Hello everyone here at diettalk!! I'm new to this site and I was hoping to round up some buddies. This site looks like a great place for support and encouragement. I was actually hoping to sign up with Weight Watchers last month but I just don't have the money right now. So I went searching online for something that would be close to the meetings. If there is anyone else out there looking to check in one on one with someone, please send me some mail. I actually spend a lot of time online here at work and I thought this might help me beat the cravings and force me to keep up with the hard work.:lift:

Hi,

This is my first posting so I am very new to all this. I noticed your details are similar to mine. Height, weight and target. You have probably lost a few pounds since the beginning of the month.

I am at the point where I lose 5 pounds or so and reward myself by eating and putting it all back on again. I am not 'overweight' (same as you) but would be happier at 120 pounds. I don't have the will power because I know I don't look that bad, but would prefer to look better. If I got stuck in I think I should be able to lose a couple of pounds per week. I think I need some competition - someone watching. Is that the sort of buddy you are looking for? I won't be upset if you say this is not what you are looking for.

Look forward to hearing from you.
Kim

I am new here also and pretty much in th same boat. I don't look overweight, but I know I would feel better about myself if I was to lose. I need a lo of motivation to keep me going, but I can't see myself spending a lot of mone for someone to tell me what I already know I should be doing. I have three kids, the oldest is four so O am not ableto d the gym thing, I just workout at home. I would love to keep updated and share upportwith each other.

Anita

Hi Anita,

I'm a mother of 2, 4yo and 7yo. How old are yours? I go to the gym a few times a week. I've found Pump really good for toning, you don't lose weight, but you lose inches.

Anyway lets start. I'll go first. Since yesterday have lost 1 pound (139 now)!! I think the first 5 will be pretty easy. I went swimming with the kids (not laps just mucking around). Let's see if I can keep away from chocolate, chips (I think you call them crisps), fried food and all that other stuff I shouldn't eat for the rest of the day.

How's your day going?

Kim

Wow, it's great to see that people are stumbling along this forum. I've been looking for buddies for a few weeks now. I also like that there are other people who have weight to lose... even though we might now look as big. I'm really getting to the whole getting in shape/toned/healthy. The number on the scale doesn't do much for me.
Right now I'm using clothes as a guide. I have some clothes that I haven't been able to wear in a few years, so I' m trying to get in to those. Right now i"ve made it in to most of my size 9's. The goal is my size 7 jeans that I used to live in! I really miss those jeans and that's what keeps me going. I try them on about once a month to check the progress. Still got a way to go.... But I'll get there.

Yep I've got a pair of size 10's (I think sizing might be different down here) that have been in the cupboard for a while now. Used to be loose but I can only get them on lying down with a coat hanger and would never try to walk too far in them so I have a way to go too.

No will power yesterday. Got into the Snickers bars. Why do the schools have to send home chocolates for fundraisers? I just eat them all myself. At least I didn't put any on - still 139 pounds.

Today was hard at work cause someone broght in some pastries. They looked realy good, but I was fine without them. Then one of the girls that I work with insisted that I take one. So i did.. but to rationalize it... I took the apple filled one instead of cheese and then only ate half. So I think that means that I am getting stronger. I don't eat junk food very much anymore.
I think the whole secret to being successful is really wanting to do it. You can't just want to be thin without wanting to do the work... or be willing to do the work. You also have to keep in touch with yourself. Ask yourself if you really want that Snickers bar.. or do you really want to fit into those 10's... Better yet... go get those 10's and try them on whenever you want to reach for the junk.

Thanks for that. I think it is working already. Didn't get into the chocolate yesterday. Went to the gym and did Pump. Haven't eaten any junk food today (yet) but it is the evenings when I usually weaken. Weighed myself this morning and 137 pounds - I hope it doesn't jump back to 139 - got to stay strong - think of those size 10s.

Congratulations on not eating all that pastry. I always find myself eating in those types of situations - without someone talking me into it. I enjoy it and maybe I also feel like a bit of a geek if I don't. I'll have to keep you in mind the next time I am in that situation. Only eating half would be an achievement for me.

I'm glad that it helped. How did your evening go? i was so hungry yesterday when I got home from work.. I just wanted to eat everything in sight!! I think it was a case of the afternoon munchies more than actual hunger. But I did a good job. I made a little snack and ran out of the kitchen :D
My sister wants to do a Weight Watchers trype diet thing, so we're gonna do that together. She lives in another state, so we're gonna be online buddies. I'm really looking forward to it. I really don't believe in diets, you can't go on one... you have to change yours. So I'm gonna use the program to make healthier choices rather than going point by point.
This weekend is a holiday weekend, so lets see I do over the next few days....

Well it happened - a friend came over and we had a few drinks - a few more than what I should. Of course some social eating went with that but I thought of you and stayed away from the cheese and herb bread - which I love.

Then I go to the gym this morning and they bring out a mud cake at the end for someone's birthday. I said I couldn't stay because I had to get the kids, but they insisted I took a piece of cake with me - ha I didn't have to eat it with them - so I gave it to the kids.

I am finding this is really helping me to keep on track - I usually would have had that mudcake as well as pigging out with my friend. Knowing I would have to confess to you seems to be working - I hope I haven't spoken too soon. I weighed 136 pounds this morning, but I don't think that can be right.

Well done resisting the afternoon munchies. I really struggle with those, especially if I'm stuck working at my desk. Losing weight with your sister sound like a good idea. Why don't you get her to join us here - then she can start right now. I agree with you about diets. I could never eat the food they recommend. I think it is a good idea to create your own diet - one that suits you - one you can live with without driving yourself crazy.

Hope you enjoy the 4th of July celebrations. Thanks for making me keep up the hard work.

It sounds like you're really in control and that's awesome!! I'm really glad to help out in any way.
I kept my eating and drinking to a minimum this weekend, but I unfortunantly did the same thing with my exercise. I did really good on saturday... but thurs., fri., and sunday didn't go so good. But today I'm getting back on track. I'm going hiking after work and then I'll do my pilates later this evening. I just hate not getting my exercise done.
Actually going off track every now and then can actualy help you lose weight cause it tricks your metabolism. But I wouldn't suggest doing it too often. It just makes the holidays seem less scary.
Well I hope you had a great weekend and have a great day too!!

I have been very bad since I spoke to you last. Well I was good for one day and bad for three. When I mean bad I'm talking about food I shouldn't eat - fried food, biscuit, chips (I think you call them crisps). Too much time in front of the computer and losing a couple of pounds is what seems to do it. I have been a lot better behaved today (at least so far).

I'm doing ok with the excercise, it's always food that's the problem for me. I enjoy going to the gym - I find combat is really good stress relief and pump is a good workout without the huffing and puffing. I read somewhere that they both burn the same number of calories, but I find pump easier - I prefer my muscles hurting to my lungs hurting. I've also found going to the gym helps my back - I think the movement and stretching stops me getting to stiff. They are introducing Pilates at my gym but you have to pay extra - what do you think of it? What else do you do?

The hiking sounds like a fun way to exercise. I hope you enjoyed it. That's great you controlled your eating of this holiday weekend - I have no such excuse down here and I still couldn't control myself.

Actually, I ended up not being able to go to the canyon yesterday. It's by my sister house and I go with her, but she ended up getting sick yesterday afternoon and cancelled. I did do my pilates when I got home though.
I seriously love pilates! It's by far my most favorite form of exercise. I actually just found out yesterday that I was picked to be part of the test group for a new pilates program and I'll be going to classes twice a week for 6-8 weeks. I'm really excited! I've never gone to a class before, I just do the videos at home. I think a class would be awesome... that way you get advice on improving and can get really good form. I'm nervous about going to the classes cause I"ve never had any guidence, except for the tapes. But I'm ready to learn.
As for food... I was doing so good yesterday. Stuck to everything on my menu and even cut out an extra snack. I had 15mins left of work and thought I was home free... But it turns out that it was my bosses birthday and some one was so nice and brought me a piece a cake. It was too hard to say no cause they didn't even ask, they just sat it down on my desk. My first thought was to throw it away.. but I have a clear trash can at my desk.. so I ate it. But I decided that I was gonna enjoy it and not worry about it. I stuck to eating healthy all day and will all week, so that 1 little piece of cake isn't gonna make me gain 20 lbs.
So today is another day.. lets see how it goes...

I hope you enjoyed the cake. You can't eliminate things from your diet, it just makes you want it more. You have been doing so well with your food lately sounds like you deserve that cake. Also sounds like it will motivate you to be good for the next few days so it was definitely worth it.

Hope you enjoy the pilates. I would love to get chosen to do something like that. I have found that sometimes instructors are reluctant to tell you your techique is bad (unless you are going to hurt yourself) because they don't want to embarass you in front of everyone else. I've asked some to pick on me in class if I'm doing something wrong - I'm there to learn too so I don't get embarrassed. Being a test class though it might be a bit different. Let me know how you go. You might turn into a gym junkie!

Was ok with food yesterday. Not so good today, but not bad. Went to pump last night and will go to combat tomorrow. Have been getting in my 4 sessions a week so that's ok. It's always food I struggle with. You seem to have pretty good control when it comes to food. Any tips? I've started writing down what I eat again - makes it harder to cheat.

That's so great that you get to go to the gym all the time. I would love to be a gym junkie, I just don't have the time or the money to do that. This pilates class is gonna be awesome cause it's free and I arranged a new schedule with my band to make time to go. It's only for 8 weeks, so it should work out pretty good.

As for tips on getting food under control... This is what I do and it seems to work pretty well. The first thing you have to do is realize that this is a problem and you really have to be determined to change it. After that you're ready.
I came up with a plan that works great for me. I make a menu every week for what I will eat for breakfast, lunch, dinner and a snack. I take my menu to the store and buy only what's on the menu.. no extra cookies, candy or ice cream. That way you can't eat it if you don't have it.

That's been my method for the last couple of months and it's even getting easier. I still eat out sometimes, I just take half of it home. I just read somewhere yesterday a good tip for not over eating while eating out and it sounds like a really good idea... I'm gonna give it a try next time. The tip was to ask for a to go box when you order your food and then put half of it in the box right away... that way it won't be on your plate to eat.
I didn't get up and do my exercises this morning. I was kind of bummed today cause my husband left for vacation last night and I'm not gonna see him for 10 days... I'm just glad that I'm not an emotional eater, cause this would be a problem.
Have a good day and just hang in there with the food, you'll find your own way of beating it.

Thanks for your help. I gave up smoking so I should be able to control my eating. I just wanted to give up smoking more - you got that bit right. I just need to want it more. I think that is the piece of advice I needed.

First of all I'd better let you know I'm not a gym junkie, although a few of the people I know at the gym are. I go because it keeps me toned and keeps me fit enough to have a hit of tennis with my kids or whatever other running around they want to do. If I went everyday or did double sessions I think I would get sick of it. I have to go to classes because I need someone to tell me what to do - let them to the thinking for me. Also once you've started a class you have to finish.

I'm able to get to the gym because I work from home so I can work for a couple of hours (in my PJs) then pop out for an hour to a 9.30am class. I never could have managed to fit it in when I worked in an office all day.

Not too bad today, but not losing anything because I'm still paying for my weekend of sin. Might see it on the scales tomorrow.

How often do you weigh yourself? I never used to weigh myself, but now I'm weighing in once a week. I think doing it anymore than that would make this more of a stuggle. So many things factor into the weight and if I kept going up and down everyday, I'd probably freak out and give up.

You're so lucky to be able to work from home! I want that so bad... I just don't know what I can do to do it. I thought about doing medical insurance billing, but I just don't have the time and money to go to school. But hopefully a day will come (and soon) where I don't have to get up and go to the office everyday. That would be great!!!

Well this is my fourth day of doing the more portion controlled eating and I think I'm getting used to it. I haven't been able to exercise much cause I've been so hungry. I do do at least one exercise tape a day. I can do the toning alright, but I just don't have the energy to get through a cardio workout. But I think I'll be ok by next week.

I think my goal is to be in my size 7 jeans by October. That seems like a good goal, it's a few months away and I'll be doing the pilates class for 2 months. I just hate setting goals cause I don't want to feel like a loser if it doesn't happen. There are so many things that can happen between now and then. But as of today... that is my goal.

I weigh in every day, because when I misbehave I really pig out. I can easily put on 5 pounds in a week I weighed myself this morning at 135 pounds! Monday I was 137 and the Monday before I was 139 (just after I joined this site). I said the first 5 would be the easiest so now I have to really get serious. My short term goal would be to still be 135 pounds on Monday. That takes into account the ups and downs that happen, it is not an excuse to plateau. I know you can go up and down, but I have a pretty good idea now of what is causing it so it wakes me up when it goes up because of overeating. Have I mentioned I would like to lose 2 pounds a week?

I know what you mean about having the energy to workout. I do notice when I have eaten all the wrong things all day (you know high in fat and sugar) I have a lot of energy for my class. That is NOT a recommendation, just an observation. Is it good to be hungry? Doesn't that slow down your metabolism? I'm not really sure about this stuff, I'm just asking?

I've been thinking about your method of setting a menu and sticking to it. I don't really think it is for me - I don't have that much discipline. The stuff you said about really wanting it and controlling the amount you eat really made a lot of sense though. It was my son's birthday today so I had chocolate cake and sausage rolls and chips. No guilt whatsoever. I'm going to enjoy the day with him. The thing I did differently to usual was not eating as much. Usually I would have eaten all day, everything I saw I would eat. This time I controlled the amount I ate. Lets see how much it affects the scales over the next couple of days.

I have set a goal, because otherwise I procratinate. Actually I procratinate even when I set a goal - I guess that is why I'm here. And I have to tell someone about it because then I can't pretend I didn't set it. This is why I'm hoping this will help me - I've told you, now I have to do it! I don't worry about being a loser. I think people who never failed are people who never tried. That is why I work from home - I took a chance that most others wouldn't - it took some time (been doing it for 7 years now) - I nearly gave up quite a few times - I looked like a loser - but in the end it has paid off - looking back now it is the best thing I've done. Dear me - reading back over that sounds a bit dramatic, but I'm not sure how else to put it.

That goal of your size 7s by October sounds like a good one. I know you can make it. Actually you have to, because I want you to do really well so that I have to keep up with you. I know you said you don't take a lot of notice of the scales. Do you measure yourself? Are you noticing your clothes getting any looser? I guess it takes longer to tell compared to noticing a difference on the scales. Keep me updated.

I tried doing my measurements back in October when I started getting into pilates but I didn't have a good tape for it, so I don't know if the numbers were correct. I just bought a good measuring tape this weekend and now I'm just waiting for someone to help me do the measurements. I tried doing it by myself, but I don't think I did a good job. I can feel my clothes getting losser and I can see my body getting smaller and that's more important to me than any number on a scale... but I can see where you're coming from and why weighing yourself so often helps you out. That stuff just proves that everyone needs their own program and that is the one that will work the best.

It's definantly not a good idea to be hungry because you're body will start storing the fat cause it thinks it's gonna need it later to survive. I wouldn't keep with it if I didn't notice my body getting used to it. I was pretty good yesterday. I didn't eat anything that was not on my menu. I also notice through this that we tend to make our bodies believe that we need more food than we actually do. For lunch I used to have a salad and a yogurt cause I didn't think that I could just have a salad and be ok, but that's what I've been doing and I'm pretty satisfied after lunch. It's gonna take a little bit of time to get my body used to smaller meals, but I'm eating a lot of fruits and veggies and getting my protein, so I think my body and my brain will be fine.. if it appears that that is not going to be the case... I'll start adding more food.

This weekend is going to be hard to keep to a good diet cause I'm going to be out of town recording with my band. But I plan on going by the store on my way home from work and picking some stuff up so I won't eat out too much. How about you? What are your plans for the weekend?

I know everyone says weighing yourself everyday is not a good idea. And I understand why it can be discouraging, as you can see I use it more to make sure I don't get too out of control. Speaking of weighing. I thought I would change my scale over to pounds (we work on kilograms down here) and to my horror I found I had put in 6 pounds!! Problem is my maths isn't very good (which really is a problem because I'm a data analyst). I've been converting kilograms to pounds so I can fit in here and I've been doing it wrong. I now think there are 2.2 pounds in a kg, not 2.1, but I'm not really sure. As you can see you are dealing with a real Einstein. Anyway I have to post a new weight of 141 (thought it was 135) and so I started at 147, not 140. And my new target is 125. I think. If my calculations are right. Goodness - what an idiot!

Anyway enough of me being stupid. I am really inspired by your dedication and control as far as eating goes. I wanted to snack today, but remembered portion control and only ate a little bit of the bad stuff and a bit more of the good stuff. I would like to have your control and eat none of the bad stuff and the correct sized portion of the good stuff, but I think I have to be happy with make a gradual improvement. I guess I don't like to be a loser either so I'm not trying to achieve something I don't think I'll be able to - at least not yet.

I had to have a look but you play bass guitar in the band right? You're recording - you must be pretty good. What sort of music do you play? Do you sing? Do you write music or lyrics or anything? I do not have a musical bone in my body although I like a lot of different types of music and I always have the music blasting in my car. I sing everywhere I drive. And my kids do too.

My weekend is not very exciting. Work on Saturday. I have a 5 year olds party to go to on Sunday. I've been to pump today and will probably go to step tomorrow (while everyone else is still in bed). Rest of the time just playing with the kids, would go out, but both of them have a cold which doesn't want to go away so we'll stay inside I think.

First off I just have to say that that is way too much to worry about. Not only do you have to worry about what you're eating, but you also have to figure out all that stuff too... No thanks :)

It's really great that you're starting to get the portion thing under control... It's so hard! I have to battle with that every meal of everyday, but it really pays off. I weighed myself this morning and I have lost 3 lbs in one week. Now I just have to keep this up and I'll be doing good in no time.

This weekend was my first weekend trying to keep track of points and stuff. It was really hard cause I couldn't eat what I wanted and when I wanted. So I decided that I"m not gonna worry about it when I can't do anything about it. I know what's good to eat and I know when I'm full, what more do I need? So I ended up doing really good this weekend and never over ate.

Although I didn't get in any scheduled exercise I got plenty when we were loading our gear in and out of the studio and all the moving around while we were recording. It went so good too and I can't wait to get our demo back. We should have something in a few days. We're gonna be posting it on our webpage soon too.
I play bass in the band and do back up vocals. We're playing our first Troubadour show tonight and we're really excited. It's one of those legendary places to play here in Los Angeles. We just changed our band name from plumm to Auburn Court.. but you can check out the webpage at www.plumm.com if you'd like.
Well I have to much work to get done... a good way to burn calories I suppose :D
Take care

Losing 3 pounds in a week is absolutely brilliant!!!:cheer: (So good I thought I'd try one of these).

I have been pretty good today. Been thinking that I have to at least try and keep up with you. Went to Step on Sunday, had a hit of tennis with my daughter before her lesson yesterday (not too strenuous, but better than nothing) and went to a pump class this morning. My weight has been all over the place, but not below 141 so I have to keep at it.

I started having a look at your website today, but then a client called so I had to get back to work. It looks pretty cool - an all girl band - that's great. I'm glad to hear you are happy with your recording - I look forward to hearing it. Hope your show went well. Let me know how it went. Being a mum I love all the stories that comes from single friends and people doing things like you are.

Keep up the good work. Three pounds - fantastic!

Thanks for the cheer... it's really cute! It's so great that you get to workout so much! That's where we make a good team... I'll give you hints and advice about eating and maybe you can help me fit some more exercise into my schedule :) I need to call the lady from pilates back today cause I guess we're actually going to be doing it 3 days a week! I'm so excited!! I thought I was gonna be looking and feeling great after 2 days a week... I can't even imagine 3!1 Plus that will give me more time to do cardio at home. I think it's gonna be starting next week.

The show last night went so good! Thanks for asking. Our management brought out a camera crew and our "idol" came out to the show to check us out. I don't know if you've ever heard of her, but her name is Beth Hart and she's the most amazing singer/song writer/ performer. Not too many people have heard of her, but she is truely the best. So that was really exciting for us.

Well they've been giving me so much work to do here so I'm gonna have to get to that now. Keep us the great work with all of your exercise. Even if you're not seeing results on the scale, I'm sure your body is thanking you for it. And it gives you something fun and active that you can do with your kids.

Just a quick note because I'm going to go to combat class soon. That pilates sounds fantastic. Do you get a chance to walk anywhere? I used to walk to the shops nearly everyday and found that I lost a bit of weight doing that. It never made me as hungry as going to the gym either. I couldn't walk unless I had a purpose though. You seem to be able to get in excercise at work which is great.

I have been doing better this week with eating. Trying not to give up for the rest of the day if I eat one thing I shouldn't and if I do eat something I shouldn't trying to restrict the volume (you teaching me about portion control). It seems to be working - so far.

Beth Hart seems to ring a bell, but I'm not sure from where. Maybe I'm just imagining it. I don't really know a lot about musicians and bands - I just hear songs and know if I like them or not. I am more likely to name a song I like than a performer. You must be a bit of an extrovert to go out there and perform. I could never do it. I would never have the guts to perform in front of people. Which is probably a good thing, because I sing like a drowning cat, not that it stops me singing in the car. My poor daughter has inherited my singing voice. I think my son may be a bit of a performer though - loves to be the centre of attention.

Keep up the good work. I'm trying to keep up with you.

It's really good that you're starting to be able to get right back on track when you eat something that you think you shouldn't have. That really helps a lot... that way you just have a few too many calories or whatever instead of a whole lot!! Great job!!
Sorry I wasn't able to log on yesterday. I just got too busy at work. My job is actually a sit down job and that's really hard for me. I'm used to having jobs where you can walk around and visit with people. I actually sit at a desk in a room all by myself for 8 hours a day. The band is doing really good right now so hopefully that will turn into a full-time/money making
situation :D

I haven't gotten in much exercise this week. I've been sleeping more before work and cleaning like crazy when I get home. I just haven't had the drive to exercise this week. I've been bumming pretty hard cause my husband has been on vacation for the past week and I really miss him. I still have to wait till saturday for him to come home. I've only missed 2 days of exercise and those two days were spent cleaning, so at least I'm still burning calories. I start the pilates classes on monday and it's 3 days a week for 10 weeks. A lot more than what they had said in the beginning. I'm so excited. I just need to find a way to get there on time. Hopefully a a bus goes by there.

I hope yesterday went really well for you and keep up all the good work!!

I didn't get on yesterday either. The day just didn't seem long enough, so getting on this morning before the day gets away.

Thanks for the encouragement. Now I have to admit that I've let you down. It is my son's birthday party tomorrow and we made lolly bags last night and I pigged out. I'm not going to let it continue into today though. I was 141.5 yesterday morning and 143.5 this morning. I'm hoping that if I behave for a day or two I'll be back to 141.5. I'm a bit disappointed I didn't get below 141.5 this week since I was 141 last week. But I guess that losing 6 pounds in the first 3 weeks meant things were going to slow down in the 4th week. If I go to pump tonight (which I plan to) I will have been to the gym 6 out of the last 7 days. Because I'm going away next week so won't be doing any formal exercise I'm trying to get in extra this week. Also I won't be near a computer Monday to Friday, sorry. I'm sure you'll be right without me you seem pretty self motivated. Anyway your husband will be back so I'm sure that'll get you motivated. And you have pilates, you probably won't have time to log on anyway.

That would be so good if you could make your money being a muso. The dream of so many, but you have done the hard work to make it a reality. That is great. I really believe you make your own luck and you are doing just that (things happening to go your way is always good to). You and the other girls must be a really good team.

I think a family members birthday is a good excuse to pig-out and it's great that you're not letting it get you down... that's when you get into real trouble. The more you can let things go the sooner you can get back on track. I just wouldn't let it become habit.. pigging out, forgiving yourself, pigging out etc.... I know that's a trap that I would fall right into.

So you're going on vacation? What kind of trip? Will you have the chance to get out and do some fun activities? Vacations are hard cause you tend to let everything go that you would do in your normal day to day life. So I say, Let it go and enjoy this time off. Don't worry about the diet and exercise... but do keep it in the back of your mind so you don't go completely out of control... But allow this next week to be "free" and just make the commitment that when you get back you're going to do things different. Make a few small goals that you want to attain and just really focus on that.

I haven't done much of any exercise still this week. So that's what I need to do a lot more of next week. I do start Pilates on Monday so that should be a good introduction into next week. I weighed myself this morning and i just so happended to lose 3 more pounds. I just really need a new scale that I can really depend on and know that I'm getting the correct weight. Maybe I'll look for one this weekend.

So my goal next week is to go to pilates 3 days and do some walking or biking 2 days and continue to eat well.

So have a great trip and I'll talk to you when you get back.

My best friend is anorexic and my mother-in-law is on Atkins, so I don't really have any females to talk to about my dieting. I just decided I wanted to do it and I definitely need a friendly ear sometimes. I am tall so I don't look overweight to strangers, but I see it when I'm (argh) naked and I know my husband sees it too. Mostly I just want to lose enough to feel good about myself again. I don't expect too much so I will be surprised when I lose weight. I did pilates faithfully for awhile and felt really really good about myself but gradually my life got too hectic for even just a 20 minute workout. I like to work out but it's crazy. I commute 45 minutes to work, so I leave at about 7 a.m to get their by 8. Then, I have school after work Monday through Thursday from 5-7 pm. I hate to work out after that because I can't sleep from the adrenaline, but getting up earlier than I already do seems impossible. Any suggestions?

PS. Anyone who has about 30 pounds to lose and would like a buddy, please respond! I new here and would love to be a good friend. Thanks, Shantelle

Hi Shantelle.. It's really great that you're reaching out to get some buddies cause it really does help. I've been chatting here for a few weeks and it's really nice to have someone who knows what you are going through. You are more than welcome to join in and update on what's going on. That's pretty much what we've been doing here. It really helps cause you find people who can give you great advice on somethings and then sometimes you're the one giving the great advice. So it really helps both ways.

I look forward to hearing your story and please come back and check in

Candela

Hi Shantelle. Great timing. I'm off for a week. No computer and no scales so it would be great if you could hang out with Candela and when I get back I'll have heaps of great stuff to read.

Candela and I know what it is like to want to lose weight, but not look overweight. I think it can make it hard because people say 'you don't need to go on a diet', but just do it for yourself. I know that is why I am doing it. Even my husband says I look ok, but I would rather look a bit different when I'm naked. Just get rid of a couple of those bulges. Candela has been great support and she has such great control - I expect when I come back you will have both lost (another) 3 pounds!

Candela! ANOTHER 3 POUNDS!!! I can't believe it. How good are you? Luckily I lost those 6 pounds in the first 3 weeks, but the following week nothing and still staying the same. I'll have to get on my bike. That is such great news. It just shows that discipline really pays off. Id' better try another one of these - :super: :ribbon: A super human effort!

We're off to a place called Warrnambool, about 3 hours drive. On the coast, well most places in Australia are on the coast really. It is going to be freezing (yesterday it was between 2C and 13C). We're hoping to see some whales, but I don't think they are in at the moment although it is the middle of the season. There is other stuff to do down there, we'll just be tourists. My husband might do some fishing, but I only like to fish if I can do it while lazing in the sun, so I'll do something else while he does that.

I went to the gym this morning (9am Sunday) which seems to work well because everyone here is still in bed. I don't miss anything. Your life sounds so hectic Shantelle I can't image much other time you could workout. I do workout in the evenings and some of those classes are 7-8pm. I eat afterwards (and have a glass of wine) and find it helps me sleep, the exercise gets all the stress out, helps me wind down after work. But I guess everyone is different. I would never be able to exercise before work. I don't like mornings.

Have a great week and I look forward to reading all your posts next weekend. Keep up the great work Candela - you'll be at your target in no time!

Wow you guys are so nice! I feel so welcome and that is a great relief to me. I hate mornings too Kim. I can barely bring myself to get out of bed at 7 in the morning, but I have to or I'll be late for work. I just don't get those people who do aerobics at like 6 in the morning. I am sure it feels great after you get used to it, but man it must take some strong conviction. I don't even own a bathroom scale. I should probably get one so I can keep track. It seems so final though, like I'm sealing my fate by weighing. I dunno. So Candela, where are you from? I'm from Utah, so you can imagine all the people around me who want to go hiking, skiing, biking, fishing. Oye. I hate the outdoors and I live in an outdoorman's paradise. I guess I wouldn't be overweight if I enjoyed any of those things.

Wow-

Southern Cali-

I guess I don't have room to complain about people being active where I am. You must see what I see every day, about a thousand people out jogging every morning!

Shantelle-
You're right, there are so many people around here jogging and walking their dogs 24/7. I just find it really hard fit that into my schedule. I work full-time, I'm in a band pretty full time and then I'm married... when am I gonna find time to go jogging? I did just start a 10 week pilates program, which I'm very excited about! Pialtes seems to be the only thing that I don't mind fitting into my schedule.

I think the best way to go about losing weight and getting in shape is to find an activity/exercise that you like and go with it. You don't have to go outside to get a good body., There are plenty of good tapes and weight exercises that you can do right in your livingroom. The same goes with the diet. Find a system that goes along with what you like to eat and find a way to make it heatlthy. I find you tend to stick with things you like a lot longer than struggling to get through an hour walk that you hate or eating only foods you don't like just because they are supposed to make you thin. Of course I don't think there is diet that just revolves around junk food and channel surfing, although that would be nice :)

So what is your plan for lsoing weight?

That's cool that you are doing Pilates! I have the Windsor program and I was doing that for awhile, but then I got a full time job and I dropped off. After about three 20 minute workouts I had MAJOR definition starting on my abs! I felt great so I hope you do well too! After about a week, I had lost almost an 1/2 inch on my thighs. It was so awesome! I really like the Pilates but I have to do it at home and early in the day. Since I commute 20 miles each day and I have to do Pilates at home it's kind of hard. I have to leave early in the morning to commute, so getting up early to work out would mean like 5 in the morning, then I wouldn't get enough sleep. I'm stuck in the city for about an hour after I get off work (waiting for my husband to get off work) and then we drive about 1/2 hour to get home. Once we get home I am usually pretty tired and it's like 102 degrees here so working out is the last thing I want to do. But there is some good news! I am going to get a free gym pass to the local rec center through my work, so I think I will be able to work out on my lunch hour, (the rec center is like 2 minutes from my office) or after work before I pick up David. So that will be awesome! I just have to wait until the 28th to get my pass! So I think that will be a great help. I think the lunch hour workout would be cool. I could go to the gym and workout for about 45 minutes and then have time to come back to work.

That's so cool that you are in a band! What fun! My husband likes to play rock star in our living room, so that's the closest to a band I get to be in... LOL

I know what you mean about the whole schedule thing. I changed my class schedule for fall so I will only have one class on Wednesday nights and 2 on Saturday. That should give me time to work out. Woohoo!

My plan is to start exercising, and eat less calories. Well, technically it's more calories, because I don't eat that many. I am eating every two hours and not eating after 8 pm. That's dang tough cause I am used to not eating breakfast, a light lunch, and a big dinner at about 9 p.m. No wonder I've gained weight!!!

I started doing pilates last October and I love it so much! I really started seeing the results so quickly! I did them faithfully from Oct. till about March, then started to get lazy again. But then I got an e-mail from the Winsor Company looking for people in the So. Cal area that bought the program and had great results to do a test group. My sister and I sent in our success stories along with before and after pictures. That was about a month or so go and I've been busting my ass ever since. Yesterday was the first test group class and it's awesome. I'll keep you updated.. it goes through the middle to end of Septmber.

Have you looked into the Weight Watchers alternative called the Wendie Plan? I just got some info on it about 3 weeks ago and have already lost 6 lbs. It's based on the whole WW points idea but it varies the points for each day so that your metablism is always trying to figure out what's what's going on.. that way you don't plateau as much or stop losing. I really don't believe in diets at all. You have to change your diet.. not go on one. My biggest problem is portion control so this is really helping me out with that. I have a virtual calculator that I could e-mail you also that makes figuring out the points easy. But only if you're interested cause I know every plan does not work for everybody.

Getting a free gym pass from work is pretty cool.. I'd like to have one of those. It's also great that you can squeeze the workout in on lunch or waiting for your husband. It's a great way to take advantage of that time.

I usually do get up early and do my pilates before work (but i've been slacking the last week and a half) but I really like doing them in the evening cause I can stretch better and my body is my relaxed. So what I do is do them in the mornings on rehearsal days and then do them in the evenings on other days.

Good luck though.. it sounds like you are really getting your head ready for this journy.. I think that's the most important part.

Yeah I had amazing results with Pilates but just stopped doing them...:( But I think I will try to start doing them on weekends when I am not going to the gym. That should be easy enough. That's so awesome about the whole test group thing! I read about that in the packet that came with my tapes and it was so neat! I even took some pics so that I could send in my success story. But of course I slacked off. I was really impressed with myself though because when I started and tried to do some of the moves on the advanced tape I was like "yeah, right" but after I worked out for a couple of weeks I could do them! (Like the roll-over or whatever it is) I miss that feeling. As for WW, I like their frozen dinners. Sometimes I eat them for lunch at work. I'm not too super concerned about food though. Mostly I think I just need to get active. I can't believe how lazy I've been. Oye. So excercise is the key. I just need to do it. Argh... I wish I had an activity that I love. Well... I love to swim. I guess I could do that. But it would definitely take longer at the gym. But at least it is free...Hmm. Didn't think about that till now. Swimming would be fun!!! They even have water aerobics and land aerobics that are part of the membership. The times aren't the greatest though. Hmm again.... Well now I'm all excited. Swimming!!! It's the answer!!!!

That's great that you found something that just might keep your interest. Swimming is great too cause it's a full body workout. You could even do a workout at lunch and then swim while you are waiting for your husband to get off work.

Yesterday was my 2nd pilates class and it was awesome. I thought about not going cause I got sick tuesday night and still felt really bad yesterday, but I just couldn't not show up when it's free. It was such a great class and I'm really glad that I went. We started using the resistance bands yesterday and they really make it more of a workout. The leg section is pretty hard when you add the bands.

Everything going good for you?

It's going okay. I haven't lost any weight with just cutting calories, but I haven't worked out either. Maybe I just need to work out more to lose. It will probably take some time to get my metabolism going faster so I'm not too disappointed. I haven't gained either, so I guess that's a small blessing. Went to a party last night with some friends and my husband. The three of them ending up leaving me there by myself off and on all night with a bunch of strangers because they didn't want to be there. The thing is, I didn't want to be there either cause it was my husband's friend's party, so if they would have said something I would have left with them. I was kind of mad about that and it really made me want to binge. But I didn't. Instead, I just went home and went to bed. Still pretty mad this morning but not so hungry. Argh... Anyway, sorry to unload on you. Sometimes it helps to type it out, makes it more logical and less dramatic.

Great to see you two have written so much. It's great to get back and have all this to catch up on.

Don't worry Shantelle. I've weighed myself and I'm 142 today. I was 141 a week or so ago. When we go away is really the only time we eat out (4 times in 5 days) and I took Candela's advice and enjoyed it. I did order veges instead of chips when given the choice. Didn't eat too much junk, just lots of good stuff. I know portion control, but I'm back on it now! Have to make up for lost time.

Reading through what you wrote a couple of things caught my attention. Firstly that Pilates sounds great, fancy ab definition after only a short while. I'll have to rethink paying for those Pilates classes they are going to start at my gym. I might hold out for a little while first. I think there is a bit of a revolt happening, as far as I know none of the members want to pay extra. I think they are going to boycott it until it is free (or at least cheaper).

The other thing was what you said Candela about your diet having different points for different days. That really interests me. I have found in the past that I can lose a few pounds, then stop. I have these theories that you have to eat more on some days that others to keep your metabolism up. But it is all very vague in my head. I'd be interested to know how it goes up and down each day. By how much I mean. The diet sounds too difficult for me to stay on, but some of the theory of how it works I might be able to use.

By the way Shantelle it sounds like that party sucked. And being left behind sucks. I'd be mad too. It's great that you didn't binge. Sounds like you have yourself under control like Candela. Now I just have to try to keep up with the two of you!

Well I'm glad to see that you are back and that you did take the time to enjoy everything. I think that's really important. And you didn't do too bad, better than I would have. Ordering veggies instead of chips would have been really hard for me. So good job and a pat on your back for that :)

I just completed my first week of Pilates classes and they are amazing. I can feel it today, but I'm not sore. It's amazing what the resistance bands add to the whole thing. You feel it so much more. It's very intense. I'm really glad it's in a classroom setting too, cause I just can't stop when it gets hard. The teachers are great and they really push you to go further than you "think" you can go.

I have to do my weigh in today and I don't think I've lost any weight this week. I was out sick from work 2 times this week and I just feel like being sick has slowed down my metabolism. I wasn't really able to do much exercise other than the classes either. I did have rehearsal last night and that was pretty hardcore. We're getting ready for a show we have tonight. It should be a lot of fun.. and 40 more mins of cardio :D

Well I must get out to the store to buy my food for the week. I will talk to you guys tomorrow.
Shantelle, I hope the rest of your weekend went well.. and have a great week too!!

I'm really interested in this Pilates now. I am a bit sore. Have been to a pump class and a step class since coming back and I can really feel it. Amazing after only one week off. I think Pilates would help to stretch the muscles - is that right? I had a massage the other week and the massuer said my quads were really tight, which I hadn't even noticed. I've got a bad back (hence the massage) and have heard Pilates is really good for that too.

Don't worry if you don't lose weight this week. You have been working so hard - I don't know how you fit everything in. You have lost 6 pounds in the last 2 weeks so it wouldn't surprise me if it wasn't a loss on the scales this week. What I mean by that is you are doing all the things that mean you'll lose weight, the scales don't always show it straight away, but they will next week. At least that's my logic. On the other hand you might be surprised.

Good luck with your show tonight - I'm sure you'll be awesome. Being involved in the band also seems to be a great form of exercise. It certainly keeps you busy.

Hey guys-

Well I have eaten 400 calories in three days. My husband told me that he hasn't been happy for about a year and that he doesn't know if he is in love with me anymore. After talking over the weekend we have determined he is suffering from extreme clinical depression and needs meds. He thinks that's why I have felt love from him even when he didn't feel like he loved me. He hasn't been feeling anything about anything. But he agreed to see a doctor. I can't eat anything because I feel like I've been kicked in the stomach. I didn't know there was anything wrong with our marriage so I just feel kind of betrayed. He says he didn't feel like he could confide in me about it. Anyway, I am going to try to eat today, but I am so sick I just don't know if I can. Thanks for listening, Shantelle

I'm sorry to hear that you are going through a rough time. It's hard enough to lose weight without extra stress. Hang in there and try to take good care of yourself. Even if you're having a hard time eating, make sure and try to get in the nutriants that you need. Be careful with the quick and easy junk food.

It's a good thing that you guys are open now and talking about what's going on. I've found that that is the best way to keep the relationship going with my husband. Sometimes it does get hard and either part may want to give up... but it's always worth talking about it first. So I wish you luck and strength for getting through this hard time. Take care and please keep in touch and keep healthy.. if not for weight, but for general health.

AusKim-
Yeah, Pilates is really good for lengthing and streching the muscles. It feels so good when you're done also! I'm sad that I'm not gonna make it to the class today, but I don't have a ride today. I'm gonna go ahead and do the tape at home and add in the resistance bands. But I will definantly be in class on wednesday.

The gig went really good last night and I got quite a workout on stage. The club already booked us for another show. We have a few more coming up this month too, but we're gonna really concentrate on writing some new stuff.

It's also really great that you just jumped right back into working out. I think I lost 1 or 2 lbs this last week. It's just so hard to tell with my scale. I'm just gonna go ahead and think that I did lose a pound. Oh, but I did try on my size 7 jeans that I have been trying to get into for about a year or so and I was able to get them up and zipped and still had some room to sit down. They just about fit the way I want them too. I think they are going to fit by October forsure!

Well I better get some work done. Have a good day!!!
Oh yeah, if you want to find out some stuff about the points you can look up "the wendie plan" online and you should be able to find some good info on it.

Shantelle. Men - couldn't you just throttle them! They think they are doing us a favour by saying nothing and nothing could be further from the truth! I think they must think if they ignore it it will go away or get better or something. My husband and I had a huge fight over nothing about a year ago and it turned out he was really angry with me about all sorts of stuff - and I had no idea! I ended up in bed for a day with a migraine (never had one before). It must be affecting your stomach like it affected my brain. Anyway, after talking about it, which took a couple of weeks it turned out that a lot of the stuff he was mad about was because we were seeing the same thing in different ways and after we talked about it at made things a lot better. I made him promise to try to work things out with me and tell me if what I was doing was upsetting him. Anyway - after all this ranting - my point is - that it really was good that it happened in the end although when we were going through it it was hell.

Look after yourself - eat what you can so you don't feel even more sick in the stomach. It will get better, probably better than before.

Candela. Another 1-2 pounds. That is fantastic! I am going to have to have a look at that wendie plan. But not yet - too busy.

I've been all over the place the last few days so haven't had a chance to over eat but you have to eat at the right times too don't you. Oh well one thing at a time. Because of the meetings I've had I now have a couple of proposals to write for work over the next 2 years so I better get to it and see if I can secure some work. Aaah the joys of working for yourself (I hate this part - so much unpaid work that may not result in any contracts).

I will probably still go to the gym tonight. I actually find it relaxes and energises me. I think it is more a personal thing than anything to do with the type of exercise I do.

Have a good day! Don't work too hard.

That's so true about men and how they like to keep things inside. I don't know why they don't say any thing till it's almost too late. I guess it's a hidden macho thing. I'm just hoping that things are getting better for Shantelle.

Well I tried to do my pilates when I got from work yesterday but was pretty bummed to find out that the resistance bands that I have at home are too small to do the moves. I still did them though, just the normal way. I also rode my bike for 5 mins. Right now I'm trying to add in some practice time on my bass. I've really been letting that go over the last few years. I really need to practice more if I'm gonna get better.

I'm really having trouble trying to balance everything out. I felt terrible for cutting my exercise time short to practice. Like I was gonna get fatter by cutting one session short. My husband worries that I'm gonna get some kind of eating disorder, but I'm far to educated to go that way. I know that my body needs food to function and I don't like throwing up at all, so I think I'll be fine. I should be happy that I practiced. I mean music is what I chose as a career and the reason I'm so in debt.

So I guess practicing is just one more thing to add to the mix. Wow, that's a lot of stuff to try and make time for. Let's just hope that they all work out in the end.

What kind of business do you run? I can see how it can be very stressful running your own thing. I hope everything works out for you.

Yes I hope things are going better for Shantelle.

You better not develop an eating disorder. When I was younger, like a teenager. I used to be very good at controlling my eating. I had fantastic will power when it came to eating. Reminds me of what you are like now. I think people used to be worried about me too. Because you can control it you could be an anorexic if you wanted to. That doesn't sound right, but I think you'll know what I mean. They are into control and all that, but as long as you have a realistic idea of what is slim and what is disgustingly skinny I think that is cool.

I am a data analyst. What a nerd! Very boring, but it's what I'm good at and it pays the bills. Been doing it for 9 years now so I'm not as stressed out about being broke as I used to be. The first few years were the worst. Working for yourself the amount of money you make is all over the place. But I'm trying to take advantage of my time off now instead of spending it worrying.

I've started using the fitday website today to try to keep track of what I eat. Not sure how that'll go. Trying to find something which will start those scales moving again. I'll have to look into wendie once I have an idea of how much I'm eating. Been stable since I returned from holiday. I'd be happy to lose just one pound at this point.

See you tomorrow. I'm not going to the gym tonight, will go tomorrow instead, the instructor is better. I'll still get in my 4 sessions for the week. Already done 2, so 1 tomorrow and one Friday or Saturday.

Hey guys-

Well things are a little better. David started antidepressants yesterday. We are waiting a month to see if it helps before he makes any decisions. I have tried not to convince myself that he will come out of the depression and be like "Oh yeah, I do love you!" and everything will be all better. And yet thinking that seems the only thing that will help me get through the month. A friend and I are going down to Nevada to gamble a little on Friday, so I am just trying to survive until then. Ate about 500 calories yesterday, so that's a little better. I am sleeping a bit more now too. Started a regular journal at home to try to sort out all these thoughts I am having. Although if a medical doctor read it he would be required to report me. (I have written a lot about suicide but I won't ever do it.) I keep thinking that this isn't going to get better but I know it will. I just can't concentrate on anything. I thought he was in love with me and that we are happy. Why does he want to destroy us? I know he is depressed and not thinking clearly though, so maybe he will come out of it and be happy again and we can start to fix everything. I just hope that happens. Anyway, thanks you guys. Shantelle

Hi Shantelle, I do think it's a great idea to start a journal... that way you don't have to keep everything in your head. Have you guys looked into therapy or a support group type thing to help you through this? Just hang in there and take good care of yourself.:ghug:

Well all of my pants are getting pretty big on me.. that makes me really happy, except I still need to lose so much from my legs. I can tell I'm getting smaller cause of the way my pants fit, but I swear I am just as big when I look in the mirror. I can't see anyy physical changes and that's really depressing. I'm trying to not let it get me down while I do the 10 weeks of Pilates. There should be a big difference when I'm done with that. I just need to start doing more exercise outside of it. I did get up this morning and do my leg tape, and then I have the class night. I'm counting my rehearsals as cardio workouts cause we move a lot. So that's 3 cardio workouts a week. plus 3 days of pilates. So I'm gonna stop obsessing and just do my best. It'll all come off eventually.

What's the fitday website all about? Is it anything like this, or is it just a cool place to track things?

Well I hope everyone has a great day!!!!

Hi Shantelle, I do think it's a great idea to start a journal... that way you don't have to keep everything in your head. Have you guys looked into therapy or a support group type thing to help you through this? Just hang in there and take good care of yourself.:ghug:

Well all of my pants are getting pretty big on me.. that makes me really happy, except I still need to lose so much from my legs. I can tell I'm getting smaller cause of the way my pants fit, but I swear I am just as big when I look in the mirror. I can't see anyy physical changes and that's really depressing. I'm trying to not let it get me down while I do the 10 weeks of Pilates. There should be a big difference when I'm done with that. I just need to start doing more exercise outside of it. I did get up this morning and do my leg tape, and then I have the class night. I'm counting my rehearsals as cardio workouts cause we move a lot. So that's 3 cardio workouts a week. plus 3 days of pilates. So I'm gonna stop obsessing and just do my best. It'll all come off eventually.

What's the fitday website all about? Is it anything like this, or is it just a cool place to track things?

Well I hope everyone has a great day!!!!

I love fitday. It is nice to have a free place to count calories. It doesn't have a lot of name brand or fast food calories in the database, but it's nice. I use fitday to keep track of activities, journals, calories, nutrients and goals. It creates charts as you enter you weight daily. It's really cool. Consecutively I use calorieking.com because they have like a gazillion restaraunts on there and so I can get the info on a jr. bacon cheeseburger from wendy's and enter it into fitday.com. Pretty cool. I was feeling pretty bad earlier, but feeling a little better now. That's great about your pants!!!

We haven't looked into counseling yet because we are waiting to see if the depression is the real problem. god i hope it is.

Hi,

Just popping in quickly to see how you are going. Have already been called about work, but I'm waiting on an email so I'll write here while I wait. This working from home thing can be a pain - they ring and expect you to jump straight away, which I do, which I guess is why I still have work. But enough whinging. It suits me better than a nine to five. Here's the email and the phone just rang again. I'll have to get back to you tomorrow. Have a great day!

Well the pilates class was amazing as usual. I just don't know what I'm gonna do when the 10 weeks are over. I don't mind doing the tapes at home, but I just love going to the class and being able to get help one on one. My boss was comenting today on how I've been losing so much weight. That felt pretty good. I actually had a hard time getting ready for work this morning cause all of my clothes are starting to get too big. I had to wear a longer jacket to cover my bum cause my pants are getting so baggy in that area... Never thought that would happen.

So how is everyone else doing? Busy I assume. Well I'm just about out of here for the evening. I hope everyone had a good day! And I'll check in tomorrow.

How much weight have you lost all together Candela? Is it 10 pounds? It must be quite a lot if your clothes are getting that lose and people are commenting. That is fantastic! What do you put it down to, the diet, the pilates, the hectic lifestyle? That amazing will power - that must be it. What do you think?

Anyway I'm still 141 pounds. I'm really frustrated with that. Just want to punch someone, which is why it is good that I went to combat last night. The Thursday night instructor makes you feel like one of Charlies Angels, you know being able to jump 10 feet in the air and beat up 10 bad guys at once.

I'm going to go back to writing down my fat for each day, fitday it taking me too long to fill in because my modem is garbage.

Shantelle you're probably losing weight too, although not the way you would like to. I would expect you will maintain for a bit once you start being able to eat again.

Thanks for all the support. I would usually give up at this point. But I can't because of you. I'll see how I'm going in a week if I stick to fat counting for a week.

See ya. Hope all is well. Candela you are probably gearing up for more performances this weekend. Good luck with those (as if you need it). Hope things with hubby are settling down Shantelle. Men - can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em.

Hey guys-

Well i've lost five pounds. That puts me at 175. I was actually 180 when I started but I didn't know it because I didn't own a scale. I got my free gym pass (woohoo!!) so I am going to start to working out next week to try to keep the five pounds off while eating again. It's amazing what a difference 5 lbs makes when you look in the mirror!

That's great about the Pilates, Candela. keep up the good work. Can't you just do the ten weeks again? Or did I miss something?

Kim- welcome back! And thanks for the advice and support

You guys really are great. Things are going a little better. Nothing has really changed, except I am now more able to accept what's happening. (Less crying, depression etc.) Today my best friend and I are going to Nevada for the night for some gambling. It's just a little break to keep me distracted. My husband will be busy at his five year reunion tonight and then a 10 mile hike with his little brother tomorrow, so it will be good for me to have something to do. Then tomorrow we have a date. Now here's the weird thing... he made the plans for our date. It was his idea. So I see that as a good sign. Part of him wants to fix this. Anyway, I need to get some work done since I am leaving work early today. See you guys Monday!! and thanks!

Combact class sounds like so much fun!! I really wish I had the time and money to make it to the gym. I would love to take all of the different classes.

I'm really not sure how much weight I have lost since I don't have a good scale. I'm gonna try to buy one early this month... Just waiting for finances to get a little better. I know I lost 6 at the beginning and that was about 3 weeks or a month ago.. so it could be at 10 lbs. I still have a lot more to go though.. What I really want is to be happy with my legs. The rest is just a bonus.
I definantly think it's a combination of everything. Being more in control of my portions while doing pilates and having the wil to really get it done. I just feel really focused. I don't really slip up much and I just let it go if I do.

Your weekend sounds like a blast Shantelle!! Have a great time and enjoy your date with your hubby.. it sounds really nice.

I hope everyone has a good weekend!!

Shantelle. The date with your hubby sounds like it will be great. Sounds like he is really trying. Most Aussie guys wouldn't do that, well maybe some of the sensitive new age guys or whatever you call them, but I certainly didn't marry one of those. I hope you guys really enjoy it and don't put too much pressure on yourselves. Just enjoy each other's company.

Ten pounds is great Candela and 5 pounds for you Shantelle in one week. I hope you'll be happy with a maintain this week after losing that so quickly - I know I would be. It is very difficult not to put it back on when you lose it like you did. I lost 6 pounds at the beginning too Candela and I haven't lost any in the last 3 weeks. Was really good with my fat intake yesterday and the scales went up 1.5 pounds (I know I didn't put that much on in one day, especially eating what I did, I just want to chuck the scales).

On the bright side. Went to pump last night, that instructor is the husband of the instructor who makes you feel like Charlies Angels. He is really good too. Makes everybody work hard. I'm always shaking when I leave his class from working my muscles so hard. The gym I go to is pretty good value - $35 a month (just went up from $31) so if I do 4 a week that is about $2 per class. If you are not a member it is about $9 a class. Also it has a pool so when I take the kids I get in there free so that saves me even more. There are 2 other gyms around here, both more expensive and they don't have a pool.

Have a fantastic weekend. The weather here is great today. Better go and get out in it before it gets cold and rains again.

Still keeping off the five pounds even though I have started eating again. The weekend was pretty good. Had a really good talk with David about things. Seems like it could work out in the end... hope so. Went walking last night to clear my head. Was mad about something and wanted to feel better. I didn't walk too long but it was good anyway. I have fish for dinner, tilapia with coconut shrimp and rice. It was so yummy! Still a little depressed and worried, but able to work again. Maybe it will be better soon...

Hey Girls, I hope everyones weekend went well. I had a pretty good one. I don't think I ate as well as I could have, but I didn't let one little slip up cause me to just go over board. I didn't even have a beer when we went out to a club to see a friends band. My scale is just so bad that I didn't bother weighing myself cause I can't even trust it. I'm hoping to talk my husband into letting me get one this week. I really need one to see how I'm doing.

Pilates on Saturday was amazing. I have not been disappointed at all since I started. I think I'm gonna start a pilates group session with some friends of mine after the 10 weeks are up. That way we can all do it and have a good time.. without having to pay gym prices for it.

Kim.. Maybe you should try weighing yourself a little less. Trust yourself with what you know and see if you have any luck losing weight that way. Maybe you can try doing it just once a day, or every other day? Although the scale may not be registering a change.. are you noticing any changes in your body? You seem to get a good amount of exercise.. maybe you're getting some good muscles.. which do weigh more than fat.

That's awesome about the pilates Candela! I am going to the gym tomorrow, got my free gym pass! One of my friends from work is going with me. Tomorrow is one of Dave's "alone nights" where he goes out with a friend without me. He says he needs the time away from me so that he can think about things, or not think about them or whatever. He says he wants me to have a life outside of our relationship. So me and a friend from work are going to go swim and stuff. It will be fun. Anyway, the group thing sounds good. I was actually going to suggest it... LOL Thanks you guys, Shantelle

I was a bit naughty on Saturday night too, but not as bad as I would usually have been in that situation, so at least that's a positive. Thanks for the encouragement Candela. My husband tells me it looks like I'm losing weight, but sometimes I think he says that because he knows I'm trying. I don't think I can see any change. A couple of people have said I'm probably putting on muscle, but the weights I do in pump have been pretty much the same for a couple of years now so I don't think I'd be puting on very much, if any. I feel better this morning. Weighed myself last night, just before I went to bed and was more than I usually am so thought that this morning's weigh in would be dismal, but it was better than yesterday morning. I know I weigh myself way too much, but it really helps. I'm only mad because it has stayed the same for a few weeks.

Anyway been sticking to the low fat thing pretty well so let's see how I go. Can't expect to have lost anything yet I think because I think I'm still paying for misbehaving on Saturday. I'm so impressed by you not having even one beer. Your will power is fantastic. I drank a bottle of wine on Saturday night and ate Doritos and chocolate things (not sure what they were but they tasted really good). When I say I wasn't as bad as I usually would have been I didn't eat as many Doritos and chocolate things as I would have normally and drinking the bottle of wine, I usually don't drink more than that, but I do sometimes. I did go to the gym on Sunday with a hangover, even though I wasn't planning too. Thought I had better because I didn't feel that great and it does make you feel better, if you survive it.

Keep up the good work girls. Candela your will power and Shantelle it's great things are going better and you have kept off the 5 pounds, I thought that would be a bit tricky.

Hey girls! Getting VERY excited to go exercise tonight. Only two more hours of work then I get to go swimming!!! Whoohoo! Cannot wait. Also, I keep thinking about things and making myself depressed so I hope the workout will help. David is going out with a friend so I am going to be by myself tonight. I hope I am happy enough after the workout to not be lonely and wait all night for him to come home. I wish I could exercise the whole time... but that would be like hours and quite impossible for me. Anyway, sounds like things are going good for you guys. Well done! I know it's tough with the alcohol thing. It's so silly that it is so "bad" for you. I have stopped drinking for now because David's meds make him REALLY lightweight, so he can't drink. I figure I can support him by not drinking too. Talk to you guys later, Shantelle

Hit Shantelle, I'm so excited for you to get to the gym too. Your husband is going to be a having a good night and you should too. Sometimes it's nice to take a little break from each other. That way you both have one night where you can do what you want to do. Is this going to be a weekly thing? And will you have a weekly date night also?

May I ask how old you guys are? If that's not too rude. It's just that I married young and my husband still wants to go out with his friends all the time and play video games. He plays every thursday night with a friend. Which I tease him about and call it his "date night". But he really likes it and doesn't feel like I don't let him have a life outside of me.. which was not easy in the beginning. It was hard for me to give up my time with him. But we still spend time together and love each other very much.

Kim.. I'm glad to hear that you found an eating program that you are sticking with. Keep up the great work. The weight really will come off. Do you keep a food journal? I don't, but I've heard and read a lot of things saying that they are great cause you find all the hidden things that you eat during the day that might slip past you otherwise. I remember you saying that you do the fitday, so you probably are very aware about what you eat. I'm just not sure why the weight isn't coming off for you. You exercise so much. Do you eat a lot of pasta and white bread? Either way I think you're doing a great job and keep it up. It's so nice to have good people to talk to about all of this stuff. Since a husband doesn't really do well with all the diet talk.

Take care both of you and I'll talk to you tomorrow.

I don't mind you asking at all. Yes we married young. I am only 22 and he is 23. We've been married for four years. I thought we were beating the odds. Anyway, I will write again tomorrow. Love, Shantelle

Hi,

Shantelle, hope you enjoyed your exercise and your night on your own. Hope you did something you like to do, have a bath with oils and read a book, visit a friend, watch a DVD - I don't know, what do you like to do.

I don't know if I want to give my age because I'm a bit older than you guys. Hope it doesn't put you off. I'm 35, with 2 kids, 7yo and 5yo. I've been with my husband, who isn't really my husband because we aren't married, since we were 19 (we're the same age). You have to get in early if you want a good one. I did, I'm sure you two got top guys as well. When we were younger we used to go out partying all the time. When we first met we lived in a flat with another guy and most of our friends lived with their parents so our place was a bit of a party house. My husband likes to stay home more than me so if I go out and he doesn't want to come I just go on my own. If he went out with his friends I would go if they would let me, I play cards and pool so that was ok sometimes. If they didn't want me to go I would just go out with someone else. Having kids changes that a bit, now I wouldn't go out with him and his friends but would look after the kids, which is fine because we'd do something or go and visit friends. If I have somewhere to go I think he is glad to have the excuse of looking after the kids so he doesn't have to go. If we both go somewhere Nana and Pop look after the kids. As far as video games goes he likes to play them too (and he's 36) but luckliy we don't have many so he doesn't play them for hours on end. He used to play them more than he does now. I have a feeling the change is because he doesn't have the time now rather than growing up, although maybe he is a little sick of it because we don't get new games.

About the journal. I'm doing that now - counting fat and calories, although really concentrating on the fat. I'm also trying not to eat carbs in the evening, which I'm not very good at, but I'm getting there. Given up on fitday because my modem is not fast enough. Journals are good to help you 'remember' what you ate and it was good for me to let me realise what I should and shouldn't eat. The book I use gives me fat and calories. I didn't realise cashews and chicken skin were so bad and cheese has SOO much fat. Also souvlaki is surprising low in fat so I have that if we have fish and chips. I'm not sure how much it would help you Candela because you don't kid yourself about what you eat and you are pretty aware of what is good and bad for you. You might want to try it for a few days and see if you surprise yourself. If you do it and think - well I knew that it - means you are not really getting anything out if it. I'm hoping it's working, I was down 1/2 a pound this morning, but I'm not getting too excited - yet.

Have a great day. See ya.

First off I just wanted to state that age is nothing here. We are all here cause we need support to get this weight off. You could be 12 or 60 and still be welcome :D

It is nice to talk to other people that married, or got together at a young age. too. Although I've only been married for a year, I have gone through a lot of what Shantelle is going through. There were a few times where we thought it might be best for the both of us to just go our own ways... but neither one of us wanted to walk away in the end. I think that it's hard because you grow so much in your 20's and you start to find out who you are. So you have to both be supportive of each other and give the other room to grow as well. It's also hard when only one is doing the growing, so you have to grow together as well.

I have nothing new on the exercise/ weight loss front to report. Still enjoying the pilates classes and working my butt off in rehearsal. I do need to add in more workout though. I didn't do any this morning.. I'm gonna do it when I get home instead cause I'll have some time before rehearsal. I've only been doing the pilates for 2 1/2 weeks and I'm already noticing such drastic changes. I can't even imagine what I'm gonna look and feel like in the end... But I"m really excited to find out. My size 7 jeans are starting to fit really good. I think they'll be ready for public viewing in a couple of weeks.

Have a great Thursday, and I'll talk to you guys later.

Hey guys-

wow size 7 candela? That's awesome! Not a lot to report here. I feel like things are going better with David, but he still won't spend a lot of time alone with me. I think he has already decided to leave me but is holding off on telling me because I made him promise to wait until his depression is gone. I am starting to be more realistic that this could be the outcome so I am more able to cope. It's hard though cause I don't want it to be over. What will I tell people? I don't know why he left me, he just didn't love me...etc. It's all so one-sided it's bizarre. Usually both people know something is wrong right? Argh. Anyway, Down another pound. Six total. Working out today. Woohoo.

I really hope things work out for the best for you Shantelle. And it's great that you have lost 6 lbs, way to go!!! Have you been able to eat better lately? Stress does the oppistie for me and I actually eat a lot.. I just can't seem to get full when I"m stressed. I haven't been really stressed in a while though. Being ina band is really stressful though. It's like taking a marriage and adding 2 or 3 more people to the equation. It's the best time, but it's really hard too cause we're trying to make a successful career out of it. We have no idea what's gonna happen. We could dedicate so much to it and for years and get nothing in the end. That's been troubling me a lot lately. What am I going to do if it doesn't lead to success? I'm tired of going from one job to the next without any real ambition. Right now I just work to pay the bills.. there's nothing on real interest in my job. But you gotta do what you gotta do , I guess.

Well sorry for the spill on that one.. it's just been bugging me for the last few weeks.

Take care girls and I'll check back in tomorrow.

Hi guys,

I'm not sure if I missed it, but Candela how old are you and your other half? Now you've asked I have to know. Thanks for putting up with this old bag!!

I know what both of you mean about going through so much together. My 'husband' and I have changed a lot since we first met, but we both have the same - I guess you would call it values. We have similar attitudes to bringing up children, money, work, friends. Not exactly the same, but similar. On the other hand we have quite different backgrounds and interests, he is a country boy, I'm a city kid, he likes the outdoors and sport, I'm a bit more of a nerd.

Good luck Shantelle. Who knows what is going on in your husbands head - sounds to me like he is not really sure himself. Sounds like you are hanging tough and preparing yourself for the worst. I admire your ability to keep your head up that is great. Just be sure not to stop yourself from allowing the best to happen.

This next bit is a bit heavy. I hope you don't take it the wrong way. This is just what I think about relationships in general.

I have a problem with the high rates of separation and divorce because I think too many people don't try (by the way the trying has to be on both sides) They get upset and think they'll just go and find someone better. Do they realise that noone is going to be perfect for them. You have to work at a relationship. Relationships change, you aren't always in the lustful stage of a relationship. Sometimes that change can be construed as the person not being in love anymore. Ask yourself is there anyone else you would rather spend the rest of your life with (and that includes rather spending it alone)?

Back to weight loss. Congratulations Shantelle. 6 pounds in awesome. You sound to be doing pretty well too Candela - sounds like you are looking damned good. Finally - lost 2 pounds this week. Did the journal thing to count fat intake. Stuck to 18 or less for 5 days, went a bit over on one day and went a long way over last Saturday. Just shows if you are bad on one day not to give up. I think I'll do it for another week and see how I go.

Have a great day!!

I totally agree about the divorce rate thing. He and I have always said that we were so glad we were never getting divorced. We even said it like a month ago, and he agreed. What's up with that? Argh. I wish I could get some indication as to what's in his head. He slept through the night last night, which is a MAJOR improvement. It's also the first sign his meds are working. I am having a hard time being alone with him now. Every time we talk I feel like I want to talk about things, and he sits there like a stone and I get all sad. But I can't just be friendly and fun to him all the time, because that's not being true to me.

Anyway, you guys are doing so well!!! I am impressed. I haven't really been eating the best, but eating more. Hope to keep the six pounds off. Thanks guys!

I was really worried you that what I said about trying was going to upset you Shantelle. It's great to hear that your husband agrees with that. I have more hope for the two of you than you do. Sounds like he's really confused at the moment and so has withdrawn. Like I say they think they are helping us by keeping it from us. Men - Argh.

Candela must be off doing band stuff. The weekend is coming so she must be off doing that. I think it is fantastic. Candela - you were saying the other day about being a bit down about not making money from the band and not really being sure if it will pay off. I know a few people who won't do anything unless they are paid for it. They will never make it big because they deny themselves so many opportunities. My husband's cousin has been involved in bands all his life, never made money out of it, but I think the people he was with were more interested in the party side than the music side. He has finally found a band that is serious about the music (well actually they found him - at the age of 35) and he is so happy that he is doing what he always wanted. They have a CD out and they are currently planning gigs in Europe. Sounds to me like you will make it a lot faster than him because you seem really focused on success. From what I've heard about music you can spend a lot of time going nowhere and then all of a sudden it takes off.

I went out last night and had pizza for tea (very naughty). My friend put half her mud cake in front of me and I ate that (she said she didn't want it to go to waste and knew I couldn't resist). This was not a lapse, it was planned. I think I need a day off a week - I know some of the rich and famous do it so why not me. I can't deny myself so if I give myself a day off a week I think I will be able to stick better on the other days. Lets see how long I suffer for it. The scales were up 3 pounds this morning.

Have a wonderful weekend!! I am working on a program today that I have been working on for about 6 months. Not making a thing out of it yet, don't know if I ever will, but if I did it would be great. At least I can't say 'what if..' Better get to work. Have a great day!! Speak soon.

Sorry I didn't get a chance to log in on friday but I'm glad to hear that everyone is doing alright.

To answer your question Kim, I'm 25 and my husband will be 23 next weekend. We got together when he was 19 and I had just turned 22. Although I don't feel too young to have gotten married, he does. Sometimes he just gets so frustrated with being married already when he doesn't have a career going. His parents both had careers and money when they got married so he always hoped for the same. But my parents on the other hand got married really young and had kids and never focused on a career. They just work regular 9-5pm jobs. So that's where most of our marriage stress comes from.

I have another pair of pants that are looking a lot better. I bought them almost 2 years ago and they never fit the way I wanted them too. Now they are almost baggy. Right now I'm just using pants as a "scale" to see if I'm still losing weight. I have my second weigh in for pilates this coming weekend and I'm excited to see how that goes... I'm hoping that if the weight isn't down, that I will have lost some inches.

I've been slacking a little on eating good.. adding a few points here and there but I'm really gonna get back to it this week. I'm glad that I have the weigh in this week so that will help me focus even more.

So how was your weekend?

Hey guys!

Things are a thousand percent better today. David and I had a talk yesterday, a REAL talk. It was amazing. He was actually behaving more like before towards me, as far as appearing to care about me. He was sensitive and kind. Much more like his old self. It made me feel so much better. We talked for awhile, then went hiking and fishing. It was nice. Also, he told me on Saturday night that I had done something that made him happy. How cool is that?!!! Still have the six pounds off. The hiking and fishing and ROLLERSKATING that I did this weekend must have made up for my not working out a lot last week. Going to work out today though, so trying to keep it up. Woohoo! It's easier to be excited about exercising when you are not depressed. Feeling like a million bucks although sitting here eating a candy bar... working it in to my nutrition for the day though. I will just eat low fat, low carb alternatives later on. going to have fish again tonight I think. It's amazing how great fish is. I don't like the taste that much but David cooks the fish we catch in a special way that takes away a lot of the "fishiness". Anyway, hope things are good for you. Sounds like you guys are doing great! Keep up the good work!!!

Thanks, Shantelle

Wow Shantelle, I'm so glad to hear that things are getting better. All the stress definanlty makes wanting to exercise and eat good hard, if not impossible. But I'm really happy to see that you're keeping the pounds off and you've found some activities that you like to do. That's gotta be one of the most important things.

On another husband note.. how involved with your wanting to lose weight are your husbands? I'm just curious cause I find it really hard to keep to eating good all the time when my husband can and does eat whatever he wants. He really thinks I'm crazy and over reacting with all this exercise/nutrition stuff. I wish I could get him to some of the exercise with me. I would love to go for walks and find other things that we can do together. But he's just not into it. Sometimes I just feel so alone in this thing and I think that's way I obsess with it... So I was just wondering if you guys go through the same thing at all??

Talk to you tomorrow.

I totally know how you feel! For months I have been wanting to do something about the extra weight, and have wanted him to do something about his. He's short and stocky, so he wears all his weight on his belly. I wanted him to do something about it but he didn't seem to care. Then, when all this started, he lost 12 pounds in like a week and a half. Plus now that we have the scale he weighs himself all the time. He doesn't really do anything (other than recreationally sometimes) to work out, and he eats like a bird. But seeing the 12 lbs come off seems to have motivated. He even says he will go with me to the rec center to work out sometimes! I suggested it as something we can go do together. Plus, it's free for both of us through my work. It's cool cause we can like go swimming, or play racquetball or lift weights. It's kind of a fun date, and it's free! Anyway, mostly I guess they just have to decide to do it themselves. David even has back problems that are improved by working his stomach muscles, and he still wouldn't do it until now. You have to really want it. Plus, society doesn't seem to mind guys being out of shape. The whole couch potato thing is fine when it's a guy. Totally lame, but they just don't have the pressures we have. They know too that women are mostly not as shallow as guys, and we won't dump them for being fat and lazy. So what's their motivation? Pretty much nothing...LOL. Talk to you guys tomorrow!!! Shan

Hi guys,

Shantelle, great to hear about you and your husband. He's finally started talking - that is great. They are certainly a lot better at the silent treatment than we are - but it's totally unintentional. They don't realise they are driving us mad.

Candela, sounds like you are pretty career minded yourself. My husband was a 9-5 guy, started working at 15. I went to uni so didn't start until I was 21 and had more of a career thing going. I guess that piece of paper can put pressure on, we were really still boyfriend and girlfriend at your age. You sound like the two of you are doing pretty well to me.

You asked about support from husbands. Firstly my husband can eat what he likes and if he does put on weight he just decides to lose it and stops eating big bowls of cake and custard just before he goes to bed and it disappears in no time. A friend came over yesterday and asked if he had lost weight (never asked if I had) and he probably has, without really trying. That is frustrating. He is pretty supportive - supports me in eating the right things and going to the gym, says it looks like I've lost weight. However not really sure if things would have been the same at your age, I smoked a lot then, drank, NEVER exercised and the same goes for him. Being over 30 and having kids changes things a bit. The being over 30 bit because everything starts sagging and you can't eat the way you used to (well I can't he can), you have to do something to keep yourself in shape and keep your metabolism up. That really makes me sound old and mouldy.

I'm raving on again. Anyway I've been eating all the wrong things for the past few days. I know I shouldn't but I can't seem to maintain the low fat thing for a long time. It's poor I know, but I feel like I need to have a few days off every now and then. Despite this I'm still only 2.5 pounds up. The scales went up after the first day of bad eating (by 3 pounds) and have stayed there. I hope I can get that 2.5 off pretty quickly. I'd better start today before it is there permanently.

Have a great day. Sounds like things are going well for you. I didn't realise the pilates people weigh you too. If you are noticing results that is fantastic - a pair of jeans is far better than a scale. I don't think I can really notice any difference from losing 8 pounds - I'll just have to keep going. I don't want to try on my skinny jeans until I've lost another 7 pounds.

You know what I hate? I hate that my husband can do crunches or use the weight machine for like ten minutes and look like he has lost an inch!! Guys totally lose easier than us. They suck! LOL. My workout last night was FABULOUS! I feel amazing! Plus there were lots of guys at the gym who kind of looked my way. Not that I want people to hit on me, but it's nice to know that guys look. For years I've convinced myself that David is the only guy who thinks I am attractive, and that must be because he suffered some kind of head trauma! LOL. Anyway, working out again tonight! WOOHOO!!! Still only 6 pounds. Maybe Sunday I will have lost a couple of more! *Hugs Candela and Kim*

Shan

It's really great to hear that everyone is doing good :D

Kim- I'm always trying to think of a way for you to weigh yourself as often as you like but to start seeing more results. So I was thinking that maybe if you kept a log of your weigh ins. There are just so many different things that cause you to weigh more throughout the day... like the clothes you're wearing, how long since you last ate... Anyways.. so I was thinking if you try to weigh yourself everyday at the same times and then log in a journal what you're wearing, what you ate last and then what time it was when you ate and when you weigh in. And then keep a close eye on the morning weigh ins, you should always undress for that one cause you get the best reading that way. I was always told that the morning weigh in is the best cause that's after your body has digested all the food from the previous day.. and it has not had anything put in it yet. So I don't know if any of this makes sense... it's just something I was thinking.

Shantelle- That's so great that you're really taking advantage of that free gym membership. You're very lucky to have a job that offers that and especially that you can bring your husband as well. My husband is pretty tall and skinny but he also carries all his weight in his gut. He complains about his stomach sometimes and does a few weight workouts every now and then but he really doesn't care about it. He knows that I love him no matter what so why bother?? But I would like him to do a little just so he can stay healthy.

As for everything else.. I'm really glad that we're all doing so well. I just want to thank you guys for all of your support and great advice. Let's have another great week :)

I do weigh myself every morning, first thing, without clothes and write it down. I have also been writing down whether I have stuck to my fat limit or not. It is just a Y or N. If I have pigged out I put NN. I used to write down the exercise I did, but found it doesn't really make much difference day to day. I do the same every week anyway so it is really what I eat that makes the difference. I'm still having cravings, ate ice cream and fried food last night. Been having cravings for about 3 days. They should go away in the next couple of days. Scales staying the same.

I'm actually happy to keep working on it and staying the same or going down. You guys have stopped me from giving up and being back at what I started at. If I just don't give up. Although I sound like I have because I've been eating badly for the last few days.

I think my husband just thinks about losing weight and it melts away. Drives me mad. I know what you mean about wanting your husband to be healthy Candela, I'm sure he'll get more serious about it later. I know I felt great at 22 and I did all the wrong things.

Great to hear from you. Keep up the good work. It is always a great feeling when guys look at you. I was in the shopping centre the other day and a couple of guys walked past, one said to the other 'that one's not bad'. Not a great compliment, but a compliment nevertheless - I'll take what I can get.

That's so funny Kim! I can't believe the things guys will say to their friends! NOT BAD! LOL! Anyway, I am going to the gym again today. I tried lifting some weights the other day and have totally felt the effects from it. Goodbye lunch-lady arms!!!! WOOHOO!

I know what you mean about the lunch lady arms. Mine are in a lot better shape since doing pump. I love it. When you are sore the next day you know something is happening. Actually I don't think I'm in too bad shape for over 30. It is just the fat that is on my lower stomach, hips and upper thighs. It doesn't matter how fit you are if there is a big layer of fat there. It just looks bad. It is that area I would love to look better. That is where the weight goes on and that's where I'm hoping it will come off. I don't expect the rest of me to change that much. I'm lucky it's winter here now, but I would love to look better in summer. I love the beach. I wear shorts (because that is my problem area) rather than bikini bottoms and I wear a bikini top. I would love to look good in short shorts.

Not craving as yesterday and today, which is making it easier to eat better. Have a great day!!

Hey you guys! My workout yesterday was awesome! Going swimming today. WOOHOO! Things are going pretty good with me and David. We went on the roof last night to watch the meteor showers. It was nice up there but bittersweet because it was kind of romantic and he won't cuddle with me. Anyway, I need some kind of mantra to tell myself when I have those moments of panick. I will be working and suddenly I think "He's going to leave me." and I get very sad. They don't last very long, but I feel a little down for hours. Oye. You guys are doing awesome. And Kim, I know what you mean about the whole shorts thing. I hate the way my legs look now. In high school they used to call me "LEGS" because I had like the best looking legs and they were long and tan. Now they are white and fat. Hate that. *hugs*

Sorry I haven't been checking in much this week, but I've been stressing pretty bad these last few days. It just some band stuff that I need to work out with one of the members.. but it could cause the band to break up and I really don't want that to happen.

So on to other things... I've been really keeping to the points thing this week cause of the weigh in at the end of week. The only hurdle is my husbands birthday party this weekend. They've already reserved a keg... Fosters as a matter of fact :D So i just have to make sure that I stick to the diet coke and vodka instead. Wish me luck!!

I really want to try some pump classes, they sound great!! It's funny.. the other day when I was talking about wanting my husband to workout with me and stuff.. well I was talking to him from work the other day and he asked if I would be interested in joining a gym after pilates are done and we are out of debt. I asked if we'd be joining together and he said yes!! How funny is that.. it makes me wonder if he some how found out about this page and read it. I just don't think that we will ever be out of debt enough to actually join any gym.. but the thought was nice.

Well I'm gonna try to resolve the problems with the band tonight, so I'll check in tomorrow and let you know how things went.

Shantelle you are lucky to have those legs. If you had them once you can have them again. I've got the 'child bearing hips' that run in my family. That's cool though, would just like them to be as good as they can be given the restrictions imposed by genetics.

I read somewhere about you being the only person who is going to be with you your whole life. Maybe you could include something like that in your mantra.

Candela. Hope the band thing is turning out ok. I imagine that can get very complicated and emotional. Being in a band would be so hard, it is unlikely everyone has the same commitment, expectations etc. It might have to get worse before it gets better. I hope the better part comes very soon - hopefully you've sorted it out when you read this. Please let us know how it goes. You've worked so hard - I hope everything works out.

Funny to hear you say about Fosters. I think the only thing we are known for are our exports of beer and idiots (current export Steve Irwin). Hope you enjoy the party. I have found alcohol consumption has made little difference to my weight loss. Although I do avoid Baileys (anything with milk or cream) and things with lots of sugar. I mainly drink white wine, but wouldn't avoid beer. I prefer not to drink it and anyway I'm a two pot screamer so I don't drink that much. You have been so good I don't think it would matter if you indulged a bit at the party. I know I can say this to you because you won't use it as an excuse to go overboard.

Have a great weekend.

Hey guys-

Online on a Saturday for a change. David stopped by Andrea's apartment on the way home and hung out there for awhile. I don't know if I have mentioned her other than she's anorexic, but somehow she has developed this friendship with David, and it's gotten completely out of hand. I won't go into it too much, just say that it's not going to be tolerated if he decides to stay. Today I wrote her off. You know how I panick for no reason sometimes? It's because of her. You know how I come on here and talk about things being better? As soon as I start to feel good again she implies that he has been "implying" to her that he's going to leave me. Not sure what her motivations are, but I do know that her husband isn't comfortable with it either and she told him that's too bad. That's pretty much what David told me too at first, but now he realizes things can't get better if he has a "girlfriend". Anyway, that's totally not what i came on to write about. I guess I just needed to talk. Anyway...

kim: I know Aussies for (can't spell this) Aborigines, because of this novel I read once. It was about this lady who moved to Australia and figured out how to get colagen from wool, or something. Her dad stole a stone from a cave and they were cursed, I think it was called "the dreaming". I always try to find it but can't. I would love to read it again. Steve Irwin is an ass. I definitely don't think of him when I think of Aussies.

Candela: I hope the band thing works out. I can safely say that it's hard when you put a lot of effort in something and then have a chance it won't work out.

Do either of you have AOL Instant Messenger? It would be cool if we caught eachother online sometimes. Who knows, maybe you stay up REALLY late sometimes Kim? My screen name is Shantelle8, just like on here, so if either of you have it you can add me to your buddy list. Anyway, talk to ya'll later. Shan

Hi. I have been on a menu plan since mid May and have lost 20 pounds so far. I am really pleased and have already been shopping for a new outfit a size smaller. I hope to keep this up till I reach goal. I just tried a recipe in my slow cooker: spicy cabbage beef soup (add beef, onions,pepper, cabbage, 1 can kidney beans, 1 can crushed tomotoes and some hot pepper sauce.) Have a bowl of soup with 1 slice of bread, apple and a glass of water, enjoy (Freeze the rest)

Hi Angie,

20 pounds lost if fantastic. I have trouble with set menus because there's a lot of stuff I don't like to eat, particularly all the stuff that is good for me. I find counting fat or calories I can choose what I want to eat. Sounds like it is working well for you. You'll have to let us know how you go.

Shantelle - don't know what to say about this anorexic chick. She sounds like a problem. Do you see David and her at the same time? Confront them when they are together. Say what she says he's 'implying' and get him to say if he is or not. She sounds like a trouble maker, trying to make you and David fight. I'd do this to try and make them fight instead. But then again I've been accused of being too aggressive, so maybe this is not the best approach, nonetheless it is what I would do. Can't stand talking behind people's backs and the he said, she said garbage. I like to get it all out in the open, deal with it, move on.

Don't know about the book you are talking about. I know wool has lots of lanolin in it, great for the skin, keeps it smooth. Shearers have great hands, strong and soft. The 'dreaming' is an aboriginal thing, it is what they believe in. The world was creating during the dreamtime and all their stories are about that time. I guess it is sort of like their religion. I like their stories, they are about the animals and landscapes around Australia. I don't know who I could ask about it. There aren't many aboriginals in Melbourne, more in the north and country.

Have a great week. I'm going skiiing, See you later in the week.

Hey guys, how was everyones weekend? The party was pretty good... except I had 5 beers when I only planned on 1. But that Fosters is good stuff and really easy to drink. It was so hot!!! and the beer was sooo cold :)

I'm still not sure what's going on with the band right now. I've confronted the singer with a few things that have really been bugging me, and she really doesn't seem to care. She's been out of town all weekend and I won't see her again till tonight. We have a gig. I just hate monday night gigs and we go on really late. That's gonna make this week really hard. I'm just waiting to see how everything feels tonight. See what her attitude is like. She's supposed to be meeting with a producer today... that's part of the problem. Our management is scheduling all these appointments for her, and not inviting the rest of us out. I just hope that things get better cause the rest of us in the band really want this to work, we just don't trust her right now.

I had the pilates weigh in this weekend also. I only lost 2 lbs, but I lost a whole bunch of inches!! I was pretty happy to see that. We're mid way through now and the lady who took our measurements was really happy to see such great results. I do think I have lost more than 2 lbs, but I think the beer was against me on that one. But seeing the numbers go down on the scale is not important to me. Seeing the inches go down and having all of my clothes hanging off me means a lot more. I do want to kick it up a notch for the last half. I want to lose a few more pounds and a lot more inches. So that's my goal to reach by the end of September...

Shantelle- I think the situation with your friend and hubby sounds like a problem too, but he is talking to you about it? Is he being honest with the whole thing? And to think that she's married too and doesn't care what her husband thinks. I hope you guys get this all worked out. Take care and just be strong, but you really need to do whatever is best for you. Whatever will leave you the happy and healthy.

Well I better get working now... have a great day everyone and I'll check back in a little later to see how everything is going.

Hey guys-

Well I told him that I am not going to be friends with her anymore. He is still allowed to see her for now, but I don't want to hang out with her or talk to her. I told him the things she has been saying to me and he had no idea. He said he wants to talk to her about it because he is upset that she has been hurting me that way. He and I talked about it during the weekend and he understands. She sent me a really nasty note in response to my email telling her how I felt, but now I think she see that this is what's best. I can't be friends with someone who is "dating" my husband. He told me that if he decides to stay he won't be friends with her like this. It all seems to be okay, although there is still the decision he has to make about whether to leave me or not. I don't know what he's going to choose, but I think that it will be easier to choose to stay if I am not freaking out every other day because of her. It still makes me uncomfortable that he is going to her place to hang out tonight, but I can't let him see that. He knows how I feel about it so I am not going to press the issue. Anyway, working out while he is gone tonight, then going out with a friend. Going to stay busy, so that he sees how happy I can be. Everyone says that him seeing me having a life will encourage him to be a part of it. Ugh. I just want to stay home with him... Argh. Anyway, working out lots, gained back one of my six pounds, but starting to lose inches. Not measuring really, but can see pants hanging a little different, stomach hanging out a little less. Woohoo!

Yeah, I have to say that I would have to cut off all ties with that friend too. Does he just hang out with her? I think it's great that you're being strong with this and still doing good things for you, even though I know it would be so much easier to just sit at home instead. But I think that it's good for you cause you will realize that you can do things and be happy with or without him. I really think you'll be stronger because of all of this in the end. And you'll be able to get through everything.. either way that it goes.

I'm sure that the pound you gained back is probably muscle. Especially since your clothes are getting bigger. I just love when I put on a pair of pants and now they're too big.

Well stay strong and use your free time to make you better and happier :D

Hey-

Yeah I definitely feel a lot better knowing that she isn't going to be in my life anymore. He does just hang out with her. That's a big no no in most marriages, but in our religion is a MAJOR no no. No man is supposed to be alone in a room with a woman. Especially a married one. I am glad that I am free from her mind games. It will be much easier to deal with all of this without that mess to deal with. David will hopefully soon she that he needs to cut her out of his life too. Working out today, looking forward to it! Going to run some of this stress out of my life!! Plus I made plans with a friend for tonight while he is with her. Argh. Hate it that he is going over to her place. Hate it. But I am too busy tonight to care... LOL Thanks a bunch, Shantelle

Hello everyone...
Well the band thing seems to be working out alright. There is something that needs to be worked, but I think things will be fine. We had a great gig last night and made some new fans. We have another show coming up this weekend and that should be a lot of fun.

I don't know if I'm crazy or what... But I feel like I"m starting to gain some weight back. I'm guessing it's because of the partying that I did this weekend, so I'm really gonna stick to the points thing for the next few weeks. I've come way too far to start gaining stuff back. :( I also didn't get to go to my pilates last night, but I'm making the class up on sunday.

I'm not as tired as I thought I would be after doing a late show on a monday.. but I'm gonna get off this computer cause that always makes me sleepy. Talk to you guys later.

Hey guys-

Well I am kind of sad today because the gym is closed for two weeks for their annual maintenence. I totally forgot! So I didn't get to work out yesterday. Normally I would just go home and work out, but I live kind of far away from where I work and that's where I was meeting my friend to go out. Luckily, she got off work early so we started our plans early. It sucks though because I didn't get to work out on Friday because of work. Argh. Need to work out!!! Perhaps I will go for a run during my lunch break. Things with David are FABULOUS! He came home last night and asked me if I wanted to stay up and talk! It was nice. We talked about our evening and he told me he didn't have a lot of fun with HER and wanted to come home to see me! Plus, he brought me to work today and is picking me up then we are going to go to a movie then home! PLUS he cuddled me to wake me up this morning. It was soooooo nice. Sigh. Love him. Feel like things might work out. YAY!

That's awesome about the band thing Candela! Where did Kim say she was going again? Don't remember.

I'm so happy to hear that things are going good for you two right now. I really hope that this is the start of rebuliding your relationship. Every relationship has it's bumps, but they are just so much better when you can just sit back and feel the love.

That does suck about the gym being closed though. But I guess you can try to find the bright side.. that's more time to hang out with the hubby :) I wasn't able to go to pilates on monday and my body was missing it. My whole body felt uncomfortable and I couldn't wait to get to class last night. Last nights class wasn't very hard and I didn't sweat much, but we did a lot of stretching and that's exactly what I needed. So I'm feeling a lot better today.

I'm not sure where Kim went. She said she was going skiing, right? Isn't that funny? It's so hot here and she has the weather to ski in. That's just such a trip for me to think about. I do remember growing up and seeing cartoons of Santa in his bathing suit while he delivered gifts over there. I could go for some nice cool weather.

I think that band is really starting to get better. It's really hard dealing with 4 girls in one small room. We've talked a lot of things out and now we're ready to just get this thing going. We have a big show this weekend that we're really excited about. We're also trying to work something out with a producer so we can get some good recordings done. All of this is just so hard because none of us has very much money. We're all in our early- mid 20's and we're struggling just to pay our own rent. So that really slows things down.

Well I think I've rambled on enough here. I hope your movie date went well and that everything else is still getting better. Take care and have a great day.

Hey-

Yeah the whole upside down climate thing is kind of weird to think about. I sure would love to visit Australia sometime. It's definitely on my list of places to go someday. I would like to go to Europe and New Zeland too. That's great that you guys are working the band stuff out. Things are okay here. We are spending some time together tonight. We are talking a lot more. I am starting to get used to the idea that we are just friends for awhile. It's still hard though. The whole cuddling thing the other day was him attempting to just be normal. But he doesn't feel anything romantically for me, so he was just "going through the motions". Argh. I told him I don't want to do anything he doesn't really feel, and he seemed relieved. So things are pretty much okay. Still worried a lot of the time, but doing better. Anyway, need to work I guess. Work TOTALLY sucks today. What part of Cali are you in by the way? My grandma lives in Torrance. Shantelle

Hi guys,

Yes I went skiing. It was great. The mountains here are not very big - more like hills really. My kids loved the skiing. My boy who is 5 had a fan club. He was the smallest kid skiing and talks, sings and waves to everyone. They were yelling 'go little dude' to him. He loves the attention. My daughter is a lot more serious and is getting really good at it. She concentrates hard on getting it right.

I've read through everything I missed. Shantelle - I'm glad you spoke to your husband about HER. She sounds like a nasty piece of work. It's good he knows what she is like.

Candela - glad to hear your problems with the singer are working out. Sounds like you are doing some great gigs at the moment and getting involved with a producer and all that would be great. I'm glad you had the beer, gotta let your hair down sometimes and the inches you've lost. That's great.

You too Shantelle - keeping 5 of those pounds off is a great effort. Good on you for going on with your life while your husband sorts himself out. Sounds like you are getting some good advice.

Better get to work. See you later.

Hey there, I'm in the Los Angeles area. People think Hollywood looks so glamourious on t.v., but I really beg to defer. I just don't like it here. I grew in the L.A. county but in a desert about 45 mins north. It's just too crowded and dirty here.

So you're still hanging in there and doing okay? I know this must be very confusing and stressful. You're husband is very lucky to have someone who will stand by him while he tries to figure things out. I just wish it could be easier on you too. You're a lot stronger than I am, cause I don' think I could go through that. It's really admirable that you can. It seems like a lot of people give up so easily on their marriages cause it's so much harder to work things out. You guys will have a stronger relationship in the end. Do you think that it's getting better? or do you think that he's as confused as before? From what you said, it sounds like he's really starting to open up and that seems like a good sign. It also sounds like he's on his way to figuring out what he needs to be happy. In the end... we all just want to be happy.

Well I wish you a good night!

You guys are the best. Here it is five o'clock and I should be heading to the gym, but it's closed. Argh. I suppose I could just go and walk around my office parking lot, but being in a real gym feels better for some reason.

Candela- Yeah, I think things are getting better. I am still not sure whether he is going to feel "that way" about me later or not, but I hope he is willing to at least try. We could just date and start over, and see if he can fall in love again. He seems to think that you can't choose who you love, so it is unlikely that he will fall in love with me again. I think you always love you past loves, and you can again. it just takes work. So hopefully it's just the issue of him learning to trust me again. He explained to me that he feels like a dog that's been kicked all the time by it's owner. He can get a new owner, but he will still flinch sometimes. I think that's a pretty good way of saying it.

Kim- YAY for skiing. I've never been. Considering I from UTAH you'd think I would have gotten around to it. HEHE. Not likely. I am afraid of heights and losing control and going fast. So not skiing sounds pretty good to me.

Well lovelies, I will talk to you tomorrow. Sweet dreams. Or day dreams in Kims case. Shan

Hi guys, welcome back Kim. I'm glad to see that you got to spend some good time with the family.

I've been really slow at work, so I ordered a book that my sister had refered to me. It's called "The Joy Diet". It's actually not about dieting at all. It's written by a lady who is a life coach. Anyways I think it's a really good book and thnk that it might have some good things in there that you guys might be interested in. If it's not your thing, I completley understand.. I just wanted to let you guys know about it incase you want to check it out.

Anyways... I've been really good with the points thing this week. But it's friday and that's where I always go off a little. I have a doctors appointment tonight too, so that means I'll be eating out. But I'm gonna order the best thing that I can and enjoy it.

I really burnded some major calories last night at rehearsal. The band is going so good right now. We've talked about everything and now we're like a whole new band. The vibe has turned around completely. I feel really good about what's going on right now. I'll let you guys know how the gig goes on saturday too. I"m hoping to look like a brand new band when we get out there. I want people leaving with their mouths still dropped. It's time to kick this thing in gear and start making things happen.

Well I actually do have some things to get done here at work today. You really should check out the book if you a chance. You can read about it online. It's called "The Joy Diet" and it's by Martha Beck.
Take care and have a great weekend!!!

Shantelle, I totally agree with everything Candela said about your husband. I couldn't have put it better. But then you wrote that he feels like a dog that has been kicked. That doesn't fit in with what I know. Does he feel like you keep hurting him? That doesn't sound right. I've probably got it all confused.

The band seems to really be great. Your big break could be tomorrow or a long long way away. That would be really difficult to deal with. Sounds like you are doing the right things, getting involved with a producer and so on so hopefully that break will be sooner rather than later.

Gotta try to catch up on the work I missed when I was away. Have a great weekend. See ya.

Hey guys-

Major developments this weekend. I apparently lost like another 4 pounds or so, because I weighed myself with my clothes on and it was the same as it was the week before naked! (The difference was like 4 pounds with clothes before.) Plus David said that he thought I had lost more. Then later, he told me he loves me. He said he was telling me he wasn't because he was so afraid that it wouldn't work out. It was easier for him to try to convince himself and me that he didn't love me. So nothing has changed as far as our plans, but he is seeing the doctor tomorrow and now I know the truth. You guys should have seen him, he totally broke down. It was amazing. Plus I told him he can't see her anymore. He says he is okay with that. Wow, what a weekend that was. Shan

PS. Kim- he doesn't feel like he is still being kicked, he just doesn't trust that he won't get kicked again yet. Loves!

Wow Shantelle, I'm glad to hear that things are starting to come out. It sounds like you did have quite a weekend. It's so good to hear that he realizes that this other girl is no good. That would have been a hard thing to overcome while you guys are trying to work on your relationship. I really don't think that you need anyone else coming in and making things more complicated LOL

My weekend went really well too, except I probably gained a few pounds. We had our show on Saturday and it went so good!!! I'm really proud us, it was our best performance so far. I'm looking forward to our nest show... but it's not till next month. I did good with my eating on Saturday but I went to a BBQ yesterday and that was bad. Yesterday was the first time that I ate till I was so full in months! I had chips and dip like it was going out of style. I have to say, that kind of eating just doesn't feel good. I was still so full when I went to bed that it was actually hard to sleep. Although I'm not gonna beat myself up over it, I have definantly learned my lesson.

Today marks the half way mark for Pilates, so it's really time to watch what I eat. I really owe it to myself to stick with this while I'm doing the classes. I got lucky when I was picked for the classes and I need to let myself take full advantage of it. I'm really looking forward to tonight class. I'm also gonna burn some extra calories when I get home by cleaning my apartment. I was gone all weekend and didn't get a chance to take care of anything.

Only 4 1/2 more hours till this work day is done :) I hope everyone has a great monday!!!

Okay I made the mistake of talking to HER. She told me she has been suggesting to him that they see less of eachother. But when I told her I thought he was thinking the same thing, she was freaking out all of a sudden. I think she hasn't really been telling him that, because why would she freak out? They were supposed to talk about it last night, but they didn't apparently. Here's what her email said, the wording seems suspicious to me.

"i'm curious as to what david is thinking, because he didn't imply that this was entirely it for us. hmmm....i guess i'll find out."

Doesn't that sound kind of like she thinks they are a couple? If she's been telling him the same thing then why is questioning it? She is EVIL!!!

What a &*%$^!!!! Really, has she noticed that you're the one who is married to him? She sounds pretty crazy to me. She has some serious problems. How did you guys get mixed up with her? She seems really determinded to ruin your marriage. It almost seems as though she's jealous or something. I wouldn't even let my husband speak to her again, even if it was to break things off. She can't be trusted at all. Does he feel sorry for her? Is that why he stays friends with her? She does make it sounds as if something were going on between the two of them. I just hope you can get this mess out of your life. You guys don't need her. She needs to seek out some help... and fast. I would suggust the 3 of you sitting down and talking about things.. but I think that would get too ugly. You both should just end all contact with this nut. I hope David will stick by you and agree to stop seeing or talking to her.

Well I hope things get better. Take care and stand your ground.

Again I totally agree with everything Candela says. I usually say to have things out. Have a big talk and get it all out into the open. But in this case it sounds like you are dealing with a lunatic so you would be wasting your time. As Candela says it could get ugly - which would probably help her cause more than it would help yours.

Shantelle - Congratulations on losing another 4 pounds. Sounds like this time it is not because you are unhappy which makes it even better.

Candela - Don't worry about eating too much. I think if you do it once in a while it doesn't seem to have a permanent affect on how much you weigh. Not having a gig for a while sounds like a good idea - it seemed you were doing them all the time for a while there.

Have a great day. Looks like work is finally picking up again so I better get to it before they decide to give it to someone else.

Hey guys-

You rock! Well after I mentioned to her that he was supposed to call it off, she just HAD to call him at work to say hi. So she did, and he told her he doesn't think they should "see eachother" anymore. She told me she is okay with that and he seems okay with it. I haven't seen him yet, I don't know if she told him about my involvement or anything. I hope he isn't mad. He sounded like he was doing pretty good when he called his parents. They had asked him to come to their house to look at their car for them, and he was in a great mood! Is it possible that he has realized this is the right thing to do? Who knows, I am just glad that he told her. WOOHOO! I am thrilled. I am still waiting to hear what his decision is, but the fact that he is willing to stop talking to her is a HUGE show of faith. You know? You guys are right though, she is a freaking psycho! Don't need that in our life for sure. We met through her husband, he worked at David's work for awhile. The four of us hit it off. But he started working nights, so she didn't have anyone to hang with, so she hung out with us like everyday when he worked. Soon it was out of hand. I am so glad that she will be out of our lives. Even if it isn't permanent, I hope her being gone will make her realize that she's bad news. That's what happened when I wrote her off. We'll see I guess! Well, you guys are awesome. I know I have been kind of selfish with all of this. I should be able to ask more about you guys soon. Thanks a bunch! Shan

Shantelle, I'm sorry I forgot to congratulate you on your 4 pound loss... Hearing about the girl just pissed me off and I forgot to mention it. I think it's great though and you're doing a great job. Have you been eating well and getting enough food too? I always think it's weird when I come across people who eat too little. My guitar player is like that. I just can't imagine that. I have the opposite problem.. I could eat for days, as long as it's good food.

My lunch is pretty boring today. I'm having a Southwest salad with some fruit. I used to like it, but I think I'm burnt out on it. I need to find some more creative things to eat. I think I'll trying coming up with some this weekend. I think I have a 3 day weekend for Labor Day. It's just so hard to find the right thing to eat when I'm following this points thing. I would have to change so much around if I decided to eat something completley different. But that's what I'm gonna need to do if I plan on continuing with this.

Well I hope evryone is having a great day.

Hey guys-

Candela- here is a recipe that is SUPER tasty and pretty good for you. Not to mention microwaveable. (is that a word?) Take some medium sliced turkey breast from your local deli, a box of stuffing, and a packet of brown gravy mix. make the stuffing, and gravy. take the stuffing and put it on a slice of turkey and roll the turkey up like a canoli or something. put the gravy over the rolls, and either bake at 350 until the turkey is warm, or nuke it. That's a super tasy thing but not super fatty. use low-fat turkey and try to find the gravy mix where you use water and not milk and butter. it is awesome! Plus people think you are creative! Well, he kind of talked to me today about stuff. woohoo!

Thanks, that actually sounds like a really good healthy Thanksgiving dish. I think I'm going to have to try that during the holidays. I really have a hard time eating hot things in the summer. I just eat salads and sandwhiches from May- October. I also don't like hot drinks winter or summer..

I do want to get in to cooking more. I just throw things into the microwave and call it dinner. I just really don't have time to cook at all. My husband really hates this and is waiting for the day that I turn into some master chef. I told him that I'd be perfectly happy playing housewife as soon as he makes enough money for me to quit working. Sounds good to me :) I grew up in a family where I was cleaning house since I was 10 and making dinner since I was about 15.. so I consider this to be my time of being lazy and not doing the chores. Things will have to change if we ever have kids though. I can't raise kids with the way I eat and live. But until then.. what's the harm?

Sounds like things are working out Shantelle.

I know what you mean about cooking and eating when you don't have kids. My husband and I would not have dinner if we were not hungry, before kids. Or, because we were both working take away was pretty common. Now you have to cook dinner every night and not eat bad food too often (like take away). Luckily my husband is the cook in the house, well most of the time. I cooked last night (very unusual) , but I cooked hamburgers for my husband and the kids and cooked chicken for me. It is hard sticking to a diet with a family because you have to make sure you don't make the kids eat what you have to eat. A lot of the time I will get them to have to same but they might have gravy and chips or other things with it that I don't have.

I'm trying to think of an exciting low fat meal or snack, but I can't really think of any. What I make for myself is fairly bland. My husband has done many creative things with chicken. I eat it a lot for dinner because it is low fat.

I don't know if I've mentioned this but I often have one of those energy drinks in the afternoon to satisfy those afternoon cravings. I feel like a nap and something to eat about 4 o'clock. This gives you a boost and suppresses your appetite. Well it seems to work for me.

See ya.

We go out to dinner like constantly. I hate it. We can't afford it. But we live so far away that after commuting we just don't feel like cooking. Usually when we do though, it's chicken or something really easy. We like to go out and have chef salads at our favorite restaruant, but we could easily make them at home. That's kind of a fun thing to make, because you get to chop all the veggies, plus ham and turkey and a couple kinds of cheese. A friend of mine mentioned that she cut french fries and cheese from her diet for one month, and lost 12 pounds!!! I was thinking about trying that, but every thing I eat has cheese it seems. (Which probably means I should DEFINITELY do it, because if it's hard to imagine not eating something, you are eating it too much)

Anyway, you guys are the best.

I love cheese too, but when I do the fat counting I really can't afford to eat it. Let me get the book. My fat allowance for a day is 18 grams (if I'm trying to lose weight). One slice of cheese has 10 grams so that is over half of what I can eat in a day. Low fat cheese is a joke really because even if it has half the fat it is still 5 grams for one slice of cheese. Different cheeses have amounts of course, but most are pretty bad. They say to have cottage cheese instead, on my list it says 100 grams has 5.4 grams of fat (the slice of cheese was 30 grams). I try to stay away from it altogether.

Some other things I love that I can't eat when I'm counting fat. Chicken skin - 55g of skin, approx 1/2 chicken - 26.5 grams fat.
Cashews - 50 grams - 23.8 grams of fat
Butter - 5 grams has 4 grams of fat

Mind you I have eaten cashews, cheese and butter in the last week and on those days I went way over. I had 50 grams of fat in cashews alone one day - it really blows your fat budget. A friend bought me some home made bread and you have to eat that with lots of butter to do it justice.

Oh dang I eat all three of those... well not really on the chicken skin. I just don't like it like I used to. I love cashews! I bought some trail mix and I eat it all the time. (Mostly the cashews.) But keep in mind that if you must, nuts are the good kind of fat. Also, avacados. They are terrible for your fat count, but good for your body regardless. Things at home are wierd. He keeps sending me all these mixed signals. I know it is probably because he is conflicted, but it hurts me to have to guess what's in his head all the time. Well, need to work. PS. David is now down to 189, how is he losing weight? He isn't working out and he is eating the same! ARGH!!!! Oh and by the way, I think the four pounds was a fluke, because the scale says 175 again!!!!

Hye guys, sorry I didn't stop in yesterday. I have really been wanting to enroll in a Fitness Specialist program that they offer at a junior college near my work, but I can't afford it. So I spent most of my time at work yesterday trying to find a way to make it work. The biggest problem is that it's such an intense course that I can't work full-time and have the band at the same time. So I filed for financial aid last night and now I'm just gonna wait and see what hapens. I'm hoping to get enough to where I don't have to work at all. That's not very likely, but I"m gonna cross my fingers for some kind of miracle. I'm not sure if I'll be able to get any financial aid because I already had it for 3 years when I went to school the first time. But I did complete all of my classes and I have an AA in Letters, Arts and Science and a certificate in Commerical Music Perfomance. I should hear something back from them in about 3-4 weeks. I want to start school in February.

I got another compliment at work yesterday for looking "skinny". I also went to pilates, but a teacher never showed up. That sucked, but a few of us stuck around and did the exercises anyways. I'm excited cause we got the videos for it a few weeks ago, and last night we got the resistance bands. Now I can do them at home. The tapes look so much easier than the class. We only have 4 more weeks after this one. I'm really gonna miss it.

Has your gym opened back up Shantelle? I can't get over how awesome it is that you get it free from your work. Have you been working out at all since they've been closed?
How are you classes going Kim? I really hope I get to go to school cause I can take some kind of exercise class there as well. I'm hoping they have something cool that will really kick my buttt.

I'm mailing off my form today for the financial aid.. wish me luck!!

Hey-

No, the gym is still closed until Friday. So I can go on Tueday. I haven't really been working out since they've been closed. Because I have to pick Dave up, I would have to find somewhere here in town to work out, but not be able to change or shower anywhere. So I have been a total slacker. We have done some hiking though, so that's good. My PE class starts on Saturday, and I have to work out there plus keep a fitness journal for my grade. That should definitely motivate me. Plus it will be fun when the class ends in December to see how different I am! Such a slacker, will work out this weekend though. David and I bought a new video game the other day. It's a two-player adventure game with some role-playing elements like magic and stuff. I am not normally into stuff like that, but it's something that has turned out to be pretty fun. We get to work as a team together, and we have a lot of fun doing that. It's something we have to be together to do, so that's a really good thing. Well, need to work more. Shan

OH OH OH!!! The scale says 171 this morning!!!!! Woohoo!!!!!!!! Haven't been weighing that often so this is soooooooooooo cool!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WOOHOO!!!!!!! Anyway, had a blast last night with Dave playing our new game. Got along great, made the turkey roll ups. Considering I NEVER cook anymore, he was pleasantly surprised. Had a strange thing happen this morning, got out of the shower to hear my cat screaming for help. HE WAS ON THE ROOF!!! So I went out (in a towel) to try to help him. Taught him how to come down the ladder. Man is he brave. I had this whole vision of firemen coming over and I am in a towel.. (Not too bad of a vision actually....) HEHEHEH. Shan

Congrates on the loss!!!! That's so good! Don't you just love seeing the numbers go down?

Well I have to say that I can identify a little more with what you are going through. I was talking to my husband online yesterday and some how it came out that he doesn't know if he loves me anymore. Of course he still loves me, but he was getting tired of the situation and was thinking about getting out. I almost died! That was so hard to hear, but I'm really glad that it came up. I've changed a lot since we got together and he really misses the "old" me. I really do too. I used to have so much fun and be so happy. I tried to explain to him that things changed cause I'm working fulltime jobs that I just don't have any interest in. It's really draining to spend 8 hours a day doing something that you have no interest. When I get home the last thing I want to do it clean the house or make dinner, or even practice my bass. So to make a long story a little shorter.. We met at a coffee shop when I got off work and took our drinks to the park. Then we just talked about everything. I couldn't let it go, even though he tried to pull that guy bull**** and not being able to talk about his feelings. We talked for almost 2 hours and now things are good. I'm really going to work on being happy again. That's what I really really want. Who wants to be so unhappy all the time?Especially if it causes the ones you love to become unhappy too.

So I guess I just want to encourage you to be happy. Don't let him have all the control in the relationship. I just don't think it's fair to you for your husband to be the only one to decide if it's going to work or not. I know things are getting better.. and it makes me happy to hear all the stuff that you guys are starting to do together... but just be sure that you're happy. It's very stressful to have to wonder all the time if this is going to be the day that they decide to leave.. or are they going to stick it out?

Sorry if all of this stuff comes off too strong, but going through this yesterday just made me realize that it's only worth it if you're happy. Happy in yourself and happy in your relationships and happy in your life.

So I wish everyone a HAPPY :D Day!!

Hey-

Wow that's crazy how much it sounds like what we are going through!!! That's funny what you said about the whole guy BS thing! You are so right. I too had changed and become unhappy and it affected my relationships with people I love. I just hope that I can learn to be happy with or without him. I am doing a lot better so that is good. He still doesn't know if he is willing to give it a try, but that's just something that I don't have control over. I have to start trying to find out who I am apart from him, and it's hard but very important. No one wants to be with someone who doesn't know who they are. I kind of feel that way towards him sometimes because I get frustrated with his indecision. But it just seems more practical to give it a try. If it doesn't work out, he can still walk away. It just makes more sense to try and fail then not try at all. Because if he doesn' try, he can't take back that decision and I know he will regret it.

I so COMPLETELY relate to what you said about the job thing too. I promised him I would take a year off of school to work full time and pay off some debt. Because he has always been the primary income it didn't matter that I would change jobs every few months. But I made a promise to him so I am staying at my job. It has made me very miserable. I am a person who wants to be out enjoying life and continuing my education. Working at a dead-end job just frustrates me. It keeps me from what I consider important. Being home, cleaning and making dinner, just relaxing and school. It's hard and it can change you. I am having to learn to deal with all of that and it's tough. If he leaves me I have some plans to get what I need out of life without sacrificing my happiness. In the meantime, I am just trying to enjoy what time I have with him. Anyway, I am rambling now, but if you need to talk about anything Candela I am here. I hope your husband has decided to try and be happy. It seems to me that David knows he can be happy with me he just holds himself back for some reason. I challenged him the other night to really think about what it is that keeps him from making the decision to stay. I said to him "When we are together and things are good, there is something inside you that doesn't let you be happy. Think about what it is. Is it you? Because if you are the thing that's keeping you from being happy then there isn't anything I can do for you. This isn't about me, it's about you not letting yourself be happy because you are afraid. And it would be a mistake to throw away five years together because of fear". When I said that he started to cry. I think it kind of got through to him. I hope so, because if that is what he is doing he won't be happy with me or without me. It's also a comfort to know that it isn't something I am doing that is making him unhappy, it's him. So I can't blame myself. I am a good person who makes people happy and if he can't see that then there is something wrong with him and not me. Anyway, wow that was SUPER long. Loves, Shan

Wow, everything you said has come out of my mouth before. That's funny.. it's so nice to know that I'm not alone. We had a really good talk yesterday and we're good right now. I completely understand where he's coming from and I do think I need to change. I wouldn't just change because he wants me to, but I really want to. I'm tired of being unhappy.

You sound like you're doing so good. I know it's hard to be strong and think about yourself on your own, but if you can't be strong on your own, you're not gonna be strong in a relationship. I really feel like my life has taken a crazy turn. I feel like I'm about to be let free from my mind. I'm not gonna worry about the stupid stuff anymore. I'm gonna do the best I can to make sure that I am happy. That's when I'm at my best... and we all want to be our best all the time, right?

It's funny how this isn't even about weight loss anymore. It's about being confident no matter what and finding people who will support you because they can identify with you. So I want thank the both of you (by the way.. Kim hasn't been in lately??) For always having great things to say. You are wonderful people and I look forward to reading the updates everyday.

I hope everyone has a happy and safe holiday weekend.

Hey-

I go on this website like a million times a day to see if you guys have posted! It is such a confidence booster to me and THAT's why it helps people to lose weight. People who know you and are going through what you are can really help you get your life in order, and that helps you to lose weight. It's true, it isn't about food, it's about how you feel about yourself. Mostly I was so comfortable in my marriage that I didn't care how I looked. Now I realize that I need to do this for myself.

I really hope you guys can work it all out. I know what you mean about taking a crazy turn. I feel like I don't even recognize myself anymore. But I can turn this craziness into something positive if I work at it. Well, have a great weekend!

Kim where are you???

Hi guys,

Got a bit busy doing the mum stuff. Sounds like you guys have it all worked out. My husband and I went through this a lot later than you guys. Only in the last couple of years. There were some things I was doing that I needed to change - it was all related to me not being happy. And he had to change his pessimistic attitude - he thought that I thought all these bad things about him and it wasn't true. You guys seem to have that covered. Looking at how you can be happier and how your husbands can be happier too.

I went to the gym last night, first time in 3 weeks. That is very unlike me, but I was away and a bit sick. Well I did pump and I usually get sore about 36 hours later - it is now 12 hours later and my legs and chest are already sore. I'm not going to be able to go to the toilet tomorrow - because I'm not going to be able to bend my legs.

Weightwise I stuck to the fat counting for a few days. The scales did not move at all. Then we went out Friday night and I ate badly yesterday and went up 2 and a 1/2 pounds. Better get back on the fat counting today or that 2 and 1 1/2 pounds will stay. I really hate that, I expected to lose some on my fat counting days. Maybe I need to get back to the gym. I'll try to get in 4 sessions this week - which I what I try to do usually.

It's been drizzly horrible weather so we've been stuck inside. Can't take my daughter to have a hit of tennis. Might go bowling this afternoon - unfortunately no excercise there.

See you next week. Good luck with the men and congratulations for the loss Shan. See ya.

Hey guys, I hope you both had a great weekend. I just have to say that mine went by way too fast!! It was very stressful too. I'm getting along with the husband but now there's some stuff going on with my sister. I just don't know what to do. It's nothing with me personally but she's having some major troubles in her relationship and I'm not sure how to help her. She's always been unhappy, our whole lives and it's been getting worse these last few weeks. Her boyfriend wants me to talk to her about getting some help, but I'm just not sure how to talk to her seriously about it. I also don't think that her insurance at work will cover it so I have no idea where to get her help. We're twins and we're really close, but I can't even help her right now. I'm really having a hard time dealling with this. She also might need to move in with me for a while and that's gonna cause some strain on my marriage. I thought I'd give her 3 months to get things in order if she ends up breaking things off with her boyfriend, but my husband said 2 weeks at the most. I know I'm worrying too soon because I don't even know what's gonna happen, but I'm really worried about her. I'm just hoping that all of this passes really soon and we can get on with our lives.

Sorry for going on like this, but it always feels good to get this stuff out and you guys have always been great with advice and support.

About the exercise.. I didn't make it to pilates on saturday because I didn't have a ride, but I actually did it at home. I actually did it at home twice this weekend. They didn't have the normal class yesterday because of the holiday, so I just did the tape at home. The tapes are so much easier than the classes. I didn't even feel like I worked out at all. I'm hoping that it still works. I can just do the stuff that we did in class, I don't have to just follow the video. I'm gonna try to squeeze in a session before rehearsal tonight, but I'm not sure what's going to be going on with my sister.

Have a great day guys!!!

Hey guys-

Well bowling does count Kim, even though it isn't a cardio activity. It's still something, plus it's fun! As for your sister Candela, you should definitely encourage her to see someone. Even if her insurance won't cover medication, it's not that expensive. At the minimum they will cover her doctor's visit, because she can just see her regular doctor. I called today because I was worried about coverage of David's meds, and they told me we have to pay for half of it. That's normal for most policies. But the drug is only 60.00 for a month, so we will pay 30. That's a small price to pay for that extra spring in your step. David says the meds have made him feel about 90 percent better so far, and he hardly ever thinks about suicide anymore. Both are great news to me. I hope things go okay with you sister. Just listen to her and be there when she feels like she's going crazy. If she is dealing with depression she may feel guilty for feeling the way she does. Let her know that her feeling are important, even if she doesn't understand why she's unhappy. Wow, I am so lecturing. SORRY! I guess this whole experience has made me understand some things a little better. Well, need to work. David has his follow-up with the doctor today, so we will see what he says. Hopefully he will suggest some therapy, because I think he needs it but he wants to hear it from a doctor I guess. Talk to you guys later!!

Thanks a lot Shantelle... I just got off the phone with her and she really didn't notice that something seemed wrong. She feels like an addict who is having a intervention. I guess it is kind of like that. She never thought about killing herself and figured that the only way she could talk to someone about depression was if she did.. so she feels hopeless about talking to someone. She also doesn't want to have to take medication. It seems like a false happiness, you know.. a mask. So I'm not sure what she's going to do. She did agree to try and talk to someone though. So hopefully that''s a step in the right direction. I hope it's something that she can fix and not some chemical inbalance. I'm really glad that this is all coming out though cause it was getting too hard for me to deal with on my own. I didn't know who to turn or how to bring it up to her. We're going to get together for dinner tonight, so that should be a good start. It's weird to imagine her going through all of this stuff cause we're really close... really really close.. so I feel so stressed that I can't relate with her.

But thanks again for being there. :ghug:

Hey-

David kind of feels that way about the meds too. But something you have to think about is this: The meds are just a temporary thing. They are not meant to be taken through out your life. Just long enough to bring you out of the dark hole enough to keep your self out. David's doctor only thinks he will need to be on them for a year or so. It may seem like false happiness at first, because it kind of is. But after a few weeks it turns into legitimate happiness, and that's a good feeling. Being able to talk about it is a major step though, and it should help too. She may not even need to take meds, if her depression is just situational, talking about it or therapy may be just what she needs to pull herself out of the hole. Anyway, rambling now. If you need to talk more I am here for you. Love you guys, Shan

PS. I am doing it! Not going to eat cheese for one MONTH! Argh. Everything I love has cheese, so it will be hard for me, but that's why I think it will be good. Clearly I am eating too much cheese if it's THAT difficult to cut back. Well ta for now!

Good luck on the no cheese!! It's great to set little goals like that.. that way you're not overwhelmed by all the bad stuff that you might eat. I'm trying to think of something that I over do so I can do it with you and we can support each other. That's a hard one though... I could cut cheese out like nothing because I don't really like it too much. Hmmm, I'm gonna have to think about that one. Check my eating habits and see where I always stray. I should try not to eat out for a month, but I think that might kill me.

It makes sense about the meds, I was really afraid that it was something that she would have to take forever. I can't even imagine my sister happy, but it would be so nice!! She's always been the darker twin, maybe it's just her genetic make-up?? But I do think that with some help, she can't start looking at the brighter side of things and find a way to be happy. Or at least not be so miserable. I'm gonna see her in just a few hours. I'm really looking forward to hearing what she has to say. I think I have about an hour to meet with her before we have to get to rehearsal. It's also hard cause the rest of the band has no idea what's going on. I think maybe she should open up to everyone so that we can all be there to support her and help her get through this.

Have a great night!! And I'll talk to you tomorrow.

Hi guys,

Didn't realise you had a holiday. Hope you both enjoyed it.

First about the eating. I feel like I've gone totally off the rails. Ate and ate yesterday. I didn't eat fattening things just heaps of everything. I have no will power. I've got to try to get strong. Good luck on the giving up cheese. I need to just try to keep to my fat allowance which I've only done probably one day in the last 7.

So your sister plays in the band too right? The depression stuff is really an area where you can see the difference in our cultures. You guys seem to really open up and talk about it to therapists and whatever. This is not common here. I developed and anxiety disorder a few years ago which I guess is kind of like depression. I saw a notice in the doctors office listing the symptons so self diagnosed it. My solution was pretty much positive thinking. Positive affirmations and pushing those dark thoughts out of my mind. Like you said Candela, look on the bright side. My best friend also went through depression (actually at the same time) and pulled herself out of it in the same way. We talk a lot (spoke on the phone for 2 1/2 hours just last night) and we talk about everything. This was something we did not talk about until we got over it. I didn't talk about it because I didn't want to give it any more power. I'm not sure what her reason was - I'll have to ask - I guess it would be much the same - not wanting to acknowledge it.

I have not written this as advice, just an observation. I guess that's why I don't really make any comment about it because I'm guessing it wouldn't suit you. Not saying no Aussie go to therapy or are on medication, it is just not as common as in the US.

Good luck with your sister and staying away from the cheese.

Okay I am a total freaking failure. But it wasn't my fault totally! We went to Subway for a sandwich, I ordered one, put cheese on it, sat down, ate half of it, THEN realized that I was eating cheese! So I ate about .5 oz of cheese yesterday, so I am starting today! ARGH!!!!! I didn't even think about it, I am such a loser! TEEHEE!!! Oh well. David is teasing me to no end about the cheese thing. He keeps saying things like "Let's go have a Sausage Biscuit with NOTHING! Because you can't eat cheese! HAHAHAH!!" ARGH! He is so funny. I know he is just kidding so I don't feel bad though. Anyway, I am glad your sister is going to talk to you Candela. It will probably help her. There are some questions you should ask her though.

1. Does she sleep too often, or have trouble sleeping enough?
2. Has she had unexplained weight gain or loss?
3. Has she had a change in appetite recently?
4. Does she think about suicide and how often?
5. Do things she used to enjoy seem routine or not fun?
6. Does she feel kind of numb when good things happen?

These are some things David's doctor asked him. Yesterday the Doc suggested therapy like I thought he would. He agreed to try it, but when we got in the car he said he didn't want to go. I suggested he speak to his mother about it before he makes any decisions. She seems to be the voice of reason in his head.

Anyway, need to work. Shan

Yeah, we had a long weekend for Labor Day!! It's so nice cause we had a 3 day weekend and we have a 4 day work week this week.

My sister is the drummer in the band. We had our dinner and talked last night and then headed to rehearsal. We never even picked up our instruments. We spent the whole time letting her talk and helping her any way we can. She's going to be moving in to my place for a little bit. I'm not sure what's gonna happen. She wanted to end it completely with her boyfriend and be by herself for a while and get some help. But now I guess her boyfriend is giving her 2 weeks to be by herself. I haven't really talked to her, so I don't have all the info. I really think it would be good for her to be on her own for a bit. She has a lot that she needs to figure out. She's gonna try to not take the meds but she realizes that it might be a chemical thing and the pills might be the only thing that saves her.

I'm so excited to go back to pilates tonight!! I feel like I've already gained some weight back. I'm not sure if I have or not, but I need to calm down with the eating out on the weekends. It's just easy to do cause we're usually out doing something, or it's something fun that we can do as a couple together. I really need to break the habit though. It would save a lot of money and a lot of points. So that's going to be my goal. I need to find a way to not eat out so much.

Trying to lose weight is so frustrating because you gain it back so fast. It's not like you can just concentrate on losing weight... you have to worry about keeping off what you already lost while you try to lose even more. So my other goal is to refocus on the weight loss stuff and get back on track. I need to find that will power that I had at the beginning of all of this.

I can actually answer most of those questions and they aren't the typical answer that most "depressed" patients would answer. I'm really glad that she never thinks about suicide... I don't want to have to worry about that. I'm really hoping that she can find a good doctor that will listen to her. She tried talking to someone when we were younger, but the guy just told her that it's a phase, stop painting your nails black and don't do drugs. What a genius, huh? I know she's really afraid that she's going to be told the same thing since she hasn't experienced the first 4 questions. She's gonna make an appointment to go get her chemical levels checked and see what comes from that. I think she should try to knock it out little by little and eliminationg everything that is not it. So if her chemical levels are fine, she might be more open to talking to someone and maybe we can figure out what it is inside her that causes her to feel like this. I was really afriad that she was going to hate me for feeling this way about her. I had to let her know that I think she's a great person, I just want her to be happy... she's been miserable for as long as I can remember. I'm gonna call her in a little bit and see how she's doing.

Well at least you stopped eating the cheese when you realized what was going on. It's really hard to break a habit. My chiropractor told me that it only takes 3 weeks to break a bad habit, so I think you'll be fine. You might have to use the first week of the goal to get used to saying no to cheese and then spend the other 3 weeks CHEESE FREE!! Good luck!!

Hey-

That's a pretty good plan for breaking the habit. I have to learn to get used to the idea I guess. One thing you should have her doctor check is her thyroid. I am young but have an under-acheiver for a thyroid. It causes me to feel down sometimes, and tired sometimes. It sounds to me like she really just needs to talk to someone. If she isnt' having the physical symptoms of depression than she probably doesn't need drugs. More than likely she will be just fine. I can relate with the whole black nail polish thing. I had a LOT of friends in high school like that. Most of them had legitimate problems and just didn't know how to express them, so they dressed in black and listened to AWFUL music. TEEHEE. I hope things go well for her. That's so cool that you are twins. Are you identical or fraternal? I woke up this morning and lost another pound!!!!! Plus I woke up early and David was sleeping with me on my pillow!!! He said he was cold and so he wanted a blanket (He usually just uses the sheet and I end up with the blanket because I am always cold and he is always hot) so I shared with him and when I woke up he was like RIGHT next to me. I went to move to my side of the bed, thinking I had yet again wandered over to his side. I worry because I know it makes him uncomfortable sometimes when I get too close. But I realized I was on the edge of the bed and his head was on MY pillow. So sweet. He wanted to cuddle. Trying REALLY hard not to analyze it all.... SO HARD. He did say yesterday that he is getting more comfortable when I am close to him or touching him, so that's nice to hear. Hmm. I really hope he goes to therapy. Maybe he will be able to sort his feelings out and decide to stay. Well, rambling YET again. Loves, Shan

Okay now for Kim-

Hey you! Haven't been directing a lot towards you with the stuff Candela has been going through. Wanted to tell you some things. First, you do have will power, you just need to build it up more! I know you can do it! Just remember, it's just food. It's not a companion or a friend, it's not the answer to your problems. It's not something to do (Although in my FAT American culture it seems to be an activity for some reason), it's not the thing to do when you are bored. IT'S JUST FUEL. Your body is a machine and it needs fuel, just like a car needs gasoline. You don't see your car fantasizing about that high octane stuff do you? It doesn't feel like it should just put in some gas because it's bored does it? It doesn't wander (without realizing it) to the gas station to get gas it doesn't need does it? You just have to learn to say, no, it's just fuel. And I am not on empty!!!!!!

Well, just wanted to motivate you to keep trying, hope it didn't sound like lecturing. So what's up with you Kim? Haven't talked to you too much lately. Anything fun down under? I would love to hear more about Australia. (Maybe you could talk me into jumping on a plane one of these days...LOL)

*hugs Kim and Candela so hard their eyeballs bulge*

Shan

That sounds like some great advice Shantelle. Everyone has will power.. we just all need to get it in check. Along with will power is also the desire to make improvements on ourselves. Some people want to lose weight others want to gain. For others it might be going to school, or getting a better job or leaving a relationship. Whatever it is, you need to be the one in control. Food can't get in your stomach without your help. The whole car thing was great. Cars also don't fill them selves beyond the full mark... which I do too often.

Kim- do you still have those jeans that you wanted to get back into? Do you ever use them as a reference? I'm still using mine. They're getting better, but I don't want to wear them until they fit just the way I want them too. But I can tell when I'm slipping up because they aren't as lose. But I can also tell if I'm getting thinner.. even if the scale isn't moving. So those have been a great tool for me. Also, I'll put them on if I want to eat candy or not workout.. that'll do it. I've also been trying to think of things that I can use as "treats" for being good to myself. I used to always celebrate everything with drinks or eating out.. now I'm trying to do it by buying smaller clothes. I just bought a shirt a couple of weeks ago and it's a small... I always have to buy medium... so that felt really good. So I just want to say that you have my fullest support in all of your efforts.

I was just thinking more about the jeans thing and I think it really works because it can't lie like a scale can. They either fit the way you want them to or not. It's that simple.. but a scale can be unbalanced or you could have just eaten breakfast and so many other things. So I guess that's my 2 cents for the day :)

Thanks for your encouragement. I like the stuff about the car. I'll think about that today when I want to eat - I hope it works.

When I lost the first 7 pounds I was sick of looking like I did. Problem is, and it isn't really a problem, but it is when you want to lose weight is I don't think I really look that bad. I have a friend who had just had her stomach stapled so she is very heavy, I guess she would be in the morbidly obese category (is that right). I have looked at myself in the mirror and thought that she would love to look like me. I'll have to have another look and convince myself I need to lose the rest.

My other problem is sort of related to my giving up smoking. When I get stressed I eat. I just stick something in my mouth, which used to be a cigarette and is now food. I get stressed when I have a lot of work on and my home office here is set up in the dining area so it is right next to the kitchen. I've got a really horrible job on today so I will have to try to remember 'I am a car'.

Good luck with your sister Candela and your husband Shantelle. I'm not really much help with all that. It is really interesting what you say - things are a bit different here. I see the black nail polish characters in US movies, but we don't get a lot of that here. These types are usually more agressive and adventurous, getting in with the wrong crowd - we don't really have gangs - the ones we do are usually based on race and in the inner city or poorer suburbs. I suppose you have this type too. Depressed suicidal people are usually the kids who got picked on in school - because they were fat or whatever. Your sister and husband don't seem to be in this category. Now I'm rambling because I don't know what to say.

Better get to work.
I am a car
I am a car
I am a car

Hey guys! That's funny that you should say that Kim, because David did get picked on in school. He has VERY bad vision, as well as some trouble concentrating. He has vivid memories of his teacher and other kids in like first grade singing the POKY BEAR song to him because he took the longest to finish a worksheet. HOW MESSED UP IS THAT! I WANT TO KILL THAT TEACHER!!! The truth is, he has a genius IQ. He is smarter than most people I know, he just has a hard time keeping his concentration. In elementary school he would start a worksheet, get the concept after like two problems, and not want to do the other thirty because they were all the same thing. Anyway, going to work out today. Haven't done it in AGES. I have really missed it but somehow still managed to lose a pound or five last week, not weighing too often so not really sure when I lost the four pounds. Kim you are adorable and you are a car. Try to think about what kind of car you want to be. Sure right now you feel like a Toyota Corolla or (not sure about cars in Austrailia) another good family car. It's a good looking car. Gets good mileage. But it doesn't take it's breath away when it sees itself in a mirror. It's doesn't quite have that extra zip it wants to have. It's good that you have a heathly image though. But there is still part of you that wants to look a little different. So think about how it might be to be a Corvette or some other sports car. They are fun and fast and people look when they go by.... That's a nice feeling to have.

Wow taking the car thing a little far, I hope I didn't make you feel bad. I was just trying to respond and encourage you about what you said about not feeling that unhappy about how you look. Love you guys, Shan

I hope you are all well. I weighed in on Tuesday at 164.5 with a 20 pound loss so far. I started at 185. I am really glad I have managed this so far. I could really use a buddy. I am 52 and I would like to survive menopause as a slim person. It is my goal to become around 120, but I am taking things 5 pounds at a time. What is the ideal weight for someone height 5'1"? Every week if there is some weight loss I am pleased. I live alone now, but I have two grown children who live in London, England. They don't understand how come I gained so much weight since moving to Alberta. I absolutely avoid the fries and junk food now and cook my own meals. I still have a weight loss programme from 20 years ago which is very effective. I am a member of TOPS and this has been very helpful. Have a great day!

Hi Angie and welcome! I don't mean to speak for all of us but you are welcome here as far as I am concerned. I think this group is fun and very supportive, so you should definitely post here. Sometimes I get a bit off topic and talk about my personal life, so I hope you will forgive me for that. :D We also have a lot of fun.

Well I just realized something that I didn't mention earlier. I had read that if you drink a lot of milk each day you lose more weight. I didn't think much about it, but last week I brought a quart of milk to work so that I could have an instant breakfast with it, and I ended up drinking milk with lunch, with my snack etc. So perhaps that explains the one pound mystery loss! So I would encourage you all to try it. You can drink fat free skim if you are a fat gram counter like Kim. Well, hope you guys all have a great day!!! And Angie, 20 pounds is great! I hope you continue to do well!
Shantelle

Yeah, I've read a lot of different articles about the milk thing. I think it's actually dairy products and it has something to do with calcium. I'm gonna try to look through my magazines and see if I can find it again. Also, eating an apple before every meal is supposed to help. I think it makes you full faster and you eat less.

Angie- I agree with Shan, you are more than welcome here. Yes we do get off topic from time to time.. but we are all very supportive of one another. I've heard of TOPS before and tried getting info about it online but was never able to find anything. What is it like? Are you doing any kind of exercise? You'll find me preaching a lot about pilates... have you tried it before?

Kim- I think it is so amazing that you feel comfortable about yourself. If you're happy the way you are.. then who says you have to change? If you stay active and try to maintain good eating habits you'll be fine. But it does seem like part of you is unhappy about the way you look or your size. So I would just say take your time and find the eating style that can really work for you. Maybe analyze your eating habits for week and see where you need to improve. Then maybe make either a daily or weekly menu that divides up the daily fat (if that is what you plan to keep with) or you can do it by calorie or carbs, or whatever you may decide. It's really hard to try to lose weight on a program that you have to struggle with all the time. It can be really discouraging and get you down. So just take some time to come up with a plan that you think you can stick with. Then stretch it out to include good fruits and veggies and also leave room for some treats... no one can stick on a diet without some treats.

Well I actually have some stuff that I need to take care of here at work. So I wish everyone a great day!! And I'll check back in in a little bit.

Yeah I think I did hear that about calcium. Unfortunately I am off of cheese for a bit, so I will stick to fat free milk. There really is nothing like a cold glass of milk. YUMMY! Anyway, you guys are awesome and I will talk to you later. Shan

I wish I could agree with the milk thing... But I'm one of those people who just can't stand it. I use it in cereal and that's it. I'm really short on calcium, but I just can't bing myself to drink it. I just think it tastes so gross. I drink chocolate milk once every few months. Actually I think I might have a glass when I get home.. that is if my husband hasn't had all the chocolate... he just loves chocolate milk.

So how are you doing with the cheese thing? Today is your second day? Are you finding that it hides in any of your foods?

Man it is so hard. For lunch David called and asked if I could bring him some Beto's which is a Mexican restaraunt. ARGH! I sooo wanted some of his nachos, but got some rolled tacos instead. I had to scrape the cheese they garnish over the top off. Argh again. My lunch was not so good because I was drooling over everyone else's. But I am doing okay. Went grocery shopping last night and thought I would cry. I wanted so many things that had cheese. Just normal things I would always have on the menu at home, that I can't eat anymore. It was tough. But I got lots of other things that are good. David and I decided cream cheese is allowed since you can get the low or no fat versions, so I had an onion bagel with cream cheese for breakfast. IT WAS SO YUMMY! Talk about tasty! My breath was pretty fierce after that though... TEEHEE. Anyway, so yeah it is tough. But I actually feel pretty good about the decision. Especially since I have FINALLY broken the ten pound mark! I think after the month is over I will eat cheese starting only in one meal a day or something, that way I won't just start going crazy again. It's like Kim said, cheese has a lot of fat, so you have to trade it for other fats if you want it.

Anyway, so lunch pretty much sucked. But I got to visit him at work. He is in a DANG good mood for like the third day in a row...

Hey Kim-

I have a question. How do you know how many grams of fat you are supposed to eat? I read for a 2000 calorie diet you should eat about 69 grams to maintain your weight. You mentioned earlier something about 18 grams? I would like to maybe try keeping track of that...*hugs smarty-pants Kim*

Welcome Angie. Great to have a new face here. And by the way anyone else who reads this is more than welcome to join. I know Shan, Candela and I have been talking for quite a while now - I hope that doesn't stop anyone else from joining us. And Angie, what is TOPS, I haven't heard of it - but I don't really know a lot about diets. Candela has a pretty good handle on most of them. Please give me an idea of how it works I might be able to incorporate some into my diet.

About the fat intake I have a book by an Aussie chick - it is called Fats and Figures. She sells it on TV and it costs a bit, but I found it at a market for $1 - Yippee! There is a table in the front - so you goal weight is 66 kg - so you should have a calorie intake of 1650-2100 ( the lower end if you are inactive and the top end if you exercise 3+ times a week). So if you calorie intake is 2000 and you want to maintain weight your fat intake should be 44 gm, but if you want to lose weight it should be 33 or 23. She says to do 33 for a week or two and then go down to 23. I've got mine at 18 because I took the bottom end of mine (which is 1600 calories). Most packaging has the fat content on the side, but this book is good for things like meat and veges that don't have it written on the side.

By the way Candela, I bought myself a pair of jeans yesterday. I found some exactly the same as the ones I wear all the time, reduced from $100 to $40. But there was only one and it was a size 10 (the ones I have are size 12). So I bought them. Now I have to try to fit into them. I was thinking about what you said about the jeans I have, but they are old so the are high cut whereas the lower cut ones I wear now are more comfortable. These size 10s will be very comfortable if I can get into them. So that is the plan. I actually lost 0.5 pounds to 138.5. The lowest I have been in a looong time. Must have been thinking of me as a sleek V8 wearing those jeans that got me there. And Shan, you can say anything to me, I know you both have my best interests at heart so I wouldn't take anything you said the wrong way.

Also about David that is horrible what they do to kids. I think smart people get depressed more easily because they think too much. Also Shantelle good luck with the cheese thing - it is really hard to give up.

I might grab those jeans and hang them in the kitchen. Have a great day.

You should totally get a car ad out a magazine that you want to be and put it somewhere where you can see it too! HAHAHAHA. I have a water color picture of a sports car that my little sister painted for me. I keep it at my desk and it really helps. Also, I have this picture of Catherine Zeta-Jones that I keep on my desk. She's the same height as me, and she has some of the same measurements although she is a lot thinner than me. I would never be as skinny as she gets though, because I read her stats and I was like, no way. That's impossible. They say she is 5'8" and like a 25 inch waist. That's like a size 4!!! I don't know if that can be accurate or not.. Anyway.... I should work. Love you guys! And keep up the good work! Shan

Just dropping in before I go to the gym. It's a step class - 9am on Sunday. Had a few drinks last night so I'm a little deydrated. Also there were biscuits and cheese there - because I was drinking I forgot I'm not supposed to eat so much. That's the first time I've had cheese in ages. Well somewhere in my head I knew I wasn't supposed to eat them, but I didn't care at the time. Not happy with myself now. Better get to that step class and try to make up for it. Including today's class I will have been to 6 classes in the last 8 days, 3 pump, 2 combat and 1 step.

Hey guys-

Not such a good weekend here. I got a little upset the other night because David told me he was "uncomfortable" when I was holding his hand. It hurts me so much and I am so tired of waiting for him to decide what to do. It's too hard for me to be around him all the time and not be able to hold him. So I told him that I think he should stay with his parents until he decides what to do. I can't live with him and try all the time when he is the one who needs to decide to stay or go. So I told him and he agreed that might be best for now. So he packed up and left on Saturday. Then Sunday we went to a movie and hung out a bit, then I took him "home". Now I am sitting here by myself wondering how I can possibly live all alone in this big house without him. It hurts so much, even though I know it is probably the right decision. It is possible that he will realize that he doesn't want to live without me, but the a big part of me is afraid that he will be glad he's gone... Anway. Sorry to whine to you guys yet again. I am just hurting so much... I don't know what to do. I don't seem to know how to live when he isn't around. Now when I drive home I think to myself, "I wonder what we will do tonight. Oh wait, he is gone and I have to figure out what to do with myself". It's so hard. I miss him so much. Part of me wishes I hadn't said anything at all. He would still be here if I had... but I know that isn't the best thing for me. Well, here I ramble again. Love you guys, Shan

I need a special buddy or two also. I am so discouraged. No matter what I do, it seems the scale won't budge. I am looking forward to seeing what Dr. Phil has to say about weight loss. I don't know what to try next. :c(

Hi Rocel. Glad you joined us. What have you been trying? I know how you feel. The thing is I know what I have to do - it is just getting the will power to do it. Exercise isn't really a problem. I enjoy going to the gym and I have 2 kids so I get to walk and play sport with them. I have no will power when it comes to food. Well some days I do, but a lot of days I don't. And I love everything that is bad for me. This has been great for me though. I haven't given up, so I'm not putting on what I'm losing. I just have to do more losing.

Shantelle - what about your girlfriends/boyfriends? You should be living it up. I know, I have kids so I can't go out all the time. If I were you I would be visiting all those people you never get time to talk to or hang out with. Spend more time at the gym. Please don't sit at home, unless you are enjoying it. If you are at home get a movie you love to watch, or read that book you never got to read. I have a friend (guy) who was living with a girl for about 7 years, they even got engaged. They split up. He moved closer to the city (after living with his parents for a while). He now goes out to clubs all the time, which he never did before. He has met heaps of new friends. He is not even interested in getting a girlfriend - he's having too much fun (and I don't mean with heaps of girls) - he's having fun just hanging out. We all laugh about him reliving his teenage years (he's in his 30's). I know some of the guys are jealous of his new life. I'm not suggesting you go to clubs, unless that is what you like. If you sit home feeling sad it will make you sadder. Go out and feel happy and you'll start feeling happier inside too.

Sorry. I know it's easier said than done. If I was over there I would come to your house and drag you out and make you have a good time. Whether you liked it or not! Isn't there anyone you can do that with? I know it should be the other way around, but sometimes you have to be proactive. Anyway - hope you are feeling better. Sounds like you are being proactive. David might need a bit of a push. Good on you for looking after yourself.

Hey Candela. Hope you had a good weekend. How's the band going? How's your sister? Is she living with you? How's that all going? Hope all is good.

See ya.

Hey guys-

Welcome Rocel! We are GLAD to have you. Tell us ALL about yourself, so that you can catch up to us and our gossip. TEEHEE. Did you go back and read our previous posts? Perhaps the car analogy will help you with your "compulsive" eating or whatever you call it. Doing a little better today. David took his alarm clock so I had to set mine up, and of course being so used to him waking me up I set the thing to PM, so I overslept. HAHAHA. Was some how only fifteen minutes late for work though, so that's good. I am going to call all of my friends this week and have them come over to hang out. That way, I can be at home and they can come over and when they leave I can go to bed, rather than drive for half an hour and arrive at an empty house. I don't mind hanging out alone, but I miss him terribly. Everyone (including him) seems to think that it's highly possibly he won't last a week out of our house and without me. They say that he will realize how much he needs me and wants to be with me and come home. I am not really letting myself believe that. I went to PE class on Saturday, which turned out to be slightly discouraging. I have always been told that I am not that fat and not overweight, and have had to say, YES, I AM! Because people see how tall I am and how I wear clothes that flatter my body, they assume that I am not fat underneath it all. Well, Saturday I found out for sure. I thought my body fat was about 27, which is just barely over weight. Turns out it is actually about 31 percent, which is pretty high. Argh. More fat than I thought I was. So apparently I need to lose more than I thought, or gain some more muscle and lose about the same amount of weight. At least this way I can go by my body fat instead of my weight, which seems to be a lot different on every scale I use. Argh. Well I am talking a lot today! Love you guys, Shantelle

Wow, my computer is being weird and won't let me just reply to the post like usual. Well I hope this way works.

I feel like I missed out on a lot. Let me try to catch up...

Kim- You're new pant idea sounds great! What better motive to get down a few sizes? I'm not sure if you want to check out the Wendie plan that I have been doing to lose weight but you can find all kinds of info if you search under "wendieplan". 2 of the other girls in my band are doing it now as well as a friends mom. We are all losing a great amount of weight with it. I think we have all averaged about 3 lbs a week for the first few weeks. I'm wearing a size 12 today that used to fit snug on me and now they look funny because they are so big. So just let me know if you're interested and I'll e-mail you the little calculator.

Shan- That sounds really hard what you're going through. My sister is kind of the "David" in her relationship right now. She stayed with me for one night and decided to go back home. She hasn't fixed anything and she's still confused, but she didn't like being away from home. Her boyfriend is going to be going back home (to Oregon) for a few weeks so she's going to use that time to try to figure things out. It's really hard to even just watch them go through all of this.. so I send you a bunch of hugs and hope you stay strong though all of this.
As for the body fat and weight thing... It really helps for me to see it as a challange and I really enjoy beating the fat and getting stronger and more fit everyday. I'm always looking for the best game plan and trying to stay one step a head of the weight. So try to let the class inspire you rather than discourage. You'll get to know a lot more about yourself as you go through it also. So good luck and keep with it! You really deserve it!!

The band- We are actually meeting with a producer later on tonight. I'm really excited about it. Hopefully we'll be going into the studio here in the next couple of weeks. We have 2 gigs this week also. Thursday we're playing a club and a magazine is going to be coming out to review us. It makes me pretty nervous and I hope we get a good crowd for that one. Then this weekend we're doing an anniversary concert for the Make A Wish foundation. It's a really special show and I love being involved with them. Our band name is actually the street that a little girl that we did a show for lives on. So it really means a lot to us.

Well better get going now. I hope everyone has a great monday!!

Shantelle - you sound so much better. It it be great to have the girls over. I probably shouldn't say this, but you don't want David back if he can't cope without you - he has to be able to stand on his own and believe he wouldn't want to live his life without you being a part of it. Sorry - not really my place to say that. You sound pretty strong so I'm sure you'll do what is right for you.

Candela - I''ll have to look at that plan. Got a bit on today. Going to pump this morning though. Might not get to it today.

Candela - good luck with the producer and magazine - I'm sure you'll be awesome. I hope you enjoy the Make a Wish gig. That is a great cause. It's great you guys give up your time for it.

Good luck with doing your fat measurement. I'm not sure what mine is and I don't really think I want to know. I might stick with the scales and those new jeans.

Have a great day.

Hey guys-

You'll never guess what I did. You know that guy? The one we all wonder about. The one we loved first, or best or whatever but somehow lost touch with? I CALLED him! HAHAHAHA. Not to date him of course, but to catch up. He's married now. I knew him a long time ago. He was glad to hear from me. He told me he had tried to contact me, but couldn't find me. It is probably true too, because for awhile David and I just had cell phones so we weren't listed. He just got married last August. He wants me to call him to catch up. It's so cool. I always wonder about him and how he's doing and now I get to find out! It's so awesome. Anyway, the water heater went out today, so I feel all yucky. But I am going to the gym after work so I can shower there at least. Thank goodness I have that option, because it will be a few days till I can fix the thing. It's probably just the thermocoupler, which only takes like half hour to fix. Then after the gym I am going to a friend's to watch Chicago. It will be fun. Thinking of having a dinner party with lots of friends at my house. (You are both invited of course....Hee hee I wish) Nothing too fancy, but fun you know? Completely cheese free of course! (Well, maybe not completely because people REALLY like cheese....) Love you guys!

PS. Went a little crazy and spent some money on the Old Navy website. They make these jeans that are so perfect for my body type. (Tall etc.) So I bought a couple pair. The thing is, I didn't really have the money to spend, and I bought them in a 14. Maybe I should take them back, and then buy 12's as a reward later? Or, exchange one of them for a 12 and return the other? What do you guys think? Shan

It must have been fun to get in touch with an old friend... even if it was an old flame. Just to talk to someone from the past and see how things are working out for them. I love running into old friends or getting back in touch with them and seeing what they're up too. I'm the only one of us that is trying to do something as far out as being a successful musician.. so it's good to hear other peoples versions of life.

I can't wait to see Chicago! It looks so good. I want to rent it sometime soon. I've just been too busy on the weekends to sit down and watch a movie. The dinner party sounds like a great idea too. You can give go online and get a bunch of low fat receipes and just have fun with it. I wish I could come... it would be such a good time!!

I think maybe you should keep the pants and treat yourself. I just don't know how much it will set you back. You've been going through some really hard stuff and you totally deserve to treat yourself. Maybe keep one in a 14 and trade the other for a 12., that way you can enjoy a pair now.. but still have a pair that motivates you to get down a few sizes.

If you get a size 12 we'll all have a pair of pants that we're trying to get into. That could be fun.. we could really cheer each other on as we struggle to get into them. Hopefully we can get into them before the holidays sneak up on us. Can you believe Halloween is right around the corner? That means that Thanksgiving and Christmas are right behind it. It's gonna be quite a challange trying to stay fit during that.

We had a great meeting with the producer last night and we are going to record on the 27th and 28th of this month. Right now we are aiming for 4 songs so we can get some up on our webpage and have something to hand out at gigs and to a few record companies.

Shan- I see that it says that you're online most of the time when I check in... do you know how to do the instant message thing?

Have a great day ladies!!! Talk to you later...

Hey-

I wish I could get msn messenger on this computer. My work is networked though so I have to have permission to download anything. I think maybe they would frown upon chatting at work... TEEHEE. but I email people like all the time through out the day, so if you email I will probably respond in like seconds. I check on here to see if you guys have written all the time. It's a nice distraction while my computer loads a report or prints something. So Jeffery wrote me back. (He's a musician by the way. So hot in high school to be the chick with the hot guitar player for a boyfriend) You will never guess who he married! MY HUSBAND'S first girlfriend! What are the odds of that!!!!! I swear it is all like fate or something. I was even friends with her in high school and Jeff didn't meet her until later! WHOA! I must admit though, I am having slightly naughty thoughts about him. He was always that one. The one who was the best kisser. The one who got away. I am ever-so-slightly sad to hear that he's married. It's cool that he married her though because the four of us (assuming David pulls his head out of his ass) will be able to hang out an reconnect. He was so excited to hear from me he said he wants to make plans right away. So I have decided the theme for my dinner party. (Is that classy or what? A theme!) It's going to be Rattle and Hum. I am going to rent the video (I hope you know what U2's Rattle and Hum is) and play it during the party. It has such AWESOME music on it! And I will come up with some kind of fun food names or games based on that theme. Maybe some kind of tribute to U2 being Irish.... nothing too cheesy I hope though. (Cheesy in a non-food way, although it IS ironic....)

Wow I am in such a good mood getting to talk to you guys! We should re-name our forum topic to something about the pants trying on thing... hmm... I am so going to do what you said Candela. I am going to exchange one for a smaller size. Although I have such faith that I will be able to do it soon, I am tempted to get both in a 12....

Loves!!!!

P.S. Candela- I will totally come get you some time and bring you to Utah for a dinner party. ROAD TRIP!

Plus I am glad to hear the meeting went well. I definitely want to hear some of your stuff. What kind of music is it again? Not to brag, but I know some musicians who have made it and am spoiled by getting to hear the newest stuff.

Okay dumb question... is Candela your name of screen name?

Shan

PS. Chicago is awesome! Such a fun show!!!!!

Candela is actually what a lot of my friends call me. My husband is from Mexico and a lot of my friends are from all the different Latin countries, so they started calling me that as a spanish name. My real name is Candace or Candi so that's where it comes from. So my mexican name is Candela Margarita Gutierrez. Margarita because I love them and when someone asked me if I like them I said, "Are you kidding? Margarita is my middle name." So it just went nicely. And Gutierrez because it's my last name which is funny because I'm a California white girl and could only have that name by marriage. So that's the story behind my name.

We would really get along great!! My sister and I always had themed parties. Our going away party when we moved to hollywood was a Spatula party!! Everyone had to bring one and if they didn't, they had to wear a sign that said, "I'm a dumbass and forgot to bring my spatula." We had such a good time. We had a best dressed spatula contest. Mine one because it was so good! It's just happened to be St. Patricks Day, The singer from The Smashing Pumpkins birthday and then we were moving to Hollywood. So I cut out a picture of Billy Corgen and made him a lepracon and he held a cardboard sign that said, "Hollywood or Bust." It was great!! If I do say so myself. So as you can see... I'm big on theme parties!!!

My band is an all girl blues inspired popish rock band. I'll let you know as soon as we have some stuff available. I'm really excited about everything that's going on right now. We have a lot of stuff planned for the rest of the year. I just hope it all works out good and that things will really start picking up early next year.

My husband is actually my first love, the best kisser and the one that got away.. I just got lucky and he came crawling back. HAHAHA. I would miss him terribly if he ever got a way again. It sounds like you guys could have a lot of fun hanging out and stuff with the old crew and stuff. So good luck with that.

So what kind of cool name can we come up with for our little pants club?

Fantastic news about the producer Candela! It's great to see you going for it.

Great to hear you in such a great mood Shantelle! You are really getting out there instead of sitting home moping which is fantastic. It's funny about your old flame. Better be careful if you and David get together with this couple. I can see you all ending up on Jerry Springer! HAHA!

I'm glad to hear you are getting the size 12 pair of jeans. Good idea Candela.

Better get to work. Had a bit of a bad day yesterday. Found out one of my 'friends' in the industry has stolen one of my clients. I was the one you introduced her and told them how great her company was. She's on holidays at the moment. I'm going to have to have a chat with her next week when she gets back. Not much I can do about it, but just tell her what I think. Then I won't be so helpful to her in the future. That just applies to her though, I don't want her bad attitude to force me into being the same as her. It's a risk I'm willing to take - do the right thing - I think it pays off more often than not. Just this case it didn't. Actually the client she stole is very demanding and one of her staff told me she is losing money on it so it will probably backfire on her anyway. Then the client might have to come back to me. Now I'm going on. If it wasn't a friend I wouldn't care, that's business, but I've been asking her about it and she hasn't been straight with me. That is the thing that has really annoyed me.

Have a great day!

wow, we're all online at the same time... Too bad we can't chat.

Yeah, it must be really hard to have friends in the same business when you could end up in one of those situations. Good thing I'm the only receptionist in this outfit. HAHA I wish there were more... then I'd have someone to talk to at work. I sit in a little quiet room all by myself. But at least I have you guys here.

Does everyone have access to a digital camera? I was thinking that maybe we should do before and after pictures with the pants. What do you guys think? We could just keep them private and e-mail them between the 3 of us.

Kim- Have you found a good picture of a dream car? I thought that was a great idea. I'm gonna have to look around for one. Too bad I don't have any magazines at home with nice cars. I'll have to pull something offline.

Talk to you guys later.

Hey guys-

I agree about having you guys here to talk to being nice. I don't think I could survive work without it. I have a camera but its a POS. But it would work for this purpose anyway. FUN! Then we can see what we all look like! That's cool about your name Candela. My god-parents are Mexican and they always called me Chiquita. (Spelling?) And my husband had a Mexican nickname from some Mexican friends of his. They call him Sapito. (little toad) HAHAHA. Anyway, love you guys! Thanks for the encouragement. Man work sucks today. I can't wait to get out of here!!!!!!

By the way, there are chat rooms online we can go to... not sure where but they are there. Are there any on this site?

Wow cool. if you click chat there is a place there called the pub. i will go in there and if you guys want to join me that would be really cool. love, shan

Quite bizarre morning actually. Apparently David has thought we were "trying" this whole time! I had no idea! I thought we were just waiting for him to decide whether to try or not. He said he didn't understand why he had to move out "to make a decision" because he had already made it. ARGH! So the last month and a half he had decided to stay and I had been thinking he didn't know if he wanted to stay or go!!!!! ARGH! So happy and pissed at the same time. Also, I wrecked my car this morning. SUCK!!!! Today is not such a great day. AND my water heater broke so I washed in FREEZING cold water today. (It's like 50 degrees here right now...) Anyway, love you guys.

I HATE MY COMPUTER AT WORK!!!! I just spent 15 mins responding to the last entry and my computer shut down when I tried to post it. I'm gonna make this quick so I don't get kicked off again...

I just wanted to make sure that sure you were ok. What happended with the car? Nobody was hurt? And I was seeing if David was gonna move back in and you guys could try "again" now that things are a little clearer.

Pilates is almost done. 2 1/2 weeks left from today. I've actually missed a few classes and now I"m going to have to miss some more because of the band and a lack of a ride. It really makes me sad because I love going so mucn!!

Well I'm gonna hurry up and push submit now.. sorry to make this so quick.

Hey-

I know what you mean! My computer just crashed too. Pain it is. Anyway, I am okay. I don't know what is going to happen with David. I am happy but a little perturbed that he just "thought" I understood that he was trying and going to stay. WHY DIDN'T HE TELL ME!!!!? Argh. So I want him to move home. He says he was confused about why i asked him to move out, because he thought we were trying and that things were going better!!!!!!! AAAAAAACK!!! I am so upset. And happy. And confused. And pissed. And glad. And relieved. And scared...

So we are going to talk about it tonight. He said he would call me. As for the car. Ugh. So mad about it. It was SO not my fault but the cop gave me a ticket. He said that it was against the law for me to hit someone with my car, even if there was NO WAY for me to prevent it. WHAT A CROCK!! I am TOTALLY fighting it. It's not fair to have a law like that. There is no action I could possible take to prevent the accident, so it shouldn't be against the law. I wasn't doing anything wrong. Argh. Anyway, HATE UTAH COPS!!!!! Told him I am going to law school so I would think it fun to take him to court. (Not in that way of course) He said, "Well you can do that, but I've never lost a case." ASS!!!! So hopefully he won't even show up for the hearing and I will win anyway. I am going to do my homework before hand though. Anyway, argh so frustrated. Want to go home and go to bed. Want to talk to David more... Man I am so upset. This SUCKS. Well, thanks for listening. I am okay. I will be okay. I think.

Shan

What's up with that? It's against the law to hit someone with your car? Well did anything happen to the person that caused the accident? Was there someone else to blame?

So you're going to be a lawyer? That sound exciting. I was wondering the other day what you were studying, but I forgot to ask. Good luck with all of that... the jerk cop and all.

Yeah apparently it's against the law to hit something, even if it's a guar rail and there is no damage. Talk about unfair! There was no damage to the other car, no injury except mine, and no other cars were involved. LAME! Yeah I want to go to law school to work with juveniles. At least I think that's what I am going to do. Not totally sure yet. So much stuff is happening right now. I am so frustrated. David has plans with Rian tonight, who JUST HAPPENS to be Andrea's husband. So she will JUST HAPPEN to be there too.... doesn't seem quite right to me. Plus David changed his AOL screename without telling me. The Instant Messenger popped up on his parents computer and showed the new name. He did have me on his buddy list, but still, he should have said something. That means for the past week since he has been gone I haven't been able to see on my end if he is online. I don't know if he is deliberately being deceitful or not... HELP

I don't blame you for being so confused... I am as well. I wish I had something to say that could help to make things clear for you. It does seem weird that he would have changed his screen name without saying anything. So he could see when you were online, but you couldn't see when he was? That seems odd too. So now the other girl is back in the picture too?

My sister is still going through all of this stuff and it's so draining. I can't even imagine being the one actually involved. I get so frustrated sitting back and seeing the way they treat each other. My sister is the one who doesn't want to deal with it.. see's just making her boyfriend more confused. He's the one who actually wants to try to make things work. I don't know.. I think they should just end it. I don't see anything there between them, I think they are staying together for the wrong reasons. He's supposed to be going back home next week and they think they are gonna be able to figure something out then. I just wish them luck.

So I went to pilates last night and it was great. It has never been anything but amazing. I'm gonna have to keep doing them when the classes end. I guess I'm going to have to ask you guys to hold me to it. I'm just hoping that I have lost a few more inches since the last measurements. I wonder when the final measurements are going to be? I still have a couple more weeks to get down a little more.

Well I must get back now. I hope your day is going better than yesterday!!

Hi guys,

Really busy today as I was yesterday, just letting you know I'm here. Don't have time to reply. Lost 2 pounds!!

Have a great weekend. I'll write more when I get on top of some of this work. It's either famine or feast when you work for yourself. I'd better get to it before I'm in famine again.

"He tells me it's time to go. Have plans to watch Friends finale from last season tonight. He is busy. Has to leave. Puts his arms around me and hugs me tightly. "I had fun today." I tell him I love him. "i love you" he says. He tells me he will see me tomorrow. He says he will probably come home on Sunday. He'll move back in. I am thrilled. One whole night talking last night. One whole day getting along. I am sad he has to leave, but I know he will return. I am by myself now. But he is with me. Tomorrow isn't so far away."

Neck hurts less today. Went to see car. Looks worse than it did when the accident happened. Keep up the good work Candela. Pilates makes you feel fabulous, but it's easy to slack off. I will definitely have to bug you to keep it up. Loves! Shan

Hey Candela-

by the way, I am putting MSN Messenger on my PC, do you have it on your home computer? Or what is your screen name on there so I can add you to my buddy list. It's just an email address isn't it? I think my MSN screenname is shantelle8 or shantelle8@access-4-free.com

Wow, Congrats on the 2 pounds Kim!! That's really good to hear. Have you been making it to gym this week? It must be nice to take a break from all your busy work and hit the gym for a class or 2. Keep up the good work and we'll be here when you get a minute.

I'm glad to hear that things are going good again with you and David. I hope this is the start of the new thing. Have a great weekend and I hope your neck feels better soon!!

My screen name for MSN it rubyjean02@hotmail.com I use it at work and at home. Not so much at home tbough.. I don't use the computer too much there.

So the guy from the Music Connection came out to our show last night to review us. I think we had a great show.. just a little nervous to see what he has to say about it. It should be in the magazine in about 6 weeks. That's a long time to wait... we will have played about 10 more gigs since then. Not really, but we have a lot of shows coming up soon. We also just got endorsed by Daisy Rock Guitars !!!! We're so excited!! They are going to send us new guitars and put us on the webpage.. we just have to let them know which ones we want! Can you believe that??
Sunday is the gig for the Make A WIsh foundation and it sounds like so much fun. There's going to be face painting, cotton candy, pizza (not good stuff for me), and jumpie thing with a lot of others games and a huge raffle. It should be a really good time!!

Well I better get back to work. Let me know if you can add me to your list on the MSN. For some reason mine at work won't let me try to add people... But I can respond to you adding me. I don't know what's up with that...

Hey-

Eat some pizza and jump on the jumpie thing for like 10 minutes. Then you will feel better about it!!!! Kim- two pounds is awesome!!!!!!! Congrats. Just say to yourself. Vrroom Vrroom!!!!!! I am still trying to get around the not downloading thing at work. Harder than it sounds. But I will add you to my home computer. Maybe with the time difference I can catch you while you are still at work sometimes... HE LOVES ME HE LOVES ME HE LOVES ME!!!! Argh. Can't get it out of my head. Came back to work today. Not fun. My neck feels a lot better though. Mostly I just want to go home and hang out, but WE HAVE A DATE TONIGHT!!!!!!!! A REAL ONE!!!! Loves, Shan

Have a really great date tonight. It's so good to see you so happy. You know what? I've never been on a date with my husband... Once on Valentines day.. but that wasn't really anything. We also go eat or something.. but never a date. I should tell him that I want to go on a date sometime.. that would be nice.

I had the same thought about pizza and jumping, but I have a really messed up neck and I can't do any kind of jumping. I tried doing it at the show last night, but it didn't feel too good. I'm going to the chiropractor after work today... which means I won't be able to move tomorrow! He doesn't do any cracking or popping, but for some reason I've been sore after my last 2 visits. I don't know.. maybe tonight will be different. I really don't want to be sore for the show on sunday.

Okay nix the jumping! But you can be strong. tell yourself that the show is major exercise, (which it is I'm sure). :mus: loves, shan

Well it just threw me off after I wrote something, but I still had this box so I copied it to Word. Now I'm back in I'll try to paste it. I've done this before.

Hi,

Sounds like things are going better with David - I think - gee it's really confusing. You are very patient. I'd be wanting to beat him over the head and tell him to get himself together. I know that is totally the wrong thing to do but I have no patience at all. You are doing very well - you are definitely the strong one of the two of you.

All the chatting stuff is too hard for me. I don't use the internet very much and I don't chat. This is the only place I talk with people. I haven't got any 'buddys' - don't know how to do it and don't really think it would be as much use to me. I don't have a digitial camera or a scanner so I can't send a photo at the moment, but I might try to borrow one so I can send a photo.

Those Daisy guitar people must think a lot of you - must think you're going places - that is great. I hope you don't forget us when you're rich and famous.

Got too much work on at the moment. I worked yesterday and I'd better get to it today (Sunday).

Hey guys-

Hey KIM! Well the date was REALLY fun! He is camping tonight and then tomorrow he is coming over to talk. It's been a week since he left and we have made a lot of improvements, and we said we would give it a week so we did. I think he is going to say that he wants to come home. He knows everything that entails, so if he does he has to be willing to REALLY work on things. Plus, he knows that he can't see her OR her husband anymore. It's just too hard for me. I think he may get the idea (finally) about why I don't want them around. I explained it to him like this: "Whether you see it that way or not, you cheated on me. And her being in our life in anyway is a constant reminder of what you did. Whether anything physical happened or not, she was closer to you than I was. And she liked it and encouraged it. Even after you told her you guys couldn't hang out anymore she continued to call and email you. That doesn't sound like someone who has our marriage or your best interests at heart. If I am going to trust you, she can't be in our lives. AT ALL."

You will never believe his response! He said, "Oh. Wow I never really thought about it that way. I understand why that would be hard for you now."

DUH!!!! It's about time. Anyway, so I think things will be fine. I am still cautious, but I think if we really work at it it will be okay. So now I get to kind of temporarily forget this whole issue. At least move ahead anyway. I can be sane again and just be normal and hope things get better. (That's not to say that it won't be a lot of work.)

Anyway--- fitness. Went to class today. Had to do fitness tests including weights and running 1.5 miles. Haven't run in ages! Mostly just walk fast on the treadmill because running is too hard for extended periods of time. Even jogging is hard. Turns out I need to lose 18.5 pounds to lose and get to a "good" body fat rating. So going to change my goals on here now. According to the scale at the gym, (in my class at school) I weight 180 lbs, but the one at home says 170. Going to go with 180 for these purposes since I am going off of a body fat % anyway. (So weight doesn't matter THAT much. The workout was like IMPOSSIBLE, but I managed to do 1.5 miles in 17:45. That's a fair rating, and I am okay with that for now.

Got the stuff from Old Navy last night. Tried on one of the jeans, and they were just barely too tight. They fit okay, but they ride low so my fat tummy and butt don't quite look right to me. Going to definitely keep them to measure against. Also, the other pair were stretchy, and they felt too loose. Going to exchange them for *gasp* 12's! (Well stretch 12's, but who's counting?)

EXCITED! PLUS HOPE TO LOSE A CUP SIZE TOO! THEN WEAR NORMAL CLOTHES THAT FIT CORRECTLY!!!!!!!WOO FREAKIN HOO!!!!!!

Loves and sorry for rambling!

Sounds good with David. Keep yp the good work there - you really seem to be leading the way - what would he do without you?

When I put on all this weight I gained about a cup and a half, which was good because there wasn't much there before. Hoping not to lose it when I lose the weight. I don't seem to be. Because I put on the weight having kids and breast feeding I think that area has changed permanently. Only problem is it's hanging a bit lower than it used to.

Anyway ate to much this weekend. I'm hopeless on the weekends. Let's see if I can behave during the week.

You should be able to splurge a little bit on weekends. It's hard to keep up good behavior when weekdays end, because you lose the routine. David moved back in. Not really sure how I feel about it though. He didn't have the conversation with me I expected. You know, "I love you, I miss you, I want to come home." Instead, it was more like, "Bring the car up here and get me." Argh! Why can't he give me ONE reason to believe that he actually wants to work things out?!!! So I freaked out and said that he needs to work harder than that. He has to EARN coming home, not just assume that he can. His response was well, this is my house too. So we argued a bit, but it ended up okay. He FINALLY said that he had missed me blah blah blah. I just hope he realizes that this is going to take a lot of work on HIS part too. ARGH! Anyway, maybe will go running tonight, can't decide.

Sorry guys but I'm having reall bad computer problems at work here. I'm glad to see everyone is doing good and I'll check back in later if I can get it fixed.

Good luck with David. Your patience is amazing.

I'm still suffering from not going to the gym for 3 weeks although I've been back for nearly 2. Every time I do a pump class I'm sore the next day. I'm still sore today (Monday) from a class I did Saturday. The combat class is making my shoulders and back sore and step is making my calves sore. That is the worse thing about missing gym is suffering for the same amount of time to get your fitness back.

Ahh well I'm going to pump today and taking one of the kinder mums. She hasn't been before.

Well my computer seems to be doing a lot better today.
Ok, so yesterday I felt like I had traded places with Shantelle. It was almost scary because it was so simular. My husband told me yesterday that he wants to separate for a while. He said he's been really depressed and whats to figure stuff out. He wants some space and time to see what he wants out of life.

So I just wanted to thank you Shantelle for sharing your situation with us because now I know that I can't just let him go. We talked a lot yesterday. I left work early a complete mess and he cancelled all of his lessons and we just spent the whole day trying to figure things out. He doesn't want to leave me and wants to work at making his life and our marriage better. He was so happy that I said that I would support him and help him with what ever he needs. We even went out to look for a futon to put in the other room incase he needs more space. That was hard because at the time he was already planning on turning the other room into his room. We were gonna be like roommates while he figures things out. But last night we decided that we're gonna try to fix it together. I never thought that I would be able to deal with this stuff. ... so thank you Shantelle for showing me that it is possible.

Oh hon I hope you guys can work it out. One thing I can tell you: the whole roomate thing will only make it harder on you guys. You need to just be together. Even if it is difficult. Let him take time outside sometimes to get some perspective, but living seperately together will just hurt more. Sounds like you really know what I've been going through. There will be times when you hate him and feel like giving up, just dig in and hang on. One thing that was interesting, David commented to me how patient I have been. He said he appreciated it and he was surprised I hadn't just given up and left him. So hang in there. Loves, Shan

Goodness me ladies. I don't know what to say. My relationship is pretty settled now, but it was a bit rocky when we were younger. You guys are both married right - so I agree that it is important that you try to work things out - that's great.

You guys seem to be focussing on what your husbands' want. I hope you don't forget that you have to look after yourself as well. While you are going to make your relationship happier for him to be in I hope you also make it better for yourself. I'm not trying to give advice because it sounds like you are doing that anyway. Just making sure. Don't save a marriage just because you made a vow to stay together. From my experience, and that of my friends, the going really gets tough when the children come because it totally changes your life - it is a real strain. They have to be given first priority and you don't have as much time to work on your relationship. It is good you can sort this out before children come along. Again, not trying to give advice you both sound like you are doing a great job. I just want both of you to be happy.

Hope everything turns out for both of you. I'm sending positive thoughts to both of you. I'm sure you will both do what is right for you.

Hey guys-

Didn't get to the gym yesterday. Went with David to get a loan to pay for the water-heater. We had a good day. We rented a video and he told me he loves me a couple of times. I still want him to kiss me or something, starting to get impatient. Argh. Anyway, have class tonight so not going to the gym. ARGH! Not enough time. Definitely going to work out tomorrow though.

Shan

I have to agree with you Kim, what we want out of the relationship is very important too. I told my husband that too. I told him that I support him 100% but I'm not gonna just sit around and wait for him to figure his life out. Sure I'll give him space and time, but I can't let him ignore me and the relationship in the meantime.

I was actually almost excited when this all came out because I thought it was really gonna change this time. We've gone through this before so many times, althought it's never gotten this bad, so I was looking forward to finally fixing it for good. But things seem to be right back to the norm. We talk online while I'm at work, talk on the phone a few times and then hang out at home. So it's like nothing even happened on monday. How can he go from being ready to leave to not being able to live without me? I don't know... guys are so lame sometimes. I'm gonna talk to him today and tell him that we need to do something here. I did not go through all that pain on monday for it to be for nothing. Something is wrong with him and I want him to fix it, not ignore it and wait a few more months before bringing it up again. He is reading a book that I bought for him on monday.. I hope it helps open him up.

We are definantly in this for the long haul and not so much because we are married, it's a long story but we never really got married for reals.. we had to get married a lot sooner than we ever would have planned because he could have been deported after all that 9-11 stuff. So we stay together because neither one of us wants to be without the other. We work so well together.. believe it or not ;) And we both care so deeply for each other and still are so in love... we just have to fix the little things that cause all the problems and then we'll be fine.

I am so happy that kids are not in the picture yet. We really do need to get our relationship settled before that even becomes a topic that we discuss.

As for the exercise... I didn't make it out to pilates on monday, but I'm going today. I'm also gonna start doing the tapes at home too once the classes are done. This whole relationship stuff hasn't affected my diet at all... I was almost hoping it would so I could get into the size 7 quicker. Oh yeah!! I went to a clothes store with my sister this weekend and I fit quite nicely into a size 9!!!! I was so excited!! So just one more size to go :)

Talk to you guys later!!
Thanks for the "not" advice Kim.. Please don't ever feel bad for giving advice, it's great to hear from other people that have already been there and done that.
And thanks again Shantelle :)

Hey guys-

I agree with Candela, you are great Kim and you should give us advice whenever you want! You are such a positive influence on us! Wow Candela, it really sounds like your situation is a lot like mine! I don't know how he can just act like it never happened. When we hang out I am like "HOW CAN YOU JUST HANG OUT!!! OUR LIFE HANGS IN THE BALANCE!!!" But I have learned that it's just a coping mechanism he uses. ARGH. Boys are stupid. That's awesome about the one more size thing! Congrats! I have like 2 I think. :(

Well, I should work. Loves! Shan

Good to hear you ladies know what you are doing. I know of a few people who have stayed in relationships they are not happy in because they are too gutless to be on their own. Now I think about it they are mainly men. Some have said to other women "I'll leave my wife if you go out with me". Gutless bast**ds. They should leave their wife first if they feel like that. Hedging their bets. I shouldn't really be saying this to you guys because it's got nothing to do with what's going on with you. I just know some of these people and they really make me mad. A good friend of mine went out with a married guy and then he left his wife. She used to tell me how psycho the wife was because she used to go right off at her. What does she expect? The wife had 2 young children and my friend is a well endowed blonde. I had a lot of trouble with the whole thing because I really did not approve at all, even though I was good friends with her and I was also friends with the bast**d husband.

Anyway I guess I just wanted to tell a relationship story, even though it wasn't mine and it has nothing to do with me or you two. It just really annoys me.

I've got another one. A good friend of mine (a guy this time) was living with a girl for quite a few years. He proposed to her after about 6 or 7 years in November. He then split up with her 6 months later - before the marriage. He only got engaged to her because he thought she pushed him into it. I bet she was surprised. Another one where she had no idea what was going on in his head. She got pregnant to another guy only a few months later - couldn't help thinking she did it so he could see that someone would have children with her.

Went to the gym last night - did combat. Did pump Tuesday. Hope to get to combat tonight, pump Friday or Saturday and step on Sunday. I'm feeling a bit sick so the eating is not happening for half the day then I eat really bad things for the other half. Weather has been terrible so not going for a walk lately. Weather looks better today but I've got work to do. Got the ok on a contract that runs over 2 years so have to write that up. I'm happy about that. Someone in the industry who I thought was a friend stole one of my clients because I was stupid enough to tell her things like pricing. They were a horrible client anyway. She'll get hers.

Hello.. well things are going really really good right now. We had the best talk yesterday and now we both know what we want from each other and the relationship and all that stuff. It turns out that we're not as bad off as we thought we were, it's just a bunch of stuff that never got said till now. We talked for about 5 or so hours online yesterday. I really didn't want to have the talk online.. but we weren't going to be able to sit down and talk about it till friday night when we were both home and had plenty of time to talk. I think the whole chatting thing worked out better this time because we could both yell at the same time and both be heard (read). So it really did go well and I'm really looking forward to advancing in to another level of our relationship.

I made it to pilates last night.. 10 mins late because of traffic but still got an amazing workout. I only have 2 more classes that I can make it to. I have this saturday and next wednesday and then it's all over. I'm kind of glad because it's been such a hassle to get there and everything... but the teachers have been so great and I've really done good with it. I'm looking forward to being able to do them at home and with better technique.

I don't know what's going on but I feel like I've really been slacking on the weight loss.. I really need to get my heart back in it. I've been doing good for so long so I can't stop yet. I feel like my life is about to get back on track. I'm really busy next month with the band.. we have so many gigs that I don't even know what I'm going to do. So I want to get things back in order before all of that happens.

You've been doing so good with your gym classes Kim.. how are you feeling this week about the weight stuff.. are you using your pants and ideal car to help you stay focused? I know you said you haven't been feeling good.. I hope you get better soon. I'm gonna try on my pants this weekend and see how close I am.. see if i'm getting any better and see where I can change things. I think I might be eating too much frozen food. I'm eating the Smart Ones that follow along with the points.. but I think I'm gonna try to go back to fresh organic stuff. Maybe just eat the frozen stuff once or twice a week.

Well I hope things are still going good with David. Yes, boys really are stupid.. it's amazing that they have been the ones running most of the world.. who's bright idea was that??

Have a great day guys and don't work too hard :)

Hey guys! Applied for a super job today. Had to go and take a typing test and found I had improved by TEN words per minute! The job is for the Juvenille Court here in town. (Not where I live, but closer) It pays bette than I make now and it's working for the government which is always nice. Plus I would be working in the area I want to study in Law school! WOOHOO! I am totally qualified so I hope they call for an interview. IT WOULD BE SO AWESOME!!!!! Anyway, total slacker. Haven't worked out once this week. I have just been so busy. ARGH! REALLY wish I wasn't working full time. Have plans with a friend tonight, so not working out AGAIN! Maybe work out tomorrow before my PE class on Saturday, but two days in a row doesn't erase what I should have been doing during the week. ARGH! I really think it will help to have my car out of the shop. I hate driving his truck, and I have to hang out at night until he is off work. ARGH.

Loves, Shantelle

Good luck with the job!! It sounds perfect for what you want to go into. I don't know about you, but I'm really tired of working jobs that have nothing to do with what I am interested in. It's so draining and so hard. I'll keep my fingers crossed for you!!

I hear you about the whole car thing too. My husband and I share one car and he's alway using it. He's a guitar teacher so he always needs it to get around to his lessons. I really can't wait till we can afford to get another car. I'm gonna have to start taking the bus home again on mondays starting next week. I really hate having to ride the bus because it takes me almost 2 hours to get home when it's a 15-20 min drive. Hopefully we can get a car soon!!!

There's always next week to get back to the gym.

Good luck with the job Shantelle. I always figure if you don't get a job that you are qualified for it is because there is something better waiting. Sounds perfect.

Good luck with your husbands. Working things out over the internet. Not something I would consider, but now that you say it it is probably not a bad idea. Like you say, you can both yell and get heard. I'll have to keep that in mind.

Well I'm still 136.5 today, which surprised me because I've got this cold which is wearing me out, and work I have to do, so I eat sugary things to keep me going. I know, very bad. I can't believe I haven't put anything on - that is a big thing for me. My motivation comes and goes. This week it went, because I'm too tired to be bothered. I have been going to the gym though, but I find that pretty easy, especially as I've set myself 4 times a week to go. Gotta think about the car, the jeans, the fact that it isn't really that hard if I behave myself with the eating.

Good luck with the weight loss. I've got to get back into it.

I know what you mean. I guess I have kind of gotten a bit off track too. But you are right Candela, there's always next week. "Don't waste tomorrow worrying about today's mistakes" Just went on break and got Skittles and gummy bears for my desk drawer. Not super good for me, but they are so sweet I can only eat a little at a time. So I will just have to consider it a treat I deserve.

So I have some good news and some bad news... The good news is that I have been promoted at work!! I should be changing over some time next week. The bad news is that I don't know what the computer situation will be. I'm hoping that I'll still be able to go online and check in all the time. I'm not sure if the computer I will be using will be online or not.

I spent most of my morning planning out my menu for next week. I really want to eat good all next week so I can look great in my after pictures. I think I got the frozen meals down to only 3 days next week. I'm gonna research and see if I can find other ways to replace them as well.

Hopefully everyone is having a great friday and getting ready for a good weekend. I'll check back in later and see how you guys are.

Hey guys!

Looks like we are going out to dinner with Jeff (the ex) and his wife (Dave's ex). I am kind of looking forward to it though because it will be nice to get out and do something with other people. Then we are going to go to my friend Erin's softball game. Going out with the girls tomorrow night, and spending Sunday afternoon at home with David. I think it will be a fun weekend!

Hope you guys have a good one and Candela congrats on the promotion!!! Does it make you feel a little better about working there?

Love you guys! Shan

That's funny.. I really should feel better about working here, but the new position doesn't interest me much more than my current one. I do need more money though and that's one good thing about the new position. I'm also looking forward to being busy and learning new things. I really miss that... but I still know that I would be happier doing something in fitness or music. But I will give it time and continue working towards that.

It does sound like you have a great weekend planned. We're trying to think of something to do. We might go see a movie.. but now we have to decide on which one. Things are going so much better now.. I just hope it stays this way. Good luck for you too.

Ooh! I hate deciding which movie to see. ARGH! So undecisive... hehe. Anyway, have PE class tomorrow. Hate that because I know I am going to feel bad about not working out you know?

Anyway, tonight should be fun. Trying to decide whether to tell David that Jeff and Sani are coming....

HAHA... he doesn't know that you're doing a double date? That could be quite a suprise.. being that he's ex is gonna be there. Did they break up on good terms? It sounds like you'll have a good time though. Could be a little weird.. but definantly interesting enough to give a try.

I picked the last movie and it ended up being really bad. Have you seen Uptown Girls? The previews made it look like a good movie.. but I really didn't like it. We might go see the Martix Reloaded.. but still unsure.

Have fun at your PE class tomororw. Are you guys running again? Or does the activity change every week?

I think tomorrow (after our test) we are starting our workouts that we design for ourselves. So no, not running. Thank goodness! I mean running is okay, but I don't like to be timed. Just spoke to Dave, he is just fine with going to dinner with them! What a surprise. My friend came down with something so she may not be playing tonight, so we will probably just go to dinner. As for the "relationships" we were all very young. We all stayed friends with each other throughout high school and stuff, so I think it will be fine. I was even friends with Sani (prounounced Sunny, it's Hawaiian) in high school. It should be fun at any rate. I hope if you can't come on during they day you will try to check in at home. (I know that's hard with your crazy schedule.) At least email me when you can, and we can keep in touch. PS. Where is Kim today? She must have got busy with work again.

Well, need to read about 70 pages of Psych in one hour. Sheesh. I don't think it's going to happen....

Congratulations on the promotion at least it's more money.

Shantelle - you'll have to tell us all about this dinner. Let us know if anyone is checking anyone out or any flirting going on. I'd love to be a fly on the wall. You should have fun.

The "Matrix reloaded". We went and saw that. We were supposed to go to gold class but the projector blew up so we got to go to the regular cinema for free. I'm glad. I really liked the "Matrix" but this one didn't really fit together that well and there was a lot of talking (I think to try to make the story line make sense). There was so much talking that I did a Homer Simpon and all I could hear was "blah blah blah". They say the effects are good, and they are, but I'm obviously not that sophisticated because it didn't make up for the "blah blah blah". We went to gold class a few weeks later and saw the Terminator, which was ok, what you'd expect, nothing surprising and nothing that you have to think about. I enjoyed it more than the Matrix Reloaded though.

I was sooo bad yesterday. Got MacDonalds for the kids. My daughter wanted a Big Mac and my son a happy meal so I thought I'd get a happy meal for my daughter and eat the cheeseburger myself - the sacrifices mothers make. Then I ate the left over chips. I did go to the gym and did pump even though my cold was at it's worst. That was bad because I got there late and they made me take a position right in the middle in the front. I like to be at the back - I feel like a spectator, up the front I feel like a performer. You know when you stand up there the instructor talks to you. I thought they were him buddies, but it is purely related to position. When I got home the only thing I could find to eat was chicken nuggets and mini spring rolls. Then my husband goes out (so I could have got him to buy something better for me to eat, but I didn't know he was going) and he bought home a double bag of chips. So I got stuck into them too.

I wish this cold would go away, my nose it sore, my throat is sore, my lips are all cracked and my head is so blocked up.

You all sound like you have a great weekend planned. The weather has finally gotten better today. I might see if I can get this work done and go and sit outside. I should go for a walk but I feel horrible.

Wow Kim that sucks about your cold! I hope you feel better soon. Today is a weird day. Had a talk with David last night where I told him that he either needs to show me some affection or I am leaving. He hasn't kissed me in two months. He won't make love to me. He won't hug me unless I ask him or he is saying goodbye. He says he doesn't 'want to' show affection. I am so hurt and frustrated by this. So I told him that if it didn't change it was over. He didn't really get a chance to respond though, because he got a terrible headache and I gave him a muscle relaxant and it made him all loopy and tired. But when he was loopy he talked a bit so that was good. He explained how he has been feeling a lot of aggression lately, and that's includes aggression towards me. I was all set to get divorced as soon as possible. But then we talked about it some more. I suggested we just go slow. Make baby steps with our affection. Last night he said he could "make himself kiss me". But he would just be "going through the motions, it wouldn't mean anything". what the hell?!!! He is MY HUSBAND!!! Anyway, so I just got off the phone with him and he was being very nice and said he thought the baby steps thing was a good idea. At least it will be SOME kind of steps. Not this nothing at all crap. Anyway, I apologize for venting at you guys!! I am just confused and wanted to write about it I guess. Loves, Shantelle

P.S. PE CLASS WAS AWESOME! Although I totally flopped on the test, the workout was fabulous! I loved it! Plus I lost two more pounds!!!!!

Shantelle. You must be very happy losing the 2 pounds. The weather here is starting to fine up. Starting to get some days of 20 (you do degrees F - I don't know what it is in that). Spring is coming, and soon it will be summer. I have to get this off for my days at the beach. I love the beach, my husband hates it. That's fine now I have the kids because I always have someone to go with. I hate going to the beach on my own - there is nothing to do. I ask some of my friends to come and if we get a few of us there with the kids we'll have a game of cricket.

Good luck with your husband. You are so much more patient than I would be and I definitely think you have a right to demand something from him. It doesn't sound to me like you are asking too much.

Have a great weekend.

Hey Kim-

Getting ready for bed. Must be the middle of the day there now. That's so funny to hear about your weather getting better this week. Ours is getting worse. LOL. Sounds like you got to the movies, that's always fun. Hopefully the new Matrix in December will make up for this one. I liked it okay, but it's definitely a transitional film preparing for the finale. You know? Incidentally, you know the "twins" in the film? They are Aussie apparently. My mom knows the stunt people who did it and they said the twins are two of the nicest guys you will ever meet. cute too! Went to dinner with the girls. It was nice. But I am still really confused about David. I am starting to think maybe it's over. I can't settle for less than I deserve, and I know I deserve better than this. Well, need to try and sleep. Tomorrow David will be home. He went out tonight with his drug addict friends and said he would see me tomorrow. Argh. Hope to get the car out of the shop soon so I can leave his ass. Or maybe not. Argh. Can't decide. You are right though, I do put up with a lot.

As for dinnner last night with the "exes". We date in like early high school-junior high. It was like a million years ago so it was nice to catch up again. As for flirting, there was some. But nothing serious. Just fun and games. HEE HEE. Unfortunately David doesn't give a damn so jealousy over an old boyfriend isn't really going to happen.

Well, rambling. I will check in tomorrow to see if you had a chance to write. Isn't it like Sunday there right now? So tomorrow is Monday... Or something. Don't really get it. LOVES! Shan

It's Monday morning, about 8am. I think to work out the time at Whistler (where my sister is) you add on 5 hours so 1pm and then take off a day, so Sunday.

I've been good with my eating the last 2 days, but the scales have gone up. I hate that. Just have to try to stay focussed - they will go down if I keep this up - I hope.

Went out to a party with a friend on Saturday night because her husband didn't want to go. My husband and hers went fishing. Her husband gets jealous over everything and my husband NEVER gets jealous. When we came home and was telling them about it her husband was getting a bit annoyed - I was stirring him up a bit by what I was saying - my husband was just sitting back having a chuckle. Most of the time it is good that he trusts me, but sometimes it would be nice if he got just a bit jealous.

Shantelle - make sure you think through what you want before you do it - listen to your head as well as your heart. I know you will make a decision that is right for you. You don't sound like you are scared of being alone but you want to try to make your marriage work - that's good. You've got plenty of time to make up your mind - just don't get pregnant while you are thinking about it.

Hello, well I'm not sure what time the new receptionist is coming in so I have some time to write. It looks like you guys had a full weekend. Mine was pretty calm. I went to pilates on saturday and we got to use the machines intead of the mats because the class was so small. That was something else. I never imagined that you could feel the workout that good on the machines. I also went to the mall and bought a new pair of jeans. I bought a 9 and they are a little big!! I'm so excited. I was gonna try the 7 but I didn't want to feel bad if they didn't fit. So I have lost 3 pant sizes since starting the pilates in July :) Very excited.

I'm really sorry to hear that things are still so tough for you Shantelle. I'm sure you'll be able to make the right decision. You have been real patient and I think you're stongh enough to take care of yourself if that's what needs to happen. I do think you deserve more than what you are getting. I had the same problem with my husband when we were almost splitting up last week... I can't just sit there and act like we're just friends. He had the same problem and that's one of the reasons that we stayed together. There is no reason to stay in a relationship when you're not getting what you need out of it. You have been so understanding for him and it just doesn't seem that he's giving you the same in return. It just sounds so easy for him. But please take care and think about yourself and what you need. He is your husband and you should be able to get some kind of affection from him.
On a lighter note... CONGRATS on the 2 lbs loss.!!! That's really great!!

Kim- yeah, that's really weird that you're warming up over there and it's getting cold over here. Next we'll be hearing about your beach adventures while we're trying to keep warm :) But that must be how you've been feeling. I hope you were able to lose the cold over the weekend and you're feeling good today.

Well I guess the new girl will be here in a few minutes.. so I'll check back in later and see how everyone is doing.

Have a great monday!!!!

Hey guys-

kim you must mean don't get pregnant by anyone else, because he refuses to sleep with me or kiss me. And I would never go outside of our marriage for affection. So that isn't something to worry about. He told me the other night that he isn't attracted to me. He doesn't want to give affection. He just wants to be left alone. I told him that's what's going to happen if things stay this way. But then we went out on Sunday afternoon and it was really fun. He let me hold his hand sometimes and we kind of cuddled at the movie. But honestly, I felt like I enjoyed it more than he did. A lot more. I just don't know if I can take this. His dad asked me to wait a week. He said not to bring it up. Don't discuss "how things are going", or whine about the affection thing. He said to see if David brings it up. I don't really understand why that will help, because I am just letting him avoid the problem. But anyway, I am so confused. I just want to run away.

Well, I should work. I REALLY don't want to. I want to quit so bad. Argh.

Sorry to be so negative this morning. I will check in and tell you about my FABOULUS workout later.

Shan

I really can't see what waiting a week will do either, but maybe his dad knows something? Do they have a good relationship? Do you have a place where you could go for a while? I know things started to seem better when David was at his parents house.. . but maybe he would be able to open up and feel something if you were the one to leave for a while. Maybe it would cause him to think about you and what you're going through also. Just writing that sounds so hard, so I can imagine what you must be feeling while you try to work things out in your head.

You are completely entitled to be negative every now and then. I hope your day gets better and enjoy your workout... you deserve to be good to yourself.

Hey-

You are right. I didn't think a week would make any difference either. But his father is pretty wise. They aren't super-close, but I know David highly regards his father's opinions. Hopefully this week he will prove to me that he is trying. I am not too optimistic though. The proof is in the pudding and right now I don't see him trying. WHY CAN'T HE JUST FREAKING KISS ME!!!!!! ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!! I deserve better than this. I am so frustrated. HE REFUSES to go to counseling, so maybe I should see that as a sign.

Argh. Hate my job. Hate this thing that's happening with him. I NEED A VACATION!!!

Do you have any vacation time at work? It would be nice if you did have a couple of days that you could take off and just try to figure things out. If you could step away from the situation, you just might stumble upon some answers that you can't see right now. Working is so hard as it is and it just becomes unbareable when you have other things outside of working eating at you too. I really wish there was something that I could do to make this easier for you. You have really helped me out during hard times and I just wish I could return the favor.

My only advice is that you should listen to yourself and do what it is that you truely want. It might hurt and it might seem like your world is ending, but I just can't imagine that things will feel worse than what you have been feeling for the last month or so. It's also really hard because whenever you are hurting, that is the one person who you turn to for comfort and everything.. so who do you turn to when they are the ones causing the pain?

Sorry to ramble on when I'm not exactly sure what to say. I send you good thoughts... for whatever they are worth.

Hey thanks,

I feel like such a coward. I think I need to spend some time with the people that make me feel strong. You are right, that used to be him. I don't know. I thought about divorce for real for the first time today. It scares me to death. Mostly because now I am the one who is unhappy. I have to do what's best for me, but I am so terrified. Even financially I am in major trouble if I leave. Not that he's supporting me, because he isn't. But we have all this debt. We can't get rid of it without bankruptcy. He won't qualify to refinance and get the house out of my name. I don't know what to do. I feel so lost. Maybe if I just go stay with my parents or whatever for a few days it will be enough of a break to think about things. Don't know. Argh. Anyway, thanks for the support. I tried to put the thing about cars and people in the motivation forum, and some guy trashed the whole thing. It hurt a lot. I was trying to be pro-active and help someone. And then this guy slammed it to death. HELLO! It's supposed to be motivation, not an argument. ERGH!

Shan

Yeah, what a complete jerk!!! We really don't need people like that around here. He probably can't identify with it so he just decided to slam it. Don't worry about him.. it lightened up the whole weight thing over here and he's the one missing out on good advice and support.

So the new girl never showed up and that puts my promotion on hold. Don't know when it's gonna happen now.

I think it would be a good idea if you did spend a few days away at your parents and really think things through. That way you can make some plans to stay or leave.

Well I gotta go to lunch now. I'll check back in when I get back.

They ordered pizza for everyone at the office today. I had Minestone soup. It was good. Wanted pizza, but it felt good to tell them no thank you. they were kind of shocked when I told them why I couldn't have any. But when I looked at the table where the pizzas were, I saw all the grease that had soaked into the empty boxes. EWWWW!!! SO GLAD I DIDN'T EAT THAT!!!!

WOW! I don't think that I could have passed that up! But you make me proud HA HA Really that's good though. The way I see it, will power is the only thing that holds us all back from getting to the weight or size that we want to be. So high five to you :)

Oh, I just saw your little not about cheese... I've been such a jerk and forgot to ask how that is going. I'm glad to see that it's going good and at least you're not missing out for nothing. You're really doing great!!

Hi,

Today I feel like a volkswagon firing only one cylinder. I've felt sick all day. Just want to go to sleep. So much work on. Forgotten what I'm supposed to eat and not supposed to eat.

Well done on losing 5 pounds since not eating cheese and losing 3 pants sizes. I'm very jealous. You guys are great to be achieving so much and having so much on your plate (I don't mean food) at the same time. You are both doing such a fantastic job.

David's dad sounds like a typical guy. Thinks David is clamming up because you keep wanting him to open up. Just rebellious guys. Well you can play that game. Say you don't want him to kiss you or touch you and make sure you are looking ravishing all the time, but don't touch him or pay him any attention. HA!

I don't know what I'm saying. I'm delerious. I had trouble making much sense today. I wish this bug would go away. I think it is, cold has gone, nausea has come. Hopefully what comes tomorrow will be better. Should go to the gym, but just can't drag myself there today.

Hey Shantelle, just went and read what you said in the motivation area and what that guy wrote. I was going to write something back because he was just pig headed and rude, but when I read what you put I didn't think I had to. In fact anything I wrote would take away from your magnificent come back. That was great. You are a wonderful writer, very persuasive. Well done.

Hey you guys!

Thanks for the support. I really felt like I was putting something good out there with the whole car thing, so it hurt to have someone just trash it like that. Anyway, last night with David was nice. We spent some time together and that was good. We had a good time but I kept wanting more. I just hope he opens up soon or I am out of there. I know it sounds like I completely reversed from what I said yesterday but I haven't. I am just not ready to leave yet. Especially until I get my car back. It will be nice to have that freedom again. I decided to return the pants from Old Navy. They fit pretty well now, but the style isn't super flattering. So I have 50.00 to buy more pants. Went to Shopko the other day and they had a whole bunch there, but I didn't have money to buy any so I think I will go over there and look now. Also, I have a job interview today. It pays between 1 and 3 dollars MORE an hour than I make now. That would be sweet. So wish me luck! Plus, I will be dressed up more each day if I get it, so I don't technically need the two pairs of jeans I took back.

Shan

Is this the job where you will be doing something in the same field that you want to study? GOOD LUCK!!! Be sure to let us know how it goes. I really wouldn't worry about what that guy said. It sounds like he's just not willing to take responsibility for his weight. He wants to believe that he's not the one in control. So you're already much better off than him.

Have you told David that you have thought about leaving? If so, what was his reaction? Any word on when your car will be ready? I think it's good that you are going to give it time. You really have to think it all through because you don't want to end up regretting anything.

So what time is your interview?

Hey-

Just got back from the interview. It went pretty good. Sounds like it will be similar to what I do here, minus all the collections. It isn't the one at the court though no. I told David what I had been thinking. His response was pretty much "Huh." So not a response really. We were on the phone though, so it was easy to change the subject. He's on the phone now so I will write later.

I'm really glad to hear that the interview went good. Any idea on when you will hear back? I'm gonna start training today for my customer service job. It doesn't sound like it's going to be much fun and I'm getting thrown into a big mess. They just fired a girl yesterday and I'm the one replacing her. I just really hope that it's not too bad. I also don't know how much more I will be making. One of the other girls told me yesterday that they don't really give raises and I'll be lucky to see an extra $20 on my check each week. If that is the case.. I'll be learning all I can and taking the info and moving on to another location. I just can't do so much more work for the same amount of money... not gonna happen. I guess they are also interviewing another girl for my reception position. Hopefully she works out and will actually show up...

Yeah that's lame if they don't give you more money! I wouldn't be dealing with that very long! I am supposed to hear back from them in a day or two, so that will be interesting. Spoke to David, apparently my car isn't going to be done for a few weeks, so I guess I will have to get a rental car. That sucks because I have to deal with the insurance agency. Argh. Anyway, at least I will have a car that gets better than 5 miles to the gallon like the truck does. Anyway, got an email today saying we are logging too much time on the internet and in emails. Don't really think I spend too much time, because we have reports that take a minute or two to run, so we check email between those. But they don't care so I guess I will have to limit my time on here. Maybe the new job will be more flexible.

Well I started training for my new positiion yesterday and someone is coming in to interview for my job tonight. I hope they find someone soon so I can start doing something. I think we might try finding a cheaper apartment. Right now we live in a really nice 2 bedroom and we might have to go to a one room. I really love my place and I don't want to move :( But it's so hard to afford it. We barely make it by each month for rent.

How is everyone else doing?

Kind of having a mixed day today. Got an interview for a job that pays 3 dollars an hour minimum more than I make now, and it's 6 miles from my house! THAT WOULD ROCK!!!!!! Interview is tomorrow. Looks promising, because they had 88 applicants and are interviewing only 20! But on the down side, the insurance company says that we don't have rental car coverage on our policy. That's so lame too because I always thought that it was included in our full coverage. ARGH! The agent NEVER asked if we wanted it! And apparently that's normal. They don't ask people so the insurance company doesn't have to pay for it! But David's mom said that we can use her car for a few weeks until the car is out of the shop. It will be sweet if I get the job by my house. Imagine, I can actually go home at five instead of seven or eight! I can actually have time to clean my house and cook dinner! I can actually eat before 8 at night!!!!! COOL HUH?!!!! I hope it works out. As for David, he kind of freaked out this morning. I was like, "can't I just have a little kiss?" and he just panicked. He froze up and didn't say anything. Then he says he has to go to work and leaves. I was so upset. But then he called me like an hour later and apologized. He said "I don't know why that happened. I just froze up. I should be able to kiss you. I should be able to just kiss someone. I don't know what's wrong with me." Then he said he wants to plan to watch a video tonight and cuddle during it. I told him to think about kissing me today and get himself all psyched up so it won't be scary to him. It's bizarre really, a person should be able to kiss their spouse without pannicking like that....

But he seems genuine about it, so maybe we can work through it. I don't know. It's going to take some time to figure out what's going to happen. I can't expect it to be better over night, but he can't expect me to be this patient forever. Him calling me and apologizing and actually acknowledging how weird this is was a good sigh.

Anyway, love you guys.
Shan

OMG! I completely forgot to mention...

I rolled my lazy butt out of bed this morning and did my 20 minute Pilates tape. Then I took a bath and shaved my legs. Did my hair too. Feeling quite accomplished! Plus happy that I worked out, especially after missing the gym yesterday. (Truck broke down on the way there!) At least it wasn't because I copped out. By the time the truck was fixed it was almost nine, anyway, see ya!

Well good luck with that interview too! Hopefully one of these jobs will turn out good for you! That really sucks about the car.. you would like that would fall under full coverage.

Well we're going to look at an apartment tomorrow after work and I"m really excited. The one we're looking at has a fitness center and weight and aerobic rooms. That would be so cool!! It's in our budget and everything. It sounds too good to be true! It's just gonna be small which is gonna be hard to adjust to. I just really want to live somewhere with a gym since I can't afford to get a membership. It also has a pool, spa, rec room, saunas and so many other great things!! So cross your fingers.

Well I gotta get ready for some training. GOOD LUCK TOMORROW!!!!!!

Hi everyone,

I'm still really jealous about you two losing weight. I've got to get back to it, but this cold is really knocking me around. I actually got dressed to go to the gym last night and then didn't. I've never done that before - just thought I would pass out or throw up in class, so thought I'd better give it a rest.

Got an ad in the paper today for someone to do some casual work for me. That's always fun. I've got lots on at the moment, which is good, but it's school holidays, so that's bad. Got to try to get on top of it so I can spend some time with the kids. Better do that now. See ya.

Hey guys-

Totally pigged out at my desk today. ARGH! Don't really feel like going to class. I feel fat and bloated. Mostly I ate healthy things, but still had way too much food. Anyway, excited to go home and spend time with David and see how it goes. Good luck with the apartment Candela! And good luck with the extra work Kim! Aren't you busy enough?

Shan

My old casual applied for the job - Yippee! She's great. I've got a few other names too so it has been worthwhile.

Had friends over last night. Had pizza - the first time in months and did I make the most of it. I've really fallen off the wagon. Grand Final day tomorrow so no gym and probably more eating. Hope to get to the gym tonight. First day since Sunday. That is really poor.

So how did the interview go Shan? What kind of job were you interviewing for? They interviewed a guy yesterday for my job. He seems pretty cool and says he doesn't mind answering the phones. Hopefully I'll be in customer service next week.

Pizza sounds awesome Kim! I'm actually going out tonight to a big pizza place. A friend of mine had a birthday last week so we're gonna take him out. I just have to be careful of what I eat. I've done pretty good this week so hopefully I'll have some good results at the weigh in and after photos on sunday. Hopefully the warm weather will inspire you to get back on the wagon in the next couple of weeks. Just don't beat yourself up over it because that will just make it harder to lose. I think it's a lot harder to lose weight and stick to something when you have kids. My older sister is having so much trouble trying to do it. It has to be something that you are ready and willing to do. You have to put a lot of time in to it, so it's a real life comitment. But you'lll get there, just don't give up :)

Well I have a lot of stuff that I need to get done this morning. Hope you both have a wonderful FRIDAY!!!! :) :) :)

Enjoy your pizza Candela. Good on you for doing so well. The problem with having kids is that I eat all the left overs and you always have to give them meals. Before kids my husband and I wouldn't have dinner if we weren't hungry. It is a lot harder when a meal is being prepared.

This week my downfall has been being sick and busy. The good news is I haven't really gained any back, which is what would usually happen. Although I've been bad, I've been a lot worse in the past. I guess I have you guys to thank for that. I would hate to have to tell you I put on what I've lost.

God I miss pizza.

But it will be a month on Thursday. I think I may not start eating cheese again right away though, because I think I am still addicted. They say it takes six weeks to make or break a habit, so maybe two more weeks would be good....

Well it's official. We are getting divorced. It's a good thing though. We talked last night and I told him that he needs to make a decision. No more being here with one foot out the door you know? And he told me he didn't think he was my soul mate. He said I deserved a life that was bigger than him. This time I didn't argue with him. No more telling him that I choose him, that he's the best thing for me, that he IS good enough for me. No more of that. I just said okay. Then we talked about all the semantics of the divorce. It will be good for us. It will be a good divorce and I think it will end on friendly terms. Naturally I am really upset, but I am moving again instead of standing still. So that is a good thing. PS. Bought the Christina Aguilera CD yesterday. I had been resisting because I don't like a lot of teeny bopper music, but the CD is fabulous!!! It's very mature and well written. It has a lot of good songs. It's more Fiona Apple than Britney Spears, so that's cool.

Love you guys, Shan

Hey guys... I finally got a second to check in. I started training the new receptionist today and he's doing really good. I'm just crossing my fingers that he'll want to stay. It's really boring up front, so I'm not sure he'll stick around.

Shan- I'm sorry to hear that it came down to divorce... but I'm really happy to hear that you'll be able to move on now. I really do hope that you guys can remain friends and this all ends rather clean. But I know you must be going through a lot of heartache too. I'm here for you if you need to talk about anything too. I send you some hugs and good vibes.

The pizza was ok.. but the salad bar was amazing. We had a really good time and I don't think I ate too bad. I had my after pilates stuff on sunday and I have reached my goal weight!! I'm so excited. I actually weigh 119 lbs now, so I beat my goal by one pound :) I also wore my goal pants out this weekend and they're actually loose on me!! I can't believe it! I'm so proud of myself for sticking with it this whole time. I still want to lose some more weight though.. but I'm not worried about the numbers. I want to lose a few more inches on my legs and I'll be good to go. So I really need your guys help on sticking with the pilates at home. Please hold me to it. I want to do them for 1 hour a day 3 days a week. I give you guys my permission to call me lazy and tell me how much I'd gain if I give up now. :)

Recording is going great also. I'm going over after work today to finish up my bass tracks. It's sounding so good!!! I can't wait to put it up on our webpage so you guys can check it out.

Well I hope everyone had a good weekend and things are going good today. Take care you guys and I'll check back in tomorrow.

Good monring... one day closer to friday :) I don't think the new guy is coming in today so I don't have much to do. I hope he comes back tomorrow though. I really want to start working in the back. It's really gonna suck if we have to look even longer for a new receptionist. They've interviewed quite a few people so we'll see.

I'm listening to a rough mix of our demo and it sounds so good! I can't wait for the rest to be done. We're going back on Thursday so hopefully it will be ready by friday. We have 2 big gigs this weekend also. It should be a good time. We go to Daisy Rock on friday to meet the people and pick out our new guitars.. I'm so excited about what's going on in the band right now.. I think we really have a chance to get some where. We might not be the next big thing, but I think we'll get pretty far :)

Well don't work too hard guys, I'll talk to you later.

Hey guys-

Still recovering from this cold. Feeling quite miserable actually. Hope it gets over soon. Found an apartment and met with an attorney today. Going to move in on Saturday. I know it seems sudden, but I need to get out of here so that I am not stuck here with him. I can't believe he really wants to go through with this whole thing. I just sat there watching him at the attorney's office today and thought, "What the hell are you thinking?". But then, I started to notice things. He ONLY talks about random stupid stuff like cars. That's it. No deeper conversation than that. DEFINITELY not to my level. Not that I am trashing him, it just made me realize that I am going to find someone who suits me better. Those things didn't bother me before, because I was happy and committed. Now, things are different. Maybe this is God's way of comforting me, by showing me that maybe David isn't the perfect one for me I thought he was. Anyway, not working until tomorrow. Feeling very sick. Going to take a bath and watch the Charmed premier. Also, something I have been thinking about... I think I want to move away. Out of state or abroad somewhere. I have like zero connnections though, but my mom knows people all over the world. Wouldn't it be cool to move somewhere where I can start over? I kind of browsed jobs in London yesterday. the whole thing terrifies me. But that's what makes it exciting. After I graduate in December I think I might move to Cali or somewhere. Anyway, blah blah. Love you two! Shan

Just wrote a whole lot of stuff. It disappeared!!! I'm going to the gym to punch something.

Hey guys-

Just working here but thought I would say hi. Having a fabulous dinner party on Friday night at my place. Going to have a Freedom Feast to say goodbye to my house. It will be the last night I am staying there so I am excited about it. A nice chance to have all my friends there to support me on my last night there. Starting to get quite excited about my new life. It will definitely be difficult, but worth it. Contemplating whether to go on in school and finish my bachelor's or take the time off and get a job. Really can't decide. So much opportunity lies there at my feet and I just have to choose which path to take. Hope you guys will be at the party in spirit. =)

Thinking of making lasagna that night. Technically I am allowed to eat cheese after tomorrow anyway, but still worried about the repercussions of eating it again. Thinking I will just have a small piece. :tomato:

Anyway, Candela: Just wanted to say how fabulous it is that you have met your goal! That is so huge!!!! I really hope I can get it gear and start working out like I am supposed to. Haven't been going near often enough you know? Got to get moving. Kim- you have amazing stamina. With everything in your life you get to the gym. That's amazing to me. Congrats! You two should definitely pat yourselves on the back!

Love, Shan

I'm so happy to hear how good you sound Shan. It is exciting to be able to start over with no ties. I have so many ties to where I'm at. I'm obligated to my husband and the band.
The new receptionist just got back from lunch so I'll have to check back in later and write some more. Take care!!!

Candela - I love it that you have a male receptionist. I tell my friends that if I moved into an office I would get a male receptionist - most important thing would be that he look good without a shirt. Because that would be his uniform - and no baggy pants. He would be the office bimbo. I'd have to organise something to avoid sexual harrassment laws, but I'm sure I could find a guy who would accept women sexually harrassing him as part of his job description.

Shantelle - I wrote yesterday that you sound a lot happier with the divorce thing that you were when you were trying to work things out. Yesterday I said I was in shock and that maybe you were in shock and that's why you don't sound upset. But today you certainly don't sound like you are in shock, you sound like you are positively excited. That is wonderful. I think it is great that you tried to keep you marriage together, but I think it is even greater that when you realised that wasn't going to be the best thing for you - you were able to embrace something different. Change is very difficult for so many people and you are loving it - that is fantastic. You said about moving away - please only move if you want to leave the area - don't leave just to get away from David. Although you might like to for a while. Thought of taking a working holiday. Australia is a great place to relax, especially away from Melbourne and Sydney. There are plenty of single country guys, they are real gentlemen. You could hang out in country pubs and never have to buy a drink (and you wouldn't have to put out for them either).

Here I go now - blah, blah, blah. Anyway great to hear you are looking after yourself.

Great job again Candela. You should change your stats - 119 pounds now is that right - fantastic. I am ashamed that I am doing so poorly but it is my own fault. Being here is really highlighting to me when and where I'm going wrong. Have had far less days sticking to my diet in the last month than I've done the right thing. Trying to think myself out of it.

Well Kim if that's an invite...I'll see you in a few months! HAHA. I would totally move to Austrailia! It would be so neat! I just have to find a job, a place to live, etc.

Anything like that to help! I would only move to get a fresh start. Things are a little funky here in Utah. If you get divorced here there are a lot of guys who won't date you. So I may end up with somone older than me who is divorced too. OYE!

Anyway, my mom knows these people in the UK, so maybe something will come of that. It would be so cool to move to another country!!!!!

Today I am sad, but happy. Very excited to be in my new place on Saturday, but not looking forward to packing. It will mean making tough decisions about what's mine and what's his. Argh. I just wish it was a week from now and it was all done. Find out tonight how I did on my Anthropology test. I think I did pretty well! HOPE SO! Suddenly have to support myself. Realize what a pitiful salary I really make. Looks like ramen noodles for me.

Good Luck with everything Shantelle! :) You sound like you've got it under control. Have you heard anything on the interviews that you went to? Will you be living closer to your work?

I'm starting in customer service today :) Hopefully it goes well.

It's funny because the girls in my and I are always talking about how we want to get hot, shirtless, austrailian guys to roadie for us. There's a new show coming out here and it's called Tarzan, have either one of you seen anything for it? Well the guy is from Austraila (sorry, I don't spell well.) and he used to come into my old work... he's very hot :) I'm looking forward to the show starting this weekend. It's on the WB.


Well I think I should be able to check in later today.... so have a great day and it's almost friday :)

Today is not such a good day. Feeling quite depressed actually. Packed one box last night. Was wrapping something in newspaper and burst into tears. How do people do this? I wish I could just get really mad. That would get the stuff done that I need done. It would be easier if I could tell myself that he is just an *&^hole, but some part of me just convinces me that this is all my fault. I know it isn't. I know he is just stupid and he will regret this. But my heart is broken and I don't know what to do about it. Packing is so depressing. I hate it. I wish it was all moved already so I could just be in my new place without thinking about it all. My friend Jen is coming over tonight to help me pack. So that should help me because I can ***** about Dave to her or talk about other things. Plus watch the new Friends tonight.

Anyway, sorry to whine. Would like to work out today, but with the dinner party tomorrow I really can't and get all the packing done.

How do you put four years of you life into a box and walk away?

Shan- You're allowed to have days like this. You're going through some really hard things right now and there's no way to make it easy. You can't just pack your things and be fine once you leave. It might sound hard to believe, but going through all the emotions is what's gonna make you strong and ok once it's done. You know it's not all your fault. You tried to make it work, it's just one of those things that wasn't meant to be forever. I would just take a look at what you have gained from the relationship and from David and chalk it up as a great learning experience. It seems as though you have been learning a lot about yourself and seeing some strengths that you didn't know you had.

Well take care and please don't stop keeping in touch with us. :)

Hey-

Thanks for the words of encouragement. I am really trying to focus on the future, but it's hard. It's hard to think that I have to go home tonight and pack up my life. It's so hard to understand that this is really happening. How can he do this? What a moron. Anyway, just wanted to say thanks.

Shan

Ugh. Just got an email from my little-favorite-sister-in-law. She hadn't heard yet so I had to tell her. My heart is breaking all over again. This is what she wrote-

shanny i don't even know what to say. i am so sad its so hard for me to write this e-mail, i don't want this to happen. it too hard for me to deal with, is there nothing you guys can do i have prayed so hard that things would work out. i don't wanna see you go, it is so hard for me. shanny please still talk to me and write me, you are just like my own sister and i don't want to see you go. i am so sorry things didn't work out, i so wish they could have, i know its hard for me but i'm sure its even harder for you. i didn't want this to happen but i know it must be for the best i'm sorry i can't write anymore right now, this is just so hard for me.....i hope i can see you this week end. i really want to. i miss you and love you so much. please still write me. -lisa

She is the sweetest thing ever. I hope she knows I am not going to stop being her sister....

ARGH! This is so hard...

Shan- You're allowed to have days like this. You're going through some really hard things right now and there's no way to make it easy. You can't just pack your things and be fine once you leave. It might sound hard to believe, but going through all the emotions is what's gonna make you strong and ok once it's done. You know it's not all your fault. You tried to make it work, it's just one of those things that wasn't meant to be forever. I would just take a look at what you have gained from the relationship and from David and chalk it up as a great learning experience. It seems as though you have been learning a lot about yourself and seeing some strengths that you didn't know you had.

Well take care and please don't stop keeping in touch with us. :)

Alright, I have no idea why that printed twice.. sorry :) But that was a very sweet letter that she wrote. I wish I had some kind of relationship with my sister in law... She lives in Mexico so I don't really see her.

Are you guys gonna go straight to divorce, or are you just gonna separate first?

Well we have to do the bankruptcy first, and then the attorney said we can do the divorce in about a month. I think we are just planning to go ahead with the divorce though. Even if he changes his mind and wants to work it out I am not sure if I can do that. I know that sounds lame, because I really want it to work out. But I just don't know if it can. I kind of see more where he is coming from in that respect. He has been saying he is so afraid that it won't work out so he doesn't even want to try. My thing is that even if he completely turns it around and starts acting like a human being again, I am not sure if it will be enough to make up for what's happened. Does that make any sense?

Shan

Yeah, that makes perfect sense. I think it's really shallow that he's too afraid that it won't work, so why try? That right there shows that you really deserve better. There are a lot of risks in a relationship and nothing is guarenteed... which I'm sure he'll realize eventually.

I think it's a great idea to have someone come over and help you pack... That should make it a little less over whelming. I would just put on a great CD and try to get through it. There will be things that will make it hard, but you'll have a friend to comfort you.

Well I better get back to work here... I'm supposed to be trainging but it's just been so slow so I haven't really gotten to start helping people out. O'well I be going out of my mind with too much to do soon enough.

Take care and feel free to vent and go through whatever you need to here.

So I wasn't planning on going to the gym, but Kirstin is having a rough day and needs to vent some steam. So I am going to go with her and work out. I think it will elevate my mood considerably, and make the packing easier too. Actually quite excited about it! That right there is a perfect example of why you should have a workout buddy. Just the fact they want to go even if you don't kind of motivates you!!! It's a good thing I have my workout clothes in the car all the time! It helps to just be able to go when the mood strikes me! Plus when I move in to my new apartment it's really close to the gym and my office AND my college. I can ride my bike right over if I want!

Plus I can go home for lunch, or actually have the time to pack something each day because I don't spend half my morning in the car... WOOHOO!