Okay, So I am totally lost. Not like as in this website lost, but lost. Tonight I am sitting at my computer after a weeklong binge of mac and cheese, Haagan Das and Pita chips and suffer the guilty conscience and the self-loathing that comes with it. Sadly, I am a fairly successful professional in my mid-30s. I have a career and furniture that wasn't handed down by any family member. I have a master's degree and a sense of humor, people see me as "together and ambitious." People like me, most people like me, My cat loves me, but certainly doesn't worship me. I don't like me much. I think I am funny and smart and thoughtful and pretty sarcastic in a cool sort of way. But I really really don't like me much. I said to my clinical supervisor today that a coworker of mine who has an untreated alcohol problem and untreated mental health issues "should KNOW better," as I shove another taco Bell grilled stuffed burrito in my mouth. And I should know better as I pause here to take another spoonful of peanut butter in between thoughts. I am getting ready to go to England in a couple of months and I worry. Not that I'll get blown up in some anti-American terrorist plot, but that people will stare when I eat or get on the bus. That someone will move away from me. I've been to Europe before and I remember them openly laughing and pointing at me in the street in Germany. I belong to the gym, I even go to the gym. I do the minimal work out, but sometimes I do 60 minutes of water aerobics. I even put on a swim suit, but I change in the locked handicapped restroom. Anxiety is a handicap right? Sometimes I look at my body and think if I could just cut off a chunk or two I'd feel better, but people would likely find me completely off balanced. The point, I have an eating disorder. I binge eat, but due to my strong aversion to puking am not Bulemic. I am clinically depressed, but not suicidal...my meds do work. But mostly I am lonely and lost. I don't know how to help myself. I have the brains and the income to deal with my life. I have great friends, supportive family and a doctor who is really great. But I have no ability to help myself...which makes me sad and makes me scared. I don't know what to do. I need to lose 200 pounds. Anyway, I just wanted to whine for a minute.

Hi FutureShrink (love the double meaning)! :wave:

We may all be at different points in the battle, but we have all had those very same thoughts, regardless of our size. You will find great support, encouragement, friendship, humor, sarcasm, and the occasional ass-kicking among the members here. You have just done something to help yourself.

Welcome to the Journals! Looking forward to seeing you around.

Hello FutureShrink....:wave: :wave: :wave:
Welcome to DT :)
You have found a GREAT site! The people here are wonderful and will help you on your journey to meet your goals. I know too well how you are feeling. You are not alone, many of us share the same thoughts. If you ever want to talk...I would be glad to listen..I am always lurking around here somewhere...:laugh:
Again..Welcome and make yourself right at home......
lynn:D

Hey kiddo. Ditto what Seaweed said. You may know WHAT to do in spades, but it is always, always, always harder to put thoughts into action. Especially when you have issues with depression, as you know. But people have done it, so I know it can be done (I'm still trying myself, pfft). Believing in yourself, I think, comes eventually from: 1) acting like you believe in yourself and 2) making small achievable goals and not jumping out a window, but ACHIEVING those goals. If you have to make your goals teensy weensy and build on your successes gradually, then do it that way (I will eat one vegetable a day for one week, then when I do that, I will drink 3 glasses of water a day for one week in addition to my 1 vegetable, etc).

This is a terrific site and you will make some buds here who will help you along your journey and who will help you learn to be kind to yourself.

What you want is within your reach.

I got up this morning at 4:30 to go to water aerobics. I even got in the pool, and the instructor didn't show up....It was on the way out that I picked up the new schedule which indicated that there is no longer a 5:00 water class. I really want to give up, I am so frustrated! I made one attempt today and was squashed like a bug! Okay, so maybe I'll go tonight. maybe.

Thanks for your understanding. It helps to know that there are others out there who have been/are successful and can be motivating to someone else. I am sorry I am such a downer...but my cat is really tired of hearing me whine.

Thank you

FutureShrink...
Well that just sucks now, doesn't it? I would be a little out of sorts too if I got my butt to the gym and IN THE POOL and no one shows up! 4:30 A.M. to boot! You have every right to be feeling a little down...But you know what? In my opinion, you should get MAD X-( X-( X-(
Please don't give up...You are going to come across a lot of obstacles in your path...jump over them! Or even better yet..."CRUSH EM" Just take those baby steps that we all talk about around here...chumlette has given you valuable advice..If you can stick to even the smallest mini-goal, you will be amazed to how much easier this battle becomes as time moves forward. Hope you are feeling better by the time you read this..:)
lynn

I could so get outside, take a walk. I should. I know I should. I have no idea what is stopping me. I think about going out for a walk and I find every excuse not to. I gotta get out of this funk soon.

Someone give me a push please...

PUSH! Get out that door! You can do it!

HI :wave: & :welcome:

and here is that supportive push you requested :hug:

hi future shrink....you are so much welcome here....as lynn said that site helped many of us to overcome tuff times....and gave us motivation when we needed it most....dont be to hard on yourself....just baby steps....change one thing at a time and try to replace high clorie foods with healthy low cal ones,and make them handy ....dont let yourself get too hungry as that is the main reason of binging for me....

i really hpe you all the best,ve a great day.

Okay, I took the plunge, I went for the walk. Today my plan is to go to the gym after work, lift weights for 30 minutes and do water aerobics for an hour. It will be the first time I have ever done water at night and I am much much more intimidated but going to at least try....

Thanks for your support.

See, everyone's pushes worked. This site is helping you already.

Welcome to Diettalk Futureshrink. I agree with everyone else, you have found a wonderful site full of awesome people who are right in the midst of the battle with you.

You can do this, really you can.

FutureShrink,

Welcome to DT! I just joined here about a week and a half ago and already feel at home in this cozy group of people. In a world full of judgmental people, you have found a group of us that won't judge you or anyone else, BECAUSE WE ARE ALL IN THE SAME POSITION. We will all be here to support and encourage you!

Way to go on getting out for that walk! It's a beautiful season to do so, I imagine especially so up in Oregon! What I try to do is focus not so much on the fact that I'm exercising but rather the fun part about it. Like nature walking (which essentially is me staring in awe at the colors this time of year and taking in the great smell) or how much fun I'm having swimming in the pool, or playing with my daughter while doing my workout. Find what makes moving FUN for you and it won't be such a chore.

Good luck hun, and welcome again!

Momma D

Hi! Have you tried the 10-minute rule? Get out and walk for 10 minutes....if after 10 minutes you absolutely don't want to walk any further you can turn around and go home. Chances are, though, after you've done 10 minutes you will want to keep going.

I don't want to discourage you, but 30 minutes of weight lifting followed by an hour of water aerobics might be a little too much for one gym visit if you are starting out. If you can do it and feel good, then by all means go for it! I would just hate to see you burn out and not want to go back. Do what you are comfortable with, and make healthy changes day by day. It will all come together!

Oh, I've been going to the gym for almost year now, although I have suffered some setbacks like a broken wrist in March and a torn ligament in my knee in September so I am in a knee brace for two months. Plus right now my depression is really being a major challenge. But once I get pushed, I will usually go. It's getting out the door that I suffer with. Plus I am somewhat intimidated by the gym when I am depressed. Most of the time, I feel pretty comfortable there, but I do have periods of anxiety in which is is hard to get out the door at home and then hard to get in the door at the gym.

I usually lift for 30 minutes to an hour but I have been really bad about cardio. My (previous) trainer was big into lifting, less into cardio. I switched trainers last night to a friend who is really supportive and I think will help a lot more. She focuses on everything from lifting, cardio and nutrition which is what I really need...the whole pictue. I did do weights for 30 minutes and water aerobics last night for an hour. Today I am taking a break. I've been trying to do water aerobics on Saturday mornings and I was doing 5:00am classes twice weekly until they cancelled the class. I was sometimes hiking on the weekends until the whole knee thing happened.

So to make a long story short, I did go last night...two days this week for some form of activity...so thanks again. I really appreciate all the feedback.

and should I get brave enough, where do you get the cool little weight slider thingies that you all have at the bottom of the page????

Thanks,
Chris

FS,

You can click on the links above any of our tickers and it will take you to the website where you can get them. The two most popular are tickerfactory.com and 3fatchicks.com.

MD

Hey Chris!
WOW! You should really be proud of yourself! You are really doing well at the gym...I know what you mean by needing that PUSH to do some things, I have only recently started to make myself do things that make me uncomfortable (that really doesn't seem like the right word, but you know what I mean) I have become a really big fan of talking to myself...yeah, I guess I am a little batty! But seriously, when I feel that anxiety coming on I just say...Come on now...this is only for a short time that you have to do this (how ever long it may be...) You can handle feeling like this for that little while...usually I don't even feel that way once I have taken that first step...its just taking the step that can be so hard sometimes.:D
I am sorry that you tore the ligament in your knee...I am sure that can add to feelings of depression when you are having a harder time getting around. Well it is so nice to see you posting. I got my ticker from 3fatchicks.com I know that there is a more popular one that everyone uses around here, I think if you look by their ticker it will say what site they are from.
Hope that helps!:D
lynn