I am 32 years old, married, no children. I have a great job as a techie at a law firm and not many other hobbies besides reading and computers.

My story doesn't differ significantly from anyone else's. I was once at a healthy weight, and I am no longer at a healthy weight. What I hope is that my story will end differently than that of the 95% of dieters that studies say lose and then regain their excess weight.

My husband is a wonderful man who observes much and says little. I asked him what he thought was getting in the way of my losing weight, and out of his mouth came one word: "consistency". He is correct of course. I start a plan, get frustrated after a few weeks and stop. I start walking, get shin splints, and stop. I start counting calories, eat a bag of cookies, and stop. If it weren't for all the "stops", then I would be starting a plan, walking and counting calories. The obvious conclusion to these behaviors would be the desired result: weight loss. Duh.

So.

I have a plan. I've started walking. I'm counting calories. Except this time I'm not going to stop.

I have a tool. I downloaded a computer program called Diet Power from www.dietpower.com (http://www.dietpower.com). It does everything that you would expect of a diet program, and more. The feature that I like best is the ability to set a goal weight, and a date on which you'd like to reach the goal, and the program will calculate exactly how many calories you should eat a day to reach your goal. As you log your food intake, exercise and weight, it makes adjustments to your caloric intake and ultimately calculates your true metabolism. This is important to me because I've always had a decent metabolism and I don't want to ruin it by eating too few calories. I have been using Diet Power for a month now, and trust that it is not going to let me starve or crash my metabolism.

I have new walking shoes. My old shoes were meant for runners and were making my shin splints worse. I have a membership to a great gym that I actually like to go to! I have the full support of family and friends. I have access to great grocery stores full of healthy and yummy food.

Looks like I have no more excuses!

Goal number one: Weigh in at under 200 pounds by December 1, 2002

:beam:

hello Heather and may i say welcome here. you know what you want to do and seem positve about doing ti. your hubby is correct consistnecy matters alot. if i slip i dont quit i keep moving. then you will keep losing. all we do by quitting is gain more weight so might as well keep moving forward.
it is nice meeting you and love to hear from you. feel free to PM me or visit my journal minnies day.

Nice meeting you too Minnie. In the past few days that I've been here, I've seen you around quite a bit, and I look forward to getting to know you better. By the way, my name is Jessica, not Heather. :D

Welcome to diettalk Jessica. It sounds like you have a great plan to follow. Exercise is the key to weight loss along with healthy eating. I wish you all the best on your journey.

Judy2 :rose: :rose:

Warning: This list is for motivational purposes only. Besides, when I'm thin, I'll need something to look back at to convince me to stick to my maintenance plan.

Things I hate about being fat — Part I

In no particular order...
1. It's hard to tie my shoes because my own body is in the way.
2. I have to use much more of the seatbelt than I used to.
3. Plus size clothing
4. I'm the last person that people want to sit next to on the subway, except for the drunk homeless smelly guy.
5. Rubbing thighs
6. Sensible shoes
7. Small restaurant chairs
8. Construction workers who don't whistle anymore.
9. Sex (or lack of desire for it)
10. My reflection in store windows
11. The threat of running into my ex-husband before I get thin
12. "Constructive Criticism" from my mother
13. I can't see my bones anymore.
14. Toilet stalls are TOO SMALL
15. Bumping into things that I didn't used to bump into.

It's nice to see that you've reached your weight loss goal. Congrats!

Hello Jessica. i am so sorry about getting your name wrobng. i knew who i was writng too but i must have been thinking of heather.
well i like your list. it sounds very familiar. i hate the plus sized clothes too. the smaller ones are so much nicer as im learning as im going down in size.
i started here wearing size 24 jeans and 2x tops and now im wearing 18 jeans and 1 pair of 16 i fit in and my tops are 16/18 or 18 so its a difference.
im glad to be out of the 20 jeans too.
i would like to get to know you better too.:rose:

That's awesome about your shrinking clothes sizes! I look forward to the day when I can say the same thing. Right now I'm in a 20 Jeans and a 2x-3x top. I'm really looking forward to being able to shop wherever I want without looking for the plus size section. Of course, the plus size clothes are getting better and better, but I'd still rather be at a healthy weight. I'll have to scoot on over and read your journal so I can figure out what your secret is.
:computer:

I had a busy long day at work, but stuck to the plan and came home and walked 3.5 miles. I feel incredibly hopeful and optimistic. My new walking shoes are great! No blisters or shin splints, both of which were complaints about my previous pair of shoes. The right equipment can make all the difference! Today I'm loving life.

Hi! :) I love the title of your journal. It's very cute and original. Lol. Star Trek Fan? I'm not really, but Star Trek 4, (the movie) gets a few giggles out of me. Have you seen it?

Great list. I'm all for getting out of the plus sizes... or at least the extra-large and larges. I want to wear those tee shirts that are tight around the chest, and read something like, "Bad to the Bone." Right now, I think if someone saw me wearing something like that, they'd think, "You actually have bones under all that?" Lol. I also like the one about construction workers whistling. A whistle is always flattering.

Hey, don't stop this time! I have the same problem. I start the routine--get bored, too hungry, annoyed, irritated, or SOMETHING, and I'll excuse myself for just a day, then a week, then a month...ad nauseum; then I'm back to the weight I started at. If you'd like, I'll check up on you regularly to offer the support and motivation we all so desperately need in times of, "I don't wanna!" I know I could use a good swift kick in the butt every now and then. That's why I'm here. ;)

Hope to see lots of you around. Er, no pun intended. Your journal has been a fun and entertaining read!

Take care. :)

-Andrea-

I loved #11 on your list: so real, so human.

Consistency, I hear ya. That's what I'm working on now so that I can get free of this constant struggle that sucks energy from other areas of life. Posting my diet/exericse daily in my journal has really helped me find that steady, persevering flow. It's been just over 6 weeks now for me. I'm a slow loser so I get frustrated and that's when I fall off the wagon. But NOT THIS TIME; not anymore.

Your intention came across so strongly and clearly, I just know tha you're going to be successful.

Nice to meet you. You seem like a lot of fun!

Thanks for the feedback Andrea! I am a big Star Trak fan, but don't let that scare you.
8-}

To tell you the truth, I'm not sure why I'm here yet, except it seems to help my motivation to read that other people have problems with losing weight that I do. Ultimately though, this is a battle that we all have to win purely through our own actions, so I'm trying not to rely too much on anything but my own internal motivation.

You look like you're doing great. Have you been at it since May or is that just when you joined DietTalk?

Well, so far so good. It's been 6 weeks, and I've lost 9 pounds.

I asked DietPower (my computer program) to set me up for a nice steady 1.5 pound loss a week, and that's exactly what's been happening. The program has changed my daily caloric intake anywhere from slightly over 2000 calories to just over 1600 calories, depending on how quickly I was losing weight, and it seems to be working great!

Previously, whenever I tried to diet, I was never confident about the number of calories that I was eating. I felt like I was starving on Weight Watchers, and whenever I tried to pick a good calorie level to start with on my own I never had faith that I was eating in the right range. DietPower fixes all of that for my by comparing the number of calories I eat and my exercise to how much weight I've lost, and making adjustments to my daily caloric intake to make sure that I don't starve or loose the weight too quickly, and more importantly, to make sure that I continue to lose weight at the prescribed rate.

So basically, all I have to do is listen to my computer and do what it tells me to do, which suits me just fine. It's kind of like living in a Star Trek world.

Now the next think that I want to improve is the quality of the food I eat every day. I still like to have a few cookies or a bowl of ice cream, but I know that those calories would be better spent on fruits and vegetables and lean protein sources. I guess I'll make that my next project.

Jessica, first I came to your journal b/c of it's catchy title. It really cracked me up. Then I see that some of my buddies have already beaten me here...definitely a GOOD sign. You will love DT, some of the greatest people around. I also have used Dietpower for some time now and it is a GODSEND for me.

Want to invite you to join our new LOSIN' IT FOR LOVE challenge. It begins tomorrow (Monday, the 15th) and will be a great bunch of people...Hope you check us out!

:)

I have been too busy to log in for a couple of days, but I just wanted to say thank you to Anastasia and Chumlette in addition to everyone else who has been kind enough to take the time to read my journal and give me feedback. I'm struck by the quality of people that are present in the forums, and touched by the time people put into supporting others even in the midst of their own struggles.

You guys ROCK!

Anastasia--I'm going to check out your journal as soon as I have a chance!

Chumlette--it's nice to know that someone else has found this great Diet Power program! I don't know what I would do without it! It is truly the tool that I have been looking for to help me get an advantage in the weight loss process. Out of curiosity, how often do you weigh yourself? I weigh every day and it's actually been helpful to see that my weight fluctuates as much as it does but I still lose.

So I work at a law firm, and there's always lots of food around. We're always having meetings, and you can't have a meeting without food, so there's food. And you can't have food without dessert, so there's a big pile of plate sized cookies and brick sized brownies. And if the food doesn't dissappear fast enough, then someone will announce over the PA system that there are big piles of food for anyone who wants them.

So today is Baskin Robbins Day. For two hours in the afternoon, there's a guy with a cart dishing out free ice cream and toppings to anyone who has room to eat. Did I mention that I gained 30 Pounds after I started working here two years ago!!!

It's no wonder America is fat! Last year I had four bowls. Yes, that's right. Four Bowls of ice cream!!

The good news is that I planned for this, saved the extra calories, and enjoyed a moderate amount of ice cream.
So I sit here on my couch, sipping water, satisfied that I'm one day closer to the world of thin.

If you could see me, I'd be patting my own back.

Hi, Jessica! So glad to see you're still posting. I was afraid you'd decided that DT wasn't beneficial to you, so you went elsewhere for your dieting needs. I would have been sad, because I really like you! :)

LOL about your workplace. My boyfriend used to work for a Software firm that sold legal softwear, none-the-less, and of course, they kept a full-sized fridge well stocked with everything you could imagine, from beer to ice cream! What is it with places that pertain to law?

If I could see you, I would be patting your back! Congrats on your success with the ice cream. I bet your scale will reflect your willpower, and won't that feel awesome?

I saw your reply to Chumlette (she's terrific, by the way) about weighing every day. You and I, it seems, are two of the few people left on this site that do that. Yeay! I'm glad there's a fellow daily weigher about the board! I'm a scale addict. In fact, I don't just weigh every day, I weigh about every 3-4 hours. I honestly am addicted. There's just something, like you said, about watching that fluctuation, that makes my little heart thumpity thump thump.

Thanks for the compliment. :o I've actually been at it since... December--but only half heartedly until May. It was in May that I decided to change my life, not just my weight. Joining DT has been a tremendous help. Though I often find myself here, when I should be being active, just being able to put my feelings about it all into perspective, and learning about others successes, has kept me from falling off the wagon more than once. I hope DT can do the same for you, too.

EXCELLENT on the 9 pounds! 1.5 pound a week is perfect. Just think, at that rate, you'll be hitting that goal weight in... in... no time! I'm terrible at math, but I was going to try and give it a shot. ;)

I sincerely am glad to see you're still posting. I hope you stick with it!

-Andrea- :rose:

Jessica

I am a night nurse and can identify the food at work issue. Not so much as your place but there seems to be someone having a baby or some birthday or some promotion going on, and food abounds.

9 lb ----way to go! But won't be notice until it's 20 + pounds I fear. Can't wait to see your success.

Donna:wave:

Make that THREE of us who are addicted to the scales :tomato:

I get up - pee, and weight in every day!

I have tried the not weighing in so often thing, but it is not for me lol

Jessica I am happy you have decided to stay here at DT with us, you would be greatly missed :)

Jade

Hi Donna and Jade! Thanks for stopping by.

Donna, I understand that nursing is a very difficult profession when one is trying to manage food intake. Is you schedule manageable?

And Jade, I am all about weighing every day. I find it useful to see how my weight fluctuates up and down even when I know that I'm doing everything I'm supposed to. Sometime it will be the same from one Saturday to another, but it will dip in the middle of the week, and that's normally a sign that I'm losing weight. In an odd sort of way, weighing every day helps me see the big picture! I record my weight every day in my computer program, and even though there are big daily fluctuations, I can still see the clear downward trend. Go figure.

So, you know what they say about always indulging a craving...we'll it took three bowls of ice cream to indulge mine today. But hey! I counted all the calories, and I know exactly how many I need to cut back over the next week or so to make up for my indulgence today. So it's all good! And you know what? The ice cream was worth it.

So here's my motto for the week: Fruits and Vegetables!

And fond memories of ice cream.

I hear calcium aids in weightloss, too. Just wanted to pop in and see how things were going :). BTW, Blue Bunny makes a wonderful Frozen Yogurt. You can have "ice cream," and EAT it, too! ;) Hugs.

-Andrea-

OK, I've gotta chime in with Andree here. Try Skinny Cow brand. They don't make ice cream proper, but they make little sundae cups, great fudge bars and yummy ice cream sandwiches. And they are low in fat/calories. No they aren't as low as celery but they are muuuuuccchhhh better....:)

Ice Cream Advice! Yay!

It's official. I have my 12 gauge spoon out and I'm hunting for the Blue Bunny and the Skinny Cow. Woe to the animals when I find them!

A "great day" is one in which I make it through the day, eating enough healthy and filling food to be mostly comfortable, with hunger pangs between meals, but no dizziness and none of that "so hungry I'm going to kill someone" feeling.

But wait -- that's not all. There's more to a "great day".

The final requirement for a "great day" is being able to come home and have a treat after a small dinner. A couple of cookies, a Snickers bar, a scoop of ice cream. Ahhh...those are the things that make my life complete.

Now I understand that this may be a problem at some point, but while I'm still able to have the treats and continue to lose weight, you'd better believe that's exactly what I'm going to do.

And by the way, today was a GREAT DAY.

YES! That's the way to look at it. Since I have started my diet, I have not cut out chocolate, pizza, occasional Coke (I have limited this--my WEAKNESS), among other things--and do you know what? I've lost 25 pounds! And, it's not like I ate so much to begin with that I could cut a Snickers out of my diet, and lose a pound a day because of it. I WISH! Nope. Just cut a little hear and there, and then a Snickers bar at the end of the day, is not only heavenly, but it's nothing to feel guilty about! I LOVE your attitutude. :) You...remind me of somebody I know ;).

Alright. Gotta go. LONG story behind that gotta go, but... gotta go, none-the-less. Take care, and... leave some Blue Bunnys and Skinny Cows for the rest of us. They're both endangered species!

-Andrea- :)

OK, my friend. I am game for your challenge. I am set up with Dietpower now and I am ready to go. Are you??

And I am in COMPLETE agreement with you and Andree on your ideas for a perfect day. There is absolutely NO WAY IN THE WORLD I would be able to lose any weight (let alone KEEP IT OFF) if I had to give up the foods I love, even for a short time. Moderation is going to have to be the key for me, too. (Even though it is hard sometimes...even close to impossible!)

Unfortunately, when I set my new "diet" on DP, my calories lowered themselves dramatically, so today is going to be a rough one. Probably I will be doing it one hour at a time. Thank goodness for the extra calories afforded me by the exercise!!!

YAY!!! We can do it!!!! WE WILL DO IT!!!! A NEW TEAM IS BORN!

:cheer: :cheer: :cheer:

I came home late from work this evening, hungry from basically skipping lunch, and noticed that my husband hadn't returned home yet. A very fleet thought ran through the crevices of my brain. As it rushed past, it shouted "You can eat whatever you want and no one will know..." (insert doppler effect here.)

But then, in another flash, I figured out why I've stuck to my plan for the last two months. I have to report to my computer, and if I lie then I'm the only one that suffers! Since I'm using Diet Power, it calculates my metabolism based on what I eat. If I eat something and don't record it, then the program "penalizes" me by thinking that my metabolism is lower than it is and taking calories away from my daily budget.

It turns out that this may just be enough to keep my on target. Plus, overeating doesn't turn out to be much fun because I have to record it and then it takes too long to pay back (as evidenced by the negative balance of my calorie bank).

I think that what I need to work on next is consitency in exercise. I feel much better when I walk and stretch, but for some reason never seem to want to get out of bed to do it.

Maybe I'll set a goal for myself. How about exercise four days a week from now until December? Five days? Every day? Oh, I don't know. I'll sleep on it and see what I come up with.

:(

Okay, so today is a bit of a frustration morning. I weighed in at 227, which is the exact same weight that I was at on July 11th. I'm counting calories religiously (down to 1500 a day now), and doing almost everything I'm supposed to do, but I seem to be hanging on kind of a mini-plateau. I know if I just keep doing what I'm doing that this will break, and weight will start to move down again. I'm thinking that I really need to be more disciplined about getting exercise every day.

I'm going for a long walk. :ex: But this little exercise doodle to the left here would better describe my mood if he had a little sad face.

I feel much better after getting some exercise. It's quite swampy outside today, but I listed to my tape of Army drill instructors calling cadence while I walked and felt like I was back in Basic Training in South Carolina in the summertime. I just put myself in the "long march" mindset and the walk went by in no time at all.

All I have to say is the scale better start moving in a downward direction soon or I'll...I'll...

Aw Crap. There's nothing else to do but keep trying! All of the other options suck. I mean, who wants to be fat forever?

I know, I know. I'm not supposed to visit your journal anymore, since we have our own thread, but I just couldn't resist...

You were listening to WHAT while you were walking in the swamp? Are you in the military? If you are, that explains why you live in Arlington. Or it just may be Whitey's. I don't know you well enough yet to guess at the answer...

I am extremely impressed and delighted that you are such a diligent exercise maniac.

You are psyching me out, girlfriend...

Chum Chum Chum,

Believe it or not, I was working as an accountant for the Virginia State Supreme Court, with giant ledger books and a calculator, and I would spend my days tallying numbers. Then one day someone finally computerized the work and I was left with nothing to do! So I (out of sheer boredom) started reading the employee handbook, and I saw that Virginia would grant me fully paid leave for any period of military training. So I signed up for the reserves for 8 years and went away for 6 months of boot camp. Boot Camp happened to be in South Carolina (Fort Jackson) during the hottest summer they've ever had. Brutal! But taught me a lot about what my body is capable of enduring, and in some cases NOT capable of enduring. I finished my enlistment two years ago.

:tongue:atriot:

And we haven't ventured into Whitey's yet. Should we? It looks intriguing.

And diligent about exercise? I think not. Desperate for more calories to eat without screwing myself? Yup.

And how the *&!! do you know about Whitey's?

Weighed in at 225.0 today! Woo Hoo! (Insert Homer Simpson sound here)

Diet Power has me down to 1506 calories, but I plan to deal with this with lean meats and veges. I'm so excited that my plan is working! It's just to bad that my metabolism can't stay what it was when this whole thing started. I sure wish that I could still eat all of those calories.

You know I am sincerely happy for your loss....but you knew that already, since I am sure you have visited the Wonder Twins thread....Are there any cards that say, "I am so happy for your loss?"

First of all, you are way too funny to be an accountant. So, what do you do now? You are no longer in the very exciting reserves. You are no longer an accountant. Are you a brain surgeon? An architect for army latrines?

OH man! You have got to go to the Smithsonian and see the new exhibit of Paint-By-Numbers!!! It sounds so fun!

Yes, I hate it that DP can get you down to such low calories. When that happens to me, I actually eat more than the amount for several days, then when I haven't gained, the totals go back up. I usually try to log around 1800-2000, when I am eating well.
Good luck today! We will do this thing!!!

Hey you! Well, let's see. Where do I start? I only spent a little while as an accountant, then I got an undergraduate degree in psychology and a graduate degree (almost--all but writing the thesis up) in neuroscience. Taught neuroscience for a while at George Mason University, then decided that I didn't want to go to medical school after all, so I went into computers. Now I'm a happy techie!

:computer:

As for Arllington, we love it here. We just ate at Atami (sushi) last week, but haven't tried Queen Bee yet. It's on the list though! If you ever come down to visit your old friends, you'll have to save a side trip for your new friend!

That's an interesting approach with DietPower. When I get that low I try to buckle down and stick with it, and then as soon as I start to lose weight quickly, the program jacks my calories back up. But if it starts to get much below 1500, I think I might try your approach. It seems like it might result in less of a reduction of my metabolic rate.

And honey, we ARE doing this thing! :up:

Hi! :) I've been meaning to be more faithful to your journal... but, you know. What a week. I'm sick. Blah, blah. Anyway, on that note "sick and blah," I leave you with :hug:'s and :rose:'s I will be back to read and post something real when I'm a little more coherant. I was missing you, though!

-Andrea-

You are a very interesting person. Just thought I'd tell you that!

If they ever come out with a pill that you can take to lose weight without dieting (the "Holy Grail"), you can bet that I will not be on the list of people that sign up to take it. I am going to get great satisfaction from mastering my obesity on my own, with proper diet and exercise, and I'll be damned if I'm going to be in the first wave of people to take a magic pill and develop life-threatening disorders 10 years later. So there.

What got me going on this tirade? Well...maybe a little TOM, and I just watched a show on Discovery Health Channel about obesity. I find it annoying that the producers of shows like these focus so much on the genetics of weight gain and loss, all the while implying that obese people have disordered metabolism or some underlying genetic problem. Not the case! Why can't people accept that our society makes it easy for us to gain weight because we no longer have to work for our food (or for anything else for that matter)? And that to maintain a "normal" weight in this society required constant vigilance against our most basic instincts (to eat in excess to protect against famine and so forth)?

Actually, I can answer my own question. The message that weight loss is difficult, tedious and involves large amounts of self-induced suffering is not a popular one, and producers want to put on shows that get ratings.

Not that I'm slamming the Discovery Health Channel, because they had a great series called "Sentenced to Health" that really dealt with the issues of daily lifestyle changes beautifully. Bravo to them for that.

Now for those of you that were hoping for a Monty Python reference...

I, for one, loooovee your tirades. And your attachment cracked me up. You are kinda like me...we write about things that really make us mad or sad or whatever in such a funny way that it is hard not to laugh. Dumb. I agree though with your assessment, generally. I do think that there are sometimes reasons for weight gain/high weight maintenance that go beyond our consumption culture. Ie: Certain meds cause weight gain, some illnesses, etc. But I think it is impossible to think that your theory is anything but true for a lot of people. You look at developing countries where they used to eat lots of veggies, rice, etc. and when fast food gets there, the cancer rates go up, health problems and obesity increase, etc. etc.

You are a cool girl.

Wow, is everybody on TOM at the same time? With a little TOM here, and little TOM there. Here some TOM, there some TOM, everywhere some TOM, TOM! Cum, Jess, and Andree had some TOM, EIEIO! Ooookaaaay... whoa, girl! We should have a TOM chat room, where we can all hang out and b*tch. ;)

Interesting tirade. I never thought of that aspect of it. I think a bit of this "genetic" obesity, is actually because these obese parents (I've witnessed this too many times) are taking their obese children to buffets and guiding them to the worst foods imaginable 8-| Of course, I'm sure there are people who really do have to try harder than others to maintain a healthy weight--but how correct you are that the media only covers that aspect.

Your attachment wouldn't download on here. :( But now you've got me thinking SPAM! Spam, spam, spam, spam. Spamity spam, wonderful spam!

And how are you today? :rose:

-Andrea-

I thought DT WAS a TOM chat site?????
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

You know, there should be a TOM thread, where women can go and unload. That way we don't litter all the threads with TOM references. I'm worried that any men that are here looking for support instead spend all their time trying to figure out who this guy "Tom" is.

And I'm definitely thinking that we need a broader range of icons. There aren't nearly enough bitter or sarcastic ones for my taste! Hee hee.

Andrea, I'm glad to see that you appear to be feeling perkier. (More perky?) It's always nice when you drop by. So did the stomach flu cause any weight loss?

And Chumlette, you are equally as interesting. What are your grad degrees in? I was thinking about collecting more than one myself, so I went back to school for computer science this summer. Boy was I on drugs. I've decided to pursue relevant certifications in my field instead. Easier, and I'm not slave to someone else's schedule or whims. (Being slave to my own whims is quite enough, thank you.)

:whip:

Now, let's see what kind of update I can provide on my status. I'm still sticking to the plan, but my birthday is on Saturday, and we'll be having a family dinner out followed by my favorite ice cream cake. I plan to eat as much as I want (I said I was sticking to the plan), but log every calorie and make up for it later with lots of veggies and exercise. Like Chum & Andrea, I'm not up for any plan that is so restrictive that I can't still take some pleasure in food. Just a little. Not tons. Okay, maybe tons. But just for a day.

Life in general is good. Enjoying my job, husband is wonderful, friends are sweet. Mother is homeless, but that's an issue for another day. And people wonder why I don't drink. Harumph. (Now where's that drunk homeless mother icon...John??)

Anyway, I'm really getting a lot out of DietTalk. I come here for laughs and support, and it's great when I'm hungry, because I can type to Andrea and Chum and get lost in these great conversations, and next thing you know an hour has gone by and the hunger has abated. Either that or I'm more motivated to continue on the path. (Although, I still can't figure out which path...the straight and narrow or the broad and curvy path with the good view that Chum likes. Tough call.)

Happy early Birthday, fellow August birthday-er! (Mine's the 23rd.) What is your favorite type of cake and ice cream? If it's chocolate, feel free to send what's left my way ;).

Lol. I'm glad DT is actually serving it's purpouse for you. I find I come here with my dinner, and then stay here, in favor of much needed exercise. I do, however, have a real sense that I've found a few great people (including you and Chum, course) that I can relate to, and that keep me in-line with this struggle for weightloss. Plus, I love reading a select few journals. ;)

When I first started DT, I was wondering who Tom was, myself! I was curious as to why all these chicks were always "On TOM." I thought he must be pretty wonderful, as they emphasised his whole name in caps. But, this TOM, man... he was making everybody irritable and crave Reeses Peanut Butter cups! So, why did they insist on being on TOM!!!

Drunk...homeless...mother... icon...How do you suppose we could convince John that one could be applicable to DT? Maybe we could suggest combining :water: and :bow: for an over all effect? Because...our drunk and homeless mothers drove us to emotionally overeat! Were you saying that YOUR mother is homeless? For some reason, that didn't dawn on me until now. If that's the case, I promise I wasn't trying to make light of your situation. I'm the last person to be insensitive about that sort of thing. My mother died when I was 4. I'm curious to hear more about it.

Welp, it's off to other journals I've much neglected these past bizzare and freakish weeks. Be happy! :)

-Andrea-

Oh my god...The Andree/Jess/Chum combination was a match made in heaven, I think. Are we the three most well-suited individuals in the world or what? We are all three slightly bizarre, hilarious, more than a bit twisted, and YOU TWO AT LEAST are sweet beyond belief.

HAPPY DAY BEFORE YOUR BIRTHDAY TO YOU. YOU LIVE IN A ZOO. YOU LOOK LIKE A MONKEY AND SMELL LIKE ONE TOO!

OH NO! That wasn't what I meant to write!

HAPPY DAY BEFORE YOUR BIRTHDAY TO YOU. YOUR FACE IT LOOKS NEW. YOU EAT ONLY VEGGIES AND HIGH FIBER TOO!

Oh goodness gracious. I have gone off the deep end...

My boyfriend and I are arguing over your journal. YOU must put an end to this. Okay, is this :water: icon spitting the water out of it's mouth, or dumping the remaining water out of the glass. I can't tell you which I think, because then you'll be biased!

Wow, I so loved Chums new face song! My turn, my turn!

:tongue:arty: Mimimimi, lalalalaala: Happy pre-birthday to you. Your cals won't be few. Lots of ca-ake you'll che-ew. And Chum will beat you! (No, not with a bat. She may live in New York, but I meant in the Wonder Twins race! ;) ) :balloons:

Lashoo.

-Andrea-

OK, I've already told you happy birthday in our other thread. So PFTWEK to that here. OK, OK, that was rude. So, HAPPY BIRTHDAY JESSICA.
There. Now that's outta the way (imagine me rubbing it off of my hands).
Of course, I find Andree's song both delightful and prophetic. Of course I will beat you. That is understood.
So, I am eating blueberries right now. What are you eating? An Oreo cookie bar? Today's the day, kiddo. Enjoy it. Give ME something to read about tomorrow. Let me live vicariously through YOU!

Oh, and Andree, it is SPITTING IT OUT. In my opinion.

Oh, and Jessica, please post a note about your mom. You have worried both Andree and I.

This is the one journal I had to stop by (I can't do more than one--well, maybe Chums, cause I'm half dead) because I had to say :bd :) Wish I had more, but I've had a helluva day. Have a great one!

-Andrea-

Wait... I didn't mean I could do Chum's journal because I was half dead. I just noticed how the punctuation made it look that way. Doh! I'm half dead--so, I'm doing minor journaling. You get. :P Again, :bd !

-Andrea-

P.S. Eeyore and Dino go together nicely. Okay. I'm done for reals this time.

So yesterday was my birthday. I had a delightful day planned, but like most days for which one has great expectations, this one fell a little short.

What I envisioned: An early breakfast, a trip to get my hair cut with my husband (whom I rarely get to see on Saturday mornings because he normally goes to the gym), the new Austin Powers movie with friends, and dinner with family at a great new seafood restaurant, followed by presents and ice cream cake.

What I got: An early but rushed breakfast that I didn't really enjoy because I was running late, a trip to get my hair cut with my husband (which was really nice--I always enjoy his company), a trip to the cell phone store (cuz my phone is old and dying), the new Austin Powers movie (which I didn't think was that good), dinner with family (we didn't get to go to the new resturant because one of my sisters-in-law was sick so we went somewhere that was more convenient for the remaining dinner-goers--and then my mother-in-law started crying during dinner because she thought my husband snapped at her--she really over-reacted), presents, and cake.

All in all it was a bit of a weird and dissappointing day. But boy oh boy was the ice cream cake GOOD! And I still have some left too! But I expect that I'll be eating it in very small servings.

As birthdays go, it was good but not great.

And I'm sorry Chum, but I'm not really one for mouth-watering descriptions of past meals...it's always a struggle for me to go back on a diet after a day off, and if I spend too much time reminiscing about yesterday, then I'll want to do it all over! Suffice to say that I went about 2000 calories in the hole, and enjoyed every last bite!!! We ate at Mike's American Grill, and their food is always great.

The good news is that I weighed in at 223.5 today, only up .5 pounds from yesterday. I went to the gym this morning and did my duty, and I'm back on plan. That's always the biggest risk for me is that once I'm off for a day I won't go back. So this is a very positive thing.

Now, as for my mother, she is a 50-something alcoholic, and recently homeless. She is living in another state, and was supposed to be living with and taking care of my ailing grandmother, but it turns out that she was lying to me about where she was staying, and she was actually spending the last of her retirement account at the local motel, where she did nothing but lay in bed and drink. They had to remove her via ambulance, and they sent her to a state-run shelter where they detoxed her and she's been there for a few weeks now. She's currently sober, but no telling how long that will last. I'm sad for her, but we've been down this road before and there's just nothing that I can do for her. She has to want to get better, and so far it's not clear if she'll ever be in that place. It troubles me, but I try not to let it affect my day-to-day happiness since there's nothing I can do about it anyway.

Sorry the journal isn't a bundle of laughs today, but you know, sometimes I'm just not feelin' it.

Today was better. I got a new very snazzy cell phone, spent a very enjoyable day with my hubby, and now I'm relaxing on the couch. Woo Hoo!

And you know...Eeyore and Dino DO go good together.

Your mom did one thing very right, despite all her flaws...she brought YOU into this world. And for that, I am grateful.

(Yeah, I know, sometimes I am sappy. You'll just have to deal with it.)

First things first. I have had so many weird birthdays, it is hard to imagine. But at least you spent some fun time with the love of your life and you ate something called ice cream cake. I have no idea what that is...DLIP talks about it sometimes, but I've never had it. I know you do not want to reminisce (is that spelled right?) but I am curious if an ice cream cake has frosting. But you don't have to tell me. I will look it up on the internet...

Second things second. Man, you are faced with such a challenge with your mom. My DLIP and I have worked a lot with homeless folks and with substance abusers and I have personal experience with the alcohol abuser scenario, too, unfortunately. My heart goes out to you b/c I do think you are right. The changes have to come from within her and that just doesn't always happen. But it is still heartbreaking to you, I'm sure, even when you have built up a good, sturdy, protective barrier (don't they have those in Star Trek?) against the emotions of the situation. You seem to have a healthy attitude, though, and I am glad you are so well-supported by a wonderful husband. And I am doubly glad we are becoming friends.

Third things...well, third. You don't have to be funny every day. You don't have to be funny at ALL. OK, you do. At least once in awhile. BUT CERTAINLY NOT ALL THE TIME. As you can see, I can be unfunny too. That is the nature of being a friend, of leading a full life, and of being sane. Funny one day. Not funny the next.

Fourth things...oh gosh, I should just shut up. This one is important too, though, even though it makes me mad!!! WHEN DID YOU LOSE SO MUCH????? DAMN! YOU ARE BEATING ME AGAIN!!!!! HOW DID YOU DO IT????????????? DID YOU SIT IN A SAUNA FOR AN HOUR? DID YOU CUT OFF AN APPENDAGE? WAS YOUR HAIR REALLY THAT HEAVY?????

I've really grown attached to ya. Hope you know that.:gflower:

jessica, I'm sorry to hear about your mom. that must be hard & so painful watching someone you love hurting themselves & not being able to do anything. chum is right. it has to come from them wanting to help themselves. just like us dealing with our weight situations. but maybe this will be that time for her. I'll keep you both in my prayers.

I know what you mean about finding it hard to start again after a day off!!! for me, that day off lasted about 5 months & the outcome wasn't pretty. so I find it easier to just avoid the goodies in the 1st place or try to find some way to satisfy myself by substituting a healthier food or a form of exercise....that helps me for the time being. again, it's always just one day, one hour, one minute at a time!!!

you hang in there...I'll be thinking about you!

I've even got my little spy glasses on and everything.

Sorry about your Bday. If I should be. It seemed like you got some good (ice cream cake!) out of it. Ah, with each passing year, birthdays become that much more lackluster. Soon, we'll have to start throwing everyone else a party on our birthday! I did make a real effort to get by and leave many, many wishes for happiness. I'm sure that made ALL the difference. Of course it did! Maybe a little?

Your post in my journal made my ribs hurt. And for that, I change my mind. YOU will win the Wonder Twins race! Sorry, Chum. You two will just have to compete for my laughter for me to accurately determine the outcome of your race. Okay.. so maybe I'm just taking a cheap shot at attention. :o I think you two will tie. You will both come out of this yay pounds lighter, and the bestest of buds. So, now the pressures on for BOTH of you to make me laugh. No, not really. We all have unfunny days. Actually, I enjoy reading whatever you have to write. You're both super-intellegent women.

So, what'd you eat today, Jessica? You say we rarely talk diet, so... spit it out! No, not the chocolate cake I just spied you eating, silly; the details of your diet. Let aunt Andree know all about it.

You're greeeeeat!

-Andrea-

You want to know what I eat every day? Whatever Diet To Go gives me! For example, today I had a strawberry-banana muffin for breakfast, with some light cream cheese and an apple. For lunch I had sliced turkey breast on a whole grain roll with cheese and low fat mayo. Dinner was meat loaf, mashed sweet potatos and green beans. Dessert was ICE CREAM CAKE!!!

Ahhh...the wonderful ice cream cake. A two inch thick layer of rich Devils Food Cake, topped with the best mint chocolate chip ice cream you've ever had. Put a layer of creamy vanilla ice cream on top for "icing", and then some decorator icing thats yummy yummy yummy. MMmmmm....ice cream cake...(Homer Simpson eating noises here)

Now, I just got a phone call that my Grandmother passed away today. Not a big surprise, as her health has been bad for years, but a loss nonetheless. She was a sharp, witty and funny woman who hated the New World Order and anything remotely liberal. She will be missed. I'm going to take a break from typing now and go meditate on the meaning of life.

Hey! I just sent you a PM. Check for it. It's around 10pm.:(

Is it appropriate to be silly after your last paragraph? Probably not. :( I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. My thoughts and prayers are with you. May strength and spirit be with you.

-Andrea-

I'm doing okay. A little subdued perhaps, but otherwise okay.

And thanks for the restraint Andrea, but you may now return to previously scheudled programming and be as witty, wonderful and funny as you always are. That goes for you too Chum.

As for me, I'm still very happy with my progress in the diet arena. I can't tell you how good it feel to be doing this the "right way"--slowly, with good food, and moderate exercise. I still struggle with the desire to eat with utter abandon (one of my favorite hobbies), but I realize that I'll have to give that hobby up if I ever plan to be healthy for the rest of my life. And oddly enough, when I ate extra on my birthday, I didn't feel so hot afterwards! It was like my poor intestines weren't used to the load and struggled a bit. (Where's that stuggling intestine icon? Dammit John!) I hope to break my habit of using food as comfort. Right now I've been substituting DietTalk whenever I get the urge to pig out, but eventually I'll have to learn other habits. Not sure what those are going to be yet, but I'm sure I'll come up with something. Anything has got to be better than coming home every night and eating from 6:30 to 9:00 pm. If I could just train myself to read without snacking, that would be a real victory.

Glad to hear you're feeling okay, if even a little subdued. And, Jessica, I THANK John for not giving us a struggling intestine icon. If something COULD scare me away from this site, that would probably be it!

I don't know what it is about the body, but I know when my diet becomes healthier, if I eat something really sugary or oily, I will have diarrhea. I'm sure it's my body's way of saying, "Um, hello? What makes you think I want that crap?" It's amazing how much my tongue and bowels argue over that sort of thing. Of course, my tongue typically wins, because it just tells my bowels, "You're so full of crap." The bowels really have no choice but to agree. (Where's the tongue and bowel engaged in a heated arguement icon?) :tomato:

If you find any of this helpful at all, here's how I deter myself from food....

DietTalk. This was a given, and you knew this. Rather than eat food, talk about eating food. Though it will make you want to eat food, you will not be eating food while writing about eating food. When you are done writing about food, instead of eating food, read about someone else that is writing about eating food, rather than eating food. Typing burns calories.

Gum. It helps just to have something in the mouth. I'd suggest Extra's Polar Ice. It's super breath freshning, and it lasts and extra, EXTRA long time! It makes one more kissable, too. Kissing burns calories. So does chewing gum.

Go to the park. Take water. No food. No temptation. When water becomes severe bladder pressure, do not go back to where evil food is. Find bush. Squat. If you hear screams, turn around and silence screamer with bare butt. Leaving the house burns calories.

When all else fails, buy and chop a large bag of celery. Buy a large jar of salsa. Celery 10cals/stalk. Salsa, 15 cals 2 tbs. Eat your heart out, baby! Do not ditch celery for more appealing ice cream cake. Get Chums address. Put ice cream cake in a box. Mail it. Come to DT. Read about Chum writing about how when she's done writing about not eating ice cream cake, she will eat ice cream cake! Jessica can brag that she is NOT eating ice cream cake. She is eating celery and salsa.

:)

Really, those things help!

-Andrea-

P.S. I do NOT pee behind bushes at the park, and I do NOT moon stranges (only those I love and care deeply about)... though I did moon strangers at prompting of older siblings when I was little. And we wonder why I'm so screwed up?

OR come to DT. Read about how annoyed Chum is to find melted ice cream in her mailbox. Laugh the calories away.

:)

-Andrea-

Isn't there a law somewhere on the books against this??? God, WHY did I go to law school? Shouldn't I know if there are laws that prevent others from being funnier than me (with the exception of maybe, Oscar Wilde, or something)????

First, she made me laugh out loud like a hyena talking about her bowls -- oops I mean BOWELS -- being full of crap. I mean, I always, ALWAYS fall for the silly, slapstick humor. Though not usually toilet humor (oh no, another pun). I watched "Something About Mary" with my hands over my eyes and mouth a lot of the time. Just a for instance. Then, I am all excited that you are sending me an ice cream cake, only to find out that you did not agree to this suggestion. That really sucked.

I am really happy for your progress. I am also happy to be funny instead of sympathetic, if you like. But I'm afraid I can't be as funny as Andree anymore, or even funnier. I hope you still want to be my friend and my partner. I know you must be incredibly disappointed, but I just can't compete with her.

BUT I CAN COMPETE WITH YOU. AND I'M GONNA KICK YOUR BUTT.

Love ya!:hug: :hug:

I had wonderful wisdom and profound thoughts to share with you today, but the longer I read the posts I have missed while away the more I forgot my wisdom filled post to you.....I totally forgot it when I started to read the post about the tongue and the bowels lol :tomato:

Ok - re grouped here now:

My sister too is a alcohol abuser and right now is missing. She has been missing since May 2002. She was homeless and then the state funded a place for her to live, but controled her money from SSI each month to assure that her apt. and stuff was payed for so she could not blow her monthly check on booze. However she has not showed up to pick up her check since May and when her apt. was searched they found stray bullets in her living room -so it is very unclear what has happened to her.....

No please understand , we want her to be safe and have done everything we can as a family to find her or what has happened to her, but in the end we have to let go....and accept that this way of life is her way and that way of life has a price.

Again we love her and want the best for her, but can not be consumed by these choses of hers and therefore the price....I know this sounds heartless and I do not mean it that way - just hard to put into correct words to sound right - sorry.

My point in my blabbering is - your right to not allow this situation with your mom to consume you :)

Jade

You know, I think that you would only sound heartless to someone who hasn't been there. I'm so sorry that you have to live every day without knowing what happened to your sister. Thank you for posting--it helps to know that I'm not the only one who has had to let go of the thought that I can make a difference. At some point one just has to accept that people do choose their own lives, and all we can do is live our own. As my Aunt says when I try to talk my mother into a better life -- "Save your breath to cool your soup." Very practical, my family.

And to the rest of you goons (that would be Chum & Andrea), I'll be back Monday. And yes Chum, Andrea is winning the humor battle hands down lately, but I'm expecting a run from behind from you any day now.

Well, I'm off to see the wizard...

jes
hope you gals don't mind if I jump in. I was reading about upping your cals well thought I would "weigh" in. I tried that and found it did nothing for my metabolism and frankly wasted a lot of tears and time with it even though I only upped them 200 it stalled me out big time. So I have a theory. what you gals are doing by banking your points probably helps your metabolism more because you are not always eating the same amounts daily. if you want to mix things up to keep you metabolism hopping try changing around protein/fat/carb ratios as that is what my body adjusts to after 3 weeks. Just an idea but it sounds like you 2 are consistently losing so keep doing whatever you are doing. I have decided that if your belly is growling that you aren't in starvation mode. it is when you don't feel like eating that you are. Just my opinion. But if it were me and I had mucho self control I would just raise my cals 1 day a week like Saturday and then back down as that will shock the metabolism. but I think that baking points does that anyway....well I have rambled on long enough
CJ

Ok, my darling partner...I hope this weekend goes ok for you. I will be thinking of you often!

Here is a little ditty for your return...

I recently met my friend Jess,
Well, not "met," but got to know, nevertheless.
She is quite a nice girl,
Guess I'll give it a whirl.
I hope I can help Jess with her mess of stress.

I suck at poetry. So bear with me.

Can't wait for you to come back, my friend!:rose:

how can I type after reading that witty & hysterical poem, I ask you????!!!!!

jess, I'm sorry about your grandmother. any loss, no matter how expected is still always hard.

try to have a good weekend, just the same!! :rose:

Just wanted you to know that I'm wondering how you are today. I know it will be hard (especially seeing your mom, if she is even there) for you. But you seem to be a strong woman and I know you will do fine.

Love ya!:rose:

Just letting you know I am thnking of you my friend :)

Jade

Me too! Me too!:rose:

Good morning. Glad you are back. I went back and re-read CJ's post and I had to laugh. She assumes we have lots of self-control! You do, but I clearly do NOT. Just a little giggle, that's all.
Have a good day today!

Hello.

:rose:

just poping in to say "hi" :)

Jade

:rose: I know you're "back," but I still miss you. :( I hope you're doing okay. Warm thoughts flowing your way. :rose:

-Andrea-

how's it going, jess?? we miss you, still...as you already know....

buji

My Grammie’s heart gave out last week
after many years of struggle.
Her children miss her terribly
And ache for one more cuddle.

Grammie had a first-born girl
Who also is my mother.
Some days I wish that I’d been born
Same person, to another.

My mother’s name is Susan
And she’s never been quite right.
Unhappy, drunk and hostile
Born to fight the losing fight.

She stayed together long enough
To raise a lovely daughter
She did all that she should have done
Come hell or highest water.

Then suddenly, quick as a flash
It all changed on one day
She drank too much, and crashed her car
A victim, there he lay.

To Treatment! said my mother,
A Twenty-Eight day stay
Now dry and sober, I dared hope
my hopes she’d not betray.

The fight was just too hard for her
The fear, anxiety…
Depression, shame, and hopelessness
Lead not to sobriety.

Six years dry, then down again
No hope do I foresee
All I know is I don’t drink
For fear it will be me.

Long story short, she lost it all
Her house, her job, her car.
She lives now in a shelter,
The worst place yet by far.

And here this tale comes to an end
For what more can I do?
She chose her path, she chose her life
What more shall I go through?

I only hope she sees the light
Before drawing her last breath.
I’d like to celebrate her life
When I’m told of her death.

I have some issues with my mother. Don't worry--they are peripheral to my day-to-day life, and I'm not as raw emotionally as the poem makes me sound. It's just that it all came up when I went to my Grandmother's funeral and I thought I'd let it out a bit.

Thank you Buji, Andree, Jade, CJ, & Chumlette!! It really felt great to be able to check in and read your posts even though I wasn't really up to replying right away. It's so nice to be thought of!

CJ--As for the eating extra calories...My theory is that there are only two ways to increase one's metabolism: exercise more and eat more. So for maybe one weekend every two months or so, I stop dieting and eat whatever I want. Then it's right back to the diet, but I find that after a break I can eat more and still lose weight. So far so good, but if I stall out I'll try your suggestion about changing the ratios of what I eat. I'm pretty high on carbs right now, so I'd proabaly switch to high protein for a while. Anyway, I'm always grateful for the feedback.

Jade, I've thought about your post several times over the last week, and it's helped every time it comes to mind because I know I'm not alone. I hope you know the same thing, and thank you.

Buji, You are just so sweet! I've been poking around in your journal lately, but haven't had much time to post. I'll post more soon...I promise.

Andrea--Your post on 8/7 is STILL making me smile! Maybe it's the thought of your naked butt shining for all to see! Or maybe it's all those great suggestions. However, on a more serious note, I am forced to ban all future use of the word "diarrhea" in my journal. Surely there must be some euphemism that you could have used. Upset stomach? The runs? Looseness of the bowels? Liquid chocolate poop? Hershey's syrup? I mean REALLY! Eewwwww...of course, you're a Mom, so you're probably unfazed...

And finally, Chum, my wonderful Chum...Everyday you checked in on me! Even if it was only to say HI! I'm sorry that I checked out for a bit, but you understand, I know. And that makes me even happier that you're my friend.

So to all of you...THANK YOU!!!

:eek: Wow. That's really good. My boyfriend, who's a poet, himself, asked, "Did she write that herself." I told him you had. To which he said, "That looks like something that would get published in a newspaper for a memorial, or something. It's very professional looking." I love it! Very well said.

My sister is an alcoholic, so I sort of know what you're going through. Sorry for all your troubles with your mother. Sigh. I guess my mother was an alcoholic, too... I understand having issues. Are you okay?

Your poem made me want to try one on my own. I have mixed up feelings about my own mother. I hope you don't mind:

My mother took to suicide.
When I was 4, mommy died.
They found her in a field one day,
Half her head, blown away.
She'd taken some pills to forget,
Anything she might regret--
Then drove from where she'd soon be found;
Knowing not a soul would be around.
With a shotgun, she took her life.
Left Dad to raise us without a wife.
"Mommy will be gone a long, long time."
Just like that: no reason, no rhyme.
Now that I am an adult,
I've concluded that I'm not at fault.
She took her life of her own volition;
Not with anyone's permission.
So in turn, I pray and hope,
That those who need it, find ways to cope.

I hope it wasn't really tacky to put that in your journal. If you'd like me to erase it, let me know, and I will. If you ever would like to talk about your family, please let me know. I'm here for you.
:hug:

-Andrea-

The diet is going great! After a weekend off, I'm back on track. I still need to work on the exercise, but hey! I'm still light years better than I was just three months ago. At least I have my eating under control. That's a big thing.

Tomorrow I'm going to get up early and go for a long walk. And I'm going to try to take some breaks at work tomorrow...sitting at a desk all day is killing me. :computer:

Okay, speaking of work...
:sb
What's up with people that figure out that you're on a diet, and then apologize for everything that they eat in front of you? People seem embarrassed to eat in front of me as though I'm just sitting there drooling over their food! I'm having to explain to people that I really am HAPPY with my decision to eat more healthy food! I'm not deprived, unless you consider the fact that I can no longer eat a bag of cookies a day. It's not like I'm starving or anything...I'm just chosing fruit instead of ice cream. Oh well. At least they're thinking of how I feel. I just have a hard time envisioning how we (as a country) are going to lose weight when the predominant view is that dieting is deprivation and suffering. How can anyone succeed if that's they way they feel about getting healthy?

Now, that being said, I reserve the right to whine the next time I feel deprived.

All hypocrites welcome.

Wow.. I can't keep up with you. You must be posting away as I'm posting. It just occurred to me that I may have scared you with that poem. My mother was severely bi-polar. Not mood swing bi-polar. Seeing God, living in tents in the living room, throwing sisters outside naked, setting fires in the house, not eating for weeks bi-polar. She didn't do what she did because she drank. How stupid of me not to consider that you might think that. Sorry. :( My sister IS very much and alcoholic, and she's never thought of suicide.

And, ban the D word? But, Jess, I just learned how to correctly spell it! Where am I going to show off my ability to spell that properly, if not here? ;)

Love ya,

Andrea

Oh, please don't erase that from my journal!! I think of my journal as a room where we all get together to share, not a room where I talk and other's listen. I love it! I'm sorry (of course) that your mother suffered so much that she felt that she had no other way to end her pain. And I can't imagine what that must feel like. My father left when I was five, but at least he called every now and then! I can't imagine the feelings that you must have had with regard to abandonment. And anger. I hope that you were close with your father at least.

Do you mind if I share that with a friend of mine? Actually two friends. Sisters, who lost their mother to a heart attack three days after Christmas, and then their father killed himself only 1 month ago. They are both really struggling with the suicide, and I think they would like to read what you wrote.

Tell your boyfriend I said thanks for the compliment. That's probably the first poem that I've written in about 15 years, but I understand that poetry runs in my family. My aunt writes some really cool stuff.

And hey, back at ya babe! :hug:

I didn't take that as the result of drinking at all. (I have an undergrad in psych and a masters in neuroscience...I had already assumed that your mum was bipolar.) (Where's the smarty-pants icon?)

And yes, we are posting at the same time. Hee hee.

Do you watch "Between the Lions?" There's a character named, "Arty Smarty Pants." We need an icon of Arty!

Okay...I really CAN'T keep up with you. But...I don't mind if you share the poem. It wasn't very sensitive toward the situation, so, they may feel worse. Poor things. My ex's father committed suicide about 4 years ago. The family was able to find comfort in going to a group called, "Survivors of Suicide," (I'm sure they have this nationally) and by joining a church. Maybe you could suggest that to your friend's. You could send them to me, if they want to talk. It helps to talk to somebody who's been through it, I think.

You seem to be doing okay, despite it all. That's my Jess. Always looking on the bright side of life (whistle, whistle).

You go, girl.

-Andrea-

Hey Andrea, I'm hoping that the bright side of life was a Monty Python reference. Was it?

Work is a bit slow right now, but that's going to change soon, so I'm not going to complain. (I'm NOT, I'm NOT) Eating was a bit out of line today, with yummy cookies after dinner, but I'll pay for that at the gym tomorrow morning. If I can drag my fat lazy butt out of bed. Wish me luck!!

So I've been getting my meals from a place called "Diet To Go". I get breakfast, lunch and dinner on M-F, and it costs about $80 a week. I told them that I want 1600 calories a day, and that's what they give me. So far I'm thrilled! Tonight's dinner was salmon, baked potato, carrots, a roll, and a yummy pineapple crisp for dessert. And it makes life so easy! So much better than the bowl of ice cream that I would have had if this meal hadn't been sitting in my fridge. Of course, I mean better FOR ME, not better tasting. ;) But anyone reading this knew that already anyway, didn't they? :D

I've really missed ya! Your poem was absolutely beautiful...did it help make you feel any better at all??? I think sometimes writing things that way can really help. If you want to talk, I'm here. Just PM me anytime.

That meals to go thing sounds great. Does your DH eat it too? Or do you have to watch him eat other stuff while you eat your prepared meal? Are there any choices? How do you get it, in dry ice or is it local? You know, the partner of a friend of mine is a personal chef in the DC area and specializes in making healthy foods for working people and leaving them meals for the week. She is a great chef, so if you ever want her name,, let me know. I don't know how much she charges, though. She is very funny, too.

Have you been to the gym yet today???:rose:

I am not posting here so you will post in mine. Just so you know. I just wanted you to know that I think you are marvelous. I am looking forward to reading the PM with all the really juicy stuff in it. I can't believe we never met while I lived in DC. Funny huh, that two with so much in common (hell, we probably were in line at the Arlington Target next to each other) lived right next to each other practically? Hilarious. Well, have a good day, Jess.

:) Did you say that, Chum, cause of what I said in my long ago PM? I think Jess knows now that you're a genuine friend. ;) Missing both of you, tonight. Got on DT because John sent me an email wondering, "What's your useraname? I'm giving out a new award." Found no mention of that here.

Checked out the prayers forum. Bad idea, but thanks to both of your for your sweetness. My kitties are doing great.

Thought I'd do a quick journal run, too.

Chum has my email, Jess, but feel free to write me anytime at moonspritenyx@hotmail.com My alias on there is "Charlotte Rose." That is, if you'd enjoy corresponding that way. I'd like to keep in touch with the both of you! :)

As stated, MISS YOU GALS!

-Andrea-

P.S. That was Monty P., and sorry my thoughts are so scattered tonight. I'm distracted. :P

-Andrea-

You've dissappeard! Not like I'm one to talk. I've been logging on maybe once a week to "check in." I miss you and my Chummybear. Shall I start my own forum, for the three of us? That'd be neat. Hope you're doing okay.

-Andrea-