Well, I've spent the last few weeks slacking about and generally eating what I fancy - and far too much of it at that rate.

I am starting to panic that I will not be able to fit into my wedding dress come next May (although I haven't picked one out yet, but I have been looking) and I want to be happy, slim and very, very fit (for the trailing around Disneyworld of course) by then.

I think I just burnt myself out earlier on this year. I had stuck fairly ridgedly to a diet I thought I could be happy with for the rest of my life since last May, but starting in probably April of this year (perhaps even a little before then) things started going horribly wrong. I stopped going to the gym, I became bored with my exercise bike, I had gotten into bad habits whilst going to the gym because I knew the amount of exercise I was doing I could pretty much eat when I wanted, plus my appetite was pretty large, and things just went downhill from there.

I have to try and address that now. I have been eating pretty good as of yesterday, which isn't long, but I have more determination on my side than I have of late. I haven't been exercising this week, but that's because it is just so warm and humid, I just can't bear it. If the weather keeps up like this I might have to get my outdoor bike out at the weekend and go for a spin on that, but the sun is just baking.

We've just been called outside for a fire alarm at work, we were probably out there fore 15 minutes and I bet I am sore from sun burn later on tonight. I'm so pale that I can be outside for 2 minutes and I am sure I will burn!

Anyway, I am determined that I will get back into my former shape, and better habits, that will stand me in good stead for othe rest of my life. I'm not going to go on any faddy diets, I'm just going to eat sensibly, lots of healthy stuff, try and avoid white goods, and drink lots of water - along with as much exercise as I can stand. That's my plan.

Hi Mickey!

New journal, new start. Welcome back. Missed you!

Come on over to the Green Acres Challenge over in the challenges section. We're doing it to kick all of our workout schedules back into gear. Fun stuff, and it seems to be helping a lot of us.

Sunshine and heat in England? What's up with that?

Hello,

I know you have determination and the desire. I also know your a tough girl and you will do this cuz you really want it.
we all slip and i think the more we slip the harder it is to get back on track. when we do good we do really good but when we do bad we do really bad. ive been there too.
dieting isnt easy and in fact i find it a daily struggle not to overeat and to exercise but i know i must do it to lose the weight.

you have always been an inspiration to me Mickey and i am proud of you always. you will make a beautiful bride for your wedding so dont panic.

take care and hang in there

baby steps.... and one day at a time....

Well, yesterday wasn't such a great diet day - and I don't want anybody saying 'Nevermind at least you ate some salad or anything'! I know what I ate was too much - we went to my mum and dad's and they'd done a barbecue and mum always goes overboard on barbecues. I think she thinks she's feeding 20 people - not 4.

Anyway, we had a beefburger first, then a bit of garlic bread, then a sausage and half, a chicken drumstick and finally one and a half kebabs (made of pork, bananas wrapped in bacon, peppers and onions). It was very nice.

This morning I was wrongfooted by a lemon cake for somebody's leaving do - it wasn't the worst choice I could have made though.

I still haven't exercised because it's just too humid. I get very, very hot at the best of times and I don't need high heat and humidity to add to my problems whilst exercising. I am considering going swimming but I have a phobia of putting my bare feet on the swimming pool floor, or in fact pretty much any floor - most particularly swimming pools though. I've tried swimming in veruca socks, but the icky feeling is still there.

Tonight I'm just going to have tuna and salad for tea, perhaps with some wholemeal pasta, or I might have quinoa instead. Depends how I feel when I get home.

Kil - thanks for the welcome back. I did get over to the Green Acres challenge and left a message. I doubt I will clock up many sessions this week as the heatwave is set to hang about for at least another week.

Minnie - thanks for your support, as always. You always make me feel very hopeful, and I'm quite hopeful at the moment. Looking at wedding dresses is helpful - very motivating! I just wish it would cool down here.

Hi Mick,

I have been a slightly absent friend lately (isn't that always my story!!!!).

I just hoped that you were well, drinking tea and eating scones!!!! I would love to have a yummy scone with cream and strawberry jam.............

Andrea

Hello,

There is always hope Mickey as long as we remain hopeful.
It is hot and humid here and i am going swimming after dinner. i am having a salad for dinner too. trying a new ff dressing of raspberry vinigrette.

hang in there and enjoy your sunday, take care and take a day at a time.

So, what is going on in the land of Mickey?

Not a lot.

I don't know what's the matter with me. I have no enthusiasm for this at the moment, no appetite for journalling.

My diet has pretty much gone to pot, although I am going to try HARDER this week.

Basically the problem is this: I start off at the beginning of the week and things go well. Then later on a challenge comes up, you know the ones I mean, somebody's birthday/leaving do at work and there's cake, a meal out in a restaurant, mother's cooking - anything. Then I eat too much. The main problem is I do not feel guilty any more. I do not have a guilty bone in my body. I don't regret eating things that I shouldn't eat. I just tell myself I'll make it alright tomorrow - but I never do. I never make it right because I just can't deny myself anything at the moment.

I am on medication (anti-depressants) which is notorious for weight gain. I think apart of my just accepts that and wants to move on. Another part of me is panicking that I will be the size of a house for my wedding (which is absolutely rubbish, even at the amount I am eating at the moment I'm only putting on a pound every two or three weeks - which is still pretty bad, but not the end of the world). Am I just giving up? No, definitely not giving up, but I am having to adjust how I am with myself. I can't trust myself with food any more. I think Chum told somebody once that one time, before eating, she had to write everything down - even during a binge, stop, take stock, and write it down. Perhaps I need to do that - but I don't know whether I have the self discipline to do that?

I'm doing some pretty freaky stuff at the moment (for me). Whatever this post sounds like I am happy, I am content. Perhaps that the problem - I'm too relaxed and laid back, I don't care about stuff like I used to. I don't get irritated or annoyed or pissed off any more. I don't get angry with myself - I don't seem to have any negative thoughts - I certainly do not berate myself and beat myself up like I have done in the past. I'm not particularly anxious about anything anymore. I know I need to start getting in shape again, but as far as I am concerned I'm just not putting too much (enough?) pressure on myself.

I may not be around here much at the moment - I'm really busy at work and when I get home at night I'm doing a lot of relaxing - but I will be back when I'm ready.

Oh, I have to say what happened to me on Friday. It's very sad really, well, it's a sad/happy story...

I went to the doctor's on Friday morning (which has nothing to do with this post!), and got a prescription, so I walked down to the chemists to pick up the items. On the way down there was a dog, running about, quite unconcerned with anybody or anything. I ambled around town a bit after picking up the medication, then walked back to my car, which was parked outside the library. When I got there, there was the dog. I got hold of it by the collar and couldn't see a tag. The dog seemed a bit frightened but I made a fuss of him and he settled down.

I decided I needed to do something with the dog, as he would appear to be a stray. He was quite a large dog, a bit like a longish haired doberman, black with tan legs, but his face was all black and he was very friendly (not that dobermans aren't friendly, or that I have ever had an experience with one). I rang the local police, who told me to take it to the nearest police station, which was about a mile and a half from where I was. I tried to get the dog in my small car, but being a large, strong dog he was pretty adamant that he wasn't going in there, so I had to walk, holding on to it's collar (thank goodness he was quite large and I am v. small). There I was walking down the street, slightly bent over, taking this dog to the police station. I passed a pet shop so I popped in a bought a leash. That was much easier for the both of us, except he kept running in front of me and I kept having to do twirls so that he wouldn't trip me up. Apart from that he was a great dog, although he didn't seem to be well trained - he wouldn't 'heel' or 'sit' at road crossings.

When I got to the police station it was shut - it had just gone 10.00 am and the police station wasn't due to open until 11.00 am. I rang the telephone at the side of the door and the lady who answered tried to put me through to someone at the station who could come and let me in. There was nobody there.

I decided to walk back home (another mile away) and ring my place of work to see if they could do anything. I got home and took the dog in the garden. I gave him two cans of catfood (that was all I had!) because he was absolutely starving, and a bowl of water, which he promptly tipped up all over the kitchen carpet. When I told Mr Stubby about that part he wasn't happy. I think he was a tincy wincy little bit jealous of the fun I had had with the dog.

I got through to work, and one of the PAs sorted out so I could go back to the police station and somebody would be there to meet me.

So I walked back to the police station (another mile) and was met at the door after a couple of minutes. We took the dog out the back to a kennel. The police officer said he would ring the local dog rescue place to come and pick him up, after having checked the register to see if anybody had reported him missing.

I was pretty worried. I didn't want him to go away and perhaps not find a loving home, and you know what would happen then...

I left the dog, walked back to town, and drove on to work. When I got to work I had a message to say that the dog had been reported as missing to the dog warden in our town, not to the police, but the owners would be reunited during the day.

I was happy that the dog got to go back home, but sad that I wasn't going to see him again. I was having visions of Mr Stubby and I going to see him at the rescue centre, Mr Stubby falling in love with him, dog coming home... But it wasn't to be.

Still, I got plenty of exercise in - my legs are still sore today.

Nanny - I could definitely eat scones with jam and cream, in a Sound of Music way. I could just about eat anything at the moment! I'm glad you are still around, but you must be very busy. I'm excited that you will be going to Geneva!!!

Actually the Sound of Music was Tea with Jam and Bread wasn't it? Still, what does Julie Andrews know?

Minnie - you are right (as always). We must remain hopeful. I do remain hopeful. The weather has cooled off today - I did go on my bike for 30 minutes this morning too! Hooray! I've got some balsamic vinegar with raspberries, and it is lovely. Balsamic vinegar goes equally well with strawberries too, apparently.

Chumskull - I miss you too. I know I say it a lot too, but it is true. I haven't had a wagon wheel for a while now. I snarfed the last lot pretty quickly and have not allowed myself to buy any more. I did buy Cadbury's Crunchies though, that's my current weakness (that and every other food item which would not be on a strict diet sheet!). I am sure Mr Stubby would happily push me into a swimming book with lots of babyruth bars. He can't understand my phobia - I also have a phobia of sitting on certain types of furniture. I don't know where these things come from?

It's raining very hard at the moment. That should make Chum's day.

Hello,

i am so glad you got the dog back with its owner.

we fall in love with pets fast.

i am not one for dobermans though as a child having bad memories with the nieghbors dog who used to chase me down and eat my lunch. i was so scared of it and never recovered when i see a doberman i flip. my friend has one and i steer clear of it.

i know how it feels to lose the ambition to lose wt. i have been there and have also told myself i will do it tommorow and then tommorow wouldnt come for months with a wt gain for me.

so i know deep down you will get on track,. it takes time to get the feeling back but you will.

your a fighter so dont forget it.

take care and have a great day!!!

That's a fun dog story, Mick! I hope you find a big dog that you get to keep for your own one of these days.

Here's another reason not to swim these days: http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&cid=573&ncid=757&e=6&u=/nm/20030813/od_nm/bombs_dc

Hello there. Are you surviving the record heat wave there in the UK? I'm sure you are sweating and moaning and groaning . At least, I would be. But then again, you are a better person than I, so perhaps you are just basking in the warmth, wearing your Ray Bans, and drinking pina coladas.

Hello,

havent talked to you in so long. wanted to say hello and see how you have been.

it is a nice day here for once instead of downpours of rain so i am enjoying every minute of it.

take care.

Hello. Sorry I've been such a stranger, but lately I've been feeling STRANGE. Sigh. I guess it happens, even to the best of us.

I am assuming, from your DT absence, that you are feeling similarly?

In case you are reading this, but just not writing in it, I want you to know how much your friendship and support and devotion has meant to me. Thanks so much for EVERYTHING.

I miss you, girlfriend!

Hello!

I found you girl!

Don't get too stressed about losing weight for your wedding...I did this...joining WW the November before my May wedding...I lost about 7 pounds...then by Christmas dropped out...by the time my wedding rolled around I was 5 pounds heavier!...Pfft!

So...the point of my story...start making some changes you can live with...for life...like smaller portions...less sugar...no snacking in between meals...no food after 7...nothing fried...more water and exercise...and in the end...it will all come off...naturally and at its own pace!

I loved your dog story...you must have looked too cute with that dog!

mcmarto

Hello Mickey,

if you are reading this i miss talking to you. we all have our slumps with dieting. your no alone. you are putting to much pressure on yourself for the wedding. first of all from your stats i dont vision you at all overweight and secondly even if you do you have done so well and have inspired me from day 1.

Please come back.....

take care.

Hello darling. You can run but you can't hide. hahaha Don't worry, I've been hiding too. I've been eating like crap a lot of the time and feeling sorry for myself. But I have missed you here. I miss finding out what is going on with you (especially since your letters are far and few between...pffft).

Do tell.

Hey girl!

I have been to NY and back...where are you?...What have you been up to?

How are the wedding plans coming along?

mcmarto

:hug: :hug: :hug:

Mickeyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

Hi MV,

I hope to chat with you one of these days....
Sorry for being absent.
I hope you are well.

Andrea

Mickey, Mickey, Mickey, when are you coming back?

Mickey,

I miss you and in case your roaming the site reading but not posting please know your not alone. i have been doing so bad and am so disgusted with myself.
like i said your not alone here....

i feel alone alot of days with this ED but know when i come here im not alone cuz so many are going through the same things and understand and dont judge us.

hope your doing well and to hear from you soon.

Your always a winner to me Mickey!!!

take care.

Hey Mickey!

I hope you are happy...healthy...and loving life!...AND chocolate too!

Hope to here from you soon!

I need to here more about your wedding plans!

mcmarto

Waa. Life's not fair. I give in too easily!

I'm trying to do this again but my weight keeps backpeddling. The power of food is ever stronger... :c(

Heh. You weigh more than me now! A little bit, anyway.

It's ok. You'll be skinnier than me again in no time, once you set your mind to it. How's married life? How's work? What's new? Nice to see you again!

Thanks Kil. If I need motivation I'll refer back to your post!

Married life is great - too great though. I seem to be stagnating a little.

Nothing new - apart from the weight! Still same little old(er) me!

Managed to get up this morning at 6.00 am and do 45 mins on ex bike. I don't want to tempt fate by saying that this might be the start of things to come, but it might...

Eating was going okay. I was just nibbling carrots and celery for my mid-morning snack, when a colleague brought a slice of birthday cake (the chocolate variety) in. Well, that's gone and I've got wholewheat pasta with veggies for lunch. I don't think I will have done to much damage, as long as I stick to the plan 80% of the time!

Mum and dad's for tea tonight - mum says that Lasagne is on the menu, with salad. As long as I don't get too hungry I should be okay, otherwise I will give myself an exceptionally large portion, which is probably how I gained all this weight back in the first place!

Goodish day yesterday (after the chocolate cake debarcle). Today I am eating okay. I did sneak in a packet of Marmite flavoured crisps (chips), and I have followed that up with some raw carrot and baby sweetcorn.

Lunch will be egg sandwich on wholewheat bread and a packet of twiglets.

Afternoon snack will be a banana and a Fabulous Baker Boys Muffin Finger (only 70 cals!!!).

Tea will be a Thai stir fry, which I'm looking forward to.

I did exercise this morning - 45 mins on my ex bike, burning a touch over 400 kcals.

Although my eating is not spot on by any means, if I lose weight slowly, I can live with it.

Happy to help!

Excellent day today - although I didn't exercise, but according to Dietpower I ate well (it gave me an A).

I did some jogging on the spot last night. I hope nobody could see me through the window - I looked daft, but my calves are really sore today. That serves me right for not warming up!

Weekend coming up - the weather seems to be pretty cold and windy at the moment so I probably won't get out on my bike, but I might get out for a walk, or go on my exercise bike (depending on the calf situation).

Still doing okay. i was going to have a 'free' day today, but in the event I have eaten quite healthfully with lots of fruit and veg, although a little too high in salt which will no doubt send my weight skyrocketing on the scales tomorrow - nevermind.

I managed a walk earlier to try and ease my calves - they are still incredibly sore. I don't think they are much better though. Maybe a bikeride tomorrow will fix them?

Managed a 33.5 mile bikeride today. I have now got a headache, which means i didn't drink enough water. My Polar watch told me I'd burned over 1600 kcals!

Watched Finding Neverland this afternoon. It made me quite emotional.

Back to work tomorrow - i'm going to have a rest day from exercise, although if the weather's nice i might take a walk at lunchtime to stretch my legs.

Ate well today - so far.

Well didn't manage a walk today but after yesterday i think I needed a break anyway.

Had indigestion today. I consider that i have been eating fairly well recently, and the only things that can be causing this (which I seem to have had on a consistent basis for about a month now - every day) seems to be the hot orange squash I am drinking instead of tea and coffee, or tomatoes. Anyway I've made an appointment with the doctors to get it checked out incase it's caused any damage to my oesophagus.

Nothing more to say today.

Tom visited today leaving me headachy and tired.

I left work early and did a 20 mile bike ride at a fairly steady pace, although there was a headwind - which was fun.

Ate well - haven't had indigestion but I've avoided hot orange squash all day (apart from one this morning). I've also drunk 50 ml of Aloe Vera (yuk). Hopefully that will help.

Another good day under my belt. :)

Doctors yesterday. I have a hiatus hernia. I am still of the opinion that it is somehow linked to the hot orange squash, although I have been given some tablets which stop me producing so much acid (although I read somewhere that they also can mean that you do not digest proteins so well) and feel generally much less burpy and sore.

I did an hour on the ex bike yesterday, but didn't eat so great. It was somebodys birthday so we had creamcakes. I had a strawberry tart which was delicious.

Then we went to my inlaws at night. We had a Chinese takeaway. We also found out that MiL has alzheimers and my FiL has known for some considerable time but didn't want to 'alarm' us. We have been alarmed anyway because MiL has been acting strangely and I personally was getting quite annoyed that the doctors weren't able to give a prognosis, but evidently they could and indeed have done so. I don't know how to feel about this. I suppose I feel a bit numb at the moment, even though it's something I've suspected for a while.

Eaten better today, although I think that the tablets are making me hungry, although that could be TOM. I suppose I'll know next week if things continue as they are.

I'm hoping to get out on my bike tonight, to do some hill work. It's not raining at the moment, but hey, I might even go if it is raining! :caf:

Went for a bike ride last night. I did a big hill twice, once one way and then back the other (after a ride in the middle). I got my heart rate up to 190 bpm for about 3 minutes! Nearly killed me!

When I got home we ordered a kebab, and although that was healthy (pitta bread, salad and barbequed lamb steak (no dressing)) we also had garlic bread with cheese which was not so healthy. I'm hoping to make up for it today though. I'm having a day off exercise, but keeping my food intake down.

Not having the greatest weekend ever - foodwise. I seem to be eating nearly everything in front of me with the last two days calories totalling nearly 3000 calories each day - that can't be good for my health. I also haven't done any exercise, so i'm going to remedy that today and go for a bikeride.

I am eating better today too. 8-|

Managed to get out for a bikeride this morning, but I didn't drink enough and now have a headache.

Have eaten okay - plain porridge (with a tsp of treacle) and a chicken and veg pizza which wasn't too fatty. Passed on the garlic bread.

I feel quite tired, and I think this might be something to do with what I've eaten lately - ie basically rubbishy low nutrient foods. I will try and eat better this week, more fruits and veggies, and see if that helps next weekend.

Did 45 mins on ex bike yesterday morning and ate fairly well yesterday. Went out for lunch and had a jacket potato with chilli, without butter, and for tea I had turkey breast with bhuna sauce and wholewheat pasta, so altogether not too bad.

This morning I had to be at work for 6.30 am and I will be here until about 9.45 pm. I haven't done any exercise, no time! I brought breakfast with me (porridge with molasses) and have brought a sandwich for lunch but that's it. Not sure what I'm going to do for tea. I'm probably going to regret not planning for this...

Good job on the bike! Is this an exercise bike or a real bike on a road that you're riding?

Why such a long day at work? That sounds miserable.

Kil - bit of both. Most weekday mornings I will go on the ex bike then weekends do road biking. It's easy to clock up loads more miles without realising on the road bike! I've got a GT Zum 4.0 - if you want to google it. It's really cute.

Got home a little earlier than I thought last night - 9.30 pm. I don't normally work that long, but yesterday I had arranged an early meeting (7.00am) that I had to set up and then I had to stay for an award ceremony, which as part of my job I have to arrange. It's one of the best things about my job I think though - I really enjoy those ceremonies.

I didn't eat much yesterday - mainly sandwiches, but I also had some chocolate cake and a chocolate crunchie bar, and that came up to about 1800 calories.

I've stayed at home today as I did two days' work yesterday. I got up late and did an hour on the ex bike, then have basically just mooched about and watched tv all day. My husband's due home any minute, then we are going to watch a film.

I've not eaten great today, but I'm not craving anything and I'm still under calories according to dietpower, which I am trusting with my diet at the moment. It seems to be working out okay.

Busy day yesterday and I drank too much caffiene which does not sit well with me.

Today I've been for a ride on my bike - I did 22 miles and felt pretty good. I burnt just over 1000 calories and am eating pretty well today. I feel good and confident at the moment, and perhaps like I have lost a little bit of weight. It is happening slowly at the moment, but I'm not feeling deprived or anything, so that's good.

Will hopefull get another bikeride in tomorrow, rest on Monday, then try doing some morning rides on my exercise bike after that. I've only got one more week at work before i have a week off, and hopefully then I will be quite active in that week.

I applaud your effort and wish you the best of luck on your weight loss journey!!!

Crumbs. I've not posted since Saturday! No time...

I did two good rides at the weekend, totalling 50 miles. Unfortunately I don't think I've eaten enough to catch up, particularly yesterday (Saturday burned approx 1100 cals, Sunday approx 1300 cals) and my calorie bank as of yesterday was nearly 3000 calories. My calorie banked is what is left over from my 'basal metabolic rate' and any activities I have done, less the number of calories needed to lose 'x' amount of pounds by a certain date, so really my bank balance should be as near to zero as possible. In fact on Saturday morning is was -139 cals, so you can see why I'm starving hungry today.

Anyway, enough of the excuses - I've overeaten today by several biscuits and a Double Decker, but I may go for a bikeride tonight.

See that's my mentality. I know I can eat that stuff because I have undereaten over the last three days but when I do I try and make up for it - hence I end up going into starvation mode, binging and then putting all the weight back on and more. There I said it. That's how things are.

Plan - slowly, over the next few days, by eating sensible foods, get my bank balance back down to around about 500 cals which I think is fairly sensible and allows me to have a meal out without blowing the budget.

Sigh. I feel better already...

Jes - thanks for popping by!

Again, haven't posted for a while. Things are going okay. This morning I weight 135.4 lb, but I didn't eat a great deal yesterday, so I probably weigh around 136 lb at the moment.

Doing well exercise wise okay. Have managed some exercise most days. Went for a bike ride cross country with hubby yesterday, and today we have walked around a lake, I think it would be about 4 miles, so pretty good going.

I'm off work all week, so hopefully I will be able to exercise a fair bit.

Still doing okay. Have been off work this week, and so probably ate more than usual but also have done loads of mountain biking, walking and general running about, soby way of balance I have still managed to lose a tiny weeny bit of weight.

My hubby has just done his back in and so we wont be going out as planned tomorrow (on the bikes) but I will hopefully go out on my own.

Fallen off the wagon for the last couple of days. Just not feeling very stong willpower wise - bad time of month and busy at work not helping.

Have set my alarm for 5.40 am tomorrow and I am determined to get up and go on my exercise bike before work. Hopefully i will have a more relaxing day tomorrow as my boss is away until next week now.

Okay so I didn't get on the bike, and i haven't done any exercise at all since Sunday. I've also been eating like there's no tomorrow. I keep giving myself a break, but I know that the longer this goes on the harder this will be to stop.

:help:

Need motivation? you weigh more than me, now!

Get your butt out there and do some exercise. Knock off the sugary white-floury wads and have some healthy whole unprocessed foods instead. You've done it before, you can do it now.

Thanks Kil. Just what I needed!

Did a good ride yesterday with some friends, but had a headache. Headache all week last week so I went to the doc's today. He asked me how long I had been having headaches - I told him 8 or 9 years. He said - well at least it's nothing serious! Anyway he's put me on some preventative medicine.

I've been pretty depressed lately. I am kind of positive but negative at the same time at the moment. Perhaps I'm on the turn. Haven't been exercising as much, but that's partly been down to having a headache last week. Believe me, it's the last thing I wanted to do.

The tablets should put me on the right track...

Things are feeling badly wrong at the moment. I think the migraine/bp tablets I'm on are causing me to feel depressed - which is not a good thing when I am already susceptible to depression.

I've started reading my "Lighten Up" book again - which is like cognitive therapy for dieters. It's extremely motivating stuff.

Hey...long time no chat!

Just wondering how you are doing, in your last post you mentioned feeling bad!...I hope everything is going well!!!

Hope to talk to you soon!!!

mcmarto