I'm glad you are going to the gym Shantelle. I was super stress out yesterday and went to combat and felt so much better afterwards. I think I might even go to step this morning, because things are still crazy and I need to let off steam too.

Yeah - come to Australia - you could crash here. And Candela I have a roadie for you - he's a bit old - about 32 - but he works out so looks ok without his shirt. He is reliving his teenage years at the moment. If you want a younger one I'm sure I could find one.

Shantelle - It's great that you aren't mad - I know it will be harder fo you - but in the long run it will be easier. You will be able to stay friends with Lisa and you won't feel bitter towards him. Sounds like you are doing all the right things - mourning the relationship - even if it does make you feel terrible.

The best thing about a relationship that doesn't work is that you learn more about what you want from your next relationship. I went out will some real idiots when I was younger and I think that helped me pick a pretty good one to live with. Sounds like you've realised that he is not really what you want. One of my boyfriends ran the other way when this crazy person drove his car at us and then got out and chased us - well me because my boyfriend ran away (still no idea why he wanted to kill us). Sounds silly, but it gave me a great insight into what he was really like under pressure and how much he would protect me (not at all) so that was the beginning of the end. Don't feel bad about not wanting to try - I think you have and it sounds like he hasn't really - you're looking at this and how it relates to the rest of your relationship and it is not something you want for you. Of course you are sad - he's obviously a pretty good guy - you married him, but maybe not the guy for you.

Anyway the guys in Australia don't have a problem with divorcees as far as I've seen - it's the ones with kids that they are a bit more hesitant of - not that I think it is a bad thing - they are aware that this takes extra work and committment - and are a bit more wary in this situation.

So how was your night at the gym? I bet it did feel good to workout and get some good energy for your weekend. Just one more day and you'll be able to start looking forward.

I'm so happy it's October!! It's my favorite month of the whole year :) How about you guys? Do you have any plans for the Halloween holiday? I don't yet. Hopefully we'll be moving by then. We haven't anything that will work where we can have our cats. It's really making it hard for us. I guess my husband found a few more to look at though. I really hate moving, but being poor is even worse.

Kim- I told my husband about the whole roadie thing and you finding some good ones for me... he had a good sense of humor about it :) I like to tease him about the new Tarzan show :)

Well the phones are ringing and I actually have things to learn today. So I'll check back in later when I get a chance.

have a great friday!!

Yes, got to step yesterday morning because I had to go out last night and I shouldn't have because my friend fed me pizza!! She is a single mum, only split up about 6 months ago and is super skinny - one of those who loses weight under stress so she can eat what she likes. Ah well, I had fun.

Should be able to get to pump tonight or tomorrow morning.

By the way - no Halloween here. The only reason I know when it is is because we get all your sitcoms with the Halloween theme - although often the timing is wrong, we've already had the Simpons one - that was last week.

I love the beach - maybe I could keep a look out for a roadie for you when the weather gets better. I love to perve at the beach - my girlfriend's teenage daughter thinks I'm embarrassing.

You two are hilarious! Sorry I disappeared on you... Stayed home on Friday to pack so i wasn't at the computer. Kim I would love to come see you in Australia! Maybe we will have to plan on it someday! I'm thinking of asking David for alimony, what do you guys think? He makes A LOT of money and I don't, so it only seems fair that he help me out since he is the one ending the relationship. Moved in to my new place. It is fabulous. Plus I got a phone number last night!! This REALLY cute waiter at a restaraunt. My friends asked him if he was single then they asked him if I could get his number and he said yes!!!! I WAS SO EMBARRASED!!!!!!!!!! But he is so hot. Plus he is a Junior in the college here in MICROBIOLOGY! Smart AND hot!!! I don't know if I am going to call him though. I don't remember how to be brave and flirty. It's been so long since I have been single. Plus I am TECHNICALLY still married... What do you guys think? Should I call him? Am I such a freak? Argh! HAHAHA. Anyway, hope the boss isn't too pissed off at me since I was gone on Friday. I just couldn't get here because the truck wouldn't start, so I made the best of it and packed everything. My best friend took me to Harry O's, which is the SUPER hot club in Park City where all the celebrities go. it was fun because I haven't been dancing since I was old enough to get into the clubs. (David didn't like to go and would always worry if I went with friends) So it was fun and a great work out. Wow I have so much to tell you guys but I will give it to you in low doses, more later. Loves! Shan

I would have to say that it might be a good idea for you to get alimony just so you can get on your feet. He is the one that ended the relationship without even trying to make it work. I wouldn't take it for any longer than you would need it for though. That would just cause a lot of troubles between the two of you that could get in the way of your relationship with his family that you want to keep in touch with. But I do think you deserve some help to get settled.

I would maybe call the guy, but only if you are in it for fun and you're not looking to get into another relationship so soon. You could let him know that you're getting out of a bad marriage and you're just looking for someone to hang out with and have a good time. Perhaps he likes to go out dancing :) Just have fun with everything.

I had pizza for dinner last night. But I've been having a realyl hard time eating lately. I've been feeling sick for the last week. I just don't feel like eating and have been going almost all day without eating. I did better yesterday though, had 3 whole meals :) So the pizza shouldn't be too bad.

My gigs this weekend were so much fun! We played friday and saturday night. Everyone just loved us which is really exciting. We should be finishing up the demo today and we might even be able to get 100 free copies of our CD if we get it done today. That would really save us a lot of money. I'll let you guys know. Our webpage is almost done, it's just a rough draft. But you can check it out at auburncourt.com if you'd like.

Well I need to get back to work.

Hey-

About October... It's my favorite month too! It has my FAVORITE holiday, (Halloween) and the weather is the best! I love the crisp air. It's like sunny out but not hot! Plus there's wind. I love the wind on my face! Yeah I think I will ask Dave for like 200 a month or something. That will help me get part of my rent paid. He really should be willing to help me out. If it were going to court they would order it because of our circumstances. Especially where he is bankrupting me and everything. So I hope he will agree to it. You know? Maybe I will just ask him to do it for a year. Technically by law he has to do it until I get married again or live with someone or the length of our marriage, whichever comes first. But it would REALLLY help me out a lot. I am going to talk to him about it tomorrow when we meet with the attorney for the bankruptcy. Hopefully he will be agreeable to it. Anyway, I should get back to work. Talk to you later!

Hey guys-

Had lunch with David after meeting with the attorney. He pretty much told me there is no chance that he is going to change his mind about the divorce. He says he has been over me for a long time. He also told me he did Cocaine about a week ago. He says he isn't going to do drugs anymore, but it didn't surprise me that he had done them since we've been apart. He said he thinks I should start dating if I want to, kind of his way of telling me that it is for sure over. It was good to talk to him though. It made me feel more sure that he isn't the one for me. I can't be with someone who doesn't love me and for sure can't be with someone who does drugs. I hate drugs and everything about them. It's weird how he's like this whole other person you know? Suddenly he has a gym membership and is working out everyday. Definitely a sign that he is moving on. He told me that he has been over me for awhile now... Argh. That was tough to hear. Anyway, he agreed to give me two hundred dollars a month for one year after our divorce is final. So probably starting in about January. It will reallly help me out a lot. You know, just to give me time to get on my feet. He will be financially better off after the divorce but I will be the same or worse, so it's only fair that he help me out for awhile. He agrees so that's good. The money should help me be able to save up for a car pretty quick. I am also thinking about quitting my job and just going to school full time. I have a grant through the school that gives me a part time job on campus. It would be enough to pay my bills but I wouldn't have any extra. But at least I would be in school full time instead of just part time. Anyway, I am rambling. He is coming over today to give me some stuff that has been in my car since it's been in the shop, but after that I won't speak to him until Tuesday when we go sign the bankruptcy papers. He says he thinks of me as a friend now and that he can confide in me. It kind of hurts, but at least I know for sure that it's over. Well, sorry to ramble on like this. Love you guys! I am going to go an work out today. I think tomorrow I am going to call the guy from the restaraunt and ask him out. Seems only fair that I should start having fun and enjoy being single again you know? Maybe I will take him dancing or something...

Shan

Yes Shantelle. Ask that spunk out. But take the advice Candela gave you and remember he is a rebounder, strictly for fun only - not allowed to get serious.

I don't know about the alimony. It's different here. When you divorce you get half of what you accumulated during the relationship. Like half the house, or the business or cars or whatever. The only payments are for keeping children. So not much help there. I would be saying go for half of what you accumulated.

You sound really happy about everything - well as happy as you can be which is great.

Sounds like you band thing is going well Candela. Just quietly you are going to become famous. I will have to look at that website but work is crazy, started at 8am and finished 11.30pm last night. Have a meeting this morning - going to be a waste of time - but have to go - then back here to try to get some real work done. Can't sleep properly - eating too many biscuits!!

Anyway good luck on the CDs and all that. And I hope you are feeling better. If you are feeling like that pizza won't hurt - you need to eat something.

Have a great day. Better go and try to make myself look professional for this meeting.

Hello again, it feels like I haven't been by in forever!! I just don't have much time because I'm still in training.

Man, I felt so fat last night. I don't know what's up. I did my pilates, but just the legs and abs. I'm gonna try to do some more before rehearsal tonight. I want to get in 2 1 hour sessions along with a 15 min ones here and there. I can't let all this hardwork just go. So I was really down on myself. I just haven't been feeling well. I'm going to the doctor tomorrow morning. Hopefully I'll be able to get some answers. I've been eating everyday now. I just still feel woozie.

Shan- I'm really happy to hear that you're able to realize that you didn't do anything wrong, he's just not right for you. You really do deserve better than that. You're the one who is getting the better end of the bargain on this one. He's the one that really lost out. I think it would be a good idea to go to school fulltime while you are getting help from David. It will only get harder the longer you wait. Why spend so much time working dead end jobs when you can be on your way to a career that you're interested in? How much school do you have left? Would you been done in a year? I would rather struggle now through college and do without all the extras than be stuck in a job for years while I try to finish up school. I worked part time on campus when I went to college. It was great! The people I worked with were so great and I did it for the whole 3 years that I was there. So good luck with your decision. You're the only one that knows what is right for you.

It sure is a lot more work back here :) But it's nice to be doing something. I'll check back later.. I should have more time today.

Hey guys-

Kind of a rough night last night. David stopped so I could get my stuff out of the car. Found Andrea's birth control pills in the center console of the car. Figure it must mean something. He still denies anything happened or is happening, but why would her pills be in his car? If they were on the floor or in the seat and just fell out it would be one thing, but these were PLACED where they were. He said he didn't know they were there, but didn't deny he had seen her yesterday. It hurts to think he is hanging out with her again. I know I shouldn't care, but it's a slap in the face you know? Argh. I wish I didn't ever have to talk to him again. It would be easier.

Shan

Wow, that's pretty messed up. I really do think you're better off without him.. the same as her husband would be better off without her. It almost seems as though the pills were placed there on purpose or something and I wouldn't put it past her. Forget about the two of them and move on . I'm glad you're getting his money too... that's the least he could do.

So how is it living in your new place? Have you gotten all settled yet? My sister is moving in with me in a few weeks. I'm not sure for how long though. I'm gonna have to just wait and see what happens. My husband is counting on the band taking off soon and doing really good... that way he can have the place to himself :) I just hope having my sister there doesn't put any strain on our marriage. I would hate to have to ask her to move out. They get a long pretty welll though, so I"m not really worried about it. I keep teasing him about making sure he doesn't do anything bad... we're twins, so it's an easy joke.

so are you guys identical then? That's so funny! I love my new place. It's very clean and nice. It's definitely a switch from living with a mechanic who doesn't clean up after himself. You know? I called that guy Jacob. He said he is going to give me a call when he gets his work schedule so he knows when we can go out! He may never call, but it's an accomplishment that I called him in the first place, so that's okay with me. He is SO cute though! Tonight I am going to Poker Night in one of the apartment complexes in town. Apparently there are a lot of guys who show up for that, so it should be fun! Everyone puts in 10.00 and when you run out you are out. It's so neat! My friend Erin invited me to go. She is so supportive of me it's great! You guys are great too. And you are right Candela, I am better of without them. Screw them. They can just do whatever they want and leave me out of it. I have a fabulous life ahead of me and I don't have time for any of their crap. WOOHOO! I might have a date soon!!!!!

Anyway, love you guys a ton!

Shan:mus:

I AM STRONGER THAN THIS! I AM TOUGHER THAN THEY ARE!

You are stronger than the situation and the people involved. I'm really excited for you. That is a huge step you took to call someone... I don't think I could do that. Hopefully he calls back :) But I think you got something out of it just calling.

Yes, we're identical. We really don't look much alike anymore...we really did when we were kids. My sisters now ex boyfriend keeps telling her that we're not really identical. We asked our mom about it and she said that the dr told her we were when we were born... so I'm sticking to it. We've always been identical twins, i'm not gonna change my identity because of some stupid guy. What does he know.

So did you end up talking to the new cute guy? Or was it a quick call seeing if he'd like to do something?

Have fun at the poker game tonight... just be sure you take good care of yourself and don't get into any trouble ;) But really, have a great time!!!!!!! Good luck winning some money too :)

Hi.

Gotta say about the identical twins thing - since it's the last thing I read. Identical means you were from the same egg that split right, you are like clones of each other right, doesn't mean you look exactly the same. You can always tell twins apart if you know them well enough. Fraternal are just brothers/sisters who are in the womb at the same time right. Anyway that's the way I thought it was - let me know.

David really sounds mixed up. I sort of feel sorry for him getting involved with her, even if nothing is going on their relationship sounds pretty weird. I would feel more sorry for him if it wasn't making you feel bad. If he is depressed or mixed up or whatever it doesn't sound like he is going to get himself out of it doing what he is doing. You are so lucky to get out pretty much scott free.

Hope you are feeling better Candela. I had some flu thing that made me feel terrible, maybe that is all it is - you just have to ride it out. I hope that is all it is anyway. Maybe you are working too hard - with work and the band and everything.

About college Shantelle. I agree with Candela that you should go back full time, while you've got financial support. I think it is best to go while you are used to being poor. I rented with a guy who worked night shift when I was in uni. It was great, a bit of a party house because everyone else was still living with their parents. He would bring people home after work (lucky I'm a heavy sleeper) so there were always people there. Great fun. We lived on mince meat and I used to do cash jobs to make money. We used to play cards a lot, sometimes could make enough to pay the rent so hope you do well with the poker night, you might be able to make it an income source.

See ya. Look after yourself both of you. Hope you both feel better. Candela hope that bug goes away and Shantelle hope you don't let your bug (David) upset you.

Hey guys-

It's good to hear that you support me in my decision to start dating. I was kind of worried about what people would think since technically I am still married. I didn't get a chance to talk to Jacob really, he was in the library at the university so he couldn't talk. But he asked me for my number and said he will check his work schedule to see when he is free. So hopefully he will call, but if not that's okay too. Poker was fun. I didn't win, but that is okay. What they do is everyone starts out with 10.00, and you play till you run out. Then the last one standing takes the pot. It was really fun. Plus there were only three girls there and like 20 guys! One at my table was REALLY cute!!! But he didn't seem all that interested. I hope I start meeting lots of cuties like him though. My best friend Erin seems to think that they will be beating down my door... I think she may be delusional. She thinks I look like Catherine Zeta-Jones. Too many bumps on the head I think... Hey! We should exchange pictures one of these days!

PS. I am going to Old Navy today to buy myself some smaller pants!!!!!!

SIZE 12 SIZE 12 SIZE 12!!!!!!!! WOOHOO! They fit pretty good. They could be a bit looser, but they are okay to wear right now!!!!!!!!! SO HAPPY! Going to work out today since I have a bit of motivation with my new slightly smaller size! Went to see David at work today. Needed him to look at my truck. It's leaking axle fluid but he says it's no big deal. Didn't feel that sad when I left there so that's good. He is such a loser.

Good on you Shantelle. And who cares what other people think anyway. When you are an old chook like me you don't care as much. Let me tell you that after you give birth and you've been up on that table with all these strangers looking you know where you don't really care anymore if you go to the shops looking like a dag. So long as you are hurting anyone else you should be able to do what you like.

Poker sounds good. Always great for the ego to go to a place with good male to female ratio. At school my best friend and I used to go to the football - about 50 guys to every girl in the group we went with - great fun.

Good on you also for the size 12 jeans. Because I've been so busy with work my good eating habits go out the window. Trying to get on top of it today, with work so I can get on top of the eating.

Hey Kim-

Thanks for the encouragement. You are so great. I have noticed that my tummy is getting a little flabbier, so going to work it out extra hard today. Lots of drama happening at work today. Man I want out so bad! If I could just work full time (well technically I can) it would be great. But I want to save up for a car, so it's tough. Anyway, I have a date tonight with a friend from high school. he is HOT so maybe I can get some action... LOL. Loves, Shan

Happy friday!!! i just love fridays! I missed work yesterday because I had a dr appointment and my insurance didn't go through and it took me all day to finally get in. I have to go to a lab tomorrow to get some bloodwork done and they are callling in a mamogram for me. I have what are hopefully cysts in my breast. They are pretty painful, so that's a good sign. It turns out more breast cancers are painless.... so bring on the pain :) Yesterday was a terrible day... but I weighed in at 119 on the dr scale. I was fully dressed with heavy shoes on too. So I was prettty happy about that. That was the first time I have ever been happy with the weight on a dr scale :)

Any plans for the weekend? I have a gig tomorrow night. It's a benefit show to raise money for a one woman show production. That should be fun.

Have a happy friday!!!

Wow Candela, you weigh even less now. You just keep losing - don't fade away.

Try not to worry about the mammogram - I know it's hard. I had a cyst when I was about 28, they found it when I was pregnant so they had to wait 6 months before they did anything. Something about the preganacy hormone they couldn't be sure what it was. My dr said the same thing, it was painful to squeeze so she said it was probably nothing and IT WAS. Makes me paranoid now, so try not to be paranoid like I am. I think it is pretty normal.

Have a great weekend ladies. I'm going to the gym this morning (everyone still in bed here). I missed yesterday, just had to get my work finished. I finished it yesterday so I get today off. Back to it on Monday. I feel like a new job is coming in for quoting every day. If they all come through I don't know what to do. One day at a time. Sometimes it is one hour at a time if I look to far ahead I freak out.

Hey guys-

Down another three pounds! Woohoo! Did Circuit Training on Saturday for my PE class. Have you guys done that? We alternated cardio (treadmill and stationary bike) and weight machines every two minutes for half hour. It totally kicked my butt but it was so fun! I am going to do it again tonight. Jacob the waiter stood me up. Ex-boyfriend Jeff and I have kind of been seeing each other. He is getting divorced too so I guess it's kind of a rebound thing. We both know we aren't going to be a couple, so we are just spending time with each other. I know it's bad, but he is SOOOO addictive. Spent last night at his place, which is an hour from here. Drove home at 6 am this morning. But it was SOOOOOOOOO nice. Am I bad? Argh. Anyway, about the cysts Candela, I hope all goes well. Keep me posted. Love you guys! Shantelle

Wow, so you guys all went to dinner and we're in the middle of splitting up? That's an interesting situation. I wouldn't say you're bad. But I would say be careful... and I'll say it a hundred times!! Take care of yourself and don't get into anything that you're not comfortable with and can't handle. It's a bad situation only because both of you guys are coming out of a bad relationship. Do you know why they are splitting up? Is it final? Do you think he'll end up back with her? Just be careful and have fun :)

Congrats on the 3 lbs!!!! I need to get back on it. My clothes are all too big, but I've been eating badly for the last 2 weeks. Nothing at home sounds good so I've been eating out a lot. So yesterday was the last day for that. I'm gonna do my pilates tonight when I get home from work and then we're gonna finish putting our place back together. We're changing everything because we're trying to make room for my sister. We have to clean out the extra room and find places to stick everything. I really hope we get it done today!! Our place is such a mess and I can't stand it anymore!!!!

HAPPY MONDAY :)

Hey-

Yeah apparently that night after dinner she confronted him about some problems they'd been having. I guess they got married because their families pressured them to. (In our church if you have sex, you get married. Or you don't get to be in the church anymore) Needless to say, he and I are both now out of the church although we haven't talked to anyone about it yet. So yeah, she moved out and they are in the process of getting divorced. I don't think she is coming back, especially now that he has been "with" me. Anyway, he was really unhappy in the relationship. He didn't love her anymore, thought it was a mistake they got married and figured it's better to get out early. They've only been married for just over a year. So yeah I am going to have to be careful. He is definitely acting like he wants more though, even though we talked and decided we can't be in a relationship together. We went to this meeting last night for his business (kind of a get-together thing) and his business partner knew all about me and was excited to meet me. So he clearly told him all about me. I am trying not to let it go to my head, since I just got out of my marriage. But being with him is so nice. I guess I should just enjoy it while I can. He keeps calling me and wanting to see me all the time. It's nice to be wanted I guess. Especially since no one has wanted me for awhile. I wish you guys had seen me before I lost this weight and now. This week all sorts of people started telling me. It's like I'm a whole different person. How did I not notice until people started to?

I wouldn't completely rule out having a relaionship together... I would just take it really slow. Don't get cornered into a relationship if you want to be free to see other people. It is nice that he wants to spend a lot of time with you, but you guys should give each other room also. You guys might be perfect for each other and meant to be... if that is the case... it will still be there over time. You don't need to rush into anything. Concentrate on schoool and have a good time. I do think that you guys should make sure that you're both clear on what you want though. That way you can have an open friendship and relationship.

It's really great that he's excited about you and telling his friends... he seems to be happy about you.

I don't remember if you mentioned it before, but I was just curious why it didn't work out with him before? That was in high school, right? Maybe things can be different this time around since you've both had time to grow.

Good luck!!! Sorry if I seem to repeat myself a lot. I just want to make sure that you think everything though and keep your interests number one in whatever you do :)

Wow - what an ego trip. This guy is great for the ego, keep it in check though like Candela says.

You know I had a teenager talking to me the other day about careers and stuff and I was thinking afterwards that it really is more important to make sure you get yourself a good man than a good career. So much easier to get a new career than a new man and far less painful. This is a great time to reasses what you want in a man.

I like them with a strong personality because they need to stand up to me. I went out with a couple of, well I called them slaves, lovely guys, would recommend to anyone but not for me. I like to take some risks with my job and money, I had a boyfriend for a long time who I'm sure is in the same job now as he was 20 years ago. Would be a great provider and father for someone, but not for me. Get what I'm saying. Your guy sounds a bit clingy, couldn't stand it, but I have a good friend who's husband is like that and they love it.

Here I go again - blah, blah, blah. This guy may be what you want, but be sure about it before you get too emotionally attached.

Should probably have put this first, but fantastic news on the weight loss. It really makes a difference when people treat you differently. Like you say, makes you feel like a new person.

Have a great day.

Hey guys-

So the scale said 160 this morning, and it said that last night. Should I trust it? I don't know. The one at the gym said the same thing, but it doesn't seem possible that it said 165 two days ago... Any ideas? I would love to say I have met my second goal... Anyway. Things are fabulous. As for the high school thing, it didn't work out because we ended up in seperate high schools at one point. And it was just too hard. Plus we were young. But we did the whole break up get back together thing for a long time. Honestly I would like a relationship with him but I am not sure when I will be ready (or him). It kind of seems like things are just developing naturally. Anyway, so how much do I weigh you think?

Shan

I would go with the 160 lbs :) It's not impossible to lose 5 lbs in a few days. It all depends when you weighed and all that stuff. You could have be retaining a lot of water, ect...

Great job though!! You're doing so good!! I did some pilates last night. I just really need to tone my legs up. I'm hoping that I'll start doing more when my sister moves in. That way I'll have someone to walk/run with and we'll be able to push each other along.

I still haven't heard anything back from the dr. I got a bunch of blood work done on saturday, but I'm still waiting for the mamogram. I just want to get this over with. I don't know if you guys have ever had cysts, but they are really painful!! I'm scared to get them taken out cause they have to use a needle and all, but it doesn't sound too bad compared to the 24/7 pain they cause right now. Cross your fingers that I hear something soon :)

Have a great day!!!

Cysts are no biggie. They used to not be able to drain them, instead they cut you open to take them out. So think about that and be glad they can use the needle! :D

Going to change my profile then right now. 160!!! WOOHOO!!!!! I am excited! I did circuit training last night. Plus Jeff called last night and we talked for about an hour. It was fun.

Loves, Shan

I agree with Candela, go with the 160. I can lose 5 pounds in a few days, but usually that is when I've gone up a bit and then down a bit, water retention, food retention if I've eaten a bit the night before, all of it together you could do that. I'm just having a look at my weight log. I lost 6 pounds in 3 days, but had gone up 4 pounds in the previous 3 days.

Good luck Candela. That's terrible that they hurt so much. I had mine cut out although it was only tiny. Can't even see a scar now.

Look after yourself.

Hey guys-

I am attributing the loss to the intense workouts I have been doing. (Plus a bit of recreational exercise if you get what I mean :o ) I worked out in class on Saturday, did 20 minute Pilates on Sunday, circuit training yesterday etc...

So that's like twice what I normally do. Cool huh?!!

SOOOOO happy things are starting to look better on me. I will need to buy myself more clothes though. (Oh, darn.)

Good on you Shantelle. I've been behaving a lot better lately too. I spent a few weeks eating very badly. I've been a lot better this week. I really need to get going on getting towards my goals I'm falling so far behind you and Candela.

The weather is getting better too so I can get outside and do walking or something. It got better and then got really cold and wet for a few weeks. Hopefully this time summer really is coming.

It took so long for summer to get here this year... I'm suprised that it's actually cooling down on time around here. I talked to my sister today about working out together after she moves in and she was thinking the same thing.

I'm so excited because I just got my ticket to go to Rhode Island for Christmas. We're suprising my little sister and I can't wait. It's about 10 weeks away, so that gives me plenty of time to control my eating and start working out more. I really miss going to pilates class. I need that can't of thing to make me stay focused and on track. So I'm giving myself 10 weeks to get my legs looking better. They are the only part on my body that I'm just not happy with. I feel like I can't do anything about it. My legs are just meant to be FAT!! But I'm gonna find a way to change that. I think I'm gonna try to do some kind of circuit training at home. I'll just use my bike and the few weights that I have to make it work. I'm excited to make some kind of routine thing. Any ideas Shan??

Well I have a few calls I need to return... I just got back from lunch :) So have a great rest of your days :)

Hey guys-

Yeah Candela, you could do like I am doing. Two minutes of cardio then two minutes of lifting. You just alternate for thirty minutes. It's amazing! It's a good idea though to alternate which muscle areas you work on the lifting part. So maybe do free weights on your arms, then the bike, then do leg lifts, then jumping jacks, then squats, etc...

It's pretty fun because you can mix it up and it works you all over. To get your legs in shape you can focus on the leg Pilates portion on top of your regular cardio. So spend like 10 minutes in the morning doing leg lifts, bicycles, hot potato, big scizzors etc.

Jeff and I changed our plans from tomorrow night to Saturday night. So now I have to find something to do tomorrow. I need to do something fun because I usually spend Fridays at home because I have class at 8 am on Saturdays. But this week there is no school, so I want to have a real friday night out to enjoy it. Most of my friends have plans already, so I guess I will see. Anyway, you guys have a fabulous weekend if I don't get to talk to you tomorrow. We are only working half a day so I may not be on. Loves!

Candela - I've heard that running is great for the legs. I've never tried it, not my thing, unless maybe it was on a beach, but I'm not driving 20 minutes to run. I've got big legs - they say my family has 'child bearing hips'. I don't mind though, gives me some shape. I did my measurements with a girlfriend, I was 10 cm bigger in the bust, 5 cm bigger in the hips, but 5cm smaller around the waist. I prefer it that way, probably mainly because I have no choice, but my husband prefers a bit of shape too so that's fine. I'm hope when I lose weight that I lose the most off my waist and then some off my hips and it seems to work that way too.

Shantelle, have fun tonight. A workout is the best thing for a hangover, if you can get through it. You actually get energy from all the sugar, offset by how terrible you feel, so it's not that hard if you keep at it.

I love your new footer. Let me tell you if I could see you I would say how fabulous you look.

Missed the gym last night, had a meeting that started to 5pm I was hoping that if I got out in an hour I could drive home and get ready for the 7pm class. What a joke, the meeting went for 4 hours, finished at 9pm. Ah well, I'll try to get there this morning for step. Only done 2 so far this week and only 2 days left to get in 2 more.

Thanks for the workout. I'm gonna get together with my sister and we're gonna design something like that. We both want to work on our legs.. so that will really help. :)
There has to be some fun things that you can do even if you're spending you night solo. There's a lot of good looking movies out right now. But I could see how it's much more fun to hangout with friends on nights out. I wish I could come join you. I've been so stressed over this dr and insurance stuff that I could use a good night out. We're going back into the studio this weekend to record 2 more tracks for our first EP release. We're really excited about it. We're having a CD release show next month. It should be a good time.

Well I gotta call a customer back.. even though I don't want to because she's rude :(

Hey guys-
just heading off to buy groceries in a bit. have a great weekend. thanks for the support. You guys are going to do a fabulous job! Just keep up the good work.

You have a great weekend too Shan!! TGIF!!! I'm so tired today. We had a show last night and I didn't get to bed till late. It was a good time though. We're playing the same place next week and the week after.

I wish I had half the motivation that Kim has when it comes to working out. It was easy while I was going to a class.. I had no choice but to do it. But now I find it hard to fit it in my schedule. But I'm doing better with that. I did a 30 mins session yesterday before my show.. that always feels good.

Anyone have any exciting plans for the weekend?

The weather was great yesterday. 28 and sunny. (I'll have to find a conversion to farenheit). So we had some people over for a BBQ which was great, but I ate to many chips and bread. Now my stomach is sticking out like I'm 5 months pregnant. WHAT WAS I THINKING!!

I went to the gym this morning and I was the only one who turned up so went back home without doing anything. I try to get to 4 classes by going to every class I can get to until I do the 4 for the week. I had to do 2 last Friday to make it. I wish I had your discipline when it comes to food Candela. I just have to keep away from it, when it is in front of me I can't help myself. I need to try to get more control.

Have a great weekend.

Man, the buses are on strike here and I have no way home from work today. Doesn't that just suck? We just bought another car, but it won't be ready to drive for a few more days. I just hope I get it all figured out before I have to leave for the day. There is a shopping center that I could go hangout at for 4+ hours, but I'd really rather not.

Well I'm really really really busy today. I'll try to check back in a little later and update some stuff and see how everyone's weekend went.

Happy Monday.

No buses and no car what a pain. I don't know what I would do without my car. My last car I had for 10 years, it was a real bomb, but it always got me there.

My weight was up to 143 pounds a couple of days ago. It is back to 139 today but I'm still trying to get back to 136.5 that I was about a month ago. I'm realising how easy it is to lose all the ground you've gained. This always happens, but I'm not back to 147 this time, I have to keep trying to go down. You two are doing so well with it. I wish I could keep up. At least you have stopped me from going all the way up to 147.

Better get to work too. The kindergarten has a trip to the animal farm tomorrow and I want to get all this finished so I can go.

I want to come to the animal farm with you :) That sounds like fun. It's been so crazy at work here today! I don't even have time to write.. but I am anyways.

I found a ride home for today. My singer is gonna come and pick me up. I made her a thank you card for going so far out of her way for me :)

I just hate how easy it is to gain back the weight. You work so hard to lose it and you don't have to work at all to gain it. I'm going to do my pilates when I get home today and clean the house. I'm even going to cook something for dinner. That's something I hardly ever do. I just don't like cooking. I had to do it growing up and I hated it then too. But it sounds good and easy enough.

The thing that I have found that helps lose weight the most is portion control. I know you know that and it's really hard to do.. but that just seems to be what works. Make smaller meals and cut everything in half when you go out. Allow yourself room in your day for snacks, but you have to control those as well. That along with your gym workouts should really help out. Just keep your head up and stick with it. I'm sure you'll find something that works for you. It might take a while, but I"m sure you find it.

Well I better get back to work.. that way I don't start tomorrow off with so much.

Hey guys-

I am starting to gain again too. All because I didn't work out this weekend because I didn't have PE class. Men are scum I decided today. Found out David has been spreading rumors about me having an affair at work. But it was a friend from his work who told another friend, so she set him straight. No one really seems to like him at his work much. The guy said he didn't believe it anyway, so that's good. As for Jeff, he suddenly decided to go back to his wife! WhY ARE MEN SUCH &^%holes?!!!

Then my boss freaked out at me this morning...

Hate men. HATE THEM!!!

I was afraid that was going to happen. That's always a possibility when someone splits up in their marriage. Sometimes a break makes them realize that they want to work things out. I'm just sorry you had to be in the middle of it.

That really sucks about David too. It just shows how immature he really is. It's a good thing that someone was there to put him in his place. He's the ones with the problems and even his friends and co workers can see that.

Now you can try to find someone who you don't have a past with and who is not fresh out of a marriage of relationship. I wouldn't try rushing into anything anyways. I would use this time to grow and work on myself. Focus on school and saving money and finding a way out. You've been given the chance to do it all over again. Sure there will be a lot of bumps in the road too, but you'll probably be better off because of them. So take care and hang in there.

I'm always agreeing with Candela on the advice she gives. As I was reading your post Shantelle I was thinking that you are lucky this has happened. You are saying 'Lucky!! What kind of lunatic is this person. My day totally sucks and she's saying that is a good thing! What a #$*&!'

You are lucky you found out about these guys now. You are not going to waste your life with them. I went out with a guy when I was about 18 for about a year. It was a bad year, not just in relation to him, but a lot of good came out of it as far as me knowing what I wanted, or more what I definitely didn't want. You have to have bad relationships so you know what to avoid in the future. It is a real advantage to get them out of the way early in life. You are doing that!! By the way I saw him at a party of few years after. He loved me in tight jeans and boots, and that was what he got. He watched me all night and I had a great time, ignoring him the whole time. Ha!! Not that I planned that, but the opportunity arose so I took advantage of it.

Yes - I'm off to the farm later today, worked late last night to make it happen.

I know what you mean about portion control. I can do it some days. But when I've been bad it is not about portion control or any sort of control at all. For example I should try to stick to 18 grams of fat a day. When I have a bad day I can do say 100 grams - although I don't count when I have gone that far over. It is just totally out of control. I was pretty good when I first started. That's how I the 10 pounds. I think I start thinking that I've done such a good job I start rewarding myself by not controlling myself at all. It's been about a month that I haven't lost anything, or rather put it on. I have to get motivated again.
I've bought rolls for the farm - I'm going to make one of those low fat rolls - like Subway.

I think it's funny that we are all so used to rewarding ourselves with food. That's how I like to do it. I lose weight and can buy smaller pants.. Let's go out to dinner. I got promoted.. Lets eat!! etc.... on and on. Instead of spending the $10 on a new pair of pants, or some good make-up, or whatever makes you happy.. not fat :) I have trouble around that as well. It's that and portion control. Those are the two hardest, yet most effictive.

I agree about meeting the bad people now and not wasting time later. I'm sure you know deep down that not all men are like that.. although it sure does seem like it most of the time. You really do need time to settle in yourself before getting tied up in another relationship. The husband seemed like a bad idea because although he was flattering, he seemed needy... So now you can find someone who is stronger than him, and more compassionate then David. The easiest way to learn all this stuff is through experience. Just enjoy what you have now and things will all fall into place when the time is right.

Have a great day guys!!!!

Hey guys-

Once again thanks for all the support. Hopefully soon I will stop being so dramatic on here all the time. So Candela, how are things with your sister moving in? Kim, how was the farm? I would love to go and pet all the baby animals! (They are all babies to me) Starting to gain again. I just FEEL a little fatter. Going to try to work out soon. But tonight I am going to be so busy. It will have to be late. But I haven't been sleeping anyway, so the whole adrenaline too late at night excuse doesn't really fly. Anyway, loves! Shan

The good thing if you are gaining is that you know before it gets too much. You can get right back on and go from there. You just have a new starting point.

It's completely fine to be dramtic here. You can vent and do whatever you like. It's a good place to get things out.

My sister is moving more stuff in this weekend. We still have to finish cleaning out her room. That's gonna be hard! I have no idea where we're going to put all this other stuff. She'll be living with us in about a week or two. I'm excited to have an exercise buddy, but I'm sad to think of all the free time I'm going to be losing with my husband. We can't just hang out and do whatever dorky things we do when no one can see :) So that's gonna be really hard for me. I just feel like I don't see him enough as it is. The only time I do see him is when we are both at home. Now my sister will be there at the same time. Hopefully it's not for too long. I'm hoping no more than 6 months. Even that seems like forever. We just really need to get our bills under control and pay everything off. Then we can talk about her finding a new place.

Well chances are you'll be burning a lot of calories if you're so busy.. you can count that as some form of a workout. Just eat well on days you can't work out.. and don't go overboard on the days that you do. Take care :)

Of course be dramatic. I would be far worse if it was me. I'm just a boring old married (well sort of) person with kids and the same job for 9 years and the same house for longer. Without sounding sadistic - I love your stories - you sound like you're handling everything great. It is so good to hear. You never wallow in self pity - you always seem to look on the bright side.

You too Candela - regarding your sister. Pretty positive about the whole thing, but also see the pitfalls. I'm sure it will work out fine for that reason.

I've been good with my eating the last 2 days. It's not showing on the scales yet, but trying to concentrate on not giving up. Yes I love to reward myself with food, enjoy other people's company with food. I have to concentrate on organising things that aren't centred around food. Like not asking people over for a meal, asking them to go somewhere with me instead. Have to try to do it today. Hope to go to the gym tonight and have a hit of tennis with my daughter before her lesson.

Have a great day. Look after yourselves.

That's actually a really good idea Kim! Any time I go out with people, we go out to eat. Need to find other things to do instead. I think I'm gonna try to come up with some. It's so hard though. I don't even know what to do without going out. Either for drinks or food.
Well I gotta get back to work...

Oh there are things you can do, you just have to be creative. And when you are pressed for time that can be really tough. We are definitely a society based around food. You could always have your friends over to help you with a project. Like have a paint party and paint a room in your house, or have them help you sort photos for a photo album. You could have them help you donate things to a charity, (going through your closet and pulling out all your tragic 80's clothes is always entertaining...). Anyway, those are just some ways to bond with people without food. Host a movie night and watch Casablanca or something. Just serve a veggie platter, downplay the food. Well, time to work. Love you guys! Shan

A movie night sounds like a good idea. They make some really good light popcorn too. We had also talked about doing a pilates group too. We would just need to find a place to do it. It would have been easier in the summer because I have a park right down the street from my apartment. Now I don't know where we could do it because my place is too small. I barely have room to do it.

I'm not sure what kind of holiday season you have coming up Kim, but I'm getting worried about the whole holiday over here. Halloween is already next friday and then we roll into Thanksgiving and Christmas is right after that. So that's about 2 1/2 months of over eating and chocolate!! I'm gonna start making my Battle Plan soon. I'm not gonna keep any of those foods in my house and I'm hoping I can stay away from them here at work. It was a lot easier when I was at the front in a room all by myself.. I never saw the treats that people bring in. Now we have something coming in every couple of days. But I'm not gonna stress enough to ruin the season.

Not even 10am here and I'm swamped!!!

It's sort of easier to think of things to do without food when you have kids. Like going to a playgrounds, the beach, a market or whatever. We have a pretty good yard with a sandpit, slide, trampline, cubby house so kids can come over here. People will talk about how rude you are if you don't offer food. And there has to be lots of it. When we had that BBQ we didn't have a huge amount of food - but I thought there was enough and two people asked me for chips and more food. They are probably talking about me for not keeping the food up to them.

About our holidays. Melbourne Cup weekend is in a couple of weeks. That is really a long weekend and most people bet on the race, but not really any eating involved - except the weather is usually good so you can have a BBQ. The race is on the Tuesday so most places have the Monday off as well. Lots of people go away. The only other holiday coming up is Christmas / New Year. We don't do Halloween or Thanksgiving at all. Christmas day is all about getting the whole family together (extended, aunts, grandpartents etc etc) and having a huge roast and heavy puddings with custard and ice cream. Drinking a lot and having a few family members falling asleep somewhere. A lot of people will eat twice that day - although we won't - because they have lunch with one family and then dinner with another - so they do it twice.

Many people have from Christmas Eve to the first week of January off. Many places close for their summer break over this time. School holidays run from before Christmas until the beginning of February. New Years Eve is all about drinking really rather than eating. And because we have kids it is usually not a big deal for us at all.

I understand Thanksgiving is all about eating a big roast. Sounds to me like you do it once then and again on Christmas if yours are anything like ours. Halloween I thought was about giving sweets to children who come to the door. Obviously there are things the adults do - You'll have to let me know.

I think candy is still a big part of Halloween, even as an adult. There're so much and you get a lot as gifts.. so it's free :) I'm having a party this year and it'll just be a bunch of friends wearing custumes and drinking lots of beer. I want to find ways to make it more entertaining, but I'm not sure what to do. I planned on getting completely wasted this year (I've been waiting for Halloween to land on a friday for as long as I can remember) but now I have a gig the next day. We're playing this big woman who rock conference type of thing. We don't play till 7pm, but the even starts at 10am and they're going to be having a lot of industry people there. I want to get there early and smooze with people and hand out or demo and everything. This could be a great place for us to make lots of connections. I'll let you guys know how it goes :)

Only 40 more mins and i'm done for the day. I have another gig tonight. It should be a good time. I just love playing shows!!!

That conference sounds like a great opportunity, but what a long day and straight after Halloween. Sounds like an opportunity too good to miss. Don't know what you can do to make it more entertaining - does everyone know each other?

Hope you had a good gig last night.

Yeah, we hang out with the same people all the time. There's a few new ones here and there. I'm gonna plan it and decorate this weekend... and get my costume :)

Sorry it's crazy again... and I need to get stuff done so I can eat lunch.
Have a great weekend!!!

So what is your costume going to be Candela?

My daughter was asking yesterday if she could go trick or treating. We have to tell her no because no-one here does it and they would get really annoyed if kids wanted stuff and no-one has anything to give - I mean they aren't prepared for it. We have been in this house for at least 10 years and I think we've had one kid knock on the door of Halloween and that was the con artist from up the street who would try anything to get something for nothing. I think we had to gave him an apple because that's all we had.

Got my 4 gym classes in for the week. I've put my weights up a little bit on legs. Not much, I have to be careful because I've hurt my back and knee before doing pump. It was only 3 kg more - that's 6.5 pounds - and I can really feel the difference.

There's an older guy who has been coming to pump for a few weeks. He struggles to do the same on biceps as a few of us girls and last night he had on more and didn't get anywhere near getting through it. I think, because they are guys they think they should be able to do more than the ladies. This guy has the biggest pot belly - he is a nice guy so I hope he doesn't hurt himself - he needs to get rid of some of that belly first. The guys can be funny when they start the pump class because some of the ladies where I go do pretty heavy weights, and they are not big and muscular, and the guys just can't help themselves, they have to compete. That's when it gets funny.

Have a great weekend.

I am just brand new to this site. I am in the same situation as everyone else. I have been at 145lbs for weeks now, and I can't get by it. Ofcourse, when I am rewarding myself with food I will never get by it. My goal is 130lbs. I would also like to fit into my size 7 pants again. I have been between my size 9-10. During the week, I am very good, because I am working and I can control the amount of food in my office. It's the evenings and weekends at home that I lose control of. For instance, tonight I am so bored, so I ate crackers. I wasn't even hungry! Now I feel so guilty! I hope that you guys can help me gain the confidence to lose that last 15 lbs.

Hi Carmul. You have a lot in common with Candela, Shantelle and myself. I know I am hopeless on weekends, although this weekend I was pretty good. Mind you I didn't really socialise, more a stay at home weekend so that helps. And you mentioned the pants. I think all of us here have a pair of pants we're trying to get into.

Actually good news regarding the pants. Today my husband mentioned that my jeans were baggy. Not that long ago I bought exactly the same pair but a size 10, the ones I'm wearing today are size 12. So I went and tried on the size 10s. I got them on without too much trouble, but they are a bit tight. I'm very happy about it, but trying not to get too excited and start patting myself on the back. The next step is to reward myself with food and I DON"T want to do that.

What about the exercise Carmul? I go to gym classes, mainly pump and combat, I try to get to 4 a week and do accomplish that most weeks. The eating is my downfall. Candela and Shantelle love pilates. They are also more disciplined than me with the eating, but like everyone slip up now and then, mainly when socialising - although most of the time they are very good. Sorry Candela and Shantelle. I shouldn't be speaking for you.

Speak to you all soon.

Hey everyone! Welcome Carmul! Kim you are just fine to speak for me! Got assesments done in PE class on Saturday. I've lost 4% body fat! WOOHOO! Also had to see how many push up's and sit ups I could do in a minute, let's just say my pecks and abs are now very sore! Also had a blind date on Saturday. I opened the door and the guy was like 2 inches shorter than me! Argh! He was pretty nice but I didn't find myself interested in him. Also, one of my guy friends is suddenly showing interest in me. Very weird because he has a girlfriend. She's all wrong for him though. She's only nineteen and definitely acts her age. Or maybe less. The other night he and I and our two friends who are married to each other were going for a drive up the canyon and he was sort of cuddling me. He is SOOOO nice, but he has a girlfriend so I don't know what he is thinking. I am also kind of afraid to ask him about it. But I know myself and I might start to get emotionally involved so I kind of need some sort of establishment of rules. Anyway, wow that was a lot of junk. sorry loves! Shan

Man, I've been so busy!!! It's crazy!! Welcome Carmul!! You're more than welcome to join in on the fun here :) We've all been trying to lose that little amount of weight that just won't go away.

Kim is right... I LOVE PILTATES!!! I lost 11 lbs in 10 weeks while being part of a test group for the next pilates informercial. It was so amazing!! So that's what you'll hear from me as far as exercise.

Shantelle.. I would be careful with the friend of yours that has a girlfriend. I know it feels nice to get attention and have someone to cuddle with, but you'd be setting yourself up to get hurt. It sounds a lot like the situation with the ex that you started to see again. But CONGRATS ON THE 4% LOSS!!!!!!!! That's great! You're doing so good!!
And CONGRATS to Kim too!! It always feels great when the husband notices :)

Well my day is just about done here!! I just wish tomorrow were friday!! That would be cool. Have a good night ladies, and I'll hopefully have more time tomorrow.

4% body fat that is HUGE Shantelle - you must be so proud of yourself. And please keep telling us about all those guys. I just love hearing it. Especially now that it's sounding like fun for you!! Short guys - oh dear - my husband thinks short men are always angry and crazy. I shouldn't say too much because it's sterotyping, but a tall athletic man is always more appealing - at least to me.

Thanks for the encouragement Candela. And I got more today - one of the ladies at the gym asked if I'd lost weight - the first person to notice (apart from my husband). It was someone's birthday and they had cake. It is really difficult to say no to this group because they are the gym people. Anyway I chose the smallest piece I could see - they weren't very big. Portion control - right Candela.

Don't work too hard. See you tomorrow.

Hey guys-

Well went out on another blind date last night. This time the guy was really cute, but a total jerk. Well, not a total jerk, but I could tell he is definitley a hot head. I'm kind of a hot head too, so not exactly a good match. We were supposed to meet my friends at a corn maze, but couldn't find them. (That was okay with me because Wyatt and his GIRLFRIEND were going to be there and I feel a little guilty when I see her. Not because anything happened really, but because I like her boyfriend and he likes me.) So we went to the batting cages. That was really fun! But he's still a jerk. A really cute, successful, wealthy, jerk. Oh well. That's just how it goes I think. So not sure if we will go out again. He kind of acted like he expected me to put out... yeah right. I'm not that kind of girl. I changed my profile yesterday to make that VERY clear. Anyway, thanks for the encouragement on the loss. I still have about 3% to go I think. (around 9 lbs) I'm excited to work out now though, because the size 12's I am wearing are gettin baggy!!!! Kim, keep up the good work! Nice job with the cake! It's nice when your co-worker's and gym buddies know how a hard you are working. There were donuts on my desk when I got here this morning. Argh. So I ate one. I figure it's okay because I am going to the gym tonight with my roomate. Well, talking WAY too much. Loves! Shan

Well it sounds like you're building a nice social life and that's great for getting through the tough changes. Blind dates sounds scary and fun at the same time. You just never know what or who you're going to run into. But it sounds like you're having a good time. And you can lose the 3% no problem.. just keep up the great work.

I have to say that I'm not big on short guys either. Is that too shallow? LOL I'm pretty short, so a guy would have to be way too tiny to be shorter than me. My husband is a lot taller than me and I wouldn't have it any other way :) I think it's a security thing for me. I'm not that short... 5'5 and he's probably around 6 feet.

I'm so excited!! I ordered my wedding ring yesterday. Yeah, I'm already married, but my ring is very cheap. I got it while working at a silver jewelry cart in a mall. So I'm ordering one from the place I work. It's going to be so pretty!!! I'll have to show you guys pictures when I get it. I should hopefully have it on a month or so!!! I'm getting the engagement ring and matching band :)

Well I better get back to work... my desk is a mess and I can't find anything!! LOL Have a great day gals!!!

Hey-

Yeah I really like a guy who is a bit taller than me. My ex was about the same height and stocky build, so in heels I looked like I towered over him. It's nice to have someone who makes me feel petite because I am tall and fairly big boned. I loved it when a guy is all strong and I have to actually reach up to put my arms around him. It's nice. Sigh... Anyway very eventful work day today. Got a lot done and did a presentation with the guys upstairs. Going home to watch Breakfast at Tiffany's tonite. My best friend Erin is coming over to watch it. She's been having a rough time of it lately so I hope it will cheer her up. Well that's great about your ring Candela. I would love to see it when you get it. Love you guys! Shan

I just got off the phone with the doctors office and they need me to come in to go over my test results from my blood work. I have to say I'm a little nervous. I'm sure it's nothing, but I've never been called in over test results. My mom thinks it's high cholesterol. I was told that once before... but in a letter in the mail. It's funny too because I don't eat anything that would cause that. It's just genetic I guess. I have to go in 10:30am on friday. I'm trying not to stress.. I don't need it. Everything is fine. My husband is going to go with me though.. so that will be nice.

Have fun tonight Shan.. I've never seen the movie, but it can't be too bad being a classic and all :)

I'll keep you guys posted. Cross your fingers :)

Hope you are having a good day. I was nervous for you too when I first read they are calling you in, but Friday is a long way away, so it can't been anything too drastic, otherwise they would want to talk to you ASAP. Sounds like your mum (we spell like that here) might be right. They might have to talk to you about changing your eating or something. I had low iron or something and they wanted to give me injections to boost it up. It might be something like that. With everything you do I wouldn't be surprised if your blood was a bit run down - I'm sure they just want to fix that.

Another blind date - cool - keep it coming. I love hearing all this. I must be really shallow. First I'm not into short guys and when I meet a guy who is really good looking I worry about him too, because usually the know they are good looking and think the world should revolve around them.

The ring sounds very nice. I would like to have one. I just have an opal that I wear on my wedding finger (what do you call it? - you know what I mean). I did see a ring that I loved not that long ago and was going to buy it, but it was too expensive, maybe when I'm richer I'll get it.

Yeah, I was really nervous because they wanted me to come in this morning. When she called she that we need to go over the test results and wanted me to come in first thing this morning.. so that's why I was freaked out. I couldn't just take that appt because I had to clear it with my work. So that's why it's friday. My cysts were doing really good all last week. They were almost gone.... but now they're coming back. I don't know.. I will find out more on friday. I'll be sure to keep you posted.. just for my sake LOL

I would never be able to get a ring if I didn't work for the company. It's a beautiful ring and I can't wait to get it. I'm really excited about it.

Man there's some yummy bread type food here that I want to eat really badly!! But I haven't.. but I want to!!! HELP!!!! LOL

Hey ladies! About the cysts, Candela. Keep in mind that through your cycle hormones can encourage swelling and growth. So try not to be too stressed about it. As for the bread, I hear ya. (Donuts yesterday almost broke me. Hurrried and went to the gym instead.) Anyway, last night Wyatt and I stayed up ALL NIGHT and talked. I have had one hour of sleep and am working and everything. It's insane. He told me he thinks about me all day! I've never had anyone tell me that before. As for the girlfriend, he says he hasn't been happy with her for a long time. But she's a total psycho co-dependent type so he's afraid to break up with her. He said he has to though because he doesn't love her anymore and has these really strong feelings for me. It's so strange because my head keeps telling me that it's too soon, that he hasn't broken up with her yet, etc. But my heart is SCREAMING that this is right. He is amazing and treats me so great. Anyway, I know this is all crazy and sudden but WOW. It's crazy how happy I am about it. I was really struggling with how I felt about him but then he told me that he feels exactly the same way. We just compliment each other. It's crazy. So I am waiting for him to break up with her and then we will see what happens. Well, love you guys. And so ends another day in the continuing drama of Shantelle....

P.S. Jeff emailed me again to tell me he is getting divorced. Argh. He apologized again for his behavior and then said he would call me or write as soon as the divorce is final. Argh. Have you guys seen Sex and the City? If you have you get this. He is my Mr. Big.

Your cysts sound like hormornal changes to me too - but what would I know. It is pretty unlikely it is anything really bad at your age, or even at my age. It's the over 50s when you hormones do other things. You are also likely to have more problems is you developed early, have big knockers, are overweight or unfit.

Shantelle - yeah I know who Mr Big is. I can't stand it when she goes back to him. What is she doing?!?! 'Control yourself!' I yell at the TV. I guess I can see the attraction though. I'm probably far too logical and don't let me emotions take over very often. And this other guy, definitely stay away from him until he breaks up with his girlfriend. I feel like we should name this drama -(like 'Sex and the city' or 'Days of our lives') - I'm not very good with thinking up witty thing.

Have a great day. Especially you Candela - think happy thoughts. It was like when I was pregnant I was terrified of childbirth - worried for 9 months - and it was over in a flash and didn't really hurt that much. I wasted 9 months worrying for nothing.

Wow, I'm glad to know that giving birth isn't as bad as it seems. I'm scared to death to have kids for that main reason. I'm not worried anymore... thanks for the support. It was just so out of the blue and everything. I've never had to go back after taking tests, so that kind of messed with me. I'm not over weight, I have rather small ones and I developed at the "normal" time. I was thinking that it might actually have something to do with all the weight that I lost while doing pilates. I'm just looking forward to being able to sleep in a little longer friday morning. That way I'll be nice and rested for my Halloween party that night. Plus I have a gig Thursday night and will be in bed later than normal.

I have to agree with Kim.. STAY AWAY.. until he has completely ended his relationship with his "girl friend', and be cautious even still. He could end up using you both.. and I think you deserve to be in a great relationship. I would also let Jeff know what he missed out on. Why do these guys think they have the right to do these kinds of things? I would make them show some respect for you and the other women. Seeing how they are treating the other girls is a good sign of how they will treat you. So make them earn it if you see they are fit for it.

Have a good night gals!! It's almost friday!!!! :) :) :)

Hey guys-

Yeah Wyatt is definitely waiting until it's over with her. I trust him and I know that he isn't the kind of guy to use us. He really cares about her and doesn't want to hurt her. He just doesn't love her anymore. I got another email from Jeff. He was asking about my feelings about the whole situation with the two of us. He had mentioned that he'd "had some emotions stirred up that he wasn't ready to deal with". What does that mean? I don't know. But when I mentioned that I might be kind of seeing someone soon, he immediately asked if I was still going to be available to "other guys". Yuck. I freaking love him still. WHY!!!! He is so my Big. Argh. Anyway, I am just not going to do anything about anything. Not until one or the other is available and tells me how he freaking feels!!!!! Hate this. Kind of love Jeff still. Maybe I just shoudn't talk to him anymore. Yeah right. Like I could do that. Argh. Freaking ARGH!!!

Yeah, it sounds pretty stressful. But fun at the same time. I'm glad that Wyatt is a nice guy then. I think sitting back and letting whatever happen happen is a good way to take it. That way you're not putting all of your energy into 2 different relationships that might fall apart before they really start. I think it's great that your life is really turning around since the divorce. You have a strong personality if you can over come it so quick.. and that's a good thing. You realize that you're better than him and lots of other guys will be able to see that in you as well.
Have you decided what you're going to be doing about school yet? Are you going to be able to go full time?

Hey-

Thanks for the support. I am so freaked out it really helps to hear from you guys. Wyatt tucked me in last night... nothing happened he just tucked me in and gave me a hug. It was REALLY sweet. I slept really good. Tonight I am going to buy a new desk for my room and he wants to come over and help me put it together. It should be fun! So yeah, we are going to hang out and put it together while my laundry is going. (We have a laundomat at my building.) That's a big sign that he cares if he will help me build that and also hang out while I do laundry! Cool huh? As for the future, we will just have to wait and see. School is still a big question. I have funding for 6 credits, (half time) so I am going to do that next semester. That way I can still work and can buy my new car. (Looking forward to that!) Then I want to go full time next fall. That's a long time from now but that's okay.

Anyway, going to the gym with my roomate again tonight. She's in PE too, so it's SOOOOOO nice because she has class when I have class and on night's with no class we can work out! LOVE THAT! She's in dang good shape though.

Also, one thing about Wyatt. I am attracted to him and everything, but is kind of over weight. It doesn't turn me off or anything, but since I am trying to get in shape I kind of would like to see him do that too. It would make it easier. His girlfriend is kind of overweight so he wasn't exactly encouraged to work out... I don't want to change him but it would be nice to be with someone who supports my routine. Anyway, loves! Shan

Now Jeff is your first love - I am right? You know you are always going to love him because of that - unless it ends really badly, in which case you will hate him passionately. Anyway - think about why you didn't end up together. Think logically. Can you see yourself with him for the rest of you life? Do you both have the same goals, morals (that is a weird one I know - but your stance on drugs, politics, bringing up children - I know it sounds weird but if you want to live together you have to be going the same way). My first love - I still love him - but he is just not the guy for me - not adventurous enough - I've told you about him before. I'd love him to settle down with a girl who would look after him and his house and the 6 children they have together. You are always linked to your first love emotionally. Keep it in perspective.

Wyatt - well he sounds like he has different - what I class as morals - I know it's not that but that's how I describe his attitude towards his body - obviously doesn't mind being a bit overweight - not something you could put up with in yourself - can you put up with it - even love it in a partner? There will be other differences between the two of you related to this. He sounds like a great friend and a great support - be careful taking it further than that.

Gee it's really easy to sit here and give advice. Please let me know if you want me to shut my big trap.

Good luck Candela with your appointment today. I'm sure everything will turn out fine. Look after yourself. Goodness it's Halloween - I just realised - have a happy Halloween and enjoy your gig Candela (I know you always do).

Hey-

Yes he's my first love. And you are right about the ending. It really affects how you remember him. We didn't stay together because it was high school. Not exactly because of differences. I moved away and it was too hard. As for Wyatt, morally we are on the same page. He even feels the same way I do about our religion, and that's a HUGE thing for me. (Our church is so prevalent in this area that it's hard to find people like me, who are open minded) Anyway, the weight thing isn't that big of a deal to me, but I would like to see him take care of himself. I am very conflicted. I got an email from a REALLY cute guy today, and we've been emailing back and forth a lot. But I don't feel right about going out with him because of Wyatt. Argh. We aren't even together yet, but I know that's what he's planning on as soon as he breaks up with Amanda. I'm so confused. The whole stay single and have fun dating thing isn't really like me at all. I would be on dates thinking about the long term potential. But deep down I know that Wyatt and I could have something VERY long term and it would be amazing. So I guess I am just scared. When I am with him or thinking about him it feels so right. Then Jeff has to pop into the picture and suddenly I am questioning everything. I don't know. I guess part of it is I don't understand why I am so deep into this thing with Wyatt. He's not even my type. Yet I have these STRONG feelings for him. It's a little scary to step out of a pattern I guess. Anyway, hope you have a great non-Halloween Kim!

It's great that you have so many choices :) Any set date that he's going to break up with his girlfriend? That's the only part that makes me warn you. Although you guys might seem perfect for each other... he's still with someone else. I would play it cool until he's done with that relationship. He might have more in mind than just doing laundry tonight.. so be careful and remember how you would feel if you were his girlfriend. Keep it friends till you're both single... Then look forward to the future.

Cool, someone just called my boss and told him how good I am in Customer Service... I'm a great hire and perfect for the job. Always good to hear.

Halloween comes a little later for us.. Still 9 hours till Halloween. But it should be a good time. Hopefully we have a good turn out for the show tonight and my party tomorrow. Have a good night!!!

Hey-

I forgot to mention something interesting...

He won't kiss girl until he's committed to her
He won't have sex until he's in love

How cool is that? So yeah he is planning to break up with her this weekend. It's their anniversary next week so he definitely wants to do it before then. Although she has been making plans withouth him lately (very unusual because she doesn't drive and always wants him to be with her all the time...) so he is thinking she knows he's unhappy or she is unhappy too and is distancing herself. Anyway, talk to you guys tomorrow!!!!

Shan

Well that's good to hear. He does sound like a nice guy. I hope everything works out for the both of you. So they're about to have their one year anniversary? It would definantly be better to get out before then. Good luck and have fun tonight.

Hey-

Got home last night (with Wyatt) to Jeffery on my answering machine. Sheesh. But spoke to him for like an hour last night (okay at like 3 o'clock this morning) and we are just going to be friends. It's funny how talking to him reminded me of why I don't want to be with him. He just needed someone to talk to about his marriage ending. It's starting to hit him emotionally. He was kind of surprised that he feels so upset about it. I was like, "Duh!". Anyway, kind of met some one VERY cute and interesting online. Have emailed a bit. He's an ex-marine. Secondary Ed major with a troubled youth emphasis. (Was going to be my major until law school) We have all kinds of things in common too so that's really nice. Anyway, Candela, that's awesome about your job! I hope your appointment goes well today. Have fun tonight! Kim- have a great weekend!

Shan

Well I'm pretty much cleared for Cancer. The blood work came back negitive, but we have to wait till I get the mamogram to be sure. But... My cholestoral is high, my ltds are bad, I'm at high risk for heart disease, and my liver came back abnormal. So now I have to get more tests done for hepititas a,b, and c. So that's where things are now. Good some good and bad news :)

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!!! I probably won't be drinking much tonight now that i have to get my liver checked tomorrow.. but it'll still be fun :) Hope everyone is having a great day!!!!!!

Wow! Good news Candela! You must have been scared coming up to the appointment. I was scared for you. I'm sure the mammogram will be fine, that don't say stuff like that unless they are pretty sure. Good luck with all that other stuff. At least whatever else they find they can fix with diet and medication - is that right? I really don't know anything about this sort of thing. I don't even like to watch those hospital shows on TV, reality or even the soapies about hospitals.

Have a great Halloween everyone. My non-Halloween had a friend visit and bring pizza. I didn't eat any - well for the first half hour, then I caved in and ate heaps. Bloody pizza! And because I blew my eating for the day I had the last of this ice cream my husband had bought that was really rich and chocolate. I've been watching them eat it all week and I've resisted. It was very good. Bloody ice-cream!

Happy Halloween!

Kim- I kill the bloody ice cream and pizza for you!!! *kills pizza and ice cream then smiles devilishly at Kim*

Candela- I hope your tests come out okay. One great thing about hepatitis is that A and B are very treatable and a lot of people recover just fine. My mom has C and it's virtually brand new to the medical world but is VERY rare and is usually just a sleeper in your body. Most people don't even know they have it because it's dormant. Anyway, hope things are alright. As for the whole bp and heart disease thing, you know the kinds of things you can do to reduce the risk. Work out, eat lots of leafy things, and I would also recommend meditation for stress.

Well, Wyatt brought me roses today. He is so sweet!

Loves! Shan

Yeah, it's just so weird that I would have any of those problems. I don't eat beef, fried things (very often) and I do exercise. I don't know... They probably just want money.. but it's better to be safe than sorry. I just really hate doing the whole blood test. You have to fast and then you're all weak from getting that much blood taken out of you on an empty body. I'm going to research more and see what I can change in my diet to be better. I eat mostly organic stuff... lots of leafy stuff.. so it's just so weird. I will have to cut out all the froozen stuff though. I'm going to be busy before shopping now :) It'll be ok though.

We're playing the women in rock convention tomorrow and I'm really looking forward to it. It's going to be a lot of fun :) Hopefully we make some good connections. Oh yeah, you guys can hear our stuff online now. I'm not sure about the quality of the tracks over the internet.. but you can hear them at www.auburncourt.com Please let me know what you think.. about the page and the sound. We're still working on the page and doing everything ourselves... so it would be great to hear some feed back on it.

Have a safe weekend everyone!!
That was so sweet of Wyatt to bring you roses!!!

Candela - I've had a bit of a look at your website. My modem is really old and even slower than usual lately. I tried to speed things up yesterday, but it doesn't seem to be working. I had a bit of a look and what I saw was good. I like the fridge idea. I'm guessing you and Crystal are the blondes - but which is which. There is probably a picture of you there on bass, but I couldn't download everything. That is definitely not a critisism. I have 2 computers and the older one is connected to the internet. I got a quote on a computer last week, but have to wait for the money to come in before I get it.

I am such an old bag - my first reaction to Wyatt bringing the roses is - give them back and tell him to bring them back when he has split up with his girlfriend. Or has he done that. Sorry I think I'm losing track. He was going to do it on the weekend right?

I did eat well for about a week and because I started seeing results I let it slide. I am so hopeless. I have to stick to it and I will see continuing results instead so seesawing. I'm annoyed with myself today - I hope annoyed enough to stick with good eating.

Have a great weekend.

Oh Kim sweetie you're not hopeless. Try not to focus on the failures. You ate well for a week! Good job!

Oh you guys my life is a freaking mess. I don't know what to do. Wyatt broke up with his girlfriend and immediately wanted me to be his new one. And I wanted to. Until Jeff showed up last night and wanted to talk. He told me he wants to be with me but that he's afraid he mess it all up. He said we just make sense but that he is so scared to give in to it. He said he does have feelings for me. He thinks about me all the time. He has called me twice a day this whole week, I should have picked up on something. ARGH!!!!!! Why does he do this to me? Because the thing is, even if I know he'll break my heart I want to be with him. I still love him and I can't believe now I have this thing with Wyatt and it suddenly doesn't even matter to me all because of Jeff. ARGH!!!!!!! Help?!!

Don't give up Kim... It's a tough road even after lossing the weight.. so this is just good practice. Just don't give up. If you're doing good it's because you haven't slipped up. Your reward for doing so good is the results you are seeing. Try to keep that in mind. Allowing yourself to eat more when you're doing so good is like your punishing yourself for doing such a good job. So just try to come up with ways to keep you on track.

The webpage isn't completely done... Not even almost. Right now it won't even load on all computers. We're still trying to work everything out.

Well I just got here and I'm already really really busy.. I'll check back in later. I hope everyone had a great weekend!!

Thanks for the encouragement Candela. I hate to blame that time of the month. But I think that is part of the problem. I crave chocolate, anything really. So I'm hoping to start this week fresh. I think you are right about it being a punishment. I will have to think about it that way. Played tennis with my daughter last night for 1 hour after picking up the balls during her lesson. Then we went to the gym for a combat class. I'm going this morning for a pump class. And Hallelujah the sun has finally come out after about 2 weeks. It is a public holiday, the Melbourne cup, the guys have gone on a fishing charter. I think me and some friends will sit outside in the sun, have a BBQ, some drinks and just hang out.

Shantelle. Can't you just agree to see both these guys without getting serious with either of them? I know it's probably a bit weird but you will probably find that a solution will present itself if you don't try to make a decision straight away. Just say you are not ready for a new relationship and so if they want to hang out and be friends that's fine, but if they are looking for a relationship right now you are not ready and they should move on. That should sort them out. Keep your head up you are doing great.

Yeah that's pretty much what I have told both of them. The thing is, I love Jeff. If we end up together I know it will be wonderful. Ten years is a long time to be know someone. Anyway, thanks for listening! And good job on the tennis and the combat class! Shan

I'm with Kim on this one. I don't think any of you are in a good place to jump right into another relationship. I think you'll all miss out on some good stuff if you just rush into something. Don't make Wyatt feel like he broke up with his girlfriend for nothing, but you also can't feel responsible if things don't work out for the two of you. I think Jeff could use a little more time with your friendship before he gets involved too. Just be honest with both of them. You don't have to tell them that you're going to try to choose between the two of them... Just let them know that you're in a place where you're not sure what you should do... But only if that's how you feel, I don't want to put these words in your mouth :) Maybe even spend some more time alone and try thinking things through. It could get messy if the guys start to feel jealous and stuff.. so you'll probably want to avoid all that.

How was your gym class this weekend? I've been trying to research good eating habits online to prevent heart disease and all that good stuff. I bought a lot of fruits and veggies last night. I'm trying to eat some form of fruit or veggie with every meal. So far I've had a banana, cucumber and tomato just this morning. I have yogurt w/ an apple and carrots for lunch.. and I'm not sure about dinner yet. I gotta see how I can sueeze in some veggies... but I'm thinking that I might go with black beans instead. How is everyone doing this week? Eating good? I woke up and thought it was wednesday :(

Yesterday was the first day in a long time the weather was good. It was a public holiday. Everyone I know drank and ate and enjoyed themselves. Including me - drank too much - ate too much. Had a water fight. Woke up in the middle of the night dehydrated, but not feeling too bad today, just a bit sleepy and stupid, well more stupid than usual.

All those fruit and veges sound good Candela. Is this what they told you to do as a result of your tests? Are they doing anything for you or do you have to do it all on your own. Actually one of the kinder mums said her husband has a bad heart, or something and they have to eat certain things for him. I should ask her about it.

About Wyatt - it's pretty obvious he shouldn't be with his ex-girlfriend any which way. Don't feel obligated to him at all - you did him and his girlfriend a favour. It wouldn't have lasted. Let whatever happens happen. It will all turn out the right way. Try not to stress - easier said than done I know. Sounds like things are a bit different over there - I would be recommending you date them both, and let them know that you are dating other people - you don't have to give them any information about who else you are seeing. It's more than fair for you to say you are not ready to jump into another serious relationship at the moment.

Hey guys-

Both Jeff and Wyatt are being very understanding. I am starting to lose interest in Jeff though. Which is REALLY weird. I spent last night and all day yesterday with him and just kept thinking about Wyatt. I missed him like crazy and he said he missed me too. I am going to take a couple of days not seeing either of them to think about things though. It's hard to tell how I really feel when they are around me. It's so strange though because I am usually very clear in my feelings. I really really care about Wyatt, but everyone keeps saying how he isn't my type and Jeff is. But I don't think that way. There is no type for me, just people I care about. I don't think I am classier or better than anyone else, although my friends seem to think so. Anyway, so I am just going to hang out at home for a night or two and try to clear my head. Got two big tests taken this week, so the stress level is starting to go down a bit. Anyway, my eating sucks. I have hardly eaten anything in days. Tonight I am going out to dinner with a close friend, so hopefully I will eat a big healthy meal. As for gym, I didn't go except to take my class. I haven't worked out since last Thursday, so I am going today FOR SURE!!! By the way, you should see my arms! I am getting tough and slightly muscley! (In a sexy way though!) And I think I am getting closer to size 10!!!!! HAVEN'T BEEN A TEN FOR 5 YEARS SINCE HIGH SCHOOL!!!!!!

Loves, Shan

Hey-

Last night was an interesting night. I went to my house in Santaquin, (the one where my husband and I lived) to get the last batch of things I am keeping there. I was curious if there was some evidence of his cheating, so I looked in the drawer next to his bed. I found a legal pad with a SIX page poem. I read it and basically it talks about how he is in love with the chick I thought he was cheating with. He admits he did cheat and that he wants to shoot me in the head and how I took everything from him. I'm over him but still recovering from the divorce so it hurt to think that he blames me for HIM leaving me. Argh. Sorry you guys, but I am really upset about this. I am going to go and photo copy it so that I have evidence if I need it. I am not going to tell him I know anything, but sheesh. He even talked about how he wants her to leave Rian and have a baby with him!!!! ARGH!!!!!!

Wow Shan.. that last entry was pretty rough. I'm really sorry that you have to go through any of this. I'm just glad that it did happen before you guys had kids... that would be a bad enviroment for them. Hang in there, things have to get better.

Hearing about the Wyatt and Jeff stuff makes it sound like your're alreay living a completely different life. Which I see as a healthy thing. You're probably unsure of your feelings because you have changed so much over such a short time. Give yourself the time you need to figure out what you want. Take all relationships slow and don't rush into anything. You sound like you have two great guys right now, but who knows what the future might hold for you. Go with your gut and follow your heart... that's the best thing you can do for yourself.

Sorry I haven't been in for a few days. It's been so busy at work and with the band. We're designing our CD cover for our big release and we don't have much time to get it done. We're stressing over where the money is going to come from. We have to do this all on our own.. and it's expensive.
On a good note though.. our review just came out yesterday and it's amazing!!! You'll be able to read it online after this weekend at musicconnection.com We're so excited!!!! And Guitar Player Magazine is going to do a piece on us. We just mailed in our package, so we don't know how long it will take before they print something. Things are going so amazingly well!!!! I can hardly stand all the excitement!!!!!

Well I'm gonna make sure I have time to stop back in later today. I really missed the gossip and advice over the last few days. Take care!!!

Congratulation Candela!! The band stuff sounds so great. You are really lucky to be getting involved in all these things - and I know luck isn't really the right word because you make your own luck and you ladies are certainly working hard to make it all happen for you.

Wow Shantelle - sounds like you dodged a bullet big time (have you heard that saying) anyway it sounds like it might not just be figuratively, but literally. You definitely knew something was going on - I would stay as far away from him as possible. That is pretty scary. About the other guys - I agree with Candela - take it easy - you don't have to make up your mind, in fact I wouldn't even try to make up my mind if I were you, just enjoy your time with both of them, don't worry about what you are feeling, that will come in time. I think if you think too much that only makes things more confusing - hey that sentence is pretty confusing.

Anyway, I'm buggered (heard of that one?). Went out last night. A friend's daughter turned 17 and we had to drive and pick them up (can't drive - or drink - here until you're 18). They were checking out all the guys - I can see now how predictable they are - guys I mean - if I only knew at 17 what I know now. It was funny to watch them.

Look after yourselves. I'm so tired - have 3 meetings tomorrow all over the place - I've worked out I will be in the car for 4 1/2 hours tomorrow.

Hey girls-

I spoke to David about the note I found. I just started by telling him I wanted to be happy but I didn't understand why he would write such awful things. He said when it all comes down to it he is really just mad at himself. He broke down crying and told me how much he misses me. Sounds like the other shoe has finally dropped. We talked for hours about how we are both doing. He confided in me about her and how he feels about her. We sort of became friends. He told me he misses his best friend. I am thinking in the future we can actually be friends again. But not for awhile yet. Anyway, as for Wyatt. He is driving me crazy. Telling me he is in love all the time. ARGH!! And it is really turning me off. Plus he is my friend and I hate that everytime he sees me he is in pain because dating me just isn't enough for him. So I told him that I don't think it's a good idea to see each other anymore because I keep hurting him by my not being ready for a relationship. He said he would fight for me, and I wanted to say, "Yeah, but you're fighting ME for me."

Anyway, Jeffery is loveliness. He is being so understanding and he is in the same place I am. My best friend Erin says he is the male version of me. Opposite in a lot of things, but kindred spirits.

Anyway, loves! SHan

Hi guys... For some reason I'm not getting the mails that tell me that anyone has responded.

I can see how it would be annoying to be in that situation with Wyatt. I think he still has a little growing up left to do. I think you could use someone alittle more mature. He should be understanding of your emotions if he were truely a friend. It's great that Jeff is willing to take things slow as well. Did you mention any of the guys to David? Is he doing alright? I was worried that he would get too far in to the drugs.. from what you had said before. I hope you guys can still be friends.. it would suck to just lose something that was so much. Good luck with that.

I'm so excited about our show this weekend!! It's going to be so much fun!! We've sold all of our tickets already and there are so many people who need more. We really need to get our webpage working right so pople can listen to our music online. We actually got a response from our review in the music connection. A website called femmusic.com wants our package. Not sure what they can do for us.. but it can't hurt. You guys can check out the review now. It's www.musicconnection.com and you can find us under the club reviews. We're the first one.

Well it's just about time for me to go home :) Have a great day and night.

Hey Candela - what an awesome review. You guys must be fantastic. Sounds like the sort of music I would like too - not really into the pop stuff, although I do listen to lots of different music. Can't stand techno, never really liked rap. Sounds like you are only a step away from the big time. How you make that step is probably more about luck than anything else, but it sounds like you are working hard to give yourselves as many opportunites as possible so that luck has to come around sooner or later. Hopefully sooner. Sounds like your music isn't trendy so you'll be around for a while. You must all be so talented. Who writes the music? The lyrics? Where do you practice?

Shantelle - sounds like you are doing what you want and it will all fall into place if you don't let anyone talk you into doing things you don't want to do. That was pretty gutsy of you to speak to David - I don't know if I would have wanted to go there - but I guess also wanting to know why can be a pretty good motivator.

I'm so tired - fell asleep this afternoon - only for a few minutes, but that's not like me at all. Been really busy and it's catching up with me, but have to keep going. I'm going to be very busy for the next 2 weeks. Also have to get organised for Christmas - went to a toy warehouse last night and spent $370 so that is a great start - don't have to do much more now - at least as far as gift shopping goes.

Eating is all over the place, good one day, terrible the next. Still keeping on track with exercise. Actually have put my weighs up, punishing myself for not eating as well as I should.

Have a great day. Don't forget us when you are famous Candela. When you tour Australia I'll be one of those belting on the stage door saying I know you and your security will be saying, 'sure you do, we've already heard that 100 times tonight'

HA HA Kim... Of course I'll still remember you guys when I'm famous. :) I'm not so into the fame... but the money sounds nice. We've been putting a lot of money into this thing and I hope it pays off. I think it will... We have a lot of great things happening in the next year. We got another endorsement. They make guitar straps and other types of things. We're going this week to pick them out. This week is our last week of rehearsing in Hollywood!! THANK GOD!!!!!!! I hate it there so much!! We're moving closer to my place which is really really nice. It's cheaper and bigger and they actually have parking there. We're excited about that. We've been spending about 20 mins a night just trying to find a place to park at our place now. The lady that runs the place is really evil too!!! Our singer has written 99% of the lyrics and a lot of the music. The rest of us always write our own parts... some times there's already a musical idea laid down by our singer. My favorite song is the one that we all wrote together. Our guitar player came up with the basic music and then I came up with the melody and opening of the chorus... then Our singer wrote the rest of the lyrics and we all finished the music. I really like that song. It's called "Maybe" and you can kind of hear it on our website.

I wish I could go to the gym as much as you Kim... I wish I could at all for that matter. It must be so nice to use it as a way to get all of your aggressions out. My husband is all worried about being fat now. We went to get him some pants over the weekend and he couldn't buy the size he normally does. It was funny... I remember being at that place. So he's determined to start working out. We did my pilates ab tape last night. It was fun to do it with him.. and I'm so much better at it than him ;) So that felt nice for me. I like helping him out.. that's what I want to do if the band doesn't work out. I want to go into fitness and train and support people trying to lose weight and change their lives. We're supposed to exercise together more often.. but we'll see. I would really like to though.

Well I gotta start making my phone calls for work. I hate having to be here everyday!! I'd like to work 3-4 days a week... that would be nice :)

I've got 2 computers here. The other one is playing up today, got this really big data set I'm supposed to be working on and it doesn't want to cooperate. I really need combat tonight. Also someone I work with is annoying me. So I can picture him as one of my targets. Just resetting the other computer - I will imagine kicking it's bloody chips or board or whatever the stupid things are made out of.

Candela - all those sponsors must think you guys are going somewhere. I guess it would be nice at this point for you to just make back all the money you've put into your band. You'll have to let me know how your husband is feeling the day after his first pilates - he'll be pretty sore won't he - I'm guessing it does that to you, even though it looks quite gentle.

It must be very satisfying to write and make music. Something I know I could never do, but I would like to think that I can appreciate a good musician.

Bugger - just lost those tables I've run - I'll have to do them again.

Anyway, we've got Australian Idol here, down to the last 2. One is a great musician, can sing, can move, creative guy, the other is a country boy who's good looking, but can't sing and can't dance. It would be embarassing if the good looking one won, we've got plenty of better musicians here than him.

Have a great day.

Yeah, I just heard something about them putting the show on over there. It's pretty funny how it started overseas came here and now it will take country by country I suppose. I guess it's a good thing for those invovled.. but I really wouldn't want anything to do with it. They just really over do it.. over here anyways. They even did a juniors one with the little kids. That one was really bad. We haven't even heard anything from the winner from the second time around. The runner up is everywhere though.. O'well.

Yes, music is so rewarding!! It's the most amazing thing! To make a song out of nothing and get it to the point where people are singing along with you... that is something else. I love that. I'm so excited about the show this weekend. It's going to be so much fun!!!

Well I've made a bit of a mistake here at work... I quoted someone the wrong price while they were ordering a ring... I suppose I will hear about this one... Ouch! I had making mistakes!!!!! I'm usually so good at work... I don't know what happened. I mean I know why I did it.. you know, how I got the price.. I just don't know how I let myself get that price. I know what I'm doing and I just did something like I don't. Damn that sucks. O'well, the worse that will happen is that I get fired... then that would give me some more free time.. so it wouldn't be all bad. But I know it won't come to that.

Have a great day!!!!

Yeah, I just heard something about them putting the show on over there. It's pretty funny how it started overseas came here and now it will take country by country I suppose. I guess it's a good thing for those invovled.. but I really wouldn't want anything to do with it. They just really over do it.. over here anyways. They even did a juniors one with the little kids. That one was really bad. We haven't even heard anything from the winner from the second time around. The runner up is everywhere though.. O'well.

Yes, music is so rewarding!! It's the most amazing thing! To make a song out of nothing and get it to the point where people are singing along with you... that is something else. I love that. I'm so excited about the show this weekend. It's going to be so much fun!!!

Well I've made a bit of a mistake here at work... I quoted someone the wrong price while they were ordering a ring... I suppose I will hear about this one... Ouch! I had making mistakes!!!!! I'm usually so good at work... I don't know what happened. I mean I know why I did it.. you know, how I got the price.. I just don't know how I let myself get that price. I know what I'm doing and I just did something like I don't. Damn that sucks. O'well, the worse that will happen is that I get fired... then that would give me some more free time.. so it wouldn't be all bad. But I know it won't come to that.

Have a great day!!!!

Just popped in to say hi. Don't really have anything to say. Tied to the computer. I wish I could be fired today - well I can't really get fired because I work for myself, but the client I'm working for at the moment - I wish he would fire me - I hate his work.

I would be a great feeling to have people sing stuff you've made up. I've told you before I'm a big car singer - you might be driving and see someone singing your song - their kids in the back singing too - that would be a great feeling.

Hey girls-

Sorry I've been away. Much going on here. Put in my two weeks notice at my job. Going to go full time to school in January I decided. Also, Jeff couldn't get a hold of me yesterday because I didn't come into work and he called Erin and emailed me and left me lots of messages because he is going out of town on Friday and wanted to see me before he leaves. THEN he asked me to pick him up from the airport because it's his birthday when he comes home and he wants to see me that day. HOW SWEET IS HE!!!? He is being really amazing right now. Anyway, worked out a bunch of stuff with David. Looks like this thing will end well and we can be friends. As for telling him about the note I found, his response was very positive. He said "it's your house too and you can look at anything in it you want to." He confided in me a bit and we had a good cry. I went down there yesterday at six in the morning because I couldn't sleep. I wanted my own bed and my husband. So we stayed in bed talking and cuddling all morning. It was nice. By the time I left there I had myself convinced that I wanted him back, and was actually stupid enough to suggest it. He said he would think about it and I went home and thought it over and decided I was just caught in the moment. When I saw how much he missed me and how tormented he is by the idea of being with me again I just decided it would be best for him or for me if we get back together. Wow. Five years gone and I will never get them back. Well, my ride is here so I'm off. Cheers Darlings!!!

Hey Shan, I glad to hear that things are going ok. It would be really hard to not get caught up in the moment. I'm sure anyone would have felt the same way. I'm really happy for you though about going to school fulltime!!!! I think that's a great idea!!! I wish you the best of luck with that. Will you still be able to check back in with us? I want to hear how you're doing in school and see what happens in the end with the romance... it's like a novel :)

Well today has been a terrible day!!!! I'm going to go eat lunch so I can escape for 30 mins... I wish I had a longer lunch!!!

Hey kids-

Noticed the typo above, it would NOT be best for David and I to get back together. Wow that changes the whole sentence. Yes, I will still be on here, actually possibly more often, since I will be at home or at school all the time. David came over last night to help me fix my car, and we talked more. I had called him yesterday morning and told him that I shouldn't have asked to get back together and that it wouldn't be a good idea. He responded saying that he would like to date me, just not yet. WOW! I would like to date him. We are such different people now. We are still going ahead with the divorce, and if it's meant to be it will I guess. As for Jeffery, he is loveliness. I can't wait to see him tonight. I am going to go stay and drive him to the airport in the morning. He also said he would let me drive his car while he is gone. NICE!! Anyway, need to work.. LOVES!

Good morning!! Oh how I wish it were friday!!! Almost though... just one more day to go.

Have you been talking to Wyatt lately? It does sound like Jeff would be a better match. It sounds like he's more on the same page as you. Do you think Wyatt will end up back with his ex? I'm glad you'll be able to be friends with David... but that's a scary situation since you know what could happen again. But it soudns like you've gotten everything under control. Now you know that you're a great person and plenty of guys would like to be with you. You don't have to settle for anything. You can get whatever it is that you want. That's gotta be a great feeling. Stressful too I'm sure... but better than feeling the oppisite.

Well I'm going to go pick out my FREE guitar strap after work today. I can't believe how much they charge for these things... but we get them for free!! I hope they have some really cool ones there. I saw a few that I liked online. I just have to make sure that I can get there on time. We're supposed to be there at 4:30pm, but that's when I get off of work. The company knows that and is supposed to wait for me... we've just had so much traffic lately because all the buses are and have been on stike.

Have a great day girls!! Hopefully today will be better than yesterday.

Hey Candela - hope you get a cool guitar strap.

Shantelle - here I am worried the David has done something horrible to you and you're in bed with him. I'm such a worrier - for nothing as usual. Please don't think you wasted 5 years - I'm sure you did lots of stuff with David and lots of good came out of it. School should be fun too - I have to know the next chapter in the life and times of Shantelle.

Still pretty busy with work so I 'd better get back to it. Will have a break at 10.30 though and go to the step class. I missed combat last night because we went out to dinner - very nice.

Have a great day and look after yourselves.

I meant to say you did lots of stuff without David, and you would have had lots of fun with him and lots of good stuff would have come out of it.

Kim- I just got an e-mail from our band manager and we might be released in Australia in June '04. That would be pretty cool. Maybe we'll get sent over there for a tour too. Then we can meet backstage. Maybe we could even get Shan out there :) Of course that is so far away and this music industry is so on and off... but it would be really cool. So lets all cross our fingers that that works out!! :)

Candela - that is just amazing. You and Shantelle have had so much to tell me over the last few months. I wish I could be as interesting. Your band appears to have achieved so much over that time - I suppose it doesn't seem like that to you because you have been working so hard for so long. It is just fantastic. I can be your Number 1 Aussie fan. I might have to enlist some of the young people I know to be fans too so people don't get the wrong idea about how cool you guys are.

I got to my pump class today so I got in my 4 for the week - didn't think it was going to happen but the work I was supposed to do got cancelled. It was about 32 degrees when I went (I was told is that 89 is your temperature) so it was really hard. The instructor asked me why I was puffing so much less than 10 minutes into the class. I really struggled, but got through it. I'd better get used to it, it's not even summer yet.

Hope you and Shantelle are having a great weekend. Look after yourself and Candela - get famous soon.

Good morning!! Great job sticking with the class rather than taking advantage of such a good excuse Kim!! That's good determination and will power. I got half of my pilates done last night before my terrible headache turned into a migraine. It's still hurting, but hopefully it'll go away so I can get some exercise in tonight.

The show this weekend went so good!! I'm so excited!! We had over 100 people there and sold all 50 CDs. We were supposed to have 200 CDs to sell but the printers messed things up and we only ended up with 50. It was alright though. Everyone else can buy them in the future. We just moved our stuff into the new studio last night. We're really excited about that. It seems like a pretty nice place. They have a bathroom just for girls!! That's pretty exciting... LOL. We won't even have to carry all of our heavy gear up and down stairs anymore either. We're really getting a great set up for the new year!!!! My back is killing me right now though from the move yesterday!!!

How was everyones weekend? Anything exciting going on?? It must be great to have warm weather for the christmas holiday... you can get outside and burn off all the extra calories!! What do you guys do from Christmas??

I can't believe that - selling 50 CDs (and it could have been more) to a crowd of 100!! You must have blown them away!! That is truly amazing. You guys must be even more awesome than I thought.

If you come over here ring Rove Live (channel 10). They have new bands on and a lot of people watch. I'm pretty sure it shows all over Australia. There are lots of other shows that would take you too - but that one would be the best.

The new studio sounds great too, but look after your back. I hope you won't be doing that again in the near future. And sorry about the migraine - I've had about 2 in my life and cannot cope at all - I hope you are feeling better now.

I found out it was warmer when I went to the gym than I though - I think close to 100 in your language. No wonder it was such tough going. Went on Sunday, noone there so didn't do it. Went last night to combat and about to go this morning to pump. Worked to past midnight so I deserve the break. An interviewer quit on me yesterday, so I have to replace him, which is a bigger problem than usual because he is working in another city about 800 km away (500 miles) so I have to do it by phone and I need them yesterday. Aaah well - the joys of research.

Christmas here is usually a big roast - which is ridiculous because it is so hot. We have done seafood before, which is good, but can get expensive. It is not uncommon to have a water fight at some point and have the kiddie pool set up. I guess the same as everywhere the family gets together and eats and drinks until they can't anymore. A couple of family members will go and fall asleep somewhere. My kids want water pistols for Christmas and I've bought them for my nephews so a water fight is definitely on the cards.

Have a great day. It's coming on 9 o'clock so I guess the phone will start with people for this job, well I hope so, but not too many.

I'm going to have to come down one year and experience Christmas in the Aussie way. It just seems so backwards to me. It would be like getting the best of both worlds. Although I wouldn't want to work off the holiday feast in 100 degree weather!! That is really really hot here!! I'm actually going to be spending Christmas in New Englad this year. I'm visiting my mom and little sister for the holidays. It's going to be so cold!!

Well I just saw a print out of what my ring is going to look like and it's beautiful!!!! I cannot wait to get it! I'll have to take pictures and e-mail it to you guys. I feel really cheesey getting excited about it since I'm already married and stuff, but I can't help it. I 'm getting such a great deal on it too.

I wonder how Shan is doing? It seems like it's been a while since we've heard from her. I hope everything is going good with her. I'm really happy that she decided to go to school fulltime. That way she can concentrate on a career and get out of these dead end jobs. I would love to! I just have not wanted to be at work today. I have so many other things that I need and want to get done. Our band would be so much better if we could just spend more time working on it. My sister and I work 40 hours a week and then have to rehearse about 15 hours. It should really be the other way around.

Anyways, I hope you get that position filled quickly. I hate stress from work. Best of luck with your work week!!!

Thanks for the good wishes about work. This industry is one where there are disasters constantly. It's all part of the game. I just have to try not to worry so much - I'm pretty good at fixing up messes - and particularly good at predicting them before anyone else has any idea things are going off the rails. One good thing about that is there are some jobs I avoid all together because I can see disaster written all over them before they even start.

That would be great if you could work on the band 40 hours and work only a couple of days. That dream could be a reality soon by the sounds of it - I definitely don't get any feelings of disaster when I hear about Auburn Court.

It is pretty cool having a hot Christmas. Most people have off Christmas eve to New Years Day and lots have off a couple of weeks after that too. If you are working everything is flat out until Christmas and then it gets really quite, so it is like you are on holiday even if you are at work. It doesn't get to 100 that often, but when it does you can get 3 days in a row of it - you have to remember I'm down the bottom of Aus, the rest of the country (apart from Tassie) says how cold it is down here. It is a lot colder here in winter than other parts, but in summer we get plenty of days over 30 (I think that would be about 85 or more). I would have thought that Southern California would have lots of hot weather - it makes me think of the beach and all the gorgeous people.

I'd love to see the ring - I can understand how you feel - I nearly bought one and was very excited - although it wouldn't have been for any particular occasion.

Where are you Shantelle? Hope everything is ok. She's probably just out having a good time and will have heaps of goss for us when she returns.

Hey loves! Sorry I've been gone so long. Wow sounds like good news all around!!! Candela, I am so IN AUSTRALIA for the release. See me? I am THERE you just say when. I wish I could go down for Christmas too! Sunny weather and Christmas sounds PERFECT to me! As for me, my stupid bosses told me they didn't want me to finish my two weeks notice, so I haven't had much time on my computer. Wyatt and I have been spending a lot of time together while Jeff's been in the Carribean. I kind of miss him, but am starting to feel a lot deeper feelings for Wyatt. I know Wyatt would be REALLY good to me and he would make me happy, but part of me is holding back. It seems like he is the "safe" way to go. Does that make sense? I got a call from John, who is the hot ex-marine guy. He is SOOO yummy. I am supposed to call him back tonight. I also got a call from the school paper. They want to meet me and read some of my writing!! I AM SO EXCITED!!!!!!

Anyway, so yes, been gone and spending A LOT of time with Wyatt. Went and spent the night at his place this weekend. He and I really get along well. We have a lot in common and our humors are identical. So we are like constantly laughing about something. People must think we are such dorks! As for David, I haven't heard from him since we talked about dating. He did call to confirm that I received notification of our bankruptcy date, but other than that I haven't talked to him. (Although he did call while I was sort of busy if you get my meaning, so I was trying to get him off the phone. He seemed like he wanted to talk more..... I don't know.) Anyway, love you guys! Workouts have been non-existant for almost two weeks, (other than Saturday classes) so I need to go tonight. I am still losing inches though, so I suppose that's good. I am almost a ten!!!! Loves! Shan

Glad you're back. Isn't that good that he didn't want you to do two weeks notice - he still has to pay you right? At least that's what happens here.

The weather has been great here, but tied to this computer, I ache all over from sitting here so long. Got to try to stay on top of it all. Been going to the gym, otherwise I'd be even sorer. Ate ok for a couple of days, but was not so good yesterday, have to behave today so I don't lose the ground I've made.

Congratulations on losing the inches. I really want to try to lose a bit as the beach weather is here.

Have a great day. Look after yourself. And don't take the safe option Shantelle, you should definitely enjoy it while you are having fun, but don't lock yourself into anything. Live the single life for a while - I want more on the hot ex-marine guy.

Hey-
hot ex-marine guy called today. we are supposed to do something tonight maybe. anyway, need to free up this phone line. will talk more tomorrow. Loves!

Hey guys...
So I got my mamogram done on Thursday and it was a nightmare!!!! I actually passed out from the pain LOL Can you believe it? I went in today to get an ultra sound done on them and the lady told me that I was way too young to get a mamogram. I guess they're too dense when you're still in your 20's. The youngest they usually do them is 35yrs. So I guess I went through all of the pain for nothing. My body went in to shock when I got it done. It also hurts a lot more for women with smaller breasts... so I didn't get too lucky on that part either LOL. It's over now though... I should be hearing back from my Dr. later this week or probably some time next week with the holiday here. I can't wait for this to be all done! It's been 3 months already.

So I'm going to do some exercise when I get home. I did my pilates on Saturday and I'm going to do them again tonight with some cardio. I really need to get back on losing. I've just been maintaining... which is better than gaining :) But I don't want to lose all the hard work just because I can't seem to find the time. I'm going to exercise 3 days this week... at least.

How was everyones weekend? Mine was alright. I didn't really do anything... which was nice for a change.

I hope everyone is having a happy monday! Oh, who am I kidding... there is no such things as a happy monday!!

That mammogram sounds terrible. Just the thought of it sounds bad, but having all that pain is atrocious.

I actually saw a cartoon about it the other day, probably just as you were going through all that - anyway it had a man with his 'tackle' - better say that, I'm not sure what they censor here, in a mammogram type machine.

Hope it all goes well for you Candela. I have had so much work on, worked all weekend. Can't sleep because I'm stressed about work, but I'm so tired. Anyway can see the light at the end of the tunnel. Only a couple more days.

More information on the hot ex-marine guy please!!

LOL.. She must be having a good time. We don't hear from her much. I've been really busy at work and with band. And they just sent out an e-mail at work saying tht we can't use the internet and stuff. I'll still come on when I can, but I have to be quick.

I hope your week ends well Kim!! I'm really excited because tomorrow is a holiday and we don't have to come to work. We do have to be back for friday though... so that kind of sucks.

I saw my ring.... it's almost ready. It really is going to be so beautiful! I ordered one for my husband too. That way we can have nice rings. His is all broken and ugly. It feels weird though because we decided to stop wearing the ones we have right now and wait for the new ones. So I keep feeling like I'm missing something. But I should be getting them in a few weeks.

Well I better get out of here before the ol boss comes back!!
Have a great day girls!! And don't leave us hanging for too long Shan LOL

Hey guys-

Sorry I haven't been on here much. Haven't been home to do it. Seems one guy or another wants me to go do something and I end up staying out all night. Went and picked up Jeff at the airport on Saturday night, and spent the night with him and most of Sunday. It was nice, but he kind of pissed me off. As for John the hot ex-marine guy, I accidentally stood him up on Saturday because I got stuck in a snow storm. I tried to call him, but it said the line was disconnected. It turns out that I had the number written down wrong. So I called and left him a voicemail apologizing for the problem. He hasn't called back, so I am guess ing he has gotten sick of phone tag too. Seems like we just can't seem to get together. One of us ends up cancelling. Argh. Anyway, still spending lots of time with Wyatt. He makes me SOO happy. But still not going to commit or anything. Although I am taking him to my parents place for Thanksgiving dinner tomorrow. Wow lots of drama with me. As for Jeff, what happened was basically his roomate/business partner took us to brunch for Jeff's birthday and we were eating and talking and Michael went off about how I am so naive and immature and how I am sexy but I need to get my teeth straightened and learn to have some style because I look like everybody else. Argh. He was all, "I can make you look like someone people notice when you walk into a room." I just wanted to scream at him, "Idiot! Did you not see people look when we walked into this restaraunt?!!! People DO look at me." He kept saying things like, "You could be so stunning that men would drag their tongues on the ground when they're near you." As if I don't get guys when I want them? I mean *%%*! What a total jerk. And the worst part is, he kept talking about how I don't know who I am and that I'm not confident. PLEASE! I am SOOOOOO confident. And maybe even worse, Jeff just sat there and nodded and agreed with him!!! I WAS SO MAD! So tonight he is going to call me to talk and I don't know what to say. I was pretty upset by the things that were said and I don't know if I want to date him anymore if he agrees with it. I just don't value the same things that they were talking about. If I have the choice between going to Europe or buying myself a car and putting braces on my teeth you can guess which I am going to pick! I am not superficial or preppy. I dress nicely and look pretty good without all that other crap. I don't put looks ahead of personality or true worth, and it's insulting all the things the guy said to me. Argh. Anyway, sorry to vent but it's been awhile. Sounds like you need a vacation Kim... Perhaps a virtual one with those tapes that play ocean sounds? Or just drive to the beach.... Candela, sorry to hear about the stupid mammogram. Doctors really are the worst kind of pain in the ass. Loves! Shan

Shantelle - you read my mind. I'm going to the beach this weekend with the family. Staying Monday too. Renting a house just a couple of minutes walk to the beach!! I've got to pack so I'll be quick.

What you said about those guys reminded me of my fair lady. Now I really am showing my age by mentioning that movie. I've had people say the same sort of thing about me too, my sister gets into makeup and hair and fancy clothes. I don't dress badly and do wear makeup but it's simpler than what my sister goes for. What I have found is that if you do yourself up like that you do get extra attention, but it's from the people you don't want attention from. Being who you are and still looking good is a good way of culling - you get the ones that look at who you are not just the superficial things. You are doing everything right. My personal belief that being understated and looking good is far more effective. These guys are jerks. AND I would like to know how much attention they are getting. Are they doing everything they can to make themselves desirable to the opposite sex? Or is that just a woman's job.

Good luck with the gig on Friday. It is Saturday morning here so you are probably doing it right now. I'll send some cool vibes.

I'm off to the beach!! See ya in a few days.

I'm also from southern ca.A couple of my friends at work are in WW.I just joined CURVES FOR WOMEN today.I'll be keeping a journal here
robyn

Good morning! I have to be quick again, but I don't want to stop writing here. I am the same way you guys are. I just don't see the point in getting all dressed up and trying to be sexy. I see girls doing that all the time and they look so fake! Not too many pull it off nicely. I would like to get dressed up more often for my husband... but it's just not me. I don't like the way I look in those kinds of clothes. I don't wear dresses because I don't like my legs and I can't wear revealing tops because I don't have the boobs to back it up LOL. My husband has been complaining lately because my jacket is too manly... I stole it from him. He wants me to get something that fits and shows off my figure. LOL. I guess that's a good way to go shopping without having to get in trouble. :) We'll see though.

Things are still going good with the band. It's slowing down right now because of the holiday. We're playing this friday and then we're playing the "world famous Roxy" on the 23rd. That should be fun. We're playing with a signed band who's dad is famous and owns the club. The only part that sucks is that I have to be at the airport at 6am the next morning!! But I can sleep on the plane. It's a 5 hour non stop flight. It'll be fun.

Well I'll try to check back in later! I hope everyone is doing great!!!!

Man, work has been so slow this past week and I hate that I can't just look at whatever I want online.
I guess it looks like things are slowing down in here too? I hope everyone is doing well. I'm getting back on the wagon over here and trying to lose about 10 more pounds. I don't know if it's actually 10 lbs or not.. I just want my legs to get into shape and I'm guessing that they are 10 lbs out.

How is everyone else doing on the weight loss, especially with the holidays being here? I haven't eaten junk in over a week now. I even started to my pilates on a regular basis. I've already done them 3 times this week. I'm going to ride my exercise bike when I get home from work tonight. Get in a few minutes before I have to head out for rehearsal. I won't be able to do any extra exercise tomorrow because we have a show.

Please keep in touch whenever you have a minute.

Hey guys-

Sorry i haven't been on. Hoping that once I start working again my sleep schedule will get back to normal. Right now I am going to sleep at like 3 or 4 in the morning and then sleeping until 1 or so. I have always personally felt that it's slightly irresponsible to sleep during the day, so that's a habit I hope to break very soon. As for weight, I feel like I am gaining again. I haven't worked out in AGES! ARGH! But I did try on everything I own and threw out a whole bunch of stuff that was too big. I felt great! I have always tried to throw out two shirts for each one that I buy, but I haven't been doing that lately, so it was nice to clean out my closet. It reminded me that I need to keep up the good work. Wyatt and I are going to get memberships to a gym with a pool and go do laps each day, so that should help me stay on task. He and I are a kind of a couple now. I know it's soon, but I have kind of fallen for him. I don't really know how it happened, but one day I just discovered I want to be with him ALL THE TIME. Anyway, loves to you all. Kim, I am glad to hear you are taking some time to relax. Candela, awesome about the band. Keep up the good work. As for the internet policy, that is so lame! Try to write when you get the chance. Robyn, welcome!

Later guys! Shan

You do sound busy Shan! When does school start? Are you planning on getting a part time job while you're in school? That sounds so nice :) I have to say I'm jealous ;)

The band is doing so good right now. I'm really excited to see what this next year brings for us. We should have our CDs up for sale on our webpage really soon too. We're trying to sell enough right now so that we can order more with artwork and then when we sell enough of those we'll be able to order 1000 with bar codes, art work and wrapping. So we're pretty excited about that. I hope we have that all taken care of by March. We sent in our package for a huge festival held in Austin, Texas each year. I hope they accept us... even though I'll be jobless upon my return. But it just sounds like too much fun to pass up. I'm sure I'll be able to find a job some where, or maybe my job will let me go. Who knows?? I'm not going to mention it to them though until I find out if we were accepted. We find out by February 8, 2004. So cross your fingers for us :)

Well I am at work, so I better get off the internet now.
Glad to see that you've made it far enough to get rid of clothes!! It's a great feeling!!!! I'm wearing a size 8 right now and they're alittle big. I just can't buy a size 7 yet. Hopefully I'll feel comfortable in smaller pants soon.

Take care!!!!!

Hey February 8th is my birthday! So it will be lucky for you I hope! I am super duper busy! I hate it. I can't wait till school gets out. I decided I am going to take two semesters off and work to pay for my car and my trip to Europe. I am thinking I will go the first two weeks of August next year because school starts around the 30th. That will get two major goals of my life taken care of. Wyatt is going to start school then too. So we can maybe take some classes together since we have the same major. You know? Anyway, that is so awesome about the band. I want to buy one of your cd's so let me know when I can. So you are going to quit your job? When did you decide this? Is this only if you guys end up going to Texas? Well, I am just getting out of school. Got an essay and final on Wednesday, so wish me lucK! Loves! Shan

A trip to Europe sounds so great!! August will get here so fast and you'll be there in no time!! Are you planning on going alone, or is Wyatt or another friend going to go with you? My husband wants to go there so bad!! I do too, but not as bad as he does. He actually wants to live over there. I can't see myself living over there. I like living in the States, but you never know.

I'm getting really excited about my vaction to Rhode Island!! I leave in 2 weeks from yesterday. My little sister is going to be so suprised.. she still doesn't know that we're coming out.

I'm not planning on quiting my job at all. I would love to be able to just do music, but it doesn't pay. I was just saying that I might have to quit if we get accepted for this show in Austin. My work place probably won't let me go without firing me. I guess I could accept unemployment or something? I'm not sure though because I would probably end up having to quit and not get fired. We'll see though, it's still a little ways away. But I really want to do the show!!!!

Well it's time for me to actually start working. It's just been so slow lately that I don't have much to do. Have a great weekend if I don't hear from you guys sooner.

I hope everything is going well Kim! Don't forget about us over your summer break :)

Hi Shan and Candela,

Have been so busy. Let me tell you I have been to the gym once in the last 11 days - so that gives you an idea of how hectic it has been. Had headaches for about 7 days in a row because I'm so stressed out. Headaches went away today because starting to get things under control.

I've got cable for the internet so now I'll be able to look at your website Candela. No speaker on this machine though. Bugger, didn't think of that. Ah well no time to think, too much to do.

Look after yourself. I'll be back!

Just realised I've lost a week - I have been to the gym once in 18 days!!! I really don't know what day it is.

LOL ... you'll be ok Kim. I ate like a pig at work yesterday if that makes you feel any better :) They bring in too many treats here!! It makes me almost miss being the front all by myself.

I've been a lot better with my pilates too. I did it about 4 times 2 weeks ago, 4 times last week and I just started this week. I did it last night while my husband rode the exercise bike. I'm gonna squeeze in a tape before rehearsal tonight. I ate so good for one whole week and I really felt like I was gonna start losing again, but I did pretty bad this weekend and yesterday. I had pizza over the weekend and I drank, so this week I really need to watch it.

Only one more day till I get my rings guys!!! I'm so excited! I hope it gets done early and they give it to me today :) That would be really cool. And I'm leaving for Rhode Island in a week also!!!! Things are so exciting right now.

Well I hope you did well with your finals Shan, let us know when you get a second to stop in.

Have a great day!!!

Hey guys-

Sounds like things are busy for all of us! I am doing okay. I think I am gaining weight, but I may just feel that way because I haven't been working out much. My plan is to start swimming with Wyatt at the beginning of the year. We are thinking the gym will have some kind of New Year's Resolution special probably, so I will take advantage of that. Here's what's up with me. I am moving home to my parents house right after Christmas. I am up to my eyeballs in debt right now, (because I had to borrow money to pay my rent this month). But I should be able to get it paid back as soon as I get my first check. I am up for a job that really excites me. I hope I get it. It's between me and one other candidate, so we will see. It's working graveyards at a group home for boys. I will be doing bed checks and basically get paid to hang out and make sure nothing happens. There will be a guy there too with me of course. Anyway, I can also do school since I will be working graveyards. But I think I am going to wait till next fall as planned. At least with this job I can keep working there when I go back to school in the fall, I had just planned on quitting before. And it's one mile from Wyatt's house and also close to my parent's house! Cool huh? Anyway, love you all and I will try to write more. Haven't been home in ages! Shan

I'm sitting around 140 pounds. Don't have time to worry about eating. I am trying not to binge on sugar which is what I do when I get really busy, tired and stressed. Better get to work.

Hello again...
I weighed myself for the first time in ages this morning and I was happy that I haven't gained any of the weight back :) I don't know how I managed to keep it off, but that makes me happy.

I got my rings!!!! And you'll never guess what they did!! They're giving them to me for my Christmas bonus!!!!! I can't even believe it! I got the most beautiful ring in the world and all I had to do was do a good job :) I don't know if you guys have seen (which I'm sure no one cares about) but the whole Trista and Ryan wedding last week, but we made their wedding rings and the huge diamond necklace that she wore during her ceremony. They just make the most beautiful stuff here. I'm so excited!!!!!

Well I'm just covering the phones up here for a few mintues, but take care and good luck with that job Shan!!!!

That is amazing Candela. I didn't watch the wedding. It was on a couple of nights ago. I would have watched it just to see that jewellery. Good on you for not putting on any weight. As I mentioned, I've gained a few pounds, but just so busy.

Had a long day today, just finished work, it's one in the morning. Better go to bed. Long day tomorrow too. But it will all be finished soon. At least that's what I keep telling myself.

I think I must have gained at least 5 pounds yesterday and that's not a good thing with the rest of the holidays coming up. We went out to dinner to exchange and celebrate our new rings. We had garlic bread to start and I had a chicken ceaser sandwhich w/ a margarita and some beer. The only good thing I can say for myself is that I didn't eat that many fries. So I will be doing some pilates before rehearsal tonight and I think I need to get my big butt on the exercise bike. I really need to do cardio, but I just enjoy the pilates so much more :) I need to change that though because I need a fat burner to get the rest of this junk off.

Well I hope everyone has a lovely day!!!

Hey guys! I got the job! I start tomorrow and I am SOOO excited! Candela that's awesome about your rings! I CANNOT believe they are doing that! I am sooo excited for you. You need to take a picture of them and send it to me! Well, I will write more later. love you guys! Shan

Candela - the place you work sounds great! I hope you enjoyed your dinner and exchanging the rings.

Shantelle - congratulations on the new job.

I've just finished interviewing for one of the jobs that was stressing me out. 400 interviews - I had 4 people working for me for a couple of weeks. We got them done in pretty good time though. Now I've got to prepare it all before Christmas. Looks like I'll be working all weekend, but I think I can see the end now.

My husband has been really good with the food. I don't have time to think about it. He made me a chicken salad for dinner. I ate it standing at my desk talking about the work that we were trying to do. Lucky he is in charge of the cooking and not me. If it was me it would be pizza, fast, cheap and sooo fattening - but I don't have time to think of that at the moment - fast would be the main thing I would be looking for - and no washing up.

Got a couple of other project I have to finish before Christmas so I better get back to work.

Wow Kim, be sure to take care of yourself and don't work too hard. You'll have some time off to enjoy the holiday, right? How's the weather now? It's been pretty warm here and that ruins the holiday for me. I know you're used to it, but it's hard to feel the Christmas thing when it's 80 degrees outside and you're hearing songs about snow and frost. O'well... I'll be in Rhode Island soon enough and I'll be missing the California sun :)

Congrats Shan!!! That's so great that you got the job. At least now you'll be doing something more along the lines of what you want to be doing. I would love a job where I get to help people, or animals out. I definantly can't complain about my job now. They've been so nice. I really don't mind it anyways, the only thing I really don't like is waking up so early.

I'm trying really hard to avoid that flu going around. My sister has had it all week and I'm so afraid that I'll end up with it for my vacation. I really can't afford to get it. I can't take any time off of work. I've used all of my sick time on the stupid doctor appts.

I did 20 mins of pilates last night. I still haven't gotten my lazy butt on the exercise bike... but it's still a goal I'm working towards. Maybe that will be my New Years resolution.

Well have a great weekend everyone!!! Don't work too hard Kim :)

Done a couple of hours, but better get back to it. It's funny that you say that about the weather. Our Christmas cards have always got snow on them and the TV Christmas shows are all set in winter. It's just the way it has always been. I've got my nephews water pistols so hopefully they will be able to use them straight away.

2 more days till my vacation!! Boy could I use it right about now :) How was everyone's weekend? I did my Christmas stuff with the family because I'll be out of town. It was really nice. My niece and nephews are out from Colorado and I just love them! They are so cute and are getting so big. I stayed out too late with the family last night and now I'm really tired. But it'll probably be another slow day around here. I hope it's not too crazy.

Well have a great day girls!!!

Merry Christmas!!

Finally got everything under control. It's New Years Eve. It's going to be hot today so I think I'll go to the beach later today and relax. I've worked so hard to get everything done before Christmas I need to relax. I went to the gym on Monday and yesterday, but they aren't open again until Saturday. I had to drop my weights quite a lot because I haven't been for so long.

Enjoy your Christmas everyone. I plan to.

hey everyone.. im new to this thing n i'd like some motivation or a buddy or WHATEVER! i have a goal of 20lbs to lose...by Feb. anyway if u want someone to help u stay on track email me sunkissed_xxx@hotmail.com..Thanks!

Hey leb_chica, welcome! Sorry we've all been kind of busy! Feel free to join in and tell us about yourself. 20 lbs by February sounds like a challenge! How are you planning to do it? Are you thinking the end of Feb or the beginning?

As for me, I've been working like crazy and even now I don't have time to talk much. Wyatt and I have been officially together for one month now. He is so great. And I love him. Isn't that crazy? Anyway, with the holidays and moving and all I have been so busy! I feel like a terrible friend. How was everyone's New Year's? I had to work. No party for me. But my job is SOOO easy. I get lots of free time since all I do is sit there and then do bed checks every 15 minutes or so. Well, need to go. Loves!

Hi Leb_chica. I think I need to lose 10 pounds pretty quickly. I weighed in at 142.5 this morning. I know it says 136.5 on my stats, but I'm not going to change that. I want to get back to that pretty quickly. Don't think I should be rewarding myself for just getting back to where I was not that long ago. I have been keeping a journal, well sort of, weight every day and trying to count fat. But I threw it all out and have started today with 142.5. Kind of like a New Year's resolution.

Actually I got my daughter a cheap digital camera for Christmas. I should see if I can send a picture of my big belly (that is were most of the extra pounds seem to have gone).

Just got back from a few days in the country. A friend runs a camp. It has an indoor pool and spa, flying fox, climbing wall, ropes course, canoes on the lake, stadium, trampolines etc etc etc. It was fantastic. Couldn't believe there was so much there. I expected and old shack and a camp fire.

I think I put on 3 pounds while we were there, so hope to lose that quickly.

Shantelle - so you and Wyatt are in love - Congratulations!! Glad to hear you aren't working to hard at this time of year. I hardly have any work to do now, it is great, I didn't realise how stressed I was not that I am unstressed.

Speak to you soon.

I've tried to attach a picture from my daughter's new camera. Not too good with technology so let's see what happens. I've done it to motivate me.

That takes a long time to download - and I've got cable now. I think I must have done something wrong.

Hi Guys, sorry I haven't been by in a while but my life kind of fell apart over the holidays. He finally left me. I can't believe it. I don't want to talk about it because it's too hard. But I wanted to let you guys know that I'm still here. I've lost so much weight, but only because I can't eat anything. So my goal is to try to stay healthly. Take care.

Candela - just remember that we are thinking of you and sending you good thoughts. I know this doesn't help now but you will find that this time next year you will be on top of the world compared to how you are feeling now - I'm sure Shantelle will back me on this.

Did you do anything that you enjoyed over the holidays? Visiting family or anything?

Look after yourself - we are thinking of you.

Well I have to say I'm feeling better about things today. I've been going through so many different emotions. He actually called me at work today and it was so nice to hear his voice. We even talked for quite a while. We're getting together tomorrow night to see what's up. He really misses me, but I can't get my hopes up yet. He did say that he wants to start slow and see what happens. He's having a really hard time with life right now and I just hope that I can be there for him and help him through this touch spot.

Well sorry to make this short, but I have to go cover the phones. I'll write more in a bit. But thank you for your kind thoughts...and what a great picture!!! It's cool to put a face to the writing.

Great to hear you are feeling better Candela. You and Shantelle are so understanding. It is nice to hear you are trying to help him - but don't forget to look after yourself.

I thought a head to toe picture would help me get motivated. I want to post another one when I'm 125 pounds (hopefully sooner rather than later). Going to catch the last few rays - see ya.

Well I spoke way too soon even though I knew exactly what would happen. Why do we do things like that? Why do we get into situations that we know we don't want to be in because we know they're going to go badly? I made the mistake of having him over last night. For some reason I feel I should be punished or something. He won't let the idea of this other girl go. So tonight will be our last night. Unless he decides to try and work it out. I told him that he will lose me for good, so I really hope he thinks everything through and he makes the best decision.

Well I can't be online right now. I'll try to write over the weekend nad let you know how it turns out. But I already know that I'll be single come tomorrow :(

When you say this 'other girl' do you mean he has been cheating with her? If so - ditch him - you'll never be able to trust a guy like that. I'm a bit worried about you saying you should be punished - sounds like he is the one who deserves it. What have you done that deserves punishment?

You are lucky that you can make a pretty clean break - there is nothing to connect the two of you is there? You must be able to pick and choose when it comes to guys - you are young and gorgeous and in a band. Being in a band is a big plus in the dating stakes I would have thought - just look at Mick Jagger. Have you got a gig soon? You could make eyes at all the good looking guys in the crowd and then let them fight (not physically unless you would prefer that) for your affections!

If things work out that is great - but I think you have a lot to look forward to if they don't.

Whoa whoa whoa. I am gone for a week then BAM! Candela jita, I am here for you if you need me. I know what you are going through. I know you said you didn't want to talk about it, so I will distract you with my crazy drama lovelife. Thinking of breaking it off with Wyatt. I do love him but we keep fighting and it's just too hard. Don't know what to do. I would love to keep trying but he's REALLY passively-controlling and abusive to me. I never come home, (hence the never writing on here or exercising,) because he always wants me with him. I try to tell him I need to hang out at home, and he just wants to come with me. Everytime we argue it turns into a discussion about my flaws, (selfish, bossy, arrogant, condescending according to him AND Dave, so it's hard to hear it knowing how my marriage ended) and it's starting to hurt too much each time it happens. I don't want it to be over, but honestly, I have been financially supporting him and now my trip to Europe is in jeopardy because I am in financial trouble. I have been paying HIS car payment and gas and food for the last two months and I only make 7 an hour and he doens't have a job at all and hasn't even tried to get one. I can't do this!! Argh. Anyway, he is in my bedroom right now "thinking" or sleeping, about what to say to everything I told him. I don't know what to do. Do I end it and give up someone I love? He has like zero ambition in life so I know I will end up supporting him if we ever married, and I just can't have someone bringing me down like that can I?

Loves and keep in touch guys.
Kim- I had a dream last night that I came to visit you!

Kim your pic is soooooooooooo cute! You are so nice looking!

Shantelle - maybe you should come to visit me. You and Candela are such great catches and you are with these guys who just don't deserve you. I have a few single male friends (a bit older than you though) who would be over to moon to be going out with girls like you!! Not all of them are great catches themselves, mainly because they don't look after themselves, drink and eat too much, but they would definitely not be looking for you to financially support them.

I can't say if you should split up with Wyatt or not, I know you will do the right thing - but can you really afford to support him when you have all these things you want to do for yourself. The two of you sound so different, could you spend the rest of your life with him? I sounds like you need that trip away, whether it is to Europe or Australia because you are dreaming about it.

If you come to Australia I've got the perfect guy to take you out. He know heaps of people where he goes and if you two don't hit it off and he will be happy to just hang out or see you hook up with some other guy. I have never been out with him, it would be a good excuse for me to tag along and see where he hangs out.

Same goes for you Candela - speak soon.

Hey Kim-

Hope things are going okay for you. Also hope things are better for Candela. I am worried about her. I would LOVE to come down there and visit you. I am still planning on Europe for this August, but I was thinking about Australia for Christmas. What do you think? I was thinking it would be so cool to go down there and enjoy the good weather when it's rotten here! Anyway, that would give me enough time to save up the money for plane tickets and be able to take the time off work. Anyway, I got a new job, which is NOT graveyards, but we get a free gym membership, so I am re-starting my workouts and diet again this week. I haven't weighed myself in ages, and I am afraid to look. I think I will work out solid for a week or so and then weigh myself to give it a bit of time to be less scary! Anyway, need to work so talk to you soon! Shan

P.S. Things here are fabulous. Wyatt is working with me at the new job. We even work at the same time! Talk to you soon! How is your weight loss going? LOVES!

Hello again, sorry for being a way for so long. Things are still kind of weird here. I don't really know what's going on. I found a new apartment and will be moving in 3 weeks. My husband might actually be moving in right down the street from my new place. I can't really tell you what's going on with us because I just don't know. We still talk and have seen each other a few times, but I don't know what will happen in the end. I think I'll eventually be ok either way.

We had a great show at NAMM this weekend!! We signed a bunch of autographs and had people stopping to talk to us all day. It was great. NAMM is a huge music convention done here every year. We even got offered to play a huge music festival in April too. So that will be a great way to sell some CDs. The CDs should be available on our site soon.

So things are better with Wyatt now? And a new job already? That's really good to hear!! I wish so bad that I could get a free gym membership. .. that would rock!! I'm gonna do some pilates when I get home today. I want to keep all the weight off that I lost from all of this. I weighed myself the other day and it said 115!!! Could you imagine?? Crazy! So I want to get back on the wagon and keep this going good.

Well it's just about time for me to leave work now :) What a great time of day. Take care and I hope all is well.

My weight loss it going very badly. I get motivated for a few days and am really good and then blow it all in the next few days. I'm 143.5 this morning. That is more than I have been in ages. I really struggle to keep it going for very long. That is why I put that stuff in my footer and posted that picture to try to keep me on track. It is really helping so far, but I'm still trying to convince myself that I have to do it consistently for anything to happen.

Good luck when you weigh in Shantelle. I'm sure you won't have fallen back as far as I have. Australia is a great place for a relaxing holiday by the beach, if that is what you are looking for Christmas would be a great time to come. Like the US it is so big it costs a lot and takes a lot of time to get around and see the whole lot. You would probably have to choose a couple of places.

Good to hear about your band again Candela. I'm very jealous. I would love to be able to sing and/or play an instrument for my own enjoyment, but just was not a talent I was blessed with. I read the other day singing is good for your health - I do sing a lot, I just don't inflict it on other people.

Look after yourselves.

Hey guys! Wow it's good to hear from both of you! Candela, I think your attitude is great! I know you will be just fine. I am still kind of shocked about the whole thing though. Seems so sudden and now you're moving! Well, you have to do what you have to do when you have to do it, so good luck with that. That is fabulous about the 115 thing! Kim, you are just perfectly normal. You have done so well for so long, it's easy to slip. Just keep starting up again each time you slack. A lot of people will quit and then decide there is no point in starting again. It is still good for your body to have the exercise even though you may not be losing weight. As for me, things are much better with Wyatt. With both of us working we are less stressed out. We went to Wyoming this past weekend and went horseback riding and snowmobiling and it was SOOOO fun! I am pretty happy to see him working so hard. Our new job is pretty cool. The day I decided to quit, (after one week of no paycheck) I got this new job. Two hours later, I referred Wyatt to work here, and he got hired too. I get a 250.00 bonus for referring my boyfriend! WOOHOO!! That money will go towards Europe. Nice huh? Anyway, loves to all! Talk to you soon! Shan

That is good stuff to put on your footer. You'll get where you want to be, you just have to hang on for the long ride. It is a hard battle, but well worth it in the end I'm sure. Well gotta run again. I'll be back by later.

Hey Shantelle - things seem to be going well for you. Thanks for the encouragement both of you. I've been better this week. I've thought of a few others to add to the footer. Have to do that when I get back. Going away for a few days. A friend's family has a house near the beach so we are going there for a few days. Then kids will be back at school and I'll have to get back to work - I mean serious work, not the bits and pieces I've been doing for most of Jan.

I'll be back in a few days.

Enjoy your vacation Kim!! I would love to spend a few days at a beach house. Things are still pretty weird in my little world. Just trying to hang in there and go with the flow. Life will be whatever it's supposed to be. I do know that I'll be ok though and that's all that matters.

We have a show tonight at a new club here in L.A. and it should be pretty fun. I'm really tired though so I hope I can put together some energy for it. I know I can. It doesn't matter how tired you are... a show is always fun :)

Have a great weekend ladies!!!!

Hey guys-

Kim, that is excellent about the vacation! I am very jealous. Things here are pretty good. Except David is being a total pill! He is trying to get out of paying alimony. He is a loser. Anyway, going to run errands and things so I will write more later. Love you guys! Shan

Hello once again. Well I bought a fridge for my new place... I guess that means that I'm really moving. It's a cute little place and I'm actually excited about moving in. I still have to wait another week and a half though. I started packing this weekend and got a lot done. It gets hard sometimes because it's so hard to believe that this is even happening, but it is and that's that. We've been hanging out a lot though. I guess you could say that we're dating for now. I think that's better than just throwing the whole relationship away, and better than just staying how we were. Either way, I think I'll be ok.

Things are going so good for the band right now!! You guys have no idea! We have a meeting with a company who wants to endorse us for picks and then there is another company who wants us to send them our info for a gear case endorsement. So we're getting a lot of attention right now. We'll be playing a lot of festivals this year as well. One little town radio station even wants to put us up in a hotel and everything to play the festival out there!!!!! I think we might be on our way ;) So keep your fingers crossed.. this could be the year that Auburn Court rocks the world!!! And we're definintly putting together our road crew in Australia ;) We have a run on joke about the hot Australian guys!!! and no shirts!! It could be much funnier now that I'm sort of single ;)

So how's the life of everyone else? That's great that you're still doing good with Wyatt, Shan!! I wish you all the luck after hearing what you had to go through with David!!! But I think it's great that you came out so much stronger and confidant!! Thanks for being there as a role model for me :)

Kim!! I wish I was on vacation there!! Again, the hot Australian guys... So is it true? Are they all hot there? ;)

Well I better run, it's just about time to head out

Hot Aussie guys - if you know where to look - definitely!!

A friend's daughter who is 17 was staying with us. We have a great time perving on the guys. There were quite a few to choose from. I'd find one and say he was my favourite for the weekend, and then I'd find a better one!! Then I'd find another and couldn't decide. Most of them are too young for me, from about 18 to 28 - I guess 28 isn't too young. But here I go again, I'm not on the market anyway, but I certainly like to look!! Especially when so many are easy on the eye. Go to the beaches, not the city beaches, the surf beaches down the coasts, plenty of good bodies and no shirts!! And not very many girls either, male to female ratio is very good!!

As you can see I enjoyed my holiday, but ate too much. I will report on that when I have some good news to report.

LOL Thanks Kim... I'm going to tell our private jet to land on the surf beaches when we go there ;) That sounds good. 18 to 28 sounds like the perfect age range too. Let's hope the band gets off the ground really soon so we'll be there before too long.

Oh my gosh I can't wait to get to Australia! Although Wyatt says he wants to go too.... Perhaps I can crash on your couch Kim and you can just say there is only room for me??? LOL. Anyway, filling out divorce papers tonight. I came to an agreement on the alimony with David finally. So at least that will be settled. I will be relieved to have it all over with. Even just knowing that it will be done seems to help me move on a bit more. I didn't realize how heavy this whole thing has been weighing on me! Anyway, I have a fabulous new job doing tech support and I really like it. Wyatt sits right next to me so we get to talk a lot. I like it. Anyway, I need to go but I will write more later. Oh by the way, I started working out again. I am swimming. My new job has a free gym membership too. Candela, this summer you need to tell me the when/where/how's of a festival out there so Wyatt and I can come and hear you play and have a mini-vacation to see you! I am so excited things are going so well. By the way, you will probably feel a little euphoric with your new-found semi-singleness. Enjoy it and if you need to talk I am here. We should maybe talk on the phone sometimes. My mom gets free long distance on the weekends. It would be cool to get to know each other better. PS. I would like to know your guy's ages/birthdays etc. Talk to you later!

The two festivals that I know about so far are in April. I think it's the weekend of the 17th. We're doing one that Saturday and then a different one on Sunday. I think we booked another one in September too. I have to talk to my boss about going to Austin, TX in March. I'm afraid they won't let me go, but I can't pass up the opportunity. I'm goind to talk to them about it after next week. We have one show confirmed there and I want to wait till we find out about the other before I say anything.

Yeah, I'm not sure how to take this semi-singleness. We talk and hang out a lot. I'm really afraid of giving myself completely now, but I still enjoy being with him. I know he feels the same way, but now I always have to worry that he might be looking to get with someone else. It's still too early to say what will happen though. He's moving into his new place this weekend and I'm moving into mine next weekend. I think I'll have a better idea of what's going on in a few months or something. He's a Leo. His birthday is August 17th. And he's 23 yrs. I'm sure all of that explains a lot :) He really is a great guy though. I can't even say anything bad about him. He's even been there for me while he was breaking my heart. I know that must sound twisted and all, but it's weird. We really are best friends and I think that's why it's so hard to decide what to do. He's really afraid that I'm going to leave him one day. And not even just leave him for someone else, but I just won't be around. I know that's possible and all but I'd like to avoid that. I don't know... we'll see.

Have a great weekend! I'm going to be busy packing all weekend and getting ready for the move next weekend. I can't wait! I'm actually excited. It'll be nice to have some new things going on. That way I can get back into my exercising and everything too. I really miss it. I'm not going to make up excuses of why I haven't been doing it. But I'm not gonna let excuses stop me from starting back. I think I'm gonna try swimming too once the weather warms up here. I don't know if the pool at the new place is heated or not.

Take care!!!!

Arrgh. David says he loves me. I slept with him. But aparently the divorce is still on. Argh. I freakin love him. I thought I was over it. Going to do extra laps tomorrow to kill some of this stress. I didn't tell Wyatt. I just told him that he said he loves me. Wyatt freaked out and started saying he will always be second best. Sheesh.

Wow Shan, that does sound pretty stressful!! Now I know how hard it is to stop sleeping with the one you love too... even if you're not together. It's just still so easy. My husband will only admit that he still loves me after we have sex. I was afraid that he would end up using me (or we'd be using each other) just for the sex, but we actually hang out and talk on the phone too. He moved all of his stuff out of "our" place and into his new place yesterday. That was harder than I thought it would be. I cried, but just a little. I think it will be easier once I'm all moved out as well. I really hope anyways. I can't help but still hope that we'll end up together. I know everything happens for a reason and if it's meant to be blah blah blah... but it's hard to not want it still. We're still amazing friends so I don't know if that makes it harder or easier.

Well with all that out.. I gotta start working now :)
Have a great day ladies!!

Wow I didn't realize you were still sleeping with him. I would advise against that, but anything you choose I will support. If he is sleeping with you and everything but still wants it over (or is he saying he just needs some time to "think it over"?) then you should be very careful. He may genuinely love you and miss you and need you, but if in the back of his mind he is still planning his new life then you probably shouldn't sleep with him. I know it's tough, trust me. This whole time I haven't slept with David because he didn't want anything to do with me that way. So I let it happen because I wanted to feel him wanting me instead of rejecting me. We talked last night and he said that it's nice to have me around because it's something from his old life. I feel that it is unfair for him to stumble back into the life he walked away from whenever he feels like it and then just walk away again. He says he wants the divorce still and that maybe someday after just being friends for awhile we can date. I told him I will be there to sign the divorce papers and then I will be with my boyfriend. I cannot believe I almost threw away what I have with Wyatt because of David! STUPID! Although I don't regret sleeping with him. It's kind of evil and selfish, but it did wonders for my self esteem. I feel triumphant because I've worked so hard on this body and the one person who should've wanted to sleep with me didn't. Now I have that memory of him not being able to help himself after 10 months of him not even kissing me. It helps a lot. Also, that last time we had sex he was drunk and begged me and I just wanted to sleep. So I gave in and the next day he didn't even remember. It broke my heart to think that that was the last time I would be with my husband. So I feel a lot better now. Anyway, need to get to work. Loves! Sorry to yet again dominate the board with my soap opera life.

Oh forgot to mention, going to be 23 on Sunday!

Yeah it really is a hard situation. We actually haven't really stopped sleeping with each other at all. It's been tough for both of us. Neither one of us knows what's going on. The funny thing is that he hasn't stopped wanting me the whole time. In fact it's the complete opposite!! We've been doing more than just having sex though. We go places, hang out and talk on the phone. So that makes it harder. I can't feel like I'm just being used and then realize that I deserve more and then walk away. I really need to talk to him about what to do now. He's bringing some boxes over tonight so I'm going to have to ask him what's up. I can handle dating (if that's what you would call it since we're still married and all) but I can't handle all this unknowing crap. He tells me he's not seeing this other girl anymore and that they don't even talk at all... and they never did more than kiss. I do believe him because he's been honest with me with everything else, but I have a feeling that he might contact her now that he has his own place. I don't like being the type of person who has no faith in a relationship. I don't want to have to second guess everything that I feel and think. So I'm going to tell him all of this tonight and see what happens.

Good luck babe. I wish I could give you a big hug. I've been there in that situation and it hurts to confront them because whatever you have right now will be questioned and you're afraid to lose it. You have a right to ask though, so be strong. You guys need a gameplan. If it's just a seperation, then call it that and make plans for what to do next. It's not fair for him to act normal when he wants you around and then disappear when he wants to. I hope things go well tonight. Loves! As for me, I am a little disallusioned now. Things with Wyatt are weird. I am not sure I really want him around sometimes. I am going to have lots of plans with my friends this week so I should be able to get some perspective. Anyway, I need to get ready for work so I will talk to you all later. PS. Where's Kim?

Kim-- you know that guy you were telling me about? Maybe he and I could be penpals. You know, exchange pictures and all? What do you think?

Yeah, we're getting together tonight and I think I'm going to end up walking away from everything. I really don't want to but I don't know what else to do. I do want to try to come up with some kind of game plan though. A way to know what's going on. I just can't be with him if he's going to be with someone else. I asked him if he was going to call the whore now that he has his own place and he just shrugged his shoulders and said, "I don't know... I've thought about it." So that answers that for me. It's just not worth it. He said that he doesn't want to lose me as a friend and all of that, but I don't see how I could stay around to be his friend when I'll have to go through the tourture of seeing him with this homewrecker woman!! So I'm going to have to find the courage to walk away completely from the one person that I love more than anything. I know I'm not the first to have to walk this path, but that doesn't make it seem any easier. I know that if we're meant to be then we'll end up together in the end. I hate that I even have to hold on to that hope. I hate that I can't be more like him and just shove all of my feelings into some pit deep inside of me and then go on living like I'm fine. But again, we haven't finalized anything yet. So I should wait till I talk to him and update you from there.

Thanks for your support Shan!! I hate that you know what you're talking about because you had to go through the same thing. I'm sorry that you had to do this as well. It's so weird that we would end up meeting and then going through the same situation. Who would have thought. I was the kind of person who was so in love with my other half. But I also took advantage of him as well. I just always thought that he'd be there for me and that I would never have to work on keeping him. I just kind of thought that we had that agreement. We both knew that we were getting involved with musicans and we know the life style that come with that. I just wish he would have said something sooner before just giving up on all that we have created. He told me last night that he just doesn't see me as his partner and he doesn't feel anything romanticly for me. The part that gets me about that is that he says he loves hanging out with me, he loves talking to me and he still finds me very attractive. He said it's easy when I'm not around, but he gets confused the second he sees me because he still.... feels something. So how does he mean that he doesn't feel anything romanticly for me? What do you have to feel to have it qualify for that? But I know I need to just let him do what he needs to do. Questioning it isn't going to make this any easier for me and it will only piss him off.

So to make a long story short, wish me luck. I really need to find some strength between right now and tonight. But I can do it and I know I have no other choice. So for now on I live for the band and I will make it.

Hey babe-

Wonder when Kim is coming back. I had a dream last night about visiting her in Australia. I wonder what I could do about moving there and working there. What do you say Kim? Can I move in? LOL. I would so love to move to another country and work there. I was thinking more about being a nanny back east. There are always openings back east and you go back there for about two years and work. I think that would be really neat. They are usually really wealthy families that provide a car for you and everything. That would be so sweet. I would love to move to New York or something and do that. Then maybe I could take some classes at one of the awesome universities there. Anyway, so Candela, everything you said makes a lot of sense. It was like reading everything I had thought myself in the last six months. You are right, you need to walk away. It will be the hardest thing you have ever done, but it will be good for you too. I know you can make it through this and when you are famous Colin Farrel will come and take you out and fall in love with you. You deserve so much better than what you are getting from him right now. Remember, my 23 year old husband said all the same crap to me. He said he didn't feel anything romantically for me too, but that didn't stop him from jumping me when he felt the slightest bit of regret. Remember, not having you around when he needs you is the CONSEQUENCE of throwing away your relationship. It is NOT fair for him to come back and get what he needs from you anytime he feels a bit of regret or misses you. When you throw something out on the curb with the trash you have to expect the trash to be picked up and taken away. You can't change your mind a month later and expect it to still be sitting there. Anyway, sorry if I am ranting I just care so much about you and think it's bull what he is doing. I can't wait to come out there and meet you and give the big hug I owe you. We will go out and have a victory glass of wine and say screw the men!!!! You were there for me during all my drama and I want to continue to be there for you. If you want to give me a call let me know and I will email you my number or something. (Of course, you will have to give me your email again.) Anyway, loves and hope to hear how things went. Best of luck, Shanny

Thanks so much Shan!! I'm living in a hell right now. I can't call him or talk to him anymore (those are his wishes) and it's killing me. I have to see him on Sunday. The sad thing is that I'm excited that we have to clean the apartment together because that means I get to see him again. Maybe we can talk about things and we'll be ok. Not together, but at least friends. So what happened with the other girl that David was seeing? Did that fall apart?
Yes, we should have a good time when you come out. That would be awesome!

Hey cutie-

So why can't you see him or talk to him all of a sudden? What a total (insert word for VERY small unit here...)! I am so sorry babe. I don't understand men at all sometimes. Argh. The thing with David was that he wanted out of our marriage and figured an affair was the quickest way out. He never actually had the affair according to both he and Andrea. She had no idea that he was making it appear there was something going on. But they both admitted to having feelings for each other that they shouldn't. Later, when I spoke to David about it he said that she only wanted to be friends and that she wanted to make things work for her and her husband. His heart was pretty broken about that, but he didn't get a lot of sympathy from me. This week really sucks. It's my birthday today but I am depressed because I broke up with Wyatt. I have decided that he isn't the best thing for me. He makes me feel kind of bad about myself and that's not something that I need right now. Plus there is the whole complication of sleeping with David the one time. The fact that I was so willing to do that shows that I wasn't completely happy in my relationship with Wyatt. I love him so much but I think I need to be single for awhile. But last night I had to sleep with out him for the first time in a really long time and all I wanted was him holding me. How can this be better for me? Argh I am so conflicted. I am sure you are feeling a lot of the same things I am right now. Here's what you do, go to a public place by yourself and REALLY notice guys. I find they check me out all the time if I just pay attention. It's kind of fun. I never noticed before. Anyway, loves! If you need anything just let me know. Shan

HAPPY LATE BIRTHDAY!!! Sorry, I've been having so many computer problems at work that I haven't been able to log on at all. I'm sorry to hear about you and Wyatt. I know what you mean about wanting him sleeping next to you. That's one thing that I miss so much about my husband. But actually... I've stayed at his place for that last 2 nights. We've been getting together to talk and see what's up. He actually slept with the whore over the weekend. I am upset by it, but not as much as I should be. He said it was terrible and he hates it and wants out. I don't know if he has gotten out or not. I think I'm actually going to talk to him about it today. I think I'm going to call him.. I'll try to come back by and up date later.

Sorry to hear about the situation with Wyatt though. We just all have to find a way to be happy... no matter what!!

Yes we do! Our happiness is what needs to matter to us!!!! I am so excited today! We went to my favorite club over the weekend and I gave the DJ my phone number and he called me!!!!! I took some pictures to put up on my personal's site so I am putting them up here so you can see what I look like. My camera doesn't have a timer so they are all closeups but I am going to have my mom take some full body ones today. Anyway, I am sorry to hear about the whore. David never slept with his (I think) so I can imagine that is hard for you. Just remember they kind of guys who go for whores are not the ones you need!!!

Here it is... GASP!

Now I need to find a way to put my picture up. It's just so cool to put faces with the names. I also think it could help motivate us as well if we do the whole body thing. It's funny, we don't even talk about diets and stuff anymore. I do want to get back into losing weight though. Not so much the losing anymore, but I need to get toned so bad!!!! I just feel like I have to get my apartment in order before I can get back into it. I am getting a lot of exercise doing that... that's for sure!!! LOL. So I'll let you guys know as soon as I'm done and then I'll make my exercise matter again.

I like the picture... it's cute :) I'll do my best to get one up too!!

Hey-

It's not actually the one I wanted to put up, the board thing said that the others are too big. I am going to see if I can make them smaller or something. I have been continuing my weight loss stuff I just haven't been talking about it much. It's funny that you said that because I have thought the same thing! I can't wait to see you pic Candela! Kim's was so cute! Anyway, I will see if I can get the other ones up too. Shan

And the last one...

Just checking in. Life is still a little messed up. Working on trying to figure it out. We just don't know what to do or how to do it. What a mess. Keep in touch guys!! Hope all is well with everyone :)

hi candela
my name is maria and i am new. as you can see, i have alot of weight to lose. i was home for several yrs with my kids after my divorce.i did manage to quit smoking but along with raising 2 kids on my own, i ate because of the stress i felt. i wish i was one of those people who can't eat when stressed out but no such luck-lol. i do need a buddy. i can be reached at nini6703@yahoo.com for im or email.hope to talk soon.

Welcome Maria. We've all been going through some tough spots so we don't check in as often as usual, but it's always great to add in new people. Right now I'm going through some really hard stuff and diet and exercise just are as important to me as they should be. I do need to start working out again so that I can keep the weight off. I ended up losing all the weight that I wanted and going under my goal, but now I need to keep it off. It's really hard to think about doing that though. I did do pilates once last week.

This page is really great and you'll be able to find a lot of good advice and info here. It really helped me out a lot!! So welcome and please come back by.

Hi ladies,

Sorry I have not been around. Busy, but the main reason was that I was really mad with myself regarding weight loss. Well it's not weight loss at all, it's weight gain. Anyway, weighed in at 140 pounds this morning which is down on what I have been in a while. I've decided to give myself a goal of 1 pound per week from now. I have been setting it at 2 pounds, then when I don't achieve it give up and put on 5 pounds (or something). I think I'm back on track. Have not been to the gym for a week because I hurt my back last week, it doesn't really hurt now, but I think I have to totally fix it before I stuff it up again.

Enough about me. Hi Maria, I have 2 kids too and I gave up smoking and substituted it with eating. So now I'm trying to break that habit. Getting there now, but have been smoke free for about 5 years so it is taking me a while. Some days when I'm stressed and would have smoked a pack of cigarettes I used to eat a loaf of bread instead. Don't do that anymore, but still am not as good as I should be.

Candela and Shantelle. Goodness me, I don't know where to start. These b***d men. I told one man last night that this other man was lucky that I didn't rip his ******ing throat out. Aaah I feel better after writing that. Although mine are not romantic troubles with men, they always seem to cause you trouble. You both sound like you are going through a pretty tough time, but getting things under control. I'm very proud of you two. Stay strong, you don't need these men. They need you!! Don't give them what they want. You deserve a lot better and I'm sure they are out there. And after seeing your pictures you two are such stunners I'm sure you could have whoever you like. Hey Candela, you could get Shantelle to be a roadie and you could both have a band of groupies following you all over the world.

Better go. I have to make plans to defeat those men I was talking about earlier. Ha Ha Ha (How do you do evil laughter on the internet?)

Welcome back Kim!!! I understand that it gets hard to keep on track, but we're always here when you need someone to talk to. I'm sorry that I haven't been around too much, but please don't feel like you have to do this alone.

My life isn't any better right now than it's been. I think we're on the way out of our relationship. I know I shouldn't let him come and go and stuff, but it's hard. I still care deeply for him and he for me. I know it won't last and it won't work because he has let himself fall out of love with me, but I think I could almost be ready to accept that. I am really upset that he gave up on me. I never would have given up on him in a million years, so that's what I'm having the hardest time getting over. I'm sure I still have long hard road a head of me, but hopefully it starts to get better and easier soon. This has taken so much out of me.

My band is leaving for Austin in less than a month!!! We're so excited! We're doing a huge Women in Rock show there. It's going to be such an amazing time. I could really use something like that right now. We're renting an RV and hitting the road. It's going to take a while to get there, but I think that will be half the fun. I won't have to stress about the stupid husband or anything. I got permission to leave work for the week and everything. So my only worry will be if I'm drunk enough :) It should be a good party time. I don't have to worry about driving or anything. I CAN"T WAIT!! We have a big show coming up on the 6th. We've really been slacking with the band. All of us are going through hard times at the same time. I think we started to get back on track last night. We had a great rehearsal and it felt so good to be playing with my heart again. It's the second most amazing feeling in the world.

Well work is going to be crazy today. There's only 3 of us here to take calls. So take care Kim!! And hopefully Shan hasn't gone awol on us :)

Hey sweeties! How are you? Welcome back Kim! Candela I am sorry to say that it will probably get a lot worse before it gets better, but take heart knowing that it WILL get better. Be creative, write music or something, it will help. Also, if you two haven't seen Under the Tuscan Sun yet, YOU HAVE TO!!!!! (not sure if it's been released on video there yet or not Kim) It is so great. Diane Lane's husband pretty much rips her heart out competely by surprise and she puts herself back together in Italy. Ahhh it's soooo romantic. Anyway, things here are okay. Been back and forth considering whether to move back east and be a nanny. It would be good money but I think it's wise if I stay here to go to Europe this summer and start school again in the fall you know? Anyway, I finally couldn't take it anymore and went to see Wyatt. We had a long talk about how things need to be if he wants to be with me and he completely understands. So I gave him another try (my ex actually suggested I do that, he likes Wyatt and thinks he is good to me) and we've been doing really well. He treats me so much better. He says he doesn't want to ever lose me again. He's very sweet. I just kind of felt like, well, I love him and I don't want to lose that. I didn't want David to just give up on me, so it's not fair to do that to Wyatt. There isn't anything that you can't change about yourself. Now this doesn't mean I am going to take any bull$hit, but I am happy helping him learn to have an adult relationship. He's never really had one before. As for my health, I've been using my Total Gym and am happy to report I could kick anyone's ass I wanted to. My arms are super muscley but in a cute way, and my abs are starting to get hard. SOOOOO excited to have a Britney Spears stomach before swimsuit season this year!!!!

Kim- Glad you're back!!! Remember, you can't get so off track that it's impossible to get back on. Just do one thing at a time and start again. Get right back in there and you will be fine!

Love you guys!

Shan

Candela - I remember with my first boyfriend (went out for 3 years) that it took us quite a few months to split up. It was really hard, and I was the one who thought that I couldn't see myself with him forever, so how hopeless and I!! Still found it really hard, but I knew it had to be done. And he wasn't even my husband, that makes me even more hopeless. Still it had to be done and the longer I left it the harder it would be. Keep you chin up - you are doing great!

The Women in Rock thing sounds sooo cool!! You should have a blast!!

Shantelle - I'm going to be an old lady now - PEOPLE DO NOT CHANGE!! I know a few women who married men and it has taken them until they are in their 30s to realise that they do not change. They've tried everything, including having kids to get these guys on track, but nothing has worked. It doesn't mean the guy didn't love them, or he was bad, he just wasn't the right guy for them. I feel like I'm being a real b**ch to say this when you are happy to be back with him. Please be careful!!

I went to the gym on Friday for the first time in 2 weeks. I'm pretty sore today, but am going to go again, actually have to leave in 5 minutes so I better get going. Back soon. Take care.

Good Morning and Happy Monday!! How is everyone? I had the best time this weekend. I was feeling so good about myself on Friday. I got in touch with some old friends that I haven't talked to much since all of this has started. I hung out with the ex before going over and partying with my friends. We actually spent most of the weekend together. I got so drunk on Friday, but in a good way. I really needed it... it's been a long time since I've had that much fun. I spent almost the whole day yesterday at the YMCA gym working my ass off!! I went with a friend who goes there all the time. I started off with a power yoga class (i've never done yoga before!!) then we did the elipptical (??) machine for 15 mins followed by an hour long abs only class. We then stayed for a dance class that was so much fun!!! I'm hurting today... but in the best way.

The only bad part is that I did all that exercise and ended up eating out twice yesterday :) I think I'll be ok though. I'm really busy after work today, so I'm going to save my pilates for tomorrow night after work. I'm going to get back into this thing. I think I'm going to buy some vitamins today too.

Glad everything is going good Shan. I think Kim has a good point about people not changing. I do think people can change though... they just have to agree with the need to change. I'm in a situation where I need to change, but it's something that I want to do for myself... not for my husband's benefit or anyone else's. So you guys just have to keep yourselves in check and only change what you're ready and willing to change. The best thing about a relationship when it works is when you both allow each other to be yourselves completely.

Well have a great day guys!!! It's good to see us all here again!!

Good to hear you had fun Candela. I went to a party last week and ran into someone I haven't seen for 15 years. It was fun catching up with him. Funny what he remembered and how he remembered things and I think he was surprised about some of the things I had to say about what I thought back then too.

The last of the summer weather is here. It's going to be 36 today and 37 tomorrow - I'm pretty sure that's around 100 in your language. Went to the beach yesterday, had to make sure I don't miss out, it will get cold again soon.

I hope I didn't upset you Shantelle. I agree people can change - but they have to really want it - and want it for themselves.

Take care!!

Hey girls-

Well, things are definitely weird here. Wyatt and I are doing fabulously and I am super happy. He is so great. As for David, I finally hacked into his email and found out he did have an affair and they were screwing since last May, when we first started hanging out with the whore and her husband. I can't believe he did that, he also planned to get me to leave him. They planned it together. He would be a total *****hole to me and treat me like garbage, so that I would leave him. She would do the same to her husband, and then they could live like the scum they are together. I found this all out two hours after we finalized the divorce. Sucks huh? So I sent all the info to Rian, and I am not sure from there what's up. Isn't David like the worst human being ever? I mean, they were so mean about it. Reading the things they said about me, they are pure evil. Anyway, Candela that's awesome about the Y, I am proud of you! Kim, thanks for the advice. I know what you mean about changing people, the thing is, the changes we need to make are normal ones that come with maturity, and Wyatt is doing really well. Anyway, love you guys! Keep up with your busy lives but keep in touch!

Shantelle - great to hear about you and Wyatt. I'm definitely not trying to be a downer, just want you to be careful. I really appreciate you listening to what I said - and now that you have and decided that it doesn't apply to you and Wyatt that is very cool. (I think I'm not making sense again, but you have been so good at working out my gibberish I'm hoping you know what I mean this time).

However I do believe that once a cheater, always a cheater, so you are lucky to be rid of that guy, what was his name again? You know that totally stupid man who had the affair with the total slag. Oh well, don't really want to think about them, they don't deserve any more of our time. Tell me more about what you and Wyatt are up to.

And Candela, tell me more about the band.

You would have loved the party I went to where I met that guy I haven't seen in years. Most of the people there were musos and they had a room set up with all different instrument and they all had a bit of a go, playing, singing. I know, I've heard plenty of people jamming and most are pretty bad, but these guys were very good. A few have had recording contracts and all get paid to perform, even if it is just in local restaurants. It was very cool. I was telling them how lucky they were to have that talent and they were saying 'Anyone can do it!'. Yeah, right. Not me. I can't believe that they do not realise that they have a gift that most people don't have. There were quite a few single guys there too - you should have been there.

hey guys-

the whore contacted me this morning to see if I am okay. Then she attacked me and told me I don't care about David and ruined his life. Sheesh. She really is a whore.

Kim- I agree, I don't think anyone can do the music thing. I can't seem to learn an instrument if I try.

Well, I am really upset about the whore thing, so going to go and throw up probably. She keeps chatting to me. What a total whore. Anyway, love you guys. Shan

Are you serious Shan? She really has some nerve. I don't think my husbands whore would ever be stupid enough to contact me!! It must suck to find all this out aferwards, but at least you finalized the divorce and got out! I don't know what I would do if I found out that my husband was actually having an affair. I might be dumb, but I believe him when he says that nothing happened until after we moved to different places. He really has been honest with me with everything. He could have been just like David and did it behind my back and treated me like **** so that I would leave him instead of him being the one to mess things up. That could have been so easy for him. It makes my stomach hurt just thinking about that though. I am so here for you if you need to talk about it more.!! HUGS!!!!!

Kim- That party does sound like a lot of fun. It sounds like my kind of scene. I've been having so much fun hanging out with all my friends again and building up that side of me. I've been busy everyday (not that I wasn't before) but now it's with friends and not always with the band and work. I'm learning how to make time for the social me too!!

The band is going really good. We just had a show over the weekend and it was a blast. We're getting ready to head out to Texas!! 1 week and 1 day :) I'm so excited!!! It's going to be so amazing. I hope I can find a computer so I can log on and tell you guys how much fun it is there! I'd love to write you guys from the road!! I"M SO EXCITED!! It's amazing that my life was so bad at the beginning of this year and yet things seem to be ok. I've been hanging out with my "husband" a lot and we're having a great time. We go on actual dates and he thinks about me. We went to a concert on Sunday and it was really hot. We went to put gas in the car and when I got back from taking care of something while he pumped the gas... he had my favorite cold drink in the car waiting for me :) I thought it was sweet. We're not even worrying about the marriage right now. We're just really lgetting back to our roots and it feels really good.

HAVE A GREAT DAY!!!!

Hey guys-

Candela that all sounds really good. I am so happy that things are getting better. They will probably just keep getting better too. The whore finally ended the conversation by apologizing and saying that I am a good person and that I didn't deserve what happened. She did say though that David totally hates me now. That really hurts. He was the one who did this and all I did was find out about it and tell Rian. Rian had a right to know, just like I did. I just think he's pissed because she decided to stay with her husband and now David doesn't get her anymore. I knew she had no intention of leaving her husband for David. So he threw it all away for nothing. What a moron. One thing that keeps bothering me repeatedly is the past. What was real? What wasn't? Were the happy times he and I had together really him just "bearing it" and him "tolerating" me? It seems so hard to believe that he was so unhappy with me and yet we had so many good times. It doesn't seem like anyone could be that good at faking it if they are so unhappy they want to kill themselves. Anyway, any insites? I am glad you guys are doing so well. I am working on it. Two of my friends Julie and Amanda are going to get an apartment or house with me first of the month, so I am way excited about that. Then, after my trip to Europe I am starting back to school. So I have some stuff to look forward to. Anyway, love you guys!

I came on here because I needed inspiration to go to the gym. Now I want to write a whole lot of stuff, but NO the gym first, I'll have to get back later.

I do have to say though that the whore sounds very f***ed up. When you said she called I sort of feel sorry for her - I know you think I'm totally crazy. But why on earth is she calling you, she sounds totally mad!! What is going on in her head. No - I don't want to know - it is too scary. It sounds to me like you have upset her more than she is upsetting you - at least make sure that is what happens. She is obviously only calling you to try to make you feel bad and in the process make herself feel better. She is obviously insane!!

And don't believe that David did not enjoy his time with you - even from the other side of the world I can tell that is absolute rubbish. Again - that is what people say to make themselves feel better when they are totally stuffed in the head.

Better get to gym!!

Take care.

I would take the good times for the good times that they were. I don't know much about your relationship before the bad stuff happened, but I can't imagine that it was always something that he didn't want. Have you asked him about that? I know I wonder the same thing sometimes. I just wonder how I could remember so many good times and how happy I was and to think that I was making him so miserable?? I don't know... guys are weird. I think most of the time they put every thing that they are unhappy about and feel they failed at and they put it on us. It's so much easier for them to blame us for messing up their lives than looking at themselves and seeing where they went wrong. But I don't know... I could be wrong.

That's exciting that you're going to be moving into a new place. I hate moving, but sometimes it feels so good. I'm finally starting to feel settled into my new place now. It is cute and hopefully I can get rid of more stuff so that I can have more room. I just wish I had more money so I could buy a bed from Ikea that you can use as a bed or a couch. It's like a futon, but not as uncomfortable. That would be cool. My husband just bought one the other night. It's $350 though and I can't spend that kind of money.

I decided that I want to go on a cruise. I've been talking about it a lot lately and it sounds like so much fun. I talked to a friend the other night and it turns out that she's been wanting to do the same thing. I don't know how I'll ever get the money or the time off of work, but I thought that it would be the perfect thing to do for my anniversary this year. This year is going to be hard because I'm sure we won't be celebrating it together. So I'd like to go out with a good friend and just have a good time. That's my plan, so I have until May 26th to figure it out. That would be awesome!!!!
Gotta get working now. I'll stop by later.

OOOH a cruise sounds divine. I've been wanting to go on one but haven't had a chance. where are you going to go? THAT WILL BE SOOO FUN!!!! Kim- I feel bad that our drama prevents us from motivating you sometimes. so here is my motivation for today....
studies that came out last year showed that every mammal on the earth has the same number of heartbeats. it's proportional to the size of the mammal, so a mouse's heart will beat the same as an elephant, but faster. humans have about the same lifetime heart beats as any mammal about the same size heart. if you exercise regularly, your heart will build up endurance and when at rest your body/heart will do less work to function, so you use less total heart beats and you live longer. so go to the gym!!!!

I just got some info from a friend here at work and AAA auto club does a cruise from L.A. to Baja, Mexico every friday. It's really not that expensive either. I'm going to to talk my friend at dinner on Monday night and see if she really wants to go on one. It would be so much fun!! They have one on May 14th and one on May 21st. They leave on Friday eve and come back on Sunday... I think.

I'm having such an emotional day today! I don't know what to do. I think it's just hormones from "that time of the month: stuff but it's really bad. I hope I can keep it in check. Now I feel worried about everything that is going on. I just found out about some huge bombing in Madrid and I have a best friend there. I know he's ok... he would never be up that early in the morning... but I still worry. I just found out that my sisters ex boyfriend (who she's not over yet) was talking to another girl last night and I think they're hanging out today.. but I can't say anything to my sister. And now I'm worrying about my own situation. GOOD GOD!! You really do have some good days and bad days don't you? I can't even concentrate at work today. I need to though. So I'm going to focus now and get all of my work completed.

Oh yeah, I did my pilates last night. It felt really good. But then I went out to a pizza place with my sister and some of her work friends. But I guess it should balance out because I worked out and ate pizza.

Gotta run.. hugs and stuff.

Hey-

Pizza isn't too bad so don't sweat it! I know what you mean about good days and bad days. I have those all the time. Somedays I don't think about any of it all day long, others it's all i think about it. Argh. It's frustrating because yeah, I know I'm better off, I know he's scum and so is she. I know I have a MUCH brighter future ahead of me, and I know that I will be so much happier. But it still hurts and I think about it all the time. I haven't worked out in awhile. It's hard when I am with Wyatt all the time, because I can't just go and leave him at my house. Thinking I may go in the morning before he wakes up. I have three job interviews tomorrow and I think that one of them will pan out. I haven't been working for a couple of weeks and it's starting to get kind of panicky in my bank account. Well, I am off to Wyatt's. i love sleeping at his place. It's the only way I get any sleep. Loves! If you guys need anything let me know. PS, Candela, Baja sounds fun!

You two just being here gives me motivation. That you are going through so much and you are still able to go to pilates and keep your weight down. You are both an inspiration - getting on with your lives and still chasing your goals even when things are going badly. You know that many other people in your situation just go to bed and eat themselves stupid. Not you two!! You motivate me without the diet talk, which I really appreciated Shantelle - thanks for that, but your trips and cruise planning help me just as much.

The cruise sounds great!! I would love to go on one if a) I did not have the worst seasickness on the planet and b) I was single and younger - because I hear it is a great place to meet people. May would be great too wouldn't it? - weather starting to warm up!! LA to Mexico sounds very exotic to me - good luck with pulling it off.

I had an emotional day today, but mainly because of work. Some printing that came back late was all wrong and I had to find someone else to do it properly at the last minute, because the people who stuffed it up said they couldn't fix it (their printer quit). Anyway I was very lucky to sort it out - another company bailed me out - after a lot of kissing up, a bottle of champagne and paying top dollar - it was looking pretty bad for a while. Anyway - all ok now.

Have a great weekend - take care.

Happy Friday!! I love Fridays!! The work day usually goes by pretty quickly and then it's party time. I'm supposed to be going out with the "husband" tonight. Some friends of ours are playing a big show and it should be fun. I talked to him for a while last night and it was funny. I found out that he calls me his girlfriend and I told him that I call him my husband, but in quotation marks!! We were laughing. At least we can laugh about it. I told him that I'm going to make him a shirt that says "husband"... I just thought that it was funny.
I did some impulsive shopping last night. I had to go by Target to get some safety pins and I ended up going into another clothing store. I never spend like $30 on anything.... but I bought a really cute jean skirt! I can't believe I did. I don't have tons of money, but I thought it would make me feel better since yesterday wasn't a good day. And it did. I wore it to rehearsal and it's so cute!! I was thinking about wearing it tonight to the show. I never ever ever wear skirts in public, so this would be a huge step out for me. Right now I'm all about going out of my comfort zones and growing. So let's see what happens. It doesn't seem as warm today as it has been, so that might be my built in excuse. I'll let you guys know on Monday.

Any fun plans for the weekend?? I hope the weather is nice this weekend. Well I have lots to do here today. I need to get everything done so there's not a lot left when I 'm gone next week.

That is so funny Candela! I totally bought some things I shouldn't normally feel comfortable buying but I look great and feel great wearing them now! It's nice cause I am showing my legs for the first time in like 4 years! Anyway, can't write too much right now, will write more tomorrow!

Shan

Hey-

Okay so here's what's up with me. I have that opportunity still to go back east and be a nanny. I am supposed to call the agency today and tell them if I am still willing to go and move there. (I was hesitant before.) I don't know whether to go or not. It seems like it would be a good chance to start over, I just don't know if I can bear to leave everything I have ever known behind for a year. The mom seemed great though and she even mentioned they have a bunch of colleges back there that I could go to while I worked for her. Plus, it's in New York, somewhere I have always wanted to live. I just don't know what to do. Things here aren't working out yet. I haven't found a job and I am living at my parents place which is like an hour from the city and I don't have a car so Wyatt takes me every where. I am not making any money and don't think I will be able to pay for my trip to Europe if I don't find something soon, plus once I do there's the whole car issue because any job I find is bound to be in the city. I realize moving across the country shouldn't probably seem like the easy way out, but dang you know? It would definitely solve some problems. Like bam! I have a steady job and a place to live and all my expenses paid for. And bam! I am back east where I can go to museums and libraries. It could be cool. Anyway, I think I am going to call Jeff in Florida and get his advice. I am sort of asking anyone who might have an opinion. What do you guys think?

Go Shantelle!!

I reckon that those who are most successful (and my definition of successful doesn't necessarily mean heaps of money) are those who take advantage of opportunities. Is this the best opportunity that is presenting itself at the moment? Sounds like it from what you say. What do you think? If it is, go for it. I'm not saying being a nanny is your destiny, just what will lead you to other opportunities.

You are at a place in your life where you can think only about what is best for you. It won't always be the way, make the most of it!

What is your gut feel? Go with that. I always sleep on things. See how you FEEL in the morning. Your subconcious will have the answer - listen to it.

Candela - that jeans skirt sound divine. If you've got it - flaunt it! Don't get to my age and wish you had - do it now!

Take care.

Shan... I say go while you don't have so many attachments. I think it sounds like an amazing opportunity. I would just say to think of your options if it doesn't work out like you wanted it to so you don't feel stuck in a place that you're unhappy in. A year will go by so fast and you'll have the chance to meet so many new people. I just went back east for the first time this winter and it was great! It's so beautiful!!! It would almost be like a year long vacation. Have you tried making a list of all the pros and cons? That might help out.. that way you know you're making a rational decision and not either running away for something or staying and missing out on something. I agree with Kim... "go with your gut."

I'm so excited guys!!! We leave first thing tomorrow morning for our tour to Texas!! I can't believe how fast it came. It's going to be so much fun! I can't wait to tell you guys all about it when I get back. I did pack all my cute skirts. I have to admit that I'm a little nervous to leave for a week. I know it will be a good thing and you guys will think I'm stupid for giving this more than a seconds thought, but I haven't been a way from my husband for that long since this all started. I'm afraid that he'll find someone else while I'm gone or something like that. We've been having a such a good time lately, I just don't want it to end. But I know this whole week is for me. I can't waste my time worrying about what may or may not happen while I'm gone. Who knows? I could end up meeting someone while I'm gone as well. Right? Well I'll let you guys know.

Take care and think great thoughts for me while I'm on the road!!! :)

Hugs!!! And I'll try to be in touch while I'm gone.

Great idea to make a list of the pros and cons! You should do that Shantelle.

Have a great time Candela. It's always a bit sad going away, even if it is for a great adventure. You both seem to always be doing the same things. It is like Texas is a great opportunity for you and going east is a great opportunity for Shantelle. You are both a bit worried and excited about it at the same time. I know you haven't made up your mind yet Shantelle and a week and a year are a lot different, but you are both chasing your dreams. I love it!

Sorry Shantelle, not trying to sway you now - I know you will make the right decision for you.

Candela - you are going to be a knock-out, firstly because of your great music and secondly because of the skirts. Have a blast!

Hey guys-

Well I pretty much have decided to stay here. It just seems like such a gamble to go there and have to stay for a year. What if I hate it? What if I am miserable and I am stuck in a contract? Plus, I wouldn't be able to go to Europe this year and I would miss a year of school. It doesn't seem worth it. I have had some promising interviews here though, so we will see. Candela, the trip sounds fab, I hope it goes well! I do hope you meet someone or at least enjoy a little recreational flirting!!! Loves to you both! Need to go back to bed!

Europe is a good reason to stay. And school too, although not as much fun as Europe.

Good luck with the interviews.

I got a new computer and it is driving me crazy. Actually I'm working on the job from hell. When I was asked to do it I was told that it was the job from hell. Why did I think she was exaggerating!! I even bought a new computer to handle it (I was due for one, I just need a push to take the plunge) and it has been hell - no other word for it. Anyway better get back to tearing my hair out.

Hi guys... I'm back. It was so amazing! I don't even know where to start. First off, it's really hard to type because my left arm is in a splint because I feel while partying too much.

Shan- I did do some flirting & ended up having a minor fling. It was nothing serious, but it's really messed things up with my husband. It's a really long story and too hard to type it all out. My husband & I are still so in love with each other but now we don't know what to do. I think we'll be ok though.

Well I have a lot of work to catch up on... I'll be back in as soon as I can.

Whoa babe! Sounds crazy. Hope you had a good time though. As for your "husband", remember that you were willing to forgive and move past his "relationship" and he needs to be open to do the same for you. Tell me more about it if you want the advice. I personally think it was a good thing for it to happen. Lets you know that there are guys out there (other than the spouse) who would be interested in you. I do think forgiveness is the most important thing you can do when your spouse cheats, but not at the expense of your self esteem. Talk through it and if he can suck it up and at least commit enough to be your boyfriend, then he can have a say in whether you see other people or not. I don't know all the details hon, but you need to watch out for yourself and try to think about what you really want. He should do the same. Loves to you both, I will update you on my life later. Shan

Sounds like you had a blast. Come on - where are the details!! I'm waiting. Hope your arm is ok. Can't wait to hear about the major fling.

Everything Shantelle says about your husband - I agree. But am more interested in the details. Keep up the good work!!

LOL... Happy Monday. The details are a little foggy because I was too drunk to remember... most of the details are what I was told from my band. We were doing shots and passing out flyers trying to get people out to our show. It was crazy! The streets were just packed with people partying and having a great time. There were bands playing in every bar you walked by. I guess I got too carried away with everything. We met some guys down stairs at a bar and the last thing I really remember is talking to some guy that I gave a flyer to... he's not the guy that I made out with. The next memory I have is making out with some guy and I couldn't remember his name... I just refused to remember what it was even though he told me 100 times. It turns out that this guy was friends with the other guy that I was just talking to. I have no idea how long we made out but my singer and guitar player got really pissed when they tried to get me and my sister to go somewhere with them. My band finally pulled us a way and then our "band mom" came and picked us up and we went back to camp. From there I guess I called my husband and told him what happened. I don't remember doing that at all... I have no idea what I told him.

The guy ended up coming to our show the next night. I was happy because I played the best show of my life and I didn't even know he was there. I hung out and talked to him for a few hours, but I didn't let anything happen because I promised my husband that I wouldn't.

Things have been so good since I got back. He's doing a lot better with the whole thing. He realizes that I could never hate him for all of this because I understand why he did what he did and I also learned so much from what I did. I told him I'm happy that I was given the chance to learn so much about myself. We're gonna keep our seperate apartments till our leases are up in 10 months and see what happens in the mean time. I'm really trying to talk him in to moving to Austin, Texas with us. I really want to go, but I really want to stay with him... so hopefully I'll get to do both. I just asked him to look into it and see if it's something he'd want to do. So we'll see... It's still pretty far away from now and our relationship is still so new. But I do have a good feeling about it and I think it will be ok.

Have you guys seen the new Jim Carey movie, "Eternal Sunshine for the Spotless Mind". It was amazing!!!! I saw it with my husband and it really puts things into perspective.

Have a great day!!!!

Hey guys-

Well Candela that doesn't sound like it was too big of a deal. I am glad that you guys are going to be okay. I am totally going to go and see that movie! It looks pretty cool! As for me, not a lot going on right now. Although I am pretty stressed out financially. Wyatt still doesn't have a job, although he I have not been supporting him. He had a bit of money saved up and then his tax return so he has all his bills paid for now, but in a couple of weeks he has some to pay and he isn't really looking all that hard for a job. There is no way I am going to pay his car payment even if that is how I get to work everyday. I can find my own way if I need to. Anyway, I am not really mad at him so much as stressed out. He wants to go to Vegas in May but doesn't have a job to save up money to go. It's frustrating to me because I do have a job but I need every penny to pay off this terrible loan I got stuck with. The interest is calculated weekly, so the balance just keeps getting bigger even if I make payments. Wow I am whining a lot. Sorry. I am just frustrated. I really want to sell my wedding ring but I can't get anyone to buy it off of Ebay. Maybe you guys know someone who wants to buy it? It's really beautiful. I can send you pictures. Anyway, I should get back to work. Loves! Oh by the way, I got my bike fixed so now I can ride to work and get some exercise!

I know exactly what you mean about the stress of money and the stupid loans! I have about $200 a month in student loans and it's killing me. I've really been slacking on one of them and I spend the money on clothes and going out instead.. I know that's not too smart, but you gotta do what you gotta do. It's a small amount compared to my other loan though. I should really concentrate on paying it more though so I can hurry up and pay it off.

I'm thinking about using my tax returns to go to Mexico at the end of May. My anniversary is May 26th, my birthday is May 28th and then it's a 3 day weekend for the holiday. My "husband" is going at that time for a friends graduation so I'd like to go too. I still haven't finished doing my taxes though. It's really hard this year because my husband got a weird form because he just teaches at a store. The store didn't take any taxes out and now he owes a lot of money. The thing that really sucks about that is that they take the money out of the money that I should be getting back. We're going to try again today and see how much it would be if we filed seperately.

Anyways.. I'm talking to a lady at the local YMCA about training to be an instructor or personal trainer. Right now they're looking for a Pilates teacher and I would love to do that. It would just be a part time thing and I'd stay at my current job but it would be a great way to get good experience and see if it's something that I would really like to get more into. I'll keep you updated on that. I'm trying to see if she's available after 5pm during the week or anytime on the weekends. I'm not going to get excited yet, but it could really lead to some good things :)

Well I'm completely slammed here at work so I better get going. Take care Shan and keep your head up. Things always find a way to work themselves out :)

Hey-

I asked my mom for help on the loan. She let me put it on her credit card. It will be a LOT less interest and I can pay it off in a couple of paychecks. I am glad to have all my past debts taken care of. It's easier to pay off my mom then some collection agency. I just woke up about half an hour ago and I am shaking. I had three dreams about David in a row. The last one was so bad my heart started to hurt and that's what woke me up. I just don't know how to let it go when I haven't had the chance to confront him about it. I am in pain, and I know I need to let it go. I just don't know how to do it. I don't want to hate him, but that seems like the only way to get through this. Argh. I love Wyatt and I am happy with him. I just worry that he's a rebound from David and I don't know it yet. I don't think he is. We talk about a future and someday getting married, but part of me worries I will never get over David. I love him so much. Even now. Argh again.

The pilates thing sounds EXCELLENT!!! Do it if you can! It's a great idea. Will you have time with the band and everything?

Well, need to try to sleep a bit more. Restless nights don't make for good mornings.

Shan

I have a few friends who just got out of bad relationships... one was married too... and it seems the only way they got through it was to hate the other person. I wasn't able to do that at all. How can I hate someone that I love so much?? Even if we didn't stay in touch and try to work it out, I still don't think I could have hated him. Part of them really wants us to hate them though and I couldn't give him that much. Have you tried going to theraphy or finding someone like that to talk to? My sister just started going to someone and it's going really good. It seems to help to have someone outside of everything to unload on. I wish I could go but I don't have the insurance to cover it.

That's great that your mom is helping out with the loan. I really can't wait till mine are paid off. I will be paying for the next 10 years at the least though. That hurts to just think about. I hope this pilates thing works out and can lead to something more. I go in on Thursday to talk to the lady at the "Y". I'll have plenty of time to that and the band because we're going to start rehearsing less right now. We're not quitting or anything, but we're gonna allow us each some more time to deal with our personal lives. I'm actually excitied about it. I was scared last week because i thought we were on the verge of splitting up, but we just really need to re-evaluate what we want and what's going on.

I wonder how Kim is doing? I hope everything is going good.

Well I already have lots of work to do. Take care and I'll talk to you later!

Hey-

since the divorce is final I know longer have insurance. and my new job isn't offering any benefits. and they aren't giving me as much money as they promised. it kind of sucks. that's crazy about the band. why were you thinking of breaking up? as for Kim, I bet she is just really busy with that big project she mentioned. today is kind of a tough day for me. once again I got up and went to work at 8 in the morning and Wyatt stayed in bed and slept until I came home for lunch at noon. It's frustrating to me because I feel like he is such a lazy bum sometimes. I know he has his bills paid already but I feel bitter when I have to get up early and he just lays around all day. I talked to him about it and he seemed to understand, although he had this look on his face like he felt really bad about his behavior (probably to make me feel guilty). I have been trying really hard not to pressure him or make him feel bad but his total lack of motivation pisses me off. he wants to move in together but it isn't going to happen if he doesn't get a freaking job. Argh. there, I feel better. sorry to vent. Love, shan

Hey ladies. Yes Shantelle, the job from hell was giving me hell, along with my daughter who is only 7 but had some sort of adolescent problem this week which threw the whole house into turmoil.

Pilates instructor sounds great, what better way to get to all those classes than be paid to go to them.

Dreaming about David huh? Have you seen him lately? I think sometimes when you stay away you can build them up to be something they are not and when you see him again you'll say 'that's why we split up - what was I thinking?'. You said you haven't been able to confront him - I'm sorry my brain is a bit mushy, what do you need to confront him about? Sounds like you should do it.

I'm really tired had 2 meeting last week that went for 1 hour, but the travel time there and back was 4 hours. What a waste of time!!! I got a trashy book on tape to listen to to pass the time but it still annoyed me.

Good night. Sweet dreams (not about David).

Hey-

What I haven't confronted him about is the affair. Last time he and I talked I didn't know about it, and now that I do (officially with all the details) he's totally avoiding me. according to the whore, who I spoke with once after I told her husband everything, David hates me now. it's all so unfair. I keep dreaming because I never got any closure I guess. It hurts to dream about him. A lot. Sometimes they are really scary bad dreams, and sometimes they are happy we are still together dreams. I can't decide which ones hurt more. I think maybe the happy ones do. Anyway, I can't bring myself to just go and see him. It could be messy. But for some reason I feel guilty. I hate thinking that he hates me. I know I shouldn't care. I didn't do anything wrong, and telling the whore's husband was something that had to be done. He deserved to know. But David is mad at me because I took her away from him. (She is staying with her husband and never speaking to David again, what a whore!) I wish I could stop caring about what he thinks. I also wish I could stop caring so much what other people think about me. I ran into a friend the other day and we got to talking and it turns out she is friends with Jeff's ex-wife. The ex had told my friend all about this whore that ruined her marriage and it turns out she was talking about me! I NEVER did anything with Jeff while they were "together"! Nothing happened until she had moved out. It's not my fault he changed his mind about the divorce a couple of times! But still, I feel SOOOOO guilty. He really is a jerk who broke her heart and how can I blame her when I was in the same situation? Although I must say I handled it better. She is hurt and can't see that we were both victims. I thought he was divorced, and then he tells me he is staying with her, so I walked away, something Andrea never did while she was getting with David. Anyway, does any of this make any sense? Argh.

Hey guys! I talked to Jeff about his ex and he basically blew it off. "Well it was bound to happen..." Blah blah. He ruined my reputation with a group of people I know and he doesn't even care. It's aggravating. As for David, he is scum. I just got a collection letter for one of the utility bills from our old home. He stayed and lived there so it was his responsibility to pay and he didn't. And it's only in my name so it goes on my credit if I don't pay it. He is such a loser. I even put a stamp on the bill and took it to him, all he had to do was enclose a check. He told me he had paid everything. So I tried to call him and now his cell phone is changed. I tried to call him at work and he had them lie and say he wasn't there. Argh. Why won't he talk to me? He is such a wimp. Yes, he screwed up, yes I am mad, but please we are supposed to be adults! Anyway, that's what's up with me. I registered for school but there were hardly any classes I could take. That was super frustrating. I definitely need to change to part time this fall. There are no more classes I can take during weekends or at night. Sheesh. Anyway, love you guys!

P.S. Anyone know why I lost a bunch of stars?

Hey Shantelle. I think you have been upgraded from Junior Diettalker to Diettalker. The number of times you post give you the stars and that, you're on 202 right so must have pushed you up to the next level.

Wow! All that stuff about everyone talking about everyone. Don't worry, they'll work out in the end that you are the nice one and the guys aren't. It's a good way to sort out your real friends from the not real ones. Those who can't work out you are a good person aren't worth knowing. Keep your head high and don't get sucked into their backstabbing.

Is confronting David going to get you anywhere? Could you write him a letter, would that get it out of your system? Because what he does isn't really your problem, it is that you haven't dealt with it. Don't get me wrong, if it was me I would track him down and confront him in the most forceful manner, even if that meant embarrassing both of us (probably mostly me) in from of his workmates or whatever. But if I was more mature I guess I would do something I mentioned earlier (although I never expect to be that mature, emotion is far too strong for me to act sensibly).

Work still very busy. Look after yourselves.

Hi ladies I was curious about your thread and I just finished reading it all...............WOW better than a soap.:sb
BEEN THERE DONE THAT!!!
You all sound like you have formed a great friendship.:ghug:
Keep each other going........and good luck.
Ill check in for tomarrows episode :) LOL

Trishawin - I can't believe you caught up on the soap. Sometimes I have trouble keeping up. You should stick around. Sounds like you could give us some advice or add to the drama. You are younger than me and a bit older than Shantelle and Candela. I've got a daughter 7 and a son 5. Also was about 119 pounds for years until I had kids and gave up smoking and was about 185 pounds at my heaviest, now back to 144 this morning, but still want to lose about another 20 pounds.

I haven't been to the gym in a while and have been feeling really terrible due to stress mainly I think - work and daughter going feral. My daughter seems to have stopped spewing green goo (figuratively), work has settled down, so I went to the gym last night and I felt soo much better. I'm going to go again tonight.

Take care!

Hey guys! Wow Trish that's awesome that you've been reading about us. I feel a little bit celebrity... hehe. Anyway, I am thrilled that you posted. Please feel free to join our conversations (as Dramatic as they are) if you wish. That's wonderful that you are in Germany. What part? I am hoping to get to go there soon. By the way, I read your profile, and I also love karaoke, although here in the states that's not exactly something you advertise, so I keep it quiet. Hehe. Anyway, welcome.

As for me, I have been working like crazy and staying at Wyatt's house all week. Although now my company has moved to Orem, which is about 20 miles from my parent's house, so I am hoping to stay home more often. I am looking for an apartment, and Wyatt and I are planning to move in with some friends. We were thinking we could all rent a big house and pitch in the money, so it will be fairly cheap. It should be fun but I (naturally) have some concerns. My other friends, (a couple also) want to live very close to their work because they don't have a car. But if we do that I will be about 6 miles from work (I ride my bike, so that's a long way for me) and about 9 from school. I don't know if I want to do that. There is always the bus, or borrowing Wyatt's car, or getting a ride from someone, or just sucking it up and riding my bike, but it would just be nice to live near where I used to, just a mile from work one way, and a mile from school the other way. But even if we don't rent with my friend, and it's just me and Wyatt, we can't afford to rent the apartments in that area. (They are set up for student housing, so it's more expensive the less people that live in an apartment.)

So that's my main stress right now. Still dreaming about David a LOT. The little worm changed his cell phone number. What a wimp. Anyway, loves to you guys! My PE class is starting on May 3rd so I should have a lot more to say about working out!

SHAN

Thanks for the welcome.

I have been in Garmisch Germany (way south) since Feb 2003.
I do love to sing I would rather be in a band but I have stage freight crazy huh? Karaoke is ok here....its only on late Wednesday nights in one bar in this whole town. Munich is way to far to drive for Karaoke (about an hour away). Germans love old music so not much new stuff to sing. I do have a few of my own CD's so thats cool. In the states I know its hush hush but I had a great solution for that........ I worked in Karoake bars.

I am still trying to get you three straight in my head and this new format doesnt let me look back while I am responding.....or does it and I just dont know?
I am sure I will have more to comment on next time.

About moving in with Friends......another couple or not....beware. Think of yourselve first....not just the money situation. If things dont work out you will be out alot more money in the end.Sometimes it can work though just really think about the pros and cons " BEEN THERE DONE THAT." Just my:2

Shantelle is this right? or is that 2004?

CW:160
Little Goal: 170 REACHED! 9/12/03
Bigger Goal: 160 REACHED! 3/09/03
Super Big Goal: 150
All Done Now: 145

Ok well enough for me today I will read all this again......I am going back to the episode about Wyatt.....where does he come in ? LOL
Have a great day ladies

Sharing with people - did that when I was in uni and for a few years afterwards. Being the control freak I had the lease in my name so I had the right to invite and evict. As Trisha says (I'm guessing it's Trisha) money is the problem. Split all bills evenly - no arguing about who did what. I always shared with guys (only because I couldn't find any girls who would put their money where their mouth was) so they would eat more than me, but I would use the phone more than them - it all evens out. One exception to the rule, buy your own junk food and alcohol.

If you aren't going to be happy travelling can't you find someone else who can move where you want. And DON'T advertise - I did once because I was sick of being the only girl, what a disaster!!

Wow Trish I am glad you caught that.... it's 2004. Hehe wow I don't know what year it is. Well my internet at work should be up on Monday, so I will be able to write a lot more. Trish- Wyatt came in (officially) December 1, 2004. But we dated a bit before that. Anyway, I've got lots to do so I will write more later. Shan

Do you realise that there have been over 7,000 people access our little soap opera. That's pretty scary.

I had to sack someone on Monday which was pretty stressful. Only a casual booked for a week's work, but totally hopeless. I don't think she realised that if I book her to work she actually needs to turn up. The work is very easy. Luckily the other girl on the job is fantastic, she even found someone else for me and organised them to start work immediately. She is wonderful. They are both called Sarah so I've been referring to them as 'Good Sarah' and 'Bad Sarah'. 'Bad Sarah' comes from a very affluent inner city family and 'Good Sarah' is a country girl. I think I'm going to start selecting people based on where they were brought up. Shouldn't have written any of that - totally politically incorrect, but too bad.

Hope everyone is well.

No Kim, it's totally understandable. I come from a poor upbringing, and I think it makes me a better person. You have to have struggles to develop yourself, especially in a work environment. If my life hadn't been so tough when I was growing up, I don't think I would work as hard as I do now, or want to help other people so much. There's something to be said about relating to people who've been there. Anyway, I am thrilled to know that people read our little Soap. It's fun to know that people might be out there betting their friends if I'll dump Wyatt, or sleep with David, or kill my boss, (it could happen) LOL. (I WOULD NEVER EVER EVER SLEEP WITH DAVID!!!) But it's fun to joke about!
As for me, here is the deal. Got into a fight with Wyatt this morning because he got up at 7:30 to take a shower and get ready to take me to work. We have to leave by 8:15 to get there on time, so I figured he had plenty of time. While he took a shower I slept since it takes me like 5 minutes to get dressed if I shower the night before. At 8:30, I woke up, and was already supposed to be at work then, went upstairs to find him still in his underwear, combing his hair, (about thirty minutes from being ready). His response to my clearly upset face, "Sorry, it took a long time to trim my mustache." ARGH!!! So I was half hour late for work because he had to groom. ARGH!!!!!! anyway, I decided the other day I am going to move into my old apartment complex. It is SOOO cheap during summer and only four blocks from work and school. I can ride my bike and don't have to depend on any one to drive me anywhere. I am happier not having to depend on people. Wyatt is sad that I am doing that because he wanted to move in together but HELLO! He still has no job. My company is thinking of hiring him, but I really don't know if it's a good idea. What if he flakes out and quits? Will they think it's my fault? Anyway, I am registered for summer and fall semesters so I am going to live in the apartment and maybe he will suck it up and get a job so we can move in together. I know I sound mad and kind of mean, I am just frustrated. I love him a lot and I want things to work out. Anyway, I am SOOOO excited! As a reward for finishing my goals, (I will by the time my PE class ends on June 22) I am going to get my belly button pierced. I have never felt confident showing my stomach, but after my class ends I should have KILLER abs! Wish me luck! Love you guys, sorry to talk so much about myself, just haven't been on in awhile. LOVE! Shan

Most important - if you get pierced make sure you look after it. I know SO many people who have had it done and had infections - OUCH - that would be worse than in your ears. I'm a real chicken (I was going to say woose but I wasn't sure if you know what that is and I don't know how to spell it) I have single ear piercings and that's it - no tattoos - nothing - mainly cause I'm not into jewellery really - or pain.

Are you taking bets on whether you sleep with David again? Only kidding.

I think you are doing the right thing moving on your own unless Wyatt gets a job. You are doing what is right for you. You're a tough lady - I admire that. Not saying you are mean, you should be tough with that sort of thing, he needs to look after himself first and then you know he is able to give you what you need (and I'm not talking about money).

Hey Candela - hope everything is going well with you. Are you reading? I know sometimes I have read but had not had time to write.

And Trish - are you keeping up? I hope so, you might have to explain it to me, I get confused easily.

Hey girls! Well, he got the job at my company, so now we work together. But he's a technician and I am the office manager so I only see him for like five minutes at the beginning and end of the day. Turns out with my school books I can't afford to get the apartment on Monday, and they won't have any open until like the 12th or so, so I am just going to wait and move in with Wyatt. I am going to get a place that I can afford by myself, so that if there are any problems I don't have to worry about money. As for David, I am taking bets on whether I murder him when I see him again. Not exactly as friendly as sleeping with him... Anyway, school starts on Monday. I am so excited! My boss is working with my school schedule, and I think my financial aid will come through. Did I tell you guys about the financial aid appeal I had to file? I am taking fun classes this semester, Psychology, (again cause I failed it! First time I ever failed ANYTHING! stupid divorce...) and PE, you remember how much fun PE was last semester? and Geography!!! Superfun!!!

Kim- it's wuss. Kind of like puss. or wussy or.....

As for the belly button, I will take extra good care of it. A lot of people have them around here, including my little sister, so it should be fine. I am thinking I will get a turtle charm on mine. Well, better get some work done! Loves!!

Hi guys!! You have no diea how much I miss coming in here!! I got in trouble at work and I'm not allowed to go online any more. I'm on right now because the office is pretty empty. I didn't have time to read all the older updates, but I hope everyone is doing well!!!
I just got a 2nd job!! I'm working part time at the YMCA and working on getting certified to teach group exercise classes and be a personal trainer. Things are going really good there so far. I've only been there for a week. I'm so excited though because I get to take so many amazing classes and they're cheaper through the Y than if I went to college for them. I hoping to be doing this full time by the end of the year!!!
The band is doing good again. We just kind of got lost out there. We don't know what to do because our management doesn't really work for us at all. They're not doing anything to help get us out there. They just started managing Billy Bob Thorton and that takes all their time. I think it's bull****, but I guess the "stars" do run everything and get whatever they want!!! O'well, we'll be fine on our own though. We have a big breast cancer benefit tomorrow night and that should be huge!!!
Things with the husband are going really good. We still live apart, but I think we'll move in together next year after our leases are up. We'll see. You just never know. Even when you think you do, you don't.
Well I better be quick here. I'll try to go online more at home so I can keep in touch. I just have to find some time to be home first :)
Much love guys!! I reallly miss talk to you!!!!

You should just contact Billy Bob himself. I know he is into helping small bands out. I finally got to go onto your home page and download the music. It was awesome! I loved a lot of the lyrics I read too. Who writes them? Maybe I could show you some of mine sometime. I love showing my work. I only wish I could write the music to go with it. They say it's easier to write that first, then do the lyrics. I'm also happy to hear about things working out with your husband. I hope it all goes your way. Anyways, I bought a car yesterday. I can't believe it! I mean, with the bankruptcy I thought it would be hard, and I don't make much money and Dave always had to help me buy one before, so I am SOOO excited! This will make things much easier. I can just go home at night instead of staying at Wyatt's all the time. Not that I mind, it's just nice to not live out of a suitcase.

I am putting in a song I wrote, so you guys can read it. I showed it to Wyatt but he didn't really get it. I wrote it way before anything changed with David, shortly after I miscarried. I just recently found it. I had no idea I was so unhappy with him before, so it was good to come across it.

Here it is:

Sometimes I feel like I'm less than human,
Feels like I'm empty and nothing I do,
Can fill me up again, not even you
You tell me I'll be fine, but it doesn't feel that way to me
I'm tired and hurting and you don't even see

I wonder how I let it get this far,
You telling me to just calm down,
Always dismissing my feelings no matter what they are,
You're never even around

I don't think you even know
Who I am and what I need,
When I start to cry you look at me like a stranger,
You tell me It'll be alright
But it will never be,
Tomorrow may be another day,
But I'm leaving you tonight

I'm sorry if that's inconvenient,
But my doormat days are done,
I hope you start to feel something,
Maybe you will once I'm gone.

Hi girls

Shantelle Nice lyrics :violin: . Thats great you got a car.....what did ya get? How is working in the same building as Wyatt going?
I had my belly button pierced for 3 yrs and (a loop, get a BAR) it started coming out . Hard to explain but its like the skin it was pierced though got less and less So I took it out. Mine got infected alot at the begging but after that it was no problem. I have my nipples, nose and tongue pierced too. My nipples sometimes get CRUSTY:-& and if they turn when there is a little crust it hurts But they look so "cute".......never have had any troubles with tongue or nose.

Kim Sounds like you are doing good ( good Sarah bad Sarah) I have been reading but to busy to write. You guys do have alot of fans....... Im sure its the same people reading your posts daily:bow:

Candela I am glad things are going good with your husband, and the Y is a great place. You sound very busy. I can only log on at work (it logs me in auto) at home I cant reply cause I dont know my password...... I guess I could get in trouble for this but,,,,,,,,,,,I dont think anyone cares.

My husband left Friday to the states. He is gone for 23 days for a class. He calls everyday I get so envious cause he gets to go to a mall and go out to eat Red Lobster, KFC, Olive Garden wll you know what Im saying. Its gonna be a nice break but I cant sleep without him so I am so tired. Friday night I feel asleep at 5am adn Sat. 7:30 am my son was already up for the day and then lastnight I went to bed at 12 but got back up til 3am cause I CANT sleep. SUCKS!! I get to go home in September for a month so I just have to wait......gives me time to get some of this weight off.

Well ladies have a great Monday
Im keeping up:D

Hi girls,

Read everything, but dinner is ready, so I won't write, just wanted to let you know I'm around. My husband always cooks and he is fantastic at it. When I go to restaurants I realise how good he is.

Take care.

Hey guys! How are you?

Trish- You say you get to go home in Sept, where is home?

Kim- Busy girl! Hope things are going okay there!

Candela-I know about getting in trouble for using the net at work! Do try to keep us up to date though!

As for me, I am also busy. Things with Wyatt are okay. Now that I have a car I can just go home at night instead of waiting for him to get off work or finish what ever he's doing. But that means we aren't spending the night together, and he really doesn't like that. He says he misses me too much. I personally don't mind the time apart that much, cause I already have lots of homework and stuff to do. I am more independent than he is, so it's hard for him to deal with. He doesn't understand why I don't freak out and "need" him as much as he "needs" me. It isn't that I don't want to be around him, I just have stuff to do. The new car is great. Unfortunately, I already got a speeding ticket. It's so unfair cause I wasn't doing it on purpose. I had just picked up the car from the dealership and it drives so smooth I didn't know I was speeding! Anyway, the cop said he totally understood and then wrote the ticket anyway. Jerk.

I spoke to David for a moment yesterday. He wants me to call him tonight to talk. Don't really know how that's going to go. I called him yesterday cause I saw his car in his parent's driveway when I was passing by for work. He said he wants to talk to me now, so we will see. Anyway, back to work. Loves! Shan

Hey guys! How are you?

Trish- You say you get to go home in Sept, where is home?
Home is in Tacoma. Which is about 45 minutes south of Seatttle.
I am more independent than he is, so it's hard for him to deal with. He doesn't understand why I don't freak out and "need" him as much as he "needs" me. It isn't that I don't want to be around him, I just have stuff to do. Is that what thats called...........everytime a man has been like that with me and acted like that I thought it was because they were possessive or jealous......maybe even inscure of what I might be doing when Im not with them........But if he needs you (he is jobless right) and misses you that can be a good thing too. Just be smart.
The new car is great. Unfortunately, I already got a speeding ticket. It's so unfair cause I wasn't doing it on purpose. I had just picked up the car from the dealership and it drives so smooth I didn't know I was speeding! Anyway, the cop said he totally understood and then wrote the ticket anyway. Jerk. isnt that funny how they try to be so nice but still give you a ticket. WEll no it isnt really.
I spoke to David for a moment yesterday. He wants me to call him tonight to talk. Don't really know how that's going to go. I called him yesterday cause I saw his car in his parent's driveway when I was passing by for work. He said he wants to talk to me now, so we will see. Anyway, back to work. Loves! Shan This man cheated on you right????????? Thats all I want to say. Love or not dont treat your self to something unhealthy. Can you honestly trust him again if you all get back together? My sons father (sweet talker mst of the time no job) and I were on and off 10yrs........Talk about some pain. I really thought I loved him. If he had been with another woman,cause he did it alot, I thought well he really loves me and not them cause he always comes back to me. :x Well then my bestfriend pointed out to me he comes back everytime I start to see someone.(this happened alot before I had my son too so I know it wasnt because he didnt want some man in my sons life.) Just be smart. R u guys still married? :shrug: I think I would try to make my marriage work but Im not sure. Cheating is a hurtful thing. X-(
Its funny I met my husband November 8th 2002 ( I was still slept with my sons father) I married him January 4th 2003 and then my sons father found out.............oh he was mad (or sad) I guess he should have thought about what he had a LONG time ago.:bow: I havent talked to him in over a year I guess it helps being half way across the world LOL Oh as far as my son.........that man was never a dad so my husband and my son are close.My son calls my husband daddy.
Ok now that i wrote a book..............work has been rough this week,so this morning I am taking a break and at lunch Im going home and staying home. SLEEP. I have stayed up passed 2am everynight since Friday.(mostnights until 4-5am I have to work at 8am) It sucks I cant sleep without my husband. Plus I play Yahoo Spades ,Im addicted. LOL I always say "just one more game".
Ok ladies have a GREAT THURSDAY.
Oh Aus I wish I could get my husband to cook.......well he cooks BUT it could be more often,not just Thanksgiving Xmas ect. you know the days when he gets credit for it. Oh Candela what kind of music does your band sing? Monday I am singing LIVE at this place called "evergreen" its outside. Everyone comes to rollerblade around the town and it starts and finishes at Evergreen. They will have food and BEER and entertainment I will keep you all updated. Im sure they will have pictures.http://www.disco-evergreen.de/ If you go to this site you can see me,,,,,,, go to mittenwochs KAROKE on the left of the screen and then when the pictures come up I am 5th row from left 5th picture down in the pink shirt and then also 9th row 4th picture down they are not Great pictures (I dont get dressed up for karoke) and they are from last October so Im not that fat anymore either :tongue: If you can read GERMAN you can read about bladenight. Ok my boss has came in twice and I have been writing ALL THIS. I should go. Im a blabber mouth this morning....... talk to you all soon.

Oh on the pictures Im also in the 3rd row from the left 7th one down not any better but Its me again.:)

Damn I did write a book HUH?

Ok well Have a Great day.

Hey girls!

trish- my ex's (therefore also mine) family is from Arlington, do you know where that is? Near Enumclaw and Everett? Anyway, it's sure beautiful there. How did you end up in Germany? Sorry if you've mentioned it before, I just don't remember.

Went to dinner with David last night. I thought it would be a good idea for us to clear the air, and he wanted to see me. He told me how skinny I look, and we had a good meal together. After we went for a drive and we talked. Apparently his drug problems started long before we were seperated. It was part of the reason he had no libido, (I just thought it was because I wasn't desirable) and why he was so unhappy all the time. I had no idea, I just thought he was working too hard. Anyway, I talked to him about the whore and that whole mess, and told him I would have let him leave me if he had just told me he was unhappy. Blah blah blah I didn't cry or anything and when there was nothing left to say we hugged and drove off in our own cars. I really feel like things will be better for me now. I still love the person I thought I knew and now I know that person is long gone. I feel pretty good about the whole thing. We both got to say some things we wanted to. He said he would have done a lot of things differently if he could. He's been off drugs now for two months, and he's pretty miserable as far as that goes. It's hard to quit cold turkey especially when he was on heroine and cocaine. So I am pretty much letting go of that whole part of my life. There's no chance of anything in the future either, Trish. I love Wyatt now and I've learned that David has changed too much for me to ever be with him. Even just being friends is probably out of the question. There's just too much there. The only reason I contacted him was because we have to be able to talk to each other if we need to for some reason. With tax stuff and bankruptcy stuff and lawyer stuff we keep having to talk. And he was mad at me before for telling his mistress's husband about their affair. He said he's sorry and he understands why I told Rian about the affair. He forgives me and now I can forgive him. (Not forget though mind you.) I doubt we will talk again any time soon.

It looks like school this semester should be pretty good. I went to PE and that was fun. We are taking our first test on Tuesday, and running 1.5 miles for fitness assessments. Weird to take PE in college. I'm looking forward to it though. My geography class is going really well. I answer a lot of questions in class and my teacher says he's impressed with how much I already know. Probably because it's only a 101 level class and he's used to freshman. I didn't tell him I've already taken Anthropology and Geology, which tie in a lot with Geography. It's my little secret.

Well, I should get back to work. Lots to do today. There now I've written a book too. Love, Shan

NO WAY.............I was born in Arlington. It is just a small town. My grandmother (before she died) was in the nursing home there and that would be the only reason I still went up there. But there also was a good little drive-in burger joint.Wierd:shifty:
I married my military husband thats how I got here. Its just like Washington here.........even the rain.:shrug:

Im so glad you and David met and talked keep us updated.
Everyone must be really busy ........your soap is slowing down LOL
http://community.webshots.com/album/140792465SZSWHO
These are pictures of my family they are kind a old


http://community.webshots.com/album/140802790Qqpqdd
These are pictures of Where I live now and Prague

Have a great Monday ladies

Hey-

Well yeah it's a small town! What are the odds of that? HEHE. My ex-husband's family all live up there. They are pretty well known. Going to the LDS church there like half the congregation (ward) is related to them. Their last name is Dickson. looking them up in the phone book is funny cause there are so many. Those pictures are great! I would love to go to Germany. It would be cool to go to Prague. I have always thought the Czech Republic would be interesting to see. It's so beautiful there. Anyway, we didn't get to run in PE last week so we are doing it tomorrow. That's okay by me though, cause last week I had a nasty cold. I thought I would feel better after seeing David but I am kind of more mad at him now. He had no excuse for his behavior. I guess there really isn't one though. I just need to let it go. Wyatt and I are looking at apartments tonight. I am excited. I think that things are going to work out. I decided to change my Geography class to later in the semester. It was too hard last week to work all those hours. It does sound like our soap is slowing down huh? I need to spice things up a bit I guess.... Hmmm..... My best friend just got engaged. She hates Wyatt and never wants to see him. It kills me because I really want them to be friends. She dis-invited him to a party the other night. It hurt me a lot. I am not sure how to fix it. She is mad at him because of when we broke up before. He hurt me really bad and she can't forgive him for it even though I have. I am not sure how to mend the situation, but I don't want to lose her friendship. we've been friends for 7 years. Argh. Loves! Shan

That song sounds like it really sums up what a lot of us go through when life is tough. My favorite songs are ones that I feel like I could have written. It's hard to write songs though! I wish I was better at it. Our singer does 99% of the lyric writing. I wrote a few lines in "Maybe", but that's it. I just feel like our singer write too much from her life. Every song is revolved around how she sees life and the stuff she's done. 15 songs later and I'm really tired of living through her words. I want songs that say something more than a days worth of living. Something that can last through the years and touch a lot of people. But hopefully we'll get to that point one day.

Things are still going good with hubby. It's hard still and I still feel like I"m on a roller coaster all the time. The emotions come and go. The other night I was laying in bed and I couldn't believe that he had slept with someone else. I couldn't stand the thought. Most of the time I'm ok with it. I understand what happened and why, but it's still gets hard sometimes. I also find myself thinking that I might end up doing the same to him one day. I don't think I will and I don't want to, but I just worry that I might be capable of doing something like that since it happened to me. I don't know if that makes any sense at all...

Well I'm off to the Y. I'm taking a strength and toning class followed by an hour and a half of yoga :) Wish me luck.

Take care!! Much love!!!!

Hi guys.............

Lastnight was a fest in Garmisch Called Bladenight. Everyone comes to one location and then they BLADE through the streets and then return to the starting point. Well I sang live to promote the after party. I was very nervous and I HATE stages. But it was cool.

The other night I was laying in bed and I couldn't believe that he had slept with someone else. I couldn't stand the thought. Most of the time I'm ok with it. I understand what happened and why, but it's still gets hard sometimes. I also find myself thinking that I might end up doing the same to him one day. I don't think I will and I don't want to, but I just worry that I might be capable of doing something like that since it happened to me. I don't know if that makes any sense at all...

I am really going to have to go back and read I guess I should also look at who is saying what? Cause I really didnt know Candelas man cheated too.......SRY:shrug: And I will save my comments until I read fully.

LOL I dont think I know anyone living in Arlington anymore....My brothers dad lived there for a long time (Ranes) and my Aunt Shiela (Fussell) but since you guys just have family there you wouldnt know.

Good luck on your Apt search.........I love moving!! I cant wait to get back to the states and finally have a house, we live in stairwells here.

Ladies I have alot of reading (soap investigation) to do and I also have some work :tongue: work to get done today.

Talk to you soon have a great TUESDAY:)