8-| My life Has kinda taken over my life. I am like a puppet. Everytime something different happens. The one constant is the fridge. My hand goes in and grabs something and stickes it in my mouth. Sometimes I don't even know it until I have eaten it. Then I remember, "Oh yah" I am on my life change!!To late now I just keep eanting.... Then there are the days that I just can't get enough to eat. I can't get it in my mouth fast enough. Which brings us to today. Yesterday was one of those days. Now, it the feel sorry for myself day. I wonder how many times I am gonna do this to myself. How many excusses I can make to myself. The truth is I can't deal with life. My idea is to eat myself into comma so I don't have to deal with things. I am like a woman possesed. I don't know what to do. This is a joke. But I am not laughing. I am about as sick of myself as I have ever been. Just plaing pissed!! I know I can't lose hope. But I seem that I can't lose weight ether. Well not I have ruined you day. I will sign of for now. :c(

Hi Kaye :hug:

I swear its something in the air - yesterday I was like at 2100 calories! I just kept shoving food in my mouth!

BUT today I decided to be ready for that next attack and yes we both know there will be a next one..........sigh

So I have cereal and other fast but healthy goodies on stand by now - so when I find the food monster demanding to be fed - that damage won't be nears as bad as it was yesterday.

I also am re reading Dr. Phils book and today bought a new one of his called "Doing what works - Doing what matters".

So far in my reading, it is showing us how to set goals and then to set OBTAINABLE plans to reach those goals.

Hope your feeling better :)

Beth :not:

Hi Kaye, :wave:

As I was entering some information in my own Journal I came across your new journal and because I have read HOW POSITIVE YOUR MESSAGES OF SUPPORT HAVE BEEN TO OTHERS OF OUR DT FAMILY I wanted to see what it was that was going on in your life ...

You don't give specifics other than you are having problems dealing with certain aspects of your life ..... well unfortunately all of us at one time or another are faced with situations that make us unhappy, causes undue amount of stress and we have a feeling of helplessness ....

My question to you is DON'T YOU THINK THAT BY GOING AND EATING BECAUSE OF A PROBLEM .... YOU'RE COMPOUNDING THE PROBLEM AND CREATING AN ADDITIONAL PROBLEM ?

Although my opinion wasn't asked for ... I really think that by starting your journal and speaking up about WHATEVER PROBLEMS ARE OCCURRING is the best therapy we can give ourselves ... not only will you be helping yourself but maybe YOU WILL HELP OTHERS WHO ARE FEELING THE SAME WAY AND GOING THROUGH A SIMILAR SITUATION ... THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IS TO MOVE FORWARD ... YESTERDAY IS PAST .. TODAY IS NOW AND THERE ARE MANY TOMORROWS. Believe in your ABILITY TO SUCCEED . THERE IS NOTHING WE CANNOT ACCOMPLISH ... Always, Monica

Thanks Girls:
The present problem in my life is by youngest sons wife walked out. They have a 1 year old and they live in St louis. So I can't be there for them. I think she is planing to leave the baby with my son, but I am not sure. I sure hope so. She is being real nasty about money. Even though he has a real good job and is making real good money. They have bill up the you know what. When G-pa died we gave them 7 hundred dollars to fly out here. He went out and bought her a leather coat and diamond braclett with the money he saved. That is what they have done with there money. They have a big home new cars and all new funiture. I guess they are in debt up to there eyebrows. And here I set. Wanting to do something. But what I don't know. I am not the kinda person to not do nothing. I would rather do something wrong than do nothing at all.

As far as knowing that eating only conpounds the problems I am fully aware of that fact. If I could change the habit I would. I have been trying for some time now. I am so sick of myself. Like I said I am a woman possesed.

As Always Your Bud K.

Hi Kaye: I know my help was not asked for either however i do have one question...Do you know WHY you turn to your fridge.....is it habit...comforting (in your head at the time)...I think knowing why...and turning to something else whether it be sugarless gum...a walk.....playing a computer game etc....all these things take our mind off the food....if only temporaily..but the why was a biggie for me.

Good luck...You can do this

Louise

hi Kaye,
its been too long since i have seen a post from you sweetie and now i can see why.
i am really sorry about your sons situation, that must be very hard for him especially with a 1 year little child in the middle of it..it must be tough also for you to be far away and not able to be there to help him..keeping them in my thoughts that it all works out for the best.
stress eating or just plain eating mindlessly is a hard thing to conquer...mindless eating is my biggest downfall..i found that journalling every mouthful in a notebook was the only way to be truly accountable for what i was eating..i logged the food as soon as i ate it..its easy to eat a bit here and a bit there and not realise how it all adds up over the week.
i believe in you K...the food wont make you feel better though my friend..it will make you feel worse in the end..but i know that you know that so i will zip my lip for now lol..
I have been watching some good DVD's lately..watched Love Actually during the week and Calendar girls yesterday..i have mountains of ironing to do so have been watching movies and ironing!
Have a great night my friend.
hugs bell :)

:) Thanks so much girls. I am such a moody girl. Sometimes Ijust let life beet me! And of corse then I turn to food. My best friend (not). I am feel much better today. I am hoping it will hold.

Hb and I have been watching Baseball everynight. We really enjoy the games. We lost last night but it was reall a good game.

My puppies are getting big enough to play with. They are so cute. They are starting to follow me around the pen. They are about the size of a coffee mug with little short legs. I love this time I get to spend with them. :D

My sister will be here the 13th and 14th. I don't know if I told you but we had never met until I was 43 years old. When My/our dad disapeared I had the PD look her up to see if she had seen him. And we got togeather from there. She didn't know about me. But I knew about her. Anyway we are going to spend a couple of days together. I can waite.

Well thats all I can think of.

Hi Kaye,
I think that is wonderful you are going to spend time with your sis. Wow how smart you were to find her!! I know you will have a grand visit!

I know the situation is upsetting about your son. I saw my son go through 2 divorces and each time it was awful from my point of view. He has two children, a boy and a girl, but they are teenagers now. It was sure a tough one when the children were small and he divorced the first time. My grandson was only 2. Now I have a great relationship with my grandson but hardly ever see my granddaughter. Even though we lived fairly close during those times it was very hard to help.

I know you know about the food and comfort. Like me if you had all the answers you wouldn't be here. I have had an awful time the last couple of days. Must be something in the air. Today is another tough day and life just keeps getting in my way! But we will both survive today and tomorrow and then next day and so on!

Hope your day is full of sunshine and flowers!!

Love and hugs,
Lizzie

:D :D Well, Here it is a nother day. I am feeling so much better!! I am such a moody girl. Someday's I can't even stand myself!!

Going to have turkey burgers with oven frys tonight. With a milkshake made out of sugar free reduced fat Ice cream and skimmed milk. I just thought I would try it kinda like the soda fountain we used to have in the small town when I was a kid. I am gonna to serve them in a basket and everything. You know I miss allot of the thing we USED to do. I found them so much fun. Things have really gotten away form me. I don't find the joy in things I used to. Going to have to work on that.

We are redoing the pool. We started this morning. The pool guys says they will have it done by Wednesday PM. I can't waite to swim. I ordered me two new B-suits. They shoud be here anyday now. One is leapord skin. WOO WOO. And the other is quite demure.

Kayla is here for the weekend we just finished her homework. Whow, 4 grade math is tough. She is doing stuff that I was doing in high school. Maybe it is a good thing to teach them before the are in ther teens nad know everything. :D

Hi Kaye,
I was so shocked that someone would send you an awful pm and suggest those things to you! What a mean and irresponsible thing to do. I am very proud of you for not responding to her. Seems that some people get their jollies by being mean spirited to others. But they always get found out in the end and people usually ignore then.

You have a swimming pool!! I would love to have one but don't know where we put it with our small yard. I would hate to give up my garden space and flowers for a pool. But on days when it is 100 degrees with high humidity I sure would change my mind in a heart beat!!

My hubby is having his birthday party with the grandchildren today so that should be fun for him! I am getting ready to bake the cake and he wants bbqed chicken so must do that also. That makes it tough on me trying to stay on program and not eat all the junk. So today I am going to tape my mouth shut!! That cake and ice cream is almost like a drug!

Well I better get started and get the tape out! lol Have a great Sunday!!

Love and hugs,
lizzie

Well I seem to be back on track. Thank God. Gonna give it my all until the next upset. Gonna to try like heck to not be sucked down that hole again. I can.t promise but I am gonna try.....

Gonna take the g-daughter over to the miniture horse farm we are gonna leave as soon as she finishes her home-work. She is reading Where the Red Fern Grows. I read that when I was a child.

Well, I guess I had better get busy.

Hi Kaye,
Leopard print bathing suit...thats sounds awesome girl! one of our to do improvements is to put in a pool..the kids need to be able to swim properly before we do it though!
Good for you on getting back on track.
Hope you and Kayla have fun at the horse farm..Caitlin broke her arm over the weekend, so there wont be any netball for a while in this household.
Have a fun rest of your weekend!
hugs bell :)

Getting back on track is the first step to staying on track my friend :)

Think back to when you were a child - did you ever walk the railroad tracks or anything like them? I know I did a lot.

I would be walking along like a pro and poof off I would fall and would just get right back up on and go again, this time trying to go longer then I had the time before and so on and so forth, until I had walked as much of the track as I had wanted to - it is pretty much the same way with weight loss - when you fall - just keeping getting back on the track :)

Beth :not:

:D I can't believe the difference in the way I feel today. I have a smile on my face. No I have a smile in my heart. I can put a smile on my face anytime and not mean it. When my heart is smiling I am glad all over.

Went shoping yesterday!! Was gone most of the day. Spent money like I had some!! Gosh! It is getting so I don't want to leave the house. It cost so much. Just the gas will choke you. Can you believe the prices!!!!!Better not get started on that. I will be here all day.

Back to the smile in my heart. Bought me a new vacumme, so guess what I have been doing this morning. You guessed it my back is killing me. But the vacumme works great.

Puppies are all doing great. It is going to get hot here soon. Back to making Ice buckets I freeze coffee cans of water and milk cartens the coffee can ice goes in there water dishes and the milk jugs I set so the can lay next to them they seem to reall like it. Then I bought those small little children pools filled them so they could git in a cool off. We also have misters and shade screen. But with all the extras it is still plenty hot. Speaking of dogs I need to check on them I will talk at you later.

Well Another day has gone by. It was a good one. I managed to stay busy and I have had a feeling of peace all day. And old girlfriend came by yesterday she stayed the night. I hadn't seen her in several years. So it was really nice. I went to the lung Dr. Today not good news but not all that bad eather. I have some sort of inflamation in my airway. They are going to do some kind of breathin test on me in the hospital. Then put me on meds to fix the problem.

The pups are dong great! Going to be selling them soon. I hate that part. But I make sure I get them to good homes.

Kayla is coming for the weekend,well until Sun morning when I go to the daughters we are going to brunch. And watch movies.

Going to say good night. Hb is ready for bed.

Hi Kaye,

Just wanted to stop and wish you a Happy Mother's Day!! Hope you had a wonderful day!! My family made pizza for me today. My favorite food next to cheeseburgers and fries!! I mean I love salads!!!!

Have a wonderful day!!
Love and hugs,
Lizzie

Hi Kaye :wave:

Stopping in to say "hi" and see how you are doing.

I sure hope all turns out ok with your lungs and the treatments help you my friend :)

Hope your weekend was good......

Beth :not: