So I decided that I wanted to create a new journal. I love love love my last journal, it definitely helped me lost the 15 lbs. or so that I did lose with that one, but I think I need to create a new one because lately I have been diving into my old habits and I need to get back on track. I have been trying to eat around 1200 calories a day, some days it doesn't work and somedays I eat less, I am actually not ever hungry too much, unless I don't eat all day, and I really really hate to eat when I'm not hungry...what's the point really? Either way, I am going to try and eat 1500 calories a day. Healthy 1500 calories or at least 3/4 of it is going to be healthy. I've got this WONDERFUL Aunt Millies bread, whole wheat andd potato bread, both with 35 calories, and 6 and 5 grams of fiber respectively (for 2 slices though). That is good stuff. I love that bread, it tastes sooo good. I need to start watching my carbs and fat too now instead of just watching calories, which I intend to start doing. I don't want to be like 20g because then what could I eat? chicken chicken and more chicken...lol, but I am going to try and incorporate as much fruits andd vegetables as possible.

Exercise: I am too tough on myself with this usually. I am going to cut back a little on the cardio, I am going to do about 30 minutes each day, but not too crazy of intensity every day, but I do want to change it up a bit and get off the elliptical somedays. I am adding weight training and resistance work? I am not sure if that is what lunges are considered, but I am adding things like that to hopefully slim me down a little more and boost my weight loss and get me out of this plateau ( I swear I hit one about every 10lbs...it really sucks!), but I have been stuck at about 156 pounds for about 4 weeks now and I have been eating right, I mean there are times when I have had some ice cream, but I try and make up for that later in the day. But I am planning on seeing some kind of result by Saturday morning, which I have to say is only 5 days away, by result I mean...I would be happy with 1 pound! I would love it if the scale said 155.0 or maybe 154.9 lol. I am going to work hard, 5 days is only 5 days right? It is not hard to be good for 5 days? If it works then hopefully I will find the motivation to keep going for 5 more days! How great would that be?

Also, I am going to TRY and do 20 minutes of Pilates 5 days a week, I'll allow myself to chose which dvd I want to do, but I have to do the abs at least 3 times a week, along with lunges.

To start off my 5 days Tuesday:
Ate:
brkfst:1 small bowl of fruity pebbles with 1 cup milk (120+120) = 240 calories
lunch:2 slices whole wheat w/ 1 tsp pb 1 tsp jam, 1/2 cup milk (150+60)= 210
Snack: 8 slices chicken breast (from package) 80 calories
Coke throughout day (12 onces)= 140
Total: 670 Left for today: 830

01.24.2006

Hey RunShot~ just to comment on your last post, I can vouch for the lunges... THEY ARE AMAZING. If you have some space, do walk-lunges, and maybe add 3 or 5 pound weights in your hands. Once you do about 15 or 20, you will feel the burn. If you start to fidget a little bit, focus on lunging deep and holding the position. They really do slip your legs down. Also try squats with weights in both hands, make sure you are doing a correct squat though, so you don't hurt your back. I don't know whether you have a gym membership or not, but if so, I have some more tips that could help! I LOVE LOVE weight/resistance training. It is SO necessary in toning up.

Pilates is ALSO amazing. The flexibility and strength you gain from it, is awesome! Take it slow at first, it will take a little while to notice some physical difference, but it will 100% help with your cardio and weight training.

Keep in touch! We could give each other some helpful tips!

I am going to start another journal myself, I have posted here on DT for a while, but I've been gone for about 5 months, but I am back and ready to get this last weight off for good!

Keep it up! :cheer:

Thanks for stopping by FSUgirl hope, I have done lunges twice now about 2 laps...about 60 lunges (30 each leg) and I feel it, I think I might wait to add weights until I stop hurting from reg maybe in a week or so. I should start doing the firm again with the fanny lifter, but I let somene borrow it, maybe I should see if she's using....
I'll have some questions for you later then about weight training, but.....


GOOD NEWS: I GOT MY ACCEPTANCE LETTER TO MSU TODAY!
SO much stress lifted! It isn't my #1 but I haven't heard back from them yet and you know what!!?? I wouldn't mind going to MSU, I seriously am so happy because I know I am going to a good school and somewhere I want to go!!!!!!!!!!!

I did 20 minutes of the winsor pilats....abs...earlier.
I am heading to the gym now!
I haven't ate nething else today, but I'll update later tonight!

I did awesome at the gym. Well it was actually more intense than usual, but I had all this energy, probably from the lift of stress. But I did 20 rough minutes on the elliptical than I ran/ RAN well kind of 5.6-5.8 mph for 20 minutes...20 minutes! Then I walked for 10 minutes. So altogher including pilates I got in 70 minutes of exercise today!

with my 830 cals left...
- 200 for canned pears
- 150 for pb and j sandwich
- 250 for small ice cream cone...i had to...celebrate!
-50 for 1 cup brocolli and 1/2 cup green beans
= 180 left, but I don't think I need it.
Today's total about 1320 calories

Oh yeah a little after I got home from the gym, I weighed myself and it said 155.6!

01.25.2006

YAY for the acceptance letter! I remember getting my acceptance letter from FSU... I was ecstatic. College has been the most amazing years of my life so far, I never want to leave :laugh:

Aren't awesome workouts just the best things ever? When I go to the gym and kick my butt into shape, I leave with the biggest & sweatiest smile ever! Good job on your amazing workout! Keep it up!

:cheer:
You can do itttt...

Thanks FSUgirl!

I'm not feeling that great today, my stomach is upset and I have a killer headache/migraine. So I am going to try and take a nap, hopefully I wake up refreshed and feeling better.

I have SO much to do tonight it's really rediculous, I'm not really sure that I'll make it to the gym, but if I don't I'll definitely do some pilates and lunges.

So far today I've had:
1 granola bar 120 cals
1 cup speghetto o's 200 cals
1/2 pb and j sandwich 100 or less...
1 mt. dew 170
total today: 590 calories
total left: 910 calories

I really don't think I am going to be able to get that high again, it's just so hard because I am not ever that hungry....or if I am, like today, food sounds disgusting...

Well I don't think I ate 910 calories for dinner, but I was probably close. My friends and I went out to dinner again and I shared a hot beef sandwich with one of my friends and then I had 2.5 rolls (their free and super good) and some peanuts. So total I would estimate at about 800 or so. I drank water and I did SHARE the meal. But either way I am still at or under my cals so it's all good. I was really tired ,I took a nap earlier and theen I had to go do something and didn't get home until 10 after dinner so I did some homework and I don't have time or energy to do pilates even tonight. So today was my break day, I didn't exercise at all, I don't really feel bad because I didn't eat too excessively and I do exercise every other day so...

Although I sometimes hate to set goals because I seem to be disappointed often I am going to set some just to give myself something to work for.

weight as of Wednesday 24th = 155.6
Mini Goals:
29th Sunday morning = 154.4
1st Wednesday morning = 153.6
5th Sunday morning = 151.6
8th Wednesday morning = 150.8
12th Sunday morning = 149


Ultimate Goal April 1st: 139

So so so...today didn't go so bad, but I didn't eat too great. I am getting ready to get to the gym now before it closes (I had school and work!) anyway today I ate:

Pancakes (mmm) with syrup 400 cals or less, but I'm rounding up
1 granola bar 120 cals
1 cup speghetti o's 180 cals
chips and salsa 200 cals
some of my friends icecream 150 cals
soda 200 cals
= 1250! AH that is WAY worse than I thought...I haven't ate dinner yet and I only have 250 cals left, I might go over today, but I am going to try and not!

Good luck on your weigh in tomorrow! Stepping on that scale can be scary, but it sounds like you have had a pretty good week! :)

Thank you disneygirl! Yeah, I did have a pretty good week. I messed up a little Thursday night and last night, but I am considering those cals for the next day since I eat after midnight. SO thursday night cals counted for Friday's. I had about 1000 cals worth of pizza rolls, candy, and popcorn. I know I can't hate myself for it anymore. Then...Friday I also ate 1pb and J sandiwch at 150 cals and a bowl of cereal at 200 calories. Later I had a Marketfresh sandwich (1/2) with turkey and no mayo and 4 cheeseticks (approx 500 cals) max 1850 was my caloric intake yesturday plus some soda so probably about 2000, if that doesn't get my metabolism going I dont know how many cals will...lol. Anyway today so far (last night) I had a bowl of ice cream and some beef and brocolli (very small portion leftovers) 700 cals altogether? For breakfast I had two pieces of 35 cal bread with spray butter add 70 plus a cup of milk 120 total for today 990
leftover for today: 510

Ah I forgot to weigh myself when I woke up! So I don't really know if I lost that weight, I'll weigh in tomorrow morning instead, hopefully I see what i want! I haven't been to the gym since like Thursday or something, which really sucks, but I'm not too mad about it, I actually had a weekend where my diet didn't constrict me too much and I didn't constantly worry about what I was eating...I felt pretty this weekend, which is awesome. Tonight I am planning on doing some pilates, but I work till 7 an have about 5 hours of homework...:(

Even if you can squeeze in a half hour of working out, it's worth it. Having the energy to work out after working is hard, but once you start, it tends to give you the energy you need to finish. Good luck!

I know...I would certainly love to squeeze in an hour..if the gym was open too, but unfortnately I woke up too late and it closes early on Sundays...and I really don't like our tredmill at home.

My calories were really low today though.
pb and j sandwich 150 cals
roast beef 1/2 sandwich 100 cals
speghetti o's 180
430 cals + coke = 600 calories

Alright well add a baked potato to that with 0 cal spray butter and salt and pepper like 200 cals?

All I have to say is water water water water....that is what I will be drinking tomorrow to get all this crap out of my system! I really need it! I've been feeling a little crappy today and I think it's the food, I'm not quite sure though...might not be, but since I don't have anything better to do..ha..I am going to eat really well this week.

Until Saturday:
No ice cream
No candy
Nothing fried

Exercise: Monday, Wednesday,Thursday,Friday
Pilates Tuesday

Weigh-in is again on Wednesday so I need to make sure I'm in good shape for that! I am off to do Full body pilates now....good night!

hello! congrats on msu! exciting to know you can start somewhere new feeling good about yourself! i went to penn state and wouldnt trade it for the world, all tho its 7 mos since i graduated and still havent shed the weight that my lifestyle put on my hips haha. working on it tho!
just want to say good job and point out something you said and how awesome and true it is
''But I am planning on seeing some kind of result by Saturday morning, which I have to say is only 5 days away, by result I mean...I would be happy with 1 pound! I would love it if the scale said 155.0 or maybe 154.9 lol. I am going to work hard, 5 days is only 5 days right? It is not hard to be good for 5 days? If it works then hopefully I will find the motivation to keep going for 5 more days! How great would that be?´´

thats such a good point, i want to write that down and remind myself of that daily.
also just a reminder that you really dont want to eat only 600 calories, even if you can. eating that little puts your body in a mode where your metabolism lowers to avoid burning calories bc its afraid you wont be getting enough. so not that you shouldnt be excited about eating only that little, but be excited bc you can treat yourself to 400 calories of somethign!

also, what do you use to help you count your calories, i lost my most weight during school doing that, but now i just find it too annoying to figure it all out.

laurn d,
you just made my day! THanks! My sister and I are OBSESSED with calories...we know the calories and portions to just about everything. It's quite entertertaining. I don't necessarilly measure everything anymore because I know what "about" the portion size should be.

Today I had some pancakes and popcorn so about 500 calories. I haven't ate anything else yet, but I am planning on going to out to dinner. I did do pilates last night and I am doing to ab pilates tonight, I am going to try and get to the gym, but I'm feeling not to swell today. I had to go to the eye doctor and found out I need glasses, so I had to deal with contacts today, and they are still bothering me a little...hopefully my headaches will subside though....

Alright, so those 5 days went okay, although I had so much to study and work I didn't make it to the gym and my tv broke so I couldnt do pilates! But eating didn't go too bad. I've decided that I want my final goal weight to be 145, I feel that I may be too thin at 139 or lower, it doesn't seem like a lot, but I need to feel "done" I am sort of tired of living myself trying to lose weight, I mean once I do I still intend to keep eating right and exercising, but it would still be a different feeling. I also don't like the "what I will look like when I weight..." I do that too much and truthfully I don't really need to lose much more weight I just need to tone up, so the 10 pounds I have left should do the trick! I mean I am already thin enough to feel halfway confident in a bikini! I of course still don't like things about me, but I am never going to be 100% happy with my body, I just need to learn to except that it is me, which I sort of have lately. I like the way I look and the attention I get now, it's nice and I have noticed a big improvement on my self image and I have much more respect for myself. I guess that would probably be the point to looking better right? I feel also that I am much healthier, I still could work on that a little more, but I am a teenager, I am irresponsible and I don't have the time to keep track of every single thing I eat and I shouldn't have to decline all food and drink that I enjoy just because it isn't good for me, that sounds bad, but that is how I see it. So 10 more pounds in 8 weeks, I think I can do it, then I can enjoy my spring break and hopefully feel super great!

So I did lose some weight this week. I did pilates and some kind of lifting everyday, but I don't think I did really any cardio worth counting. I lost 1 pound, pretty much exactly which puts me at 154.8, super exciting I would have to say because I pretty much ate what I wanted to and I don't think I ever really deprived myself!

So this is me feeling pretty dang good, I noticed I typed my weight wrong yesturday, so I changed that...lol I would not be happy at 148, which I had in there lol, it was really 154.8, but today 154.4! Oh yeah!

So hmm...I say this a ton, but I feel it this week...lol. I am going to lose 2lbs! 1 pound up than I have been.
So Friday morning goal: 152.5
That would be amazing! Getting closer to my ultimate goal really I can't believe it! I see bathing suits out, I will be shopping for one soon!

Well I haven't posted in almost a month.....but, I'm back! I have been super busy the past few weeks....

I am at 153.2 as of yesturday
My goal for Saturday is 150, but I would be pleased with 151

I'll be estatic when I get to the 140's...won't know what to think!

This week I will not allow my calories to exceed 1200 any day!

I will include all beverages in my calorie count!

I will try and only drink water so I don't have to add unneccessary calories!

I will exercise (ae 4x this week!

I will do pilates 3x this week!

I will lose weight this week!!

Today I realize I may not hit my goal today....but I am fine with that because I am super hungry
Strawberry Shake ( I decided to really crack down after this shake) 500 calories

Last week of course didnt go as planned, but I lost a little bit of weight, I'm at 151.8 as of today, I have about 3 weeks to lose 6lbs. certainly not impossible, but it is tough...oh yea i bought my first bikini yesturday, everyone says it looks good!! So I'm excited.

Six pounds in three weeks is very doable...Just keep your goal and that bikini in mind :)

Fortunately, I am still sittting around 151-153, depending on the day, what time I weigh myself, etc.

My sister has an issue with bulimia. I used to think it was so horrible, but lately it has seemed attractive to me. You can eat whatever you want and as much, you just have to throw it up afterward. I use to not be able to vomit, like I could induce it, but now, it's much easier, especially after I have eaten so much that I am really full, but the thing is too that now I sort of through up whenever I eat something unhealthy. Like after a small meal at mcdonalds or anything. I know I am developing a problem. That is why I came here. I think this is the only place where I can express myself without hopefully be judged to crucially. I have sort of told my sister that I have been and her and I have both decided to try and stop and eat healthier, but the thing is, is that she is already really thin (the same height as me and 120 pounds, thats 30 pounds lighter than me!) . People think I am beautiful. I know it, I get tons of attention from guys. That is what I thought I wanted, but it's not. I feel worse about myself now than when I did when I weight 190 pounds. I hate myself for waht I am diong and how i feel, but it seems like I will never ever be thin enough for myself. I look at pictures of me from recently and I know I see a distorted image. I have this view of myself in my head that I cannot shake. I don't know how to explain it really. I have been exercising fairly consistantly (outside things like some running, hiking, and roller blading) and I know that is all very good for me, but I need to add some serious strentgh training to make myself look better and feel better I know, but I just am so tired all the time. I just want to sleep. I know some of that is from being a little depressed, but I just don't know what to do about it anymore. Depression medication is not something for me, some think it helps, but personally I don't like the idea. I have tried it and I don't see much of a difference, there is some, but I believe the cons outweigh the benefits. I am going to start using this journal again everyday to keep track of my feelings. Hopefully it will keep me from binging and then purging because that is something that makes me feel disgusting and like a failure because I cannot control myself enough to just not eat it.

My favorite feeling is hunger. When I feel hungry I feel like I accomplished something huge.

What I have ate already today:
3 oz. of steak
3 cups of grapes
1 cup of baby carrots with vege dip
1/2 baked potato with some butter, cheese, and baon
1/4 hershey bar

I intend to do some kind of exercise later, but I am feeling really tired again all of a sudden, it just seems like I have so much to do and not enough energy or time to do it, but I do have all the time I need for the most part. I want to change the way I have been behaving and thinking and I am hoping that diettalk will help me do that.

So far today I have ate:

2 oranges
carrots and dip
1 taco from taco bell lunch
nachos from taco bell lunch
taco salad for dinner

I haven't thrown up too much lately, which is good, have felt a little exhausted however for some reason, I'm thinking IMMENSE stress so I think I'm gonna take today to sleep and relax and start of with a boom again tomorrow. I have decided to do a sprint triathlon on July 2nd, I'm super excited for many reasons but it gives me reason to get up and go to the gym or outside and exercise. I'm hovering around 155 a lot now lately and I don't really know why, I think it may be my eating habits, but I'm not completly sure so I am going to be more for sure when I'm writing down my calories and such and my portion sizes because I know since I have lost weight that i should lower my calorie intake some too. I think I am going to aim for 1300 a day, hopefully that will get me to start losing weight at around a pound a week or so again...

Today I've aten:
breakfast/lunch
2 cups of fruit loops 260 cals
1 cup of milk 120 cals
= 380 cals

left today 920 calories

I want to try and cut out soda or at least reduce my intake to one can a day because it takes up caloires and since I'm training I don't want it to affect my performance.

So i went and got a 1/2 of a 9 in sub for dinner, a firend and I shared an order of BAKED fries, and we shared a soda so I am guessing that I was under 1000 calories most certainly, and I don't intend to eat anything else today... maybe grapes if I really get hungry, but since I slept all day I might be pulling an all nighter, but I'm gonna try my best to sleep a little, but I have a final tomorrow I need to study for. I didn't really exercise at all today, which is horrible, but a break day is OK i guess... I did some ab work, but not enough.

I intend to start exercising twice a day hopefully starting tomorrow, but most certainly on tuesday because I will have time before school and after school, so I will (unless I work) be working out for at least 45 minutes each time. That is my goal at least, it will help me to get ready for the triathlon and make me look great for graduation. And prom which is only like 3 weeks away.

I went shopping for prom dresses this last weekend and I fit some 6's and some 8's I was estatic!!! I didn't have to get anything in any higher than an 8, it was great....

My prom goal weight (which is may 13th, but my weigh in with be May 12th morning) is 148, it will be tough, I know and I say this a lot, but I'm going to try really really really hard, and hopefully I will succeed. I figure if I stay on my new plan for 3 weeks it will be good enough success~~!!

My graduation goal weight (july 2nd..weigh in that morning) is 140 which is about 6 weeks away. I am gonna keep up doing as much as I can... so here I go... wish me luck.
Today = calorie goal met!! Did not go over, but did not exercise either

Tomorrow's goal = 1300 calories 90 minutes cardio 30 minutes strength training/ ab work

Breakfast- 2 pieces raisen toast w/ i cant believe its not butter 1 tsp.
70+70+40 = 180 cals
mt.dew= 170 cals
beef and brocolli = approx. 500 cals (guess)
8 oz. soda = 80 cals
2 cups grapes = 200 cals
1130 as of now, 170 cals left for the day

exercise so far: 30 min on upright bike at average of 20mph rpe 8
15 minutes on elliptical at rpe 7

I intend to run later hopefully 2 miles
If I get hungry I am going to have some green beans and grapes

So I actually ended up eating some popcorn later and I went on a walk with my mom, it was probably about a mile.. maybe a little more.

BUT bad news... I for some reason ate mac and cheese... but threw it up. I hate myself for eating it more than I hate myself for throwing up. I just want to be perfect, or at least better. I know perfection is impossible, but didn't ben franklin once say you should always strive to be perfect? I'm pretty sure it was him, but it's true. Perfection doesn't exist, but I want to get as close as I can to it. I hate myself and my body. I get tons of attention from guys, hot guys even, but it doesn't do anything for my self esteem anymore. I have lost the love I had for myself. I don't know where it is. I know I will never be thin enough for myself or toned enough, but I will try until I die... because at the moment, that is my only real goal (well besides college and such), which is rediculously sad, I need to change... I'm going to find a new and hopefully better therapist next week, my mom says I have to, but I know i need to.

I haven't gotten sick since the last time I wrote (which was only Monday, but very good still). I wanted to throw up last night, but I made myself not. It was really hard to digest all that I ate yesturday mentally and physically.
Yesturday I had:
2 pieces raisen bread w/ light butter 180 cals
2 cups fat free milk with chocalate powder est. 300 cals
1 mt. dew 300 cals
1 soft taco 210 cals
order of nachos (from taco bell) 400 cals (found this out yesturday, will not be eating those anymore!)
2 chicken wings with sauce 300 cals
scalloped potatoes 300 cals
3 pieces french bread with pb 400 cals
= 2090 (disgusting) but something did good come of yesturday and that was self control... not purgeing.
I did do 30 minutes on the bike
15 on the elliptical
I went with a 30 minute walk with my mom
and I played basketball
so I think I may have counteracted the calories, but unfortantely all the exercise and nothing good will come of it....

BUT today I am doing well so far

I have only drank water! BUT it's only 10 am ish...
I need to cut back on the calories from soda (empty calories)
I had 1 piece of raisen bread w/ light butter 90 cals
My goal again today is 1300 calories

I went to the gym early this morning becaue I work today (GO ME!!!!)
I did 30 minutes on the bike rpe 7/8
10 on elliptical rpe 7
20 on the tredmill rpe between 5 (walking) and 8 (jogging) intervals of 5 minutes each
so far today 60 minutes of aerobic
and about 20 minutes of weight training

Just wanted to say congrats on coming here and writing about your feelings, that's a good step toward dealing with them.

Trying to cut soda is a great idea, bodies love water:)

Thank you nikic, I appreciate any kind of comments, especially ones that make me feel like this will hopefully help.

The soda thing is really hard because I get soo irritable without caffeine and even more so when I go without food and caffeine, but I'm working on it. I am getting a new therapist soon! Can't wait. But other than that work was horrible, but I did some bonding with my parents afterward and it was good. I ate 2 packages of these (UBER GOOD) granola bars from healthy harvest i think... 4g of protein in the each package, but 190 cals, but you get 2 bars in each package and they are filling enough to count as a small meal for sure. Plus they are super tasty and I don't feel horrible about eating them at all, but they're a little expensive, but not too bad. So i had two of those
390 cals
mt. dew 250 cals
soup 1 cup 100 cals
grilled cheese (w 40 cal bread and low cal butter) 200 cal (at most)
popcorn 200
approx. 1240!!! Under 1300 for the day! GO ME!!!!! I did some great exercising today too. I intend on another good day tomorrow... I'll keep my fingers crossed and my optimism high!

Goal exercise: 45 minutes aerobics
Goal cals: 1300

Yesturday I met neither goal. I felt really tired all day. I did wake up early and go shopping with my mom... found a prom dress, size 8, I guess that's good. It's a little bit big too, the size 6 fit, but I couldn't zip it all the way up because my boobs are too big....ha. I feel completely and utterly HORRIBLE about last night. I hate like 1/3 of a frozen pizza AND some french fries along with my normal amount... well actually I was at about 1000 calories before I ate all that. I wanted to throw up soo bad and right now I wish I did. I can't believe I allowed myself to eat that! I feel disgusting and like a failure. I'm going to try and keep my calories around 500 today, maybe a little less to compensate a bit for yesturday. I'm going to try. So far today I have only had propel (30 calories). I intend to eat one of my granola bar packages things which will make it 220 altogether for today and it's like 2 pm, so I only have to go about 10 hours or so longer with about 280 calories. Green beans is most definitely on the menu tonight. I finally got the recommendation for that conselour today so I think my mom is calling today and hopefully I can get an appt. next week. I really need to talk to someone and even though I get to write my feelings down here, I don't get much support, it might be my fault because lately I haven't been supporting others, but I feel that if I'm doing so poorly I shouldn't try and criticize others habits or encourage them because I am going right back to where I was most likely doing the things they were doing wrong or worse, is that understandable? I guess I should try harder to be more supportive to others. My stomach is growling at the moment and it is the best feeling I have experienced in a long time. I feel like I have accomplished something, but then I know I haven't because of last night. I told my mom to hide the scale so I can't weigh myself 3 times a day. It just gets me down. I think I may limit myself to once every 2 weeks or so. It will just be better that way. I sometimes think I notice a change in the way my body looks lately, but then I think I'm crazy for thinking that because I just changed my exercise habits to really intense like a week ago. SO I think I am going to measure myself, or find some jeans I cannot fit and work to get into those. I really need to burn about 1000 calories today at the gym, maybe a little more... my friend just came so I have to leave... I'll right more later...

So today I slept late, it didn't seem like a had a good reason to wake up, so I just slept until I felt like getting up. ha. I had two pieces of 40 cal wheat braed with pb and j (150 cals) and some bbg chips (200 cals) and some powerade 50 cals. So so far today I am ate 400 calories. I do not intend on eating again until late tonight when my friends and I go out to dinner.

The past couple days I have lost my vigor and motivation for the gym, I really need to find it again... very fast... I think I'm just getting bored with it: not good. I'll figure something out.

Started this morning/afternoon off well with some yugurt, black grapes, strawberres as my brunch. I am estimating a maybe 250-300 cals altogether including my lemonade, very tasty, very filling, very good for me! 3 wins!
I have not exercised yet, I hope to, but I feel weak and crummy again today, but I'm at least gonna try and get out for a walk with my mom as long as it's not too rainy.

I did alright the last couple days... I exercised a bunch yesturday and atee a decent amount. Today so far I had an english muffin with some cheese (200 cals) and some yogurt (140). I weight myself this morning... expecting the dissappointing number I have seen lately ... 155.. but it said 153.2! I was so excited to actually be moving somewhere, it felt pretty good. It makes me want to go out and exercise tough again today, which I intend to do, so wish me luck, ha....

so sorry run you r having so many troubles....i know how you feel as i ve the same problem...and i cant say i totally healed...but defenitly i m doing much better....

i wasnt just vomitting everything i eat,but only if i overate one day or ate the wrong foods...then i start feeling guilty and so scared that i m going to gain weight again after working so hard...then the urge to through up gets so bad....and i dont feel good till i rid of all the food...

what really helped me was talking telling my hubby that i think i ve a problem....talking it out was very releaving as i used to keep it secret....then i tried to search for the reasons....

eating very low calories for days usually is followed by a binge then vomitting....then after a binge i want to make up for the damage and eat less ,do good for days then binge and so on....so i found that eating 3 healthy meals including all the food groups ,then snacking between meals makes me pretty much balanced and the urge to binge is way less than it used to be....and even if we go out to eat in a restaurant i try to ve a snack before i go so i m ot too hungry and that helps me make better choices....

i dont know if that ll work for you or not, but i think that going too low on cals on some days make your body rebells and asks for more food later and the cravings get so bad then we eat and we hate ourselves and the feeling of having very weak will gets so bad ,and the easy way out is just get rid of the food you ate and no harm done...

i m happy you ll be seeing a therapist soon and hope that ll help...keep us updated on how you are doing.