:) today is my first entry in my online journal to have something like a barbie body. well, minus the fake and plastic part..(giggles) anyway ALL my life I have been overweight- I get into Highschool and shed quite a bit,guys start to notice me and I get myself down to a 1/2...yah sure it SOUNDS like a small size but having such a narrow waist causes me to store my fat in my tummy. Im 5'4 135 extremely toned/muscular legs with a 36d chest... SURE what could be better to some.My friends always tell me that Ive changed so much since my " fat days" and I dont have to worry about being hefty or looking in the mirror twice.. but im 1. addicted to ANYTHING that shows my reflection to make sure I look ok and my tummy appears flat. 2. never stop thinking about losing weight and am real bad about "JUST 10 more pounds and illbe perfect" saying 3.cry because I'm scared to be back into those size 14 pants and 4. am always trying to get on new diets and cannot just STICK TO ONE!!!many think i am crazy for how i see myself but to me there is ALWAYS something to work at and ALWAYS something to improve! IF I look at life any differently how cna anything get better? Although through my journey and struggles through weightloss i HAVE realized it IS whats in the inside that is truely important but I quite often question myself on how looks is what people see first.. ITs not that Im caught up on the fact I want to always look good but its important to me that I never go back to how I was and how I felt.. the looks changed yet alot of the feelings stayed with me- I never feel that my weight is right I find myself looking at girls who are itty bitty and getting jealous. Greg my boyfriend has been the most supportive one so far as well as my good friend Ashley. I agree with Greg that my weight is infact 135 due to alot of muscle in my legs- but that in a way seems like an excuse if isay that. My ORIGINAL goal when i weighed 161 was to be 125. now its that i want to lose 15 lbs and be 120. Having a sister who is petite and older is especially hard on me :( we wear the same size which I just thank that im not bigger than her anymore, but I cannot eat alot of things she CAN eat..All these things cause me to be so hard on myself when i mess up and dont achieve my goals. for 2 months now Ive been saynig i need to lose 15 pounds and have done absolutely nothing about it. I finally got off my butt and now work outas well as watch what I eat and not THINK I can eat whatever b/c friends tell me I can b.c i look fine already. IF they will not be supportive of MY decision then I can battle weight loss on my own!

Hello! we all find negative things about ourselves but we must focus on the positve things too and not compare yourself to your sis or anyone else. you are you. but you need to feel good about yourself too and most of al love yourself for the person you are inside. alot of us cannot do that. i am finally learning how.
i figure if i cant love myself then how can anyone else? so i think positve with things now like im not at goal yet but in 4 months i lost 37 pounds and i went from a 24 jeans to a 16-18 and i now wear tank tops cuz my arms are smaller and my face doesnt look puffy and i feel better about myself too.
you can achieve trhis. theres alot of great support here too. best of luck to you.

Thanks Minnie mouse :) Well Ive made it through lunch! I had eggs and fruit/nut mix for breakfast and for lunch I had cherry low fat Yoplait yogart with oats in it with water. I attempted to eat a protein bar or try it since I had already wasted the $$ on them and they are the WORST thing I have ever put in my mouth WILLINGLY!! YUCKIE!! it was called "carb solutions" or something,, yuck yuck and more yuck! I already drank 4 1/2 glasses of water today :-) and I feel full! :-) WHen I get home from work today I think i might goto the grocery store and buy already grilled chicken and a bunch of veggies I like and chop it all up and throw the veggies on the grill and mix it all together in a bg bowl -put it in smaller portions, season and have them ready to take to work! :-) yummy!Im getting the hang of this and I like it alot- so the protein bars were definately NOT for me but now I know.. lol.hopefully Ill make it when I get home to not go SNACK b4 dinner and hopefully I wont snack after dinner either unless its fruit!

Ok so after i got home from work it went pretty good! I ate a slice of ham as a snack but at least it was that and NOT what I really had my eye on. Goldfish and me tend to get along a little TO well. i could eat those NON stop- but i have resisted for the 4 days ive been trying to chwnge my habits so im proud I resisted all the things id normally snack on. for dinner I had baked veggies wrapped in a tortilla. I had 2 of those YUMMY! and later I had a banana with peanutbutter. Ive been trying to not eat as much carbs and go more for protein. so far so good :-) as fr breakfast this morning I had egges and salsa in a single tortilla. as for lunch I brought leftovers from last nite minus the tortilla :-) I also ate raisins. Ive been pretty good so far with what im eating.. ill call sarah my workout buddy today to go for a jog or walk :-) hopefully this will continue throughout the school year and i wont get to busy and if I do I will MAKE time b/c exercise ive learned is crucial to losing weight!! Greg has been very supportive in the process and the mood swings I get occasionally from how I feel about all this .. At least I know im starting the month off good and I will last through this month and continue on :) what ive noticed is its HARD to find a diet that suits me :( how do i figure that out ya know?

Welcome to our little journal world, Barb! I agree with Minn, that the hardest part is learning to love yourself, no matter what. I have found that what we see in the mirror is not what others see. I have no idea why, but that seems to be the case all around. You should try to work on really loving how you look now, you have worked so hard to get there! I try to work on that everyday. I am glad you are here at DT! You will really like it! It is such a supportive group of folks.:rose:

Well I love the person that I am its just so hard with always wanting to be better on your mind.. ya know? Im proud that I got myself to a 1/2 b/c I never would have imagined Id ever be in that size my WHOLE LIFE. But whether Im a size 20 or a size 2 I will always feel like people are looking at me and I will always have that voice responding saying "its b/c your fat or your tummy isn't flat enough" I was the kid that everyone made fun of in elementry and middle School- not only b/c I was big but b/c I was so mean hurtful b/c of how insecure I was with myself. I think Ive grown alot and DT helps me out so much and helps encourage me that I CAN lose weight. :) thanks for your support

wow its friday and ive made it through a whole work week without going crazy or wanting to snack!! ok I have wanted to but i resist and its gotten to be SO EASY! yet i know its JUST as easy to fall off the wagon! I dont really want to weigh myself yet.. my tummy feels quite a bit flatter and its only the 1st week! It might be all in my head but it keeps me going so whatever works! I think ill weigh myself on monday since I started on monday- I can make it through the weekend without pigging out :-) I feel so good about myself now and mostly b/c I know I Can do it. I went walking for 1 hr 15 min yesterday :) so thats been going pretty good too not JUST what I put in my mouth. tonite Im going to Chili's with my boyfriend and some friends and im tryin to figure out what I should eat there.. I know they havethe guiltless grill which is great b/c Ive had it b4 so maybe. THis morning I started off with a fruit shake I made and for lunch Ill have a Uncle Bens rice bowl with chicken and veggies in it :)

woohooo week 2!! wow I made it all the way through week 1 and i DID GREAT!!! Im feeling greeat already!! Today I had a fruit smoothie yummy it was delicious- I made it myself with blueberries strawberries a banana a tab bit of oj, no fat yoplait vanilla yogart and ice. ohh yummy and pineapple!! for some reason today I didnt even eat my whole lunch.. I get full fast now! I went shopping this weekend for back toschool clothes... sigh well im still a 1/2 but its ok I got alot of cute stuff and I dont look like a hefier in any of it lol. I assure myself that this week will be another good week and those 10 to 15 lbs will be gone in NO TIME :-) I cant wait!!!! man drinking 8 glasses of watera day is HARD.. seriously.. but if I can drink crystal light as water its easy!!! its water based which is great! anyway- Im feeling alot better about myself and I think THAT is whats pushing me to work harder and not fail!!!! :) I can do it!!!!

Im getting very discouraged in this weight loss thing :( sometimes i Just wonder if I should give up- I know I shouldnt and I know I need to lose those 15 lbs but its so hard..b/c I long to be thinner I long for the 1/2 to be loose instead of a litlle tight. Weight loss is not everything but its a big part of my life and I want to take care of my body and eat healthy from now on! Im scared to go back to school and have people look at me and be critical like they all are. I love myself but wanting to be better is whats on my mind. Being the weight I want to be is important!! I MUST lose weight - its only week 2 and Im already discouraged? how the hell am I gonna make it to the last week? but I guess ill take it day by day hour by hour or meal by meal and Ill make it. I HAVE to lose 2 lbs this week its my week goal but how? HOW can someone PLEASE help me I am desperate for some advice!:( :c(