I noticed something interesting at the gym today. There was another woman there working out who was about my size, I thought. I felt comfortable that there was someone else like me there. Then I caught a glimpse of the two of us side by side in the mirror. Turns out she was quite a bit bigger than me. She was about the size I was when I started dieting, by my estimation. My mental image of my body has not caught up to my actual body.

Has anyone experienced this?

Yes! If I look at myself in a mirror I see myself larger than what I actually am. I wouldn't have realized it if it hadn't been for casting a shadow on the sidewalk one afternoon, and whipping around to see who I thought was behind me, then realized it was my own shadow and the hips weren't as wide, nor the waist. It was actually a rather shapely shadow.

Another way I realized I wasn't seeing myself as is was looking at my arms in the mirror. I've been working out with really heavy weights for a year now, but my arms still looked fat and shapeless, but standing in the shower and looking down at my body, I can see the muscle development in my arms that I cannot see by looking in the mirror.

This is how I also know I have quite a ways to go in regards healing myself and dealing with the issues that originally caused me to gain so much weight. I still see myself in a distorted way, and I guess until I resolve my own issues with "me" I'll never be comfortable with really "seeing" myself.



Donna

I see that a lot also.. I look in the mirror and still see the person i was 35 pounds ago.. even though i change for the better it seems i still have the thought/feelings that i did when i was bigger. LOSE WEIGHT LOSE WEIGHT is always running through my head. to bad it doesnt work like that :( anyway - I personally am a mirror-aholic.. ALWAYS starring and trying to fix with my eyes what I dont have the willpower to do physically. Its tough to get thoughts out of ur head but the only way is to be positive when u are looking at yourself- it will get US alot further with self esteem.

I have the same thing. Even though I can barely wear my 14/16 from lane bryant without a belt. I still can't bring myself to believe I can were the clothes from the department stores. I went to Rue 21 last week. I didn't want to go in becuase I called it a "skinny people store". I was able to find great XL lingere that I now love in there.

I also can't tell the difference in the mirror. Yet if I look at two pictures side by side I can see what the rest of the world is seeing.

I still beat myself up when I look in the mirror because I still feel just as fat as I was when I started. My husband says I wear my clothes too loose, that I should wear them tighter and show off my new figure, but I still want to hide my body in big tops.

My body image has not caught up to the scale. If I look in the mirror, I know that I am alot thinner, but I am not satisfied with my body. I still see areas that I want thinner-my waist and thighs. I wish I could look like I use to at this weight when I was younger. I look heavier even though the scale is the same as a few years ago. I still feel the same level of dissatisfaction I had when I was 50 pounds heavier.

This weekend. I have accepted the fact that I am smaller. I was at a friend's house this weekend and I took a shower. My friend uses the bath towels and I use the bath sheets at home. Well when I went to wrap the bath towel around me, and it actually went around me. I was so amazed. I walked out of the bathroom and had to show my friend. Then I had to tell all the rest of my friends.

Great question! some days they are right on with each other, and other days, my image is not that great! I wonder if they will ever be equal?!?

I am now starting to except my new body.
1) I only pick out 14/16 tops in Lane Braynt now.
2) I also only took a pair of size 14 pants in the dressing room with me this week and they fit.
3) I also when shoping for a winter coat. I only tried on 16s instead of my old 18/20s first.
4) I tried on large tops before I tried on extra larges at Sears this weekend when I went shopping.

I find that I can look down and see more improvements to my body than I can if I'm looking in a mirror. I really have to look, (and when I say look, I mean stare) to see any change at all. Now I'm hoping this will change as I get closer to my goal, but I know that that type of change has to come from my head and my heart.

reverse experience--I caught a glimpse of myself in the Safeway window in my gym clothes and I thought--that couldn't possibly be my ass....it was. I have a "big" friend who I always secretly pitied for her size. Only to discover her dress size is smaller than mine these days. :( But hey, here I am, doing something about it....

Jessica,
It is good you are working on your weight for you. Yet, piting your friend or comparing yourself to her never helped either of you. So I would stop that and try to help each other by maybe becoming exerice buddies.

Well, I've come full circle on this subject. It started out, I couldn't even look in a mirror or get on the scale. After about 6 months, I was on the scale twice a day, and trying on different clothes to see what I looked like. I still look in the mirror often, after so many years of bad thoughts, it takes a long time to stop feeling bad and start actually "seeing" what others see. It's like if I don't keep checking, I'm going to wake up and look like I did before. Still, some days I feel small, and other days I feel big.

Lasa--the friend of mine has the best self esteem ever, and our schedules are totally opposite. Bad word choice on my part for the "pity" thing--All I meant was, in the scope of "image," mine is teh reverse of the other postings, I'm not accustomed to seeing a big me!!

Nuttn...--I think your post illustrates one of my fears about weight loss--sometimes even at goal, or after you've achieved phenominal results, sometimes you still want more...It's like the l;oss is addicting (not to say you feel you need to lose more, that would be putting words into your lines, but you say some days you fell big...)

Wow! Reading everyones posts sounds so familliar to me. I didn't relize other people had that same feeling. I've lost 84 pounds from 260 to 178, but I don't fell any different. I know i'm smaller because I went from a size 22 to a 14. I still feel HUGE though. I guess I'll just have to get used to the weight loss

Im not sure what you mean, but I think its this...

Are you saying that even though you lose weight your still picture yourself fat? I still have a mental image of myself being fat even though Ive been very thin for over a year... everytime I look in the mirror I amaze myself... its like I forgot I lost all the weight and still think Im fat then I look in the mirror and remember I am thin, I dont know its weird...

Jessica,
You certainly ARE doing something about your weight, and for that you should be proud! I also know what you mean when you talk about your butt ... Mine just stopped follwing me around :D I haven't had a significant change yet, but when I put on clothes that are form-fitting, people have been telling me that they do see a difference. I also notice that parts of me are slimmer, and that makes me feel great.
Take care,
Toki-o

Thanks, Toki-o--so far, so good!! another cool thing about progress--good things follow good things--exercise makes you feel good, so you do it more often, so you start seeing results, so you exercise MORE often, so you feel better...15 lbs later, "WOO HOO!!"

This is exactly what Im going through. I still feel the same as I did before loosing any weight!!! I always feel fat. I try on like 20 shirts before settling with one to wear.
I know about being obsessed with loosing more weight. When I first decided to start loosing weight and getting fit, I just said 20 pounds to loose, thats all!!!! But now Im like mabye another 10 or 15, because I dont feel any different!!! Maybe it just hasnt caught up with my head yet...I still have a little ways to go...

Pixie,
Maybe you should start acting different and then you may feel different.

I have now complete stopped going to Lane Byrant. I can still wear there 14/16 but I shop in the department store so I will get use to shoping there when I get smaller.

I've been looking into this relationship between self image and physical reality recently, and have read some of the scientific papers on this. The conclusion seems to be that you can never consistently perform in a way that is inconsistent with your self image. Or simply that if in your minds eye you are still an overweight person, despite having lost weight, than eventually your physical body will reflect that image.

The theory goes that you may lose weight temporary through dieting, exercise etc, but you are likely to put it all back on, unless at the same time your internal self image 'slims down' along with your physical body.

Has anyone any practical experience of this?

I've got the opposite problem. I don't realize that I'm as big as I am until I see pictures. I feel like I look the same at my current weight as I did 10 years ago...even though pictures tell a different story. I think that's probably why I allowed myself to balloon. There hasn't been any perception change on my part from when I was thinner until now. Even nude, I don't really notice the differences. :o At least that means I'm not completely self-conscious when I'm with my b/f. :D

GirlieRaceFan,

well with feeling great about yourself and lossing the weight. You will probably have greqt success at maintaince.

I know that my body image hasn't caught up with my weight loss.
Just the other day I went shopping and saw a cute dress in the store window and asked If I I could try one off the rack. and the sales girl said that the dress on the mannequin was the only one left. She said" its a 5/6 thats your size isn't it? I couldn't believe it,
she was actually serious.I said "no I'm a 9" Then she found a nine and I tried it on and it was way too big. It just hit me right then that maybe I'm not as huge I think I am. But I think I do have a distorted self image.

sheri28,
way to go for losing. I now hope you start trying on those 5/6 first.

this week I realized I need to take my watches in to have links removed. My wrist are getting smaller. Who would have thought I had fat on my wrists.

Lisad00,
Congrats on your weight loss!!!!
keep up the good work!!!!!

I wrote a bit about this today in The Daily Bites, and thought it might be useful to post it here as this is the exact issue I was trying to address.

Think about how you identify yourself. Do you have "fun" names you call yourself that describe someone who is large, overweight, big boned? Are you a chocoholic, a beer lover, or a gourmet? Do you ever say you are addicted to certain foods, such as "I'm addicted to salt" or "I'm addicted to sugar."

These statements are direct messages to your brain and your brain will work to reinforce these messages; consequently, if you tell yourself repeatedly you are addicted to chocolate, every time you come in contact with chocolate, your brain says in robotic fashion: "Must have chocolate - support addiction." Your brains in this respect is like a very simple computer, you give it instructions and they are simply carried out.

Think about the messages you are giving yourself, and then change those messages. When you start to say anything about yourself (in your head or to others) stop yourself in mid-word, hink about what you are about to say, and change it to something that more accurately describes the "new you."

Old: "I'm addicted to ..."
New: "I enjoy an occasional ..."

Old: I love mixed nuts"
New: I like mixed nuts sometimes"

How does this help? Imagine your brain receiving the message that you enjoy an occasional ice cream cone. It isn't likely to jump up and run to get ice cream - you just said calmly you enjoy ice cream, occasionally. No need to sound the alarms. No big deal.

Contrast that with the message, "I'm addicted to ice cream." Your brain hears that and immediately wants to get some ice cream to feed that addiction. Addictions must be constantly supported, else they aren't addictions, right?

The brain's purpose is to a) keep you alive, b) support your higher purpose, and c) keep you comfortable. It receives instructions in how to best go about this based on what information it receives whether from the environment or from you directly via your self talk.

The first step in accepting your new identity is to change the self talk that supports the old identity. Food for thought.

Kathryn

Gosh Kathryn, that was an incredible idea! It just might work!

For the rest of you guys: WOW! You've all been so successful. Congrats! I couldn't imagine persevering, and loosing as much as you have. Even 10 pounds seem like such an awful lot of work. You deserve to see yourself in a much more positive light!

Sorry this doesn't have anything to do with the topic. It's just amazing for me to see that there's actually been people who went from a size 22 to a size 14. Wow!

I'm pretty happy with how my body is starting to look. Like some of you have said, being able to buy smaller sized clothes always cheers me up.

I've also been wearing clothes that fit me better and people are noticing! :)

Kathryn - that's certainly an interesting idea. Certainly I've managed to convince myself of certain things: "plain yogurt is great, mmm, tangy!" or "potato chips just don't taste as good as they used to"

I have a pretty tough time with body image, I think. For one thing, I just haven't lost any weight in the last 18 months - but my body has rearranged itself. Old clothes fit, but in weird ways. I thought I bought pants that fit just a couple of weeks ago, but I've discovered that I got them so big that I have to keep pulling them up. I'm not really sure how to reconcile the rearranged me with what I see in the mirror.

Body image is another story - maybe we should start a separate thread?

I was thinking the other day of how interesting it is when I look in the mirror one day and think I'm a beautiful creature, with shapely legs, etc. Admiring myself big time. Then a day or two later, where'd that nice looking girl go and who is that hideous creature with the tree trunk legs? This in a span of a day or two. How's that possible?

I call it "Looking at yourself through a lover's eyes." Think of a new relationship when nothing can be more perfect than the object of your affection. Look at yourself like a new lover would. He'd only notice the beauty, inside and out, he'd be loving every curve, every bulge, every ounce of you. That's the mind set to use when looking in the mirror at yourself. You are a beautiful creature, and whether your present body is the one you want to keep forever isn't important. What is important is that you love and appreciate it right now.

Kathryn