Well, I saw MelsaEstel's diary and thought it was a good idea to record my meals breakfast (BF), lunch (L), dinner (D) and lots of snacks (S). myabe writing it down will make me more conscious of my bad habits? also knowing others can read it might help me get to get my act together.

i have a really impusive personality and tend to eat impulsively. i tell myself i'll worry about it later, or one more can't hurt - any excuse really. just before 9am. so far....

food
S: 4-6 choc chip cookies (lost count but on the bright side. they are all gone now)

think i have to try to be more conscious and aware of what i put in my mouth. hope this helps....

Way to go Sweetpea! :cheer:

Here's a random chicken ~:> cause I like them :o

ROFL Mel!!!

So far today things have gone well. Had a good day. Didn't do any formal exercise but washed the car and did a few other things.

Fatigue is bad today my muscles ache esp my quads. I just had some bad news about my piano so I'm thinking of sugar again. Disappointments always turn me to food

So far today
B: choc chip bickies
L: 3x vogels toast, avocado, tomato, feijoas, apple
S: passionfruit, choc soy milk

planning steak and salad for dinner. hope i can hold out from having dessert, off to have a hot bath and soak my aching muscles. had a nap this afternoon but still feeling pretty lethargic :)

finishing off the day...

hot lemon drink and honey
choc custard
plenty of water with aloe vera juice

didn't really have a proper dinner so need to sort that out tmrw. overall not too bad a day, but plenty of room for improvement

Your food sounds good! What are feijoas? It's good that you are getting the fruit in there instead of the cookies (biscuits:)). The sweet from that can be so much better than goodies:) It's nature's candy.

Glad you liked the chicken.

Feijoas are a type of fruit, really yummy
Today so far:

B: buckwheat groats, yoghurt, nuts, seeds
L: 2 chicken salad sandwich
S: icecream, choc dipped, cheeseburger, choc chip cookie bisc

dinner - kingfish steak & salad planned but currently too full to fit in another thing from comfort eating.

Sweetpea, I think you're making a really positive step by journaling your food. I know it really helped me to start doing that. It made me more aware of what I was putting in my mouth, knowing I'd have to write it all down! lol

You made me laugh with your comment about there being a "bright side" that the cookies were all gone! Sounds like my kind of logic..... *grin*

Being aware of what you are doing is the first step in changing behaviors..... you are doing just that! Good for you!!!

Take care and have a great week!

Thanks so much for coming to visit DJ. Having support really helps...

Unfortunately I often forget what I've eaten by the time I get up here - have to get more organised!

Tuesday:
B: 2 toast with avocado, tomato, sprouts, 2 choc chip cookies, heaps of water with aloe juice
full to bursting!

I agree, Sweetpea! Having support means a lot.....

As far as forgetting what you've eaten by the time you get in here, you might want to get a floppy disk and keep track of it on that. Then you'll have record of it when you aren't in here, too. You could just copy and paste that way as well and you wouldn't have to worry about forgetting. That's what I do. I have a food diary, a weight & inches chart and an exercise log all on a floppy disk. It helps me since I am so forgetful. LOL

Take care and have a good night!

Hello ....

I wanted to suggest you use www.fitday.com to record your food intake; it is a free site and is very helpful and beneficial to REALLY UNDERSTAND YOUR FOOD INTAKE. As always, Monica

Thanks everyone. I should have explained. The trouble is my pc is upstairs in the loft (it's the only thing up here) so I'd have to manually record stuff then bring it all up to the loft. It's not insurmountable of course. Have to carry a notebook everywhere

I've heard that's a good way to do it, too, monica!

NOt sure who monica is lol

Fell off the wagon but had some good moments:
S; lots of cookies
S; snickers
D: fish, salad
S: wine (lots, yum), 2 bananas fried and caramelled - heaven

Allow me to introduce myself I AM MONICA .... :wn. As always, Monica

Hi Monica !!! :)

Time to report the food. Not such a good period...

Wednesday:
B: buckwheat groats, yoghurt, raw nuts & seeds
S: choc chip biscuits, + raw mix (but I threw the rest of the biscuits out. Yah what a victory)
D: pizza, coleslaw, pistachio nuts
S: choc biscuits

I'm pretty sure I had other stuff but dammit I can't remember what

Thurs:
B: smoothie verrrry verrrrry healthy

What kind of smoothie was it? I love them. SO yummy! Way to start out the day! And congrats on throwing out the cookies too! That's a huge step! I am proud of you!

:spring: ~:> :spring:

Thurs was a mixed up day. Got ripped off at the service station when they repaired something. Pleased I spoke my mind but still angry about it

thurs:
L: choc chip cookies and mix
D: salad

frid:
B: smoothie with fruit and soymilk nuts seeds
S: 2 sml choc bars
L: vogel smoked chick sandwich very tasty
S: lemon lime & bitters

dinner to come ...

arghhhhh dinner was a mess. felt exhausted and low and had a big pig out and then had no room for dinner

fri cont
S: wine, chips (crisps), cheese, choc chip cookies

no dinner yet but will shove in some salad. also have steak a couple of days old that should really be cooked.have been fiddling with book ideas and am feeling a little stumped, can't see anything that will turn into a full saleable book

didn't manage dinner but did have some baby corn (yummy) and some toblerone which was only average

feeling some enthusiasm for my book on money. it comes in fits and starts, am going to try and put together an outline for the book and think i will feel much better if i can get some direction to my writing. feeling a bit adrift, and the lack of sleep is making me tired and irritable. i feel dissatisfied and restless. need to find some things that settle me. funnily enough i'm not really enjoying choc - eating it out of habit. clearly that's gotta stop!

This is NOT working. Couldn't sleep after working on book ideas and stayed up fiddling online and ate a pile of cheese i didn't need at the same time. grrrr think it's partly boredom but mainly nervous energy

what a disaster
I eat some healthy stuff but mainly I'm eating crap. Big emotional eater and not coping at all well. No idea how to fix this. Sometimes I feel positive it will come right but right now frustrated as hell. Feel like I'm going nowhere fast, or more likely backwards. GRRRRRRRR have to get this under control somehow but don't know how. Maybe I need to go to a dietitian or a food coach or a counsellor but I really don't seem to have made much progress, I'm eating healthy stuff too but it doesn't cancel out all the crap I eat and and and and FRUSTRATED

Sweet,

THERE IS NOTHING YOU CANNOT ACHIEVE ... ...

Okay so today wasn't a good day ... BUT YOU HAVE THE POWER AND THE ABILITY TO MAKE TOMORROW AND ALL THE TOMORROWS TO COME -- WHATEVER YOU CHOOSE THEM TO BE .....

Now remove the :( from your face .... and stop :whip: and once again focus on your goals and KEEP TAKING IT ONE DAY AT A TIME ... SUCCESS CAN AND WILL HAPPEN BECAUSE YOU ARE GOING TO MAKE IT HAPPEN .... you're not a quitter NOR ARE YOU A FAILURE ..... our weight loss journey has many twists and turns -- some of our own making and other situations -- BUT IT IS VERY IMPORTANT THAT YOU PICK YOURSELF :up: AND START ANEW . So smile my friend BECAUSE YOU ARE GOING TO MAKE IT A GREAT DAY . As always, Monica

Thanks for your kind words monica. I keep forgetting other people can read my posts LOL Is probably a good kick up the behind and I need it because I have been eating crap every day and feel like i'm going nowhere. which is about right because i lost weight then put it back on.

my real problem is the emotions and the poor sleep. i'm on medication for the moods but they don't work so i pig out to cheer myself up which is prob further affecting my moods. you're right i have to forget the past and focus on one day at a time (today being stuffed full of yummy cookies). guess for now will keep on making sure i have a salad everyday and trying to cut back on sweets and junk food!

thanks again

ok back to recording stuff. feel queasy from greasy foods so have to get back on track

B: apple
S: 4-5 cookies, 2x sushi
L: bacon/egg toasted sandwich, sausage roll, orange juice

Hi sweetpea..
maybe making small changes gradually with the food is the answer..for me i just dont buy certain "trigger" foods..if i have them there then i eat them... i think it would be a great idea to go and talk to someone about the eating and why you eat etc..understanding why i was eating was a big part of working on a long term solution.
i wish you much success, keep journalling and when you are tempted to eat junk to feel better find something else to do..take a walk, read a book, have some healthy snacks ready, come here and post how you are feeling.
i believe you can do it!
hugs bell :)

I agree with Bell about the trigger foods. If something is in my kitchen, I am going to eat it. I have been pretty good at throwing out the bad stuff. I have that darned ice cream still. Throwing that out first thing tomorrow, and it's going straight out to the bin!
I hope that you decide to journal your foods again. With having them listed, you can look back and see what you ate and how it affected you later in the day.

You are going to do great! Hope that you are able to figure things out soon!

The support makes a big difference. It motivates me to get back here and journal!

Here goes for today
B: passionfruit smoothie (yum and healthy)
S: cookie dough
a big nap then S: cookie dough
S: rice crackers, tomato, hummus
D: wine, steak (sml) salad
S: hot chocolate + cointreau

Even tho I had some crap I don't feel too bad - maybe cos I'm a little pished!

Have been making a little progress on a book which is cheering me up and made a decision to reduce meds which makes me feel in control. Have also got all 10 victims for my psych assign so ready to write it up and submit it hooray!

have made a decision to journal more here or in my diary at home so I can monitor my health and side effects of meds. Want to be the healthiest I can be. Feeling surprisingly good and I think the change of meds is helping me to not binge quite as much...

One other good thing is I vowed not to go back to the service station after they ripped me off (bastards!) so I'm not going up there anymore for snacks. Has been at least a week and haven't once bought junk food from there. I'm sure in the long run that this will help :)

oh dear. think i had a little too much wine - can feel some gas YUCK. I was feeling sooooo good but now it's 1020pm and i feel really tired. hjave been drinking aloe vera juice to settle my system. have never checked - I wonder if aleo juice has calories?

been working out my calories for the day. seems to be about 1800 calories counting everything. Very pleased about the salad and I'm allowed some fun just can't make a habit of the wine. The scary thing tho is I think I have a taste for the hot chocolate drink now. Hmmmm Will have to fill in all the details of some of my usual foods. At some stage I may also go to fitday as they total your fat intake. One of my missions is to reduce my fat intake as a % of total food. Even if I get it down to 25% I think that would be an improvement. Oops I forgot the milk so =1950 calories. OK so not so pleased now. Will aim to get down to 1600 calories as a starting point and < 25% fat content

Did a bit of a calculation and looks like fat was about 25% hooray. But I guess looking at it that sugar will be high. something to work on

today plan to eat 1500 calories, and do at least an hour on one of my assignments, plus finish the section of the book i'm working on 'the fool'. hope i can do it

I was really distressed about losing my computer for a couple of days and chowed down on junk food. Now I have a cold and feel really lousy. I guess it;s related. Must work harder at healthy eating. I do enjoy it when eat good food so need to make more of an effort. Not sure how long this resolution will last but need to get back to eating salads for dinner and having plenty of raw fruit and veges.

Sweet, :wave:

The one good thing about our weight loss journey WE KNOW THAT EACH DAY IS WHAT WE MAKE IT Don't :whip: yourself or look back to yesterday .... WORK ON TODAY AND ALL THE TODAYS TO COME. Remember YOU ARE WORKING TO MAKE A HEALTHIER YOU .... AND YOU WANT TO DO IT IN A PERMANENT WAY . Make it a great day. As always, Monica

Thanks Monica
I've had a healthy start altho the pumpkin and sunflower seeds are high in fat, but it;s healthy fat. Hope I can keep this up, don';t want to go thru another day like yesterday

B: banana, yoghurt, nuts, seeds

oh dear not very consistent at this, and having trouble resisting the junk food. today so far:

B: scones
S: more scones
L: banana, yoghurt, nuts, seeds

think that's it. have started thinking again about baking cookies. had the urge a couple of hours ago and managed to hold it at bay but feeling really tired and needy and wanting to bake something as a treat for myself. I had the banana as something sweet to tide me over but it didn't feel like a treat. Otherwise i may have wine, but think I am so tired I'd keel over if I had wine

Really feel my time at this house is done and it's time to move on...

yesterday and today were ruined by more choc chip cookies. Plus I don't know if it's the meds or something else but napped a couple of hours today and yesterday. still feeling fairly avge

fri
D: small salad no dressing
S: millions of cookies

sat
B: buckwheat, nuts seeds yoghurt
L: salad + tuna
S: more cookies, not even that nice

day didn't get any better. Had wine more cookies and some carrot and cucumber with hummus. feel bloated as usual

it shouldn't come as a surprise but the last 2 weeks i put on weight. what a disaster. only drinking water so far. 7am and i'm going to try and be good today. not sure how long i can last...

to top it off i have a stomach upset. i thought my eating was pertty normal yesterday. and was proud of having a salad but i guess it was all too much for my system

had a late dinner tonite and feeling quite alert now when i should be sleepy

B: v8 juice, berry smoothie
L: cookies, cookies and more cookies
D: chicken and salad
S: chocolate

had a yummy but unhealthy day. has made me feel i need a detox day

B: choc & apricot muesli bar
L: banana, french toast, bacon & maple syrup
S: humungous icecream and choc dip
D: chicken stuffed with apricot and camembert, brussel sprouts, wine

time to record my exercise as i'm not sure how consistently i'm walking or how far,,,
2.5km walk

your last several posts are about how your eating plan is not going well - have you given any thought to maybe trying a different plan?

I really am not trying to be a smart but - but not all plans work for all people, so just something I wanted to mention.

I hope you keep sticking it out as you are now - your not a failure until you quit :)

We will be here for you and support you the whole way :D

Beth :not:

Thanks Beth. I'm a really impulsive eater and I do need to make some changes to the way I plan my food to have things available that are healthy. Also emotional eating :)

The exercise is going ok. Fresh start yesterday. Aiming for 10km for the week.
Day 2: 1.5km
Week to date: 4km
Goal: 10km and 2 very happy dogs

OK I understand much better now :)

sadly I can relate to that type of eating, what I try very hard to do now is be ready. I know it will hit so I keep low fat, low calorie foods handy that seem to me like "no no" foods - you know only no no foods help us emotional eaters..........sigh

so I keep frozen strawberries and low fat low cal cool whip handy and wow is that yummy, same with things like ff choc ice cream bars - still not the best choices, but better then normal lol

maybe see what you turn to when your emotional eating and try to find some other "no no" options that are not as quite no no - hope this makes sense lol

Beth :not:

I think I see what you're getting at. although I'm not in the US so I don't have the same choice of diet options for choc ice cream bars (what is ff by the way). Plus I have discovered recently that baking cookies is wonderfully comforting.

I presume cool whip is cream??? different language here, and you defrost the strawberries? Would seem strange having them without chocolate of course... :D

ff = fat free lol

cool whip - no not cream but hey that sounds good too ;)
you can defrost them first , times I do, times I don't - still trying to think how to explain cool whip lol

ahhhhhh....... :shrug:

I see your from down under - does that mean Australia? If so there is a wonderful lady here from there as well who has lost like 100+ lbs and I will have her explain this stuff to you better lol

Beth :not:

I'm from New Zealand but we have a lot of similar products. Some days I can be good and have veges with hummus as a snack but I was brought up on chocolate as a treat food and we had it most days and all weekend when I was growing up - I find it very hard to break.

still none the wiser on the cool whip... but I wrote down on my shopping list to take a closer look tomorrow at low fat diet products, altho they're very expensive and i'd eat the whole pack in one sitting no matter how bloated i get. that's the thing i keep making biscuits. will think about not buying butter so i can't make them but last time i did that i succumbed and went to the service station to buy ingredients so it didn't work

Day 3
walked to the letterbox 3x (ea 0.5km)
ate at least a dozen cookies and there's none left now. wanted to make some more but i'm out of butter so i'm munching on the choc chips straight from the packet!

Day 4: 2.5km
WTD: 6.5km... 3.5km to go

Diet is not much chop but at least I've maintained my 1kg weight loss

day 5
walked 1.5km
wtd: 8km - 2km to go in 2 days. phew it's been harder than i thought but i think i can do it!

day 6: 2km = 10km for the week :D

way to go !!!!!!!!!! :dn

Beth :not:

thanks Beth - how do you put those cute little pix of the aerobics icon etc in text. I only know how to type : and ) or : and D to get faces!

see your smiley faces and such over to your right side after you hit reply?
right under them in small text you will see the word more - click on it and another window will open, and all the icons are there - chose the code for the icon you want and copy & paste it - after a while you'll know a lot of them by heart :)

Beth :not:

gonna try again to track my food. slipped tonite and made dessert which was a bad idea but otherwise not 2 bad,,,

I'm not exactly sure what i ate but I think

B:banana, yoghurt, nuts, seeds
S: 2 choc chip biscuits, some cheese
S: apple, potato chips, avocado, lemon lime & bitters
D: coleslaw with yoghurt dressing, falafels, ice cream pudding

2500 calories - yikes can't believe how it addes up

Hi Sweetpea,
I didn't know you had a journal!!!!! Well how about that! Good for you. Now I can talk to yo here toooooo!!

Just saying hi for now and will be back later!!

Love and hugs,
Lizzie

Thanks for the message Lizzie. My journal died a natural death but decided it was time to bring it back to life.

Today was a mixed bag did really well for breakfast and lunch but then went to a MidWinter Xmas party and had 6 courses. All really yummy but included spring rolls, wontons, beautiful filo chicken pastries, bread and butter pudding, roast chicken and veges etc etc. Plus I had a little slurp of mulled wine and some muscat dessert wine. Wow this is the life.

Calories - a million

here i am again at 2000 calories for the day and I want MORE MORE MORE

2x lemon lime bitters
1 large crumbed lamb chop, kumara
lots of cookies
tuna tomato and baby corn
banana

Hey Tal! :wave:
How is the Snow Angels group going? I've been posting at Dr Phil, but it's not as personal as our little group was :( .
Hope all is well,
Shellie

Hi Shellie - nice to hear from you! I was just thinking about you the other day.

If you post in Dr Phil you probably know most of the snow angels people as they all seem to be into Dr Phil eg. Lizzie

Dieting is going lousy!!! Partly as a side effect of my meds.
Everything else is going well altho I still eat too many cookies

Wednesday. Day 1 of hypoglycaemic diet

Prepared a menu and had the planned breakfast. So far so good. Breakfast wasn't as enjoyable as my old breakfasts but I've eaten it and feel ok. The major obstacle is getting past the first day. Once I've done that I'll feel stronger and will find the other days easier

it's getting harder. i've eaten everything according to my menu so i know i've had plenty of protein and enough calories but my body is in major sugar withdrawal. still have dinner and snacks to go. if i can make it through this i'll feel good about myself despite not making yummy cookies. shhhhh banned
had some low fat yoghurt and it is helping with sugar cravings i think

Hang in there, Talia, you can do it. :)
You're not allowed any sugar? Maybe that's the best way to get past the cookie cravings, just cut them out totally. :( Try to stay busy and keep your mind on other things. I find that going out to do errands helps, just as long as I stay away from the market :D .

well i managed day 1, with a bit of help from 1/2kg of yoghurt. i realised after that this was a banned food, but hey a whole day free of junkfood is still a big success

day 2 i fell off the wagon and made cookies but then i got a stomach upset so now i'm back on track...

today has been a real struggle. after making the cookies i wanted fish and chips but managed to resist but i ate the rest of the cookies (except for the 2 i gave the dogs). Now I'm hungry but it's too late to cook a proper meal

I have to get my imagination going, part of the problem was I tried eating all the same things I ate yesterday but they were no longer enjoyable. I need more variety

part of solving a problem is seeing it and you have done that :)

Now move on and take steps to correct it :D

have a super weekend!

Beth :not:

i broke the rules today. had more than the prescribed 12 nuts but i was getting there

but hten one of my diet buddies was talkign about the scones she was eating and i got silly and had a sugary dessert. and i feel bad. it wasn't good for me. what a waste of all the good effort i put in earlier in the day

I realize I am way late on wishing you a VERY HAPPY BIRTHDAY .... but I hope that THIS BIRTHDAY WAS A VERY :bd AND CELEBRATED :balloons: WITH THOSE YOU LOVE AND WHO LOVE YOU :cheers:

You haven't posted in quite a while ..... but I hope YOU HAVEN'T GIVEN UP ON YOURSELF ... our journey to success can and has many twists and turns .... if you ever need to talk .... let me know ... I am as always, Monica :wave:

Sweet Pea, maybe you are going to have to ask your 'dietbuddy' to please not talk about those kind of things.

Hang in there.

WOW Monica! You remembered my birthday ~~WAHOO~~

Good thing you and crazy wrote to me cos I keep thinking I need to get back to my journal!!

I've got a new dietbuddy (that other gal was a BAD BAD influence) and I started my diet afresh yesterday. Ate crap in the morning but from midday on it was all good stuff. Woke up this morning and leapt on the scales expecting to be a slim jim LOL but no change. Wee bit optimistic aren't I :dn

Hey Optimism is great!!! and good for you at maintaining, and good for you at getting a new diet buddy!!! That took some nerve and was a wise thing to do!!! Hurray for Sweet Pea
:jn

Each day we learn something .... AND WE HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY OF MAKING EACH DAY WHAT WE WANT IT TO BE ....

Continue TO BE PATIENT WITH YOURSELF ... treat YOURSELF WITH KINDNESS AND RESPECT ....

You're not ALONE .... and as long as you KEEP WORKING ON YOUR GOALS ...

YOU CANNOT FAIL .... YOU CAN AND WILL ONLY ACHIEVE SUCCESS Have and make it a great weekend. As always, Monica

I've eaten healthily today altho am definitely feeling choc cravings

1 boiled egg
3 lite yoghurts
bacon salad
cheese
prawn stirfry

December 2:

B: banana, yoghurt, almonds
L: 2 slices vogel sunflower and barley bread, lettuce, capsicum, bacon sandwich (no butter and fat drained off bacon after microwaving)

WELCOME BACK ..... :wave:

KEEP COMING AND SHARING YOUR FEELINGS ... RATHER THAN FEEDING YOUR FEELINGS ...

SUCCESS IS SOMETHING WE CAN ALL ATTAIN .... BUT WE MUST FOCUS ON OUR GOALS ...

I am as always, Monica

WOW! Thanks Monica :hug:

Your timing is great... I just found out I have elevated glucose fasting levels ie high risk diabetes. Having support is a HUGE help.

I will try to keep positive and on track!

OK Have found out am pre-diabetes

Thur 2 Dec
afternoon went to hell in a handbasket. binged on chocolate, choc pudding with cream, salt and vinegar chips

Fri 3 Dec
B: apple
S: apricot loaf with butter
L: chicken salad sandwich with butter no mayo

Sweetpea,
Hi sweetie. Sorry you got bad news today. GFwhat are you doing eating that junk that is putting you in a higher risk catagory!!! I sure don't want you developing full blown diabetes and if you learn to change how you eat now perhaps you can avoid it!! I will be praying that happens for you. What did doc say about diet and medications? Did he tell you how to improve your chances to not become another diabetic??

How can I help you to stay away from the junk food? What can I do to help? You know i am here.

Love and hugs,
Lizzie

Hello again

Am doing better today but my bingeing usually starts later in the day.
Have bought lots of veges to eat...

Dear Sweet,

I can remember when I was first diagnosed with diabetes ..... and I also remember when I was told I had to go on insulin .... both instances I REACTED VERY NEGATIVELY.

I can't and won't attempt to tell you what to do .... but I do SUGGEST VERY STRONGLY that you work on this disease .... this disease KILLS ... and it does so in multiple ways ... you can go blind; you can lose your hands, and legs (amputations); you can have a stroke; die from a heart attack or die from kidney disease .....

More times than I care to admit I TOOK A VERY STUPID POSTURE .... and ate whatever I wanted to paying no attention to what I ate or how I lived ... NOW IT IS JUST THE OPPOSITE .... and although I hate living such a structured life ... it is something I have to do ....

A lot of times I am asked HOW I CAN BE SO FOCUSED ... the simple truth is IT'S A MATTER OF LIFE AND DEATH ... losing weight IS A NECESSITY .. now you are younger than I am .... and you CAN MAKE POSITIVE CHANGES that will insure the quality of your life now ...

I am stating all this not to call attention to myself ... BUT FOR YOU TO KNOW THAT THIS ISN'T THE END ... BUT CAN BE THE BEGINNING ... having the knowledge you NOW HAVE will give you a greater incentive to achieve your goals ....

You know I will always be willing to help you in whatever way I can ... BUT THE RESPONSIBILITY (lol I was raised on that word ... and here I am saying it to you) LAYS IN YOUR HANDS .... to say it will be easy .. NO IT WON'T ... BUT IT IS DOABLE ...

Life is a very precious gift; YOU CAN ADD YEARS AND GIVE YOURSELF .... THE OPPORTUNITY TO LIVE AND BE HEALTHIER AND HAPPIER. I am as always, Monica

Hi Monica

Yes I am still coming to terms with it and in denial thinking it won't happen to me. I was shocked when the results were elevated. I was soooo convinced I'd be fine. And of course I had a batch of chocolate fudge the night before the test I was soooo stupidly blaze

Dec 3 (rest of day)
1 bacon sandwich with lettuce and avocado, no mayo or butter. bacon cooked in microwave and fat drained
3x fromage frais
1x choc soy milk
some marshmallows (now all gone) and chippies (threw out rest of packet)

starting tmrw I will have to count calories and fat % consumed

Saturday 4 Dec
Vitasoy Chocolate
Vogel Mixed grain & sesame
Sara Lee scoopalicious
sesame rice
Cheese, Brie
Yogurt, Cyclops Walnut
Avocado
Banana
Grapefruit & passionfruitjuice
Bacon
Almonds, raw
Alfalfa sprouts

Total =2137 calories.
I ate until I was full then ate some more. I feel horribly depressed

I am wishing you and yours the healthiest and merriest Christmas ever ..... I am as always, Monica :hug:

Happy Holidays Sweetpea.......Wishing you the best of everything!



Blessings:spring:


Vickie:pass:

Talia,

I WANT TO WISH YOU A VERY HAPPY NEW YEAR .... :balloons: .. A YEAR FILLED WITH GOOD HEALTH AND MUCH HAPPINESS. I am as always, Monica :hug: :wave:

Hi sweetpea, Just stop by to see how my boot camp buddy was doing. Hope you are having a great day! I know you will do great! Wishing you all the best!

Your bud, Millie

Tal, Where are you?????
Shellie :D

Happy New Year

I'm out of town at the moment and accessing this from the library. Can't believe all the different things that show up on my screen here. Maybe I need to change some of my settings!

Anyway I'm still working away on my diet. You can find me at Snow Angels and also at the BOOT CAMP challenge which is 3 x 14 day challenges and really good.

I've lost 4kg and been eating less so all good. Look forward to hearing your news

frid 25 april 05

B: 2x choc soy
L: meat pie + avoc + tomato
S: sesame rice crackers + spinach & feta dip. 1/2 apple
S: 2 marshmallow easter eggs
S: 2 hot x buns and canola spread
D: wonton soup

calories: 2200
walk: 20 mins

thur 9 june

B: banana yog almonds
L: 100gm smoked salmon, lettuce, tomato, avocado, 2 slices vogel
S: 2 mandarins
S: banana, chocolate whipped cream
D: homemade grilled chicken burger
S: banana, chocolate whipped cream

fri 10 June

B: banana yog almonds
S: roses chocs
L: french stick with beef and salad, 2 prawns
S: date scone with butter
S: mandarins
D: lasagne salad, ice cream

Week 6-12 June!!!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Mon 6: walk
Tue 7: rest
Wed 8: walk
Thr 9: walk
Fri 10: dance
Sat 11: walk
Sun 12: walk

Week 13-19 June!!!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Mon: rest
Tue: walk
Wed: walk and 3 min dance. but dragged feet dance was exhausting
Thr: walk
Fri: rest
Sat: rest
Sun: dance 7 mins! it's going up

had a cold this week and it has definitely slowed my down :dn
3x walk
2x dance

Hey Sweetpea, glad to see you still lurking around! Looks like you're doing well- that's famtastic! :D
Take care,
Shellie

thanks shellie for your kind words
hope all is going well for you :laugh:

I was wondering...are you writing anything lately?

ummm well a psych essay right now

but YES! i am doing a sort of diary of my emotional eating with some tips on overcoming it (not that i'm all the way there yet) but it will happen

how's life with all those kids hehe

Just thought I'd drop in and say hi! Tinkerbell, BTW, is my sister's fave. My dad used to catch the sun with his watch and it'd reflect on the ceiling of the car and my sister used to believe my dad when he told her that was tink. How cute!

Talk to you soon!

Melinda :D

Hi Melinda! I like tink too. She's like a good luck charm hehe :o

Week 20-26 June
-----------------

Mon: rest
Tue: walk
Wed: walk
Thr: walk
Fri: dance
Sat: walk
Sun: dance

Binge Free days this week: 3 so far

Pleasant dream on the night of the 20th (Mon) or it might have been Sun 19th and a happy dream on Friday night... progress!

Hi Tal,
Glad you are writing. When you figure out the emo eating let me know. I can't seem to beat it.

The girls are great, thanks. The oldest just got her driver's licence and the youngest just got potty trained! :D

Shellie

hehe - yes I'm still learning as I go. But writing everything down helps and with the stuff I am learning in psychology I am putting together some good stuff to help me understand why and when I eat, triggers etc. It's getting better but it is still my biggest obstacle!!

Week 27 June - 3 July
-----------------

Mon: rest
Tue: walk
Wed: walk
Thr: gardening
Fri: activity but no specific exercise
Sat: dancing 40-50mins
Sun: rest

Binge Free days this week: 3

Week 4 - 10 July
-----------------

Mon: walk (but have a bad cold and feeling miserable)
Tue: rest (still have cold)
Wed: rest but sort of swayed on the spot for one song
Thr: walk + dancing 15-20 mins: it was fun!
Fri: short walk
Sat:shorter walk
Sun: dance 5-10mins

Binge Free days this week: 2??

Week 11 - 17 July
-----------------

Mon: rest (BF)
Tue: walk (BF)
Wed: walk
Thr: rest
Fri: rest (sore legs but not sure why)
Sat: short walk (BF)
Sun: rest

Binge Free days this week: 3

was aiming for 4 BF days - not achieved
also no dancing this week and not much walking

Hi Sweetpea! Thought I'd pop in your journal. I love how you're focusing on how many days were binge FREE and the exercise you ARE doing. Wonderful way of looking at it! Sue

Thanks Sue!
I am aiming for 4 binge free days a week. One day I'll look back on this and realise how far I've come hehe. Even doing 1 binge free day a week was a struggle and last week things slipped but it's getting there.

Ooh, I love binge-free days. Makes you feel so good, strong. Every day of my life for years and years was one big binge. Yeah, baby, we've come a long way. We'll make it.

Thanks for your support. So far today i'm doing really well on my eating. But it's not over til it's over and I have temptation coming my way later today when I go into town. Still even if I succumb I had a nice healthy sandwich for lunch so it's a step in the right direction.

how many pounds in a kg again? is it 2.5 or am I thinking of kilometers, lol

Hi Kelsey. I see you're really close to your first goal - well done

2.2lb = 1kg
1.6km = 1 mile!

It saves me having to convert everything if I put it in kg but i know most of the ppl here have no idea what it means lol

Hi

Just wanted to stop in and say HI!!

renee :D

Hi Renee
Lovely to see you. I am still here fighting the sugar cravings but at least the exercise is a happening thing. I just love my dancing :dn

Hi Sweetpea. I'm so glad you like to dance! It's fun and great exercise. I hardly ever do it because I don't have any rythem, but it's ok if no one's watching!

Boy, when those sugar cravings come, they're soooo strong, aren't they? I hope you'll be able to be stronger then they are. I know it's tough. Sue

Oh yes those sugar cravings are real strong and they get me most times, still working on that

Week 18 - 24 July
-----------------

Mon: short walk, dance 18 mins
Tue: walk (BF)
Wed: lots of running around
Thr: rest day (back still sore)
Fri: walk
Sat: rest (BF)
Sun: rest

Binge Free days this week: 2

fri and sat 29-30 july binge free. and not even over eating. a miracle

Hi

Congrats on 2 days of being binge free. That is great:)

Have a wonderful Sunday.
Renee:)

2 days is the longest I'm usually able to go. Next week my goal is to get to 3 days binge free in a row.

Thanks for your support Renee

Kelsey I'm the same. I didn't manage today but it's Monday tomorrow and a new month. I need to do at least 3 binge free days. I want to keep increasing until I can do it easily instead of it being a constant battle. We'll get there LOl

My plans for August
- daily relaxation. aim for 5 mins a day of "meditation"
- re-start dancing 1x a week
- 20 minutes a day of activity
- get back under 80kg
- this week is alcohol free (6-12/8)
- write 2,000 words per week (ie 4 lots of 500)
- pay attention to my thoughts and direct them i.e. focused, concentrated
- do one thing at a time

Hey Sweetpea, how are you doing? I didn't know you had a journal :) I have stopped posting over in the eating disorders forum but it is very nice to see you here. That looks like a good plan. What does (6-12/8) mean I wonder? I quit drinking in 1999 and am very happy for it. I wasn't that bad but definitely abusing it or drinking too much anyway. I can honestly say with all my heart that I no longer need it or even want it. (usually- like 99% of the time) See you around & good luck you :)

Thanks for stopping by!

Does this mean you have overcome your eating difficulties? I am still struggling with bingeing LOL

I enjoy a drink but sometimes I can go overboard. I stopped for a while and that was fine. I want to stop giving my system such a hard time. Plus it increases my sugar cravings:laugh:

Hope everything is going well for you :)

Sat 6 Aug:
BF AF no exercise
tried meditation but couldn't stick at it
500 words
anxiety 9

Sun 7 Aug:
BF AF no exercise
breathing exercises
anxiety 10

Mon 8 Aug:
AF short walk borderline binge
breathing exercises and relaxation/meditation attempt
words 385
anxiety 5

Tue 9 Aug:
AF no exercise binge
breathing exercises and short relaxation/meditation attempt
words -
anxiety 5

Wed 10 Aug:
walk AF borderline binge
some breathing exercises but not all
anxiety 4

Thu 11 Aug:
gardening AF binge
some breathing exercises
words 200?
anxiety 3

Fri 12 Aug:
short walk AF
no meditation/breathing
edited intro
anxiety 4


BF = binge free Total 2 days + 2 borderline days = 4
AF = alcohol free Total 7 days for the week
words below target
doing one thing at a time: hmmm still working on this

Hi Sweetpea. Your plans for August look great, and congrats on being BF. I haven't been able to write much but I want you to know you've been in my thoughts. Sue

Hey Sweetpea, well I hope that anxiety score isn't out of 10? That would mean you are really stressed? Man, my heart goes out to you, I get anxiety every couple of years or so for about a month and it is so painful for me- the only pro is I am not interested in eating at those times so I loose weight very quickly. But I rather be overweight than suffer that. I do hope you are okay?

I am not over binging. I think for me it comes with feeling down- not sad but just, well I don't know, in a "funk". But I am on an upswing lately so I am ok. I didn't really feel like I belonged in that thread, to tell you the truth. I would imagine most people who are overweight binge at least once in awhile but that doesn't make it an eating disorder per se. Anyway, the thought struck me that perhaps I should binge to feel more like I belonged and at that point I decided to just not post there any more. That was before the r-D stuff, which I agreed with you btw.

I like all your abbreviations btw, there are interesting :)

oh it's so nice to see you both Sue and Steph (have I got that right mydiet lol)

YES the anxiety is out of 10. This morning I wanted to kill the puppy. I had to shut her outside before I threw her or lost control. When I get like that it's a definite 10 hehe. I had already pushed her quite hard and she fell over so I knew I was over the edge.

OOh yes bingeing to feel like you belong would be a real danger sign. Good thinking for moving on. I binge when I'm out of sorts too. It's an automatic response and i am working on changing it. But it takes time :laugh:

Thanks for the support over r-D. It was stressing me out and I wasn't posting because of it so on one my 8, 9 or 10 anxiety days I spat the dummy. Anyway he's disappeared which is cool.

It's also a 10 today because it's combined with depression. I am having trouble breaking out of it. And definitely trouble resisting sugar. I had some today. Not a binge but 2 lots of desserts (and I haven't even had dinner yet)

Interesting thought about the bingeing. Could be right about choosing a better peer group where everyone is on track rather than falling off the wagon every 5 mins...

Hi Sweetpea- my name is Catherine, not sure how you got Steph :) Yes, I think depression and sugar cravings are really linked, not sure which causes which, chicken and egg thing perhaps. I am sorry you are feeling so bad. Are you usually better in the summer? It is summer here. I usually go downhill in the fall- really, sounds silly but I have honestly noticed a pattern. I still get cravings now but I somehow have the strength and frame of mind to fight it- like, when I am bad I don't even bother fighting it.

Yes, that thread was getting me down, leave it to me to feel guilty for not binging!

ttyl :)

Hi again
Yes I do better when it is sunny, but it isn't unusual for me to be depressed all year round. It's something I am working on and breaking the sugar cycle is part of it. But it's sooooo hard LOL

Ya, you said it, very hard!

Hi SweetPea

I sorry you are having a having a hard time. I wish I had words of wisdom for you but I've used them all up. (shows how limited my supply was). All I can say, is have faith in yourself.

I remember how annoying pups could be. Ours was lucky to survive puppyhood. I thought my hubby would kill it a couple of times. Like when it got into the closet and chewed up my fur coat(rabbit), the pup was proud of himself.

Anyways, take care and good luck.
Renee:)

Thanks. i am still struggling to do one thing at a time and learn meditation. i'm sure that will help. thankfully i'm not feeling so irritable now so i don't get as cross when i find muddy paws and destruction on my couch. all takes time though

Hi Sweetpea. When I get some time, I'll sit down and come up with some ideas for you and that little puppy of yours. They're fun but a handful! 'Course, I don't need to tell you that. Keeping you in my thoughts, Sue

Thanks Sue!

She's pretty good all things considered. I've definitely had worse LOL. It's just a matter of training and she is learning all the time. She sits now for her dinner, she doesn't howl any more while i'm preparing it etc etc. But still have months to go before she has learned everything

Well, not howling any more is a step in the right direction, lol. Hope you're doing well. I'll get over to bc/spa either today if I can or this weekend for sure. Sue

oh yes i taught her the not howling by leaving the room for 5 mins if she barks or howls. works a treat. but must have frustrated poor saffie!

this morning i found her on my bed curled up next to me so she still doesn't understand that!!! but she's young and i adore her

look fwd to catching up with you soon sue

Food log 19 aug 05

B: banana yoghurt almonds
S: apple
L: brown roll salmon lettuce avoc tomato
S: choc soy
S: celery, walnut red pepper dip, delicioso chips
D: homemade pizza, corianda pesto, muchsroom, tomato, cheese, olives, bacon, capsicum, wine

20 aug 05

B: small handful mixed nuts, cherries, sml cran juice
S: spirulina cocktail
S: 2 guylain choc bars, choc danish
S: potato chips
D: lamb noisette, kumara, raw brocslaw, wine, cheesecake


walk

Food log 21 aug 05

B: banana yoghurt almonds sunflower pumpkin seeds
L: rye roll, avoc, tomato, sprouts, smoked salmon
S: rye roll + sprouts, tomato, walnut pepper dip. boiled egg
S: choc soy milk
S: toffee pudding, cream
D: wine cran juice, calamari butter garlic, tomato brocslaw. cheesecake, butterscotch schnapps

Food log 22 aug 05

B: banana yoghurt almonds sunflower pumpkin seeds
L: smoked salmon. snowpeas, cucumber, tomato, avoc. choc soy milk x2
S: salt n vinegar chips
S: cheesecake
D: homemade pizza, pesto, tomato, capsicum, mushroom, cheese, olives, bacon

Food log 23 aug 05

B: nectarne yoghurt almonds sunflower pumpkin seeds
L: cheesecake, 2 mandarins
S: choc soy milk, chips. choc ice cream
D: homemade pizza. avoc, snowpeas. ribena.
S: choc soy milk + a sleeping tab

food log 24 aug 05

B: banana yoghurt almonds sunflower seeds
L: vogel sandwich, chick bacon, lettuce, tomato, cucumber, avoc. choc soy milk
S: fudge (about 60% usual batch size)
D: homemade pizza + avoc, alfalfa sprouts, tiny bit of celery

food log 25 aug 05

B: V8 juice
S: nuts
S: choc soy milk
L: big salad with smoked salmon. 2 mandarin
S: magic slice
S: 3x guylain choc bar
D: lasagne lettuce tomato sprouts avoc
D: 2x bread butter pudd (argh went overboard and i want more)

food log 26 aug 05

B: banana yoghurt almonds sunflower seeds (660)
S: V8 (45)
L: peppy chew and quiche pie (85+500)
S: fudge (700)
S: 2x bread butt pudd (360)
D: hash browns (300), salmon tomato avoc lettuce (220)
D: banana cream choc chips (600)

masses of calories and i feel shattered and exhausted and it's only 6pm and i'm hungry and want dinner. anxiety and depression levels are high

total 3470 calories - holy cow!!!

Good for you for tracking your foods every day. Awareness is a very good thing. Love, Sue

food log 26 aug 05 UGGGHHHHH

last night i realised it was more than 3470 calories. i forgot about having a buttered hamburger bun and that puts me over 3,500 calories. no wonder my weight isn't changing

Like I said, awareness is a very good thing. :-) What is your plan to reduce the calories?

i have the plan, now i have to execute it. gotta get showered to go out but i don't wanna go!!! i wanna pike. i had a nap but i still have a mouth ulcer and feel bluck. just have to do it. if i try it's a success

That's right girl. Let us know how it went.

i had the shower and i still felt shattered. walked outside in the fresh air, turned some music on, still didn't feel like i could drive or stay awake so i texted my friend and said i wasn't coming. i was a bit disappointed but sleep is a problem right now. last night i went to bed early but i woke so many times that i ended up staying in bed until 10.30

yday was a naughty day. i had mcd's for lunch so bad bad bad. anyway. today is a fresh start and lovely and sunny. have had almost a litre of water so far. will do some study/reading and then go for my walk

I hope your feeling better :)

Beth :dn

thanks for your kind thoughts beth.

i have had a bad few days with my sleep but today i woke and felt better. yippee :cheer: so i have to take advantage of it and catch up on some things and try and do a sugar free day. it will be easier if i'm not feeling dead tired


so now i have said it in public sugar free day today

food log wed 31 aug 05
----------------------

B: smoothie - banana, rasp, egg, spirulina, sunflower seeds, linseed, cran juice, water (350)
S: capsicum, walnut pepper dip (80)
L: 2x vogel, cheese, canola spread vegemite
S: 2 x choc soy. 1 apple
S: 1 choc soy
S: mixed nuts
D: steak baked potato alfalfa sprouts tomato

I am craving sugar. I want to binge!!!

i still want sugar :c

Sometimes I feel like I just lay there all night! I seem like I sleep in 30 min intervals, maybe that much, I wake up feeling so tired I cant hardly drive to work or even do my work once I get there! I hate not sleeping well! Hubby does not sleep well either, so if he flips and flops all night, so do I! Havent posted with you in a while sweetpea, how are ya?

hi kay. the sleep is my main problem. of course i am eating too much crap too LOL and it's only just gone 1pm and I already want to quit my sugar free day. I've had a disappointment and now i want chocolate 8-|

how are things with hubby? did he take that job in another town? or am i remembering wrong. hope things are going well for you

Hi Sweetpea,
Boy do I ever sympathize with your sleep problems. As you might remember I go thru bouts of depression and insomnia often and I hate it. I have no problem falling asleep but staying asleep in near impossible sometimes. Tylenol PM usually works well for me but I have had to use Ambien on rare occasions. It scares me to take a prescription sleeping pill. And I always have a "sleeping pill hangover" the next day.
I will be thinking of you and wishing you peaceful restful sleep in the coming nights.


Love ya,

Vickie :dn

thanks vickie. it's something i have to keep working on. the depression the anxiety and the insomnia. if i cured that then the rest would be a cinch

hope you're making progress with everything. nice to see you around

Hey sweetpea,

Hey girlfriend do you have Yahoo Beta Voice yet?? If you do then perhaps we could chat when you can not sleep. I go almost nonstop without much sleep for weeks upon weeks. I like to sleep once in a while but such is life. Be nice to have someone to talk to instead of myself!!!! Have a great night sweetie.

Takc care of you and will see you soon!!

Love and hugs,
Lizzie

how do i get yahoo beta voice? i will have to check whether my head set works but sounds cool

hope your op goes well!!!

Hi

I hope you get a good night sleep again. Studies have show that not getting enough sleep affects our weight. Now that said, I can't remember the last time I've gotten a good nights sleep. I'm a light sleeper and hear every little noise.

Have a great day.
Renee:)

Hey Sweetpea - just thought I'd drop in and say "hey"! :) I can commiserate with you re: the sleeping problems. For the past two weeks I've fallen asleep easily, then spent most of the night waking up. Very frustrating. And then of course by noon the next day I'm exhausted and wonder how I'll exercise. Not good. Anyway, hope you find a solution to it soon, and hope you conquer those sugar cravings.

Btw, do you have a recipe or brand name for that walnut pepper dip? It sounds delish!!!

hi anne and renee. thanks for dropping by

i spent most of today resting. i sat in the sun on the patio and soaked up the rays. then i had a nap for an hour. i am stopping eating earlier too to see if that helps

today was BF so that's one good thing altho i did eat too much as i can feel my tummy feels very full.

interesting i read the same thing about sleep and weight. i think partly because the body doesn't have time to rest and for the organs to do their work but surely it must also be because people get so darned tired they reduce their activity. that's my theory anyway

hehe anne it is a wonderful dip but not sure if it is available outside NZ
it is from "naked organics"

sunday 4 sept 05
----------------

B: smoothie with banana, frozen rasp, raw egg, celery, beetroot, cran juice, capsicum, spirulina, cucumber, sunflower and pumpkin seeds and water
S: 3 almonds
L: (late) 2 choc soy milk, 1 vogel sm salmon tomato avoc
D; lasagne, alfalfa and mung bean sprouts, tomatoe, choc soy milk
D: WW bread & butter pudding
S: WW choc rasp pudding, cream

finished eating by 9pm

mon 5 sept 05
~~~~~~~~~
i am struggling today. yet another night of poor sleep. just an hour here and there plus a really bad cold on top of it. but i got up and had another healthy smoothie and did my journalling for 20 mins. it is a slow late start and i have to take it easy on myself.

I woke quite hungry this morning so i think that's a good sign. i will just take it easy today and try and eat good food.

B: smoothie with banana, frozen rasp, raw egg, celery, beetroot, cran juice, capsicum, spirulina, cucumber, sunflower and pumpkin seeds, parsley and water
S: 2 mandarins, handful almonds, parsley
S: choc soy milk
L: 2 vogel, sm salmon, tomato, parsley, avoc

still feeling really tired. i tried to meditate and almost fell asleep but i am afraid that if i nap it will be even harder to sleep tonight. i am also thinking about a sugar pick me up and trying to avoid the temptation

S: apple

I was wrong I simply can't stay awake. my eyes want to close they are sore and tired and i can't get anything wrong. going to take a nap and hope am more functional later

5 sep 05 cont
~~~~~~

well i feel better after my nap! and the weather has warmed up which helps my cold

D: chicken drumstick, choc soy milk, rice crackers, cheese, strawb cran juice, sml handful crisps

and i am thinking about food...

S: mandarins

OK i think i can make the rest of the night without choc. has been a big hard fight.

err didn't quite make it
S: choc soy milk

but at least it wasn't a full on chocolate attack

Good for you on making progress on your journaling and keeping the chocolate monster mostly at bay. Every little bit counts. I give you a big kudo's.

Hi Sweetpea,
Great job at keeping the chocolate cravings at bay. I battle that monster most days...sometimes I win but often I lose. Just keep working at it day by day.


Love ya :hug:


Vickie :cheer:

6 sep
-----
today is a big big struggle for me. i did sleep a little better last nite but still not enough sleep and broken sleep. i thought about taking a sleeping pill but i wimped out... i really don't like taking them. but tonight i will have to take a pill or have some wine - i'm wiped out

i went back to my old breakfast today and altho it was healthy it didn't seem to work as well for me as the vege/fruit smoothies i've had the last couple of days so it may be good to go back to those

i have to make some decisions. i am feeling really pressured at the moment. i have a speech to prepare for this saturday for a competition. this is round 2. i won round 1 and have to go to the next level but i need to write a new speech as the first one was about meeting my ideal man. i ended by saying i found him and i was on my way home to inflate him. but the judges said it wouldn't appeal to a male audience

so here's my dilemma - maybe you guys have some suggestions for me
i am really stressed out and anxious, partly cos i'm always that way 8-| but partly lack of sleep and a whole lot of deadlines. i have an assignment due in less than a week. i might be able to get an extension but would prefer not to. at the same time i have this speech that needs to be done and i really want to pull out of the speech comp. i wrote all the pros and cons but i couldn't work out what to do so i am writing it here to see if i can get my head clear p.s. i have to give 2 speeches. one in the impromptu section (so at least no prep required) and one in the humorous speech comp.

if it was an ordinary speech it would be easy to write but i find it imposs to think of original humour when i am exhausted and not concentrating etc etc

pro's
- keep my commitment
- i might come up with something on time
- give it a go
- could lead to other speaking opportunities
- face the fear

con's
- my mental and physical health
- increased anxiety and sleeplessness
- total lack of confidence
- other deadlines esp psychology assignment
- hard to think humour when depressed and anxious
- no energy!!

i mean the pros look really good but the cons are my health :help:

thanks vickie and sue. i was so busy writing the other stuff i didn't notice your posts!!!

today was tougher. i had 2 peppy bars (peppermint chew inside and choc covered). i wanted to make cookies or go back to the shop for more so journalled instead. so the journalling is definitely helping. today i had trouble concentrating on the journalling so it didn't work quite as well. but if i persevere and get into the habit it will be a good thing!!!

as the first one was about meeting my ideal man. i ended by saying i found him and i was on my way home to inflate him. but the judges said it wouldn't appeal to a male audience

:laugh: Maybe not, but it'd get a good chuckle from the women. It sure made me laugh out loud. Congrats on winning Round 1.

I find it very helpful to write things out. I hope it works this time for you as well and that you were/will be able to make the right decision for you at this time.

Keep persevering. I've noticed the results. :)

thanks sue. i had fun doing the first speech. maybe i need more extreme (but funny examples of men) so the men can say hehe i'm not like that rather than, ooh i feel a little uncomfortable, maybe i'm that nutty man she just described :laugh:

i think it is easier to do a speech that sounds personal. also the other thing is that to win the speech has to have a point e.g. the moral of the story is... but there was no moral except that i couldn't find a decent man. i can throw in the stat that there are 35,000 more single women than men in my age group but it's not enough. it needs content and a message. grrrr

i fell off the wagon today
actually i didn't fall so much as hurtle off the wagon. i felt awful. anxiety level 11/10 and everything was getting on top of me. made cookies. drank wine. ate cheese and crackers. then lasagne for dinner no veges or anything with it

i thought my computer had broken and threw a huge hissy fit. i managed to get it working long enough to fix a few things so think it's ok but my coping skills right now are zip. have to say wine is helping but is nearly gone 8-|

i got an extension on my psychology assignment so that's one good thing. and in 10 mins i am off to watch a diet show on tv (while finishing the cookies)

ok stop whingeing :whip: gotta sort this out

so tonight i put away the rest of the sugar and cocoa, flour, drinking chocolate in a box. i couldn't fit it on the top shelf but hopefully out of sight will be enough to stop causing trouble. actually on second thoughts maybe i will go move the box into another room or something.

i need to get rid of my binge foods altho i am so bad that every time i do this i just go buy some more. somehow i have to move through this.

i am still feeling indecisive about giving the speech. part of me says don't give up before you try but the other part says there will be other competitions. take a load off and chill out and just focus on your health. so i'm stillundecided

i was so stressed today that i couldn't handle anything. saffie kept bringing her wet ball and dropping it on me. and jasmine was climbing all over me too and all i wanted was peace and quiet!

yday was a write off. i ate a whole pile of junk food and felt lousy last night and this morning. today i am trying to detox.

i started the morning with water and lemon juice then went for a walk. it was a bit of a tug of war :laugh: the dogs kept lunging to pick up bits of roadkill and sheep and cow droppings but we persevered

initially i started the day feeling quite optimistic despite my gut being acidic and yucky but within a couple of hours fatigue set in. i have been drinking healthy smoothies with veges and some fruit. i have stuck with berries so far with some cranberry juice and beetroot, capsicum, cucumber and parsley

i need to be strong and stick with this program and kick the sugar out of my system. on the plus side i was pretty tired when i went to bed. didn't get to sleep until 2am but slept 4 hours until woken by the puppy at 6am and then caught a couple more hours later. it's not enough but it's an improvement :o

i am still unsure about whether to do the speaking comp. i am going to telephone the organiser and chat it through with her.

Hey Sweetpea. Sorry it's been so long. The thing I notice about you is that you just keep trying. I'm convinced it's one of the major keys to being successful. And I'm not necessarily talking about reaching our goal weight, but just simply seeing success in the "little" things we're able to do. That's important too.

Hey Sweetpea, just read through the past week's entries here and I'm SO PROUD of you for going to the speech comps this weekend!!! I have to agree with Sue, the awesome thing is you just don't give up and keep on trying, and in my books that's :super:

Can't wait to hear all about it when you get back!!!

And here's wishing you success with the sugar-busting plan. Have a terrific weekend. :)

hey all!!
so nice to see you two

and i am really pleased i went to the speech competition. i was pretty tired, even after my 3 days of diet do-gooding but i managed to pull off... drum roll
** 1st in the table topics (impromptu)
** 2nd in the humorous speech

now i go on to the next level in the table topics and meet all the other 1st place getters :prize: so i am very excited

and i'm glad i did it. you always regret what you don't do so all is good.

but after my 3 good days i went mad on chocolate. today i had chocolate bars, mcd ice cream, 2 panna cotta (choc) and i still want more :rofl:

Hey! Congratulations girl! You are a very talented lady and I'm so glad you went for it!

me too! and to think i was gonna pike. tsk tsk. i feel much better for going down there and doing my best

way to go sweetpea !!!!! :cheer:


Beth :dn

Congrats on the competition!

renee

Your best is pretty dang good, girl! Keep up the good work, Sue

thanks everyone! i have come back feeling more optimistic and confident after the competition. it has been a great boost for me

last night i was tempted to make cookies or dessert with choc chips but i was slowed down by the fact i had hidden all the ingredients and would have to get on a chair to retrieve them. plus of course my promises to myself

the final influence was when on a tv weight loss show they talked about a guy having high uric acid levels in his blood tests. i have that too and knew it was possible gout. but on the show they said it also showed problems with liver and kidney function and that it was caused by too much sugar. well! that stopped me in my tracks. no baking last night. phew saved!!!

Good, good, good, good, good for you! :1stprize:

thanks!!! gonna get my pix taken with an inflatable man hehe

Good for you for resisting the temptation.

Now that is a picture I want I to see:)

Renee

thanks! i saw some of fear factor on tv last night. saw the slim athletic girls with their firm bodies and thought NO i am not going to make fudge and add more crepey fat to my body hehe

Hey, whatever motivates us, huh? Glad it worked for you!

Time to start recording my exercise again!

Thu: 2km, 5
Fri: -, too tired!
Sat: 2.2km, 6. I forced myself to go. felt sore quads as I was walking home :)
Sun: -
Mon: 2km, 4
Tue: 2km piecemeal, 4
Wed: 2km, 8 not helped by having to drag Saffie and Jasmine getting caught up in leads every 5 steps

Total: 10.2km. Walked 5x GOAL ACHIEVED :cheer:

Key...
1. Distance
2. Effort 0 = easy could do more, piece of cake! 10 = major struggle barely made it

Anxiety Depession & Fatigue

Thu: A8 D4 F6 - overall feeling of overwhelm and demotivation. also blocked nose
Fri: A9 D4 F7 - took the day off, did nothing all day but still battling demons and having trouble calming myself...
Sat: A6 D4 F7 - still having trouble sleeping!
Sun: A8 D4 F8
Mon: A8 D2 F8 - taking sleeping pill tonite in frustration
Tue: A6 D2 F7 - slept better last nite so taking one again tonite too
Wed: A8 D2 F8 - pill helped sleep but still pretty shattered. another pill tonite

Ooooh, just got over that so my heart pours out to you. I hope you'll be able to pull yourself up quickly. Here's a hand if it will help. :up: And a hug. :console: And a smile. :) And some love :x. And some peace :hippy: Let's see, what else? Oh, this guy's funny: :caf: and this one too: :O

Think back, what has worked in the past to help you? Strive to get to that place again.

thanks sue. i definitely need the love! i am still working through things. it will take time. i had a relatively good eating day on thurs, altho partly because i napped for 3 hrs in the arvo so that stopped me eating

today tho i ate crap. i need to get stable in my head and my eating. lots of stuff going on around me that i am reacting to and need to just let go and not worry about.

today i read a book and had a hot bath but still feeling pretty blue. but i will keep going forward and get where i need to be...:x

Well, then, darlin', here's some more lovin' for you :sweety:

I wish there was a magic wand we could use to bring us out of the depths faster, but you're right, it just takes time to work through things. But you'll get there. Sometimes our minds and bodies just need a break. Sometimes I think we just need to give ourselves permission.

Well today was an improvement despite yet another miserable night's sleep. I am still ODing on sugar and I know I have to stop. Knowing and Doing not being the same thing of course hehe

I only wrote about 20 words on my assignment so i have lots to do to get that finished and I need to get back to journalling daily. I have been a bit erratic lately but it does help. I am also working on stopping myself when I worry about things or rehash things. Progress today but only marginal. Still every step forward is a good thing!

Intentional Exercise

Thu: 2.5km, 4
Fri: -km, - parked at a distance so walked extra but no walk as such
Sat: -km, X
Sun: -km, X
Mon: -km, Xstill recovering from saturday's hangover :o
Tue: Xkm, X
Wed: 1km, 5

Total: 3.5km. Walked 2 times

Key...
1. Distance
2. Effort 0 = easy could do more, piece of cake! 10 = major struggle barely made it

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Binge Free Days, Meditation, Dancing

Thu: BF Dance
Fri: borderline BF, Dance, Breathing exercises
Sat: pig out on cho biscuits and a boozy night. breathing exercise . did a jiggle not a dance
Sun: BF - in fact food free. major recovery mode. spent day sleeping and sipping water
Mon: BF
Tue: BF
Wed: BF still feeling unwell. headaches. acid tummy

Total BF days for week: 5
Total days Dancing for week: 2
Total days Meditation or breathing exercises for week: 2

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Social Events


Thu: mother came to visit
Fri: went to town for photos. chatted with toastmasters people
Sat:toastmasters comp
Sun: in hiding with hangover
Mon: still hiding but nearly better. started eating today
Tue:
Wed: dinner, toastmasters

Total Social events for week: 1

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Anxiety Depession & Fatigue

Thu: A8 D6 F6
Fri: A6 D4 F7
Sat: a5 d2 f5 a better do. i managed to pull it out for the comp. but can i do this every day of the week??? if i hadn't taken sleeping pills for the 4 nights before i wouldn't have been able to do it. but i don't want to take them forever
Sun: argh who knows? my head hurt too much
Mon:
Tue: A9 D7 F9
Wed: A9 D7 F8

Absolutely, Sweetpea, every step forward is a step in the right direction, toward healing and it looks like you have a plan worked out for yourself. Good luck, my friend. I know it's not easy. Oh that it were.

someone once told me that what gets measured gets done so i am aiming to measure all my goals each week and record my progress!!!

today i have been very tired but i went for my walk and have been working on my assignment. i have done the body of the work but now i have to do the intro and recommendations which count for 35% of the score. i am hoping to finish tonite but it is 20 to 11 so i may not get there before i am ready for bed... which is about now LOL

my blow up doll of mr perfect arrived so will be posting photos soon

Here's a picture of me with my perfect man LOL

Hi Sweetpea,

He is definitely the perfect man, he is not able to talk!!!!

Good for you for getting a walk done:)

Have a great day.
Renee:)

Hey, look at you looking all pretty and happy with a new man in her life! Good for you for making progress on your writing. Make today a good one! Sue

he's cheap to feed too!!!

yup he's a perfect man

i won the competition so now i am off to the national finals in impromptu speaking

but i ruined it by eating masses of chocolate. i pulled it back with a healthy dinner but then went on an alcoholic binge. so sunday and monday were do nothing days

it such a waste. it's ok to spend all day in bed by choice but i hated the fact nothing was being done. 2 mths to move now so i have to get packing. i started ages ago but ended up unpacking half the boxes to find stuff!!!

anyway at least i feel semi human now

Hi

Congrats on winning the competition!!!

Yep, it's time to start packing. start with the stuff you don't ever use.

Take it easy.
Renee:)

thanks!
oh i loathe packing but i must get into it. will be easier once i have bought my new home and have that to look forward to LOL

Congratulations! You must be very very good and I hope this brings you the recognition you deserve. Good luck w/the packing. :-)

Hey Sweetpea - Congrats on winning the semi-finals speech comp!!! I love that photo of you with your perfect man. But I think you're too pretty for him. :)

Hope things are going well for you, and that you've figured out the exam/competition scheduling snafu. How unfortunate! Could they not allow you to take the exam at a later date? (I know the answer to that is probably NO, but I'd so love for you to be able to do both. *sigh*)

Hang in there, and tell your perfect man to keep his air valve closed. No one likes a guy with a deflation problem. :laugh:

hehe thanks sue and anne
deflation giggles. that's why i prefer chocolate. you can still enjoy it soft...!

Intentional Exercise

Thu: 1.8km, 6
Fri: -km, X
Sat: 1.5km, 7
Sun: -km, X
Mon: 1.2km, 6
Tue: 1.5km, 5
Wed: 2.0km, 6

Total: 8.0km. Walked 5 times

Key...
1. Distance
2. Effort 0 = easy could do more, piece of cake! 10 = major struggle barely made it

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Binge Free Days, Meditation, Dancing

Thu: BF
Fri: BF
Sat: BF altho did eat an enormous dessert
Sun: Binge lightly - is that poss? breathing
Mon: Big Binge! breathing
Tue: binge breathing
Wed: binge

Total BF days for week: 3
Total days Dancing for week: 0
Total days Meditation or breathing exercises for week: 3

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Social Events

Thu:
Fri:
Sat: yes! went to jazz festival with the girls
Sun:
Mon:
Tue:
Wed:

Total Social events for week: 1

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Anxiety Depession & Fatigue

Thu: A7 D8 F9
Fri: A10 D10 F9 - really fell over the cliff big time.
Sat: A7 D8 F9 - still exhausted but forced myself out
Sun: A7 D7 F7
Mon: A7 D7 F7
Tue: A7 D6 F8
Wed: A6 D5 F8

friday was rock bottom. hopefully all up from here

your doing wonderful ! :D

Beth :dn

Hey Sweetpea. I love your sense of humor :laugh: and I LOVE how you were able to force yourself out of your depression by going out with the girls to a jazz festival. That takes a lot of strength and I'm impressed. You've really been trying hard. Keep going, all your hard work will pay off. I hope today will be very good for you. Sue

Intentional Exercise

Thu: 0.8km, 7
Fri: 2.5km, 6
Sat: -km, X
Sun: -km, X
Mon: 2.5km, 4
Tue: 2.0km, 5 feeling sore!
Wed: Xkm, X oops overdid it last 2 days, plus T.O.M.

Total: 7.8km. Walked 4 times

Key...
1. Distance
2. Effort 0 = easy could do more, piece of cake! 10 = major struggle barely made it

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Binge Free Days, Meditation, Dancing

Thu: breathing, tried to dance couldn't get into it
Fri: breathing
Sat:
Sun: breathing
Mon: breathing
Tue: breathing
Wed:breathing

Total BF days for week: 0 OOPS!
Total days Dancing for week: 0
Total days Meditation or breathing exercises for week: 6

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Social Events

Thu:
Fri:
Sat:
Sun:
Mon:
Tue:
Wed: toastmasters

Total Social events for week: 1

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

oh dear! everything fell ov er this week. i managed to do the breathing exercises more regularly but other than that it was a poor week. daily bingeing and bad sleep and not much energy.

Well, I saw MelsaEstel's diary and thought it was a good idea to record my meals breakfast (BF), lunch (L), dinner (D) and lots of snacks (S). maybe writing it down will make me more conscious of my bad habits? also knowing others can read it might help me get to get my act together.

i have a really impusive personality and tend to eat impulsively. i tell myself i'll worry about it later, or one more can't hurt - any excuse really. just before 9am. so far....

food
S: 4-6 choc chip cookies (lost count but on the bright side. they are all gone now)

think i have to try to be more conscious and aware of what i put in my mouth. hope this helps....


Sweetpea,

Yes you do need to be more conscious and aware of what you put in your mouth. I need to do the same thing I have a impulsive eating too I eat thngs that I know are bad for me. 8-| Lets take for example that if I eat a fast food bad food as I call them.... but I'm going to cut out all junk food and start eating more healthier I'm going to eat Veggies Fruits Salads everything that is healthy to loose this weight by Christmas I want to be a size 8 which is a good goal to set when you're trying to loose weight you don't want to set the stakes too high because sometimes you may not achieve that right goal. But I'm sick of being this size and I need to really be mad at myself because i knew that the food I was eating was bad for me I just didn't seem to care but now I'm seeing that I need to take care of myself because I only get one life and I need to make the best of it that I can

Good Luck in all your Endeavors that you may come across.

Knowing yourself is an art too Tiana!!!

I am still working on my bingeing lots of work required but I am learning to relax and take each day as it comes

Good for you, Sweetpea, on the learning to relax and take each day as it comes. I see you've really been doing great with your exercise and breathing work. You're really making progress. Sue

Hey Sweetpea, just thought I'd check in and see how you're doing. Looks like those breathing/meditation exercises are really helping! And I think it's :super: that you've decided to track everything. Good on ya. :)