Today I am working on getting a plan together to start my healthy new life. I keep having this refrain running through my head from an Oingo Boingo song "Who do you want to be today? Who do you want to be?" Of course, the fact that I remember lyrics to Oingo Boingo probably dates me.... :o

I don't want to be the me that I currently am. I am tired of being tired all the time. I am tired of feeling heavy all the time. I get up off the floor as if I'm 100 years old. This is crazy.

I am also remembering some advice I heard somewhere that went something like:
Don't think of yourself as a failure because you've tried to lose weight in the past and haven't (or haven't kept it off). You were practicing. Now, you know everything you need to know about losing weight. Now, you can really do it.

So, enough practicing already. This time I'm going to do it. And as one of the first steps, I'm going to visit my DT journal at least once a day. Even if it's just to put in a note to remind myself that I'm focused on this. I'm going to succeed this time.

As soon as I work out the whole plan, I will post it here so that I can burn it into my mind and make sure I keep it a priority.

Good luck to everyone who visits! :dance:

Hi :wave: & :welcome:

I am sure you will find wonderful support here :)

Today was a good day. I went out shopping and bought new running shoes. I started run/walking about a month ago but stopped over New Year's weekend and haven't gotten back out there since. I blame it on my shoes since they were seriously making my toes hurt. Now I have no excuse. The new sneakers are really, really comfy and sproing-y.
I also discovered an exercise on-demand channel on our cable this morning. I did two 10 minute routines for bellydancing. It was fun if a bit frustrating. I just can't seem to isolate the parts of my body the way the dancers do. If my chest moves, so do my hips and vice/versa. I am hoping I'll learn. Tomorrow I think I'm going to try the hula show I saw listed. Might be fun.
And I bought the yarn to start a new baby afghan. A friend of mine just found out she's pregnant and I want to make something for her and the baby. I just love baby afghans. They're so soft. I make them in neutral colors (like purple or green instead of pink or blue) because I have to start way before the parents know the gender of the baby otherwise I'll never get finished on time! :D
The eating was kindof a mess today though. I'm on antibiotics until next Monday and it's making me nauseous most of the time. Blah. So I don't feel like eating until I'm super hungry and then I just eat whatever's the fastest. This has to stop though. I need to get the whole thing, eating and exercise, working together for me. So for tomorrow I have a plan. I've got a bunch of powdered protein shakes packaged up for during the day. I got some egg whites for breakfast and some 2% pepper jack cheese to make omelettes. And I'm having a Lean Cuisine and salad for dinner. DH is going to have some Healthy Choice sausage (I hate sausage) and salad. He's a skinny guy but we're keeping an eye on his cholesterol so he's keeping to a lowfat meal plan. I have to really push him though to get enough calories in a day. He refuses to believe the charts that say a 6'0" tall man in his 30s who runs should be eating at least 2000 calories a day. Grrr. I'm working on getting him to snack. :laugh:
Actually, it dawns on me that I may be trying to get him to snack for ME since I can't. That's truly twisted! :o
It was a big shopping day. I bought jeans in a smaller size (almost too small, but close enough - I thank the person who invented lycra every day of my life). And I bought some sweats for running. It's chilly here in the mornings and that's the only time I've got to get outside. I'm trying to make it so I don't have any excuses left to me. Now if I can just remember to set the alarm clock....

Hah! I went and set the alarm clock for 6 am. Tomorrow I will run!

Thanks Beth for stopping by! :wave:

Wandering through other journals and decided I should mark down my starting weight and at least one other measurement for posterity's (hah) sake. Maybe the embarrassment of seeing it in print will help me stay on track. So today, my weight is 232 and my waist measures 43". Shucks. 43". That's bigger than most guys I know. Probably twice as big as any of the young women I work with.
OK. I'm not going to get bummed out. I'm just going to pause a moment and picture how great the tiny women I work with look in their little hipster jeans and t-shirts and then picture myself in the same outfit. Hmmm. Not sure the roll of flab over the top of the jeans is attractive. Or the bulgy bits that hang over my bra line. Need to get rid of those. Then I'll look great. Gotta start somewhere, right?
232
43"
Just repeating it for myself. Letting it sink in.
There.
It's sunk. I'm glad I put it out there in the open. Well, not glad. But proud. That'll do.

Welcome to DT Jessamine. Don't let that number "43" sink in, it looks like you'll be changing it real soon to a much smaller number. I love your attitude and that will take you a long way. You will find lots of support here a DT. Be sure to check out the other forum and if you feel up to it, there are some excellent challenges in the challengle forum for you to join. :)

I just went in and changed my signature to have my journal link in it. That's the plan anyway. This message will test whether that works.
I wonder if I seem rather odd. Posting something like 5 times in one evening to my own journal...but I think in little spurts like this. So that's likely how my journal is going to be written. In little spurts. :D
I want to explain the title of my journal so that I don't forget why I'm here. I'm not just here for the food. In the movie Ever After with Drew Barrymore, there's a line where her stepmom says to her chubby-ish stepsister "you're just going for the food" and later the stepsister retorts to her mother "I'm just here for the food" in a sarcastic way. It's also the title to an Alton Brown cookbook I happen to own.
Anyway, I was sitting trying to think of a message to myself that I could use as a title to my journal. And I remembered that line and it was like a little light bulb went off over my head. I do live my life as though I'm just here for the food. Food is an obsession. I can't get enough of it. And the quality of my day is often determined by what I had to eat. Or didn't eat. And I realized that I don't want to live my life that way.
I am NOT just here for the food!
There is so much more to life than that. There's being outside, listening to the birds singing and smelling the blooming jasmine and honeysuckle. Or pine trees as the season determines.
There's work - which I spend way too much time doing, but nonetheless, it's NOT food. And I do love my job.
There's my DH. Most days he's much better than food. Most days. :)
There's my gerbil. She's fantastic. Truly a treasure. I love to just watch her. Gerbils are so industrious. She's going to be an inspiration. She's still a baby gerbil though, so I expect she'll slow down a bit as she matures.
Hah. I just realized I wrote one sentence about DH and practically a novel about my girly. Tells you where my priorities lie, eh? I have a gerbil and a husband - in that order! :D
I'm going to continue to add to my "more to life than the food" list as I think of things.
Now off to wander through a few other threads until my brain has another thought it would like me to write down.

Last post for today. Went and found the place to make tickers and so made two for myself. I may get tired of all the space they take up at the end of posts. Other folks may get tired of it too, so they may get trimmed.
Wanted to remind myself though that the MBA program starts relatively soon and I have to buy a suit. Blah. Do not want to buy a suit in size 20W. No way.
If I'm persistent, I can lose 8-10 lbs per month and therefore be 30-40 lbs lighter by then. That would mean buying the suit in a much smaller size. Maybe even a real 18? Then I might be able to get something trendier. Good motivation.
Now, off the laptop! Good night all! :ghug:

Welcome to Diettalk and the Land of the Journals, Jessamine! :wave:

The great thing about having a journal is that it's yours to do what you want with. Post, don't post, post much...it's whatever you need to keep you going.

Congratulations on taking the steps toward a healthier you!

Yep to what seaweed said :D

Your making great strides :)

Hi, Jess. Thanks for stopping by my journal. I made a longwinded reply for you. Gerbils are nice cat toys! My cats are grinning just thinking about it! :laugh:

Great attitude progress!

Don't worry about multiple posts per day in your journal, plenty of us do that! That's what the journal is here for, right? To listen to us whenever we have something to say!

Keep up the amazing work!

Evidently, I haven't quite gotten into the swing of narrating my DT journal yet. I've been wandering through other journals and threads...not leaving messages...just wandering.
I have lost 3 lbs so far. Doesn't feel like much. Especially since I can gain 3 lbs overnight at times! I'm hoping that I will start to notice a kind of snowball effect -- as I get more fit, I will do more, thus losing more weight which will make me feel more fit, and do more, and thus lose even more weight...ad infinitum.
I also had an epiphany over the weekend. I realized I honestly do spend way too much time working. Way too much. One could say I'm obsessed with my job. Which I don't think is necessarily a bad thing, unless you put everything else in your life second to work. And again, I don't even think THAT is a bad thing if work really is the most important thing in your life. However, work is not the most important thing in MY life. Life is the most important! And I realized I'm not really having one. A life that is.
So, I am going to sincerely try to cut back on how much time I spend AT work as well as how much time I spend at home working or thinking/talking/dreaming about work. This will free up valuable time that I can spend exercising and concentrating on improving my health. And it will also let me spend some truly quality time with DH and my gerbil-girly.
I don't know how to go about doing this though. The folks at work are so used to seeing me there all the time (and knowing that I'm there even when they're not) that I'm afraid to start putting in my 40 hours and look like a slacker by comparison. Sounds neurotic even to me. But it's true. I'll need to work on my attitude and confidence evidently.
So, tomorrow I will go into work at a reasonable hour and leave at a reasonable hour. I'll try for 8:30-5:30 with an hour for lunch (hah! I never take lunch!). That will give me time to do a short workout before I leave and hopefully leave me with enough energy to go for a walk with DH after dinner.
We'll see... :wave:

Well. I cannot believe it's been over 6 months since I last wrote in my journal. I mean, I guess I have to believe it since the dates don't lie, but I had no idea I'd let it slip for so long.
My only excuse is the same old, same old. I've let everything else in my life - mainly work - take precedence over my health. Again.
Why do I continue to do this to myself? I've been thinking about it a lot the last couple of days. I just don't know the answer. Maybe I like being 230+ pounds and struggling to lift my rear end up off the floor? Maybe I enjoy being in pain every single day? Maybe I actually like the matronly plus-size clothing I wear out of necessity every day?
Now I know that none of that is true. But how to convince myself that it's time to change?
I think part of it is that I don't believe I can change. I don't believe that any small changes I make will actually add up to serious weight loss and make me feel better and be in less pain.
That's where DT helps. I read other people's journals and see the progress they've made just by making small changes. And I see how long it's taken some of them too. How many of them have fallen off the wagon only to climb back up and start again. I guess I can do this too.
I started thinking of DT again because yesterday morning I saw a program on TV that actually excited me. I've always been fascinated by contortionists. Rhythmic gymnastics holds me mesmerized. Well, yesterday I saw capoeira on TV for the first time. Holy cow. That is the "sport" for me. I love the dance aspect, the grace, the acrobatics, the contortion. I love that masters refer to it as "playing" and that part of the game is to show off and give your partner time to show off as well.
My rheumatologist keeps telling me that yoga and pilates will make the arthritis feel better and I do like yoga, but I never feel like I've worked out hard so I don't trust that it will make a long-term difference. Now this capoeira stuff, this looks HARD. This I think would make a long-term difference. And it encourages muscle strength and flexibility just like yoga and pilates, so it ought to help the RA.
The biggest problem is that I'm starting this at 38 and I am currently completely unflexible. The RA has me twisted already into a super-crunchy pretzel and I don't have the foggiest idea how I'll be able to do some of these moves. But I'm encouraged by the websites I've found that say that they expect you'll be able to earn your first cord (equivalent to belts in karate, etc) after 6-12 mos of practice. I'm assuming that's an average for everybody, not just the young and fit. So maybe a year from now, if I can find a group to practice with, I might be able to move a little more gracefully even if I can't earn a cord.
OK. I thought I would go ahead and write all those thoughts down just to remind myself in days to come that I have a goal in mind - there is something athletic I actually WANT to be able to do. Something I can work toward.
And to remind myself that it inspired me yesterday and today to get out and walk with DH. We went about 2 miles each time. Not great shakes, but it's a start.
Tomorrow I will do some stretching and maybe start up the yoga again in preparation until I find a capoeira DVD.
For those who have no idea what capoeira is....
YouTube - Individual movements
This guy is ridiculously good. There are a few other videos on YouTube that give an idea of what the groups do.
Tomorrow I'm going to buy healthy food at the grocery store. My goal is to visit my journal everyday, regardless of whether anyone visits me, to remind myself that my health is a priority.
Probably the best news after being off DT for so long - I haven't gained a single pound. Same weight. Same inches. I could've gone up but I didn't. So the only thing to do is get the scale to go down.
:wave:

Woke up this morning thinking about my DT journal and posting but made myself wait a few hours to be sure that I'd keep it in mind. The tricks I have to play on myself...:o

Went for a long walk last night in the park and collected 8 different kinds of mushrooms. Not to eat. They are for a science project. I have a freezer full of different species. I always collect them with a baggie the way folks do when picking up after their dogs - you never know which ones are going to have some sort of toxin or allergen on them so it pays to be very careful! Very, very careful.

I'm watching Top Chef right now. I love the Bravo reality programs. They choose the goofiest personalities. No matter what the show is about. My current favorite is Project Runway. I have a crush on Heidi and her earrings. I wish I was nearly 6 feet tall. Then I might actually be closer to a normal weight! :laugh:

Today is grocery store day. Need to remember to get only healthy food. I need to figure out what I can take for lunch. No refrigeration and fast to prepare in the mornings...hmmm...

Hi Jessa,

Just wanted to join others in welcoming you to diettalk. I hope we see you around lots.

Just a quick note to let myself know I'm still here and still motivated. Just busy. Very busy.

Thanks Nancy, for the welcome! :wave:

It's Saturday morning and I'm still here. I'm taking the day off today. Yesterday I had a migraine so bad I wished someone would just knock me unconcious. :(
I felt it coming on Thursday night and I think I know the trigger this time - I had to stay up way, way, way past my bedtime to finish things for the MBA program and at the lab. Didn't even get home until 1am and I'd been up since 5am. Lack of sleep evidently = migraine for me. Good to know.
Yesterday was filled with caffeine, Excedrin, and cold packs for my head. Today I will try to wean myself from all three. Not that I'll ever eliminate caffeine, but yesterday I think I had about 10 cups of coffee and 2 diet cokes as well as whatever amount is in the Excedrin. Today I'll just have my usual 2 cups of coffee. Unless the niggling pain at the back of my brain decides to flare up again....
If anyone reads this and has a migraine home remedy they want to recommend (as long as it's not to tell me to lay off caffeine - that just ain't gonna happen) - I'm all ears!
Today I need to buy pants. I hate buying pants. Nothing ever fits right and I'm betting I'm a 22W. Depressing. Should help motivate me to stick to this diet and exercise thing, though.
Hope any visitors have a truly lovely day! :wave:

Well, I was right about the pants. Bummer. But at least they fit....although I'm hoping that soon they get to be baggy. :o

Another quick note. I'm doing reasonably well on my new plan. I still need to exercise more, but I've got my eating habits back under control. I've eaten breakfast every single day for the last week and had something (even if it's just a bar) during the day. I know that I can improve on that as well, but this is a good start for me. And the scale is down 2 lbs.
Still too busy at work and with the MBA though...