Ok so I've keep a journal here before, a couple of times. I love to write journals, and have kept one since I was 13, but it's not the place that I wont to keep writing about my diet. I wont to use my paper journal to write about what is going on in my life, and although it seems at times that diet and exercise have become my life8-|, I know that's not true.

So I'm back here journaling again. Writing about the up and downs of reaching a healthier me. I'm struggling right now with deciding if I'm going to happy with my goal weight [which I am only about 5 pounds away from :)], or will I need to go lower. I finally got my now over weight, formerly not over weight husband to try loosing weight [thank God because I was beginning to get scared about his health]. My two teenage sons will be beginning football on Monday morning [I wont need to worry about eating to much than, because after they breeze through there wont be any food left in the house :D ]

I'm not going to bore anyone here with how much I work out [which never seem to be enough (that is the one time a day that I get to work on hanging onto my sanity ... what little I have left)], or what I've eaten for the day. If anyone really wants to know about that stuff you look at my FitDay page.

So here I am, and here we go. I'll try not to be to winy, or boring ...

Hi vtmom
I am glad you sorted out the problem of what to do with your husbands weight gain.

Take care
Ellie

Hi vtmom,

I'm glad you got that figured out too. It's funny how once you become really aware of how important healthy eating and exercise are you then get petrified of what can happen to those you love who don't follow the program. And the worse part is you need them to want to do it or there's nothing you can really do about it! (except nag like an old biddy in my case!):D

I got some really good advice from Jo here at dt about "goal" weight. She suggested I sort of "try on" the weight and maintain it for a few weeks or so to see how that felt, then if I want to go less, do it, but just "trying it on" and maintaining it should give you an idea of whether you're done with yourself or not. I liked that advice because it was so "pressure free."

I feel like you do about the working out, that's my time, the only time of the day I am doing something just for me. It's taken a while for my family to figure out I am not answering the phone during my workout, so talk into the answering machine and I'll call you back when its over. Don't knock on the bedroom door while I'm exercising and disturb me, you might catch a dumbbell upside the head! Just let me have my time and then I'm all yours for the rest of the day!

Congratulations for being so close to goal, I'm sure you'll feel your way around and come up with what will be right for you. The important thing is not the numbers, but a healthy and fit body. (remind me of this when I forget it please!:D )

Donna

Hi Donna and Ellie, thanks for checking out my journal. My fingers are crossed [and everything else on my body as well:)], that the hubby will continue to work at getting healthy.

I truly like the advice about what to do when you reach goal. I set my original goal weight based on what I weighed when I was in high school and until I had my first son. I'm very happy with the fact that I'm closing in on that goal, but I'm not sure it is enough. I never thought I would reach a place in my weight loss were I was wondering how much lost is enough, and how much would be to much.

I'm also at the point now that I have to start learning how to live with the new me. My fight is no longer so much about how to get the weight off, as it is about how to keep the weight off. I'm beginning to wonder if this part isn't harder.

I guess that after 2 1/2 years of working at becoming a healthier me, I still have a lot to learn :(

I guess you've hit the issue...fear...not the weight... Seems to me you've learned how to get it off, and are cool with that...but scared to try to maintain it and possibly result in a gain...You are 5'5 according to your stats...and you could really just decide to let your body decide what weight is right for you, then it will even out on its own and you won't have to worry about what is right...I don't know...I'm not there yet...but seems to me our bodies are pretty well put together, and kind of smart...so maybe keep on doing what you are comfortable with...you won't waste away as long as you are not starving yourself.:)

Fear. There is a big and so true word. Fear kept me fat for a lot of years, and I guess you may right, that now I'm feeling afraid of stopping the diet. My oldest son and I were talking about my weight loss and if I should try to loose any more. He says I'm cool right now where I am, but the important thing he told me, is that I don't know how to live now after two years without being on a diet. He maybe right. I've put a lot of time into learning how to loose weight.

I gave some thought today to blowing the diet for the day, since we were going to a fair tonight. Well my choices weren't the healthiest ones around, but my will power or something kicked in and stopped me from going over my calories count. Food has to be giving me so much now days, in order to me to justify eating.

I hear that vtmom, and I think that thought process of "food having to give us something in order for us to justify eating it" means we've learned how to eat for our health and eat what's best. I mean, of course there will be the days we throw all caution to the wind (or at least I will!:D ), but day to day, I eat to fuel my day. And I think because we do feel this way, it keeps us extra anxious. I think I'll probably always count calories, or at least for the next year or two until I get it cemented in place. It's less stressful for me to count calories and know what I'm doing, I'm use to it, and I figure over time, cause its only been 2 years, it will become more of a natural way of life, but until then, knowing how much I eat keeps me sane and mindful of my food intake.

But I agree with letting your body decide where it wants to be. I've decided to not think about the numbers, but work on tightening up what I have and reshaping it like I want it or as close to what I want as I can get!:D It's also helping me to gain more appreciation for my body. And I think that's a part of this whole process.

Donna

Today was not such a good one for me. My boys begin football in the morning, so summer vacation is over in our house, which also meant that today we moved back home from camp. Between the moving, opening up the year around house, making the parents meet the coaches meeting [I have to go even though the Hubby is one of the coaches8-| ], and the awful rain storms we are having right now, I didn't get in any walking today. Than if that wasn't bad enough I went over my calories for the day by about 200. Thank God days like this only come along once in while.

I am thankful that I made it through the day without feeling stressed out. Tomorrow will be a much quieter day for me. And I'll have the time to double up on my walking since I have to get the boys to their 2 a day practices, Mom is going to enjoy a 2 a day walk :D

The last few days have been going pretty well for me. I have the boys back in their football, which ties up the hubby as well :). I've gotten in a lot of walking, even though I've had do most of it in the rain :(. I'm feeling good, and other than eating out way to much, I'm eating well.

The only things happening in my life of late, is that for one, I'm having a hard time getting enough water. I really need to be drink even more than normal right now, because of the heat here. My other problem is that I'm so hungry in the afternoons. It not that I'm hungry, more that I have the munchies. I haven't felt this way in quite a while. I need to figure out how to make these feeling go away :(.

Hey vtmom,

Sorry to hear about the walks in the rain, I hope at least it's a warm rain, cooling enough to keep you from sweating but warm enough to keep you from getting sick!
Afternoons have always been a tough time for me too. A lot of people have trouble with night eating, but for me it's afternoons. I've found the 2 things that help the most are timing my lunch for sometime between 12:30 and 1:30 and having an afternoon snack about 4-4:30, this keeps me from munching on something mindlessly and holds me til dinner which I usually have at 7PM every night. If I skip that snack I always go overboard at dinner or end up snacking on the first thing I can shove in my mouth about 5 or 6 just before dinner!
"Theories" say that us afternoon snackers are hard wired for it because we were probably the kids who came home from school and were use to getting an afternoon snack, and that our bodies grew use to that and that's why we are afternoon snackers. In my case, it could be true, my sis and I usually came home about 3:30 from school and we did have a snack everyday mon-fri between 3:30-4. So?

Wishing you some dry weather for walking,

Donna

I'm tweaking my diet again. I'm trying to achieve eating more fiber, and getting in the amount of calcium that I should each day. I'm starting by adding a snack of fruit or veggie, or dairy half way between each of meals. We'll see if I can make this work.

The weather has finally gotten to me. I need to see some sun light, for a whole day, or I'm going to go nuts. To much of this dreary hot humid, it going to rain any minute weather, has gotten me to the point that I have no energy for anything I have to do. All I feel like doing is sitting in a chair and breathing.

I am truly enjoying having the boys doing 2-a-day's for football. With the Hubby coaching and, both boys on the same team, I'm getting two and half hours twice day to myself. I'm using that time just for me to, I'm reading, and getting in extra walking time, and working on finding some sanity to carry me through the crazy times. Of course I'm also getting the house really clean :D I think it's ok to be selfish with your time once in a while.

I was doing well today, and feeling pretty good about my diet until this afternoon, when I found a ginger snap cookie calling my name. I have to get a handle on this afternoon snacking thing. You know Donna, you may be right about having been programmed to eat a snack in the afternoon. In my case I came home to an empty house after school, and full refrigerator. I'm going to have to figure out what is going on in my head the last few days that has caused me to have such a hard time with afternoon snacking :(

Today I won a silent fight with myself over an ice cream cone. I've done much better today with my afternoon cravings. I'm wondering if the weather didn't affect my afternoon snacking. Today was the first day that we haven't had any rain in over 10 days, and the sun was out in all it glory, and the humidity wasn't all that bad. It was also the first day that I didn't mind getting out of bed. Anyhow what ever caused it, at least I got through a day without the afternoon binge :D

I'm still seeing a slow creep of the scales. I hope it's left over residue from this last weekend's bad eating, and will settle back down shortly.

My boys are tying up all of my extra time, what with school about to start and football. I fixed dinner tonight before driving an hour and half to watch their scrimmage, only to come home and have to run the oldest to the Dr [he dislocated his ring finger], and than came home to find dinner burnt, and by this time we had to go out and grab something to eat. I've got work harder at better planning for emergency meals. Oh well, I'll get back into the swing of things.

Hi, vtmom13. Thanks for stopping by my journal.

Boy you sound like a busy lady with two boys in football. That brings back some fond memories for me. I drove by one of the city football fields today and saw the lads preparing for the season. his is such a nice time of year with school starting. Great fun.

I don't have much of a problem with afternoon binges, but I sure do with evening binges. Don't know why, and it is not every day. If I find a solution, I will sure share it with you.

Keep smiling, life is good. :D

It's a new day and I'm off and running again. I'm finding that with the schedule I have adapted, it is a very good thing that I've been working on being in shape. I don't think I could keep up with everything in my life, and all the things my family wants me to do, if I hadn't lost weight. And all though I find myself often being pulled in many directions at once, I am thankful that by the end of the day, I've been able to help out.

Lunches are going to kill me. I have to find a better place to eat when I'm running with the boys. It's hard to find things to eat out at lunch time, because so many of the sandwiches will kill you. Even though I have them make mine without any dressing :shakehead:

I am having an awful night. I do not deal well with change, and even less so when I feel that the control of that change is out of my hands. I'm about to loose the freedom of going to our second home [the house I grew up in] on the weekends when ever I want. My Hubby has rented it to one of his cousins for the school year, while she teaches in the local school district. I feel almost like I experiencing a death :( I desperately wish to eat myself sick. I know it wont help anything, and so far I haven't hit the kitchen, but God am I ever close to desperate.

My sons seem to think that I must be PMS'ing. Or as my oldest son calls it DPMOS [Don't Piss Mom Off Syndrome]. All I know is that my calories count is over today, and I could still eat the A** End out of a [you fill in the blank]. I'm going to bed early tonight, and hope that I'll feel like a human in the morning.

Today is not looking promising for my mood. I already feel as though I have failed on the day. So I know that today is going to be another struggle to avoid trying to find comfort in food.

I am trying really hard to blow out a lot of little jobs, that have been accumulating of late. I find that if I stay busy, and de-cluter my life at the same time, I don't feel quite so stressed. I'm working very hard at finding a good mood, or at least some little happinesses to get me through the day. If nothing else I can be thankful that so far today I feel like binging.

Another day and the calorie count is to high. Today I was at least under control with my eating. I planned for a celebration meal with my son at his favorite restaurant for his 15th birthday. I can live with today totals.

My mood and feelings have not gotten any better. Day three of PMS hell X-( So I am taking a big part of today and making it about me. I think that's the best thing for me and the boys. I'm going to the city and spend my day shopping, and people watching, and by myself, with no asking me to do this or do that. I plan to stand in long lines and listen to the people around me talk about their lives. Which might not like sound like fun, but I like that feeling of a forced to slow down. With any luck this will be just what I need to get back to a more normal me.

Hi, vtmom13. Hope your day in the city went well and you got yourself somewhat unstressed. Actually a day in the city is always a good distraction for me, although we don't have much of a city to spend the day in.

PMS? Yes, I remember how that can be. Hell for the individual and everyone around.

Take care,

I'm spending the day cleaning out our house, the one my Hubby has rented to his cousin for the year. Well at least the PMS feeling have been replaced. I still can't get over just how sad I feel about having to give the place up, even if it is just for the year. Considering the emotional roller coaster I've been on this week it is wonder that I haven't become Ben and Jerry's best customer.

I feel a little better tonight. I think the change in the weather, and nice walk with my Mother and the neighbor's dog [who I'm going to miss the most with giving up the house] in the woods, helped a lot.

My eating has stayed under control through out this whole last week of hell, which is the one big plus. On the other hand I feel fat. I know that sounds dumb, but some days you just feel that way. I'm hoping that for at least the next few weeks my whinny spell has past.

Food has become much easier for me to deal with lately. I've noticed that over the last few months food has lost a lot of it control over me. I've found a happy medium with eating, that seems to be working. I still have days when my calorie count is high, but it's because I chose to eat the those things, where it used to feel like the food chose me.

For the second night in a row after dinner has left me feeling a little sick to my stomach. It goes away fast, but still I wonder what I might be doing wrong. Other than that, this day was very good for me. Well there was one short stretch were I got caught in traffic [there are a lot of tourist in town], and I got stressed out, and had some deep thoughts about how I really wanted to pull off and have some donuts, or pizza, or ice cream or all three :). Lucky for me the traffic was to bad to think about making a left hand turn, and by the time I got home [way out of town on a nice quite back road], the feelings had passed.

I guess that I have gotten a handle on my emotional eating [there's something I never thought I would be saying], because it was not a good day for me. I dropped my youngest son off for his first day of high school, I help the DH's cousin move into our house, and I took my Mother's cat to the vet to be put to sleep. I think that just about enough crap was piled on [excuse please] to have almost justified a good old eating binge. Instead all I could think about was getting home and taking a really long quite walk, food was never even a thought. But I suppose that all I've done is replaced one crutch for another as a way to deal with my emotions, and I have to ask if that is healthy either?

Not that I'm Dr. Phil or even close to it but I think it's very healthy to have replaced eating with a long walk. I mean we're human so we're going to feel stress, anger, sadness, etc., and we have to have an outlet for those emotions, whether its deep breathing and meditation, taking a long hot bath, exercising vigorously, or taking a long stroll, there has to be some form of release.
So I don't think your turning to a walk is a crutch, I think you've graduated to the place you've been seeking, a way to deal with your emotions that doesn't involve food. You should be proud of that moment!:)

Donna

I got both boys off to school this morning :( Now I think I'll spend the day cleaning their rooms. With two teenage boys cleaning their room is always an adventure. I just know that it's going to be way to quite around the house for me today.

Ya right quite around house, who am I kidding. I spent more time running around today than when the boys are home, and no I got nothing done in the house at all. I'm beginning to remember the real reason I hate having my son's in school; it's like having a second or third job. More paper work, the taxi driver you become, and of course home work police. Oh well only four month to Christmas break ;biggrin:

VTMOM, no way did you trade one crutch for another...
Are you enjoying your walks? Is it fun for ya?
Actually, slowly we are all supposed to 'get a life' rather than use food as the crutch...

I left home today VT, it was too quiet lol
I am used to a few boys here at a time, they jam on the guitars, play music...
Drives my hubby insane because he sleeps from noon till 9:30pm lol

I remember having to get use to the "quiet" in the house, it does take getting use to. My last one is out of the nest now and I still miss her sooooo much. I use to LOVE cleaning her room, okay, I snooped too, but mostly it made me feel "needed" when I'd change her sheets, dust and straighten up. She'd always say, "thanks mom, but I was going to do it eventually." However, Winter too was coming eventually!
Enjoy it now ladies, they grow all too fast!

Donna

I know Donna :c(
My son has plans to go to California the day he turns 18 lol
I am going to ask him if I can go too lol

I am scared to death of my son's room, no telling what it growing up there.. hehe
I was just looking at my sons baby pictures.. I wish I had that machine from the movie Honey I shrunk the kids..haha
I remember holding him in my arms and rocking him on the couch. He would come to me holding his blankie...wahhhh...

He couldnt say french fries, he was only about 1 year old and he would come to me and say mommy... bobby! and hand me a potato LOL
I cant wait to be a granny.

I need to learn how to slow down. I have felt for the last few days that I was running some kind of never ending race. I would be scared right now to have anyone check my blood pressure, because I can promise you that its high. I've only been out of bed for an hour and half and all my muscle feel tight like I'm ready for a fight or something. And because I was rushing and listening to my sons bicker in the back seat this morning, guess who backed her truck into her husband's truck. And you that is bad enough, but the only thing I could think was, oh sure one more thing I don't have time to deal with. I desperately need to calm down.

I've tried the deep breathing thing all day, and I just can't stop this feeling of rushing. I did get my blood pressure checked today, and it's great. The running is in my head, I can't stop myself from always thinking two or three things ahead of where I am right now, and of course this makes me feel like I'm falling farther behind. And now theses feeling are effecting my diet [well today anyhow] I just felt to over whelmed to cook dinner tonight, and so went to Friendly's with the Hubby and the boys. The only bright spot in my day is that I didn't go over 2000 calories :(

I've got to get a handle, before they are putting me in a padded room.

VT, I get that way at times too.
I find that I dont concentrate very well during that time either.

You need a dark, quiet room to do your deep breathing in, with the word that its do not disturb lol

I have been cleaning my kitchen cupboard out AGAIN.. We got the shelving put in the mudroom and I am using that space for my cooking appliances. Made a dint so far LOL

It's rainy and cold, and everyone is home, and well it's a good do nothing day. That's fine but, it can also turn into a day spent eating. So instead I'm here. I took an early morning walk trying to get it in before the rain which I didn't :(. I guess the only plus to my diet today is that we were going to go to the fair, where I would have blown any thoughts of eating well, but with the rain we decided not to go.

I'm still chanting to my self slow down, slow down, slow down ...8-| I wish I would just get a grip on my life and enjoy it. I'm snapping at the kids and hubby, and feel like I'm edge all the time. It's not a good thing.

I am taking a b complex vitamin, I want to see if it does anything to make me feel better.
I will let ya know lol
They say, most Americans are very low on those vitamins.
So, I was looking in fitday for a report on my eating, and sure enough all my b-vitamins are in the red.

I started out real well this morning. I stayed calm getting the boys to school. Since it was raining, I went to Curves in case I wouldn't be able to fit in a walk latter. I even planned to have time to sit and read the paper. Well that all went fine, but than the guys started coming to pick up their checks and, each one wanted to hang out and talk, and before I knew it, I was falling way behind again, and I found my heart racing and me rushing. I don't know why I'm getting this way. I used to be able to just let go of stuff, but I keep feeling like, I don't know, like I'm going under for the third time. The only bright spot is that it doesn't seem to be effecting my diet any.

My one salvation seems to be taking a walk. When I'm out there walking everything seems to melt away. It really doesn't make any sense because I eat up an hour plus every day walking that I could spend doing all those other things. But I don't care how deep the whole is that I'm digging for myself, my currant sanity depends on my walk.

Hey vtmom,

Just throwing out thoughts cause I don't know your age, but could these "feelings" you're having be hormonally connected to early menopause? Like I said, I don't know your age, but I know some women have been effected by perimenopause as early as 30 years old.
Could there be some hormonal "shift" that's causing you to feel this way? You know as women we are SUCH emotional creatures, yet life has to go on when we have a family so we tend to push our own health, both physical and mental to the back burner. But I believe in listening to our body, and your "dip" in mood (cause I wouldn't call it a slump, more of a little dip) seems to be lasting more than a day or two, maybe your hormones are playing russian roulette with you?

But how wonderful is it that it hasn't effected your eating! Way to go on overcoming the emotional eating! It's usually one of the first things we fall back on!

Donna

My mood was better today, but not my eating :( I was on the run all day, and didn't take the time to cook for myself. Plus I indulged in desert. Than if all this wasn't bad enough I didn't get in any exercise. Although I am planning to get up from here and go ride my stationary bike for 30 minutes. I still can't believe how much I ate today. I will have to be very careful tomorrow.

Oh and Donna you might be right about the lead up to the change of life. I'm 37, and my mother told me today that she started to go through the change when she was 41 8-| I just feel very panicky all the time, although today was better.

Well it must have been "something" in the air yesterday because although I managed to stay within my target calories, I still had some "funky" eating! I have no idea what possessed me to eat a 1/2 pint of Turtle Brownie Sundae ice cream as my PM snack?! 620 calories worth of ice cream! What was I thinking? I was just really lucky that my dinner was going to be a light one anyway and I'd eaten very lightly all morning, but still!8-|
I guess we're just human, but I really do admire those people with strict discipline that have no trouble with avoiding sweets/fats, it must be a very powerful feeling to have COMPLETE control over food! I wouldn't know?:c(

Glad your mood was better! Somehow it isn't fair that we should have to both bring forth children in pain AND have menopause too! Can't men share SOME of it?

Donna

Well I did get in a bike ride last night. Have I ever told you how much I hate my stationary bike:tongue:. I wasn't taking any chance today, so I went to Curve right after I let boys off at school this morning, so at least if the day gets ahead of me [which it looks like it might], I've at least gotten my work out in. I do feel calmer today, I'm trying really hard to tackle one thing at a time and not look forward to the next item until I get the first one done.

Oh so much better day. Although I still had moments that I felt panicky, I was able to fight it back down. My Hubby has told me to go to camp this weekend after the boy's football game. He seems to think that what I need is some quite time with no bothering me. I'm thinking this is why I keep him around :D

Hey vtmom!

I can't believe that you are only a pound and a half from your goal!!! That is awesome! :jn

I of course gave up and gained! Oh, well.

Congrats to you!

Cactus. :)

So I feel better, and have a lot of energy, and the DH pissed X-( me off first thing this morning just to make sure my day wouldn't be to good. And well maybe being mad is good thing for me, because I will stay focused, but it's not a good thing for him, because what ever he wanted me to get done for him today, has moved way down on my priority list. Some advice to any of you ladies out there ... NEVER work for your husband.

Thank God for having time to take a walk. Walking is very therapeutic for me. In one hour I can solve all the problem of the world, and feel very peaceful. This change in mood is also helped by the fact that the Hubby came back home, and said he was sorry for yelling at me this morning :hug:. After 16 years of marriage he's getting smart.

We put on our second meal for the football team tonight. My sons have a new coach who is way into team building, and one of the things he wanted to do is, to put on meals for the boys before games. So last weak before their first home game we did a breakfast, and tonight before their first away game we did a spaghetti dinner. It's a lot of work, but fun to do. I love to see the boys come through the line to get their food, and they thank you like ... I don't know ... like this was their first meal in a month. I know it made my day feel better.

Well that team dinner sounds really cool! I hope you got to share in the work and didn't have to take it all on yourself? I can't imagine having to feed a team of teenage boys by yourself!

Oh, and God love you cause I could NEVER work for my husband! He is a wonderful man and all but he'd be WAY too demanding and he'd have too many expectations for me to be his employee! We'd either work together or be married, but not both! :laugh:

Donna

Hi VTmom.. That is the worst feeling to have the spouse get into a crabby mood, after all their moods determine ours.. Or at least it does for me. Tonight, my hubby got up for work and was in such a bad mood and he was doing uncalled for things. I just close my eyes and exhale. Now it will take me about an hour to get back into my mellow mood..I feel very nervous.
But, I know that we all get cranky and it would be ok if he would do like I do when I get cracky, reassure him its not him or home, its just life.
Well, he will come home happy in the morning I imagine, he is hardly ever in a bad mood after work. So, I have tomorrow to look too..lol

Glad that you are feeling better. I like walking in the park, its so tranquil. Calms me down too. Tonight I walked about 50 minutes with my speedo dog and then we stopped in the park for a few minutes to listen to 7 older gentlemen playing bluegrass music.. That was fun.
I might go back next Friday night and stay a big longer.. its so nice to sit outside and watch people enjoying what they love.

Hi Donna and Birdsong, thanks for stopping by. I think that's what I love the most about the journal thing, knowing that other people are watching you. Yes Donna I had help with the dinner, my main job is getting all the food there and finding the people to help cook. Than I hang around to help pass out the food and do clean up :D

I don't think Husbands do understand how much they effect our moods. I know I can be ranting off the wall, and he's still in a good mood joking around on the phone or with the guys. But not me, my mood reflects the guys around me. If my boys or the hubby are having a bad day I'm going to feel it too. I guess I'm to sensitive to other people's moods 8-|

Anyhow I stopped in to say I wouldn't be here again until maybe Monday night. After the boys finish playing their game today, I heading for camp for a little quite time :D I can't wait to have some time to just chill out. I even have a new book to read, and it looks like the weather is going to nice :) So ladies have a nice weekend. I should be a new and refreshed me on Monday.

Wooo~hooo, have a wonderful rest this weekend! I'm sure you'll come back refreshed!

And thanks for the "grandma" names, I kinda like the "GeGe" one, makes me feel all "european!" :laugh:

Donna

Hey...what is this today...I can't pick my little "apple" icon for the start of my messages! John must be tinkering with the website again.

Hey vtmom...how much coffee do you drink? I am asking because I was plagued with anxiety problems a couple of years ago and I went to see a naturopath who had helped a friend of mine. One of the things she recommended was that I quit drinking coffee. It took me over a week to cut down enough to quit because I drank about 6-8 cups a day and I suffered with headaches and other withdrawal symptoms, but I did manage to quit. It helped reduce my anxiety quite a bit.

Take care and I hope you feel better.

First Artsy thanks for the idea, but I don't drink coffee. I don't drink anything but water 8-| . I guess that I'll just have to keep working on it.

3:28pm - It's been a beautiful day with bright skies and warm temps. It's this kind of day that makes living in Vermont such joy. I'm sitting in my truck right now in Bratt waiting to watch the youngest son play his first high school football game. Bratt has a great field and this should be a good game. I can smell a scent in the air like someone is cooking maple syrup? So what is it about my family that causes me to have feelings of panic? I was fine all weekend while at camp, but got up this morning and have had, all day this feeling of my heart racing, panic and failure. Even though I'm calm as I sit here writing my chest aches. I have to figure out what is going on with me, because I know it's not healthy.

7:19pm - I feel calm again? Just waiting to pick up pizza for dinner. Not what I would have chosen, but with not having been home yet today, pizza is what you get. Our JV lost their first game, and one of our players was injured. Not a good start on the season.

10:18- Well I'll wrap up the day. That player that got injured, they stopped by our house on their way home. He is done playing for the season, he broke a bone in his shoulder. It's to bad, because this is the only sport the kid plays. I talked to my husband about the feelings I've been having lately, and he is trying to be sportive. He seem to think that I had these same feeling at this time last year. Maybe the change of the seasons is doing me in, I know that funny things like that can upset people. Oh and I came home to find out that one of our workers quit over the weekend, and someone I would never have thought would ever leave us. At least he picked going into the winter when we start to slow down anyway, I wont have to think about replacing him until Spring. It's been a long day, but I guess that most of them are.

Hey vtmom,

I know I'm minding your business here, but that's my "lot" in life, but I'm thinking if you haven't shaken these feelings by maybe the first of October, maybe it wouldn't hurt to go see your doctor? It really could be something like a chemical imbalance brought on by hormones. I HATE the idea myself of ever having to take meds for anything, but sometimes they are necessary just for quality of life purposes.
But maybe it is just the change of the season, I have heard that some people are greatly effected by that, so if that's all it is then maybe it will pass in the next few weeks.

But anxiety disorders are apparently becoming more common. I know that I suffer from mild social anxiety, it's gotten better with weight loss, I was a virtual hermit before losing, and only in this last year have I forced myself out and to socialize, and even then I get overwhelmed easily and am ready to run back home. So just know that if it is something like anxiety, you are not alone, not at all. There are many different forms of it and there is treatment for it. But for now we'll just hope its the weather!:)

Hope your alone time was nice! :D

Donna

9:05 am - I've been up, and running since 6 am, and this is the first time I've had a minute to record what's going on with my diet. The problem with going away for a few days is that you have to come back. I'm up to my eyeballs in paper work, house work, and oh Mom I forgot to tell you work. At least my panicky feelings haven't shown up yet that's a plus. What isn't a plus though was getting on the scales this morning and finding a big jump in my weight. I hope that will even back off in a few days. Any how back to work.

3:36 pm - Well I got the house put back into order if not cleaned this morning, and finished up almost all of the paper work in the office. I ate my lunch at two in the car while waiting for the boys to get out of school. We only had one extra to take to practice this afternoon so the truck seemed empty. I got my clothes in off the line and dinner is started. Now I am off for some me time, my daily walk :D

4:59 pm - I just returned from my walk. It is a picture perfect day today, the kind of day that makes me glad I live in Vermont, and that I'm healthy enough to get out and enjoy it :) I think I need to get myself a new pedometer as mine doesn't seem to reading right anymore.

8:40 pm - Well my day has come to an end. Not bad either, I feel the best I have in weeks [go figure], and I got a lot done. The house is passably clean, and the office is caught up. All three of my men are sleeping [you've got to love long football practices for making them all sleepy]. I even got a jump start on tomorrow by getting my shopping list all put together. The only failure for the day is that my calories are way to low, but one day a week that's OK.

Geesh, you are one busy mom! I was going to ask how you lost all your weight, but now I see...it was keeping up with a house full of men! :sweat: It is cooling off here too, and I am looking forward to "outside" walks. Somehow the walks feel to me almost like a mini-vacation outside...yet a big drudge inside. Weird, isn't it?

Anyway, thanks for stopping by my journal and enjoy your beautiful walk today!!!!

--Ivy

7:42 am - It is cold and foggy around here this morning. I wish that I had the time to take my walk this morning, I love the way it looks on mornings like this, but I'm off and on the run again. I'm not happy about the scale over the last two days. I know that I'm not supposed to weight everyday, but I do. The numbers have been creeping back up on me, and that's not something I'm willing to let happen.

8:35 pm - I finally got in my walk for the day. I just finished it. It's kind of neat to walk around the village at twilight. There is something very clean and magical about a place just as the lights are coming on. Today was a good day for me. I think what ever it was that had me down last week has gone away, because I feel very good.

Hi VT.. I am happy to hear that those feelings you had last week are gone away.
It was very foggy this morning here too in Ohio.. Kind of peaceful isnt it?
I didnt do any exercises today. Just wanted a day of nothing lol

Take care and will talk again!

8:53 am - I am having a fat day :( Ladies you know just what I'm talking about here. It's a day when for no good reason you feel fat. The scale is back where it should be, and my jeans fit fine, but I feel FAT. I know from past experience that this feeling is going to color my whole day. My oldest son introduced me to the radio on Yahoo.com. It is cool, and I think worth the cost. It plays lots of old country stuff which I love. Well off to work in the office, and to get laundry done, and the oldest's room painted. Well at least that's what I'm shooting for.

12:57 pm - I have gotten a lot done today. The first coat of paint is on my son's wall. My laundry is on the line, and the paper work is done in the office. I have even gotten in my walk for the day. It feels pretty good. Now it's onto the running around town getting errands done, and than after school meetings. It never ends.

7:49 pm - Well this was a really good day for me. I got pretty much everything done that I planed to [painting second coat will have to wait :shrug:]. I got out of the Homecoming meeting without volunteering to do to much. Have you ever noticed that once you help out with one thing everyone calls you first thing 8-|. My eating was well in line, if a little low on the calories. As they say one day at time, and this one worked :)

8:25 am - Well I couldn't stand it that I hadn't workout yesterday, so last night at 10 found me on my stationary bike. I think it's pretty safe to say that I'm addicted to working out. Well it's off and running for morning, we're doing breakfast for the football team, and than I have a 3 hour drive tonight to watch them play. I'm going to have to think this day through pretty well, so that my meals don't screwed up. I know that I don't need to be eating hot dogs at the field at 9 tonight.

1:22 pm - I am off for my 3 hour drive to watch my son play ball. We almost didn't have a breakfast for them this morning, as no one at school thought to un-lock the kitchen for us. We did a little creative braking and entering. Any how we got the boys fed. You wouldn't believe how hard it was for me not have some of the left over pancakes with real syrup; but I was good. I have gotten in my walk today, figuring that it would be my last chance. Well I'm off.

10:26 am - I put myself in a panic over having to go into a lumber yard and buying strapping. How silly is that? I'm doing this remodel at camp completely on my own, because I won’t to learn how. I've brook it down into small steps. So far I have learned to insulate, and today I'm going to put up strapping for the ceiling tiles. I don't want to be like my Mother and be sixty plus, alone and not able to fix anything in the house.

12:24 pm - While on my walk today I saw 12 hawks circling. They must be getting ready for the trip to the south.

7:18 am - I am quite pleased with myself today. Even though my eating left something to be desired this weekend, I held my weight in line, and don't have to make up any lost ground.

1:35 pm - I have a killer headache going today. I put myself through another round of electrolysis, trying to get rid of all that time spent shaving my lags. I don't get to town all that often anymore, but when I do it seems that I run into everyone. Today it was all the political who's who's of town, of which I used to be one. I still miss it.

4:40 pm - I'm waiting for my next meeting to get started. That's pretty much what I've spent the whole day doing. This on is for the Booster Club at my son's school. At least it's a nice night and I'm enjoying sitting out in the warm sun of early fall. After the meeting several of us will go to a local restaurant to get the real meeting done. Than its home for me and into the office.