Hmm finally sitting down to see what Diettalk.com is all about fully, and I come across this forum.

Journals? Eh .. bah... I stink at writing down this stuff.

I have never really wanted to think about food so much.

But in a way, I suppose its the not thinking that has gotten me here in the first place.

So I will try and chronicle my misadvenures with food.

The joy, the sorrow, the pathos the....8-|

oopsie. went off on a tangent there. :tongue:

So I shall try and keep a journal. ~shrugs~ who knows? Since I consider myself an emotional eater, maybe it'll narrow my thoughts down and pin down the ones that trigger the cravings.

Challenge #1: Money, budgets, and Ole Mother Hubbard.

Yes indeedy a good title to start this off with.

In short, I have the budgeting skills of a two year old.


The layout:

I get paid every two weeks, with the bulk of my money coming near the beginning of the month. I do have money left over near the end of the month, but not enough to shop with.


Scenario -- grocery shopping.

The bane of my existance, the albatross around my neck...

ok maybe that was just a lil overboard, but you get the idea.
I have tried shopping for a week at a time, but what ends up happening is that either I end up going out and buying expensive junk food or I see the latest dvd in the store that I have to have and my budget goes sky high!

Side note: I am an anime-techie-scifi-lovin-fool. I go weak in the knees for that stuff. But I digress...

anyhoo. Theres minimal food in the house rt now enough to start the week and I dont get paid till this coming Friday.

Must plan a better grocery list.

The Plan:

Go grocery shopping this coming Saturday, buying basic food staples and fresh meats.

Only buy a weeks worth of fresh veggies. (cant risk more than that. don't really have good means to keep em to begin with.)

Plan in snacks that wont hurt my bottom line, but keep some stuff around as a pick me up (e.g. small can or bag of nuts for the protein.)

Sounds like a plan. Just gotta figure out what day of week to shop for veggies. Havent has much luck lately. one time went for onion for a soup and all of the ones that the store had had bad spots on em. ~ewwww!

One of the biggest problems is when you have to stretch your budget, and processed food last longer and is easier to keep but isn't has healthy for you, what about buying lots of fresh food preparing the meals and freezing them, do you have the space?
Take care
Ellie

I haven't exactly gotten it down to a science yet myself, but what has helped me since hubby gets paid every 2 weeks and I too have to shop on a budget is:

-I make a list and stick strictly to the list, and I plan my fruits, fresh veggies and bread for just 1 week

-the 2nd week, I make a "quick stop" at the grocery store for just that weeks bread, fresh veggies and fruit.

This way it eliminates wasting fruit I didn't eat, and my veggies are fresher buying them by the week rather than storing them for 2 weeks.

It does mean sticking the money to the side for the 2nd "quick trip," but it's only like $15-$20. at most depending on how much you need, sometimes much less! Plus, no wasted food!:D

Donna

Hello and welcome,

well my hubby gets paid weekly and me every 2 weeks and we have kids so we also need to stretch it. i try to buy things in bulk and split it up and i look for sales of buy one get one free.
i stock pile on things we like, like sugar free pops,popcorn, ff pudding and so on.

journals do work too. being honest and seeing where triggers lie really help plus all the advice and support you get.

best wishes to you.

Ill do a full update on Saturday.

But in the meanwhile...sigh.


Am in an intense blue period rt now. work is going somewhat well, though I find myself losing respect for my boss day by day

He says things and acts so petty sometimes.


Sigh. Anyhow I sat down and figured it out. rt now I cannot afford to take a lower paying job.

For now. So, as another measure I have put my resume online. After all that is how my current employer found me.

And I shall grin and bear it....for now.

As to the blue... not sure why its there. feel like wet blanket over me. Id probably kill for a bowl of cheese nips and a soda rt now to take my mind off of the feeling.

As it stands I cheated a lil. got a pizza . (a medium) and a soda.
Tried to minimize the damage by only eating the toppings. I did pretty decent with the soda and only had one 8oz glass.

Over all for the week Ill say this much... I have lost five pounds. Im not too worried bout todays cheating since I have been pretty active today, but I have to watch myself.

I just want to get this wet blanket off of me though.

Hello,

I too had pizza tonight. its not bad to indulge as long as its only 1 day and not every day. i have learned that.' sorry to hear about your job troubles. i think we all do hate our jobs or bosses at times.good luck in finding a new one.

congrats on losing 5 pounds. that is wonderful. hang in there and take care.

and what a week it has been. 5 pounds are gone and I have more energy, but the wet blanket of PMS has reared his ugly head.

As to the shopping trip, it was a semi success. got some basic stapes and some meat and poultry for the protein, but I didnt get any snacks.:c(

Something to chomp wouldnt get my mind away from these raging hormones.

For the most part this week I have eaten well. Have only cheated once by having pizza but otherwise a good week.

Challenge #2 PMS and Dieting? Can it be done?

Currently trying to take some herbal upplements to try and quell the hormones, but rt now they dont seem to be working. Want to cry for no reason rt now. Sigh, and it always seems to happen a week before the cycle happens. ugh.

People have been kind to recommend munchies, but as it stands I forgot to get some during my shopping trip! Maybe Ill puck up some carrots or radishes on my way home from work tomorrow they have crunch.

I have also bought a few cookbooks to try some new things. maybe thatll spark some creativity with my food.


Time to sign off for now. just indulged in my Anime vice and have a dvd set to watch. Maybe it'll take my mind off of things. :-P

Ugh

I havent lost anymore weifght, and the readings I were getting may have been from an innaccurate scale

~punts scale and stubs toe in process~


I bought a new one, but it doesnt read anything above 300 pounds

~punts new scale, big toe swells to twice its size~

owww. :-p

my eating has been chaotic at its best. Still seem to be battling hormones or pms or whatever this is. since I have lost weight now I am more irratable now instead of depressed.

Ugh.

I want to give up, then again I dont.

I dont know anymore

I shall try again.

Even if I have to resort to a tape measure to get t the true story :-P

TME,


I'm sorry, i just have to say this....yours is one of the most entertaining journals i've read!!!! You are so funny...i love reading these entries, keep them coming! LOL

Erin :flower:

tmeg-- never ever give up. youve lost something right?? well you will keep losing. just dont give up. all good things come to those who wait.. stick it out. when you see more results you wont want to ever quit.

keep up the good work.. i am rooting for you

craving chocolate like you wouldnt believe.

feelings rt now: irratable, frustrated about work (knowing that I could do better if I put forth more effort, its just the difficult customers I have to relate to that hamper it sometimes) , fear of future


Remarks: too easy to hide:( nothing gets done rt? Im trying my best to improve at work, but I am currently at the bottom of the food chain. I havent heard from my bosses ( a mixed blessing from what i am hearing) and I havent heard from any of my resumes. Its a lean market to begin with. I should be focusing on my education so that more people will notice me, but that has been a hard road. I have suffered a setback so I fell back to lick my wounds. I am still a lil wary of getting back to the books yet.

The irritability zapped what was left of my energy, so I didnt even start the exercise that I promised myself. (found a cool aerobic video that has music I like)

Sigh. even if it is working with the dumbbells for 5 minutes tonight I will get something in. maybe if I start small I wont lose my focus and get discouraged.:lift:

definately do whatever you can... something is better than nothing and you know you will see results if you keep working at it. I know when i feel badly the last thing in the world that i want to do is excercise but it might just make you feel better. I used to be very very depressed about my weight and just things in general.. excercising has greatly improved my outlook on everything, helped with my depression and relieved it almost completely. Not to mention i have more self esteem and feel better about my body. losing weight is a journey and you can control where you go on your journey. its up to you... i hope your sprits rise soon. :) take much care

lisa

You sound like I feel, only funnier. I knkow what you mean but budgeting the food. I have a hubby and 7 year old that are eating machines. I bought yogurt and fruit for me for breakfast and my son has it about gone. that was three days ago and I bought for the week. What can you do but keep plugging. Stay with it, we're all in here with you!

Writing this stuff down is all so new to me. I haven't had the focus before.

I was able to focus enough tonight to get 5 minutes in the the barbells (dumbbells, whatever....though dumbbells are what I seem to encounter at work :-P )

It felt good. Ill keep doing 5 minutes with them each day till I feel strong enough to tackle that aerobics video. It has latin music....ahhhhhh ~contented sigh~ I just melt whenever that stuff plays.

Thanks for the support, all of you. :D

ps. added bonus: I did not indulge my craving!

awesome tmeg!! resist those damn choclolate cravings!!!
i will check in soon

craving anything edible rt now:

Note: am about an hour and a half away from my normal eating time.

Feeling: tired, blue, depressed

Remarks: am currently at work rt now. I came to work blue to begin with( oh joy, to add to the misery of work rt? :-P)

had a talk with the boss about performance ( and the masses freaked out:tomato: )

reiterated to me that the only thing that matters is the numbers.

Ugh. add to that the blue mood hasnt lifted at all. Think my monthly lil guy is close but I havent been keepin proper track.

ugh. this stinks

Bleech.

I feel bluer than blue than blue.

I dont feel like doing anything but my body is preventing me from sleeping.

and the sad thing is I was crying through my workout with my weights.

The blue is not going away yet.

Only upshot is... Im not hungry.

Ok I have decided to stick with the scale I have now.

Im just gonna report my results like those idiots over at gallup do.


with a +5/-5 lb margin of error. :laugh:

Besides, I figure I still have lost a pretty good amount of weight, its just that I may have been wrong about my starting point.

Ah well, Ill take what I can get. The pants starting to look all billowy instead of tight is the convincer for me.

Scale reads: 300 lbs

thats a total of 10 pounds lost!:eek:

I have never lost this much before. Kinda scares me in a way. At 31, I have more energy and determination than I did when I was 25.

As to cheating... ~blushes~ yeah I still am. Its slowing things down per se, but I have done my best to minimize the damage.

Tempation for other things is what I need to stay away from. 8-} Theres a british sci fi series I dearly love called Dr. Who. Its about a traveler from an alien race called time lords (thats partly where my screen name comes from: Its short for Time Guardian) that tends to interfere in the time stream for the greater good.

I checked ebay for some other stuff and wow the amount of stuff they had for that show was amazing.
Nope. must stick to budget. Budget out enough money to eat properly, then I can have my fun.:D

Note to self: repeat that last statement to myself for the next 6 months. :tongue:

I have been forgetting to log stuff in my journal.

My week has been a week from hell.

Boss is being an inconsiderate jerk as usual.

Customers are getting antsy and rude.

I did have an episode on fri where my boss dumped a job on me that another employee asked him for help on. I wasnt able to solve the customers problem, cause they were very busy and all. so I had to dispatch one of our guys to solve the problem.

problem started in the morning.... got the problem about 4 hrs later.

Ugh. thanks to my boss, we left the customer waiting 4 hrs for a solution.

It made me so mad that I went and ate a snickers bar and chased it with a soda.

No I didnt talk to my boss. I wanted to call him a rude inconsiderate jerk( reason he dumped on me was that he needed to go home to get something very important(he called it an emergency), but proceeded to have a 10 minute conversation with one of our coworkers before he left), but I knew that wouldnt sit well, and since my resumes arent making a splash so far, I am trying to work with what I have.

anyhoo , my weigh in:

scale reads : 300
(and of course +5/-5 lb margin of error) :-P

Luckily my weight didnt spike up. Triust me with a week like this it had plenty of chances.

For most of week, it was very stressful. end of week was kinda nice. sold off my wares at the flea market. :D

Now I have room for stuff and extra cash....must resist urge to fill the space...must resist.8-}

I quit.

Im tired , Im cranky, Im depressed and irratable.

Even my alone time is spoiled now, cause the voice inside my head is back with a vegance telling me how worthless I am, and I dont know how to get it to shut up.

I dont know If I want to continue this diet.

I dont know anymore.

Ok Im not gonna quit.

But these mood swings have to go!

It feels like I am swinging back and forth back and forth and...:icky:

urp... gotta stop that... I get motion sick:-P

My mom recommended st. Johns wort. I have been on it three days and so far my mood swings seem to have evened out. I am gonna get fully tested at the doc when I get over my fear , which may be a while, but well, a promise is a promise to my mom.

So I can focus on the task at hand...:D

Time to report!

Scale says : 299 (+5/-5 lbs of course)

not too shabby. Got a monthly little visitor to deal with , then I can focus more on whats going on.

I feel like I am stretched too thin.

I know I am not doing a good job at work. Why is it so hard to change?

I beara lot of scrutiny now because I am seen taking the easier way.

Easiest is not always best.

I didnt take a dose of St. Johns wort today, and it might have bearing on why I want to dive into a huge amount of food now.

Stress has me tired, edgy, and scared.

I have friends that are defending me, but my boss is beginning to wonder if I actually doing my work after scrutinizing a few of the mistakes I have made.

Im not under the gun ....yet.

People wonder if I shoul,d be in another line of work. Maybe I should. No response to my resume being out there yet, so its hard to say.

And me persuing a job? I dont know what to persue anymore. I have been wanting an information technology postion for the longest. A possible opportunity has come up, and it is extra work above and beyond what I already do. I am feeling it badly.

Sigh and I thought mid-life crisis isnt supposed to happen until you are middle age. :-P

:c( ever since I have started this diet I have been trying to find a focus, a center. Food has been my crutch for stress and look where it got me. I am trying to tough it out on my own without food as a comfort, but it feels like I have lost my best friend.

And that hurts.

I have been more tired and afraid now than I have ever been. I think its more so that these emotions are so raw. I have managed to tamp them down with food and soda, but thats the funny thing about emotions. You box them away and they grow and prowl like a tiger in a cage, waiting for the first moment to strike you and hurt you.

I have been hurt before and I havent wanted to trust antyone sense. The whiny brat in me says Why should I? I am just going to get hurt again. To be fair, people have stayed away from me because I have seemed very moody and distant. I dont blame them. Somedays I dont even want to be near me.

Point is, I need to handle the stress without the food. And I am not. I am supposed to address my concerns and change as I go. So why am I still trying to tamp down the emotions? is my fear that bad? Of course without the extra food, and I cannot hide anymore either.

Of course there have been some benefits to the weight loss. I have ventured forth and have done a few more things than I normally do. But old habits die hard.

Where is the switch that turns the hiding mechanism off???

I am scared that I will be consumed by emotions. which isnt a bad thing I am told. I have trouble accepting that though, cause I see it as a loss of control. The diet has provided me with some sens of control, but little else.

Seesh, I ramble. -_-;; (<--from anime message boards, its a char being embarrased.)

But I am feeling a little better in getting this out. but I have to find a better way to handle this, or everything I have worked for will be for nothing: my career, my friends, my family, everything will be lost.

I am scared.

Aww great, just great.

I type the title and now it reminds me of that googoo dolls hit

"Im still heeeeereeeee........."


umm nevermind.


Scottie! Beam me up! :beam:


LOL serious I am still here. good news is I have maintained what I have lost, the bad news is I havent started majorally exercising yet. Been walking , but not on a consistent basis.

But a new mission has arisen for me, and its one I must accept:

Cooking

I used to lov3e it dunno what changed.

No wait yes I do.

Convenience foods.

So seductive in their allure. the promise of breaking one seal to get to the juicy contents....

~Cue censor walking into thread~:hm:

Oh all right. Moving on...

Simply, convenience food is getting too convienent. And cooking has become a chore.

Must fnd the fun in cooking again. Had to throw out veggies and one or two meats cause I procrastinated and didnt cook them up.

~puts soup pot on head~

Must hit the trenches for some ideas.

~Looks around~

If Im not back in 24 hours, send Haagen daz!! :joke:

Very stressful month. I almost lost myself there.

I didnt eat at the times I should have and when I did eat my choices were less than stellar.

My mood swings are killing me. Im gonna go to the doc soon to make sure these swings arent hormonal. If they are maybe he can recommend something to balance them out.

I have maintained my current weight which is good, but I should have already been further along than this.

My mom has asked me to grow up and be serious.

Mom if I did that I would be dead.

My humor, though dry and sarcastic at times, helps me cope. Makes an insane world a lil less scary.

And when the crazed bosses ofthe world, coupled with crazy parents, converge on me, is it any wonder that I wish I was in Aruba or Jamaca? Shoot, Ill take Daytona beach. I could fit in easily!

Ill be the one with the pink straw hat sitting under an umbrella, sipping a slushie and reading the latest Japanese Manga.

and before you say "Duh!" , please back up.

This is a relization for me. I have been hiding for so long.
Its time for me to come clean.

I have never cared about myself.

I sit here, sick as a dog for allergies that turned into a chest infection and realized this.

I dont take care of myself unless I am forced to, like when I feel really bad. (like being sick for example) I have to feel like I am ready to barf my brains ouyt before I take action.

It almost seems mechanical somehow. I mean I have been sick 4 times this year and have spent a week out of work each time. Onec I am sick, my body goes on autopilot and I take action.

Once I have gotten better each time, I went back into free mode and would go for the next big entertainment for me without seeing to ME.

Now what does this mean actually? I guess I have to see that taking care of myself can be a good, quick, benefical thing.

I have made excuses sure. I dont have enough time or there are better things to do.

There must be something to the "I love me" type stuff I have always shrugged off as too much of a vain thing.

Id rather focus on making someone else happy than myself.
Hmmm yeah its offical, I have lost myself.

~puts up Lost posters~

If anyone has seen an inner child who is feeling alone and unwanted, let me know. She needs to come home.