I seem to have found my way back here for the first time in two months. I had lost my motivation completely and really didn't care if I gained anymore weight. That's a truly sad way to be in life.

I went to the doctor last friday and they put me on medication. My new job, where I'm on the move constantly, has certainly helped me lose weight. I'm down 13 pounds from the highest I've ever been--301 freaking pounds.

I'm not currently following ANY specific diet, I just watch the portion sizes. I loosely count calories. The medication helps A LOT and I have no intentions of going off of it, but it's sent me on some sort of weird emotional roller coaster where I'm either up or down, there doesn't seem to be a comfortable middle point for me anymore. I think that has a lot to do with my personal life/situation too, though.

I'm hoping to be down at least 80 pounds (my doctor says that on this medication that's more than possible, it's probable) by the end of July.
I don't know what my ultimate long term goal is. I have a small build and I know that at 180 I was happy before, but I doubt I'll stop at 180 if I get that far.

I have to get that far. I shouldn't even say "IF". My back (from where it was hurt in the accident I had in august) hurts me constantly and at work I hurt it on average once a week. It's almost constantly sore. My doctor also says that it will improve as I get slimmer.

I wish I had went to the doctor when I still weighed 240 8-| But then again, the past is the past and you cant change it.

Hi :wave:

I think of you often and wonder how you are doing -

Good for you for going to the Drs and seeking some help :)

Happy this is working for you !

Thanks, Beth.

----------------

Most of my breakfast calories come from liquids, since as soon as I wake up I take my medication and then roll out of bed 30 minutes later and weigh myself. I see the scale move downward every single day even if it's just ounces, which is a great accomplishment for me. It takes me about 2 days to lose a full pound.

Anyway, back to the liquid breakfast..I keep frozen bananas in the freezer and yogurt with some sort of fruit on the bottom, usually berries, and just blend it to make a smoothie for about 340 calories. It works out fine for me.

Lunch is normally subway. I like the oven roasted chicken breast. Then dinner is either whatever they're having at work or something we order out. Portion control. I eat whatever I want per se. Just not a lot of it.

Well I'm off to get things done! Gotta wash my scrubs and grab some lunch for later.

Jamie, I was just thinking of you about an hour ago, probably when you were writing. I think about you often as well. You got into my heart, girl. Was wondering how you were doing in life and with the lack of sunshine in the winter months. We broke a record here for 18 days with no sunshine.

I'm always amazed that when I just stop eating less than I was, even if it's not "healthy" foods, that I will lose weight, so good for you on watching your portions and for the rewards you've already seen.

Love you, Sue

Sue--The lack of sunshine is rough indeed...But we've been lucky and we've had some very unseasonably warm days, getting up to like 65-70 and that is a HUGE help.
The strangest thing...Even in the summer time when it's cloudy and rainy I still feel so much better than I do in the winter, I think it's something to do with the warmth as well. I know that doesn't make a lot of sense, but it's true. I so want to move someplace where it's warm year round.

I've missed you as well, Sue, I've been wondering about you. I guess the shame of being off plan and gaining weight stopped me from coming back around. I am finally in the process of getting my life back on track. I have a decent job, I'm working on the relationship with my boyfriend and making great strides (whether for better or worse I don't know) and I have absolutely stopped all drinking. That was becoming a coping mechanism for me and that is BAD. I don't even like the taste, I just liked the feeling of apathy and the warm feeling of everything being fine when it was just getting worse by the moment.

I guess we all go off track once in a while but I was most definitely headed down the wrong road. I've even made new friends and I've been trying to distance myself from my old ones because of the lifestyles they lead. It might take a long time in my life for things to be "normal" again but at least I'm pointed in the right direction.
Thanks for being a friend.
----------

I watched supersize me today. My boyfriend bought it because I had asked him to rent it and movie gallery only had a copy for sale. It's intersting and disgusting. The only fast food that I really eat, and I don't think you can actually group it with fast food, is subway. I only eat the low fat sandwiches. They're good, they're filling, and they're easy.

Anyway, it was just amazing the way that McD's affected his body in just one month. It was also amazing to see the school lunches in MIDDLE SCHOOL. I guess I had forgotten how bad they really are, with the greasy pizza and sweets and french fries. In this documentary the school didn't have SODA but they had lemonade that had more sugar in it than soda, the only difference was the caffiene. There are no restrictions on what you can get, and I remember a lot of people in my own school who used to just get huge bowls of fries and sugary soda, and that was lunch.

Obesity is something that needs to be worked on from the bottom up...Meaning starting with school children. I remember what it was like to be a fat kid and have everyone make fun of me. It wasn't a pleasant childhood. Once I got older, and it's not just me, the teasing stopped because everyone matured I suppose, and because we lived in such a small town that everyone KNEW everyone personally, but the damage was still done.

Stuff like that interests me. Maybe when I get to goal I'll write a book :laugh:

Wow I really went overboard on calories yesterday!! :laugh:

I had pizza for lunch...Chris wasn't home and I didn't feel like cooking, I had just been REALLY craving pizza so I ordered a medium (the smallest size dominos offers) mushroom and black olive thincrust....No pepperoni. Maybe I didn't do too bad on that.

For dinner I went out with some friends to a mexican restaurant and had shredded chicken nachos covered in cheese and sour cream..I didn't eat it all because it was so hot. We had boyfriend-free fun though! lol

Then DBF and I went up on the mountain to a friends house..It wasn't really a party at all, because this sort of thing is a pretty normal occurance...There were like 11 people there and it was a blast. There was a lot of drinking involved, and I took five shots of tequila. That's 503 calories according to calorieking.com....Holy crap! I had a few shots of other stuff...Pucker and some french stuff..Alize I think, it was really good...So there's no telling how many calories I had just from that. Those are EMPTY calories too, bad!

We didn't get in till 4 AM.

I still lost weight! lol That's crazy stuff.

Hey girl, busy life you're leading there. I watched the last half of Supersize me and it was quite enlightening. It IS tough being the "fat kid," I'm just so glad you're taking the steps you can to try to get fit as an adult. It'll save you a lot of turmoil and just make you happier and healthier. Stay focused and strong and find enjoyment in all you do, Sue

Boy what a busy couple of days I've had! I hate second shift, I really really hate it. It ruins my whole day.

I haven't been drinking my water like I should, and when I don't drink my water I don't lose weight! Duh, me! Gotta get with it. Other than that, all is well. I sort of overate yesterday but that was yesterday.

Okay, that last post was short because I was hungry and needed to go to the store :laugh: Now I have a belly full of subway sandwich and yogurt and I feel much better.

I'm going to make a very serious effort to up my water intake. I've been barely drinking one liter a day, and that's with no soda or anything else. That's why I haven't been dropping the pounds. Of course, I haven't gained either so I guess that's good.

I go back to the doctor on February 3rd, and I'm going to see if she would switch me off of plegine and onto something else. It just doesn't seem to be doing me a GREAT amount of good when something else might work better. Everyone is different and sometimes drugs don't have the right effect.

I've typed out a list of my goals for 2006, so here it is...

--------

My Goals for 2006

1. Lose at least sixty pounds and keep it off

2. Walk a minimum of two miles per day (which should be extremely easy since my job requires that I walk walk walk, five laps around the facility is a mile and there’s no telling how many laps I do a night)

3. Work on a personal relationship with someone (DBF) that I feel like I’ve distanced myself too much from in the past few months. I either want things to IMPROVE or END because I will not live the rest of my life with a wall between myself and the person who is supposed to be the most important in my life. I will put as much energy into it as necessary

4. Put at least $1500 in savings (I’m already $400 toward this goal)

5. Go back to school or figure out what I want to do

-------

I want to at least accomplish those five things. I think they're all very doable goals.

Hello again, Jamie!

I'm so glad to see you here at DT again working on your weight and yourself and your life GOALS ... you go get 'em!

Your goals are excellent ... written, clear, with deadlines. I know grownups that don't have written goals and still don't know what they want to do with the rest of their lives (and you're still a baby to me). Yes, I agree, you can accomplish all your goals this year and with $400 already saved I think you may save way more than your $1500 goal! I'm going to check back in here often and watch you go to it. Be especially particular about your goal concerning your PERSONAL RELATIONSHIP. Picking the person you want to spend the rest of your life with is one of the most important decisions you will make in your lifetime ... make it carefully. Your life is not a dress rehearsal ... you will not get a chance to do it over again.

Okay ... I'm all excited ... I want to watch you make that slider thing on the bottom of your signature move, move, move, move. Let's watch your weight disappear and let the real Miss Jaime C. step forward .....

:beam:

<self-pity> I'm so depressed today that I could hardly make myself get out of bed at 9:30. I just feel like I cant stand another day of the same old stuff.

Wake up.
Take my medication.
Get up.
It's cold outside and too hot in the damn house.
Weigh myself and force breakfast down.
Try not to dwell on whatever seems to have happened the night before (and there always seems to be something now days).
Do the housework/pay bills.
Eat lunch, check email, check DT and throw my scrubs in the washer.
Take a shower.
Leave for work.
Work until 9 or 11 PM.
Come home and put up with BS about my work schedule or how I've done something wrong with the housework/bill pay, then either end up sleeping on the couch or awkwardly in the bed with him.
Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. X-(

I need to slow down and rewind. I desperately need something but I don't know what it is. I cant blame it all on Chris but he sure doesn't help me. We're so strained because of our different work schedules and the way he's always wanting to spend money when I just want to save.
Last week he went out with his friends and ran up a $210 bar tab. A TWO HUNDRED AND TEN DOLLAR BAR TAB. I went through the roof. He got defensive, saying that he had earned that $210 and he wanted to spend time with his friends. I said, well what were you doing, buying rounds for everyone? Apparently that's exactly what he had been doing. Ridiculous.

Then he throws it up to me that when I'm bringing in more money than he is and paying most of the bills I can say what we do with the left over money. X-( Low blow. There are other things going on too that we're both to blame for. But guilt gets the best of him then he apologizes, and he cries sometimes, and says he's afraid he's lost (yes, ALREADY LOST) me. That just makes me feel worse, and I usually end up crying too.

On top of that, everyone at work seems to turn to me in a crisis, personal or job related. When I try to call Chris from work to see what he's up to and if he's doing okay, he seems to always be busy. I guess that's my own fault, I HAVE pushed him away. I've pushed everyone away and I don't MEAN to, that's the frustrating part. It seems that when I feel bad internally I'm otherwise incapable of relating to other people no matter how much I love them.

There's always junk food at work, too, and when I feel hopeless or sad, I just eat some chocolate or some pizza. It's not that I'm PHYSICALLY hungry for this stuff, I just eat it because I feel like crap and it's there. It's either eat or cry. I operate under a very high level of stress.
</end self pity>

Now what can I do to fix my situation? When I get my diet under control I'll feel more under control, and I can work on it from there. I will be okay. Chris will be okay, because I love him and I'm going to stick with him.

I must control myself.

Is getting a different job or different work hours an option?

Also a budget that both of you agree on - is so very helpful - even many years from now it will help both of you.

Set down - write down the bills and write down the income and agree on amount of "blow" money for each of you.

I feel bad for you - you are way too young to be going through this - not that I would not feel bad for you even if you were my age lol

I guess that is why they call it growing pains :shrug:

I really hope you get some things worked out - way too much stress in your life sweetie :hug: ( as if you did not know that )

A friend of mine sent me an interesting article to read this morning ... here it is. You might find some answers here ...

Comfort Foods

We often call it comfort food, but for millions of Americans, it is not comforting at all. Many people fail to make the connection, but how and what we eat has a direct affect on our moods. Not only is our consumption affecting us from moment to moment throughout the day, but bad eating habits can contribute to long-term mood troubles of all kinds, including depression.

Elizabeth Somer, MA, registered dietician (RD), and author of the book Food & Mood: The Complete Guide to Eating Well and Feeling Your Best (Henry Holt), says that it is not only what we eat but also our style of eating that contribute to our state of mind. The most important thing Somer recommends is that you actually eat. "Many people skip breakfast," she told me, "and then wonder why they lack energy midmorning." Food is energy, and if we do not give our body fuel, it is going to run out of gas. Although we've all heard the advice about the importance of eating breakfast, it's astonishing how many people still start their day with a body that hasn't eaten for more than 12 hours.

THE COMFORT OF CARBS

Somer also cautions against the "low-carb" craze that continues to sweep the nation, and recommends that we stop fighting our carb cravings. Our bodies, and specifically our brains, need carbohydrates. Carbohydrates raise our levels of tryptophan (the chemical that makes you feel drowsy after Thanksgiving dinner), which increases our serotonin levels. This actually calms us, increases our pain tolerance, improves our sleeping habits and reduces our cravings for more carbohydrates.

Careful... Somer's definition of carbs is not a double fudge sundae or chocolate chip cookies. She is talking about all-natural, low-glycemic index complex carbohydrates such as whole grains, fruits, vegetables, seeds, beans and nuts. Foods that are high in carbs, but also rich in nutrients, are the real comfort foods, with long-lasting effects.

Somer recommends eliminating refined and processed sugars and caffeine. For those people who are very sensitive to sugar, a sweet such as a single cookie can begin a vicious cycle of feeling bad, eating more sugar, crashing again and so on. If this sounds like you, eliminate all processed sugar from your diet. Look for the hidden sugars in condiments such as catsup and salsa, canned fruits, juice drinks and other processed and prepared foods. If you are not as sensitive, Somer still recommends cutting out concentrated sugars such as candy and pastries. In research studies, a significant decrease in sugar caused a direct decrease in feelings of sadness and anxiety.

CAFFEINE CAN SLOW YOU DOWN

Although caffeine may seem like a pick-me-up, studies show that it actually adds to depression. When tested on rats, researchers concluded that caffeine decreases the conversion of tryptophan to serotonin. For people who suffer from depression, caffeine can aggravate symptoms.

BETTER PICK-ME-UPS

Robert E. Thayer, PhD, psychologist and author of Calm Energy: How People Regulate Mood with Food and Exercise (Oxford University), says that most people make poor eating choices because they experience what he calls "tense tiredness." A lack of energy or increase in tension causes people to seek foods that will quickly raise their blood sugar. They often go for a sugar snack, which will temporarily "fix" the problem. Unfortunately, a snack high in refined, processed sugar will only relieve symptoms of tense tiredness for a short period of time, which is usually followed by a sugar crash.

A far better solution for tense tiredness is to release tension and/or increase energy. For people practiced in meditation or muscle relaxation techniques, taking a few minutes to relax will usually do the trick. For non-meditators, Dr. Thayer recommends a little exercise. In most cases, a brisk, 10- to 15-minute walk increases energy for up to one hour. That's enough time to choose a more healthful snack.

Getting enough sleep and eating small meals throughout the day are also healthier ways to regulate your mood. If you have more energy, you are less vulnerable to tension, and you will be less likely to start the sugar binge cycle in the first place.

EVERYONE IS DIFFERENT

While Dr. Thayer has studied eating habits and their effect on mood, he is also a proponent of knowing your own body and habits. In his book The Origin of Everyday Moods (Oxford University), he suggests systematic self-observation. Try this experiment...

Notice the association between your thoughts, feelings and behavior before having a sugar snack. Rate your energy on a number scale. Are you a peppy 5? An exhausted 1? Then do the same after you eat your sugar snack. Note how long the energy lasts. Do this several times. Keep your findings in a notebook. Make a chart or a graph. Notice what the snack is doing to you. Then, try the same exercise before and after taking a walk or using relaxation techniques. Fascinating, eh?

Getting to know yourself, your body, and your eating habits is a great way to create new habits. Knowing why you make choices is the first step to lasting changes and a healthier, happier state of mind.

Beth-- Right now this is the best paying job I can find, so finding another one isn't an option for us. We're still, when it comes down to it, a couple of broke kids even though he's got an excellent paying job. We have a lot of bills, and he's wanting to buy a boat. A freakin' boat!

Thanks for the interesting article Sweet Jean.

----

Today is better. I feel better about life. I also have the day off, so I'm going to go do some shopping that needs to be done and pay some bills. It'll be nice to not have to go in today even though I do work all weekend.

The weekends are another source of frustration in my life, not because I have to work but because of who I have to work with! There's a CNA that's been hired on to do CNA work..She's also a med tech but she's supposed to do CNA work before anything else. Instead, she follows the nurse around. I have been there by myself with her for an hour before the other CNA got there and like five people came on the light. She sat at the nurses desk while I ran around trying to get things done. I said, excuse me, no. I had to get hateful with her before she would get off her @%^ and do her job.

I didn't work last weekend and the girls who did called me and asked me how to get ahold of the weekday nurse, OUR supervisor, not the weekend nurse. They reported her, and things finally changed a little bit....But I'm not about to put up with it this weekend. I will speak up, and call my supervisor if necessary. We have showers to give and people to help to bed, and two people cant get it all done on time. X-(

Okay, my little rant is over.

I'm going to go for now, I'll try and update later.

:console:

I feel pretty decent today, despite only getting about five hours of sleep last night.

We went four wheeling at about 12 AM last night after I got off work and we were out till 3 AM in the morning. I came home, fed the dog and went to BED. We had a lot of fun in the woods though :o :laugh: And got really muddy because of all the rain.

It was so beautiful up there on the mountain, with all the city lights shining and reflecting off of the lake. Of course, Wal-mart looks MASSIVE from above. We HAVE been places where there were no city lights in sight but we didn't have that much time last night.

I have finally seen another loss. I think I must have hit a mini plateau. Of course, the way I was eating like a horse wasn't helping me any. I have to go to work today, I get a lot of exercise at work.

I'm going to wake DBF up and go get some lunch.

Hi Jamie ...

My friend just sent me another good article this morning and I'm forwarding it to you.

I'm glad you went out last night and had some fun. You know what they say about "all work and no play ... "

Have a good day today ... do you have a day off coming soon now that you've worked all weekend? I hope so. Talk to you soon.

:o




Weight Loss Warnings
10 Slip-ups to look out for

http://cdn.nutrisystem.com/newsletter/weekof/012206/graphics/stoplight.gifIt's Saturday night and you've just come from one of the best dinner parties ever—great appetizers and great company. You had a couple glasses of wine. Okay, they weren't on your meal plan, but you've been good all week, right? You can deal with it. You stayed away from most of the hors d'oeuvres except for the vegetable tray. You only took one bite of truffle and gave the rest to the Ficus tree in the corner. But then you get home and you're still hungry. You forgot to eat your salad at lunch and missed your apple before dinner. Maybe a snack? Why not, it's the weekend...
Stop and picture a big traffic light in front of you – it's red.
Dieting can be challenging, and often the hard part is being able to recognize when slip-ups are leading to more. So, here are a few warning signs you might want to look for. The goal is to avoid compounding these slip-ups so you don't feel so guilty or frustrated that you say it just isn't worth it.
Red Light #1 – Using food as a reward
Has this gone through your mind? "I deserve a treat for doing so well on my meal plan." You know what, you do deserve something—but try not to make it food. Rewarding yourself for doing well can be great motivation, but beware of the spur of the moment rewards that are often also high in calories.

Green Light – Plan non-food rewards ahead of time. Write down your goals and make these the only rewards you get (so you better make them good enough).
http://cdn.nutrisystem.com/newsletter/weekof/012206/graphics/breakfast.jpg Red Light # 2 – Skipping breakfast
If you have never been much of a morning person, this can be an easy habit to fall into. A large cup of coffee seems to tide you over until lunch. You're not getting hungry in the morning, so it doesn't seem to hurt.
But there are a few dangers here. The first being that you are setting yourself up for disaster later in the day. You may end up hungry, but worse, you may start rationalizing foods that are not on your meal plan. "Well, I didn't eat breakfast, so I can have a drink or two after work." The calorie count may be the same, but you have just replaced healthy calories with empty calories that don't provide nutrition. Not to mention the fact that even one drink can do horrible things to a person's willpower. The other danger can be you are actually slowing your metabolism down by skipping meals. You want to get your body accustomed to burning food calories throughout the day, not just at the end.
Green Light – Have breakfast items like granola bars handy that are easy to carry and can be stored at work. Keep the fruit bowl at home stocked and leave your car keys in it. Do anything to grab an apple and not an apple fritter.
Red Light # 3 – No snacks on hand
You forgot your banana and ended up with a bag of cheddar popcorn. Not having a snack on hand may mean you need to plan ahead a little more.
Green Light – Take some time the night before to figure out what you are going to eat the next day. Set it aside, ready to go, next to your car keys. By taking five minutes to plan, you help avoid eating high-calorie snacks the next day.
Red Light # 4 – Social drinks
http://cdn.nutrisystem.com/newsletter/weekof/012206/graphics/drinks.jpgYour intentions are pure when you go to happy hour. Mingle with friends, have some water or a diet soda. Then someone offers to buy you a drink and before your brain knows it, your mouth has just ordered a third glass of beer. What happened? What ever it was, it happens to all of us. While a couple of drinks might not have a ton of calories, the situation can lead to things like appetizers, bar food, and late-night bingeing.
Green Light – A good trick when you go out can be to get a glass of water before you start to chat with friends. This way your hands are full and people are less likely to offer to get something for you. Diet soda with a lemon wedge is also a great disguise for its rum and Coke look-alike.
Red Light # 5 – Tired of yogurt
Your fat-free milk servings are important for both nutrition and for keeping you full. But, when the mere sight of yogurt makes you cringe, you may have to make a change.
Green Light – Think about some other dairy alternatives that are simple and easily stored at work. How about a single serving of low-fat cottage cheese or string cheese? Variety can keep you on track.
Red Light # 6 – Not eating salads
You're not a rabbit and no one wants you to be. Humans should not live on lettuce and carrots alone; that's all there is to it. The problem is that salad with your meal is crucial to making sure you have a balanced meal plan and keep from getting hungry. Like skipping meals or snacks, leaving salads out can make you hungry later on.
Green Light – Try adding things like cucumber and spinach salads to your meal plan or combine your salad with your entrée (like turning Beef Tacos into taco salad). Keep adding variety to your day.
Red Light # 7 – Going out to lunch
Do you have two or three lunch entrees left over in your desk at work? If you do, it might be a sign that you should re-think your decisions. Have you been going out to eat with co-workers? Have you been skipping lunch because you got busy?
Green Light – Schedule to exercise at lunch and leave 15 minutes before everyone else does. Put yourself in the position to succeed by not being around when people are asking who wants to go out for Chinese.
Red Light # 8 – "I'll exercise more to make up for what I ate."
Oh, these are very, very bad words and almost all of us have uttered them at some point. The problem is they assume you will have motivation to exercise on the same day you lack the motivation to stay on the meal plan. Which you might, but you might also just chalk the day up as a loss and promise to be good tomorrow.
Green Light – Don't allow yourself to trade off parts of your plan. Think of each part of your weight loss program as standing on its own. You either do one piece or you don't.
Red Light # 9 – "I slipped up at lunch so I'll just start my diet over tomorrow."
If dieting were like Gone With The Wind, tomorrow would be another day. Inexplicably, many tomorrows never come when it comes to dieting. The morning arrives and your motivation is low. The rationalization comes, "I missed yesterday anyhow, and I'll just take one more day off." You can probably guess how the rest goes.
Green Light – Start over immediately with your next meal or snack. Get yourself back on the meal plan. Don't tempt fate.
Red Light # 10 – Late night cravings
http://cdn.nutrisystem.com/newsletter/weekof/012206/graphics/redlight.jpgThis could be a sign that you haven't eaten all your portions and can lead to snacks that somehow look so much better after 9:00 pm. A satisfied craving can easily be followed by a morning when you feel bad about yourself and think it's just not worth it. Don't do this to yourself.
Green Light – If you are hungry at night, try having a cup of hot tea or chugging a glass of cold water. Both help to fill your stomach until you go to bed. Or brush your teeth right after dinner. It works!
In the end, it's worth it to struggle through the slips and learn from them. After each one, return to your meal plan without trying to modify it or compensate for something else you ate.
Say to yourself, "Okay, that happened, but I still know what to do – and I am going to do it now." Everyone hits red lights, so do what comes naturally—pause, look around, think, and then continue on towards your goal.

Hey Sweet Jean, thanks for the article! Very informative. I don't know when I'll have another day off, to be honest, but it'll be toward the middle/end of the week. I don't work this next weekend and it's payday, so woot! :laugh:

For "breakfast" I had a little over half a cup of yogurt. I couldn't eat anymore than that.

Lunch was about 3/4s of a subway sandwich and 3/4 a bowl of chicken and rice soup. I couldn't do any better than that but I don't guess I'm doing TOO bad. I should probably eat more than I do, but sometimes I just cant stomach all that food. Imagine that 8-| It's the medication. I'm still thinking about getting switched onto something else, though.

The mood swings can be severe, especially on somene who is somewhat emotionally unstable as it is. but I was having these before the meds. The doctor said that if I got any worse she would put me on anti-anxiety medication. We'll see. I don't want to over medicate and end up a zombie (although a happy zombie).

----

This is a picture of me with a friend's baby (definitely not mine :laugh: )...It's the only RECENT picture I have and it's not very good. But it gives an idea.

God, girl, you're still beautiful ... mood swings, medicated or not! Your doctor is right to hesitate about MORE medication ... you don't want to zombie-out. You need to know how you feel in order to make your choices in life ... don't drift through your moments. OK ... so next weekend is looking good ... there's light at the end of this here tunnel. That's good!

I'll talk to you soon ... keep that pretty head of yours up! :o

Thanks Sweet Jean :)

----

Finally saw the scale move again--go me! I'm pretty happy about that. I'm somewhat bloated, though.

*start of female rant, so don't read it if you dont want to know*

I've been bleeding for 9 days now, and that's so unusual for me. I usually only go for 3-4 days at the MOST. It's very light 95% of the time but on occasion it gets heavier...But it doesn't stay heavy.

Now, here's the scary part. It's not TIME for my period, and I am taking birth control so that sort of thing is very regulated. I think I need to go to the doctor. I'm giving it a few more days, and if it doesn't stop, I'm going to have to go to the doc. :( I'm a little bit worried about this.

*end rant*

I'm going to get some breakfast and do a little house work now.

If you've already been bleeding that long, I think you should go ahead and call the doctor. What would it hurt? There is no reason for you to stress over it for a few more days, go ahead and just them a call and see what they say. That's what I would do anyway :D

Hi Jamie. I haven’t been able to post much lately but I’m glad to see that you’ve got others who love and care about you too and will give you good advice.

When I reach a certain weight, it throws off my periods. I bled one time about 15 years ago for weeks and weeks before I finally went to the dr, by that time I was close to anemic. Every once in a while, I will get long periods, always when my weight is up. As soon as I drop the weight, my periods go back to normal. Just a little incentive for you.

Keeping you in my thoughts, Sue

Hey Dec and Sue....Thanks for the replies.

Sue-- I thought about that too, but even before when I lost all that weight in a relatively short amount of time (two and a half months) my periods stayed mostly the same. I'm on birth control, which is supposed to regulate it and any irregular bleeding on this stuff has to be checked out. Kind of sucks :(

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I went to the doctor today, finally. This is the 13th (about the 14th, which marks TWO WEEKS I've been bleeding) day that this has been going on.

They gave me a pregnancy test out of fear that the other medications I'm on might have interfered with the birth control. It came back negative, so that rules that out. I had blood work done, and I'm going back in Tuesday for a pap smear (even though I had one in december). They're testing me for all these STD's (which seems very silly8-| ) and a few other problems.

Other than that, I'm having a great time diet wise. I've been doing great, I'm down 17 pounds now. I think that's great.

I went shopping today after my doctors appointment and tried on some clothes.. I tried a pair of stretch 22 ralph lauren jeans that didn't fit, but they came close. I think RL sizes are bigger anyway, personally. Then I went to Fashion Bug and tried on a pair of 24 jeans (that were black, which explains it) that fit but were tight, so I didn't buy those.

I did spend too much money today, but it was payday and we had a little to spare.

I'm going to go browse now!

Hi Jamie ...

Hey ... glad to hear that the weight is coming off. Isn't that just the best feeling!! I love when that happens.

I'm glad you got to see the doctor. Let us know as soon as the results come back. It could be stress. I know that sounds like a much used excuse, but stress is a devil. Just let us know what the doctor finds. Glad you went.

Enjoy the rest of your weekend. Have fun.

:o

Man, I need to update this thing more often! lol

Thanks Sweet Jean, my boyfriend also thinks that it could be caused by stress, so we'll see.

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I had the best time last night. First of all, I got all of my hair cut off saturday...Well not all of it, but it's short. My BF didn't get to see it until sunday, and he loves it. I thought he would hate it, to be honest, and I was worried about that.

We didn't get to see each other until sunday evening, and the first thing he said was:
"You got your hair cut! I love it!" so that was good. He kept telling me how good it looks on me, and just couldn't get over it. I guess the part that really made me happy was when we were laying on the bed and he was playing with my hair he said "Your hair is so neat, I just love it."

It made my whole night. He was very loving last night.

Then we went mudding and had a blast. We got so dirty, then we cruised and listened to country music, sang along and acted stupid together. It was fun, and it's times like these that I know we're just made for one another.

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I've also lost a lot more weight. Watch me go!! :laugh:

Oh, I meant to post a pic! This is me now.

http://i14.photobucket.com/albums/a348/pixiescherrypie/1jamienew.jpg

You are sooooo beautiful!

Thank you, Sue! :o

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I got fairly good news at the doctor today, but it's chick stuff, so if you'd rather not know, don't read! lol

I was diagnosed with a severe case of yeast vaginitis (yeast infection)..It's so bad that it's spread to my..uh, outer parts, as well. I'm miserable and in pain, but she gave me stuff for that. I have to treat my boyfriend too or she said it'd just come back, so when he gets home I cant wait to tell him that I have to treat his yeast infection :laugh:

About the bleeding...She said that it could be caused by a number of things, including the infection I have, the birth control I take, or rapid weight loss. Perhaps a combination of the three, so I should be fine in a few days.

I suppose that's all the news I have. I'm glad it's nothing too bad!

Hello Jamie ...

Well, the haircut looks great and so do you. I'm so glad the doctor had an answer for you that wasn't earth-shaking. Plus you get to annoy your boyfriend no less ... lol. Ain't that fun! Hahahahaha. I'm glad to know that your problem can be solved and that it isn't serious.

I'm also happy that you went out and had some fun with your BF. You two need more of that and less housework and budgeting. I know, that sounds like bad advice since you live together and need to be practical ... but you're young and need to have fun. If your roommate were a girlfriend of yours you wouldn't be sitting around on weekends having deep conversations about "the future" ... right? So make sure you and your BF make plenty of time for fun ... you'll have the rest of your lives for all the serious stuff later on. This might sound weird but I only give advice like this while you're young so enjoy it while you can ....

It's great that your scale is going down too. Good for you! :cheer:

Talk to you again soon. Keep up the good work!

:o

Hey Sweet Jean, thanks for stopping by :) Yes, I'll jump at any chance to tease or annoy my boyfriend :laugh:
I also think you're right about taking life too seriously. That seems to be our problem. We need to budget and talk about the future, but my gosh that sort of thing does get stale after a while. We're working on it!

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Oh boy, what else can possibly go wrong with me?! 8-| I have a kidney infection now. I went to the doctor yesterday and he put me on antibiotics (oh wont that just make the yeast infection I have wonderful..geez) and this other medication that turns my pee bright orange. It seems to be working, though. I couldn't work yesterday, but I went in today. That's a good sign.

I have two doctors appts tomorrow. One at 8:00 in the morning, about an hour from my house, and one here in my hometown at 1:00.

I have a busy life, but I seem to be doing well enough.

Hours are being cut back at work, which is BAD. I do love my job, though, and I'm not about to quit. I'm very attached to the residents, I like the people I work with, and it's a very nice facility. I've been told that sometimes this happens, and it'll all blow over soon. If I can just stick out a couple of tight months, I'll be fine.

I'm going to go snooze now.

Hi Jamie. Yep, Jean has a knack for always having good advice. Bummer about all the health problems you’re going through right now. These things happen for a reason. I always seem to get yeast infections when my blood sugars are high (diabetic) and it does seem to happen right around my periods. Have you ever been checked for that? Hate to put another health problem into the equation, lol.

Good luck to you with the reduced hours at work. I’m glad to hear that you like your job and especially that you like the residents. You have the ability to really touch their lives and it sounds like that’s just what you’ve been doing. Love you, Sue

Hey there Jamie! Glad to see you hanging around. Sorry to hear you have not been feeling well the last couple weeks. Hope things are clearing up.

Take care girly. See you around okie dokie. Your are doing great!

Thanks for stopping in you guys, I appreciate your support more than anything :) At least I know you guys haven't given up on me and my incessant stop-go dietting :laugh:
I think I'm done with that stop-go crap now though. I'm getting it done this time.

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I've been doing ok-ish. I haven't been sticking 100% to plan, I'm on my period and I've been craving chocolate like a fiend. So I've been giving in, which is okay from time to time.

I've still lost two more pounds since I was here last.

I went to the "fat doctor" friday and found out that (since I started the diet pills) I've lost 8 pounds of fat and gained 1 pound of muscle (which is good). So I'm happy with that.

I'm still waiting on the results from all my other tests.
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I didn't have to work yesterday, and it had snowed. All of the snow in the valley melted, but the mountains were still beautiful, so I decided that I was going to go to my "happy place". The place was deserted, and very serene. It's so secluded that there's no cell phone service for miles.

When I'm here, I feel like everything in life is going to be fine. That's why when I'm under stress I go there to be alone out in nature.

There was about two inches of snow, maybe a bit more, and it was lovely. I went hiking, did a little climbing and got the old heart a pumpin'. I'm a hobby photographer, so of course I took pics. Here's the link for them:

My Picture Journal (http://folsomblues18.blogspot.com)

My back is a little bit sore. I really shouldn't have put a strain on it, but the peaceful feeling I got from being out there in all that wilderness was worth a little ache.

My calves are also SORE but it's the good kind of sore...I know I'm building muscle. My shoulders and butt are slightly sore too. I got a pretty decent work-out.

Hey Jamie. I'm so proud of you for sticking with it. I know it's been difficult at times. In my heart, I don't believe you will ever truly give up.

And congrats on another 2 pounds lost. Which brand of diet pills are you on and is it essentially just speed or does it reduce cravings or block anything?

I cannot tell you how happy I am that you have a happy place to go to. Wonderful wonderful wonderful!!!

Keep up the good work with the exercise and taking care of yourself. Love, Sue

Hi Jamie ...

I just looked at your photos and you are an excellent photographer! I took the walk with you at your Happy Place and no wonder you're happy there. I particularly liked the shot of the bridge ... sort of reminded me of where you are in life right now ... at the very beginning ... with your whole life stretched before you. Why not make a print of that shot and keep it on your desk at home. Or another shot that might be your favorite so you can always be reminded of your Happy Place when you're at home? Just an idea. I liked your rainbow too. One question ... did your find the snowman like that or did you build him yourself? LOL ... I think he's your creation. Am I right?

I hope you're having a great weekend even if you're at work. Keep up with your program. You got across that bridge and you can get through your program. A slim healthy Jamie is waiting on the other side of the bridge ......

:o

hey Jamie... You pictures are beautiful. Gosh I am enious. it snowed here in NYC for the first real time since winter started. It just was wonderful.

So glad you are still doing well. Keep it up girly. Take care.

Hi all, just a quick update to say hi and respond to your replies before I lay my tired self down to sleep.

Sue-- The brand name of the pills I'm on is Plegine, the generic name is (maybe you'll have to check the spelling) phendimetrazine. It reduces appetite and cravings, but it doesn't speed me up. The only very negative side effect is the way that it makes me sweat, and the way it makes my normal body odor (that sounds bad :laugh: ) smell. I normally have hardly any smell at all, but on this stuff I have to shower and deodorize at least twice a day.

Sweet Jean-- Thanks for the (wonderful) compliment. My photography skills are something that I often question, and to hear someone say that I'm good at it makes me more confident.
The bridge shot is one of my favorites also, you put it into new perspective for me, though. Good idea. Oh, and yes, the snowman was my own creation :laugh:

Sexy-- We hardly ever get snow here in Tennessee, and I was beginning to wonder if we were going to have any winter weather at all. It had been in the 70's here some (in December/January! Imagine that!), and then it suddenly drops this on us. I'm not complaining, but snow is something I like about once a year, then I'm ready for someone to flip the switch back to "summer" :laugh:

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I'm still doing just fine, but I'm tired, so I'm going to go and crawl into bed and hope we don't get anymore snow.

How is the week going Jamie? All the snow here in NYC is melting away. Back to abnormally warmer temps...lol. Something you might enjoy.

Hope things are well. Take care girl.

Dang! I didn't realize that it had been so long since I posted!

I have been extremely busy with work and life.

I am sorry to say, but I'm afraid that my relationship with Chris is about to end, well, really it already has as far as I'm concerned. He purposefully does things to make me mad or hurt my feelings, and he works just as much as I do.

For instance, about the things he does on purpose...I keep a very clean house and I dislike people who don't clean up after themselves. Well, he just gets ready to take his shoes off and leaves them, along with his DIRTY socks, wherever he wants. I cant even remember all the time I've came downstairs at night (sometimes to start his car for work for him, so it'd be warm when he left 8-| ) and almost tripped over his $%^$%^@ shoes.

He also trims his facial hair and leaves it all over the bathroom sink. I cannot even COUNT the times he's left the milk or the butter out of the refrigerator overnight and spoiled it, or left the bread open, or left all the lights on downstairs overnight, and then he complains about us not having any extra money.

Maybe I'm being a..witch..about it, but there are some things that I just cannot put up with.

Also, it's FINE for him to go out with his friends and not call me all night, come in at two in the morning and expect me to wake up and "accomodate" him, if you know what I mean, and I'm not supposed to be angry or bitter about this X-(

But if I want to go out with my girlfriends, I have to "check in" with him, and if I don't call him, he calls me FURIOUSLY demanding to know where I am, why I haven't called, and who I'm with. Ummm..Control freak?

Sometimes, people are simply not compatible and I've come to terms with that. I'm more HAPPY to be out of this relationship than I am sad that it's over. We had good times, but we had a lot of bad.

I'm back in my parents house now, and I am thankful.

Alright, as far as my diet goes, it's going great. I got off track last month with all of the BS going on, but I'm back on it now. My doctor switched my medication and it's working much better.

Sounds like a good move Jamie. :-)

GREAT to see you taking care of yourself in all areas of your life ! :up:

I don't have the time to do a real reply, but I'm down 28 pounds now!

:cheer:

More later.

I'm doing super on my diet....I walked for a full 40 minutes today, plus I went shopping with my mom and my aunt and walked for at least two hours.

We're going on a cruise to Cozumel this July (for sure) and my family is trying to lose weight too, which makes it a little bit easier to do since there isn't a huge amount of chocolate and coke in the house.

All of the clothes I bought, I bought them smaller than what I can wear now. I'm sure they'll fit by then, on this medication and with diet and exercise, there's no where to go but down. :)

I got a new tattoo yesterday. I have been wanting it for a long time, and finally had the money to get it. It's an original design.

http://i14.photobucket.com/albums/a348/pixiescherrypie/jamiesnewtatt2.jpg

I paid $280 for it, and when I first got it I was a little put off by the size...But now I love it. The colors are awesome, and I love nature. It suits me. It will, however, be the last tattoo I get most likely.

Things between myself and the ex are polite at best, strained at worst. He wants to try and "work things out", and he says that we should go out "just for fun", yet he didn't return my call today when I was going to ask him to go see The Hills Have Eyes with me. To me, that doesn't say *serious about saving this relationship*.

To be honest, I'm sort of glad we didn't go out tonight. I don't think I can handle the stress of the situation and the awkwardness. These past few days have been hell with trying to talk sense into him. Every time we talk it usually ends up in a fight or a screaming match (one which happened at work, which is rather unprofessional on my part and quite embarassing), or one of us starts crying (usually me, once or twice him, though).

I will not put up with this anymore. I basically told him, "You get your s*** together and we'll try to work it out. If not, then get out of my life."

I love this man with all my heart, but I just don't think I can live with him the way he is now. He tells me that he wants to change his behavior and act right, yet he makes no effort. :c( He has broken my heart so many times in the past month, but I would take him back in a second if he really tried to show me he was serious about the whole situation.

Alright, I guess I'm done talking about that. Here's another picture that I liked.

http://i14.photobucket.com/albums/a348/pixiescherrypie/1resizejamie.jpg

It's sad, but it's got a certain quality to it that I cant quite put my finger on.

I haven't weighed in the past couple of mornings because I haven't been going to the bathroom like normal...But I know that I've lost weight. With everything I've done and how good I've been, I don't know how it could be any other way. We can hope, anyway :laugh:

Jamie...

That is a pretty awesome tattoo. Gosh $280 is a lot. It does look pretty large though. Love the Tree Frog.

Hope things get better involving the bf issue. Just do what makes you feel comfortable. Getting yourself out of the immediate stress was an excellent move.

Hope the weightloss is going well. Love the black & white picture also. Take care girly.

Nicole