And no one gets fat! :laugh:

Oh yeah, Jamie is back....again.

I've been doing just horribly, I haven't even weighed and I guess I'd better do that. I wouldn't be surprised if it's back to my original starting weight. I've really let things get out of hand THIS time around.

I guess it's easy to get into the mindset I'm in now. I've got it all, why bother? I've got a (hot) boyfriend, a nice car, tons of clothes, everything a gal could want...So why bother to care if I'm a little "chunky"? :tongue: That's a bad way to think.

Okay, I'll tell you what set me off this time, hopefully for good. I went into the bank today, nothing but barbies working there, and I just took a look at myself and said "whoa, what happened here?!" Those girls are older than me, they have kids and husbands, and they're all much smaller than I am too. I'm so tired of not being able to look good. I hate not being able to shop where I want to. I don't care anything about American Eagle or Aeropostale, I'd just like to be able to shop in petite stores and wear a size that doesn't require me to go to the "plus" section.

So here I am, again. I'm sorry to say that my back is still all boogered up. I thought I could handle working out, but I cant yet. Once the pain meds ran out, boy did I suffer. Every morning I wake up and it aches like I'm 80 instead of 18. I have horrible spasms. It's just not good :( I'm 18, I shouldn't be having back problems. That accident messed me all up. The doctor told me I just had to take it easy until it was completely healed or I was going to cause problems that'd last a lifetime.

I attached a pic that shows pretty well what I've become in the past little bit, it's from July but that's pretty well how I look, what more motivation do I need?

I've yet to pick a plan, I'm thinking I should move on to something other than weight watchers, but I'm not sure.

Oops, I left the pic off!

I'm the first to post..YEA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HI :) Glad to see you headed back the path to healthy eating, that's great!!!!!!

I am happy your back and you are catching this before any more time passes.

I understand how rough it is with a bad back and all - but it CAN be done :)

Beth :dn

The key is to keep getting back up, which you're doing, and to see how long you can stay up. The things you learn both while you're up and down will teach you what you need to know to get and stay in control. You've got a great life, but it can be even better and you'll be able to enjoy it more if you're healthy. Focus, hon, you can do it! Sue

I'm super, super busy. Lots going on in my life right now, including a *possible* move to Washington State. My stress level is, on a scale from 1 to 10, a 16 :laugh:

I'll try my hardest to post in detail soon. Love you all!

Jump--Thanks for the motivation, I should have been here a long time ago 8-|

Beth--Thanks for the encouragement! My back actually feels ok this morning, I'm going to try to get some sort of exercise in. Some days are worse than others, and it's usually the worst when I first crawl out of bed in the morning, I guess because I've been still for so long. I've got a feeling that if I took some of this weight off that'd really help it, too.

Sue--Thanks! I'm going to try try try to get it done this time, look how long I've been procrastinating. At the rate I was losing weight last year, if I'd have just stayed OP I could already be at goal. But "could have" and "should have" never got anyone anywhere.

CapeCodCoy--My mom has a bad back too, but I didn't expect to get one this soon! :( I was in a pretty serious accident last month, it's been messed up since then. It just makes me want to throw a tantrum sometimes but I hope it'll fully heal with time. Thanks for stopping by!

-----

Whew. I need to breathe. It's just one stress right after another lately!

Washington state/Oregon is still a definite possibility right now. I'd rather not go into too much detail before I know for sure, but I'm not too sure that I'm ready to uproot my life and just move away yet! That's a huge change for me, I've never lived anywhere but Tennessee! I would like to go, I'm just scared.

I did good this morning, instead of my usual candy bar and mello yello breakfast (YUCK, how unhealthy!) I grabbed two small, handpicked apples and some yogurt. It's a start.

I'll update about my day later!

Hi Jamie. I wanted to write a couple days ago but couldn't. Is Washington/Oregon for school? I wish you well with your decision. Must be a big one. I hope your back gets better soon and that you're continuing on with good breakfasts. Thinking of you, Sue

Hey Jamie

Just wanted to pop in and say hi - I like the name of your journal. Good for you for coming back and looking for help - it's the small steps I guess, right? Sorry about your back - I totally know what you mean - but take care of it now...I injured my back at about 16 in a work-related incident and didn't take care at the time, and now 13 years later I still have issues. So do what your doc says!!

As for moving - speaking as someone who has moved cross-country and then some, it is scary - but it can be very exciting and fun too - good luck on making your decision.

Sue-- I would be going to school in Washingon (or maybe Oregon), but that's not the main reason for moving. Chris wants me to go with him out there. He can get a better job, and he's been trying to say "it'll be an adventure" . It certainly would/will be. I've never lived anywhere except TN. I'll keep you guys posted.

Rabbit--Thanks for stopping in! Love that bunny pic, btw :D

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My life just keeps getting busier and more dramatic. I guess it's only going to get worse, too. I don't even know where to begin.

This cross country move is wearing me out and we haven't even made solid plans yet. It'll be at least next spring before anything real happens, anyway. I wish everyone would just leave it alone. It's already caused the big fall out between Chris and Leann.

I'm about a week away from TOM and I'm just not in the best of moods lately.

It's late and I'm sure I can think of more to write tomorrow, so I'm going to try and get some sleep!

Hey Jamie. When it's all said and done, all that really matters is that you do what's best for you and your future, regardless of what anyone else thinks you should do. Get some quiet time and think it through, out to several years. Listen to your SELF. Love you, Sue

The title of your journal made me smile..... very cute!

Good luck on your new journey and thanks for the smile! :)

I've decided that I want to get my CNA license now and just follow the nursing career path. I've always wanted to do that, but my mom had me talked out of it for a long time. I finally decided that it's time for ME to decide what I want, and this is it.

My class starts September 12th, 10 days from now.

I just got home from wal-mart, I spent $90 on healthy food, so now I have no excuse to run to taco bell or McD's for junk.

I'm going camping this weekend...Alone. I feel like it'd be good for me. I've been camping with other people but never by myself. I'll be okay.

There's going to be a lot of hiking involved so atleast I'll get my exercise in.

Hey there girly! Stress is a great culprit that really loves to ruin stuff. I do like the name of your new journal. Try not to worry too much ... that is my main mistake. I worry worry, stress stress.... then end up popping the twinkie in the mouth.

I hope your back feels better. Enjoy your weekend camping. Talk soon.

Take care.

GREAT idea about camping :)

Let us know how it went.....

Beth :dn

Good for you, Jamie. Gotta follow the heart. You're making wonderful progress. I'd be interested in hearing about your camping experience. I have a feeling it was an important one. Sue

Hi Jamie! Wow, you and I are planning a move at the same time! GOod luck to you. Hope that it is what you want. I hear ya on leaving to a new state. I lived in Wyoming for like 20 years! Then I moved to Nebraska. Now Iowa! I just keep moving east...

I love Washington, though. My grandpa and cousins live there. What part?

Good for you on the healthy food. My sister recommended some yummy granola bars and crackers that are good for you, full of fiber/protien and fill you up (and no trans fat, hydrogenated oils, artificial sweetners, etc.). I tried both, and really like them. Better than my skittles habit!!! DOH!

Have a great day, Jamie! :D

I'm back guys, just don't feel like updating today :laugh: I am losing weight again, however.

http://greeneyedjamie725.blogspot.com (http://greeneyedjamie725.blogspot.com) if you want to read about my trip.

I love the pics, Jamie. They are beautiful. I still don't think I could ever camp on my own, but I'm glad you had a good rejuvenating time. And congrats on the 4 lb loss!!! :D

BEAUTIFUL pictures :D

Love your blogs too - great writing :)

Beth :dn

All right guys, thanks for your patience :o I'm here to update and reply.

Sexy--Stress, I definitely know that well! If I'm not stressed out about my school or money then I'm stressed out about something else. Stress really does affect your eating.

Rikki--I'll be in the Kelso/Longview area, which is close to the Oregon border and not too far from Portland. We've been looking at houses there, but I figure it's a bit too soon to get my hopes up about a house and then it might sell before we're ready to move. Most of the houses big enough to meet our needs (in other words, big enough for us to get away from each other when we have to :laugh: ) and that are not a million years old are well into the 100ks. I worry about buying a house and then not being able to pay for it if one of us loses our job.

Thanks Beth, CapeCodCoy, and Sue!

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I've had a very emotional past week, to be honest. I went camping this weekend to get away from it all and to help me understand things that I'm otherwise not capable of understanding unless the volume is turned down. Needless to say I feel cleansed.

I lost four pounds on the trip, but I lost another 2 at home, which makes for 6 pounds in all. I'm pretty happy about that. My eating has been wonderful. I guess once everything else in your life has been taken care of, things like your diet just sort of fall into place. I find that when my life starts falling apart my diet does too. When I get stressed, I reach for chocolate instead of sitting down or going somewhere to think about WHY I'm stressed out.

I'm working on changing that.

Jamie, I give you so much credit for taking some time out just for yourself and it certainly appears it was just what you needed. You're doing just wonderful. I'm very happy for you. :) Sue

Awesome picctures girl. It looks so peaceful there. Reminds me of where I grew up minus the falls. Glad you worked things out in your head. Sure is hard to keep sane... expecially when you are changing so much. Keep relaxing girly. Hope you have a good weekend.

Thanks guys.

I was on a major binge, well not major but a binge no less, yesterday. I ate Taco Bell AND a king size milky way..I stopped myself before I ate anymore, and have only gained .4 so I guess that's okay.

DBF is so lazy. I've been up for an hour and already had breakfast and he's still sleeping. I'm hoping if I play my music loud enough he'll get irritated with me and get up :laugh: I am horrible. It's 10 AM, well past "get up" time.

A lot of my emotional "issues" came from Chris in the first place, but I'm working through them. It's not anything he consciously even knew he was doing, but I feel better. I think it was mostly ME stressing MYSELF out.

That's all for now.

Congratulations on stopping yourself. I think that's a biggie.

And congratulations on your realization.

...and congratulations! :D

Hey Jamie...

You know it must be a guy thing. My bf is the same way. I have tired the loud music trick, cleaning loudly, calling someone and talking on the phone... sometimes it works, sometimes not... It will most likely never change...lol.

Do not worry about the binge... not a big issue. You stopped yourself and that is the important part.

Enjoy the rest of your week. Take care girl.

Thanks Sue!

Sexy--It must be a guy thing lol...I finally got him up and the first words outta his mouth were "I'm hungry." :laugh:

----

We've been discussing staying in TN, and even went to look at some houses. We found some really nice ones for some really nice prices. The one I really liked was 2400 sq ft, built in 1930 and fully restored....The only problem was it was in a really bad neighborhood, therefore the cheap price. We looked at another old house that was 1650 sq ft, but it was in a neighborhood that was obviously going downhill, and we have to look at the true price to own a place. Are we going to have to put bars on the windows and have a security system installed? Most importantly, am I going to want to stay there alone in that neighborhood when he has to go on business trips, and the answer to that was probably not.

We found another that we really liked, it was more expensive, but in a really pleasant neighborhood, 2000 sq ft, built in 1950 something, brick. It had hardwood floors and had been modernized, and I can see myself living there, though it wasn't close to downtown.

That's assuming we want to move to Chattanooga and not stay in our town. If you live downtown and you cant spend a fortune on a nice house in an upscale neighborhood, you unfortunately either end up living in one of the bad neighborhoods with bars on the windows or in an apartment/condo, which we don't want to live in. A condo would be ok, but not an apartment because I want to have pets and we'd have to pay to park in a garage or park on the street (I have a Volvo S60, how long do you think it'd take for that thing to be stolen or worse). Right now the looking is getting more and more depressing :(

He took me out to eat at Logans last night and it was great, I had the roast beef sandwich, which is my most favorite thing ever, so I don't feel bad about splurging a little. I didn't gain any, so nothing hurt.

Your honey bun sounds sweet. Glad you guys had a good evening!!

I know how it can be looking at houses! YIKES! We are going to have to move from our spacious 1800 square foot home to a 1200 square foot apartment, pay pet fees and pay for a garage... But we can't afford to pay two loans (and I doubt the bank would give us one anyway) while we try to sell this house. Wanna move to Nebraska? I'll sell you a house cheap!!

Have a great day. Things'll look up! :)

Ahh, house hunting. I am sooooo happy for you girl. He sounds like a really great man, typical :laugh: , but great!

Do you guys already have money saved up? Houses are soooo expensive. My only advice is: live within your means. You can always move up as finances allow. Do lots of research, talk to the neighbors, drive by at night, weekends, daytime when people are at work, check with the police about crime rates, noise/neighbor troubles. I've been in my house for 14 years now but if I'd have researched out better, I'd have moved one block over. Some houses you can even rent until you're ready/able to take the plunge.

What an exciting time in your life! Sue

Rikki--1800 to 1200 sucks :( I'm sorry to hear that, but maybe something better will eventually come along.

Sue--Yep, houses are definitely expensive, it's quite depressing. He's been saving up for a long time to move out on his own, but we could do it easier on two incomes. I think living within your means is definitely great advice, too many young couples try to take on too much, my parents will tell you that. Three bedrooms would be big enough, as there are no kids in the near future, if ever.

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I've been so busy, and have just switched ISPs. I don't have a lot of time to be online but I'm still doing great! I'll come back later on and tell in more details.

I'm just so busy with school and everything else. I feel exausted, and today is a nasty, cloudy day. We were going to go up to the state park, but not now because it's just not nice outside. Maybe we'll go see a movie instead, my parents are home this weekend.

I'll see you guys soon! :D

Yep, it does suck. But I'm hoping that we won't miss the extra space too much. We have a lot of un-used space, as we don't have any kids yet either (or any plans for the near future...)

Hopefully we can find a house within a year, though. And I hope this one sells. Housing payments can be expensive, but it depends on how much you put down. We put 5% down on this one, but if we had put down 20%, we would have cut our payments drasticlly. (I kan't spel!)

Anyway, glad things are going well. Keeping busy is good. Sometimes you need a break, though! It's a yucky cloudy day here, but I'm happy that it's started to cool down. I am so over the super hot days!!!

This is going to be a bad post for me...I've got a lot to complain about.

We are related to the people that we sold the old house to, and some of our things were left in the attic and in the storage shed because we had to significantly downsize. Well, they said it'd be fine, that we could leave our things.

My parents came in, and went to get some stuff..Well, turns out that the things we left there they BURNED X-( Even the clawfoot bathtub that my mom had worked on for WEEKS and was worth A LOT of money. Oh my GOD I am so so pissed off. It made it worse because my parents said they LAUGHED about it.

I sat down and cried after my parents left, they waited to tell me. Chris came in, I was crying on the couch. He wanted to go "talk" to them, I told him no. It'd just make things worse, I guess. I left Scarlett with those people, I don't want to make them mad. If I could, I would give them a piece of my mind though, you better believe it.

Interestingly, I've just been put on antidepressants. I feel much better about everything, though it has affected me in other areas. We'll see how things go.

Jamie, that totally SUCKS! Why would they do something so henious? How are they related to you? I can't believe they burned a bathtub!!!???

How do you feel about antidepressants? I think they can make a world of difference if used correctly (which I'm sure you will do!) Anyway, sorry this has come up. Let us know if there's anything we can do.

:hug:

:console:

Rikki--They're my stepdad's family, not mine 8-| I'm just throughly disgusted. I can tell a difference with the anti-depressants already, though it takes a few weeks to get the full effect. I'm glad to be on them, actually. I suffer with seasonal affective disorder (appropriately acronymed SAD :laugh: ) and I'm just miserable.


----

I cant think of anything to update with, so I'm going to read a few journals and go to bed.

Jamie, I thought SAD was a funny way of saying "Seasonal Affective Disorder" too. My mom has that in the winter. It kinda sucks!!! Ok, it really sucks!

Glad you are starting to feel better, though. :)

Glad you're feeling better hon.

Hi guys, I've had an eventful past week.

I'm at my parent's throats and they're at mine. We're at odds over Chris and the fact that I'm just about ready to move out.

They're at home on suspension because of an accident that wasn't their fault, and I think maybe we're just spending too much time together. They've suddenly taken it upon themselves to impose a 10 PM curfew on me, though I'm 18 and I've been used to "running wild".

So, I packed my bags and left :laugh: I feel bad about it but all that screaming and all those accusations get to a person's head after a while, especially when I'm already having problems with my emotions. I've been with Chris for a few days, it's not too bad. My parents are threatening to not pay for school and to take my car back 8-| My life is a big circus right now and I just don't know how much more I can take.

I don't want to permanently move in with my boyfriend until I have a job, because damn that'd just be like sponging off of him, which I'm not trying to do. I NEED my parents to pay for school because I don't know if we can.

I feel like I'm about to go scream, or cry, or die laughing. That's scary.

:console: Hey Jamie. I'm sorry you're going through this turmoil right now. Absense does make the heart grow fonder and familiarity does breed contempt (how's that for two cliche's for the price of one, lol).

Your parents are concerned about some things and the communication process has broken down. If you can, depersonalize it and try to listen objectively to whatever they're trying to tell you. Find out what their concerns are and see if they just have a lack of understanding that you can calmly clear up and put their minds at ease or if they have a serious concern that really should be looked at. From a mom's perspective, they just love you and want to protect you.

We all have major decisions that come into our lives and you're at the prime age to have lots of them coming your way. You've already had to make decisions beyond your years and I've always felt you had wisdom beyond your years too. All I know for sure is that my life today is shaped by the choices I've made in the past, whether for good or bad. So, Jamie, listen to both your heart and your head--from both a present and future perspective--and do your best to make the right decisions for you, whatever that may be.

Now, one thing this has given you is a preview of what it's like for just you and Chris to live together. So when does school start? Were you still looking at getting a part-time job similar to your career choice (I can't remember the name of it)?

You've got a good head on your shoulders, and I know you'll make a good decision.

Try applying for scholarships and grants. That's what helped me pay for school, my parent's didn't pay for much at all. (I'm not resentful about that, though.)

Good luck to you, my friend, and remember we're here for you! %%-

Take care, :hug:

Hi Jamie. Just wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you and hoping that things are settling down a bit for you. Sue

Hey girl.... My advice is breath and separate yourself with alone time to think each decision. From experience I would always act irrationally when I disagreed with my parents. It is the reason I moved to NYC with nothing. I packed my bags and left. It turned out to be the best thing. But, Rikki is right though, you have a good head on your shoulders and I have no doubts you will make the right decisions.

Hope things are better. Take care chica.

I'm alive, I think. Cant be too sure.

I've been so busy. I'm a CNA, I work everyday, second shift, which I sometimes stay over into third to make myself a 12 hour day. I'm still not on very good speaking terms with my parents.

All bad news coming from me, here 8-|

My weight is up to...well I don't want to tell you what I'm up to. I don't have time to count calories or cook or anything else. And, well I don't really want to tell anyone this but I should because this is something I have to stop before it gets out of control, too...But I've been drinking, too.

When I come home from work EVERYTHING hurts, my feet, my hips, my back, my shoulders and neck, even my hands most of the time. I'm at his house, and there's always a gallon or two of liquor in the cabinet here. It's easy to come home and pour myself a few drinks before bed because when I go to bed, I'M OUT.

That's bad in more ways than just calorie-wise and I know this.

Working different shifts is hell on a relationship, too. I leave at 3 PM and get home at either 11 PM or 3 AM, and he's either already in bed or about to get up to go to work. We have a few hours to sleep next to each other, then he gets up and goes to work and I see him again the next night when I come home and climb into bed. I have one day off in the next 10.

He has been b**ching at me constantly lately because I work so much and on a different shift. Right now all areas of my life are strained and I don't know how much more I can take.

I'm thinking about going to the doctor and asking for help with losing weight. I'm going to curb the drinks and try to eat healthier. Exercise is pretty well out of the question right now. I don't have time to do anything but sleep and work.

Hey Jamie - so sorry to hear about the stuff you're going through right now. What is a CNA, btw? Nurse's Assistant? I know how it is to be on such crazy work schedules that you don't even get to see your partner except to sleep. It's hard. And I know how easy it is to calm down with a couple of night-caps. But the key thing is that you've acknowledged the drinks are something you want to be wary of, and that's a good step. It's funny how in previous generations drinking every night after work was just considered par for the course. I remember parents having two cocktails before dinner, then wine with dinner, then drinks afterward... wow, have we learned a lot since then!

What happened with school, btw?

Hang in there, Jamie. I hope you are able to get things sorted out. Maybe a god talk with your doctor will help, re: the weight as well as other matters. I'll keep you in my thoughts.

P.S. Burning a claw-foot bathtub??? That's just ridiculous. Hope Scarlett is okay.

Hi Jamie. I'm so glad that you are ok. I have been worried about you. I still am with the drinks and all. I know that can seem like the easiest way to deal with things, and it really does make things seem better. For awhile. I hope the talk with the doctor goes well.

You will figure this out. Those bumps in the road always suck, but you are such a smart woman, and you know what is right. Please take care of yourself! We love you here! :hug:

:console: