Curtis' Diet Journal [Archive]

Curtis

12-09-04, 10:37 PM

My name is Curtis, and I'm a painter and web designer. I've been slowly putting on pounds for about five years now,but the breaking point came when I hit 200 and realized that I was uncontrollably munching at work, always taking the elevator instead of the stairs and not doing ANYTHING physical after or before work.

I first tried this really extreme 600 callorie diet that made me miserable for about five days before I gave up. Now I'm eating about 1400 callories a day, which I hear is healthy for a guy of my height, and less than I was eating, substantially. I've cut out the fast food except sallads, and I have a natural advantage in that department since I hate all dressings and like my sallads just as dry as they come. No fried chicken sallads either. Just garden.

Most days I eat a bagel or croissant for breakfast, with low-fat creme cheese or natural penut butter. For lunch I have a bowl of healthy choice Campbell's soup. I love that because it fills me up and is usually somewhere around 250/ 300 callories. I also love Lean Cuisine's 5 Cheese Lasagna. I can't believe it's only 300 callories, and it also makes a great lunch. For dinner I have another bowl of soup. All day long I drink water, caffiene-free diet soda, or Crystal Light (which I actually hate and plan on cutting out of the routine).

The most important thing about my diet is that I've cut out caffiene, which made me instantly hungry, burgers, except for when my boyfriend cooks them, which is rarely, and candy / gas station/office junk food. I only eat at meal times and do not snack.

Everytime I feel the need to eat, I ask myself why. And it usually turns out that really I'm just lonely, sad, or mad, etc. My negative emotions always lead me to food. WELL NOT ANYMORE. That was just my way of hurting myself I guess and now that I've wised up I've stopped that cold-turkey.

In the mornings I do situps or jog if I wish. In the evening I jog or walk for at least 30 minutes, and usually more. I like to walk home from work sometimes and leave my car there, so that I'll have to walk back the next morning. That's 5 miles, so that's pretty good, but it can be scary walking along the interstate at rush hour. I'm kind of phasing that out in favor of neighborhood walking.

My goal is simple. I used to weigh 150 pound and I want to weigh that again. I currently weigh 200 pounds and the weight is begining to show on me. People don't compliment me anymore, unless they already know me. That really hurts me. I've got to get back to where a stranger can walk up and tell me I look nice. (I live in the South, where that type of behaviour isn't grounds for shooting someone.)

Everyone tells me one of the best things I can do to lose the extra weight is to start a diet journal. And so I figure that's probably true. Just knowing that whenever I eat something I have to figure out the callories and write it down for my peers to see makes me a lot more prone to stay on the wagon. So to speak.

Wow it felt really good to start this journal. If anyone actually read this, I'm totally amazed. I'm an attention hog, so that's good for my ego.

Beth

12-09-04, 10:50 PM

Curtis

12-09-04, 10:52 PM

Today I ate:

Breakfast
Cream-Cheese/Raspberry Croissant : 420 callories
Decaf Coffie w/ mini-moo : 50 callories

Lunch
Campbells Tomato Soup 2.5 Servings : 200 callories
Caffiene Free Diet Coke : 0 callories (which is just awsome)

Moment of Weakness
Handfull of Popcorn from Break Room : 50 callories
Mint : 20 callories (but who gives a rip)

Dinner
Campbells Chicken Noodle Soup Singe Serve Cup : 110 callories (and it filled me!)

Today's Total: 850 callories

Which is actually too little dammit. I think I'm being too zealous. I don't think I need to start eating junk food again, but I do think I need to eat LARGER meals. Like I could have added a nice half-sandwich to both lunch and dinner and that would have been great. Tomorrow I'll push in that dirrection.

I know some of you are thinking "Oh what a freak; he's worried about accidentally eating too little", but the point is that I don't want to put my body into starvation mode where it hangs on to fat and won't let me lose.

Actually I'm going to go have a half-bagel with natural penut butter right now. So add 550. Right on target.

---

EDIT: I decided not to eat that half-bagel, even though I want it, because I'm about to go to bed. And I made a rule that there would be no food within four hours of bed. I'll just have to try to eat a little more tomorrow without overdoing it.

Curtis

12-09-04, 10:57 PM

HI Again :wave:

OH MY GOODNESS ! I visited your art site and WOW I am so impressed ! REALLY ! :D

Your good is saying it mildly.........

My favo so far is - http://www.curtisdraws.com/gallery/zzz_html/sin_and_advertising.shtml

but the "stripper" one was quite interesting too lol ;)

You are way ahead of me skill and talent wise within web design - I am just finishing learning css lol :o

BUT I do have a web site with a lot of traffic on and will pm you after the holidays and give you a link so hopefully you can sell some of these great drawing if your interested.

OK enough shop talk ( for now lol ), great to see your starting a journal - reach out and try to get to know others here and build yourself a great support team.

Beth :peace:

Thanks a BILLION Beth. I know you're a moderator and all, but I'm already considering you a part of my support system, if you don't mind. I know I'll meet other cool people here too.

CSS was something I didn't like at first, but now that I use it I don't think I could live without it. If you don't like it at first, don't worry. It'll grow on you!

Sue

12-09-04, 11:14 PM

Curtis

12-10-04, 01:30 AM

You are an amazing artist, Curtis! I have the same favorite that Beth does, and I really enjoyed that short clip too. I think you're going to like it here and I know we're going to enjoy having you around. There's actually quite a few guys at DT so you won't feel alone. Good for you on jacking your numbers up to 1200, I'm glad you know why that's important. Try to eat as healthy as you can (you'll learn a lot about that here), and the very best to you. Sue

Thank you Sue. That means a lot to me. Before I every joined I read a few posts on this site here and there. Last night I watched that reality show called Cold Turkey, where the people are forced to stop smoking. I kind of like pretending I'm on a show like that, but about weight loss. Anyway, I hope I can be a good member of this community and do equal parts learning and teaching. I think it's great there's a place where people help people lose weight, instead of some lame membership site or scam pill. This place is so honest because everyone here has the same goal, and no one benefits financially. We all just lose weight together!

bell

12-10-04, 01:48 AM

Hi there Curtis!
nice to see another new face here at Diettalk. the support and understanding is wonderful here, its great to be around people who really understand what its like to struggle with losing weight and/or keeping it off.
Look forward to getting to know you better! Best of luck with getting to 150.
hugs bell :)

geolokim

12-10-04, 11:38 AM

Hi Curtis!

You'll find that there's so much support here, it'll leak out of your computer and puddle on your desk.......lol.

Seriously, welcome, and this is a great place. I've tried to lose weight for a few years, but calorie counting and exercise is the only thing that really works for me as well....I've lost 64 lbs in under 6 months (I started out weighing 20 lbs more than you do now, AND I'm 5 inches shorter than you, AND I'm female.......ahem.) But this is a great bunch of people and they'll always be here when you need them.

I'm a soup-and-lean-cuisine junkie too; really like the chicken carbonara and italian cheese ravioli, as well as the lasagna lean cuisines. And you're right about the starvation mode thing.....that's one of the reasons I'd always failed at losing weight in the past----would eat wayyyy too little and then end up eating everything in sight. But you sound like you've got a great plan going!
Take care!

ps.......I as well loved your site...... :)

Big Red

12-10-04, 12:50 PM

Welcome to DT Curtis!

Your Journal caught my eye because my Brothers name is Curtis. But I am sure you are nothing alike...he is a big worthless loser...(I'm his sister and can say that) I'm really impressed with your gallery. Very nice. I wish I had just a little bit of artistic ability in my body. But alas...there is none.

Anywhoo. I also love the LC meals (I too am addicted to the Chicken Carbonara and am having that one for lunch today) As you will see many people will give you hints, advice or whatnots. I take it all in and store it in my memory banks and use what I think will work for me. So, my suggestion to you is this, try to add a piece of fruit or two a day to your diet. They say 6 small meals a day are better than 3. That is a difficult task for me but I do try to eat fruit mid morning and afternoon. It gives me the calories I need or I would do like you and find myself not eating enough calories.

Well, gotta scat! I will be checking in on you

Later-
Julie

Curtis

12-10-04, 01:12 PM

I find that I am not starving on my diet, but that I'm thinking about food way too much. Planning, charting, looking up calories, cross-checking the numbers, talking to everyone about it whether they care or not.

I think it's my way of staying on track, but it feels a little unhealthy in it's own way. I wish I didn't think about food besides meal time, and then just coincidentally ate these lower calorie foods without really knowing or checking on them. Um. I think that's unrealistic.

There's got to be a happy medium. I'm probably so obsessed because I'm new. Maybe the new will wear off and I'll still be maintaining the behaviours I've learned. Too soon to tell.

geolokim

12-10-04, 01:29 PM

It does wear off......the first while I did the calorie thing, I was a bit obsessed about it, even to the point of almost freaking out if I went even a little over my "alotted" calories for the day. But in all honesty, the exact numbers for each day don't matter so much.....after a while you'll find yourself making good choices because it'll be second nature, no thought involved at all. And if you do have an occasional treat or bad day, THAT'S OK!! What's important is that you're paying attention to what's going into your body, and after awhile you won't be so focussed........

Just my two cents!! Spend them as you wish......good luck! :)

Sue

12-10-04, 03:06 PM

I agree with Kim, but I think at least in the beginning it is a good idea to keep track of your numbers and measure so you know where you need to make adjustments. I also think that if you stop doing that after awhile, that you should periodically check them again to make sure you're still on track. I think that's the system that most DT members use.

Having said that, I'm one of those people who are still tracking religously after 8 months, but I know me and that's the system that works for ME. Inevitably, if I stop checking, I will start going over. After this length of time, I do know without much fuss if I'm within my calories or not and whether I'm eating healthy. If my new lifestyle does not stay a focus point for me, then...I start losing my focus! Besides, it gives me an excuse to come on here every day!

You'll figure out after a period of time what works for you and what doesn't. Good luck on your journey. Sue

Curtis

12-10-04, 03:23 PM

Today I have successfully sidestepped two open boxes of doughnuts, christmas cookies, and temptation at the Wendy's drive through, where I ordered, as planned, a Spring Mix Sallad, dry, with no almonds (180 calories).

I'm still falling a little short on the callories today, so I'd better eat at least a 400 calorie dinner, which is a problem because all I have is soup and I'm broke.

Anyway, today it hasn't been so hard to say no to the doughnuts because I'm remembering my goals, and I just look at the other people eating them and feel sorry for them.

maximum

12-10-04, 04:16 PM

Hey Curtis and :welcome:

Believe me my family has about had enough of " OH MY GAWD DO KNOW HOW MANY CALORIES THAT HAS IN IT?" But I cant help it. I'm programemd, and its a damned good thang too or I'd be GARGANTUIN.. I too at times think I am thinking about Food to much.... What can I have.. But you know what Its ok.... really it is we are building new habits to live with forever. Soon it will be al naturale, cause we know what it can do to us.

Good Luck.... and just a litle advice... Throw in some variety... Its not about what you can't have But what you Can have! No DEPRIVING! :hug:

BuckeyeSHS

12-10-04, 04:24 PM

Curtis

12-10-04, 05:28 PM

Curtis

12-10-04, 05:32 PM

Wow, way to banish those demons! The donuts would've had me for sure...well, that old me, I mean, you know, me yesterday...before I decided to obey the almighty Bill Phillips. :whip: But the me today so would've have turned them down too. :shifty:

400 calories for dinner and all you have is soup...make your boyfriend take you out! It's in the job description. At least for a sub or salad or something.

Or have the soup.

Whatever. :)

Glad to see your journal!

-Lindsey

Yeah that's smart. I may do that. But he's working on his Vespas tonight so it may be hard to pry him away. I was planning on having an evening on my own somewhere. I think I'll drive to someplace I don't often go and do my jogging there. I'm really looking forward to the soup actually. Even though it has this incredibly lame seal on it that I'd never noticed before. Says, "Inspected for Wholesomeness by the U.S. Department of Agriculture". Way to go Campbells. Whatever. That is so strange. Funny what you see when you start reading labels.

Curtis

12-10-04, 10:22 PM

Friday, December 10

Breakfast
Croissant with Raspberries and Cream Cheese : 420
Decaf Coffee with Mini Moo : 15 ( I Learned that Mini-Moos have 15 calories and not 50 like I wrote in my first food log here.)

Snack
Penut Butter Granola Bar : 180
I'm not supposed to snack, but I'm listing this because I DID snack. Shouldn't have. I knew it was out of boredom and not hunger.

Lunch
Wendy's Spring Mix Sallad, Dry, with no almonds : 180
Diet Coke : 0

Afternoon Coffee
Decaf with Mini Moo : 15

Snack
2 Crackers with Spinache Artichoke Dip : 175
A co-worker made this and I wanted to have a bit without ruining my plans, so I had a two crackers, and it was good. Shouldn't have, but I did.

Diner
Udon Bowl with Rice Cracker and Tofu : 410

Jog
Tall Skim Milk Latte : 100
I decided to jog the two miles to downtown where I went in my favorite coffee shop and had a skim milk latte and an ice water. I like the idea of jogging longer distances to my favorite cafe's to reward myself with a low-calorie treat. Gets me motivated to do the jog.

Total : 1495 (A little over my goal but I don't care because I avoided all kinds of temptation and I went on a one hour jog instead of my usual 30 minutes. I feel nice this evening. I want to go to bed.)

Beth

12-10-04, 10:44 PM

How far away from your parents do you live? Moms are usually pretty good about adult kids dropping by for a meal lol ;)

Beth :peace:

Curtis

12-11-04, 11:02 AM

Doing the water thing today, and for the rest of my life preferably. I swear I can feel the difference. Maybe its in my head but I don't care. It can start out in my head and work it's way into my body.

I'm gonna drink about 10 glasses a day from now on. I need more than the eight that eveyone talks about because I sweat a lot when I jog.

I'm so happy because I can swear that my face is looking a lot more like I'm used to. Looking in the mirror, for the first time, is a little happier for me.

I don't own a scale, but I figure maybe I'll JOG SOMEWHERE and buy one. Not too soon though. I want to wait until there are certain and measurable results before I weigh myself. Anyway, drinking all this water is bound to puff me up for a while before my body trusts the supply enough to evacuate it all.

Thanks for the advice! I forgot your name, but I read your post about water, and it's a really great addition to my diet. I'm going to cut way back on the caffiene free diet cokes and replace most of my beverages with water.

Curtis.

Curtis

12-11-04, 01:39 PM

Did this thing to figure out my calorie needs based on my BMI, and I found out that to maintain my unhealthy weight of 200 pounds, and based on my moderate activity level (walking everywhere I can and jogging an hour a day) I would have to eat 3422 calories a day, which is majorly messing with my head. I heard that a good healthy diet decreases your daily calorie needs by 600, but I'm doing just fine on my 1400 calorie diet, and the thought of eating 2822 calories a day seems really wrong and repulsive to me. Is it okay for me to continue on 1400, or is that number intended for women who normally eat 2000 calories a day? I just don't get it. 2822 seems so BAD. I have settled nicely into 1400. But am I inadvertantly putting my body into starvation, and thereby hanging on to my fat and calories? Surely not.

I feel I could eat 1400 for the rest of my life comfortably. My plan is to stay at 1400 until I reach my goal of 150 pounds, and then I'll up it to 2000, and stay there unless I start to gain.

SOMEONE CORRECT ME IF I'M WRONG. I NEED GUIDANCE ON THIS.

Curtis

12-12-04, 12:04 AM

Tonight I am going to a Christmas party, and I've alreayd consumed 1350 calories today,so tonight I am restricted to tic-taks and water, which is so INCREDIBLY lame that I'd rather not even go, but I have to. I keep telling myself that I'll still have fun, but I think I most likely won't since I don't know anyone who will be there and it's a keg party.

You watch though. I know my conviction and I absolutely REFUSE to eat a single finger food or drink a single beer. I know this. You maybe don't all believe me but I know it is true. I wanna be attractive again, and this is challenge is my fuel.

bell

12-12-04, 03:00 AM

Hi Curtis!
i love that determination in your post about the keg party!
Determination is key to losing weight and keeping it off..sounds like you have plenty of determination!
I will check back to see how the xmas party went.
hugs bell :)

BuckeyeSHS

12-12-04, 10:53 AM

Hey Curtis!

You sound determined and I am sure you stuck to your guns at that kegger. :up:

-Lindsey

P.S. I am clearly ignoring the calories post because that sounds like a lot to me too, but I really have no idea...

Curtis

12-12-04, 07:35 PM

Got kind of busy, and didn't post after the party; was out too late (which I know also isn't good for my weight, but trust me, its unusual).

I succeeded though! Even though I was in charge of bringing to doughnut platter, I had not even one. In fact. I went through three liters of Evian, and survived the social eating on a single fist full of peanuts.

I'm getting bored of listing every item I eat each day, so I'm skipping yesterday. The total was 1395. Right on target.

Today was fun too. I woke up too late for breakfast, and then I went Christmas shopping and I planned an in-control splurge into my diet -- I got to have an order of Chicken Fingers at Arby's and the Martha's Vinyard Sallad with no almonds or dressing, and I drank water, so the whole thing totaled 890 calories. Theoretically that should have been wonderful, but I was having guilt feelings while eating the whole thing, and my jaw has developed this horrible shooting pain every time I extend it. I burnt the roof of my mouth on toast this morning, and the girl working the register broke down and started crying about something while I was there, so actually the whole meal was completely miserable. But I consider it a good idea still. I think Sundays will be my day to have something a little extravagant as long as I don't go over my daily limit of 1400.

Today, despite the Arby's splurge, and the cup of chicken noodle soup I'm going to have tonight, my total will be : 1220. Amazing. I should really be happy right now because I totally got to splurge today with no conseqence or break in my diet, but instead I still just have guilt and jaw pain. Maybe this is a lesson. I haven't decided yet.

bell

12-13-04, 04:59 AM

Curtis

12-13-04, 10:12 AM

Curtis,
what you are describing with the guilt and obsessing over calories is what i too experienced on my weight loss journey..the best feeling ever was not the day i reached goal but the day i realised that it had become a lifestyle and didnt require obsession over every calorie. what you describe is normal for someone starting out with a weight loss program as you get further along it wont seem so rigid i promise.
you are doing great! to go to a keg party and not eat everything in sight is AWESOME!
hugs bell :)

Thanks Bell. That gives me some hope. I've always told myself that when I reach my target weight I'll allow splurges as long as they do not affect my overall lifestyle, and it seems like that's worked for you.

I think it's awsome that even though you reached your target, you keep coming here to give others support. THANK YOU!

Personally, I don't know what I currently weigh. I weighed 200 pounds when I started a couple weeks ago, and yesteday I almost bought a scale - it was cheap, but I decided that until I can see a difference in my body, I'd rather not obsess over the minor ups and downs that are sure to occur every day. I don't want to get excited over losing 2 pounds when I'll wake up having gained 3 pounds the next day (like Bridget Jones). If I keep this up, it'll be an overall trend, and one day I'll see it in the mirror, and that's the day I'll rush out and buy a scale! I can't wait for that day!

I can already see that my face is a little thinner. I can't wait to have cheek bones again!

Curtis

12-13-04, 04:18 PM

It's not that I've gone over my calories, because I haven't. But today I've had absolutlely nothing but junk food. All this stuff that seems to be permanently present at my office, especially nearing hollidays. Two fists fulls of popcorn. Stephanie baked everyone Christmas cookies and put them in little cute bags on our desks. When I saw them I told myself I'd take them home and make Matthew eat them, but I allowed myself to have one. I had a diet 7-up which was calorie free, but gave me that gooey sugar-monster feeling. The whole thing has just snowballed to where I'm now up to about 1200 calories and it's only 2:30. That means that tonight I can have soup and water.

Was it worth it? NO. IT. WAS. NOT. I should have picked ONE indulgence. I bet I'm gonna feel tired and hungry on my jog tonight too. So today I learned that what I already knew. There's a right and a wrong way to stay under my daily calories.

Curtis

12-13-04, 09:00 PM

12/13/04 - 1440 calories. Tomorrow, they will be much higher quality calories.

Had a breakthrough on my jog -- my jogging distance unexpectedly DOUBLED! I was so excited. I made it up this one hill that always brought me to a walk, and then when I crested it, it was smooth sailing all the way home! Tomorrow I'll try a longer route! I'm really happy about the breakthrough, even though my handling of calories today was nothing but poor judgement.

Tommorrow I'm planning a slice of banana bread and a decaf skim latte for breakfast, lots of water all day, a bowl of minestrone for lunch with caffiene free diet coke, one office snack of my choosing as long as it's in my calorie budget, and a martha's vinyard sallad and plain potato for dinner. It sounds really yummy to me and I can't wait.

Curtis

12-13-04, 09:07 PM

I'm not weighig myself, let me remind everyone, so the stats in my profile are currently probably innacurate. My pants are a little looser for sure. I won't weigh myself until I am sure it will impress me, so just ignore that little 200/200/150. I'm probably something like 195 right about now.

Jumpsoda

12-14-04, 05:05 AM

Hey congrats on the will-power, something I have trouble with. If you do ever have a food temptation though, might I suggest getting a jar of Vegimite and eating a spoonful. It is horrid!!!!! You will loose any craving for eating anything for at least 4 hours until you can get the taste out of your mouth The sheer trauma that the whole situation induces will have a lasting effect. :)

bell

12-14-04, 06:03 AM

ignore Mr Vegemite hater, Curtis..Scott just likes to follow me around teasing my aussie habits :D
Thats awesome about the running distance. i remember when i first started working out walking at a decent pace just about killed me...now i am doing hardcore cardio classes. improvement in fitness is one of the biggest buzzes i have gotten since losing weight.
Tomorrow's eating menu looks great..fail to plan...plan to fail as they say!
hugs bell :)

Big Red

12-14-04, 09:26 AM

ROFL!!!!

I actually laughed out loud on that one! Jump - I so need to follow that advice. I worked with a girl that was from Australia much like Bell and she had the whole office taste the Vegemite. BLUCK..Yuck...spit...(and then she told me it was beer smudge...gross) It was the most horrid thing I have ever tasted!

Bell is right, planning is key. I should listen to that one as well...but then again If I actually listened to anyone I wouldn't be in the situation I am in right now.

Lots of love coming your way curtis!

Take care
Julie

maximum

12-14-04, 11:58 AM

:shifty: I'm Lurking..... I'm watching you...... Curtis.... do you like fruit? or Sweet potatos.. Lots of fiber.....

BuckeyeSHS

12-14-04, 03:30 PM

:-& Did someone say...Vegemite ??? Run Curtis Run! (sorry Bell, but geez, you might as well pour a cup of salt on your tongue as to eat that stuff...but hey, the vitamin B, right?)

I actually have some as a token of my South Pacific trip. Only to be seen, not tasted, ever...ever...again.

-Lindsey

Curtis

12-14-04, 03:55 PM

:shifty: I'm Lurking..... I'm watching you...... Curtis.... do you like fruit? or Sweet potatos.. Lots of fiber.....

I like fruit and sweet potatos, so I'll look up the calories and add them to my options. At work every day they bring is bananas, and I was under the impression that those were good for me and counted as fruit, but now I've read a bunch of articles about how they're practically candy and don't have a place in any diet. I'm sure the truth is in between, as usual, but I still avoid them out of fear. I'll migrate to other fruits.

Went to the oral surgeon today to find out about my jaw pain, and it turns out it's TMJ, as I feared. This isn't so conventional, but the way I see it, it's God helping me with my diet, since now it hurts to practically eat anything, so the fun has been instantly removed from any food not directly contributing to my nutritional betterment. In other words, all food hurts now, so I only eat what I must.

I'm having surgery for this in late January, but the whole situation, as much as I hate it, is bound to positively contribute to my weight loss.

Just got back from a nice mid-day jog. Today I jogged the same distance as yesterday, but that's okay. I can't expect my distance to double every day. If it did I'd be in Spain by next week.

I've been thinking about Campbell's soups, since I eat them so much. Here's what I wish : That there was a nutritionally ballanced Campbell's soup that was about 475 calories. That way I could eat it and it would be my entire meal, and I wouldn't feel bad about leaving out nutrients. As it is, I eat a bowl of Campbell's, and it's only usually between 90 and 160 calories, so not only must I eat other things, but I must actively seek out nutrients not included in the soup.

There should be a whole line of "meal soups" for people who want to stay under 1400 calories a day, like me, but also want to keep their options simple.

I'm very hungry right now and it's 1:53. I ate an early lunch at 10:30 since my visit to the surgeon made me skip breakfast. I guess I'll eat my sallad at around 3:00 for an early dinner, and then since I didn't go into the office today, I'll have a low calorie half-sandwich somewhere.

Didn't get to stick to my "plan" so much today, but I stuck to the spirit of it, and I feel a lot better about what I've consumed.

Big Red

12-15-04, 10:28 AM

Curtis

12-15-04, 10:51 AM

Jaw pain is horrible! any pain to do with the mouth...uuuggghhh. Soup is probably the easiest thing for you to eat right now.

You are doing well. You should be proud of yourself. Your willpower has been amazing. I am hoping to follow in your footsteps.

Take care of yourself
Julie

I remember braces; that was the worst mouth pain. I think I cried for about two days straight starting the night after they put them in. In retrospect, I wish they would have just removed my four teeth that were in the way, and then let the rest of my teeth settle in slightly ajar. I'd look cool and European then, and I wouldn't have TMJ, because from what I understand it's a result of braces in most people.

Thanks Julie. I really appreciate your support. I can't believe you guys care enough to help each other / me out. Thanks a billion.

My dad says there's no such thing as TMJ and that it's just a fad right now. I don't know what to think. I don't want the surgery if he's right. He says half his workplace claims to have TMJ. I wonder how muscle relaxers would affect my fitness efforts. I really want to be able to do my routine still. Once I've lost enough I wanted to join a gym.

Started a blog today, because a never-ending forum thread seems like not maybe the use that the BBS's coder had intended.

I'm not sure if I'm going to switch over completely. In fact I know I wont, because I need to still be able to read all of your posts and see what's going on around here, but the blog is more like a journal, so I'm giving it a shot.

If you want to see it, its at: http://2Dgamer.blogspot.com/

Big Red

12-15-04, 12:14 PM

BuckeyeSHS

12-15-04, 01:01 PM

Curtis

12-15-04, 02:22 PM

Hey Curtis,

I am an Audiology doctoral student right now and I wanted tell you that TMJ is real. Audiology is the study of hearing science, so I know you're wondering how they are related, but your cranial nerve VII (your facial nerve) runs through your ear as well. TMJ can actually cause tinnitus (ringing in your ears). It can cause hearing loss too if your eustachian tube gets blocked. I don't know a lot about it other than the hearing aspects, so I'm not saying get surgery or don't! I'm just saying its real...not a fad.

Okay...I should be studying for an exam I have today, but I keep getting distracted on diettalk! Catch you later!

-Lindsey

Thank you; that's really good information. My family has a history of tinnitus, so I take you really seriously. I'll show my parents your post and maybe they'll believe it a little more. That would help. Even though I'm not financially dependant on them anymore, I seek their approval for major decisions.

Curtis

12-15-04, 02:29 PM

Hey Curtis,

I checked it out. Was gonna post in it but thought...I don't want too have too many places where I post. It gets too confusing for me (especially since I should be working not here lol)

So here it goes. As far as Matthew is concerned, There are just some men that are like that. I have a husband that works all the time as well. He is a wonderful provider and I love him for that but he really doesn't like his job but doesn't have the self esteem needed to do something about it. I try to be as positive as I can but ultimately it is his decision to do something about it.

You said "For instance... why did I allow myself to become a 200 pound introverted web dork for a conservative magazine publisher in the Deep South. Who knows." That actually cracked me up (no offence) but I too feel the same way. Who knew that I would be a database manager/programmer nerd. At times I act extroverted but ultimately I am more introverted than I ever have been. But I must say this as well, I have seen a few pic of you now and have to tell you you are one good looking man! You talk yourself down because of the magic 200 number. We are all guilty of that. But you look great (even though it's not the best you want to be")and I bet Matthew is proud to have you!

:hug: Here's a hug since I can't do that in person.

Take care my friend
Julie

I totally know what you mean about too many places to post. There are several forums that I love, but shy away from because I can't keep track of it all. We'll just stay in touch here. This is where I talk about weight anyhow, and that's what we care about here.

Thanks for the compliment. It's not that I feel I'm now hideous, but I've just been watching this slow trend in my weight, and I'm trying to halt and reverse it before it becomes seemingly insurmountable. My dad has a belly, and my mom isn't so thin, so I think I've really got to fight this to win. But don't worry that I'll end up anorexic or something. I'm staying realistic. I just want to be back down to where I can wear my favorite clothes again.

That's cool that you're a techie too. I'm envious of your particular breed because thats stuff I don't know anything about but am very interested in. Do you suggest any sites that could enlighten me?

Today I've been pleasently stuffed all day long, to the point of having minor guilt, but all I've had are about 500 calories so far, so I'm just thrilled. Think I'm retraining my stomach finally. Maybe it shrunk a little.

Curtis.

bell

12-15-04, 05:31 PM

Hey Curtis!
i am a lame blogger...a self confessed lame blogger...however reading yours i can safely say you wont be adding to that mound..you have a wonderful writing style..
Hope you have a great day!
hugs bell :)

Big Red

12-15-04, 08:18 PM

Cool to be a techie...I never thought I would ever hear those words. LOL I havn't really taken any classes. I need to though. I am certifiably crazy and self taught myself. I still have lots to learn but here at the office I know more than anyone else so I get to do all the stressful work and if it breaks they ***** at me. LOL I guess it is more that I am just not afraid to try anything. I actually enjoy the challenge. Some days are more stressful than others but ultimately I love my job. I don't really look at sites for infomation. I am more of a book person and a tinkerer. The secret to my success...always make a copy before you do anything. That way if you really EFF it up you have the original you can put back.

Oh, yeah...I didn't mean to make you think I thought you thought you looked hideous (wow that was a hard one) It's just that we arn't the best we want to be...what ever that is for each one of us. You just seemed a little down. Sorry if I offended you.

Anywhoo...gotta scat

Julie

Curtis

12-15-04, 11:08 PM

Curtis

12-16-04, 11:03 AM

Yesteday I think I actually ended up going over 2000 calories. The thing is I'm not angry at myself because I know it wasn't part of my new lifestyle. It was a moment of celebration and indulgence, and it was fun, but it's not going to change what I'm doing with my life.

I gave Matthew his presents and we decorated the house a little, put together our new bed, and then we walked un the hill to Engish Village where there's this bar we like. I had two Amtel Lights and a Hamburger, which was extremely good. It's about 14 degrees outside, so living amongst all these trees and little villages made me suddenly feel like I was in Colorado. My favorite town there is Frisco. A good friend I miss very much took me to Frisco a couple years ago. So the memories were nice.

Today I'm going to be extremely concious of my calories and I absolutely will not break 1400.

BuckeyeSHS

12-16-04, 11:23 AM

Hey Curtis!

Aww, your day yesterday sounded really nice! I think its great that you are to the point where you know that it was just a celebration/indulgence day and not something you are going to make a habit of. It is not realistic to think, 'i'm never going to have (this) or (that) again for the rest of my life!' I find that these thoughts often lead to guilty feelings after an indulgence, which leads to depression, which leads to overeating for a week (or month, or months) before I get back on track. Nice Job with that one.

Also, I am really sorry to hear that you have a family history of tinnitus. It is a horrible thing. I keep hoping that the research is going to break something on that one soon. My grandfather has it very badly (he was in the military), and sometimes it even keeps him awake at night. My parents both say they think they may be getting it. :( So, I'll probably have it in my family history too.

I would strongly suggest ear plugs anytime you are doing anything around loud noises. And if you have to raise your voice to be heard, its a loud sound. I even use mine when vacuuming or blow-drying my hair. I'm even that geek that wears them at concerts (but hey, it actually sounds better sometimes, try it once and you won't go back...when your hearing adjusts so that the concert doesn't sound THAT loud...yeah, thats not a good thing). Whoa...I just realized I'm sitting here giving a hearing healthcare speech in your journal. Sorry about that one. I'll keep it short:

Tinnitus bad.
Earplugs good.

-Lindsey

Curtis

12-16-04, 01:36 PM

Curtis

12-16-04, 01:39 PM

So far today I've had about 200 calories - two slices of rye bread and a cup of coffee, and it's lunch time, but for some reason I still feel stuffed. I don't know whether it would be better for me to force myself to eat something small just to stay on track with my meals, or if this is a good thing to be taken advantage of.

Skipping lunch may lead to eating a huge dinner, which would not be good at all. I try to taper my meals so that I consume the most calories in the morning and the least at night. So I guess it would be in my best interest to eat something small now, just so that I don't feel starved at dinner.

Still, it's nice to be having no cravings at all. That's a kind of breakthrough. I wonder how much of it is due to last night's hamburger? Well, it dosen't matter. Because the old me would still be starving by now, hamburger last night or not.

Curtis.

Curtis

12-17-04, 10:01 AM

Yesterday was brilliant. I can honestly say that I feel I've now adjusted to the new ammount of food I'm allowing myself. Yesterday I actually came in at about 1000 calories and I barely felt hungry all day. I went on an extra-long two hour walk/jog last night, and I'm proud of that too, but I think next time I'll try to stick to the nicer parts of town. I had a couple run-ins in dark spots that I'd rather have avoided.

Some guy that looked like a plumper, more muscular version of me with scars across is face and stitches in his lip followed me for a while until he caught up. He started asking for money and telling me some lame story about how he's stuck in Birmingham unless he can get $15 for a bus ticket (which is way less than any bus ticket that I'm familer with). I suggested he head up to the commercial portion of the street and call his family, full well knowing that that's nothing he wanted to do, but he told me he couldn't be cause the cops were looking for him and he'd already been up there.

Anyway I don't carry money or a wallet on my jog (since I have to jog past restaurants). But I had my iPod in my pocket, and I could tell he was eyeing it and thought it was a wallet, and that I was lying, so he grabbed for it once. I tried to kick him, missed, and then freaked out and sprinted the rest of the way home, though I don't think he even tried to chase me.

I thought he was lying about the cops, but he wasn't. There were two on foot with flashlights in Rushton and that other part I have to go past. And one police car driving slowly around the neighborhood.

Never found out what it was all about, and decided not to tip the cops off. They made me mad. I said hello to the first one and told him that I thought he was intimidating in the dark (before I knew he was a cop) and he pulls this line like, "Why are you scared of me? What have you done?" Maybe he thought I was the guy. He did look like me in basic sorts of ways. I don't know the dude's whole story and I didn't want to, so who am I to make life harder for him? I just kept my mouth shut.

Anyway. I have learned that nightjogging is best constrained to one's own neighborhood.

BuckeyeSHS

12-17-04, 10:13 AM

Wow...thats quite an adventure. I would have been really scared. Be careful out there!

-Lindsey

Curtis

12-17-04, 12:00 PM

Wow...thats quite an adventure. I would have been really scared. Be careful out there!

-Lindsey

Lived in Memphis for a while, and I can honestly say that the only way to get a workout there is to buy a membership somewhere. That is the scariest, most awful town on the face of the earth. It's murder stats are only second to D.C. which is still the country's first. I can't believe anyone would willingly move to Memphis. I felt threatened every day just walking two blocks to class.

Anyway. Birmingham has a very similar vibe, but the actual safety here is much better. If you were going to make a movie about Memphis, you could film it here and decrease your actor's chances of getting shot at.

Still. I'll be careful. Thanks.

Big Red

12-17-04, 12:25 PM

Very scary story. Stay safe Curtis.

Julie

BuckeyeSHS

12-17-04, 12:54 PM

Oh yeah, Memphis is definitely scary. I have been there a few times and we had to be very careful.

-Lindsey

Curtis

12-19-04, 09:25 PM

I'm finding it more and more natural to eat within my limits. I guess that's what this was all about to start with. I have't exercised over the weekend, and that upsets me. It's been very cold, but that didn't stop me before. I think I'll go on another night jog tonight, just to reaffirm my commitment.

Posting here less because it's the same story every day, with the occasional slip-up.

Happy though. It was easier than I expected to find a new lifestyle.

Beth

12-19-04, 11:26 PM

ehhhhhh that sounded scarey.........

Happy to hear your doing :super:

Thank you so much for creating the new icon for me :hug:

Beth :peace:

Curtis

12-20-04, 08:34 PM

Yes, well, today I ate two chocolates in the office and when I ordered a "Grouper Sandwich" on a lunch with my father, it came out fried and served with potato chips, also twice fried. I ate the whole thing and it was great, but my god am I off track right about now. I was imagining that it's be grilled and served on greens.

I guess all there is to do is go on a jog. In a horrible mood. Angry at a few people actually, and just praying to calm down before I make a fool of myself or expose vulnerability. I think a jog is absolutely neccessary. But I REALLY don't want to go. That means i need to stop writing about it and go do it.

Curtis.