So here I am once again.. but this is different, right? This time I’ll stick to it.. this time I’ll lose weight. Wrong.. thing is, I never truly get it. It’s not about fitting into my size 10 khakis. It’s not about looking better than my guy friends’ girlfriends. It’s all about being healthy. It's all about what's important in life, and that is staying healthy enough to enjoy it.

I had a wake up call these past few weeks; my very best friend was diagnosed with cervical cancer. It was at such an advanced stage that they had to perform immediate hysterectomy surgery. She came home from the hospital last night and is in a great deal of pain. Fortunately she already has the two most adorable children in the world and had already decided not to have any more. Still, she’s not yet 30, and having to go through this with her not only tests my own strengths but to put it bluntly, scares the crap out of me.

All this guilt that I carry around about having wings or a slice of cheesecake when I’m out has been eating me up. All I do is obsess over my jeans size and what my reflection looks like in store windows. It’s obsessive behavior and it has to stop. I have so many wonderful things in my life; I have amazing parents, supportive friends, and the most adoring boyfriend I could ever imagine. I have a great job, though very stressful, it’s a promising career and having been with the same firm for almost four years, my salary is beginning to catch up with my hard work. I bought my first home last year and have been spending most of my free time decorating it. So why do I have such strong insomnia, an ulcer and obsessive neurotic behavior??

And the thing is, my life is only getting better. I met this incredible guy, and over a year later I’m still awestruck how hard I’ve fallen for him and how amazing he is. One little hitch in our relationship though.. he lives across this giant expanse of water in merry old England. You can’t imagine how difficult it is to only see the love of your life every month and a half. Granted, I talk to him everyday via MSN and emails.. and we sneak in a couple of weekly phone calls, but it’s just not the same.

Things are looking up though.. we’ve decided we cannot live without each other, so when I fly over there for a friend’s wedding in September, he will be coming back with me… permanently. I love this man with all my heart, and sharing my life and my home with him is all I can ever imagine wanting. My friends and family are amazed.. I’m the independent girl who got annoyed when people touched my stuff and told me what to do or how to live. And just knowing that this wonderful guy is prepared to give up his life over there to live here with me has sent my mind into this swirling spiraling madness that I’m still not recovered from.

So here I am.. back to where I started, looking for the guidance that got me down from over 200 pounds over 2 years ago. Someone wise here once told me that it’s all about taking baby steps. Setting a million goals is setting me up for a million failures. So I’m starting simple. I have only two goals for the next seven days: get at least eight hours of sleep, and drink at least three bottles of water a day. My insomnia is driving me bananas.. I’m exhausted all day, running on coffee and adrenaline, then I get home and there’s 13,000 more things to do, and then when I think I can finally go to bed, I’m wide awake (ha.. why do you think I’m sitting in bed with my laptop at midnight?).

So here we go.. time to think about the future, time to think about me.

Julie :)
i dont think there is a more adorable couple!
I am so happy to see you back here posting- the fact that you have lost weight and kept it off shows that you have all the tools to continue on to goal.
Thats amazing that your boyfriend is going to come back with you in September..how did you meet? sorry to be nosy but it sounds like a great story..long distance love and all that!
I have a workmate who was diagnosed with cervical cancer also and it was late stage requiring a hysterectomy..she had always wanted children and sadly now that will not be the case unless she adopts.. it certainly makes us appreciate how good we have it doesnt it.
I look forward to keeping in touch and cheering you on to goal!
hugs bell :)

I agree, there is not a more adorable couple. :)

I'm happy to see you back. Im sorry about your friend. I hope she has a speedy recovery.

I like your goals. Do you keep a written journal? When I have trouble with sleep, with those 13,001 things going thru my brain, I write things down, and put them to rest....and sometimes with that simple step, I can be a bit more peaceful and get some better rest.

I am excited for you. Take care.

Hi, Julie - I agree that that is an adorable couple. Goodness, how exciting. Wonderful that you found each other.

Best wishes for your future.

Wow, I guess if I had that handsome of a boyfriend and he lived far away, I think I'd have trouble sleeping too! :D

Good luck in losing that last 20 lbs.!

Bell--yes, it is terribly romantic but if I had a choice it wouldn't be this way obviously. We met last February in Oxford, England. I was there with some friends who were filming a documentary over Valentine's Day weekend. That was the same weekend we had that huge blizzard in the northeast last year, which closed most of the eastern seaboard airports. Because of that my flight home was canceled so I stayed near in London another day until I could get a flight home (which ended up being the longest day of my life.. london to chicago, chicago to pittsburgh, pittsburgh to lancaster!)

Anyway, on the extra day I had, filming was over so a bunch of the film crew took a ride out to see some friends they had in Oxfordshire. We spent most of the evening in this one pub where I met Dan. I admit I don't remember much of that night, everyone was drinking pretty heavily, but I remembered we had a lot in common and we argued a lot about world politics and such (I always like a good challenge). We exchanged email addresses and once I returned home we started corresponding every couple of days.

Every couple of days turned into daily emails and msn chats, then in mid summer became phone calls.. then in September he actually booked a flight to come over and hang out with me. He came in early November.. I took him all over, Wachington, Phillie.. he met my friends and family, and I realized I'd never been so in love with someone before in my life. Christmas was hell, New Year's wasn't much better, but we made plans for him to come back for my birthday in February. He did, and we spent the week in the Poconos snowboarding.

And it was his last trip that we discussed the future. We weighed the pros and cons of him moving here or me moving there. Both of us seemed open to either idea. We opted for him moving here in the end, basically because I had just bought the house and would lose a lot of money if I sold it so quickly. Well, that and my constantly worrying mother. I guess just the idea of being together is more important than anything. We intend to eventually live in England, or possibly Australia, but for now we're going to start out here in Pennsylvania.

He's coming back in three weeks, then again over the summer, then I'm going there in September for his friend's wedding, and then he's either coming back with me or will move here shortly after. No matter what we'll be spending Christmas together this year :D

Wow! What a romantic way to meet someone! I feel like I'm reading a romance novel! I wish you luck in losing your 20 lbs. or so.........you've already done a terrific job! Nothing but the best. Come here often! Talk to you soon!

Linda.. I've tried keeping a writing journal but it's so hard to keep up.. I guess because I'm a perfectionist so if I don't write in it everyday, I just can't be bothered. I know, I need to stop that line of thinking.

I usually start one every year, so maybe I'll try to keep up on it. A lot of what i think about late at night are financial issues. I did just get a raise, so hopefully they'll subside!

And thanks everyong for the support, it has been so hard being without Dan but I have a lot of great friends who keep me going.

Hi Julie,

It sounds like you are having the time of your life....how exciting to have such promising things to look forward to. You and Dan look like an adorable couple and what a wonderful story of how you guys met. One of those "it was destiny" stories for sure.

I know all too well how one can become obsessive about weight. I weigh myself daily and am constantly aware of the calories that I am eating, however I don't always have the self-control to say no to the bad things. Weight loss is such a hard battle, but I'm sure with all the support you will receive, you will definitely reach your goal. Congrats on your success so far....good luck for the future!!

Jenn

:welcome: Officially...

Missed you Chicklette!

Thank you Max!!!

Nothing like being home on a Saturday night eh? But it’s funny, since meeting Dan the whole bar scene hasn’t been too enticing. The only time I feel like going out is when my friends are all going with me, and since Lori’s still in a lot of pain, it looks like we’re all laying low this weekend. It’s horrible, though. I feel this immense pressure to report that I’ve done something fun and exciting every weekend. But I know deep down, it’s just because I live alone that I feel this way. The last time Dan was here we stayed in the first Saturday night with a pizza and watched the first Jaws.. talk about pathetic, but it seemed wonderful because we were together.

And I know he’s not doing anything terribly exciting… it’s 1:13am in England and he’s sound asleep, his goal being getting up extra early to watch the Malaysian Grand Prix.

So tomorrow I’m starting my new little lifestyle. I currently have 7 goals, but I’m going to take my time achieving them:

1) Get at least 8 hours of sleep a night
2) Get to work on time (I’m late everyday, and though no one seems to care, I still haven’t any time to do anything in the mornings)
3) Stop biting my nails
4) Log all my foods, quantities and calories.
5) Exercise at least five days (alternating between cardio, strength training and yoga)
6) Make a to-do list everyday.
7) Drink at least 3 20 ounce bottles a day

So let’s see.. Sunday looks like this..

Goal is to get up fairly early.. 9ish. I usually sleep until noon on weekends. It’s a horrible cycle, I get 4 or 5 hours of sleep on weeknights, then get 8 or 9 on weekends.. if I got the same amount every night I might be able to function better.

My to do list..

Laundry.. a must
Change bed sheets
Clean bathroom
Vacuum the first floor staircase (I always forget it.. and I just noticed how linty it was)
Yoga
And my usual Sunday chat with Dan via MSN

Wow! That is such a cute story and a great picture of you two. You sure do sound in love. Good stuff!

Do you like yoga? I really need to start.. But it's so.. not moving fast, you know? On the other hand.. dead people are more flexible than I am.

Corinna

Corinna--yeah, I love yoga!! And I love it for just that reason, I rarely sweat while doing it, but I can tell the next day that I did it. It really does help your body focus. The whole day after doing it I feel like my posture is better and I can suddenly concentrate on things I probably couldn't before. I was a gymnast as I child, so when I first started yoga I was stretching muscles I hadn't stretched since I was 11; it felt amazing.

I'm by no means a yogi, and I get it it once a week if I'm lucky. It's my exercise of choice though, and not doing it as much as I'd like has to do with my laziness rather than lack of wanting. If you want to try it, you really have to either go to a class or get a video/dvd. I hate excercise dvds because the instructors usually really irritate me. I did find one though that I love, MTV's Yoga. MTV makes a couple of them, the dvd with the red cover is my favorite, it's not too hard and goes pretty slow for beginners like me. And I know what you're thinking, MTV.. I know, but it's actually really professional and I'm addicted to it. I know the whole routine by heart :D

There is a yoga channel here, now.. I think I am going to try a show sometime.. I need to work that into my schedule. *sigh*.. What would work would be to do it after my weight classes! Yah, that is the ticket. Thank you for the thumbs up.. MTV has that Grind thing, don't they? With that guy with the ass? Mmmmmmm..

Is yogi flexible? Wow, so many talents.. stealing pic(ki)nic baskets AND yoga? Good for him.

Corinna

Well.. nothing like a pap smear to start your week, eh? Doctor's appointment went well though, and the morning began splendidly after having opened my front door and finding a parcel marked 'royal mail' on my doorstep.

A couple weeks ago I broke a bra.. I'm sitting at work and one of the little plastic buckle things just snapped and I had to steal a safety pin from my secretary to get through the day. Anyway, I mentioned the humorous even to Dan, and he surprised me with a lacey bra/thong set. It's funny, I never thought a man buying me lingerie would be something I'd enjoy, but the fact that Dan knows my sizes and has elegant taste makes my head spin. Just one more reason to love him :)

Then off to the ob/gyn.. then to McDonald's for two sausage/egg mcmuffins and then to work. And here I am 10 hours later drinking herbal tea and ready for beddy by..

Julie's Menu:

two sausage patties with egg (mcdonald's egg mcmuffins, sans the muffins)
2 cups of coffee w/ creamer
lettuce with ranch dressing
two slices eye round sauteed in olive oil with mushrooms & onions
broccoli with parmesan cheese
atkins chocolate peanut butter ice cream bar

roughly 30 carbs
40 ounces of water

45 minutes of yoga

now off to bed!!!

Corinna... you should see BooBoo do pilates!!!

:shifty: GRRRR,, New Prettys How sweet...

My man bought me some Plad pantsx and long sleeve shirt thing one time.... said it looked cozy..:( Yah....

Jeez.. what a busy couple of days! I haven't even turned on my laptop at home so I can't really update what I ate (I downloaded that fitday program and it's on that computer--I'm at work now).

Anyway.. just to update, I swore I wasn't going to weigh myself weekly or daily, but who can resist sometimes? but good to know I've been maintaining, especially since this is my lovely bloated week of the month. Yay!

Ha! Booboo would be good at that, I bet.. He puts up so much..

I started my week with a pap, too.. Must have been the week for it.

Corinna