Hi! I'm Tara.. 24 years old...
determined this time that I can reach my fitness goals. I have been isolating myself lately because I am embarrassed of how I look in the significantly larger clothes I bought because I no longer fit into most of the clothes I owned... Reading through other peoples posts, I really got inspired.. It is amazing to see how much weight some people have lost... I think that the weight ticker is a great idea.
Right now I am feeling full (I really have to keep myself in check of how I am feeling). I binge a lot... like 4 days a week when I am attempting to control myself. I have decided to keep a goal in mind every week. My goal this week is to not binge. I did last night... eating more calories than I did before 8pm.
So far today I ate the following:
-1 veggie burger
-1 apple

-1 low-fat yogurt

-2 cups of white tea (unsweetened)

-2 slices of turkey
-1/2 c cooked spinach
-salad: tomatoes, spinach, romaine lettuce
with 1 Tbsp. flax seed oil

I took a chromium tablet today (400 mg) which is supposed to curb the appetite.. repressing the need for sweets. It seems to be working so far. I haven't had a craving all day.

I was so afraid to get on the scale today since I have gained some inches all around... but to my surprise I weighed 165 lbs. which has been my weight for a while now.

-Tara.

ok.. so yesterday i ate really well (though i didn't eat very much... my boss came in late so i didn;t get a lunch break... i did have an apple in my bag though... thankfully). it was my second day on a diet and I DIDN"T BINGE!!!
i usually can't make it past a day.
at dinner i only ate one serving and left some food on my plate.
i do get tired quite a bit earlier at night... im used to the rush from eating a sugary substance i guess.
today i did ok so far though i do see myself slipping.. i ate a few grapes after breakfast which i KNOW doesn't seem like much BUT i do have a sneaky way of getting off track by letting in these little slip ups. basically i am trying to just sit down and have a meal and THATS IT.
(i also had a tic tac and a velamint... yes, still not a big deal but i see the old tara-
the overeating binger tara-coming back).
i didn't start exercising yet but i think that will be my GOAL next week.

i still don't feel confident enough to go out of the house (besides being forced out by going to work). i really just want my confidence back. it would mean so much. im going on vacation during the end of august and i really don't want to feel SO self conscious. i would like to lose 10 pounds by then... its about a month and a half away.

Hi, Tara, nice to meet you and your new journal.

Just be as consistent as you can be, take it a day at a time, and enjoy life along the way. These weight-loss efforts are difficult, especially when we are just getting started, but the pay-off is wonderful.

As to whether you can lose 10 lbs. by the end of August, I don't know. But just by controlling the size of your portions and eating a mix of healthy foods you are making yourself more healthy. And that is what we all want to do.

Good luck to you, and keep posting -

thanks for the encouragement!! :)

Tara you have to be moe positive and give yourself more credit. No more thinking I usually mess up, because in many ways it makes it ok. You have to say I ate this, but its ok because I am going to make it. Excercise is a great goal to work for, I know if it wasnt for excercise I would still be chubby. We both have the same goal to lose 10 pounds by vacation time at the end of August. Are you going anywhre fun?

Hi tara!

I can relate to your weight woes and not fitting into old clothes or smaller sizes. It's a pain. But I know you can do it and I think you will do amazingly! Just remain focussed and determined. Some of us fall off the wagon, as did I, but just get back up there and never forget all the awesome people who are here to support you!!

Melinda :)

Hey tara think happy thoughts. Every day tell yourself something positive about yourself. You will have good days and bad days and that is fine. Something my nutritionist told me is that some days you will eat more than others and other days you'll eat less. just know that over time it eventually evens itself out. If you just eat a healthy balance of the food groups your body will go down to the size it's supposed to be. :D Good luck!

wow, thanks guys... this advice really helps... put a :) on my face!!
i know i have to work on my self confidence issues.. but that's why i am trying to lose weight... i figure if a set some goals and work my way to achieving them i will get my confidence back (i used to have a lot).

update on today:

i worked basically half the day today cause my boss is on vacation. it made me feel really good doing it. i forgot how much i enjoyed working. it got me thinking i can actually do something with my life... work up to having a career, an apartment, a life.
i have been sooo confused the past year as to what i was going to do with myself... i didnt even know what i wanted out of life AT ALL. it was like basically i didnt want anything at all... and that is a scary thought. i guess thats why i stopped caring for my body... now not only do i have a weight issue, i have a BAD complexion (i NEVER had this problem before), a terrible haircut, and ridiculous headaches... oh yeah and no energy.

ever since i started this diet on tuesday though, i can feel things again... simple things... like the wind blowing against my skin. it was like before now i was cut off from my outside environment.

today i ate three meals (and im NOT hungry... this is a first)... and had about 10 cup of water so far.

Physical Activity: I walked for about an hour today (in 15 minute intervals cause i had to run some errands).

oh, and BEST of all... my JEANS felt a little looser on me!! :)

four days down... a lot more to go

Something to think about:

The seed cannot know what is going to happen, the seed has never known the flower. And the seed cannot even believe that he has the potentiality to become a beautiful flower. Long is the journey, and it is always safer not to go on that journey because unknown is the path, nothing is guaranteed.

Nothing can be guaranteed. Thousand and one are the hazards of the journey, many are the pitfalls - and the seed is secure, hidden inside a hard core. But the seed tries, it makes an effort; it drops the hard shell which is its security, it starts moving. Immediately the fight starts: the struggle with the soil, with the stones, with the rocks. And the seed was very hard and the sprout will be very, very soft and dangers will be many.

There was no danger for the seed, the seed could have survived for millennia, but for the sprout many are the dangers. But the sprout starts towards the unknown, towards the sun, towards the source of light, not knowing where, not knowing why. Great is the cross to be carried, but a dream possesses the seed and the seed moves.

The same is the path for man. It is arduous. Much courage will be needed.

-Osho Dang Dang Doko Dang Chapter 4

I remember when I first started dietting and my excercise, my skin got so smooth. And i have been off my diet for about 6 months --since i just got back on-- and during that time though I havent really gained any weight, my skin was getting problematic. I have never had bad skin so every little blemish is a big thing to me, I am happy that is clearing up. Soon your pants wont fit, so I hope ou have no problems shopping... or at least buying new belts.

HEy elsie... i dont think ill need to go shopping... got enough clothes waiting for me hidden in the closet. hehe. as for my skin so far... no NEW breakouts (which is real good for me since for the past several months it seems as if theyve been appearing continuously).

today i was sooo tired... i was basically falling asleep in the middle of the work day sooo i caved i bought a coffee. im trying to stay away from the cortisol but, hey, what can you do. i ate good today... but i had a special K bar and it was so sugary.... gotta stay away from those (but only 90 calories).
im trying to vary my diet as much as possible from day to day.. so far im not getting bored... im even getting less hungry!!
not much on the activity level for me today.. only some walking.

p.s. subway is awesome... best thing nutrition-wise on their menu seems to be the turkey wrap... 190 cals... 9 grams of fiber.

See people always say you cant eat out, blah...blah....blah. I have made eating ut part of my diet. I knwo where I can and cant go to get good meals. You just have to watch out for salt when eating out, but things like turkey wraps are convienient and defiantely a part of my diet. Those and those yummy southwest chicken pitas from Jack in the Box. My skin has been better since eating healthy again, yeah for good skin. And coffee isnt too bad, not many calories, I mean as long as you arent getting a mocha with whipped cream or anything. As for snack bars try the south beach diet cereal bars --in your cereal aisle :)-- they are soooo yummy, and much healthier.

Cashews

Elsie... I'm a big fan of the Atkins granola bar... yum.

Gees, im pooped... not as whipped out as yesterday though... today i had a more highly caloric breakfast because i didnt want to be as tired as yesterday... and it really worked... i felt alive again.
this is what i ate:
-plain oatmeal (100 cals) w/
1/4 c soy milk (40 cals?)
raisins (45 cals)
1-4 c raw cashews (180 cals and YES lots of FAT... but whatever)

i ate that at 11am.. and i wasnt hungry for a while... i decided to eat at 3pm though before i started getting hungry again... had a turkey wrap from subway (190 cals) (which i was planning on eating since yesterday... its good to look forward to a meal)...
then i wasnt hungry till i got home around 10:30pm...

i had 2 c mixed veggies (100 cals)
some turkey (150 cals)

oh, and i had 2 cups of tea (1 earl grey and 1 decaf black tea)
both with half and half since they didnt have anything else in the coffee shop
and 2 equal in each (they were large cups).
(120 cals?)

anyway, if i calculated right thats less than 1000 cals...
its kinda hard to imagine that less than a week ago i was eating probably triple that amount a day... and always hungry.

I really needed those cashews today... they were raw and unsalted though so that's good... also i read something about how nuts are good to eat while dieting in Prevention magazine.
BUt the whole idea of ALLOWING myself to eat them made them that much more satisfying. I figure if im going to be on this health kick for the next several months i need to pace myself.

Don't worry about those nuts ~ nuts are really good for you, if you have them in moderation, and it looks like you certainly did. Certainly better than a candy bar, right? :)

hey elivi, nice to meet you...
yup no candy bars for my belly.


So now it is officially Tuesday!!!
That means I've been on my diet A WHOLE WEEK!
And I reached my goal of NO BINGES.
I don't even miss any off that unhealthy food... I don't even miss CEREAL... I think that cereal has been the cause of at least half of any time in my life I had gained weight. I could eat basically a whole box in one sitting (minus the milk).

Also tonight I got a lead on a job!
So exciting.
I really need to start doing something with my life.. career-wise.

My goal for my second week will be to go to the gym 2 times.
I am planning on going at about 10ish (to beat the crowds).

Yes you need to pace yourself. You dont want to get all heath nut --npo pun intended-- out and burn out. You are doing well, so dont worry or make excuses over cashews. I have never had the Adkins bars, I dont know if I have seen them. I bought the quaker ones when my were discontinued temp (name change) and thy were gross. Left a nasty aftertaste. I dont think I will ever eat them.

ok, im not going to try this but i thought it was interesting:

Leslie Sayer: 30 days of Mc Donalds (http://www.mcles.com/)

-- the experiment in reaction to "Super Size Me"

I say eating out is a part of my diet, but not like that, lol.

These are my new measurements for one week down:
arms: 13" (-.5")
bust: 38" (0 difference)
waist: 36" (-1")
hips: 39" (-2")
thighs: 26.75" (-.25)

That's 2.75" down!!! Hey, It's something. I'm pleased.

SO I have a confession to make 8-| ... last week when I stepped on the scale I didn't actually put my whole body weight on it... So today I am going to REALLY weight my self.. Of course this mean I won't ever know what the weight difference was but that's ok.

actually I will do it right now.................

OK, I am about 169 lbs. So I really don't think I lost any weight but I don't think I gained any either... So no harm no foul.
I realize that my body isn't going to jump for joy that I'm on a diet and isn't going to let go of that weight without a good fight. Also I didn't gain weight that rapidly when eating horribly so I think my body is trying to stay in balance despite the caloric intake.

This just means I have to step it up a bit.
I know that it raises the metabolism to eat 5-6 mini meals a day instead of the regular 3... I realized that when I started this... but I had to get my body used to eating less before embarking on such a plan.

I am also adjusting my GOAL this week to going to the gym 1 time... but exercising 2 times.

Today I woke up really late... at about 12:30... but it was a well deserved sleep since I've been working 11 hours a day plus traveling 1 1/2 hours to and from work.

well, I went to the gym. I went on the Precor elliptical machine for 30 minutes (interval training). I burned 277.1 calories and traveled a total distance of 2.36 miles.
Then I did some weight training. I used the inner and outer thigh machine and an arm machine.

So far today I had yogurt (150 cal) amd half of a frozen banana (65 cals).
Frozen bananas are awesome by the way.
I had 2 cups of fresh carrot juice (200) and a Luna bar (http://www.lunabar.com/) (180)... and a few grapes (5 cals?). The bar was a bit too sugary for my taste though... but they didn't have much of a selection at the juice bar.

So total calories so far is 500.

I think I'm going to go back to my original goal for this week of going to the gym 2 times. I got to push myself a little bit.

you absolutely have to push yourself. Thats what weight loss is all about. Excercise makes such a huge difference, so I say push yourself as much as possible, you will see it will totally be worth it.

CapaCodCoy: yeah, I like the whole measurement thing... it's very concrete... I'm glad I inspired you!!

elsie: I'm hoping it will make a difference... It's funny. I forgot how much I enjoyed exercising...

I was watching tv tonight (which I haven't done in 4 days) and ya know it wasn't that great. I prefered moving. I can't believe how much my preferences are changing during this journey. I used to hate drinking water... now its no big deal getting at least 8 glasses in a day. I used to always be starving and craving... now my appetite has significantly gone down and so far the only thing I really craved was carrot juice which is healthy.

Today I walked about 2 miles with my dad after dinner... So that's two times I exercised this week so far!!

Today I had about 1200 calories... I ate 5 meals today.

I think I need to take a "before" picture of myself... but I need to find my digital camera. If I cant find it i'll just buy a disposable and get it developed with a cd so I can have it on the computer.

Today my dad said I looked like I lost some weight :)

I'm going to order Prevention's Firm Up in 3 Weeks (http://www.enotalone.com/article/4772.html) by Michele Stanten... Supposedly following the plan you are supposed to lose weight 3 X as fast.
Prevention is a great magazine and they are pretty trustworthy so I will give it a shot.

Yes definately need those before pictures. I was upset because mine --on a digital-- got ruined, so I dont have them. But I have the pictures of me from daily activities or what not. But wish I had the gym clothes ones. Keep up the excercising.

Yesterday I exercised again... I went to the gym so I reached my goal this week of going to the gym twice.
I exercised 3 X (30 minutes) this week which is the minimum activity I'm supposed to be getting. Yesterday I think I ate almost exactly 1200 calories.
I ate CEREAL for breakfast... my ultimate weakness... but don't worry... I counted out a serving of the mini wheats and measured the milk. It was weird looking down at the bowl as to what an actual serving is... kinda skimpy. I usually have 2 X that amount and 2-3 bowls.

Today I worked all day but I took the stairs a lot throughout the day.
I ate like 500 calories throughout the day and when 7:30pm rolled around I was really hungry... I got salmon and rice... and ate too fast... I probably would have eaten about 1/2 of what I had eaten if I stopped to think. So I don't really know how many calories I ate for dinner... I might have gone over 1200 calories today.
Anyway, I have to just watch myself.
I mean I was totally STUFFED about 15 minutes after I ate and I came home (around 10:30pm) looking to eat again...
I stopped myself.

I bought a disposable camera yesterday so I can take my before pics.

My friend said today that I look like I am losing weight... That's 2 people so far so yay!

Good luck with your dieting, sounds like you are off to a good start!! Thanks for stopping by my journal. Its terrible to have good clothes in your closet you can not wear. I can't wait to be able to pull them out and put them on again. That is as good as shopping for smaller sizes. We can do it. elsie is great motivation. She has done well and she has sensible advice. Amy

Amy... can, we definetly can.. just got to stick by our guns.

Well, my computer wasn't working but I finally got it to come on again... could have been the rain making the power go on and off all day.

Entry for Saturday:
I went to a party last night... it was fun. I had 3 beers so I went a bit over 1200 cals... but I didn't have anything to eat at the party... and usually I try a bit of everything. I just avoided the goodie table at all costs.
What I ate:
-Bkft: 1/2 banana (65 cals)
Pure Protien Bar (300 cals, 10 g fat) (I was really hungry)

-coffee w/ 2 Equal (0) (trying to cut out the milk and cream)

-Lunch: Fruit and Nut bar (140) (Didn't get a proper break at work so as a last resort I passed by the vending machine on the way to the bathroom)
1 orange (85)

-Dinner: 2 hard boiled eggs (140)
1 large apple (125)

-At party: 3 beers (450)

Water: 10 cups

Total cals: 1305

So it wasn't a terrible amount of calories but I'm totally feeling a snack attack today (though I didn't have one).

Sunday:

Today I went to Perkin's for breakfast... And although Iwas pretty nervous going out with friends and controlling what I ate I did pretty well. I didn't eat all of what I ordered and did the no creamer thing with my coffee... I'm kinda getting used to it.

So far I ate:
-Bkft: 4 coffees w/ 2 Equal (0) (I know, it was a bit much)
Omelet: 2 large eggs w/ tomatoes, peppers and onions (220?)
1/2 slice of whole wheat toast (60)

-Lunch: Salad: romaine lettuce, tomatoes, cucumbers (50)
Salsa (25)
Tuna fish w/ spicy mustard (160)

-Snack: 1/2 frozen banana (65)

Water: 2 cups (gotta get on that)

Total Cals: 580

Now I'm going to watch Reservoir Dogs (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0105236/) ...

Oh, my boss cut his calories down and lost TEN POUNDS in one week... if we all were that lucky.

I will write more later... I was in the writing mood before when my computer didn't work.

Hope everyone is doing well today.

hahaha, that's really funny, Cape.
In my experience though it seems that guys have it easier when trying to lose weight... so we can't get too upset. :sigh:

WOO HOO! I lost 4 pounds this week!!!

Though my new measurements are not as impressive:
(last week/this week)
arms: 13"/13"(0)
bust: 38"/38"(0)
waist: 36"/35"(-1")
hips: 39"/38.75"(-.25")
thighs: 26.75"/26.25"(-.5")

So that's a total of 1.75" lost.

-Oh, the other day I didn't wind up watching Reservoir Dogs.. I went to see Charlie and the Chocolate Factory... and it was much better than I thought it was going to be.
It was a good thing I went because I was sooo hungry and I thought I would binge. I just got water at the theater and at a late dinner when I got home.

-Yesterday I ate about 1200 calories. I did have a bunch of granola and a chocolate pudding... so my fat count was a bit high.

SO this week's goal is to watch my fat grams. I'll try to stay around 20 g.

-Cape, yup moving is a must... supposedly when you cut your calories back, your metabolism drops 10-15%... and when you exercise your metabolism increases 10-15%. I'm guessing that's maybe why I didn't lose any weight the first week... no movement.

haha oh yeah i forgot about that one. thanks! :)

CONGRATULATIONS on loosing 4 pounds!! That's great! Measuring yourself is a good idea, too. I need to do that. Keep up the good work. Amy

Thanks, Amy.

I just got in from walking... I walked about 45 minutes.
Tuesday I rode my bike with my brother for about 20 minutes.. so I have to do at least one more exercise oriented thing till Tuesday.

Staying under 20 g of fat per day is harder than I thought it would be.
I feel a bit tired but that's ok... I'll see how much of a difference it makes on my next weigh in/meas.

I'm going to get a haircut soon and then an hour long facial tonight because I have a JOB INTERVIEW next Thursday... I'm so nervous and excited.
It would be real good for me to get a career oriented job. It is for a teaching position for autistic adults. Right up my alley. (I did research on autism for my undergrad).

I've been eating more vegetarian food lately... I do miss being vegan but I don't know if I'm quite ready to go back to that... maybe vegetarian though. It is a lot easier to stay low on calories and fat grams.

Had 3 cups of coffee this morning with my friend at breakfast... I REALLY need to cut down on the caffeine.

I haven't been feeling well the past two days. Yesterday I thought it might have to do with my diet... I was soooo hungry yesterday. I stayed low on my calories all day... until I got home from work. I was supposed to go to a BBQ but I didn't feel well and didn't feel like drinking. SO what did I do instead? Take a nap than pig out. I can't believe the amount of food I ate. But I refuse to beat myself up about it... It happens. Usually I would not only feel bad about it, I would probably drop the whole diet out the window and gain more weight than what I started at... Then not build up the courage to start again for at least a month.
Well
thats not going to happen this time.
I'm going to continue the diet...
but THIS time
I'm not going to be so strict... yes, I'm still going to watch my calories BUT I am not going to count the fat grams. I think that was where I hit a problem. I don't know if it was mental, but I felt like I was being extremely deprived.
I also don't want to get obsessed over every little thing that enters my mouth.

So far today I'm having a good "recovery" from last night's binge.
I had:
BKft: 1 c Raisin Bran
1 Tbsp. flax seed
1/2 c skim milk
-1 c decaf tea w/ skim milk, 1/2 Tbsp. honey
Lunch: 1 tortilla wrap
1/2 can of tuna w/ spicy mustard
1/2 Tbsp. flax seed
2 slices tomato
1/2 leaf romaine lettuce

... I was going to drink my tea with Equal this morning BUT I read that your body uses a lot of energy releasing the toxins you put into it... and I do want my energy level back up.. So, yeah, honey does have some calories but I'd rather be eating real food.

I logged in my calories for yesterday's gross eating.
It came to 3304 cals... with at least 2000 cals from the binge.
The thing is, it's hard to believe that is how I was eating 2-3 times a week.
8-|
I feel really depressed today. I was going to do some exercising but I just slept. I still don't feel well... But I will definitely exercise tomorrow!

Well one of those binges equals a pound, so if you were doing that 3 times a week then just cutting that out twice a week will get you to lose 2 pounds a week. However, I do thik more importantly would be trying to figure out how to eliminate them all together. I know there is a good chance you dont actually need all that food, so time to get to the emotional factors that lead you to binge. As for the "real food" thing. I think that labelling food "real food" and... well I guess not real food will just allow you to justify eating all the things that probably arent good for you. I agree that you should be able to eat "real food" but the important thing is eating it in moderation, and realize there is give and take. Like I still eat ice cream, but I will have a 1/2 of the low fat stuff. I just think we need to get rid of the ida that low fat, or sugar free versions of things are not real food. You have already begun losing weight, so you know you can do it... but the battle is never won. You can do this, you can cut back on caffeine, you can control your binging, you can reach your goal weight.

Thanks elsie... I did get back on track today with eating. :) Sorry about my bout on "real food" 8-| but I would just rather eat natural foods. That goes deeper in me than my need to lose weight. I am trying not to get too extreme one way or the other as I have had a problem with doing so in the past.

Today I sweetened my tea with Stevia (http://www.cookingwithstevia.com/stevia_faq.html) .
It's pretty amazing stuff. I have had the powdered form for a while now and a bottle lasts a real long time because you only put a pinch of it in a drink.

I am trying to get enough calcium in my diet. Today I had more dairy than I usually do. But I think I am going to get some supplements soon. I read that calcium helps your body release fat.

I felt really good today!
I exercised on a mini trampoline for about 30 minutes (5 min intervals). It was a lot harder than I thought it would be... but I guess I have to work up to where I used to be.
I ate a bunch of raw food today... at every meal including my snack.

Ugh, but I weigh in tomorrow morning and I am not looking foward to it at all.
I think I might have gained weight this week... because I was either too low or too high on my calories.

I got the Prevention book in the mail. I'm not going to stick to the meal plan because it is way too organized. I read in the book that going under 1500 cals a day is not a good idea. It said that your body goes into starvation mode. The thing is, I don't feel like I am starving on 1200 cals. And I sort of feel guilty going that high on my calories. It probably has something to do with stuggling with an eating disorder throughout my life. But the good news in all of this is that I don't have to be so strict on how many calories I am eating WHEN I am eating. I know I can, without counting calories stay under 1500 no problem.

Today I got a Calcium supplement :)

Your body is not going to go into starvation mode on a 1200 a day diet unless you are huge or require a lot of calories. I know for me it worked for a long time. When it stopped working I bumped it up a bit to 1200-1500 a day and that has worked fine with me. I agree with the fact you need to eat realistic foods, since this is a life change. As far as not needing to count calories, research has shown that fit people underestimate their calories by about 2-300 calories a day, and overweight people by about 500. So we might think we are eating 1200 calories a day, but unless we are measuring and keeping track, that is more likely to be closer to 1700. I think counting calories and writing it down is important for everyone, so you can learn what a portion really looks like, and really understand what and how much is in your food.

Dont stress ou about the weight. It will go up and down, and thats just a part of life. But in the end you will get results, and thats what matters.

elsie, yeah... you're totally right... I know keeping track of the portion size is a must... I love my measuring cups. I still count my calories... but I like to do it sometimes after I eat (only if I know the portions I am working with before eating though).

soooo... I weighed myself and I lost 3 pounds!!
woot!


http://tickers.TickerFactory.com/ezt/d/3;33;42;0;0/c/-7/t/-39/k/2931/weight.png
(http://www.TickerFactory.com/)

That was really encouraging for me considering I almost lost it this week.
These are my measurements:
(LAST WEEK/THIS WEEK)
Arms:13"/13" (0)
Bust:38"/38" (0)
Waist:35"/35" (0)
Hips: 38.75"/38.5" (-.25")
Thighs: 26.25"/26.25" (0)

... eh, lost 1/4 an inch.
I hope I'm not losing muscle.
Guess I should step it up on the weight training this week.

Going to Chili's tonight because they list the nutritional content of at least some of their dishes from what I remember... at least the diet conscious ones which is what I'll be ordering from.

Congrats on the loss, you are makig those steps to your goal. Keep up the good work.

mmm food. Maybe I shouldn't be reading journals when I am hugry because they make me hungry. Anyways, good job on keeping the cals down and on resisting the noncal sweetners, I need to stop doing that too, I just don't know if I really trust them so much. I think that I'm going to start adding sugar to them. 1 teaspoon is 15 cals so I'll just have less of it or I'll mix it half and half with my splenda

Congratulations on your weight loss!!! You seem do be doing very good with your calories and exercise!!! Keep it up! Amy

WTG on the losing weight!!! Congratulations, and keep doing what you have been doing.

Thanks everyone!
This whole losing weight thing isn't as terrible as I imagined it to be. Sometimes it is sorta fun. ummm.. my fingers smell of fresh garlic... i love that smell.
I just finished making and eating beans and broccoli with onions and garlic. It was very delicious... salty (because I only had canned beans) but awesome. I think I should pick up some dry beans at the store later on.

I bought new pants for the gym that are very light and look sorta cute on me so I'll probably do what I haven't done yet... go to the gym at night!!!
I am starting to get less self conscious of my body... And it's weird because I haven't lost a whole lot of weight. I think it is just the idea that I have improved that is making me feel so much better about myself.
I started to envision what I would look like when I am fit. I think this will help me to keep an eye on the goal. I even envisioned myself with new hair... and that's a good sign folks. See, usually I am a bit obsessed with hair and changing it as often as possible... and I haven't been much on the hair in a while.

I went on my interview today. It was great. I woke up with confidence this morning... I'm glad it finally came because I was starting to get worried.

Things are looking up for me :)

That sounds great! I need to get some gym pants for next year when I go to college, but I'm going to wait a little bit. I'm in new york in early september and I hope to be in the lower 70's by then so I can go shopping. I'm thinking that I'll buy some clothes that fit and some that are a little bit small so that I can slim into them. For now I just want to get to the higher 70's... very very badly.

Oh, hey, I just noticed that you are almost in the 50's! that's so great!

That sounds great! I need to get some gym pants for next year when I go to college, but I'm going to wait a little bit. I'm in new york in early september and I hope to be in the lower 70's by then so I can go shopping. I'm thinking that I'll buy some clothes that fit and some that are a little bit small so that I can slim into them. For now I just want to get to the higher 70's... very very badly.

Oh, hey, I just noticed that you are almost in the 50's! that's so great! hey kelsey,
seems to me that you are doing real well from the looks of your signature.
I'm totally AFRAID of the scale, haha... it's amazes me that you can weigh yourself everyday. With that said though, I hope you don't beat yourself up if you gain a pound from one day to the next... since it might be water or muscle.
I think its good to have a goal of the week.. I try to do that to. :)

I know... I'm almost in the 150's!!! I can't believe it!
Now I just got to plan my celebration for it. :D

Oh, I used to weigh myself only once a week but I noticed that the day after the weigh in I would let myself eat a lot more thinking that it was far away from my weigh in, this way I am more accountable, and no I don't beat myself up. Actually, I'm really surprised that I've done so well so far this week. I still have 2 days more to go and I wouldn't really care if I maintained (or even gained a pound back) Still, I'm eating light, walking my dog a lot, and having lots of crazy dance parties to burn cals (and tone my abs) so all in all its not that bad.

I think that you should have a party for getting into the 50's (like when you are at 158 or something) At 178 I'm going to have a no sugar popsicle/fudgesicle party. Mmm, and lots of diet drinks

Hey Tara,

Just been skimming through your journal - looks like you're doing really well. Good luck!


Where are you in New York? I live in Queens and work in Manhattan. Nice to see a neighbor!

Take care!

hey Rabbit,
I live in Staten Island. Pleased to meet you :) and thank you.

Today I was all stressing out about the interview I went on yesterday... Then on the way home I was reading through Fitness magazine... An article was saying that I should be exercising FIVE times a with for 30 min...
So being stressed and motivated to move I decided to get off the train the stop after mine. I rented a video at the Blockbuster near the station I got off at then went to the supermarket and bought some healthy food. It took me about 20 minutes to walk to where my car was... better then not moving at all when I am motivated (which is usually the case).
Yesterday was the first time since I started this that exercising actually FELT GOOD.
Yeah, I'm hooked.

Last night I had sushi so I have no clue as to how many calories I ate... I tried looking through several websites but they were pretty vauge and very varied... so whatever, It was a healthy meal and I only ate 1/2 the sushi on my plate (7 pieces)... haha I knew I ordered too much.
As for today I had a protien shake for breakfast than went straight to the gym... was a bit tired so I didn't do that much weight training.
I am going to my uncle's birthday party with CATERED FOOD!! (uh oh).
Well hopefully they got salad.
I had a 1/2 a banana to hold me over.
Later I am supposed to go to my friend's apartment for dinner... oh Lord, the temptations. Well I think calorie counting today will be a lost cause as well so I will just watch my portions I suppose.

Today I realized how important it is to weigh and measure every week... because right now I don't feel like I lost ANY weight. My pants are a bit tight on me (yet I snuck a peek today at my waist measurement and I lost a bit).... but that could be from all the sodium I have been intaking.
I used to just try to lose weight by how my clothes felt. Now I see the flaw in that.

I agree that veryone should do a minimum of 30 minutes 5 times a week. I mean just look at the benefits; not only do you burn calories while you are excercising, but your metabolism is boosted for a couple more hours. You sleep better, feel better, and I thik become more confident. I often park far away form where I have to go to force myself to do that much more excercise, I think that is a good plan.

So how did you do with the catered food? It's hard isn't it when food is everywhere!!! I just ate a grilled chicken sandwhich from Wendy's for my lunch. They are 360 calories and very filling!!!! I do the portion control also when I can't do calorie counting. I did that at the buffet I went to yesterday. I still prefer to know how many calories I am eating. Keep up the good work. Amy

hi elsie, yeah I think 5 days of exercise is something I will just have to work up to. For now I am just making sure I get in a minimum of 3 times a week and if I do more, great. So far I am doing pretty good this week.

hi Amy, As for yesterday... well I didn't do too well with my self control. I had chocolate and, yes, I had cake. The thing is, I really don't feel bad about it at all... so I know I have to start really watching what I eat for the next few days.

I am starting to get to that "I am bored with being on a diet" phase and I just gotta refocus.
I weigh in/measure tomorrow so we will see what happens.
I did ok on my calories today (a bit under 1200 so far... and I might have some tea with the added calories of milk) but I did have a huge chocolate craving.
I think it might have had to do with all the chocolate I ate yesterday. I used to eat chocolate every day so old habits die hard.
I had an Atkins breakfast bar and Nabisco 100 cal packs (Oreos) to settle my head.

Well, I did feel real sick yesterday after eating all that junk. I'm really glad my body reacted that way.

Well, now I am going to watch the season finale of Hell's Kitchen so I can look at some yummy food and not eat it haha.

The easiest way to get rid of that sugar addiction is by cutting it out. It might be hard at first, but if you get rid of the sugar and all the white foods when you eat chocolate, it just doesnt taste right anymore.
Refocusing is good. Diets are boring, but losing 40 pounds isnt. If you stick with you you can rreach your goal and believe me there is NOTHING boring about that.

So I GAINED weight this week... 2 pounds.

Here's my new measurements:
(Last Week/This Week)
arms: 13"/13" (0)
bust:38"/38" (0)
waist:35"/34" (- 1")
hips:38.75"/39" (+ .25")
thighs: 26.25"/26" (- .25" each = - . 5")

... which means I still lost more inches than I gained.
I am very happy about my waist measurement.
So the scale could do what it wants, as long as my body looks better.
But seriously, I am going to be more strict on myself this week.

elsie, I know that cutting the sugar out is the best thing. I will work on that this week.

geez... I don't know what I am going to do with myself. Today I got all depressed and what did I do??? I ate and ate and ate and ate. And then I felt sick.
Why do I do this to myself? It is so silly.
I mean I should have did what I originally intended to do which was to take a nap.
I think I need to make a behavioral contract with myself as I have already had 3 bad days since I started this diet... all within the last 2 weeks.
I realize that I binge when I am depressed or stressed.
So if I am depressed I will take a nap. I will not take a nap in the living room as it is in close proximity to massive amounts of food. I will not nap in the living room because it has a tv. I will nap in my room.
If I am stressed out I will perform some sort of physical activity.
(To be continued later)

Well unfortunately I didn't get the job I interviewed for.
And my eating has gotten a bit off track.. I haven't really been counting my calories... but I am fitting into some shirts that I haven't been able to fit in for a while!
This week I only exercised once (I know, bad).
I have two week till I go on vacation so I really need to get with it.

This is a problem I have with dieting... I lose some weight, feel good about myself and then get off the wagon. I am at the point know where a few days off my plan is going to ruin the month I put in... but a week or two will put me right back to where I started... and maybe put me with more inches and weight than when I started.
So this is where I look at myself and say, "Tara, you will not give up!!! There will be no more feeling sorry for yourself (which will happen if you give in). Yes, it feels good now to snack and eat what ever you want. But it doesn't feel good when I have to limit what you wear. It feels good when another piece of clothing gets added to the rack from storage. You want to feel comfortable with yourself, don't you?"

Well I have 10 days left till my vacation. I am going to kick up my consumption of raw fruits and veggies and make sure I exercise!
I didn't weigh or measure myself this week.
But let me tell you, I am sooo excited my back fat is gone.
I think I am going to start meditating and/or do yoga... because I get really stressed out when I am on a diet. I want to have a better sense of control.

Here is my eating so far:
Bkft: Pure Protien Bar
Lunch: (Raw) apple, pear, carrots
Snack: (Raw) celery, carrots
Dinner: Soy meatloaf, 2 tomatoes w/ No cal Italian dressing

Water: 9 cups

My vacation is ina week and a half too, always seems like you want it to come faster... unless you are dietting. Where are you going on vacation?

That food look quite low on calories. Are you counting them up, or just writing down what you ate? I am betting that i that is it for the day, you are under where you should be.

hey elsie, I'm going to Disney World, hehe.
That wasn't it for the day.. I counted my cals and, yes, was quite under so I had yogurt w/ kashi and a slice of multi grain bread... brought me up to around 1100.
Now I am done for the day (though I may go for some decaf tea with some soy milk).

I am really satisfied for the day. I realize that I really do have to keep track of all that I eat because when I mindlessly eat, I never feel satisfied and I eat 2x as many calories.

I also noticed that I am famished in the morning. It is when I have to really control myself. If I go over 500 cals for breakfast the rest of my day's eating is hard to keep under wraps. If I go under 200 cals I feel like I am going to collapse.

The middle of the day I don't really have concerns about. Lunch could go for about 200 cals and I am good.

The end of the day I am hungry but no where near where I am in the morning. I lenjoy having a dinner that looks "big" meaning having at least two different things on my plate. I enjoy my veggies at night. As long as it "looks" like I am eating a lot, I don't care how many calories I am eating. It can be a 350 cal meal or 1000 cal meal and I can walk away from the table fully satisfied. So vegetarian substitutes are a must for me here since they have a lot less calories.

As food snacks after dinner. It is something that will die hard. So, yeah, I need to leave calories for the end of the day.. .for now at least.

Hey, I am back from vacation. I amazingly didn't gain any weight while I was away... that could have been from all the walking I was doing... I ate pretty bad there though.
A few days ago I started a new diet... The Fat Flush Plan... It's a carb controlled diet. Basically I eat 2 eggs for breakfast... a salad with meat and flax seed oil for lunch and meat and veggies for dinner... with 2 fruits throughout the day.
I drink a bit of cranberry juice mixed in with my water.
It isn't that bad so far. I have a bit less of energy but that always happens after I go on vacation. I just don't really feel like counting calories right now so this diet seemed like a good idea since it averages out to about the 1200 cals I was eating already.
This is the diet my mother went on about a year ago and she lost weight really fast (like 25 pounds in the first 6 weeks).
I am not expecting to lose weight that fast but I guess it should work.
I have not exercised this week... I will start again next week.
On this diet during the 1st phase you are only supposed to walk a bit and go on the trampoline every day. Not too bad.

Lost 2 pounds this week! Woot!

well today i am going to a press conference because my grandma won the lottery! things have been really hectic this week because of all the excitement so what has my eating been like? well, less than desireable. i think i have actually been eating myself to the point of sickness. ack!
at least i am not really enjoying the bad eating... dont want to get too used to eating this way.
it is kinda scary how much i will eat if i let myself. it is not like i stop when i feel full... or when i start feeling dizzy... when that happens i just wait a half an hour then go for MORE food. it's sick. it really is.

hey capecodcoy, well the scale went down but it went right back up...

yeah, i gained 3 pounds.

new measurements: (before (aug 2) / after (sept 16))
waist: 34/36" (2" gained) :(
hips: 39/38.5" (.5" lost)
thighs: 26/25.5" (1" lost)
arms: 13/12.5" (.5" lost)

wow, I didn't realize how long ago I measured myself!!!

Anyway, I am chucking the "fat flush plan" because I love carbs. The diet lasted a week though... but I was eating basically the same thing every day. Now I don't want to even be in the same room as eggs... or cranberry juice.
After that week of dieting and losing 2 pounds oh did I binge.
And I exercised... 1 day.

I am sick of this body. I feel like there is a skinnier me underneath. I just feel like I don't know how to let it take over.

So here is my new (well, just adjusted) plan:
daily:
calories: 1200 or less (to be recorded)
exercise: at LEAST 100 crunches and a 30 minute walk
water: at leat 8 cups
and since I have a problem with binging... if I binge the next day I need to drastically reduce my caloric intake. (because I need some sort of response-cost system in place. and it has worked in the past in getting me back on track).
weekly:
measurements recorded
try on "goal pants"
weigh-in optional

I started yesterday.

Friday, Sept 16th, 2005

Water intake: 14 cups
Total calories: 485
Exercise: 30 min walk, 100 crunches

food/calories
apple/100
soup/150
tuna/200
certs/35
ginger tea/0

i am going to come up with a point system because i love games.. and i love to win.
i was thinking about using two jars (one for positive points, the other for negative) and putting money in each jar.
yeah, i finally found a new game i can play with myself... solitaire was getting old.

Hey capecodcoy,
As for the low calorie thing... just my frustration talking. You know how it is.
But if I do go under 1000 calories on a particular day I am not going to eat for the sake of the almighty # of calories.

The past couple of days I have been doing really well::::>

Saturday: Caloric intake under 1200
exercise - 30 min walk, 100 crunches

Sunday: Caloric intake under 1200
exercise - 30 min elliptical, 100 crunches

I have been in such a good mood lately.
It started when I smelt autumn. I love the fall. I think I have seasonal affective disorder... but I get depressed in the warm weather.
I would blame the caffeine I've been ingesting (yeah, I'm all over coffee again... It's a phase) but that would be too simple.

Yesterday I had an encounter with my on again/off again dude.
So I guess it's on again.
We took a 7 month hiatus.
He's got that Gene Wilder look going on, so for argumentsake I'll refer to him as Willy.

I dyed my hair today... deep red
and cut my bangs.
I like them really short but I don't trust myself THAT much with the shears.

I tried on my "goal" pants today and I got them ON MY WAIST!
(The last time I tried them on I couldn't get them over my thighs.)
I think I will be able to get them on (zippered and buttoned) when I am 150.
Not that they will be comfortable... thats another 10 pounds.

new measurements:
(sept 16/sept 20)
bust: 38/38"
waist:36/35.25" (.75" lost!!)
hips:38.25/37.25" (1.25" lost... weird)
thighs:25.5/25.5"
arms:12.5/12.5"

overall, 2" lost! woot!

i weighed myself on sunday and those nasty pounds i gained went away... with a little more.
160 now!!
don't want to weigh myself today though. not feeling it.

monday:
caloric intake: under 1200
water intake: 10 cups
exercise: 100 crunches, 25 min walk, 5 min dancing with 5 lb hand weights to bright eyes

down to 157!!! woohoo

been doing well though i went out 3 days in a row with various people so alcohol was involved.

still exercising every day though

today i walked for 1 1/2 hours to barnes and nobles... it was awesome.
listening to music all the way there made it fun.

in other news, i am REALLY glad i didn't get that job i interviewed for because i am not talking to the guy who let me know about it. i so don't want to have to owe him any favors. i don't even want him in my life anymore... at all.

i finally am feeling like i deserve happiness!!!

Today I did my measurements:

(09-20-05/09-27-05)
Waist: 35.25"/34.5" (.75" lost)
Hips: 37.25"/37.25" (0)
Thighs:25.5"/25.5" (0)
Arms: 12.5"/12.5" (0)

Total Dif: .75" loss

When I measured myself today I put the tape measurer at my start points on my waist, hips, thighs and arms... It is a great motivational tool. I have gone a long way since I started a couple of months ago. The thing that is scary is that if I didn't start trying to improve myself at all, I probably would be BIGGER than those starting measurements.
I am starting to feel muscles in my legs and my abs! It makes a huge difference exercising every day. I don't even think about excuses anymore. It is becoming a habit like no moving and watching tv was a habit before. You know what, nowadays I have a PROBLEM sitting down and watching tv. Even the shows that I regularly watch. Like last night, I was watching Prison Break and my friend called me in the middle of it. Instead of rushing him off the phone (which I usually do) I asked if he wanted to hang out. So I popped in a blank tape and recorded the rest.
I am feeling so much more confident lately. Now I do not have the excuse that i don't want anyone to see me because of my body... not that I am where I want to be at but I know I look better. It doesn't even really matter to me that when people see me now that haven't seen me in a while are seeing me as "a little heavier." At least they are not seeing me as "a hell of a lot heavier."