Dear Self,

Had I known this journal page was on here the other day, I would have planted the last letter here. But in any case, you have to start getting serious about all this. I know you *think* that you are doing everything right. I know you try to do well on the plan you are following, but truth of the matter is, you lie to yourself everyday. For instance, last nite when everyone opted for those *Hog Wild* chicken sandwiches, you really should have opted to split it with someone, then toss your share of that bun to the birdies. Instead you rationalized that since you hadn't had any carbs all day and you are allowed one per meal, it was o.k. to have it all at dinner time. After all, the chicken breast was unbreaded and it was charchol grilled. But lest I remind you that the portion size of chicken breast allowed was 3oz, or roughly the size of your open palm. Now, unless you are the Jolly Green Giant or Michael Jordon, that piece of chicken would have fit not only in both of your palms, but also that of your younger son's palms. Come on! You are smarter than that. Telling your brain that it's ok, isn't going to magically wipe all those calories away. Now, instead of that roll you could have opted for a nice plain baked potato and a small dinner salad. Yum! a much wiser choice and equally as delicious. I know that the hectic day got to you. I know that you are still angry with that DH of yours, but geezz, go out and jog or something to vent. Don't turn to the fast food escape hatch every time you are feeling depressed. Its even more depressing when you jump on the scale to see that it hadn't moved an ounce. I also know how much you hate those dang mirrors staring at you as you wake up every morning. Whose brilliant idea was it, to put in those mirrored closet doors in the first place? Get a can of that fake christmas snow and block out the image. It only makes you even more depressed and convinced that meeting your goal seems next to impossible. When in reality...that goal would be soooooooooo easssssy to reach with just a smidgen of cooperation, discipline, self control, and a new out look on moving the butt to the gym everyday.. Well ok, that may be a stretch, but at least 4 times a week. You are paying for it monthly for goodness sakes, may as well take advantage of it. Then, this time next year when you wake up to your image staring back at you, you can ask, " Hey!! wHo the heck are you? But don't you look great for your age! "

Stay truthful today! You CAN do this. I will check back with you tomorrow for an update on how well you did.
Love ya
Me:coach:

Yes, self, you can do this. Welcome to the journal forum! :welcome:

Thanks badger... I know this probably seems a lil silly, but for some reason, when i use the third person, when i read it back, it sounds more like a friend talking to me, than myself journaling. :) new approach to failed attempts...........

Now to Self, get your head outta yer butt. What did we talk bout yesterday? You did it again! You have got ot stop letting everyone else get under your skin. Make a promise to not eat when you are feeling angry, or anxious. And even if you think you are hungry, take a long tall glass of water first. Probably isn't hunger at all, but is actually the body seeking calories from that stored fat, instead of your stomach saying it's hungry. Remember when Oprah first explained that on her show. That the little ping in the tummy is agood thang. Trust me, hunger is a sensation that you have NEVER really experienced and probably never will, *Knock Wood* Make a promise to not whine about your weight. But to embrace it as a personal challenge to eliminate it before it eliminates you. And most of all, above everything else, be true to your self. You aren't fooling anyone, especially yourself, when you falter and lie. Isnt'a big deal, just get right back on track again. No one has the power or control over your weight, but YOU. It won't magically fall off....Although , wouldn' t that be the most wonderful thing? " Take about three inches off my butt please. And while you're at it, take 10 off the waist." The msot scariest thing to you is to have to have surgery. If the dieting doesn't work this time, you just may have to look into it again. You have kids to raise, a husband and those four legged beasts to take care of. Walking them everyday will help alot too.! the Dogs, not the kids and hubby. Course, they could use the excercise too. Hey! Thats it! Make it a family affair. Now, take a deep breathe... get on your shoes..and go for a walk.. See ya tomorrow.....

Me

:c( I must be approaching this all the wrong way. Everyday I wake up to so much self hate, that I can no longer see the good. I do not want to fall into a deep depressive state. What fun would that be? But lately I can't stand being in the same room with me. I need a jump start. I was pretty good with everything yesterday. I even walked Logan to Adam's game yesterday instead of driving. Of course he did slow me down a bit since it was his first time on a leash. Being the sissy that he is, we did waste time when I had to pick him up to pass that big bad dog that was merely smiling at him. Funny how Logan was too scared to even move, but once I picked him up he started yapping like a ferocious beast, all 10 lbs of him. Not much aerobic activity, but at least I stretched my legs. Anyway, am going to just take it slowly. Going to stop pressuring myself and will make it a point to call people and get out more. Tired of looking at the same walls. Need a change of scenery. Need to smile more. and need to have faith in myself.

Hey there! I deal with the hate sometimes too. Not hate of myself, but the way I look. Why I can't look like this lady on tv, or that girl walking by. But that attitude doesn't help at all. I find that when I get into one of those mindsets, I can't do anything. I shut down because I don't think I am good enough. But I am. You are. You can do anything you put your mind to! It just starts over every day.
Hope to see you around!

Thanks Melissa,
I dont really hate myself either. Sometimes, I just can't remember how i got to here. Who is looking back at me in the mirror. And just when did everything get outta control. I swear it does happen overnite. But thank you for th e kind words. Am trying. I am the only one i know that can gain 15 lbs on weight watchers. Thats with joining on line and faithfully loggin everything I ate. I mean everything....from the pepper i used for seasoning to the ice cubes i put in drinks. Stayed on target and under and still gained 15 lbs. :c( Although I think I found the perfect plan for me now, i tend to resist sticking with it, and not sure why. Ia m ready to lose the weight. I am redy to make the committment, and yet, something deep inside rebels......sabatoge, everytime. LOL...keeping faith...

:-/ Still not sure why there is resistance, Self. You know you want this. You did make strides yesterday by getting out of the house and you even had more energy than usual. That is a good sign. All that is needed now is to learn to grin and bare it. Once you start moving, it becomes easier. Get back to the gym. I know you dread going in there, but once you are there it feels great! Just stop thinking everyone is looking at your big wide butt. No one cares,they are too busy trying to get rid of whatever bothers them about their own bodies. Everyone there is focused on themselves. And once you start losing the weight and getting firmer, your body will stop feeling like its in a blender when you ride the life cylce. I know u hate that feeling. It is pretty gross when all that jiggly stuff is moving up n down as if it will get outta control and hit ya right in the eyes. No one else sees that. U merely feel it. I rememebr the first tme you felt that, at first you were so grossed out. Then you started laffing so hard , I thought you would fall off the bike. All you could think of was that must be what it would feel like if we were all made of Jello. I know you feel like you are huge now. But you are not quite ready for the circus yet. And no one has asked you to sing, so stop feeling sorry for yourself and just get busy!. Life is precious. Time is flying by, and it can't be retrieved. You need to make today and all the tomorrows special. Go get 'em!

I can totally relate to that last post! when you write to yourself like that, it's like you are writing to each of us as well. Thanks for the motivation:)

Thanks Melissa! Glad to help. :hug: I also need all the motivation I can get.

I did have a revalation of sorts today. After I picked up my son from school, he had asked if I would stop at BK for him as he wasn't thrilled with his lunch and was as he put it, "starving to death!" God forbid!! I have to admit I did cave into him, but only as I also knew this would be his dinner as well,since my older son had a baseball game and dinner would be quite late. ( I wasn't prepared). But while waiting in the drive thru I had a thought. About a week ago, while channel surfing, I was drawn into an informmercial for Feed the Children. About 10 minutes into the segment, thru my tears, I made a one time contribution. The pictures of real starving children in this country, was appalling to me. Since money matters are not at the greatest for us at the moment, I was only able to make a one timer, however it got me thinking that we probably end up fast fooding it at least three times a week. I made a conscious commitment that instead of allowing my children or myself to go for the easier yet unhealthy choice, I will make more of an effort to keep all of us healthy and put aside so much money a week as "whatwewouldhavespentonjunkfood"...and forward it to the organization in my children's names. Not trying to be noble here, but this is something big enough that will help me to be motivated not to eat fast food. Not sure how long it will last, but I do know those pitcures will not be leaving my mind all too soon. I tried the "will put money aside for every pound lost and buy new clothes routine", Dollar in the pot with friends for every pound gained, even bet someone $100.00 as to who would lose the most by a given time..ehh NO I didn't WIN that either..... Soooooooo I needed some strategy that would nail it for me. Maybe I found it. I dont want to make promises, but I sure am going to give that a try. Kids always tug at my heart. Plus, mine will be healthier for it as well. I haven't exactly told them yet though. Just say NO! hahahha. In the mean time, now that I think I will have a handle on the fast food frenzy, I need to work on staying focused with the plan. One step atta time...

Dear Self,
Spring has sprung and as always it means new life. This will be the first days of your new life. For every pound you lose,you will be THAT much closer to a new lifestyle. Just think how it would feel to be:
Running without gasping for air.
Taking a flight of stairs head on instead of dreading the thought of even climbing them to begin with.

Feeling your sons' arms wrap around your entire waist when they hug you.
Tying your shoes while still being able to breathe freely
Putting on your bra without having to clasp it in the front and twirling it around.
Not having to worry about the weight limits stamped on on the tags for those fabric folding chairs.
Losing the fear that you might have to purchase two plane tickets for SW airlines when going on a trip, Just for yourself.
Dreading vacation or family photos.
Taking a booth instead of a table at family resturants because you used to fear the booth would be too close to get in and out of.
Being able to walk into any boutique and know that there WILL be something that will fit you on the rack.
Wearing really pretty lingere and not having rolls of fat popping out everywhere.
Throwing away all lose granny panties.
Not to have people checking out your grocery cart anymore
Your husband will never be able to call you a "fat A**" during an argument again.
Yep!! life will be soooooooooooooo much Sweeeeeeeeetterrrrr once those ugly pounds are gone.
Love ya
Me

Hey Self!
You must have been doing better than you had thought this week, A few more pounds lost according to the scale to bring the grand total to 7 pounds gone..... I know it seems like a pimple on your butt, but think about how heavvvvvvvvvy a 5# bag of potatoes feel. And thats almost the weight of 2 bags. It's a great start. Keep doing what yer doing, only once your knee feels better, :coach: get to the GYM. That may speed things up even more. Easter Sunday is coming up, but hey, no sweat. If you keep reminding yourself that all those goodies were available to you anytime you wanted them and you resisted, they will be there if you want a treat, after yu get to goal. But if the craving gets really strong, a lil treat would be ok. Stay focused though. Don't despair, its moving. Slowly, but surely. :up: Keep remembering the list of things that will belong to your past life once you get to goal. I thought of a few more for inspiration too....

Your knees will most likely stop hurting

Your shoes will fit better, won't have to worry about extra wide anymore

Can go to amusement parks and know that the stablizer bar WILL close

Can go on field trips with your son's class, and know he won't be embarrassed by you ( even though he says he isn't now, he will feel more confident too)

No one will say, "She has sucha pretty face" ( isn't it funny how when you are thin and pretty, people merely say, "isnt' she lovely, or isn't she beautiful?" but when you are over weight, they always say, "It's too bad she is so heavy, she has sucha pretty face." As if that should matter.. Oh well, once the weight is off, it won't .

Your family will be so proud of you once you meet goal.

Kudos!
Me

smack you around with a wet noodle lol ;) pimple on your but!?? 7 lbs is a LOT of weight my friend! you need to be proud of yourself!!!!!!!!!!

I am :super: proud of you!!!!!!!!!!!

your doing wonderful!

Beth :not:

Thank you Beth! you are the best cheer leader!~:cheer: I know 7 lbs seems like a lot of weight. But for me, I battled the same 10 lbs for the last 2 years. When I quit smoking about 3 years ago, I gained about 45lbs, this on top of an already very obese body. The last two years, I can't seem to budge past the first 10lbs no matter what I do. I have been at this place so many times, sometimes over nite. So I promise to get more excited once I lose my first 20 and am at least closer to where I was before I quit smoking. I know that once I get back to that place...everything else will be a huge bonus.. My first goal is to lose that smoking weight though...38 more to go.. :)

Did pretty good today, still not drinking enough though. Need to concentrate more on that. I did get jealous of someone today and it wasssssssss sooo sooooo stupid of me. Was told of someone I had known that was more obese than myself. TO make it worse, she had a horrible disfigurement in which what appeared to be her stomach, hang midway over her thighs and knees. Always had heart break for her as she struggled to even walk. She was in a strange way an inspriation for me, as I did not want to develop that problem. nor become that big. As it turned out, she had a nonmalignant tumor removed that weighted an extrodinary 65#! And has been able to continue to lose ever since. Now, while I was elated that she is doing so well.... a part of me, a small part of me, envied that lose. Even though I would never wish that on anyone..I somehow managed to twist it around that she had lost, and I had once again, failed at it.


Thats kinda sick... I really need to get over myself. [-X ..

I will do it, but I will do it naturally, healthy, and in due time.

More later....

Sweets2u, that is so normal to be envious of someone else's success. We all want to be the ones that are losing and getting healthy. Don't be too hard on yourself..... it's sure not sick to feel like that. We all do from time to time. The good news about losing and getting healthy is that you are doing it! It's not just 7 pounds! IT'S 7 POUNDS!!!!!!! WOOHOO!!!! Cheer and celebrate every single pound that you lose because it's one pound closer to that goal of being the healthiest weight you can be!

You have a great start! Just take it a day at a time and do what you need to do for the day and you'll get there before you know it! Drink your water, too.... it's so healthy for your body and it's a great natural appetite suppressant. It'll help you to have more energy, too. There are lots of things it helps us with.

Take care and have a good rest of your evening! You're doing a good job!

COngratulations on your 7 pounds! That is awesome! As DJ and Beth said, don't look at it as just 7. It's awesome in itself! Carry around that bag and a half of potatoes for a while, you'll appreciate the loss even more:) Keep it up!

You are normal - trust me - all of us who are over weight think thoughts like that at one time or another. I myself have done it several times. I will share the one I think was my most duhhhhhhhh one lol

This girl I went to school with was really heavy and suddenly the next school year she was all thin and trim, and someone told me that she had spent the whole summer sick and that was how she had lost her weight - know what I said? "how sick" lol I was thinking, ok I could handle being sick for a few months and lose 100 + lbs...........geeeeees :tomato:

Any how I do know most if not all of us over weight people feel this way from time to time - your OK :)

Happy Blessed Easter! Remember He Has Risen!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :flower:

Beth

Thank you DJ, Melsaestel, and Beth I needed to hear that. I was beginning to think I was evil and fat..lol. Glad I am not alone in thinking that anyway possible, when the usual way isn't quite working. Or is just sooo slloooowwww it makes your head spin off its shoulders. I know, just be patient and diligent and it WILL happen. thanks again for the cheers ladies.! I sure needed them. We had taxes done today and let's just say it was definately a ifitssittinginfrontofmeitsgoingtobeeatenday. Almost went for the kids chocolate bunnies that weren't put in baskets yet... Waiting for the next bombshell, I two more are coming.... EEEEEKKK!!! Wish I still smoked.....(not)
Happy Easter, to everyone...... Or PC Happy Holiday......... Will be careful tomorrow

LOL, Sweets2u @ "evil and fat"...... lolol too funny!

You did good not grabbing at chocolate bunnies! That won't help anything....... and how well I know this. *grin* Take care of yourself and have a great week. I hope your Easter was a good one and that you didn't have anymore "bombshells".

Hi Sweets to U first let me welcome you to diet talk. I've been away for a few days beating myself up for I guess being human again. I keep falling off the wagon.
Your doing so very good I read your post from start to finish and your only fooling yourself the way you write but I do love it. Is that what you call self talk.
Congratulations in a big big way for a 7 lb. loss that is great. Whatever your doing keep it up.

Hi there! I hope that you had a great holiday weekend! I don't know about you, but I love big family dinners, and really took advantage this year! TOM didn't help any! I was totally craving chocolate Saturday, bought an Almond Joy (my FAVORITE!), but only ate half the bar (one of the two pieces in the package). The other half is sitting in front of me. Thinking about tossing it. We'll see:) HOpe that you have a great week, and keep motivated!

I just at the rest of the candy bar. Oooops. :shrug:

Oh well Melsa Estel what can you say you had a human moment. that's ok as long as you recognized it as such.

Melissa..... good going on only eating half of the candy bar! That's awesome!

LOL, Melissa...... I didn't see that when I posted. I think I posted from page 2! LOL But no matter.... it won't hurt you to just eat one candy bar once in awhile. I truly believe that moderation is the key.

Wow!! You ladies are the greatest! I was very very bad lately, so I hesitated signing on here. I wasn't so bad that I gained back what I had lost. But I was in a state of snacking till I drop mood. I was able to come to my senses each time, only, there were quite a few times that I grabbed for something decadent. Which made me very afraid of the scale. I will wait till the end of the week as myself will tell ya, I had planned on making it an even 10 by Friday...

DJ, I didn't succumb to the lil bunnies, but the robins eggs tempted me all week. They are my favorite Easter candy. The only good thing about them is that they are so loaded with sugar, that too many puts ya in a coma for about a week. So too any can't be eaten atta time. Hope you had a wonderful Easter as well. I do appreicate your kind wishes. We did have a great Easter and we weren't befallen with any more bombshells... Maybe the black cloud has passed. Woo hoo!

Linda, Thank you for the warm welcome!. You are too kind. I certainly can relate to your hiding 'cause you are human and slipped a little. Hey , no biggie!. From your stats, you are on the right road, just get back on track. I am trying to. We can kick each other in the butt if ya want. But never appologize for being human. And yes, when self is talking it is self talk.. I was on here once before a long time ago, and never recieved much input. Not like this time around. Which I dearly need and thank each one of you for the support.. So I guess you could say I was being my own support. lol.. Nothing like being your own best friend... Stop that!! No you ! No you first! Who said that! hehehe.

Melissa!.. LOL dang girl! If you had seen the bag of robin eggs I lit into.... I would have eased your mind about that almond joy you were beating yourself up over. At least you hesitated and thought about it.. I said what the heck!! and gulped about half the bag down.Now I really feel guilty....

I also love family gatherings. I thought I was doing really well Sunday dinner, until my darling mother forced me into trying this new potato dish she served. OHMYGAWD! to die for........ What was worse, it was all cheesey and creamy. I did make that meal the only meal for the day...Wow...Now that I think about it...I should be very scared of the scale.. EEKK.... Anyway, I sure hope you had a very Blessed and wonderful Easter...Thanks for checking up on me. I need guidance...

Dear Self,

You little cheat! :tomato:I know that it is hard to fight temptation when you are not quite feeling calm and happy. Stress can cause an over powering hunger. It isn't about the food. Not really. Food never really plays a part in this on its own. You allow all the outside forces to take their toll on your inner self. That's what causes you to side step the diet. Not that you do not have enough character, will power, or discipline to accomplish your goals.......You lack the ability to channel that energy to a more positive place.. Go for a walk...excercise more. Ride your bike. walk the dogs. Try not to grab for sweets or snacks when feeling depressed or upset or bored. That is your biggest downfall. IT's soooooooooo easy to reach for something sweet, gooey and chocolately. That isn't helping anything. Especially the size of your behind. SO stop doing that!!! You don't need the added grief. And you WILL feel soooooo much better if you moved your body instead of feeding it garbage. You can do this! IT's only a matter of changing your daily habits when you are dealing with the stresses of life. Ok, so it won't be easy to change overnite. Make a promise to yourself to at least make one change per day. A small change in the way you process your cheating energies will make the biggest differences in the end. Get busy!!!
You WILL Do this!
You WILL succeed
YOU WILL LOSE IT!
ME

Ok self! What is the problem this time? You had a great weekend. You were busy in working in the yard most of yesterday. Ate reasonably...felt good. Today, it wasn't that you ate alot, but you did eat alot of the wrong foods. As a result you are now back up 3 pounds. SO much for your goal of a 10 lbs loss. Get with it! you are going out next weekend to that show, you will feel so much better bout yourself if you got to that 10 lbs by the end of this week... Its doable!! GO for it! getit done! JUST DO IT!!!!!!

Hi Sweets :)
only just found your journal but wanted to stop in and say hello :)
i am right there with you when it comes to easter candy, i am doing ok with it at the moment but when my kids are at school tomorrow i am going to get rid of some of it..cant stand seeing it sitting there waiting for a moment of my weakness.
Hope you have a wonderful week. i am will be cheering for you!
bet you can get that 3 pounds back off!
hugs bell :)

Sweets...... don't be too hard on yourself. But one thing you might want to consider if you're having trouble resisting the sweets is to give them away or throw them out! I used to feel wasteful for throwing foods out, but my peace of mind is worth more than any amount of junk costs. Sometime I found this time around for me is that the sugary stuff made me crave more sugary stuff. And like you said... sugar coma's aren't all that uncommon among those of us who have a HUGE sweet tooth! lol I gave up sugary foods for lent and was absolutely AMAZED that my sugar cravings stopped. Actually my food cravings in general stopped and that's been a real blessing for me. Now that lent is over, I am continuing on cutting out as much of the refined sugar as is possible. I love the feeling of not being a slave to sugar and candy any more. (I love robins eggs, too....LOL)

Maybe this week you can concentrate on making a plan for yourself and not worrying about the amount you want to lose for now. Just eat healthy one day at a time and the scale will take care of itself in the end. Don't focus on the pounds lost..... just focus on the food and how you can make it as healthy as it needs to be for you. Make sure you are getting plenty of water, too. That will help you with making you feel full..... not to mention that it's good for you in so many other ways, too.

Take care of yourself and have a great healthy week! You CAN do it!

Thank you Bell! That was nice. I have been able to stay on track. That is up until today. I am in one of those moods that if someone looks at me cockeyed, I will go directly for the chocolate. But so far I have been holding myself back... I was able to lose the extra 3 and even made the 10 lbs loss as of this past weds... not getting back on the scale until next weds.... Decided that daily, just doesnt' work for me.. :)

Hope you are doing well... Thank you again for the kind words of encouragement.
Car

Thanks DJ! that is great advice. I will do just that. I am focusing way too much on the loss in pounds, instead of the healthy changes gained. Its a whole learning experience isn't it? Like we have to relearn how to eat. Forget about that food pyramid that we learned in Health class... That thing is out dated and all those carbs will surely be a disaster...I think that the biggest thing to get over was not to eat the well rounded meals my mother served ,such as meat+ potato+vegtable+rolls. What was once considered healthy by the pyramid, now goes straight to my behind. I now eat far more veggies than meat, and even less breads if any... Anyway, thanks again for the great advice and encouragement!
Trying to keep this self on track...
All the best
Car