Today is the day, the day of new. A new journal, a new life, a new attitude. Life gets in the way and I know it is rough but I can make it through all the muck. I just have to put my mind to the grind and give it my all. I have to make sure I dont let the stress take that a way because stress is something that comes and goes everyday. I am willing to fight, I am willing to live. I am even willing to give up the blame. I blame all the stress, I blame all the my life, I blame everything but the lose of the will to fight. So off I go into the strange world above to make sure I am living and losing all of the flub.

I will give up the foods that make my body feel blah. Learn that a treat is not something for lunch. Icecream and cakes and cookies and such are something to enjoy for the occasional rush. Not something to live on, oh no way. But something to have once a day. There is so much more that could be eaten.

My blood sugar is low and so what do I do, I feed it all sorts of things that it fears. I feed it the sugars that make it spike up and not the foods that will make if pump up. I look for the foods that make me feel better. But only a moment and then it just turns the weather. The storm inside me starts to quiver and then I start to shiver. So what do i do, do I go get an apple, no I go and get that nasty sugars.

So my plan is to make the best of each day, to learn from mistakes that wont make me say. I quit, I cant get it, theres something wrong with me. Because those are wrong. I am human, as human can be. I make mistakes. I make lots of them but if I cant learn then there is nothing to do but make them over and over until I blow up like a balloon.

**************************************************************

My starting weight 140. I already dropped two lbs. Dum water weight :)

My goals are unclear and I am not setting any but to turn my journal into something of thoughts and riddles. To exercise my mind and be creative. To view the world as my favorite writer has expressed. To the world of wonder and new. To a world of rhymes and riddles, to the world of heres and theres. Dr. Suess though I cant write like him, is my favorite creative writer there is. So from here to there, and would not, could nots. I will eat my green eggs and ham. And live this journal to the fullest.

You're off to a great start with a two pound loss, a good attitude, a new journal. You got it all! And Dr. Seuss on top of all that. LOL.
Go RED Team

Good idea about the cookies and ice cream just being treats. You can't live off of that stuff. I use them as treats for a job well done, and usually for days where I have done well with exercise and at my job as well. I can't do them every day, though. I'm too sensitive to that kind of carbs, and would crave all night, every night if I had them two days in a row. You are lucky that way. Good for you.

Have fun with your spiffy new journal! Take care.

Popping in to say "hi" :wave: and to welcome you to your new journal :D

smallfri,

hello, stopping by to sign in on your new journal. You have done so well, stay so motivated with the busy life you have. As far as stress, it is just a part of life, some deal with it better than others, i tend to fall apart at first then get stronger as time goes by. But i can get very frazzeled at first, never have gotten better about that as with anything would take real dedication to overcome that and i just haven't taken the time or effort to work at it.

My husband is a very calm steady person, the kids always wanted to go to him first with issues, now if they wanted something done they knew to come to me, he would have just said for them to do it LOL hubby and i were a good balance though, he needed a doer like me and i needed his calmness, i had a very firery Mom that was huge worrywart, as a kid i always had a stomach or knot in my stomach. I loved my Mom but life was not fun, it was a job to her. so i guess i am trying to say, the stress is always going to be replaced with some new stress, just enjoy the ride as much as you can.

hugs those kids for me! you are doing great!

Small,

Cool, I love your new journal. Looking forward to the riddles and writings of your life, my friend.

Hey Smallfri, love your new rhyming journal! Great goals re: stress, blood sugar, etc. :)

Sparks and ambition are starting to decline. I am trying not to deny, the fact of all the things to come. Like omg, the swimming pool that I want to take a plunge. My swimsuit I am so afraid to try for I am up in weight from the year before. I dont want to make people run in fear. I will try on my suit and jump in the pool. Though it doesnt open until friday I do keep the thought in my head.

My eating has been something of a grudge. Or was it because i ate all the fudge. I am still trying though, not giving up because I am not one to go down without a fight.


Eball- thanks for visiting. My thoughts sound better in my head then when I get them out. If only I could type as fast as I think.lol

Cfj- yeah, I try hard with that. But I just ate a bowl of ice cream. Although it wasnt as big as I normally take. Have no serving size control for that.

Beth- Hi

Judith-Thanks a million. I am working hard and hope to keep working hard.

Nancy-I am hoping trying to be creative will help me more.

Anne-working hard because I hate that my blood sugar goes crazy and makes me feel like crap. The bad part is, it doesnt make it get out of control until it starts to wear off.

Huzzah, Smallfri! Love your Dr. Seuss-like journal! Very motivatin' idea!!! Congratulations on the two pounds down already! :cheer:

Well...I don't actually avoid sweets, chocolate, and stuff like that. I have a thing for chocolate, and...well life ain't worth living without some indulgence. No crap. So, I substitute "allowable" chocolate treats for my old ones. Like what?

I eat lots of dark, unsweetened, baking cocoa powder for desert every night, and at breakfast about 1/2 the time too. My evening desert recipes are very repetitive but good to me. I just add 2-4 tablespoons of usnweetened baking cocoa powder and an artificial sweetner to taste (I switch pretty evenly between splenda, sween-n-low, and stevia to hopefully prevent lonb-term toxic/cancer side-effects) to a non-fat dairy product like cottage cheese or plain yogurt. Mix well, and you have a super rich-tasting chocolate festival for your mouth. Also, about 3 times per week I add the cocoa to oatmeal and yogurt mixed together for my breakfast.

Come to think of it, I also add about 1/2 teaspoon to my coffee almost every morning too. I love my chocolate. There are lots of other alternatives out there for other types of treats.

Try it. Invent some combinations of your own. Take Care.

Good Morning/Afternoon Jeannette,

Just stopping by to check out your new Journal ... and also to read about your very busy life ... and about your ongoing successes. Have and make it a great day. I am as always, Monica

Hi there. Cool new digs you have here and wow look at all this outstanding company you've already had!!

I competely understand on the blood sugar thing. My body does the same thing and yet I've always fed it sugar when it feels bad...not the smarest thing to do for either of us but WE WILL LEARN TO DO BETTER AND WE WILL DO BETTER!!!!

Oh, well, what can I say. Except I havent had any good days. I have eaten and eaten and not given a thought until I was worsed to do what I do not want to do and have put off. The thing that made me turn into knots. I had to face the mirror and I was appalled when I swimsuit I had was a bit to small. So now off to the pool I go in hopes that not to much will show. And with work and determination, I will get this a fitten a bit better.

**************************************************************

Doing good and trying real hard to make my thoughts come out of my brain and make sense on the screen.

***************************************************************
Es- Trying hard to be creative. Just need more power to get over this. The scale is back up. But usually is after working cause I go crazy.

CFJ-I dont have that much for a love a chocolate. I couldnt do it. lol. It is great though that you can make it work so you get in what you like. That is important.

Monica-Thanks for stopping by.

Mikey-Thanks for stoppping. Yeah, I have to watch my blood sugar so it doesnt go crazy. Its hard cuz I can tell when its getting low and I start to get the cravings. I need to start eating better foods though

Thanks again for everyone visiting. That is a great welcome.

Hello! You said it right that were all human. We try to learn from our mistakes and then keep going ahead. As long as you keep fighting eventually you will get where your headed.

Hello back angel-how have you been.

Ok, I have decided that instead of starting a different journal, I would take a different approach. Yes, I will still come in and through in my thoughts but my mind needs to come back on track. I need to have the time to say, I can do this, I can behave. Is it behaving that has to be done, or just thinking I dont need to be a bum. So I have this book from class to read, its boring as boring can be. But the exercises are pretty neat, and it makes me want to think. Its called The Thinker's Way, and tells you how to be a better critical thinker. so that is what I am going to do. 8 steps to becoming a better thinking with weight loss, and they use that example in the book.

But I will start that later because I have to read. Read and read and read. I will have the first 6 steps read by today so I will not have to be to carried away. Off for now to get this homework done, it stresses me out, it is no fun. :)

Hello! sounds like an interesting book. Also i think that part of the weight loss journey is too look forward to the new "us" and not dread a diet. Most people feel they need to just stop eating foods they love but its untrue. Its just how much we eat thats a big problem and too much bad foods. I am training my mind to have a new outlook on this whole weight loss issue and realize it doesnt have to be all or none. I see your doing well and hope the book doesnt stress you out too much.

Thanks Angel. Its an ok book for one that i have to read for school but still. lol.

I dont know what my problem is. I am really starting to wonder if there is something else wrong. I am up again I am up to 145. That is almost 2 lbs from the other tday, its not time for time, I dont feel all bloated like the other mornings. So my rings are on nice and not all tight. I dont know, if I end up gaining anymore this weekend I will call the doctor on monday because thursday at work was the only day I misbehaved, and yesterday was an ok day but nothing out there. So I dont know, I am starting to just want to give up again. Ugg.

Never give up, Smallfri! You are doin' great! Sometimes we just gain a little with no real reason. I'm in the same :cruise: lately 'n just about to post my new plan o' attack. Hang in, ye'll be droppin' that extra in no time.

NO NO NO - Don't give up !

I do agree about calling Dr if any more gain appears....

Hang tough - vent, yell, scream, rant, rave, cry - BUT don't give up :hug:

Is never a bad idea to get checked out!!! Always wise.

Hang in there.

Never say the words give up. I know its frustrating. I have felt that may so many times. and i have quit too only to regain what i fought so hard to lose and then more on top of it. Hang in there, i have faith in you. Your never a loser if you never quit.

Thanks everyone. I was so frustrated this morning, I couldnt believe what the scale said and I didnt. So we have scales at work for weighing the residents. I thought ok, I will check when I remember to see what it says and how far off it is. So about an hour or so after getting to work, running around, fully clothed (thank goodness for that lol), keys, pager, two pens, gloves, of course shoes and socks on. I weighed myself and both scales in the office on the carpeted floor said 145, exactly, which means my scale is either broke or needs new batteries. But I will keep watching.

Feeling better this morning, still not happy about the scale but whatever. I know I have gained some weight, I am not denying that. My pants are tight. But I am going to do this. I have to at least get back into the 130's.

I can weigh as much as 3 pounds difference... weighing on the same scale!!! in a 2 hour time frame. Stay calm.

Well, seeing 145 just killed me yesterday, and then I realized oh, duh, still dressed then I stepped on again, and it said 145, I was thinking, hmmmm, that cant be right, it shoudl have went down some once I de-dressed, sorry for the image, lol. So when I got to work and saw that it still was 145 with all of the other things, I knew my scale was going crazy.

Ok, so my scale is going down some. It is probably in the need for some new batteries. I dont know the last time I replaced them. I dont think it was that long ago but I could be wrong.

Anyway, I woke up fighting this morning. I am so tired of this roller coaster. And well I dont like roller coasters, so I am ready to get off. This is going to be a mini ride. A ride that will have little hills along the way. Going to try my hardest to get back on track. Stick to ww again. The plan works, I know it works. And get back into the 130's again. It has been 9 & 1/2 years since I saw the 120's. And the teens, I dont even remember. Hmm, I dont remember, maybe 12 years. But I am not focussing that far ahead. So my mini goal is the 130's again. Which I am not that far from. So just to get it together and do it. AS for exercise today, I dont know, its really cold out and the pool isnt heated. Its not even warm.

So my focus will be to get back to the challenges I have started also. The walking challenge, I think that might be the only one that is from this year. The rest are really old.

I am going to steal an idea from Mary, and start to post my measurements again, also my bmi, and my weight in chart form. Its a great idea to see the numbers.

Yesterday I decided to post my measurements and then after taking them this morning I almost didnt. But I am going to do it anyway because those numbers where horrible. Horrible I tell you.
I dont do bust, i do waist down. ONly because I lose top to bottom and gain bottom to top. Ugg.


Waist:
June: 31"

Hips:
June: 40" :(

Butt:
June: 41" :(

Right Thigh:
June: 24&1/4"

Left Thigh:
June: 23&3/4"

Right Calf:
June: 15&1/4"

Left Calf:
June: 14&3/4"


Ok, so going to get these numbers down.

BMI:
06/03/06: 26.9

Weight:
06/03/06: 142.6

Hey, Smallfri.... have you had bloodwork done lately? And are you on any meds? There are some meds that can make you gain weight and if your thyroid is skew-wacky, that can mess up your weight, too. Just a thought....

Don't be too hard on yourself and maybe planning on 'snacks' each day will help you not to just grab and go. You've done well in the past, so you know you can do it. Maybe just try it at a slower pace.....

I always weigh and measure each Monday. I picked Monday because then I don't go crazy on the weekends like I might if I weighed on Friday or some time like that. But the measurements really help because there are some weeks that the pounds don't move, but the inches do and that helps in the motivation department.

Don't lose heart... you'll find something that works for you! Take care and have a good week!

Thanks DJ. I have to say, if I was completely behaved, I would think otherwise on maybe something medical. I am going to give it a few more weeks, to get back on track and start controlling myself again.

I do not take medications for anything, thank goodness but have been thinking since I turned 30 I should have complete blood work done.

Ok small,

Here is your list of things to do:
1. finish your course
2. get that petition going
3. get a complete physical this summer

LOL, you can do it. Taking care of smallfri is very important for that little one in your house!!! Oh, did you give him the hug from me?

See ya.

Hey Smallfri, sorry the scale hasn't been too kind to you. I know it's freaky when that happens and you think you should be seeing better results, but please hang in there. At least the scales at work still love you. :laugh: Good job on getting back to your challenges (and off the roller-coaster). You can do it!

Thanks Nancy, I need someone else to write my lists for me. Otherwise, I never accomplish things for myself.

Anne- thanks. It is freaky with the scale. But sometimes I forget the bad days take a few days to catch up. So I have to be good three times as long as being bad to start seeing results.

small, lol, I love it when we just kind of follow each other around here in the mornings, posting either just before or just after the other guy.

Have a good day.

grrr, to funny, we where posting at the same time. :)

Hang in there Smallfri those scales are gonna jump down soon.

Yeah, I just wish I could take it off as fast as I put it on.

I am so glad I complained to everyone the other day, and then you all convinced me to call corporate, so to speak. Cause I called corporate and the lady there called the front office before calling me and told them they needed to turn it up to 81 degrees and if people are still complaining its to cold they need to turn it up to 83. I am so excited.

But since they just did it, I wont be able to go swimming for awhile, probably tonight.

Hi there!! So proud of you for not giving up!!! You will beat that demon scale!!! Mine does those weird jumps too...keeping saying I need to put one of my handweights on it to make sure it's right but keep forgetting when I'm home, lol.

And good for you on calling corporate!! Way to speak up!!!

OH, that is a great idea. I will have to try that. lol.

Hooray for 81 degrees! Hope you enjoy your swim. :)

(I love the idea of testing my scale with a hand weight. I should do that.)

You are doing great Smallfri maybe you will be swimming before long . I hope you have a great day ,

Way to stick up for yourself by calling someone about the heat. Such gumption!

Swimming is so good for you. I hope that you find the time! Hang in there, and take care.

OH, I make time for swimming lol.

Going getting a bit stressed out. I have to leave for my son's IEP in a few minutes. Ugg.

Ok, I am not sure how dumb these people think I am. The pool was turned back down again. Ugg.

Is there an opposing faction that wants the temperature turned down? Or are these maintenance people just being dense??? Sheesh. Not sure what an IEP is, but hope it went well...

will type more in here this weekend, trying to catch up on all the other threads first.

5 hours of exercise today, I am so tired now. lol. I swam for 4 hours which didnt feel very much until my husband said lets go for a hour walk. Ugg then I felt it. but it was so nice. I am hoping all this exercise will help me get this weight off once and for all.

Anne- the maintance and the front office where just dense. Corporate told them to turn it up. And now its nice.

BMI:
06/03/06: 26.9
06/10/06: 26.4

Weight:
06/03/06: 142.6
06/03/06: 140

Ok, this isnt to bad. I was hoping to be under 140 but close enough.

Nice job! Looks like this was a very successful week for you!

What is this I see, the pool is warm again!!! Whoohooo!!! Holy smokes, 5 hours of swimming, you are a crazy woman!!! Enjoy. Good work.

Thanks everyone. I appreciate the support.

I had some thoughts to post but decided not to. I will give it somemore thought before i post what I need to post.

Just because:

I am small doesnt mean I dont know what its like to struggle
I want to eat something now again that is "bad" doesnt mean I have failed
I dont have as much weight to lose as others doesnt mean I dont understand
I have gained weight back doesnt mean I havent learned from it
I dont track my food everyday doesnt mean I am not aware of what i am eating
I dont show fear doesnt mean I am not afraid of the unknown
It appears I am close to a goal weight doesnt mean I am
I want to share does not mean I want to hurt or offend
I show weakness does not mean I am not strong

I'm sorry my question caused such a backlash,

Everthing you've said above has summed it up.

"Cake" is just a word

:console:

Thanks Zoe.

Love you Small!!

That is very good small. Thanks for sharing it.

thanks. I was going to post it in other places but not sure if I want to. It made me feel better typing it out because I want others to understand, just because it doesnt appear that I have tons of weight to lose like others I still understand and struggle as others who might have to lose tons more.

once again i missed out on something, don't know what the original comment was.

Oh i always wish i could have a life of not having to be structured about exercise and food, but for some reason that is not to be my life. I do not EVER remember a time i have not been battling weight, be it ten pounds or my highest 70 pounds.

I remember being a kid of 9 and hearing comments of what a stocky girl i was.

My big dream is one year of not having to worry about weight or what goes in my mouth LOL ahhh a girl can dream!

You never give up, be proud and you are so busy!

I cant help but feel I should pull out of every challenge I am in and just go back to not being active and just staying in a few places. I feel I should go and delete everything I wrote. I am sorry, I really am for not being super over weight and not having as much weight as everyone else. I am sorry if for some reason I got into a clique and didnt even know it. I just thought I was making friends here. I really thought that I found some place to fit in. And again, I dont feel that way. I come here for support just like everyone else. But I also come here to share. And I see others saying, just as I have and I dont see where I went wrong. I know I cant please everyone and I know that I am going to make people mad. But I dont know, I dont know what i am going trying to say.

Small, I don't know what the comments were this time but don't let someone else rule you and make your decisions for you! That is just like, imho, giving food control over us, not differant then giving someone else control over us. If you want to be in the challanges you stay in them! Don't let someone take away your pride in the hard work you have done and what you have accolmished!! Stay strong!!!

i completely agree with mikey small. even those without much more weight to lose need support too, and can support others. i dont have much more to lose either, but i came to diettalk because i need support just like everyone else. when you lack support in real life, its nice to sign on and have it here. dont let other people make you think you shouldnt be here.

I just posted in the team thread, but I really do hope you stick with us. :hug:

Gosh , i had no idea anything so serious was going on, what is going on at DT lately. This makes the second person this has happened to of late.

It doesn't matter if it is ten or a hundred lbs changing your life habits is difficult, dealing with that for the rest of your life is difficult, then add family, job, etc. on and on. If someone has made a comment, either they didn't mean it the way it was taken, or if they did then they took out their problems on you trying to make themselves feel better.

Please just put it aside and come back to posting how and what you want, we love ya Smallfri!

Small.... this is me smacking you...:whip::whip::whip::whip:
OKay... lets all move on.

Eball, thanks, I was trying not to laugh.

Also thank you everyone else. I will think about it. Really. I just need a moment.

I posted in the team thread as well. But I do hope you decide to stay. Don't let one person's opinion ruin it. Personally I didn't see anything wrong with the comments, they didn't bother me, it's part of life to deal with that. Overprotection won't help at all. Mistakes will be made, that's how we learn, not from people telling us something is wrong and believing them. We all have to learn things in our own ways with different situations.

Thanks Carla. I just try, thats all I can do.

Ok, small, How are you doing?

Now, I will not hear of you leaving, are you kidding. You are such a great example of toughing it out here, of keeping at the journey no matter what. You are very needed here. I have seen you start many challenges over the years and you always do well and often carry others along with you. YOU ARE NOT LEAVING!!! It just isn't an option.

It is like letting the opposition win, and I just can't see you 'LETTING' someone win by stepping on you. I am pretty sure that you are a fighter, and the way we do that here is to keep coming, keep working and letting the crap go, or sometimes letting the crap fly, lol.

I know you are going to reach your goal, you are doing fantastic. So, here is my hand, grab hold tight, ............. there you are out of the hole, now one step at a time, you can do it.

LOL, hope you don't mind all this. Just want you to know that you are wanted and needed.

Smallfri I DO NOT WANT YOU TO DELETE ANYTHING?? Do not pull out any groups.. You are struggling just like the rest of us no matter how much you have to lose.. PLEASE I'm asking you?? begging you?? pleading with you..?? DON'T DO IT!!! Have I made myself clear??? I'm hear for ya even though I may not respond to most of your posts.. I still read them?? PLEASE?? PLEASE?? PLEASE??? :hug:

I decided to stay, but here is why. I was not looking for a pity party. Though I know that isnt what I got. I have made many friends here and I have left before for a reason. I dont want to leave again. I have to many friends here and everyone is my family. I try to support as many people as I can because I get support in return. I struggle as much as everyone else does even with not as much weight to lose so that is why I am staying. Because if it was a matter of how much weight left to lose, then all of my friends that have been maintaining would also have to leave because their supposed struggle is over. But even once I get to maintain, I now that the struggle isnt over. I know my friends who have been maintaining still struggle. Some have gained a few lbs back and are trying to get it back off. But I know one thing, they look here for support from others who have given it to them. So some may call that a clique, but you know what i call it. I call it a family, a family that has people we get along with, people we fight with, and people well who are just people. lol. But I commend anyone who has the bravier to come hear and say. I have a problem, now help me. I also welcome any members who are new into our family. I also try to support all members who are struggling. Even if I dont get alont with people. I try to show support, why because that is what a family does.

:up: go girl ! :D

I'm soooo happy you decided to stay.. YIPEE>. Oh!!! and trust me?? I'm one of those fighting to get some pounds back off.. Even though I'm embarrassed to say .. That is why I deleted my stats :(

Wow, I havent been here in a bit. Not much to say though, my exercise is down because of finishing up these classes and not walking at night. My eating has been so, so. But I am working hard on that. So I am still trying to get to 135 by the 30th. I think I can do it.

BMI:
06/03/06: 26.9
06/10/06: 26.4
06/17/06: 26.4

Weight:
06/03/06: 142.6
06/10/06: 140
06/17/06: 139.8

Waist:
June: 31"

Hips:
June: 40"

Butt:
June: 41"

Right Thigh:
June: 24&1/4"

Left Thigh:
June: 23&3/4"

Right Calf:
June: 15&1/4"

Left Calf:
June: 14&3/4"


Forgot to post this. I will have to search for my measurments and turn them all into one post because in a few weeks I will have to take those again. Hoping those have gone down some. I did cheat a bit and took a peek and they did somewhat.

I don't know what to say about some of your previous posts. I'm just one of those people that need something to...fight against. If it was not my weight, it would be something outside of myself like politics or something like that. I'm just like that. You notice that I said that it was my weight that I fought too. Not me. Fighting yourself, and who you really are is pretty self-defeating. You can CHANGE who you are, but you have to be realistic as to what the possibilities are. For instance...I will never be able to draw and paint, so becoming a famous illustrator is just out for me. I COULD become a great art buyer, currator, critic, artist manager, etc., but I just can't draw. Enough said.

I hope that you feel better about things. There will come a time where there will be a difference between "struggle" and just "paying attention". I don't know how long that will cut it, but it works for me for now. I think of watching my portions like I do combing my hair, putting my dirty clothes in the hamper, cleaning the bathroom, etc. None of those things are very glamerous, but they have to be done pretty regularly, and I just don't think about them as much as just "do them" these days.

I hope that you have a great week. Take care of yourself, and go do something FUN this week!

Thanks CFJ, I think we where posting at the same time. But anyway. Your words made so much sense, amazingly. lol. At first they didnt, I was like ok get to the point. But then I reread them because of course I had everyone asking me quesitons at the same time as reading. I have been feeling better and I am also struggling with life things I dont share on here, so sometimes it seems as if its just all about my weight but its also the real world getting in the way. :)

Hello! Yea journaling can help deal with problems but sometimes some of our own personal problems are just that "personal". I share on here what i wish and what i dont wish to share i dont. whatever works for you. You will hit your goal.

Thanks Angel. You share so much and others to, sometimes I feel like maybe I should share and that will make me feel better. But of course then there is that little devil sitting on my shoulder saying. Go ahead post things and watch everyone run. I know its wierd but I am sure you can understand.

Keep up the awesome work girl.. You can get in those 130s for sure .. :hug:

Hi Smallfri
I logged on today and reading your post about sharing your problems and watching everyone run and thought, that is exactly how I feel today. I feel I have so much getting me down and even if I wanted to share I wouldn't know where to start.

But sometimes it helps just logging into your journal and seeing someone else has left a reply for you,so you know what ever else is going on in your life, someone here is ready to listen to you.

You are so right Ellie, I know there are things I can share and there are some on here that will lend me two shoulders and a kick in the butt if I need it. Its the ones who will judge that keep me from posting some days. But then I look at all my friends from the past 7 years and they keep me going. So if you need a shoulder and a kick, I am here for anyone.

Hi smallfri
Thanks for the offer, I may take you up on that one (not sure yet if it's the shoulder of kick).
It's easy to take other peoples judgements to heart,some days we're not in the mood for it.
I was always offended by my brothers constant remarks about the way I was, he always made comments calling me fat belly and chubby. When I lost weight he said I looked haggard and that made me realise, I had to please myself not him or anyone else. He is just nasty whether I am fat or thin. I can change my weight, it seems he can't change his nature.
Have a good w/e

Ok small, girl. How are you doing? Swimming everyday? keeping track of ww points each day?

Hang in there.:hippy:

It was a work for two days, and I am off for the next week. Thank goodness its right before a wi because then I wont work until Saturday, which is the next wi. Back on track tomorrow.

Smallfri, you are always so nice to me and give me a kind word when you can. I am glad you decided not to leave DT, that would be awful. I find it hard these days to get to a lot of journals so I'm quite a bit late in reading through yours and seeing that, apparently, someone said something rude about your not having as much to lose ... or something, not sure what went on but I can guess as it's kind of typical.

Hey, I've gotten that also in a couple of forums. I've been on both sides of the weight loss struggle and believe you me, I struggle much more at this weight to get anything off and get to my goal than I did at a higher weight. And I maintained for a long time (and met the Regain Demon more than once) before I got to where I was recently before that mean Regain Demon once again came 'round. It's all been a struggle.

Smallfri, you as much as anyone else has the right and obligation to seek the weight that is right for you and to be supported in that journey as much as anyone else. So I am glad you are not going to let whatever happened or someone's reflecting their own issue on you bother you.

You have been doing really well in your journey and the more so because you do understand the nature of this deal ... it's for life and it is never going to be all that easy. Cfj's comments about thinking of the good habits as automatic really do make sense (he always makes sense). I work on that, too, but some days one or other o' those ol' Diet Demons :lil: or their close cousins, the Really Discouraged 'Bout Life So Guess I'll Give Up on the Weight Management 'Cause it's Really Hard Demons, who often travel in packs, manage to sneak in here where I live 'n then I have to fend 'em off yet again 'n in the process sometimes forget to watch out for the Regain Demon :lil: 'n so it goes (as Linda Ellerbee was wont to say).

Re sharin', ye are wise to share only things you feel comfortable sharing. You can give and receive support sometimes by just a general sort o' sharin' that hey, could use a hug or whatever.

So, since I am late readin' this, I see you don't really need a hug 'cause thou art stalwart as usual 'n listin' stats 'n such (I need to do that on Sunday in my Fitday PC). But anyhow ... :hug:

Apologies fer the length o' this postie on thy journal. Not meanin' to hijack.

No appologies needed.

Ok, I have done something I didnt think I could do. I signed up for my Masters degree. Ugg, I hope I can do this.

Ok, I have done something I didnt think I could do. I signed up for my Masters degree. Ugg, I hope I can do this.

WONDERFUL!!! Yes, you can do it. We'll all keep prodding and nagging and encouraging you. That is just great that you are taking this step.

Thank Jo.

Yea, ye can do 'er, Smallfri, no question! It'll be great! Congratulations!

BMI:
06/03/06: 26.9
06/10/06: 26.4
06/17/06: 26.4

Weight:
06/03/06: 142.6
06/10/06: 140
06/17/06: 139.8
06/24/06: 140

Waist:
June: 31"

Hips:
June: 40"

Butt:
June: 41"

Right Thigh:
June: 24&1/4"

Left Thigh:
June: 23&3/4"

Right Calf:
June: 15&1/4"

Left Calf:
June: 14&3/4"

Not to bad, 2 lbs this month, gone again. Now, to pump it up a bit, cuz at 2 lbs a month, I will never get anywhere.
I get to take my measurements next week, oh goodie. lol. I am hoping for at least a loss of them.

Not to bad, 2 lbs this month, gone again. Now, to pump it up a bit, cuz at 2 lbs a month, I will never get anywhere.
I get to take my measurements next week, oh goodie. lol. I am hoping for at least a loss of them.

Are you kidding, 2 lbs a month will have you under goal by a year from now!!! I would be excited about that.

very true. Very true.

Yeah, more on this Nancy. I guess its just frustrating. Cause I figured it out, if I would have stuck to it I would have been more then at goal by now. But Cant change the past. I have been good so far this week and I got hubby to change dinner for friday, though it isnt much better at least it wont be a buffet. So its fried chicken and french fries from Culvers. Now I could get a salad but I dont like there salads that much and well, they are not much better calorie wise. Probably healthier but thats ok, I will only have one piece of chicken and maybe get some closlaw with the french fries. I will worry about that on friday I guess. Right now I am focusing on the fact that I feel so much better since I upped my water again. And I have been staying within my points. So that is the only thing that worries me. But if I am up on saturday and down on friday, I will just use fridays weight since I will know why I am up.

It always amazes me how much better you can feel when you up your water.

Wow, congrats on signing up for your Master's degree! What will you be studying?

I know you're feeling that the 2 pounds per month is too slow, but hey, two pounds is two pounds. You're progressing, and that's something to be proud of. I hope you enjoy your Friday dinner, with or without the salad. I'll keep my fingers crossed for you re: next week's measurements.

Hello! I dread buffets so i dont go to them because i know i will overeat so i just avoid them altogether. I feel like u that if i stuck to plan instead of up and down sliding then i would be so much further along but i guess losing weight is a lesson in learning and then you just keep on going.

BMI:
06/03/06: 26.9
06/10/06: 26.4
06/17/06: 26.4

Weight:
06/03/06: 142.6
06/10/06: 140
06/17/06: 139.8
06/24/06: 140
07/1/06: 141.6

Waist:
June: 31"
July: 31"
Hips:
June: 40"
July: 37&1/2"
Butt:
June: 41"
July: 40&1/2"
Right Thigh:
June: 24&1/4"
July: 23&3/4"
Left Thigh:
June: 23&3/4"
July: 23&1/4"
Right Calf:
June: 15&1/4"
July: 15"
Left Calf:
June: 14&3/4"
July: 14"

Holly cow, I gained a bit this week and will have to still get my bmi but I lost 5 inches this month, that is great.

Wow

Whoohoo, small, that is awesome!!!

Thanks, now to take off 5 lbs. Here I go.

Hi Smallfri
congrats on
1 signing up for your masters degree
2 losing those inches.
Such an inspiration.
Happy 4th July.

Thanks, now to take off 5 lbs. Here I go.


You can do it small!!!
You're our girl!!!

Congratulations your doing so great. Keep up the wonderful work.

Hope your enjoying your weekend. Just checking in on how your doing and to say hello.

Hey Smallfri, just dropping in to see how you're doing. 5 inches! That's awesome! Those five pounds don't stand a chance against you. :)

Hope you had a great 4th.

I came by to see how you are doing. Busy, huh? Doing great, though. Way to go with the 5 inches, graduate school sign-up, etc. Wow. Lots going on. I hope that you are feeling as great as you are doing things. Take care.

Where are you??????????????????????/

Heythere. Just wanted to drop you a note and say howdy!!! Something seemed like it was wrong tonight in chat sos wanted you to know I was thinking of you!!! :console: you know I'm here for you if ya want to chat!! but please come back...we emiss you!!! I may not post alot in your journal (shame on me I know) but I do read and keep up w/ you!! lol

:hug:

Small, I ditto all the above. Missed having your terrific insights and comments in chat. But most of all I hope you are ok. Wish we were closer and could invite you over for tea. Please remember we are thinking of you. Will also say some prayers.

I am here and there, just not everywhere. I have some real stuff going on and I am not dealing well with it. Its involves money so there isnt much to talk about. I visit everyday, but just cant get myself to type. but since so many have responded in my journal I thought I would just let you all know, I am here. I am hoping this ends soon but its been 2 months with no relief in site at the moment. So I am just, I dont know what i am doing. But thought I would let you all know that I am here. I am not ok, and I wont lie to all of you, but there is nothing anyone can do, unless of course you win the lottery for me. lol. Just kidding, seriously. I have been in worse before, but am getting close to it being that way again.

I understand that we can't help you solve the problem but I have learned that sometimes it helps a whole lot just to talk about it...just sit down and vent it all out, even if it doesn't make sense to others (like I do) and I think you will feel so much better. just my opinion. hang in there!!! :hug:

Hey Small, I'm sorry to hear you're going through some "Stuff"... I realize you may not choose to discuss it here, but I agree with Mikey that if you feel like venting, we're all here for you. Hope things look up for you soon. Sending you hugs and good thoughts. :console:

Thanks. I dont know if venting will help at this point, but I am here. Just not active. More lurking right now.

Well thanks for sharing what you have. As you can see we are thinking about you lots. And I agree, come and BLAST in your journal anytime you want. We are here.

Ok, I am ready to explain myself to all my wonderful friends here.

Ok, it all started last week when my husband had a brillant idea. If you could only hear the sarcasim in my voice. Well actually it was a good idea but not really. He asked my friend what she thought if we all bought a house together. A side by side, I said no right away to duplex. I want it to feel more like a home. Anyway, so that is one stress because yes we could do it. But we have nothing to go into a house. No applicances which is a huge part so that is a stressor. I have a job I really like and I also hate it. There is so much going on there, I cant even explain it. The easiest way to put it is that there are rules, but the rules change daily. And I am not kidding. Then the rules only apply to some and not others but there are rules that, well, contradict eachother. IT is just crazy. I have jobs that have had this happen but htis is worse. One example is that we are not suppose to go into residents rooms if they do not say come in. This is to indicate they are either not home or they dont want to be bothered. Understandable this is an assisted living. ok but if you are the med passer and they dont answer then they dont get their meds, which is fine but if you dont mark it down on the sheet, that is locked in their room then you get in trouble. Ok, so how do you go into their rooms. If this didnt make any sense dont feel bad, it doesnt make sense to me and i have questioned it with no answer of course.
Then I have a million bills who doesnt right. So I tried to do a deferment on my car payment to get caught up. The first time I called, no joke they lectured me about doing this so I told them I wasnt two and hung up. LoL. Yeah showed them. Ok, so that wasnt the best thing to do but I was so mad and upset. So a few days later I called back and the first thing I told the lady was please do not lecture me. The only reason I am asking for this was because back in May we had to have $500 worth of repairs on a car we havent even had a year and that is why I am behind. So she took all the info and said ok call back in a few days. I gave her a date in August that I could pay the car, so you know a prepayment and everything. So I called back a few days later and was told I was denied because there was still four weeks until my car payment was due and the manager thought I could come into some money. UM HELLO. I told her, the pay check I got today goes to car and the paycheck at the end of the month went to rent so how was I going to come into money. I said so now what happens, if I dont pay then you will be calling me every 15 seconds and if you call my husbands job he will get fired and they you might as well come and get the car. I said so now what do I do. I have had car payments for 13 years and never had this problem before of course there was no answer for that either. I think that is what is the most frustrating. All of these no answers.

so that is just a bit. I do feel a bit better but hopefully something will go right.

Hi Small... glad u posted... I have been missing you. Sorry for all the crap going on for you right now. Ugh. The rules at the job are absolutely.. a bit silly?! You're in trouble if you don't go in a make a notation on a chart, but you can't go in ... so... huh?? No answer to that one!
Sent you a pm!

Hey small!!! So glad you did decide to vent here. Hope it helped some. So sorry for the silly rules at work. Mine is kinda like that, although not quite as bad as yours. My boss is one of those I have to tell her every phone call, every customer comment, etc. or I get in trouble b/c then she doesn't know what is going on, but then she forgets when I tell her so I get in trouble anyway.. Sure hope work gets it self straightened out quickly!!! Hope to see you in chat tonight

Yeah, work will get straightened out when I get a new job. I decided after some things these past few days, safety things at least in my eyes, and well, I dont like that. But I have an interview today, and hopefully I will hear from the other job I want more.

Small, hope things are looking up. Prayed for you several times this weekend.

thanks, hanging in there, will be on more soon, just been a crazy week.

I hope you get the new job, and have a nice weekend.

just stopping by to say hello, life seems busy as usual.

small, very nice to chat with you yesterday. Take care, hope you and the kids are having some summer fun.

If I dont get a new job with more money soon, I am going to go crazy. Well get worse, but really, I just want to cry, I dont know what to do anymore with this. My husband wants things but doesnt want to save for them. He hasnt a clue on our finances because he doesnt listen or want to konw about them. I am stressed with all of this stuff and just lost. I can only hope for a miracle at this time. And of course where do I turn, to food. Yeah, cuz that is going to help. I am so tired I cant sleep because I sit here and worry and wonder, how am I going to get caught up. How am I going to make it through another day. and of course he has a list ten miles long of things he "needs". But there is no hope there. I jsut buy it and when they say, guess what you cant have a house, then maybe he will get it. I wish I could take out a personal loan, lump everything together. That would help tons. But nobody will do it. I could pay one lump a month and then that would be the end of it. Everything would be together, and then bam here you go, and the things will get paid off quicker and I could save at the same time. But of course that will never happen. Nobody will do it. I have tried. I am sorry to be saying this here. It is really nobodies business. It is just that I have no where else to turn and to talk to. I cant get anybody to understand. So I thought maybe if I just put it here I will feel better. I do feel better actually. I can get it all out. I was looking at our credit report and some of it doesnt make sense. I dont know what some of it is. And some of it I could have swore was on the bankruptcy. But I dont know. That is mostly where our bad credit is. And a few things here and there. nothing major. So it was mostly the house that was a piece of garbage and i am glad we did it. But I swear, I just need to figure out something. AT this point, the only thing that will help me is to win the lottery. lol. But first I would have to buy tickets. And then, I can barely get caught up to even think about that. lol.

Ok, so I feel better. My goals have to be to get with it first. Stop this drowning feeling. Then to get my head on straighter and look for other options. And figure out how to get these bills paid. Then to get with it and make sure that I can start to save for this house thing. As this all gets back togehter then I will be able to get back on my program.

Ah, small, so sorry you are having such huge stress right now. Maybe you could get hubby to go with you and take to a financial planner. Or if you really want to wake him up sign up for some of those shows like Til Debt Do Us Part, Maxed Out, etc. They have good ideas and seem to get people to realize what big mistakes they are making. Hey, one of them even gives you $5,000 at the end if you finish successfully.

Hang in there, honey.

Til Debt Do Us Part - I like this one the best
http://www.slice.ca/Shows/ShowsPage.aspx?Title_ID=93097

Maxed Out
http://www.wnetwork.com/tv_shows/shows/maxed_out/index.asp

Good Morning Jeannette,

I don't want to appear nosey but have you CONTACTED your creditors and told them you are having financial difficulties .. I think that would be a good place to start and work out monthly payments THAT YOU CAN AFFORD TO MAKE ..

You know when Les and I were young and DUMB we became hooked on CREDIT CARDS ... they were so easy to get and of course THEY MADE IT SO EASY to purchase things that "WE WANTED" ... lol the things wore out before they were paid for ...

I had to learn from my mil (who lived thru the depression) on how to live WITHIN OUR MEANS ... the one thing she taught me that I still do today is SAVE MY CHANGE .. for instance if I have money left over from my grocery shopping the SINGLES ($1.00) goes into a wallet and the CHANGE (all of it) goes into a jar ... I use that money now to purchase BIRTHDAY, CHANNUKAH and other gifts :gift: ...

Also since both Les and I are now retired and we do like to go out to eat ... I scan the paper for COUPONS from our local restaurants (with the exception of Hometown Buffet) for buy one meal and get one free ... we have one or two favorite places that we go to eat that use those coupons ...

We don't go to the movies instead I purchase dvd's that I can enjoy over and over again ... and since Les loves books (he and Barnes & Noble have a MUTUAL ATTRACTION -- :laugh: notice I didn't say FATAL ATTRACTION) our daughters give him gift cards and he purchases the books on the sales tables ...

I know that it's always a struggle when you're young and you have children to save money and to LIVE ... WE ALL GO THRU IT ... and it's the best thing you can do imho to come and write about it .. I hope I've helped .. know THAT I'M HERE FOR YOU :console: I am as always, Monica :hug:

The funny part about the whole thing is that most of our debt is the car. Then we have some credit but not alot, and the other big chunk is medical bills. And Yes, I have tried calling them, and that was crazy. They were no help. As for being nosey, cant be nosey on something that I put out to the world. I am feeling a bit better today. I got some sleep last night which I think was part of my problem of being so stressed also, I was so tired. I am still tired but not like before. So it is just trying to get in the swing of things again. I do so well for so long and then bam, something happens and it goes crazy. Part of it also is that we have enough to live, we dont have extra for emergencies or to put into a saving, so that makes life rough. Living pay check to pay check as most of us do, stresses a person out completely. And now that school is starting again soon, 6 weeks but looking at the list and the registration fee, ugg, I will get there and it will be ok sooner or later.

Ok, I had a dream last night. It was more of a reality check I think. My dream was weird and a wake up call I think. So starting today, I cant give up on my diet. Because of my stress. Gee, that sounds familar doesnt it. Probably written in this journal alone a million times. So starting new and starting fresh is probably something I have mastered. Sticking to it and staying on it, is something I havent. So I decided, this journal got depressing. And I dont want to read it anymore. So I am going to start a new one.

Aha, I found your new journal and for those who are looking for it here is the link-

http://diettalk.com/forums/showthread.php?p=717587#post717587

LOL, and you thought you could hide from me, small!!!

Thought it would be more interesting to have you find me. :)

Just dropping by to say hi. Congratulations on all your successes.

:) Katherine

Thank you for calling, the number you have reached has been disconnected, the new number is:
http://diettalk.com/forums/showthread.php?p=717587#post717587



BEEEEP :)

The new number doesn't work either! :laugh:

dang, technical support is working on that, it should be up and running shortly. lol

All services have been fixed, thank you.