Its just been weird lately, ever since I lost the weight and I'm close to goal I'm getting lots of attention from men, and as flattering as it is, its just getting weird... I start wondering if I would be treated the same way if I was 244 pounds again, I wonder if I would have been given different job opportunities when I worked if I had been thin, I wonder if people would have been nicer to me if I was thin, I wonder if salespeople would have offered me the same discounts or advice, if waiters would have given me the same service, I never really had this much attention from men before, and now when I'm at the store, or out shopping, or just out by myself, men are totally flirting with me, asking me my name, telling me I'm very pretty, telling me they wished they had a pretty wife like me at home, etc....I mean, my god, was I just this blob that kind of just existed in the world that no one talked to and no one wanted to talk to ? Its just been weird lately, I don't know, anyone going through that too?

I lost a lot of weight many moons ago ( have regained it ) and experienced the same thing - it is actually kinda sad when you think about the way others place "value" on other people.

Beth :dance:

I agree with Soularized it is 2 fold. Guys are visual first and you are more apporachable because you are no longer trying to blend into the wall or stare at your feet and not smile due to the weight.

Research studies show that guys are attracted to one of two things in women: a pretty body or a pretty face. If you have both of those things going on at the same time you're going to attract most of them. Add a good dose of self-confidence to that and you'll have to swat them away like flies.

In my own life experience confidence has always helped me romantically when I was heavier-- but for certain things the weight got in the way.

I remember being in a job interview when I was at my heaviest-- and the HR person just watched me stand up from an impossibly squishy office couch with this sort of appaul that was awful. I knew that I wouldn't get that job because he thought I was too fat.

At other times, being an overweight gal in the new media industry actually helped-- because I wasn't treated like an object-- and people assumed that since I obviously didn't get the job for my looks, that I must know what I was talking about.

This is along the line of research I was reading about in the paper this week. It said for a woman weight had a direct correlation on earning power. For men it didn't matter at all.

This is along the line of research I was reading about in the paper this week. It said for a woman weight had a direct correlation on earning power. For men it didn't matter at all.

I would pay someone more moeny on the job if I thought I could sleep with them for the cost of salary.

Hehe!

Extremely overweight men suffer on the job too... its just that the cutoff for when they start to suffer is heavier than for women. A merely overweight woman might suffer whereas most men only suffer if they are obese, signifgantly overweight.

Height directly correlates to higher pay in men (but also in women!)

In today's society image is what the world is about. A big part of it has to do with the way you carry yourself at any weight.

In my personal experience in the work field... If a women is over weight she really has to work overtime on herself to keep her image sharp and carry her body well. I think that is the only reason I managed to keep moving up as far as I have without a finished college degree. When it comes to the high high paying job titles looks really do matter more... sad as it is.

Out in public though guys are brainless. Um I am not sure who wrote about the pretty face verse pretty body but your right. If a women is overweight and has a pretty face men will notice. If ya have both, it is basically radar zooming in they are all over it.

It not only happens with men, but women also treat you differently. One of the first things I noticed when I started losing my weight was that some of my female friends started treating me differently. Suddenly, I wasn't the "funny, fat chick" in the group that they could rely on to compare themselves to. (You've all been there, I call it "the at least I'm not as big as _____" syndrome). Most of my friends have gotten over that (especially my closest friends), but there are still friends out there that are still adjusting to the new me and often make comments like "I wonder how long you will keep it off" or "I'm sure you'll get tired of eating this way soon."

Friends can be weird indeed.

I'm having complete role reversal with one of my longtime friends who has balooned from a size 8 to a size 18. Meanwhile I went from a size 22 to a 14.

I'm smaller than she is now-- which has never been the case-- and she's bothered a bit because she always felt superior about her body when compared to mine. We are still good friends though-- the irony is now we have more to talk about because she knows how I used to feel.

Hi, Jessica,

First congrats on your weight loss!!!

Second, I was thin most my life and always had the same "problems" as you are having and I believe they are definately related. You're part of the "real world" now. Not an "outcast", not "one of them".

I know when I get my weight back, I will have a different idea on how men treat me. In my head I will always know they would never have asked me out if I was fat so to heck with the shallow bast**ds!

On the other hand, I would have preferred to date a more slim guy than someone who weighed 400 pounds, but now that I know what it is like, I think I would date a large man.

Enjoy your feminity while it is here, and realize it is all game playing, so play the game and have fun with it. Try not to get on a big headtrip about it, it won't always be there...age will get you. Pretty, slender, it shows no mercy.

Good Luck,

BB

ugh biggun i hear you! when my friends who shop in women's come over my mom always acts afterwards like it's such a nice thing that i'm friends with them and i'm being charitable or something, wtf...

fat people do get treated differently there's no doubt about it. but speaking from my own experiences as an overweight person i also presented myself differently. i often wore sloppy clothes. i started wearing tracksuit pants because i couldn't get any jeans that fitted. i took a lot less care with my appearance and i had a huge loss of confidence. i am sure these are factors in how guys treat you

but yes sadly first impressions count for a lot and most guys, shop assistants, employers etc don't want to hire/date/serve overweight people because they don't find us as attractive. you probably find the same looking at other people, it's human nature to judge people by their cover. one time i went on a blind date and the guy told me i was plump (i might add i was quite a lot lighter than i am now. i was about 150-155lb). funny i haven't been on a date since and i'm much heavier now. really dented my copnfidence

Guys who tell you 'you're plump' SUCK! GO ON MORE DATES! Some guys are a bit more sensitive.

People have treated me badly because of my weight or appearance throughout my life-- so I feel kind of generally annoyed with humanity on this point. I've had two employers who both asserted at one point or another that I was too fat and needed to do something about it 'for my health' (even though I've been in perfect health the entire time!) I've been discriminated against in job interviews. I've gone through hell in highschool for not fitting the 'normal size' of people. I've had my family ***** at me about being unattractive looking, and too fat. I've had an ex-boyfriend (who later became a fashion model, ha!) who used to tell me I was too fat-- (so I dumped him and went out with 7 new guys in the following three months... all of whom were more complimentary!)

All of this didn't inspire me to lose weight. What actually happened was I used to drink a lot of coca-cola and it started to give me very bad PMS. So I read a book on nutrition and it changed my life (and weight).

I wear skimpier and prettier clothes now-- because I its easier to find things that are flattering in misses and juniors sizes... and because I can. AND I'M STILL FAT... just not as fat...

and yea-- the guys seem to be looking at me more-- someone tried to pick me up in the supermarket last night. HA!

someone tried to pick me up in the supermarket last night. HA!oggie,

Well, I sure hope he didn't hurt himself. :laugh:

You know the old wives' tale about fat people being 'jolly'. Well, on the dating scene, a pleasing personality brimming with self-confidence along with being a good listener, can go a long way towards attracting some men.

Sure, sure, a fit, classical 'female' figure is going to catch our eyes at first glance -- we can't help that, as that's how we're hard-wired. But the more thoughtful men (and perhaps, having learned through experience that really attractive women rely greatly on their beauty as a crutch and often just don't bother developing a personality), end up appreciating personality more than appearance at times.

For sure, not an easy thing to manage at times if that's just not 'you', but, perhaps you could work at it becoming you someday? After all, just one 'home run' may land you a life partner, where you can leave the dating scene behind forever.

rD

So far its number 7. He wants to get married and have kids. :)

If he can cook too, hurry up and marry him!!

He's hopeless in the kitchen... but maybe I can think of ways to teach cooking that might interest him. :o

Its just been weird lately, ever since I lost the weight and I'm close to goal I'm getting lots of attention from men, and as flattering as it is, its just getting weird... I start wondering if I would be treated the same way if I was 244 pounds again, I wonder if I would have been given different job opportunities when I worked if I had been thin, I wonder if people would have been nicer to me if I was thin, I wonder if salespeople would have offered me the same discounts or advice, if waiters would have given me the same service, I never really had this much attention from men before, and now when I'm at the store, or out shopping, or just out by myself, men are totally flirting with me, asking me my name, telling me I'm very pretty, telling me they wished they had a pretty wife like me at home, etc....I mean, my god, was I just this blob that kind of just existed in the world that no one talked to and no one wanted to talk to ? Its just been weird lately, I don't know, anyone going through that too?

i so know what you mean...once the weight started to go off the more attention i am getting it..

I'm not sure how the male brain works, Jessica... I'm not even sure I want to know exactly.

But they're generally a very visual bunch. Think Homer Simpson confronted with a sugary donut. Mmmmm donut. Same with women. Pretty face, nice curves, or just a striking look, they're hooked. I'm not particularly attractive at all, definitely haven't got a pretty face, but I'm tall, big bazookas and long hair, and even when I weighed 220lbs, there'd always be a few horny, not-too-picky saps chatting me up. It happened more when I was younger (I'm 23 now) and when my hair was lighter. Go figure, eh? I dye my hair dark brown now and, well, there's that small matter of the wedding ring on my finger, so I don't get much of it now.

Have to be honest... I kinda miss it. Makes me feel like I'm old and on the shelf now. It's always nice feeling that you're desirable... so hey, just relax and enjoy it!

Attention is nice I guess... but at times also annoying! One of my businesspartners has taken to calling me "SEXY" at the office. If I didn't have a good sense of humour and call him "DOOFUS" in return... it might make me feel more than objectified.

Well, after reading everything I'm not as insulted by the attention from people and figure I probably didn't move up any corporate ladders too quickly because I hated all my jobs I had and after awhile all my coworkers pretty much knew it.....HA HA.

Its funny, my hubby gained about 60 pounds since I went on my diet and he's 6'4"...
and he got promoted this year at his job.....When he started in the car business when he was 18 he had all his hair, and weighed about 180, Almost 9 years later he's 260 and the barber is telling him to give up and just shave his head because there's hardly any more hair on top to cut, and now he's the general manager of the dealership.....

Well at least your husband isn't suffering for his gain! :)

A longtime friend of mine visited me last week. She's lost about 10lbs since I saw her last, but is still about 80lbs heavier than her all-time lowest weight.

She was sort of mortified because only twice in ten years have we been able to swap clothes. The first time was years ago when I was expanding out of my size 14s... and now this time she fits into my too big clothes from last year.

She was bittersweet about swapping clothes I think-- happy to have something cute to wear (because I used to spend time scouring NYC looking for cute plus sized stuff) but at the same time frustrated because she feels unhappy about her weight.

It was strange. She kept telling me how great I looked and what size what I wearing. It actually made me mildly uncomfortable because it felt competitive in a way we never used to be.

It not only happens with men, but women also treat you differently. One of the first things I noticed when I started losing my weight was that some of my female friends started treating me differently. Suddenly, I wasn't the "funny, fat chick" in the group that they could rely on to compare themselves to. (You've all been there, I call it "the at least I'm not as big as _____" syndrome). Most of my friends have gotten over that (especially my closest friends), but there are still friends out there that are still adjusting to the new me and often make comments like "I wonder how long you will keep it off" or "I'm sure you'll get tired of eating this way soon."

Oh my God, it's just so sad that some people try to sabbotage you, isn't it? why people can't just be happy for someone else? :-/

True, ronise, but I think most people do it subconsciously and the rest just don't take the time to think about what they are saying before they open their mouths.