I don't think this get talked about enough or at all. It's always about the american women's body image, but I feel as much pressure to look a certain way just like women. Maybe it's just being in a college environment for so long for me. I don't think this topic gets near enough attention. I have always been overweight and finally decided to lose weight this year(mainly cuz diabetes is in my family and my dad just got it a few years ago) and I have lost over 60 pounds but I also did it to look better. Everyone says that I'm "skinny"(the quotes cuz I'm not what I would call skinny) and I want to lose enough weight that I have a flat stomach maybe even a six pack. I guess the whole point of this is "I am the only guy that feels like he has to be slim and skinny to look good". Ladies replies would be helpful and insightful also.

Mass media is finally doing to men what its done to women for decades I think.

Speaking from the standpoint of a woman who has dated a male fashion model-- looks matter-- but they matter less than you think.

(I considered it kind of a challenge to get to date a model... probably in the same way that some guys consider it an accomplishment to have a stunning lady on their arm. But after I had dated the guy for a while, I realized the six pack was less appealing than being with someone who was a fun person. Plus being a model is hard work you know-- he spent lots of time in the gym and continually worried about gaining weight... really boring.)

So, you can certainly be loveable without a six-pack! But its hard to be loveable if you don't like who you are. So... my thought is that being happy with yourself is enough to get good things will coming your way. (Especially if you wear clean clothes, have a good haircut, and don't smell bad). :)

I have always been overweight and finally decided to lose weight this year(mainly cuz diabetes is in my family and my dad just got it a few years ago) and I have lost over 60 pounds but I also did it to look better. Chuckles,

Congrats on the major weight loss, I hope you make it to your goal, and most importantly, stay there.

I'm getting on in years, and yes, I'd like to restore some upper body muscle mass, while also trimming down the tummy. I've no ambitions for a six-pack, though. It's not so much for others (I figure they can take me or leave me, I am who I am), as for myself.

I don't think I'm prone to diabetes (doesn't run in my family, except for an Aunt and type II, but she was quite overweight), but there's tons of other health reasons to keep to a healthy weight (besides, I feel so much better when I'm not lugging excess baggage around).

See you at the finish line!

rd

Chuckles- you are not alone! most of my males friends find that they worry just as much about their weight as they do about their careers or hair loss! especially if they are single men, some of them are obsessed about being fit. Also, my nephew is in the same spot you are in being that he has lost over 50 lbs (he was getting fat in high school) now he's in college. maybe there's some pressure being in that fraternity and wanting girls to find you attractive. :laugh:

This isn't so much a male/female issue as it is a people issue, I think. Everyone wants to look good. TV and magazines all flaunt the outsides of people... you know, "50 Hottest Bodies in Hollywood" and "Sexy Summer Stunners," crap like that. Just last week I got a magazine with shirtless males and women in their bikinis. LOL, that sounds scandalous; it was just US Weekly, but the point is that the message is there-- women should be stick-thin with long, flowing hair, and men ought to be bulging with muscles.

I won't lie and say looks don't matter at all. It's natural for people to be physically attracted to one person or another. Coming from my perspective, though, things like a nice smile or eyes do a lot more for me than some guy's six-pack. And, even if a guy is drop-dead gorgeous, it doesn't matter if he doesn't have a good sense of humor, a work ethic, kindness, or loads of money. (Kidding about that last one!) I'm married now, but when I fell for my husband, it was really his sense of humor and the way he treated me like gold that did it, even if I did think he was cute.

Well for me anyways it's not pressure from the media really. It's more the pressure from seeing all the good looking girls with skinny guys. And its like do I have to look like that to have a girlfriend. I don't really know what I'm trying to say lol.

I agree with teacher - it's more of a people thing. Although, it does seem that more guys are content with their barrel bellies (why have a 6 pack when you can have a keg) than women ;)

Looks might matter for an initial attraction, but a good attitude and personality will help far more. And some gals just prefer the less scrawny types.

At any rate, ultimately, weight loss should be done for yourself.

And some gals just prefer the less scrawny types. dea,

My theory about that is, less pressure on the gals to 'keep up' (stay slim).

rD

It's more the pressure from seeing all the good looking girls with skinny guys. And its like do I have to look like that to have a girlfriend.

No, no, no! :) Most girls-- I say most because there are some superficial people out there-- but most girls really just want someone who treats them well and makes them feel special. A jerk with a six-pack and huge arms is still a jerk! A guy who is polite and kind has an edge over someone with just a so-so personality, regardless of body type.

In fact, I have a friend who is drop-dead gorgeous, can have any guy she wants, and dated all kinds of guys over the years. Most of them were really good looking, really built, but a lot of them didn't treat her all that well, or weren't all that bright, or thought it was OK to work at McDonald's forever. She has fallen head-over-heels for this guy now, and we were stunned when we met him. He's not an ogre, don't get me wrong, but he's nothing like her "typical" boyfriends. He dresses kind of dorky, and has a little bit of a belly. But you know what? He treats her with respect, isn't shy about telling her how great he thinks she is, and goes out of his way to make her happy. She couldn't be more thrilled, and talks all the itme about how much better he is than all the others before him.

Still, I agree with dea; weight loss should be something you do for yourself, not to please others.

dea,

My theory about that is, less pressure on the gals to 'keep up' (stay slim).

rD

And you could very well be wrong. How dare you tell me that's why I prefer the type I prefer. You don't know me well enough.

And what about the men who prefer women who aren't scrawny?? Are you telling the larger women that their boyfriends and husbands only like them so that they (the men) don't have to "keep up"?? That's what you imply.

That is a mean-natured, presumptuous statement that insults both genders. Congratulations.

And you could very well be wrong. How dare you tell me that's why I prefer the type I prefer. You don't know me well enough.

And what about the men who prefer women who aren't scrawny?? Are you telling the larger women that their boyfriends and husbands only like them so that they (the men) don't have to "keep up"?? That's what you imply.

That is a mean-natured, presumptuous statement that insults both genders. Congratulations.dea,

Whether or not my statement of my personal opinion is true in enough cases to be worthy of serious or non-serious discussion, does not excuse my saying anything that has offended.

I apologize, and will gladly erase my post if that pleases you or anyone else.

rD

Y'know, when I was my fattest-- I dated lots of guys who liked it. Some of them where thin and fit, and some were not.

In fact, my current boyfriend who likes excercise and has washboard abs doesn't really want me to lose weight. He understands that I want to do it-- and respects that, but he also likes curvy ladies. He says he likes me soft, and doesn't want me to get 'too boney.' I've lost about 25lbs since we've met.

I think teacher81's remark about a man having a good sense of humor is important. many women find that a great quality! :)

chuckles- i think the pressure you experience is quite normal. all things being equal like tends to attract like. sure there are exceptions and the degree in which the two are different is important. for the most part if you are fit and value your body, are you going to be drawn to someone unfit, who has no respect for how they look?

rd- your theory is dead wrong. i'm as skinny as can be and i've never felt pressure to keep up from a partner. for me it's a personal preference. rather, i love men of an average build, some muscle everywhere but have never been drawn to scrawny men. part of it is a psychological feeling. some women dont want to be with a man who they feel cant protect them, or worse, they feel they could kick his **! most of my friends would rather be with a man slightly over weight than under weight. :)

<<I guess the whole point of this is "I am the only guy that feels like he has to be slim and skinny to look good". >>

I know a lot of people feel they have to look a certain way in order to be attractive, whether it is muscular or thin. But, that is obviously not true. There are many different types that are attractive and as long as you are healthy your particular body type may not matter that much in the long term.

I'm in college also, but I don't feel pressure to look a certain way. When I was in high school I was constantly hearing about the obesity crisis and I would always think "Well, where are these kids at because 95% of the girls at my school are 5'5 105lbs and all the guys are 6' 160lbs." But, I think college represents wider spectrum of the body types there are.

I think the reason why women get talked about so much more, is probably the idea surrounding "trophy wives" (I've never heard of a trophy husband until recently) and also the fact that women were once basically considered property.

Also, I think the fashions for men seem more forgiving in that they are usually baggy pants/shirts whereas women basically can wear tops and shorts that look like underwear and that seems perfectly okay. I rarely see men wearing fitted tops.

Like, oggie said, I think the media is starting to do to men what they have been doing to women for years. Now there are shows about searching for male models that focus on appearance (Manhunt) just like there are for women (ANTM and SI Model Search). Plus, this whole "metrosexual" thing that came out, really put more emphasis on the male appearance and the male aesthetically taking care of himself by not being 'afraid' to pamper himself.

My husband was complaining before he left bootcamp that he was getting fat. He had a bit of a "pocket" on his tummy, considering when I met him three years ago he had a six pack. I loved him just the way he is! And told him so all the time.

However, now he'll be abou 20 or so pounds lighter when he gets back in October. :laugh: