Well, a new journal for the holidays !!

Thanks Pat for giving me the title hahah... there wasnt room for happiness is a little red raked tree hahahha


The little tree i lit up for my non food comfort thing last night does make me smile... i got home and the timer that was supposed to start after five...actually did


:jn


I had a good day after a rough start...work was nuts but that is normal

I did have a funny thing at work though... my one dishwasher who has missed 3 shifts had a note sent to me.. (she is hearing impared)

I laughed when i saw it.. it was a note from the university hospital dental clinic


it was proper form...except the phone number was scratched out...and you could see the writing didnt match the signatures, dates etc.. like a revamped bad laser copy


it was a form stating that my girl had been treated there on the first day she missed and needed to be off work for 4 days


i chuckled...i did a better job in the 4th grade forging notes from my mom


anyhow...giving her the benifit of the doubt..I called the university

the receptionist chuckled when i told her why i was phoning..she checked and nope, no record of her ever... she said it must of been quite a dental crisis to miss that much work lol


i thank her for bothering her and she couldnt believe someone would try that with thier forms


I might put it in my files..it is a keeper


i am surprised she thought i might buy it..i have helped her in this job...maybe she confused compassion with stupidity

my sign language is not too bad..it will be an interesting conversation when she shows up for work on friday hahaha


******

the flu has hit some of the staff...my kitchen manager was green today and in the bathroom most of the time..i sent him home and will cover the next couple days for him


I sure hope I dont get this bad strain they are warning about

I even took a vitamin ths am with breakie hahahha



******


I am happy with my food choices today.. my dietitian wanted me to stay within these guidlines daily up to 10 grains, 10 fruit & veggie, 4 dairy, 3 meat

today I had 6 grains (2 cereal portions, which she recommends each morn, 2 multigrain bread in my sammy, 2 rye toast supper)
9 veggie and fruit which I am so happy with(2 portion dried cranberries with breakie, veggie with sammy, 2 oranges, raw veg afternoon snack, 1 lettuce with supper , 2 in chili)
2 portions in yogurt, 2 milk portions ff cheddar
turkey in lunch sammy, and i counted 2 protien portions in chili with meat and beans


it is easier for me to figure the portions now that i am looking at what a real portion is.. it doesnt take much to make up what a portion is


I will use fitday to figure the rest

i need the structure right now...and the motivation from meeting the dietitan yesterday sure helps



I left work in my work shoes...my winter boots safely under my desk lol

so i will double my socks and wear sneakers for my walk tonight


i want all my exercise blocks filled too



little steps


*****


I did have a bit of scale withdrawl today... that will be hard but I am sure she knows better than me what I need right now



once a few weeks have gone by then a monthly weighing will be ok



I needed to break that scale habit anyhow... i expect to see it drop all the time...and i know I need time



I dont want to set myself up for failure again


I am rereading dr phil again... there are a couple steps I am finding very helpful


the attitude adjustment.... it is so easy to build bad habits




*****

I am going to visit my mom this weekend with my sis and BIL .. it will be a nice trip..I am in a holiday spirit this year

I had such a nice dream about my late sis last night..we laughed and laughed... woke up so happy

happier than i can remeber in a long time


maybe it is time for the grief to move on




anyhow



I better take my big dog for his walk

I have to be up at 6 tomorrow



it will be a great day



:x




Peng

Peng,

I am SO glad you are feeling good about the holidays. That's wonderful and special and you deserve it! :x

Nice new journal. Wish I could see your tree. (Hint: pictures!) You are right, attitude is all-important. I think you are in a groove right now. Take it & run with it! You are gonna do great!

Lisrey :dn

just posting that i did my walk... so dar doesnt kick me arse lol

it was lovely... only -2 .. a bright night sky...real fresh

my dog loves these late night walks too lol

if it is this mild tomorrow...the weiner dog can come too hahahah

so all my blocks filled in on my sheet today


:jn




have a great day tomorrow all

:x

Welcome to you new journal. Glad to hear the Dietitian is suiting you. So hard to find someone who has the right attitude and approach for you as an individual, You seemed to have found a match and that is terrific.

I can so relate to the scale thingy. I now only weigh once a week but sometimes it feels like a long week , but I do agree it is better not to obsess with the numbers.

Hey Peng,

The air feels fresh in here. Must be the holidays:D All that crisp fresh snow and all LOL

I'm so glad we got to chat last night. I thought about all we talked about and I really feel ready for some thinking changes.
It's a new area for me too. Kinda feel like the dietian is guiding you by the hand, and I'm following along by your other hand LOL

The thing is we're moving.



I think somebody's going to be in trouble!!!! I would love to see her face when you....just happen to mention.... the phone call tot he dental office LOL she may look a wee bit green herself LOL

Take care

Darlene

good to see ya all too

:x


guess what

I am being sent all my challenges right from the get go this time lol


I had a lovely chat with Dar last night (sweet sweet lady!)...really had me happy, perked, and inspired

got off the phone late...took my big dog for a walk..it was lovely... a long walk as the night was so nice


got home after midnight... was ready for a good sleep as my alarm was going off before 6


was changing in the bathroom...house felt cool but figured it was because i was so warm from the brisk walk

as i picked up my discarded laundry off the floor..i noticed the heat register was blowing cool air


crap


went downstairs and the furnace was out

it happened once before and relit easily


well not last night

tried and tried till almost 2 am to get it going... didnt know what to do

have a small heater and placed it near the main plumbing areas downstairs and cranked it all night and it is still going



so... woke up and it was 46 F in the house



double crap


so went to work as my mornign guy has the flu bad... no choice


the guys at work told me to call the gas company...they will come check it


so I did and the girl told me i should of called last night....they have 24 hr service..I had no idea

I just knew i could not afford a late night service call charge


she was real nce


so a guy is coming this afternoon


house is freezing


my boss offered to come look at it while i was at work this am... but he has never met my rottwieller... and not worth the chance of jagger actually being unhappy about a stranger in my house


it was so nice of a couple guys offering to help me out



so nice



so i am gonna freeze for the next few ours then hopefully it will be ok


the furnace is not old...they think it is a thermostat coupler or something... hopefully not too expensive...

thank god pay day is friday


thank god it happened now and not when i am gone for 4 days this wekeend


BRRRRRRRRR

and the scary lawyer from my sis estate called too... shesh

i am waiting for him to call me back now as i freeze hahahha


I will make it through this without eating to soothe myself


I WILL

I hope both things are not too bad



cross all you got for me guys



i will post after all is taken care of


love peng



ps...the house was so cold this am... my sunshine ceiling would not come on...hahahah too cold for the flourescents hahahah... just barely glowed hahahha


shesh



I dont need food... just a furnace repair guy and the lawyer not giving me bad news




8-|

I can feel heat coming in the house !!! lol

of course, the pilot lit no prob for the tech...he says it is like taking your car to the garage with a weird sound..as soon as the mechanic drives it...no sound lol

he tested everything and it was ok...he said if it is anything...it is the thermal coupler... he cleaned the pilot, mixers and such and said that might of been it too

so..i will go to home depot...buy the 8$ peice and replace it..just in case

he showed me how...he was so helpful..then he explained the shut offs...told me i need to replace a vent on my hot water heater and showed me how to do that for 5 bucks

he said my furnace was a good one

thank you lord


and the gas man lol


the lawyer called and it wasnt scarey..just padding his account probably

I have accepted the fact that they legally screwed my sisters estate over


i just want it over


and move on


great day food wise


i made a great turkey veg soup at work with homemade chive dumplings (like fluffy pasta) I brought some home for supper too


I will enter my food blocks after


I am bone weary after no sleep, no heat, and early work...but thats ok..I wont nap... I will do my walk tonight



one day at a time


together buddies



:hug:



Peng

Yay for heat!! :up: Whew!

It is simply wonderful hearing you so inspired. I hope some of it will rub off on me. I am feeling pretty down about my eating lately, and today I seem to have developed a cold. Nose was running all afternoon as I was helping people at the desk. Used so many tissues it is red now. :sigh:

But YOU are gung-ho and driving ahead and filling out your blocks and walking and eating great! YOU are a wonderful example and an inspiration and a shining star! YOU are fun to listen to -- makes me feel so light and happy to read your posts. Thanks! :*

Hope you & the doggies have a great night! Get some rest after your exercise!

Lisrey :D

Hi Peng!

I just saw your new journal and I only made it through the first few posts this time around, but I wanted to post about the comment you made about the d/Deaf girl that works for you. I just graduated with my B.A. in Speech and Hearing Science (hence SHS in my name). I am quite impressed that you know Sign Language! :D I love Deaf culture and sign. I am going to graduate school for my doctorate of Audiology, but I did consider Deaf Education for a while. However, I have extremely passionate ideas on Deaf ED that would translate into a major bias making it unethical for me to give advice to parents! Anyway, I rambled there, sorry! I basically just wanted to say that I am impressed you know sign language.

Anyway, I think your montly weigh-ins are a good idea. It would be hard for me to adjust to that too. You just get so addicted to stepping on the scale. I used to weigh myself several times throughout the day...not a good idea.

Heat is definitely a good thing! So glad that you've got some!

-Lindsey

I'm so glad you have heat. Heat is such a nice thing to have:D LOL

I remember one year, we were living in this old 120 year old house. It was the coldest day of the year and it was snowing like mofo. I heard a huge bang from under the house. (funace was in the basement with only access being from outside) I call the gas company and they told me to shut my heat off right away!!! I thought I was going to feeze to death with 2 small children, at the time.
Turns out it was a delayed ignition. The gas was pooling then exploding in small explosions. Could have blown up the whole house.

I'm glad it wasn't that bad for you. $8 bucks isn't to bad, not when it comes to fixing a funace.

I still have to post my food for today. Was good up until dinner, where I got lazy and made instant mashed potatos. (not a normal thing in this house:o I aways have them just in case)
So, not only did I eat the taters, I had to much of it. Things could have been worse. I could have eaten them all right? I didn't. I also had fish with it, so that's a plus.

Any way, I'm so glad you have heat and very happy that you have some nice folks on your side willing to help out. We all need somebody now and again.

Take care, and get some well deserved rest.

Darlene

nice to seeya Lisrey & Lindsey !!

and ramble away...I love convo !!

good for you with your ED lindsey... so many options..


I learned sign in my 20's when i hired a mute fellow who was very skilled but shy because of his impairment

and I as well wanted to learn


i still mix up some sign..a lot hahah...i am only good at the basics...but you do get a rythym and communication is very easy when you are natural


he taught me a lot and i used it a lot travelling, believe it or not... when ya dont speak english...you can still talk lol


then i got rusty after not using it for years... then a couple years ago.. a placement councilor interviewed me...asked if i would be willing for special employees.. i told her i didnt thinking being hearing impared was "special"

a deaf lady came to work for me and she was great...we would talk and talk lol she would laugh at my crappy sign...and help me out


so in the deaf community... i think they share who they like to work for and why.. people seem to find my door.. it treat everyone as equals

one person i interviewed years ago tought me a good lesson... I had said"dont be nervous, I have worked with many hearing impaired" she responded "well dont you be nervous either, I have gotten used to hearing people too" with a smile lol


i always spend more time getting the hearing staff over obstacles..than i do the non hearing

and soon almost everyone gets into it


still get the ones who think yelling and waving there hands helps though hahahahha


I am just ok in it... but always learning

my girl called today ... so i asked her about the note...she said she remebered i wanted a doctors note for missed time.. so had it dropped off

i told her i didnt want forged documents from a university hospital who were upset she forged them


she hung up


lol... live and learn



now hows that for rambling hahahah thats what journals are for lol



i am having scale withdrawl guys..but want to try real hard to follow my dieitians plan

and i understand her logic

i have sabatoged myself many times when the scale doesnt drop 80 pounds in a month


:rolleyes:



I am so damn happy I have heat hahah


I have been sitting here warm, typing away hahahha

i can feel my fingers again hahahah


gonna go for my walk soon


then hot shower and sleep



have a great night all


seeya again !!!

Hi Pengii,

Yes, it is a great night. You have your Rotty and your weiner, you have lots of good warm heat, a nice cozy home, and you are right with your world. I'm so glad to know that you are happy and feeling so good.

Don't stress over the scale too much. I did the same thing, but not because the Dietician told me to, I just decided I was depending on it too much. And I was only weighing once a week. Still too often. Then this morning, cleaning the bathroom, I just couldn't help it and stepped on the scale. The first time since November 1st. Guess what?................I lost 6 lbs.. What a wonderful surprise that was. So you see, staying away can be very beneficial. I think I will stick with this plan too.

As you see, I found your new journal. Thanks for letting me know about it and thank you for the wonderful conversation we had earlier this evening.

You take care and keep well.
Hugz,
Sandie

:wave: sandie

I loved our chat too .. kept me smiling

WAY TO GO !!! 6 POUNDS !!!


I am adjusting to no scale...and truthfully..it is good as i think about losing pounds less, and eating better more

and I know the weight will follow

I hope your evening was great with ruthie and fam

***
I had a great sleep... feel wonderful

gonna have breakie and head to work

it WILL be a great day


seeya all later


:hug:


Peng

Hey buddy :wave:

How's your day going?

Mine is great. I bought this glade plug in thingy. The scented things...this one has a fan on it8-| Now my house smells like apple cinnimon.

My food has been great today. I am over doing it a bit on the soy nuts, so I'll just put them away!

I'm going to take another long hot bubble bath tonight. going to lite some candles and imagin/picture myself at my goal size. I'm going to try to visualize eating healthy, being fit and wearing the "cool" clothes LOL

I hear visualizing helps.

I'm also going to take a few mins to have a chat with myself. :tomato: No, I'm not crazy....well, not to crazy LOL
I'm going to say some nice things about myself out loud so I can hear it. (so long as I don't answer LOL)

So I guess that will be 2 nice non food comfort things ....the bath and the plug in.

What are you going to do today for your non food comfort treat?

Have a good one

Darlene

I saw the tree!! Beautiful with red lights and a light sprinkle of snow.
One day I'll see Penq too, if our off times ever co-ordinate.
Pat

Pengii...sounds like you are on a great food plan and off to a great start. Think how exciting it will be to be weighed after following your plan for a month? You go girl!!

I like your new journal...good work! Way to go, Danno, busting the employee with the phony note. That young lady needs to have more respect for people who are giving her a break.

Take care.

crazy night here..get to that in a min

Hi Artsy !! been thinking of you a lot lately... gonna check in on ya right after this post

Pat !! :x she likes my tree :jn hahah

damn fine job with the rake huh? hahahhaha


you will see peng

maybe you can inspect my painting job one day over coffee and let the girls know too lol

hell.. maybe i will put a brush in your hand not holding coffee hahahha

I have a whole basement in need of finishing hahahha


it is a happy little tree isnt it

I hope to seeya next week !!!


dar buddy !!!

you are doing great woman

I am so darn proud of you

each night i am walking jagger as a non food comfort ... he likes a scheduled walk now..not just whenever

the 10 yr old rotti jumps like a puppy when i grab his leash

it makes me happy

tonight i will also pack some stuff for my mom and for my trip tomorrow

unless that freezing rain they are talking about stops us from driving tomorrow night..then we will go sat morn


now that we know our mom aint dead


what a scare

she is almost 70 and feeling rough..she gets back surgery next week

so i phone her to tell her we might delay a day if the weather hits

no answer

i call my sis to tell her i tried mom and will call her later
my sis says she called my mom many times YESTERDAY and she never answered or returned her messages

that never happens

so I said..what if she is dead

we said no way


then we got worried

called and called

was just going to call an aunt to go check on her when i tried again

the machine picked up right away

i said mom call me now..figuring maybe her machine was working now


she called back and said she was having phone probs and just had a new phone in

well christ


told her hang on and i will call you back...gotta phone bev and tell her you aint dead



shesh


can laugh now hahahhah

I realize how raw i am still inside from my sis and dad dying so close together

i guess i deny that pain a lot


so talked with mom...what a convo after that lol


told her to call bev

and then i will call bev


my last nerve is whacked this week lol



shesh


anyhow..all my blocks filled except my 2 exercise... so will do them soon


me and my dog


i am walking real fast...feels good.. jag is on a 20 foot extendalead so he can pee real quick then catch up hahahah

good for both of us


i told my dog he is not allowed to die for some time either



he licked my face

i think that is an 'OK' in dog speak


lol

god.... my nerves lol


we have a big group coming in for breakie tomorrow... the hockey teams alumni..early and private

so up early


then a quick packing for the trip


will post in morning before i go


will be back monday night



have a great evening all

catch ya later



:hug:

Peng

got my walk in


now a nice hot shower and fresh sheets

cant eat either hahahhah



so my non food comfort zone is expanding

I am proud of myself

:jn


Peng

I'm so darn proud of you too.

You're doing it! One Jagger walk at a time LOL

I can just imagin your little red tree glowing as a beacon welcoming you home after your walk.:D

So today's going to be a busy one for ya eh? Gonna have to try to stay sane during the whole thing. Remember, I'm thinking of ya. If things get rough, just picture me kicking you in the butt LOL... Anything for a friend :lil:

Have a great day Claire

Darlene

having coffee and just chatted w my sis to make plans for the day...and not yet 6 am hahha

woke up at 5... gonna get my day together

we decided if it is crappy tonight..we will still drop jagger off at farm who babysits and leave early tomorrow morning and drive to sask


i will take my sheets with me and tuck them away so i can keep going


with this plan.. i have any option i want... seeing me fill my blocks as i go will help keep me focused

i need that


i know if i miss a couple days...i might get that 'what the hell' feeling..start over 'monday'


old habits...and i need to stay focused on new habits.. it will feel like a routine after a month


anyhow..I hope you all have a wonderful weekend



I will seeya in a few days



:hug:



Peng

Claire

you are such an amazing capable woman. I loved how affirming your journal was to catch up on. You are trying to be positive with yourself and boy is it showing. I am all about faking it till we make it ( especially now!!!!)

BTW I have read that you can teach simple signs to your infant and the two of you can comunicate well before they can talk. I have to take a second language to graduate so I might take sign language as it seems the most useful.


My silly cat has a messed up ear again. Can you believe it??? Gosh those little animals are needy. How are you keeping the dogs warm and the house clean?? I imagine that winter makes it difficult with mud and snow.

Your walk sounds divine. I wish I were more brave to go walking at night like that. Is Alberta pretty safe?


Have a wonderful Thanskgiving

I love your attitude about making the new routine a habit and not letting the "start over Monday" thing happen. I need to do that, myself.

Hope you have a wonderful trip & a good visit with your Mom! Enjoy!

Lisrey :hug:

Hey...nice new place here!

So...did that girl ever come back to work?

We learn so many new great things about you everyday!

You sound so happy and chipper!...Keep it up...its contagious...heeheehee!

So anything you learned from your DT you would like to share with us all???

Talk soon!

mcmarto

Hello Again!

I don't mean to respond to CJ in your journal, Peng, but it is true that infants can understand language (even spoken) before they are able to reproduce it. And the infant will have the motor skills to reproduce sign language earlier than they get control of their vocal muscles, so it is true! :D

Whew! I am very glad to hear that your mother was just having phone problems. Even though most of my family is still fairly young, I always jump to conclusions if I can't get ahold of them over a couple of days.

Anyway, I just wanted to pop in and say hello! You are doing great with your walking! I hope you had a nice holiday!

-Lindsey

just logged on real quick as i try and calm down before the drive hahah

your messages did the trick xoxooxo

lindsey ! quite apologizing hahah :wave: I love reading posts... and all i can from others !! and i learned something new and real interesting today from you guys

:x


CJ... my preggers little buddy

alberta is darn safe when you are walking a rottweiller that weighs 100+ hahah.... anyone else walking crosses the street before we get close to them lol

McPrettio !! so good to seeya ..and i see your stats moving and moving too !!

I will share all i get from the DT !!

lisrey... thanks buddy


I am working real hard to build better habits


whew

calming down



nicely


have a great weekend all


i just luv ya guys


you help me feel so nice


inside and out



:hug:



peng

HAVE A SUPER TIME!

Just make it home in once peice K?

Luv ya

Dar

Pengii,

Hi lady. Hope the trip went well and that the visit was super all around. Talk to you more after you return.

Hugz,
Sandie

Claire

Wow I would cross the road to. That rotty would do the trick.. Lol
I hope your drive home was safe and I didn't read if you were going to be with mom or not. If so then pm me and we can have a post thanksgiving vent and chat.

I really hope you survived the family.

I am proud of what you are trying to do. Just remember that in changing for good they point out that sometimes it takes us a few times to really get into the action stage. Don't beat yourself up for the past. Try to feel like each day your life is getting better, and most importantly keep pulling yourself back on the path you want.

I try to think of myself as a ship that is constantly checking my trajectory and making adjustments to my flight path because otherwise I would drift off the mark. These little adjustments over time have added up to lifelong habits so I know for a fact that it can be done and is worth it.

PS. I am putting up the tree today!!!!

Have fun...can't wait to read all about it!

mc:o

Hello,

wanted to say hello and i think your doing just great. im not doing so good on the dieting but i figure if i keep coming here i can get motivated. sooner or later....

but wanted to talk to my buddies ive been missing so much.

take care and remember I luv ya Peng!!!

just back from the trip to mom's with sis and BIL


AAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH


OMG


good thing i got ya guys to stablize me hahahha


anyone remeber the simpsons episode where homer gets hypnotized...and cant quit the screaming


AAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH



it will take years of therapy to recover


lol



oh my



I have lots to work on



*********************


anyhow... learned a lot about myself and roots of my familys issues


now to work through that...not eat through that


*********************


I am so happy to seeya all



:jn


sandy...I sure missed ya kid !! I knew you would find your way home


never a doubt in my mind


just glad it is sooner than later lol


I am rethinking my 'dieting' attitude too



we just have to set our feet each morning and just focus on today



I have to do some things


and will be back after



AAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH



oops



snuck up on me



hahahahahah


I missed ya guys



we will have a great week


together




:x


Peng

Hi Peng!

It's December 1st & I figure a great time for a fresh start! I have been struggling lately with a lot of stress & I am gonna jump on your little bandwagon & push hard to do well every day. I was thinking that your "blocks" are a lot like my spreadsheet that I fill in for myself. I am gonna focus on each day for the next three weeks. I wanna line myself up to start January where I started November! :laugh:

You are right with what you always say -- We can do it, together! Thanks for the inspiration! Oh -- and the holiday clothes challenge, too! :up:

Lisrey :hug:

Hey girl!

I missed ya!

Been doing some work on me as well. Didn't have quite the "in your face" approch though LOL Was it really that bad?

Well, at least it gives you a place to start.

Congrats for not eating through it! That's a major success.

WE WILL DO IT

TOGETHER

NEVER ALONE

Dar

I have lived it and I know exactly what you are talking about.

There is nothing like a trip home to make me feel 5 years old hiding in the covers. Usually it takes me three weeks to remember my name and what the hell I was trying accomplish before I got there

You take care of yourself and really baby claire this week.

Go over your stuff from the dietician and refocus yourself so that you can feel reenergized and good again.

Take care

yup, you nailed it CJ

and Dar, yes it could be hahahahah

lisrey... i saw first hand what not dealing with issues can do...at its worst

I am determined to deal with it and move on


healthier and happier


i am shakey from the weekend

post stress trauma


no bulltweet


gonna lay under the covers like cj said hahahah


last night i got the lunatic laughs in bed as it was all so unbelievable


such a feeling of helplessness



but..i can only control myself...and hopefully help the ones who want help ... when it is asked for

i have enough issues of my own right now..i see many ways in which i can improve my outlook... i know working on my issues is my only hope for freedom

and my only hope for loving 100%


*******



a good food day


i am getting used to not seeing my buddy, the scale


i feel smaller...clothes are loser after a week... my sis says she can tell a dif already

good for me (hahah i am supposed to work on my positive attitude ahahha)


i hope for 20 pounds gone by weigh day in january

but have to get over that too hahahah my dietitian doesnt want me relying on a number... she wants me to remove the pressure... the pressure which has always stopped me

she says it falls into place with good nutrition and a better lifestyle...no rules .. one day at a time

sandy, you would love this dietitian lol


anyhow... i will post how i reacted food and comfort wise to the stress... but no bingeing, no booze, no screaming

a few grays


and sadness for my family


but nothing we all cant work on


hopefully together


I still feel like homer though hahahahhahahhaha




AAAAAAAAGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

seeya tomorrow


hopefully i sleep well



:x



peng

Claire
I think you need to go rent almighty bruce or some really funny show and just sit in your pjs and have a good laugh. Laughter is always better than food. If you want to give me a call you know how to find me. We can laugh about our whack ass families together.

I have thought a lot about how difficult it is to change and I really believe that your dietician is right. It is so important to feel that our lives are getting better because we are being healthy. Sometimes that stupid scale really gets in the way of real health.

I remind myself that while losing weight is difficult I can do it and that it really is a simple formula of eating better and moving more. Ofcourse you will know that you are doing well when your pants fit loser and you have more energy.

don't get discouraged. Christmas is a difficult time for all of us. Find joy in every little thiing you can and please kick me in the ass so that I will do the same.

a good sleep and a positive attitude this morning

I am going to work through the emotions...not eat


dogs were happy to be in our happy little home again too


my big rottweiller ignored me on the drive home from the sitters hahahha... he stared out the window for the first 20 mins.... then decided he forgave me for leaving him and the affection switch was turned on

they are funny creatures...so receptive and sensitive..i think many people could learn lots from animals

i wish my mom could have a cat... would fill her life

maybe when she moves into a new place..but i can see why they dont allow pets in most seniors places...they still need care and cleaning up after.... i can imagine moving into a small apt that a cat has marked over and over


eeewwwwwwwww



anyhow...work will be a zoo first few days...have inventory to do and it will be hard as i need to remove the 2 orders i got on monday from lists... could just remove the $$ but would alter my tracking system

plus a weekly specials menu to create

find out who did what


I had a good sleep and am ready for it


I dont know if i would enjoy doing anything different really..I have managed since my early 20's

work is work...no matter what kind of biz


my mom gave me and my sis some holiday baking pans... i want to create some kind of cake like thing to fill the molds with...then decorate them for gifts for work


i know i am safe with that...if i managed my comfort eating this weekend..i know i can manage the holiday temptations

I did real well and it reminds me i AM capable

I thank dr phils key 4 for helping me along

I think looking at jan 15 th as my first assesment helps too

on the dec 15th, my DT and I are going to review the past weeks


she will ask me if i want to weigh..as she gave me that option..but i am getting used to relying on filling my nutrition blocks and sctivity blocks...I will wait till jan 15th

I can see her till april 15th.. i have already decided I am top priority..and will save the money to continue monthly visits

but that is way to far ahead to plan for..i just know i am feeling better each day


thanks to how i am working it


i missed the walks while visiting...did about a 15 min bit each afternoon..but was too chilly for the weiner dog..and the area was not safe for walking in evening without my big dog


me and jag are back at it now thta we are home

i will include 3 gym visits this week too

weights there...cardio at home

I hope to fit my bathing suit by xmas too... then i will try and add swimming on mondays

it is important for me not to deny myself things i enjoy because i am self concious about my size



so getting into the pool with the old farts will be fine...maybe my sis will want to do the pool class again

I would do that with her


can anyone figure out why they make higher cut swim suits and underwear in plus sizes???????

come on... show me a 4X person with a solid stomach..and i will do back flips

where the hell is your belly supposed to go


other thn drop out the frigging high cut leg holes


anyhow


my suit is ok... just too small right now

losing some inches will do the trick


I am making my good old hot cereal this morning

yes dar...bird barf hahaha

red river cereal


chilly morning so it will be yummy


will stop in china town for some fruits after work today...they always have great apples and oranges at the lucky 97 market


anyhow



wanted to tell ya all i had a great sleep


dealing with what i can control


giving the rest to the higher powers that be




I hope you all have a wonderful day today



seeya later



:jn



Peng


:x

Hahahaha, Peng, about the high cut undies! I need high cut because I am so short-waisted. Even when I was wearing 2X I bought high cut undies. The longer sides just go down my thighs & fit me all wrong! So I guess the answer is -- for short people! :D

You sound great today. Glad you are feeling so good & positive still about your dietician. I'll bet trainer chicky will be thrilled to see you, too. Have fun & keep it up with the dog walks! It feels great to have an animal companion to share with, I know. Wish I could walk with cats, but at least they hang out with me when I'm on the treadmill!

Lisrey :o

well it is good to know there is a reason lisrey hahahahha

thats why i love this site


:hug:


I havnt seen trainer chickie the last few times i have gone...she would have heart failure when she sees me..if she wasnt in such great shape lol


they are so encouraging...I know i will see her at some point..I think the early morn visits are before her shift

mondays will be later though


anyhow


work time



luv ya

Bird barf!!! Blah :-& LOL

Hope you enjoyed it :D

Darlene

I did !!!

lol..i love that stupid cereal hahah and nice on such a cold morning

good thing i had it too...worked a long one today

had my reg sammy, orange, and some veg for lunch

had bit chix and veg for snack

and turkey, cheese, veg for supper


real pooped and didnt get home till near 8

anyhow


have to go in eary tomorrow...still didnt finish logging inventory lol


the controller will kick my ass hahahah


food is falling into place...less cravings.. getting used to popping fruits and veggies in the mix


life is good


:flower:


anyhow...gonna go have a long relaxing shower



pamper myself a bit




have a great wednesday all



:x


Peng

Hi there Pengii,

It looks like you have gotten right back into routine and seem to be doing quite well too.

Those walks you are taking, in the night, when it's so cold outside, are probably the best time for you to be doing that. The colder is it, the more calories you burn every step you take. That has to be a big boost in your efforts to lose inches as well as pounds. If my legs would allow it, I would love to do the same. Alas bad knees. None too conducive to walking much, I'm afraid. Another good reason to eliminate the excess now before you too have such damage.

I am fortunate in that where I live I can feel reasonably safe walking alone at any time of the day or night. By 8 pm there is nary a car on the road around here. Even if you drive into town, about 10 miles off, the common joke is that they roll up the sidewalks at 8 pm.........haha. Not quite, but almost.

Take care now and have a great week.
Sandie

Hi Claire;
Glad you are back. I've been so busy I haven't been checking in.

If you want a real good laugh, go see ELF. It is such a funny movie, gets you in the holiday spirit. And with the price of treats at the theatre, you won't feel like eating anything.

Pat

:cheers: here's to Red River cereal LOL

So glad your feeling great. I'm feeling great myself.

Life really does seem to be falling into place. FINALLY LOL

You've been such a great support for me.

Hope to be able to chat with you tonight

Have a good one

Dar

Wow, Pengii...you sound so together and pumped up about your new program. It is great to hear that you feel smaller and better after a week on the program. So on December 15th...to weigh or not to weigh...that is the question. I would have a hard time passing up the opportunity for some feedback...you have more strength than I do if you can turn it down.

Take care and have another great week!!

having a coffee while the cereal cooks

gonna go in early today and later tomorrow

:wave: all !


hi artsy !! I am seeing how dependent my moods are on the scale ...when not getting on it so often... so gonna give this all I got

I wish was all real easy lol but i realize how tough it is to break bad habits...and i have develpoed a few

I wont weigh on the 15th of this month..I have seen my motivation change when taking a different outlook...so will wait till jan 15th

I still play mind games with myself...so realize i need to work through them

I was thinking...what if i wait to weigh till the jan date...and only lose a few pounds... I could of adjusted my eating now, and lose more

that attitude is prob why the DT said stay away from scale and focus on lifestyle changes

the total package


it would be dif if i had much less weight to lose , 2 months isnt long when i look at the big picture


I will be working on my non food comfort things for whe the motivation dips...I know I will cycle..it is staying strong during those times which will set me free


thats when reading here really really helps, journals of those at all levels... realizing i am not alone... realizing the little changes DO make a big difference


being able to allow myself things that would trigger a defeatist attitude before.... I can have bits of this and that... and not feel like i have 'blown' it all

Novemeber 24th I started with the DT.... had i been on the scale ..i would expect a huge loss...I dont realize it has been only a short time... but truthfully... each single day is a great accomplishment for me


I feel dif with TOM raging... my moods do fluctuate... I think it is less this month as sugars and processed foods are down


I know I will feel better and better as my body levels stabilize


patience ol pengii



patience and exercise


I think I have recouped from the visit home..my mom has back surgery today... I talked to her last night and she sounded good..she thanked me for a nice visit... I tried to be nice as I know she needed it


so, I feel good knowing I did all i could do... now to take care of me


I offered to do some volunteer work again... just a day a week or so...when they need me..at a local womens shelter

I volunteered with them years ago...and I know I would enjoy it again


non food comfort training lol


filling my life with rewarding things that are not edible


Pat.. I havnt seen a movie in toooooo long lol I love them..just havnt gone in so long I love a good laugh I still cant beleive the prices either yowsa lol

Sandie... :hug: you are so right...my body has carried the weight so well..I am approaching 40 fast...and know I cant expect no probs if I dont change my lifestyle now

your area is so pretty... it would be lovely to walk there.. I still remeber your pictures so well



Dar... the bird barf is almost ready hahahha



so time to get ready for work


I will make it the best day I can today


I hope you all have a great day too



:jn


Peng



:x

Pengii...I hope you are having a great day. I have to say that I am surprisingly unfreaked out about the scales. I am really in a bit of a funk and it would be nice to care enough to try. HOWEVER, I know this mood is only temporary and it will pass and I will be in the swing of things again. If the scale affects your mood by all means avoid it! The main thing is that you are in control, you are eating well and exercising and the momentum is going in a positive direction. You will get a pleasant surprise at the beginning of January when most people are wringing their hands in regret over their excesses. I am cheering for you!

You are so right about how much reading here helps... and I gotta tell you that your posts are helping me tremendously lately. Thanks! I feel so much more motivated and determined again... and I think it's coming from your positive energy vibes. I need a "shake up" now and then or I just stagnate and maintain on and on. A burst of refreshing Pengii energy is what I needed!

I love movies too... and it seems like I hardly ever watch any anymore. I spend too much time on exercise & on the Internet (not necessarily in that order). Need to make more time for that!

Hope you have a wonderful Friday!

Lisrey :ex:

:wave:

I am glad you are feeling good vibes buddy !! You have helped me out so much along the way...still do each day lol

I keep telling myself to adjust to slow and steady...one day at a time

find what i like and fits good into a good lifestyle...and try


instead of looking at all the thing i feel i need to improve on..i am trying to focus on the positive...and with that...the others will develope into good things too


just had my cereal... tired of dried cranberries in it though...so a big apple will be next into my belly lol


yesterday, when i checked the mail, there was a letter from my DT

was a nice reminder...she sent a note hoping i was doing well, and looking forward to us meeting again on dec 15th... and sent a booklet on the importance of breakfast and a breakdown of foods


a real nice pick me up


i have had feelings of flatness.. I am so used to sabatoge..and justifying it somehow.. so it really is one day at a time right now


to combat these feelings... I am adding an exercise block

I have to work this weekend... and will try to hit the gym after work on sat and sunday...and walk my boy in evenings


i might change my days off to mon tues, till after xmas

since my other weekend cook went back to hong kong... i can fill the spot and then be able to start yoga classes on tuesdays


i will just have to switch my work sched on tiesday to wednesday

it will work out and might be a good change


Artsy...I hope i get to the stage where i dont get freaked out.. I know time will help that

better habits are being built... I do have a good healthy breakfast and lunch each day... picking is way down..a few slips...but just old habits

I found myself tepted to pick last few days

I have realized it and stopped myself after my hand goes out



little steps



anyhow



wild wind last night... went and scooped some stuff that had been on my deck, out of the yard and garden lol


the big ol pine tree in my front yard didnt land on my roof.. i see my xmas lights on.. so something must of hit the timer

will fix that later


I better get ready for work



have a great friday all



:x


peng

Little steps ha!

Your working leaps and bounds!

You've made so much progess in such a short time.

I'm not talking pounds and inches, but mental fitness.

You're doing a fine job of "cleaning out your closet" and putting order to your life.

Congrats my friends.

Dar

working early today...so out the door pretty quick

will have breakie at work before it get nuts

an apple will fill my belly on way to work


i didnt fall asleep till late last night...always happens when i have to an evening shift then an am shift

oh well


will sleep good tonight


***


almost 2 weeks down... that feels good...a couple more and i am well into better habits

getting better each day


going to try on my challenge clothes this weekend...maybe sunday after work is done


i am off monday...maybe tuesday if i get everything done tomorrow


there are rumors flying that the restaurant will change hands


I guess you can never get too comfy in any job


maybe they are just rumors...who knows



one day at a time lol

I have some chicken to cook for freezer meals...just not enough time to do that last few days

maybe this weekend




I will make it the best day I can today



have a great weekend all



:jn



Peng

Hello,

I am so proud of you for sticking to plan and making better habits for yourself.

I have missed you so much. and glad to see you doing so well too.

My job they have cut our hours down saying we are slow but were not. we are only 2 sometimes 3 girls on a shift and we have much to do. there so cheap when it comes to employees.

Tommorow going shopping with mom and sis and hubby is watching kids and my niece. hes such a sweetie to me. I am lucky.

i sent you a x-mas card the day before yesterday so you should have it soon. i wrote in it for ya too.

well gotta run.

take care and hang in there. together we will cling to that thread of hope, ya know my quote on the bottom is used often on here and i guess i should read it more.

anyways love ya lots and talk soon.

WOW...2 weeks down...that is great...especially during this holiday season!

Food...and sweets...everywhere!

One dinner after the next...I do so much better during the week...I am at work...strict...then the weekend comes...watch out!

But...I try to plan ahead!

Have a great week!

Hope you don't have too much snow!

mcmarto

Let's hear it for pengii and being two weeks on plan!! I have been on plan for 2 days and I am feeling like I have something to celebrate...at the two week point I am going to be feeling super.

I love your idea of working out to handle the stress, pengii. By the way...what are your challenge clothes?

Take care and have another great week.

2 weeks under my belt

wooooohoooooo

:jn


if i keep this up...i will be wearing a belt lol


just a quick hello


I am heading out then back later



seeya soon




:x



Peng

YAYYYAYAYAYA

Claire I am so proud of you especially as Christmas is such a difficult time of year. This is a major accomplishment and I am so glad you feel this dietician can help you.

Have a great Day.
CJ

Hi Claire,

Wow lady, you sure do sound pumped up and raring to go! It's so nice to hear your excitement in your posts. You are going to enter the new year as a new you! What a wonderful gift you are giving yourself.

Keep up the positive attitude Claire. It can take you anywhere you want to go.

Sandie

you guys are the best !!!

:ghug:


I am eating really good...so get obsessed with the exercise


little steps


it is hard to adjust to not feeling bad about something


but i dont have anything to really obsess about and that obsesses me hahahahhahaha


i can look at things and think they could be better...but i am supposed to look at things and see what is good


and there is much good


i want to exercise more..but taking the pressure off leaves me with freedom to choose

and i choose to live better


and to exercise more


too cold for my night walks last couple nights...but i made rounds shopping tonight


my younger sis bday tomorrow... i was thinking it was next week

man time flys



my clothes are fitting better


i know i have lost weight... and am not as concerned with the scale


this is good



not picking



splurged and bought a huge bag of apples in chinatown tonight lol ... yup you heard it right... yummy fuji apples and NOT a stop at the bakery there for pineapple custard buns



some days i surprise myself



taking the pressure off is the difference for me now



being too worried about each thing stalled me before i started




anyhow



one day at a time



I keep telling myself each day that i can keep marking my blocks till mid january... the little steps have added to over 2 weeks already


that it is not that far away... mid jan



i do want to increase my exercise blocks as just eating better alone is not the lifestyle goal i want


balance




i lost 3 guys at work last week..2 part timers and 1 that had more hours I fired 2 and the other returned overseas

so sched is up and down...but still time to workout


just gonna have to do it



i like that the body bloat is down... it makes me want to feel the muscles





anyhow



a hot shower then bed


gotta be up early



have a great day tomorrow guys




:hug:



Peng

You do sound pumped, and you should be. You're finally doing something for Claire, and she deservse it!

I can't wait till your next meeting with the DT. I love all the info she gives you and you give us LOL. Oh yeah, it's good for you too LOL.

You're right, baby steps,

One at a time

One day at a time.

Together buddy

This is a battle

To win the battle we need a stratagie and we have to believe in our cause.

The cause....it's us.

Time to believe in ourselves again.

And you're doing a great job of it.

We will make it.

2004 is going to rock!!!

Take care Claire

Darlene

You sound great! :jn

I'm sorry that it's too cold to walk. I'll bet your pooch is sorry too! He's coming to expect his walks again, isn't he? You are so right that the exercise is a choice. It's something that makes me feel better -- energy, strength, endurance, stamina -- and I choose to fit it in my days. Go visit your trainer chicky & stay warm while you work out. You will love it when you're done!

Those apples sound so good. I bought some small apples last week that are disappointing me. Not crunchy enough! I will have to go back to the store today & try to get lucky with my produce! :laugh:

Take care Pengii!

Lisrey :x

Ah, Fuji apples, I love them.

Nice to see you feeling so well Pengii.

Take care.

thanks guys


I am doing well, thanks


a bit stressed...but not eating through it


I feel my mood changing but i think not being too pumped with processed foods is helping keep it managable



I see the triggers and am working through them


finished my funky soup and made a big pot of chili last night lol

i need something quick and easy for after work so i dont fill up on empty cals


i dont mind eating the same thing over and over in evening as i mix it up at work for lunch

I have a big lunch and full breakie

3 food groups in morning (double fiber)
and 4 groups at lunch


I am concerned about work... I am so close to being on my feet again financially... 6 more months and i would see the light of day


rumors abound about the biz... if it was sold..I would prob be gone...most top managers are in a change in this industry


and the window of opportunity narrows as you get to the top


I just have to keep working, and keep positive... money woes are a way of life the last few years but i have worked very hard to stay afloat


and I am not complaining... it has been a good learning experience and i have discovered what really is important and how to manage my life better



my sis bday yest and i had to work late X-( SO NO CAKE !!!! hahah

I was looking forward to a treat hahahha



we will get together soon


she had a nice day though

well I better have breakie and get ready for work


long day today then mornings sat and sunday


off monday to see my DT and maybe off tuesday


I have a few days off at xmas so dont care what i work till then

it is coming fast hahaha

on monday i will go shopping and finish xmas stuff.. just little things... and be ready for the holidays

I am still trying to think of a concoction to fill my holiday moulds with for gifts at work


i hope you all have a marvelous day



:x



Peng

Claire
Wow you are doing so well I am sure that you are making progress. Holidays are a difficult time don't add to it with worrying about your job. You know as well as I do that you will find another one easily because you are so dang talented. I am sure you will be financially in a good situation in 6 months and that you will look at this time as a great time of growth in all areas.

The chilli sounds great. I hope you can get some more employees hired as I know it is difficult this time of year at times. Keep suckin in those abs and keep a smile on that pretty face.

Well, Peng, it sounds like we are both in the same boat about our jobs. My institution is being controlled by a bunch of crazy Board members who only care about making life tough for the staff. They probably aren't going to give raises for the 2nd year in a row, and our retention is already poor, as you know. I have 12 more months until I'm vested in the retirement plan, and if things haven't changed... but I may not be able to put up with it for that long. ANYWAY... didn't mean to rant in your journal -- my POINT was that there is nothing either of us can do but wait and see, tough though that may be! :x

I have been doing so much better handling the stress eating this past week... you have been inspiring me and it is working! I am excited for you to get to visit the dietician again. I'm sure she will be pleased with how you've absorbed her instructions & the payoff. You are fabulous!

Lisrey :hug:

One day at a time!

Don't let stress or anything else get in the way!

Have a great week!

mcmarto

Think about you all the time.

Glad to see you still have your wits about you. hee

Miss you!
:wn

Hey chickie :wave:

I'm so proud of you. You've come so far in such a short time. The old you would be eating through all this work stress. I know it's hard work to stay focused, but you're doing a fantastic job of it.

I hope things turn out well for you in the work dept. You deserve a break for crying out loud. I guess it's time for a cliche. What ever don't kill ya will make you stronger. But they forgot to mention about the freakin pain!! LOL No, really, things will turn out. It's x-mas time, don't you worry about that stuff now. Enjoy your holidays and things will unfold in their own time.

Can't wait to hear about what's happening with your DT.

Have a good day off

Darlene

so nice to seeya !

I am up early as i have to drive in rush hour to my appt with DT lol


I decided to file the work thing, like you said... what happens happpens...stressing wont change anything

do my best ...and who knows

I could be there a while

:flower:


I am really proud of myself today


I had a good 3 weeks


have made great progress

mentally more than physically


mind you, i think my challemge skirt will fit nice

i will try it when home after


then pick something for my next month



I have my damn jeans for my feb goal hahahha


god..those poor pants hahahah been stretched over my butt so many times hahah


but i do still remember when they stopped at my knees and now they are just a few inches from doing up


:jn



I will see what the DT says this morning


my goal is to incorporate more :lift: this month, and to eat wisely over the holidays.. to fit xmas goodies into a good food plan



I can do this


I know I can



I will let you know what happened when I return later today



have a fantastic week all




:hug:



Peng

Hi Claire;
Hope your appointment went well, can't wait to hear the update.

As for the job thing, I hope it works out but if it doesn't, Edmonton has such a variety of wonderful restaurants, I'm sure with your credentials you'll be snapped up.

I tried to send you two pms about a horrendous experience we had with a staff get together at a very pretentious downtown restaurant which has a connection with tools.
I wanted your take on it, but I typed out the long yarn twice, and each time it disappeared into cyperspace.

That pees me off, as I can't stand typing. May get myself together and try again later.

Pat

You can do it!

You will do it!

mc

good to seeya all


:hug:


mc..i feel good... adjusting well

day by day

you are doing awesome too...luv the 'tude

hi Pat... sorry to hear about your bad experience.. I do want to hear what happened.. I cant believe any experience would be less than great there they are so top end

i wish there were tons of 'great' jobs..but not so... people stay when they get a good post and believe it or not.. I know many great cooks who earn 12-15 hr .. thats it !! certified out the wazooo the industry is very underpaid...I wouldnt last long at that wage hahah but you are right..I would find something..not gonna worry on it


the trip to DT was good..she is really anti scale, and i understand why I see another perspective and it makes sense like losing an addiction... the scale is great unless you have a habit like me

so as i change those habits and ideas..i will be back to reg weighings

we talked about fueling your body... eating at difs times.. if a meal is missed or late..those kinds of things

we talked a lot about body image... the changes a body goes through


my worklist for this month includes the food tracking again... that is permanent but more work on non food comfort

I HAVE to make my list.. i told her i thought of things but she wants them on paper and reinforced daily lol

one of my goals is to incorporate more activity...for the mental benifits more than the physical

she said my food was good..she was pleased

i was too


next appointment is jan 14th.. so that will be weigh day

once again...she doesnt want me focusing on that it is to track my changes and because i told her i really want to hahahha


so i think she is going to focus on my reactions... it is true...the eating follows my mind set and i dont need sabatoge


anyhow... I am getting a cold..i feel it coming on... body feels like it was hit by a truck


how come i never got sick eating french fries??? hahahahha


so a neo citron and ZZZZZZ soon



I hope everyone has a great day tomorrow



take care of yourself



peng



xoxoxooxox


:x

Yay! I'll bet the Dietician gave you a gold star for your great eating, eh? :D I am so glad you are liking her methods & that she is keeping you focused. That is awesome. I am doing my best to try to stay on track & so far so good!

Sorry you are getting sick. Yuck! I hate that feeling where you know it will be there the next morning when you wake up. It's major dread for me. I am not a good patient (because I am impatient, LOL). I don't like to stay home from work & I resist as much as I can... Keep yourself rested & hopefully you can chase it away quick.

Take care & have a good Wednesday!

Lisrey :up:

I have eluded the cold bug.. took tons of C and the neocitron has held it down

thank goodness


no time to be sick lol work is swamped..we are crazy at lunch and breakfast..evenings are regular as i thnk many shop and holiday party


it was attack of the holiday goodies yesterday !!!!


OMG


the lady at work brought xmas tins of baking in for everyone..with extra peanut brittle in mine..then a customer gave me a huge bag of lindt white choc truffles

well.. i started off ok.. 2 choc balls..made with coconut and such.. bit of brittle..but found myself having it in bits...2 truffles through the day

i didit worry about the cals as much but it did trigger me eating more carbs.. and something weird

i think i threw my sugar levels out of whack..slept weird... had rushes of adrenalin then sleepy

i guess my body much prefers regualr meals with fibre, protien , and not so much sugar


so today i vowed to stay away


that lasted 5 minutes...had an apple on way to work.. taboo for me to miss breakie !! had a bit if brittle and a coffee at work


a girl gave me another choc ball which i ate..( god forbid i put it down and not eat it) ... then a truffle... another small peice of brittle.. then about an hour after..i could of fell asleep standing


so.. i gave most of it away.. i can not trust myself with it unfortuneatly

the truffles have been given to everyone hahaha anyone who walked in the door got a truffle hahah



i set myself off last night and had way to much food... healthy or not

i had to add 7 !!!! blocks to my carb section and put 6 in my fats or extras section


I didnt hold tight today... but can still manage


am making a chicken soup for tonight with veggies


and will try to de sugar myself


wow



i am rereading a lot of the info i have... to reinstill the positive



i have not blown anything..i have to tell myself that so i do NOT sabatoge


it is a crazy time for me now and i so very badly want to be strong


i am full of emotions at holiday time and tend to isolate myself from people who wonder what I am doing... so many think it is them... why i stay away.. i wish i could explain my depression and mood swings to them... but I get so embarrased and feel like a failure



so i am going to try really hard to open up and not stifle emotions with food


i can see big warning flags right now and am going to work real hard to stay above water


emotionally


... everything else follows when i can do that



I wil make myself go walk


I will


I will write in my non food comfort paper


I am making my commitment


this might be difficult...but i am worth it


I knew i would face this...it just came so sudden..or I realized it so sudden


looking back now.. I can see certain things that should of warned me.. but when you dont want to see those things...your mind has a way of decieving itself



I admit that I am weak, I also know I have what it takes to work through this



I will try to post more and reach out rather than stifle things



I can do this



:jn



gonna be one hour at a time for a bit



thats ok



I hope you all have a great friday and are ready for the holidays


luv ya heaps



stay healthy



:x


peng

Hello Pengii,

I know exactly what you are talking about. Isolating yourself and fighting to keep your head above water. But you are right. You can fight this and you will win. You do have control over it and you will continue to keep control over the situation.

I have total faith that we will both make it though this Xmas season and we will succeed in not swallowing our pain by eating.

Right now I am right there with you, and you with me. I'm holding on girlfriend. Hang in there with me and we will be just fine.

Love n hugs,:ghug:
Sandie

thank you so much sandie

your post means so much to me, so very much

:hug:

I dont want to try and manage alone... I am not very good at it really

I have made many mistakes in my life...I dont want to keep repeating them and losing people I love

thanks for being such a special friend to me


I feel much safer knowing you are right there with me too... hanging onto that thread


:console:


and I am always here for you too


one day at a time



:x



Peng






XOXOXOXOXOXOOXOXOX !

OH Sweetie
We are so much alike. I always hide from my friends when I am down and I have a ridiculous failure complex as well.

You hang tough girl these holidays are really hard on all of us. I love you and I admire you so much for how succesful and talented you are. You are a real role model to me.

Take care and if someone gave me a truffle I would eat their hand trying to get it down beause those things are my weakness. I can keep from buying the stuff but holiday goodies just blow me away.

Hey, Pengii!

Good for you giving your goodies away! But also, I am glad you allowed yourself to enjoy a little of it. Just gotta avoid the tailspin! :up:

I am making more brittle tonight & I will take a big tin for the whole Library to share tomorrow. I think I posted before that the peanuts themselves are the part that I have the hardest time with. :tomato:

I'm sure your friends would love to see more of you at the holidays & I think it's a great big, brave step you are taking to open up to the idea. Enjoy yourself! You are terrific & I am still following your lead this month. Thanks!

Lisrey :x

I am just smiling


when i didnt think that possible today

thank you so much


I cant tell you how much your friendship means to me

you all are going into my non food comfort things book


i just love you all

Lisrey..each day when i am to repeat what I am proud of as I start my day " I am proud lisrey told me I inspired her" and I am

you all have given me the strength i need tonight

I will add " I am proud CJ feels my creativity and respects me" and I am

I will add " I am proud Sandie offers her heart and strength to help me through" and I am

I will write these down as I cuaght hell for not putting my things on paper lol


I am many things i should be proud of...I will share my list when it is done.....as so many have touched my heart and helped me be a better person


my sis called tonight..i told her how i reacted to the sweet and then ate late at night...something i am not in the habit of..but done anyways... melba toast & ff cheese just aint a bedtime food

then i got up out of bed and had a raisen bagel

thats why i made myself be honest and add all those blocks to my sheet

she just about cried... she gave me hell for not calling her...she told me if it happens again..to call her and she will help me through


another thing to feel proud about


I just dont reach out enough


should make that a past tense i guess


I am going to try harder



thanks guys



so much



you made me smile and feel great


you are the best



:x



Peng



xoxoxoox

hada good sleep and feeling really good this morning

:jn


thanks for busting me out before i really slumped


I am gonna have my breakie and prepare myself for a another busy day

should be better as i have an extra person today..I will be working till 8 pm though


no worries


and no sugar !! ahhaha I guess i never realized what an effect it has on me as I was not eating really balanced anyways... then hitting my poor system with an overload

the only way to avoid the swings is to just keep eating it


no way


not this time



the key is to keep my appetite under control...regular balanced meals

and maintain through this holiday

anyhow


I have monday off before xmas...gonna do some last minute things

then i have a 4 to 5 day break starting xmas day



woohooooooo



I cant wait



I hope you all have a great friday



catch ya later



:hug:



Peng

:wn Hi Pengii,

Probably right now you are still at work, slaving over a hot stove, cooking up something really delicious to tease the palet of a Prince. Right?

Tell me, have you ever made Manhatten style Clam Chowder? If you have, send me the recipe, will you? Gosh I love that stuff, and I can't even find it on the grocery shelves except in the Campbell's watered down variety. I would LOVE a can of Chunky style, but since I can never find it, I'm going to have to make some for myself.

It sure is good to know you woke up with a smile on your face and more than ready to begin the new day. Every day brings us little surprises and beautiful things. We just have to be alert to them. So keep looking forward and not down at the ground, so you don't miss any of the beauty or the surprises.

Hand in hand, side by side, we'll walk this path right into 2004 and beyond.

:console: Sandie

I will send you recipes for both kinds..I love making soups..love eating them even more hahaha

and they are basic

I dont know about teasing palets...but we served a lot of food hahahah

it is so nce having support sandie


work went easier than yesterday as I had my right hand girl back today

we all are a good team...very effecient..and we make the crazy time fun


but guess what??????



MORE BAKING AND CHOCOLATES !!!!!



omg... i did much better today

thank god



our accountant makes awesome baking..I had so hoped she wouldnt bring it in till next week...then when i saw her round the corner this am i just groaned hahahah


she makes the best shortbread and squares


luckily..she cuts them in tiny squares...a very good idea..then you can sample them and not have too much


I got 3 boxes of chocolates that i will give to someone...not even opening them...even the lovely purdy's ones hahahah

the bosses wife even gave me a small box of baking


omg


i shared all of those with bar and wait staff with out even having one


I guess last year i wasnt caring...and never realized how much stuff is around

wow


ate my breakie (kashi crunch and yogurt) apple on way to work... a few little squares throughout
good lunch (chix breast on multigrain with bowl clear soup and orange)
snacked on some fresh chips i made... the pick monster figured it had free reign


then i had a grilled sirloin steak with 1 sm scoop spuds... and brocolli


am home now and no more goodies !!!

at least i know the worst is over


and i had strength today


i am so glad you all helped me yesterday...I was so weak


I was able to feel good today and that affected my day in a very positive way


:jn


anyhow


gonna do some things


long days ahead but a break at xmas will be great


I am looking forward to it



have a great weekend all



luv peng



:x

Hooray for the strong-willed Penguin! :dn

Glad to help -- thanks for supporting me, too!

Lisrey :hug:

I think you are handling things really well Peng. I think part of this dieting thing is knowing you can have a few things so we don't have to feel that we have to have everything. I have a hard time when people offer me treats because I don't want to offend them. Thats always tricky with me.

OH and treats for presents. UHHHHG that about gets me everytime. Good for you for looking at what you are having and choosing things that will be fullfiliing with out going for everything. Its tough but I think its worth it to not feel deprived.

Keep up the great work.

up and at em early


gettin ready for work


Hey CJ !! omg... so many gifts of baking, they just keep coming each day hahahah

there is one huge cookie that keeps giving me the eye

so i look at it each day...and so far it doesnt seem worth it ahhahah

I touch it, turn it around in my hand ... smells good hahahah

i guess it is my challenge cookie hahaha


feeling so much better is more fulfilling i guess now... just had that one really bad day of feeling unable to cope


unable to cope with more than baking...but it reared its head in food, as usual


I am off tomorrow and will wrap gifts and get my xmas eve outfit together..i work that morning and we are closed in the evening..so going to fam dinner


I know my skirt will look good lisrey...and no suicidal buttons !!


work clothes are loose



:jn



I am looking forward to picking out new challenge pants


:jn



and it is nice knowing i will be 100 pounds less than 2 years ago Jan 1st...

no 350

no 330

gonna be a good day


enjoy your sunday all



:hug:




Peng

Those white chocolate truffles are too good!

Next time...drop it...accidentally step on it...and...all will be taken care of!...hahahahaha!

Everything in moderation girl!...I had way too many cookies this week...so...cookies are off my list for the next two weeks!...Seriously...I am just telling myself...NO!...Now today...well...cake...it is my birthday.......but...after today...NO to that too!

Hope you have a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

Stay strong...stay warm...stay awesome!

mcmarto

Hi Claire;
You are doing great. Maybe I should get the name of your DT?

OK, I'm going to take over your journal and give you the story of our "upper class" restaurant experience.

I work out of the BIG Blue building. Throughout the year we actually go to many restaurants in the downtown area.We work with many different groups of teachers, and so often the only time people have time for a meeting is over an evening meal.

Anyway, we have several times gone to the tool place for lunch, as none of us could afford dinner there. ( My maritime roots want me to say supper.)

The usual procedure for lunch is to have reservation for 11:30, but not everyone gets there till just before 11:45, as we are all coming from different schools on any given day, and get off and have to get back at different times. Whoever gets there first has a soft drink, coffee etc and orders are in by 12 and we are all out a little after 1. We have done this in many places , including this place with no problem.

Well, last Friday, we had a reservation for 11:30 for 12 people. The person who had made the reservation was not at her own desk when she made it, so she didn't have her credit card. When she called the day before they said it had been canceled because they didn't have her credit card #. So she gave it to them and they rebooked.

I got there first at 11:30 & they put me at a long table in front of the window. In ten minutes 6 people had got there and we ordered drinks. But because we are all going back to schools we don't order wine etc at lunch. I think this may be what the waiter took exception too????

At 11:45 he came back with the drinks and said you have to order now. We said we'd rather wait for the others who should be there any minute, but he said they were busy and there wasn't time. So the six of us ordered.
Then he said, "You have to move."I asked what he meant and he said we were at one big table and we'd have to move to two small tables. Then he whips out a box cutter and cuts the paper over the table cloth in two and separates the long table into two.
As he's doing this there is a tap on the window next to us, the other six people have been at the front desk for 10 minutes and have been told there was no reservation and they couldn't come in. As they were on the sidewalk trying to decide what to do, they saw is through the window and tapped on it. One person went out to get them, but they wouldn't let them in. We asked what about the table they had just seperated and they said it was no longer available, they were too late. By this time it's 11:50 and they had been standing at the reservation desk for more than ten minutes.

So the person who made the reservation said bring the cheque. Everyone went across to Throrton Court. But I stayed behind to see what happened with the cheque because I knew the other person was so angry she would pay it just to get out.
Sure enough, she was charged for the drinks, as I would expect plus the six meals that buddy hadn't even gotten to the kitchen to pass in because he was busy doing his thing with the box cutter.

Anyway we went across the street where we had no reservations. We had excellent food and excellent service and were still out in time to get to our afternoon appointments.

This week several people were got in touch with the owner, and she did refund the cost of the meals we never got.

But I still can't believe the whole thing. really makes us aware of the excellent service we've gotten in all the other places and took it for granted.

The person who got charged for the meals has a daughter who is a professor at the university. She said we obviously didn't meet the profile of the type of customer they are trying to attract, we were all middle aged women who were obviously not on expense accounts. However, it was pretty surprising when we started talking of the number of people we had connections with as a group. So it's a lot of people who went there, but won't again. But I guess it doesn't matter to them as they are full all the time.

So that's my long Edmonton Restaurant story. Actually not quite the end. When I got back from Thorton Court I had a parking ticket!

Pat

how terrible Pat

how unbelievable from them

WOW... cutting the cover like that... the rest of party waiting

AND charging you


wow... this city isnt big enough for that

thier training is supposed to be tops

our young servers can be dense as all get out... but if anyone is unhappy with anything... they are taken care of right away

we are a family place so clientele is way dif...but no matter where you go... that kind of experience you had is out of this world



sorry to hear that... I was really curious ... you dont ever hear anything negative from there



and please take over my journal anytime lol


I love reading messages


my sis made an appointment with my DT too

she figures I have lost a lot of weight...but more than anything... it is the style of plan... simple steps... it is just putting it together

and the DT helps there



so, I hope my sis enjoys meeting her too




:bd McPrettio !!!


you just sound so happy in all your posts i read... you just kinda snuck in there and fooled your body lol

I am so proud of the way you are working it... helps me keep trying too


we are all focused

I was telling my sis how little steps really has worked for me


when i was 350 jan 02... I found this place in feb... and quietly read posts as a guest...too embarassed to join


and started drinking water as it seemed something everyone did lots of...and figured i could do that


still binged and ate... could not control that then...as much as i wanted to

but i figured i could drink water


a little step

and then came the next one...and on and on


felt bad about stalling... now i realize i needed to change my perspective


take the pressure off... and go back to one little thing at a time



and get proffesional advice as to how to help my body be healthier



today my sis told me I should quit wearing my work pants lol I stopped after work to see her and she was shocked

she said they are way too baggy


i can pull them up to my armpits now hahahha

i guess the inches are going with the walking and increased activity



good incentive for me



it will get me through this holiday season



I even gave away my coveted cookie today hahahahhahah


I hope loretta never saw me licking it the last couple days hahahahah


kidding



she enjoyed it and i enjoyed her being happy eating it


it was a big cookie hahahhaha




anyhow


i am just pooped


off tomorrow but going to a friends to help them bake...why not... kinda like a present to her

told them i had to sleep in first though hahahhaha


so i will make some cheesecakes... and my holiday yule logs

she has a big family...they will be happy


non food comfort for me... making my friend & family smile and feel spoiled


little steps



oh ya

my sis gave me an awesome sweater today

I wanted a nice new shirt to wear when i wear my jeans next month

she didnt know that hahha... she pulled out this sweater and i was WOOOHOOOOO happy hahahah


life is good



well gonna go and relax



i hope you all have a great evening



:x

http://server5.uploadit.org/files2/221203-Dt.gif

Pengii, hope you have a great Christmas and don't have to work too much. Relax and enjoy your friends and family. Thanks for your friendship here.

Your sis is right, you never feel as though you lost weight when you are still wearing the big baggy clothes.
Also great plan on going to friend's house to do the baking. That way you get the fun social part of it and are not left with the goodies to tempt you.

Further on our episode at the fancy restaurant. I expect that some big shots, possibly from the legislature called for a reservation later than we did and they wanted to get rid of someone to accommodate them. These were not "kid" wait staff, they were their usual skilled staff.
We'll have to get to your place soon, it's just a bit away from where we work.
Do you have any more time off over Christmas? Make sure to put your feet up, you deserve a rest.

Pat

Hello my dear Claire,

Just a quick pop in to wish you a Wonderful Xmas!!

I hope we get a chance for another chat soon.

Hugs,
Sandie

Life is good!

Cookies and cake are all gone...and hopefully the bloat of eating way too much food this past week will be gone too!

Back on plan...back to the health club...back to 198!...

Have a great weekend...Thanks for the birthday wishes...mc

Did you wear the skirt yesterday? Did you feel great in it & have a wonderful time? Hope so!

Lisrey :hug:

Hello my friend :wave:

Feels like forever since I've been here.

So glad you are well, happy and worken it!!:D

Merry Christmas even if I am a bit late.

Got plans for New Years?

Take care

Dar

Hello Claire,

Hope you had an awesome holiday. for me its been all to much eating. i was depressed through it not fitting in my clothes and all so i am now back on ww and determined to lose again.

Today figuring out my menu i felt a control i havent felt in so long. it felt so good to take control of myself for once and to know i have the power to lose this weight.

It feels good to be back and i have surely missed you.

glad to know your doing well to and seeing a dietician. how is that working out? best wishes to you for a great New yr!

xoxoxo

Hello Claire,

Have you gone away to visit friends and family, or are you just so busy you haven't had time to stop in. I sure hope that no news is good news. I miss you posting.

Anyway, I wanted to wish you the best for the New Year. I am building up my positive thinking and my determination to make 2004 one to be remembered fondly. I hope the same for you.

Hugs,
Sandie

good to see you all

I am glad everyone had a great holiday

:jn


I got into a bit of a funk (to put it mildly) over xmas... still adjusting I guess...but thats a whole dif journal lol


did ok... had one night where i actually got bundled up and went to my truck in garage and got a box of chocs i had left there so i didnt eat them


i ate them


and i am not even a big choc person



:(


but tried to not let the wheels totally fall off my wagon


just took each day as it came and tried to do my best

was back at work today and feel better...had a good rest

watched movies


nothing too exciting


I guess i was burnt out



xmas started on xmas eve...went real early to work (up at 4:30) so the day would go smooth and i could handle things... my sous chef thought he was having a heart attack and i had to call 911

we had been open for all of half an hour lol

so... tried to work around the paramedics and not freak out.. it is tough for me now in those situations...so many bad memories...esp at xmas

it is very hard for me now to see people i care about hooked up to machines and in trouble

anyhow... he is fine...a big anxiety attack

but he was carted off and gone

he was back today and things will be ok



he is only 36, but bad eating habits, smoker, overweight.... i told him god gave gim a little wake up call for xmas

he agreed and is thankful today

he hasnt smoked since and ate fruit and salad today...first time i ever saw that
no gravy...no fried food

I am glad he was ok



my next in command took over so i was not the next one in the ambulance lol


i sure have some great staff



anyhow



wanted to post quick so you know i am fine and still kickin



:jn



the wheels are back on... had to do a realignment ... not going to focus on the choc binge..just file it and tell myself i did good stopping there and not letting the day turn into days



fillin in my blocks... taking each event as it happens



one step at a time



I am working long tomorrow

then off NY day



will catch up with you all then



I hope you all have a fun and happy new years eve



luv peng


:x

Hi Pengii: Just popping in to wish you a Happy New Year...I am sure you will be glad to be off.....

Good idea not beat yourself up over the chocs...Just a one time deal...and you did not want them to freeze right...

Take care

Louise

Hello Claire,

Should I spank you for not writing me and sharing? I thought we had made a "pact" about that. Well, it's over and done with, and you came through it. One day at a time my friend. We can't look a week ahead. Just one day at a time. Eventually all the days will add up to all the weeks, but it will still remain one day at a time for you and me and many others.

Have good New Years and a great 2004.

Hugs,
Sandie

Hey my friend :wave:

Glad things are back on track for you. I'm getting there myself. Time is drawing nearer. Jan 1 I begin again. Till then, I just hang on, and have a bit of fun too. Not that I'll never have fun again, but I'm just not focusing on food right now.... good or bad.

So glad your sous chef is ok. We could all learn a lesson from him.

Hope you have a fun, happy and healthy new year.

I'll be starting my new journal tomorrow some time. Not sure what to call it yet, but hope you can check it out.

Hey, soon you'll be going back to your DT right? I'll bet the news will be good. You have come so far in such a short time, even with the little funk.

I'm off to read more journals.

Have a great day tomorrow

Darlene

hi louise !! a very good point hahahah

thanks for the nice wishes


sandie :hug: crazy huh i have so many good support people around me and just shut down

I dont know what will flip the switch... i did better but have to get a hold on my feelings

i feel so stupid when i cant control my emotions

i guess i need to realize they dont need controlling... but to share them and put them to rest

little steps


:x


Dar buddy


:jn



the wheels are back on tight ... my goal is to increase my activity too


no matter what happens... i wont miss any appointments with my DT

whether i binge for the whole month between visits or not


that is the whole point i guess... no matter what...to learn from it and try to improve life

i have to check the calender but it is jan 14 or 15 my next appt

a wednesday..all i remember right now hahahah


anyhow



i did pretty good... and no more shortbread till next year thank god hahaha


hopefully i will learn how to share my feelings better this year... i def have trust issues


one of my goals for this coming year


i am off to work soon


a stop on the way first


had a good breakie


will watch the fireworks tonight i hope


brrrrrrrr wish it wasnt so cold


but..only a few short months of it left


i like january as i know we are half way through winter hahahah



I hope everyone enjoys a wonderful new years eve



WE WILL HAVE A GREAT NEW YEAR TOGETHER



HAVE A SAFE EVENING



:x


peng


xo

http://www.theborobard.co.uk/Happy%20New%20Year.gif

Just wanted to wish you a Very Happy and Successful and Peaceful New Year!!!

Pengii, enjoy the fireworks, did you get my card in the mail?

Keep up the good work friend.

Claire,

Keep up the great spirit girl!

2004 is going to see the pounds fly off!!!

HAPPY NEW YEAR

:party: :cheers:

Dar

Hi Claire,

Since Rome wasn't built in a day, we can't realistically expect to have total control and understanding of emotional issues that we have carried around for a long time either. Just know that you are not alone.

It's great to hear the enthusiasm you have for the goals you are going to work for in the new year. If you ever feel stymied or stuck, just hollar for help. We all want to see your succeed and share in your joy.

Take care and I hope you have a super New Year in 2004
Hugs,
Sandie

Hi Claire! It must feel so great to see the weight loss! Congratulations you've done so well. I hope to be more consistent in my plan for 2004 and that includes checking in more
and having a positive attitude. All the best in 2004 to you and the dogs. From Lee and Mitzy!

Hi Claire;
I was thinking of you as i begin my New Year for two reasons. One, my first aim is to get comfy in the pants that I was using for your May pant challenge. I obviously had a stall. The next thing is when spring really gets here we'll have to see if we can meet up
with Linda and have a real walk, maybe in the Jasper area.
So, two mini goals for me. I have to go to TO mid Jan, so I'd love to get into the snug pants by then.

What an Edmonton statement! Jan means winter i