INTRODUCTION
It's a birthday weekend...turning 37 and I'm about as unhappy as it gets. At the same time, I'm hopeful. To date I have always tried to address the willpower part of eating with little success, now weighing in at 182. I woke up this morning and started a Google search about emotional aspects of eating that brought me here.

The words I keyed in were "panic eating" - this is something I do that I have never admitted to anyone. Like I'm drowning and food is air. I know I'm not even hungry, but when I get in this mode I don't even care. It's emotional, a reaction to my life and environment. I don't have a horrible life, but do have a difficult one. In a business partnership with a significant other and my responsibilities are overwhelming. My work is behind a computer all day and into the night, every day, weekends, holidays, etc. The sedentary lifestyle doesn't help. The deep frustration from work and being in a relationship where I feel controlled is sometimes masked by chocolate, Ben & Jerrys, chips, etc.

THE NEW START
I commit to address not just the diet and exercise, but also the emotional. I feel this is so emotionally driven that if I don't, another diet will simply fail. I want to embrace life, be happy in little, simple moments, and make life worth living again.

So, I will try to get some sort of exercise every day for the next week, probably just walking but that's okay with me. I will try to be more reasonable about food, not eat late at night, and eat only when I'm truly hungry. If I want to eat for any other reason I'll log in here and ask for help.

I haven't really been open with anyone about this stuff and look forward to meeting some new folks here and us all advancing in our goals together.

Nighttime is the hardest. I feel listless and lost, worried about the stuff that didn't get done that day, already overwhelmed with the stuff that needs to get done the next day. I can feel that "drowning" sensation that causes me to eat compulsively, like turning to food will make me forget my woes.

Maybe I don't indugle in enough of life's pleasures. Hobbies, crafts, things that I can truly look forward to and enjoy. Evenings just seem so empty.

I moved to a new state a few years ago to be with my signifcant other and even today don't really know anyone from the area, so I don't have any local friends to chat or go out with. I am seeing that my life is really set up against my weight loss goals. And it is typing everything out here that is helping me see that the most, wow.

So, I guess in addition to more reasonable eating and adopting a modest exercise regimin, I really should be engaging in life more. Finding enjoyment in diverse activities and interacting with people.

And now the hunger seems to have gone away... yea!

I can relate - not knowing people and having someone to just up and call or meet somewhere, walk together. I really miss that. I have used this site to battle those times, too. We are here for you.

Today is the big B-Day and I have mixed emotions. When I don't feel good about myself I tend to get reclusive, so the fact I only have my significant other around to celebrate with is okay. I got very motivated finding DT yesterday and although I binged on Friday got on the scale this morning - 183! :c( I am not surprised, there was a price to pay for the loss of control, and, in a sense, it led me here so in truth it's a small price to pay.

The support here is wonderful and I think it will be an important component in me meeting my goals. Anyway, here's a log for yesterday:

Went to the store to get vitamins, something important that I haven't taken in a long time. During this and some other errands I parked far away from the store and walked for a little extra exercise. I also went on a nature walk for almost an hour, it was a beautiful afternoon and although the hills made me feel winded, it was a nice walk.

Concentrated on reasonable portions, drinking more water than usual (3 bottles), and successfully fought off nighttime cravings by writing about them here. Received a small amount of chocolate among my gifts, I had two small pieces and gave the rest to my signifcant other who "disposed of them" for me. :)

Really took a look in the mirror and am sad, but also hopeful. This is how I turned 37.

Hi, sounds like you had a lovely walk. Exercise is my toughest part. I HATE it!!! Have to force myself to do it when I can. As for the water. It is not easy. I have bottles in the fridge. I find that after a few months I actually prefer that over diet pop. In bottles I am sometimes amazed that I drank 20 oz. while from a glass it seems I just don't do as well. Sort of play mind tricks on myself. Also if I am hungry and it isn't time to eat or I need to wait a while, water does help satisfy my stomach (although not my brain) so that at least I am not as hungry and can wait for a little longer.

Hope you have a successful week! :D

Another note for today:

I customized my signature line to include one of my favorite quotes. I let things get to me too much and the quote "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." by Eleanor Roosevelt serves to remind me that I have more power over that process than I usually admit. When someone makes me feel sad, mad, frustrated, whatever, it's because I allow it. Not an easy process to reverse as I have always been quite dependent on the opinions of others, but I'm working on it.

Also, I added a symbol as an avatar that reminds me that there must be balance in life. Balanced diet, work time, personal time, etc. The more out of balance, the worse things get for me.

I hope seeing the quote and symbol with each post will serve as a constant reminder to me of the lessons of both.

It seems you're really dedicated to doing this. I'm glad to see that you're not looking at this as a "diet," but as a life change. That's hugely important. I wish you the best of luck.

I know I'm posting in my journal a lot. Part of it is the novelty of the idea, but another part of it is that I have a lot of emotions to work through to resolve this emotional eating.

Today was the B-Day. Did well until significant other treated me to dinner out. I ate too much, but not to the point of painful fullness, which is good. Most importantly, I am resolved to not feel guilty about it. Guilt for me is self-defeating, makes me self-loath, which in turn becomes despair and spirals onwards into the depths. And then....emotional emptiness, and emotional eating to fill it up. I want to break that cycle and not let it control me.

At the same time, I want to avoid giving in to eating that much again, so will resolve to drink more water before meals. Let's see if that helps.

Also found out significant other is conflicted about my weight - he gave me a hard time about eating so much of my entree yet shortly afterwards ordered unreasonably huge B-Day cake slice...plus ice cream....plus whipped cream...plus chocolate sauce...plus caramel sauce.... I only ate a few bites, not even a quarter of it. I saw something like this on Oprah last week, where one person was not ready for another to lose weight because the relationship dynamics would change. I found my observation tonight very interesting and will have to think about it more, plus continue to observe.

It is really helping to be able to write this stuff out, making me feel stronger. Usually I keep all of this in, I mean, even my significant other doesn't even know 10% of what I write here. I don't think keeping it in is doing me any good, in fact, maybe it's been compounding the problem. So, I will keep writing here. :)

Writing in my online journal is really helping me work through some of my feelings and making me feel more in control. I guess I never really get the chance to express my real feelings in daily life and keeping it all to myself hasn't been helping.

Today I'm very tired. Monday with a capital "M". I have a hard time getting to sleep at night, much on my mind. I end up watching TV until all hours and am exhausted the next day. When I'm tired, it's hard to keep up motivation, so I need to work on the ole sleep patterns.

I dread an upcoming trip back to where I grew up to visit family and friends. The fact I will see some people I love is overshadowed by the fact I look so heavy. I don't think those close to me are going to care, but it will make me self conscious nonetheless. Then, of course, someone always wants to take pictures - my worst nightmare. I am also very concerned about running into people from the old neighborhood or high school and would just be so ashamed and embarassed. Maybe I will post about this concern to see what others have to say, I think that could help me work through it.

Anyway, here is the log for yesterday:

I did some active housework and could feel the walk from Saturday. I could have done better with eating, but I also could have done worse. Most importantly, I didn't get mad at myself - big step. Took vitamins and some water. Want to get much more active, be much more careful about intake.

Found a diet buddy and am so grateful for the friendship and support. :)

My friends at DT, plus what I've been able to work out emotionally through my journal, have helped me be a bit more motivated. Today was a great start - reasonable portions, plenty of water, 20-30 minutes on the Gazelle... I even FELT good up until about a couple of hours ago, then I just crashed.

My sleep patterns aren't great, maybe as a result of poor diet, poor activity levels, and too much stress on my mind. I woke up really tired this morning, which I was able to shake off, but then a couple of hours ago I had to nap. Now I'm seriously groggy and trying to get some important stuff done.

I have also noticed that, despite the positive feelings I've been developing, when I look in a mirror it's another story. When I see my reflection I can only think of how much I hate how I look. All the weight around my face and under my chin, how thick and heavy I am throughout, how even my largest clothes are tight and I half-wondered if I was going to pop the top button off my pants today. Maybe part of it is all the water I've been drinking (does running to the bathroom 20 times a day count at all towards the exercise?) but it's still disheartening and depressing.

I did something today, I decided that I needed to pay more attention to me and take better care of myself. I did my hair in a nicer way, put on makeup (I almost NEVER do that anymore). Generally I just want to pay better attention to myself, inside and out. Maybe that has made me start looking at things I really don't want to, or am not ready to see.

Since I started writing I have been thinking more about the illness five years ago and how I put on about fifty pounds because of it, all in a relatively short period of time. Imagine the inactivity of someone with mono eating 2x-3x the amount of food, soda, coffee, that they should just to try to muster up enough energy to get through the work day. Puts on some pounds, and fast. Anyway, I would go out, visit friends, etc., and I didn't even realize I had put on 50 pounds! I was totally that out of it. Now that I think back I can remember the reaction of some people when I saw them for the first time after putting on the weight, they didn't say anything and certainly didn't treat me differently, but boy, I remember something in their faces.

That was a profoundly hard time in my life. My signficant other at the time called me "lazy" and gave me such a hard time. I know he was embarassed about my weight gain, and ultimately his lack of support and consideration was part of the reason for the end of that relationship. It took me almost a year after that to finally realize I had chronic fatigue after the initial bout with mono, then I was able to do something about it. He found out later that my "laziness" and weight gain was due to this illness and was so upset he hadn't supported me better. But in my opinion, you just don't attack someone you love the way he did. Some of those wounds still seem to be open, causing my eyes to well up with tears even as I write about it years later. He made me feel like %$#^ and I am still letting him do it. Time for me to realize some of this depression is actually suppressed anger and I need to write about it, let it go, and move on.

So, tonight I forgive someone that I think was shallow-minded, that engaged in a relationship but could not take the good with the bad, that attacked instead of really trying to get to the heart of issues, that was one of the worst influences on my self-esteem - all this from not an enemy, but a signficant other that is supposed to show love and help lift another to better places in life. I forgive, because it's what I need to move on.

Difficult night for me emotionally last night. I was working through some stuff in my journal and realized I was pretty hung up on the time several years ago when I had the biggest weight gain. Ready to let go, I posted in a DT support thread asking for validation of my feelings.

Hours later it came to me - here I go again! One of my biggest problems is I let / rely up on others to tell me how I feel about myself. While the validation I asked for last night was positive, it was asking others if it was okay to feel the way I did anyway - and I shouldn't have to do that! So, although I got a wonderful response waiting for me this morning, I let go before that and realized I didn't need the validation anymore. Success!!!

DIET
My diet isn't a fasttrack, it's a slow modification of chaning my eating habits to eat more reasonably and eat better. Better foods, no binging. A few times I have felt like I wanted to eat more but was able to move on anyway. When I'm just a little hungry, drinking water does seem to help.

EXERCISE
Again, not trying to move mountains all at once - incorporating small, reasonable activities into my life gradually. If I try to do too much too fast, it just backfires anyway - with frustration and stress injuries.

EMOTIONS
Writing in my journal is helping a lot. Being here at DT and chatting with others who go through the same thing is helping a lot. The warm support and enouragement is helping. Emotionally I am feeling stronger, more grounded. Writing things out has a way of releasing issues for me so I'll keep at it. Also realized wording is very important. I can make a bigger issue out of something than it really is by words. For instance, say I'm hungry. I could say to myself or someone else "I feel a little hungry right now, but I've eaten enough today and it will be okay if I just have some water." OR, I could start selling my mind on the idea that the hunger is a bigger issue by saying "Oh, my gosh, I am soooooooooooo hungry, if I don't eat something soon I'm going to faint!!!" It's the same with issues, I can use a term like "that bothered me" or "I was so embarassed I don't want to leave the house for a week". I can make mountains out of molehills, all with words. So I'm working on that.


Anyway, log for yesterday:

Food at reasonable portions. At dinner, I was VERY hungry and had to concentrate on keeping things in control. Stopped before I wanted to, which is a mini-success for me. I think it takes the body about 20 minutes to realize it's full, and when 20 minutes rolled around I indeed was full, so the timing was good.

Exercise was good, I did the gazelle for maybe 20-30 minutes in front of a movie so it went really fast and felt good. Also did the thing about parking far away again so I'd have to walk more to do errands, it's a nice way to get some extra exercise in. Then, last night, when I was a little upset, I did some weights for upper body - again in front of a favorite movie. Felt good and I was glad to turn the energy into something positive.

Sabrina~hey girl, I just wanted to sat hello. Your journal is amazing, keep it up and you will do just fine. I need to be going, but wanted to let ya know I was here and hope ya have a GREAT day!

Sabrina, you are not alone, sweetie! :wave: It's great that you are identifying some of the negative feelings that may be contributing to this need you're expressing re managing weight. I think a lot of us feel that way and journaling here is a great way to help release that ... I do it in my journal also and in other places on the internet! Keep a'goin' ... you're doin' great and will reach your goal, I have no doubt of it!!!

Hi, sophie44 and Athletea, and previously Susan and teacher81! I am honored to have you visit, read, and comment on my journal! I just write from the heart and really didn't know if anyone would even read all this stuff! It feels very cleansing just to write it all out and is playing an important part of the healing process for me. :)

I feel bad for anyone trying to keep up with my journal, LOL, thoughts are just pouring out of me! :)

Anyway, I just love Oprah and her shows typically give me a lot to think about on many different levels. She is one wise lady. On a recent show she was interviewing some overweight people, and one of the things she asked was if they were ready for their "relationship dynamics" to change with weight loss. If someone asked me "are you ready to lose weight?" there'd be no pause before a resounding "YES!"

However, since it's been such a hard journey for me, I have to think the answer is not that simple. I think mentally preparing for the change goes hand in hand with the motivation to make that change. If I'm really not ready, if I haven't sorted all those little haunts out, it won't matter HOW motivated I am, I will find a way to fail.

So, I have been reflecting back on the times in my life when I was more fit - never really "skinny", mind you, but not as heavy as now. I remember still being very insecure, wow, unbelievably insecure. I remember that some of the attention was flattering at the same time as some of it was bothersome. Never seemed to be from the people I would have wanted, but received unwelcomed attention from male friends, associates, my boss, even a male ob/gyn. One female "friend" leeched onto me, borrowed my clothes, did makeup and hair like me, essentially copied me for whatever reason. She was nice as could be to me, but I found out later she would make up bad stuff about me and tell whoever would listen, and because of it there were people that disliked me that didn't even know me. Worst yet, if I showed even the remotest interest in a guy, she would put her attentions towards him in full gear like it was a competition. To me, that is just not cool.

Flash forward to today, where I stand at a cash register and can feel the distain from the cashier because I don't conform to society's beauty standards, all those little looks and times when I get ignored or treated a certain way that I think is different than if I were in shape. I can see the difference in how people treat me, but I guess if I really look at it, there's a balance. There's bad and good attention in either situation, so, given the choice, which would I prefer?

Another thought is about relationship dynamics. The only one I can really think of that would make a difference is with my signficiant other. In my opinion, part of our relationship has become about his condescention towards me, his superiority. He does make hurtful comments about my weight, he does perform "diet sabotage", I do not think HE is ready for the relationship dynamic to change. So I must be 2x as strong to get through it, because I am ready, and I have the support I need now (at DT) even without him.

I am practically sick with exhaustion this morning. Last night I had to deal with a major personal issue that kept me up almost all night stressing about it, and the few brief moments I did sleep I was dreaming about it.

Yesterday I did not get to exercise, but I did try to be more active with some housework. Feel sore from exercise of days before that, so one day of rest may not be a bad idea. Feel like I have been working out some good stuff on the emotional side of my eating, now need to concentrate on the exercise and better diet more. Eating has become a habit, and it's hard to deal with hunger. What do I do when water isn't enough to satisfy it? Need to work out some positive solutions to this stuff.

Yesterday I ate too much but didn't binge - not by my definition, anyway. I ate reasonably most of the day but after a really light dinner I was just still so hungry. Instead of trying to tough it out for hours and giving in at 8, 9, 10 pm when it would be super bad, I made some pasta pretty early on and ate it. I had some left over (doesn't happen a lot) so I was still trying to keep it in check. Still working hard on not letting myself feel guilty - hey, I was being very careful and deliberate. With just about each bite I asked if I was eating it because I was hungry or because I just wanted to. I ate because I was hungry, and I won't torture myself over that.

Just a little thought that came to me yesterday, based on Oprah's show about "French Women Don't Get Fat", the book. Basically, the French approach to food (and life) is about pleasure. From my understanding, they sit down and consciously enjoy each bite, savoring good foods, wines, etc. They don't need 10 pounds of brie and crackers to get what they want out of it - small portions of savory dishes allow them to embrace the pleasure of the eating experience. I am, in a way, trying to retrain my mind that food is not evil, that eating it is not evil, that enjoying it is not evil.

In fact, I want to concentrate on savoring it, enjoy my food, and let that replace binging, overeating, etc. Hard to explain, but my previous patterns have been about quantity and mindless eating. "Oh, this pizza is so good, I am going to just chow down and devour half of the entire pie before feeling like I'm busting seams." My new approach would be "This pizza is so good, I will allow each bite to be savored and celebrated." It kind of is working already, because I get more taste out of a few bites than I do eating a large quantity very quickly.

I also need to not eat in front of the computer or TV, because that detracts from the experience, and contributes to "mindless eating". Need to plan out my meals better, too.

On a different note, a post yesterday reminded me how much I enjoyed reading certain fitness magazines, all the little tips I used to get. I think I will start picking up Shape again.

I live with my significant other. He does not hesitate to give me a hard time about what I'm eating, when I'm eating, says bad stuff about my looks, has grabbed some flab to tease me, etc. It is hurtful to me that he try to dictate to me how I live my life, and take on this air of superiority about it. I find his approach condescending and belittling.

I would feel this way whether he was ultra-fit or not, because I don't feel that in relationships people should "tell" the other what to do - which is the way I feel he approaches it. "You should do this...or do that...are you really going to eat that?..."

I think if he is concerned about me and my health he should have a frank and rational discussion about it instead of trying to make his points by trying to bring me down. In fact he is at an all-time high weight of his life. He doesn't eat remarkably well, doesn't do much for exercise, and has some bad health habits. But I don't tell him that I don't like how he looks, or give him unsolicited advice about his diet or exercise habits, or made the same condescending remarks. His choices are just that, HIS, although I have expressed concern in a rational way about certain bad habits so he would at least know how I felt.

My opinion on the matter is that his life is his own to live - whether that be towards a goal of health or not. Why can't he just let me live my own life? Does it take making me feel bad to make him feel good about himself?

Since finding DT on Saturday it's been roughly five days of soul-searching entries in my journal. I have been able to release a lot of pent up emotions that I needed to let go of to move onward. To date I have not had any other release for these feelings so they had been festering and holding me back. Although ALL of my emotional issues are certainly not resolved (I wish!) I feel like I have now set myself up to move on to the next chapter: real weight-loss change.

Diet, exercise, adequate sleep, and balance in life.

Thanks so much to everyone at DT who has already shown much support and encouragement. :)

Feel TOM coming on but made the mistake of getting on the scale anyway...the numbers aren't supposed to go THAT way.... :c( What a pain.

Did pretty well yesterday although I didn't work out. Ate pretty reasonably but then at night felt hungry and had a small bowl of cereal - would prefer not to do that again. I have my morning water with me now (.5L bottle, I find I do better with bottles instead of glasses for whatever reason) and have vowed to drink it before morning coffee, etc. Wondering if I should start counting calories to get a better handle on what I'm eating, just as an exercise to help understand portions and snacking, etc.

Got some good news (finally) on some recent projects but also got some bad news with regard to some health issues of friends. Thinking about death and loss, which also makes me think about life, too.

More resolved than ever to meet my goals. Have a good Thursday, everyone!

Sabrina I think that you are doing great by starting the process of identifying your feelings and how they contribute to your weight. I believe that most of us get something out of being overweight, otherwise we wouldn't be this way. So its great that you are on the path of figuring out what it is you get out of it and that will undoubtedly help your process.

Now that I have my power back, getting on the scale this morning and seeing 184 really ticked me off! :) So I decided to get it into full swing to do something about it. Re-booting my life.

From another DT member's post I found the site www.fitday.com (www.fitday.com) and started putting in my food/beverages. Having logged my caloric intake at different times over the years, I find this is great! It calculates just about everything having to do with nutrition. I debated about making my food log public and decided to do so. That, plus putting a link to it in my signature line here, would make me more accountable.

Also decided to enter my daily logs at night, with hopes it would make me less likely to eat again afterwards.

DIET
1450 calories (23% fat, 57% carbs, 20% protein)

EXERCISE
In addition to a strenuous run/walk that lasted 15 minutes, I also did some more strenuous activites around the house.

SLEEP
Am going to try to shift my sleeping habits to sleep longer, starting earlier and getting up earlier. It may mean I'll have to take the TV out of the bedroom.... Bought a fitness magazine today and will read some of it tonight. EDIT: Ended up getting 7 hours of interrupted sleep, but feel off to a good start.

Came to a realization today. Often I blame allowing myself to let others dictate how I feel about myself. The truth is that I do really dislike how I look and am embarassed. So I'm doing something about it - for me.

JMT - Thanks for posting! The emotional stuff is a real pain but it is so key to why I eat I can't ignore it any longer. And working through it is really making me feel better. :)

Am a bit tired because I am reworking my sleep schedule, but so far have been successful in fighting off taking a nap. I-) Working out in the late afternoon, not TOO late, should help me feel more tired at the right time and hopefully help get me on track.

Keeping track of what I eat has been a MAJOR educational experience, and is making me much more careful than I think I would be otherwise.

Am trying something new this time. I am volunteering for physically strenuous chores. Typically I have avoided anything that required...well...effort. To help achieve my goals of becoming more active and burning off calories, I am doing much more household work - and not even griping about it! :O I think in the end it will be a win-win.

DIET
1600 calories (38% fat, 42% carbs, 20% protein)

EXERCISE
Gazelle for 23 minutes; stretching; free weights for upper body after that.

SLEEP
Will log this in the morning.

Sleep...ah, that elusive creature. Tried to relax and watch TV at around 7pm, after two good days of lower calorie eating and much increased activity, I "crashed"! Napped for over an hour and woke up, fought to watch TV without sleeping for a few hours. After that, sleep was intermittent until about 6:30am.

My arms ached, likely not from the weights but from the household chores when I moved heavy stuff around. It was hard to get comfortable.

I started thinking about making my goals this time, how it would feel, and was just overwhelmed with the possibilities. Maybe this was like "visualization" and should become part of my routine.

Went to write something in my journal and don't know where my entry from last night went, about yesterday. Anyway, here it is again:

DIET
1550 calories (33% fat, 45% carbs, 22% protein)

EXERCISE
Stepper for 25 minutes, plus some simultaneous resistance arm exercises. Am still trying to be very active around the house with chores to keep my activity level up - plus it is helping me feel more energetic through the day.

SLEEP
Again, crashed around 7pm, watched a little TV but didn't get to see any program all the way through. Sleep was intermittent, got up around 8:30am and finally feel somewhat refreshed.

I took on a big project to get all my clothes out and box them up by different sizes. This way when I reach certain weight loss goals it will be easier to take out a box and have an available wardrobe. It was also kind of inspirational to see some old favorites that I really like and think about fitting into them again some day. I used to really like clothes - shopping for them, dressing nicely each day, but weight gain has really changed that. When I can fit into the clothes I like again it's going to be a lot of fun. :)

I guess it's been a week since logging on to DT. It all started with a Friday binge, and subsequent search on the internet that led me here. I began writing in my journal, desparate to work out some of the emotional issues that I think cause me to eat. Realized I have little for emotional outlets in my life and writing about some of these things has helped me move forward.

At first I had no structured plan, no real structured goals, but I found out this made me feel less accountable. Another post here led me to www.fitday.com (www.fitday.com) where I am now tracking my daily eats. This is helping me a great deal, as I can see my caloric intake real-time as the day progresses. I have been modifying my dinner based on the calories, fat/carbs/protein to that point to try to keep things evened out. I have not felt deprived or hungry since starting it, partly because I picked up some small snacks to munch on like South Beach bars and rice cakes, just a few to get me through. I don't eat three big meals but lots of little snacks through the day and that seems to keep my energy up and keep me from feeling hungry.

Have reversed how I approach life. Two weeks ago I was very sedentary. If I could avoid physical effort, I did. It was almost like a goal to exert myself as little as possible. As a result, I felt lifeless, motionless, disengaged from life. Now I am very motivated to lose some weight and build a healthier lifestyle. I take it upon myself to not only exercise, but constantly work around the house. I no longer look at chores as inconvenient and frustrating, but as opportunities to keep myself moving, active, and in some cases get a tiny bit of exercise (moving heavy stuff, taking out trash/recycling, etc.). At the same time I am enjoying more activity, I am also enjoying that my environment is better organized - I feel better in a clean, organized household.

Am constantly working on the two biggest lessons I need to work on - "balance", which is the reason for my avatar symbol, and not letting other people dictate to me how I should feel about myself - the reason for the quote in my signature line. These are tough lessons for me to learn and I will have to keep working on them.

Regardless of the number on the scale, I want to work out a non-food reward system that will allow me to recognize dedication to my efforts. I will have to think about this some more and come up with some good rewards.

In a week I'm suprised at how many issues have come up, and I can't say I've always dealt with them the best way, but at least I didn't resort to food.

So, on to week two...

Been very tired today, emotionally and physically. I find that I typically require more sleep the first week or two upon taking up a new exercise schedule, so hopefully this is only a phase.

DIET
1485 calories (25% fat, 55% carbs, 20% protein)

EXERCISE
Stepper for 25 minutes.

SLEEP
Got to sleep around midnight and up on this day off at 8:30am. Sleep was again, intermittent, and it was hard to get to sleep even at midnight. Seems to be more restful sleep when it starts earlier, like 8 to 10. Will work on that this week.

I made a deal with myself to weigh-in each Monday morning, and I have to be honest - I dreaded this first weigh-in. During the first week, before I went on a plan (3 days not on a plan, 4 days on) I actually had gained 2 pounds! This is what prompted me to start counting calories. I feel I have done much better in the last four days, but to expect to lose more than the 2 pounds I put on seemed unreasonable. I just really hoped I didn't weigh more than when I started...

Got on the scale and was shocked to see 180.5! (W 35 / H 44) I know 1.5 pounds lost isn't a lot, but I'll take it. :) I don't often see the scale numbers go that way.

Am super resolved to go below 180 soon...

Soularized, thanks for the ideas, they're great! Glad you visited. :)

Okay, I need to write out the jumble of thoughts going through my head. First, I am still elated about the weigh-in. I was not expecting to go down below 182. But the numbers have had two distinct effects on me.

OVERDOING IT
First, I am now super motivated in trying to achieve my goals - I can feel the temptation to overdo it right now. "Well, if I can lose 1.5 pounds in a week, if I double my exercise and halve my kcals, I can lose 3!" I don't want to get into that, because it is a dangerous cycle and one I've been in before. It only leads to poor health, feeling tired, and abandoning the diet.

OVERCONFIDENT
Strangely, in contrast, I also feel overconfident. I have eaten already today and was surprised at my thought process "Oh, it's okay to have a few extras of these, after all, I'm doing something right and on the right track."

I don't want to succumb to either and need to be very careful right now to stay on course. Writing it out it helping me identify the issues and will make me more accountable later.

Okay, back to my regularly scheduled program. :)

Cross-training is helping prevent repetitive motion stress injuries / soreness, even in just a few days my running has improved although this is only my second time out. With different exercises, mostly low impact, I'm shifting the work around to different muscles each time so no one group is stressed every single day. This is an answer I've been looking for for a very long time to keep my energy up during workouts.

DIET
1340 calories (26% fat, 52% carbs, 22% protein)

EXERCISE
Run / walk stenuously for 21 minutes; one hour walk this morning at a moderate pace.

SLEEP
Rewarded myself by renting a movie but it was longer than a standard one. I ended up watching it until midnight and then had interrupted sleep for nine hours. :( Feel pretty tired now.

Hi Sabrina,

Reading your journal has been very interesting, and you cause me to stop and rethink many things. I watch Oprah quite often, and saw the shows you mentioned. One thing that has always puzzled me is learning WHY I over-eat. I am 63 now, and still don't have the answer. I hope you are better at solving your problem than I have been. So far, you are doing very well, and I wish you all the very best. You seem to have a good handle on what you want to accomplish, and you are working at solving your puzzles to make success a reality.

Hi, sandielynne and Soularized, thanks for stopping by!

sandielynne, emotional eating has been a part of my life for decades. I don't have all the answers yet, have simply worked a few of the immediate issues out and continue to ponder the rest. But at least it has helped clear the way for my work now, and I hope to continue to resolve some of these issues as I work out and eat better. Perhaps, evenually, I can get to some real healing. :)

Soularized, I caved this morning and weighed myself again. I was hoping so much to be in the 170s! I was not, but did lose another .5, putting me at an even 180. Maybe if I feel I'm doing well I'll weigh in again mid-week. I personally find the numbers on the scale misleading so it's important for me not to let them tell me how I'm doing except on a periodic basis. An "off" day where the numbers go up because of whatever reason could be really frustrating.

I guess if I could do all this without running I would, but my goals are so important to me and running is one of the single most effective ways for me to personally lose weight. In the past I have overdone it and tried to run every day, exhausting the most stressed muscle groups and also causing minor injuries from the repetition. Mixing things up a bit has been working to keep that from happening, plus makes things more interesting for me.

So, yes, I weighed in again this morning at 180. I am dealing with some difficult stuff right now, mostly in my relationship, but am working hard to stay on track for my goals regardless (I have to admit I thought about some baaaad food last night but didn't give in). I realized this is one thing I can do for me, that my successes are my own, and right now that is really important to me.

Things seem kind of "off" today. Relationship problems have been impacting my emotions hard. Have been trying to shake off feelings of low self-esteem and not let it get to me and how I feel about myself. Seems to be taking up more energy to do this than all my workouts in the last week combined.

Was doing a work project and didn't realize the time, so I ate dinner before working out to avoid eating too late. First time since I went on a plan, but I guess it's bound to happen sometimes so let's see how it impacts the routine.

DIET
1430 calories (24% fat, 54% carbs, 22% protein)

EXERCISE
Gazelle for 25 minutes.

Have still been trying to sort a lot out in my mind. While it's only been just over a week, I feel like I'm on a good path and have been trying to figure out what has caused failures in the past - hoping this would keep me from failure this time.

One, for sure, is that I haven't done much to address the emotional aspects of eating. From time to time I just get very motivated, get out there and exercise, eat better, and rejoice in (short-lived) success. I now look at this as addressing the symptoms, not the "illness" itself and have been working as hard at the emotional side as the rest of it.

Another is that a vacation, injury, or other event will get me off track and I just never get back on. I need to remain committed to my goals and find ways to keep at it even while traveling or suffering another setback.

Anyway, I think it's TOM time and hope that's the reason for the 2lb spike upwards last week - if so, maybe it will spike back down this week and improve my progress even more! Yea!

Realized when running today that, although I felt strong and went even further than last time, that I really need two days of other activity in between running to fully recouperate. Also, I started out the day terribly preoccupied with relationship issues and felt somewhat depressed, but thankfully stayed eating right and, once I got out there and ran, felt significantly better afterwards. Next time I feel down I'll get on the stepper or something.

DIET
1500 calories (33% fat, 42% carbs, 24% protein)

EXERCISE
Run / walk briskly for 27 minutes.

Oddly today was not as emotionally stressful as the past few. However, I do have some overwhelming responsibilities - work tasks that must be done - and with so much to do it's just not enjoyable or satisfactory to me. I feel preoccupied while working, craving relief, escape, and volla - a big old trap for wanting food.

The lure of food was pretty strong today, hard to resist. Didn't feel hungry, just bored at the same time as completely overwhelmed with too much to do. How odd! Definitely a battle I will have to learn to win in the future to stay on track.

Also, need to stop weighing myself every day. This is a long term endeavor, I want to focus on good health and know that I am also working towards weight loss, but not try to measure that loss day to day because it will only be frustrating. (Still at 180 today, but TOM is a factor.)

Oh, what to do on my next vacation. I need to stick to my plan, find a way to continue my exercise, just keep really in tune with schedules so I don't get to the end of a day and say "darn, missed out on exercise AGAIN". I should take some of these foods with me that are helping me now, like oranges, South Beach bars, etc. so when I'm in the car and hungry, a drive through doesn't look as appealing.

DIET
1640 calories (24% fat, 53% carbs, 22% protein)

EXERCISE
Not done yet.

Didn't end up exercising yesterday, thought I would take the day off. TOM is making life a bit difficult, plus stresses from relationship and work. Got up this morning to a stubborn scale that still reads 180, how depressing. Need to gather myself together, get through this work day and make it a productive weekend with exercise so I can stay on track.

Am stuffed up (congested), tired, and need the break for one more day about exercise. With a big work project done, I hope to finally get some quality sleep tonight and be reenergized tomorrow.

DIET
1530 calories (24% fat, 55% carbs, 20% protein)

EXERCISE
None - taking another day off.

The calories might look low but I have hardly moved today. :) I have been relaxing with naps and basically watching TV most of the day. I almost never do that, and it feels good.

Felt "diet-weak" for a few days but tried to be very careful and think through any issue that came up in my mind. Was able to get onto the stepper today and get a good workout.

DIET
1275 calories (38% fat, 40% carbs, 22% protein)

EXERCISE
Stepper for 25 minutes.

Great point, LOL. :)

Okay, did my Monday weigh-in a day early because I have lots to do tomorrow and might forget. Lost another .5 to be at 179.5 (W 34 H 44) - not great but I'm glad to see the 170s - finally. :) That makes total weight loss for this week 1lb, the week before 1.5lb. Seems kinda slow...

DIET
1275 calories (25% fat, 51% carbs, 24% protein)

EXERCISE
Run 1 mile and walk briskly to equal 30 minutes, free weights for upper body, stretching.

DIET
1315 calories (34% fat, 42% carbs, 24% protein)

EXERCISE
Stepper for 30 minutes, stretching.

Here I am, just having worked out and finished dinner. I feel stronger every day, even if my glimpses in the mirror don't reflect my newfound strength. I don't LOOK how I feel. For over two weeks now I have been dedicated to my fitness goals, passing many "tests" along the way. I have been heavy for a long time, but am gearing my mind up for a new life dynamic.

At the same time, I have many, many thoughts on my mind. I have realized there is a difference between existing and living. For a long time, I simply existed. Pay the bills, go to work, deal with this, deal with that. One day I looked up and couldn't believe how heavy I was. Have tried to address it several times, with no lasting success to date.

Now, as I work very hard towards my goals, possibly harder than I ever have, I feel regret. Regret that I may have done permanent damage to myself from years of nutritional neglect and lack of exercise. I hope that maybe in sharing this that others who might be pursuing fitness goals of their own get some strength and motivation from it.

I want to achieve these goals. I have “wanted” to for a long time – so why haven’t I been able to? Not committed enough, too distracted with other things in life, plus my unhealthy lifestyle must have been doing something “for” me or I wouldn’t have been putting on weight. I was getting a payoff of some kind, I think I filled emotional emptiness with food.

This time I want it and am working hard for it. I worry about the different tests I will eventually have to face – eating out, vacation, someone putting a cake in front of me… These things will come up eventually, and I hope I have the power to pass and move on.

I saw a movie recently and someone in it really reminded me of the friends I had at a really good time in my life. It made me sad to think my favorite days are all behind me – I don’t want it to be that way. This one influence has been huge.

I have been visualizing the different outfits I’d want to wear if I were in good shape, how good I would feel about myself, how I would feel around friends and family. This is a positive influence on my efforts.

All in all, I have had a lot on my mind while I’ve been very dedicated in my efforts. I know I'm on the right path, just hope I get to realize my dreams.

DIET
1260 calories (26% fat, 52% carbs, 22% protein)

EXERCISE
Gazelle for 30 minutes.

Wowwwww.... I am practically in zombie mode. Sleep hasn't been very restful, so sometimes, like this morning, I get up and feel tired all day. I think part of it is that I'm not eating much for calories - especially compared to what I used to. Odd thing is that I don't feel hungry. This is a good thing, but at the same time makes it too easy to overdo it. Tempting to not eat much, exercise too much, with hopes of seeing those numbers (currently "frozen" - is my scale broken?) plumet!

So, getting through today has been tough. I will make a commitment to myself to try to eat better (more) tomorrow to see if that helps. Maybe I'll drag myself to the grocery store tonight and get some fun but nutritious things to eat.

Made the mistake (again) of getting on the scale this morning. Weight should NOT be measured daily, there are too many variables. Anyway, it hasn't budged, making the temptation to overdo it even stronger.

I am still pretty tired even today but am in a good mood - the scale said 178.5, down another pound. NOW I really need to stop weighing myself every day. :)

But I do feel relief that the scale is actually moving. Yesterday I felt so awful (refer to "zombie post") and it was depressing that the numbers weren't improving. It was really great to see that change this morning.

In two and a half weeks I've lost 3.5 pounds, if you count the 182 I weighed in at to start. But that first week I did weigh in at 184 mid-week for whatever reason, maybe from a binge just before starting on my plan that caught up with me. It sure doesn't seem like the pounds are coming off very fast to me, although I feel a difference, even if slight.

DIET
1565 calories (32% fat, 49% carbs, 19% protein)

EXERCISE
Run 1 mile and walk for a total of 30 minutes, free weights for upper body, stretching.

Had to force myself to take in more calories today, but it appears to have made a difference. I do feel more energetic, certainly better than yesterday. Am still floating from the wonderous news this morning, down one pound - yea!

I have been doing a lot of positive visualization, which I think is the exact opposite of the self-defeating stuff I used to do (that makes it sound like it was eons ago but it was only three weeks!). This visualization thing seems to do a lot for my motivation, so I will keep doing it.

Found the articles at DT and some look very helpful - I will try to read one every few days and really absorb the information.

Thanks, Soularized! The idea you had about varying the daily kcal helped me out yesterday, I have been tired and it helped to go to 1600 but at the same time my average is still around 1440. I actually got on the scale again this morning (I have GOT to stop doing that!) and it read 177.5. I think this is very likely lost water weight - both the water retained from TOM finally taking off and possibly my body adjusting to getting lots of water two and a half weeks consistently. I knew there was some extra water hanging around so this is good.

Again, this morning I feel tired. I stepped up my free weights yesterday and feel quite sore today, but I like the feeling. I suspect that tired feeling will go away as my body becomes more accustomed to the lower kcal intake and the increased activity, if it does not I will have to do some things differently because it is hard to function feeling this way. Although I have no problem doing it for the short term to get to the next stage.

DIET
1395 calories (22% fat, 56% carbs, 22% protein)

EXERCISE
Stepper for 30 minutes.

My routine for the past two and a half weeks has been to get up, have my coffee with skim milk (no sugar), try to get some water in, but not eat until 10-11. I know this goes against some of the teachings of a good diet, but I will have to make a gradual shift to eating breakfast earlier, and I don't think that will be anytime soon. Reason being that I am MUCH better at controlling my hunger and eating throughout the day when I abstain from food for a little while in the morning. The earlier in the day I eat, the more hungry I am throughout the day. Sad but true.

Anyway, at 10-11 I have a decent meal, usually try to get complex carbs in then so I can go lighter on them later in the day. From that time to my workout, roughly 4-6pm, I snack on light, healthy snacks and drink lots of water. No coffee after the first meal, no water after 6pm. I get in a snack for a little extra energy, do my workout, then have dinner. From what I read yesterday, I will try to not eat later than 6pm so I can get to sleep by 10pm - sounds like there should be four hours between dinner and turning in for the night.

Hey, Solarized! Yes, I would like to start working out in the mornings, but that also has a tendency to make me hungry all day. It is something I will have to shift as I get in better shape - there's some progress I need to make before I can shift my eating or my exercise patterns.

DIET
1520 calories (35% fat, 45% carbs, 20% protein)

EXERCISE
Stepper for 30 minutes.

Currently I am 177.5 pounds, 5'6" and in generally poor but improving physical shape. I have progressed quickly to thirty minutes of cross-training cardio a day and upper body freeweights roughly three times a week, which I plan to maintain until there's reason to implement another plan. I like to exercise and feel stronger just about every day, but also don't want to overtrain.

My number one priority is taking off about 40 pounds of fat, and, with that goal, to do it in a healthy manner, building muscle, strength and endurance at the same time. If I could lose the max of 2 pounds of fat a week, this goal would be achievable by about November/December this year, but I also am aware that plateaus and other obstacles might push this out a bit.

I have been thinking a lot about my ultimate goals. I enjoy free weights but at this current time am not interested in striving for overly muscular results. I would like to improve strength and endurance so that daily activities are more enjoyable, and also engage in some of the sports I like at a decent level of performance.

In further research I have learned a lot more about diet and exercise routines and have some shorter term goals to slowly improve both. Three weeks ago I made a relatively drastic change to my life in diet and exercise, and prefer to phase in these new improvements a bit more slowly.

Positive results visualization has been pretty motivating for me. I have gone through some tough emotional times, even in just three weeks, but so far have been able to stick to the routine and keep progressing towards my goals.

Thanks so much to friends at DT. The support has been an important element in my progress. :)

DIET
1350 calories (25% fat, 57% carbs, 19% protein)

EXERCISE
Run just over 1 mile, walk remaining time for 34 minutes, free weights for upper body, stretching.

Have mixed emotions during this journey. I am trying harder than I think I ever have, within reason of course so as not to overdo it. I want to stay this course and worry a bit about being deterred by upcoming challenges. Some days I feel strong, others very tired, although to date I have been good about sticking to my plan regardless.

Solarized is right, it is exciting to think about what is possible in the coming months. By the end of three months on my program, at this same rate (roughly 1.5 lbs per week), I will have lost another 15 pounds and be in the 160s - something I haven't seen in years. If I optimize my weight loss and lose 2 lbs per week over the next ten, I could well be at my lowest weight in years. Attaining my ultimate goals by late November to December timeframe is ambitious but possible and would be amazing.

The before / after pictures shared at DT and DT success stories are motivating - I have read a few and find them inspiring.

Weighed in this morning to mark three weeks on my plan - 177 (W 33.5 H 43). Five pounds lost, and it feels like my approach has been reasonable and healthy.

DIET
1320 calories (39% fat, 40% carbs, 21% protein)

EXERCISE
Gazelle for 30 minutes.

I ache. Not "good" muscle soreness, but my right leg aches, especially in the thigh. I debated about even working out today but decided to try it and ended up doing the entire 30 minutes. My schedule over the next week may force me to take some days off from exercise and I don't want to lose any time I have available to me.

Talked to a friend that decided about a week ago to cut out complex carbs to lose some weight and says she took of 9 pounds in about a week. ???? I don't get it, I'm working my tail off with (reasonable) exercise and a relatively balanced diet and have only lost a total of 5 in three weeks. It's a bit depressing to me, I guess I can handle the slow progress of weight loss, after all I'm undoing years of bad habits. But when someone else blows my results right out of the water it's a little hard to deal with emotionally because I want this so bad.

Anyway, I've noticed I need a lot more sleep, which isn't always easy. Sleep is typically interrupted - it is noisy around the house - which partially explains why I don't feel like I'm getting enough.

Anyway, on to week four......

DIET
1305 calories (27% fat, 54% carbs, 19% protein)

EXERCISE
Run just over 1 mile, walk remainder to make 33 minutes, upper body free weights.

Just read my last entry. Funny that my leg was totally okay from the minute I got up today, didn't even remember it ached until I just read that. Guess that's a good sign.

I worked out VERY hard today because it is unlikely with my schedule that I'll be able to tomorrow. I really think I'm going to feel this one, too.

Solarized, thanks for stopping by again and for your words of wisdom - they always mean so much. :)

DIET
1115 calories (41% fat, 37% carbs, 22% protein)

EXERCISE
Day off.

Kind of low on calories, but I spent most of the day sitting down and not doing much.

DIET
1420 calories (34% fat, 40% carbs, 26% protein)

EXERCISE
Weights, 30 minutes running / walking on treadmill.

DIET
1340 calories (37% fat, 34% carbs, 29% protein)

EXERCISE
Some walking around.

DIET
1340 calories (31% fat, 36% carbs, 33% protein)

EXERCISE
Treadmill for 30 minutes (10 minutes of running).

I am on a trip and it hasn't been easy being outside of my fitness "routine". There isn't always time to exercise, and I have been very careful about what I eat, with much concern that I will overdo it. Some meals I can barely guess what the calories are - I really just plug what I know into fitday.com and hope it's right.

So far I have done okay, and considering my long days and all the activity, I may not be eating enough, but I'm worried about getting home next week and getting on the scale. I don't want to get on a scale here, after all, I suspect all consumer scales are a little different. I did bring a tape measure to do two measurements I do a lot and so far have not improved my measurements. :( It would be nice to keep the 1-2 lb / week loss going even while traveling, but maybe it is too much to hope.

DIET
1315 calories (31% fat, 43% carbs, 26% protein)

EXERCISE
None.

This has been the hardest day yet. I had a social lunch planned with a group at a restaurant and picked the best thing on the menu I could find. But the meal was served smothered in high calorie dressing and I ended up eating most of it. I don't do this often (have not in the past four weeks on the plan) and also avoided other calorie traps, like the rolls served before the meal, the desserts served afterwards, no wine, etc. I also did not eat much for dinner with hopes of making up for it. My recorded kcal is an estimate only, it may not be correct, but frankly I don't know what to guess. Again, I just plugged the numbers I could into fitday.com - probably overestimated some stuff and may well have overcounted by a little, but I really don't know.

Despite this unanticipated serving, I faced some hard challenges quite well. In socializing there have been many opportunities to eat, some good stuff, some not so good stuff, but I have stayed on track. And my intent was to order something good, even if it didn't turn out that way, then I tried to make up for it at dinner.

I hope there comes a time when I am so familiar with how I react to calories that I don't even need to count anymore, I can just tell when I've reached my limits. Right now that's one of the hardest parts.

Just got up this Monday morning. I can tell that I must be going a bit low on my calories (perhaps some of my recent estimations have been too high). I have a headache and feel weak.

When leaving for my travels I packed some of the food I was used to eating on a daily basis in my routine, I will try to eat that as my meals today to get back on track.

It is difficult being away from my scale, scary. I don't know how I'm doing, if I'm going the wrong way and gaining, or what. I really miss my free weights and exercise time and hate to say I'm really looking forward to getting home and going back on my plan.

I will also say that checking in here every day really helps keep me on track and keeps my motivation up. Feels like I'm not so alone. :)

Hi Sabrina:
thank you for stopping by my journal and for the advice too...well what made kind of ignore those pulses is that i just made a full check up few month ago and everything was fine...thats why i thought it might just be temporary due to lack of sleep or emotional reasons....
i m sorry for your headaches i hope they are gone already, but i too ve them when my calorie intake gets so low....or when i skip breakfast...so take care ....hope you all the best... :rose:

Thanks for the visit, Soularized and egyptrose! :) Always nice to have visitors. :)

Soularized, I did get in a few more calories and feel a bit better - kind of had to force myself to eat some snacks today but they were healthy ones and I knew I needed them. I also got lots of water, more than usual, and the headache is gone - yea! I realized about mid-day I had indicated "Monday" in my post but actually it's Sunday, can you tell I'm on vacation? :laugh: Not back for another week, have fared better this first week than I thought. Tough not getting onto my scale though.

egyptrose, glad you stopped by. :) Once in a while I get "pangs" when I am tired or my body is stressed, maybe that's normal. Wonder if it's something similar. I think you're on the right track, my kcal intake has been a bit low and may have caused the headache. I think I did better today with some of the food I brought on vacation with me that I am more used to in my diet.

I will post my daily log shortly....have to work out first.

DIET
1560 calories (33% fat, 28% carbs, 39% protein)

EXERCISE
Stepper for 30 minutes.

Sunday, June 19

I have been on a plan for four weeks. My routine at home is pretty good - I've become familiar with a number of foods and good about working in some daily exercise. Week four finds me in the middle of a vacation where I have had to meet some dietary obstacles head on. Social occasions, eating out, days without time to work out, lack of workout facilities, long tiring days, etc.

I am reluctant to use a scale where I am because of variations. I brought a tape measure (W 33 H 43) but there hasn't been any change, so I have to wonder if I've lost anything. :(

I have been doing lots of positive visualization regarding my results which has really made me feel good. But today I saw some horrible photos of myself - I just look terrible, very heavy, and it was kind of a blow. I have about 40 pounds to go to my goal and I wonder what at what point I will truly feel happy with how I look.

Average kcal per day over four weeks: 1405
Average fat %: 30%
Average carb %: 46%
Average protein %: 23%

Anyway, that's four weeks in review...

Today was a tough day and I had something for dinner I shouldn't have. I didn't have all of it and still used caution and reason, but I know I could have done better. Trying to figure out why I did it, guess I was hungry and it's what I wanted. I didn't stuff my face like I used to so I feel like 1 time isn't going to be terrible.

DIET
1725 calories (36% fat, 39% carbs, 25% protein)

EXERCISE
None - yikes!

DIET
1610 calories (43% fat, 36% carbs, 20% protein)

EXERCISE
Rowing.

(Wednesday June 22)

DIET
1600 calories (37% fat, 40% carbs, 24% protein)

EXERCISE
Rowing.

I think today was the last of the tough days. My schedule will normalize a bit then I will be headed home soon. To date I have not fallen into the "what the heck" mindset regarding eating, which is good, and although I have had to eat out a lot my choices have generally been very good. I guess the real measure of how well I did will be the scale when I get home, which I'll admit I'm worried about. If I went up in weight I will be quite upset - it was hard to take the first five pounds off.

Went to a few stores today and couldn't help notice my reflection in those clean, huge display windows in the front as I went by. I typically like clothes a bit big because I feel more comfortable, like I'm a turtle hiding in a big shell. But now I've decided that it makes me look worse, really poorly put together and has somewhat the opposite effect than intended. Some of my clothes like tees and sweatshirts are men's XL, which are really too big. I plan to pull all the clothes out of my waredrobe that hang off of me like that and box them up to limit me to stuff closer to my actual size.

Just a random thought for today...

DIET
1300 calories (32% fat, 23% carbs, 45% protein)

EXERCISE
None.

Thanks, Soularized! I think you are right, it will be easier when I get back, although I have the feeling that first 1 mile run is going to hurt... :)

DIET
965 calories (20% fat, 55% carbs, 25% protein)

EXERCISE
None - one more day off...

Wow, low calories today. That's okay, all I did was sit around while traveling. Back home from the vacation I had dreaded, worried about social eating, eating out, possible high kcal counts and/or binges. None of this really happened and tomorrow is the weigh-in day to see if I'm up, down, or the same. The moment of truth...

At 177, a one pound loss hardly shows up. I feel like I look fat and it's going to take forever not to. Kind of depressing, but I know it can't be done overnight, nor do I want to do it quickly because I don't think it's healthy.

WEIGH-IN AFTER VACATION
The moment I had been worried about is here - weigh in after my vacation. Of course I hoped not to gain (hey, I fought like crazy to lose those five pounds, don't want to have to do any of them again), hoped at least I was the same, dreamed my weight went down...

And it did - 175 this morning. I have been thinking that if I am suddenly unhappy with how my clothes look on me (the shirts / sweatshirts that are too big) that something must have happened in that regard. I wished for a weight number and when I got on, there it was.

EATING AND EXERCISE WHILE TRAVELING
I was worried about social eating, eating at restaurants, hectic schedules, and lack of workout opportunities (both due to facilities and schedule). Almost the entire time I ate very cautiously, only twice did I order something I felt was not quite the best choice - however I savored it and left the high calorie garnishes off (sour cream / guac for Mexican food). One time I ordered what I thought would be very reasonable but turned out not to be, I ate most of it and modified my dinner to counteract the lunch kcal. Next time I will try to eat at restaurants I'm more familiar with so I know what I'm getting.

I wish I had exercised more - I know that even walking can be okay when you can't do anything else. Most days were so busy I couldn't do that. Next time I go somewhere I will try to work exercise into the schedule better.

FIVE WEEKS IN REVIEW
I am glad weight loss has not been a passing interest for me this time, I have really been dedicated to it. I have lost seven pounds total (1.4 per week), my average daily kcal consumption has been 1400 (31% fat, 45% carb, 24% protein). Almost two weeks off from working out, I am ready to get it back into gear starting today.

I went through my clothes and took out the stuff that is oversized. I will now have a box of clothes "too big" next to my boxed waredrobe sets when I get to certain points in my weight loss.

I haven't exercised yet, and this is a big deal. I have tried diet/exercise before only to have the routine broken by a weekend getaway or a vacation, and didn't return to the exercise when I got back. It is imperative I exercise again, today, because I don't want to do this with diet alone. I typically work out towards the end of the day, just before dinner, so you should see an entry on exercise with my nighttime post.

There is a difference in the way I feel, even with only a seven pound weight loss. I also did some activites on vacation I feel would have been nearly impossible had I not been working out the four weeks before, which is pretty neat.

DIET
1740 calories (30% fat, 52% carbs, 18% protein)

EXERCISE
Stepper - 30 minutes, 1857 steps (fast pace)

Got it in gear finally and did the stepper. Worked very hard and made the most of the workout. I'll start keeping track of my performance so I can tell when I'm slacking. :)

Earlier today I was hungry. Very hungry. I ate more than I really thought I should (although 1740, which is a pretty accurate kcal count, truly isn't that bad). The hunger really went away after I made myself work out, and I am relieved that I was so zealous in my stepping, as opposed to barely exerting myself because I didn't want to work out.

I've been thinking about yesterday around dinner. I felt "hungry", but not the typical hungry, the compulsive eating type of hungry. Why? All I can think is that I got home from vacation and, back in my own environment, no distractions of friends, family, and fun around, I was lured by boredom.

I was pretty proud on my travel day that I only consumed 965 calories. I know it's low, but it was only one day. And two months ago I had NO control over my eating and a virtual fast like that would have been unfathomable. It's a sign to me that I have gained more control.

Yesterday my being on the verge of a binge was squashed by 30 minutes of hearty exercise. I will put in down in black and white right here, I need exercise in my routine. It supresses my appetite, puts me in a better mood, and makes me feel better, stronger, healthier. I need to never forget that.

DIET
1330 calories (25% fat, 53% carbs, 21% protein)

EXERCISE
Free weights (pecs, lats, abs, quads, hamstrings), run 1 mile and walk to a total of 32 minutes.

Going through a tough time emotionally, and in addition, felt very hungry again today. Fought it and only had 1330, but I sure hope this "hunger" starts to go away...

Got on the scale this morning and lost another .5 pounds, to weigh in at 174.5. I am VERY anxious to see the 160s again, it has been a looooooooong time. But I guess realistically even doing my very best I won't see it for two more weeks. Anyway, crossing that 10 threshold will be pretty exhilirating.

DIET
1700 calories (32% fat, 47% carbs, 20% protein)

EXERCISE
Free weights (abs, biceps, triceps, delts), 2108 steps in 30 minutes.

What a difficult day. Having personal problems and the persistent "hunger" I feel (most likely emotional) won't go away. Hard to concentrate on diet and exercise, even despite my elation at refining my waredrobe to take out stuff that's too big, 2 pounds lost on vacation, plus another .5 pounds lost in the two days since I got back. Typically I don't take in 1700 kcal a day but it is becoming more common, not a good habit. Not sure how to fight all of this, but right now I'm too tired to so I think I'll park in front of the TV a bit and get mindless. Maybe if my brain takes a break I'll feel better.

Just one more entry for today. I ended my feelings of hunger by working out super hard on the stepper - 2108 steps is super fast, I was gasping most of the time and if I had measured my heart rate I probably would have been a bit worried. But I pushed it for a lot of reasons, the last five weeks I have been working out and now I want my exercise to progress. At the beginning, it was okay to do a slow 1 mile jog. Now I want to start keeping track and pushing myself to get better. I have some muscle growth so at least I've got the ability to do it now, now I just want to do it better.

I have been thinking a lot about this "hunger" hanging over me. I want to understand it so I can make it stop. I found it is much like standing on a balance beam. On the beam and balanced, I'm on the diet and it's going well. But this hunger is like losing my balance and teetering off the edge with no control, and at any moment I could fall off. It's a pretty scary feeling, actually, as "falling off" could undo everything I've worked so hard for and put me right back where I started. :(

Anyway, it has helped to look here for some extra support. Thanks, my DT friends. :)

(Log for Tuesday.)

DIET
1760 calories (33% fat, 43% carbs, 25% protein)

EXERCISE
None.


I do not know what is going on. I have been on a diet and exercise plan for about six weeks. This includes a fluctuating daily intake of kcal from 1200 - 1700 but with an average of 1400. I do 30 minutes of cardio just about every day, and try to do free weights 1 - 3 times a week.

Up until about two weeks ago, I had the routine down and it was working well. I felt energetic, in control, didn't have any cravings, etc. Then I went on vacation for a week and a half and the whole time I was stressed about my plan. I did what I could for exercise, although really it only worked out to being something every three days, and food was hard. I faced eating out, social occasions, etc., but all in all think I did okay.

The day I traveled home I only ate 960 calories - not by choice but it's just the way it worked out. I tried to get back into my routine but haven't been able to successfully yet. The meals I was eating before just don't seem to satisfy me and I've gone through all of my healthy snacks really fast! I feel hungry, have had some bad cravings that I haven't given in to yet, but if I can't get this under control soon I'm worried that I will lose control. HELP!

A few things I can think of that may be causing the problem. I took in 960 kcal the day before I got home and maybe my body is still adjusting for the low intake. Or, the fact I have increased my effort in my 30 minute cardio workouts may be demanding more calories. Or, it's emotional due to some major relationship problems I'm having.

Anyway, got on the scale this morning to see if my recent increase in daily kcals is having a negative impact and lost another .5 pounds in just a few days. Posted in Calorie Counters to get some input on my kcal intake, because I just can't figure all of this out.

My current situation (see previous post) has me worried and of course thinking a lot about health, diet, etc.

I remember when I weighed the least during my adult life, 120 lbs. (Sigh.) I was super active, counted my daily kcal at 1200 every day, and if I had pizza and went over, wham! I would get so energetic I would actually burn that off and more, usually weighing a bit less a few days later. And I kind of understand why - I think my metabolism was so geared up for that weight that the occassional overeating would have the opposite effect.

Anyway, I think it's going to take a long time to get my metabolism back to that, if it's even possible at my age.

Just got back from getting groceries. One of my "healthy" snack foods was previously rice cakes. I used those for the first six weeks to help me feel more full in between meals, and I think they worked. But in the past few days they are what I have turned to for overzealous snacks so I won't get them again for a little while. If I have 2-4 a day it's no biggie, but I was starting to eat 7 a day!

So I got lots of fresh fruit and am enjoying some now. If I'm going to eat more, I want it to be healthy.

But...question. Why is it that I saw very skinny people getting the worst junk food? Next to the bulk candy was a very trim woman going through the selection, same with the chips. Since I feel better when I eat better, I guess I'm not so jealous, but I still found it rather curious.

I've been having some internet problems, so sometimes can't do my log on the day it happens. Here is the log for Wednesday:

DIET
1485 calories (28% fat, 40% carbs, 32% protein)

EXERCISE
Run 1.1 miles (11:20 - horrible, I know), walk / jog for a total of 20 minutes.

Weighed in again this morning to a surprising 173.5 (W 33 H 42). This past week has been a major struggle for me but at least it's rewarding seeing weight come off.

Regardless of how good I've felt to shed eight pounds, pushing myself running yesterday for a dismal time is depressing. I remember when I did eight minute miles and thought that was bad.... but I have to remember I'm lugging around an extra 30-40 pounds compared to that time and that hopefully my time will get better as I have to tow around less weight. For now I'll really concentrate on improving on the low impact exercises, since my weight will play less of a role.

Still fighting the persistent hunger, but have made a big step in my diet. I moved on from my rice cakes snack food onto fresh fruit. And discovered I can have a cup of blueberries or cherries for about 80 kcal! Doesn't take many calories of this type of fruit to make me feel full and is a good addition to my diet.

DIET
1480 calories (36% fat, 32% carbs, 31% protein)

EXERCISE
Gazelle for 30 minutes, free weights (legs), stretching.

Okay, for the past two days I have a bit better handle on the major hunger thing. I switched a few things in my diet which may have helped to accomplish this:

1. Replaced empty calories of rice cakes as mid-day snacks for healthier, and more filling, fruit like cherries, blueberries, apples, etc.

2. For dinner have had chicken or steak only (no carbs like pasta, potatoes, bread) with skim milk.

Feels like I'm eating more but the daily kcal is acceptable to me and it's getting me through a rough time.

As of Saturday I guess I will have been on my plan for six weeks now, lost 8.5 pounds so far. Weighing in at 173.5 is the lowest I've seen the scale in years - I dieted around this same time last year but only got as low as 174. Sometimes it seems it's going fast, other times dreadfully slow.

Woa...just went through some old photos to see if I could find one for my pictures here. At one time I weighed a bit more than my starting weight at DT, so I looked for recent stuff as well as back at that time. I found one photo that just about knocked me on the floor. I looked truly awful. I guess when I'm stressing about how I look now I can think about that and realize I've done some hard work to make this progress. It wasn't just the weight, either, it was the way I didn't care about how I looked, the clothes, what I did with my hair...just looking at the photo it seems obvious I was not caring about my appearance.

Not sure if this journey through old photos was a good thing (makes me feel better about now) or a bad (depressing!) Anyway, still don't have a photo yet but will keep looking.

Imagine my shock and surprise at 172.5 on the scale this morning! I have to wonder if it's real or a fluke, but I'm logging it anyway.

I heard early on that it takes the body about six weeks to adapt to a new diet routine. It's been just about six weeks, and that really may be true, who knows.

Tomorrow is the six-week mark when I first found Diettalk. I had binged on a Friday and woke up hating myself the next day. I used Google to look up "panic eating" on the net and one of the hits was a post here that I could really relate to. I immediately signed up and started posting.

It took time to work some emotions out in my journal, but it's been a great outlet, and productive in my weight loss journey. In no way has this all been easy, I have met with numerous obstacles and still do, but logging in here each day, being a part of a group of people who understand and provide support, has been very helpful.

I found www.fitday.com (www.fitday.com) through another member's post and started logging my daily eats. My average daily kcal is 1400 and I do cardio about 30 minutes each day, free weights 1-3 times a week.

In six weeks I have lost 9.5 pounds (about 1.6 per week), and roughly four inches off my waist. I have already been able to put aside a set of clothes that are simply too big for me. I feel stronger, more healthy, and more in control.

Thanks to my friends here for the support!

DIET
1250 calories (27% fat, 53% carbs, 20% protein)

EXERCISE
Run 1.1 miles (11:20 - hey, maybe I'm slow but I'm consistent!) then walk for a total of 31:30 out, free weights for abs, pecs, lats.

Good news is that I still weigh 172.5 this morning, making it a little less likely it's a fluke. But I'm tired from low calories yesterday, so maybe I'll step it up a notch today.

Sabrina...it doesnt seem to be a fluke....your exerise routine seems great..you are coming closer to your goal...so keep it up... :)

Hey, egyptrose! Thanks for visiting! I just popped by your journal to say "hi" too. :)

Where to start...how about my log?

DIET
1540 calories (33% fat, 41% carbs, 26% protein)

EXERCISE
Nearly passed out (not really, but it was hard) doing 2114 steps in 30 minutes.

Had to force my kcal higher today, can feel that low energy from not enough calories and don't want to be fighting hunger the next few days. Besides, last time I upped my calories a bit my weight numbers went down faster. :)

Talked to someone who started low carbs when they found out I was on a diet. In less time than me they have already lost 15 pounds now. I really don't understand it, I'm working so very hard and don't get how someone can lose so much more than me in about half the time. I guess I just need to stay focused and not let it get to me. Sometimes this all just seems to go so slow. To think I might reach my goals by December, six whole months away, wow.... When along this journey will I feel good about myself? Will it take six months? Or will there be some stage in between? Will I ever be able to look at myself and not think I'm fat? I have had a hard time with my weight all my life. I would like to finally be at a place where I feel comfortable with me, enjoying life, not feeling totally self conscious.

Anyway, by my rough calculations I need to lose another ten pounds before I can fit into my first full waredrobe. That's estimated at another six weeks, putting it at around mid-August. This is if I don't hit any obstacles or plateaus - those would push it out even further. Sigh.... Maybe I need to really step up the exercise to get better results. I refuse to do cardio more than 30 minutes a day (I don't want to get obsessive) but maybe a refreshing walk for about 15 minutes a day too? This may improve my activity level and help....maybe I'll give it a shot.

HI Sabrina:
you just said what have been going in my mind....i know that with low carb diets you ose faster...but thats only at the begining....then the rate slows down...i ve been on atkins for 6 month before i had my second daughter...that was almost 3 years ago... i had some results...17 pounds in 6 month...but honesty,i wasnt very strict ....and i can say that i hated that diet...it feels like i was in a challenge all time....and everytime i ate something with carbs or little sugar,i felt so bad and depressed and hated myself as you just get out of the ketosis process which is responsible for weight loss...and start gainng so fast...and u ve to start all over again...also i had my gall bladder removed and there was doubts it was due the diet...and i read about others who followed low carb and hd same problem...

so i believe that this time we are doing it right....for us and for our health too...not only to look good,but to stay healthy and in good shape....slow and steady loss is also better for how you look ,so you dont have much sagging skin....

so be happy about your success...you r just on the right pass...doing great things for yourself...just stick to it and keep it up....you ll reach your goal soon,and be so proud with what you did...lets just do it together...
love,egyptrose.. :rose:

Yes, we are stronger together. :) Glad to have you on my team!

I have been thinking about non-food related rewards, because frankly even though I'm keeping at this, I think I would be more motivated to have little rewards. Some ideas are massage, manicure, facial, and small purchases of something I might not otherwise justify. To mark six weeks at this, this weekend I went out and purchased a few items of clothing, nothing significant, but just makes me feel better about my progress to recognize it. :)

Got on the scale this Sunday morning and saw 172 (W 32.5 H 42) - making my official total loss to date 10 pounds. I hope in about a week I'll be in the 160s, I am really anxious to see those again.

DIET
1525 calories (25% fat, 53% carbs, 23% protein)

EXERCISE
AM - 15 minutes of walking. PM - Run 1.1 miles (11:09, slight improvement!) then walk for a total of 29:34.

Quick note: Not sure why but my run tonight was a bit easier, maybe because it's not so hot out? I felt stronger the whole run and less out of breath. Hope this trend continues....

Still looking around for a photo for my "before" photos, but don't think I'm going to be able to find one. I am noticing that in addition to getting so heavy I have also been very neglectful of my overall appearance. I have buried myself in big clothes, which, in theory, were supposed to make me look smaller but actually do the opposite. Which is why I went through my closet and took out everything that hung off of me.

I also appear to have not done anything with hair or makeup for a long time. This process is about self acceptance and self respect, and I will start working on the other components at the same time as the fitness goals.

Last night I had a dream...I was with friends after reaching my goal and the reaction was...just what I hoped for. It was an amazing feeling, even if only for a fleeting moment during my sleep. Little things like that help me stick with it.

DIET
1690 calories (40% fat, 31% carbs, 30% protein)

EXERCISE
None.

Sabrina:its a nice dream...but i m sure you will be experiencing the same feeling in reality soon....try to pamper yourself by doing something you like...as visiting the hair dresser and make some changes...your hair cut,or new shades...whatever you like...you know i went there last friday and had my hair cut...i felt soo good...and more confident....its true i didnt the way i looked in their mirror....i looked so big....dont know why...i know i m still overweight....but in their mirror that covered the whole wall i looked bigger :( ....anyway i went home and wore a new gown and was happy... i too think i forgot about myself...going through the daily routine,home and kids...but its nice to give myself sometime too...
take care... :rose:

It's Tuesday, and I am tired. I don't sleep that well at night. I usually don't sleep that well at night at home. I think the house is kept too hot for me to sleep well, 77 degrees. Cooler than outside, but still... That may not even be the reason, but regardless, I am tired.

I ate quite a bit yesterday, I was trying to go high on my kcal so they would vary more from day to day. Got on the scale this morning and still 172. Guess I should move my range down a bit, maybe I've worked myself out of the last one.

Had another dream last night that I went shopping for shorts and was having a blast trying them on. I like these kinds of dreams.

Had a doctor's appointment today and had to face their office scale. In the past I have actually refused to be weighed, today I kind of did it reluctantly although I did mention I had weighed myself this morning at 172. With my clothes on, including sneakers, and just having had breakfast and two cups of coffee, their scale said 178. I got a snide remark from the assistant who weighed me that THEIR scale said 178...so I said, okay, sure, WITH clothes on and just having eaten. I was really surprised at the attitude and her willingness to degrade me by being sarcastic about how wrong I was.

Anyway, maybe my home scale is off a bit (I seriously doubt by six whole pounds, clothes and food definitely played a part) but regardless, I'm sure it's accurate enough to measure my 10 pounds lost to date.

I sure hope that you mentioned to the doctor the assistant's snotty attitude. That is unprofessional, and a person in the medical field should be more understanding. I would let her superior know that she was so rude to you. X-(

And yes, weight can fluctuate throughout the day. On average, mine fluctuates by about 3%-- I weigh myself first thing in the morning, before I've eaten, and with clothes on and several meals in the tummy, it makes sense that your weight would be more. I did the math-- your fluctuation was about 3% too.

Still, don't get discouraged. If you always weigh yourself at the same time each day, then yes, you've lost the weight you thought you did. You're simply using your morning weigh-in as your benchmark.

Sabrina:i dont dont know why she did that ,as teacher said its very unproffessional,yet why you care...even if your scale is down a bit you still lost those 10 pounds which is a great success....for me after i eat breakfast and get dressed ,i weigh 4 pounds more...by the way i eat very little in the morning...so adding 2 cups of coffee to that will make a difference...
just forget about that and keep going..

Thanks, teacher81 and egyptrose! I guess I had so much else going on today that I guess just writing about it made me feel better. Nice to know I wasn't the only one who thought it was out of line. Frankly I don't have that good of a relationship with the medical professional I saw either - nothing wrong with her, just not a great fit for me - and plan on moving to another office anyway.

I already wrote a little about my day in other threads, but will recap it here. It hasn't been a great day, and I guess it's a mini-success in a way that instead of turning to food as comfort during a difficult day, I accidentally ate too little! I know that's not good either so I finished up the day by eating some fresh fruit and did without the exercise so as not to unduly stress my body when I hadn't given it proper fuel.

DIET
1015 calories (27% fat, 57% carbs, 16% protein)

EXERCISE
None.

I am finishing this day as tired as I started it. Maybe I just woke up from the wrong sleep cycle and my biorhythms have been off all day. I look forward to a fresh start tomorrow.

The last two days have been exceedingly difficult. I felt the urge tonight to have one of my old binge foods and, after careful deliberation, allowed myself to have some. I ate more calories today than usual, but I showed great control when eating a food I used to absolutely devour. Although I am still very concerned about a healthy lifestyle, the past two days have seen my energies focused on other issues and, while also battling a weight loss plateau and some other issues, I did not want to outright deprive myself of a craving. Again, I refuse to let myself feel guilty about eating a bit more today, and feel it is how I settle back into my routine that makes the difference. I did let stress get to me, but hey, I'm human.

I will make my entries in fitday.com tomorrow, right now there is some paperwork beckoning that has been overlooked all day.

Hang in there. You're doing really well, and some days are harder than others. I always remind myself that just as I didn't gain weight by eating badly on just one day, one bad day isn't going to keep the weight on forever. Allow yourself to live a little, and enjoy things in moderation.

Glad to hear you plan to switch doctor's offices. They sound like jerks. :)

So wonderful to hear from you both, Soularized and teacher81! Your input couldn't come at a better time as I wrestle with this plateau and some other issues. Your support and encouragement mean a great deal, thank you!

Today I weighed in 1 pound heavier, but it doesn't really bother me. Over the past few weeks I've been trying to increase my daily kcal thinking I was a bit low. Now I am reevaluating the makeup of my calories, trying to cut out some of the fat intake (thanks, rD!), will be phasing out of coffee due to some health issues :c( , and am initiating phase two of my plan.

PHASE 2
For the past six weeks I've done some free weights in moderation, nothing terribly strenuous - mostly my goal was to get my muscles going for this next phase. Now that I have a base, I am stepping up the weights and will be working hard to failure before 12 reps. I got some great advice (thanks, dea!) on a routine and today was my first day.

My cardio has already been progressing the way I want - now I do my stepping or running, whatever, with the intention of improving my performance. It's not enough to simply go out there and exercise, I am working on an overall pattern of improvement, even in small steps. As I can fit it into my routine, I will also try to do 15 minutes of light walking or other activity early in the day in addition to my 30 minutes of afternoon cardio. Evenually I may wish to switch my cardio workout to mornings, although for my current schedule afternoons do work best.

My phase 2 goals are to continue weight loss, see if it's reasonable to have an ultimate timeline of goals reached by November, grow some muscles and improve cardio performance. I will also be doing some fine tuning of diet to improve nutrition.

DIET
1335 calories (34% fat, 45% carbs, 21% protein)

EXERCISE
Weights (abs, quads, hamstrings, pecs, lats, biceps, delts, triceps).
Cardio (run 1.1 miles - 11:20 :(, walk remainder for a total of 30:30)

Dropping in to say hello and good luck with your goals and weight loss. You're doing well! Stay motivated.

Melinda :)

Hi there,

Congratulations on 10 pounds lost!!
That's awesome!!! My husband always says that one pound of fat on your body is equal to 4 sticks of butter... so you are 40 sticks of butter smaller!!!

Woo Hooo!!!!!! :cheer:

-- Chrissy

Hi, Melinda and Chrissy! Thanks for visiting! :)

I am tired this morning but feel good. My muscles ache from the new weight routine which is a good sign. I wonder if I should spit up muscle groups for different days? I'll have to think about that.

I haven't had my coffee yet and can't imagine life without it. :) It will take me weeks to cut it out completely. Wish I didn't have to...

DIET
1285 calories (26% fat, 46% carbs, 27% protein)

EXERCISE
Cardio - stepper for 30 minutes, 2126 steps

As a part of "phase 2" I am trying to improve my diet by lowering my fat intake and increase my protein. It will be a gradual process but I am happy with my numbers today. I also am cutting back on the coffee with an ultimate goal of eliminating it from my diet.

Part of this process includes trying out some new foods. I gave some fat free dressing a try tonight on a simple salad and it basically tasted like wet sawdust. Back to the drawing board there.

I also took some photos to document this stage but am not sure I'll keep them. Pretty sure I'm not going to share them with anyone - ever. Kind of depressing to see. It's hard to argue with the reality of a photo.

Hope to get some sleep this weekend, getting restful sleep has been pretty difficult lately and it makes this whole diet process so much harder.

DIET
1285 calories (26% fat, 46% carbs, 27% protein)

EXERCISE
Not done yet....

As a part of "phase 2" I am trying to improve my diet by lowering my fat intake and increase my protein. ............. I gave some fat free dressing a try tonight on a simple salad and it basically tasted like wet sawdust. Back to the drawing board there.

..............
Hope to get some sleep this weekend, getting restful sleep has been pretty difficult lately and it makes this whole diet process so much harder.Sabrina,

- you're probably already getting ample protein. To eat more than 200% of your nutritional requirements of protein is wasting calories that could be better chosen in the form of fresh vegetables

- I've mentioned in one or two earlier posts at DT, that "fat free" dressing Does Not taste like salad dressing at all, and that reduced fat (about half the normal fat content) is a far better and more palatable choice (besides, the "fat free" version costs an arm & a leg to buy). Kraft's line of "Light Done Right" dressings has worked well for me. Don't forget to serve it "on the side", as you'll find you eat far less of it that way.

- towards sleeping better, hoard your day's fat and protein calories until dinnertime, as they're more conducive to helping you sleep (and besides, fat calories are likely to go straight into body fat anyway, imho, so it's not critical when you digest them). My sleep greatly improved once I fit in one or two "time outs" (or meditation breaks) into my day. A lot of sleep problems are due to residual anxieties from the day's activities.

rD

ps. Good to see an example of less than 30% fat intake for a change. (Canada's new standard for non-dieters, is becoming 'up to' 10% fat. We're very serious about tackling our obesity epidemic up here.)

Hi Sabrina -- have you tried the Kraft Free Italian Dressing? It's one of my favorites. Also, Maple Grove Farms (I think that's the name), makes a fat free balsamic vinagrette that I really like. There are tons of great fat free choices out there, you may have to go through several brands before you find one that you like, but it's definitely worth the calorie savings to me.

On your coffee, try starting with half regular/half decaf and slowly go to straight decaf and then cutting it out - maybe switching over to decaf will help wean you off a little easier (although I couldn't imagine what I would be like without coffee).

It sounds like you are doing great. Keep up the good work!! :jn

Sabrina, when you reach your goal, you willwant to show everyone those pictures. And then you will inspire others to do the same.

Wow, I am overwhelmed by the input and encouragement. THANK YOU!!! Such a pleasure to have visitors to my little journal. :o

rD, as always your input is greatly appreciated, and I will definitely keep at it. I was very happy to see the fat at 26%, it took a lot of conscious effort and I think I can keep it down if I work on it.

biggun, thanks for the ideas! I knew it might take a while to find a good dressing, I'll look forward to giving yours a try! The coffee I am already cutting down on, and have some decaf on hand which I may start mixing in a bit later. I cut my intake in half (roughly 3 cups to 1.5) and will go with that about a week, then cut back even further.

CapeCodCoy, welcome to Diettalk! I had actually been thinking about a salad dressing recipe I used a long time ago that I really liked, wondering if I could find it and modify it to be lower fat. That would be great! Thanks for the idea.

Hey, elsie! I was wondering if I might feel that way later, right now it's too personal. That's why they're not deleted yet. :) They would be very excellent markers for my progress, for sure.

Okay, now some good news. I weighed in today at 172 (W 32.5 H 42). Now, I haven't lost anything in the last week, but remember I was having fluctuations up .5 pounds, even up a whole pound! I feel back on the plan and solidly at 172 and ready to work that down. Also, TOM has arrived, which might explain some of my recent issues with weight variation, cravings, etc.

I guess, with today, I'm on to week seven!

DIET
1280 calories (24% fat, 60% carbs, 16% protein)

EXERCISE
Weights - quads, hamstrings, pecs, lats, delts, biceps, triceps
Cardio - run 1.1 miles (10:58 - getting better!) and walk remainder for 29:50

Recently I was thumbing through Men's Health magazine and found something interesting - if I recall correctly it is more exerting to work out in warmer weather, allowing you to burn more calories. However, you fatigue easier too, so sometimes it's more beneficial to work out in cooler weather as it might allow you to work out longer. Anyway, I notice that my strength running is better when it's cooler out. I am surprised that my run went so well considering I did work my legs pretty hard with weights earlier, too.

Not happy about the low protein today and high carbs. Will try to improve tomorrow.

Sabrina...your exercise is just great...keep it up :peace: ....regardingyour weekend running in hot weather....ask me about it....you know weather here in summer is too hot...and sometimes humid too....i never run,but i used to walk ...when the its really hot,you get out of breath so qickly and become bored and uncomfortable...even if it urns more calories,yet you want stand it for long...yet in cool weather walking is pleasant....you can just keep going forever....
hope you enjoy your weekend... :wave:

Hi, egyptrose! Yes, I get pretty tired pretty fast in the heat and humidity. But I thought it was interesting reading and help explains my improved performance in cooler weather.

Well, it's Sunday morning. I have been working out hard and staying on top of the daily kcals. Last night I was lying down watching TV and got up a few times and felt a bit lightheaded. Maybe I will take it easier today.

Last night I was lying down watching TV and got up a few times and felt a bit lightheaded. Maybe I will take it easier today.Sabrina,

The combination of working out (which causes you later to be able to relax all the more thoroughly), lying down for a while and then getting up, can lead to lightheadedness merely because you got up just a bit too quickly.

Even an extra couple of seconds, can make all the difference in your body 'switching gears' from sedate mode to active mode.

Without that pause, or a slower method of going from lying down to being upright, your brain becomes deprived of oxygen as your blood is not being vigourously enough pumped to your head when you've moved to an upright position. [your brain receives about 30% of your blood supply, shortchange it, and you'll feel lightheaded or faint]

rD

That makes sense, because it only took a few seconds to shake off the feeling. And although it's usually pretty hard for me to feel relaxed, I really did feel relaxed last night and enjoyed it. So sounds like it may not be an issue of eating too little or working out too hard - good! I don't want to change what I'm doing because I feel on the right track. :) No other symptoms have appeared to make me feel this is the case, I don't feel overly tired or run down or anything.

(Log for Sunday)

DIET
1245 calories (30% fat, 52% carbs, 18% protein)

EXERCISE
None - day off.

INTRODUCTION

So, I will try to get some sort of exercise every day for the next week, probably just walking but that's okay with me. I will try to be more reasonable about food, not eat late at night, and eat only when I'm truly hungry. If I want to eat for any other reason I'll log in here and ask for help.


I never really liked exercises, so I´ve been looking for something I like and I finally found it: yoga. :) And I only work out 3 times a week, because I have a super busy schedule, but it´s doing me wonders!

As for late at night eating, I also have this problem. :( I try to drink a lot of tea when I feel like eating at night. I helps, the bad part is I have to wake up in the middle of the night to pee...lol.

Good luck with your goals.

DIET
1185 calories (36% fat, 38% carbs, 26% protein)

EXERCISE
Weights (quads, hamstrings, pecs, lats, delts, triceps, biceps)

Weighed in a day late and my plateau seems to have ended - 169.5 (W 32 H 41.5). I would be pretty excited if I didn't feel out of sorts -