ALOHA, y'all! Hope everyone's been well, and enjoying a new year filled with health, wealth, and all-round yummy goodness. I was taken out of town over New Year's with a serious family illness, and just returned a couple of days ago (I think a couple days? time's all distorted for me right now). BUT I'm back, and fighting to get back on track! So, here is my

Somewhat Belated But Better-Late-Than-Never Brand New Journal For 2006! :cheer:


I think 2006 is Year of The Dog (hooray for dogs!!!), but for me it's Year of The Skinny Jeans, the year in which I'll see the thrilling conclusion of my weight-loss odyssey.
At least, that's the plan...:D Here's where I'm at:

Fitness I lost a lot of ground over the past month (no exercise to speak of, unless you count running back and forth to the hospital cafeteria). So this week I've started fighting my way back. I must say, tight obliques feel waaay better than slack ones! And mine are definitely heading down the slack track of shame. :down: So it's back to the grindstone for me... and back to the monthly exercise thread. This year, I want to see my body comp transform, and my fitness level continue to rise. Less fat, more muscle, better body alignment, more sustained stamina.

Diet It kinda went to heck when I was out of town, but my weight held (almost) steady, so that's a good thing. Now that I'm home again I can control my intake better. Also, I made a few interesting discoveries about my eating patterns when I was with family, which I'll discuss later. Discoveries are good. :) I'd like to see an average loss of 2 pounds per week from here on out, until I hit 150, when I will decide how much farther to go.

Self I'm such a work in progress, I should hang a construction sign around my neck... My new signature might seem silly, but it's a reminder for me about something I need to work on - the importance of embracing who and what I truly am, not making myself in another's image. That's a big goal for me this year.


So there we have it. 2006, the year of the skinny jeans, and the year I hope all my Diettalk buddies meet the goals they've set for themselves, whatever they may be. Ready? On our marks, get set... and Bring. It. On. :)

What a great post! I look forward to following your success this year!

*Yay* You're back!

Sorry to hear about the family illness. :console: That's stressful.

Here's to skinny jeans! :dance:

Glad to see you are back. Sorry to read about the family illness. The year of skinny jeans - I LOVE that. Why don't I ever see that in a fortuen cookie? :) Great goals, Anne!

YAY!!! so good to see you back!!

(and what was the name of teh glucosamine chondroitin you told me about? was is Cosequin??)

lookit you cruisin' down the scale--you're rocking!! and get the exercise going, you're shooting down with a bullet!!

Hi guys! It's nice to be back. I missed this place. :)

Dec1905 - thanks for dropping by! hope to see you around so we can cheer each other on

Seaweed - hey, how are you doing? yeah, it was stressful - I'm told I was incredibly stressed out when I first got there, though I don't remember it that way - but things all turned out and my mom is home again and doing much better now (back to her impossible crotchedy self :laugh:)

Sue - how have you been? we definitely need to write some good fortune cookies.... hey, maybe that could be a money-maker for John and Diettalk! low-cal fortune cookies with motivational messages from Diettalkers! and chocolate-covered ones for the lucky maintainers in our midst

Jessica - hey there, wonder woman, how are you doing? how's school? I've been busting out the exercise minutes, on your orders :) we used to use Cosequin but then we switched to Foster & Smith Joint Care with MSM, which is a more complete supplement imo (it's got the msm and vitamin C to aid in absorption) - they also came out with some new joint care supplements this year: http://www.drsfostersmith.com/product/prod_display.cfm?pcatid=3419&Ntt=joint%20care&Ntk=All&Ntx=mode+matchallpartial&Np=1&pc=1&N=0&Nty=1

Hi there! Welcome back! Wheeeeeeeee! You were missed!

Great goals. :)

Corinna

Welcome back Ann. Good luck in all you attempt.

Anne! you are back!
The DT Karma is now back in allignment!

Missed you so!
Sorry to hear about the family emergency. Hospital Cafeterias have awesome soups and portion controlled cups. That was my one salvation during my husband's ordeal. Kept me away from their High Sodium Daily Specials!

As for neglecting diet and exercise, all is not lost. After a week back at it, your body will forget you had ever stopped exercising and will respond with rewards.

Two pounds a week will get you there in no time.
Me? I know these last few pounds are harder to shed becauser they've been there the longest. I'm happy with a pound a week. If it''s more, I'm happily sirprised.

Keep at it, Dear! So glad you are back!!

Hi Anne, Thanks for dropping in. Painting with a cough was not too bad. Did not paint much and it kept me from feeling sorry for myself. Went to school to look over the situation of being gone three days. Took a while, but I think I have a handle on things. I plan to lay low tomorrow and just rest up. Hope you weekend is going well.

Hi Anne. It's great to have you back and so sorry about the family illness. Glad your mom is doing well now, though. Sounds like you are ready to go again!

Hey Anne!

Glad to hear your mom is doing well now and you're back in action. It's hard to deal with family traumas, and it's amazing that you were able to maintain your weight through the holidays and the stressful times. I think that says very good things about your maintenance phase, which is right around the corner!! Have a great week if I don't make it back around, and glad to have you back here--your journal is always so inspiring!

Amanda

Dec1905 - thanks for dropping by! hope to see you around so we can cheer each other on

I'll definately be around because I need all the cheering I can get especially since I completely BLEW IT over the weekend! :laugh:

Hmmmmm, I didn't visit DT all weekend either. I knew this site kept me in check! I need to do better about visiting here on the weekends.

Okay, there are a million other things I am supposed to be doing right now, and NONE of them involve the fookin' internet, but I really need to get this off my chest and put it into words and sort of work through it in my mind, and this is the safest place for that, so here we go...



What I Learned On My Family Emergency "Vacation"
by: anne2
age: still stuck in my teens, apparently 8-|

As some of you may recall, I have battled bulimia for many years. I think of my current status the way an alcoholic might think of her recovery - you're never actually cured, you're just in remission. I have to work at it every day, stay honest with myself, and be vigilant. Some of us are lucky enough to have a breakthrough (or series of breakthroughs) that truly eradicates the condition at its source, and they never look back. So far, that hasn't been the case for me. But I am still grateful for the help I have received, from various sources, conventional and non-conventional, and I am grateful to be in a place right now where I am able to maintain a relatively even keel.

It's been no secret to me (or anyone who knows about my bulimia) that one major factor in my problem stems from the control issues I had with my mother concerning weight and food. She herself was never fat, and she definitely had a standard for my sister and I to follow - thin was "good" and "right", fat was "bad" and "wrong". Being thin was closely tied to achievement and success, to who you were and what you were worth as a person. She used food (what kinds of food my sister and I ate, how much we ate, when we ate) as a sort of barometer for how we were doing, how we were succeeding in life. It was intolerable to her that we should fall short of this standard. She did this to everyone, but no one else was dependent on her for their emotional development like my sister and I were.

Anyway...

I've known for a long time this had a major, lasting impact on how my sister and I view food and ourselves (though my sister doesn't acknowledge it much in her case, and that's okay). But it has never been as clear and plain to me as it was this month, when I had to fly to my mother's side after she'd been admitted to the hospital. I stayed with her there until she was discharged, then I stayed with her at my sister's house while we helped her through her first bit of recovery. And being together under the same roof again was very instructive to me, because the issues all started bubbling back to the surface: My mother's absolute and almost psychotic need to control people around her. My totally predictable, totally ineffectual reaction to that. Her reaction to my reaction. My reaction to her reaction to my reaction... Toot toot! All aboard the Carousel of Crazy! Climb on, folks, and leave your logic at the door!

And what did I begin to do? Over eat. Eat out of aggravation and agitation, a sort of repressed-rage-so-I'm-hurting-myself-by-stuffing-my-face-and-screw-you meal plan. Then an indescribably huge feeling of panic and remorse, I swear worse than if I'd killed someone, and oh-my-god-what-if-I-gain-weight-oh-my-god-oh-my-god-oh-my-god-what-have-I-done. Followed by the predictable Fiesta de Los Laxatives. (Recommended dosage? Hahahahaha. Amateurs.) Followed by the even more predictable Days Of Penance, which are like the first part only in reverse, a sort of repressed-rage-so-I'm-hurting-myself-by-not-eating-anything-at-all-except-a-bit-of-honey-in-my-tea-for-cheap-energy-and-maybe-a-boiled-egg-for-dinner and then just-lie-when-people-ask-if-I've-eaten-hey-isn't-this-fun-it's-the-ballet-diet-all-over-again!

Except this time there was a difference, because as this was happening there was a very aware part of me asking, "What the hell am I doing? I'm 39 years old! What IS this?"

And then one morning the answer came to me. "I'm ASSERTING myself." I am asserting myself by using the one mechanism of control that was most crucial to my sustenance and survival while growing up: nourishment. Food. I will assert myself by eating absolutely nothing, which is not what I'm supposed to do. And I will assert myself by eating absolutely everything, which is also not what I'm supposed to do, either. Rather than assert myself in any productive, meaningful way, I will assert myself in a way that not only avoids confrontation, but also punishes me, and punishes me hard. So that even when I'm rebelling against things being controlled by others, I'm still punishing myself for not living up to their standards. Which in the end is no sort of assertion at all.

So I just decided that heck, if I'm going to assert myself, I should just ASSERT myself, for real, for crying out loud. Which is exactly what I did. When the moment was right, I very quietly told my mother how I was feeling about some of her remarks. I didn't accuse, I didn't raise my voice. I kept to the facts and spoke like a 39 year old woman. And boy, did it feel good.

She freaked out, of course, and the conversation went nowhere. But that didn't matter to me, because it suddenly wasn't about her anymore, or gaining her approval. It was about asserting the one thing I can have any real control over: ME. A person can disagree with me, they can tell me things from a differing point of view, but I can still tell them where I stand and what my boundaries are, and furthermore I'm entitled to those boundaries. Period.

The starving and bingeing stopped, before it had a chance to get going too badly. I felt peaceful and centered for (most of) the rest of my stay. My sister was way impressed with me. And you know what? I was impressed, too. Anyone who's familiar with the literature surrounding bulimia nervosa will be chuckling by now and wondering how this could possibly be a revelation to me, it's so basic to the tired old theories about causes and effects. And they'd be right, because I've definitely heard this all before, and even dutifully parroted it back when asked. But I never really understood it before in terms of how it related to me and my situation, not in any immediate or useful sense. It never connected for me, until now. I didn't really "get it". Now I do.

I get it.

So thanks, mom, for this second (fourth? millionth?) chance to understand what it is that I've been doing to myself, and why I don't need to do it anymore. I'm sorry you were so sick, but I'm really glad we had the chance to be together again. It was our last ride together on the Crazy Carousel, and it was swell. But from now on I intend to walk. On my own two feet. :)

Hello Anne ...

I've been reading your journal for a while and I cannot read what you wrote tonight without giving you a written "thumbs up!" You've written so clearly about bulimia that I wish your article could be published where other victims of this disease could benefit from it. Would you consider finding such a place ... I know nothing about getting something published.

Anyway ... congratulations about "getting it." It's a wonderful thing to finally stop being "the child" ... welcome to adulthood!

:o

Wow, what a powerful story. That was amazing. I actually got tears in my eyes reading that. I'm so happy for you, proud of you, I just wish I could give you a hug! :up:

Hey Sweet Jean - thanks for dropping by! And thanks for the thumbs up, it helps. :) A lot of this is so "secret" and personal that until recently I wouldn't dream of talking to anyone about it, let alone a bunch of people on the internet!!! But I think there's some safety in the distance created by typing it to you all, instead of saying it face to face. And I really do feel safe here. Anyway, thanks for listening. Hope you're doing well, I must drop in to your journal and see what's up with you and yours. Have a good one!

Oops! Sorry Kim, you snuck in on me while I was posting. :laugh: Thanks for the virtual hug, and right back at ya! :)

In case anyone is wondering why NYC is the greatest metropolis in the known universe, this site should clear it up for ya (warning, a few four-letter words here and there, in case that bothers you):

http://www.overheardinnewyork.com


My current fave snippet of overheard conversation listed on that site....
Man in restaurant: Yeah, I was a rocket scientist, but I gave it all up three months ago and became a photographer.
Waiter: I became a ninja.

.

Anne, took me a bit to get to your new journal. So glad to have you back. Your post about bulimia was awesome. I am so glad you finally "got it". I'm glad your mom is doing better and that you had that chance to spend some time with her and finally "get it".

Have a great day.

Anne, that is why we all love you so much! Your poiniancy and ability to really explain what's going on inside you while you are on this journey.

You are so amazing and we are so blessed to have you here sharing with us.

Keep moving forward, my dear! As you like to say.... Bring. It. On!

ANNE! So nice to see you!

I've decided lately to throw a little caution to the wind and just visit DT and (hope I don't get caught) just see how it goes. Missed reading your tales and lessons terribly.

Keep on a-keepin' on.

And I LOVE overheardinny. I could post a hundred things on there a day, I swear. You overhear some weird conversations around here...being so close to the general public on a daily basis.

Hey guys, thanks for dropping in!

Wendy - thanks for the encouragement - yup, it was a good thing that I had that time with my family (though not a good thing that my mom was in hospital, obviously) - I guess I'm one of those people who need to be hit over the head with something before I learn it :laugh:

BB - aw, you're always so sweet :) hope things are clearing up a bit for you - what a month, huh!

Rabbit - YAY!!!! you're back!! how have you been? I missed reading your journal, it always made me drool with all those great NY restaurant stories... and don't worry, we'll protect you from your evil boss :D

WARNING: This Will Be Whingey. The Whingiest Whinge Ever. Stop Reading Now While You Have the Chance.


seriously, I'm warning you...


So last night I hit the wall. I just wanted to throw something. I AM SO DAMN SICK OF THIS WEIGHT THING!!! I'm sick of having to worry about my workouts, I'm sick of having to worry about what goes in my mouth, I'm sick of seeing the scale move ridiculously slow in relation to my efforts. SICK SICK SICK OF IT. And you know that when I start to resent my workouts, something's wrong, because I like to exercise. And I like to eat healthy food, too. I just don't like having this constant THING looming over me that I have to worry about missing workouts because of my schedule or worry about going out for a nice meal, or even have a nice meal here, because there's this constant challenge with getting the scales to move. I AM SO MAD AT MYSELF FOR LETTING THINGS GET THIS BAD IN THE FIRST PLACE. Maintaining my old weight would have been waaaay easier than all this crap!!! Sweet lord on an electric scooter, am I ever bored. This is starting to feel like a prison. You know what I wanted to do last night? I had a spur of the moment thought that hey, it would be really nice to open a good bottle of wine and make a big batch of spaghetti with garlic bread and put on the Godfather dvd's. Have a night of it. (yes I know that sounds pathetically boring, but it was a Wednesday and I'm 39 years old and married - what do you expect?) But no, I couldn't, I had to go workout, because I already missed so much exercise when I was out of town and also when I was sick at Xmas, and I will miss more exercise this weekend. And then I had to have my little beggar's meal of raw veggies and an organic burrito to keep within my calories because I have to worry about the scale every damn morning of my damn life, otherwise I will NEVER REACH GOAL AND I WILL BE DOING THIS FOR THE REST OF MY EARTHLY EXISTENCE.

I was in so much despair last night that I had to drag my butt through cardio, which was boring me to tears, and which meant that because I was so slack at it I had to do it for longer to make any sort of energy expenditure, which made me even MADDER. And to top it all off it still gets dark so early that I can't do the trails much at all, which are the sort of cardio I enjoy because it's all uplifting with the nature and stuff, as opposed to me just going through the motions indoors. And also the trainer called to confirm that we're still on for today at noon, and to say how nice it would be to see me again and did everything turn okay with my mom, which was a nice call for him to make, right? Except all I was thinking was "Oh shove off, dude."

AAARRRRRGGGHHHHHHHHHHH.

Crap.

:help:

I WANT A MAGIC PILL AND I WANT IT NOW

Thank you. That is all. I now return you to your regularly scheduled sanity.


(also, have a great day, guys. :) sorry for the whinge, but I need to let it out before I explode. I'll be happier tomorrow, I promise)

Whinge away dear, it is your journal. I have had those days in mine too. When you find that magic pill, would you sent it my way? I could use it.

Nothing wrong with whining. Nothing at all. Whining can keep you on track and keep you sane. Absolutely!! Whining is just an outlet...and a perfectly positive one. Because you whined but then still did the good thing...if you didn't whine, maybe you would have broken down and had that spaghetti.

More restaurant stories coming your way, by the way...this week and next here in NY are "Restaurant Week"...$35 three-course dinners at all kinds of restaurants all over the city. A diet challenge, for sure...tomorrow lunch is Bull & Bear at the Waldorf Astoria (steakhouse). Tomorrow dinner is Victor's Cafe (Cuban). Next Friday night is English Is Italian (uh...Italian).

Oh yeah, and I am in a new journal...find me by clicking in my signature. :)

Hang in there buddy...things will look sunny again!!

dang.

you voice my thoughts, you do, and dang...just...dang.

re your trip and mom-stuff...dang...
re the whingeing....dang....

re night time and exercise and the futility of this paltry existance? Sing it, sister...(oh yeah, here, add rain, take away abotu 30 minutes of daylight.)

but, as Annie likes to say, "the sun'll come out...tomorrow..."etc...

because really-- spring, and happy outdoorsy stuff, and fresh fruits, and a renewed enthusiasm (and shorts/swimsuit motivation) will be upon us....

I could so identify with your feeling on going out to eat or making a nice meal at home. If there is anything that I feel conflicted with is not wanting to go anywhere that I will have too much food. Don't ask me why because I can certainly have too much food at home but I do understand your feelings.

Tomorrow is another day and I hope it will be better for you.

Carol

Anne, from reading your last post, I think personal trainers must be like having your husband in the delivery room.

I identify with the DANG diet stuff. I get so sick of it, too. I look forward to the day when it is just a natural part of my life, not something I am always counting, writing, and fretting about. I experiences a few months of that for a brief period of my life. I know I can get there again.

Glad to read you worked through some tough areas at home. A lot can be said regarding Mothers and daughters. My last conversation with mum had her saying she "wished she could send me this dress because it is way to big" on her. I certainly appreciated her reminder on my huge size. I told her once before when she said something like that - that the remark really made me feel bad. She said she was sorry, but it really was too big for her, just huge! Certainly went over her head.

Anne, your post about being home and coming to terms with the behaviors of your family and self from childhood brought me to tears. I believe overeating is an eating disorder, meant to be destructive and self hating, just as bulimia and anorexia are and so although I've never been bulimic, I was touched by your post, found revelation in it and greatly admire your courage and strength. You have come a long way and should hold your head high. I wouldn't doubt it if you've given your sister some things to think about and help her, too. Thank you for your honesty and openess about all this. I think you do more for the people who read your journal then you could ever imagine.

Ann you are such a great writter you should start to write a book title it. The ups and down in weight loss. Would become a great seller. Your story on bulimia was great. Then this one about you have to hate being on a diet every day of your life. that could be another title. Make it short stories that way people don't get bored with your book. Go for it. Everytime your tempted to eat and it's not time you write another episode of this diet life.
And in any case good luck. Better days to come.

Hey Anne, wishing you a good week.

Hi Anne!

So glad to have you back--sorry it took me so long to get back around here. I really love reading your journal, and your honesty about your family and the situations you've dealt with is really refreshing. You're winning this battle!!! You rock, and I'm glad to see you're back in the game. We missed you!

Amanda

I want a magic pill, too!! Let me know if you find one. :)

You rock, you know that?

Corinna

Massive Journal Update (Reader's Digest Condensed Version, Part 1)

I'm baaaa-aaack! After my previous entry in this journal, in which I had a meltdown about diet and exercise and all that good stuff, I decided to take a little mental health break and calm the heck down. Sometimes ya just gotta step away from the madness... And during that time, I made a few decisions:

No more daily weigh-ins. I will weigh in about twice a week, or more if I feel like it, but no rule about every day anymore. I feel myself slipping down the crazy-obsessive path again, and that's just not worth it. It's the overall results that matter, not the daily fluctuations.

No more fretting about the here and now. Again, it's the overall results I should think about. If I accomplish less one month and more another month, well, life happens. The point is that I want this to be about a healthy lifestyle, not a short-term diet thing. It's not realistic to think I'm going to be perfectly on plan for another 30 years. That's defeating to even think about. So if over the course of the next few years I am exercising consistently and eating well, it just won't matter that last Friday there was a veterinary emergency and my whole eating/fitness schedule went to hell for the day. SO WHAT? It's the overall lifestyle that makes the difference, not the individual days. It's not the one breakfast I just ate that will define my health success. It's the sum total of my eating patterns that will make the true difference.

I don't want to set a minutes goal in the exercise thread anymore. I found myself worrying more about getting in the minutes than about doing what was right for my body on any particular day. I experimented with no minutes goal, and found that I still exercised just as well, and on plan. So from now on I'm just going to post what I do - which gives me that nice feeling of accomplishment, without the random minutes nonsense.

Meanwhile, as I was having this mental health break and thinking about all this stuff, some lovely people dropped in here to offer their support and encouragement, and I want you all to know that meant the world to me. I know I keep saying this, but I really mean it: you guys are awesome. Wendy, Rabbit, Jessica, Carol, Susan, Kerri, Linda, Amanda, Corinna... this hug's for you! :ghug: THANK YOU.

Okay, I'm back and I'm ready to rrrrruuuumble! With the scales, of course. With the scales. :)

Massive Journal Update (Reader's Digest Condensed Version, Part 2)

Highlights of my week or so away from Diettalk (for those inquiring minds who want to know...):

Veterinary Mayhem Snoop, who is 9 years old and so well-behaved in the house, apparently went all "rogue doggie" on us at some point and masterminded a plan to steal a whole bag of mixed chocolates and a whole box of candy canes from the back of hubby's desk down in the basement. And he would have gotten away with it too, because unlike other mutts who might make a mess and leave evidence all over the place, he very stealthily removed the candy from where it was hidden without disturbing any of the files or books around it, ate the chocolates and candies wrappers and all, and then left the box intact and still on the desk, and the chocolate bag right by the garbage can, so it looked to hubby like *I* had snarfed it all.
But Snoop's stomach betrayed him, and one night we awoke to the sounds of puking, and saw the bits of tangled plastic that he couldn't quite get up, and holy guacamole there is nothing worse than rushing your dog to the vet as soon as they open to have x-rays and charcoal forced down his throat and enemas and induced vomiting and all kinds of other gastric horrors while you wander around the mall in your sweats with your hair sticking up (no time to shower) and the nasty smell of toxic dog puke sticking to your clothes like white on snow, waiting for the vet to call you and let you know the verdict...
And the verdict was SIX handfuls of plastic all wadded up and stuck in Snoop's stomach, plus assorted festive chocolate wrappers working their way nicely through his colon. His x-rays looked like a ticker-tape parade. Fortunately, they got all the plastic out of his stomach, and the enema took care of the rest... and then we all went home and I poured myself a drink and thanked my lucky stars for having a good vet. Sheesh. Silly pup.

PILOBOLUS!!!!! Yes, we went on Jan. 28 to see them in San Rafael, and it was splendid. I'm not very objective when it comes to these guys because I so rarely have a chance to see them that I get waaaay too excited when I do, so you'll have to look up some reviews if you want to know how this particular tour stacks up. Hubby told me afterward that I reminded him of a little girl - I was literally on the edge of my seat, leaning forward, eyes wide as saucers... The audience really p*ssed me off, though. California dance audiences are terrible, I have to say. BUT it was a fab evening, and their new piece, Aquatica, is fab, and just to add to the overall fabbiness they of course did Day Two at the end of the program, which is a signature for them, as Revelations is to Ailey, but unlike Revelations I can't get enough of Day Two... Best. Xmas Present. Ever.

PILOBOLUS WEEKEND!!! We made a three-day weekend of it and stayed in a romantic spot and did lots of hanging out together and eating nice meals and holding hands and telling in-jokes and making fun of the pretentious old hippies in Mill Valley ("don't you know who I think I am?"). [Note to hippies: you dance like Charlie Brown. Is that on purpose, or what?] We are simple souls. Give us some time together, and we're entertained. We have a ton of fun doing absolutely nothing at all, so long as it's together.

School Daze I am contemplating a return to grad school. Oy. But good! But... oy. Can I do this? Am I ready to re-enter the hell I left behind lo these many years ago? Will I want to kill everyone on campus... or stick forks in my eyes? Or stick forks in their eyes? Oy. Oy oy oy. On the other hand, I don't think I'll be satisfied with my lot in life until I am no longer an academic party pooper, so... OY. Scary.

Aaaaand... I think that's it! The highlights reel. Hope everyone's been doing swell and swanky and getting out of the post-Xmas doldrums and all geared up for Valentine's Day. And other groovy stuff like that. :) Hang in there!

So sorry about the pup. That must have been very scary. What kind of dog is it?

Your thoughts on not being so obsessive sounds very sound. I am kind of that way also. I do the best I can and try not to be sucked into the obsessive mode. I lost some weight about 3 1/2 years ago and seem to be holding my own. I would like to lose another 10 but as long as I can button my jeans I will be resonably happy.

What would you study in grad school?

Glad you are back here with us.

Carol

Poor pup. I'm surprised the chocolate didn't have a worse effect onhim. It's toxic to dogs and cats (though I'm sure you know that). At least all is well with him now, the sneaky little guy! Your weekend sounds so nice and relaxing. Hope you work out your decision on returning to school soon. I'm sure you'd do really well. Thanks for your posts at my place, too.

Yay!! So glad you're back in action. Pilobolus sounds really cool, and I'm still jealous. Glad Snoop made it thru--animals are forever sending some unexpected excitement into our dull little lives, huh? I'm guessing he'll be steering clear of chocolate for a while. My cat tried to run on the treadmill a few weeks ago, and since returning from the vet she won't get anywhere near it.

School...how exciting! Forks in the eyes, yes. Hating people on campus (particularly on a fine January day when they are sporting miniskirts and Ugg boots), absolutely. Very satisfying in the end--for sure. What type of program would you be pursuing? PLEASE say it's something that will utilize your fabulous writing gift!

Glad you're feeling well, glad you're back 'round these parts.

Amanda

Hi, Thanks for popping in my journal. Sorry to read about Snoop's binging. Reminds me of a story I read where this kitten ate ALL the icecyles off the Christmas tree. Just glad Snoop is OK. I can relate to the puking. YUCK! When I hear the retching sound, I run - trying to get it outside. Usually don't make it. Ours usually get sick from eating gross things around the farm. Won't go into details!!

Back to school! WOW! That could be exciting. Your weekend venture sounded wonderful. Just nice to get away and spoil yourself with eating out!!! Glad you had a terrific time.

Have a great week, Anne!

Poor puppy! My dog ate a pack of nicorette when I was trying to quit smoking, so.. 12 years ago.. Did the charcoal thing.. Dang that dog would NEVER go near an oral syringe after that.. hehehe

Glad all is well.

Corinna

Hi, Anne! Thanks for visiting my journal. Sorry I have been such a piker on catching up with everyone, especially you. I so enjoy reading your tales and revelations. Glad your crafty pup is OK. At least you were exonerated with your hubby for the dreadful sugar binge! Did he give you grief when he thought it was you?

It's so great that after all you've been thru lately, you and DH were able to get away and spend a fun carefree weekend together. Hope your mom is on the mend, and your self-esteem as well. Believe me, I know from maternal obstacle courses and sanity deprivations. My late mom was a real chore. quite nuts, actually. But having been left with 7 kids aged 2-12 yrs when she was only 35, (my dad died of lung cancer when I was 5. Four packs a day will do that to you.) is it any wonder she went dancing through the daisies? OK, in her case, it was more like experimenting with beakers and bunson burners in her private little guilt dungeon. She had a talent that would make guilt and remorse sing in your veins, like Pavarotti with a massive coronary.

Ah, well. I do digress. I am always so impressed with your ability to see the upside on the far reach of your downs, and your ability to analyze every aspect of your diversions from the straight and narrow. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I see a long history of counciling in your muzings and rants. That, or many hours spent in the self-help section of the library! Good on ya. Too many of us are content to wallow in our poor pathetic sadsacks and never even try to understand or improve our outlook and motivations. You are such an inspiration to so many of us.

I hate how fat I feel at this time of the month. :c( So discouraging. Not to mention the nagging urge to munch... I think I ate about 2200 calories yesterday!!! Oy. Veh is mir...

Carol - Snoop is a hound/shepherd mix (so far as we can tell - we rescued him from "death row"). He is blessed with a shepherd's intelligence, and a coon hound's independent mind (read: stubborn). It's a deadly combo, let me tell ya. My hat is off to you for maintaining for 3 1/2 years! You give me hope. As for school, I'm considering a masters in social work or psych, but my fall-back plan is an MFA in creative writing. I really need to do some soul-searching over the next while.

Kerri - yup, chocolate is no good for dogs and cats; it's the dark baker's chocolate that's the most toxic - milk chocolate is more watered down, though they should never have that either; we'll see what becomes of all this school stuff - it makes me nervous, to be honest

Amanda - your cat tried a treadmill?!?!?!? poor kitty, I hope she's feeling better - she definitely earned her Whiskas that day!; mini-skirts and UGGs?!?!? I thought Pamela Anderson was the only person on earth who still went for that dumb look (dumb look in her clothes choices, dumb look on her face...); and if I get too lazy to attempt my psych degree, you may get your wish and I'll end up in an MFA program - see? it will be ALL YOUR FAULT (see my sig for further details) :D

Susan - now I'm all worried about the kitten who ate the Xmas icicles! did the story turn out okay? as for icky farm comestibles... yeah, dogs sure have some interesting ideas about what to put in their mouths! preferably something that's already half decomposed, because then it's marinated in its own juices :laugh:

Corinna - so did the Nicorette make your dog feel all hopped up and crazy? :caf: (oral syringes are just bad news all around for a dog, I think - there's never a GOOD reason when the vet hauls one out of the drawer)

2qwerqE - "experimenting with beakers and bunson burners in her own little private guilt dungeon" :rofl: that's GOOD! sounds like you and I have some things in common - my dad died of cancer when I was very young, too; as much as I know it sounds like I only focus on the negative about my mom (because in here I feel like I can), she had some real rough knocks to overcome, and I do recognize that part of the story... I hope your mom found some peace along the way, while she was dancing through those daisies... as for counselling, I've had some, though I wasn't too impressed with it (not really all that productive imx, it was all about the symptoms and not the causes), and I have a very cynical view of most self-help books... though to my everlasting embarrassment I must admit that the Self Matters book by Dr. Phil is pretty good (imo) and I also like The Work (by that New Age pseudo-Buddhist chick with the silly name)... probably because neither of those books profess to have an answer, and instead merely give you the questions... how is your post-op recovery going, by the way? has the discomfort gone away? you must be sooooo happy to have that load off your shoulders, literally

Well, guys, it is D-Day for me - that stands for DO IT Day. My to-do list has grown so long with neglected stuff, that if I don't DO IT today, I'll have to, uh... I don't know what would happen if I left it another day, but it wouldn't be good! Off I go to tackle the world. Think of me in my time of extremity, and shed a tear. Or give me a kick to get going. Your choice. :)

My choice is to think if you in your time of extremity, and shed a tear. I wouldn't want to hurt you if I gave you a kick:) .

I think you would do great in either profession, your writing is awesome, and I think you would make a great therapist or social worker. I do feel bad for poor snoop, but I really couldn't help but laugh at your description.

I hope you get some of your to-do list done, and still have a great day.

Hi Anne, Glad puppy is doing better. Yes, the cat was OK in the story. But the owners were a bit put out with the vet bill. This cat just could not leave things alone - an instinct of sucking and wanting Mama, if I remember correctly.

Took puppy for a walk last night. Went almost the distance of my usual field walk, and he kept up ok. Just had to pick him up when we came to the sheep grave yard. YUCK! Won't go into details for the weak of stomach! But we finally got beyond there, and he was OK. What is it about the grossest things that dogs can find so interesting or tastey!!!

Well, my cold is still and head slammer. Don't know if you can get it over the internet. Might want to wipe down your monitor and keyboard just in case. I am just living for the weekend so I can SLEEP. It just wears me down.

My Thrilling Thursday
(A Comedy in Three Acts)

So yesterday was a GOOD DAY. I can't explain why it was so good, other than the fact that the weather is gorgeous this week - it's downright balmy outside (no rain! no fog! hooray!). And I simply got up yesterday determined to have fun. I should be careful what I wish for...

ACT I
I put on a summer t-shirt and some capris and even though I know I'm still fat, I decided I looked cute. I feel cute. Yes I will look cuter 25 pounds from now, but hey, I'M WORKING ON IT. Doesn't mean I can't enjoy semi-cuteness today.
Also, besides re-doing myself, I am totally re-doing my office here in the house because a) I need to have a space I can be happy in, not a Den Of Drudgery and b) it's become a total pit. I remember Nancy (or Beth?) gave me a link ages ago for the Organization Fairy and even though I liked it, did I take any of her advice? Why no, no I didn't. But I am now!!! I am banishing all clutter, banishing all stuff not related to me (it's all about ME!) and decorating to make it more of a cozy thinking/studying space.... but wow, is this is ever a huge job. Normally I'd start to get stressed and impatient, but yesterday I just thought, What the heck? If it takes me a whole week to get it right, as opposed to not-quite-right, then who cares? Whether I go back to school or whether I go back to work or whether I continue to volunteer (god I hope not), this effort will be totally worth it.
So my big huge "chore" became a small pleasure. I left the back door open so the dogs could wander in and out without bugging me, I had all the windows open to let in the warm breeze, I didn't get mad when the portable stereo busted, and I didn't get mad at the 101 interruptions sent to try my patience... would I like my house painted? would I like my driveway swept? would I mind signing for a delivery because my neighbors aren't home? would I like to have meat delivered to my house every week? would I like to become a Mormon? Are we having fun yet?

ACT II
Because I am a very nice person, and because I am super-indulgent when it comes to my pupsters, I let them go out to a ranch where they could run and play with a few doggie friends and get some of that spring fever out of their systems. You know, have some FUN for an hour or two. (Remember my wish?) But I guess I should be more specific when I tell them what kind of fun to have, because Snoop (have you noticed he's been getting into trouble lately?) found a huge pile of cow manure that was being set aside for some reason or other, and he IMMERSED himself in it. Big slimy bull turds from head to toe. And not just on top of his hair, either, all ground in. With an extra bit of plop sitting right on his head, like a jaunty little chapeau... or should I say chapoo. He arrived home all hosed off with a huge grin on his face, reeking of crap, in need of some major disinfecting. So instead of going to the gym, which I had just packed up for, I hauled Snoop's butt into the tub and spent some lovely quality time with him, scrubbing FECES out of his coat. Then I threw his sister in the tub for good measure, because hey, why not?
But did I get mad? Nope, I didn't. I admit I swore a bit in faux-German (because it just sounds better in faux-German), but I was still smiling. Looking less and less cute as the day wore on, I'll admit, but still smiling. Are we having fun yet?

ACT III
So then I realized I was starving (nothing works up an appetite like washing dogs!), and I thought, okay, I'll eat something and work in the office some more and then just exercise here at home. No problem. So I did, and by the time I was ready to exercise it was dark outside. I stood up to change into my workout clothes and pick a video to watch, and... BOOM. The lights went out. Total outage. Outeroo. My whole street, power-less. I stumbled around looking for the flashlights and the battery lanterns, and got a few light sources going, and said, Well, I guess I'm going to the gym after all. So I went BACK to the gym bag I'd abandoned earlier in the day, and stumbled around a bit more looking for my purse, and then I hear a car in the driveway. And it's hubby, bounding to the door all excited and bursting with news, and asking why is the house dark and why am I greeting him with a flashlight. (THREE GUESSES, PAL.) And it turned out he had had a fantastic day and scored a big coup, and at that point I didn't really feel like I could say, "Great, I'm going to the gym, see ya." So I put the gym bag down AGAIN, and followed him back to the kitchen... And we had a lovely impromptu evening of wine and crackers by candlelight, toasting his good day.

And my good day, too, for that matter. Because I was still feeling cute, I was still in a good mood, and I didn't feel the least bit bad about not finishing my office or not working out or not being 25 pounds lighter. ARE WE HAVING FUN YET? Yup, we are. At last. :)

AW Anne, that sounds like a perfectly wonderful day. Only because you made it wonderful. Proof positive that you don't have to have a perfect day to have a wonderful day. And by the way, what is a "perfect" day?

Anyway, glad you had a good day and I know the "cuteness" continued today.

Wendy - aw, you're so sweet not to give me a kick :) To clarify, my interest is not in clinical psych, and I wouldn't use my degree to become a therapist. Can you imagine? I give HORRIBLE advice. :laugh: I'm interested in social and developmental psychology, specifically as applied to adolescents. Same with the MSW - I wouldn't use it to become a social worker, I don't think, but it's a good degree if you want to go into residential or shelter facilities for youth. Anyway, I should drop in to your journal and see what's new today. Hope you have a good Friday!

Susan - geez, I'm sorry you're STILL sick! :( hope you can rest as much as you'd like this weekend, and that these germs leave you soon (I am wearing a surgical mask when I visit your journal, just in case :laugh:)... I can just imagine the sheep graveyard... ew

You never cease to amuse and delight, even in your gravid poo descriptions and household drudgery. Dogs are disgusting creatures no doubt; you should trade them in for cats today. You'll be glad you did. [Sidebar to doggy lovers: direct all vitriolic missives to my journal not Anne's. She likes dogs! OK, so do I, but I'd never want to own one, mostly because I'm gone too many hours a day. But I do digress...]

Anne, to answer your question: Yes, I am doing MUCH better. Still a tad tight, and the sisters have a tendancy to swell if I over do, but after the last 2 months, I'll lake it cheerfully. And it's all ameliorated and negated by the absense of 2 two-liter bottles worth of weight from my chest. Homigawd, it's still amazing everyday to do and be and live out from under that burden. I sleep so much better; the apnea is gone, the backaches are gone, my workouts, while still sub par, are so much more comfortable, I can't wait to start running (another 10 days-2 weeks.) My reach is longer, my clothes fit better, the shortness of breath is gone. It's all good, and completely worth the last 2 months of pain and drugs and illness. Absofreekinlutely!

Ooohhhh...I think you would be a fabulous therapist!:up: Glad you had a thrilling Thursday! I could use a thrilling day here, but looks like that will be the 21st when my next block of exams is over--something to look forward to. Where do you live that it's beautiful and balmy in February??? I'm jealous! Here (Kansas) it's not so gorgeous in February, although the sun is shining today and that makes all the difference.

Man, Snoop is really on a roll! He's lucky to have such an understanding mom--I think I might have cussed in English...yes, definitely. Poop can be fun, I suppose.

I hope your Friday is treating you as well as your Thursday did!

Amanda

Holy Doggie Misadventures, Batman! Geesh! I miss a few days of your journal and miss a huge chunk of your life!!!

Way to go on the new and improved healthy thinking! You are absolutely right! AND.... you should print up that post and frame it and put it on your nice clean desk where you can see it!

And hooray for going back to school! We can be students together!
Ever thought about going into Pet Psychology? Then you could find out what Snoop's issues are. Write pet behavior books in hilarious fashion and make millions from it! Especially these days when it seems to be totally hip for celebrities and celebrity wannabes to use their pets as clothing accessories.

My cat who passed away a few years ago was always a darling until he suddenly hit old age. Then it was as if he turned into a grumpy old man who was set on living out his last days doing whatever the heck pleased him. Needless to say, I kind of agreed with him. He had earned the right. Unfortunately, our present cat was a kitten at that point and learned all his naughty tricks! So I'm left with a naughty cat that I have a hard time appreciating.

Back to your new rules... these are the keys to success, Lady! You've got it in the bag, now! Keep it up and you will keep it OFF for life!!!!

Super job!!!!

Hi Anne,

I liked your Act I, Act II and Act III.

How long did it take to get the dogs presentable? I really laughed at that because our big dogs would do that also but they preferred something dead to roll in.

I love spring and we have been having spring weather here. We have a front coming in tonight and could have some frost Sat. night. I certainly don't want that since me yard and plants are looking great.

Have a good week-end and keep positive.

Carol

Your day was fantastic, albeit somewhat smelly :). I tell my daughter every day that her day is what she is willing to make it. You made yours a great one. You are an amazing person.

Anne, can relate to the rubbing in cow doo doo story. My dogs usually pick the hottest, muggiest day to pick that wonderful adventure. Then they want to snuggle or come in the house for some A/C! YUCK! And they wonder why flies are hovering around them. It is just a dog thing. Worse than that is when they roll in dead stuff. That is the worst smell. But flies love that too. And dogs hate flies, so why??? One of life's mysteries. Maybe they wonder the same about us when they smell perfume or cologne??

Hope your lights are back on. Sounds like the night ended perfectly. Back to a busy week. Have a great one.

Golly you sure make your posts worth reading. There always full of great fun. What a great and busy day you had. Keep it up every day is what you make it. Good or Bad. It's a choice we have.

Just popping by to see if the poo theme is continuing--all must be quiet on the digestive front. Hope you're having a great weekend!

Amanda

Oh, Goodness, Anne! I had to search for your journal way back in the end pages again! I really need to just make up a favorites list and pop over to everyone. Lots of journals to keep up with!

I hope you are enjoying a Wonderful Valentines day!
Hope all is well, and Mr. Anne is spoiling the crap out of you!

I am walking over to the Tech tomorrow. Not getting anywhere on their web site, so will enroll in person! We have the determination to do this! Lose the weight and also improve our lives by expanding our horizons!

Have a great one!!!

heeee!see what I miss when I go away? Poop, and dancers, and fabulous crazy goodbad days???

I had a minutes epiphany of my own, truth be told--when I wasn't in school (YAY! SCHOOL!! YAY!! RESEARCH WORK ON/WITH ED TEENS!!! YAY!!! YAY!!! YAY!!!!!) I was keeping up with the big guns, and feeling like a rock star. And it got me to a mighty good place. Thing is, bell is exceptionally, extraordinarily abled, and I just can't hang. And would feel like poop about it (sorry to throw in more fecal matter.) --It's an individual journey, and through it, we meet super cool inspiring people who guide us in the right direction. I look at my minutes thing as a super cool trip at a super cool time, and one I may get back to, but right now, my life isn't about that journey...

hope you and Mr Anne are well and lovey dovey!! (you remind me a bit of my sis and her hub, I must say...being in love and all...bleeeech...) (joking, I am...jealous, I am...)

Ann is missing come on back.

I'm starting to worry that you slipped on some poop, fell down, and can't get up. Hope everything's well and you're just busy kicking butt at the gym.

Amanda

Aw! I saw Ann's journal at the top of the list and got all excited!
Ann, you are totally MIA! We miss you!!!!!

hugs,

BB

Crap. I did the same thing when I say the journal at the top of my list. I hope everything is going well Anne!!