i jus had a christmas gathering just now and my bf invited some of his friends. all of the girls are skinny except me, and i feel so 'fat' standing beside me. And all of them just can't stop comparing abt how fat they are!!!

But actually have been feeling great this week for i've been excerising. But just now, i just can't help but compare myself to them and i feel so fat now.

Thats so sad. I can totally relate. I long so bad for the day, when I won't be the cute but chubby one in the group.
I went to a burn fund calander christmas party the other night, so of course every guy and gal there but me looked like they walked off the baywatch set. Like you I was kinda feeling okay about the way I look, but know I just want to fast, but its so hard with all the food and drink related events I keep attending.

I hope you feel better and can enjoy the rest of the holidays.

Is it because the image you have of yourself isn't small, I felt ok with my weight loss untill according to some charts I am still overweight by around 10lb,Now instead of feeling like I have achieved something I just seem to notice the fat bits I have still.
I am 5"2 looking at both yours and Ravens stats maybe I do need to lose. Am I comparing myself again
Ellie

I know exactly how you all feel. I weigh 155 now but I know I am not fat, (i hold ALOT of muscle) even so I still feel fat around my thin friends. Even when I am smaller than them I can't tell and feel like I am just HUGE!:( It is strange how we feel about our bodies compared to how others must see us.

Oh definitely, I think all women compare at least sometimes. For a long time I compared my weight to my mother's, because even though I was never technically "overweight," she had been smaller than me since I was in high school. I've lost weight and started working out a lot, and now we weigh about the same. Every time I'm home from college she asks how much I weigh. Then it's "oh, I weigh about two pounds less" or some slightly annoying comment like that. I know she doesn't mean it to bother me, but oh well.

It's also kind of awkward to mention clothing sizes around female friends, even though many of us are in the same size range. It's like I don't want them to feel bad if they're a size bigger, or to think I'm "bragging" if I'm smaller than they are. I'll never talk about it unless someone specifically asks (like if I have to borrow a dress or something).

thanks guys. i guess i feel much more 'normal' to feel this way. I was feeling so terrible the whole of last night. Those girls were actually my bf's friend's girlfriend.. :P and i feel kinda bad for my bf cause i'm the 'fattest' of them all. And the worst issue is, they just kept complaining abt how much they've eaten and their fat!!! I mean, what more can i contribute to their conversation right!

I guess many a time i tend to judge my capablity to do things and my self worth of my weight/body image. But i really can't seem to think otherwise when you stay in a city with skinny people around. I've thought of liposuction for ages, and when i'm more 'sane' i think i'm not that fat. but when i'm with these people (whom i can hardly avoid), i'll think super fat. :c(

1) I think we need to remember why we were happy with ourselves before the party and stay that way.
2) Don't change you moodebecause others have been added to the surroundings.
3) We also need to remeber healthy and skinny are different.
4) If you are not being cut out of your home or having health issues. Maybe you should continue to give yourself credit for your progress.

:D i wish i could stay so positive always...

Originally posted by Jenny540
It's also kind of awkward to mention clothing sizes around female friends, even though many of us are in the same size range. It's like I don't want them to feel bad if they're a size bigger, or to think I'm "bragging" if I'm smaller than they are. I'll never talk about it unless someone specifically asks (like if I have to borrow a dress or something). [QUOTE]


When I decided to lose weight I didn't tell anyone because I didn't want anyone to feel I was trying to compete with them. The same thing goes with clothing size. I am able to wear a smaller size than most of my friends or relatives. I just want to be happy with my body size and weight. Like you Jenny, I don't want to make anyone feel bad or seem like I am bragging. I have found that not everyone is happy when you lose weight. Girls, especially can feel threatened or can feel jealous. I can only share with other girls that have lost weight and don't feel like we are in competition with each other! The person I talk to the most is a male friend because there is no competition or jealousy.

Its funny, I always feel like people are bragging, or just meanly trying to make me feel even worse about myself, when they mention the smaller sizes that they can fit in to.

same here... sometimes my friend will even say things like ' this is the smallest size but yet it's still very loose'. but yet i can fix into the medium. thus when i go shopping, i can't seem to go with people who are smaller size than me cause i feel really inferior. i hate to feel this way.

Reading the post I think it's in our heads
After changing my diet this summer for a more healthier lifestyle I got back into my size 12s and one pair of trousers was a size 10.Never in my life can I remember being a size 10.My sister always supports me and is so encouraging but in my head I'm thinking if they fit me they must be cut wrong they wouldn't fit her (size 8-10) I am not jealous of her but she has a different build than me and I know when I lose weight I won't ever be as small as her. Its not comparing, its just always feeling bigger.
Ellie

When you are short even a few extra calories show ! :(

i think in asia, 8 out 10 girls are skinny or at least slim. Thus make slightly bigger people stand out. it's not like in other countries where the slim ones stands out. So i guess the fight to be slim in asia is constant. :D

I sometimes...okay alot of the times compare my chubbiness to other girls thinness. It sucks so bad when you get down on your self. Its funny, I have worked so hard to have lost what I have so far, and then you feel like poo when you are around so many skinny girls. So my hubby found a way to help me feel better about myself. I have long I mean long awesome hair, and not just because its mine, but everyone says its the nicest they have every seen, so now I say,"they may be skinny and I am not there yet, but I am working on that, and they will never be able to have hair like mine!" It really works! So find something you really like about your self, and when you feel like comparing weight, don't, compare what you have that is great! I bet you come out on top!

I have always struggled with self-esteem and comparing myself to others and it's a bad place to be. But I'm trying to learn not to do this. My NA Sponsor just gave me this reading and I'd like to share it with you. I hope it helps each of you as it has me...

"Message From God"
I looked at you before I sent you into the world. Do you understand? I, God, am your Creator. It was My decision to make you. I fashioned you. You are My design, carefully thought out, lovingly planned, elaborately detailed. I wanted you on My earth, and so I caused you to be. You're not a mistake or an accident or even a plan of your parents. You are My plan! I wanted you! And here you are! I don't even need you, but I desire you. You can do nothing to prove your worth to Me. You are valuable just because you exist. Your very existence proves your worth. I, the God of all ages, made you, and love you where you are right now. I LOVE YOU! I have a plan for you, a good plan for your life. I want you to love Me with all your heart, soul, mind and strength, and I want you to seek Me and find Me. And when you search for Me with all your heart, you will find Me. I want you to want to be with Me. I long to be with you. I created you to have fellowship with Me. You, yes YOU, are beautiful to Me. Respond to Me and come along. Let Me see you. Let Me hear your voice. The winter is passed. The time has arrived...

Mertz

Mertz,

Thank you for sharing "Message From God." If we truly understood God's love for us, I think we would turn to HIM more often for love and support. I use a weight program called "The Weigh Down Diet" and it encourages one to eat only when physically hungry and to turn to God to feed the emotional hunger. I have no forbidden foods and I eat what I want. I just do not use food as a way of dealing with my thoughts and emotions. CJL

Sophie44 - I like your idea! I have great teeth and a big smile and even when I weigh more I have good looking legs and petite ankles! There - you're right. It does make me feel better.

We all compare ourselves to others and think that someone else has something we don't. I look at lynnlynn's weight and think, wow - if I only weighed what she does....but it's not about that, is it?

We all have to learn to accept who we are and we have to learn to love ourselves. That's why I like looking at the what's GOOD about ourselves. Positive self-talk begets positive thoughts and it gets easier and easier the more you practice it.:up:

Thanks guys for being so encouraging. :) my bf always tell me that too..he'll keep telling me that i have long legs, but i'll always put him down by saying, but they're fat. I guess i must learn to see the nice features i have instead of always putting my overall weight in front. :)

And one thing, if everyone were to be created like kate moss, wouldn't the world be a really really boring place?:yawn:

I guess god is always fair, nobody can have the best of both world. Enjoying all the yummiest food in the world and stay slim naturally. ;)

<< my bf always tell me that too..he'll keep telling me that i have long legs, but i'll always put him down by saying, but they're fat. >>

I used to be so bad about this kind of stuff, that my friend actually told me that she would love to have me in her wedding, but she knew I would find someway to put myself down with the dresses. I've also had a LOT of people tell me that they didn't like being around me because all I ever spoke about was how fat I was.

Trying to stay positive in your overall attitude makes such a HUGE difference in life, and even in weight loss. We have people who love us already! For us! If they can see our beauty, why can't we?

Abesa,

You made a great point about seeing the positive in ourself. I think it is also true that positive people leave out the negative people in their lives after a certain point of negativity.

I know what all of you mean! My best friend has the "ideal" body type. She's not stick thin, but she's a good size, and in great shape. One morning following an over-night party, she was walking around in just a t-shirt and underwear...infront of my friends, and my BOYFRIEND! I love the girl to death, but I couldn't help but think "Great....now that he's seen THAT, he's not gonna want THIS." I know she didn't do it purposefully or with any intentions (her bf was there too), but I still couldn't help but compare. It's a bad habit plaguing all of women-kind :)

Originally posted by Elle-Kay
It's a bad habit plaguing all of women-kind :)

We can break the trend by working on our own self esteems and not try to tear others down just to bring ours up.

Abesa,
ya sometimes my bf tells me that too..it's like all i can and will talk about is how skinny who and who is... until there was once, after i told him how skinny one of my course mate is..and he, always such a sweetie then told me 'baby, i would rather you tell me more about yourself, like wat you like to do etc rather always telling me how skinny who and who is' that was a wake up call for me, i then realise how i've made myself disliked by ppl by always talking about weights and fats and calories... i was into how skinny ppl are and how fat i am comparin to them

In fact i've come to a point whereby i don want to go out, i just want to hide at home because i feel so fat i don want anyone to see me. I stop buying clothes for myself also..because i think i can only pamper myself when i'm skinner...

Is there a way out of this?

Lynnlynn,
I think the way out would be professional help from a dietian, doctor, and therapist. After seeing your post across the board. I think a combination of the 3 professionals will provide you with a lot of insight and help.

Originally posted by Lynnlynn


In fact i've come to a point whereby i don want to go out, i just want to hide at home because i feel so fat i don want anyone to see me. I stop buying clothes for myself also..because i think i can only pamper myself when i'm skinner...

Is there a way out of this?

I wish I had advise , but I don't. Just wanted to let you know that I feel the exact same way. I sit at home alone and play on my computer all the time, or watch TV. I don't bother doing my hair or wearing makeup much anymore, b/c I feel there's no point. Funny thing is I didn't feel this bad when I was heavier, (I still felt all thoses things, but not as extremly), I went out a bit more, and made an effort to groom and dress myself nice. As bad as I feel though, I have been stuck at my present weight since fall, so I guess I can't be that unhappy about it, or I would do something. Everytime I lose a few, I binge, binge, binge and gain it back. I am so lonely. I want to move somewhere where all the girls aren't so pretty and skinny, or of course to finally get off my ass and get skinny myself. :(

haha...Raven McCoy..i've thought of the same too..moving to another city or place where being fat is actually pretty to the majority. I've read about this place but i don kow if they 'appreciate' the size as much.

Anyway, i've decided to gather my courage and see a counseller. I don know what to expect...in fact i've feeling nervous that i'm going to see him tomorrow...gosh..just like going on a blind date... and what should i tell him? i mean there are so much things where am i going to start?

Lynnlynn,
I am so happy for you. I am sure when you get there is will give you a format. Usually the first time is about getting to know each other. I would give hime 3 sessions. If that is not the counslour for you. DOn't give up. Just find another one.

So here's the thing--

IT'S ALL RELATIVE!!

At 128, I wished I was 125, then I became135, hated myself, became 140s, hated myself, became 160s, then 180s, got pregnant, topped the scale at 237 pregnant, now at 210, I just wish I had the courage to like myself at 140. Yeah, maybe I was bigger than some of my friends, was I healthy? Did I like my life? Mostly, yes to both, but society told me I had to be size eight or less to be happy.

Wherever we are in terms of weight or size, the crux of the matter is how we feel about ourselves within. It's just sad that we keep wishing our lives away.

Jessica, I can totally empathize with you. About 10 years ago, I weighed about 125 because of track and generally a lot of activity. Now, I'm in the 180s. Yes, there are some things that I want to change about my body, but the main difference is ... I like myself MORE. Unfortunately, the media has fooled a lot of us into thinking that skinny=happiness, and that just isn't the case.

Case in point: Just recently went to my 10-year high school reunion. I was nervous at first because I have gained weight, but when I got there I realized a lot of people had, too! Now, one of my girlfriends came in wearing the infamous Toni Braxton dress (ie. glorified thong), and was wearing it WELL. (Went to school in Detroit - 'nuff said). Anyway, we got to talking, and I realized that just because she's thin doesn't mean she's had a better or easier life than me at all. She still had to deal with a lot of the same problems that I have to deal with, and wasn't even dating anyone at the moment. It really made me think and appreciate where and who I am ... sometimes the grass isn't always greener. Self-love is paramount.

Blessings,
Toki

You rock!! And you made me laugh!!The thing is, skinny doesn't just come bling bling down on you like tinkerbell magic dust--it's alot of work (unless you're a genetic freak, in which case, I'd rather not hear about it!!)--and I'm not willing to change my life completely, spend 2+ hours a day exercizing...I like life, I like food. I'll get there, I'll work hard, but I'll do it my way!(and no glorified thong dresses in my future, thanx.)/

with that--I'm going to the Y!!

Jessica,
You sound like you're doing great! Keep me updated on your progress.

Toki

I guess the body image you have of yourself is all up in the head. Often i wake up feeling fat and lousy already. I hate this feeling and i don want it. i like to be like my bf who is so positive all the time. and when i asked him why, he told me to have an objective in life.... and when i think about it, i actually don have any objective in life than to get skinny... is that an objective or wat?

I don know, sometimes i wonder, will i be truely happy when i reached my goal? or issit this constant on-going goal achieveing process i've got myself into?

LynnLynn,

Goals are good. Yet, skinny is an unhealthy goal. Becoming healthy and not letting food an weight take of your thought is better process.

I have just started working on my own life goal before I attempt to enter a marriage with current boyfriend.

What I have done is got some extra large index cards and list the things I want to do. I put a timeline for guidance but I don't let it rule me if I miss it by a little.

For example, I have a card to get me to Spain New Years 2005.
I have a card to read 3 diet books by April. I have 2 done already.
I have a card to read 3 finacial planning books by April. I am 1/2 way through 2 now.
I also have a card to get me through my studying for a certification exam.
I also have a card to help me lose my last 45 lbs.

So think about setting so work and personal growth goals for yourself. Goals that don't focus on weight.

Yeah!!--Ditto what Lisa said. I think it's human nature to want to be better, but if you're so focused on a narrow issue (weight loss=happiness) you're setting yourself up for future probs. Because I guarantee you, if you're not happy with yourself now, you'll still find something to pick on, even at goal!! I don't know if you exercise or not, but you might find, by doing an activity you love, you'll get some good results, physically and mentally!!--You're more than just a body!!



Good luck!!:)

I have made it to my goal. Yes I am healthier, but do I have a perfect body.......no. The main goal of weight loss should be good health. Try to focus on that rather than being skinny. You can be skinny and very unhealthy. A few years ago the female singer of the Carpenters, Karen Carpenter died of a heart attack as a result of anorexia.

The journey of weight loss is not an easy one and we many times face detours along the way. It is important to keep trying. Each step you take to become more healthy will bring you closer to your goal.

Your goal must be one that is a personal choice based on your gender, age, height, current weight, body frame, activity level and fitness level. Discuss your goal with your physician and decide on a goal that is healthy for you.

It has to be a goal that will be right for you. You cannot compare yourself with others. There will always be someone who is thinner, younger, richer, etc. Some will say you weigh too much -others will say you are too thin, etc. Don't let others judge you. Accept yourself and believe in yourself. You don't have to be perfect, you just need to try to do better. I lost my weight one pound at a time. I am trying to maintain my weight one day at a time. I just achieved my goal 6 months ago so this maintainance stuff is brand new and I still struggle. The longest I have ever kept weight off is eight months, but I am determined. My goal is to make it thru today. I take it one step and one day at a time.

I just wanted to commend everyone - especially Lynnlynn - for being so honest about how you feel. Everyone has given great advice, and I'll definitely take something away from this conversation.

Thanks all,
Toki

thanks guys for always being here for me... yes jessica, i am physically active for the past ten years and a member of my gym for more than 2 year...when i just joined i was so crazy i could tk up 4 back to back classes that consist of aerobics and weights training together. (50mins each)

Now i've cut down more but am hitting the gym everyday during the week. and i do at least 30 mins of cardio workout every time i go.

It is precisely because i've been active all my life and not achieveing the goal i set, makes me even more demoralised. Sometimes i'm jus so drained out from all the workout but yet, stopping makes me think the fats will come creeping back..so there were times when i find myself dragging myself to the gym.. Then there will come a time when i feel like jus giving up....then the fear wil creep up and i start moving on again...

Sometimes i really wonder why i am doing all these.... nobody knows abt all these that i am going through. People i know thinks i am someone very emotionally strong but i am not and nobody will ever think i have a distorted body image of myself and that i suffer from an eating disorder, not even my family.

I know i have to give up this 'number' in my head as to how much the scale must read..because the digit i have in my head can never be achieved and even if it has been achieved, i will set another one...it's just a vicious cycle i guess....

Originally posted by Lynnlynn


Sometimes i really wonder why i am doing all these.... nobody knows abt all these that i am going through. People i know thinks i am someone very emotionally strong but i am not and nobody will ever think i have a distorted body image of myself and that i suffer from an eating disorder, not even my family.

I know i have to give up this 'number' in my head as to how much the scale must read..because the digit i have in my head can never be achieved and even if it has been achieved, i will set another one...it's just a vicious cycle i guess....

From your post I can tell you are scream for help. If you told those around you what you post here. They will know you aren't strong. Those who love you, will then try to help.

Maybe your weight is a muscle density thing ( I hate to hear it, I cringe to say it, "muscle weighs more than fat"...)--I really think you're on the right track, being honest about what's going on, going to see a therapist, (how'd that go, btw?)--I also know, having a good friend who's a struggling bulemic even after in-patient treatment, this has to be the most difficult issue you will ever face. I can't put some cliche'd sentiment on paper (screen/whatever) and presume that my words will make you just like yourself and your body image, it has to come from within. I don't know how old you are, and I hate to use that as some condescending, crappy point ("oh, honey, you're just young, you'll get over it" (As someone told my friend))--but I believe in you, that you can turn this thing around and get a healthy body image. I'm sure you're gorgeous, inside and out, and the light will go on within you, eventually!!

I'm thinking about you--good luck!!

Jessica,
You are so correct. Those who don't understand eating disorders do say some of the dumbiest thing in order to try to help.

Thanks guys...wherether is the the muscle or fats issue, i guess i have to pass through the stage of being happy within myself, no matter wat the weighing machine reads. I need to be a more positive person. i guess i am coping better now.... this forum has been my greatest form of support..thanks people for always so caring and nice....:c(

First of all, Jess, you are on the mark. My life REVOLVES around what I look like. Trying to be thin. My old best friend lost like 35 pounds in like a week it seemed, got her braces off, her faced cleared up, and she got really tan. Let me tell you how much I HATED her. She'd done nothing to me, just just grew into herself, and I was still overweight. She was still a great friend, but I was CONSTANTLY comparing myself to her. It was killing me. I had to learn that I was still a great person, i just had some pounds to lose. And yes, it was unattractive, But I as a person still kicked butt. It's an ongoing process, but I am so lucky to have a fiance that is a constant source of support, and I have completely stopped saying "i'm fat" unless its one of those fat days. But thats the huge change. I used to have rare "I like myself days", (very rare) and now i have rare fat days.

Now, raven...you weigh 114 pounds and are 5'5? Sweetie, thats THIN. All this talk about how unattractive, and unpersonable you are...I'm telling you...it only brings emptiness. I know, I've been there. Have you thought of talking to someone? I was so down on everything, that I wasn't even sad anymore, I was nothing. You HAVE to love yourself, I know everyone says it, but it is so true. You are worth everything, you really are! If you want to talk you can PM me.

In all of this, I don't think weight loss is any of the issue- (even though I know, this is DIETTALK)it's what you see when you look in the mirror. An 80# anorexic looks in the mirror and sees fat. Luckily, all of us have found this thread and can put our insecurities on the table, maybe analyze them, and minimize those insecurities form monster-sized to being manageable little mousies (neutered ones.) I'm glad to hear you're on the right road, Nicole!--Lynnlynn, just keep with the good things you're doing!!

Take care, all!!

I have been working out regularly again, need to build up my stamina after my flu. i think i've been really cool. exercising and not bingeing anymore. My cousin's wedding is just 2 weeks away and i am getting a little stressed out. It's jus one of those days where all ur families and relatives whom you haven't seen for a while will be there. And for me, i am not very sociable esp with them and when they make comments like, 'Wow....you really look BIGGER now huh!' or 'wow..look at those muscular arms' i will take it very negatively and the worst thing is, i don know what to say. And it'll often affects me and my mood will change...

i need to find a way out of this. To either avoid it or face the fact that some ppl are just out there to put ppl down.

Albesa, what you wrote was so sweet. I don't talk to anyone about how I feel, bc on the outside I act like this super confident, bubbily girl. I pretrend looks are not important to me. I am someone whom seems happy all the time. Or I used to, lately I am so stressed I find the act hard to keep up.

To me, 5'5'' and 114 does sound thin. I can see I am not obese, but I am not skinny. There are lots of girls my age that are thinner. My bf just dumped me. He said after 3 months he wasn't liking me as much anymore and he didn't think our personalities were suited to be a long term match. I know I must have turned him off big time. He wouldn't explain if it was my looks, personality, inteligence or all. I binged tons, gained 5 pounds, over the last week and half and I just want to keep eating and eating. I am not even at my first goal, and I am already gaining back. The thing is I guess if I really wanted to be thin, I would be already. I been stuck at this weight for near a year, gain a few, lose it. I just complain and feel bad about myself.

Lynnlynn-I hear you on the flu thing--my baby gave me a delightful tummy bug that I've been fighting all weekend.. I am soooo sick of applesauce and 7-up (But I can keep it down)--Tomorrow I'm back to the gym, it'll be interesting to see my energy level....
Raven, sorry to hear about toad-man. I doubt it had anything to do with you, in my many years of dating experience, I've known quite a few men with short...attention spans. Don't take it personally, get out there and do something constructive--go running, join a gym, read a self help book from the library...whatever it takes to get you out of the fridge!!
..there is something to the theory of set-point weight--don't get yourself to the point of trying to lose those last few pounds, and doing self-defeating things in the process!! ( I know, I've tried all sorts of things to lose the last few pounds when I was 128....80 pounds later I'm realizing maybe 135 was where my body was at optimum...)

alrighty. Now for my speech.("so what the heck was all that up there, Jess?" Just warming up!)

There will always be someone out there who is thinner, prettier, smarter, more likable...ALWAYS!! But you are the only you you'll ever have (can I make a more obvious and redundant statement?)--thing is, it is imperative that you be on good terms with yourself. Loving yourself is optional, but being able to stand up to those people at the wedding and say, "What do you mean, I look bigger? Should I be offended?" and knowing deep down, these people are arrogant idiots, I look great!!--that's where the power will lie. Maybe, Raven, your own negative voices come from within--you'll just have to stand up to those voices, and stick up for yourself ASSERTIVELY!!

Good luck, guys, I am thinking about you and hoping all kinds of non-weight related great things happen to you!!!

warm fuzzies--

jess
:D :peace:

I think everyone should go find the poem Desiderata online, and read it. Particularly Raven. =) But, really. It's a GREAT message, and if you REALLY read it, and not just skim it, but really take it in..its so true. It really helped me see that I KICK BOOTY, no matter how big my actual booty is. And then..the weight came off. With the help of a treadmill and vegetables, of course..but I stopped that horrible yo-yo mess.

Lynn, I hear ya on the wedding thing sista. Mine is in two months! I HAVE NO WAIST.

Do you think I could fool my then husband that a pair of shorts and a tee-shirt is really a string bikini? :(

you'll be fabulous, nicole--he'll love you in a trash bag, so of course you can fool him...

Oh Abesa! Congrat! I'm sure you look fabulous!

My flu is still holding me down. Ran on the treadmill for 10 mins yesterday but it seem forever! i kept looking down at the remaining time on the panel. Am so sad that my stamina has really dropped...so much! sigh... but of cos, i'm working hard again to gain it back! kekeke...

Any qns guys, I have this friend, she's like in her early 30s already and she likes my bf's bro. But my bf's bro doesn't like her. She's been doing so much things for him...to the extent of going for a liposuction just to please him. Now, just becos of his suggestions, she is thinking of going for the lipo and breast inplant. They always quarrel and she'll then come to me and tell me tat she wants to 'call off' the friendship then, before i know it, they're friends again.

I am really sick of the whole cycle which has been going on for more than 1 year. what should i tell her? it's like he is taking advantage of her and i ask her to leave him.. and when they quarrel, she would be very determine to do it but after a few days, they'll be ok again... She's just tryin too hard, hoping to start a relationship with him which she, herself knows that it will never happen.

if she were a friend of mine I'd be totally blunt with her, and come from a position of someone who cares about her welfare. There is always a chance she's also done/doing the plastic surgery for herself, though, in which case telling her bf's bro is a jerk won't make a difference. ANd we don't know what he tells her in private ("baby, i love you, I'm just confused right now...")--he's got to be doing something to keep her hanging on. If he really, truthfully isn't, then she might be kinda' dim and telling her the obvious might just make you a b----- in her eyes...?!?

in fact my bf's bro have already told her that it is impossible to both of them to be together, and she knws that but i guess think she is always hoping that one day, just just day he might change his mind. but C'mon, it has been 2 years alrdy and we all know he'll never like her..

I used to sympathis with her but now, whenever they quarrel, she'll tell me this and before i know it, she's crawling back to him and running errands for him etc. i mean i hate to judge her but she's just proving me right.

...i dunno, then,,,she's kinda' sad and pathetic...

Thanks jess for hearing me out..guess i just want to let go of my frustration inside me...

Btw, can anyone here provide me some information about Lympiatic drainage?

lymphatic drainage, like thru massage and herbal wraps? or via some other means?

through massage jess. i was on this workshop the other day and the therapist was helping everyone massage on our shoulders and neck. Then she made a comment about me, saying that i have a lot of toxin cause i was all red on the massaged part after that.

Aft that she explained that the reason why people have pimples on their back is due to the fact that the body is unable to get rid of the toxin through sweating or other means. And i do get outbreaks on my back at times.

My sister who doesn't exercise and eat not so healthly was not as red on the shoulder as me and she doesn't have pimplish back.

Is what the therapist said truth? and what can i do about it?

do you smoke or drink? Sometimes that will cause a toxin build-up, sometimes a build-up of lactic acid will result in lymphatic toxins--the key here is drink lots of water!! The other thing is, some people store more tension in their muscles, massage might have released the lactic acid=toxins=DRINK LOTS OF WATER!!!
Another thing, though expensive, is sometimes detoxifying herbal wraps (spas have these!!) can help with lymphatic drainage but ONLY WHEN YOU DRINK LOTS OF WATER!!!!!

Thanks jess! no i neither smoke, nor do i drink that was why i was a little worried to why i seem to have more toxin than my sis :tongue:

I will try to drink more water and continue to have a healthy lifestyle :ex: keke

my spa has those herbal wraps and I have never known anyone that had them! do they really work? are they worth the money? does a good massage with a therapist do the same thing?

when you ask "do they work?"--yeah, they can help flush your body of toxins, and I've known a few people who've lost a few inches, but again, it's all about drinking water before and after. And the people who lost inches gained them again when they got back to old habits.. But it's a nice way to be pampered (for $100, I'd rather get a really good facial, though!!)

I think the massages works, depending what you're looking for, slimming? or flushing out toxin etc..

I know of people slimming down after those wraps.... but like i've learnt, if your body has a lot of toxin, it won be able to recieve what you're applying externally thus, it'll go back to square one..so it's actually important to flush out the toxin in the body before going for slimming wraps etc.

...from what I've learnt, in the detox herbal wraps it's not so much "taking in" what's being applied so much as the herbs encouraging a flush... Massage will also help with lymphatic circulation, but the wraps actually encourage a sort of "sweating prcocess" thereby encouraging inch loss

ic... ya she told us about the sweating thingy that helps to get rid of toxin adn inches as well..

Ok, Didn't realize there was 7 PAGES! LOL - I only read the first, and this is in reply to some of the posts on the first page. Oh, and by the way... I'm an 18 year old male from Misery (Missouri - Yeah I hate it here) And I'm a bit overweight (6'1" 280 - Large build, lot's of muscle. I believe if i went below 210 it may be unhealthy, my ultimate goal being 220 to 230) And I'm a newb at the fitness scene, I don't know the lingo, (I hardly know what a carbohydrate is hehe) And I like to use parenthesies ()))*((*() N Stars too. Is it custom here to give info about yourself on your first post? Oh well - Onto my original thoughts. (Posted this once then deleted then reposted)
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Hey... I wasn't gonna register, but after reading this I think it's a must.
Just lemme say, them girls that sit around and talk about their weight and what they've ate at social functions... they're dumb.
Who really cares about what you ate today? Not me for one I know that much. Sitting around talking about your weight and comparing it, to me, screams "HEY! I only use 3% of my brain and if I tried to use anymore my head might explode! And I'm not going anywhere and my life is shallow and my relationship with my current boyfriend would need a mirracle to last more than a year." That's what that says to me. I don't know when you posted this, but how many of them girls are still with their boyfriends?

Before any of you seem to think I'm contradicting myself, I'm not. There is a place to talk about your weight problems and eating habits. That's here...

Raven, I haven't been on this board for more than an hour, and I've seen a few of your posts. You REALLY get down on yourself a lot... normally I don't think people are bragging when they are talking about what size they wear, it's just normal social talk. Although if they start to talk about it in the sense of "what they can fit into" then perhaps there is more behind it. That would be funny to watch instead of worry about. Even if someone is talking about what sizes they can fit into I very VERY highly doubt they're trying to make you feel bad (if they've never been in your shoes they might not even know you're uncomfortable about your weight) because that would just be a very cruel thing to do, and have no real purpose. By nature people aren't cruel to other people unless they have a reason (unless your name begins with an A and ends with a dolph). I'm going to go out on a ledge and say that you are insecure with your plans to reach your goals, or perhaps you don't have a plan at all? Dunno hun but all the mental anguish you inflict upon yourself will go away if you just get your notions straight.

Long post, hehe.
I'm out, I feel I may have overstepped some of my boundaries as a newb here on the board (hope I'm wrong). Have a nice day all!
-Rhyvun

Rhyvun- At times you just got to say what seems plain to you. Even if the person who it is directed to doesn't respond to it. It may help others.

I know for me I got this from your port, "My attitudes and perceptions may be causing some of my problems."

:D Cool.
Yes, that's a major thing of mine, everything is mental, you can do anything with your mind. And I do mean anything :)
Don't need any aid whatsoever, perhaps just some guidance sometimes.
Always have a goal in mind, otherwise you'll get bored, and who likes that (besides potheads?)
Boredom leeds to many bad things hehe.
Wooo caught myself before I got into my whole philosophy state lol.
--Ending Transmission NOW--

:D Cool.
Yes, that's a major thing of mine, everything is mental, you can do anything with your mind. And I do mean anything :)
--

*sigh* Were it but so I'd be roughly 5' 9" by now :D
But I do appreciate where you're coming from. *g*

Skew

I never said it wouldn't take extreme measures ;)
People in china routinely go through very painful and debilitating surgery to make themselves taller, just so they can get a job... it's looked highly upon to be tall in China.
If you REALLY wanted to do it, then you could ;) or maybe you want to be shorter? I'm sure it's equally possible hehe. (I don't know your original height).

-Rhyvun

Rhyvun, you sound more mature and intelligent for your 18 years on this planet. Anyway, thanks for your comments....it's nice to hear a male's perspective once in a while.

Also, to all of you young girls (older ones too)...walk, no run, to the library and get the book "The Beauty Myth" by Naomi Wolf. Back in my 20's I used to compare myself with other girls/women.....and this book helped me see other women as potential friends, not competition. It's a great book about society and body image for women.

Kelly

ps see the amazon.com link....and read the reader reviews.The Beauty Myth Book (http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0060512180/qid=1085543826/sr=8-1/ref=pd_ka_1/102-8224920-9841723?v=glance&s=books&n=507846)

:) I just say it how I see it. :P
YW for the input.
-Rhyvun

Wow, I just read through the whole thing. So I just want to say a few things... I have heard people say before that they will spend thier whole lives trying to lose weight or trying to be happy with themselves... well personally, i think that is a waste of a good life that god gave you...and isn't it excellent that we are all here to make that difference now rather than later??? YAY!!!
I had, like someone else on this thread, been bulimic for about 2 years... and I didn't stop because I was getting too thin, I stopped because, I am an aspiring opera singer, and It was tearing my vocal chords to pieces.... now that is what it took for me to stop... but when I looked back to why i did it, it wasn't because i didnt love myself, it was i cared too damn much what other people thought of me, I wasn't even overweight. And, I think that is what it really comes down too, for me atleast, and probably alot of others..... So, am I going to sit on my bottom (haha, hate that word) and worry my life away..."oh no! that person is looking at me funny!!!??!" Thats the way i used to think... Sorry, nope, not for me anymore...feeling sorry for myself is a waste of time...So, before I fall in love, before I get married, before I have children, I must accept what I was given, if not, what kind of role model will i be for my children... I may be stuck with a 40 inch rib cage, but because of that I was given a gift of singing that I am so proud of.... and I know that there is sometimes resentment towards slim people, i have, defintily, so I think that book that Kelly mentioned is a good idea.... for sure... thanks everyone, this is by no means a lecture , just expressing my feelings...Thanks!!!!