Ok girls, i've taken some time off to look at myself. i was too frustrated to even think about dieting for a long time. I've decided to stop dieting. I'm not in this to lose weight anymore. i'm in this to feel good about myself. I went to a party on friday night and realized how low my self-esteem is. because i'm not happy on the inside because of who i am on the outside. i have wonderful friends and a wonderful boyfriend. But i don't have a wonderful me. It's taken me a long time to realize this and now that i have i hope this whole process will be a little easier. I lost 3 stress related pounds last week because i didn't eat anything. but then got really sick and now it's all back. But that's ok. i'm going to get there. I leave for Illinois State University in roughly 6 weeks. For the rest of the summer i'm going to be watching my 9 year old cousin every thursday and friday. I'm hoping we will be going on lots of bike rides and trips to the park and pool. He's a sporty,active young man, i hope he helps. On top of that i'm designing my own exercise routine that i'm gonna try for a couple weeks. I've also decided to stop counting calories. It doesn't help me. It frustrates me. I'm just going to try and eat 3 meals a day with less food involved along with snacks. I've also found that the snapple a day meal replacement drinks work wonders for when i am at work. if i bring that with a serving of fruit or veggies and one of those drinks as my lunch or dinner (depending on what shift i have) i'm fine. Most people don't like meal replacement stuff but the snapple ones are sooo good. so rereshing on summer days and really fill me up. it can't hurt. I'm going to try it this way. i hope to lose 6-10 lbs by the time i go to school, but if i don't no problem, i realized i have the rest of my life to do this.

What i need from you girls and guys is a little help, some motivation. if you have any pointers or fun exercises are a good recipe or something that might help please let me know. i'm hoping i'm in this for real now.

I guess i contradicted myself when i said i wasn't dieting anymore. i guess i'm not, but i'm really trying to make a lifestyle change. i've done some exercise today. had my 3 meals. and i haven't been hungry in between so no snacks either. oh wait, i had one snack but that was just a couple of ritz crackers after i did a light workout. I hope by tomorrow morning I will have my whole exercise routine worked out. i'm gonna try and do something everyday of the month that i can.

Now this is the kind of stuff I like to hear Kelly; you sound SO good and I believe, really on the right track! Because you know, you CAN diet and successfully lose the weight, but if you don't make it a lifestyle change, then you'll likely be one of those statistics who fall into the 'gained it back' catagory.

Better to do it sanely and realistically ONCE than over and over again throughout your life, eh?

Are you married to the '3 meal a day thing'? I know it's not good to snack too much, and everyone's body is different, but I've really benefited from doing a four small meal per day thing. Making SURE I have a snack and don't get too hungry helps me from not binging - EVER anymore... Just a thought. You said you were looking for ideas...

A nine year old male cousin WILL be active all summer long - have no fear.

Good luck on your healthy approach! :up:

I think you've got great goals and a great plan! I also subscribe more to the mini meal idea, though, or at least a couple of snacks midmorning and midafternoon, just to keep your metabolism going strong.

Wish I had a 9-year-old cousin to exercise with!!! :)

thanks girls. i'm not "married" to it as you said anastacia, but i don't have much time during the day. because of work and stuff. i will have to see what works. i'm going to do a lot of experimenting in the next couple weeks. have any of you ever tried the 3 month SELF challenge? Well the 3 months ended yesterday. so i'm officially starting it today, the start it over day! it's pretty neat. i have already surpassed some of the stuff on there, but it still might help. more of an update later, i'm off to work!

Welcome back Kelly! :wave: I'm so glad to see you in such good spirits and ready to make a change! Woo hoo!
The SELF challenge interests me every time, but I'm commitment-phobic. The 3 month thing scares me. It's silly really, because I've stuck to my plan of eating better and exercising for almost six months now! :laugh:
Good luck kiddo!

ok heres my july 3rd...it's nuts

got up at 445 a.m. to be at my cousins to watch his son at 530. he woke up at 830. i took the dog for a walk (20 minutes). I then cleaned up the house a little and we went to my house so i could get gymshoes, i only had flip flops and we wanted to go to the park. it was about 1230, we went to lunch, then to my work. Which is surrounded by a huge park. play grounds, baseball,soccer,volleyball fields and courts. so we played some baseball in 95+ degree weather (30 minutes). then we walked to the lake that is also in the park and back to my work. which is about a mile (10 minutes approx) i dropped him off at the bank to meet his step mom and proceeded to drive to downtown chicago to see the fireworks. I got to my boyfriends work and he hands me fat free italian ice! (mmmmmmm) he works there so i got it free also. Then we went to his apt, and he grilled up some dinner. instead of potato chips with my burger i had some carrots, watermelon and wheat thins! yay! we got on the brown line and went downtown to the fireworks. after the fireworks we walked for what seemed like forever but was really about 75 minutes to get to a different train station that wouldn't be as packed. (75 minutes) i had been up for like 18 hours, i was tired, and i was getting a blister, OH and it was still like 95 out and i was surrounded by 2 million people. i finally got to his apt, got in my car, drove to my aunts who also lives in chicago and crashed on her couch.

man the holiday ruined my eating. i was really being good with not over eating but then the 4th came and BOOM! i ate alot. i layed off potato chips. instead head some popcorn and pretzels. and piled on the fruit salad at dinner time, instead of the potato and egg salad. and for dessert just a little vanilla pudding. but then later at night we had cookies and beer (except i only had a half of a lite beer!) plus all the bbq and my grandpa made pasta! ech! i still feel full 2 days later. i haven't gotten any good amounts of excercise in either. it's been ungodly hot out and/or raining in the mornings before the heat. and my gym membership is frozen because when my credit card got stolen i had to give them my new cc number and they must have written it down wrong because it keeps getting declined but i only use that CC for the gym membership and occasionally gas. and i check and it's fine and dandy. so until monday i have no gym membership! grrr! this is so sporatic. and much more like a rant. hopefully tomorrow if it's not raining in the evening i can get some formal exercise in.



3 more days till six flags!!

ok it's been a few days again. Gym membership is still frozen. since the card is under my moms name she has to go clear everything up. And my mom is on vacation from work all week, but my grandpa (the one with lung cancer) went back into the hospital yesterday and now has pneumonia along with more fluid in his lungs. so i can't bother my mom with this now. well the heat and humidity has been horrible and now thunderstorm season is upon us and we've had 3 days of wonderful storms. i was stuck in Morris, Illinois yesterday during one of the hardest storms i've ever seen. Morris is like 90 minutes south of chicago, the middle of tornado alley. the power went out in the restaurant we were eating in and everything.

enough of that. i'm fluctuating right now between 158 and 161. my TOM isn't due so i'm not sure if it's water weight or what. we'll see. tonight i might try and do taebo. it's the only exercise tape i own.

ok no taebo got done. i haven't been here in a few days. i've been so busy. you know how i watch my little cousin now. well they don't have a computer i've gotten very little excercise in. but i've been TRYING to watch what i eat. it's been ok. except my cousin and his wife ( the one whose child i watch) both work for pepsi so there is nothing but soda in the house. i've tried to only drink the decaffienated stuff or none at all. i've stayed away from most of the junk food. only ventured for A cookie like once. and some fruit snacks. which weren't all that bad because they were the real fruit ones. I'm also proud of myself because my friends and i went to baccis pizza last night where you get the largest slice of pizza EVER and a free soda for 3 bucks. i usually finish the slice of pizza but last night i ate half and saved the other half for lunch today. i figure if i want it i can have it, just in moderation. and that's moderation. :D

I feel like i'm back peddling. i weighed myself today and i gained 2 lbs. i hope this is just water weight. i know i haven't been exercising much, but i also haven't been over eating or eating junky food. i really hope this is just water weight.

on my bike ride this morning i started thinking about all my different weight challenges and when it started. i thought by maybe writing it out it could help me and some of you can see it and possibly offer up some wonderful advice. so heres my story.

Once upon a time i was in 5th grade, i think you are 11 in 5th grade maybe 10. anyways i had just moved to the suburbs from the city and it was almost christmas, my parents asked if i wanted to join a sports team or something since there was so much more to do out here. i told them i wanted to take figure skating lessons. so that christmas my parents bought me figure skates. i have ice skated a few times before that and caught on really quick. soon after christmas i signed up for lessons and i was really pretty good. i breezed through the first 4 classes pretty much. not classes but levels rather. alpha, beta, gamma, and finally delta. i was out of beginner. i tried out for the drill team and made the intermediate team, iwas ecstatic. i was always short so i was always on the end of the line and i got thrown a lot. if you don't know anything about ice skating drill team ask me it's a wonderful sport to watch. much like synchronized swimming. well i was in wonderful shape skating like 5 times week for atleast 2 hours. saturdays it got up to 5 hours.but i realized i wasn't skinny, i was all muscle. which made me look bulky in my skimpy costumes. so when i started 6th grade i joined cross country and then track. i had strong legs so i was a good runner. not the best, never did too well at competions and meets but i had a good pace. i kept at that until 8th grade when i quit skating because competitions weren't fun anymore, it got really expensive and school was getting harder. so in h.s. i didn't run, i didn't skate, i did nothing. i gained tons of weight. ok not tons but the muscle was gone. i was ok until about junior year when i started becoming really close with my sortof cousin gianna. her uncle married into the family, we just call eachoher cousins, but we are not. well she had a problem with bulimia and her and i were the same weight and height. 135 at 5'0". we wanted to lose weight so we rollerbladed and didn't eat much. i never lost weight but she did. i found out she was taking dexatrim all natural. so i tried and what do you now i lost 5 pounds. then i stopped and gained 10. then started them again and lost 5, gained 10....etc etc. then i saw an ad for xenadrine, so i tried them and lost the weight, then stopped and started to gain so started dexatrim again because xenadrine was too expensive to afford all the time, then started hydroxycut, back to xenadrine that i foudn ephedra could kill you so i stopped taking diet pills. that's when i gained 25 lbs and am where i am now at 160 and 5'0" tall. i'll never go back to diet pills.but i realized that even when i tried dieting i never lost weight unless i was on pills, and i think now that's why i can't lose weight is because of that. i'm not sure. i've never tried laxatives or throwing up and i never will, i couldn't do that to myself. but i guess by taking diet pills that's the same thing. i don't know where to go from here. i guess just keep on the path of watching what i eat and stuff. i dont know any advice?


oh yeah my cousin just got engaged..that gives me one year to look good for a wedding in july, in HOUSTON!! which means i'll be wearing very little dress.

ok i've been exercising sort of consistently again. i'm gonna try this out. i'm still working on a food plan it's just hard.it's not that i'm eating too much, i'm not eating the right foods. i'm debating asking my mom to let me go to a nutrionist. i just dont' know if our insurance covers that. And i highly doubt it. i wish there was a free service somewhere. Ahh i'll figure it out eventually i guess.

my mom made me breakfast today. it was the first time she has in along time. she made me scrambled eggs and i'm so used to my one egg one egg white breakfast. but she doesn't cook to order, so i ate it, but i didn't like anymore. that's good, i think, i'm training myself to like healthier foods. i think i might acutally go to the gym today. for the first time in a loooooong time. although i'ts beautiful out, maybe i should just go for a walk. I don't know.

i'm going back in a down the ladder. meaning my weight is going up. i can't get the motivation to exercise anymore, i'm not sure what to do.i was/am so serious about this but i can't do it. i was sitting down after work eating dinner and i felt like my mom. she is very overweight but doesn't like to talk about it. i remember being younger and it would always be the 2 of us left at the table after dinner. my mom said everyone else was rude and ate fast so they could watch tv but i realize now we just eat more. i see her just sitting on the chair from time to time to lazy to get up to get herself something to drink and i feel bad for her. my mom is a wonderful person, and so full of life and perky. but because of her weight she has bad ankles, bad the arthritis and other stuff too and she's been sick lately. She's been sort of a motivation to me because i dont' want to be like that but then part of me feels like i'm destined to be her. i realized, and i think anastacia pointed it out to me, i eat waaaay too much carbs. but all the low carb diets are too strict for me. i'm italian i was raised on pasta, bread, cheese...etc. So i'm not sure where to start. maybe cut out bread from breakfast. and try and eating a salad for lunch so i don't reach for a sandwich? i don't know. theres so much other stuff going on. i leave for school in like 3 weeks and i don't want to gain the freshman 15 even thought i won't be a freshman. i'mstill afraid i'll gain the 15. that'll bring me to 185 and i might die if i get there. it's time for me to start getting motivated again. I want to do this , i just dont know how.

ok i'm not giving up. i never really wanted. My tom is due anyday now. so that has a lot to do with it. i pms really bad. anyways i belong to an email group and a few of us have gotten together to hold eachother accountable. one girl said she has started a modified atkins/low carb diet. i'm giving that a try. Atkins is too strict for me. So i'm gonna try and stay away from pasta and bread and potatoes as much as possible. possibly a little potatoes at dinner when we have them. and i'm only going to have pasta when my grandpa makes spaghetti. he makes the best mostacciolli in the world and with him being sick i never know when will be the last time i'm gonna have it. and i'm not going to give up lots of fruit and stuff like atkins says. i like fruit waaaaay too much for that. but mainly it will be pasta, bread, and potatoes i give up. and i'm gonna check the labels. if something has more than 5g of carbs i'll steer clear. Does anyone know how many carbs are in eggs. i think it's something like .6 in a whole egg. .3 in the white, .3 in the yolk. i believe i saw that on the atkins website.

today was good. although i lacked on exercise. my boyfriend and i might go for a late night walk tonight, possibly not considering he gets off work at 10. heres what i ate.

breakfast:
1 whole egg
1 egg white scrambled
cooked with some broccoli, cauliflower, carrots. it was yummy.

Lunch:
Salad with grilled chicken and cheese cubes. very little dressing.

dinner:
barbecue chicken in the crock pot. no bread
string beans

LOTS OF WATER!! very little snacking, i had some cheese between breakfast and lunch. and a small amount of peanuts between dinner and lunch. i did ok on the low carb thing, still not great though. it'll take some time to get down. i gotta figure out what i can snack on. For dessert i'm gonna have some italian ice, it's fat free and sugar free!!!! made with only real fruit.

Hey guess what i made it to the gym. it made me feel really good. i got in 41 minutes of cardio. not counting the stretching. it was also a total of 6.88 miles. most of that consisting on the bike. i think i'm gonna go to bed early so i can get up early and go on another bike ride or walk. yay!!! i think i can i think i can!!!

Just sneaking in here to say I know you can do this Kelly! If nothing else, you should pat yourself on the back HARD for even thinking about all this stuff and making steps to change your life for the better. I'm very proud of you. :)

Thanks so much badger! it is always so great to hear from you and hear some encouragement.

i've been so busy lately. i watch my cousin thursdays and fridays and i've been very exhuasted then worked all day yesterday and babysat for a family at night. they gave me extra money as a thank you and good luck in school gift. i should have made $60.00 off of them and they gave me $100.00!!!! i was soo happy. i love them and their kids they are a wonderful family. well tom is due and actually i went from 165 to 161 i think i lost alot of water weight will probably lose the next lb or so in the day or 2 and then hopefully it will be here. i've been to the gym one other day since then. and been out for a couple walks. the low carb thing is hard. it's like an addiction i crave the bread an potatoes. alot of it is pms too i think it was a bad time to start. but it's babysteps. and i'm getting there, that is what is important. i think i'm going to go to the gym in a little bit. but they might be closed early tonight for maintanence i think i remember seeing that. maybe i'll just nap. i'm tired. i need the sleep for my health.

ok enough rambling!! HEALTHY THOUGHTS EVERYONE!!

today is monday! today is start over day.

i'm really trying i move out in 16 days! i have so much to do in the next 16 days. but right now its all about eating healthy and getting my butt to that gym!

yay i made it to the gym!!!

no weights...i can't do it, i'm just not ready for that boredom yet. haha.

but 30 minutes of cardio! and hard cardio at that. lots of stationary bike...really fast pedaling. and 10 minutes of fast walking and a little jogging. and one sprint around the track. but my cramps are starting to creep up on me and i can not do any abs.

No excercise yet today.

yesterday was a really good eating day. i lost 2lbs as of yesterday morning but those 2 lbs are back again today. it might be water weight i don't know know. we will will have to see. i have so much to say but no time right now to say it. So i'll be back later.

ok heres my big long update.


my eating has been good if you don't mind yesterday or today. Yesterday i did good, but i was high on carbs, that's not good when you are trying a low carb diet. no breakfast i slept too late. hahaha. My boyfriend came over and we just hung out and slept till noon. i let him sleep and i went to the grocery store toget stuff for lunch. i made fettucine alfredo over grilled chicken and broccoli. it was really good. wasn't too bad calorie wise. carbs were high because of the fettucine alfredo. Then we went to my aunts, and she had ordered us all a pizza so we ate some of that. The bobby and i took my cousin and her friend to Navy Pier to see Tall Ships Chicago and i ate some ice cream. and I had no exercise. I slept at my aunts last night and had fruity pebbles for breakfast(so not like me!!!) i had a pb sandwich for lunch/snack and a beef sandwich for dinner. oh man...what happened? tomorrow is a new day right? i hope so. hhaha. Hopefully I'll get to the gym tomorrow after i babysit. Then it's my friends birthday party, but no beer for me, i'm driving!

well that wasn't that long. On the tomorrows a new day thing..tomorrow is a new month!!!!! :D

Hi! Stumbled upon your journal and found that we have lots in common. I was really active insports when I was in school too, then all that stopped and the fat appeared:c(

I'm also having trouble with my eating habits, and have finally decided to put them off to the side while I concentrate on exercise. I've been really good about getting to the gym the past two weeks, and *bonus* side effect is working out actually makes me want to eat healthier. Shocking!

I know I have carb addiction issues too - but I'll deal with that later. I could totally relate to the post where you talked about your mom being overweight, and how you love her, but don't want to end up where she's at..... I have had many of these same thoughts/feelings about my mom. :(

If you're still interested in seeing a nutritionist, you should check out local health food stores (not chains like GNC though) Many of them have nutritionists on staff that will help you out. I used to see one at a store here; she suggested some supplements and told me to cut sugar and watch my dairy intake. Which I'm sure is great if one actually does it.

Anyway, didn't mean to get so long winded. Just wanted to say Hi and See ya around!