I'm hoping that this journal will be a way to help me complete my weight loss goals. Many see the numbers and remark how remarkable, how proud I should be, etc., and I am very proud of myself, but what no one knows is that it is very typical of me to be a "fast starter" as my parents would put it, but I've NEVER seen anything through to the finish in my lifetime.

Whatever project I've EVER taken on got great results in the beginning, I always start out 100% and have no problem putting in whatever effort it takes to get the ball rolling, but then "IT" happens! I see where I'm just about to succeed and I drop the ball, sabotage myself somehow, or just plain out quit!

This is why I think I've been plateaued now for 8 weeks! I exercise hard with a combination of cardio and weight training daily, even doing an active rest day on Sunday with pilates, and thank God I do because if I didn't exercise so hard I would have gained weight by now. But I never had this problem with my eating before. The whole trip down the scale from 375lbs I knew why I ate healthfully, and I enjoyed feeding my body good foods because I saw the rewards every week of the scale going down, the tape measure going down, clothing sizes going down, and feeling more healthy and energetic, not to mention stronger than I'd ever felt in my life. But here I sit now! Now suddenly at a point where I can ALMOST see the finish line, I develop problems with my eating?

Why am I afraid to succeed? Because I never have before!? Because then what would be the excuse for why I'm not where I should be in life financially, professionally and emotionally?
Is it because I've always seen myself as one who fails? Or because that's been my role in my family all along? The fat one, the black sheep, the one who just couldn't figure it out?
So IF I actually do this for me and succeed, who will I be then? Am I too old to reinvent myself?

I am so afraid that if someone doesn't reach out and literally drag me over the finish line that I won't get there!
And what is that about? Why can't I rely on JUST ME to do this? Why should someone else with their own problems have to reach out and help me with mine?
Why am I so afraid of FINALLY finishing something I started that I'd sabotage myself so deliberately with all the foods I had no trouble staying away from for over 200lbs!?
I really want this! Actually, I need this, I need to finish this! But I have no clue how to push through this wall that always prevents me from success!

Donna

Donna, You may be the black sheep because you may stand out among the other common white sheep in your success and that is a beautiful thing:up: . There is no failure in your 210 lbs. Now that you have passed up the failing point, you do not have to be afraid to fail! Those last few pounds are always the toughest but you ARE going to get to your final goal:cheer:. I know that just by reading your post! So you just go girl:dn
We humans do best when we have others to help us and support us along the way :hug:, so don't ever feel bad for needing people to drag you along when you are having a hard time :whip:. I could never do this without the support I find here. We are all here for each other and trust me when I am down to my last 20 pounds I will be leaning on all of my pals!

140 LOOKOUT, 'cause here comes Donna!!!

Perhaps you never finished anything before but there's a first time for everything. We all hit physical and emotional blocks at some point along our weight loss journey. If we didn't, I don't think we would have a weight/food issue to begin with.

All of the questions you asked of yourself in your post are good ones; they may not have easy answers, but look around at others on this site who HAVE reached goal. You can too.

I understand the issues you brought up because I feel much the same way without having lost all of the weight that you did to begin with. I think that you can feel proud of what you've already accomplished AND carry on to push past the current plateau all at the same time.

Maybe you don't want to be 'the fat one' in the family anymore, but heck, the black sheeps are much more interesting than the rest of the flock. :D

Donna,

you seem like you have more answers than you think. If you know the right questions to ask, which you do the answers are so much more useful.

its hard to change something that has been a part of us. I can't even fathom what I would feel like at your weight now and that fact does scare me which I will never completely understand. Maybe its just time that you take a new path and try to look at it all a different way. you've gotten over the highest peak, don't be scared by a couple of hills.

Good luck
Love, Sarah

Thank you guys for the supportive words, and the good points you've brought up.

I'm trying not to let my relationships with family and "ghosts" be an excuse to fail (I hear John in my head asking me: "are you using your family and past failures as an excuse to fail Donna?" and he says it with this Dr. Freud voice! :laugh:

But they really are at the bottom of all my issues, and I don't know how to shake them while keeping them in my life! (I hope that makes sense.) I mean my parents are good people, not physically abusive, but both emotionally and verbally, BUT they don't see it!
Everytime they say something like, " I can't believe you're still trying to lose weight, you've stuck with this for longer than a week huh!?" (laugh, laugh, laugh)
Remarks like that just make me want to eat a cheesecake and say, "does this make your day, I gave up okay!?"
Why is making them proud of me so important? Why do I care so much about what they think and say about me?
I don't live with them! I moved to another state just to make sure there was a "healthy" distance between us. You know, close enough to visit for the day, but far enough they won't pop up on my doorstep!
But every compliment is always followed by a negative. For instance, recently a visiting nurse came by to take some stitches out my mom's hip, she's a total stranger to us all, and my mom introduces me by saying, "this is my daughter Donna, she's recently lost over 200lbs (smiling)", and while the nurse was in the middle of saying "how wonderful" my mom cuts back in and says, "it's a good thing because she was just killing herself with the years and years she was so fat, she was over 300lbs and growing! What makes a person do that to themselves?"
Why? Why did she go there?
But even more important, why do I let it bother me? I'm not a kid, I'm pushing 39, so why should I care what my parents think about me? And my dad was even worse. My nickname for the last 10 years or so was "butterball" and that was my greeting at EVERY visit!
I don't even think I lost weight for me! I think I did it to try and make them proud of me, and maybe I'm plateaued right now because I finally see that no matter how much weight I lose, there will always be something else to criticize me about!

So maybe these last pounds are going to have to be just for me! But how do I learn to put me first when I've spent a lifetime putting everyone else's wishes and wants first?

Donna

WoW! you have really been doing some thinking :)

I have faced many of the same questions you are now asking yourself.

At first you just force yourself to treat yourself kind and to stand up for yourself, but in time you actually will want to do these things for yourself :)

You can start by choicing one thing that is just for you - like a book you really want that has no purpose to buying it other then the fact you want it or go take a bubblebath and light candles in the room just for you, see what I mean?
Treat yourself good first and soon you will want/demand others treat you good.

You have done great and I know you will over come this plateau and be wiser in the long run :)

I posted many links to subject of plateaus in SOS thread if you want to go and read them there.......

As for not finishing things you start - again force yourself to, say just set a goal to clean out a dresser or a cupboard and do it, then set a bigger goal and do it and so on, soon you will learned how to over come what holds you back from getting finished...


Jade

Well clearly I AM an emotional eater! I just opened this journal 2 days ago, and it's brought about a flood of emotions that has me making some of the poorest food choices I've made in months!
I'm not going to use this as an excuse to eat, but I do see that I clearly have used food to compensate for the "approval" I have been seeking from my parents and have not gotten, nor may ever get considering their ages (71 and 77).

If I am going to succeed in losing this weight I have left to lose it's going to have to be for me! Just for me, and if mom and dad are happy after I do, "great!" and if they're not, "sobeit!" I am too old to keep living my life for them and their approval.

I just need to learn to appreciate myself and value myself for who I am! No, I'm not the lawyer or doctor they wanted me to be! No, I may never hear the words, "we're proud of you" before they die, but I will have to just get over it! I need to love myself to such a degree that their love or lack of doesn't dictate how I live my life. I've already given too much time to them!

Today hasn't been too bad since I sort of came to this realization earlier today, but yesterday was trashed as was Friday night! There should be a law against eating the way I did! And I WISH I felt bloated and miserable, but I don't! Doesn't it figure I could eat my weight in fatty foods and digest it just fine and go on like nothing ever happened!?
Well, my body might have gotten through it, but my conscious didn't, so I am feeling better today and in control of what I eat and when.
I'm thinking about putting a little time and distance between me and my parents for just a few weeks to get a handle on my emotions. It would do no good to discuss any of this with them, they'd only either feel hurt or angry, neither of which I want, so I might as well keep it to myself! It is the holidays, but I can really do without the extra drama right now!
I'll think about it!

Donna

Donna,

You have really gotten to know yourself and what makes you tick. You should be proud that you are not hiding from your reality. I am very close to my family and I understand your feelings. My grandmother can't go ten minutes without telling my how pretty I would be if I would just lose some weight. I was doing great, I had lost ten pounds and I was having my treat meal and she looks at me and says "Why don't you go the store and get you some of those Weight watchers frozen dinners or something" don't get me wrong. I love my grandmother and she really is a wonderful woman in sooooo many ways but if anyone can really hurt ya its your family.

ok well enough about my issues

I think the best advice is something you have already said.
Make it about you and what makes you happy because thats what really counts.

Hang in there gal.
Love, Sarah

Wow that's tough Donna, to have done so well and not get recognition from those closest to you. You parents have gotten into a negative way of thinking which will be hard to change at their age. Do you have any brothers or sisters. I mean could they share the criticism around??
Seriously though, you have done this for you and the best way to see how far you have come is by comparing pictures. Do you have any pictures of when you were at your heaviest? It really gives aboast when we can look backand see how far we have come, and your pictures would be worth a thousand words because you have come so far.
Pat

Well, I took Pat's suggestion and looked back at the last picture taken of me when I was at my heaviest, and it does put in to perspective how far I've come.

There is one positive element to my parents being the way they are, and that is that they make me focus that much harder on ALWAYS telling my girls how proud of them I am, and how special they are.

I think I'm going to make it my 2003 resolution to reach my goal by Dec.31st 2003. You'd think I'd be able to manage 27lbs in 12 months! And maybe if I set the target, I'll hit it! It worked for exercise, so maybe it will work for the final pounds!

Donna

Oh my gosh Donna you have So much to be proud of !! I looked at your stats and went WOW this girl has worked her butt off...
You are right the winner in the end (goal) is YOU!! So be very proud of yourself and let your parents know how proud you are of yourself and they will come around too.
Say look what I did for me!! What do you all think of the new me? and I bet you get words you long to hear.

Good luck in 2003 I know you will make it and I bet it dont take 12 months either...:D

Laura

Wow! If I could get even half the support from my family that I get from this board I'd have no problems reaching goal! :)

The past few days have been up and down. It's getting better but not where it should be (eating). I'm doing better by checking in here often. It helps me many days to read about someone struggling with the same or at least similar issues, and somehow while thinking through what may help them, I realize, "hello~take that advice yourself Donna!" So it's a slow process, but I think by years end I'll have my eating back where it was before I let all this emotional stuff take over. Then maybe I'll start making some progress again.

Something John said has been playing around in my head, and I'm going to try and apply it to me. I asked the men whether they had support from other men in regards their dieting, and John posted that men don't get caught up in the "emotion" of weight loss. Maybe that's the road I should try? If I were involved in a project at work, there would be no emotion involved, I would just complete the task. Maybe I should conquer these remaining pounds using that principle. Make it a project to be done and nothing more! Easier said than done! :)

Donna

Okay, well decision made, I am going to my parents for Christmas, God forbid, but it could be their last, and if I didn't go, and it was their last, the guilt of not sharing their last Christmas with them would probably send me straight back up the scale!
Why I'm worried about it I really don't know? It's not like I'm not in total control of what I eat and don't eat while there! I am grown, I can say "no thank you," and mean it without being rude! I've gotten through YEARS of being called, "butterball, F.O.B. (fat ole babe), and a host of other names," so now should be a breeze!
So why am I so anxious? It's Sunday and I'm already about to break into a sweat just thinking about the day!? Why these people have so much control over my emotions I just do not understand!?
But my plan is to go and have the best time I can, when dinner starts I'll smile and take very moderate portions of the foods I really want rather than some of everything just to please mom! Besides, maybe if I stand firm this time, it will change all future behavior on her part! I just get sick of defending myself! Why should I have to explain why I don't want to fill my plate with baked macaroni and cheese? If I'm happy with a few tablespoons of it, whose business is it anyway!? Jeez! And if one more person tells me I think I'm too cute to have seconds, or too cute for butter on my roll, I think I will absolutely flip out up in there!
Of course, that might be a good thing too! :)

But I'm going to try and relax, stick with what I know I want to do, and stand firm in my beliefs. I'll get through Christmas my way, because ultimately, if I let them dictate my diet, then what's to stop the next cookie, pie or cake from dictating it too? And I'll be d@mned if a cookie is going to push me around!

Donna

Holy cow Donna, your first post in your journal gave me A LOT to think about. I too am an excellent starter of things and a NON finisher... you hit the nail on the head when you started asking questions why.. I have never gotten that far. These are important issues we need to work through so that we can overcome them!
Thinking more about what you said.. expanding on it.. I would say that I'm worried that I will still be rejected by men... and or not find a man .. right now I can deal with that I chalk it up to my being overweight and not having a great body. But were I to actually lose this weight then what.. I would have to face the fact that it's not the weight maybe I have a personality problem or I'm just plain ugly .. who knows? lol
Hey I just wanted to say thank you for posting in my journal and I got to yours as soon as I could. I'm going to add you to my buddy list and ask that if you see me online sometime let me know if you would like to chat I think that would be really fun. I'd love to hear more of your story and how you lost so much weight! :) I bet it has changed your life so much! How long have you had this weight off so far?
It sounds to me like your folks just haven't a clue about losing weight.. it gets harder when you have less weight to lose! And everybody hits a plateau!
Hey you know what? This is just my suggestion... take it or leave it....I think you should tell your parents how you feel. Get it off of your chest. I know you don't want to upset them but this is Hurting you! If it was my mother who had talked to her nurse about me in third person like that I would have stopped her in mid-sentence. YES I respect my mother but I also respect myself and I will not be treated as a child any longer. If you want to belittle me at least have the decency not to do it in my presence. I would ask her just what is she trying to accomplish with saying this now? Can't they just be happy for you already?:( Anyhow it's just not helping having all that negative energy around you and it does sound negative.
Tell me because I don't understand.. is it because you felt guilty for eating a lot the night before that you wished you felt badly and bloated? Because I wouldn't wish that on anyone.. it's such a miserable feeling!
I also definately think you will hit your target weight.. and I think it wont even take the whole year. But even if it does it's like you said weight loss is a journey not a race. Couldn't have said it better. :) I hope you had a Happy Christmas and Have a great day tomorrow! Bettyboop:)

Hi Donna
I had to write ,though only what I wanted to say everyone else said before me.
I think its the holidays that is putting so many people off balance, there is so much food about.
My mum is much the same and she's in her 70s, I sometimes think she envies the freedom of choice that I have.She'll say 'what do you need to go on a diet for big bum' . She'll tell me she eats what she wants and if we go out to buy new clothes for her she'll ask if she looks fat.
I think your parents couldn't have been instilled with a lot of confidence like my mum and you are on the receiving end.
Maybe knowing at the end of your journey and they call you F.O.B it won't be a critism just a term of endearment, your not sure how you'll fit in then.
I think your weight loss is brilliant. YOU have achieved something. I don't mind how I get to the finish line. come drag me over if you want, It will still be my achievement, your encouragement.
Take care hope everything went well
Ellie

So.... Donna.... How did it go? The suspense is killing me! :-s

I hope it went great... and you said everything you needed to say. But either way I hope you had a nice Christmas!:hug:

Hope to hear! Bettyboop

Oh my gosh! I thought I posted that I ended up NOT going to dinner afterall! :)

It snowed like crazy here in my little Fayetteville,PA valley and hubby, who is from Florida, didn't feel "safe" with trying to make it all the way to my parents in Silver Spring, MD (90min away), especially since it was a holiday and our road had not been plowed by the time we would have had to leave home.
It did stop snowing about maybe 2-3pm Christmas Day, but by that time it was no point trying to get on the road to my parents since their dinner was at 4pm plus hubby had to be back to work at 5am the following morning so we wouldn't be able to stay late at my parents.
Hubby and I had a really nice dinner at home, I treated myself to "real" baked macaroni and cheese (no low fat or fat free anything!) (hadn't had it in over a year!) and we had chicken and a nice salad. My biggest calorie buster was the mac and cheese, but hey, you only live once! :)
My parents were disappointed, but I look at the snow as "Divine intervention!"

Donna

Donna
I peeked at your pictures, You are such an inspiration !
You have come so far to let any one or anything stop you losing weight.
You deserve to reach your goal
Ellie
Glad you enjoyed your Christmas day.

Well, time to wipe the "cyber dust" off this thing and get busy again!

I joined the "Snow Angels" challenge at the beginning of the year and the challenge is to lose 6-8lbs/month, I'm in trouble! I can feel the wing plucking coming since I've only managed to lose 1# in 3 weeks, how sad is that?
The only plus is my exercise minutes, the challenge is 1000 minutes and so far I've exceeded 1000 minutes in 3 weeks so at least that part is running smoothly.
Only Thursday and I'm already way off the mark as far as calories for the week. Seeing mom and dad Tuesday sent my intake into orbit, and why I allowed myself to get a 800 calorie dessert I will NEVER be able to explain to myself? Who told me I could eat a Hot Fudge Cake and get away with it? Am I crazy? How many hours of pure cardio will it take to burn that baby off? No wonder I'm stuck in the realms of 170's!
Clearly, good intentions mean nothing when it comes to weight loss! I can intend to stay on track all I want, but unless I do it it doesn't matter!
I really need to reach goal for my girls! Robyn is now obese and only 22 years old. She has no neck! My baby girl has packed on so many pounds on her 5' frame that she actually has no neck anymore! And she acts as if she's just "chubby!" How do I tell her that she's going to ruin herself if she doesn't turn back NOW! She must be at least 220lbs which is extremely overweight for 5' tall. Sara is right behind her and only 18. If I can reach my healthy weight goal then they would see it can be done and with little pain. It's hard, but do-able. I want them to be happy, and I know thin doesn't equal happy, but I darn sure know obese equals misery! I can't even say much about it because 1- I don't want to hurt either of their feelings, I'm mom for goodness sake! And 2- I made them this way! I don't want to hurt them with the same words my father hurt me. I don't want them to feel like their worth depends on their weight. How do I reach them without words?
By losing it myself and being a living example! Maybe I should put a picture of them on my fridge to remind myself why it's now so important for me to lose these last 30lbs, not just for me, but for them!

Donna

Hi Donna:wave:

I'm glad you decided to start up your journal again. I was reading through your past post about your folks. Them asking you if your too cute to eat Mac n Cheese? You know what you should say? YES! I SURE AM... And by the end of this New year, I will be HOT! Turn it around maybe and educate them on how fattening and arterie clogging some of THERE choices are.

"you know mom, you could still make the same foods but make some changes. Really I'm worried about your health?

You know my Mom is a Health Attic! She knows I'm overweight, but doesn't say anything, she more like looks at me like she feels sorry for me. But your right. My mother is one of my inspirations, She's 60 years old, she walks 4 miles a day, and she still thinks she's stronger then me. When I seen her at Thanksgiving I mentioned that I really need to go on a Diet, she would half smile at me. She would say....You are going to feel so much better. Course she is a little extreme, She pretty much just eats greens, and Flax seed oil for dressing. But she feels good inside. And shes happy! When I ws growing up she got up in her weight. I guess what I'm trying to say is. YES! You can be a role model for your girls and I'm sure you already are. Invite them to go for a walk.. When they can you see you can go a longer distance then them.. BELEIVE me they wont like that or at least it will make them think? LOL

Donna, its sounds like you have a BIG HEART!!! You will do this. YOU CAN DO THIS.....

:gflower: I'll be seeing you......

Sorry I got all wordy in your journal......LOL....

Maximum: I love long posts, it make me feel like the person really gave thought and time to my plight! :)
You've given me hope for my girls. I try not to be obvious about wearing a smaller size than both of them currently, so really I'm not even able to be happy about losing in front of them because as a Mom I don't want to inflict any pain on my daughters, and I'm afraid saying something like, "woo-hoo! down another size!" will make them feel self conscious or worse, make them feel like giving up on the idea of losing.
They both talk about it on and off, but neither has done anything yet, and I don't want to push.
So hopefully remaining silent and showing them an all around healthier lifestyle might work. I pray it does!

Thanks for responding, it is appreciated,
Donna

p.s. I tried to send you a PM but your mailbox is full :)

I need this journal a lot more than I thought! Clearly I am certifiable!

When I was 375lbs I could accept being fat, it was what it was! Then the ENTIRE time I was losing weight I NEVER EVER had a "fat day" because I was losing so well, at some weights even averaging 1# every 2 days, so I NEVER felt fat. So how come I have them now?
I haven't been 170lbs since I was a teenager, but now I can look in the mirror and just say, "uuggg! why do I look so fat?" I really think I need help! Everyone else is happy with me, even proud of me, but what is up with me feeling like I do about me?
Maybe I'm just tripping because my weight loss has slowed down so drastically?
Maybe I'm edgy because every time I look in my closet the first thing I see is those size 8 leather jeans I bought for incentive! Yet my big a@@ is still a 12! What WAS I thinking that day? I'll be lucky to be in those puppies by Winter 2004!

Note to self: don't buy anymore clothing THAT small until you actually get there!

Maybe I just need an overhaul? It use to be when I felt like this I'd color my hair or something, but clearly I'm getting too old for that! Not to mention one day will be the day I just went too far and every strand of hair I have will abandon ship and being fat AND bald will NOT be a good thing!

Okay, I think what this really is is a combo of pre-menstrual drama and withdrawal from sugar. This new denying myself something sweet thing is making me cranky as he@@! I think I'm actually getting a headache from wanting something sweet and denying myself! I've heard it takes a week to detox from sugar, at this rate, the public may not be safe! I have to grocery shop this evening and I can feel the shopping cart rage building already!

Well, I'm scaring myself so I'm checking out now! This has to get better!

Donna

Hi Donna.

You are so right about the Detox. Last year when I first started again? The first week I felt like a Drug Addict who was going through re-hab, (at least I think) Anywhoo... I felt like my body was in detox. I even would sleep or take naps. This time around it didn't happen to me. But I SO KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN...

A craving is a craving. BUt I have read that if you are feeding your body properly three meals and three snacks, that are good for you food. Those cravings will go away. WHY? is it so easy to eat bad? When healthy food is right there too. It's all some kind of mind game. We are like little kids in not wanting to mis out on anything. When really we're missing out on being who we really want to be.

Funny just last year I was in th 180s and feelin like the biggest fattest PIG in the world, and now here I sit 20 pounds heavier, wishing I were in the 180s. In this case THE GRASS IS GREENER. You know I would always put my goal weight as 140 or 135, which don't get me wrong will be great. But my real desire is to be 122.. and 122 I will be.

You have come a long way Girly Girl. Every pound is a accomplishment. You will get to where you want to be if you truly are willing to. I'm here for you. We all are.

:hug: to you.....

Well, I got through yesterday without doing any physical harm to anyone! Today is slightly better, not much but slightly. It seems to have helped by having a later lunch, and although I am having a headache as I type, it's not as severe as yesterdays "sugar detox" headache.
I think the more I educate myself on foods and what's in food the more I'll understand about why some effect me more than others. For example, I "thought" fat free was a good thing, less fat right? But it was feeding my sugar addiction because many of the fat free "goodies" I enjoyed were loaded with sugar. And if I ONLY ate fat free sugar items it might be okay, but not being able to draw the line at fat free sugar treats and fattening sugar treats became the real issue.
But hopefully like anything else, as time passes this will become easier. Looking forward to defeating tomorrow, day #3.

Donna

Hi Donna.
i have read your journal from beginning to end and saw a lot of myself in what you wrote.
When i got 15 pounds from my goal weight i literally hit a wall..i knew what i needed to do but my subconcious was filled with thoughts of why are you doing this, you will still be the same person, why do you feel you have to lose 10 more pounds, why dont you accept yourself at this weight what makes 140 the magic number. i had so many issues that i pushed aside whilst losing. i had looked on it as a task that i had to complete methodically without any emotion. that works for some people but it didnt for me. so i made goal and then when the numbers stopped moving i had to deal with all the emotional stuff i had pushed aside whilst losing.
even though i was 50+ pounds lighter mentally i was the same overweight person(in fact i felt worse because i didnt have the validation of the numbers moving down).
i think this journey is bound to have a lot of emotional issues tied in with it. i still have negative people in my life who tell me i am obsessive and make remarks when i wont eat what they want me to.
i just want you to know that all the thoughts you are experiencing are perfectly normal. i know you will make it to goal, i believe you are one of the strongest people here at DT. look at all you have accomplished. never forget how far you have come.
hugs bell :)

How's the sugar detox going? Is this the right journal to be posting in? I am confused.. heheh well hope you are doing good and no more headaches.. just checking in! :wn

Hey BettyBoop,

Boy, had to blow the dust off this thing didn't ya?

The detox thing has gone fine! The first 2-3 days were hard, I won't lie, and the first day you know I was truly scratching at the walls and furniture, but by day 4 I was doing okay, and by day 7 I wasn't even thinking about needing sweets.
It's been a freedom I can't explain. Not to feel enslaved to a food makes you really feel in control of yourself and your choices.
When I went grocery shopping after that first week, actually that would have been day 8 on detox, I noticed how easy it was to grocery shop and not be tempted to add fat free/low fat cookies to my cart, or walk past the cheesecakes without drooling. I was able to stick to my grocery list and not feel like I had to have something to fall back on "just in case."
So, I'm loving this, and now I'm trying to watch the amount of sugar that certain foods contain. I'm not getting fanatical about it, but I just want to educate myself about what's in food, and make choices of lower sugar items over higher sugar items.
I guess it's like getting a shot at the doctors. It hurts that first day, but then the pain goes away and you're healthier for doing what you did! :)
So it's going well! Thanks for asking.

BettyBoop: I see your signature says you're down to an 18! You go girl! :)

:Another thing you are going to love is not spending near as much money on food! I know I am enjoying that. Actually I can't now anyway because I don't have the money for the extras but if I did I would save it for clothes. Good to hear things are going good on your end too!:lift:

WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN??? :hug:

Gosh, sounds like your doing well my dear. What have you been up to?

Hey Maximum,

I've been here, I just haven't been posting in my journal much. I notice I seem to post less when I'm less stressed and life in general is pretty good! :)
Most of my prior posts dealt with parental issues (an ongoing thing!), food issues (gee~another ongoing thing!), and basically when I just felt I needed someplace to "air" my feelings at the moment.
I'm in an "upswing" right now I guess? I'm feeling really good about my eating control. Losing the afternoon "sweets" thing has just been the most wonderful recent change. I save not only empty calories, but money too! I use to budget in money for fat free cocoa, low fat/fat free cookies, etc., where now I'm not in need of them, so I can spend it on something else. If I were smart I would have still budgeted them in but put the money in a jar to save up for some "non food" treat. Man! I should have thought about this weeks ago! :)



Donna

Good idea, and hey its never to late to start. So how did you overcome the sweet thing.

I have this problem in the evening. I always want something sweet after dinner. Just something. Last night I ate some Chocolate chips. And even though they were within my calorie allowance I hate that I get that urge, and would prefer if it went away. How did you do it. Maybe I will give it a try. I need to do something.

How are your daughters doing?

I'm so glad to hear your on a lowering upward spiral Thats fab!

Donna I just wanted to stop by and congratulate you on a wonderful journal. It pulled you through the holidays in great shape and now you are charging forward.

You know gal. Guess what life is like at 140 vs 166---- A new pair of jeans and thats about it.

Now what about 300+ and 166--- a whole different life.

I would love to hear how you are filling up this new life you created. What you are doing. The new hobbies you have taken on. New friends you have been brave enough to meet. I think most times we drift back to the way we were just because we haven't carved out a new groove in our new life.

Anyways Great journal. You are truly an inspiration

maximum: I kicked the "sweets thing" by going cold turkey. I thought I'd commit a homicide that first day (hubby may never know how close he came! :laugh: but other than mood swings and a horrific headache, I made it through the afternoon and evening by coming here and venting on a thread I titled, "detox~it ain't pretty!" It helped because I got so much positive feedback and support. Then days 2 and following just got easier and easier. Now I do believe 1 extra thing I did helped. Just in case I "lost it" over needing something sweet, I'd put an orange in the fridge in the morning at breakfast, then I'd have it cold when I felt I needed something sweet. That really helped me a lot. It got me past the craving, and was a healthy "sweet" alternative to chocolate.

CJ: The changes I've made are pretty small, but fairly significant to me. Like I use to shy away from ANY reason to go outside the house, even to get the mail. Now I'm ready to go anywhere! :) I use to be afraid of public situations, all public situations, but now I'm comfortable at social gatherings, grocery store, mall, etc.
Life is really different when you have to consider whether or not a chair is going to support your weight or even be wide enough to sit in! I gave up movies (seats too tight), restaurants (stomach too big to fit comfortably against table), going to the mall/shopping (my back and feet would hurt after just 10 minutes on my feet at any time), even riding in the car got to be uncomfortable.
I love shopping now! I couldn't wait until I had the choice of shopping in a mall at "regular" stores rather than ordering clothing in 4X from a catalog. I'd been overweight for so long I had no clue how to buy underwear! One of my milestone moments was getting into single digit underwear! I was wearing a Lane Bryant size 14 underwear for hips up to size 70 inches. So coming down was a learning experience in many ways, and when I left Lane Bryant clothes (smallest size was 14), I was lost for a moment? I hadn't purchased clothes from a store since I was in my teens.
So I'm still developing the "new me." But I can do things now with confidence, and I'm not afraid of new situations. I credit exercise with this also, because I feel strong and capable now, which is also a new feeling to live with.
And thanks for the jeans comment, you outta coin that phrase! :) It helps put some perspective on things! Thanks, Donna