Beat the Binge

This is going to be my journal of my battle with binge eating. I will add to it whenever I beat the binge and when I don’t. I want to keep careful track of those baby steps forward and I want to handle problems in a more healthy way so that the fall backward doesn’t have to mean going off a cliff.

Does anyone want to join me as I work to “beat the binge”? I know we all have the problem of eating too much, but I’m talking about those of us who are binge eaters; those among us who eat until we are stuffed and miserable and still keep eating. It’s almost like someone else has taken control of our body and our will and we are seeing what is going on but can’t take back the control. I really like the SOS thread that talked about our inner child. You know, that person inside who says, “ I WANT AND I WANT IT NOW AND I'M GOING TO HAVE IT! DON'T TALK TO ME ABOUT HEALTHY BECAUSE I'M NOT LISTENING” That’s the person we have to learn how to deal with.

I feel like I should be standing up in a meeting and saying “Hi, I’m Karolyn and I’m a binge eater”. I am not comfortable with the meeting idea, but I can come here and admit how hard it is to deal with this.

Trying to space my meals so I’m not feeling starved is only part of the answer because binge eating isn’t about hunger. I eat for so many reasons. Sometimes I have no idea why this food seems to be necessary for my sanity. Other times, I know just what set me off. Either way, it seems impossible to stop. Yet, I must find a way. This is critical to my health and well-being.

I’ve seen several posts where some of you said that it was hard to find help because binge eating wasn’t considered an eating disorder. I never used to think of it as a disorder. I guess I just bought into it that all I had to do was stop eating. Since I couldn’t, I just blamed myself and thought I was weak which led to those feelings of worthlessness, which led to giving up which led back to the kitchen or the donut shop or wherever there were large quantities of whatever my binge food of the month happened to be.

Each one of us needs a plan of action to use whenever something happens that normally sends us to food. Actually, I’m starting this when I’m at a pretty good place. If I were in the middle of a binge, I couldn’t do it. I need to do it now and get some kind of plan in place for next time. We all know, our attitude can change in the snap of a finger. I’ve been doing pretty well for the past 2 or 3 weeks, but I would be foolish to think my struggle is over.

I’m working on a plan, but I’m not really sure just how it is going to work. Temporarily, my plan involves rope and the computer and diet talk’s SOS board. I’m pretty sure it is going to take more.
:laugh:

Whoa! This first post is much longer than I planned. I'll be back.

Karolyn

Karolyn you are not alone. I feel the same way. My resolve has been very strong lately but my problem in the past has been that I'd stick to dieting and excercise for a little bit, and then something would happen.. I'd get sick, or pull a muscle, or the sun didn't shine.. doesn't matter there was always a reason to eat.. a reason to stop excercising.
Its a cycle that has been used and abused for too long, time to trade it in for a new improved model :)
(((hugs)))

Yep, Ambrosia, you are describing me, too. Thanks for responding. I know we can beat this. I'm just not sure how yet. Maybe writing it out will help. It seems to help for cravings. This will make me accountable and that is a start.

Karolyn

good to see one of my most fave people starting a journal. your first post was very honest karolyn and i know that journalling here will help you a lot.
best of success to you my friend. i know you can do it. i will be checking in regularly with you.
hugs bell :)

Karolync1, I know exactly how you feel. I posted that on the SOS board. I am a binge eater also. It is so discouraging and difficult to give it up, because it is our friend. We go to it for comfort and pleasure. It is always there for us. When I am lonely, depressed, sad, angry, hurt, it is there. It is so good to sit down and enjoy, it is such a comfort. And when it is over it is such a horrible feeling. Many women are in bad relationships with really awful men. You can ask why they don't just stop it and walk away, and they respond with "because I love him." You can't give up because you love that one thing, your eating disorder. It is everything to hold on to in a very twisted way. No matter how much it hurts us, we always take it back. It is a drug of choice to medicate us of our feelings. No one wants emotional conflict, turmoil, and the discomfort of dealing with things that we don't want to deal with. It is a distraction to avoid the real issues in our lives. We think about it almost every waking second, we feed it, and it grows. It is a distraction to avoid all the negative things we don't want to think about or deal with. I'm starting a list of what I can do to meet my emotional needs instead of overeat. I will journal on this thread too if you'd like. Maybe with someone that understands exactly how it feels to be a binge eater, we could help each other through this. -Jennalynn

I just posted a new topic on the SOS board called binge eating disorder. I think/hope that you may find this helpful.

[ 05-24-2001: Message edited by: Jennalynn ]

Bell-I was a little nervous about starting this, but you are right. Journaling will help me. You said somewhere that you don't post your food, just how you are doing and feeling. That's what planted the seed, and this journal is the result.

Thank you, Bell. :rose: :rose: :rose:

Jennalynn,

I just finished reading your binge eating disorder post. It really has some great ideas. I tried to print it out, but it appears that my printer is out of ink. I'll have to do it tomorrow.

I think you are reading my mind in this post, you hit so exactly how I feel & I welcome you to this thread. Your input will be greatly appreciated.

Thanks,

Karolyn

I think I'm feeling cautiously optimistic this morning. I was involved in a lot of conflict last night. I do not deal well with conflict. My stomach started to tie itself up and that awful feeling came that things were out of my control and I had handled things wrong, and nothing I could do would make them better.

The optimistic part is.....I was too upset to eat. I don't recall ever being too upset to eat. Should I consider this a baby step? I think so. Normally I will do anything to escape those bad feelings and food is the sedation of choice. By this morning, I would have been out of the nice healthy whole wheat bread I've been making (only 3/4 of a loaf) and whatever else was handy.
Around midnight, I was suddenly hungry and looked at my food journal, I had eaten waaaay below what I should have. I went to the kitchen and had a slice of whole wheat bread (well, I counted it as two because I sliced it pretty thick) with butter buds (first time I tried that on bread-I think I'll stick to cooking with it) and ate an apple. And that's all I ate. It was a better food night than I've ever had when dealing with conflict.

Now it's the morning after and I ate a healthy breakfast after an hour on the treadmill. I'm going to follow my own advice and start building on my own success. I got through a bad time without binge eating. I did it once and I can do it again.

This will be a good day.

Karolyn

Awesome Karolyn, I'm glad to hear it! You know something I've noticed after this past week of eating healthfully and responsibly (Somthing I have never done before, ever)
I haven't been craving sweets...not even once have I really thought about them until now and right now I don't feel any urge to have them, and its so WIERDnot to want them! All my life I've had a major sweettooth aka chocoholic but this past week has been a breese.
I've been eating when I get hungry, which is usually only 2 or three times a day, and I stop when I'm full. (totally new concept for me, a new dieter)
anyway, I thought I'd share that with ya'll because its so positive I hope it happens to you too!

257/252/125 ;)

i would say that not giving in to emotional eating is more than a baby step karolyn!
i am an emotional eater too and i know how easy it can be to push the feelings down with food.
you are doing great. so happy that you had the idea to start your journal from me.
hugs bell :)

Bell, Thanks. Glad you're back.

Ambrosia, I've noticed the same thing about sweets. I'm not craving them either! Isn't it great? I barely notice the donut shop when I drive past it.

I am working toward eating when I'm hungry and stopping when I'm not. Some days are better than others, but I will get there eventually. Thanks

Karolyn

[ 05-25-2001: Message edited by: karolync1 ]

Today has gone very well. I did get hungry at about 10, but since I have fruit with me, that was easily solved with no repercussions when I stopped at the store later.

I've been thinking about all the years of yoyo dieting and trying to come up with some positives about them. Guess what! There really are some.

First of all, I learned a lot about what didn't work.
Here are some more positives:

*I have been buying skim milk for years.
*I learned to love whole wheat bread(though I did have to switch back to it)
*I don't take junk food with me on a trip
*I always "dip" my fork in dressing for my salad
*When I order chicken salad, say hold french fries & cheese
*discovered I really do love fruit & veggies.
*learned to read labels.

These are all habits I've picked up over the years or things I've learned. Looking back at the list is a good feeling. It's been so long since I could find anything positive about all the dieting. I'm sure there are more that I do so automatically that I don't even think about them.

That isn't exactly on binge eating, but all of it ties together on this journey that I'm finally finding the courage to take.

I've decided that earrings will be my reward whenever I feel I've earned it. I felt I earned one last night, so I'm now wearing my new earrings(long & dangly). And I even saved money on them. Ames was having an 80% off jewelry sale, so I feel doubly rewarded. Just love a bargain!

Karolyn

Today is going very well, but it just dawned on me that I am suddenly facing a challenge. My husband just left for a job & won't be back until midnight. In the past, I have made my favorite foods that he doesn't really like and just pigged out.

Not going to do that tonight! No trips to the store for binge food either! I'm hungry right now, so I'm going eat something and then take a nap since I'll up later than usual. Tomorrow morning, I will be writing good things about tonight.

Karolyn :rose:

PHEW!!!!

I thought we were gonna have to send cyber locks your way!!! Lock the cupboards...lock the freezer/fridge...do a search for those cubbyholes and put locks there too!!!

Thank goodness you came to your senses and planned the day!!! You can do it!!! I had to have my dinner early too, was too late for lunch and too early for dinner!!

Hope you're day went as planned and it worked out!!! Good Luck ...we need to talk to that hubby of yours and tell him he can't be going around changing his schedule!!! LOL

Eclipse,

I guess I can't blame hubby for this one. I just forgot. :eek: Don't throw out those locks. I could need them at any time,

BUT NOT LAST NIGHT! YAHOO! YIPPEE! I DID IT!!

I said I would have good things to write this morning and I do. I actually made the dish that usually sets me off. Would you believe it is tuna casserole? Doesn't have to be a bad thing, right? High fat cheese and the whole casserole pretty much ruins that idea. However, this time I made it fat free. It was so good! AND I measured my portion! Probably the first time I have ever made exactly the right amount, so no leftovers to tempt me. I was satisfied anyway and just had a snack much later in the evening.

I have had two success in just a few days. No, there have been more than that. This past week, after quite a few meals I felt especially good & couldn't figure out why. I finally did. I wasn't stuffed & uncomfortable! That is such a good feeling. I'm going to hang on to that!

:) :) :) :)

Karolyn

WWOOOO HOOOOO!!!! You need to do the happy dance!!!! What a feeling when you beat the cravings isn't it????

I may have quite the challenge ahead of me, myself. Then I will need everyone's support!!! But...we'll see..I should know by today or tomorrow...anyway, guess its not the place...

I am so glad you made it!!! Learning to cook fat free/low cal is quite interesting...giving up the cheese is the hardest for me...I use to put cheese in EVERYTHING!!! LOL.. I too am trying to use the light cheese now.

Anyway...glad we didn't need to send the locks! Was afraid they might get stuck in cyber space and block our signals coming through!!!(ok..I'm an idiot!!)

Keep going...you're jumping those hurdles(hurtles??) and not even knocking them over!!!
You GO GIRL!!!

Thanks Eclipseb

I've been patting myself on the back all morning. Just let us know when you need your own cheering section and I'll be in the front row.

Karolyn

you sure are jumping those hurdles karolyn!you have every right to pat yourself on the back my friend. knowing that you are facing a trigger situation and planning how to avoid a binge is great work.
you are doing it every day and success will follow with those pounds disappearing.
i liked your list about things you have learnt from dieting. we pick up lots of good habits. i know this time you will get there as you have all the right attitudes to succeed.
hugs bell :)

Thanks for the encouragement, Bell.

Yesterday, Ken & I went to the store and in the middle of shopping, we both got the "sugar shakes". Had to hurry home & eat. I had made fat free muffins for breakfast. Didn't think about the sugar. Since I've been using so little, it hit us hard. Another lesson learned. Other than that, the day went very well.

I'm reading "The Power of Positive Thinking" again. I read the first couple of chapters last night. This morning when the exercise alarm went off, when my first thought was, "oh no!", I changed it to a picture of how good it feels to be able to stride out instead of creeping along. When I got on my treadmill, I kept repeating the positive phrases from the book. For the first time, I walked a full 3 miles in one hour! Who knows what will happen in chapter 3?

Karolyn

Talk about leaving us hanging!!! LOL

You are doing so good!!! What an ending though....who knows what will happen in Chapter 3??? hhhmm.....let's see if 2 chapters put you at 3 miles in one hour....oh boy...that's going to be one LONG walk by the time you are done that book!!!

I think alot of us need to read it!! Keep going!

i love to read too karolyn. that book sounds like its worth reading too. i am the queen of negative thinking so maybe i should check it out. i have recently broken free of the negative self talk touch wood it stays that way.
great that you got up and did that treadmill girl. good job!
check your private messages too.
hugs bell :)

Eclipseb-You don't know the half of it! This book is a 3 in 1 & is more than 600 pages! :eek: I'll probably be running marathons by the time I finish it. :laugh:

Got your message, Bell, Thanks. I think I'm going to post the book in the Book review. I'm sure there are others who would like it.

Baylee-Thanks for the kind words. :o I don't usually like labels, but sometimes putting a name to our problem helps us to face it & work on solving it. There are some foods that I avoid cooking, too. They aren't necessarily unhealthy. I just can't seem to control myself and eat a sensible amount. Right now, I'm avoiding most of those foods. As I get stronger, I'll probably include at least some of them in my plan.

Karolyn

Just getting ready to go to bed, so thought I would enter how the day went.

I had to watch myself carefully today. I don't know why, but I wanted to eat the whole day. I just kept going back to the kitchen. I even took a nap just to keep from eating. After a snack at about 8:30p, I felt it was time to stop eating for the day. I told my husband that I would be going to bed soon because I still wanted to eat. I just stopped here for a few minutes and here I still am. When I started reading and responding, it completely took my mind off eating. Another triumph for dt and for me.

Another quote from "The Power of Positive Thinking". "Believe that for every problem there is a solution".

Karolyn

Today was a much easier day. Being back at work probably helped, but even tonight wasn't a struggle the way yesterday was. What a relief! :)

I'm really tired tonight. I'm having trouble putting two sentences together. I guess it is pretty late. Maybe tomorrow I will be able to think clearer.

Karolyn

Nothing like a good night's sleep to make everything seem brighter. Of course, it helps that the sun has been out all day for a change.

I didn't get a full hour on the treadmill today. That's the first time that has happened since I first managed to do an hour. I was just swinging right along when Ken turned on the hair blower and blew a fuse. Talk about a quick stop! My heart, that is. I guess I'm getting in pretty good shape. I walked from the second floor down to the basement and back up to the second floor without even breathing hard. :laugh: Didn't finish my walk, though. Just wrote down 1.5 miles. I know it was a little more than that, but I was zoned out and not watching.

Tonight, I made whole wheat spaghetti. Haven't had it for years. I still like it. Wish it didn't cost so much more than the other. When I said that to Ken, he just grinned and said "We're worth it". After we ate, he said "Now, that was just plain good". Did I mention that I'm keeping him?

When I came home early (slow day at work), I was really hungry, but I didn't want to spoil my dinner (looking forward to that spaghetti). One of my books said to eat just a small amount of something, preferably protein. Just a bite or two until you feel you can wait a while. I had some leftover chicken and ate a small serving and it worked better than fruit or other snack has ever done. I didn't mess up my day and I still was ready to eat when dinner was ready.

This is my fourth week of keeping a food journal. I don't count calories, but I have that blood pressure diet that gives guidelines for servings and portions. I enter my daily servings for each food group into Excel and get a weekly average. The daily journal keeps me from going overboard on my favorites and ignoring others. The weekly average shows if I am generally eating a balanced diet. It gives me some number to look at. I like numbers as long as they aren't on a scale.

I'm trying to come up with the words to describe how I feel right now. It's a good feeling, a feeling of confidence that I am on the right track and I'm going to be fine now. I'm not worrying about being perfect. At dinner, I ate too much spaghetti and am a little too ful. It isn't a big deal. My dinner was all healthy food. I will learn that eating too much makes me uncomfortable and I will learn to stop doing it.

Karolyn

Today has been and still is a good day. I did my 3 miles in an hour (actually 3.2 miles). Since I reached that goal, I'll have to raise it to 3.5mph, but not yet. I'm going to get stronger and then I'm just going to keep building slowly.

I've been hungry for all of my meals and didn't overeat at any of them. Yes, definitely a good day. When I woke up, I started repeating positive phrases to myself. They really help. I'm going to make that a habit.

Karolyn

Karolyn it sounds like you are doing great! too bad about that blown fuse..glad you werent hurt!! the whole wheat spahgetti sounds good, i will have to look for it the next time i make spahgetti.. *

thanks, Sooz

I think you'll like the whole wheat spaghetti. My next project is to make my own from scratch. Just don't expect a report on that any time soon. 8-}

Karolyn

What a miserable day! Problems at work caused an overload on my brain and mood. I started out fine, knew there were some problems to solve. I felt sure I could handle them. That was before I realized just how bad they were. It seemed like everything I tried to accomplish was backed up until a previous problem was fixed. I didn't really make any headway until this afternoon. Frustrating! X-(

The good news is I wasn't tempted by food. Hitting something was tempting, but food wasn't. I ate a healthy lunch and dinner and just finished a healthy snack. Who would have thought that such a rotten day would still end up as another success in the beat the binge war?

Karolyn :rose: :rose: :rose:

Hey Karolyn!
Thanks so much for the encouragement on my journal. I really need it right now. I wish I could say that I have discipline, but I really have ma mere et ma pere (mom and dad) to thank 'cause they join me at the gym almost everyday.

YOU are the one with discipline girl!! I read your beginning post skimmed through the rest of your journal and you're doing a manificient job on controlling your binge eating. You really have resolve and you truly know yourself. I've lived with myself for 20 years already and I still hardly know myself. 8-}

I tend to binge eat too but in the middle of the night when I can't fall asleep, sooo to fix that problem I force myself to go to sleep!! Hehe. We never have anything in the house that I'm craving for, usually something sweet like cookies, donuts, or cake, so I gorge on other carbos like pb sandwiches or sometimes leftover veggies. All we have in the house are healthy foods, it's crazy!! And it drives me nuts too.

Maybe that's an idea you can implement, if you haven't already. Get rid of all junk food in the house and I mean ALL. Then the worst thing you can eat is...dun, dun, dun....veggies!! AHHHHHH!!! Insane, but it sure works. I take one look in the fridge and turn away in defeat and disgust 'cause there's nothing "good" to eat. The worst thing I can eat is bread or crackers and that isn't too bad.

Well, thanks again and use that will power!!
Talk to you soon.
JRL :rose:

Thanks for the kind words JRL. :o I think it's great that you and your parents are getting healthy together. That whole(nothing but healthy foods in the house)thing has got to make it easier for all of you.

My cupboards are improving and I definitely have more healthy choices. The healthy food and the exercise helps with some of the cravings. I find I'm not craving sweets the way I did.

I'm just going to keep at it one day at a time.

Thanks for the encouragement.

Karolyn

Karolyn it really seems like you are doing it, "beating the binge"! I think you are doing so well. I am doing much better but I still binge fairly regularly. I have found that if we don't have anything yummy at home (and we never do!) I won't binge because nothing looks good. I get horribly frustrated and annoyed looking at all that #$@%# healthy food when I all I want is a Milky Way or a Hostess Cupcake or a bacon cheese burger. But it works. Then I am forced to find out what is REALLY bothering me and try to solve it. My new prob is that I fear making anything new, because my same old boring foods feel safe and I think if I make something new, even low-fat and healthy I will binge on it, because I probably will. So I work on it. Keep up the good work and let us know how much weight you're releasing because it seems like you are really doing well and I bet you are letting go of some of those pesky extra pounds! Love, Heather

Thanks Heather.

I do have a pretty good string of days without a binge. I keep waiting for the cravings. They just aren't there like before (knock on wood).

I know what you mean about being afraid to try new things, but I'm surviving homemade whole wheat bread so far. :laugh: When I make something new, I only make 2 servings; one for me and one for hubby & then I can't binge on it even if I want.

I'll be getting on the scale on June 28 at the doctor's office. I don't know how much I have lost, but I can tell some differences in the way my clothes fit. See ya,

Karolyn

That is a really good idea of making only one serving of a new food!! I think I will try that. Thanks, Karolyn! Love, Heather

Hope it works for you, Heather.

I've had a pretty good day. Did my three miles and ate well. I finally got into the site that has the blood pressure diet in this country. It is almost the same as the one I got from Sarah from UK. It has new information about sodium and said lowering daily sodium intake from 2400mg to 1500mg would result in bigger blood pressure reduction.

It gave all these ways to reduce sodium intake. Guess what! I'm already doing them! I'm doing something right and I figured it out for myself!

Okay! Bed time. Tomorrow is a brand new day and it's going to be a good one.

Karolyn

Today went fine food and exercise wise. I am in a much better mood than last Friday. Still having computer problems at work, but handling them much better today.

Yesterday, I moved my treadmill back up to the attic. It is finished and separated into two rooms. One room has always been mine and changes character on a regular basis. Now, Ken can have his music room to himself and I'll have room to do some stretching & maybe a kick or two.

Karolyn

Hi Karolyn,
Just dropping by to see how you're doing! Looks like you are doing good!! Good luck on your weigh in at the end of the month!
:rose:

Karolyn Hi. I had some extra time at work and just read through your journal. Your first entry really hit home. If I wasn't at work I'd probably be crying. I also have bindged eat in the past before. I almost did last night. My dad was upset because his truck isn't working and thinks he has to get a new car and the money that goes into that...etc., etc. Anyway, I also get upset easily whenever anyone else is. So I ate my dinner without enjoying it as much as I usually do (one of the signs of my binge eating disorder) and even my lf ice cream and ff whipping cream dessert I have wasn't as enjoyable (like sugar too much to give it up, but you're doing great with that). I was still hungry, well you know I really wasn't. Then I thought well the weathers nice and my car needs washing (it had rained a little the past two nights and my car is under trees and gets those drips and looks horrible after a light rain). So I washed my car. Then I played with our puppies. My dad went to bed early and I thought, I'm hungry. Well I wasn't. I count my calories and had ate enough. So I did my nails and snacked on grapes. That worked out good. Relaxed me somewhat. Then it was bedtime.

You are doing so good with yourself. I like the way you have found ways to avoid eating (like taking a nap or going to bed earily). I need to incorporate more of those. Sometimes I am tired but will eat instead. I've been doing much better for a few weeks and have lost weight, too. But I still have to watch myself.

Your exercising looks good too.

Keep up the good work!
* :rose:

Otto-Thanks for dropping in and for the kind words. :o

Debbi-When you talked about being upset & not enjoying your meal, it was like seeing myself. That is, right up until you started washing your car, playing with the puppy, and doing your nails. WOW! I like your solutions better than mine. Sometimes taking a nap or going to bed early will get me through, but your ideas take such a positive action toward the problem. They have made start thinking a little more creatively. Thank you for sharing your thoughts with me.

I just realized this morning that I forgot to post here yesterday. I had a good day, especially considering that I spent the day at my stepson's restaurant helping him get started on a new menu and setting up his scanner (a scanner that seemed determined not to work).

He knows that I am trying to eat healthier. I guess he got a pretty good clue when I served him whole wheat spaghetti when he came for dinner the other night.lol He asked what I wanted for lunch. I ordered the grilled chicken sandwich with lettuce & tomato & no bun (just not in the mood for bread) I said no fries & he had the kitchen add a vegetable without me even asking for it. What a sweetheart!

Karolyn

its great when your family supports you karolyn. sounds like you have a great son there.
glad you are continuing to do well!
big hugs bell :)

Thanks, Bell. Family cooperation really makes a big difference.

Things are going so well, food wise, that it is almost scary. Ken is at rehersal tonight. I was hungry when he left and made a stir fry (in pam with Mrs Dash seasoning)with veggies & about an ounce of turkey. I wasn't tempted to raid the fridge. If I were superstitious, I might be tempted to knock on wood :o but since I'm not, I'm just going to be very pleased at how well I'm doing.

Karolyn

I feel like I've gotten my goal reward a year ahead of schedule! My new refrigerator was delivered today. It was not in the budget, but the old one refused to work anymore and demanded to be retired. What could I do?

I found myself getting restless and bored waiting. I came here several times to keep from eating and it worked. I remembered that we were out of bread and started the breadmaker. It wasn't ready at lunch. That kind of threw me off, because I've been having sandwiches for lunch. Instead I had turkey and veggie.

According to the new printout I got for the DASH eating plan, I am eating approximately 1600 calories per day, sometimes a little more, sometimes a little less. This seems to be working for me.

I know that binge eating isn't about being hungry, but I still think that this healthy eating is having an effect on it. I used to have these cravings that quite often turned into a binge. If the cravings come back, I'll just have to learn to handle them and not let them take over my life.

I better go to bed. I sort of want to eat. I could, but I've close my food journal for the day and don't want to reopen it.

Good night

Karolyn

Karolyn, I wanted to pop in to say hi. I've been reading alot of things lately and saw alot of me in your writings. I have lost around 35 lbs now and want to lose another 50 or so. Really the numbers aren't important I just want to get healthier. Anyway, I used to have the same binge problem. I was to the point where everything would end up starting a binge. It was really a scary thing. I used to cry all the time. Emotional rollercoaster. One day I "hit the wall" and gave up all sugar, refined stuff and switched to the healthy whole grain, fruit, veggie, lean protein, water exerise,etc...After 3 weeks of thinking I was going insane, the cravings stopped. I was told that it takes 3 weeks to break a habit. SO there is always hope. There are days when I feel I am at the edge. That is when I come here and start writing. I know you are going to make it to your goal and so will I. Congrats on your efforts and successes so far.
One other thing, where in PA are you from???? I live in gettysburg.

Take care,
Linda

LindaSue,

Thanks for stopping by. I sure can relate to all those feelings you describe. To have those feelings gone make me feel like a different person. I know we will both reach our goals. The way we are choosing to eat is something we can continue doing without depriving ourselves at all. The food I'm eating now is absolutely delicious!!

Even my husband is starting to eat healthier again. He's never had to worry about his weight, but he knows that all that sugar and fat isn't good for your general health. I've had to buy extra fruit because he is snacking on it now.

Karolyn

PS I live in Punxsutawney

[ 06-08-2001: Message edited by: karolync1 ]

Karolyn, Punxautawny, thats not too too far from me. 3-4 hours right? Sure You can come and visit! :) Have a great weekend! Linda

Hi Karolyn,
I have just finished reading your journal and just wanted to say what an awesome job you are doing of beating the binge! I can relate to your experiences as I am a long-time comfort eater and understand well the eating-til-it-hurts stuff. Plus I experience recurrent depressive episodes, not too severe now as I recognise the signs and know how to look after myself, but a great deal of my 115 excess lbs is due to binge eating whilst my mood was low. That scary, almst out-of-body experience of eating anything that isn't nailed down, with no concept of taste or hunger, is something that you can't help but carry with you even if only as a reminder of a place I no longer want to visit in myself.
I am doing Jenny Craig as I find the structure and pre-prepared food really helpful - it lets me refocus on food as a fuel rather than a comfort and I don't get caught up in thinking about food all day (which is usually what happens when i have to plan my own meals and recipes etc). I am going to weekly therapy sessions too (which have been fantastic), which I started 9 months ago to help myself get ready to begin my weightloss journey. So far I have been on the plan for two weeks and have lost 9.4lbs and i have not fallen into the comfort eating trap yet. I have been VERY aware of wanting to eat purely for that short-lasting sense of comfort and distraction from the real problem but I have diverted myself. Some of the things I find good are to go for a walk, to paint my nails, have a bath, do some needlepoint, ring a girlfriend who is also working on healthy weight-loss, read diet-talk posts!!! Although I could totally identify with your going-to-bed technique!! ;) ;) Sometimes it really is the only solution.
Sorry to have raved on so much on your journal!! I really just wanted to say that I think you are doing an awesomejob - keep up the great work :rose: :rose: :rose:

[ 06-09-2001: Message edited by: Clozzie ]

Kellie,

Thanks for stopping by and for the kind words. :o Isn't it amazing that there are so many of us who can really understand just how difficult binge eating is to overcome? I used to think I was the only one. Now I read what others are doing and I always get more encouraged in my own battle.

I've been reading your posts, and you are doing great. I'm glad you have found what works for you. You can do this.

Karolyn

Today went well. Not a crisis in sight. I could get used to this. Not that I'm going to. Tomorrow, it's off to the shop to try and get my computer working properly. According to tech support, it will be an all day job which is why I'm doing it on Sunday when no one is around.

I'm feeling comfortable about the food issue for tomorrow. I don't binge at work (no food there :laugh: ). I just have to be sure to eat. Whoa! Now that's a new concept. Am I worried that I might FORGET TO EAT? That would be cool. <IMG SRC="smilies/cool.gif" border="0"> I'll just have to see how it goes.

Karolyn

Hi Karolyn!

I just wanted to stop in and say hello. I think that you are doing an amazing job! I hope that one day I will be an intune with my body as you are.

Take Care! *

Thanks, Karen. We are both on our way and we are going to make this permanent. Anything that gets in our way had better be prepared to step aside! lol

I just realized that I have kept a food journal for 5 weeks now. It's been at least that long (maybe a week or so longer) since I have done any binge eating. I think the journal is what is keeping me in control (well, that and dt).

No one else sees that journal, but it makes me accountable to me. Being accountable to myself is a vital part of this battle. No blaming people, or situations for my choices. Whatever is going on, the choices are still mine to make and I will make the healthy ones.

Karolyn

Fantastic attitude Karolyn :) :)
5 weeks with no binges!!! SUPERB EFFORT!!! * * * * *
Keep up the wonderful job - you really are in control :rose:

Karolyn!! What wonderful news!! STANDING OVATION!!! * *

karolyn!!!!!!!!
5 weeks with no binge in sight> what an awesome effort. having people to be accountable to is a huge help to me too.
hugs bell :)

Kellie, Sooz, & Bell,

THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! :o

It is so great to have such an enthusiastic cheering section! When I wrote that last night about the 5 weeks with no binge eating, I was just stating the facts.

Now I'm really excited about it!!!!

Thanks guys

Karolyn

glad we made you excited karolyn :)
here's to 5 more weeks with no binge.
you can do it!
hugs bell :)

Uh Oh! I just realized I didn't post here at all yesterday. Shame on me. Thanks for stopping by Bell. I always love to see your positive remarks.

Yesterday and today went pretty smoothly. I'm still working on not overeating. I've been op every day, but sometimes I still have trouble stopping when I'm not hungry. I don't call this a binge, because I don't keep on eating when I finish whatever is on my plate. I measure my portions. It's just that sometimes it is more food that I need at one time.
I'm not too worried about it. It's something I have to work on. I'm doing it less than I have in the past, so I'm moving in the right direction.

Karolyn

I was op today and did better on stopping when I wasn't hungry. I'm building better habits one day and one meal at a time.

Karolyn

Karolyn!!!You go girl. Awesome being OP for so long. Those good habits are shining through. Keep up the good work!!
Love, Linda

Karolyn HI. Just wanted to stop by and read your journal and say hi. Congrats on the 5 weeks without a binge. I also keep a food journal (and record calories) to keep myself accountable. I don't record it here as I find that personal. But it does work, doesn't it?

Keep up the good work.

Thanks for stopping by Linda and Debbi. Just love company and kind words. The food journal sure does help.

Karolyn

Ken is playing in the park at a nearby town tomorrow afternoon for a festival. He asked me if I wanted to come. I would like to; just don't know if I'm ready to run the gauntlet of carnival food without giving in.
That takes getting the right positive mind set. I can do it. I'm not sure if I could do it by tomorrow afternoon. I'll just see how I feel in the morning.

Karolyn

Just take the day as it comes Karolyn, if you are feeling strong and you have been eating on plan that day (i.e. not going to the carnival starving!! lol), then you can do it!! You have gone five weeks, nearly 6 without a binge - you are stronger than the foods hold on you :rose: :rose: , you have made a decision to take charge of your life and you are working it girl!!! But if you are feeling vulnerable that day (and I know how that feels), then look after yourself and stay out of harms way; you will be strong enough before you know it :) :) . Whatever you decide, take care and know that every day you are moving closer to your real self * .

[ 06-16-2001: Message edited by: Clozzie ]

i agree with kellie, Karolyn!
see how you feel in the morning. if you really dont feel like you can resist then dont go. but i know that you are strong and i believe that you can do it.
let us know what happened. hugs bell :)

Thanks Kellie & Bell.

I agree with you on going by how I feel. You've helped me realize that I have to make the choice that will keep me on the right track. I'm going to skip this festival and start planning how I am going to get through our local one in two weeks. (have a booth there). Thanks for stopping by.

Karolyn

so what thoughts do you have for making it through the festival in 2 weeks karolyn?
i know you will make it through just fine.
hugs bell ;)

hi karolyn.. ive read your whole journal yesterday and today. im also a member of the binge eater's club.hehe :P the changes and diff habits you are making is truly admirable. i bet the postive thiking is really helpful.. way to go!

Bell-I knew you would spot that line about the festival. :) I posted a thread here and emailed at H&H asking for suggestions. I got a lot of good ideas that I printed out and I'm making a chart covering 2 meals & 3 snacks a day (Breakfast at home). I'm feeling more confident about it now.

Theresa-Boy, isn't that a club we would like to disband for lack of members? Thanks for the kind words. Yes, thinking positive has made all the difference for me.

Karolyn

[ 06-17-2001: Message edited by: karolync1 ]

Karolyn, I've been thinking about you today so I thought I'd stop in and see you here. It is slow on H&H and I actually have time. What are the festival dates again??It is an extreme longshot, but with the Gettysburg Heritage days running from the end of June through July 9 or so, it gets so crazy here that we are actually thinking of trying to get away. How far are you from gettysburg???I say it is a long shott because my hubbys workplace is so busy that they are working them like crazy.
Love Linda

Linda-The festival runs Mon-Sat starting on July 2. I'm not sure how far it is from Gettysburg(don't get out much). Come on over if you can. I know what you mean about getting away. Sometimes, I wish I could take a vacation during this week and I'm sure it is way smaller than your festival.

Karolyn

Things have been changing around this house since I became a dt member. With me trying to be healthier, I don't buy the junk food that I used to buy. Actually, I buy very little except healthy stuff.

The other day Ken asked if I minded if he bought a package of cookies. I agree with the idea of only healthy foods in the house, but I figure, at his age, if he wants a cookie, he has the right to choose for himself. After all, I don't intend to never have another cookie for the rest of my life. I know the cookies are there, but what is drawing me into the kitchen right now is the strawberry yogurt I mixed up earlier. I think I'll go enjoy it right now.

Karolyn

wow, you must really have that kitchen guarded if your husband asks if he can have a cookie! :P that's really good though to remove the temptations.. on a few occassions ive just thrown junk food away, so you are one step ahead of that. :) you're doing great!

Hi Karolyn, great idea to post for ways to get through the festival - really shows your committment to getting strong mentally and physically * :rose: * . I have dealt with the dreaded 'cookie' issue at this stage by asking my partner to hide his treats from me! It's probably a bit over-the-top, but better safe than sorry hey?? :o :o I know how desperate I can get when a binge is upon me so I just consider it proactive hehehe. I am proud to report that i have yet to hunt anything out (since I started my new ways - can't say the same for before that :eek: :eek: ). I love it that he asked if he could have some cookies - I guess you really must be showing some fierce determination hehehe.

Have a great Monday :rose:

Theresa-You have to train them when you first get them. :laugh: (if he sees that, I'm in big trouble :eek: ). Actually, he has bent over backwards to help me and to not do anything that will make things harder for me. The funny thing is, he is starting to eat healthier again himself. He told me he hasn't had any candy for two weeks.

Kellie-Thanks for the encouragement on the festival. I think I have a pretty workable plan to get through it.

Karolyn

Karolyn that chart you made for the festival is a GREAT idea!! way to plan!! woo woo!! * *

Thanks, Sooz. This is going to work. With all the ideas I got from here, it will be a walk in the park. :laugh: ;) 8-}

Today has been another good day even though I was rude to someone. Ken said I wasn't really rude, just kind of short with the man, but he was standing there lying to me. Not only that, he should not even have been in my shop. (salesman not a customer, long story). Anyway I'm left with the usual bad feeling that I have done something wrong.

However, it didn't affect my eating. Another baby step!! Every time I get upset and don't eat is another success.

Karolyn

Karolyn I know exactly what you mean, I am the same way...good for you for being in control... :rose:

Hi Karolyn,
Just popped in to see how you are doing, you are doing great!!
I want to go back and read your whole journal when I have more time. I need some more motivation. YOU GO GIRL!! Good idea for that chart.
:rose:

Sooz, wish we knew why we do that to ourselves.

Otto, Thanks for stopping by. I love getting all the positive comments.

Karolyn

I didn't want to post how I did yesterday until I could give a complete picture. We were invited to dinner by Ken's son at his restaurant. It was kind of a late Father's day thing and he invited his grandparents, too, which always adds stress to an occasion.

I had planned for it by eating light at lunch and "gave myself permission" to relax and enjoy whatever meal I chose. I ordered steak, baked potato, corn and salad. I had one serving of butter on 1/2 of the potato and dipped my fork in the dressing. When everyone else was eating ice cream or sundaes, I had a few more bites of salad. Just before I went to bed, I figured out the day and was op the entire day(except the steak should have been 6 oz instead of 8 oz).

In case anyone thinks I felt deprived over any of my choices, I did not. I went into that restaurant knowing I could order anything on the menu that looked good to me. We rarely have steak at home, so that was a real treat. As for the ice cream, I really didn't want it and it didn't even bother me to watch the others eating it. That's another reason I waited to post. I wanted to see if thinking about it would set off a problem. You have no idea how glad I am that it didn't!

I've already been on the treadmill this morning and I just feel pretty darn good!!!

Karolyn

[ 06-22-2001: Message edited by: karolync1 ]

Last night I made beef & macaroni (not from a box). That would have been fine if we hadn't already had red meat three times this week. That is way more than I've been used to eating.

I have avoided this dish because it is a trigger food. I started cooking it too early and it was ready about 30 minutes before Ken was due home. I kept stopping myself from eating from the pan. Finally I decide I better just go ahead and eat. I literally "wanted it so bad, I could taste it".

I did make myself put my portion in a dish and sit down to eat it. I tried to eat slowly, but it tasted sooooo gooood. I had figured in a generous portion so it still took a while to eat it.

When I was done, I was stuffed and I was eyeing Ken's dinner. Fortunatly, he got home before I started on it and I told him to eat what he wanted and throw out the rest so I wouldn't eat it.

I had to keep telling myself to stay out of the kitchen most of the evening. The good news is that I did stay out of the kitchen.

I guess I had some nervous energy because I went upstairs and did some exercises. I spent about 20 minutes stretching, bending, dancing, and twisting. Felt pretty good when I was done.


It is so demoralizing to have that feeling that you must have something and you must have it now. Especially when it's food. However it is a good feeling to make it through without a binge.

Karolyn

Today has gone much easier than yesterday. Ken is gone tonight and I still made a healthy dinner. I'm going upstairs now and do some abdominal exercises. I'm too tired to do them in the morning aftr the treadmill, so I thought I would do them at night. Have to see how that goes.

Karolyn

Go girl!!!! Well done it sounds like the Mac'n'beef was a real struggle for you (major trigger food etc) but you did it!! Woohoo!!! Great going - you are soooo strong, I hope you feel really proud * :rose: * :rose: *

my gosh karolyn, you are so determined! that's a good idea that when you feel bingy nervous like to exercise. cause not only would it get your mind off it but exercising is a self-esteem booster for me. even though you didn't feel in control and wanted to eat his, you didn't. give yourself credit for that. and look how far you've come.

Kellie-Thanks. I'd say I'm pretty proud. Did you see those buttons laying all over the floor?

Theresa-The exercise thing has surprised me. I find myself want to move more as I get in better shape.

Thanks to both of you for stopping by.

Karolyn

Karolyn

This was the big day! I got on the scales at the doctor's office. I need a drum roll and trumpets and lots of noise for this celebration!

I lost 24.5 pounds!!!!!!

I last weighed at his office about 3 months ago, but I didn't start doing anything about my health until April 25, 2001. (That's when I came here).

I'll post more about this later. I'm too wired to sit still.

Karolyn

i am so proud of you karolyn!!!!!!!!
24.5 pounds gone forever...what a wonderful feeling that must have been for you. you are doing it my friend, you are winning the battle everyday.
hugs bell :)

Fantastic!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What more is there to say? LOL. You must be feeling absolutely amazing right now!! You go girl, what a winner * :rose: * :rose: *

hi Karolyn. Congratulations on the weight loss!!! That is great!

So how did the exercising at night go? I'm also too tired do my ab exercises on the days I do aerobics and don't have enough time in the morning on the other days I do toning, so I was wondering how that worked out? Maybe that would work for me, too.

Keep up the good work, you're doin great!

Karolyn, if I could I would send you a bouquet of roses :rose: :rose: :rose: You are doing sooo great. Resisting the urge to binge is no small thing. It can be as hard as !@#$. I admire you for your strength. I just won't prepare stuff like beef mac because I get going and its too hard to stop. I like the idea of "if you don't want to slip, stay off the ice." But you sound like you have really taken control. Big hugs, Love, Heather

Thanks, Bell & Kellie. Just love to hear this stuff. :o .

Debbie-Thanks. The evening exercise is going well, but taking it real slow just like when I started walking My abs are not used to moving. I am so sore!

Heather-Thank you for the flowers.(The thought really does count). I think I have a long way to go, but I am determined to be able to eat all the foods I love. The only way I can is to control portions. The way I figure it, if I don't practice, I'll never get it right. Of course, a lot of days I just take the easy way and eat the same thing I had yesterday. :laugh:

Karolyn

This week, I'm practicing taking my lunch to work to get ready for the park next week. I had a veggie pocket sandwich and salad today. Love it.

Tonight I made Zucchini lasagna. (okay...not everything is practice for the park) It was so good! I ate my portion so slowly, Ken finished eating before I did (practically unheard of). It was worth all the work making it.

No urge to binge today. Have no idea why one day can be so different from another.

Karolyn

WOOOOHOOO!!! CONGRATULATIONS KAROLYN!!!
Excellant control the past few days!!! GOOD FOR YOU. KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK, CONTROL, DESIRE, DEDICATION, . . .
GOOOOOO KAROLYN,
:rose:

I wanted to stop in and tell you that I think you are amazing! I am so excited for you! Great job and on keeping control...portion sizes is a big thing for me too. Keep it up!

karolyn way to go on that big weight loss forever!!!! wow! it's your persistence that is paying off. you must be so happy with your accomplishments. :D

Otto, Karen, and Theresa. Thanks guys :o

I just had the best time in the bedroom!! HEY! MINDS OUT OF GUTTER!! :laugh: I was trying on clothes!. My largest pair of slacks fit me again and so does my favorite blouse! I found the next pair of jeans I hope to be wearing by my next doctor's appointment. There is a pair of shorts I can start wearing now. This was sure more fun than the last shopping trip when I couldn't find anything to fit.

I had to make a stop at the store on my way home today because hubby informed me we were out of peaches. He used to be so aware of healthy eating and avoiding sugar. Then we both got into some very bad habits. Now he snacks on fruit every night and doesn't even buy candy any more. We go to the store together on weekends and he buys so many fruits, they barely fit in the crisper. I think this is so cool.

I had a good day of eating today and I'm going to go eat a pear right now.

Karolyn

I enjoyed reading all this, Karolyn. Being a binge eater myself, some of it really jumped out at me and I appreciate your honesty in all of it.

You're doing a great job!
Kerri

Kerri-thanks for stopping by and for the kind words.

I've had a good day, today with both food and exercise. Feeling very relaxed and positive.

I'm posting early tonight because I have a lot to do to get ready for next week. It's that time already. Festival week. I have my eating chart all filled in and will go to the grocery store tomorrow.

I'm not stressing out about this, except it bothered me a little that they changed things and we are supposed to open on Sunday instead of Monday. I just found out about it today. It isn't required, so we will probably set up and stay for part of the day, just not 12 hours.

Since I don't know how many of the food vendors will be open and tempting me, I guess I better have my ice chest ready and full of good stuff.

I'm not sure if I will manage to get here until after festival, have a great 4th everyone.

Karolyn

Just stopped by to mention that I hope everything is going well at the festival and that your ice chest has been your best friend these past few days! lol. I know you can do it!
hugs,
Kerri

Kerri-I'm nominating that chest for the "ice chest of the year" award. :laugh:

Well, I survived the festival!!! It was both easier and harder than I remembered from last year. It rained every day except Friday. Not the whole day, just enough to chase everyone from the park and make it necessary to put the tent sides down for an hour or two. Sales were down from last year, but the rain accounts for part of that.

I stuck to what I decided last week. I had Chinese food one night. It was delicious!!! The kettle corn guy was there and I was tempted every time the wind blew just right. I finally shared a small bag with Ken on Saturday. The rest of the time I ignored the carnival food and ate what I brought except for the two veggie subs from Subway.

I exercised every day and also walked down to the park four days. I think this counts as a successful week!!! Plus, my blood pressure has been low every day.

Now, I have to go catch up on everything I let go last week. I'll be back later to see what is going on with everyone.

Karolyn

I feel as though I have been gone for a month. I find I have to watch very carefully what I eat now that I have more choices again. I guess any kind of change takes getting used to, even just getting back to "normal".

There were some interesting comments last week at the festival. I walked into the Festival Committee tent and almost ran back out when they offered me something from a full table of cookies, candy, brownies, etc. This was not for sale. This was their snack table. I said I was not eating anything unhealthy. One of them said "It isn't festival week unless you are bad" When I went to the church bake sale and said I was looking for a healthy snack, I was offered rice krispy candy.(did not buy it)

I did hear something that impressed me very much. I heard a woman say, "You got water. What a good choice". I turned around and she was opening a bottle of water for a little boy. No lecture, no long drawn out story, just, "What a good choice" said in an approving voice. There is no question in my mind that he will want to choose water again.

A grandmother I see two or three times a year told me all the reasons she can't lose weight, while hiding behind a tent so her sister wouldn't see her eating an ice cream sundae. She is so nice and I wish I could help her, but as we all know, she has to be ready and she just isn't.

Time to go to work.

Karolyn

I'm back to drinking plenty of water again. That was the only thing that was a problem during the festival. (couldn't run to the bathroom every five minutes). My joints were getting painful and I didn't even think about it being the water until I read a post about it here. The pain is going away now.

We went out to dinner last night. I had steak again. I sure enjoy it once in a while. I also had half of a baked potato, (no butter or sour cream), green beans and salad. I'm proud of myself since there was an all-you-can eat pizza and wing buffet that I skipped completely.

Our town had a pretty big shock this week. The hardware store is closing down. This is one of those family owned (80 years)places that have everything. The parents are ready to retire and the son's health won't let him handle the 7 days a week necessary to take over.

The sale started today and I walked down and bought a food processor (told you they had everything). I've been wanting one and decided this was a good time. Ken met me there and gave me a ride home so I wouldn't have to carry the junk I bought. Tonight, I'm going to try a recipe from the book for frozen peach yogurt.

I'm giving some thought to ending this journal. I've been doing so well with not binge eating that it doesn't really seem like a beat the binge journal. I will either start another one later or just post to everyone else's journal. There are so many journals and and challenges and posts now that it is getting harder and harder to keep up. If I decide to end this journal, I make a final post so everyone will know.

Karolyn

K! You are doing so well. I am so proud of you. Maybe start another kind of journal. it gives people a place to write to you at!!
I know what you mean about the neighborhood hardware store closing. Ours closed last year too, after 80 years. (now theres some horospoce and tarot card reading place there) Funny thing, I bought my food processor there too. Thanks too for your support. It means alot.
Love Linda

Thank, Linda. That's funny about the food processors. I made that frozen peach yogurt tonight in mine. It was really good.

I have decided to end this journal. Thanks to everyone who has stopped in and encouraged me. I'm not going anywhere and will be posting as usual; just not in a journal for right now. I'll start a new one when I get the urge.

Karolyn :)

i know that i will still catch up with you at H&H Karolyn. just wanted to stop in and say that i know your honesty in your journal has helped a lot of people.
look forward to continuing with you on your journey. cant wait for that next doc's appt. never thought i would be saying that to someone lol.
your yoghurt sounds yummy!
continued success to you my friend.
hugs bell :)

You're in such control karolyn and congrats on all the clothes fitting :) I look forward to that day myself. I remember a couple years ago when cargo pants were in fashion and I couldn't ever get a pair.
I'll be reading your journal regularly and checking up :) Thanks for your friendship~

Thanks, Bell. This journal really helped me & I hope it encouraged others with the same problem. See you at H&H and around here.

Rainbow, Thanks for stopping by and the kind words. :o I'm sure the next time cargo pants are in, you'll have no trouble getting a pair.

Karolyn