Well, here I am a gain. LOL

I was doing so well until two sweet little cookies called my name. A month or so later, and 30 pounds heavier, here I am.

I'm completely admitting defeat. The food won.
But, it has only won the battle not the war.

I'm back on track. Today is day one.
I'm regrouping and preparing my defense.

1- Post everyday in my journal.
2- Read and post in as many other journals as I can.
3- Join a few challenges to keep me motivated.
4- Post my food.... all of it!
5- Walk 4 days a week.
6- Stay off the scale - weigh in Mondays.
7- Drink 2L of water a day.

As most of you know, my eating plan is low carb. It just seems to work best for me... when I'm doing it. So I'm going back to what has worked

Here's my food so far today.

BREAKFAST
- Cheese lace. (3oz or so)
EXTRAS
- 1lg coffee / 2 cream
- 1 exlg coffee / 2 cream.
WATER
- 1/2L

It's lunch time now, and I plan to fry up some mushrooms, zucchini, broccoli and 2 scallions, all in butter. (yes, I can have butter)

Well, that's the plan, and here I go.....

Hugs,
Dar.

Ah, fresh start for our 'flower angel'. Terrific. Looking forward to cheering you on my friend.

I'm back after a gain as well! I just found out I am hypoglycemic so I have to eat lower carb from now on as well! Good luck!

Thanks for visiting Mcagle and Nancy. I sure need all the support I can get. Starting over is never easy for me.

Today I took Bry-Anne to be tested for allergies. I'm happy to report she has none. I brought her to her DR because she had purple under her eyes and I'd often ask her if she'd been crying. I was told it could be allergies. Now they say it's genetic or she just has thin skin and large veins that she will out grow as she gets older.

Well, here's the rest of my food.

DINNER
- Ground beef, sour cream, green olives all mixed together with a bit of garlic powder. Yum.

WATER
-1/2L

I'll be having another extra large coffee with 2 creams later tonight when I bring Reilly to soccer.

Geez it feels good to be back.

Have a great night.

Hugs,
Dar

Great to have you back, Fleur! :up:

I know it is hard to get geared up to start over... but you've got this first big day behind you now. It'll all get easier from here. I like your list of strategies. You should really concentrate on the walking one! The weather is soooo beautiful right now, there's no excuse for any of us around these parts!

I'll bet a bunch of those extra pounds will melt away really quick, too... water and all that. We'll see next Monday, right? :D

Lisrey :*

Hi Dar !!!!! :wave:

WOW I sure missed having you around...... really nice to see you back and posting :)

I really love the title of this journal - very strong :up:

I know what you mean Dar! It is great to be back! I also have dark circles under my eyes and my doc did tell me they are called allergy shiners. Although he never tested me for allergies. I didn't know it could be genetic. I've always had them. They do seem to lighten up though when I don't drink much caffiene and do low carb. ????

Mcagle,
Bry-Anne doesn't get much caffeine, but she sure eats the carbs. Maybe that could be part of what's causing the pinky purlpe under her eyes. I'm just glad it's nothing serious. I had originally thought she might have low iron, but her Dr. assured me that wasn't the case.

Beth,
I chose this title cause it's me. I KNOW I have to do this for life or those nasty pounds will fall back on real quick. If I ever had any doubt about that, the doubt is now gone.
This plan is just the perfect fit for me.

Lisrey,
I think the toughest part about starting over is going to be getting through the first 2 weeks, AND THE WALKING. I'm so lazy and getting physically motivated has always been so hard for me. One day at a time though.

I'd like to start by updating my food from last night. I was starving (:laugh:) last night so I ate 1oz of cheese to take the edge off. Oh God, that sounds like a drugie or an alcoholic ...."take the edge off :o)
Yesterday was a good day.

Today, so far, I've had a coffee with 1 cream. (it was a 2 creamer, but only had half of it)
I still haven't eaten breakfast, but I'm going to make some eggs later on when Dan gets home.

My house needs a bath and my laundry needs to be done. Just once I'd like my house so sparkle and shine. I won't hold my breath though.

Going to try to fit in a walk at some point, but it the weather turns, I might jump on my treadmill while I watch All My Children.

No sports today!!!

Well, I had better get going cleaning my house.

I'll be back later, while I'm on a break, to read and post in other journals.

Have a great day.
Hugs,
Dar.

Hey Dar, it is so great to have you back (and badder than ever).:D That's the trick of all this dieting/lifestyle/exercise stuff though - we have to commit to it over and over and over again. I have to do low fat - I couldn't sustain low carb to save my life (as I help myself to another pretzel). But whatever works. And if you ever figure out how to make your house sparkle - pass it on!

Eljay, I think I'm closer to finding the meaning of life then I am how to make my house sparkle.
Yep, I'm back and I'm ready to shed these 30 pounds AGAIN, and move on to lose more. I'm just hoping to lose them at a steady pace.
Gain it in a month, losing it in a month would be just fine with me too.

Ok, official foods of the day.

BREAKFAST
-3 eggs fried in butter.
-1 coffee with 2 creams

LUNCH
-7oz thin fry steaks
-3 oz of cheddar cheese

DINNER
-3C of fried veggies (Chinese style)

No water as of yet!!!! Bad bad. I'll drink at least a one of my jugs which is about half my daily amount.

Well, I've got to scoot. My friend need my help with her computer. (LOLOLOL that's a laugh)
Have a good night.

Hugs,
Dar.

Day 2 is done and over with and Day 3 has begun.

My plans for today were suddenly changed due to the kids having a fog day. I had planned on getting up early and going grocery shopping after I drove the kids to school, but because of the fog day, the buses weren't running so even though I had planned to drive them in, there would be nobody in class.
So, they stayed home and I slept in.
I had planned on picking the kids up after school and taking one of Reilly's buddies with us while we went to get Reilly's hair cut. This young man was going to spend the night because tomorrow happens to be a PA day. Now, Reilly will be working cutting lawns with his "business partner" so the young man will come over tomorrow night to sleep over.
The only thing that has remained the same, is I'm still taking Reilly for a haircut and Bry-Anne still has baseball practice.... so far anyway.

Didn't have any eggs or my cheese this morning so breakfast was lame.

BREAKFAST
-2 slices of cooked ham (deli)
-1 lg coffee / 2 cream

LUNCH
-left over ground beef, sour cream and green olives.

I now have my groceries and all the needed foods for my food plan.

I'll be honest (LOL) I've tried and tried to get back on track with my food. Doing it all alone, in secret. I wanted to get on track so I wouldn't have to admit I fell off the wagon. No matter how hard I tried, I just couldn't do it.
I struggled until I was finally ready to be honest and admit what I had been doing, the weight I had regained and that I needed help. Once I unburdened myself of the guilt and dishonesty, I found a new freedom and strength to really do it, to make it real.
I thank you all for being here for me when I have really needed you most.

Have a wonderful day.

Hugs,
Dar.

Ditto, ditto, ditto. I've been trying so hard to rationalize, but all along it has always been eat less, exercise more. I was doing better at the end of winter, and the truth is, I make time for what I think is important. Well, now this is important. C'mon Dar, let's get ten pounds gone.

hi sweets,
took me a while but i found you!!
i am so glad to see you back with a new journal and a great kick butt attitude.
There will be no stopping you Dar!
I believe in you.
hugs bell :)

Bell
Thanks for finding me. I know it can be hard since I'm always starting a new journal. But I'm ready to kick butt, or at least lose some butt LOL.

Eljay,
I'm shooting for 1 pound, but 10 would be fab! Exercise is still a struggle, but I'm still thinking about it so that is one step closer then forgetting all about it. Next step, doing it!

I'll start out by finishing yesterday's food.

DINNER
-2 pork chops dipped in sour cream
-2 extra large coffees/ 2 cream

Did very bad with veggies. Didn't have any at all. Not my usual style.
Only drank 1L of water too. Gonna have to step that up.

TODAY

BREAKFAST
-2 fried slices of ham, and cheese lace.

Yesterday a few of my friends and I went to this old area of the city where homes use to be. The city bought the property and tore the homes down to make way for a new bridge to the US, but the plans had fallen through. Now it's an overgrown bush with lots of perennials and trees all free for the taking... or digging.
I got white and purple lilac trees, tiger lilies, snowball bushes, and some other pretty tree with pink flowers. (got a light and hot pink, and a white)
Also got star of bethlehem bulbs too. My last find was a purple sand cherry tree.
I spent the afternoon planting those trees.

Today I have to bring Erin to art class. Reilly is staying home with his buddy who slept over. This will be a first.
I'm bringing along Bry's friend and my friend Kim. We're gonna stop and Kim's cousins to dig out more plants.
I'm really starting to get into the gardening mode.

Well, it's almost time to leave and I have to get everyone moving.

Have a great day and I'll be back later this afternoon to read journals.

Hugs,
Dar.

What a day.
Brought Erin to art class and went to pick up some variegated hostas. All day I've been digging, weeding, transplanting and just plain old planting in my garden.
I'm covered in dirt and I have scrapes and cuts all over from the trees.
But, my gardens are starting to look pretty good.

I missed lunch... not a good thing and def not my normal.

I'm starving now and I'm planning on frying up some veggies.

I'm looking forward to tomorrow so I can sleep in guilt free LOL.
But more then that, I'm looking forward to Monday's weigh in. Can you believe it? I'm actually looking forward to getting on my scale.... or Fat Liar as I like to call it.

Ok, so didn't get around to journals today, perhaps tonight, but I'm not sure. I'm so bushed (no pun intended) from working in the garden.

Time to make dinner.

Have a good night. And I hope all you mothers out there have a fantabulous Mothers Day.

Hugs,
Dar

Hello Fleur!

I see you have gotten off to a good start!

Kudos to you for coming back sooner then later...you will be back on that downward spiral in no time!

Have you ever checked out the WW Core plan?...It's WW's version of a low carb diet...they do allow fruit........no bread...and just one serving of whole grain pasta, brown rice and whole grain cereal a day...plus veggies and lean meats and lowfat dairy (nothing with added sugars).......something like that.........its really basic...my friend follows it when she is on plan cause she hates to count points and she has been losing...7lbs so far in 3 weeks...she said what she likes the best about it is that she feels that she can eat...

Are you following a specific plan (Atkins or SBD) or a bit of both?...

I am sure you burned tons of calories with all that planting...keep up the good work!...

Have a wonderful MOTHER'S DAY...you deserve it!...

mc

Hey there MC, good to see you.
I didn't know WW had a low carb version. That's good to know. I do well with what I'm doing now, but I'm glad to know I do have options and I will keep it in mind. Thanks for the info.
I just say I'm low carbing or Atkinish. I follow pretty much the Atkins induction, but I tend to have my own spin on it. I like to add more cheese, and I eat more veggies (usually) then Atkins recommends.

I'm betting my muscles will feel the pain tomorrow, from pulling those weeds. Yep, I'd put money on it.

Have a good night.
Hugs,
Dar.

Hello...

Well I agree with you when you mentioned that you just have to do what works best for you and what you feel you can do as a way of life...

I do my best eating less junk (sugar) and counting calories...but I hate counting anything...even points...I really don't...I just monitor what I eat and go in and weigh in for support.......plus I go with my friend so we get to chit chat and then have a healthy lunch together...so it makes the day fun...

I do think I am going to switch over and do the Core plan on a regular basis...I have another friend who was eating those SS meals and after about 2 months could not stand them anymore...she now orderd the Nutri-System meals...she has 5 weeks worth...I don't think she is happy...but realistically you can't eat those meals for life...she is getting married in October and is just desperate...she managed to take off 10-15lbs since about February...so that is better then nothing...

Oh well...that is life...have a great week...find some time to walk!...

mc

HAPPY MOTHERS DAY

This is a very special day in our family. Today is not only Mothers Day, it would have been my grandfathers birthday, the day I made my first communion when I was 7 (also Mothers Day that year), and the day Bry-Anne made her first communion last year. May 13th just brings all those memories back for me.

I couldn't sleep for nothing last night, but more then made up for it this morning. My kids were going to make me breakfast, but I'm already out of my usual low carb supplies so I helped them make me fry steaks with cheese.
Dan brought me home a lg Timmies with 2 creams.

We all crawled back into bed and watched Baby Geniuses and I'm finely up for the day... not dressed yet, but up.

My men are watching Team Canada play Finland for the Gold. I believe it's 2-0 Canada.
Tonight the Red Wings take on the Ducks in game 2 in the Western Conference finals.
Oh, Canada just scored again and it's 3-0. Yeah!!!

God I love hockey.

BREAKFAST
-7 oz fry steaks, 3oz cheese. fried in butter.

EXTRAS
-1 coffee / 2 cream.

MC- If you do give the Core a try, let me know how it goes. That's one plan that sounds up my ally and if I ever want to change it up, I may give it a try.
I agree, those pre-packaged meals sound really great... especially for me cause I hate to cook,.... but it's just not practical to do that for life. What ever our food plan, it must be something that we feel we can do every day for the rest of our lives. ( You know who I'm talking about... people like us, not those who want to lose a quick 10 pounds for an up coming event. We are lifers)

Well, I have no idea what's in store for the rest of my day, so I'm off to find out.

Have a great day.
Hugs,
Dar

What a good weight in I had this morning. With numbers like that, it's a real motivator. After gaining 30 pounds back, you can imagine how excited I was to re-lose them 8-|. But I'm happy to report I'm down 14 pounds. YEAH!!!

Ended up going to bingo last night as my mothers day gift. I did get to bingo, but only won $17. Oh well, at least I got to yell bingo.

My mom is suppose to come and spend the day scrapbooking, but she's late and I'm beginning to wonder if she hasn't forgotten again. She's suppose to come once a week but since we decided to do that, (a month ago) she's only been once. We both just seem to be to busy, or she's forgotten.

My beloved Red Wings lost last night in overtime. I'm hoping they win the next one tomorrow night.

Well, I'm off to have some breakfast and do some cleaning before my mom gets here... is she gets here.

Have a great day.

Hugs,
Dar

COngrats on 14 pounds! You are halfway back to your previous weight! Yay!

I watched the Wings game too. Blah. That's all I can say. But none of their series so far have been easy. So we'll see how game 3 goes!

Have a great Monday!

14 pounds, rocks! Good for you. I hope that your red wings do well, even though I'm an Avalanche fan... Take care.

14 pounds gone !!!!!!!! :cheer:

Well, mom ended up showing up and we spent the day scraping and shopping for scrapbook things.
Didn't do much of anything else today.

Melissa,
I didn't get to watch the game cause I was at bingo, but Dan called me with the bad news. I hope the Wings do better tomorrow.

Fagan,
Since you're from Colorado, I guess I can understand why you'd be an Avalanche fan. Thanks for cheering for my team anyway.

Beth,
You must have posted while I was typing mine out. Thanks for stopping and and sending me the cheers.

My mom brought Dan this beer bottle holder today. It's red with a Red Wing on it, but what sets this one apart is when you give it a squeeze, it says "TWO SECONDS, IT'S OVER, THE DETROIT RED WINGS HAVE WON THE STANLEY CUP, THE CUP IS COMING HOME TO HOCKEY TOWN"
I don't know where she finds these things, but leave it to my mom, and she'll sniff them out.

Well, I'm getting tired so I'll report my food then head to bed.

BREAKFAST
-2 slices of ham, 2 oz cheese

LUNCH
-2 eggs, steak, 3 slices of bacon (ate out)

DINNER
-fried veggies (in butter)

EXTRAS
-2 extra large coffees with 2 cream
-1 coffee at the restaurant with 1 cream
-1 coffee tonight with 1 cream
-2 diet pops

Well I'm off to bed

Have a great night and a better Tuesday.

Hugs,
Dar.

Hi Dar,

I have complete faith in you. You will lose the pounds. Congrats on 14!

And Go Red Wings!!

WOW, Dar!!! 14 pounds?? You rock!! What a great way for a "start over" to begin! I'm really happy for you!

I know gaining happens to everyone at some point or another. I've had my share since I started back last January.... but the great thing is we haven't quit! I'm not ready to throw in the towel, and I'm sure you aren't either. Just keep doing what you're doing and you'll get that 30 off in no time!

Take care and have a good week! I'm glad you're back!

Way to go on the weight loss girl! I am down 8 lbs myself! Woohoo! 10 more lbs and I'll be back at what I was before I fell off the wagon and gained it all back! Keep going, we can do it!!

Okay, Dar, I found at least 1.5 pounds of the weight you lost. And you were worried about one pound, and now you are down 14. Great going!:D

Happy Friday!

Have a great weekend! Hope the week has been a good one!

8@%$%$@%duhgfdu%#@wrtdhyjti*&^e%$e#$^%&^(iyugf!!!!!

A LITTLE LIGHTNING FLASH, A LITTLE COMPUTER CRASH...

Been off line for days now. Dan's puter is fried and so is my router. My puter is fine, but not able to connect to the net.
Just wanted to let you all know what's going on.
I'm doing good and hope to be up and running soon.

Hugs, Dar

Hey lady!

Glad you had a great Mother's Day!...I spent some time with mom and my MIL...

I have been having random headaches all week...I think its because I am not eating well...........working too much and not getting enough sleep...excuses...excuses...

mc

Hey there! I hope things get up and running soon! We want you back!

Oh goodness, no puter, how are you getting by. Just remember you will be reporting in when you get it fixed, of course this does not help you now as you can't read it, lol. I am a bit silly right now, sorry. :)

stopping in and sorry to not find you "home" :wave:

Hope you get back online soon.......

How are you doing?

I hope all is well...have a wonderful weekend...mc

Hi Dar! Hope the puter crash hasn't sent carbs flooding your way! See you soon.

Hi gang,

Thanks for hanging in there with me. Dan's puter is fixed. We had the kids puter (which hadn't yet been connected to the net) and they were able to save some of his files and load then into the other tower. His puter is up and running, but I can't seem to get my router to work for mine. Had the router checked, and they said it was fine so it's prob just me.

Anyway, I'm so glad to be here... back home at DT.

To answer your question Eljay, yes, I allowed the flood gaits to reopen. I gained back the weigh I had lost. I think the puter crash just came to soon after trying again. I had only a week in and I need at least 2 to get over the cravings and get strong. I caved.
So, I'm starting again today. Funny, I just got groceries, buying all the good foods for me, and I'm sitting here thinking I could eat some of those goodies I bought and start tomorrow instead. AH!!!
Nope, that's not going to happen. The bad stuff will still be there tomorrow and I'll say the same thing then. No, today is day 1.

I've been swimming... cold mind you, but I've been in. I can't believe I'm wearing the same bathing suit I stuffed myself into 60lbs ago, and it actually fits. Not a pretty picture I must have been last summer.

Lets see, a brief recap.

There was an accident down the road. The guy his a hydo line and cut the pole in two, rolled his van onto it's side and it was smoking. Dan and I got there and Dan helped the guy get out. Lucky for him he was ok. He passed out at the wheel... either that or he had a seisure. (epilepsi.. sp?)

TOM dropped buy last night... never a welcomed visitor.

My beloved Red Wings were knocked out of the playoffs.

Reilly's doing well at soccer.... team, not so much.

Bry-Anne is doing great in baseball. Her team is undefeated (3-0-0) She's his at leat 3 doubles and has made a base run every time she's been up to bat. My little athlete *** proud mama moment***

Guess that's all I can think of right now. I gotta go get these groceries put away.

Have a good one.
Hugs,
Dar.

Good to see you back, Fluer. You will lose the new weight fast, knowing you. Sorry about your redwings, and I'm glad that the kids and all are having fun this spring with sports. Hang in there, and have a fantastic weekend!

Glad you are back, Fleur!! Missed you. It is hard to be away from here -- I know I'd have a much harder time without everyone's support. Keep us posted!

Lisrey :)

Glad you're back, Dar - and wishing you success!:1stprize:

Hey...how are you doing?...Holding strong?

I have been eating everything in sight telling myself tomorrow will be the day...etc...

Well today is finally the day...I have a cruise to go on in exactly 19 weeks and 4 days...ahahaha...so I am hoping to take off some weight before then...my goal is 40lbs...but...heck...I will be happy with 20 or 25...

I know I can do it...but I have to stay committed........two weeks after the cruise is my friends wedding...so we will probably fast after the cruise until then...hahaha...at least its only 4 days...so we can't go too crazy!...

Well I hope you have a great week!...mc

Knock Knock - anyone home?

We miss you :)

Hello...I hope all is well with you..

Summer is here...its hot...humid...sticky...funky...everything all rolled into one!

I hope life is treating you well...mc

Fleur, hey, are you there?
now, no avoiding us,
you need to be here,
we need you here!!!

fleureange, it's great that you've decided to take that big step to keep track of your weightloss. i think i'll take some of your tips and try to use them as well. i need some kind of plan.. and my plans always seem to get discombobulated (sp?) each step of the way.. best of luck to you. sounds like you're on the right track :)

Dar, it's been almost another month! Please come back! In the meantime, I hope all is well with you and your family!

Just stopped in real quick to say hi and update a little.

First of all, thanks to all of you for stopping in and cheering me on.

I guess I'm just in a funk right now.
July 13th will be one year that I started low carbing, but things aren't going so good. I couldn't beging to tell you what I weigh now. I haven't been on a scale in ages.
I can't even get on my scale right now because it's sitting in an on site storage container in my yard. We had a flood 3 weeks ago and everything had to be removed for the clean up. I'm still waiting to get back in my bed which was in the basement.
We woke up one morning to find our hot water heater had burst while we slept. Not fun. I haven't had a good night sleep in ages.

Everything else is good and the family is fine.

Hope I can get back here on a more permenant basis.... I really need you guys!!!

Till then,

Hugs,
Dar

good to see a post from you Dar..we miss you when you arent around.
i am really sorry about the flooding situation. i hope that things return to some form of normality especially in the sleep department.
we are here whenever you are able to come back.
hugs bell :)

Oh no! Sorry to hear about the flooding. That has to be awful. I hope your insurance is helping you out. Take care & we will be here whenever you're ready. Good luck with everything!

Lisrey :console:

Oh, dar.... I'm so sorry to hear about your flood. We've been through that a couple of times and I know what a pain it is first hand!! I hope you get things straightened around really soon, but I know it takes time.

You've been so dedicated to your program for a long time now.... I know you'll either get back to it or find something else that works for you to take you on the rest of your journey. We all have times we back slide.... at least you are aware of it and that's a lot better than being in denial like I was when I gained so much back. I have faith in your ability to do what you need to do! You're an inspiration.... look at all you've done in the past and inspire yourself to continue.

Sending drying thoughts your way..... take care and try to have a good weekend!

Thanks for the kind thoughts folks.
Well, my room is now dry, re-drywalled, repainted, recarpeted and I'm back to sleeping in my bed.
Actually, my room looks like a real bedroom now instead of a satellite dumping ground.
I've had a yard sale and got rid of all kinds of junk I didn't need or want.

I've been shopping for back to school clothes for the kids already. Boy, they've grown.

Bry's regular baseball season is over but she's still playing with the select team.
Reilly's still playing soccer.
Next week he starts a hockey school for a week. He'll be spending 6 hours a day on the ice. His day will actually be 8-4. On top of that, he'll have hockey tryouts Tuesday night, and a soccer game Wed night.
Oh I don't think I could handle being him.

My weight is back up. I can't tell you a number because my scale is still nowhere to be found. I have no doubt I've put on at least 50lbs. I feel and look as fat as ever.
My plan is to start over again when school starts.
I can't commit before then. I'm just enjoying being a pig right now ...oink. No, really, I'm just enjoying BBQing and eating a burger on a bun. I'm also enjoying having a few drinks by the pool with friends.

Everyone here is doing well. Kids are all healthy. Dan has a kidney stone and is pain free at this time, but it's just waiting to find it's way out. I'm doing fine as well.

Dan's been off work since July. He took a stress leave. With him home, I think I need to leave too cause now I'm stressed LOL. He'll be off till the begining of Sept.
Today was the first time this season the weed whipping got done! Even off work he's still so busy to do any work around here.

Well, it's almost 3am so I'd better head to bed.

I think tomorrow I'm going to try to hook up my laptop again and see it I can be more successful then I was before. (which I wasn't!)

Have a good one and hope to be back soon.

Dar

OMG I gotta vent or I'll die!

My 16 year old daughter has run away.
After finding out her and her boyfriend were smoking pot, her cutting herself, and things leading me to believe she may be sexually active, we told her she wasn't to contact him again.
That was about 3 months ago.
Today I sent Bry-Anne to wake her up and she came back and told me she wasn't there and that there were only pillows.
I found her at her "boyfriend's" house. Actully I called there and found out she was there. The mom knew all about it.
I am furious and Dan is ready to kill.
I called the cops and they are there now trying to talk her into coming home, but because she's 16, there isn't much they can do.
If that fails, Dan will be going over and I'm very afraid of what will happen then. I mean it, I'm very afraid.
If/ when Erin gets home, I just don't know what to do. How do I handle this? How do I treat her? How do I punish her?
Dan wants to write her off. He's felt this way for a long time and blames me for all of this because I let her have a boyfriend in grade 9.
I'll be honest, I didn't think it was a big deal at the time. I expected it to last a few months then she'd move on. It didn't work that way. After a year and a half, we put a stop to it.
I know that that's hard for a kid to take, but it was leading to a disaster at the end.
Guess it's still got there but in a different way.

Now what?

I'm waiting to find out what's going to happen next.
I really am beside myself.

Should I be crying? I don't feel like crying. I feel so mad I could spit nails.
I can honestly say I want to back hand her in the face and I've never layed a hand on my kids ever.

Any ideas?

Maybe input without all this emotion would be helpful.

Hugs,
Dar

I am so sorry to hear all this Dar! But at the same time, I am glad you are back to share it with us.
I can't imagine the stress and tension that is going to come about when she comes home. She just needs to know she is loved, even when she messes up.

Wishing you loads of peace, patience and understanding (to an extent!).
Let us know how things are unfolding!

Hugs back!

So sorry about Erin, Fleur.

I think that Dan's reaction of blaming you isn't going to help anyone. You two have to figure out a way to be together on this. Descide together what you are going to do. That is very hard, I know, we don't always agree but have to find a way. My DD(15) was sneaking out in the night this past spring, so I have a bit of a feeling of what you are going through.

If she won't voluntarily come home, and her BF or BF's mom won't help convince her and there is nothing you can do legally, then it looks like you might have to let her stay. At least she is in a house and not on the streets. Extremely tough to let her go though. I can't even imagine that part of it.

I am praying for her and for the rest of you. Your other kids are hurting to. One thing that I think I have done wrong in the past was that I thought I was protecting the other kids by not dragging them into the situation much, by telling them as little as possible, but I think that maybe it hurt them more, that I should have kept them in the loop, so to speak. Just a thought.

Sorry to hear about your troubles with your daughter. Damn, damn, damn.

I don't think that you allowing her to have a boyfriend had anything to do with how she is reacting. This is...out there behavior. The fact that she is cutting herself sends a pretty serious signal, to me. I know that people throw this topic around for EVERYTHING, but I think that she needs counseling. She is in some sort of deliberate self-destructive cycle. She is crying out for attention in ALL THE WRONG WAYS.

I'll bet that there is something else going on that you don't know about that is causing all of this. It could be anything. She could have been physically or emotionally picked on or abused at school by a bully or bullies, her boyfreind emotionally abuses her in such a way as to tie her to him at the same time, she could be doing some other drug much more potent and dangerous than pot, etc. Whatever it is, you need to find out what it is, and not give up on her.

She can give up on you...but I personally don't think that you should give up on your kids unless they pose a immenent physical risk to yourself or others in your family, or they are over 18 years old and continue doing this sort of thing for years. Ever.

I speak from experience here. I was such a behavior problem, especially at school, that my dad gave up on me and wrote me off, and my mom sent me to live in a home for troubled youth for a year (I was 15). Life in the home with lots of kids that had been and eventually ended up in adult prison scared the crap out of me, and turned me around. It made me take a look around, and ask myself why I was still angry about stuff that happened when I was 7-9 years old (last years of my parents marriage...lots of physical and emotional abuse on us kids then - that abrubtly ended after the divorce).

My mom took me back after I "chilled out", but I had lots of friends whose parents never accepted them back. I can't think of one of them that "made it out" of that lifestyle (drugs, drinking, hanging around felons, jail, getting shot, etc.).

So...my advice? Love her, but be stern. If you have to send her to bootcamp, or whatever, then do it. If you can't physically make her come home, then change the locks and not let her in unless she agrees to live by your rules. That is not the same as writing her off. You make sure that she knows that you will take her back, and that you love her no matter what, but you are not living in the same house with a crazy-ass person that acts like that.

Okay. I'll get off my soap box. I hope that things work out this week. I suspect that a few days out of the house at the mercy of her boyfreind and his parents for food, shelter, clothing, etc. will put things into perspective for her really fast, too. The real world is rough and does not give a damn. Sometimes people have to learn that the hard way.

Hang in there, and take care.

Dar,

I agree, if she is hurting herself then she can be admitted to a hospital to get counselling. They did that with my son, he was threatening suicide and the police came and took him to Edmonton to a hospital there to get counselling. It was terrifying to me but ended up being of the best things for him.

i am so sorry for all you are going through with Erin, Dar.
i dont have much in the way of words of wisdom as i havent been there..not yet anyway..
i agree though that Dan blaming you wont solve anything..you and Dan really need to be a united front in doing whats best for Erin.
i think as others have said that there is probably more going on with the other behaivours she is showing.
is she on birth control???if she isnt under your roof that would be my first thing to get sorted otherwise there could be bigger issues down the track..sorry to be so personal.
hugs bell :)

Saw it was your birthday and wanted to stop in and wish you a wonderful day!
I hope you had a lovely day! come back and give us an update!
hugs bell :)

http://i227.photobucket.com/albums/dd320/MatildaLou/thsuperhug1Fleur-2.gif

We love you lots!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I hope it is a fantabulous one!!!!!!!!!!

:bdaybanne TO YOU

HAPPY BIRTHDAY :bd: TO YOU

:bdaybanne DARLENE

HAPPY BIRTHDAY :bd: TO YOU

Wishing you :cake: only all the best for THIS YOUR SPECIAL :balloons: DAY and EVERY DAY. I am as always, Monica

Hi Dar,

I know I've never posted in your journal but I have noticed you around DT. I just popped in and saw your last entry about your daughter. I feel inclined to offer my story. It might help although every girl is a little different.

My worst years were between the ages of 14-16. I was doing drugs (mostly pot and drinking) and experimenting with all sorts of things: boys, different social groups, etc. I wasn't a "bad" kid. I was confused, hurt and acting out. I never really fit in at school which made me cling to the other kids who didn't fit in. We all acted out. Some worse than others. It was mostly to protect ourselves from others. I think kids hurt themselves (cutting, drugs, sex) to get attention. REAL attention. Open and honest communication with the people who love them the most. My acting out years happened to coincide with my parents having major money issues. There were a lot of verbal fights in our house about money, deadlines, blame, rejection. The overall stress in my home life really affected me. I was insecure. I didn't feel like I had a safe place to go. I ran away from it and hid at a friends house. All I wanted was for someone to notice me and listen to me about my life without making me feel bad about the things I did, even if it made my parent's hearts skip a beat.

As soon as I was able to be REAL with my parents. As soon as I felt SAFE enough to do so, my attitude completely changed. I felt home again and I calmed down. I didn't feel the need to act out because they knew everything. Now, I didn't lose my virginity until I was 16 but I told my mother I was thinking about it and she went with me to get birth control. I felt safe asking her because she allowed me to tell her everything. Of course, some of my shenanigans caused her pain. And yes, I went over board with the truth to hurt them, in a way. BUT I grew closer to them and felt normal...eventually.

Maybe all she needs is someone to open up to...about everything. Trust me, the awful exists. Something dark and deep is making her act out and she needs an outlet, whether it be or parents or a therapist.

Happy Birthday and please take care. I hope everything works out with your family.

Good luck,

Kimmi

Hello I have never posted in your journal but noticed it was your B-DAY!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY! WELCOME TO 36!
I just turned 36 last month!

BTW You have done wonderful and I wish you much success
in the future to reach that goal!
Remember you can do it!

Have a blessed birthday and weekend!:D

OK I am back LOL I just had a moment to read some of your
recent journal posts and I feel so for you.

I was a so-called good kid didn't do the things other kids did because I
was always so mature for my age and I wanted out of that little hick town.
That was my motivation for being good I wasn't going to let some good old
boy steal my success and be stuck there nor was I going to do what my friends
did I was always the one getting them out of trouble.

I feel for your daughter and for you I worked as a youth group leader for a few
years and I saw so many teens and pre-teens desparately searching for their way.
It just breaks your heart when you can't save them from the train coming down
the track. So many times they would sit and cry and talk to me and my hubby but
couldn't talk to their parents I think one of the keys to success is being able to really
not talk to your daughter but listen to her in a calm enviroment. Let her talk and no matter what her answers are don't get upset just sit and let her talk.

Then say something like you know I don't have all the answers to life but we can get through this hard time and we will get you any help you need. It is so important from my experience that both parents be on the same page it never works when you pull against each other.

She is confused, angry, hurt, lonely feeling probaly, and maybe even the boyfriend
could be the problem but she thinks she's nothing without him there are literally millions
of reasons why she is doing what she is doing. Just be patient and understand that
she is just as confused as you are. Hang in there and keep praying I am sure in time
everything will fall where it should.

Your in my thoughts and prayers.
Remember listening was what the kids I worked with wanted the most
not talking or a lecture. Be calm and I pray God will give you the strength
you need to deal with all of this stress and you will have the patience needed as well.

Hi Darlene: I see you on here quite often during the day but you never post to update us on how things are going with the episode with your daughter.
Teenagers are hard..I know..I am currently watching a neighbor of mine who has a teenage girl who has a friend who is a boy (maybe called boyfriend to a degree) but the parents of this girl are super ...She sits on the curb with this guy, they roller blade together, been around the block on the bicycle path etc.he might even hug her etc....but at dark she is in the house and that is the way it should be at her age maybe 15 ...
Dan blaming you is ridiculous..
The two of you should be making the decisions as to whether a boyfriend or whatever..not just you and then blame you..
Hope things are going better for you Dar. and Happy belated Birthday..I guess I missed it..

What's this you're sneaking around and not letting us know how you are doing?
Hope things settle down so you are able to join us again. We do miss you! I get excited everytime I see a thread you started cause my first thought is that you posted:) But then I see that someone else posted in your thread. Hope to see you posting soon!

Ok, I'm cought LOL.
Thank you all for the birthday wishes. The day was just another crappy day. Infact, it was a bit crappier then most. I got a flat tire after leaving my little one at the ball park with my neighbour. I was on my way to the city to pick up my son from hockey school, then bam! Lucky for me it was just outside of town. I arranged for Reilly to be picked up and I called a friend who sent her parents.
They couldn't get my spare down from under the van. It was seized on there good. Called the neighbour who had Bry, and he came back to help after he dropped her off at his house.
Between the two of them, they still couldn't get the tire down.
We tried blowing up the tire, adding a sealer to it, nothing worked. Finally they put in, not one, but two plugs in it and that got me home. We got the tire off and went in search of a Canadian Tire store that could put a new tire on the rim. Three stores later and many hours later, finally got it done. My neighbour is such a nice guy to have spent all his time helping out. Just took 5 1/2 hours to get the job done.
What a day.

About Erin,
My Sister in law went and picked her up that same night and brought her to her house. She's been there since.
We went and talked to the boyfriend's family once she was gone, and the mom appeared to be stoned on (I'm guessing here) perscribed drugs.
The father was sleeping and they refused to get him up.
We explained that we were dissappointed that they didn't back us up and try to talk Erin into coming home. We also explained why we do not want our daughter to be in contact with their son. Drugs, sex, being in bars at 17 etc...
When I ased how she had gotten to their house, the 19 year old daughter piped up and told me that Erin was of leagal age to leave and liver where ever she wanted and we couldn't do a thing about it. (it was the daughter that picked her up)
I told her to butt out cause this was an adult conversation that had nothing to do with her.
That's when things got nasty. The girl got mouthy and Dan got angry. I thought he was going to lose it but he kept his cool.
So, the bottom line is that family is encouraging Erin to leave. They will finance her and keep her from us and from her getting the help she needs.
That is one of the reasons we still don't want her to have any contact with the boyfriend.

Kussanna and Sunymiss, Welcome to my journal and you both nailed it.
I'm thinking the same things you are. Calm, rational, listening, trusting environment. Unfortunaltly, Dan is not there. He sees what she did as selfish, and rebelious. All about her and screw us. He sees her as a liar and someone who will do anything to get what she wants.
He makes her out to seem like some monster who has no regard for anyone but herself.
Now, although I agree with him, I don't think she's a monster at all. I see her as hurt, confused and very angry. I'm also interested in the "why". He doesn't seem to be.
I believe that we need to be very carefull about how we handle things now. I know we'll have to talk to her when she comes home, and from there we're going for emergency councilling.
He's just ready to yell at her and lay down the laws AGAIN.

She told me she was going to be home soon and she also mentioned that to my SIL. I'm guessing some time this week.

I hope all goes well.

Thanks again for your input and for talking me down from "that really bad place"

Hugs,
Dar

My heart goes out to you....

sorry if I dragged you back Dar but I do think you really need the love and support of the folks here.:)

:hug: Thinking of you...

Lisrey :console:

Hi Dar :wave:

My thoughts and prayers are with you :hug:

Please let us know how YOU are doing :D

Thinking of you Dar!!! and your precious daughter.

stopping by :wave:

Hi Dar! Hope September is being kinder to you! What a hot summer, eh?

Hey Fleur!

I hope things are going well at home with you and your daughter...

Talk to you soon...

mmc

Hope things are looking up for you, my neighbor across the river:)
We hope to hear from you soon!

Hi Gang.
Thanks so much for your thoughts and prayers.
My daughter has been home since school started and is doing much better. She's getting help and is doing much better in her new school and on meds.

Dan took the buy out at Fords and will soon be buying his own satellite store.

I have gained so much weight it isn't funny, but come Jan 2 I'll be back to remove it.

Just wanted to wish you all a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.

See you 08.

Hugs,
Dar

Merry Christmas to you and your family Dar :)
look forward to seeing you back posting come the New Year.
hugs bell :)