This Journal will officially start January 1, 2005!
NEW YEARS IS COMING!!! Time to regroup and reassess behavioral changes! Mine are:

1) Exercise @ least 30 minutes a day for @ least 5 days per week.
2) Up the fruits and vegies and agua!
3) Get That JOB I APPLIED FOR!
4) Keep the check book balanced and finally put some dinero in the savings account!
5) Shop for NECESSITIES MOST OF THE TIME and do something special for myself once a month....for keeping up with #s 1 & 2!
Rewards:
Feb 1st: Get hair cut, styled and streaked, New outfit for Birthday and Valentines !
Mar 1st: Buy 2 New Outfits (including make up and shoes and purse)
Apr 1st: Go see a movie and do lunch with kids.
May 1st: Buy a new swim suit and Beach towel and of course cute flip flops and a swim bag
June 1st: Go Somewhere! San Antonio! HERE I COME! (Maybe Corpus...yeah, CORPUS!!!)
July 1st: Buy a cute outfit for the 4th of July! (go ahead and get all the kids cool outfits too! They deserve it!)
Aug. 1st: New Clothes time! We'll all need cute fall clothes!!!
Sept. 1st: A night in a cool hotel, dinner, swimming! How FUN!
October 1st: Get a new pretty fall/winter sweater for work.
Nov. 1st: New outfit for Thanksgiving!
Dec. 1st: New Outfit for Christmas and New Years!

This journal will be for logging my food and exercise and "positive" entries.
Have a great 2005 All! Happy NEW YEAR! :D

Hi, Jessi! Looks like you're going to have a wonderful and fun new year! I love your avatar, BTW! Here's to great things to come!!! Thanks for posting on my journal today!

GO JESSI !!!!!!!!!! :cheer:

Beth :peace:

Hey Athletea and Beth, thanks for the visit!

This post is from www.normaleating.com

try eating only when you are hungry, and then stopping just when you are satisfied (not FULL, as in uncomfortable, or where you can feel food in your stomach.) then eat again when you get hungry again. eat what you want, don't ban certain foods, but put an emphasis on fresh foods, unprocessed foods, and foods that you know make you feel good, physically. eat slowly so that you know when you're satisfied and are able to stop eating right then, and not another bite.

do not disallow "treats". if you want chocolate every single day, have it. if you allow yourself to have it when you want it, as long as you've been feeding yourself properly otherwise, you will not binge on it or feel guilty about it.

make sure you get plenty of exercise. try cardio 4-5 days a week, for 30-45 minutes. try to switch it up: bike one day, take a spin class the next, elliptical, treadmill, hiking, etc. lifting weights is essential. this will help prevent muscle loss and maybe even help you gain some muscle while you're losing fat. try to weight train every 2-3 days. there are plenty of websites that will show you some moves to do, or you can ask a trainer if you belong to a gym. you can also do resistance training at home if you dont belong to a gym, using your own body weight and household objects in place of weights.

~~~*MY FOCUS FOR 2005 IS TO BE HEALTHY (NOT TO LOSE WEIGHT!)*~~~~

NO SCALES, MEASURING TAPES, OR FOCUSING ON SIZE!

FOCUS ON WHAT IS GOOD FOR MY HEALTH AND WHAT WILL MAKE ME HAPPY! IT'S ME TIME, BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :hippy:

My Eats For Today:

2 Chalupas (2 Corn Tostadas w/ refried beans and salsa, green cabbage and shredded cheese, a jalapeno, and decaf w/ nondairy cremora and sugar.
2 Granola Bars, a few Caramel Cups and 1 PB Cup. A few Reese's Pieces, and a glass of cola.
2 glasses of cola (Hey It's NEW YEARS!!!!)
Pizza BABY!!!! :D

My Exercise For Today:
Walking 1 HR. OUTDOORS 73 DEGREES!!! WhOOOOhoooOOO! :D

My Affirmation For Today:
I am Healthy & Fit. I enjoy exercising. I enjoy eating good, healthy foods. I am a wonderful and loving person. :)

My daughter said that there are two kinds of unattractive (she's 11, okay?) the first kind is people who don't look very nice because they don't know how to use make up, and the second is people who think they are toooooo fat and so they stop eating and then all the bones in their face show! HA HA LOL!!! :D
I couldn't stop laughing! :D :D :D

Happy New Year :balloons:

Beth :peace:

HI JESSI, I HOPE YOU ARE DOING OK. SORRY I HAVEN'T BEEN AROUND. I AM DOING PRETTY GOOD. I JUST WANT TO WISH YOU A VERY,VERY,VERY, HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!! I HOPE IT IS BLESSED. http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/36/36_16_20.gif (http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb001_ZSzeb008)

The Eating Log is broken into three parts:

Before Eating
• Date/time
• Thoughts and feelings before eating
• Hunger level, start (use rating scale)

Eating Experience
• Food eaten
• Amount (number of fists)
• How enjoyable?
• Distractions
• Ate mindfully?
• Thoughts about stopping

After Eating
• Comfort level, stop (use rating scale)
• How body feels after eating
• Thoughts and feelings after eating

The reason the log asks you how many "fists" you ate is because your stomach is approximately the size of your clenched fist (a little bigger if you have small hands). Another way to approximate is the amount that can be held in your two cupped hands. Satiation (versus fullness) comes when you have filled your stomach without stretching it. Most compulsive eaters don't know what true satiation feels like since they always eat to fullness.
********************************************************
Learning to recognize your body's hunger and satiation cues is a crucial element in normal eating. But your body communicates in a whisper, and it can be hard to hear when there is a lot of emotional noise in your head. When first reacquainting yourself with your body's natural wisdom, it's useful to use a hunger/satiation scale for focusing on your physical sensations. The scale is especially useful in conjunction with the Eating Log.

0. Beyond hungry—feeling weak or running on adrenaline.
1. Too hungry to care what you eat—you will tend to overeat.
2. Seriously hungry—you must eat now!
3. Moderately hungry—you could wait longer.
4. Slightly hungry—first thoughts of food.
5. Neutral—no hunger and no feelings of food in your stomach.
6. Satisfied—feel the food but don't feel full, no discomfort.
7. Slightly uncomfortable—a little too full, aware of food in stomach.
8. Uncomfortable—feel full, stomach distended.
9. Very full—want to lie down and digest.
10. Stuffed—so full it hurts.

From a physiological standpoint, it's best to eat when you're at "2" and stop when you're at "5". If you do this on a regular basis, you will become a normal weight. But there is nothing wrong with eating when you're at "3" and not stopping until you're at "6".

Also, note that you can't force this. Eating in response to hunger has to evolve as a natural result of doing the emotional work in the Four Stages. If you try to force normal eating behavior on a mind that's still obsessed, you'll turn attuned eating into the "eat when hungry" diet. Then you will constantly be wanting to eat when you're not hungry, not be able to keep from doing it, berating yourself for your weakness, and then wanting to eat even more. We all know the cycle.
********************************************************

Date Time:
BEFORE EATING
Hunger/satiation level (scale, 0-10)
Physical sensations (signs of hunger)
Thoughts and feelings
EATING EXPERIENCE
What foods eaten
Amount (number of fists)
How enjoyable was it?
Did you have distractions?
Did you eat mindfully?
Thoughts and feelings
AFTER EATING
Hunger/satiation level (scale, 0-10)
Physical sensations (signs of fullness)
Thoughts and feelings

Dear Self,
Have a great day!

Hey Jessi,
Thought I'd stop by and say HEY GIRL! How ya doing? I don't come here anymore, but thought I'd pop in and check things out.
Spanky :)

Hi Jessi, Good reminder of the size of the stomach. I found myself making a fist and cupping my hands. WOW! That says a lot. you have a great plan for the new year. I am also focusing on eating healthier and laying back on sweets. I had already stopped making so many desserts and cookies - then Christmas came and I went bonkers with cookies as I had promised relatives to bring them to our gathering. They are almost gone! :D The candy is disappearing, too. I am taking some boughten candy the kids have collected and giving some to my students just to get rid of some. There is just way too much around here.

I am trying to focus on better choices, too. I am going to try to focus on your "feeling full" recommendations and leave those seconds off my plate. That is what kills me at supper. Thanks for sharing and best of luck.

happy New Year.

Thanks, Susan...Yeah, These are from the website... www.normaleating.com . I wanted to make sure that I have my information in my journal that I can refer back to this year...as I'm really planning to keep this journal all year instead of always making new ones...it's kind of an "informal resolution"...LOL.
Anyway, this way I can come back to my "roots" once a month or so to remind me of what I am doing and "why".
Have a good 2005! :D

The Four Stages of Learning to Eat Normally
When you've gotten yourself all mixed up by using external rules to guide your eating (aka "dieting"), it takes a little while to get back on track. There seem to be four stages in the journey back to normal eating: (1) legalizing all foods, (2) learning your body's inner cues, (3) dealing with the emotional issues that trigger overeating, and (4) freedom—normal eating. I've found—both from my own experience, and from helping others on this path—that it seems necessary to go through the stages in order. If, for example, you try to eat for health (Stage 4) when you are still in the legalizing stage (Stage 1), you'll binge. You must accept where you are in order to move forward. Don't try to rush the process. Here is an overview of the four stages. Click the "Learn more" link at the end of each description to read more about the issues at that stage.

1. Legalize all foods.
Stop restricting. Eat whatever you want. Just have fun with it and don't worry about anything too much. Realize that you have to get over the feelings of deprivation before you can work on anything else. Realize that what your body looks like is not the most important thing in the universe. If you gain some weight, so be it. You'll lose it later. Try more-or-less to eat when you're hungry, but that's not the focus here. If you're not hungry and you feel like eating, go ahead. The focus is freedom—to feel on a deep level that all foods are available to you. You must get rid of the feeling of deprivation and lack of entitlement. Learn more

2. Pay attention to your body's internal cues.
Once you've gotten over the cravings that come from restriction, you can start to get in touch with your body's true desires. Your goal here is to learn to hear the whisper of body wisdom. Try to notice when you're hungry. Try to let yourself experience true hunger. Try not eating until your stomach rumbles—just once (not forever, not every time). At this stage, you will probably still eat when you're not hungry and/or eat past full, but that's okay. You're just experimenting—learning how your body feels in different circumstances. Eat chocolate for dinner and see how that makes your body feel. This is a good stage for using the eating log and hunger rating scale. Each time you eat, take note of how hungry you are. Check in with your body. Where do you experience your hunger? After you eat, pay attention to how the food you took in makes your body feel. Do you feel energized or sluggish? How much did you enjoy the food? Did your body enjoy that brownie, or did only your taste buds enjoy it? Did you body really want spinach? The focus is on getting in touch with your body and how it communicates its needs to you. Do not be judgemental about what you eat. That will be very self-defeating and it will feel like a diet. Learn more


3. Deal with the emotional issues that drive you to eat when you're not hungry.
After you've gotten some familiarity with your body's cues, it will be clear to you when you're experiencing a body wisdom desire versus an emotional craving. You will know when you want to eat for reasons other than hunger. You'll no longer confuse emotional hunger with physical hunger. You can still eat when you're not hungry—no one is going to take away your right to do this. But pause. When you have an urge to eat when you're not hungry, wait 10 minutes and sit with the discomfort before you eat. Ask yourself what's bothering you. Ask if there is something else you can do that will better meet your need than food. When you start doing this consistently, you will find patterns in when you turn to food, and you will find at times that eating is not what would help the most, not what you really want. Maybe what you really want is to hug someone—or yell at someone. This is a good stage in which to do a weight history. Write down all the times in your life that you gained or lost 10 pounds or more, and then write down what was happening in your life at that time. You will start to notice patterns. You will discover the emotional triggers that lead to non-hunger eating. You may discover that you are eating to cover up a serious life problem and you need to make some scary changes. Learn more

4. Enjoy freedom from obsession with body image and food intake: normal eating.
Eating is no longer of such primary importance in your life. If you had a serious life problem you were masking with food, you are now dealing with it directly (even if it's not solved). You feel free to eat whatever you want, but you also know what makes your body feel good and what makes it feel bad. You eat for health, fuel, and physical sustenance 95% of the time. You have the freedom at this point to eat according to your values, rather than being driven by emotional cravings. For example, you might choose to eat mostly fresh food, rather than processed or packaged food, because it makes your body feel better. In Stage 4 you can do this without feelings of deprivation. You can make internally driven choices without feeling confined or pressured by "shoulds". True freedom isn't eating everything in sight. True freedom is the freedom to choose, to live according to your own values. Compulsive eating makes us the victim of our cravings. Learn more

Physical versus Emotional Hunger
Usually people new to attuned eating don't really know when they are hungry. In particular, they tend to confuse emotional hunger and physical hunger. If you are gaining weight, then by-definition you are eating more than your body needs. It takes some initial work to be able to read the physical cues if you've been ignoring them for years.

One thing you can try is to wait longer to eat so you can monitor how your body feels as it gets hungry, and also how you feel emotionally. Many compulsive eaters have a fear of being hungry, and haven't allowed themselves to experience true physical hunger for years. Sometimes this fear arises from the experience of hunger in childhood. Other times it comes from an emotional association between food and love.

Hunger cues are more complex than having something in your stomach. You can have nothing in your stomach and still not be hungry. Blood sugar levels and other chemical changes that science doesn't completely understand also play a role. Don't assume that if you don't eat much, you'll be hungry again quickly. That is sometimes true, and sometimes not. Let your body be the guide.

Numbing Out vs. Staying Present
"Bingeing" has a technical meaning. It's not just overeating. It's eating very large quantities of food in a very short amount of time, generally barely tasting or experiencing the food as it goes down. Bingeing is a way of numbing out, using food as a drug.

The antidote to bingeing and compulsive eating is to stay "present". When eating compulsively, people are not present physically or emotionally. They are detached from their body, and barely aware of what is going down their throats.

Purpose of the Eating Log
One of the most useful tools in learning the difference between physical and emotional hunger, how your body feels after eating different foods, and what emotional triggers cause you to turn to food is the Eating Log. Unfortunately, simply writing down what you eat can be a big trigger for someone who hasn't completely gone through the legalizing stage. The purpose of the eating log is not to control your eating in any way; it is simply a way to collect data, and a device for pausing to think about how you feel. If you are wracked with guilt about all the weird eating you are recording in the log, then you are not ready to keep the log. You need to work more on legalizing before moving onto Stage 2.

People with Weight Watchers in their past also can find the Eating Log to be a trigger because of the surface similarity between the Weight Watchers Log and the Normal Eating Log. These are similar only in that you are writing things down; the purpose is entirely different. And in fact, you can accomplish the purpose of the Eating Log without writing anything down.

Pause for 60 Seconds
What's important here—the essense of what the eating log is supposed to accomplish—is focusing attention on your experience, encouraging you to become fully conscious of your physical, mental, and emotional state before, during, and after eating. The crucial element is not the writing down. It's the pause that keeps you in the moment and let's you notice the moment. Take 60 seconds before and after eating to sit quietly and check in with yourself, 60 seconds of quietly looking inward. What are you feeling, what are you thinking about, how does your body feel?

Then go ahead and eat whatever it is you want to eat, but try to stay very conscious and in the moment while you are eating. Make sure to look at your food and notice how it tastes. Do you really like this food? How does it feel in your mouth and in your stomach? What physical and mental sensations do you feel afterwards? I noticed that when I ate sugar I tended to feel sluggish afterwards, while if I had chicken and a salad I felt energized, like my body was saying thanks and singing. I also noticed that while I like semi-sweet chocolate, milk chocolate tends to be too sweet for me and (this is weird), I actually don't like it. (?!)

The actual writing down is just a vehicle for consciousness, for focusing your attention. This "taking a moment" element is what matters. For this reason, it does not accomplish the same thing at all if you do not pause before and after eating, do not try to stay conscious while eating, and then fill out a log sheet from memory at the end of the day. This doesn't accomplish anything, from a normal eating standpoint. It's the consciousness in the moment that makes the difference. That's what causes the huge internal change. Try eating different foods to see how they make you feel. Experiment; have fun with it.

Eat What You Want, but Stay Aware
What you must be careful about when engaging in non-hunger eating is numbing out, going to that unconscious place. That's why you will have a tendency to not want to fill out the log. You don't want to think about what you are feeling at that time because you're purpose is to numb out. Writing things down isn't important per se, but it does help to counteract the tendency to use food as a drug. You don't have to change your behavior in any way. If you want to eat an entire coffee cake, go ahead. But take 60 seconds first to look inward and ask yourself what you're thinking about and feeling. You will be surprised at what a difference this makes.

Hey Jessi,

Wow, looks like you have been very busy typing and reading!!!

I am just posting to let you know that I am thinking about you and your family.

Remember, do your research, it certainly won't hurt.

Jessi,

Very interesting. Thanks for posting that. I have found that stress actually causes me to be physically hungry. I know I need to be careful when I eat, even when I've determined that, yes, in fact I am hungry.

We are gonna kick some serious weight loss butt this year.

Happy New Year

Dar

There is an excellent book on that...that I am reading now and you would LOVE!

It's called "Fight Fat After Forty" by Pamela Peeke, M.D., M.P.H.

It is exactly about stress and how stress puts the fat on. It talks about different kinds of stress...and eventually how to handle it better.
It will help you to determine your stress profile and eating pattern, Energize your body and become stress resilient and Boost midlife metabolism and lose fat fast. It is a three-pronged approach that will break your stress-fat cycle and make you happy, healthy and fit and trim.


Other Good Books I reccommend (sp?):
COMPULSIVE EATING:
Overcoming Overeating and When Women Stop Hating Their Bodies by Jane R. Hirschmann and Carol H. Munter.

Websites: www.overcomingovereating.com
www.normaleating.com

COMPULSIVE SPENDING:
Money Demons By Dr. Susan Forward and Craig Buck

ANGER:
The Dance of Anger by Harriet Lerner, Ph.D

Stress:
Fight Fat After 40 by Pamela Peeke, M.D., M.P.H.
Straight Talk By Joyce Meyer
How to Succeed at Being Yourself by Joyce Meyer
Battlefield of the Mind by Joyce Meyer

www.joycemeyer.org


I hope these help you as much as they did me.

So.....we've got the Christmas Decorations all taken down... :( . But it will seem nice to get back to FRESH! :D
Today is humid and sticky...it rained and we are still UNSEASONABLY WARM! It was great yesterday for walking while the sun was shining and we had a wonderful breeze...today is warm enough to walk outside...but gloomy, so looks like I will be treadmilling today! I'll put on some good tunes and get to it!
I'm forced to have to do laundry as I spilled a glass of pop in my room! And I spilled it on my processor...thank God I had it CLOSED UP TIGHT!!! Usually I have the door open or something...
And I tell the kids not to take food and drink into their rooms...lol! 8-|
Well..Here's to 2005!

Fat Can Serve a Function
Most people, when asked if they want to be fat, will quickly say no. But it's important to realize that nothing is black or white, good or bad. Everything has an upside and a downside. Being attractive has disadvantages, and being fat can serve a positive function. This is especially true for women, whose bodies are the target of such excessive focus in this society.

Special Challenges for Women
Being fat serves a positive purpose of some kind for virtually every overweight woman, and it's very valuable to try to figure out what that is for you as an individual, how being fat has made your life easier. This insight helps you to realize that your ambivalent, push-me-pull-you behavior isn't completely crazy.

You may wonder why you continue to eat if you want to be slim. One reason is that a part of you doesn't want to be slim. This is why many women will eat more when they've weighed themselves and noticed a weight loss. They are ambivalent about being slim. It's being at war with themselves that keeps people fat. There's a part that wants to be slim, and there's a part that does not.

Being fat...

Prevents unwanted sexual attention and advances.
Focuses workplace attention away from a woman's appearance and onto her performance.
Allows women to define their own role, instead of being forced into becoming wives and mothers.
Makes friendships with other women easier because a fat woman is not a threat.
Allows women to bond with their mothers and other women over a shared problem.
Allows women to test a man's affections and make sure they are based on substance.
Is a way to rebel against and reject women's role in society.
Makes women feel less vulnerable and "easy to push around".
Reduces discomfort with sexuality that sometimes occurs after becoming a mother.
Is a way to express anger towards your partner by refusing to look how he wants you to look.
Reduces anxiety in women who fear their own tendency toward promiscuity by removing opportunity.
Takes away the feeling of being "invisible" when men can't see past your appearance.
Is a way to symbolically develop "thick skin", reduce a sense of vulnerability.
Can be a manifestation of low self-esteem, a way we tell ourselves and the world we are no good.
Problems with Being Pretty
Women in this society are supposed to make themselves sexually attractive to men, but from the woman's point of view, this isn't always desirable. When a woman is very attractive, it's often difficult to get men to see past this. For a career-oriented woman who wants to be taken seriously in the workplace, this is infuriating and demeaning, and instantly fixed by a modest 30 pound weight gain. Women don't necessarily do this on purpose, but it can play a role subconsciously.

Also, very pretty woman never really know if the men they get involved with love them for who they are, or are just enchanted with their appearance. If the man is mainly entranced with her looks, she worries about what will happen when she gets old. What will happen when her skin wrinkles? What if she gains 30 pounds after menopause? What if she gets sick? Is he going to stick by her? If she gains the 30 pounds now, she doesn't have to wonder. He's there for more than her looks.

Even walking down the street can be unpleasant for a very pretty woman. Comments, catcalls, and pickup attempts may be flattering to some women, but many others find this behavior invasive and disrespectful of personal boundaries. For a man to walk up to a woman on the street who he doesn't know and say "Give me a smile, honey", as though she is a child who exists only for his entertainment, is presumptuous and demeaning. Rather than deal with this day in and day out, a pretty women can eliminate the problem completely by simply gaining weight. Then she can walk down the street in unmolested peace, without unwanted verbal assaults on her privacy.

I'm not saying that gaining weight is the best solution to these problems, but it is one solution and an effective one. It just happens to also have a downside. Once you understand the aspects of being slim that make you uncomfortable, you can think about other ways to protect yourself and prevent invasion of your boundaries.

A very high percentage of women who were sexually abused as children are significantly overweight as adults—often 100 pounds or more. Weight gain is a very common response to sexual abuse. For a vulnerable child who can't say no, what better way to keep people away? That feeling of being helpless to say no continues into adulthood, though as adults we can say no. It's hard to overcome that automatic anxiety, and develop the confidence to say no with our mouths rather than our fat, but we can do it. (Sexual abuse in childhood is also associated with promiscuity later in life—a continuation of the boundary violation and debasement, but self-imposed as a result of damaged self-esteem.)

Self Care and Saying No
Women who are overweight often have a pattern of difficulty in setting boundaries. People invade them—invade their space, their time, their energy. We don't know how to say no in any area, sexual or otherwise. The fat is an attempt to prevent this constant invasion, even if it's just symbolic. It's harder to push someone around (so to speak) when she weighs 200 pounds. Many formerly overweight women feel uncomfortably vulnerable when they are thin.

A crucial part of normal eating is learning self-care—learning real ways to take care of yourself and make yourself feel better, ways that work better than non-hunger eating. Learning to set appropriate boundaries is a key aspect of self-care. If you are constantly letting other people take advantage of you, how can you take care of yourself?

Food Bandaides
When we feel terrible and don't know how to take care of ourselves, one solution is to self-soothe with food, apply a "food bandaide", so to speak. But in fact, the only real need that food can satisfy is hunger. Eating cannot solve problems such as a job you hate, financial crises, a troubled marriage, or sick children. After the fifteen minutes or so of having the food in your mouth and enjoying the taste, what you're left with is a stomach ache, self-loathing, and all the same problems. It can be difficult to take the necessary action that effects real change. Usually this involves uncomfortable self-assertion and facing internal demons. But in the end, the effort is worth it.

The next time you are hungry, ask yourself what is really bothering you, and see if you can come up with some action to take towards dealing with the problem, no matter how small a step it is. Think of something you can do that takes no longer than 15 minutes. Tell yourself you will try this first, and then eat the food afterwards. Even if you take only one small action—for example, make one phone call—the effect on how you feel can be profound. When you no longer feel trapped and victimized by life, you don't need food bandaides.

Okay, guys, I have left before and came back and left and came back and left and came back...I have to quit this.
I want you all to know that I appreciate you ALL! I appreciate all the support you have given me and I appreciate the friendships, but I really have to quit coming here and quit going to "diet" websites.
As you all know, I have an eating disorder, Bulimia and Compulsive Eating, and, well, I am trying to get better, but it seems that by coming here, and my other sites I visit, constantly are triggering me back into wanting to diet. I thought I could come here and hang out in chat and in the non diet forums...but there is still a lot of "diet" talk that goes on there.
I really can't continue to do this to myself. It's like an alcoholic trying to sit in a bar all day long trying to resist drinking.
It is really hard for me to resist dieting...If I'm at a site called "diet talk".
Like I said, I have nothing against anyone here, and you have all been really sweet...but I just can't come here anymore.
I really am going to get well...I have overcome soooo many things and I will overcome this as well...but I really need to do what is best for me. I have pmed Beth and asked her to find a replacement buddy for Mikey in the boot camp thing...and I really want to wish you all the best and I wish you all success in your life journeys.
Have a wonderful new year and know that I will be thinking of my friends here. And John, thanks for your help and kindness. I wish you all well.
Love,
Jessicah :)