and flapping

and flapping

and.....


after what seems like years, it is time to get a new journal going


the puter is still precariously perched on the end of the sofa .... my back-ordered hutch had finally arrived for the new puter area downstairs... went to put it together tonight (yes ikea stuff :rolleyes: ) and it has a large crack in the side... so somehow have to get the 150 pound boxes back UP the stairs and back to the store

so I had another good excuse to put a new journal on the back burner


for the last few months there seems to always be something..... granted, a crippled dog, emotional turmoil, flooded house, car accident, blah blah was a challenge...but there IS always something, thats just life

it all goes back to attitude again I guess and what I choose to focus on


I have held my own...I go up and then down...I know I am up in pounds...but not sure how many... I am prob in the high 70's from how my clothes fit

not the end of the world but frustrating all the same

I almost bought a new scale.... crazy huh

there is a perfectly good scale at the gym... but i get there as often as i journal or do anything else for me....


I stood at the store ...staring at the scales... and went back to the experience I had when i killed my last scale... I went through what I felt ... I know I would be right back in the same trap...so walked away from the scales


there was no point


whatever i do weigh right now...would not change because i saw it on the scale... might have another negative effect on my behaviour though


I have been feeling better and better as things start coming together.... but man do I miss the support that is here

it always helped keep me on track


I see how much i need to be accountable

in any event

I need a place to record my ramblings


not sure how often i will log on...but like exercise..even a small amount is better than no amount


and got to start somewhere

i started a food journal week before last, have been walking the big dog, and am following the blocks the dietician i used to see gave me


so...that is where I am at


focus on the positve


little steps


i hope a great week lies ahead for everyone



:x

Any day is a great day to begin again. And here you go!!! Good luck to you, and please keep posting. As you said - focus on the positive. And as I always say - keep smiling.

A new journal is always fun.

Pengii!!!! :hug: It is so good to see you. I have sooooo :D happy that you have started a journal. I hope you come often even though you said you didn't think you would. You are so missed!!!

Hi Claire: So nice to see you back posting......So sorry to hear so much stuff is going on in your life...owever i really liked one of your lines

whatever i do weigh right now...would not change because i saw it on the scale... might have another negative effect on my behavior though

How true this is...I do not weight myself weekly....I only get weighed when I go to the dietitian and the doctor...That is enough....Fortunately all weigh ins have been good..so not to much to upset me...lol...

Wat better time than to start just before the Holidays so that you do not gain more...I have an appointment scheduled with my dietitian on Dec. 21 and another one the end of January and I see the doc...in early January..so I got to keep on my toes....lol

It is just being diabetic I cannot afford yoyo'ing as it will make my diabetes worse.....so I try to maintain or lose..

Keep coming back Claire...:rose: How is the little dog doing....

Hugs
Louise

Dear Claire,

As I was on my way to my own Journal I saw your name ..... WELCOME BACK :wave:

:cheers: Here's to a new day ... and no looking back BUT ALWAYS LOOKING FORWARD TO A BETTER TOMORROW ..

Make it a great day .... looking forward to hearing about your progress in your weight loss journey. I am as always, Monica

Hey!!! Great to see you back. i was going to take a spin up the street and see if the red tree was back.
Hope the dog is better.

Pat

it is so great to see you guys !!!

I have missed you very much as well


I do hope to post regular...might miss a day or two but It will be habit soon enough... I can fit a few minutes in ... eventually the new puter room will be done which will have things normal... god, i went weeks with no puter this summer...

it has been nice here as it is really mild... so walking th big dog is enjoyable...and good for both of us

the little dog went blind as a result of his diabetes which was a result of the strong drugs for his paralysis lol shoulda named him lucky lol

anyhow...he does great but he gets confused walking so I just take the big dog for walks.. the little guy keeps busy in the house... the blindness was easy to adjust too I just bought him toys with bells in them so he could still play... fetch takes on a whole new meaning with a blind dog hhahaha

he has totally recovered from being crippled... the vet says he could still live a year or more if his blood sugar ever gets normal

that is the dog update

:)

the house is coming along real great...I did a ton of work.. I had to rip out all the walls and rugs downstairs, including the bathroom there... I did it as I could afford it and bit by bit

I am really proud how much I accomplished

I got new appliances upstairs and finished my dining room, complete with a new little dinette even... looks like a home finally

I am saving for a new loveseat for downstairs... will gradually pick up all I need

I had a plumber I met come and fix my house and he gave me a great deal...so now I have a great bathtub, new taps, pipes etc... i had gotten used to making due... felt like a new house after that was done

I had to put a new chimney in which was over a grand...so that kinda blew the furnature budget but i will save it soon enough


lots of things I had procrastinated about forever have finally been done and put away

kinda like how I am feeling inside

early this summer after the floods.I thought I was gonna have a heart attack and was ready to pack it in

seriously.... it was just too much stress

I had to work really hard to get a grip on everything... then I realized I had to let go of all control to find some relief

it was weird.. but worked


well it is a work in progress, but working


somedays it was just one small task.... but it was still something


I have come to terms with many things that have left me empty and connfused the last few years

slowly finding a peace...that is truely all I pray for now... peace

everything else will find a place


anyways


my mood has been good... trying to keep the energy purring along


food is good... all I ask of myself is to write it down... and it makes it easier to keep things in check


I am having way more veggies... keeping picking down... I eat my meals at my dining table now to get into the habit of being more acountable for what I am consuming


anyhow

I got to walk the dog and go back downstairs and try one ladt time to fix my dryer




once again...I am SOOOOOOOOOOO happy to seeya you all



unconditional support...man am I lucky to know you


:x



have a great evening all



I will be back !!!!!!



and keep smiling !!!

good to seeya too


and yes... the little red tree went on yesterday !!!!

:jn


it doesnt feel like its time yet though huh??

is everyone having this mild stuff?


I love coming home to that little red tree...so figured it was time



have a great evening pat

:)

Peng!!!! :hug:

I have missed you so much, buddy! I am glad to hear your little dog is okay. I know it was a long ordeal for both of you. Sounds like he is still spunky as ever and so are you! All the work you have done on your house sounds amazing... I think you should be proud of all that work. Must feel great to come home to it. Are you still at the same job? How's that going?

I take it you are no longer seeing the dietician or the trainer chicky? Do you still have your gym membership? Glad to hear your weather is so mild. Makes for great walking, right? Our forecast here is for snow later this week... I'm not ready for it.

Really great to hear from you. Good luck with your computer furniture!

Lisrey :D

The floods were so wierd. Some people flooded out and the next street over everything fine. Lucky for me I was in Nova Scotia all summer and no damage here.
Are you having all that work done because of the flood or were you planning on it anyway?
Sorry about the little dog, but that's amazing how he adjusted.

Pat

:hug:

likewise buddies !


Pat, my street was hit hard it seems..... like you said... certain areas then 2 blocks over fine

the water was flowing lol it was hard to watch and be helpless

there were the 2 big floods in july... after the first i had 2 loads of fill hauled and was able to build up enough to keep the second floodat bay.. I had dug down in my whole front exposure, sealed the conctrete and had to patch all the waek spots couldnt do anything much though as the ground was so sturated it kept seeping in

some of my neighbors had it worse... the week after the flood almost everyhouse on my street had carpet and stuff outside forthe garbage pick up

i was going to paint downstairs and such.... but... had a ton to do instead


disaster relief helped out some which was very much appreciated... the inspector came to my house and authorized some money as the damage was bad


to stretch the money out i did most of the labor...god, i should be 120 by now hahahah

anyhow... i finally got some things done that i ws putting off.. so overall... something good came out of a crappy situation

the year has had its ups and down but there is a lot of positive things that happened

felix the turtle has a nice home now and i have a bathtub sans turtle now hahahah

i just finished making a bunch of freezer meals... the holidays are nuts at work and i know i will be temted to have quick food when finally at home...so gonna be sure i have some available


yes, i am stil at the same job , as long as I stay in this industry, it is ok i guess

they never bother me lol so I am happy enough

I cant see them staying the same for years, i would expect the place to change hands down the road...and at that time it would be a perfect chance for me to take a dif career path the chef is usually first to go and that would be fine by me

it works for now and my work week is not too nuts...



on the food front... I have worked the picking down and i am happy with that

i put a bowl of fruit out by my desk when i get to work and that is my grazing dish


walking is good... but i want t increase the exercise... I am at the scared to go to the gym stage

you know, old fat chick in gym tights syndrom

I will hopefully bang my head against the wall and get over it soon

the evenings are so busy there and i feel insecure..i tried and tried to hire a day cook so i could start work at 10 am but man there is a shortage of staff...in so many industries..we have such a demand for employees

so... it is just to take that first step again.. it will happen soon.. it is like quitting smoking i think.. got to try and maybe fluck up a few times before it sticks and you can just do it

i felt so damn good when exercising.... even once or twice a week to start... I am getting better at forgetting the all or nothing trap... but stil fall victim... now i tell myself just 2 times a week.. sunday mornings are quiet... and i have been waking up so early tht i know i could go one morning before work



it will happen

BTW

my typing sucks as i am balancing the keyboard on my lap...sorry but it would take forever to correct it all... so it has to do

anyhow...bettter take the dog for a walk.. getting a bit crisp out there too

will make me walk faster llol for somereason my tree did not light up tonight..i must of buggere my timer up..it will prob turn on at 5 am now instead of pm hahahahah

oh well


have a good dy tomorrow all
I was thinking it was wednesday today and tomorrow was only 2 days from days off 8-} hahaha


no such luck


anyhow ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZz for me


sweet dreams to you too


:x


Peng

Pengii,

Soooooooo glad to see you, you have been missed very much here!!!!!

Glad your dog is doing better, poor little thing.

Hope we can meet up in chat sometime soon.

Welcome home!!!!!!

Ha!!! Now I've found you! :D I really have missed you Claire. I'm so glad you're back.

I dug out my Christmas stuff the other day, and out came my old pengin stuffed animal, and I thought of you :) I bought that thing the first winter I knew you, and it has always been a wonderful reminder.

I'm just so glad you're back.

Dar

you know what seems weird... it does feel like coming home after a long trip

feels so good to see you

feels good to not be judged

I think that is big thing after an absence, I sure didn't feel like going over and over the last few months... I just so badly wanted to be able to feel the security and comfort that comes from friendly support

without having to go over and over what seemed like just more frustration

Like we talked about before Dar... acceptance and owowningur reresponsibilitys a key step to be able to move forward

we can work to do that, but sometimes it can stop us dead in our tracks


especially when already feeling frustrated

I know the first couple months I was gone I missed DT very bad but just could not find the time... it was full on care when the dog was paparalyzednd he just cried if i wawasn'tear when home...

then i got into a dif habit... then the thoughts of being here for how long and barely being able to maintain brought me down somewhat

I started looking at the tomorrow thing again.... well tomorrow I will....


we know how long the tomorrow trap can be


also it is hard to post when you feel negative... I would be sensitive to questions that I deeedeepn inside knew people didn't mean in a bad way...

I figured when i felt good inside I would post

well, I found it can be hard to ever feel good inside without that support


already feeling failure inside...it s challenging to go over and over what has transpired in the absence too


anyhow


I sure never meant to let anyone down... it wwasn'tthat i quit caring about you... just maybe quit caring for me


I put myself on the bottom of my list and a bad side effect of that was alienating those very people I was trying to spare my low feelings


I am just glad to be able to post and feel strength reading your posts and journals


:hug:



it has been a long week... i had my days mixed up and really figured it was friday


one more day, thank god


i have been doing great with new habits during the week... last weekend wwasn'ttoo bad but picked some

a work in progress

weekends are my biggest challenge


so i am making projects to keep me busy


I still have the bedroom downstairs to finish... that is only a weekend job
i also need to do a day more work in the basement bathroom


the guy is coming back tonight to fix my dryer... hopefully he can without major surgery


then there are a few things to arrange there

it keeps me occupied putzing with that stuff... then i will prob wonder the stores a bit too... i enjoy window shopping


keeping busy means less picking time till i bust that habit up


i didn't have a big picking prob till about 2 months ago... then for some reason it was like i was possessed

prob because dropping some pounds was on my mind so much and it was like a little sabotage

i started snacking on crap i hadn't had in forever and i am sure i gained almost 20 pounds... then my jeans would not do up and i started to slowly get my feet back under me


and lose the fat i put on so fast... man.. i can gain weight like nothing\


anyways

i am gonna have a turkey freezer meal... and zap a yam.. I am hooked on yams as of late and have a small one regularly

i will weigh myself soon to be sure i am heading in the right direction

my work pants are getting loose so i know i am doing ok




I hope anyone who survived this mini novel is awake enough to enjoy a nice evening


I will read some journals after while waiting for my repair man



take care all


lets have a great friday


:x



Peng

xoxo

Pengii,

You never disappointed us, we just cared about you, enjoyed your friendship and so were missing you.

Hope the repairs go smoothly and not too expensive.

Hey, please tell me about zapping a yam! I have been thinking lately that I would like to try making a baked sweet potato instead of a redskinned potato. I like sweet potato fries and chips, so maybe??? I am not sure if I would like it so I want to know how to do it the right way. If I do a poor job of preparation I won't know the difference -- I'll just think I don't like it. Know what I mean? Are yams and sweet potatoes actually two different things? I am clueless here, can you tell? Also -- the sweet potatoes I see in the grocery store all seem to be gargantuan. Do they have to be big to taste good/be ripe?

Lots of questions, sorry! :D Hope your dinner was terrific & I echo Crazy -- just glad you're back. It doesn't matter why or how long you were gone. No need to ask forgiveness -- you are our friend and we just missed your presence. It's great to be able to read and write and share with you again. :hug:

Lisrey :laugh:

Hey, where are ya???

I had to tell you, after telling you that I missed the flooding in the summer, one of the schools where I work got flooded yesterday. We got the kids farmed out all over, so I'm spending some days driving around the city to catch the ones I need to work with. You are right, it's not fun, especially the musty smell.

Pat

I'm so glad you're back Claire.
You really don't know how much you influence others. Even when you are down and out, there is a message there for us in that too. The support here at DT works both ways. You get it and you give it, even if you don't realize it.

I sure know how hard it is to come here when you aren't feeling particularly bubbly. It's so easy to slip away into "the dark" God how I know that.

I'm just gald you had the courage enough to see the light and work toward it, as painful as that may be.

Take care

Dar

Hey Claire. Glad to see you posting. Hope we can meet up in chat sometime. Hugs and Kisses.

tis the season for my stuff to be blowing up

new dryer arrives thursday lol i dont know what is wrong with my puter

like a rolling screen when it will stay on... i called and loaded a new virus thing but i dont know... i think i will need help... puter fires up then goes poof


anyhow


someone who knows machines better than me can try


christmas s almost here


i was hoping i could log on and wish everyone a fantastic holiday season



MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY HOLIDAYS TO ALL !!!!!!!


my mom is coming to visit so [please pray for me hahahahhaha


hopefully will be good

i am doing good... am looking forward to the new year


take care all and i hope to catch up soon


hugs and kisses


always


Peng



:x

Merry Christmas to you too Pengii!!!

I hope you faired ok with all the winds you had last night and today, it sure was crazy enough down here and I know you got it worse there.

Be good to yourself!!!

Hi, Peng!

Great to see you back! Sorry about your puter. Wish I could help you...

Enjoy your time with your Mom. Where is she traveling from? Has it been awhile since you've been together?

Take care & have a great holiday!

Lisrey :deer:

Merry Christmas :)

Beth :peace:

Claire,

I am wishing you and yours the healthiest and merriest Christmas ever ... I am as always, Monica :hug:

Merry Christmas Claire...I hope it is a good one for you

:hug:

Louise

MERRY XMAS PENGI

Hope you have a great Holiday weekend and that the New Year brings you nothing but success and happiness.

I am so thrilled to read your journal. Sorry I've been absent, but YOU know how it is! :deer:

Oh! And Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, Lovely Kwanzaa, and a delightful Hanukkah as well. :deer:

I'm glad to see my gay green weiner is still up and running and that you have solved his playtime problems with the belled balls (that doesn't sound right). You are such a sweetheart.

GOSH. Your house sounds like it should be in House Beautiful by now! Or Architectural Digest or something. A new dryer? I thought he was just coming to fix the damn thing.

Good for you with the freezer meals. They always worked before and they will again. I make a few sweet potatoes/yams at a time and refrigerate them, so I don't even have to wait for one when I'm hungry. You probably do the same. Apparently, they are very good for you. Finally, we like something that's good for us. Pffft.

I've missed you Penguinhead...

Hope you are having lots of holiday fun Peng. Sorry I've been MIA for a while. Seems I hardly get a chance to get on my puter anymore!!! X-(

THAT will have to be changed in the new year. Gonna add that to my list of "resolutions"

Have a good one

Dar

Happy New Year, Peng! It's great to see you writing here again.

Claire,

I WANT TO WISH YOU A VERY HAPPY NEW YEAR .... :balloons: ... A YEAR FILLED WITH GOOD HEALTH AND MUCH HAPPINESS. I am as always, Monica :hug: :wave:

Claire:

Happy New Year to you and yours ...and all the best for 2005...Health, Happiness, Joy..may they all be yours....

Hugs :hug:
Louise

HAPPY NEW YEAR
TO MY
PENGUIN FRIEND
:D

LOVE YOUR BUD
DAR

"Happy New Year!!!"

I was searching for old buddies here and I found you!

Happy to read your posts and to find out that things are getting better!...It sounds like you have done a lot of work on your home ... I am sure that it looks fantastic!

I hope you had a good visit with your mom!

May this new year bring you lots of joy and happiness!!!

mcmarto :D

Hey...where have you flapped off too?

Hope all is well!

mcmarto :D

Hi Claire: JUST POPPING IN TO WISH YOU A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.... :balloons: :bd :cake: :gift:

have a wonderful day

Louise

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU ..... :bd

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR CLAIRE ...... :bd :gift:

ALL THE VERY BEST WISHES FOR A VERY HAPPY BIRTHDAY .... :cake:

ON THIS YOUR VERY SPECIAL DAY ....

I am as always, Monica :rose:

http://www.neon-signs.com/neon-shop/465-happy-birthday-large-bouquet-pic.jpg

Hope you are having a "Flappy Birthday!!!"

:dn :dc :dn :dc :dn :dc

mcmarto

Hey Pengii...Where are you at?

I hope you are doing well and living life to the fullest!

Come back and fill us in!

mcmarto