Hi everyone! I have a serious question. I have a sister who weighs 350+. My entire family is concerned about her...We have tried to talk to her about dieting, but she always says we are picking on her. I am very concerned about her health. My mother, who has been a TOPS member for 15+ years has tried and tried to talk to her about it, but she ignores it or goes back and tells everyone that my mom is being mean to her. She wrote a poem to my mom and e-mailed it to her one day last week...it was about how she is the same person inside as she was before she had gaine all of the weight. It's not that my family is cold hearted, we are just concerned about her health. I don't know what to do. She doesn't seem to care. It's almost as if she knows she is killing herself, and doesn't want to do anything about it. when we have a family get-to-gether, sometimes we talk about how we are dealing with our weight problem,(we have all sturggled with our weight) she just hangs her head, walks away, or tries to change the subject. What do you suggest we do?? I'm afraid she will eventually have to be in a wheelchair because she can't walk...she is the same height as I am, and I'm 5' tall...every time I see her she seems bigger. I don't know how to approach her with this.

:x Kam

Kam, She knows what her situation is..you dont have to approach her with it..let her be..when she is ready she will have to be the one to decide to change..just be an example of change, but do it quietly and non judgementally...be her friend and try to uplift her at any opportunity..just my thoughts... :rose:...you are dear to worry about your sister...if you do talk to her, use "I" messages rather than "you" messages..just maybe talk to her about YOUR worries for YOURSELF...and she will translate that..it just is easier to hear..how old is she??
:rose:

[ 07-04-2001: Message edited by: sooz ]

Kam...Sooz said things very nicely. My family harped on my weight for years and years. The more they harped the more I ate and the less self esteem I had. I knew deep down that they worried and cared but..I didn't want to hear it constantly. Now that I am older and losing..they still harp, but I am able to ignore them much better and know that even though I am not as thin as they want me to be..I am on my way in my own way at my own speed. You are a wonderful sister to worry so.....just let your sister know you are always there and when she is ready she will make the first move.


Debbi

Thank you two for your input. You see, I have never approached her with it. Never even mentioned anything to her about her being overweight. (sooz, she is 44) I think it's a comfort for her to eat. Her husband works nights, and she is alone. Plus her son died 10 years ago...she's been through so much! My problem with it is this...my mother always talks about it. She is so concerned that she will end up losing her daughter because of the fact that she is so oveweight, and wants to try to help her. I've told her time and again to just let it go that she'll do something about it when she is ready, but she constantly worries. I can understand, because we all worry. I just wasn't sure or not if we should do something about it...now I am! Thank you

:x Kam

Hi Kam. I really agree with Sooz and Debbi. They have given you great advice. I too have been the "brunt of jokes" from my father. Since gaining weight (about 5 1/2 yrs ago) he has always called me the "fat one" or "fatty" you get the drift. Do you live close to your sister? Maybe you could go over and suggest the 2 of you go for a walk, just to get some fresh air? Or even go to the mall to do some shopping...and do some extra walking there. Just things that you could keep her motivated. I lost my best friend to cancer in 1998, I know it was the cancer that took her, but she was also very overweight. She was only 26 when she died, and I often wonder if she were in better physical health if her body would have been able to fight off the cancer. It may be wishful thinking but the thought is there. Is your mom aware of the pain she is causing? I don't think my dad is, but he is a DAD LOL.

I hope I didn't offend with anything I said...just keep being the good caring sister you are, I don't know where I'd be without mine!!!