People don't understand why I feel the need to lose weight. They say I look fine to them. the problem is, I don't look fine to me. I have fat on my thighs and a fairly good sized roll of fat on my stomach. My breasts are bigger and there's fat in my back. I hate the way I look naked and I hate that I'm a size 14. Now 14 isn't that large, but I used to be a 10. I'm tall, so big sizes fit too short on me. I have to buy jeans from Old Navy, who have the best selection in length for my size. I hate that shirts that look cute on normal people look slutty on me because my chest is large and my stomach pokes out under shirts that are just barely too short. Tank tops that are moderately low cut are super low cut on me because I have to pull them down to cover my stomach. I don't really eat that much, so perhaps exercise is the problem. I don't have a lot of time to do it. But I am going to make time. I am going to be a size 12 or smaller and I am going to like the way my thighs look and love the way my stomach looks. I want rock hard abs and I am willing to work to get them! I can do it!!

Welcome to www.diettalk.com

1) you are so correct. It doesn't matter what other think about your looks. You are the one that matters. If you are not happy then you should feel free to change.

2) I would suggest a food journal. Most people who say they eat very little find all kinds of hidden calories when they keep a food journal. Ex. Regular soda, salad dressing, and 3 o'clock trip to the vending machine

3) weight training can scuplted the body.

4) I am also 5'8" but old Navy clothes don't look right on my size 14W -16W.

5) I know Gitano jeans sold at K-mart have a tall

6) Also you also need to check your size. Maybe you aren't a 14 Miss but a 14 W. the W genreally puts 2 inches arround the whole outfit.

7) Try on all clothes before you leave the store. If it doesn't look great in the store. The will not be a magical spell cast on it so it will look better when you get it home.

best wishes in your journey

Thanks. Actually I thought that I was eating a lot of calories until I started keeping track. I really only eat about 1000 calories max a day. I try to eat more, but I just don't have the desire or room in my tummy. I could get more calories by eating higher cal foods, but that would just be silly. I feel like I eat fine, but it was alarming that I might not be eating enough.

Hello,

You have a great attitude on losing. it doesnt matter what others think only how you think and feel about yourself. i know for me i have alot to lose to reach goal and i am very short but we can do this and as long as we dream it and beleive it we can achieve it.

best wishes to you and take care.

hi shantelle! welcome to diettalk. i have found lost of help here, even though i havne't lost any. thats my own fault though. good look on your journey. i'm a size 10 - 12 at old navy. but i'm 5'0 and everything there is too long on me. I don't like their 10s or 12s styles. haha. we have the same problem only reversed. If you ever want to chat private message me i'm always looking for buddies.

Hey guys-

Thanks again for the nice comments! morestars4, you are too right about Old Navy. My little sister is like a size 2, only 5'4 or so, and we have a hell of a time trying to find short enough pants at Old Navy. One good thing about them, I fit in a smaller size there than anywhere else, so that makes me feel good. (Even though I know that sizing is relative to the store/designer)

So I got a new scale last night, but it said that I weighed more than I thought I did. But this morning it said 175, so I guess I should always weigh in the morning. I won't be weighing myself daily, that's too much stress. I just wanted to try it out last night, but this morning was official. Nice then that it was less this morning huh? LOL Anyways, 30 pounds to go. That's my ultimate goal, but I'm not that concerned with my weight. I want to lose inches and sizes, so a few pounds of muscle is okay with me.

I keep wanting to post on my journal but feel a little shy, which is very unusual for me. So anyone who wants to can just ignore me. I have been feeling pretty depressed lately. Mostly because my house has been such a mess and that always sends me on a downward spiral. But I finally got down on my hands and knees and scrubbed my floor square by square. I own a good mop, but it just doesn't do as good a job as elbow grease! So now it is shining and I think it is wonderful. Every time I see the floor it boosts my mood. I wish we had a couch in the kitchen so I could just stare at it. How weird am I?! LOL. Anyway, the depression. I can't believe how much I weigh. I am excited to start working out, because that always makes me feel good when I start a new program. I hope this time will be better and I will keep working at it. Having the new scale should help, so I can keep track of my successes. Well, here goes nothing I guess.

Well, I did my Pilates tape last night. It was hard. I forgot how it feels when I stop for awhile and start again. I didn't quite do all of the tape, (the 20 minute workout), but at least I got in 15 minutes and the abs excercises which I feel are the most important to me. Today I am going to go home and do the Kathy Smith latin dance workout. It's about an hour and is super fun! But you get really tired by the end. But that's what it's about right? Anyways, that free gym pass is available on Monday through my work, so then i can start swimming!!! Woohoo!!!

Hi Shantelle! I can totally relate about dirty house blues. Mine is looking pretty shabby right now. Especially the kitchen. Do you have the Winsor Pilates tapes? Do you like them? I ordered them but have not done them yet ( I do take pilates classes at the gym though). I love kathy smith workouts, I'll have to check out the latin dance one. Good Luck with your goals!

Hi niki!

Yes I have the Winsor tapes. I love them!!! But I haven't done them since about January, and once you stop it's hard to start again. On the up side, once you start, it's kind of hard to stop because you feel so good! After the first week, I had major changes in my body and I loved it so much it's hard to remember why I slacked off...

I had ab definition in the first week and lost like a half inch on my thighs! Woohoo! So I am going to start doing that again because I want to feel that way again.

Don't you think that your house has such a huge impact on your mood? If mine is clean, I feel like I can clean more, or make dinner or whatever, even work out!

The latin tape is really fun, although some days I feel like I want to slap the smile off all there faces! LOL! I bought it at a yard sale for like a dollar, and when I actually work out I like to alternate Pilates, Latin dance, Tae Bo, and the treadmill. Mix it up! But I haven't worked out in forever! So I am starting fresh! I can do it!!!!:super:

Okay. Gonna go home now and work out. Gonna do it. I don't want to though. But I'm gonna. Half hour drive home... don't want to work out when I get there. Ben and Jerry in the fridge waiting for me... maybe work out tomorrow. I know! I will workout and then have a teeny bite of ice cream as a reward. Hmm... more calories than burned working out. Maybe not have ice cream... Argh...

Well, I didn't work out. When I went to get on the freeway there was a huge accident blocking all lanes in both directions. They brought in a helicopter and use the jaws of life and everything. So I didn't get home until about 8 pm. But I did stop to eat so I wouldn't eat too late. It's okay though cause my abs were killing me and I probably would have been pretty miserable. Playing softball tonight with David's company, so that will be fun. Although it is going to be over 100 degrees here. Got to stay hidrated I guess!!

Today I don't feel like eating anything, but I worry about my metabolism slowing down. Nothing sounds good and I feel kind of sick. So eat or not eat? Argh...

He said he isn't in love with me. How is that possible? I feel his love. He is very depressed so maybe he does love me but he is numb to it. He started taking pills for depression yesterday. Will he realize he loves me after the depression goes away? Probably not. He will say "hey thanks for four years of hell, I want a divorce." I don't really believe that, but I feel like if I expect the worst then I will be able to take it when it happens. I don't know what to do. I lost two pounds last week, but I didn't eat more than a thousand calories in the last four days. I just can't bring myself to consume more than liquids. Had a burrito yesterday, so I had about 500 calories yesterday. Maybe it's getting better and I will be able to eat again soon.

Shantelle,

I am sorry to hear you're having problems with your husband. It's a good thing to hear he's taking antidepressants, but that alone will not fix his falling out of love with you. If you get a chance, please visit http://www.marriagebuilder.com , this is a great website that gives practical advise on how to get your spouse to fall back in love with you.

I also take antidepressants for depression, and my life has changed radically since I started doing so. It took a lot for me to even realize that I *had* depression, but afterwards, I realized the signs had always been there but I had ignored them. I am so glad I listened to my girlfriend and saw my doctor, because now I feel *wonderful!!*

The reason I am telling you this is (and please don't take this wrong), you may also have depression. I am picking up on some vibes from your posts that make me think it might be a good idea for you to visit your doctor and ask him about it. If I'm wrong, you have nothing to lose, but if by chance I am right, you will *never regret* getting a little help. I am so glad that I did, and now the sunshine has come back into my life!!

Take care!

Thanks elivi-

You are right about me having depression. Mine is not chemical however, it came on only when this all happened. Thanks for the website! I appreciate it. I felt like it would be silly to type "my spouse doesn't love me" into a search engine, but I was looking for some kind of advice that would help. Thanks! I have been pretty miserable and suicidal today. But I am better now. I am trying to be optimistic but it is difficult. At least the suicidal thoughts have waned. Anyways, thank you so much and please keep writing to me if you want!!!

P.S. It's great to hear that you got help and it worked. I really hope that David's depression will be helped by this medication.

I am so sorry that you are feeling badly, but glad to hear that now you are feeling a bit better. Now is probably the most important time to really take care of yourself, even though it may feel more difficult than ever to do so.

If you can, try to get that exercise in - take out any aggressions or emotions on your treadmill - or with that tae-bo video. There's all kinds of chemically endorphiney things that are released when you exercise that help with moods and may be able to pull you out of a slump. Don't you usually feel "so good" after exercising, even if you had to push yourself to get the exercise in?

See ya around and good luck!

That is exactly what I am going to do. I get my free gym membership this week so I am going to workout every day. that will help on nights when he says he needs "time to think". I checked out that website elivi, and it was sooooooo enlightening. David is definitely in the "withdrawal phase" and I am in the "conflict phase". I couldn't believe how well it described our relationship. Thanks! And Niki, thanks for the support. It's not really a weight-loss topic, but the support is nice.

Here's a weight loss question, if I am eating like 500 calories a day during this ordeal, would it be healthy for me to exercise?

Thanks you guys, Shantelle

Maybe exercising would give you more of an appetite? I'm no health professional, maybe just going for a walk would make all the difference (a walk with lots of deep breathing and mind de-cluttering).:D

Shantelle,

MOST people who have depression have it as a result of temporary situations in their lives. Mine is chronic and chemical, but most of the time for most people, it is not.

My best girlfriend started taking antidepressents 2 months ago because she's going through a bad breakup, following the death of her father and a miscarriage. Her life was spinning out of control but she has taken that control back. She is now her true, beautiful self again. There is GREAT help available and I strongly suggest you see your doctor about getting meds or therapy or both.

Please at least make the appointment. If you two decide that meds are not for you, then you have lost nothing. On the other hand, you may benefit tremendously by taking the unbiased, medical opinion of your doctor into account.

From where I am sitting, it seems plain that you are going through a deep depression and need some help. You mentioned suicidal thoughts, which even though they may have abated, is a LARGE red flag. There is also a strong indication that you have NOT been taking care of yourself or caring about yourself, which is a big plea for help. Shantelle, it is NOT normal to be eating 500 calories a day, nor is it healthy. And the fact that you know this but don't appear to want to fix the problem means you have stopped caring about your well-being.

PLEASE do this right away. Don't wait for it to improve or get worse on its own. It may get better naturally, but it also may get worse. And if it does get worse, chances are that YOU WILL NOT have the resources to seek help at that time. We know that the deeper depression gets, the less people tend to seek help, because depression is a paralyzing condition.

Please don't wait for your spouse to start caring for you, start caring for YOURSELF right away. Get some help. You have the ability in your hands to start improving your life radically right now.
Yes, you need outside help for your depression. Yes, you NEED to eat more. Yes, you need to exercise. But just knowing all of this, which I think you already do, is not going to work unless you DO IT.

I hope I haven't been overly harsh in my message. I really care about what happens to you, but I cannot really help you unless you make some steps to help yourself. I will be here checking up on you and going through this with you. I wish you well!

Whoa. That is a lot. I have only been depressed like this for about 4 days. The suicidal thoughts are only in response to the situation. I know it's bad to eat 500 calories a day. I am not starving myself, I have just been too sick to eat. It's getting better. I do have depression but it is just like you said, it's a result of a temporary situation in my life. I did speak with my doctor when David went in. I agree with you about loving myself. I just feel so bad that David has been unhappy. It's hard to love yourself when you feel like you have destroyed your marriage. I know that a lot of this is just his depression. But the things he says make it sound like he is so sure that it won't work. It's just hard on me to think "he doesn't love me, and he doesn't believe he ever can. In fact, he doesn't even want to try."

Argh! So much frustration. But I am feeling the depression starting to lift. I am a strong person who can handle this. It's just going to take time. And I am talking to people about it. I have two very close friends who are listening to me. I have you guys. I have my mom and my mother-in-law. I am okay. I just have low points during the day. But last night I made dinner and ate and my friend came over and she and I and David all played a game. It was nice. David is making plans with me which tells me that part of him believes that it will work out. It's just that he keeps saying that he doesn't know if it will. Argh again!!!

Haven't written here in awhile. Too much going on. Went to PE class, found out I was fatter than I thought... Argh. Well at least I have a response to say when people tell me I am not over weight. It will be something like, "Well, I think I know my body better than you, and 31% body fat is definitely too high." Is that too rude? huh. Oh well, I guess maybe being a little rude will get me some support from the people I love. Things with David are weird. I asked him to stay with his parents for awhile, until he decides whether he is staying or not. I can't live with him and "just be friends". His depression is almost gone, so that's good. I just hope not being around me for awhile will help him to realize how much he wants to fix things. I guess we will see. Stopped eating cheese this week. It's been about five days. I am going to eat no cheese for a month, then start again but just limit it to one meal a day. A friend of mine did this and lost 12 pounds! It's been pretty hard, so I think it's probably a good idea. If I can't find things I like to eat without cheese, then I DEFINITELY am eating too much of it! LOL! Anyway, if anyone wants to respond please do so. Has anyone took a break from cheese?

Thanks, Shantelle

Still no cheese. I don't miss it anymore though. I have craved a spinach artichoke dip lately, but not really much else. The whole cheese thing has kind of gotten out of my system I guess. Is this what it feels like to beat an addiction? It feels pretty good. I hardly ever think about it anymore. Cool huh? Doing so good! Going to work out today. Going to be buff and toned and beautiful. Cannot wait for my new jeans to fit when I get them in a smaller size!!!!! I am so close to my little goal, I can't wait to hit it!!!!!:o