1/2 glass of wine.
Donuts again. I did eat one.

Hubby and I had a serious discussion about his buying donuts three times a week. I asked him if we had some serious psychological need to stay fat. I suggested a minimum of eight bucks a month on donuts (and it is more, and I'm talking a dozen and a half a week) alone would add up to something we could do something with. I've been thinking of setting up a jar to add junkfood money to. Whatever is in the jar at the end of the month, we get to do something with. I'm thinking skating, bowling, dancing?

We also talked about exercise. He doesn't like exercise. I suggested he think back to when he was a kid, or when our kids were little, and all we did then. A life of eating, TV, and freecell isn't much of a life, and we ought to do something. Just house and yard work on his dream handiman special would do plenty, and I certainly can't do it all.

I actually think I am getting motivated. If I can stay in this mode, I will reach my goals.

My goals are so modest. That is another thing hubby and I talked about. My daughter and I are the same height, I could weigh as much as she does and not be to skinny. I'm not even asking for that. Halfway to that would make me happy at the moment, and even at that, I suspect I'm going easy on myself.

I wan't some support, and I want it now. He can go to a Donut place and have a donut if he has to have one, even if it costs 3Xs as much. I want to have some fun other than eating. With him would be nice, but I will go without him.

Hubby eating another donut last night. He sneeked into the living room with it very quietly when he thought I was concentrating on my book. I think that is the end of them for now. I was bad too, I ate some chocolate chips, which he rightly pointed out were not consistent with my goals. I guess he who lives in a glass house....

Eating: 2 slices rye toast with 1 slice Am. Cheese (is it American Cheese all over the world?), a banana. Low fat cottage cheese with melon. Got hungary and nibbled Couliflower, then went for a walk. Feeling hungary again, drank milk. Hungary waiting for dinner and ate Lite Pears. Dinner was bean soup, 2 slices rye toast with marg. spread, and prunes (I have a big box of prunes).

My walk was a half mile in 30 minutes. I'm getting there. It has only been two months since my surgery. Plus, I did two pushups. Girls pushups. Couldn't have done three if my life depended on it. At least I know where I am starting from.

Just keep believing that you are worth all the hard work and it will happen for you! I do pushups against the wall...forget the floor...not even kiddie ones! LOL
One donut??? You're getting better and better everyday. You can do it!
Babs ;)

Hi, dreamweaver. You sound like a great person. Someone that I would like to be diet buddies with. Can you contact me and let me know, you can PM me or here is my email adress. tornado66@hotmail.com

Great weekend, ate everything in sight. The donut man is at an all time high, and pitches a fit when I eat something ON MY OWN!

My grandbaby Ty, is 2 mo. old, and smiling and cute and loves my singing. I was jealouse of every minute he was away visiting the extended family. He lives a good eight hour drive away. I hate that.

#2 son was home also, just a quick stop for lunch. First time he saw his nephew.

#3 son is settleing down, I hope, and happy to be on spring break.

Hubby, the donut man, is at an all time high. And now he is yelling at me if I eat anything on my own. We fought about money till midnight.

I'm back to my pre surgery weight. It ticks me off, but it is no suprise. I think self exploration has been very stressful, and I wish I had listened to hubby when he told me to take that book back to the library. I also think recording my food, increased my stress. But it was revealing.

Here is my new plan. To have a treat every evening, and veggies and dip at the weak mid-afternoon time. I'm going to focus on stress management and try to be calm. The last couple of weeks I've really felt like a snowball being rolled down a hill.

trying to decide what to do next. I'm thinking a real diet. This be careful and listen to my body stuff isn't working right now. My body is saying eat, Eat, EAT NOW! It is stress, I know. I am walking all I can. For the first time since my surgery I am finally caught up with my house work. I've been the social butterfly recently. I'm having a good time. I'm also planning a great dinner for my dinner group. There is a couple of weeks before the dinner. And I think spring finally made it to Cleveland, Ohio, USA!

Told my son, don't ask me what's for dinner, don't eat anyplace but the kitchen table, don't remind me that food exits (like could ever forget). Spent yesterday running around stores, and I was exhausted when I got home. I finished a book I've been reading. Son made dinner, which turned out great! Today is going to be a warm spring day, and I am excited about that. And for a person who just doesn't want to even think about food, I see I am thinking about it a lot. What ya gonna do?

Have a check up this morning. I'll get repremanded about my weight, but otherwise I'm good. I had a great day in the sunshine yesterday. My eating was reasonable. I raked leaves for exercise.

Today it is dark with rain. I'm going to walk at the mall after my doctor appt.

You're doing a great job of incorporating exercise into your daily routine!

Well, another weekend passed. I did fine until.... Lets just say it involved mass quantities of sugar and fat. Exercise was fine. Walked with hubby and did yard work with son. I get frustrated that I can't do more, and I can tell my family is tired of picking up the slack, but I keep reminding myself that my doctor thought I was doing very well.

We have record breaking temperatures here in the Cleveland area. Hubby was sick this weekend or we would have gotten all the beds cleaned out. Well, slow and steady wins the race. It is only April after all.

I am tired of ruining my efforts with this impulsive eating. Holding steady is not what I want to do anymore.

I need to face it. I am not sure why I keep coming to DT because I am not dieting. I'm not even being sensible in what I eat. I have moments, some of them long, but I'm not motivated. The best way I can describe what I feel, is that I want to be motivated. I know I should lose some weight, and I would like it to be a higher priority, but it just isn't. If anything I have lost ground lately by stirring up anxieties. I'm not sure if I should just close this journal, or keep writing, in the hopes that it helps to find the motivation I need.

Hi. IMHO I think you should keep coming here and write. I'm learning a few things about you...you can eat well...you can eat bad...you get angry...you love your family, etc., etc. Just like everyone else. And your strugling with your weight just like everyone else. I hope you're learning more about yourself. Sometimes that can help. I like the idea of treating yourself to something at night and doing the veggies in the afternoon.

You are a wonderful human being and I enjoy reading your posts and getting to know you.

Deborah

hi dreamweaver,
please keep journalling. i think it takes courage to share your experiences whether they be good or bad.
maybe you need to find a plan that has a bit more structure to it. take it one day at a time or even one meal at a time. my biggest problem was having one bad meal and then telling myself it was ok to eat badly all day.
you can do this. i will keep posting here as long as you do too.
hugs bell :D

Okay Debbi and Bell, I'm still here. I needed the encourage badly.

Yesterday turned out to be on of my best days, eating wise. I was busy hemming curtains. I got three, out of eight panels finished. I didn't write down what I ate, but it was very reasonable. Dinner was pizza, which I don't consider the best thing for me to eat, but after working with hubby to finish moving dirt into our new raised veggie garden beds, it was late, everyone was starved, and that pizza sure tasted wonderful. There was no snacking by anyone after dinner. Maybe because we ate later?

I feel I need structure in my life. I am not acostomed to having all of this time since I've guit my retail job. I was considering applying at Pizza Hut, until my husband reminded me that I would be working the same hours that I did at Sears, and that if I want to work those hours I should go back to being a newpaper correspondent.

I have started writing editorials. I'm not getting paid, but I am getting much positive feedback. It is a new thing for me. As a reporter, I never took a position, and if I had one I took great pains to keep it to myself. In an editorial I take a position, and argue it. So far I have written about shopping for CD's with your children, and is ethnicity equal to raceism.

Had an okay eating day yesterday. Almost wrote that there was no evening snacking, but I forgot the last of my girl scout cookie order came in, and we all had a few. Got more done on my curtains. Had a good day.

Today I'll be busy. Shopping with Coyne, and church tonight. Easter is upon us.

Locked myself out of the house yesterday. Couldn't get back in until hubby came home from work. Picked up a baked chicken, baked potatoes, and a three bean salad from the local grocery for dinner. Spent to much money shopping, but I found shoes that were cute and fit! I had a wonderful day with my friend, and we walked miles. I almost fell asleep in church.

Had a nice discussion with #3 son about the recent conflict in the household. Everyone was calm, and after awhile he started to listen. This is a bad time of year for him. Three years ago he survived a fire that killed two other boys, a few months after that he was separated from his birth mom as a result of domestic violence. To hear him talk, he is over all of that. But actions speak louder than words. Hopefully, things will settle down a little now.

We have a long a busy weekend ahead, so I'll probably be back to DT on Monday.

Easter was wonderful. I left all pretense of dieting behind, and told myself I'll live a healthy life starting on Monday. Guess what? Monday is here! Hubby took me out to BK and then I took him to the airport for two weeks in Japan. That is a long way from Cleveland, Oh. By the time I got home I was in the frig, but I didn't eat anything. I listened to my motivation tapes. I got on line. Wrote my e-mail diet buddies. Soon as I get off line, I'm going to walk the dog. I loved reading everyone's journals this morning. The motivation some of you have just puts me to shame. I did not step on the scale. I figure in my current mood, that would be a very un wise choice.

Yesterday was terrible, but today is already better. I did walk yesterday, and in desperation I got out my cross stitch project. It kept me out of trouble. I did step on the scale this morning. 164.5 I also have a pain in my side. I would think it is my appendics, but that has been gone all of my adult life. I feel well otherwise, so I'll just see what happens today. My guess, is gas pain, but I did try to do some leg lifts yesterday. Going to the mall walking, it is nearly winter out there. With all this conversation about brown fat, and cold, I'd just like to say, I'm not up to speed for walking in the cold. But I am pleased with myself, both in my progress, and my consistency in the area of exercise.

Hey! You weigh less then me! That's not fair! I guess I'm just going to have to work on it. :)

If this were a contest Debbi, I would quit right now.

I did great yesterday, until 11 o clock. I can't ever remember eating so late. I figure I ate about 400 calories, then I went to bed, and I dreamed about food last night. I'm not counting calories, in general, so maybe I ate less than I thought yesterday. That would be an interesting change. I'm just trying to get a healthy routine going. I'm going to miss the peeps though. No more late eating. My acid reflux can't handle that.

I walked at the mall, and visited with the people I used to work with. I spent two hours killing time, just so I wouldn't be home and tempted. Not a good use of my time.

At home I spent time updating my web site and was surprised I had 123 hits. I may have to update more often. I included my son's poetry. Visting the sites of my fellow DTers motivated me to see what I could do there. I am learning more about using the computer. Should have done this years ago. I'm also working on a counted cross stitch. I obviously don't count very well, and am color blind, but it keeps me occupied.

Do you know what, if it was a competition, I would quit too. I don't like them. I just thought that was interesting that you're at a weight that I hope to be at soon, and some people probably hope to be at a weight I'm at right now! It's interesting how life works out. :)

Yes Deb, it is very interesting. This entire processes is. If anyone had told me that I would have internet friends that mean a lot to me, I would have thought them nuts. But here I am, cheering for Big Bones marbles, and ThinLynn's wedding, and checking up on all my other friends every day. My computer time has grown and grown.

Yesterday went well. My exercise was cleaning the lower attic, and running up and down stairs. My pain in my side is gone, but my back and left shoulder is in pain. I ate six meals a day. I need to eat more veggies. I could really fill up a plate and not add many calories with the veggies.

Did step on the scale this morning. Lost a half pound. ;)

Found the best snack, sweet pickles! I can eat a lot of them, and still be better off than eating one donut. No acid reflux problem last night. Keeping busy does help to keep to my eating plans. Yesterday I didn't have time to pace between the frig and TV. Today, I have a full day planned. Plus, I have a new project planned. More on that as it gets underway. Gotta go now.

After reading Dr. Phil's book I was bummed for awhile, but I've been working through it, especially focused on the Health area of my life, which of course includes weightloss. It occurred to me that with my surgery and its subsequent limitations, that my motivation has really been way off (like no kidding!), so I wrote down my motivations, and I'll share them with you.

Set a good example for my son, of setting a goal and accomplishing it.

A special dress, for my special 30th anniversary on July 23.

Better health. Reduction of Acid Reflux, back to my pre-surgery activity level.

The ability to have fun, rather than sit on the sidelines, to include dancing, biking, swimming, tennis, badmitten, & gardening.

Singing. I have no breath since my surgery. Getting, and holding a note is not going well. (But improving, I just want to do anything I can to keep making progress.)

My goal is to lose 30 lbs by July 23, to increase my walking 3 minutes per week until I reach 1 hour each day. (I'm at 30 min. now.) To begin now to include those fun activities in my life on a regular basis.

After observing my habits and weaknesses, I pledge to weigh weekly, plan meals (with many thanks to ThinLynn), have a glass of milk in the evening if I must have a snack, reach for veggies and fruits as munchies, and drink my water. I will share this plan so my family can be supportive and encouraging, and I will boot the bunch out if they are not. I will be responsible to myself, and if what I am doing is not working, as shown by a 2 to 3 pound loss per week, then I will change my plan until it does work for me.

And that is the motivation, pledge and the plan.

Had a fun weekend, a party doesn't cause my weight to jump up, of course I don't lose either. The food was really good, and the company was wonderful.

Monday I was busy all day, and I think that helped me to stay on track, but today I'm tired and I'll have to keep busy with quieter activities. I planted an lettuce, spinach, broccoli, cauliflower, carrots, radishes, beans and peas yesterday. It was 80 degrees F. here in Cleveland.

Today I need to get my walk in before the rain comes.

Sounds like you are perservering, Dreamweaver. It isn't easy, is it? It is hard work to get to know yourself and to figure out which strategies work and which don't.

You had 80 degrees yesterday? Last week I knocked a thick layer of ice off the dog's water bowl which had been left out overnight. We still have snow and ice on the side of some of the trails around town. I would melt if we had an 80 degree day. Have a good day tomorrow.

On 3-30 I walked a half mile in 30 minutes and could do 2 push-ups. Yesterday I walked a mile in 30 minutes, and did 8 push-ups. I'm also doing leg lifts, and yoga, and yard work. Yes, I'm getting it back.

I've done real well eating. My mood swings are horrible. Makes me think I do a lot of emotional eating. Had to stop eating prunes! Drank a lot of tea today.

Read people who already like their body have an easier time being committed to a diet. So, I've been standing in front of the mirror, trying to like what I see, and giving myself a pep talk.

Hubby comes home from Japan tomarrow. The real question is, can Donut Man, and Salad Lady find happiness together? :x

Just stopped by to see what you're up to. Ups and downs are part of the process as we each find what works for us. As long as you are working on a plan, you are making progress. I'm in your corner, DreamWeaver. You can do this!

Hugs,
ThinLynn

Thanks for stopping in ThinLynn. Unfortunately my downs don't seem to make it to the scale. I know I'm doing well right now. I'm glad I started this journal. On a bad day now, I can look back and see that I am improving. I would like a day that is pain free, but I tell myself that is muscle growing. A little moving gets the blood flowing and seems to bring relief. I plan a massage as a reward for meeting goals, so right now I am determined to get a massage next week.

I did okay last evening, but the real test starts today. Hubby is coming home.

Been gone for a couple days. I had a concert, company for the weekend, an art show, problem child, Hubby home, and caos! I ate very healthy, like I think I should eat to maintain a healthy weight, but I'm not there and that is not keeping me on goal. But I had a salad for dinner last night, and I'm ready to resume the attack against fat. I did get a fair amount of exercising, walking around Cleveland with my Mom, and doing yard work whenever I could fit a few minutes in. Don't know if I maintained my 3 lb weight loss, although I think I should have, but it doesn't really matter. Rather than risk despair, I'll just keep looking forward and wait for the next regular weigh in day.

Having lunch with my folks on Monday, Dad asked me how much I weighed. I told him that was a very personal question, that I rather just keep to myself. He was so shocked. Mom was amused. My weight, and its number has been a big issue with my folks since I was 15 years old and 114 lbs. How I wish they had just left me alone! If I look good, and feel healthy and happy, then that is all they need to know.

Last night hubby sneaked off to the kitchen for a snack. This was after a very healthy dinner of chicken breast, green beens, and sweet potato with apples. Hubby did ask me what kind of diet I'm on, I told him one where I actually lose weight, which means a big change in how much I eat. I told him I would just keep cutting back until it happened. He doesn't like it, but he is being supportive, and seeing what happens.
Wait until I give him a salad for dinner. Then we will see what happens.

Took a prevention mag. test on line yesterday that said in a year I would weigh more, based upon my knowledge and habits. That is why I'm here, trying to change that. It is amazing the misconseptions I had about food. Like fruit juice is a low calorie snack, wrong, it has as many calories as a can of soda pop.

Reading other journals, especially those with foods eaten recorded, I feel like I'm not eating hardly anything. But my exercise is not back up to level yet either. It gives me more motivation to keep working at that. In fact, this morning I walked at 7:30 am, because it is supposed to be hot today. And I walked a full hour. I didn't start out intending to do that, but it was so nice out, and the spring gardens are beautiful. I have yard work planned also. I'm glad part of it, spraying weeds, isn't very demanding. I'm also going to start digging a hole for a tree I want to move. And I have some things I need to help my son put out in his section of garden.

Weight this morning, 161.5

Gloom, dispair, and agony on me.
Deep dark depression, excessive misery.
If it weren't for bad luck,
I'd have no luck at all.
Gloom, dispair, and agony on me.

Hee Haw is in re-runs, for those of you who don't remember the show.

Baylee, I sure can see the difference. I just want to grab everyone and tell them do this, no matter what. After awhile you just can't not see what you are doing. (I know that sentence is a nightmare.)

Took another nutrician test on-line, flunked, which is about average!!! Most surprising thing I learned was Spinach and other dark green leafy veggies are better for your eyes than carrots. Also learned to eat only thin crust pizza, no extra cheese, no pepperoni, no sausage (hubby would say "no point"), and about half of what the pizza place considers a slice. WOW! No wonder I'm fat.

Got out my summer clothing. I have a lot, about three sizes worth. Lets see what I can do about that. Cleaning and putting it all away will keep me busy most of the day. Read about a lady who lost 10 pounds just cleaning out her house and garage. That must have been some cleaning. I attacked my house with a vengence this morning. Then hubby calls and tells me, no, mother's day is next weekend. The kids won't be home this weekend. To bad, It looks just great.

Hubby's shorts from last year will not fit him. I've got him helping me out in the yard in the evenings. When he talks about stuff he wants me to make, I tell him we will be eating simple, straight forward food for awhile. His doctor told him not to use Metabolife, but he got himself a huge bottle anyway. He is getting desparate, just not desperate enough to give up a few things. It makes me more determined to keep going, in the hope that he will catch some motivation when he sees my success.

I do write down my food choices, in my planner. I find it to stressful to put it here. Maybe later I will, if I decide I want feedback on my choices.

Had a great day yesterday. #3 son is all signed up for classes in the High School. Tonight we get to chaperone a Middle School Dance. He had a two hour tantrum about being told to stop being a smart aleck. I was ready to just leave the house, and go to a hotel. I did not eat!

Hubby made dinner. A mac & cheese casserole with hamberger and mushroom soup. I had a small portion. He made so much! I put the leftovers away for him.

I can see a difference already. I am really surprised. I can fit into a size 14 now. I almost can't believe it. I'm afraid it can't really be true.

Dreamweaver, good for you. Putting the rest of the dinner away for your hubby and eating a small portion. That can be hard, I know. I also write down what I eat but I'm not ready to post it either. I am doing better, and sounds like you are, too.

Keep up the good work.

*

[ 05-04-2001: Message edited by: Debbi ]

I cannot fit into all my size 14's. Disappointing. I have so many! Learned what a big difference salt can make. Went to a chinese restraunt and there was a lot of salt and MSG in the food. If I hadn't been weighing myself everyday I would have never noticed the big jump in the numbers that caused. Hubby thinks it is strang that I chart my progress on Tuesday, but in addition to not wanting any bad news on Monday, it gives me at least a day to recover from whatever weekend spurge.

I am not as closely restrictive with my food when my hubby is around. I would like to lose weight faster. The required change seems so drastic, especially compaired with what my men eat. Hubby wants stuff, like lasagna, and I tell him, no time soon. The really frustrating thing, is he is losing weight without even trying!

I've eased off any extra exercise for now. I still walk, but everything else is on hold until I see my doctor. I was told I could do anything with worry, but now I have pain. Wish I knew what I did! It is had to believe sweeping, moping, and vacumming could have actually done damage. It has been three months! Shouldn't I be healed?

Didn't do anything bad, but tissues week after surgery have either sprained, or opened a tiny heria. Not at all uncommon the doctor assures me. No reason to limit activity, except for crunches. So I can keep walking and everything else.

Tuesday weight is one pound down. Looking over my week, I can identify several foods I could have forgone in favor of increased weightloss, but I didn't. At least it is a loss.

It is raining pretty hard out there. I need a good raincoat. I don't mind walking in the rain if it isn't to windy or to cold. There is always the mall to walk in. If the rain hangs around all day, I'll go out to the mall.

I have been lacking in motivation. I think I've been fighting depression, especially since that pain started. The pain I haven't felt since I went to the doctor. I really feared I had hurt myself. If hubby hadn't taken me for a walk the past couple of evenings, I wouldn't have walked. He took me out for a plain cheese, very thin crust pizza on Tuesday. Last night I fixed Burrito's and ate only one. Hubby said, is that all you are eating? I said yes, but I did eat some chocolate last night.

I re-read my motivations. I realized I miss my morning walk when I don't take it, so I am heading out the door now.

Why does it have to take so long, and be so hard. It isn't about the food right now. What I eat isn't that great. I haven't lost enough for there to be any hidden insecurities or anything. Maybe it is just an adjustment period.

Now I am heading out the door.

Just erased this whole long thing I wrote. I'm in a mood, feeling sorry for myself, and discouraged. And bored with my own complaining.

My birthday seemed to put me in a funk, and I ate cake! The entire weekend was I just didn't feel right. Couldn't sleep Sunday night, slept even less Monday night. I have a cold. I couldn't breath enough to get comfortable no matter what I did. I am miserable. I guess this was coming on since Friday, or my mood opened me up to it. Either way, I'm good and sick now.

Feeling a lot better today. Yesterday, I was so sick. I had to force myself to drink water. I was so sick I couldn't even read, or watch TV. Family crisis broke around me, and they handled it fine without me. Considering canceling cable. # 3 son found the PPV playboy channel at night. It is coming out of his lawnmowing money. I'm gonna miss Cristopher Lowell. It does amaze me that we can have the kid dead to right and he denighs it. Can't wait for the school year to end. I am as sick of school as my son, maybe more so.

Feeling a lot better, but I think I have a leftover broncitis. Sleeping is broken up by fits of coughing. My ear whistles when I blow my nose. Funny! Started raining like mad just as I was getting dressed for my walk, the first in a week. Looks like it is clearing up now, so I'll get outside yet. I also have plants to put in my garden. An entire week lost during planting season. Awful bad luck.

I've been feeling pretty much like a total failure, and I do know that is groundless. I have just been at lose ends since I quit my job, I've had all these health issues, trying to figure out what I want, and really feeling at a lose. Well, I was out for dinner with friends, when I really should have stayed home because I'm still sick, but anyway, I realized these three women we were out with, all who have very good careers, and all living lives full of travel, big houses, and eating out all the time. All these women that I envy, actually envy me because I'm home working in my garden, mowing my own lawn, cooking for my hubby, planning trips to visit the kids, and in general free of corporate america. It makes me feel good. They have the big house, I have the time to sew and write the great american novel. (Dream is the first part of DreamWeaver after all.)

Being sick did nothing bad for my weight. Now that I'm feeling better the work sets in again.

I finally slept through a night. The first in over a week. I think I finally got that temperature down to stay. It is a dark day, but I'm heading out to the library, and grocery shopping. I have a wonderful lunch waiting for me when I get home. Hubby had a nice business dinner last night, and he must be seriously dieting, because he brought home half of a wonderful meal.

From Sooz and ThinLynn I've learned I need to pay more attention to my eating. Not just cutting things out, but planning good, satisfying meals. Slimfast will do in a pinch, but as a regular thing, I just can't stand it. And when it is cold, like today, just forget it.

I did eat chips and dip yesterday afternoon. Not much, but enough that it sent up a red flag that I better get out and get some fresh veggies and fruit. My men seem to avoid veggies and fruit, and they don't pick any up if we are out. It is a good thing I'm healthy again.

Yesterday I really wanted to just run away from home. I was noticing things that just don't get done unless I do them. I was feeling un-appreaciated. Even after a week, it wasn't bad enough that they even noticed, except to get demanding because I've been on the sofa for a week.

Another party coming up this weekend. I hope I can get out in the yard before then and finish my planting before Memorial Day. That would really be nice.

Weight today is: 159 lbs.

Hey, Dream Weaver! Until I started my own journal, I didn't realize how important it is to get feedback. That's what I'm doing here. You sound pretty stressed out...working hard and feeling sick. And now you have a Memorial Day party to plan for? Too much!! Why not take a day and really pamper yourself? Give yourself a day off (I don't mean eating). But do whatever it takes to make you feel nurtured. Can you hire a maid for the day? I hear you about that Slim Fast. I get sick of "Fake Food" and have sworn to myself to eat REAL food this time around. It is more satisfying and healthier in the long run. Good luck, sweetie! I know its hard, but here you are doing it!

I agree with Joni. Take a day to yourself. I had to do that once. Called in sick to work and just relaxed. How about a nice warm bubble bath that day? A nice book to read? Writing that great american novel? A stroll in the park (not exercise, but enjoyment)? One of my coworkers from long ago, use to call it a Mental Health Day. Just a day to recope. Maybe pick Thursday. That gives you time to get well enough to enjoy and several days before Memorial day to finish up what you need to do.

I'm using slimfast bars for breakfast and on occasion for lunch, but I also need real food. So they're not bad, but hard to stay on as I like to eat.

Hope you're feeling better when you come back! :rose:

[ 05-22-2001: Message edited by: Debbi ]

You've been feeling alot of things, happy to fit into your 14's then feeling sick and stressed, eating the cake...but you can keep on going. Life is a series of ups and downs. I have trouble staying up or getting up again...but life goes. On. You are trying as hard as you can and that's the important thing. Keep on going and keep coming here for motivation and support. Keeping a journal is great therapy, I've noticed a big difference in my own attitude since I started doing it, and like was already said, the feedback you get here is so helpful. I feel like I have my own squad of cheerleaders. Rooting for ME. I get the support, and then I can turn around and give it away, like here in YOUR journal. Have a great day! Because what we have is Today. *

The gangs all here! How nice to have you all. Yes i feel like I've been through the ringer, but today, healthier, I feel so calm and positive. Life is better when you have no elevated temperature.

The party is not at my house, but at my sisters. It is a birthday party for everyone, since we all have birthdays in May and June, with few exceptions. But my spring planting still needs to be done. Right now the plan is, this weekend, everyone gets out into the yard, and gives it a good effort.

I am so weak after lounging around the house for a week and a half. Tried to exercise the other day, and thought I was going to die. I'll try a little walking, and lifting soup cans today. I am anxious to get back into my routine. Yesterday my exercise was grocery shopping, and stocking up on some healthy food. It was enough.

Hubby is real short tempered. Things at work are all up in the air because the company is being sold, and no one know what that will do for their job. He has no tolerance for #3 son these days. The littlest thing results in a major conflict. I'm the calm and cheerful one! We are really in trouble. Back to my diet!

Got this amazing book. Weight, Sex & Marriage: a Delicate Balance by Richard B. Stuart and Barbara Jacobson. It is all about the role weight plays in your marriage. I could see how in the past, some of this stuff applied to my weight gain. And now that marriage is more satisfying, how it is contributing to my weight loss. It is a hard look at the dynamics of marriage and how that makes us overeat. All of you who feel your spouses are less than supportive, you might want to give it a look.

I'm not losing as fast as I would have liked, but I am averaging a pound a week. I guess that isn't bad. It means I won't lose 30 pounds before my 30th anniversary, but that goal was ambitious.

Well, I walked a half mile in 30 minutes this morning, without coughing. It was so good to get out. If the rain hold out I'm going to plant at least my sunflower seeds, and try to get a flat of marigolds into the ground.

Counted Calories yesterday: 1270

I've really felt like I can't eat anything and still lose weight. So I fugure I'd count for a while and see how many calories I am actually eating. Got all my fruit and veggies. Drank my water. While I was sick, I found it hard to drink water, and I was getting slightly dehydrated. I know how serious that can be, so I really forced myself to drink water.

Son is causing stress. I discovered he took my portable CD player, without permission. No music for my walk today. He has his own, and I told him he could not have mine. He changed the country code to his e-mail, trying to keep Dad out of it. Another freak accident? He never knows how this stuff could happen to him, and how we could think he did it. Spent $30 in school, on food? So why don't we trust him more. This is going to be one 15 year old with a babysitter! He looks so angelic, but he is such a little sneak. No wonder we are stressed.

Is it any wonder we put on weight once our kids get out of elementary school? I hear your pain, sister! Keep your eyes open! I have takent to regularly going through my kids stuff and have found some interesting things!!

Glad to hear you are back on your feet!

Calories: 1065

I feel I've been at the absolute bare bones as far as eating. I've changed my eating schedule. Fruit when I get up, Breakfast about 9, fruit or veggies at noon, and lunch around 2. Then dinner at the usual time and a PM snack (been jello and fruit last couple days)when I take my meds. This schedule takes into account those times I seem to gravitate to the frig and start looking for things to nibble on.

Planning ahead is helping also. I've never been a planner, so I'm not sure how long I can keep it up. Planning the next meal does give me something to look forward to, and makes it easier to pass up the unscheduled junk food.

I am staying off the scale. If it showed I wasn't losing weight, I would be done for.

More rain off and on again today, so I should be able to continue my gardening, and get the dog out for a walk. I am so pitiful, but I'm sure I will bounce back fast now that I'm getting healthy again.

Noticed several bike rides and hikes of various lengths in the paper. Told hubby to go get a bike. It is time to get rolling. Son should really like it also.

Also noticed a call for screen plays, and short stories. I'm looking for a writer's club.

I've been keeping track of my calories, and I have been keeping them right around 1200, and I am not losing weight. I'm still not over my sinus infection, and until that is better, exercise only makes me cough and feel awful for hours. So, The idea of saying I've gained muscle, and that is my "problem" is not going to fly. Oh well.

Today will be my third call in to my Doctor the last three days they were open. I'm getting angry now. I'm out of medicine, and I am not healthy yet! My germs seem to be very resistant to antibiotics. I know a lot of people are starting to have that problem. I really tried to get over this on my own, but it just didn't work. Preventive care is my only hope. I hate being home all day to wait for the phone. I can't exercise without setting off the coughing anyway.

I munched down jelly toast and a half a candy bar that has been in the house for two weeks. One less thing for John to find. A binge just isn't what it once was. I remember downing a dozen donuts, a half gallon of milk, and that was after grazing though all the candy and cookies stashed in the house. Even the "slip ups" show progress.

Just a bad evening. #3 son had a bad attitude. "Okay, help me with my homework, I need a good grade. An this paper is due in three days. I can't do any of it on my own." Well, guess what, I'm not going to be home to help him this evening. We have to entertain some big customer visiting from Japan. Now what happens to that paper. Then there was grief about cleaning up his room and bathroom. And all the usual grief we get every single day. Can't tell you the right word to describe my feelings, but going back on drugs is looking real good to me right now. I am going to enjoy this night out.

Another trip to the doctor, got a new antibiotic. If this doesn't work they will have to shoot me. Tried to do yard work yesterday, and ended up coughing all evening. AT this point I am just trying to maintain, and not gain.
Breakfast was raspberry yogurt with a couple of tablespoons of wheat germ in it.

Hi Dreamweaver,
I am so sorry you have had such a hard time of it lately! I hope you will get well ASAP!! I know this is a no-brainer but maybe you need a little more immune support. I recommend supplementing your diet with vitamins A, C, and E and making sure you get a MINIMUM of 8 hrs of rest (hard when you are coughing your head off I know.) Maybe also try echinacea and reishi mushroom (available together in one capsule at the health food store) and the root astragalus. Salmon oil is good also. The BEST thing is garlic! It is naturally antibiotic and antiviral. It was called "russian penecillan" because they use it extensively as medicine. Can you tell I used to be a nurse for a Natropath?!
As for your boy, I think he needs what I needed at his age: a job! :) I started to go a little wild and had a boyfriend, not such good friends, etc, and my parents said, "You better get a job because all we will give you is food and shelter, period." It was great! I was mad as @#$% at them at first, but poverty straightens you out in a hurry! He could mow lawns or deliver groceries to old people if he is not old enough for a work permit, or you could find a relative or a farmer who needs help. I am convinced this straightened me out! I was too exhausted to argue with them, and my homework suddenly looked easy and a good way out of deadend jobs like I was doing.
You know you are eating healthy, so try not to get on the scale for a while, at least until you can exercise again. I am very proud of you! You could be stress eating or "poor me" eating, but you are not. Hang in there because you rock and I know you know that you WILL get losing again and feel GREAT! Love, Heather

Heather, I'm way ahead of you. I'm doing all that stuff, except for the mushroom thing, I never heard of that.

If my mental functioning and mood are any indication, then the new antibiotic is working, but I will reserve judgement for another day. It is a little warmer today, so I am going to see if I can get my pots planted, and do some easy gardening.

Spent a fortune taking seven to dinner for #2 son's birthday! We got him an electric piano also. He is 22, and has been playing since he was in third grade. He is so excited.

Eating out last week did not hurt my diet efforts. In fact, I stepped on the scale, and I weigh 158. Another pound bites the dust. Now if I can just get back on track with my exercise, I'll be doing real well.

Wouldn't ya know it, as soon as I wrote that I got sick myself!! Karma, perhaps?! So I am taking my own advice! lol It would be funny if I didn't hate being sick so much! Glad to hear that the first reports on the new antibiotic is good news! :) I really hope you get some relief.

Congrats on releasing more weight! You took on the challenge of the restaurant like a champ. Happy B-day to your son! Love, Heather

Muscles got awakened yesterday in the yard. I am feeling them now. I am better, but not well. I am so sick and tired of being sick and tired. Weather here in Cleveland is no help. It feels like April, not June. It has been good for my leaf crops. Had my first fresh garden salad yesterday! Wonderful! Nothing else to report.

It has been so easy lately. Just eat what I'm supposed to and forget about food the rest of the time. I was even eating three meals a day most of the time. For a couple days now, I've had the urge to snack, and not on particularly healthy stuff. Yesterday I wanted donuts! Could it be my appitite has returned? Could it be that I'm actually getting healthy? I would rather be healthy and struggling with my weight, than just wasting away. Although, I can't say I really wasted, just sort of ground to a stop. I'll just do easy activities and some yoga to stretch out a bit.

Don't get sick! Hear me Heather?

I also did some writing yesterday. It looks like I'm on the upswing.

Yes, Ma'am! I hear and obey Ms. Dreamweaver! I feel much, much better--sore throat pretty much gone--much more energy. But wouldn't ya know it?! I've got my monthly migraine-its hormonal-but you can't really call that sick. It is more like annoyed as all crud! I am glad you seem like you are turning the corner! I have been thinking happy, healthy thoughts for you...now I will aim skinny rays at you too. :) I still want those fat fairies to visit me and carry off my blub in the night! lol It could happen...Keep smiling and enjoy your yummy homegrown salad! Love, Heather

Hey, DW, you are looking GOOD! I love your attitude about having donut cravings! And you are right, there is nothing like normalcy! Thank God you are getting healthier. Good work!

I went for a walk! A full half mile! I coughed for two hours. I don't care. It was worth it. Hubby and I talked about getting up early and walking this summer, once I am healthy! #3 son is going to love that! Getting up at 5:30 am to walk with Dad during summer vacation! I'll believe it when I see it. Getting up 20 minutes before school is a problem!

Hubby is under 200 lbs. for the first time in a year. Everything fits again. If he keeps this up he is going to want new clothing. I am so happy for him.

Went to Pizza hut, and ate a nice salad, and half of a skinny slice of pizza. When I'm good, I'm very, very good. When I'm bad,....

Hey, I wanna hear all about that bad part! LOL!! :laugh:

I'm not coughing. I think I'm healthy, but.... I have been puttering around the garden, and I am tired all the time. I haven't been sleeping well. Had nightmares last night, about my little poodel, who died three years ago. Fortunately, when I awoke I realized it just couldn't be real. I've lost no weight while sick, and I feel totally unmotivated. I've had several plain bad days. I'm trying to pull myself out of my funk, but right now everything is forced. If I had this bad attitude while I was really sick, I could understand it. But I'm healthier now, and now the blues decend. Life just isn't fair!

Am I a woman, or a wimp! I know what I need to do. So I'll say bye for now and go think about it.

And think I did. The warm weather seems to have brought barriers with it. But not anything I can't get around. Hubby and I went for a walk last night, after things cooled down. I got outside early this morning and put in some serious yard work. Went to a movie this afternoon, and did not snack. Some puttering around the house, and a walk this evening should round out my day nicely. I seem to be over the blues, and back on track.

Hi, Dreamweaver, I am just missing you and wanted to let you know how much I appreciate you and hope you are doing great, sweetie! Love, Heather

Hi Heather, I've had no time to go on line. I've been very busy with a week long intensive counseling program with our youngest. Older kids were home for the weekend. Getting hubby ready for a trip. Trips to the doctor, for our son this time. I think I must still have some sinus infection. I'm feeling good, except we have a weather front moving in and my head is hurting. If the rain holds off I'll make it out into the garden for a little work and and steam venting.

Youngest son and I have an exercise challenge. We are each going to see how far we can get walk in a half an hour. Then we will see who improves most over the next couple of months. We are still working out the details. I'm just tired of that kid bragging. I know I can't take him now, but I think by the end of the summer I'll be out walking him.

I am losing weight. I am actually afraid to jinks it by reporting it, before my weigh in day (Tuesday). Hubby is way ahead of me. He has lost 3# a week. We are both amazed at the difference a little weight can make. I had this little shelf of fat on my butt, and it is gone! The roll across my tummy has really smoothed out. I can fit into my favorite dress again! Fortunately it has classic styling.

I'll try to check in on everyone in a few days, but for now, I've got to go.

Oh, you crack me up! Taking on your son! Yes, those little rats can sure get us going, can't they? :laugh: I'm glad he's getting you going around the block! Sounds like you are noticing lots of changes in your body.... WOW! How fun! It is amazing what just 3 pounds can do! Congrats on your success!!

Just wanted to stop in and say hello! That is to funny about walking your son! LOL! You have the determination and I know before the summer is over you will be walking miles around him! I can just see your sneakers smoking by the time you get home!

Take Care!

Dang old sinus infection, Dreamweaver! Seems like it has lasted forever, you poor dear. I hope it goes hasta la vista really soon!

Love the idea of challenging the kids! You go girl! I hope you can skunk him by summer's end! lol

I think all the exercise makes you look even slimmer from just a small weightloss. Congrats on getting back into the dress! You are doing great! Love, Heather

So, did you beat the little bugger yet?

Hope your sinuses are doing better. Boy, they are painful!!

:rose: :rose: :rose:

The little slug wimped out on me! I'm walking without him. He got his workout schedule from his cross country couch, and he decided not to do it. He doesn't want to do anything. This is part of why we are in counseling with him. Right now we are seening what happens if we don't push and fight with him. It is going to be a long two weeks.

Sinuses seem to be calming down. We are expecting a rain front in a couple of days. That will be the real test. I've been taking advantage of the nice weather by getting out in the garden and working my butt off.

Stepped on the scale yesterday. Another pound gone, that is 10 pounds in 10 weeks.
I am really happy that with all those birthdays, parties, and visitors from out of town I was able to do it.

Ten pounds?! Ten pounds?! That's HUGE! Great job Dreamweaver!!! :rose: And think of what you have overcome to get there: family stress, a birthday, the sinus infection from hell that kept you sidelined part of the time...I'm sure there's more I didn't even mention. The point is that you are keeping your promise to yourself, no matter what! :x

Glad you are getting to garden before the storm rolls in! Love, Heather

Hi Dreamweaver!

That is wonderful that you have lost 10 lbs! To never be seen again! :x
I hope that your sinuses are staying in check. When the weather changes it wreaks havoc on my head too. To hear how much you love to work in your garden almost makes me wish I had a yard! One of the downfalls of apartment living.

Take care!

Hi ya Dream....

Well...I read the WHOLE thing!!! LOL... don't feel you are alone...I could tell you MAJOR horror stories that my oldest son has put me through!!! Including almost dying in a car accident(while joyriding!) two years ago!!! Eight days in a trauma center watching and waiting to see whether he would live or die. That put me through a major depression and made me fall off my last diet where I had lost 97lbs!!! And gained back 54 of them before I started again!

My second son...well he is not as BAD...but he's mouthy...arrogant...irritating...demanding...and just generally hard to be around when he can't have his own way..and the nicest kid to have around when everything is as how he wants it!!!

Now...the youngest...well...he's the laid back one...he just coasts along...accepting things as they come along...no complaints..no whining...no nothing. Not even AMBITION!!!! LOL...

Ah well...soon they will all grow up...be gone from home and I will be a Grandma in another week or so...Can you believe that???I am 36!!!

It's funny how spouses and children can reflect on how you treat yourself. If things are running smoothly..we are better to ourselves. When things are rough...we punish ourselves more!!! I haven't figured that out yet. We like torture??? LOL

I watched a man a few weeks ago...walking his two dogs and his cat!!! Your story reminded me of that!!!

You must be a clean freak!!! I have so many projects to do at home here and never get to them. Ah well..plenty of time to get to it...right????

10lbs in 10 weeks????That's great!!! Slow and steady is the way to go!!! More chance of it staying off and more chance of you succeeding long term if you eat what you want and then get back on track.

Editor??? I read at the beginning??? You are writing??? One of my all time dreams. Ever since I was little...have written a few things...only one completed...of course...I can't get to it!!! A long story!! one poem published...years ago.

Anyway...Good Luck...chin up...we just have to accept all the challenges as a test to our will!!! We have to remind ourselves...we are never handed anything we can't handle...at least I tell that to myself on a daily basis!!!

I am positively reeling from this weekend.

Went to the Marconi Grad Prix here in Cleveland. I loved the cars, talking to people, the excitement, but the race was a bore to me. I know nothing about it. I couldn't even keep track of how many laps were run. I loved the presentation of the cups at the end. That was the best part! NO NOISE! I went Saturday, and Sunday. I ate a naked pretzel and one glass of lemonaid. The only extras of the weekend.

Between trips to the track I learned #2 son is getting married in two months, and they are having a baby, and her parents can't really do anything about the wedding. (Her Mom has cancer, and is not doing well at all.) Financially this is the worst time for us to be trying to pay for a wedding. My son is very happy and excited, but he has an axious look about him. His girlfriend is playing house! She doesn't act like she has a care in the world. My son graduates from college next march, and then goes into the Air Force. I'm making the wedding dress. I better get my sewing machine back from my daughter. September 1 will be the wedding.

I am not looking forward to weighin this Tuesday. I did have a couple of bad days this week. I have been a wreck lately over a lot of things, and now we have so many decisions to make about this wedding. It is going to be small and simple, because of her Mom's illness.

Found out my son wasn't completely honest with us. Seems his intendeds job isn't exactly a sure thing yet, and they are spending money like it is in the bank! Who needs rings, a dress, and violins when what you really need is medical care. Their solution to three credit cards that they can't pay now, is to charge rings, buy a car, pay for a wedding, and get a consolidation loan! These two better get smart fast.

Here I am up all night. It is two A.M. and I can't sleep. This is becoming a real problem. I was supposed to drive down to Columbus tomarrow to discuss plans for the wedding and watch fireworks. I have a plan for the wedding. A plain ceremony, with no frills, and we will take them out to dinner. Any family that want can come along, on their own. With luck, the kids will get enough gift money to begin an emergency fund.

This son is the smart one in the family? The good son? Who would have guessed he would turn out to be the wild one! Time to be a man, and do what is needed, and take care of business!

Of course my husband is out of town for two weeks. X-(

I have friends willing to cook with me, give me the plants off their decks, and out of their home, and strip their gardens of flowers to make this wedding work. These women will come and make finger sandwiches and everything we need for this wedding, without even being invited to the wedding. These are women with family income two or three times mine. These women have mades, gardeners, hire caterers, and they would come over and help me with their own hands. These are great friends, and wonderful women! I love these women so much, and my husband wants me to move from here? I would have to be crazy! Especially since he would be in Japan, while I'm trying to do everthing on my own.

You just never know how people will respond when something comes up. I am just blown away!

I forgot. I did get up and walk for about 45 minutes. I didn't eat much, but when I did it wasn't really healthy: ice cream with caramel sause for dinner.

I'm calmer now. Son and Dad had a long talk about finances, and I think he is doing better than I first thought. Seeing them together is very reassuring.

I walked three miles, getting to and from fireworks. I did have a little pain at my surgery site. I also did a full day of moving rocks for a small retaining wall. For some reason that is easier for me than walking. I was exhausted, and still only slept 5 hours. What's up with that?

I was up a pound on Tuesday, my day to jump on the scale. I'm already down some.

Eclipseb, I am not writing. I thought about writing a book on how not to be a writer. I've started a couple books. Something always seems to get in the way. Right now it is the wedding preparations, adopting, before that, being sick, having surgery, having kids, having a weird life. You name it. Fiction is supposed to be believable, life doesn't have any such constraint.

My last editorial didn't get printed. I'm so disapointed. I hated living out in the country. I wrote about that, and might have had better luck with a positive piece about living in the city.

Just popping by to say hello and was wondering how you are doing. Take Care!

How am I? That is a real question. I am down another pound. Last night I went swimming for the first time this summer, and today I'm feeling my back. I've been doing a lot of yard work.

I just got a new modem, which is why I haven't been around. I have been on an emotional roller coaster. #2 son is getting married in six weeks, and we are planning the wedding. Hubby has been to Japan and back, and the company he works for has been sold, so we have no idea what will happen next. Life is full of excitement.

DW, sounds like you have lots of stress in your near future!! Are you planning for that? Doing yoga, walking, taking valium??? LOL!! Seriously, this sounds tough. Let us know when we can help!

I had my cards read, just to hear someone say, yes your instincts are good, and you need a lot of prayer, meditation, and study to find the right way to go. It was exactly what I expected. Yoga, meditation, aroma therapy, walks, time with just quiet. All of that is what I'm doing. I've really learned I have some amazing friends.

I should have been on the phone talking to a bunch of people about the wedding, but instead, I've been here at DT, getting caught up. It is getting hot now (9:42 am) so I guess I've missed my window of opportunity for the garden this morning. I heard on the radio that we are looking at a drought now. I guess I better add some mulch and water.

New goal: a long walk once a week for the next month. That is in addition to my regular exercise that I have been doing. I think it will give me a much needed boost.

I've started walking or using my bike to get to the library, bank, store. These are all just short trips. Watching the gasoline prices are enough to make you dizzy.

I rebelled the other day, and ate chips, ice cream, and a hamberger, all in the same day. I think I needed it. No harm done. I'm OP again.

Hey, girl! I love that you are taking the bike to do your shopping! how neat! I also love that you found awesome friends who will do yoga, etc with you! I love that stuff. The more I do the greater the benefits. I was such a skeptic once, but NO MORE! I live with this stuff too. I try to do 2 or 3 of these things every day. Wehn I don't do it, I find I am WAY off!!! Birds of a feather!

Have a wonderful, peaceful and joyous day!

If I smile my face might crack. I am so down. The wedding is postponed. My son is a wreck. His girl is having a nervous breakdown or something. Her Mom was buried on Wed. Now she is talking about giving the baby up for adoption. I talked to my neighbor this morning, who happens to be a lawyer. He is going to check on some things regarding our son's rights. Right now she wants to wait until after the baby is born before they get married, if they get married.

Also don't know what is going on with number 1 son. People keep asking me if he is mad at me or something. I wish I knew, we were once very close.

#3 son is the same as always--keeps to himself, and is otherwise difficult.

I need to watch out for mindless eating, just to chew off tension. I went for a good walk this morning. It is really hot now.
I don't know what I am going to do with my day. I'll probably read and watch TV.

Oh DreamWeaver, this is such a difficult situation. I hope your son's girlfriend can get help for all that she's been through lately.

Hang in there! I'm sure things will get better soon.

Love,

Lana

Lana, I'm so glad you stopped by. Personally, My day really went fine, it is my children's problems that I can't do a thing about that got me down. It was our 30th wedding anniversary. When hubby called to tell me he was on the way home, I was crying about all my kids problems. But I resolved that the evening would be ours, and mostly it was. We went out to dinner, and both over ate. Then we went to a city council meeting where I spoke against an ordinace that failed, so instead of being on the national news, I was only on the local news.

I hated the way I look when I saw myself on TV.

This morning, I took a good walk. I didn't rush, but walked a mile and a half. It is already hot. I have some weeding that really needs to be done, and then I'm done with the garden for awhile.

Walked 1 1/2 miles this morning. Had my cereal. I have started some strength training, but without weights. I have a ways to go before I'm ready for weights. I will sit down and plan meals for the week. ThinLynn, where is your book? Feel like I am getting my equalibrium back.

Walking away, absorbed in thought, when I realized I was at my Mile mark, and I still had to walk home! 45 min round trip. Yes, I have over done it a touch. I can feel pulling in abdomen, but it is mild, and not causing a panic. Wanted to eat banana nut bread for breakfast, but the dog ate it during the night. That will teach me not to put things away. Temps are down, so I think I'll do some housework. That way the place will be clean all weekend, as we are going camping tomarrow morning. See you all Monday.

Hello, Dream Girl! Here is a hug :x it sounds like you can use one, sweetie. I am glad you had a nice anniversary though! I know that you must be so worried about your future grandchild, but the truth is that she won't be able to give the child up for adoption unless your son surrenders parental rights. If she wants to give up hers, he would have a good chance to be given full custody. I know how emotional I was when I was pregnant, and maybe she will become more sane by the time the baby gets here. Just take care of you, sweetie. It sounds like you are walking your buns off, so great job! Love, Heather

Yikes, Dreamer, sounds like you have your hands full! I applaud your efforts for being aware of not eating your tension away, and am amazed you are still even losing! That should be a real measure of success for you!

With your sons....wow. I don't know what to say except to remind you that you have excellent instincts and to keep up that yoga and meditation. I'll send some good energy, Blessings and hugs!!!

Had a nice weekend, but my eight miles of walks last week was a little much, and for two days I was benched. I did do a little swimming the third day. Not walking was to much in addition to the stress, even though we got away for the weekend. I did munch on cookies, fruit, go out for ice cream, a large crab dinner. I'm up 2 pounds, but I am back home and back on track.

I woke a 5 a.m. and had a good cry. Went back to sleep and drempt about giant ants and spiders. Other than the bugs the dreams weren't bad, but I awoke with a fright. Feeling down. In counceling with #3 son this morning, and the questions of boundries came up. I come from a family where everyone always knew everyone elses business. Now I have a kid, a virtual stranger, who doesn't want me knowing anything. I'm not coping well, but if I say anything to anybody, all heck breaks loose. Seems that no matter what I do, it isn't good enough, and I'm fat too.

Had my cry for the day. Hubby talked to #2 son and thinks he and his girl will go to the JP before the end of the year. Said they are waiting for her insurance to kick in. At least they are thinking of things. I will try not to worry, it isn't my problem.

#3 son is not following the instructions of the councelors. Don't know what will happen next. Don't really feel like I've been a mother lately, maid or caretaker is more like it.

Wish I had gotten up and walked before counceling. Now I'll wait until evening, when things cool off a little. I feel so tired and lacking in any motivation. Hubby thinks I should think about seeing the doctor. I don't even see the point. A pill won't solve anything.

sending you a big hug from Australia Dream. i am not sure what i can say to make you feel any better about everything thats going on.
my kids are only young now but i see all that my parents have been through with my brother. he was very hard to commuincate with and would isolate himself from us. eventually after we stuck it out long enough he came around and realised that it wasnt nagging but love that made us want to know that he was ok.
i pray that your son will come to realise that he doesnt need to keep everything to himself all the time. i too hope that your grandbaby has a happy home when they come into the world and that your soon to be daughter in law finds some peace.
thinking of you.
hugs bell :)

Thank-you Bell for your encouraging words.
I do feel better this morning. Last night there was a concert at the library, and #3 son and I rode our bikes up. It was about an 8 mile ride. I also read outside for a while. Sunshine and fresh air are the best things for depression. I seriously thought of just not keeping my journal, but it is good to have a record of the down days. How else will I know if I only have a few, or two weeks that require a trip to the doctor.

I am bothered by the fact that a couple days of not following my diet strictly really seems to derail it. My Dad says that is because my activity level is still very low. As I improve, that will improve also. In fact, he says he now eats everything he wants. Fortunately, what he wants is low fat, low sugar, high nutrition. This is my true goal.

It is official. I am on a platue. My surgery site is pulling a little today, but I did do some gardening. I have seriously thought of giving up the idea of trying to attain a lower weight for now. As long as I don't gain weight! No, I'm not down to a bare bones diet, but I really couldn't eat much less. Maybe I should record everything I eat. I do find that very stressful, although I know some of you consider it a reward when you have followed your plan, to record it.

This exercise thing is making me crazy. I just can't do it. My doctor thinks I'm doing great, so I guess that is it. Glad i didn't sign up for a gym.

By the way, Hubby is doing great! He will be breaking 190 any time now. He told me yesterday that 212 was his high. He is not very tall, so that was a bit much for him. We fit together so much better these days. It is great.

Feeling good this morning. Took a diet aid. The feeling it gives me is yucky, but I feel I need help. It is working so well for hubby, and even his doctor gave him the green light. I tried it before and it wouldn't let me sleep. The druggest said to try half the dosage, early in the day. So we will see what we shall see. I ate a nectarine for bk. I have a luncheon this afternoon. I have a subway club, with cheese, 6 inch, to take along, and fruit/veggie salad will be served. Chicken, Broccoli and potato for dinner. It won't be in the 90's today, so I'll stay out of the ice cream. I promise.

It is in the 90's and I haven't had any ice cream yet. I've had a peach, a necterine, water, all from the frig. I nice portobella and roasted pepper sandwich at lunch. Cold cereal for breakfast. Some left over hamberger helper for dinner. I've finished reading a book. Almost missed my dentist appointment, I was so engrossed in the book. I'm down a half pound this week. Not much else to report.

Dropped the diet aid. Fell off the wagon big time :c( ate an eclaire and french fries! Today is another day. Exercise today will be packing for another camping trip. And moving the hose around the yard.

Well, I'm back. I just read my entire journal. That really gives one a sence of what is going on overall. Exersice, and water are my strenghts. Meal planning is a real weekness. While I am holding depression at bay, I am on an emotional roller coaster.

The wedding took place Sept. 1, and everything went well. Our daughter promises she will give us more than a couple weeks notice. In fact, she is telling us to keep next summer open. Errands on my bike, and yard work were my only exercise for the last few weeks. I got back spasms from all the sewing on the wedding dress. My weight has been steady.

I am ready to give a commitment to the next phase of my dieting. :x Hubby has a bike now, and we got a small camper. I am ready.

Don't know where this has been. I swear it wasn't here a couple days ago. I started a new journal under the no-diet approach. See you there.