Being overweight is a weird thing. Even weirder is that when you're overweight probably the worst thing you can hear is "You're Fat" or anything along those descriptive lines from a parent or a close family member.

This topic is to discuss how your family has an impact on your weight, weight loss, and self-esteem.

As I got really fat about 2-3 years ago, my mother started to be critical about my weight. I suppose that was because I didn't really see myself at the time-- I hardly ever made photographs, nor was I paying much attention to my expanding waistline.

Hearing her comments were the worst really... she would say things like: "You have a woman's figure now" or "you're looking really heavy". It was never anything blunt like "you're fat!' but it hurt my feelings just the same.

I was talking to a close friend... who is pretty heavy at the moment... and she too lamented her mother's current musings about her weight. Her mom has taken to voicing the opinion that she will never find a husband at her current weight.

While we realize that our loved ones want to help us... I've found that often their words hurt more than they help. What is your experience?

When I was in Middle School, I was starting to gain weight and my brother and his friends all called me Twinkie. I would cry everytime they did it. It made me feel really bad. I lost weight after high school and sinced gained back the weight after having children. My brother did apologize to me for being so mean about my weight. I told him he was a kid then and was being childish. So I forgave him, now he supports me and tells me I can do it...

I don't have the most supportive family.

It's a small family, really just the three (four if you count my aunt on my mom's side) of us. We have other family (living right next to us, actually), but we don't get along.

Everyone in my family is overweight, my immediate family and my extended. So, as you can imagine, when I started losing weight, it was mostly met by jealousy instead of support. My mom and stepdad were the only two that ever gave me any encouragement.

I have an aunt on my stepdad's side that likes to bake everyone a cake for their birthdays, and last year I turned her down, saying:
"I've lost 30 pounds, I just don't think I could ever control myself with a cake in the house!"
And ever since then, I've sort of been the odd one out. My parents are truck drivers, so it's just me here. I never get a compliment (UNLESS it's insincere, you can tell).

I think it's childish and immature, but what can you do? 8-|

Coming from a large family (7 kids), picking on each other about any flaw was quite common (and expected) growing up. I guess you could call it one of our sources of entertainment. As kids, we constantly picked on and antagonized each other. Our parents never encouraged or joined in on this, but they also didn't spend a lot of time interfering it in either -- with 7 kids, they basically spent most of the time dealing with bigger issues (homework, discipline, etc.). But, we were not allowed to do it to other kids and weren't allowed to act up in public places (we definitely knew the consequences of that). Did it have an affect on me? I don't know, but if it did, it hasn't impacted me negatively (at least not that I have noticed). I still say "yes ma'am," "no ma'am," "please," and "thank you." And, now that we are all grown and have families of our own, we're still pretty close, and while we don't get to spend a lot of time together and we definitely don't dwell on it and usually spend a lot of time laughing about our childhood. Besides, one of the great things about being southern is being able to be critical about others, but meaning it "in the nicest possible way." :)

But, keep in mind that I'm not the most sensitive person in the world and often wonder if the world has become too sensitive on some issues. Not to make light of the issue (no pun intended), but in some cases, criticism can and does make us stronger. And, although it may hurt our feelings when we are kids, it does help us learn to deal with criticism as adults. Again, I'm not condoning verbal abuse and I know there are people who do it maliciously, but sometimes, maybe we just need to lighten up and just let it go? There is enough negative energy in this world, we don't need to carry more of it around (especially when you have family members to do it for you).

It's Monday, and that's just my two cents.... Hopefully, I'm not opening a can of worms here.

Hello Diettalkers,

Well I started to really gain weight in my Junior and Senior year of High School... Then when I got into college.. things really blew out of control I started just eating Fast food and stuff because I couldn't eat a good lunch because I had to go to tutoring and I didn't have time so I'm trying to loose the weight now and I don't want to be pressured to do it but my parents seem to be pressuring me to loose weight when I'm really trying to...

I walk 4 days week to loose the weight and I'm sorry if that is not helping yet you loose weight gradually I'm just sick of their Bull**** I'm sorry but I've had to up to here ! Because my dad really isn't contributing to my weight lost he says i'm going to get fatter and wider and I don't say anything because the words hurt. But I'm angry at myself for gaining the weight in the first place. My mom has her perks too.. Although she doesn't notice what she is saying sometimes may hurt but she says she liked me when I was a size 7 which was about 127lbs which I was at in one point in my life.

They do make me feel bad. I'm going to be truthful with ya'll i've been eating for comfort because of my Past childhood. You see I had 2 Major foot surgeries and a year of Rehabilitation.. on top of that I got teased for the way I walked because I walk with a limp and I think kids were really cruel back in High School.

You know the funny thing is that they don't ever change when you go to your 10 year class reunion those very same people are the same way they were in High School. Some people might apologize and just say they were young and dumb in High School but the hurt that they caused you is still there. What I'm trying to say is My parents can say sorry all they want but the hurt that they caused me is still going to hurt me in the long run I will remember every single word that they told me.

I've prayed to God many times to give me the strength to go on. But I just fall down and I can't get up because my past won't let me lift myself off the ground . I just need to vent and get this all out in the open I hate that I had a bad childhood because that is suppose to be the fondation of the starting of your life if you don't have the fondation your life will fall apart because you don't have much to look back on at high school. If your Self-esteem was down. My parents do bring my Self-Esteem down when they talk about my weight I mean I'm not blind I can see that I'm overweight

Thank you for letting me Vent

Much Love Taneisha :)

My mom is the last person you'd ever find following a diet, and she's always been a little heavy. But I'll never forget what she told me after I had went from a size 12 in H.S. to a size 16 in college -- "just don't get into the woman's sizes, or there's no turning back". She wasn't mean about it, just very matter-of-fact. What she said did stop me from gaining more weight -- I had to figure out how for myself. In a way I wished she had stopped me years earlier from eating that large bowl of ice cream every day after school, or had encouraged more sports, but then she would have been hypocritical. I always wondered what right a parent has to be judgemental of their childs' body weight if the parent never provided the right environment to begin with for that child to maintain a healthy weight?

My parents can say sorry all they want but the hurt that they caused me is still going to hurt me in the long run I will remember every single word that they told me

Taneisha:

First, let me start by saying that I despise negative energy and it sounds like you are surrounded by it. Second, I'm sorry that your parents and kids in school said things that hurt you in your past, and I know apologies don't take away the words, but people do change -- they grow up, they learn, they mature (even parents). Learning to accept the apology and giving forgiveness is hard sometimes, but it is important. Your past can only keep you down, IF you allow it to keep you down. Don't do that. Take what your past has given you and turn it into something positive. You are working to get your weight down -- that's great! You can do that without your parents support - it won't be easy, but you can do it! Keep telling yourself that (if you forget, come here, we'll give you tons of positive reinforcement). Don't spend a lot of time worrying about what people say - ignore the words - they're just words, you're interpretation of the words is what gives them meaning so give them a positive spin. When people say things that hurt your feelings, make sure that you go out of your way to make sure you don't treat others that way - give that negative energy a positive spin and pretty soon, you'll have a lot to smile about!!

Take care of yourself and keep up the good work (and be sure to smile - even when you don't have a reason) :)

Well, I'm not close to either of my parents, so no problems there... but my mother-in-law is like a verbal set of weighing scales. Every time I see her, she gives me her assessment of my weight. "Have you gained a few lbs?" "Looks like you've lost a bit, your boobs have shrunk" etc. Highly personal, unsolicited comments. I'm kind of thankful to her, though, she's one of the reasons why I got my ass in gear and decided to do something about my weight. I realised that I'd become even fatter than she was, and I couldn't stand it. When your obese, 5ft sasquatch of a mother-in-law looks better than you do... well, it's time for action.