Well, I've finally started doing something about all this fat that is surrounding me.
Since becoming mum to Erin, now 14 months, Lisa has disappeared and in her place is someone I don't like at all, don't even think she's that good a mum right now because she doesn't know how to have fun anymore or love herself.
Five weeks ago I decided enough was enough, it was time to do something and, I don't know how, but I've now managed not to binge for 5 weeks, plus I've lost 10lbs in that time without starving myself or giving up my favourite foods.
Also in the past couple of weeks I've realised that as well as losing the fat I need to start finding Lisa again in other ways, by doing things she always liked to do, pampering herself, doing things that made her feel good.
I want to be a good mum, but I'm learning that in order to do that I have to find Lisa again, she was the one who wanted a family and to be a mum more than anything else in the world, then somewhere along the way she got lost....
It's time to find her again.

Beautiful post Lisa. I'm wishing you the very best on your journey. And good for you - you've not binged in 5 weeks! Fantastic! :cheers:

Hi Lisa.
congratulations on being 5 weeks without a binge and losing 10 pounds in that time! :) thats wonderful!
Its easy to lose ourselves isnt it? i am sure you will find Lisa again.
Good luck on your journey.
hugs bell :)

Lisa,

Good for you!!!! You DO deserve to find yourself, take care of yourself, and take a little time to look after yourself. And you know, if you do those things -- you will feel better and be able to be a better mum to your wee one, in the end. So let that beautiful girl underneath out! We are all here, fighting the same battles, and traveling the same journey with you.

Best of luck to you on each day of your new journey, --Iv

Hi Lisa and welcome to DT :wave:


wonderful about the changes you are making!

5 weeks of no binges is just great! as is the 10 lbs you have lost - your are doing super!!!!!!! :cheer:

I hope you keep coming back to DT :)

Beth :not:

Well, finding Lisa didn't work too well today. Was supposed to start an aromatherapy course this afternoon, two hours every Tue aft for 5 weeks. Thought it would be great, a couple of hours a week just for me. There is even a creche laid on next door for Erin so I thought I had it made.
Well, arrived and put Erin in the creche and off she went to play with me in the background. All the mums then left their babies in the creche and went into the other room for the course to start. Cue Erin realizing mummy has left her forever and is never coming back and she went hysterical. I left her screaming the place down for 15 mins and that was as much as I could manage. By then I was sick to my stomach because I wanted to make it all better for her, but knew that now I would have a baby attached to me for the rest of the class. Anyway, in I went and as soon as she touched me she calmed, but would not go back in the creche, sat glued to me the whole class and any chance anyone had of relaxation breathing went out the window as she chattered to herself. Luckily they were all mums to young babies so know how it is, but I was mortified and felt very guilty to have ruined their class.
Moral of the story? I've asked my mum to have her for those couple of hours for the rest of the course because I don't want to put her through that again, I think she's too young to just be left in a room full of strangers. And in future I need to think things through more and plan better ways to help find Lisa.
Saying that, even though the day ended up stressful the eating has gone well again and I've felt quite good today.

Well, had a bad day on wed, well not a bad day but a bad evening. Am getting over the flu and have no sense of smell or taste still. Dh and I decided to get a takeaway as we were feeling lazy and I ate far too much of it, even worse because of the fact that I couldn't taste it. Couldn't help thinking that all those calories were wasted because I didn't even enjoy it, and felt so bloated and fat afterwards.
Anyway, have been stricter with myself this past couple of days to make up for it, no snacks at all yesterday and just trying to keep myself busy.
Was frightened that that slip might be the turning point back to the binges, but feel like I've taken control again and am just carrying on the best I can.
Really need to spend a bit of time on me, pampering so I feel that I look better physically in any way I can while I wait for this weight to come off.....

Lost another 2.5lbs this week, making a total of 13.5lbs! Another half a pound and I've lost my first stone, and another pound after that and I'm down into the next stone on the scales!
Only thing is I'm getting impatient to see a difference and for someone to notice, but with so much to lose guess it's going to be a long time before that happens. My work trousers and jeans are getting baggy around the tummy, but that's it. Just got to keep going....
Went to my aromatherapy class today and it was good to have a couple of hours to myself doing something that made me feel good. Definitely need to do more on that score.
Really wanting to start doing a little bit of exercise now besides walking, so going to have to plan some time when I've got the lounge to myself and DD is out or in bed so I can have a go at one of my exercise videos. Fingers crossed....

Hi Lisa,

Congrats on 13.5 pounds gone! Woo Hoo that is fantastic! :cheer: Just wanted to drop in and thank you for choosing to join us in our challenge. I am sure we can all help one another stay motivated and get closer to making all our goals REALITY! Your journal is wonderful gal, good luck in finding yourself. I'll keep my fingers crossed too. :) Sandi

Hi BlueEyez,
Thanks for coming to have a look at my journal, nice to know I'm not talking to myself all the time! lol
Thanks also for the congrats on the weight loss, I've got a very long way to go but I've started on the journey and am feeling very determined right now so I'm just making the most of it.
You don't need to thank me for joining the challenge, I need things to keep me motivated so the challenge is perfect for me, and being able to talk to others in the same situation and help eachother is brilliant.
The journal is for me to record how I'm doing and remind myself of why I'm doing this life change, for me, Lisa, no-one else, just me. I want to be proud of myself and love myself again for the first time in years, and I will do it....
Hugs Lisa x

Sounds like you are doing great, your attitude is inspiring.

It's been a good week so far, excited about getting weighed on Monday but hope I'm not disappointed.
Had a couple of bad meals, a curry takeaway thur and kfc today, but although the food itself was bad I didn't overeat, was very sensible so proves I'm learning.
Very hard tonight, DH had been to my aunt's and she'd sent him home with buns. My aunt's buns are the best. Wish I hadn't had kfc now for lunch because I'd have had a bun, but I'm not having both, I have choices now and I'm determined to make the right ones, compromise to get the results I want. Have told DH not to eat them in front of me and to make sure he saves me one for my Monday treat when I've weighed in!
Also been wearing my pedometer and trying to up the walking, walked halfway home from work on Wed and walked to mums and tots Fri rather than going in the car, so making the effort, but need to up it on a daily basis and start doing something other than walking. Saying that, got my gym ball out yesterday and did a few exercises, can feel my tummy muscles today!
Also spent an hour making greetings cards today while DD was having her nap and thoroughly enjoyed it. Was good to achieve something and feel creative, plus nice to just spend a bit of time in the peace and quiet on my own, not doing housework etc.
Want to get more walking in tomorrow, and then weigh in time Monday. Please let the result be good....

Good Morning LIsa,

Just dropped in to say Happy Mother's Day Hope your day is wonderful. :rose:

You have been doing fantastic gal, and I am sure you are going to see some pleasant results tommorow on your weigh in. Anxiously awaiting to hear. Have a great day, you deserve it. :D

Really disappointed with the result on the scales this week. Desparately wanted 1.5lbs off so I'd have lost 15lbs and would be down into the next stone on the scales. I only lost 0.5lbs and can't believe it, I was really good this week and got in more walking than usual. Ended up going on the scales about 10 times because I couldn't believe it, but today was not going to be my day.
Panicking that I can't lose all this weight "my way" eg no "diets" just healthier eating and no binging, and building up the exercise. I have so much to lose, at only half a pound a week I'm going to be surrounded by all this fat forever, and I can't stand that.
I'm praying that next week I'll have a better result which will make me feel silly for feeling like this today, but it's going to be a long week....

Please don't be discouraged, a loss is a loss! Bodies are weird, some weeks you will only lose a little, then the next week out of nowhere, 3 pounds will be gone. Your "no diet" sounds like a wonderful plan.

Well, it's been a funny few days here. Finally decided I'd had enough very low days and went to see my doctor again. He said I'm depressed and obviously have anxiety problems, so started some meds on Friday. Saturday and Sunday I was really having trouble with side effects, felt spaced out and very sick, but that's all settling down now thank god and the doctor said I should start to feel a bit better in a couple of weeks. Can't help feeling a failure that I gave in and went for the meds, but I've been trying again for another 2 months to "pull myself together" and it's not worked, and for DD's sake I have to get help in order to enjoy her early years more rather than wishing them away.
Food and exercise wise things are good. I lost another 2lbs this week so that's 16lbs in total. I've been doing more walking but as DH is back at work now I won't have chance as much as I've got to rush to pick DD up from my mum's in the car, but I'm still walking when I can and I'm determined to try one of my exercise videos before the end of the month if it kills me. In fact think it's going to have to be this weekend.
I also went and bought some new work trousers and 3 tops which I promised myself I would when I got down into the next stone. Haven't worn them yet, saving them for the start of a new week.
Plus my mum noticed I'm losing weight finally! DH had accidentally told her about me walking part way home from work and wearing a pedometer, so she asked me about the pedometer, then asked if I'd lost weight as she thought I looked slimmer last week! I nearly fainted! Just hoping though now that she's not going to keep asking me all the time about it and put me under more pressure.