Well, here I am again. After a four month plus absence, I've decided I need to start journaling again. I blog and I keep a diary, but I really did well with feedback so I've come back to DT. I never really specifically left, it was just hard to come when things were so difficult. To catch you up:

I now weigh somewhere in the 237 range. I cannot lose weight and keep it off for any significant amount of time. If I try really really hard I might lose a pound or two for a couple days. More likely than not I gain a pound a day. Ridiculous.

I am planning on making an appointment to have my thyroid checked. I know, I know, it's the magic pill du jour for weight loss. Actually I have thought about having my thyroid checked for a while but always dismissed it as a false hope. I had my thyroid checked when I was younger and it was normal, but it can act up after pregnancy and it seems that's what mine has done. (If you read my last journal you know that I reported weight loss for a few months after my pregnancy, but I'm not so sure. Once I got a new scale it seemed that I had lost the standard 15 or so pounds accounted for by having a baby and extra blood and fluid and stuff, and not much more. I don't know what to believe about my previous weigh-ins anymore.)

I hadn't put much stock in the thyroid possibility even though I had fatigue and inexplicable weight gain, plus a few other symptoms that fit. Then I read something online that said that one of the side effects of hypothyroidism is tingling and numbness in the hands and feet. That is definitely a problem I've been having. I have a family history of diabetes, so part of me thought maybe that was creeping up on me. The bigger part of me was trying to ignore that thought and put it off to poor circulation due to being so heavy. I would much rather have hypothyroidism than diabetes. Of course I suppose all of the symptoms could be side effects of being overweight, but I guess I won't know unless I get the blood test.

I have joined the gym but am terrible about actually getting there. It's something I need to work on. The constant tiredness plays a big part in that. N is up two or three times a night still, despite being nine months old and quite old enough to be sleeping through the night. E usually wakes up once or twice, too. As a result I don't get to bed until 2 or sometimes 3. Occasionally it's later than that. I sleep terribly, wake up around 9:30 or 10 when DH is leaving for work, take a nap during the day when the kids nap, and usually fall asleep for an hour after they go to bed. Tonight I was so tired at 8:30, but I fought it until 10 and went to sleep. I slept for an hour and a half and woke up, and here I am. Tired but not sleepy. As always. Yet another thing I need to work on.

I just have an excuse for everything, don't I? I suppose that's enough rationalizing for one day.

Hi Jessica,

I posted a welcome back in your other Journal .. but I see YOU'VE ALREADY :jn :jn STARTED YOUR NEW JOURNAL OF SUCCESS -- I'll be reading with INTEREST about your CONTINUED PROGRESS. Don't worry I HAVE SO MUCH FAITH IN YOUR ABILITY TO ACHIEVE WHATEVER GOALS YOU SET FOR YOURSELF. Have and make it a great weekend. I am as always, Monica :hug:

I actually got to go to the gym today! Woohoo! I was up until 3:30 (finally got to sleep around 3, then got woke up at 3:15 by N) but when the kids woke up at 6:30 I drug myself out of bed, went to the gym, then came home and took an hourlong nap.

I've decided it's probably going to be easier to embrace my night owl status than to try and fight it for the time being. Once N is sleeping through the night I'll probably try to learn to get up early because I'll have to do it when they're in school. Until then, I'm just going to break my sleep up into 2 or 3 parts by napping when they do and going to bed when I'm tired. It'll have to do for now.

I'm sorry that I haven't been in to anyone's journal; I will try to get around this afternoon after I get rid of this mountain of laundry that has spawned.

I went to the gym this morning (TWO DAYS IN A ROW!!! SURELY PIGS ARE FLYING!!!) but only did my cardio again. I meant to take a quick nap this afternoon then do an ab video or something, but ended up sleeping for two hours. Oops.

I've been doing pretty good on calories today, although I'm pretty sure my water intake is way too low. AND, for lunch today I made sushi and miso soup. Normally the kitchen depresses me to the point that I just want to grab the first thing I see and run out without actually looking at anything. I did make the sushi, with krab, cucumber, carrot, and mayo, but the miso soup was from a mix. It was very sodium-y. I also made a tamago (sweetened egg thing), but I severely underestimated the amount of rice needed for one roll so it's in the fridge. I'll make more sushi tomorrow, but will probably skip the miso this time. And I'll be adding horseradish, although it's no substitute for wasabi.

DH has put in for a job that would let him work from home. It's the same company, and basically the same thing he's doing now, but he'd be working here. We'd have to stick him in the basement (sucks for him), but I would have access to the car! I'm so excited, I really really really hope he gets it. If he doesn't I will probably pout for a day or two. Our basement is separated into two rooms, the front one of which he would be using. I told him if they contact him about the job we'll clean out that room and paint it, and move out the worktable that came with the house to make room for a desk. It'll need a new light fixture, too, as some sort of rodent got to the cord of the fluorescent one that used to be down there and killed it. All things that I wouldn't mind doing anyway as I sometimes use that room for crafts.

Tonight I'm painting DH's computer armoire and working on some art for the walls. I want to get the living room decor done this week so that I can move on to the kitchen next week. I want to make chair covers with ruffles and fuschia tulle underneath. It just sounds ridiculously feminine and I love it.

great start. Keep going. It will fall in place slowly.

HI "Stranger" :wave:

Your first post describes me 6 months ago to a T !

Yes go get your thyroid checked ! I was so tired, my head would actually "fall" - you know like bounce around lol and I was walking around in a brain fog...... it was terrible !

Here is some thyroid testing knowledge I now know that I hope helps you -

When most Drs check thyroid levels they only check 1 basic part of the thyroid and my understanding is there are 3 parts - ALL of which can play a very important part of having hyperthyroid - ismmmm ? lol any ways 90% of the Drs don't want to check out the other levels - not sure if its due to cost factors or what that deal is about.

Also when you get your levels back -the basic level that is ( not sure if this is the same for other levels ) if they say it is normal ASK for your number! This can work opposite depending on how your lab defines their results but the idea is the same....

the lower your number is the better - think of money from amounts of 1.00 - 5.00 the closer you are to 5.00 the worse your thyroid is, the closer you are to 1.00 the better BUT most labs consider 2 - 3 normal - however that does not mean normal for YOU! Your body may need to be at a level of 1.25 to work best ( as an example ) so even if according to the lab it is normal - that does not mean is at full function for you.

Hope this make sense and helps you :)

Way to go 2 gym days ! :cheer:

Thanks for that info, Beth. Years ago when it was tested I was told it was normal, but never knew any specific numbers. I will ask them to test all three parts. I have to find a doctor first, because my pediatrician told me that my regular doctor moved away. I haven't seen him in a while--I've been pregnant since 2004, it seems, and just went to the OB/GYN.

No gym this morning--DH had a dentist's appointment to get his crown put on. This dentist is weird, instead of going and putting on the root canal and crown in a couple appointments he's had probably half a dozen for this one crown. His insurance doesn't charge you all at once, you just get a big bill at the end (yay) and I told him I would be extremely upset if there were tons of office visit charges on there. He agreed and said he would dispute that because he didn't ask to have the procedure stretched out over two months.

Weight this morning was down a pound to 235.8. I had hoped to never have to write that number again, but there it is. I ended yesterday with close to 2400 calories, which is at least a couple hundred more than I wanted, and of course almost all of them were later in the evening. If only our kitchen had a door, then I wouldn't have to look in there. I don't know that it would really make a difference.

You are doin' great, congratulations on that pound down!!! :cheer:

Hope you get the answer you seek with the thyroid testing. It could help a lot.

Well, I have more motivation to lose weight now. My best friend just told me she's engaged! I have approximately 14 to 15 months to lose 75 pounds. :O It's a good thing we'll be making the bridesmaid's dresses because otherwise I would probably be in trouble. I think I'll be losing weight up until the last minute. I've already calculated that I need to have a daily calorie deficit of 700, and the caloriesperhour.com calculator tells me I need about 2600 calories to maintain my current weight. So 1900 calories per day and exercise at least 3, preferably 5, days per week. Wish me luck; I think I'm going to need it.

Weight was at 233.4 this morning. I had to stop and think if that was good or bad. :o

Just a quick update. I forgot that I had a baby shower to get a gift for this weekend, and I decided to knit a baby blanket. Two-sided. With intarsia. In four days. I'm nothing if not ambitious. So I'll be focusing on that until Friday night, when it has to be done. At least I'll probably be too busy to overeat.

I missed your new journal. Welcome back! Ummmm....am I the only one here that thinks that it is NOT strange for it to be hard to lose weight right after having a baby? Your life focus tends to be on the kid, both mentally and biologically, and everything else is often of distant importance to your metabolisim and mental/hormone balance-type stuff. In short, you may have to really shock your system for it to respond the way that you want it to. It all depends on you, and if you fall victim to the "what the hell" post-partim blues, and have emotional eating problems at the same time. That is why movie stars have to have a full-time, live-in training staff to lose it all that fast after having a baby. Have you asked your pediatrician? Maybe they know a dietician or doctor that has had luck in this area?

As for the exercise, find something that YOU REALLY LIKE TO DO, and train for that. Even if you can't do that activity yet, working towards doing what you really like to do is a GIANT motivator to keep going to the gym. So...if you like something like bicycling you can start now, and you can target your workouts towards what you want to do later if you like something like free rock-climbing combined with base jumping (no-rope climbing on TALL rock faces, and jumping off the top with a parachute when you are finished). I saw that in a magazine recently. I think it is nuts.

Have a great week, and take care.

I think it is very hard to lose weight after a baby. I am still trying Though I have lost the weight from the last two, but still need to lose the weight from the first two. Go figure. anyway.

ICA- you seem to have a great plan in place. Good luck. I think making the bridemaids dresses is a wonderful idea. I finally got rid of the one from my sisters wedding 6 years ago. One, I will never wear it again. I dont wear dresses unless forced to. lol cuz i am a tom boy, and two it was way to big. I was excited but sad.

Hi! So good to see you journaling again! You sound really busy. Makes me realize - I should get started on some projects. I have been thinking of the needle work I used to do to stay occupied and helped me think less of food. I need to get back with it. Also, the boys and I have been working on 4H projects, too. We are pretty much winding down.

Glad you are back here. I did not journal much this spring. I took a much needed break, as well. Glad to read the boys are fine - though keeping you up at night. Hope you get some answers at the Dr.

I had to start over on the baby blanket--AGAIN!!! I think I'm going to put that away when the kids are out and save myself some stress.

DH is at a friend's tonight watching movies or whatever they do, so I am alone! And I have spent my time so far cleaning! I'm living on the edge. I want to minimize my time having to clean tomorrow, basically I'm down to straightening up the master bedroom and scrubbing the sink, stove, and kitchen floor.

Weight seems to have settled in around 233, which is fine.

Fagan, it's not unusual to not lose weight after a baby. When I had the first I didn't lose any weight until he was five months old and I actually decided to eat better. Then it was really easy. That may be part of my problem, that I'm expecting it to be that easy again. They say weight loss after each kid is different, and I guess I'm learning that lesson now.

I would love to go hiking but there are no trails around here. So I think one day I'm going to either leave the kids with DH or my mom and go out to a local bike trail and either hike or bike. I'd like to swim, too, I belong to the Y and they have a pool, I just have to find my suit.

Smallfri, I start Monday. I'm going to have to buy an obscene amount of turkey and grapefruit at the grocery store tomorrow and I think I'm going to get one of those salad dressings that are 1 calorie per spray. I don't think that's included in the plan, but if I have to eat bare mesclun I can almost guarantee I won't stick to the plan.

Susan, yeah, sometimes I just need a break from dieting. I get really annoyed that I'm not "normal," ie I can't just eat when I'm hungry and stop when I'm full and dieting puts a big focus on that and sometimes I just can't take it and need to take a breather. Of course the breather usually means some type of weight gain, grr.

I'm working on finishing the decorating upstairs right now, plus that blanket. We're having the boys' birthday parties here in three months and I want to have it here, so I want the house to look "done." Pretty much everything is purchased, it just needs to be finished and put out.

I think I'm going to go read a magazine. I actually have two that I got in the mail and I haven't opened either yet. I hope to be here more this weekend, hope everyone has a good one.

Welcome back.
I would suggest you find a home alternative workout for the days you can't make the gym. Even 15 minutes of push ups, situps, and stretches will promote weight lose in the very begining.

2nd. Look into a variety of healy meal plans because to much grapefruit and turkey will push you over the edge.

Lisa, the grapefruit and turkey thing is the "rapid results" plan. There is also the easy, gourmet, and infinite menu planner options. This morning I'm eating salad and egg whites. (I could have done without the salad for breakfast and had half a grapefruit, too.)

I actually own a recumbent exercise bike. A few months ago I did a really stupid thing and put it in the closet in my bedroom. At the time I thought, "Oh, I can just pull it right out if I want to exercise." It hasn't been out since. I am working on getting the basement to a point where it can be used for storage (without having things get moldy) and sewing space, and I think I will put the bike down there along with the various hand weights I have. But you're right, I do need to work on the toning exercises. Our cable company has exercise videos on demand and I need to start doing them instead of just saying I'm going to do them.

Well, today is officially Day One. Starting weight 235. As I said, I am eating 3 egg whites and salad for breakfast. It was supposed to be 3 egg whites and greens, but I don't usually eat greens (as in mustard, turnip, collard) at any time of day, let alone at breakfast. So I got one of those one-calorie salad dressing sprays and used that. My midmorning snack is supposed to be turkey and greens if I stick to the rapid result, but I think I'll switch to one of the others--it seems to boil down to protein and fruit.

I had heard it was supposed to rain today, but I'm hoping it doesn't. Part of this plan is one hour of cardio 5-6 days a week and I'd like to walk to the library with the kids. I will probably post again later...my plan is to post instead of eat. Hope it will work.

Hey, I'm on page 2 now!

The Rapid Results program did not last long. I moved to the Infinite Menu Planner pretty much right after breakfast. I like it much better--I do not have the discipline to eat a menu of predominantly turkey, greens, and grapefruit for even a day let alone a week. Let alone six weeks.

E is trying to feed me animal crackers. And I'm really tempted to let him.

According to http://www.ivillage.com/healthcalc and http://www.caloriesperhour.com I need about 2600 calories per day to maintain my weight. This means that by eating 1200 calories a day (approximately what this plan is, I think--that's what the Rapid Results was and the regular plans may be more) I would lose 75 pounds in a little under 6 months. I like the idea of being skinny for Christmas.

I am hungry but don't want to eat my evening snack yet. I think I'm going to go get a cup of tea.

Are you doing the 6 week body make over, I couldnt find it but that is what it sounds like. I did that, and i do that every now and again, when I want to clean out my system. I enjoyed it and lost alot of weight with it.

Yup, Smallfri, it's the Six Week Body Makeover. I've had it forever--I think I bought it before I got pregnant with my first. It's not as bad as I remembered, in fact it's not bad at all so far.

So far today this is the menu I have planned:

B--Banana pancakes (made with banana, egg whites, spices, Splenda and vanilla)
S--Probably a chicken and pear salad
L--Bocca Burger wrapped in lettuce leaf with "tater tots" (mashed potato broiled or dry fried to crisp), green beans
S--Mini salad nicoise
D--Chicken stroganoff over rice
S--Probably half a grapefruit. I bought a bunch of them now I have to eat them. I'm nervous, never had grapefruit before but I don't hear good things.

I didn't get my walk in last night, but I mowed the lawn (took probably 45 minutes) and cleaned the basement for over an hour. I think I am going to pull out the recumbent bike today and use it, having it out will be a much bigger motivator to use it rather than just knowing it's there.

I better go fix lunch for the kids, the baby is trying to steal the computer.

Ica:

Hello! I finally got a chance to stop by! I am sooo glad you are back! I was worried about ya.... :D

Your menu looks fantastic! I really want to try the boca burgers in lettuce. Since you have been away I have decided to stop eating meat...so, that is a great new idea for me!

Hope you get on the bike today if you can!!!

Have a great day!

Keep up the good work.

Thanks, Lisa and Kristen! Kristen, I really like the Bocca burgers--I get the Prime Grillers. In fact, I would probably pick one of them over a homemade burger. (Fast food burgers may be another story...) I'm not really a fan of the Morningstar burgers, though.

I did not get to ride my bike today, although DH is off work tomorrow so I'm going to the gym (I swear!) AND I'm going to take the bike out of the closet, where it is doing no one any good.

I feel like I'm in the bathroom all the time now--I had forgotten how much that happens when you're drinking 100 ounces of water. I really feel like I was doing pretty bad on my water before now that I'm drinking more of it again.

Well, I'm going to bed--oh, and before I forget, this morning I was down to 232.4 from 235. I hope to post another loss when I weigh in tomorrow (actually today now, I guess). Hope everyone has a good Wednesday!

Hello! Great job on all the exercise. That is the spot i lack in. When i get into it i do well but my motivation for it is low. Me and hubby had been biking so we gotta get back into doing that, and i want to start swimming at my aunts pool down the st. I like the exercise on demand on tv too. I workout using that and tapes i have. I have an elliptical but its so hard for me on it, and i have an ab lounge too. I was walking for awhile but my legs killed so i quit but i should go back to it and just take shorter walks for now.
i know what its like to lack in the sleep dept. I am up till 1 usually and with it being summer i sleep till 8 but when schools in im in bed like 12 and up at 6. My 3 older kids sleep when their ready and my 2 that are 2 1/2 sleep all nite mostly its just im a night owl.
Try to rest when u can, i know when im better rested its easier to exercise and feel good.

I feel like I'm in the bathroom all the time now--I had forgotten how much that happens when you're drinking 100 ounces of water. I really feel like I was doing pretty bad on my water before now that I'm drinking more of it again.



This occured the first 2 weeks of drinking water then I went back to my regular bathroom schedule.

As I said before I love that plan. And it looks like you are doing well also.

I thought that I had posted in here the other day. Either I did not, or it got lost. I'm glad to see you back, Ica. I like the sound of the newer plan as well. It is hard to eat the same damn thing for almost every meal, and stick to it over the long-term. Menu variety is very important to me. I think that your body tells you what it needs, and if you eat that, then you have fewer binge and over-eating problems. It works for me, anyway.

As for mustard and other greens, I have gotten to like them raw as part of my salads. They taste different than lettuce (I get tired of lettuce...), and are not any stronger tasting than arrigoloa or some of those other strong-tasting greens that they put into salads these days. Mustard greens, actually taste very flowery and fragrant, and I like them a lot in my salads. I don't like cooked mustard greens that much at all, either. Raw turnip greens are sometimes a little hot-spicey tasting but okay, and stuff like raw Kale don't have that much of a "taste", but have a different texture and thickness (thicker and tougher than lettuce).

I still don't see how you guys work out at home. I can work like a dog in the yard and garden, or do home repair work, but just can't work out at home. It is an emotional thing with me. Home is for relaxation, not work. Serious aerobic workouts at home feel like an intrusion on my "donw time" space. Besides, I also associate aerobic and vigorous activity with at least being out of the house, and often with being outside in the sun and wind. Power-stroller walk/runs around the block with the kid?

I hope that you have a great week. Take care.

Glad you are doing well and getting the bike backout. I have tried to put things away thinking I will get it out when needed - well, it does not get out. I know the more I see it, the more I do it. Glad the family is doing well!

Yep, Susan, the bike seat held my laundry baskets! Isn't that more important than using it to actually exercise?

I have to recommend this book I've been reading. It's called "The Beck Diet Solution: Train Your Bran to Think Like a Thin Person." It's by Judith Beck, and it's awesome. It's basically cognitive behavioral therapy for dieters. It seems like it would be common sense, but I never actually realized that you don't have to eat if you're hungry. If it's an hour since you ate or an hour to dinner, you'll live. Funny how you could be dieting for so long, and you know that you know these things, but then someone else says it and it's like choirs of angels, heavens opening revelation. Weird.

My two year old has been difficult today to say the least. (He's kind of tough every day, but today was worse than most.) He called me ugly. Yes, that's right. He came up to me, pointed to my face and said "You're ugly." Several times, in fact. Neither DH nor I know where he would have gotten that, because I'm not one of those women who say how I feel about my body out loud. Not to a two year old, anyway. And besides that, I'm not ugly, I'm fat.

Here is a conversation we had today, about half an hour ago.

E (playing with a crib toy of N's that plays "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star"): Twinkle twinkle little star...
Me: (singing along)
E: Stop!
Me: Why, I can't sing?
E: No.
Me: Fine. Then you sing.
E: (staring at me)
Me: (singing Twinkle Twinkle Little Star)
E: NO! STOP!
Me: Is my singing voice that bad?
E: (declines to comment)

He's embarrassed of me already. I can't wait until he's a teenager.

Looking back, I missed a lot of posts. Oops, I will try to respond to them now.

Well, the 6WBMO thing is on a temporary hiatus. I have kind of combined it with a diabetes diet where you do exchanges. It allowed me to keep the same principles but with a lot more flexibility. Some days I do well, some days not. My weight this morning was 231.2. It's not coming off nearly as fast as I'd like, but I'm not really working that hard. I think I'd rather take six months to lose thirty or forty pounds and keep it off than lose the same amount of weight in six weeks and have it start coming back on right away.

I do have a problem with working out at home, too, but since we're moving further away from the gym and it was already a PITA to get there, it just would have been a waste of money. I work out better at the gym--harder, longer, do more weights, etc. When I'm at home it's really easy to get sidetracked and "have" to get off the bike. One more thing I need to work on. I do like the mixed greens salads, I just need the right dressing. I tried one of those 1 calorie per spray dressings and did not like it. It was chemically sweet and just...blech.

Well, we move this weekend. That'll be a good workout for me. It sucks, knowing that we'll be doing it again in about six months, but after that I'm throwing away the boxes and not moving again for five or ten years. I need roots.

Hey ICA!

You are absolutely right about taking your time to lose weight. Slow and steady wins the race!

Ahh! Moving is awful...I just did it a couple of weeks ago. If I was rich enough, I'd just leave everything and start over!!!

Have a great day!!! :D

That book sounds interesting!! I will have to come back to your post later when I am home and copy down the title. I liked the exchange diet years ago and still have that in my brain. the one I was on was with WW and it really taught me sensible eating!

Susan, I had to return it but I'm going to order a copy of it. (Should probably do that now when I'm thinking of it.)

I've been doing OK on the eating. I try to think before I eat, and remember that just because I'm hungry it doesn't mean I need food. Last night I managed to successfully resist the urge to make a sandwich at 2 AM. DH has started working out with me, and I have to say it's really helping. I'm not doing it at the intensity that I should, but I'm up off my butt.

We're looking for places to live and a car right now. Our old car is still broken, but we've decided it's better to get a cheap second car and wait until tax time to fix the other one. I don't know if I mentioned it before, but it was my mom we moved in with. That's not working out. I would like to be able to stay until we have the money to fix the car, but doing that would totally destroy the relationship I have with my mother and probably do serious damage to my marriage. So we're moving again, and I am throwing away the boxes. No more moving until we buy a house. Seriously this time.

Moving is not my greatest joy, either. Hang in there. Great that DH works out with you. That should help with some motivation! Thinking of you.

I'm back, and only a month later! :)

We are (mostly) moved--living in the new place, but with quite a few things still at Mom's. DH is driving her old farm truck back and forth to work and it's doing fine, I'm sure it will last until tax time. We did have almost $1000 toward buying a second car, but I just couldn't do it. I've had terrible luck with buying used cars, and to me spending that $1000 on a used car that, in my experience, would break sooner rather than later, was a waste of money. So it's sitting in the bank account and we're waiting.

Federal taxes should be fairly simple this year, although we've lived in two states, not just worked in one and lived in the other so those will be a little more complex. I'm filing the second I get DH's W-2.

I'm back on the diet wagon, although with many jolts and bumps along the way. As always I'm trying to learn better habits and stick with them instead of just dieting to lose weight and then being unable to keep it off because I don't know what I'm supposed to do. I think getting enough exercise is going to be hardest, although we do live "in town" now, and actually just one or two blocks from a very pedestrian-friendly neighborhood. Now I just have to figure out how to get both boys and the double stroller down from the second floor.

I'm still afraid to weigh myself. I know that I have started losing weight since we've been here because my rings are fitting better. Can't say that about any of my clothes yet.

learn better habits and stick with them - That is wonderful !! :up:

Thanks, Beth! It occurred to me the other day that if I only ate when I was hungry I'd weigh 120 pounds--that's definitely my worst habit. I didn't eat dinner tonight because I was tired, so I've been sleeping on and off, mostly on, since about 6:30 PM. I just woke up hungry and I'm going to eat now. It's kind of conflicting for me, because part of me says "eat every few hours to keep your metabolism up" and part of me says "eat only when you're hungry and when you haven't eaten for a few hours." I suppose this is something that I'll have to learn as I go--when is it appropriate to only eat when you're hungry and when is it appropriate to eat on a schedule?

I think we're all going to go for a walk later today. I hope to figure out some way to get both kids and the double stroller down the stairs while we're at it, because I'd really like to take walks until the weather turns bad since we're now in a very walkable neighborhood.

I made up a new menu for the week, healthy dishes with lots of fruits and vegetables that can balance what I want for taste with nutrition. I love fat--mouthfeel is my downfall--and I hope to use strong flavors to overcome that. Real garlic, not powder, caramelized onion instead of sauteed, grilled chicken instead of baked, etc.

Great planning with the meals. Glad to read you are all moved and in your own space. I hear you on the flavors. Sometimes that is what "calls" me - not hunger. Have a super week.

I'm really having to resist the urge to eat this morning. I didn't do so well last night; we went over to my mom's and I had nacho dip and dried beef gravy with toast. I did restrict myself to one helping of the gravy, though, for whatever that's worth.

This morning I'm just...I don't know. I was hungry but not so much anymore, but I still want to eat. And eat and eat. Sometimes I think that I'd rather be fat than have to moderate my eating because I love food soooo much. If not for my family history of diabetes and the fact that I am apparently becoming very sensitive to sodium, I might do it anyway.

My food plan is way off for this week because DH didn't get several key ingredients at the grocery store. I asked for wonton wrappers because I saw this awesome idea about putting them in muffin tins, blind baking them, and then putting a few slices of fruit in and baking again. Like a two-bite pie. And I was going to make crab cakes which need breadcrumbs, and have oatmeal for breakfast to get a lot of fiber to start out the day. Except he didn't get the wrappers, breadcrumbs, or oatmeal. So I'm kind of at loose ends. What good is a meal plan if I can't make the food on it?

I have to admit, when I went into the kitchen this morning to make my oatmeal and found that there wasn't any, I was very tempted to have leftover pizza instead. But then I thought, how stupid would that be? "I was going to have oatmeal, but we didn't have any so I had pizza instead?" I had a bowl of cereal, and a few hours later I did have a few pieces of krab meat that were in the fridge. I had a diet soda and that seems to have calmed me for now. I'm going to get a big glass of ice water, too. Fingers crossed that I'll be able to wait until lunch to eat again.

I found this quote while messing around online and thought it was incredibly relevant, so I'm going to paraphrase it here: "Have you ever woken up in the morning and wished you'd eaten more last night? I bet not, but you've probably woken up wishing you'd eaten less."

I'm struggling with my tendency to eat just to be eating right now, and that quote was kind of like a "duh" moment to me. Whatever the food is, even if there are no more leftovers, it can be reproduced. There's no need to be gluttonous.

Now I just have to put this into practice.

Good to see you posting again. It takes me a while to get my blood sugar spikes and dips to level out when I start a new plan. I recently started a new one, because I had similar-sounding issues as you. Mindless carb and salty/crunchy munching. Munch, munch, munch. I could not stop myself.

Reading your last couple of posts, I noticed that there was not that much protein in your breakfast. Protein impacts your blood sugar over a longer period of time than carbs like cereal. Many processed carbs are quickly absorbed by the body, cause a blood-sugar spike and a dip later on. The dips make me ravenous. Try to include more protein with your meals, if you can. You don't have to go no-carb or low-carb, really. Just including more protein makes me less hungry for carbs and fats later in the day, and especially at night. There is a big difference between "that looks good, and I could eat", and "MUST EAT NOW!!!!".

Have a great weekend. Take care.

I'm trying to do a sort of exchange diet where I eat, say, a protein, 2 carbs, and a fat with a meal. You're right, protein is really hard to get in in the morning if it's not eggs. I need to remember that it doesn't need to be traditional breakfast food, I can have turkey slices or string cheese or...whatever.

I'm going to get the scale this weekend and bring it up. I'm biting the bullet; I'm going to weigh myself. I would love to pretend that I'm the type of person that can go solely by how my clothes are fitting, or how I feel, or measurements, but I can't. I need those numbers so that I have a concrete start and end point. And for some reason it's a lot easier to resist food when you can say, "I weigh X pounds and I want to lose 2 pounds, that's not going to help me."

DH and the kids and I went for a walk today. I think we were gone about forty-five minutes, I broke a good sweat despite the cold. Since I can't figure out how to get the giant double stroller and both kids downstairs at the same time, I think I may just go for a jog alone in the mornings while DH is still at home. That way I don't have to worry about bundling up the kids and dragging them up and down the stairs, and I don't have to wait for anyone else to be ready.

Birthday party for my niece tomorrow. Wish me luck.

There was a birthday party yesterday and, as is the norm with my family, there was yelling and words were exchanged. My husband was involved and without going into details, I don't condone his methods but I do agree with the point he was trying to make (that it is not OK for anyone to physically harm our children).

All of the events last night made me realize that no one in my family really cares about us, with the possible exception of my parents. We are the black sheep. I'm not saying they don't love me and the boys--I know they don't love my husband--but it's a sort of vague "I know I do because I'm supposed to" love. This realization is somewhat painful for me because there were several times that we have talked about moving away from here and going cross-country one direction or the other. I have always wanted to--and still want to--experience a new place, but I kept saying no because "my family is here." It seems so stupid now because I doubt that any of them would even think of us when making a decision like that. And now we are in a position that moving cross country is so much more difficult than it would have been back when we first met. Anyway, enough of the whining. I've distanced myself from them over the past few months and no one has cared, so I don't see why I should waste any more time on it.

I went for a jog this morning. It was twenty to thirty minutes, I'm not totally sure when I left, but I ran some, walked most. I'm hoping to work up to running for all or the majority of the time that I'm out.

I'm also doing pretty good on my eating. I've been trying really hard to only eat things that I want to eat and enjoy eating, and also to eat slowly without the TV on. That last part is the hardest, to be honest.

I might do a yoga or a pilates video this afternoon, but I don't know if I'll have time. I have two Halloween costumes to sew that I've barely gotten started on so I suppose I should put some serious effort into that.

I have been doing really really well this week, including Sunday. Three--well, two and a half--days! Knock on wood. I hope I don't jinx it by posting here. It's weird how little fills me up when I'm paying attention. I'm also starting to pay attention to sodium contents again, and it's a little shocking how many things have a lot of sodium. On the other hand, today was the first day in a long time that I woke up with fingers that weren't all swollen up.

I'm going to do an exercise video this afternoon, not sure what yet. I'd like to try a bellydance video, but I always feel like a fool when I do them, even though there's no one else in the room. My shins and the fronts of my ankles kind of hurt from yesterday's run, so something low-impact is probably in order.

But anyway, I'm so excited that I'm doing this and it's not like pulling teeth. I want to stick with these good habits for a month ad get them really well ingrained.

Oh. My. Sounds like you've had alot on your plate that I've been oblivious to...sorry....
1. go be active when DH is home. Really. If Shawn wasn't gone by 5 am, I would, because it's SO much easier not to deal with wakey wakey, get into warm clothes, get into the stroller, now let me push you, no quit crying, what, you're hungry AGAIN? what, you're COLD? Now you're HOT?? stuff... and such a good time to be one with your own identity, listening to your feet and being one with YOU...
2. I hear you on the moving/family thing. My own family is... weird. both my mom and dad live within 10 miles, we see his mom more...we saw her more when she was in San Diego, and yet, I wouldn't move because "my family is here." -- habits are hard to break, even when they're bad habits.
3. Keep on keepin' on. It's not supposed to be like pulling teeth, it's supposed to be like being active and healthy and laughing and having fun. Often, three out of four are harder than they look, but damn, those sit coms make it look easy...


happy days ahead!!

We're living in a second floor apartment now, so dragging a double stroller up and down is a big PITA. Plus I can't really jog with the kids, and it is nice to get some "alone" time.

I felt so juvenile writing the thing about my family not liking us, but I still feel that way. There's that saying, you can't control the behavior of others, you can only control your reaction to it. That's how I feel. My reaction is to distance myself from the bad vibes, which I definitely don't need right now--or ever, really. I doubt we'll be going to any extended family holiday celebrations this year, and I'm sure I'll get calls about that. I'm not going to feed the gossip machine anymore, though.

Making these changes is sometimes easy, sometimes hard, although for some reason something seems to have clicked on Saturday and it's not that difficult right now. Food is the thing I'm having the hardest time with, because I love it so much. To my surprise, I actually like going for jogs or swims, or playing (some) sports. I never considered myself to be athletic, but I guess now that I can do it on my own or with friends--now that it's not a popularity contest like in high school--I can relax and have fun with it.

I didn't get to jog yesterday because the shoes I bought don't fit right, but I did about 30 minutes of cardio on our cable's OnDemand section instead. One of them was Billy Blanks, and I have to say, I felt like an idiot trying to do that little bouncing dance stuff he does with his exercises. And I was alone. With the blinds shut. I guess I just need to get over it.

I'm probably the only person who doesn't know about this website yet, but I'll post it anyway. I found the site Hungry Girl (http://www.hungry-girl.com) while searching for these Tofu Shirataki noodles. (http://hlc.merchantcart.net/mainshopping.cfm?icg_id=82&Show=PURCHASE) I haven't checked out much of the site, but what I've seen so far has been good. There are recipes--chocolate muffins made from cake mix and pumpkin puree, and there is a section called "Chew the Right Thing," where they list a "bad" food, like breakfast sandwiches or patty melts, and an alternative that can be a recipe or a commercial product. I think it'll be a really good resource for me.

Thanks for the site link!
-heh. family distance can be a very good thing, when it's caled for (sounds like in your situ, it is :) )
I had the same relationship with Billy-- love ya like a brother, dude, but you make me feel like an uncoordinated tool!

I'm going to try a dance video and probably another Tae Bo video today. Here's hoping that I don't end up staring at the screen like an idiot for too much of the time.

Hi ica :wave:

I tried Tae Bo ONCE lol and only once - I could not do it, not even 1/2 right lol :laugh:

I hope you had much better luck then I did ;)

I tried doing the dance videos and I just felt too stupid to finish. Even though I was alone. So apparently, as much as I would like to be able to bellydance or just dance in general, it would seem that it's not for me. I actually haven't been doing much of anything for the past few days because I'm sick. Again. In fact, I doubt that I was ever not sick, as I've been sick on and off--and on--for the last three months. I had thought that it was my mom's house; she has a lot of pet hair and moisture, so I thought allergies + mold = feeling yucky. But we're not there anymore, so I guess that's not it.

I've been trying to stay with the eating, it's been hard with all the good food that's been here. But so far today I've been good. Granted, it's 10 AM, but still...

Eating has been an on and off thing this week. My friend and I were discussing this last night, and we both wished that it was possible to not eat. It's so much easier to not eat at all than it is to make good choices. However, that's not an option, so I guess that I'm going to have to learn to be reasonable.

I posted a picture of myself on my MySpace page last night, of me in better days. It's about four years old, I suppose, before I had kids and could actually lose weight if I tried. I looked good. A little uncomfortable in front of the camera, maybe, but I looked healthy, not fat. My BIL posted a comment that said "When the hell was this picture taken?" I took it down, but it's still annoying me. What a rude thing to say, first of all. And second of all...what a rude thing to say. It's like a) I can't remember when you looked that attractive, so that's not an accurate picture, or b) That may have been an accurate picture at one time, but boy do you look worse than that now. Take your pick, it's still rude. I was emailing back and forth with my friend about this, and she assured me that I still look the same. I'll give you that I look bad from the neck down, but I still have the same face. Maybe this is another sign that I need to put more effort into my appearance. Around family, at least; God forbid I just come as I am.

Interesting that we both have recently looked at old pictures!!! Very rude of BIL! No class at all! Some people just never think.

My eating is off, too. I am not sure what I am going to try next. Just trying to focus on HEALTHY.

Back again after almost a year! I've been dieting off and on, blogging about it elsewhere. The dieting off and on part really hasn't helped me--I don't know what my weight is (scale batteries are dead) but I'm pretty sure it's the highest it's ever been or very close. More than when I was nine months pregnant. *Deep sigh* So instead of just half-a**ing it I'm going for all the support I can get--I'm back on DT and on Spark People. My goal is to be at 185 by August 2009, which I think is about a 75 pound loss. I'll have better numbers when I force myself to buy new scale batteries.

Good Morning Jessica, :wn

Welcome back HOME .. I'm 2008% (to 2009%) sure that YOU WILL ACHIEVE YOUR GOALS .. remember you're on a lifestyle change SO BE PATIENT WITH YOURSELF because you're well worth the PATIENCE it takes TO ACHIEVE YOUR GOAL.. have and make it a great day. Monica

ica171 keep your head up and stay positive don't let BIL comments get you down. Some people are just haters.

Dieting has been off and on for the past few days. Basically, I'm doing pretty well with getting my water and fruits, but everything else is too inconsistent to comment on. We're moving Saturday--to my mom's house. The short story is our apartment building was sold and everyone was to be out July 31. We found a place we liked right away, but the guy wasted two weeks of our time, up to this last weekend, before he turned us down. Well, actually, he didn't turn us down. Supposedly he's still thinking about it. I appreciate it so much when people leave me hanging like that. 8-| Anyway, we called a few other places, but where there had been a dozen places that would have suited us at the beginning of July, now there were none. As much as we hate to do it, we don't really have any other options. Other than sleeping in the car, and I'm not a fan of that one.

So there we go. Living there will be hard on the diet, but my exercise bike is still living there, so that's a good thing. And there's a yard that we can play in, I know the boys will love that. I'm trying to stay positive--the last time we lived there was very hard, but at this point I'm going to stick to the "choose your battles" advice I try to live by.

I'm digging this journal out from the dusty reaches of DT to post an update.

We're now here at Mom's and have tentatively set a move-out date for February, after we get our tax return. I can't wait. As a stay-at-home mom, I've become the go-to babysitter and pet caretaker. These are not things I mind in moderation, but both have become five day a week propositions. If I wanted to care for three-plus kids, I would have given birth to three-plus kids, and if I wanted to care for a ton of dogs and cats, I would own a ton of dogs and cats. Ah, well. Only five more months until I can have my clean, quiet, two-child home back.

After wandering around aimlessly, going from low-cal diet to no diet and back, I've decided to give low carb another try. That's how I lost a ton of weight before I met DH, and if I do it--and stick to it--it does work for me. I was talking to DH the other night and I said, "It's too bad that low carb costs so much, otherwise I'd do that. It's really the only diet that's ever worked for me." He said, "So do it. We can afford it right now." It was kind of a duh moment, because he's right. We won't be saving as much, but hey, if I can lose the weight, I will give up a little bit of savings. So...here I go again. Wish me luck.