My mother has always made off remarks about my body. She likes to bring up the fact that I had a belly when I was little. She called it my "baby fat" and remarks that I never lost it. Well, I was out in California this summer and we were watching old 8mm movies. I noticed I was really a skinny kid with a little tiny tummy. But she brought it up again in front of everyone thinking it was cute. X-( I'm afraid I went off on her (not in public). It really hurt. I have felt huge all my life and will always deal with body image issues. I need to learn how to turn off the tapes. I am so careful on how I deal with this as I have a really petite (and beautiful) 13 year old daughter watching.:up:

Hi !!

it is hard not to do as we were taught


but the cycle has to be broken somewhere


I love my mom dearly...but her lack of self esteem has greatly affeted mine too

I remember being a teen and having a pair of jeans that I felt awesome in and looked great


my mom goes by and says "nice jeans, but when you take them of...all they have is you" 24 yrs later those words still echo in my mind


now i see her lack of self esteem/positive image and try to deal with those remarks so I dont continue the pattern


good for you for putting the welfare of your children before the issues of your mom and the effects it had on yourself


you are doing great

I hope you keep on smiling


I am

one day at a time

we are worth it


:flower:


Pengii

Even though that was long ago its amazing how much the gurt still remains. i have a similar comment that sticks in my mind also, if i told that person they said it today they probably wouldnt even remember. to them it was an offhand "reminder"..but to me it was a put down and now when i look back on myself then i am amazed how much hurt i felt when i should have just been able to look in the mirror and know that i wasnt overweight at all.
i am very careful now about comments made in front of my 5 year old daughter. no matter how harmless they may think it is when they say it you just never know if in the future it may probe to have been a catalyst for years of self doubt.
we are all in this together and for me self esteem issues have always been the hardest to conquer.
hugs bell :)

I feel similarly about the way my parents treated me. I think they really screwed me up for life with all of their negative and hurtful comments. I think it's because they were upset about their own weight issues that they had to create them for me. I just try not to talk to them now.

sugarfiend

I kind ok think you are turning off the tapes because you are not listening to her. and you are not Wanting to listening to her. and being here is a start. Keep up the good work and do not for get to tell your self that you are number one and you are what counts only to you. I know it is hard. but I am sure with time it will come 2nd nature..
best to you on your Journey

Thanks for the encouragement......my daughter and I openly discuss body image. I am so aware of how society and advertisements can affect a 13 year old. Truth is she is growth delayed...only 4'7" and 72 lbs. She just graduated to a girls size 10 slim pants. I have strongly encouraged my mother not to mention her food intake and/or habits to or around her (I remember having to sit through dinner until every scrap was consumed). My daughter grazes throughout the day which is healthy for her. So I watch what is said around her because I don't want food to become an issue for her now or ever. I remind her daily that she is beautiful and intelligent too (she is truly both of these things). I on the other hand continue to deal with the old tapes but think I am making progress. My main focus now is a healthy diet and lifestyle I can live with. I just want to feel good, increase my energy level and prepare for my (ahem) middle age years. :D

Parents can be so damaging and not even know it. It is a tough job to be a parent. They have to be so careful not to ruin us, but they usually end up doing something we can never forget.


My mother and father always tried to make me feel good about the way I look, but they did make comments. My mother would say "well, I guess to be as skinny as the models, you could lose a few pounds but you are beautiful just the way you are." She was just answering my question, but it still hurt. I wanted to look like the models! lol.

Both of my parents are quite large and my father always told me it was my destiny.. I was going to be chunky too. I have always felt like it was my fate to be fat and that I had no control over my body. Which is not true at all.

Now, my mother and I are losing weight together and healing old wounds. I pick her up every morning for the gym. I am "training" her to not make comments that could inhibit our goals and she is doing a great job. We have a healthy relationship now and I intend to keep it that way!

Your diet friend,

Kimberly (Kussanna)