hey everyone! well i jsut feel like getting some thoughts out and wonderin if anyone feels the same or has any advice. MY whole life I've been the chubby lil kid who was so "cute" then i grow up a lil, lose weight and the compliments start pouring from everyone and the jeans drop many sizes and everything is wonderful- until the compliments stop and its getting harder and harder to eat like you were eating before. THe compliments make me feel good and make me for a single minute think that i can eat alot and not gain weight- the thought goes away fast but not fast enough to beat me to the kitchen where i eat whatever.. 3 yrs later i still am thin but damn it not thin enough. Im not GOOD ENOUGH for myself how can someone eles settle for me? how can i get love from someone if I cannot love my own self? my feelings are extremely mixed on losing weight and whats healthy whats not, how often to exercise what to do whether im on the right diet or if i should jsut get a new eating style. ITs jsut- maybe compliments arent so helpful or beleiveable they make me feel good 1 minute and the next it feels like im trying twice as hard. To this day and im sure for a long while i am the same insecure girl who wore a size 12 in the 7th grade that was teased and ridiculed for what i put in my mouth. now going on 18 next week- my goal isthese 15 pounds.. why is it so hard? why am I MAKING it be so hard when really its not.. but it is.. but its NOT AHH i drive myself crazy wth fitness magazines and sucking my rtummy in. IT drivies me crazy that no one thinks im fat or overweight but myself. Even the doctor tells me im not, and i cannot believe what hes saying. i feel the needfor perfection in my life b/c nothing eles is perfect- my weight is what I Can control. my parents cant control my weight my friends cant force me to eat to be bigger than then - its a simple No thank you when they ask. do i let ppl in on my secret of the DYING DESIRE to be the girl i see in my head. i know i can be alot better than what I am and what i see. but how do i go about it??? HOW ive tried diet drugs exercising and jsut not eating then i freak and eat more. im scared and i feel alone in the whole situation- most of the time i eat- i eat alone. i eat fast and dont know what to do. my self esteem isnt low b/c i am a pretty girl and stuff but my tummy i neeeeeed to get it away.. its been haunting me for FOR my wholllllle life. maybe i jsut make it out to be really bad but its not? i dunno i need helpp advice or something. I need motivation.

hi there.
the one thing that stuck out in your post was where you said you dont have low self esteem......i could have written your post a few years back. it seemed like no matter how hard i tried or what results i acheived i always wanted more.
perfection is something which is impossible to achieve. for those of us that strive to be perfect there will always be something wrong, isnt that true?
the answer for me came in loving myself and not becoming obssessed on the scales. my body image was the same as it had been when i was 50 pounds heavier.
you dont want it to be a "dying desire". no number on the scale will make you happy, truly it wont... i fear that even when you get to that magic number you wouldnt really be happy....nagging self doubts always haunt us no matter what we weigh.
look at your stats..........there is plenty of motivation there. you have done awesome to this point.
Being healthy should be a goal not just the number..
hugs bell :)

Hey Barbie,

You are struggling with what I like to call "being a female teen."

I felt the same way a few years ago and sometimes it comes back to haunt me. I understand exactly where you are coming from and I am not sure if I can help. I can only tell you that you have to accept yourself for who you are.

I am twenty pounds heavier than I was in high school (4 years ago). However, I feel so much better about myself. It is not about how we look. It is about loving yourself and letting others love you. You are good enough for anyone. Don't let anything bog you down.

I got an idea! Don't try any more miracle diets! Don't starve yourself! These things don't work. Just eat healthy, eat reasonable portions, and go to the gym. Exercise feels great and you do not have to do a certain routine to get results. Just do what makes you happy.

I am right there with you, girl! Life is too short to DESIRE the impossible. Reach for the possible.

Kimberly

Great advice Kimberly :)
hugs bell

I wish you didn't feel that way. I felt like you at your age, and I still do....I don't know what helps

hey guys thanx for the responses they really help. I have a new thought for my day.. WHY can i start out SO HEALTHY with like a nutrigrain bar for breakfast and 2 hard boiled eggs for lunch BUT THEN I see candy.. i see a cookie and im LIKE I CAN EAT THIs.. i can afford to eat these b/c im not fat. so i figured beleiving im am fat will make me only work harder right? it will make me want to be thin and have an awesome body. the more comfortable i get with my body and my jeans size the more I eat b/c i THINK i can. sooner or later the bigger jeans will start fitting again. sometimes i just totally binge and eat a ton ok not a TON but alot all at once. I dont get it. i cant understand my actions. its not hunger.. i think ido it just to DO it. it scares me. I want more control.. i know i have full control though> what the hellll.. i dont make any sense. I was talking to a friend last nite and hes a personal trainer- WELL he said a tummy only goes away if u eat right. well i alreadly am pretty active. and sometimes I do eat to be eating and it IS messing up my game plan on being the perfect girl to me. and the thing is what if i AM still unhappy with the 15 pounds i lose.. right- everyone always finds some5thnig to complain about themselves so its never going to stop- so ill lose the pounds and want something eles? i dunno maybe not- these last 15 hve been haunting me for FOREVER. mostly with IF's IF i were 15 pounds lighter i wouldnt have a lil pudge IF i lost 15 lbs id be more secure in a bikini IF 15 lbs were dropped i wouldn't feel like a lil girl who eats and it all goes to her tummy.. i mean there is a million IFs. I just for the LIFE OF ME cannot figure out my problem. I kno there is something wrong to not be losing pounds and i know theres something wrong in my head to - to think that i am overweight and yuck sometimes. im jsut so clueless about where to start. so maybe thinking im fat DOES make me want to work harder to be at my goal. will it work?

Hi Barbie,

I have an idea: keep a food journal. It really helps me feel in control of my health. For instance, I noticed that when I would eat a very small breakfast (like a nutrigrain bar) I just binged at night. Does this happen to you? Keeping a food and exercise journal helped me learn how to live with food and find my weak spots. This is not the answer to everything, but it really might help.

- Kimberly

i agree with Kimberly. if you start tracking your food then maybe some patterns will emerge. mayne you will be able to see that certain situations make it harder to eat right etc.
for me this really worked. once i realised why i was sabotaging myself i could work on how to stop doing it.
i think some of us have perfectionist personalities. i am one of them..i remind myself everyday that i am not perfect nobody is. i need to be happy with each small step i take and not constantly be saying i wish i had this or i wish i had abs like that person etc. its ok to have goals but dont obssess every minute over them.
hugs bell :)

hey guys- well actually i kept up with a food journal for a long time but eventually it fads away and i get to busy. but its funny how im NEVER to busy to think about losing weight. I think my idea on the whole protein diet is bad for me :( im sad i dunno what to do. Maybe not eating past 5 will work and drinking tonnnnnnnns of H2O - well im hoping anyway. and i do make it a 3 to 4 times a week deal where i goto the gym- b/c its not big thing for me i enjoy watching the hotties work out lol. ANyway I too have the perfectionist personality it's just some of the time i do what Iwant done and other times i feel like a failure- this weight loss thing is getting to me. Ill be good for maybe 4 weeks and do everything right THEN i mess up and it gets harder to get back on track. I know everyone messes up but its jsut a huge disapointment to have to start all over again... and again AND again and sometimes even again. (sorry) Lately ive jsut been trying to be reasonable- this whole ONLY protein worked for 1/2 a day.. lol. i think keeping track is a good idea but its jsut hard to stick with. Exercise with me isnt hard to stick with but everything eles like eating RIGHT seems so darn hard. Half the time i just eat ot be eating or b/c i like the taste/ its HoRRRible.

wannabebarbie

1) You need a therapist and a dietiean

2) You got realize there is a difference between thin and healthy

3) Life is hard and you have to do this for yourself

4) You have to work through this perfect stuff.

Best of luck

Wannabebarbie,
Well I just saw myself in your post! I was a chubby kid and was down right fat as a teen. At 16 I couldn't take the teasing anymore and stopped eating. I lied to everybody and told them I was eating. I got down to 100 pounds, but I was passing out all the time. I didn't have any energy to go out and have fun. My mom finally got me to a doctor after I passed out in front of her and cut my face really bad. Well the doctor got me eating again (several months later) but never addressed the self esteem problems that I had. So needless to say I went back to the OVER-eating. I wish I had found a doctor that worked with me more back then. Maybe I wouldn't have had the food issues and self esteem problems I've had for the past 17 years. Please find someone you feel comfortable talking to. If not a professional, at least a friend that is understanding. Don't try to be perfect, but DO try to be perfectly happy with the way you are TODAY because today you are a wonderful person!

Originally posted by Lmar69
Don't try to be perfect, but DO try to be perfectly happy with the way you are TODAY because today you are a wonderful person!

I think that is excellent advice that everyone can use.

Hey everyone hows it goin? I haven't been on in a while been so darn busy X mas shoppin and such. Anyways I'm back and I think I need more people here for me than ever. the holidays are so hard. FOOD IS everywhere and of course its the brownies/cookies/cakes and stufff that ALL call my name when i'm at work. Just one wont hurt right? WRONG. I have been eating NONM STOP lately. I recently decided to quit taking apitite supresents as well which is KILLING me.. I know thats bad but thats what made me eat with CONTROL over myself- now its like "eh this wont add a pound" to bad all Ive eaten when ive said this has probably caused me to gain weight. I wont even get on the scale at all. Im pretty scared. I know my body is growing.. I recenlty turned 18 and I know im not finished growing thank gosh I could use a few inches to stretch out.. lol anyway I just feel like I have no control anymore.. how do I do it? I was planning on starting the atkins diet.. but OMG the 1st 2 weeks alone of induction are THE WORST. I can make it to the end of ONE day and feel like eating a million carbohydrates. Its ridiculous. PLEASE help. I feel like crying so often over this, I need support or help. I NEED a nutritionist but thats $$$ I dont have to spend. What am I to do?!

well this atkins diet is a real TRIP to keep up with. I JUST started today and already the carb cravings are kicking in and I feel like screaming/ AH im doing this FOR TWO WHOLE WEEKS> see but i know at the end of the 2 weeks I will be so happy which is what is keeping me going (thank goodness something is!) i'm also single right now- my bf broke up with me and when im single i feel like I want to be better and work harder on myself and be what I WANT to be not be ok for someone eles or have comments like "you are good enough for me" ya know? bf's really do tend to mess up my whole diet- I start getting to comfortable and feel like I can eat junk whenever. well NO- this has changed and I am back to concentrating on myself. sounds horrible but I do need the attention- well my body does at least I will be positive happy with what I have but always be looking somewhere where I want to be. I know it can happen.. I havent really gotten any smaller than my size right now. and really im not overweight I have muscle which says im bigger on the scale but all in all im not and I must believe this and luv my body.. but its so hard with super skinny girls models everywhere. Atkins has worked for so many ppl that im hoping it will for me and hopefully it will teach me to control my carb cravings b.c I am SO a carb freak. I could eat break ad pasta like breakfast lunch and dinner lol. crazy yet so true. IS anyone eles trying this diet? I feel like it will change the way I eat for a long time.

so its 4PM and I have almost made it all day without giving in and eating carbs. I really think this diet will work. I went on diet buddies and weird enough there is another girl who is basicly just like me. I knew people were out there doing the exact same thing and having the same probs but actually getting to talk to someone will make a huge difference for me. My best friend said she would do the diet too but it never seems to work its always me i the ed struggling to stay in there until i have a late night out and me and all my friends goto taco cabana and get our regular tortillas and queso. . hah NO MOre of that. It really has felt like ive been on a diet my whole life.. its been a struggle ever since those size 14 jeans when i was jsut in middle school to well what I wear now. My parents always seem to think im dieting which is true at times but when I do eat something fatty occasionly my dad alwasy hasta make some rude comment.. and im not even overweight and if I was i would feel worse!!!! I mean he is definately not the thin one in the family. whats WORSE is my 22 yr old sister who took after my mom is petite and way little and there's me on the other hand with plenty of muscle to go around and a big chest. I am Happy with myself but I am not happy. I dont wanna diet but it feels like im either eating nothing or bingeing ad eating everything. Bein single DOES get me back in check. YET i refuse to get on that damn scale and bother with it. I figure when I lose weight enough ill start seein the difference in my face and my pants. right? or no.. I just dont wanna be a serious dieter right now- yet once again Atkins is pretty strict these 1st two weeks and MAN im only on the 1st day.. AHHHH . I also dont know how thin I CAN get where its healthy. I know I could lose 15 pounds and be WOW omg happy but sometimes I feel like saying I could lose 20. friends say i dont but is it real or do they just not want me thinner than them? hmm... people even friends can be a bit mean sometimes.. PLUS i always said when i got my belly button pierced which was year before last I would lose weight.. well the yrs have gone by and I have not YET. so here I am today on Atkins and I will make it through today and the rest of this 2 week struggle to find something that works for mE:) i guess when it comes to losing weight it is ALL the person tryin to lose.. i cant expect my friends to do it too or feel like its a competition. I CAN DO THIS AND I WILL SUCCEED AND LOSE THESE 15 pounds. i bet my scale is dying to be in the 120's lol. well i will take it day week by week day by day meal by meal until i get where I want to be!!!!!!