Goodbye to a lifetime of yo-yo dieting. If there's a diet out there, I've tried them all..and lost weight...and gained it back again. I've been overweight for the last 12 years. I reached an all time high of 166 on a 5'2" petite frame and I was miserable. I literally hid in the house, ashamed to go out and terrified I would run into old friends who "knew me when". My self esteem was very low. I cried when I looked in the mirror. One day I finally hit rock bottom, got fed up with the self pity and decided to do something about it. Permanently.

So here I am 20 pounds later. I'm not on any particular diet. After all these years, I know how and what I should be eating. I'm exercising regularly and I am starting to see the girl I used to know :)

This is my story of the last leg of my journey to permanent health and fitness. I'm looking forward to the journey and eagerly anticipate the ending!

It's great to be back at DT. Today I read a whole bunch of the "stars" stories. Very motivating.

As for my first week and my new resolve, I feel I did well. Very conscious of what I'm eating and portion control. I've decided my weigh-ins are going to be Wed mornings. For the most part, I avoid the scale. I'm really more concerned with sizes than weight. My best size is a size 6. When everthings coming together as far as diet and exercise, it is not a struggle to be there. I've been a size 4, but I feel it's a struggle...too restrictive.

At present, I am a size 12. I've already donated or given away the 16's (oink! oink!) and the 14's (oink!). How sad is it that in my closet I have 10 different dress sizes? That's crazy!

The wierdest thing is that I really enjoy exercising and being physically active..which I understand is a real struggle for some. I think I'm a binger..and that that lately my binges have lasted longer and longer and therefore have gotten out of control. Well, since we're being honest here, I guess I know I'm a binger..probably have been all of my life and have just been able to compensate for it until fairly recently. Ok..this is good journaling....hello, my name is Cindy and I'm a binger. Calling it like it is.
Here's an example ...I love salsa..it's only 4 cal a serving right? How about if you eat a whole jar of it and scoop it up with a whole pack of saltine crackers and call it lunch? Now mind you, a slice of white bread would never cross my lips, I'm not a sweets person and crave cake and candy...but I just have these "moments". I have this wierd thing. I love to read. When I read, I have to eat...incessantly. Whole bags of potatoe chips, nuts, etc. I guess my thing is salty stuff. Or maybe not. Now that I think about it, I have to admit to sweet binges also. Whole bags of M & M's, whole pints of ice cream. I've always been able to hide this or in some way compensate, but it's not working anymore. Would really appreciate hearing from other bingers and how you are handling this successfu

Hi Miss Ladibug,
Welcome to Diettalk and the Journals forum. You will find lots of encouragement and friendships here.
I have to confess that I am a binger too at times. An emotional binger.....regardless of the emotions I am experiencing. Its difficult cause I am a diabetic and a heart patient so I have to be diligent with my diet. Most days I am successful but somedays I totally blow it. What keeps me in line?????
Planning ahead, fighting depression, and sheer fear of the complications that I face if I continue the high fat, high salt, high carb diet.
You seem like a real go-getter and I have no doubt that you will be successful in your efforts. Good luck.


Blessings :spring:

Vickie :dn

Hi Vickie,

I think you're right about the planning ahead and being organized. This weekend I'm going to take some time to do some meal planning and grocery shop around my meal plans. I see you've lost 34 lbs. Way to go!

Cindy

Hi Cindy,
welcome to the land of journalling at Diettalk..you will meet some wonderful people here and having a journal is a great way to stay accountable as well as get feedback from others who are also on the weight loss rollercoaster.
i love to exercise too and for me i am much better with my eating when i workout..i guess if i can drag my butt out of bed i dont want to waste the effort by coming home and eating junk.
Good luck with the last leg of your adventure..i will be cheering for you.
hugs bell :)

Hi Bell,

Nice to "meet" you. I see you've reached your goal weight. What a wonderful feeling that must be!

Okay, I've decided to add some structure to my journal based on my personal schedule. I'm going to post twice a day. The morning post will be meditative - exploring feelings, setting goals. The evening post will be a re-cap of foods eaten during the day and a time to measure whether I've met my daily goals. So here goes:

I work 4 days a week, so my weekend begins on Friday. Weekends are a dangerous time for me because I have this mind-set that they are "days off". This sets me up for failure because of how I perceive the concept of "days off", which is basically no holds barred. These are days that I'm likely to overeat, eat junk or binge and not exercise. It's time for a different mindset. I also feel overwhelmed by the time the weekend comes around because of all the chores that need to get done. Since I'm an emotional binge eater, when I feel overwhelmed I tend to shut down, shut in and medicate myself with food. Thus begins a downward spiral of self-abuse, self-hate and low self esteem.

Goal: Develop a positive mindset regarding weekends. Remember, this new lifestyle is not a punishment that I have to slog through for 4 days and can throw off for three. Instead, it's a pleasurable, positive and rewarding force each and every day of my life. Starting today, I'm going to designate Fridays to clean house, do laundry, pay bills, grocery shop and run errands. If there is some event where Fridays are not available, then I will simply substitute Saturday or Sunday. This will help to manage the clutter and chaos in my life and give me the emotional sense that things are under control. I will feel a sense of pride and satisfaction for the rest of the weekend and feel ready and rested for work again on Monday.

I didn't make it back to the Journal for the PM post yesterday so I'll post that now:

Daily Goals were met

Breakfast: Breakfast wrap with 3 chopped egg whites, sprinkle of cheese, salsa and lettuce on a whole wheat tortilla.

Lunch: Another wrap: slice of turkey, sprinkle of grated cheese, slice of avacado, lettuce, sliced grape tomatoes and teaspoon of ranch dressing on whole wheat tortilla.

Supper: Grilled chicken breast and mixed vegetables.

Exercise: Karen Voit's Burn and Firm (Circuit Training -45 min)
Lots of housework!

Today will be a challenging day.

Hurricane Katrina has crossed the Florida peninsula and is now gaining strength in the Gulf of Mexico. Since I live near the Gulf in S. Louisiana, we are watching the storm closely as it's projected path at this time could mean a hit for us. I would have to evacuate my elderly parents. I figure we have this day to watch and wait and will have to make a decision by tomorrow.

Today also I am taking my daughter, who is getting married in April, and her maid of honor to a couple of bridal shops in New Orleans to try on wedding dresses and brdesmaid dresses. We're making a day of it and will do lunch in a restaurant. I already know I will probably have a salad or maybe a grilled chicken entree, so I'm not stressing about eating out. I am just stressing about keeping an eye on the storm and possible traffic jams on the interstate due to low lying areas already evacuating.

Goal for today is just to have a great time with the girls and keep my resolve in the restaurant :)

Ladibug,
Please be careful with a hurricane approaching. That must be terribly frightening. Up here we deal with tornadoes and blizzards and they are scary enough for me!
I hope you had fun shopping with your daughter.

Take care :)


Vickie :dn

Hi Cindy,
i have a friend who evacuated when they thought it was going to hit Florida..take care and i hope you dont have to evacuate!
i also had problems with weekends but fixed that by making Mondays my weigh in day...that way i wouldnt dare screw up on the weekends as it would be a bad weigh in...just a thought.
Hope you have fun with your daughter and her friends and the bridal shopping.
hugs bell :)

I'm guessing you're busy evacuating your family. I hope it all goes well and nothing is lost!

Welcome to DT and I look forward to sharing in your journey. :)

Corinna

It sounds like you have a great plan set out - and good luck with the hurricane approaching - I hope you are all well and safe.

Rabbit, Corinna, Bell, Vickilynn...thanks for your replies to my last post almost a week ago. Needless to say, soon after I posted my plans to take my daughter shopping for a wedding dress in New Orleans, I saw the morning newscast and plans shifted immediately into making hurricane preparations instead. Our community lies about 65 miles south west of New Orleans and we were spared the brunt of the storm. Our shelters here are overflowing and I have been volunteering until I was finally able to go back to work yesterday, but we are crippled without internet service and a fractured infrastructure. Since I work in the insurance industry, yesterday was a very trying day. Each day gets better and and we are slowly getting back to normal. Thanks to all my DT friends for your support and well wishes.

Cindy

Hi Cindy,
i am glad to see a post from you and see that you were spared the brunt of the storm..watching the coverage on the tv it has been unbelievable to see th destruction that nature has caused..
I hope that normality returns for you really soon and my thoughts and prayers are with all those affected by Katrina.
hugs bell :)

Cindy,
Thank God you are ok...and your family. The news coming out of the gulf states region is devastating and horrifying and I have been worried about you.
I hope life returns to normal soon. I just wish I could do something to help.

:hug:


Vickie :spring:

Good for you for volunteering! You should be proud of the person you are.

I hope you don't go insane at work. Those poor people. How are your folks? Did they live in New Orleans? (You said you had to get them out, right?)

Corinna

Things are finally starting to return to normal after the storm. I'm back at work and working on my plan again. I have some new Tae-Bo tapes that I won on an E-Bay auction. Did the Tae-Bo Basic a couple of times and I'm still working on getting the form and choreography down. Managed to lose 2.5 lbs and looking forward to moving my ticker when I've lost the first 5. Food choices, portion control and excerise yesterday were on track. I have an appointment to get my hair highlighted today - something I've never done before. I'm wearing my hair longer now after having it short for years. I'm trying to get rid of the "frumpy" image I've cultivated over the last few years. I don't want to shop for clothes until I can fit into 10s, but that is definitely something I'm looking forward to doing and motivates me to keep on track. I'm working on managing the stress in my life both at work and at home and just having a mental awareness that I use stress as an excuse to eat seems to be working.