Well, it was suggested that I start a journal, so here goes nothing. I'm not good at this, btw, so who knows if I'll even keep it up... But hey, it's worth a shot right? and it might even entertain someone else in the process.

If anyone's wondering about the subject line, it's a take from "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy," by Doug Adams, may he rest in peace. I love his books, they are so funny, and at times very random. Since my brain is feeling random today, here are a few thoughts swirling around. Maybe someone else can make sense of them.

Last week, I went to the doctor for my annual checkup. This was a new doctor, so of course the weight thing came up. After giving me the standard lecture, blah-blah-blah, she asked me if I was depressed, and later commented that maybe I was having slight depression. She wants me to come back so we can "talk" about my weight issues, etc., but I'm struggling with that. About 10 years (and 100 pounds ago), I went to a doctor for a checkup and he basically said that there must be something wrong with me, or I wouldn't be overweight. I never set foot in his office again. Now here I am facing a doctor telling me I might be depressed or something. I don't feel depressed, except when I'm having a pity-party about my weight....

A LOT of my stress right now is caused by one of my jobs (I have 2 PT), which I talked to the doctor about. It's really been dragging me down over the last couple of years. My husband and I were talking about it the other day, (after the doctor thing) and I said that I've been working there 5 years, but I've been overweight for 20 years (I'm 31 now), so how does that add up?

We have a membership to a gym, but I haven't been in a long time. A lot of the reasoning is not having time, but I could go with hubby after work in the evenings except that I don't have the energy. I'm always tired. I wake up tired, I drag all day, by the time I get home I'm just ready for a break. He's so good, always asks, sometimes pushes a little; he's trying to help me but it's like I need any bit of free time to rest up. My yucky job stresses me out all the time, and I know I need to quit, but we can't afford for me to just work PT, and I don't have the time, energy, or self-confidence right now to go out and find something else. I keep telling myself how lucky I am to HAVE a job, I should be grateful, with so many out of work.

For those of you who are prayers, I'm one too. We worked a youth retreat this past weekend, and one of the nights we had some quiet time in the chapel. I sat there, in the stillness and the darkness, and it was wonderful to just sit and be. Then I had a big ole stress cry. I sat there feeling like such a hypocrite. How can I be a leader to youth and in my church family when I'm such a mess? It's like, I have to be there for them all of the time, and I LOVE doing it, but sometimes it feels like I can't be myself because I have to put on the good face for them. (Anyone else work a lot with teenagers? They're a tough bunch sometimes!)

Anyway, enough randomness for now, back to work!
:flower:

Hey JJH,

Welcome to DT.

Doctors are sometimes very surprising in the advice that they give. They just don't seem to be up with the times very much.

You can do this though. We all can and this is a great place to be to help get focused.

I do want to encourage you to get to the gym, it makes a huge difference in how you feel, more energy, more positive, and it really makes a difference at getting the weight off, besides making your body stronger and healthier.

Your doctor may be able to refer you to a dietician, who would probably be more help in learning how to eat healthy.

Well, glad you are here, take care, and keep hanging in there, or should I say 'here'.

Hi JJH,

Nice to "meet" you. I use to work with kids (teens) for 8 years in a juvenile placement called VisionQuest. Most stressful job I ever had, but most loved as well. There were times I found it hard to be a "role model" when I felt like my life was so out of control, well, not my life, just me and my eating, but then it dawned on me, "I don't need to be a certain size to love someone or give them the guidance they so desparately need!" So you may feel like a mess, but that doesn't mean you don't have something very valuable to offer and share with those kids!
And yes, been there done that with doctors over the years too! But at least yours was willing to talk about issues with you (not that you'd want to discuss them with the doctor), mine was just too busy pointing the gloved finger and telling me I had 1 foot in the grave and the other on a banana peel unless I immediately started losing weight! And do you know not one even offered me a pill to help me!? Just told me, "lose weight, see you in 6 months!"8-|

But anyway, there will be loads of support and advice here any time you want or need it. As for no time for the gym, I hear that, but forgetting weight loss, we (as in all of us on the planet) need some form of daily exercise, so what about walking when you get in from work or getting up 30min earlier and walking before work? Maybe hubby could go too and that would make for great quality time! Or (and here I go again feeling like some video pusher) how about getting a few exercise videos you can do any time the feeling hits or you find you have 15-20 minutes and you can pop one in and workout right in the privacy of your home.

Just a few options, I'm sure others will have more. I'll check back on you, but in the meantime if you need anything, just look me up, I'm always around!:D

Donna

Hi JJH, :wave:

Hi JJH, :wave:

Welcome to DT and especially welcome to the Journals Forum. I read with interest your post and while I have never walked in your shoes ..... I have weighed in the 300's when I started my weight loss journey SO I CAN IDENTIFY WITH MUCH OF WHAT YOU SAID ......

One thing I should say I am now 60 years of age ...... a diabetic who is insulin and oral meds dependent ..... and you are so much smarter than I was by working on improving not only your health but your life.

I can only speak for myself but when I first started my weight loss journey (March 19th, 2000 -- to be specific) I was told by my endocrinologist THAT I HAD TO LOSE WEIGHT OR GET MY HOUSE IN ORDER .... because my blood sugars were very very high and at the rate I was going I was a candidate for a heart attack or stroke -- that scared the s**t out of me .... but I was also depressed trying to figure out a way as to how I would lose 160 pounds .... at first I wanted to take the easy way out .. using diet pills. The doctor agreed to put me on them BUT my insurance company would not pay for them since that was not part of my insurance plan. At the time my husband had retired and I was working .... but the doctor strongly recommended that I quit my job because of the stress factor involved in my high blood pressure ..... so living on a fixed income ..... I couldn't afford the monthly cost (at that time) of $126.00 a month .....

I don't mean to bore you with my life story ... but the point I am trying to make is that YOU CAN LOSE THE WEIGHT ..... AS INDIVIDUALS THERE IS NOTHING WE CANNOT DO ..... we have to have the FOCUS AND MAKE THE COMMITMENT TO ATTAIN OUR WEIGHT LOSS GOALS. Select a weight loss program that you feel comfortable with ... and take it one day at a time .... one meal at a time. Use your journal as a means of expressing your feelings and letting go those frustrations that you are feeling.

Let's be honest we'll go off our weight loss program ... but that doesn't mean we should :whip: beat ourselves or consider that we have failed .... NONE OF US FAIL .... WE HAVE MADE BAD CHOICES ..... but we are ALL SUCCESSES IF WE LEARN FROM THOSE BAD CHOICES AND CHANGE THEM INTO POSITIVE CHOICES THAT INSURE OUR WEIGHT LOSS. Sorry for going off on a tangent. You will find SO MUCH POSITIVE SUPPORT AND ENCOURAGEMENT HERE AT DIETTALK ... YOU WILL NEVER BE JUDGED; AND THE YOU WILL FIND FRIENDS and have the feeling of FAMILY.

If I can ever be of any assistance you can either PM or leave me a message in my Journal. JJH, I am so glad that you are a part of our Diettalk family :D. As always, Monica :wn

Hello and welcome aboard!!!!

I understand everything you have said and mosly from being there too.
To me there is no easy way to do this and each day is a struggle but it can be done. the weight doesnt come on overnight and doesnt come off that way either so it takes commitment and patience. and there have been for me many set backs but i never feel like a failure cuz i never quit.
if you slip we are all only human then dust yourself off and keep on going,. wonderful friends and support here and i couldnt have made it this far without it.

may i recommend the leslie sanstone walk away the pounds tapes. done in your own home, easy to do at your own pace and it really works. i love them and use them at least 5 days a week and they dont take up alot of time to use cuz for mei am super busy with kids, hubby and work. I am 32 yrs old and re-married. i have 3 children ages 13,11, and 9 and hubby has a 12 yr old.

are you on a plan now? i also drink tons of water which helps.

there are other tapes you can do at home like Richard simmons plus i use an exercise bike and do it to music. you can also go at your own pace. take it from one who never exercised and was a big couch potato that afte i exercise i feel more energized and alive. i do mine in the morning. and it gets easier once you make it a routine.

well take care and if you need anything you can PM me anytime or visit my journal minnies journey.

have a great 4th tommorow as well. :tongue:atriot:

I clicked on to check out your journal because of the title. You sound like such a great person.

The prayer and stress cry sounds like a good release.

I wish you well on your journey here. Welcome.

Mleh... Mondays! :tongue:

Why are Mondays so much harder than the rest of the week? Stressful day, and when I finally get home, hubby is more energetic and wants to go to the gym. I of course, don't have the energy, again. He gets frustrated with me, again. So now he's at the gym and I'm here, wondering for the umpteenth time what is wrong with me... It's so frustrating to be this way; and to keep disappointing the person who loves me the most. :(

Hi JJH.
i saw a wonderful supportive post that you put in EmilyRose's journal and wanted to come and say hi....
I wish you much success on your journey down the scales and i look forward to getting to know you better.
i am sure that hubby understands and just pushes a little because he wants what is best for you.
hugs bell :)

Well, here we are at Wednesday... Can I just say I hate rainy weather? It drags me down, and makes my sinuses go haywire. 8-| So it's been raining the last few days, which helps with the heat (cuz it's usually 100+ every day in July!), but otherwise, yuck. :tongue:

Still feeling unfocused and like I need some sort of plan to get motivated. Hubby and I have been talking about eating healthier though -- went to the store last night and actually spent most of the time in produce stocking up on the fresh stuff, so maybe that will help... My mom was hint-hinting about getting back on WW the other day, which didn't make me feel so hot. Plus, it's not something we can afford anyway... Oh well, "when we win the lottery" right?

:flower:

Been a while since I posted in this thing... not so surprising 'cuz I've never been much for journaling.

Last night, hubby and I went to a potluck dinner & movie with some church friends, some of whom we really haven't spent much time with in a while. One of the women took a look at hubby and compllimented him on losing weight. As soon as she said it, a couple of the other women looked at him and were like, yeah you have lost weight. My brain of course, went two different directions at this point. Part of me was like "Yes!" because I'm proud of him, and pleased for him that other people complimented him. Then there was that other part of me, and I bet you all know what she was thinking...

Anyway it's a weird feeling to be so happy for/about someone else and disgusted with yourself at the same time. I guess the more I try to process this weight thing, the more I keep getting stuck on the "how did I get here?" part... and I keep reading people here say things about one pound at a time, but it all feels so overwhelming right now that I don't really know where to start. How come everyone else around me can get their butts in gear to lose but I can't seem to...