:rose:

I've been struggling with my weight for so long now. Most of my life, but it's really gotten out of hand the last 6 months when I was laid off work. My weight shot up from 190 to 226 from September 2001 to May 17, 2002. I didn't realize I had gained so much until a trip to the doctor May 17th. That's when I said, no more. I realized if I didn't get a grip right now, it was going to keep going up and up. I didn't want that, I was miserable enough where I was at. So began my journey. All I knew was I had to find something I could live with long term and somehow I had to find a way to stick with it and not give up.
When I was a kid, the big thing was counting calories. As I grew older, there were so many other fad diets, I completely forgot about counting calories! I tried the low-carb diet, WW, slim fast...you know the drill. I'm not putting them down, it just wasn't for me for one reason or another. I finally thought about how Momma and I used to count our calories, years and years ago. I thought, DUH! why didn't I think of that before now?
I have been counting calories since May 19th. I have not been perfect, but I have been faithful. I've lost 14 pounds in the past 5 weeks.
I have also learned a lot. My biggest downfall has always been that I give up as soon as I eat one of the 'forbidden' foods. I would tell myself, "You should have know you couldn't do it." Not anymore. Now I say, "Tomorrow is another day. I'll get there as long as I don't give up."
This month has been particularly bad. We are facing discrimination against my 6 year old daughter who has a disability and it has been extremely emotional, upsetting, and exhausting. We didn't really realize discrimination was the problem at first. We just knew her summer camp was giving us one huge problem after another. For the first 2-3 weeks of the month, when it all started, I almost gave up trying to lose weight. I didn't feel I could handle what was going on and worry about how many calories I had eaten every day, much less find time to get on a treadmill. I was crying a lot, sleeping little, and eating too much. Then I realized something. If I ever hope to succeed at weight loss, I have to keep going even when I feel like the world is on my shoulders. Because the truth is, we can never escape that. It's going to happen at some point that we feel like the weight of the world is on our shoulders. I'm not helping myself or anyone else by staying fat. I am learning to separate life's stresses from the way I eat and take care of myself.
I consider it a huge accomplishment that I was able to get past my discouragement and depression and start counting calories again. I have never been able to overcome those kinds of obstacles in the past. In fact, I don't think I've ever stuck to any diet past 3 weeks in the last 15 years. And here I am, week 5, I made it through feeling like "I give up", and one of the most stressful experiences of my life. :D

Here's my stats from the beginning:
May 17: 226
May 19: 224
May 24: 219
May 31: 216
June 7: 215
June 14: 215
June 21: 212 <Total inches lost: 4 1/2">

Total pounds lost: - 14
My :tongue:atriot: 4th of July goal was to be at 207. I may or may not reach that goal. I think I'll get close even if I don't get there.

It's been a good day. Even though I've spent most of the day doing damage control due to the kids running from one thing to the other. Just another day, I suppose...
Tomorrow is the Family Reunion. I haven't been in several years, since Momma died. I'm looking forward to it and dreading it at the same time. I can't imagine her not being there. It stills feels like she just on one of her trips and she'll be there. I'm planning on going to visit her and Daddy's grave. I haven't been since Momma died 2 years ago. I dread it but I want to go. Every time I went to Daddy's grave, I always got so emotional. I'm going to wait until after the reunion to do that. I'm looking forward to it, I think. My sisters and my brother and their families will be there. I'm really excited about that.
I'm dreading the food part. There will be enough to feed an entire army. I'm hoping I won't totally blow it, but it's a once a year thing so I'm not going to get too uptight about it if I eat a little more than I should. We'll just have to wait and see how I do.
The fact that I've lost 14 pounds is a great motivator though. I'm starting to really see results and find myself not wanting to do anything that will reverse the trend. I can't wait until I've lost 20, 30 pounds or more.
Gotta run. I'm making Momma's sweet potato casserole for the reunion and the timer just went off.

Well first off welcome to Diettalk. And then secondly I have to say what a great name you have.:D
You will do just fine at the reunion and have loads of fun I am sure. Don't worry about the eating part just portion control and that way your not depriving yourself and you are not eating too much either. You would be surprised at what portion control can do in cutting calories. I know I was. Hope you have a fantastic time.
Congrats on losing the 14 pounds so far. I can't wait to cheer you on when 20 then 30 more are gone.

Judy2:rose: :rose:

Hi Jude,

I really enjoyed reading your journal; there's so much heart in it. So many people just focus on the exterior losing weight part and don't realize that unless we do learn to stick with the program even when things are tough, then we'll always be on this merry-go-round. Easier said then done, I know, but that's why the kind of support that's on this site can be so valuable. There are other people to turn to here when the going does get tough. Just by reading what you wrote I absolutely do not have any doubt that you are going to be successful.

I could relate somewhat to what you said about going to the cemetary. I say 'somewhat' because when I moved back to Chicago (the town where I grew up) as an adult, I made frequent trips to my father's grave. I didn't want to avoid the emotion though - it felt really, really good to let it out. My situation was different though; the loss wasn't as recent; obviously you have to be the judge of how much you are ready for. All I can say is that the more I went and let out that grief, the freer I felt (and consequently the closer I felt to my father again!):rose:

I'll stop back and check on your progress. I'm really rooting for you Jude.

:rose:
Judy2, I like your name too. I used to spell mine with a "y", but at 17, I changed it to an "i". I just had to be different and it stuck. You know how kids are. :laugh:
Thank you both so much for the encouragement. I'm sure you know just how much it means for someone to believe in you.

The reunion was wonderful, even if I got a little emotional. I went to see Daddy's family too. It was so great to be back home even if it was for only a couple hours. I saved the cemetary for last. It was pretty emotional to be there for the first time since Momma passed. But I'm okay. I still miss them though.
I was very proud that I did not feel any need or compulsion to pig out at the reunion. I ate more than I normally would, but it wasn't an outragous amount of food. Momma's sweet potato casserole got raves! It was the first dish gone.
The down side of the reunion was I hated for everyone to see me so big. But I reminded myself: next year will be different. And then I'll get tons of compliments and "how did you do it's". That'll be major fun.
The best bit of news was when I weighed myself this morning. I had lost another 2 pounds! I couldn't believe it. My big goal is to be at 145 by December 29 (my birthday, and that's all I want- to see 145 pounds!), so the 2 pounds put me at my 20% mark toward that goal. I decided to reward myself and went and bought a new pair of shorts (since my other blue jean shorts I loved so much are getting too loose) and 2 shirts. It wasn't a whole lot of fun shopping since I still have to buy such big clothes, but I liked that I had to have a pair of smaller shorts. I did buy a lime green shirt on purpose. I alawys buy such drab colored clothes (don't want to stand out cause I'm too big). So I made myself buy that bright lime green shirt just because I love the color. It's my "happy" color. :D
Other really good news today: I was able to wear my old khaki shorts that I haven't been able to put on since last year. Boy that felt GOOD. I've been reminding my husband all day that I met the 20% mark and I'm at 210! :laugh: I kept waiting for him to get tired of me saying it, but he just kept saying, You should be proud of yourself, you've done good. There was a time I wouldn't even tell him how much I weighed, I was so ashamed. But he guessed really close so I confessed. When I told him how much I weighed, he didn't get disgusted like I was sooo sure he would. I like having it out in the open better. It takes away part of that feeling of shame and having something to hide. Not that you can hide 225 pounds!! :laugh: The best part is I can tell him how much I've lost and where I'm at and it allows him to be a part of it. My weight was the only thing I hid from him. I'm so glad I don't anymore. It's hard to hide anything when you're honest by nature.
Mike, by hubby, told me he could tell I was losing weight today. He said he notices it in my stomach. I still can't 'see' it but I'll take him at his word. So cool!

5/24/02:
210 -2 pounds gone!!! Total to date: -16 pounds
20% mark reached toward Dec. 29 goal YIPPEE! :cheer:

My weight loss chart sure is lookin good!

I have had such an awesome week. I wanted to have a big loss this week, but didn't expect it to be this great. I weighed this morning and I've lost 2 more pounds, that's 4 for the week! Wow, I’m finally doing it. It feels so GREAT. Even though other people can’t see a difference yet, except Mike. I know there’s a difference too. I can’t ‘see’ it as much as I can feel it. I’m at 23% now, thanks to being at 208. Now I’m wondering if I’m going to be able to wear my new shorts for very long before they start to get too big….gee, what a dilemma! I’ll take these kinds of dilemmas any day! I'm going to make the 4th of July goal after all to be at 207! I know I can lose 1 pound in 7 days!

June 27:
208 -2 Total: -18 pounds (23% of goal met)

*Note* I did not starve myself to lose the 4 pounds.

Jude;

That is so awesome you have lost 4 more pounds. I am really proud of you. So happy to see that your hubby supports you also :)
I saw a girl I used to work with last night for the first time since last year. She didn't reconigse me......lol it was such a great feeling when she finally did. She couldn't believe it was the same person........lol
Have a great day.

Judy2:rose: :rose:

:rose:
Judy2, you do look awesome. It's hard to believe from your picture that you ever weighed 200. I'm sure running into her made you feel so great. You're a real motivation to see that it CAN be done. I appreciate your input so much. Thanks.

I've had a very trying day. The harrassment from the camp continues and is getting worse. We must have stepped on some very sensitive toes when we put Trista in this camp instead of special needs kids camp. We finally got in touch with the head lady and she agreed that Trista could stay in the after 3 p.m. program and like every other time, they retaliated. They called DHS again this time saying Trista had more bruises, the kids were starving, and we left Trista with a dirty diaper every morning, AND she has a diaper rash. We're still working with DHS from the first time they called (they don't know that), and Corey was at the house when the complaints were made against us. So of course, another investigation of us. I said, okay, look at whatever you want. She checked the fridge, cabinets, freezer, etc and saw that there was food. So that allegation was unsubstantiated. She checked Trista and saw there was no rash, and the bruises on her legs were explainable. All the allegations were unsubstaniated (again). After Corey left I was leading Trista out of the bathroom and saw a bruise on her arm, looked like someone grabbed her. We called Corey immediately. It's starting to all make sense. My daughter had never had bruises on her arms before this camp and this is the second one. The first they tried to say we did. That's just crap. I'm so at the end of my rope with these people. DHS knows we're not abusing or neglecting the kids. But every time these people call, they have to investigate. I would really love to drown myself in a huge BUCKET of ICE CREAM tonight. The worst of this is knowing someone is putting those bruises on my daughter. They wanted her out, well they finally got what they wanted, didn't they? We're not sending them back. We're positive someone is mistreating Trista or she wouldn't be coming up with the bruises on her arms. She's never had them before summer camp. I'm just sooooo angry and upset. God, I want that ice cream. Actually, I'd prefer chocolate. That's always been my 'cure'.
I'm not going to let myself eat the ice cream or chocolate, as bad as I want to. I would regret it and it wouldn't make the pain go away. I'm going to sit with my children on the couch and thank God for my family. After they go to bed, I may put my head in Mike's lap and cry. I don't know. But I'm NOT going to eat the ice cream.

Hello Jude! i just got done reading your journal. i must say its an honest one and i enjoyed reading it.
i am so sory for your troubles. i wouldnt send the kids back either. how many kids do you have. i have 3 and 1 stepchild.
it is scary to know a camp would do that to any child much less a disabled one. very upsetting.

you sound like you and Mike have a good relationship. i am divorced but re-married to a great guy. he is my best friend and i always shared everything with him but my weight. well a few weeks ago i tod him and he was not freaked or naything. he said how good im doing and how much he can see i lost.
it is nice having him be a part of this and being able to be honest andshare this secret.
he does my measurements for me and when i lose he praises me too.
He compliments me. i must say he always complimented me and sauid i was beautifukl even before this. i met him heavy and marriied him heavy and he never made me feel heavy-not ever.
but he is supportive of me with this cuz he knows how much it means to me but he tokld me hed love me no matter what i wiegh so that felt good too. thats what true love is!

I am on ww. i ended the 12 the week yesterday. i am down 32.5 pounds and going strong. this works for me. i never stuck to diets too long either so this time i chose a lifestyle change i can live with. i do have a cheat meal every sat. night and it hasnt affeted the scale a bit.
I exercise now too.

sounds like the reunion was great. i allow myself to overeat at holidays or special things but i dont go overboard either and right back to plan next day. it works for me too.

next yr wait till your family seees you. in the begiinning i couldnt notice loss but could feel it cuz i was so heavy it didnt show too fast but after 20 pounds it did and alot more at 30. all my clothes are really big too.

if i over eat i dont quit just keep going. i used to quit like you said but it only got me bigger.
I am an emotional eater and eat for comfort,stresss, boredom but now i try to handle stress without food as a crutch. i feel healthier too and better about myself.

before my 31 birthday this april i saw 222.5 on scale and lamost fell over. biggest i've ever been and i thought i better get a grip on this fast or i will be 300. sio i set my mind to it and been chugging right along since. no going back for me now.

you shoukd check into the snow angel challenge for weight goal for x-mas and the challenge each month called the pants challenge. you aim to be in a smaller size pants for the next month.

i go to cruise to lose chat on sunday night at 10 where you report your loss or gain or maintain.

well hope to hear from you. you can pm me anytiem or visit my journal minnies day. your doing wonderful on the weight loss. keep strong!

Jude:

So sorry to hear about a camp like that . It's a shame in this world of ours there are still places out there that would do this to a child.
I am so glad you aren't going to eat that ice cream. Good for you.
Hope today is a much better day. Sending a :hug: your way.

Judy2 :rose: :rose:

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Now is the time
To take a stand
Here is my chance
That's why I'll

never give up
Never give in
Never let a ray of doubt slip in
And if I fall
I'll never fail
I'll just get up and try again
Never lose hope
Never lose faith
There's much too much at stake
Upon myself I must depend
I'm not looking for place or show
I'm gonna win

:rose:

Minnie, sounds like we can really relate to each other! I think it's one of the greatest gifts to have an understanding, loving spouse. Mike is my best friend, but I'm not quite courageous enough to let him help with my measurements yet. I still have a hard time doing that myself! :laugh: I'm very interested in the challenges. I've found having a short-term goal helpls keep me focused.
I have four children, 2 boys (9 and 7 y/o), and 2 girls (6 and 4 y/o). It's difficult to have "stair-steppers" but I wouldn't have it any other way. Each one has brought their own joy into our family. But I think I've learned the most from Trista. She sees no differences in people, white, black, handicapped, blind...they are all equal to her. Wow, if people could only see the world like she does... :x
I guess I was ignorant, because I never thought anyone would treat a child like this until now. It's been an eye-opener for sure. DHS was here again today. One of the workers commented on what a good job we were doing with our kids. After feeling like I'm under constant suspicion for almost a month, I can't express what a relief that was. It took a big burden off of me. Just knowing that if they wanted to make more of it, they have the ability to take my children, kept me in a constant state of fear and worry. I could only pray that the workers would be fair and they have been. I'm feeling much better now.
Thank you so much for the encouragement. It means sooo much. After the last call to DHS, I got pretty depressed this weekend, wondering where will it end? I didn't eat the ice cream that night, but can't say I had a great weekend.
I've refocused now and back on track. I read a poem I found whenever I feel like I want to give up and it makes such a difference to me. By the way, Judy2, I really like your poem in your signature.
Here is one of my big motivators:
"Don't You Quit!"
When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,
When the road you're trudging, seems all uphill,
When the funds are low, and the debts are high,
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit,
Rest if you must...But don't you quit!

Life is queer with its twists and turns,
As every one of us sometimes learns,
And many a failure turns about,
When you might have won...had you stuck it out!

Don't give up though the pace seems slow,
You might succeed with another blow!
Success is failure turned inside out,
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt.

And you never can tell how close you are;
It may be near, when it seems so far.
So stick to the fight, when hardest hit,
It's when things seem worst...
THAT YOU MUST NOT QUIT!!!!
--Unknown
Never Give Up! You are worth it!

I have set my new goals. My July 4th goal is still 208. After this weekend....we'll see. I was at 209 this morning, but it's going to be okay. I'm still in the race and it's not over yet.
My new goal is I want to be at 190 (195 is probably more realistic) when the fall semester starts August 21st. Seven weeks to lose 13-18 pounds. I think I can do that! Like the saying goes, "Shoot for the moon. At worst, you'll land among the stars." Something like that, anyway!

Thank you ladies again for the encouragement. Sometimes just a little bit of it makes a huge difference. :)

Hello Jude i am glad things are getting better for you. we live in an unfair world sometimes. your little girl is extra special and should be treated that way. shmae on those camp counselors. they should be the ones getting investigated~~not you.
dont worry cause the Lord watches over each of us and your family will be ok. take care of yourself and your little ones.

Hi Jude,
Just stopped by to welcome you to the journals. Sorry you had so much trouble with the camp. Sounds like they should be reported instead of you!!

DHS sounds like they are trying to be fair but I would be a little leary of them too! Especially with a special child. I hope they are more supportive and not to critical. Raising a special child is a real challenge and sounds like you are doing a super job!!

Good for you for not eating the ice cream. That was super on your part. Keep up the good work!!

Hope you had a lovely holiday!!
Take care,
Love and hugs,
lizzie

:rose:

Thank you for the encouragement about the kids. We actually had one of the camp staff come to our house after we took the kids out of camp. My son had told her where we live. She told us some very interesting things. She confirmed what we were feeling about it being a matter of discrimination and more. It is still unbelievable to me that this could happen.
I'm trying to cope. The person who came forward to us also said she witnessed someone grabbing my daughter by her arms (that would explain the bruises). That's been tough to cope with. And I haven't done very well. It has really kept me upset thinking of someone mistreating a child as defenseless as my daughter.
I've really not been doing well with my calories. I've tried every day to not go over. I've kept my food journal. I've told myself every day "You can't quit, just do what you can for today." So keeping the food journal was about as good as it got. I did not allow myself to throw it all in the garbage and forget about it though. I knew if I did that it would be all over. I was only able to keep my calories at or below 1500 twice this week. Today was one of them. I carefully measured out my supper so I wouldn't overdo it. I feel so much more in control today than I have in a while now. I'm so glad I didn't give up and say Forget it!
It makes me wonder if I'll make it to my goal. It seems like others who made it just decided to do it and never looked back. I wonder if this is normal to have this much trouble staying on track and trying not to quit. I really don't know. The two other times I lost weight, I can't really judge by. I was 14 and 17. I just decided to lose weight and practically quit eating until I lost it. Then of course, I started eating again and I gained it back. I don't know where I got that kind of will power. I would never starve myself again, but man, what I could accomplish with that kind of willpower!
I have not been able to find time to get on the treadmill since we took the kids out of camp. Trista is a full-time job and then the other three are hyperactive too. I'm thinking I can pretty much forget it until they start school. There's no way I can do it with them home. I have to keep a very close eye on them at all times, cause there's never a bit of telling what they will do next! Trista mostly cause she doesn't understand danger.
The stress of my summer classes is almost over. Only 3 weeks to go. I will be so relieved. It has been very stressful, because of the intensity of crunching the classes into a 10 week semester. Of course, I only took 3 classes because I thought my children were going to be in camp and would give me time to study. I'm fighting to keep my 4.0 GPA now. Only 3 weeks to go.
And of course to add to everything else, we have to be finished moving over the next 3 weeks. I will be so glad when summer is over and I can relax again.
Tomorrow is my weigh in day. I haven't weighed since last Friday and I wasn't very happy with it. X-( I dread tomorrow but I can overcome whatever the almighty scale has to say.

Last Friday's weigh-in:
7/5/02: 210 Gain: + 2 Total loss: -16 pounds

I'm still going to hang in there.

:rose:

I dreaded getting on the scale this morning but I had quite a suprise. I was back down the 2 pounds I had gained. I guess I didn't do as bad as I had thought. I was averaging around 2100 calories a day and I was not supposed to go over 1500. Well, I'm happy with the loss. I was so scared I would see another gain. What a relief.
I did good today. I'm hoping for another 2 pound loss next week. That would really thrill me. And this week I'm going to stay in that 1500 calorie range!

July 12, 2002:
208 -2 pounds Total loss -18 :D

:rose:

So far I've had a good day. I'm feeling very good about not giving up. This is my 9th week. I had to check my calendar again. I may be losing slowly, but I'm okay with that. At least I'm losing.

Well, I guess this is short and sweet. Got homework to do and plan to spend some time with hubby.

Hello! well you are doing good. i wouldnt say slow either. in 9 weeks 18 pounds is great. we all lose at our own pace and the secret is keeping it off later. you are doing so well. be proud! also have a good monday!

:rose:

Thank you Minnie. I felt like it was slow because I came to a stop twice for a few weeks. But this week, it seems I'm making up for it! You are so right about the secret being to keep it off later. That's why it was so important to me to find something I could live with forever. I don't want to do this again. EVER! I have accepted that I will always have to constantly watch everything I put in my mouth and keep an eye on the scale.

I have some great news. I'm so excited. I have a 3 pound loss. I think I might be able to meet my "Back to School" goal of 190 by August 21.
I really wanted a big loss by then. I'll be inducted into Phi Theta Kappa in and don't want to be so huge when I go up. I'd like to look nice. Boy, it's times like these that I really wish Mom and Dad were still here. Me in college AND with a 4.0 GPA even! I imagine they would be beside themselves.

It feels so great to have stuck this out for 9 weeks. This was my biggest area of failure: losing weight and keeping it under control. I always felt like if I could just lose weight I would be so much happier. Because then, I would feel so much more free. I don't think I would hold back anymore because of that voice that says "You'll look silly cause you're so big". I am so SICK of not doing what I WANT to do because of the way I look. I'll be 33 this December and I want to make the most of the rest of my life. There's so much I want to do. And it doesn't include sitting on the sidelines anymore.

7/15/02:
205 -3 Total loss: - 21 WOOHOO!!

Hello jude~~ congrats on the college and the 4.0 and for the 3 pound loss. you are doing so well in all aspects of your life. you are a true winner and feel proud!

Judi,
I hope you are proud of all you have accomplished!! Maintaining a 4.0 average is an accomplishment on its own!! Doing it with evrything else you are doing is absolutely wonderful. I think your parents would be very proud to see how well their daughter is doing!!

Losing 3 more pounds how wonderful to lose that much!!! You do deseve to do the things you want to do. Never ever let your weight take place of your life!! You are doing a wonderful job of taking charge of your life!!! I,at the age of33, was also going to the university for a degree in Education. Did it with 3 children and a DH who worked very long hours!! Then went back and got my Master's degree. Best thing I could have done for myself and my family!!

Well just wanted to say hi and hope you have a wonderful day
Love and hugs,
Lizzie

:cheer: WAY TO GO ON THE 3 POUND LOSS :cheer:

Your doing a fantastic job Jude keep it up.
Have a most wonderfull day.

Judy2

I just read through your journal and I am really impressed. You've done so well to have lost 21 pounds! And perhaps your biggest accomplishment was continuing to believe that you could do this even when you felt like giving up. I have been there so often in past years and let my whole effort slip away. So I think you've done great, and I'm looking forward to seeing your progress.

:rose:

Thank you, Minnie, Lizzie, Judy2, and Lutha. It really encourages me for you ladies to root for me. This is the most wonderful place and the most wonderful people. I'm so glad I found DT. I've never had support for losing weight before, and it has made a huge difference.

Lizzie, your Master's?? You should be so proud. I hope to get my Master's one day too. I'm very proud of being in college. People have thought (and sometimes told me) I was not real bright most of my life. When I was in 10th grade I asked my counselor about becoming a nurse. She suggested I consider something like cosmetology. (Some people should not be in those positions!) Hmm, that just about convinced me I was a dummy. But as I got to my 30's I realized those people were wrong. I realized that if I had gone to college, I was smart enough I could have been anything I wanted. The opportunity presented itself last year and I jumped. And I've proved to myself finally, that I'm really NOT an airhead!!

I have more good news. Another pound gone! I've adopted a theme song "Another One Bites The Dust". :laugh: That's four pounds gone in 6 days. Tomorrow is my official weigh-in day. All the running around after my special daughter (she gets into EVERYTHING), and being so careful with my calorie intake this week is what did it. I was extremely careful. I really want to meet that back-to-school goal of 190. I've got a little less than 5 weeks left. I think I can, I think I can...

7/18/02"

204 - 1 Total Loss: - 22 pounds

Can't you just hear Queen singing?
"...and another one gone and another one gone. Another one bites the dust....Hey! I'm gonna get you too!" :laugh:

Hello Jude and i love the song another one bites the dust and it really goes well with the losing weight. i think your doing great. wow 4 pounds in 6 days is wonderful. you deserve it too. enjoy your day!

:rose:

Just posting the official Friday weigh-in. I'm definitely thrilled. These kinds of weeks don't happen often, so it's always a rush when it does.

I will be under the 200 mark soon. That's very exciting. I will never see the 200's again. But it will be a happy farewell. :D

The other day my hubby said to me, You sure have lost a lot of *behind*. Later on that day my oldest son said, Mom, you look...less. It was so cute. I guess that was the only word he could think of. :laugh: It sure is nice to hear things like that. I'm really looking forward to others noticing who don't see me every single day.

And to think if I had given up I wouldn't be experiencing all this.

July 19, 2002
204 -4 Total - 22


33 days to lose 14 pounds to go for my Back to School Goal.

Hello~~ i was so happy to see under the 200 pound mark so i know exactly how you feel. my hubby compliments me all the time and the kids do. my girl told me i look shorter. i guess cuz i look smaller now and im only 5 foot to begin with. LOL

the compliments boost our self esteem and make us feel good.
you are doing so well.

have a great weekend!

:rose:

Thanks Minnie. That's cute what your daughter said. It's funny how they perceive things. I just loved the comment from my oldest son. It made my day. Coming from a nine year old, it says a lot!

I'm feeling relief from a lot of pressure. Since we took the kids out of camp, I've been much busier, but it releived so much stress I realized. We had one of the camp staff come to our house the week after we took them out and she admitted the camp didn't want my daughter there. We've got an appointment with an attorney Wednesday. We're looking into a discrimination/harassment case. But the more I think about it, the more I wonder if I want to do it. We would have to sue the city and that would be no easy or quick task. And do I really want the added stress from a lawsuit? But on the other hand, if nobody stands up to hold them accountable, it will happen to someone else and I want them to be held accountable for the treatment of my daughter and us, then saying WE were bad parents. It makes me so mad. I don't know. Obviously, I've still got a lot on my mind, but I'm not feeling as if I'm at the end of my rope all the time anymore.

School is almost over. Finals are next week. I've still got to get through those, but there is light at the end of the tunnel. Then I can concentrate on moving. We're not going to be done by the 1st, as we had planned. Oh well, there's only so much a person can do, I suppose.

I haven't had a problem with wanting to eat all the time. Funny how that diminishes along with my stress levels. As a result, I've done so good lately and I'm so proud of myself. I just wish it was this easy no matter what I was feeling.

7/22/02
202 -2 pounds Total: - 24 (I still can't believe it!) :D

Will I be under the 200 mark this weeK? We'll see.....:D

Good luck on your finals! Gosh, I don't miss school at all. I always ate candy to coax myself through last-minute papers, etc. So you are doing very well, IMHO, to stay on plan through all of that...not to mention everything else that has been going on.

:rose:

I'M BACK! :o I really threw it all in the garbage for a good month and a half or more. I was very fortunate that I only gained 4 pounds. (I really don't know how I didn't gain a whole lot more than that! I was really, really BAD!) I got to 201 before I quit, then went up to 205. On Sept. 17th I weighed myself and got back on the proverbial horse. I'm doing good. Glad I didn't wait any longer and even more glad I didn't gain any more to lose (again).

Well, here are my new stats, and I'm pleased with them.
September 29th, 2002:

Weight: 199.5
Total loss: 26.5

:rose:

I'm still hangin in there. I feel REALLY GOOD about getting back in gear after not watching what I ate for so long. Wow, makes me think I really might make it after all. They say success is a result of many failed attempts. If that's true in my case, then I'm due for a BIG success! :laugh: I'll take that in the form of another 60-70 pounds gone, thank you.
Seriously, I do believe the secret of success is to just keep trying. Sometimes that's so hard to do though. The horrible feeling of 'failing' at yet another "diet" can leave someone feeling like it's not worth even trying. But it is worth trying. That's why I'm back. When I was 8, my horse tried to throw me. Fortunately, Daddy was right beside me and caught me. But from that time on, I didn't want to ride anymore, I didn't want to get back on that horse and risk being thrown off again. I never overcame my fear because I couldn't bring myself to get back on my horse. I lost something I loved very much (riding my horse) because I didn't get back on until I overcame my fear. I see my dieting much the same way. I have to get back on so I don't miss out on all the good things in life I used to enjoy.

:rose:

I really don't have much to say. I really wanted to just check in to keep myself accountable. Right now I'm dog tired. I just finished writing my thesis statement for a critical essay I have to write. I had to change stories at the last minute and the thesis was due Monday. I'm sure I'll get hit hard for turning it in late. At this point, I'm just glad that I have a thesis at all, and even more that I didn't dig into the chocolate while I did it! My mission is accomplished, I survived another day and didn't die from chocolate withdrawals, I can go to bed (finally!) with a clear conscious!

My stats are the same. Hangin' on at 199.5. Oh, yeah, I did get back on the treadmill. My 2nd day back. It wasn't so bad this time. I killed 2 birds with one stone: I got my exercise and got some research done at the same time.
Till next time...

:rose:

Just checking in to say I'm still here. I've been incredibly busy with school, kids, house, etc.

October 7, 2002 - finally made it below 200. I got to 199.5 for a day or two, but my TOM messed that up. I gained 1/2 pound. So now I'm back down and a whole pound! I'm very happy about it. It's a major milestone.

So my total's now are:



10/7/02: 199 :ribbon:
Total: -27 pounds

congrats on the pound down. a pound at a time will get us to goal. i keep telling myself that.
one pound less we have to deal with. i am busy to with kids,job, house etc... and to top it all off i got a nasty cold.

take care of yourself and keep up the good work.

:rose:

Thanks, Minnie. You are so right. I need to remember that more often when I start whining, "I only lost one pound".
I had a great day yesterday after my weigh in. I was so excited to see the scale farther from the 200 mark. I realized, I really am on my way down, in a good way!!!

Friday weigh-in:

10/11/02: 196 -4 pounds for the week (don't know how this happened, I sure didn't starve myself!!! Maybe cause I've been on the move constantly??)

Total loss: - 30

:rose:

I'm still plugging away. I'm finding it easier to "stick to it". Maybe because I've seen a little success with the 31 pounds loss. Probably because I've finally found a way to lose weight that really works and I'm not starving and I don't feel deprived.

I caught a glimpse of myself in the window of a Barnes & Noble store last week. I think it's the first time I actually saw a difference in my body. I'm by no means thin, but my stomach doesn't poke out a half a mile anymore!! That's exciting stuff! I was able to wear my old blue jeans this past week, that I haven't fit into in over a year. The best part is they are regular waistband, not elastic. "Way cool!", as my COBOL instructor would say. I can wear my old t-shirts I outgrew also. Plus,, I'm down a size in undies. I totaled up my loss in inches and it's a little over 9 inches total lost. The place I'm losing most is waist and hips; almost 3 inches off my waist and almost 3 off my hips.

I'm hoping to be at 170 by my birthday in December, but I'm thinking that's probably a bit much. I'll be happy with any kind of loss though! At least I'm headed in the right direction now!

It really scares me to think how much more I would have gained if I hadn't changed my ways. I don't think it would have topped out at 226, I was still on my way up. I think I would have just kept on gaining and gaining. I know I was really out of control, I just wish I understood why. I was ashamed all the time. My husband is a very attractive man and that made me feel even worse. Some of the looks I would get from people, looked as if they were thinking, "How in the heck did they end up together?!" He's been patient with me, there is no doubt. But there is only so much even he can take. He came down pretty hard on me when I got off my diet in August. He had never done that before. He couldn't understand why I would just quit when I had found something that actually worked. He has really wanted me to lose weight for a long time, but he's never pushed. He's only said do your best. And I let him down every time. I didn't do my best. I would feel so guilty because I knew we would have such a better quality of life if I felt better about myself, and was more comfortable with myself. His patience ran out when I just quit in August. I was mad but I understood at the same time. He told me he wanted me to be the person he married. Who can blame him? Everyone expects some change in their spouse over the years, but my change was flat ridiculous. After he went off, we talked the next day. I opened up about my weight like I've never been able to before. And the amazing thing is we grew closer and our relationship got stronger. I am back on track ever since then, but it's not because I feel pressured. I feel encouraged by him more than anything. I have to say, he truly is a wonderful husband. The best part of this is most men wouldn't give me a thought when I weighed 226 and probably not now either. But my husband loves me either way. I am very lucky.

Total loss:
- 31

:rose:

I got new digital scales a couple days ago. I knew it would probably be a little different weight than my old one, but Man! I sure didn't expect a 7 pound difference! I weighed myself on my old scale that morning and it said "195", and then got on the new one and it said, "202"!! It feels like I gained 7 pound, even though I know I didn't gain any. It kind of feel like I've got to lose those 7 pounds all over again! And I was so proud to be under the 200-pound mark! Anyway, I'm still holding at 202.

Next semester I'm going to either drop to one or two classes a semester or drop altogether. The financial strain has gotten too much, and I have to go to work.
Speaking of work, a girl I worked with on StarShip called today while I was shopping with the kids for Halloween costumes. She and her husband moved with the ship when it went to Tampa. Mike talked to her and said she was getting a promotion. She's gone a long way with StarShip. I wish I had gone. She said the servers and bartenders were doing real well. Mike and I talked and we're considering sending me down there and working until I have enough saved to bring the rest of my family. I'll put college on hold and get Mike through college, then I'll go back when he's got a good job. There aren't jobs that pay very well around here unless you work for a casino, then you're always at risk for being laid off. Plus, it would put me back on the boat that I loved so much. I mourned losing that job when the boat was moved. I gained 40 pounds in the 9 months after StarShip left. I plan to call and talk to Zeb Monday about rehiring me. He said he would if I chose not to come until later, as long as there was an opening. Of course, he's not going to push someone out to give me a job. And I wouldn't be lead bartender anymore. That's fine with me. The pay difference is much, especially for what's expected of you. But I would definitely do my best and try to move back up like I did before. Even just talking about going back to work for StarShip is so exciting!!

:rose:

I bit the bullet and got my b-hind back on the treadmill. I know that's what is holding me up. So I did it. I imagine those scales will be moving again in no time. and if they don't, I just keep going until they do.

I really have a lot to say, but I'm short on time. The longer I type, the less sleep I get, and I've been running on less than 5 hours a night for a few weeks now. One day my life will slow down enough that I can actually keep this journal properly. (Yeah, right!)

Little bit of good news.
I lost one pound.

New totals:

201
Total lost: - 32 pounds

:rose:

I finally made it below the 200 pound mark. What a feeling! I cannot express how much better I feel about myself. I'm starting feel NORMAL now. When I started this, more than anything, I just wanted to be normal again, and not feel like a "freak" anymore. That's how I feel severe overweight people are regarded. I was so miserable. I feel like a different person after only 35 pounds. I am wearing blue jeans again and my old t-shirts fit again. It feels GOOD!
I catch of glimpse of myself in a full-lenght mirror sometimes and I am amazed. I'm still big, but I'm NORMAL!! My belly doesn't still out to Kingdom come anymore! My thighs don't rub like they used to. I am starting to see a shape to my shoulders instead of just rounded fat. I don't have fat rolls overlapping on my back anymore! YES! My bras fit right again. I can SEE my legs are not as big as they were and the rest of my body. My wedding rings fit again!!!!!

I could go on and on and on... This has not been a breeze, but it has been the most worthwhile/rewarding effort I've ever put out. I think I may even start to like me again! That is such a big statement from me. That is my ultimate goal: to one day be able to look in a mirror and actually LIKE what I see. I think that's not such a realistic dream anymore.

New Stats:
198
Total loss: - 35 pounds

Hello Jude and congrats on getting under 200 mark. i remember how great that felt also.

your doing good.

my hubby is hte same way. he is supportive and laways loved me even at my biggest and becsause i feel no pressure from him to lose it makes it easier.
sounds like we both got good men.
take care and keep it up :rose:

:rose:
I haven't checked in in a while. I have been super busy the past few months. I had the end of the semester work plus a new job.
Today is my 33rd birthday. I think I'm still in shock. Wasn't I supposed to stay young forever?? Oh, well. I can be grateful for my young looking face, but the gray is giving me away. I had my head down at work writing and a customer made the comment that I had a head full of gray! I was none too thrilled. Did she have to SAY it out loud??? Ugh.
I got a temporary job with Wal-Mart through Christmas. I don't know if I'm going to be permanent yet or not. They want to keep me, but don't know if they have the payroll yet or not. It's a small Wal-Mart. I'll find out Monday, I hope. I really need the job. Living off of student loans for a family of 6 just doesn't cut it. I'm going to owe a fortune in loans when I'm done, but at least I'll have a real career. Speaking of school, I finished the fall semester with a 4.0 GPA again. :D I'm hoping Phi Theta Kappa will send another invitation for me to join. I didn't have to registration fee last time I was invited. It may not be a big deal, but it is to me. I'm 33 y/o, married 13 years and have four kids--I never thought college was a possibility for me and here I am with a 4.0 GPA. It would feel good to say I earned that membership. I'm hoping for that invitation.
I didn't make my birthday goal. :( I've been at a stand-still for a couple months now. It's my own fault, I know. I should have been more careful. HOWEVER! I only gained 4 pounds through the holidays. Okay, so that's not GOOD, but it could have been so much worse! Four pounds will not set me back to terribly far.
My goal is to get right back on it now thatt the holidays are over. I'd like to lose another 30 pounds by summer. I think that's fairly reasonable. I'm flexible though. If I only lose 20-25, I'll be happy too. I'm not on a deadline.
Well, I need to close now. Time to get back to the review for this upcoming semester.

Judi

December 29, 2002:
202
Total loss: 31 pounds

:rose:

I have really neglected my journal! I was working two jobs for a while plus school and everything else and it didn't leave me time to go to the bathroom! I'm down to one job now and that's plenty. I just finished this semester this past week. So glad that's over. I'm sitting the summer out. I need a break really bad. I've been going too hard for too long.
I have had a slow year with my weight loss. But I am proud of what I've lost. I have lost a total of 45 pounds as of this morning. What a Mother's Day gift. :D I'm really doing it!! I will have my one year 'anniversary' on the 19th of this month. I've never stuck with any other diet any amount of time, so this is a really big deal. I've had my ups and downs but what's important is that I'm still hanging in there and I haven't given up. I would never have guessed the *secret* to losing weight was plain and simple perserverance. Cause it sure ain't perfection. I'm proof of that.
I have lost a total of 19 1/2 inches all over my body. The biggest loss was my waist, which is - 6 inches. Maybe I'll have a waist someday soon! Now that would be something to jump up and down about. I've officially 'outgrown' my clothes I was wearing when I started. They fall off. Plus I'm outgrowing my clothes I've bought along the way.
Speaking of clothes, here's a funny story. I went clothes shopping about a month ago. I grabbed all the clothes in sizes I was used to buying: 18's, 20's, etc. I put them on in the dressing room and I stood there in shock when the 20's were falling off and the 18's were too big too. Then I realized I didn't wear that size anymore, I needed a 16. What a happy day that was!

May 11, 2003: 188
Total loss: 45 pounds
Inches lost: 19 1/2"