Ok I thought a perfect way to topic my journal. I'm back to exactly where I was before I began over a year ago. I regained all the weight I lost but at least I'm glad I didn't gain MORE then that except by .4 pounds.

So here is my life :) I've been over weight since I was a middle teen although I keep blaming the doctors and my folks pushing and pushing me that I was over weight while young that put me in the weight I am now. Always trying to control, help or what ever they could to get me to loose weight. That didn't help me one bit because I was that kind of "rebel" kid where I didn't want to do anything that I was "ORDERED" to do. Anyhow if back then they left me alone at 180pounds, I would be happier today at that weight then I am now at 360+

Anyhow I know I need to drop blaming others. It was MY choice to eat the way I have and now it's MY choice to get it off again. I know there are no fast cures to miracle cures to help me. I have to have will power, control, know when to and when not to eat, listen to my body (am I hungry, bored, thirsty or something all together different) and most off I have to get up and exercise no matter what the weather condition is. Be it that I go out on nice days and walk or I put in a DVD and work out to it in my house or that I even do a VERY serious (dusting, sweeping, vacuuming, dishes and more) cleaning of my house. It's all movement and it all helps.

Now is the time that I get back on my wagon. Now is the time I make a new start for myself. Now is the time *I* become who I want to be and who I KNOW I can be.

I've started a weigh in thread for a weigh in every friday. If I even see 1 pound drop a week, I know even though that means only 52 pounds a year that I loose, I will be happy with that! It means it's *52* pounds less then I was at that time last year. If I loose more, that's just icing on the cake (no pun intended)! If I just keep it going, keep myself moving and don't let others talk me down, I CAN do this. I also know that it took me a LONG time to put on the weight I have and it's going to take a VERY long time to get the weight off. I just have to remember.... slow and steady wins the race. Same goes in dieting.

That is all for today :) I will also keep track of what I've eaten in my journal since I also do the calorie counting thing. I try to stay between 1600 and 2000 calories a day. The closer to 1600 without being hungry is the goal I have but if I go toward the 2000 on some days, so what. That is what I SHOULD be eating and it's 1600 if not more LESS calories a day even at 2000 then I am taking in when I'm not dieting. I use the program Fitday (great program... I recommend it to anyone that is calorie counting) and have a full CD version of it for an xmas present, thanks to my mother! It helps a lot when you want to keep track of almost anything. They also have a free version that is strictly online http://www.fitday.com So my counts at the end of every day will be posted as well.

This is the plan that worked for me so long ago and this is the plan I choose to do again. And heck, if it works for me and someone else see's this journal, tries out what I'm doing and it works for them too... all the more power to ya! But please remember my weight loose will always be different then that of one that needs to only loose 50... I have to loose more like 200.

I'm going to start a new message for my food journal. It is always different then my personal journal and I should renew it every week. It'll be the next message :) I hope to do as well as I did back over a year ago... wish me luck!!

*huggles*
Missy9000

Start of my weekly food journal. This is my place to keep track, to vent, to air out ideas and all that. This worked well for me last time and I hope it works again this time. Only time again will tell.

Friday, August 18th, 2006
~ 1 english muffin, whole wheat, toasted
~ 2 small eggs fried in extra virgin olive oil spray (pump sprayer I have)
~ 2 Italian tomatoes, sliced
~ 2 slices light cheese slices
~ 1 extra small banana
Comments - This was a good breakfast. A bit more then my normal bowl of cereal and fruit but I craved eggs today so I had them. I cut the english muffin in half, toasted it, put the sliced up tomatoes on the dry muffin, put 1 slice of cheese over each half and then put 1 egg on top of each half. It made for a pretty tasty and not dry way to have my wheat bread as well! I'll have to do it again sometime.

~ 1 chocolate flavored "cereal bar" and 15grams pumpkin seeds
Comments - OMG do you know how LONG it takes to eat something like 40 pumpkin seeds? I usually eat them shell and all. That means the chew time to get them down without problems *faint* Think I burned off more calories eating them, then they gave me going in :P The cereal bar was of the kind of cereal I eat in the morning. It's called stylesse... it's the store brand of Special-K but MUCH cheaper. It was pretty good I must admit and helped a lot with the sweet craving.

~ 1 mixed berry "cereal bar"
Comments - It was just as I was making dinner and I was just totally hungry by now. I knew I couldn't have something large but I needed SOMETHING. So I had another bar... not too big, not too filling but it was going to be another hour before dinner. I normally by this time have a sandwich and some cheese or yogurt but today I decided I just wasn't that hungry and I more wanted a nap so I also got 1.5hrs sleep before my husband was due to come home

~ 146grams lamb fried in extra virgin olive oil
~ 2cups boiled potatoes
~ 1 1/2cups microwave steamed green beans (NO butter)
~ 70grams sour cream (with the potatoes)
~ 168ml's caffeine free but with sugar Coke
Comments - What a WONDERFUL and flavored dinner. The lamb is something we have here at the local Aldi in the freezer section.... nicely marinated and then you get this occasional soft piece that when your dieting just feels and tastes so wonderful! I know I could have cut down on the potatoes but I take more potatoes then I do when I make a side of pasta or something because they are half the calories then pasta and no fat. I normally would do some mayo with them but sour cream even at full fat has MUCH MUCH less fat then mayo will ever have... I went a bit over board on it so I will do better next time. I also tried to compensate for the extra fat in the sour cream by not putting any butter on the green beans. Over all it was still a decent meal and I'm happy with it. Hubby has ostridge steak with his meal. I'll post in my journal though a bit more about my eating habits so you know why the diet looks a little weird sometimes.

~ 1 sugar-free chocolate cheese cake moose with graham cracker crust
~ 1 large cup earl grey green tea (hot)
Comments - I was going to have a cup of international coffee but decided that had as much calories to it as the entire dish of moose I was about to have so I opted for the tea with no calories (or at least hardly any). The cheese cake moose is to die for though LOL. It's something my mother sends me from the states every so often in a "care package" along with a box of graham cracker crumbs to make a crust to go with it. I make 1 pouch of it (made simple with 3/4th cup skim milk and a blender) and it's enough for 2 nights worth of desserts for both me any hubby.

~ 1 chocolate flavored cereal bar
~ 1 medium sized banana
Comments - Although I didn't go in and out of the kitchen cause I was "munchy", I still needed something I knew it before I got to the wandering the kitchen with no clue. So I took a healthy choice. Fruit and fiber LOL

Normally I would give an exact total of calories, fat, protein and carbs but I don't know the info on the Lamb. It's been in the freezer for a while so I don't have the box atm with the info. I will be going out sometime soon though to get it's info and then I'll post todays intake :)

Saturday, August 19th, 2006
~ 1 english muffin, whole wheat, toasted
~ 2 small eggs fried in extra virgin olive oil spray (pump sprayer I have)
~ 2 Italian tomatoes, sliced
~ 2 slices light cheese slices
~ 20grams thin and lightly smoked salmon
~ 170ml's grape juice
Comments - Hubby was very interested in my little "throw together" for breakfast yesterday and so I made it again this morning. He liked it! I changed it slightly though cause I wanted a bit of salmon that I've been craving all week. It helped a lot with it. This time I did everything I did yesterday morning except I put salmon on top of the tomato and then the cheese to keep it all in place :P Opted for a glass of juice today instead of a banana. Going to have to teach hubby that 500 calories and 15grams of fat is MORE then enough for a breakfast. Specially when trying to do the "6 small things a day" routine.

~ 1 chocolate flavored cereal bar
~ 3/4th fresh nectarine
Comments - Snack was all good except I was kind of upset that the outside of my fruit seemed okish except for 1 spot on it that was dented. I opened it to find the seed split and mold growing on it. I had to cut the spot out and that left me with the weird entry of 3/4th a piece of fruit :P

~ 1 white roll with raisins, 1 slice lean ham, 1 portion speadable cheese and lettuce
~ 1 2-pack of yogurt/raisin crackers
~ 200grams low fat peach yogurt
Comments - Normally I try to stay away from white bread when dieting, I had a chance to get some very nice small rolls with raisins that I wouldn't normally find so I bought them today. And I have found a very nice combo with the yogurt/raisin crackers and the yogurt mixed... VERY yummy and helped a lot with my sweet craving today.

~ 200grams chicken breast in a slight curry sauce
~ 2cups potatoes with skin, sliced, micro steamed to soften them and then pan fried in olive oil to brown them
~ 1 home-made garlic butter, tomato, spinach and cheese garlic bread (mini sized)
~ 1 cup microwave steams baby carrots
~ 1 sugar-free chocolate cheese cake moose with graham cracker crust
Comments - This was WAY too big of a meal and almost 2hrs later then I normally eat. Today we went out shopping and afterward it was almost 5pm. Hubby was too hungry to wait the 1hr it would take for me to make dinner so we opted for a sandwich and a later dinner. The chicken breasts had no bones or skin and was a pre-made dish fresh made from the butcher next door to me. If I had realized how big the chicken breasts actually were, I would have served *1* for the both of us and made another meal from the 2nd. I will never put myself down if I gain a bit from day to day instead of loosing steady but I already know what I ate was too much.

Sunday, August 20th, 2006
~ 50 grams Clusters Cereal with 140grams skim milk
~ 140ml's grape juice
Comments - Back to eating normal sized LOL. I loved the dinner last night and gave me that wonderfully full filling but definitely now know I ate too much from the .2kilo higher weigh in this morning rather then it going down. Just have to remember to PORTION! :D

~ 1 white roll with raisins, 1 slice lean ham, 1 portion speadable cheese and lettuce
~ 1 2-pack of yogurt/raisin crackers
~ 125grams fresh cheese (belgian thing I think) with strawberries
~ 1 medium banana
Comments - By now I was fairly hungry but I wasn't until almost 1pm. I ate my breakfast and had no hunger until now. I had a nap again this afternoon but later on after lunch. I also had another very bad dizzy spell which left me very very nervous the rest of the day. It happened while I was even starting to fall asleep so I don't know how in hecks name I could be hyperventilating as the doctors keep telling me that I am. How do you start breathing so quick and so shallow while you are comfortable, not feeling anxious and even so much so that your drifting into sleep?! I will have to ask my breathing therapist this question I think

~ 100grams river bass fried in a bit of margarine
~ 1 cup cooked brown rice
~ 200grams microwave stream baby carrots
~ 1 home-made garlic butter, tomato, spinach and cheese garlic bread (mini sized)
Comments - Again I wasn't really hungry tonight but I knew I needed to eat dinner. It wasn't big or anything but I knew I needed more then 600calories in a day. I know that it never hurts that if you really are not hungry to not eat even if it does mean you've only taken in that much. I have a funny feeling that because my "monthly friend" is due soon that this is why I'm not so hungry right now. I noticed in other months when I was eating out of boredom that I was having bad stomach aches (not being sick but actual aches and pains thing) in my stomach because I wasn't digesting right or something. Can't hurt I say but I will eat when I'm hungry tomorrow and not until.

~ 1/10th piece of "impossibly easy french apple pie" with 50grams light vanilla ice cream
Comments - I promised my mother in law that today I would make apple pie and put ice cream on it for her, so I did. It was because I knew she would eat some and so would my hubby. Instead of putting it in a pie plate like the recipe asked for, I put it in a 12x8inch cake pan and cut it into 10 pieces and not 6 like a pie plate would have been. We all had some last night and I have enough left over for my hubby and I to both have a piece for the next 3days :) In total the recipe is not good cause it contains almost 100grams of fat (butter is used after all, along with 1/2 cup of nuts) but when broken into 10 pieces it wasn't all that bad of dessert :)

Monday, August 21st, 2006
~ 1 2-pack of yogurt/raisin crackers
Comments - I'm just not hungry today/this morning. I expected the plumber sometime between 9am and 10am and he did show and is still here. I dunno if I didn't get enough sleep or if I sleep badly or what but I woke with a headache. It's now just being made worse with the hammering the plumber is doing to get at the bad pipe, the smell of what has happened in the wall and worse yet all the mold that has been caused due to the leak in the wall. I'm allergic to molds (can't even take penicillin when I have an infection... has to be a bactrim product). So I now sit here with a massive headache, on the edge of being a migraine and I just hope the damn plumber leaves me enough time to take some tylenol and have a nap before it's time to have hubby home and time to clean. I definitely have no hunger today. In fact I feel sort of sick but I think that is due to my headache. I hope it gets better.

~ 1 2-pack of yogurt/raisin crackers
~ 50grams ranch Doritos
~ 1 medium sized nectarine
Comments - Still not really hungry but figured I better take the chance to eat something and still enjoy it while the plumber is on his lunch break. At least means no noise and no bad smells atm.

~ 1/2 "bag" instant mashed potatoes made only with water
~ 105grams turkey hot dogs (cut up and thrown into the potatoes)
~ 100grams carrots and peas (also tossed into the potatoes)
~ 50gram sour cream (on top of it all)
Comments - Finally after being able to settle down I could eat at least something semi decent, some protein, some carbs, some veggies... something other then what I had over the day time hrs. Hubby let me relax, curl up to him to rest up a bit on the bed and then even made dinner even. We BOTH submerged the urge so to speak of getting chinese for dinner. We didn't need it and our monthly budget for eating out is used this month.... so we made something quick and hot at home! (brownie points today I think)

~ 20grams (2 squares) dark chocolate with raspberries
~ 1 large cup (2 1/2 heaping tsp) hot chocolate in water
~ 30grams light whipped cream
Comments - My "dessert" Hubby wanted more of the apple pie I made yesterday so he was more then welcome to it. With my monthly friend due soon I crave chocolate more and more so I indulged in it a bit. Not badly at all. The chocolate are very much paper thin and I even choose to do light whipped cream to go with my coco instead of marshmallows or something. After a day like I've had today, I'm very proud to have not eaten the fridge or anything else sweet. *3 cheers for me today*

Tuesday, August 22nd, 2006
~ 52grams Clusters Cereal with 152grams skim milk
~ 1 medium sized banana
Comments - After some wonderful pampering from my hubby last night, him allowing me to sleep in the bed allllll alone (aaaa I love it when I'm allowed to sprawl) I am feeling MUCH MUCH better today. No one is due to come over and I'm going to go out walking this morning! I have to go out to run some errands like stop at the post and pick up some DIY stuff from another shop but all in all it's about 4miles both ways and I have all the time in the world today. Hubby has some dental work to have done tonight so he'll even be later the normal. Gives me a freedom of "aaaa time.... I've missed you so" :D

~ 2 cups iceberg lettuce with 1 small tomato and 30grams honey mustard salad dressing
~ 1 sandwich with light brown bread, 20grams spreadable cheese, 1 slice lean ham and lettuce
~ 1 medium sized nectarine
~ 2 small raw carrots with 25grams ranch salad dressing
Comments - I'm definitely feeling better then I have the last couple of days. Had a bigger lunch then normal because my husband will be late today due to a dentist appointment. I had poured 50grams of dressing to go with my carrots today but only used half of it and still felt happy. Good thing, my fat count for lunch was at 30 with the dressing I had on my salad. I think I'm going to have fish for dinner tonight so my fat count shouldn't be too off today.

~ 148ml's caffeine free coco-cola
Comments - I've been having such a good day so far. Although lots of running, the weather was nice to do it in. I got my walk in, I'm feeling a LOT healthier then I did yesterday with all the plumbing things going on. So I'm treating myself. I'm having a glass *NOT* a full can which is 330ml's of caffeine free sugared soda. I can't drink/eat the sugar free items cause then the sweetener just makes my heart palpitations act up even more. It's a whole 61 calories this time so I can handle that.

The rest of the afternoon-evening
I have NO idea what was with me the rest of today. Perhaps what the therapist told me about eating raw veggies is true. Today is the only REAL day that I gave in and had lots of raw veggies. A salad with tomato and 2 carrots raw. The rest of the late afternoon and evening I was SOOOOO munchy. Tomorrow I will refrain from raw veggies and eat cooked one and see what happens. I didn't go over board the rest of the evening but I was eating a little thing here and a little thing there and I can't remember all what I did eat in the end. I do know I gave in and finished off that dark chocolate raspberry bar at 80grams (it was 100gram bar). Other then that thought I didn't give into munching on bad thing except a glass of hot chocolate late in the evening with some light whipped cream. I will do better tomorrow.

Wednesday, August 23rd, 2006
~ 2 packets of maple/brown sugar oatmeal
~ 1 medium sized banana
Comments - Although perhaps more sugar then my normal cold cereal (although I don't even suspect that), this breakfast didn't have many more calories in it then my normal cold cereal and banana routine. It allowed me to taste the sweetness I wanted this morning and help me on my road to my "me" day :) Good news is also, even with my munchy spell yesterday, I'm also down .3kilo this morning. That felt good to know :)

Hi there Missy. :)

Yes you are right slow and steady wins the race. And setting a goal of one pound a week is very reasonable. Goals are important but when we set them too high and we dont achieve them, that is the worse.

That does sound like a good breakfast, good carbs, some protein. Fruit and a little veggie too. And a little fat from the eggs. To me that is a well rounded out breakfast.

I wish you all the best. And that is certainly right, housework does count in burning calories! That is what motivates me to clean. :laugh:

LOL oh yea I know that is the only thing getting me to doing my house work (that is besides an unhappy hubby which I try to stay away from just cause I don't like to see him unhappy).

Thanks for the words of encouragement. I hope I can keep to this and go on it longer then the 6weeks I did before. Day by day though :)

*huggles*
Missy

Hiya Missy!

Good luck with your new start!

Sometimes it can feel so good to start fresh and just dive right into it.

You have a really reasonable goal of 1lb a week and I like how you put it into perspective, with looking at how you did one year later and seeing that 1lb a week will turn into 52lbs lost at the end of the year!

Again, good luck with your journey! :)

That is right Missy, one day at a time. That is all we can do anyways. :-)

ta ta Missy.

Figured for those who are reading my indepth reports here that I'd share with you today a bit more about myself. The biggest thing is my eating style since I also am keeping a weekly food journal here as well.

I moved to Belgium almost 5yrs ago. My husband and my mother in law didn't eat red meat (nothing with 4 legs in other words). This meant giving up all red meat and to tell you the truth I tried to eat it here and all I ended was with a tummy ache for 24hrs later cause my tummy just can't digest it well here it seems.

With that I started cooking just poultry and fish. No problems there. It wasn't all that hard to really give up, specially with the not being able to digest it well thing going on. However now a days I do no eat meat ooo 99% of the time. There is still times I have an occational piece of ham (specially sandwich style) and now there is the lamb I found at Aldi that has been marinated for so long it's almost digested for you. When I do something like that, I simply make something like ostridge steak for hubby. Still a nice hard piece of meat like a steak would be but no 4 legged animals for him :P

I'm also lactos intolerant. I can have small amounts like with a bowl of cereal or made in a piece of cake or something along that lines but drinking it out right glass fulls is completely out of the question. Cheeses and yogurts are ok as well cause they have the things I don't have to digest them already in them.

Otherwise I'm normal (if there is such a thing LOL). But that would explain why sometimes I have lamp or ham marked in my food journal.

*huggles*
Missy

P.S. Thanks for all the words of encouragement! It really helped me get on track and stay there yesterday. Today I feel good except that I want a nap already. I think that my hubby's fault because he's not too far away from me and snoozing on the couch now :P

Hi there! welcome to diet talk!~ sounds like your off to a wonderfull start! your menu sounds excellent too! lots of variety! nothing wrong with a nap either....getting enough rest is essential to being healthy! :) (and happy!) I look forward to reading your future posts! ;)

*smile* I thank you for the welcome although I'm not new to here :) I have to admit it's been a VERY VERY long time since I was here last (over a year now) and when I was here I was going really well for like 6weeks. Still allowing that occational sweet and was trying to stick to the small things 6 times a day and it was working.

I saw your post on my food for thought post and I have to totally agree with what everyone said there. I might indeed loose faster if I did my main meal in the afternoon and just something small in the evening but then I worry I will either not have much time with my husband like I do when we sit to have a meal together or 2 that I eat so little at the time of day that my body tells me I need more and I just munch on whatever there is around.

Thanks for the post!!
Missy

Mmmm first real journal post I suppose. Yesterday was a very nice day but *sigh* I ate too much in my evening meal I know it.

So my day started with eating normally and still ate normally as well as balanced all day. However, hubby and I decided to go out and do some shopping. I wanted to make (reminds self to go back and add that item to her food from last night) some small wheat rolls with some garlic butter, spinach, tomato and a tiny bit of cheese... so they ended up as mini garlic breads. We had a 5euro gift certificate to use from one of the grocery stores and so we figured we'd use that and get the items I needed.

We also stopped by another shop just in hopes that I would/could find a bra that would fit me. I have a problem here in Belgium that I need what they would say is a 115 or 125 even. I wear a 48dd in american sizes. The reason we did this is because I found these WONDERFUL little things on a site called mileskimball called "bra extensions". I ordered *4* packages of them and they have 3 each... 2 packs in black and 2 in white.

SOoooooo, we get to the store where I knew the sizes went a bit higher (105 is the highest there) and I also knew didn't cost massive amounts of money. I picked out a few of their higher sized bras (105-e and 1 of a 105-f), went to the changing room, put one of these little extensions on the first one I was to try, put the thing on and came to the realization that I didn't NEED the extension. Whatever was with that bra FIT! I was so shocked and SO delighted. I've been here in Belguim for almost 5yrs now and the last time I bought a bra that was my size it cost me over 80euro PER bra *faint* but I had no choice.

So on I went to shop for more :) Although from bra to bra style they changed a bit on size and I did end up buying a bra for "every-day" wear that needed the extension, I was so pleased to get what I did. In the end I got *5* new bras! Most just "showy" cause this is the first time in my LIFE that I have been able to find bras with some COLOR to them and FIT! I was over the moon... blue, red, little flowers with a bit of a green tint and even one with a very blue tint with flowers... and of course 1 normal white one.

While there we also found this really really long dark purple rain coat. It FIT! Well almost fit. Normally when I buy things that have to go over my shoulders like a shirt or jacket, it's always not to fit in my shoulders first. This time around it fits perfectly in the shoulders and even chest area but doesn't fit enough to totally close it in the "bum" area. It's only by an inch if not less and for *3euro* I bought it. I'm dieting hard and this coat is so warm that if I put a sweater on under it, it'll be just great for the winters here in Belgium that hardly ever get below freezing.

So with all that said, when we got home from the 2 stores, it was 5pm and hubby was just too hungry to wait the 1hr or so it'd take to prep dinner and make it. We opted for a sandwich and a later dinner. That is where the mistake came. Even at already 7pm, I was still not feeling hungry but hubby really wanted dinner started and of course if you're in love, how can you resist your husband? So I started dinner and it was huge. All good for you foods but much more food then I expected. It was good, tasted good and didn't leave me "oh I feel sick I ate so much" feeling but I knew it was too much because I even started eating it before I was hungry for it.

I will teach myself that if that happens... let my husband make his own like he suggested. I wasn't hungry and I shouldn't have eaten til I was. Next time I will learn. Another good quote "Learn from your mistakes".

This morning's weigh-in was .2kilo higher so even now I know I ate too much last night. Today is back to my cereal with fruit and my 6 small things... not one big dinner :P

*huggles*
Missy

Don't ya just LOVE shopping...I swear, and hubby can attest to this...that I've switched my obsession with eating to an obsession with shopping...which can be VERY dangerous as well, unless your rich! lolol...and were NOT....I'm trying to control myself w/ it though...he keeps an eye on me...lets me get away with too much in the money area!
Sounds like your still doing great with a posative attitude...are you planning on starting any type of excersize routine? Do you drink much water? I find drinking LOTS of water really helps me...I drink a liter first thing when i wake up in the morning...i have one fresh bottle of room temp. water that I just CHUG when I get up...gets things moving..ya know?
take care!!!!! :)

:) water is definitely not a problem on this lady :D I have one of those (actually 2 but only use 1 atm) Britia water filter pitchers... it holds like 2 1/2 liters of water and I can easily down one of those pitchers every day and then some. Not including what I take in extra like a bit of soda or some tea or fizzy water.

I do have a walking routine I want to start but I'm having so many people in and out of my apartment that I don't know atm that I can't just up and leave for a walk. As soon as I have days where they are not coming, then I will start my walking. I also have some piloties(sp?) No CLUE how to spell the name, but it's a 1hr work out video and I think also relaxation and MAN can I use some of that.

In the last couple of years my anxiety problem has become so sever that I now see someone to re-teach me how to breath. Right now I have a problem breathing simply cause the plumber found the water problem we have in our kitchen wall and OMG does it STINK! *faint* Should go see if my hubby's old army gear includes a gas mask :P

*sigh* I really need to start making *me* time. Like now I have a headache from all the hammering, a bad nights sleep, wanting more sleep and all that. I just hope this guy isn't here til past 3pm so I can at least get SOME sleep before my husband is due to come home.

*huggles* and I'm going it post my next journal entry.

Missy9000

Hi Missy :wave:

I am soooooooooooo impressed by how well you are doing :up:

BUT even more so that you are learning SO much about yourself and what things you need to change to reach your goals.

Stick it out here with us past your 6 weeks and we will support you to keep going - just keep coming back no matter what :D

:) Thank you! I so needed that this morning. I'm feeling just rotten. I'm not hungry, I have a headache that could kill an ox, the plumber is getting to me (but at the moment I have a whole 30min break from his damn pounding and chipping away at my tiled floor).

I will be posting my journal entry but tonight. MUCH later tonight. There is just too much and I think tonight I shall put up some relaxation music on my computer, put some candles up and type out my frustations.

*huggles* and thanks for your support today. I really needed that boost!

Missy

Missy I am so happy for you, that you got all those pretty bras. Feels good doesnt it!

So sorry about all the noise with the plumber, that can not only give you a headache but rattle your nerves alot. Hope you have some good relaxation time.

And I second what Beth says, we are all here for you!!!

Thanks again everyone! I didn't manage to get posting last night but I barely had energy by the end of the night to sit in front of the TV playing a bit of playstation as my "reward" for the day of hard work. I dealt with the plumber, cleaned up TOTALLY after him... sweap everything I thought might harm my vacuum, then vacuumed the ENTIRE apartment from our bedrooms to the kitchen LOL because he put holes in both my hallway wall toward the kitchen as well as a whole in the other part of my hallway where we store our coats and shoes toward the bathroom. I WILL post about all the details cause I have to but it'll be in my journal entry later on. Expect it to be long :P

*huggles and all my wishes*

Missy

P.S. to the both of you, send me a link to your journals?? please?

Hmmmmmm where do I start. I have so much on my mind and feel as though it is as full as the kitchen full of dishes I just started.... along with the "where do I even start" feeling I had with them.

Yesterday OMG... I wish I could forget it ever had to happen. My husband and I (hubby will soon be referred to as Peter LOL I think or even just hubby) have lived in the apartment we're in now for almost 4yrs... the beginning of november being the 4yr mark. When we first moved in we saw where a couple of walls had started to be repaired. They told us there was a problem but it had been taken care of and was repaired. Seeing as the rest of the apartment is REALLY nice and they seemed nice, we took them on their word and started renting the apartment.

That was just the beginning of the problems. First the major problem we kept having is that it was getting coolish outside by the time we moved in so we kept the windows in the bedroom we choose (it's a 2 bedroom apartment btw) so it wasn't so cold. Soon it was feeling very sticky and even damp in the room. Soon after that the far wall that our bed wasn't on started to actually DRIP water down it from the top down. Odd we thought. It took a new owner of the building, 30euros of thin insulation and a tube of wall glue to correct the problem that the wall that was wet, wasn't properly insulated from the outside so it was just bare brick and then our wall. Ok, problem 1 solved.

The next problem is the "spots" were not getting better but BIGGER! *cringe* we kept telling the old owners there was still a problem, come to find out there were a few problems even in the end. The first time problem was fixed with the old owner cause it was a pipe just behind the cupboard under the sink. The next problem was that out water boiler continued to drip 1 bucket of water a week that we just flushed away. What a waste of water and it meant that the drainage system wasn't working that was under it. It would fill and never drain so it just dripped out. They fixed that but there was STILL water getting into the wall that is out kitchen AND connected to the bedroom we decided to move our bed in (the water damage from the other wall ruined our old bed and we spent 400+ euro to buy a new one... which now too is moldy on the button btw).

So with that, they never EVER did anything with. They sold the building to some pour unexpecting landlord who is now having to take on all the problems that come with the building, most of it being water damage. There were another problem with the pipe in the kitchen AND bathroom. I don't know what they are but they are little connections in the middle of the cold and hot water pipes that help seal the pipes. They needed replacing. This fixed the shower room problem but yet still there was a problem with the kitchen and it was just getting worse and worse.

By now half the wall that connects the kitchen and bedroom has wet spots on it and just getting worse and worse. So finally the ok was given to a good plumber to crack the wall. That is where we find ourselves yesterday.

*sigh* That is also where I wish I could forget it but at least now I have here to vent and will do so :) See next post for the rest LOL this one is already too long.

Missy9000

So here is where we continue. Yesterday the plumber showed up at 9:30am and lets say now he was here until 4:20pm the same day doing all that needed to be done.

The first task... what in hecks name was wrong with out kitchen. So he found the pipes RIGHT off the bat so only *1* hole but 2 feet or so high from the floor and then continued it into the floor by 1 floor tile. It took him (including knocking through the brick and cement wall) ooo 1hr to actually find the problem but took him something like 3hrs to figure out how to FIX the problem. There was an upside down T connection for a pipe out of the kitchen but UNDER the 1st floor tile. Now the tiles are like super glued into the floor or it seemed cause he had to chip away at the tile instead of it just coming loose with a bit of a chip at the stuff between the tiles.... so in the end we now are missing 3/4ths a tile LOL.

That isn't so bad. So that upside down T connection was SO cemented into place and had no where to move, expand or shift to that the only thing it could do with the building settling and all was to break at it's weakest point... the middle the button of the T right smack through. If it wasn't for the fact that there was a pipe going off the top of the part that broke in half, it would have been totally torn in 2 pieces and nothing would have been draining right. As it was, MOST of the water was going RIGHT into the wall and floor... including everything you could possibly image you would put down your kitchen drain. Washing dishes, dirty cleaning water, outdated food that was ok to put down a drain and so much more.

Ok the problem found, the poor plumber was digging sludge, mold, mildew and god knows what else out of the hole he made in the floor, all from my kitchen sink :( The smell was so bad that at first I thought that perhaps my toilet was the problem pipe cause of the smell, but no, it was indeed the kitchen sink and that 1 bloody pipe.

Now the problem was found much easier then it was to fix. The idiot that installed this pipes places them SO close to electric pipes as well as the plaster and such around the things that it took him almost 3hrs to replace that 1 small pipe. At least it's replaced now.

Onto the shower room. He cracked the wall on the other side (outside the bathroom and in the hallway). Again found the pipes right away and everything is just fine except the wall is wet. The reason for this is that the problem solved inside the shower room was done but the hole left open. That meant the water already in the wall couldn't get out, the water from hubby and my showers was going in (not much but a bit) and then no where for it to dry but instead for the wall to suck it up.

Ok so now with the BIGGER hole in the hallway that connects the bathroom, it's time for hubby to cover the hole temp type fix tonight. I went to the DIY store, got some HEAVY water proof tarp stuff that even construction places use to cover their equipment when it rains and such. Still able to be cut with scissors and such so now we can properly fit it around the pipes and so forth. Then he is going to silicon it into place against the tiles that are left. This I hope will keep the hole from getting more water into it. As soon as he is able to, there will be a contractor coming and completely tiling the shower "nook" from the tub to the ceiling (right now it's only half way up) and waterproofing the tub and all that so it's water tight and meant for a shower. I SOOOOOO can't wait.

Sooooo... last thing to be done by the plumber was to install an all by god needed ventilation fan into the shower room! There were 2 holes in there but meant for a washer/dryer hook up... some place for the dryer to blow it's air and all. So he placed a fan in the smallest one and my husband started patching up the bigger of them so the air doesn't just get sucked in one and blown back into the shower room. Perhaps for the first time since I moved here, the shower room will actually be dry.

Ok, so yesterday's vent is off my chest and boy it feels good but my fingers hurt now LOL. Thanks for letting me ramble and I so hope things will be better with stuff in the house. I'm SO allergic to mold and such that I'm just having massive problems with it. I hope this will help.... especially when they get to repairing the walls.

*huggles*
Missy9000

Hmm... Yesterday could have been better but over all wasn't bad. I was VERY munchy in the later afternoon and evening. It really was upsetting me. I was feeling full if not over full but still I wanted more. The only thing I regret is eating the other 80grams of the dark chocolate bar I had sitting in the house. But now it's gone and there is no more chocolate in the house except coco and that isn't a binge food :P

Yesterday otherwise ran very smoothly. I went and did all the things I needed to do outside, got the stuff to repair/protect the bathroom a bit and got MOST of the dishes done. Leaving just a bit of dishes to finish today.

I've decided that since I've been going the last couple of days non-stop, that I'd take a mostly "me" day. I've started out with having a nice LONG hot shower in my semi re-done bathroom or at least newly protected bathroom and I must admit the little fan they installed helps. Then onto breakfast which was indulging in some maple/brown sugar oatmeal but along with my normal fruit hit of the morning.

From there I now sit here writing away in my journal here at DT with this most WONDERFUL "face mask" on. It's called a grape seed extract peel off masque and it's made by the brand Queen Helene. My mother over a year ago found this for me when I wanted something to help the skin on my face "even out" as far the dry and oily parts went. I have a VERY bad "I" zone from the button of my forehead, down across my nose and then over the cheeks. This stuff does WONDERS I swear. I hated all those masks that you put on and have to "scrub" off with water once they are dry. It takes too much time and it's WAY too hard on my soft skin. This stuff hits the mark. It's silicon I believe and instead of having to be washed off, it just peels off when it's done drying. It also has this most wonderful scent to it. Not too much perfume and not too strong.

Later on I plan to do my nails (kind of give myself a home manicure) and then my toe nails... at least takin the old nail polish off if not putting some new on. Then I might even enjoy myself a nap this afternoon.

The only "WORK" I plan to do today is the few dishes left from yesterday and cooking a nice dinner for tonight. Hubby had a filling done yesterday so his jaw is very sore from being forced open so long and then today is our monthly anniversary (I try to cook something special without going over board every month on this day). Todays meal will be some wonderful fish I found yesterday while shopping, some microwave steamed veggies and some mushroom pasta as the side dish. And I know this sounds kind of "plosh" but I might even put a container of snails in the oven as an appetizer. (ok get it out of your mind... they really aren't as bad as you think... they are made with garlic butter, totally cooked before you even get them and the garlic butter so adds to the whole experience.... if you haven't ever tried it, don't knock it :P)

So off I go to do my nails while the face mask dries and I think after that I might even start playing some playstation 2 today :D Tomorrow I plan to do my work out video that I have here because it's predicted to rain again. Typical Belgian weather. I also have plans to do some more cleaning in the house like the sink that icky plumber was washing his hands in and the windows REALLY need a going over.

Huggles everyone and I hope today proves to be a relaxing one for me as well as for anyone else out there. Remember ladies AND men, you need to make time for yourself as much as you need to make time for everything else in life. If you don't take time out to do things YOU want and need to do for YOU, then you will just stress out and go nuts :P I'm partly there ;)

Missy

Ok I know I've been slacking about keeping my food journal and even my fitday so here I am today trying to get back on to it.

Thursday, August 31st, 2006
~ 55grams Clusters cereal with 172ml skim milk
~ 1 medium sized banana
Comments - I really need to get back into eating small things through the day and cutting out all the white stuff like white flours and sugars thing. I'm going to make a couple of journal posts later on about different things and one is dealing with why I want to cut them out again. I haven't gained a great deal this week but I also know come tomorrow I will either be at the same weight or a couple .?? above my last friday weigh in. No big deal, I just work on it harder! Keep on the track and don't let things get to me!

Rest of the day - I have been having quite some problems here lately and I don't hardly remember what I ate last night much less what I finished eating Thursday. I will continue from where I remember.

Friday, September 1st, 2006
Comments - No breakfast - I had to go see the doctor because late last night I had another massive dizziness spell. I don't know what is causing them and they are doing all sorts of tests to find out. Monday I have another test at 2:30pm with an ears/nose/throat specialist and they are going to run a couple of tests to see if it might be my ears or inner ears giving me a problem. I'm also on a beta blocker because my heart rate a couple of years ago at rest was close to 110 (this is genetic) however lately my pulse WITH the meds has been low for me around 60's, when normally it's around 80's. I've stopped the beta blocker all together this weekend to give it a test to see what happens. I am keeping a VERY VERY close check on it. Counting it at least every few hrs. If it starts to rise too much (or my blood preasure) I will take a dose.

~ 1 sandwich on brown bread with becel (butter substitute), 40grams roasted chicken breast and lettuce
~ 1 medium sized banana
~ 1 "light" chocolate pudding
Comments - My anixity is SO high today that it's not funny. The dizzy spells I'm having are starting to control my life and I HAVE to beat them! I don't know if there is something medically wrong yet but there are 2 things to rule out yet... 1 is my pulse being too low perhaps or that something might be wrong with my inner ears. If neither of those pan out then the other thing is that my anixity is getting so high and uncontrolable that I'm having them due to that. I don't know anymore, I just have these spells where everything spins and at moments not associated with "panick attacks".. like even just sitting watching a nice calm show on TV, after having a very nice and good for me dinner. *shrug* I'm really starting to feel like a human gini pig. I want it over and fixed.

~ 20grams roasted chicken breast with a SMALL amount of skin on it
~ 300 grams mushroom flavored pasta (white pasta this time)
~ 1 sweet roll with peacans
~ 1 glass (180ml's) caffien free soda
Comments - I know I didn't eat nearly enough today but with all the stress, all the anixity and the doctors I even ended up around 6pm taking a migrain pain killer shot. I woke with a headache and normally I can beat them if I am allowed to stay calm and so forth. That wasn't happening today with the doctors. I tried to combat it when I got back around 12:30pm but it was too late. I hope tomorrow will be better.

Saturday, September 2nd, 2006
~ 2 chocolate breakfast cereal bars (made with whole grain cereal and tiny chocolate chips)
~ 1 medium sized banana
Comments - I am feeling much better after yesterday and the pain shot last night helped wonders. I'm also being lazy this morning. I didn't want to weigh out things, so I knew that each bar had a bit under 100 calories and were made of the same cereal I was going to measure out anyhow, so I just took 2 of those and my banana.

~ 1 sandwich on whole wheat bread with 38grams chicken salad and lettuce
~ 200grams low fat peach yogurt
Comments - I took a banana too but the sandwich and yogurt were enough for now so I'll save the banana for later when I'm feeling hungry again.

Ok it's time to play some catch up while I have a bit of time to myself and it's too early for bed. I have about 5 entries to make but here is the start of it.

Time to explain why it's getting hard for me to be here to post. I found out not ALL that long ago that my parents who still atm live in American are going to be retiring here within a month or 2 instead of 2 or 3 years that everyone was expecting.

Back not too long ago my father started experiencing weakness of one of his sides (can't remember which now) and it was found that he has a bone spur on his neck that was pushing into his spine causing damage. He had that operated on but now can no longer drive for a living so he was kind of forced into early retirement... now with that happening, my mother simply can not keep up on the extra bills and also will be retiring come December when she is eligable.

On top of all this happening, the building they were living in was deemed unfit for living and almost everyone in there was kicked out on the spot. So NOW they are at a hotel that costs something like $400 a WEEK and OMG they can't afford that. So as soon as the rush on their passports is complete, they are on their way!

I have to admit although it puts some stress on me, I can't WAIT for them to come here. I know my older 2 sisters aren't much of "achievers" as it were and I'm very much looking forward to them seeing how their youngest and last "baby" turned out :) I have a very good roof over my head, food on the table, extras that I like and want, a WONDERFUL hubby and money in the bank (finally). I can't WAIT to show my parents a wonderful time, a loving home, a friendly country and show them that there is at least SOMEONE out there that still loves them enough to care for them in their older age!

Ok so THAT alone is what is eating MOST of my time. I found them a place for a good price without a 1yr or more lease attached to it just in case that something happens and the only way they can stay here is to live with my and my husband. It's about the same price that my hubby and I pay each month including our bills so it's pretty good.

They are moving here with hopes that they will "retire" here and become Belgian residents. If they can, it means they can have their own apartment and all that. If not, then they move here with hubby's and my support and have to live with use.

It's going to be wonderful I'm sure. All new things to show them and so much more!

That's all for this post *HUGGLES!!*
Missy

Thursday evening
I had a pretty good day. I did the weekly grocery shopping and by myself which I've been doing the last few weeks since I've been finding it much easier to just go and do what I need to without everyone around like my mil. I even managed to find that place which is only 3 blocks away (my folks can even look out the window to see the building in which I live). It has everything they need and it's a hotel... even has a small elevator. I was feeling quite good this day and even was eating right, had a very nice dinner with my hubby and was relaxing with some TV ... and this is where things started to turn this week.

Right out of the blue I ended up having a MASSIVE dizzy spell. I wasn't doing anything, I wasn't anxious, I wasn't having problems breathing or anything else and suddenly the whole room was spinning (and no I don't drink). These have been happening at the oddest times like when I wake for a moment in the night, realize it's still night and boom one hits, then another when I was all comfortable and actually drifting to sleep and it hits again. SOOooo this has been going on for a few months now and I'm TIRED of it.

It's starting to control my life because I'm scared to go outside in fear I'll have one of these hit and I'm on my butt somewhere I don't know or where people can't help me.

Ok so I see the doctor again tomorrow morning.... that is where I start Friday :)

*Huggles*
Missy

Oh christ WHAT a DAY! *sigh* one I wish I could erase all together. But here it is so I can get it off my chest.

Friday morning 9:30am I see my family doctor. She has a new "student" doctor under her wing and the other one has fled the nest so to speak and is either on her own or in another practice all together. Anyhow, I spend an hr there being drilled and all that. Told my pulse is off and all that but then also sent to see a ears/nose/throat specialest. She scheduled an appointment for as soon as I could get there *sigh*

Ok I arrive there, by this time the headache I woke with is getting worse and I'm dizzy alone from that. Then I find out the tests they are going to do are going to try to invoke the damn dizzy spells... great that's what I need. The other problem is the visit with the tests will cost me 100+euro *sigh* again not something I have set and ready ON me at any given time... I mean that's like saying you carrying $100 US dollars on you every time you go out ya know.

Ok so appointment rescheduled for 2:30pm Monday. That is fine by me. Gives me the weekend to get over things, time to get some food, get rid of my headache and make some time that my hubby can be there for support. I am more and more thinking it is either my ears or my neck giving me problems.

People keep saying I'm hyperventilating.... now in hecks name can I be while falling asleep peacefully?? Anyhow, these tests will tell me yes or no if it's my ears.

The next step that I will INSIST happen is that she'll check my neck out. The other thing that could possibly be going on is that my anxiety is just getting so bad that I can't totally control it anymore. It seems to be genetic... my mother has it as well as both my sisters. I use to be VERY strong but now feel like a frail little old lady that wants to hide in the corner so nothing bad happens to her.

I HAVE to get out of that and back to doing what I need to make myself better!! Onto the NEXT post :P

*HUGGLES*
Missy

OK.... NOW with all that out of the way, here is tonights entry :)

Friday ended up with me not eating more then 1000 calories (not that it's bad ONCE and a while) but the headache turned into a migraine and I ended up taking a migraine pain shot around 7pm... mmmm pain killers :P

Anyhow so headache went away, I ate some dinner and slept for 10hrs that night even though I slept most the afternoon trying to get rid of the headache in the first place.

Saturday was ok. The doctor friday told me to change my betablocker from taking 1 full pill at night to half in the morning and half in the evening. This seems to be helping a bit but I'm still a bit dizzy and my anxiety is still messed up. I'm not looking forward to tomorrow but at least now I have my hubby to help and be support.

I'm also proud of myself. I went for a walk at 9pm tonight, it was fairly quiet and although dark, not so dark that I can't handle it. I walked for 40mins and feeling good tonight. After this, I'm gonna grab myself a cereal bar and big glass of water... watch a bit of TV and then go to sleep. I'm sleeping on the couch tonight but simply because hubby has to work tomorrow and he already has a head cold hitting.. means he snores then *bleh*.

Huggles all and I'll post as soon as I can after the tests. I kind of hope it proves to be my ears or something. Then I can get a treatment for it and be done with all the "oh god I'm spinning suddenly" things happening.

*HUGGLES*
Missy