First, a word about the title of my journal. Being thin does NOT equal happiness, and I know that. But being confident about what I look like, eating right, and exercising makes me feel good. It's a step in the right direction to be healthy, and that means losing weight.

You've all heard my story before, or one just like it. I've dieted all my life, and it's only made me fat. I weighed 242 pounds the summer before I came to college. In the dorms I met some girls who went to the gym with me and were very supportive. Between January 3, 2005 and September 1, 2006, I lost 92 pounds.

For six days in September 2006 I weighed 150 pounds, my goal weight. I think I got scared actually having reached my goal after 10 years of trying to lose weight (I was in the fifth grade when I started being embarrassed by my weight--my friends were all very small). One week (count 'em: SEVEN days) after those six days of triumph, I weighed 162 pounds. Of course most of it was water weight, and I was probably on my period or something, but you all know that none of that makes it feel any better to gain twelve pounds in seven days.

I struggled with that ten pounds until Christmas, when my boyfriend started acting strange. He dumped me on January 2, 2007. On December 11 I had weighed 160 pounds. By February 4th I weighed 190. I reached my high weight of the year (I hope) on April 2nd at 195.

I want to try again.

I just don't know if I can.

I don't know if I can muster the motivation on my own.

Exercising alone (and exercise is REALLY what I need) is too boring/hard/unpleasant.

My ex, Mark, and I got back together in June, but that only lasted three weeks before my dad said some very stupid things to Mark and he dumped me again. I don't want a repeat of what happened last time, but I don't know how to prevent it. I don't have many friends here in town because it's summer and everyone's gone home. I only have a part-time job and there's no school right now. I'm bored a lot and stuck at home, and eating is the only thing there is to do.

I want to get back to the person I was a year ago. That person went running a lot (three miles four times a week or so), and she ate her vegetables. I still have all her clothes hanging up in my closet and GOD! they're cute. She wore skirts all summer, and heels, and she loved doing her hair and nails. I felt GOOD about myself. I was confident.

I just don't know if I can get back there. I don't know if that lifestyle is something I can keep up forever. I need some tips and some help. I know more about losing weight successfully than most people, but even though I know exactly what I have to do, I can't seem to do it. I suffer from major depression, which doesn't help the problem. Earlier this year, I did some group and individual therapy for Binge Eating Disorder. On the bright side, that hasn't been as bad as it could be. I haven't binged in over a week I think.

So what I really need is support. And tips for eating more veggies. I hate vegetables, but I know I need them. Or you could just tell me your story--I'm sure you can relate to what I've been through/am going through. I look forward to hearing from you!

Hi Lindy! Welcome to diettalk... and this is a great place for support. We've all been where you are and it's really hard, especially when we eat for reasons other than hunger. But when you said you want to try.... change that to I WILL GET HEALTHY AGAIN! No tries.... just doing. You can do it... you did it before, you can certainly do it again!

Your ex sounds like he really needs to be an ex! If he's going to dump you because of something that someone else said, then it looks like he's not the one for you. People who truly love you and respect you, stand beside you no matter what anyone else says or does. It's about you and him... not about you and him and your dad. You are better off.....

Although... I know that doesn't make you feel any less lonely or bored and that's a problem when you turn to food to ease those feelings. I do that and hate that about me, but we aren't the only ones that are in the "eat your emotions" club. lol It just takes practice of NOT doing it and finding other things to do instead.... it takes time and patience and diligence, but if we want to lose our weight, then it's worth it, right?

Just make a plan.... and stick to it. Take it a day at a time or an hour at a time if you have to. Sit down with a pad and pencil and write down all the things you did when you were losing your 92 pounds. Then see how you can incorporate that into your life right now... there has to be a way.

As far as veggies go, do you like V-8 juice? I love it and find it an easy way to get them down when I'm not cooking. But I like lots of veggies, so it's not because of taste that I don't get enough of them. It's preparation and taking the time to plan that kills me every time. I need to get back to planning and then executing that plan.

I hope you will get fired up and get back to the business of taking care of yourself and doing what you know makes you happy..... losing weight and being healthy. It gives us energy and makes us smile, so let's get busy! I need to get back to it, too... I've been fooling around for awhile now and want to get to feeling better physically and emotionally! Maybe we can support each other.

Take care and have a great rest of your week! I hope to see you around the forums more in the future. The more you write, the more support you'll see. Have a good night, Lindy and good luck to you!

Welcome.

The ladies who keep the weight off in Shape Magazine all say they workout out 1-2 hours 6 days a week.

For veggies. I eat a can of green beans with a pat of butter and MRs. Dash chicken seasons. A can is 3 servings (90 total) + 100 calories for the pat of butter.

Hi Lindy, I have a similar story so I can definitely understand where you're coming from! Good luck getting revved up and getting where you want to go! Although I never got to my goal weight or anywhere close enough to own cute clothes, I am daydreaming a lot lately about the clothes I will buy when I get a few sizes smaller! It's a good motivator :)

Also I went through a few years of depression (it's always lurking I guess, but lately (perhaps due to lots of exercise and good eating) it's been far away) and I know that was responsible for a lot of the weight I gained. I hit 245 at least, so our starting stats are similar. For me it was grad school rather than college where I really hit my worst period.

Anyway I hope to talk more with you and maybe we can exchange motivation and support! As for vegetables... the best advice I can give you is to get really high quality, organic, ripe, in season stuff -- you might be surprised how good vegetables are!

DJ, Lisad00, and Nausicaa-- Thank you for your replies and the advice! I don't like V-8 juice (except in bloody marys), but I do like the V-8 Splash. It's mostly fruit juice but there's veggies in there too. It's something, at least. And I LOVE green beans from a can. I just open the can and start eating. When they're fresh, I steam them and then drizzle a little honey over them.

One of the biggest problems with getting good vegetables is that I have to shop at WinCo, where the produce is low quality. I've never taken the time, though, to look through the co-op's produce section. Maybe they'll have some good deals.

The situation with my now-ex is ... complicated, to say the least. We've been on and off for two and a half years now. Sometimes I think that maybe I should just cut him out of my life completely, but then again, he's my BEST friend. He knows me better than anyone else and he keeps me sane. Plus I love him. I love being around him and I love all the things that being his girlfriend entails. I can't be just his friend because I would be too jealous, and we've never been able to be friends without also having sex. Like I said, it's complicated.

Today I have no groceries in my apartment and only about ten bucks in my bank account. Looks like it will be canned green beans and canned soup today for lunch. That's not a bad meal, except for the sodium. Of all the things to worry about at 20 years old, though, sodium is not in the top ten. I have crackers (very fibrous) and hummus for a snack later, and I have corn chips and salsa as well. So at least the things I do keep in my apartment aren't a disaster nutrition-wise.

If anyone else thinks of new exciting ways to eat veggies let me know!

The situation with my now-ex is ... complicated, to say the least. We've been on and off for two and a half years now. Sometimes I think that maybe I should just cut him out of my life completely, but then again, he's my BEST friend. He knows me better than anyone else and he keeps me sane. Plus I love him. I love being around him and I love all the things that being his girlfriend entails. I can't be just his friend because I would be too jealous, and we've never been able to be friends without also having sex. Like I said, it's complicated.



Post college I had some high drama guy issues. But I cut him out of my life cold turkey.

I decided what I wanted out of life and I wanted to be married and the guy I was with was engaged to another person. So he couldn't give me what I wanted. So I let him go. I also realized that any man I would want to marry would never appoarach me if I had some guy hang around me all the time.

It is true that he knows everything about you, because you are giving him so much time. If you put this much energy into a family member, a girlfriend, and/or a new boyfriend you could have a new best friend in about 6 months.

Also, you have to remember that if your realationship was so greate yall would not have broken up so many times.

Also, when I am super poor. I would place a can of green beans in a pack of ramen noodles. It is not soudium free but it is about 490 calories and cost about $0.95 to purchase.

Hello! Well i will share my story with you as well. About 6 yrs ago i went on ww and lost 50 pounds in 6 months then started slacking badly thru the holidays and gained and couldnt get my groove back. I quit the plan and regained all the weight and then some. I did crazy diets like cabbage soup diet, slim fast and neither worked. So i just decided to be fat. Afterall hubby still loved me but the problem was i didnt love me and knew i was totally unhealthy. In jan of this yr i tried ww again and began good and then a pile of things happened in my life(all in my journal) and i lost it. I screwed up for many weeks gaining weight and feeling totally depressed. I now have been doing calorie and fat counting with portion control and its working well, i have learned i control the food now and it does not control me, i am educating myself more and taking back my life. I know its a long road ahead but were all on it together one day at a time. As far as veggies, i love them. I like even the odd ones like brussel sprouts, spinach to name a few. Parsnips like carrots are so good. I spray a cookie sheet with non stick cooking spray, cut the parsnips in strips or chunks and drizzle a little olive oil and seasonings and bake. They are good. You can steam broccoli, or cauliflower, add cinnamon to carrots, try different salads using different kinds of greens and add mushrooms, onions and whatever. I like spicy so i will use hot peppers or green peppers in egg beaters to make a low fat, low cal omelet, you can make or eat soups with veggies, veggie burgers are yummy, dip raw carrots in ff ranch, eat celery with a dab of pt butter, dill pickles are a good choice as well, cucumbers mixed with lite or ff italian dressing and add tomatoes if you like them, tomato juice, three bean salad, beets pickled or not, i guess there are endless possibilities. Best wishes on your weight loss.

Well, I had this whole long response written and than my computer shut down. SOOOO frustrating! I was basically saying that Lisad00, you have very good advice. I am going to try to take it, but it's easier said than done. I just have to keep reminding myself that he lost out on a good thing. I waited for six months last time while he dated other girls and finally figured out that I was what he really wanted. Where else is he going to find devotion like that? I'm a good person and I deserve to be loved. He does love me. I know him well enough to know that he means it when he says it (and he still says it all the time). But that's not enough. I deserve to get back every ounce of devotion that I've shown him, and he won't give that to me. I just hope that when he wants me back I'll be strong enough to remember that. He WILL want me back at some point, I just don't know when. The problem is that I have a soft spot for hotties in general and him in particular (he's in the lucky 1% that gets an amazing body and face without trying).

As for food today--I woke up with a hangover, so I had five saltines before work and lots of water. At work I had beef jerky (130 cals). After work I went to Pita Pit and got my usual: chicken caesar with all the veggies and feta cheese. I ate that and 3/4 of a Hershey's bar for dinner. It's probably the last thing I'll eat tonight, but you know I'll end up drinking again. It wasn't the best choice for dinner, though, since I realized when I got home that I had all the fixings to make a much healthier and still very yummy sandwich. But oh well, I'll eat that tomorrow.

I've decided on a short-term goal: I want to weigh 174 or at least be solidly in the 170's by my birthday on Sept. 22nd. That's 12 pounds or so in nine weeks, which is totally doable. In fact, I'm sure I'll surpass that goal, but easily attainable goals work for me. If I don't expect too much from myself, then I don't give up.

Angel Eyes--Thanks for the response! all of those ways to eat veggies are something I used to do or have done in the past. I used to eat more veggies than I ever thought possible. I guess I just have to get into that swing again.

LindyGirl - your 12 lbs goal is doable. Sometimes it helps writting down what you want in a realtionship and comparing it to what you really got.

Het Lindy! I totally remember you from last year - gosh, you were such a success with all the weight you lost - congrats! :) We all have our fall-backs though.. and it's more of just taking a look at our lives and finding out what's most important - to me, at this very moment, my HEALTH is on the top. I'm coming down with a cold and I feel my pants becoming a little snug. I hate it. I think with some motivation and goals in mind - that you will get back down to your goal weight. So often we think that loosing weight will equal happy times, but you're right, it doesn't. Try making a list each day about things you are thankful for - it will definitely help.

Good luck girl.