So I got in a car accident yesterday. My car is un-drivable, my body hurts, my bank account is crying, and the worst part of it all is hearing my father tell me what a screw up I am. No wonder I am seeing a councilor. She was saying that the reason most people end up with problems, disorders, anxieties is because of how we grew up and what experiences we went/are going through (not just in our families but over all in all human contact). Not that my screw ups are my parents problem but it does add to my feelings of worthlessness. Don’t get me wrong, for the most part my parents are amazing! They have this remarkable marriage/relationship that I can only hope to accomplish for myself. They just aren’t so sensitive sometimes. I don’t think they realize just how messed up little comments like that can make me. No wonder I have eating issues. No wonder I fled the world and my life by taking on an eating disorder. No wonder I can’t get rid of it. No wonder I feel like I have to be 100% perfect all the time and if I am not then I have failed miserably. So cheers, let’s drink (or binge) to my handicaps. Blast, I wish I could just crawl in bed and hide.

bride2be ,
this feeling I you had after the accident is normal , your father is at wrong at a part but you don't need to be so concern a bout that ,,what he did means that he was worried a bout you ,,it will go away ...the hidden clue that he is happy that nothing major happened to you ,also being with perfect parents is a good thing that you need to be thankfull a bout it ,isn't it ? insted of being the daughter of a criminal :) ... also blaming them for being so perfect that you had this disorder.. you are at the wrong here ,u know why ? did they tell you that you have to binge ,did they make food choices for you ?don't be angry , I thought a bout it one time . what you have to do now , focus in solving the problem you have now ,take care of your self eat normally ,don't diet don't binge ... It can be solved (think a bout what you have learned from this experience instead of blaming your worthlessness) .

that's it :) hope you a full recovery dear !

Good point. I’ve actually never blamed my parents for my ED before. I actually started it while in an abusive relationship. After that relationship ended I dated another guy that told me he would strap me to the back of his truck and make me run off the weight if I ever gained (I weighed 105 at the time and was a size 2 to 4). He told me he’d stop loving me if I did gain weight (we were actually talking about marriage). My head was in hell and I didn’t have any self esteem. It was my way of escaping. Since I have met my love and life is so much better! My mind just goes back to that place from time to time and when it does it is hard to get out. I am feeling a bit better now. I just had to blow off some stream.

That's funny what you said about your ex. I have an ex that used to tell me (when I was slim) that if I gained weight he would tie me to the back of his truck and make me run down a gravel road.

Wow, really? I am so relieved that they are both ex’s! I actually put on weight after breaking up with that boy as a “No one tells me what to do!” and a “How do you like that!” :mus: It was a good thing though. I was way under weight at that time. :o

He ended up marrying a skinny little short chick. I hope she has some good genes and high metabolism…

You are just stressed and overwhelmed. Things will get better. I promise!

Sheesh, someone should get those idiots and tie them to the back of a truck!!!

Good for you both for not getting tied down to them!!!!!!!!!

Yeah, guys like that are so wrapped up in images that they lose sight of the big picture 8-| If mine ever said something like that to me....He would find himself single faster than he could say "diet" :laugh:

B2B you cant help what your parents do/did, but you also cant let it control your life. My parents said horrible things to me after I moved in with my BF, but I have to push those comments to the back of my mind and move on. You have to do the same sweetie or you'll never feel better!

BRB, just thought I would suggest a book to you. It sounds really good, I haven't read it, but hear many good things about it. It might even help you with getting off to a good start with your married life.

Bad Childhood---Good Life : How to Blossom and Thrive in Spite of an Unhappy Childhood by Laura Schlessinger

Most of the book stores have it.

Take care.

So I got in a car accident yesterday.How come? Were you not paying full attention while also driving defensively, or, was it clearly the other driver's fault and otherwise unavoidable? My car is un-drivable, my body hurts, my bank account is crying, and the worst part of it all is hearing my father tell me what a screw up I am. It would have been unthinkable in my family for either of my parents to use such comments on any of their children. No one's opinion about you or your behaviour should 'count' towards affecting your self-image, except your own. No wonder I am seeing a councilor. She was saying that the reason most people end up with problems, disorders, anxieties is because of how we grew up and what experiences we went/are going through (not just in our families but over all in all human contact).Quite right. But, there's enormous potential for overcoming the impact of this on our abilities to adapt and cope with people (and ourselves) in future. Not that my screw ups are my parents problem but it does add to my feelings of worthlessness. Don’t get me wrong, for the most part my parents are amazing! They have this remarkable marriage/relationship that I can only hope to accomplish for myself. They just aren’t so sensitive sometimes.Well, if you're ever a parent, surely you can appreciate that sensitivity is important and won't be making that mistake? Sounds like your parents get along just fine, but are needlessly heavy handed in dealing with their children. Besides, child abuse is not always physical -- demeaning or degrading comments can hurt and cause far worse damage than merely being hit by your parents. I don’t think they realize just how messed up little comments like that can make me. No wonder I have eating issues. No wonder I fled the world and my life by taking on an eating disorder. No wonder I can’t get rid of it. No wonder I feel like I have to be 100% perfect all the time and if I am not then I have failed miserably. So cheers, let’s drink (or binge) to my handicaps. Blast, I wish I could just crawl in bed and hide. How's the counselling going? Hopefully your counsellor is digging up the issues that are handicapping you, so that you can confront them, and put them in their proper place, instead of allowing them to haunt you.

rD

ps. I've missed any mention of your height. Are you underweight or overweight? If you're tall, you seem very underweight.

hey Bride- we all have accidents...thats why there's this thing called "car insurance"... if car accidents defined you as a human being..then i'd be a very bad person..

at one of my first jobs..i made a mistake and i got in trouble... because i "broke the rules" i was so upset.... i felt like such a waste ...but my supervisor said to me... the best advise ... she said "honey, everyone makes mistakes..if nobody made mistakes...they wouldn't know what to call it when you made one"... it made me realize i'm human ..and it's ok!

Good point. :D