I am sure you have heard it before, but it is 3am and I am sitting at my computer with tears streaming down my face and not having a clue what to do to loose 150 lbs. I have been heavy since I have been 8 years old. I don't know ANY other way to be. I don't kjnow how to cook, how to excerise, or what to eat. I just want to die.

My darling loving husband, who loves me no matter what, comes to me today with concern in his voice and tells me he is afraid for me and my health. I know he is right but Lap-Banding SCARES ME so much that I just cry more. I see EDiets.com and Richard Simmons, and Dr. Phil's book and I don't know what money to spend and what not to spend.

I am so sick with grief and self hatred that I don't know what to do. I sat hear and I prayed for help and then I did one more web search hoping for something and I found this forum. I hope you are the answer to my prayers. I am feeling so ignorant and helpless. Please someone tell me what to do.

Candice

candice hunny !!!!!!
dont be down,
i beleive in fate
and it sounds to me like you were MEANT to be here
feel positive this site is the way
you can pm me any time and i will get back to you, you are not alone hun

its horrible feeling self hate
i cant bear to look in shop windows in case i see my self!!!!

i feel fat, ugly frumby and un sexy!!!

thats why im here
hold my hand we will do it together!!!

what do you say!!

As you know, Candace, there are lots of different diets. IMO, one of the best ways is portion control and exercise. And drinking lots of water. And there are different ways to do that too. You could count calories. Or you could go to Weight Watchers. Now, I'm not saying that WW's is the best way to go. But I've done it and I highly recommend it, especially if you know nothing about dieting. The way you would do it would be to go to the WW's site www.weightwatcher.com and find the location nearest you. Find out when and where they meet. I know they're not the cheapest way to go, but the information and the support you get would help you immensely. Then you go on a weekly basis and you can make friends there that are going through the same thing you are! And if you have questions, the leaders are there to help you. They usually have morning or evening meetings to fit your schedule. I'm not saying this as if telling you what to do - it worked well for me and has for many people. I felt as if it was an investment in ME and was well worth the money. I lost 87 lbs. when I went and I have never regretted spending the money. Neither has my husband. And he was very proud of me for the effort I put out. I highly recommend this route, but acknowledge it's not the only one that works. The weight loss surgery works well for some people, but you have to be ready for that and have to want to do it for yourself, not cause someone talks you into it. If you're that scared, it's probably not a good option for YOU.

Good luck in whatever you do. I hope you find something that fit your needs and lifestyle. Keep in touch and let us know how you're doing. :hug:

There are many many ppl here who know how you feel and you will have all the support you need and more. Please come here everyday. It helps and you will feel so much better about yourself. Take care and have faith.
Love and prayers,
Jenaboo

Hello candice:) Take each day at a time and divide the weight you wish to lose into smaller amounts , aim for 10lb losses and dont look at it as a diet just think healthy eating. i wish you well and remember you are not alone, take care.
greekgirl

Hi Candice-

I felt your pain and confusion in your post...so here are some things that worked/work for me. i had to try different things to see which one worked best for me and this is what works best:

I read my food labels... i STOPPED eating fast food and try to not eat out- it's hard to manager calories and fat intake when the food isn't prepared by you. I stay away fried foods. I try to eat my carbs in the morning and i drink a lot of water. I try to find new recipes and play with different spices and bulk up my meals with vegitables. I read a lot of diet websites to get new ideas for menus. I eat fruits and snack on carrots and celery during the day. I try to drink water instead of diet soda or other diet drinks. When you pee you flush fat..so drinking water is key and its also fills you up so you feel satisfied.

Another thing that works for me is to is to not set goals... (some people are goal oriented) for me it just feels like pressure... so i tell myself i have all the time in the world as long as i stay on track and do the best i can i'll get there. I see a lot of people on here set short term goals..i wish that worked for me...but it doesn't. Maybe you are like me and feel pressure with goals and beat yourself up when you don't meet them.. more or less i try not to set myself up for failure so i know what works for me....and you will too.

Another thing that was important to me was self forgiveness..i DID not beat myself if i went off track- i am human- if i go off track..it's ok.... i just go back on track the next day, the next meal, the next bite...i remind myself that i'm learning new behaviors and I'm also learning how to eat right...so i give myself a break.

Another thing that works for me is i have a great support system.. my family and my friends are supportive and they know what i'm trying to do- support that works for me is positive reinforcement... but in the end ..the best support came and comes from myself.

all of these little tricks have worked for me. I have gone from a size 22 to a 12- well since the holidays and starting school...i'm back into a 14 and sometimes 16..which is still good...but i liked my 12 and felt very good in that size. So i'm back on track and i'll be wearing my 12 again soon!

Stay in touch with everyone here..just reading other peoples post and saying "hey i feel that way too" ...or "wow that was a good idea" really helps.... I wish you nothing but the best of luck!

Candice,

When I started my weight loss journey in March 2000, I weighed 307 pounds and like you I FELT OVERWHELMED with the amount of weight I had to lose ...

I am 62 years of age ... I am a diabetic ... and I currently weigh 153.4 pounds. The one thing I say to you is this: TAKE IT ONE DAY AT A TIME .. ONE MEAL AT A TIME

BELIEVE IN YOURSELF AND IN YOUR ABILITY TO SUCCEED

And if I may suggest, start a Journal here at Diettalk -- you will find POSITIVE SUPPORT AND ENCOURAGEMENT and it allows you to see :O what you are doing ... KNOW THAT YOU CAN DO THIS. Always, Monica

Candice, I think you've come to the right place. I'm new here myself, but I think that it's always easier to go through hard times when there's a shoulder to cry on and some words of comfort. Reading many of the posts here has inspired me so much. You're not alone.

Hi Candice :wave: & :welcome:

First let me give you a HUGE :hug: and let you know how much I care.

You are not ignorant or helpless.

You may not have the knowledge or tools to help you - but we will give you those :D

Start with little things - maybe tell us what type of meals you guys eat now and we can help you revise them, drink 2 glasses of water today - walk 1 block - just take little steps towards healthier changes - we will be here for you !

You may want to start a journal here at DT, so you can post all the is happening and we in turn can post back and offer you tips, ideas and support :)

You CAN do this !

Hi Candice,

Personally I think it was alot more than fate that brought you here. Those prayers were not left unheard.

As everyone has said, you have come to a good place, you will get terrific support, and you will find hope!!!

I look forward the chatting in the chat rooms sometime soon. I am always there Tuesday nights at 9pm eastern. HOpe you can make it sometime.

I am sure you have heard it before, but it is 3am and I am sitting at my computer with tears streaming down my face and not having a clue what to do to loose 150 lbs. I have been heavy since I have been 8 years old. I don't know ANY other way to be. I don't kjnow how to cook, how to excerise, or what to eat. I just want to die.

My darling loving husband, who loves me no matter what, comes to me today with concern in his voice and tells me he is afraid for me and my health. I know he is right but Lap-Banding SCARES ME so much that I just cry more. I see EDiets.com and Richard Simmons, and Dr. Phil's book and I don't know what money to spend and what not to spend.

I am so sick with grief and self hatred that I don't know what to do. I sat hear and I prayed for help and then I did one more web search hoping for something and I found this forum. I hope you are the answer to my prayers. I am feeling so ignorant and helpless. Please someone tell me what to do.

CandiceCandice,

Obesity surgery is for those who've no other recourse, and nothing else has worked. There are definitely serious risks involved, but, for some, the risk of remaining obese indefinitely for many more years, is judged to be the more life threatening choice.

You don't mention having even tried dieting, or trying dieting on a serious level. This is absolutely the first step, though the term "dieting" is misleading to most. Two questions: What dieting efforts have you tried? and, Have you had counselling with a nutritionist?

It helps to think of the dieting process as a lifestyle change, something you need to set up and that will last the rest of your life. While the obvious goal is to lose weight, the more subtle and important objective is to change your lifestyle so that any weight loss remains lost. That won't happen, if you merely 'diet' to lose weight, without changing your habits and viewpoints about food.

To do that effectively you need to soon put food in its proper place for the rest of your life: as a source of nutrition, but with the potency of a narcotic in terms of affecting your life if it's abused by use as a 'comfort food' or we're habitually inattentive about how much is being consumed (as reflected by our weights and waistlines).

rD

I looked at my life today and the more I look at my life and memories every happy and special event in my life revolves arround food. Food has been a constant companion and friend my entire life. I think about going on another diet and staying on it forever and it is like my best friend DIED. I just weap and weap. :c( What is wrong with me?

I have been on 1200 calorie diets, low carb diets, diabetic diets for 3-4 month periods and the story is the same. I get the to the point where I need to feel good and I make something with butter or I eat a quart of Icecream. Then it is all down hill from here. I joined the YMCA in college and quit when I had to get up so early to attend. I joined a all ladies Gym where I worked and when I quit the job I quit the gym too. I live in Indiana, in a one stop light town, where winter keeps me indoors during the the winter months. I have considered joining Curves that is only 8 miles away, but my fear is that I will just do what I always do....flake out and waste the $385 that year for a membership. The words from my classmates 10 years ago come back to haunt me. Shamu, 1000 lbs of Candi, Candass.....I am normaly a very happy person but this is the biggest (litteraly) problem in my life. And I feel very beaten. :blackeye:

I am glad I came hear last night. I am glad there are people like me out there. I need to do something. I am going to see a diettition this week maybe that is the first step. I got my first PM and I am very greatful. Please feel free to write to me with any information you might find helpful. I am (kinda) glad to be here. I am very glad to talk to people.

Candice

Candace, it sounds like you've tried dieting but not changing your lifestyle. To you, diet=deprivation, am I right? There's something called the 90/10 plan, where you're good 90% of the time and 10% of the time you have treats.

There's a show on FoodNetwork called Calorie Commando, where he remakes traditional favorites (pasta, cookies, desserts, casseroles, everything) into lower-calorie flavorful dishes. You should be able to get some of his recipes from foodtv.com.

Don't focus on everything you'll ever have to change at once. It's overwhelming and frustrating. Make a list, if you want to, or just think of one, but pick one thing and focus on getting into the habit of doing it. If you feel that portion control is your problem (and I think portion control is a lot of the problem for many overweight people--it's certainly mine) then focus on that.

One thing you could do is set minigoals and base your calories on that. There are several sites out there that will tell you how many calories you need to maintain your current weight. You can very easily tweak them to tell you how many calories you need to maintain your goal weight. So decide to lose 25 pounds. Let's say that to maintain a 300 pound weight, you need 2500 calories a day (it varies depending on age, height, activity level, etc.). So focus on getting only 2500 calories a day until you lose that 25 pounds. Then set another goal, with another calorie limit, etc. The healthier the choices you make, the more food you get, but how you use your calories is up to you. If you want a hamburger, eat one but count it in your calories.

Remember, you will not lose all the weight at once. It will take a while. And you can't be on a diet, you have to change your eating and exercise habits for good. Diets are temporary, and you want something permanent. Take baby steps, and know that we're always here if you need someone to talk to.

...... I get the to the point where I need to feel good and I make something with butter or I eat a quart of Icecream. Then it is all down hill from here. I joined the YMCA in college and quit when I had to get up so early to attend. I joined a all ladies Gym where I worked and when I quit the job I quit the gym too. I live in Indiana, in a one stop light town, where winter keeps me indoors during the the winter months. I have considered joining Curves that is only 8 miles away, but my fear is that I will just do what I always do....flake out and waste the $385 that year for a membership. ........ Candice,

First, you desperately need another way to 'feel good'. The road you're on is deadly.

If you can walk, consider investing in a treadmill (and, as it's just for walking, it need not be the most powerful model). They're not cheap, but, what price do you put on your health? And, that's the one piece of home equipment that ends up getting the most use over the years, so it has 'staying power'.

If you had a TV on cable or hooked up to a vcr handy for viewing while on the treadmill, or even some jazzy music tapes to listen to on a walkman, I think you could get into the habit of enjoying aerobic routines on a treadmill. (Sure beats watching TV while reclining on a couch.)

For me, many times my treadmill (enjoyed these past twelve years) has been a lifesaver, even when I've been very down. The first five to fifteen minutes (that duration depends largely on how long since I've awoken and been active) are a warm-up period, that can be pretty dull going (hence the recommendation of a TV to watch or music to listen to), but, once you're warmed up and entering your 'aerobic zone', then you're stirring up your endorphines (the 'feel good' hormones), and using treadmill routines as a treat can become far more satisfying than any snack you'd care to name. [Always do a 'cooldown' period, too.] Substitution of a good habit for a bad one, is also much easier than simply trying to drop a bad habit.

I think you do enjoy the social atmosphere of a gym, and, I assume during those periods, you found gym participation very helpful as a component of your diet (correct, or not?), but living in a smaller town with a commute to Curves, seems an obstacle and challenging.

It might be worth trying [during the same times that you'd go regularly] if they've a free 'trial period', or shorter paid membership period of just a month or three. But you're right: a year's investment in a membership is very speculative, unless you've a good level of confidence in following through with it.

(January's a dangerous month for fitness membership shopping -- everyone has New Year's resolutions that they so seldom follow through on. Maybe Curves' memberships are 'transferrable', better confirm that first, and someone would be glad to sell theirs for one-third the price?)

rD

Glad you made it back Candice, I was hoping I would see you again.

So sorry about all the pain from your past, life can be so hard and kids can be awful to each other. But that is the past, you have a man who loves you, and your sweet kids, so I know you are a good person. So, you need to just let the crap from the past go, tell it you don't need it anymore, it doesn't own you anymore, and you will not let it hurt you anymore.

One thing I have learned here at diettalk is even when we have those 'binge' times, it is not the end of the world. We can start fresh the very next moment, we don't even have to wait until the next day. And we certainly don't have to give up.

No one ever loses weight with a perfect track record, I don't care what they say. So don't expect the from yourself.

I see you were in the chat room tonight, so I hope you will be able to come to my chat here tomorrow night. I think you will be amazed at all the wonderful, friendly people who come, and that they will all be able to understand your feelings. It starts around 9pm eastern, but sometimes I get there early. We just meet in the pub. I hope you can make it.

Oh, I love your rose avatar, bet it is from your garden. I would love to have all those roses!!!

I hope this is also a help to you :)

Someone here at DT posted it quite awhile ago and I have it saved.

Dear Food

This letter may come as a shock, but I have something I need to tell
you…something I’ve needed to do for a long time.

I am breaking up with you. I know that we have had a lot of history
together, and this is very hard on me, but I have come to understand what
an unhealthy relationship we truly have.

We have a dysfunctional relationship. I depend on you for far more
than you can give…comfort, entertainment, peace, relaxation, company, and
joy. I expect way too much from you, considering you don’t have the
power to give me any of these things. I have been asking too much, and I
am sorry. I’m also sorry for treating you like the enemy at times. I
have acted like you are the one to blame for all of my problems. I
thought that if I didn’t have to deal with you, my life would be perfect.
This is not true. I realize that my problems can’t be fixed by your
presence or absence. You are not the one to blame or to run to.

Food, the hardest part of breaking up with you is thinking back on all
the fun we’ve shared…the movies, the vacations, the holidays, the
birthdays, the trips to see the family and our times with mutual friends.
You stand out in all those memories, but I am seeing how I elevate you
above others during those times. I often focused more on you than a
friend or family member. This is why we must break up. We can still be
friends. In fact, we can still go to the same parties and be together
at holidays, but you just can’t be my best friend and secret love
anymore.

Food…I have met some one else. His name is Health. Health has been my
friend for a long time, and he wanted to be more intimate with me, but
Health said we couldn’t be, not as long as you were my main love.
Health wants to be number one in my life.

The reason I have chosen Health over you is because Health can give,
and wants to give, me all the things you can’t…comfort, joy, peace, rest,
company, and love! I need these things, and I can share all of them
with Health. I need to be with Health. Health must be my first love.

Food, I want to have a healthy relationship with you. We’ve been
together for so long, and I know that breaking up is hard to do, but our
relationship will be so much better when we’re friends. I’ll only depend
on you for what you are able to give me…nourishment. I won’t blame you
for the things you have no control over anymore. My new love says its
okay for us to be friends as long as that is all we are.

Well, I’ll be seeing you around. I know it is so much better this way.

Me

DIETTALK............WITHOUT A DOUBT IS THE BEST SITE YOU COULD HAVE BEEN LED TO~!!!!!!!!!:D

When you see the dietician, choose a plan and stick to it! John has many different forums for you to choose from, here on DIETTALK.

Anything from Calorie Counting, to Weight Watchers, Carb counters......You name the plan, and it probably is here on DIETTALK. It helps so much to be able to talk to people on the same Healthy lifestyle that you might choose.

Believe you me, there is no better site for you to be on, than DIETTALK. :D
YOU HAVE FOUND THE RIGHT PLACE TO BE!!!!!!!!!!!:D

SO GLAD TO HAVE YOU HERE WITH US!!!:D

Candice first off please don't be so hard on yourself.. If your hubby is concerned enough to mention your weight then that truly shows you how much he does indeed love you...
I know it was mentioned earlier about the group called weight watchers but if it's not affordable have you thought about checking for a TOPS group in your area?? They are a fabulous support group. You pay a one time annual fee and depending on your area you pay a small amount weekly or monthly.. In my area I pay 1.50 per week but that covers for the cost of the rental of the hall and supplies we need. It is a very affordable group.. With you annual fee you not only receive a ton of support but also receive a magazine each month with success stories, menus, recipes and such. I'm sure you'll enjoy it... You can check at www.tops.org to see if there is one near your area..

Well I think I am going to be ok now. my emotions finaly came under control (I would never make a good vulcan (star trek) and I am making appointments. I will have an appointment with the diettion at the end of the week to work out calories and all of that, maybe she can educate me more than what I am. I was offered a three day free pass to curves and I think I am going to check it out. It is about the same cost per year as WW and I get nutrition classes and get to work out. It sounds win win to me. I started eating more senceably yesterday and when I wanted my fat free ice cream I dished out the correct portion size and left the carton in the freezer, all before 7pm at night. I guess yesterday was the first step. Being a member of the "on demand" generation I have been spoiled and I know it. I tell myself I can have a small treat every day and if I want another one I will tell myself I will have that one tomorrow. We will see how that works out. It would drive me bonkers to cut out all treats. I think I can do this if I just can reward myself for being good the most of the time. I really like that 90/10 rule that ica171 talked about. I am more ready and more positive today. I prayed alot yesterday and this morning....I know that Jesus is with me. Thank you everyone for helping me through the last 36 hours. It was terriblb but I think I will be ok now. I am getting a plan. I am glad I found you all to help talk me though it. If you can handle a crazy emotional young woman with you? :D :c( X-( :( :laugh:

I am glad I found you all to help talk me though it. If you can handle a crazy emotional young woman with you? :D :c( X-( :( :laugh:

LOL, just wait til you see how crazy and emotional the rest of us get sometimes.

I so look forward to getting to know you better and encouraging each other along.

Oh! By the way, my darling hubby last night asked me if I would be more motivated if my friend and neighbor Darlene would join curves with me. I said yes I most likely would be and once her tax check comes she is thinking about joining with me. He turns from his computer (working from home today) and says then I think, since we got our credit card all payed off last year, we can pay for both of you. Just tell her that she is my present to you! :o :D I was so shocked and thrilled at the same time. So I won't be alone.YEA!

IF YOU CANNOT AFFORD WEIGHT WATCHERS( OR JUST DONT WANT TO PAY FEES) FIND A GROUP THAT EITHER DOESNT CHARGE OR CHARGES LESS THAN ww but a group setting is wonderful( once you get past the initial first meeting) besides being with people that have an understanding that others dont, you learn so much( no matter how much you think you already know) and having to be accountable every week is priceless. You can do this, but it will take many changes with food/habits/lifestyle( daily exercise) dont feel overwhelmed, but do seek support ....

What a wonderful hubby!!! He will be an awesome support system!! Give him an extra big hug from all of us for how good he is being to you!!

Sent you a pm last night. Hope you got it. Am so glad to see that you are feeling better today.

As far as I'm concerned this is the best place EVER for support! This are the people that have helped me lose and helped me stay sane and encouragement me when I wanted to give up or had a rough time.

hi candice, you are at the right place. people on here are soooooooooo helpful , sincere, caring , supportive and most of all the wont quick on you. i have been fighting this for 10 yrs, i believe 5 or 6 of them i have been on here. without making this to long. i have recently discovered,(but not very much of us avid diet hoppers want to hear) is there is no quick fix and for the very first time in 10 yrs , i am believing it. eat less move more, but .... it has to be healthy calories, healthy food with indulges every once in a while. something that fits in your lifestyle. i am doing richard simmons foodmover because to me it is the healthiest and tells you what portions you can eat of what kinds of foods to create a balance eating plan, foods from all food groups. i am choosing to excercise 20 to 30 mins everyday,it has got to be everyday, i was only doing 3 to 4 days , MY doctor says that is not enough. i am by no means telling you what to do, everyone is different. just liked to share with you that lots of us who were so down and out we didnt think we could go up, really can, when we are truly ready. you can do it. hang with us. i am going to succeed this time. i really am. so hopefully i can start being an inspiration to all. there is always hope.

To all friends here, it is not very good to send someone your phone #. Please just use the forums and chats here to contact someone.

stopping by to see how you are doing today :D

Your husband sounds great! That was such a sweet thing to do for you. A friend and I have started going to the gym and each of us hates to miss because we feel like we are letting the other person down not going. We also REALLY enjoy our time together.... we get on the eliptical trainer or the treadmill... and gossip gossip gossip! We talk about EVERYTHING going wrong (and right) in our lives and when we leave we feel 10 lbs lighter even if we haven't lost anything. It is also fun to laugh at each other as we groan through the ab cruncher machine and the one that works the thighs (that is a killer).... we have a blast.

Good Luck and don't put so much pressure on yourself.....just take baby steps and if you screw up one week.. START OVER!

I think, since we got our credit card all payed off last year, we can pay for both of you. Just tell her that she is my present to you! :o :D I was so shocked and thrilled at the same time. So I won't be alone.YEA!candice,

While it's unlikely, it's nonetheless just possible that Curves, like some fitness centers on occasion, may have a two for one membership special just now.

Sometimes salespeople literally forget to speak up about such things, and for that matter, the center loses a double payment (and perhaps the salesperson would lose a double commission) in this situation if they did speak up.

Like everything else, it's good to ask such questions up front before opening your wallet up, when you're out shopping and about to spend some serious money.

rD

ps. Alternatively, if you've not already broached the topic with your friend Darlene, perhaps splitting the cost of her membership portion would be better than paying for all of it. People often appreciate and take more seriously, something they pay for, than 'gifts' that cost themselves nothing.

The net result: she has motivation coming from two sources: gratitude (unless she now sees this as half of the earlier gift of a membership payment being taken off the table), and a desire to see value for her own money (hopefully resulting in her being all the more likely to stick with it, if any bumps or inconveniences crop up).

Hello all! I reeally need to start a journal don't I? Well before I do let me answer some posts here.

Beth, I am doing well today. We wend to Curves for the first time yesterday and although Darlene was still fatigued from the flue she thinks she can do it once she beats this bug. SHe is permenently disabled since the death of her 28 year old son in 2001 and she need to loose weight to help her heath problems she is taking 19 different perscriptions and I hope that if she can join me ( you know she tried to talk me out of helping her join?) She can still tell me no if she dosn't want to join but she really does.

r-D, Darlene is on dissability with no other support than SS and a small ammount of insurance money left from when her Son's life insurance. I would NEVER dream of asking her to pay for anything that would keep her from paying other important things like her mortgage and car insurance. Although you have a good point about most people, Darlene is not most people and she needs to go more than I do. It will help me to go just to know that she is getting the excersise she needs to help her health problems.

I am heading out today to Curves for another free visit and to the mall Bath and Body Works is having some great new sales! I also have two gift cards to Pier One buring a hole in my pocket! :)

I will start a Journal today in the Journal Forum.

hi candice,
First of all this is from me ---->:hug:
"remember , every body has passed through this suffering when they started to change , same for me , It's a successfull step to change , that is if you used it in the right way .... first of all REMEMBER that your husband mede the concern comment out from his LOve for you ,what you have to do is ...wash your face .. start a new fresh white page ..seek for your husband support if it is not available at the start it will come as you change yourself gradually ,take it as a challange for yourself,proof that you are the woman that worth all the concern .... all of my friends here have already told you what is more than enough :) and be sure that we are here for ya:ghug: