This is my new journal. I figure, new year=new goals=new journal. :D

Today was good for me, no screw ups. I've been unbelievably BORED today though. Nothing on TV, nothing to do online.

I'm back down to 247.5 now, I was up to 249.5, but I got my period today so I bet I'll be a pound or two lighter in a few days if I keep doing good. We'll see.

I'm the first one to visit Jamie's NEW JOURNAL!!!! Yeah!
Happy New Year and New Journal Jamie! :D

Hi Jamie, Love your new journal. You are doing just great with your weight loss! Keep up the good work. Like youm said new year,new goals and start out fresh>
I wish you all the best.

Thanks for stopping by my new journal, Millie and Jessi!

Well, today is the last day of 2005. In 5 months, I'll be out of high school and in college, almost a scary idea. I cant say that I'm not ready.

I was reading Sue's (icpc) journal just now and she said '05 would be a milestone year because it would be the year she reached goal. I realize, '05 is going to be a milestone year for me too, maybe not because I lost so much weight that I got to goal, but because it'll be the year I get under 200 for the first time (healthily anyway). I cant wait to see the scale say 199.

As soon as I start losing weight again normally, I'll make more short term goals but as it is right now, it's unpredictable. By graduation, I might be in the 100s and I might not, but if I'm NOT I am not going to set myself up for disappointment. I had to order my cap and gown and on the weight I put 220 in anticipation of actually being 220 at graduation. I know I can lose 27 lbs before May, I just have to get my butt in high gear, after I finish my journal I'm getting on the treadmill.

I should probably get a gym membership, but I'm so shy about that stuff......If I could get a friend to join with me, I'd be fine with it. There's a new gym not too far from my home that was built and is now open for business. It never seems too crowded (great thing about a gym lol), so I'd be okay with that....I wouldn't want to go in and exercise in a room full of people that don't even look like they need to be exercising. I swear that some people use the gym as a social hangout instead of what it really is...I cant workout with a group of barbies right beside me "working out" and probably making fat jokes about my @55 in their head lol....

I'd LOVE to join curves, but my mom refuses to fork over that much cash for something like that. I like the idea of being in an all female environment with women who paid for a WORKOUT, not a social event.

I have to go to the grocery store tomorrow, so I'm going to look up and print some new recipes tonight to help myself along. Here goes nothing.

Hi Jamie. You know, there's always going to be scary things facing us in our future, but we must not allow ourselves to be intimidated (or whatever emotion dwarfs us at a particular obstacle) out of not doing what we really want to do.

I know how you feel though about working out with lots of strangers and there's no doubt about it, it is hard to go in the first time or two. I finally learned just to ignore everyone, look straight ahead, get on my machine, and forget about everyone else. When I got brave enough, I looked around and no one was even paying attention to me. After a while, it got so where I would see the same people day after day and although I've never spoken to them, there is that feeling of camaraderie--all there for the same reason. And trust me, not everyone is skinny, some are much larger. I saw a man who probably weighed close to 500 pounds. I didn't look at him with disdain, I looked at him with respect. Yes, there are skinny people too, but they're skinny because they work out. I heard that even places like Bally's have just regular people there (I always heard they were a meat market). Anyhow, I refused to allow what I imagined other's to be thinking to prevent me from getting to where I wanted to go. Remember, I actually put on a swimming suit with my flabby arms and legs and big belly and go to a water exercise class during prime time. But I know if I don't exercise, I'll never look how I want to and never get to the point where I can BE one of those skinny people who don't face the obstacles we do.

I wish you the best of everything, Jamie.

Sue--I'm glad you were able to overcome your gym anxiety, hopefully I can overcome mine too. No, I wouldn't have looked at the 500 pound man in disgust, I'd be much more comfortable around someone who was in the same (general) boat as me, having to lose a large amount of weight. Thanks for the encouraging post :)

------

I'm doing great on this bootcamp phase 1. I drank 64oz water instead of just 32 as I'd planned, walked, and didn't have any granola (LOL).

I logged my food/points for yesterday too.

Breakfast: Kashi oatmeal, 2 packets (10g fiber, 8 protein) 5 points

Lunch: Spicy crockpot chicken--4
oven fries--3
yogurt--2

Snack: Kashi--2
Apple--2

Dinner: frozen lean cusine turkey (I know not the healthiest thing but didn't feel like cooking again or going out)--5
Kashi--4

I didn't do too bad yesterday. I eat a lot of kashi cereal dry as a snack, it's high in fiber and protein and tastes good.

Good for you Jamie! I'm glad to see you posting what you eat. Looks good! We can overcome everything we set our mind to. Soon it won't even be an issue.

Hi Jamie and GREAT about starting a new journal :)

Curves is GREAT ! I can not say enough good about it......can you babysit and earn the money for your monthly fees - its 29.99 a month.

:super: job on your eating and logging your foods !

Beth :peace:

hey jamie, thanks for getting me in the boot camp challenge, let's just hope we get through phase one. :sigh: nah, i'm sure we can do it. you're doing a great job with your goals and keeping track of food. hope you had a good weekend.

brandon ~o)

We'll do fine with the challenge, Brandon! Oh ye of little faith! :) You're doing great, too.

Whew, I busted my @55 on the treadmill today! I kept it at 3-3.5 mph the entire time, a new accomplishment for me. I was so motivated! The water is also so much easier to drink when you're dying of thirst :D lol

I watched the biggest loser show (I know, I know, I was down on it at first) and that helped to motivate me, for one....And I tried on a dress that I hadn't worn in a while, some of you might remember it from my picture post.... http://diettalk.com/forums/showthread.php?t=43485&page=4 there's the link...Anyway, it fit so much looser than before, and it looked so much better on me. I thought to myself, I want to be able to wear a dress like that in a size 12 and look that good. Then I just got on the treadmill and moved it.

I'm ready to start losing every week again.

"water is also so much easier to drink when you're dying of thirst" Thanks for the chuckle, Jamie! Good for you on beating the treadmill!

I'm not going to have to rephase!! Woohoo!! And I'm down to 244.5 this week. This bootcamp challenge thing really does work pretty well.

Okay, time for a real update I suppose.

The past few days have been very eventful, mostly dealing with school. First off, I want to start by saying that I am not a person that goes around looking for conflict so everyone realizes that.

I have (had) two peer tutoring classes before the beginning of this semester. I knew I was going to have to move my first period to take computers, but I'd planned on KEEPING my second period peer tutoring class. But, apparently, the teacher I was helping "did not need my help" (the peer tutoring "boss lady's" (Mrs. B's) words, so to speak, not the teachers) and so she tried to move me into a class reading to SOPHOMORES. Um, hello lady! I don't think so! You cant take someone that hates being in front of people and cant read aloud worth a hoot anyway and put them in front of people that they don't even know, that's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. Not only that, the teacher that teaches the sophomores doesn't really like me (and didn't WANT me).

Needless to say, I spoke my opinion and refused to switch my classes. This went on for about two days until Mrs. B finally gave me a choice: Peer tutoring or Sociology. Either way, I was going to be placed in that teacher's class (Mrs. B apparently told another peer tutor that she had intended to "see to it" that I got with that teacher, just because I told her I didn't want to). I took sociology. Mrs. B told me that I was "difficult" among other things, and I told her to take it up with my mother, even going as far as giving her my mother's number. Then I told Mrs. B that she could find another peer tutor because I was sick of the class anyway, and yesterday this little disagreement really came to a head--I ended up with a discipline referral. A discipline referral is basically just a document that the teacher signs and sends to the principal suggesting disciplinary action for the principal to deal with at his discretion. So I got a conference with the principal, told him what was going on (and what Mrs B told the other peer tutor) and he told me that it was between me and Mrs B and that I would NOT be punished. What a slap in the face to Mrs. B.

I don't enjoy butting heads with ANYONE, especially teachers since I find that it just makes it harder, but sometimes people just ask for it, and I think I'm a pretty rough person to butt heads with. I feel much better after getting the entire story out. I've been fuming over it for a while.

My weight is down, though, and that's good.

Gotta love the spunk, Jamie. Half of me was chuckling over your refusal to do something you didn't want to do and the other half of me was feeling sorry that you've been in such turmoil. You're a smart girl. You'll do what you think is right. Thanks for sharing.

And, woo-hoo on your weight loss! Very very cool! Sue

Thanks Sue, chuckle if you must :D lol Maybe it's just the apathetic senior attitude creeping up on me..

I weighed myself again this morning and got 243. I was able to use to BR this morning, but not yesterday when I got 244.5, so I take 243 to be the more accurate reading. Wow! Before I was stuck around 250 and now the weight is coming off nicely, like when I first started.

I think I'm just going to stay home and chill out today.

I smiled from ear to ear when I read " call my mother" lol ;)

Love the out come of this :D

WAY TO GO on the lbs lost Jamie !!!!!!!!!! :cheer:

Beth

PS: My daughter and un born grand daughter need on going prayers please.
more information is here (http://diettalk.com/forums/showthread.php?t=45733)

Hi Beth :) I'm sorry for not checking back here and seeing this sooner. I posted on your thread and I pray that your daughter continues to improve. :console: BTW Beth, I LOVE this bootcamp challenge. I think it gave me the extra kick in the @ss I needed to restart my weight loss.

-----

Oh boy, what a week I've had (in a good way)! I've lost more weight, I'm at 242 now. The weight is coming off just like it did when I first began.

I THINK I CAN MAKE IT TO 200 BEFORE MY 18TH BIRTHDAY!

I'm so psyched. Maybe it's just all the good endophins right now from exercising. But I really feel awesome.

I figure at 200 lbs I'll be around a size 16. I plan on taking a semester or two off of school (gosh I NEED a break) before going back. I might be going to the UK this summer/fall too, so I'm VERY excited about that. I'd like to be a 12 or 14 by then but if it doesn't happen, that's fine too.

I just gotta keep busting my butt and get (stay) down to business! :whip: :lift:

I haven't come this far and done all this work to gain all that weight back and mope around. I'm here to kick butt. :mus:

(Yes, I'm really hyped up, sorry for the unusually annoying post lol)

Annoying? I LOVE posts like this! You're sounding soooo good. You're gonna make it too, I just KNOW it, my friend. Two forty two deserves a big WAHOO! Sue

Sue--Hey woman, again, congratulations on 196, you are doing SO good.

----

I feel good today, a little bit tired but good. Okay, well REALLY tired, I'm going on three hours of sleep right now. Not cool, but I think maybe the exercise had me a little *TOO* pumped up lol

I was so sleepy today, but my parents called me and told me they were coming home. So, here I go on three hours of sleep trying to get the house spotless for my mom, changing the sheets etc etc....I'm exausted right now. I didn't even feel like walking/running because of it. My legs feel like rubber bands!

I just thought I'd post a quickie update. More tomorrow if anything interesting comes up.

I'm still here everyone...Alive, and still "sort of" on track, which is bad. Gosh, looking at the really upbeat post above makes me depressed. I'm going to go get on the treadmill after I post lol.

Anyway, I haven't weighed myself in a while, I'm afraid I've gained. I MUST FORCE MYSELF TO GET A GRIP.
(Later)



Ok, I feel better now that I've went and exercised. It wont make much of an impact on my diet choices for today, but it's good for my morale I guess. Anyhow, if no one knows what the heck is going on, no one can help, so here's what I've been doing wrong:

1) I've been slipping back into my old habits. Everyone uses this but, let me elaborate....I haven't been taking my lunch, this is hurting me most of all. I don't take an extra 3 minutes in the morning to throw together a sandwich and put some fruit and yogurt in my bag. Truth be told, I really don't HAVE an extra 3 minutes in the morning. I've also been allowing myself fast food again. I have to stop this now.

2) I've become lazy. I allow myself to sit around for hours, doing NOTHING when all I have to do is take an extra 30-60 minutes out of all that time to exercise.

I guess my main problem is that I'm bored and tired. I've lost my motivation. The truth is, I cant remember what motivated me in the first place, and I'm desperately trying to get it back. I DO NOT WANT TO BE FAT ANYMORE. In all this time I have WASTED when I should have been following plan and exercising, I could have lost an extra 20 or 30 pounds. WHY HAVEN'T I?

I'm so upset with myself right now, but I feel like I've hit the problem right on the head:
My motivation level is ZERO. It doesn't get any lower than this, so the only way to go is UP.

Ok, so it can get lower. At least I still know I've headed off the right track and I'm careening toward disaster at breakneck speed! I think that’s a good way to put it.

So what do I plan to do? I’ve been saying I’m going to “take control” for a long time now, and each time I take control, it slips right through my fingers like water. I think I just need a new approach.
From now on, if I want something “bad” I’ll make myself do an extra 20 minutes on the treadmill. Is that Twinkie or brownie really worth all that huffing and puffing? Nah. The 20 minutes wont burn off all the calories from the junk, of course, but it will act as a deterrent. I hope, anyway.

If I do not pack my lunch, I will NOT eat the fried food in the cafeteria. I’ll get myself a carton of milk (chocolate milk if I must lol) and a piece of fruit, perhaps a nutragrain bar. You can make yourself a fairly decent “snack” with food like that, at least until you can get home to real food.

I’ll also make an effort to cook more food instead of eating prepackaged ones.

No more making special trips just for fast food, EVER. In the time it takes me to drive all the way to Taco Bell or Hardee’s, I can have something at home or go to the grocery store to BUY something edible.

I want to make it to 200 or LESS (preferably less) by my birthday in late July. I KNOW I am capable, it’s just keeping myself on track. By next fall, I want to be in the 100’s and feeling better about myself. I’ve spent plenty of years FAT, now it’s time to change.

By graduation, I want to reach 220. It’s a very attainable goal (graduation is May 13). Please, please let me reach it.

The first shot, of me in the white dress, is the same dress that I wore in my picture thread. I can totally tell a difference in the fit, though you can tell because it's mostly a top shot.

The other is just a face shot taken by Steven at the winter formal on December 19th.

You said it best yourself, Jamie. Stay focused and good luck, and I love your formal dance picture! Your friend, Sue

Thank you for reading, Sue :)

I did well today, I ate a salad for lunch. Lunch is the main meal that I really screw up, and that's because I have to eat it when I'm in school. But I'm working on that too. Pretty soon I wont have to worry about it, but for now I do.

I walked tonight also. If everyday were this way, I'd be doing great!

I think I remember exactly how I lost all that weight faster in the beginning...By really busting my butt every single day. Now, realistically, when I get to 140 pounds I'm probably not going to be exercising for two hours a day. I don't have TIME to do that. But over the summer, I was hardcore about it. That's how I was losing 10 pounds a month. I found my old calendar, and that's how I can tell.

I know how I exercised, I just don't remember what motivated me to do it now. I might have to go back and read my first journal.

I'm going to make it.

---------

I went back and read my first journal, titled "Never Give Up". I realize, well, motivation was never easy. It's something you have to do to yourself. I never had an easy loss, in the beginning I struggled quite a bit. But I did stick with it, and that's why I'm 242 now instead of 287+.

I think I'm on the right track now. I got a little too confident.

You ARE going to make it Jamie. You're thinking, you're learning, and you're doing. Sometimes we just need to do what's right and the motivation will follow as we start to see success again. Keep going. Sue

Jamie Hey girl :)

I can totally understand about lack of motivation etc, I found myself saying, 'Ohh god, this is such hard work, and food is so lovely, and what do I care', but then I thought actually 'Cop yourself on, you want to be thin and healthy, and look nice in cute clothes' and I really want this now, I have to get to goal! I noticed that when I hear a song I like it really motivates me, especially if Beyonce comes on the radio, that gears me up, and I think 'Hey, I wanna dance around in a skimpy dress like her' haah :laugh: I am slowing down alot now on weightloss, and I think the rest of the journey to my goal will be difficult especially with the miserable weather.

Goodluck Jamie :D

Hey there Jamie....I love your new hair cut! It is sooo cute on you. I have not had a chance to speak with you in a while. Glad to see more weight is coming off and things are going well. I was trying to read and catch up on things.

About the whole joining a gym...I have to agree with you. It is scary being at a gym and not having a friend next to you just some pearson. Too bad you did not have Lucille Roberts around you. It is an all female gym. I would not worry too much right now though, you have been doing pretty good.

Next, referring to the teacher incident....I commend you for sticking up for yourself. That teacher seemed pretty ridiculous. Your principle was right.

Lastly, motivation is a B*$@h. I have a few goals now that I just think of and why I have the goals. And think of all the fat pictures from the holiday season! Old, pictures of me really do it. You are doing fine though girly. Keep it up.

Have a good weekend. Take care.

Thanks for stopping by and motivating me, everyone :D

Sue--I do think I'll make it now. I just had to get a grip.

Fiona--It's great to see you back, and weighing so little! Geez woman!
"I am slowing down alot now on weightloss, and I think the rest of the journey to my goal will be difficult especially with the miserable weather."
I can identify with that too. The only exercise I get is inside because I cant stand to be outside in the cold for too long.

Sexybod--Thanks for stopping in, and thanks for the compliments too :o I wish I DID have an all female gym around this place, I'd join...all we have is curves. I've come to the conclusion that in order to be motivated, you have to motivate yourself. I used to look back and think about how "easy" and how motivated I was when I first began, but I went back and read my first journal and I realize that it was never easy.

----

I've had a good weekend. I've cooked 4 different dishes this weekend, a real feat for me since I live alone and don't often take the time.

I fixed a really good tuna noodle casserole. I was actually pretty impressed with my own cooking ability with this one...I thought I'd really screwed it up until I got it out of the oven.

I even exercised tonight, so I'm doing well with that too. I'm ready to start losing weight again.

PMS has set in...It's like three days before my period and I feel like CRAP. I'm all depressed, don't feel like being around anyone..I just want to be alone....to cry :c( lol funny but true. I hate this..

And I weighed myself this morning: 247.6 X-( stupid stupid water retention. I hope I survive this week.

Just keep thinking it will be over next week.... The whole PMS crap does suck. I know I had real bad cravings this past time...Oh boy I wanted to eat everything in site. Just thank goodness it is only a week right!

Feel better, hang in there girl.

Take care.

Thanks Jamie, Don't worry your pretty head about PMS, I can bang on half a stone(7lbs) around TMI. Stick in there, look how far you've come and just wait until graduation time, and New York, you will look beautiful.

Fiona

HI Jamie :)

LOVE the pictures !

Sorry to hear about Mr. PMS :(

Hope your feeling better soon !

Beth :peace:

Hi Jamie. I just saw your message of 1/24 and I'm guessing by now that TOM is in full force and effect but I hope it's not still being too hard on you. If I was there, I'd bring you a big bunch of flowers :spring: and give you a great big hug :ghug:. I'm feeling your pain, hon. You just stick in there. It won't always be like this.

What a horrible time I've been having (diet wise).

I don't want to give any specifics RIGHT NOW, I should, but not now...But I have to get back on track for my own sake. I have a new goal: 180 by september. I'm getting serious now, no more playing around. The holidays are over, it's time to pick up where I left off.

Wish me luck, I'm going to need all I can get.

You CAN do it Jamie and you WILL. It sounds like you're getting closer and closer to that point where it falls back into place for you. Sometimes I just need to get disgusted with my actions and reality hits me full in the face and then I'm ready again. This sure ain't easy, but it ain't bad, and it IS worth it. You'll feel better and life in general will be better when we get control over the things that control us. Sue

Hi Sue...I think you're right about that point where it falls back into place. There's a point where it HAS to fall back into place I think.

I weigh 148.2 this morning, so it's not as bad as it could be. I'm getting rid of all the junk food and I'm going to do it right this time.

I have today off of school due to the flu in my school district. Yay!

Good morning Jamie. Hope you don't get the flu bug and hope today's a successful on-plan day for you today. Sue

Good morning Jamie. Hope you don't get the flu bug and hope today's a successful on-plan day for you today. Sue
Thanks for stopping in, Sue :) they canceled school for the rest of the week, so I've been off a while.

My parents have also been home, and that means trouble. They bring all this junk food in the house, I mean LOADS of junk food, and when I ask them to keep it in their room or wherever they completely disregard me. They aren't leaving until monday.

I tried to walk today, it was FREEZING, with icy wind and snow. I made it two laps around the track before my hands got numb, so I left.

My willpower is really being tried right now, let's hope I make it okay :c(

Jamie, good for you girl for walking today! That's the first step. Good luck on resisting the extra temptations right now, and I LOVE your new picture. You look very happy! Sue

Thanks Sue, I was happy when that pic was taken. The other person (that you cant see at all) was Steven. I have the whole pic but I'm shy about posting it.

Speaking of pics, look what I found, this pic is almost 4 years old!!

Gotta love the look of sheer panic on the cat's face LOL he doesnt like being cuddled too much

Hi Jamie.
just wanted to stop in to say that i love your new avatar pic. you look gorgeous!
Great job on walking even in the freezing cold, that shows real determination!
hugs bell :)

Hi Jamie.
just wanted to stop in to say that i love your new avatar pic. you look gorgeous!
Great job on walking even in the freezing cold, that shows real determination!
hugs bell :)
Thank you, bell :)

Here I am, back to post in my pitifully neglected journal. I'm having a wonderful morning though. I got up at 7 AM and went to the walking track and walked two miles. It was raining so I was all alone...It was nice. Here are my eats for the day so far:

Bananas-4 pts
Melba Toast--2 pts
Cottage Cheese and Strawberries--3 pts

Total: 9 pts for breakfast. Not too bad, if I don't eat a big breakfast I'll be starving later!

Jamie,
I love the new avatar picture. Your doing a wonderful job, congratulations on your success.

:rose: Katherine

Jamie, your PM box is full.

Hi Katherine :) Thank you for the compliments.

Sue, I got it resolved...You can PM me now :) sorry about that!!!

Okay, time for a quick update!!

I've been doing wonderful with my diet and exercise. I've stayed well within points, kept my snacking under control, and managed to walk three miles already this week. I feel like I did around July or so, pumped up and ready FINALLY.

There is this slight feeling of dread and anxiety eating away at me though...And I don't know if it's diet related or not. I'm going through a pretty dark time emotionally, but I'm keeping it under control this time. I just have to remind myself that:

1) I have just went off of birth control and my hormones are probably whacked
2) The seasons are subtly starting to change and this happens EVERY time they do..It's normal for me and I have to keep a cool head on my shoulders
3) It was this "seasonal depression" that threw me off last time and I must not let it happen this time. I just have to batten down the hatches and wait for the storm to pass, so to speak. :c(

That being said, I'm trying to keep a positive attitude. I will make 180 by September, I CAN if I keep myself in line.


Oh yeah, and also, I'm about to join curves.

You will so thrilled with Curves Jamie ! I just about swear it lol :D

I go there feeling down and leave feeling so good about myself and have a whole new attitude :)

Our curves is having a 1/2 off sign up fee right now for V Day week - check and see if yours might be too....

Keep us posted please.

Beth :peace:

I'm very proud of you Jamie. You just keep being strong and stay motivated, my friend. Keep writing, okay? Love, Sue

Hi Jamie :lift:

Just like Beth said, I think the Curves is a great idea, hope your able to do it :) !!!!!! Also you will be changing your metabolism to boot. :)

Jamie just checking up on you. I see you have everything under control. Good luck with Curves... it should be a good step for you. I hear you about feeling crappy emotionally... Just think... Spring is almost here. Catch ya soon hun. Take care

Hi Jamie. Good for you on the Curves thing. Everyone seems to like it so much that I'm sure you will to, plus with the all-woman thing that should help. Keep up the positive thoughts and work. Sue

Hi Jamie. Just wanted to let you know I've been thinking about you. :flower: Sue

stopping by to see how you are doing Jamie - hope everything is OK with you :)

Beth :peace: