all those mini's can sure add up

fortunately I guess...my mini's have been cut off


I have made great progress in some areas...but when i slip and slide..I do it big time too


My body has decided it is gonna fire off some warning shots and I can choose what I do from here


I have decided



My doc told me today that in her opinion it is stress and bad habits the last bit that landed me in her office today thinking I had a mini stroke last weekend...but if I continue in that way... I should have no problem at all achieving full blown heart problems very quickly


she was actually pretty good...the last few days scared me silly...and put me off the food orgy I was on... oh..I had great excuses.... I ate balanced meals...some days....followed those with maybe half a baguette with butter ...slice after slice...not all at once..it doesnt count then right?



ok done with that



I know better... I also know it is not easy to change...but my options are even more unpleasent


and truthfully..I really love life...I am even gonna allow myself to get out and love it even more !!!!!!!!



The last few days have been great as I am weeding out the crap I let back into my eating... I would be lying if I said I thought it will be no prob...but I am gonna do it anyways... will just deal with whatever arrises



I liked how I was eating before i took off on holidays...and my body liked it too.. not too much refined stuff...more natural


tracking is key


weighing and being accountable as well


the actual weight is not the biggest thing but to be realistic..I am very fat and have to lose fat...doctors orders...so sliding the scale under the cupboard and pretending it is going down will not work

love me for me... but really work towards less of me




anyhow...this will be my new journal for now... I promise to track my eating so I cna see what is working and what is not workoing

I find it very helpful to be able to compare weeks when I start to wonder wtf


weigh in will be once a week....I am picking friday for some reason.... my doc is seeing me in one month ~ unless my tests I am getting done has me in there earlier


gonna have some fun


gonna fit my pants for the challenge


gonna lose 12 pounds by the time i see my doc again


gonna eat 2 fruits min a day....6 veggies min


gonna take my vitamins


yup




it will get easier and easier


too damn young to worried about my ticker



oh ya...gonna find some way to try ands unwind too lol




I hope you all have a fantastic day tomorrow



Peng is losing some of this fat now



:x



xo

:jn :jn

I was so happy to read about your motorcycle goal in the closing post of your old journal! You can do it! I would love to see a pic of you riding this summer... :)

So glad the doctor visit wasn't too bad. It is tough to go through all those tests and not worry about them, but focus on that healthier visit in a month. That sounds like a plan. You will be fine if you can follow through! You have support & you know what you need to do -- you WILL do it!

Lisrey :hug:

Welcome to your new home!

Good luck with the new routines! It is not easy by any means, but it is far from impossible!

New journal, one less house, bit of a scare back to reality, and you're on track. It sucks that it took a possible medical issue to jump you back, but now you're here, and those issues won't be issues now that you are making the changes:)

GO Pengi, GO! We are right behind you!

wow I LOVE the title! Very nice!

And very relevant: I was reading the Ruby Tuesday online nutritional info yesterday (yeah, don't ask.... :laugh:) and their "Mini Burger" plate has 1370 calories. FOR ONE MEAL! So your title makes a majorly good point. Smaller things are only fewer calories when we don't make up for it by eating more of them LOL.

I was actually thinking about this last night. I was trying to decide what to have on my once-every-two-weeks "cheat day" and I thought "should I have a large bagel?" But then I thought "no, because I eat those mini 100 calorie bagels, and I've been eating them for so long that they look normal, not small, anymore -- but if I have a big bagel, they'll look small again!" And then I remembered that a few years ago, when I was at my heaviest and didn't know why, I would put 2 or 3 of the mini bagels in the toaster at the same time (with difficulty) and put a ton of full-fat cream cheese on them, and tell myself that it was fine, because they were small!!! *sigh*

Okay sorry for the long blah blah. It sounds like your head is in a GOOD PLACE. Use that and hey, it's spring! What better time than spring for some positive on-track good things? :spring:

YAY for new journals! So scary that it took something like that to get you back on track but I sure am glad it did.

We can't ignore our scales, or what our bodies are telling us. Not one of us here is willing to loose you to this Pengirly! I hope those tests come back clean and it was a GREAT BIG IN YOUR FACE wake up call and thats it.

And now that you've had it. Let's go.. Nothing to it but to do it!

I still need underwear. 12 pounds by the next Dr visit and we're going for them. Anything LESS dear Peng and your BUYING them lol *gloves come off*

Hello Claire, havent talked in a bit but i see your getting back on track, so am i. Its far from easy but i have faith we can do this. I am sorry for your scare but sometimes its what kicks us into gear. I have chest pains now and then too and expect to drop over but i dont, at least not yet but i know if i dont eat better and lose the weight one day i may just not be here for my kids, hubby and grandchild and i dont like that scenario one bit. so like you always say, keep on keepin on...

Pengii,

Wow, some very scary things you have been going through but so glad that you are ok.

Great time for a new start!!! You can do itt.

You are going to be fine girl.. .I started taking BP pills a few years ago...I was driving the car one day and just did not feel well.. so I thought I should go and have it checked... It way real high I think something like 200 / or 220/ not sure what and I too was scared.. I went to medical clinic immediately and got med Atacand and they have helped a lot ..right now I am 120/70 although I do not have all the stress that you have my dear friend..
So take care of yourself... and I am sorry you don't want our snow storm out there:laugh:
Glad you are getting a lot of tests, blood work done.. then we will have a healthy and fit penguin riding her Harley out East maybe..not there's a thought.. You would be more than welcome you know..
Hugs my friend.. glad you are on the mend and trying to take it a bit easier.. and you will succeed..

Louise
__________________

You can do it! We're here to cheer you along. :cheer:

I'm happy to read it was a scare. You will prevent it from happening!

Corinna

Penguinheadfishforbrains...

I am so so so happy that you did not have a TIA.

But I am even happier (if that is possible) that you are taking this as the warning sign it was and changing your habits -- not trying to change, just changing without waiting to think it through -- because it is the only way to have an impact on how much longer you live.

In celebration, I made a pressure cooked BBQ lean, lean pork loin, string beans w/onions, and sweet potatoes (and salad w/mesclun, cranberries, and apples) for supper. It took no more time than a less healthy fried and smothered pork chops, mashed potatoes and gravy, and string beans with bacon. It tasted great and won't contribute to killing me or DLIP.

You are a chef. If anyone can find delicious ways to prepare foods, you can. Experiment. Revive your creativity. Your ticker (and your doctor) will thank you.

And for God's sake, start exercising, even if you are only walking or lifting some hand weights at home. If I can do it, so can you. You like to swim, is there anywhere nearby? Or near your work?

If you exercise, you can eat more. You don't have to exercise to the point of blowing chow, like Bell and Jessica, you know. You can exercise like your buddy Chum is now doing, easier on the joints and the spirit until you turn into a pro athlete like those two! Just move it girl. Wear a pedometer at work. Buy some hand weights and do them while watching the tube. Walk around your property (if it is too snowy, then buy some used cross country skis, that would be fun). Force your assistant at work to walk with you for 1/2 hour -- you're the boss so they have to do what you say! hahaha

I know you can do this b/c living is better than dying. Even if you don't believe that and think that the afterlife is the true heaven and this is only hell, then for goodness sake, make the best of it and feel better as a result. You can invite DLIP and I there and we can all go on long walks when you take us sightseeing. It would be more fun if you and I felt good, don't you think? Eventually, you want to come for a visit and trust me, we will walk your little penguin legs off. hahahahaha

WTG, mylittleolefishlovingeniusgirl.

i love the renewed motivation in your first post Peng. love the title of the new journal..very fitting indeed..
you will get into those pants of that i have no doubt..
and i dont actually blow chow as chum put it so eloquently..just so you know..just feel like i might hahahaha.

Don't trust Bell...she has a maneating meanassed animal as her icon that ain't no big girl's blouse!

Hey. I just read your other journal entry. Well, that BP medicine is its own wakeup call -- and it sounds like she doesn't "think" it was a mini-stroke but she wants you to change your flippin' ways, littleflipperfishsmellergirl. CHANGE YOUR FLIPPIN' WAYS.

Again, I want to reiterate that I'm proud of you for followin' doctor's orders.

I want to see you on that motorcycle this summer (with a helmet, of course, no sense killing yourself the FAST way when you work hard to not kill yourself the SLOW way). None of that bellyflaphanginandthenflyininthewind stuff with you on that Harley. You are a cool girl, Peng. Way cool. Any leather-toting hottie would follow your long blonde tresses scooting by on a big bike.

You go motorcycleandmackerelonthebrainsfishhead.

I would just like to say that Bell has the cutest damn avatar on DT.

uh oh I hope I didn't start something...

hahaha what a great bunch !!

Yup, only going with the good energy...the negative energy wont be as deep as I am not allowed to eat through it anymore

I really hope I get to the point where I might blow chunks one day lol I have nothing but total respect for you girls who grind it off !!

and Naus, you look just stunning lately...not that you did not before but you just glow in your pics now...healthy healthy healthy


I am just glad that I did not stroke out... I think of a show I watched where the host said the guest has something we can take to eliminate the threat of heart disease and diabetes.... boy was I excited...a quick fix ?!? I am staying tuned during the commercial oh boy oh boy

nope...it was just damn advice.... some garbage about healthy choices and activity :o

true though...had I had the stroke...I would of bargained with the devil to give me another chance...so can not waste this one


I do feel stoooopid that I had to have a scare do for me what commen sense really should of...but


lulu I always thought high blood pressure was what you had... not this 140/90 stuff... but over the course of time....


thanks to all of you for remionding me why I want to be around for some time yet


took the first bp pill today and hated it... felt odd but only for first half of day...not sure what I should feel

I did have some brain farts though and hope it is not related...sat on my quad squeezin the brake waiting for the bike to take off..then a big DUH as I realized it was not the throttle


anyhow..I will work my buns off so that I can dump these pills right quick...I really feel my pressure will be back to normal right quick once i calm down...I am still quite wired



day was good... oatmeal for breakie(skim milk and couple grinds of vanilla sugar)
my homemade bison burger on ww bagel for lunch with sliced cuc and tomato
supper was my fav...boiled turkey sausages (2)spuds, broc, carrots
a nice fuli apple for dessert

so hit my targets today...once more fruit would of been better but apple was a good size... I have to remeber what the dietician said about how we underestimate portion size so much

like what you were saying aboutt the bagels naus...so true


when I was at costco on sunday I saw the 100 cal packs of snacks...doritos, lays etc...I looked and knew I would eat way more than one bag

only chips I will allow is a bag of baked if I ever get a sub


I stayed out of the center aisles at the grocery store except for beverages


a lot of brain work right now as I can not allow any crap that I know is a trigger or laden with crap


I laughed as I moved my old truck today to clean it out and found a lindt choc carrot :O I had bought a 5 pack last week and must of dropped one in my feeding frenzy... put it to the side and will take to work for my girl



The eveil peng inside says goe ahead and have a bit of thois or that...after all...no stroke right? just got to look at the pack of pills that I hate to change that



chummers...i have always said my greatest shame was being a fat chef...my food is wondeful...that is never what made me fat... it is binging after the meals...when alone..or on crap...very very seldom would it be my food that I went nuts on...it did not provide the guilt I felt i deserved

I have talked with other bingers who agreed...it was the sneaking the cake from the fridge at night that amped up the charge...not a big slice with everyone else



anyhow... not a lot of major cooking going on here as I have nothing to cook with anyways..one chinese stove , a slow cooker and a toaster oven lol



one of my many goals is a focus other than food


food is fuel

and an occasional gourmet indulgence


got on the old 'mill today... managed 15 mins and was happy with that...hauled garbage, went to town and found a roofer and looked into my appliances I want this summer

washed my new truck and shined it up when I got back

put 4 of my chairs together for dining room...got a lot done


I am happy with today


weighed in at 288.8...I had capped 290 last week and did not want to get on the scale till friday as I new it would still be ugly

but it is what it is and I wanted to be real with my emotions


so was happy that it was not higher and will be very happy to see it drop...will go with whatevcer friday says as my start

I am going to add 3 mins to treadmill each day...more if the bod is in mode... plus jobs around the acreage each day as well


I am not staying on BP meds


losing 20 pounds and calming down will do it


I am back to work tomorrow...I am gonna have to start having a little food plan...I want to get a little food scale as well just to keep portions in goal range


will start as work but finish as a lifestyle choice


one that I am happy to make



I hope you all have a wonderful wednesday



I will be catching up w you all soon



luv ya heaps




:x


Peng



ps...I love bells avatar too...but my fav has to be the fat cat with the beer bottle...maybe as I relate so well lol lucretia right?...I smile every time i see it

Hey, hey, hey. It's not ME who came up with the meanassed koala diagnosis. It is the Aussie with the big girl's blouse. (I love that and I love misusing it too ahhaha) You guys are getting on ME for saying koalas would tear the scalp off of you when you walk through the eucalyptus forest but you need to look at Ms. Blowing Chow Not Bubbles. Not me. I do not want a bunch of koala-loving protesters outside my building in the morning.

Pfffwt.

EXCELLENT day with eating and exercise Penguinheadbirdbrain. I am quite impressed and delighted.

Cheers!!!

I didn't think it was your cooking that you were binging on btw. I thought it could help you come up with yummy lighter junk foods that might satisfy you on a crummy day. That's all. I don't think that good food makes you fat. Processed junk food and no exercise does it (in my mind, though I know Oprah said you can get fat on carrot sticks if you eat enough of them, but who does? Gag).

I got fat on Pizza Rolls and Dr. Pepper and Krispy Kreme and Big Macs. Not on dim sum or sushi. I got fat by laying around on my "ample ass" (thanks Doc) and watching too much Law and Order. Believe me, I wasn't trying to trigger any guilt feelings. Promise. If I were a better cook, the healthier foods I prepare would taste better. But I am still learning. (I could use a chef in the house instead of a guy whose cooking experiments end up with noodles on the ceiling.)

How do you live with no stove or oven? Wowee. I've never used a toaster oven but I think it is for toast and mini waffles only right? I could've lived without those big appliance-things five years ago -- hell I wasn't even sure how they worked except to make spaghetti and frozen pizza. But now? I would go crazy if I couldn't cook for us. But then again, I'm not a chef who cooks all day long. Maybe I would be bored by it at home.

So did you take a motorcycle ride today? It sounded like it with all the throttle talk.

And yes I know you know about grief and stress and fear and all the terrible emotions I'm feeling now. That is why I know you will understand and I can trust you. I'm telling you so you know that your words help.

Have another great day tomorrow Peng!

PS -- I hate most exercise. I am doing some of it b/c I wonder if I will keel over at any moment if I don't. I like the pool classes but only b/c it doesn't hurt or humiliate. I wish I were more like the throwing up endorphins crowd (without the hurling whirlibirds part) who could exercise til they drop and love it. I really do.

PSS -- I find I am apologizing here tonight (sort of) more than a cheating politician (actually apologizing without saying "I'm sorry" is standard cheating politician fodder I suppose). Food for thought.

PSSS -- Food for thought isn't fattening is it???

Hey, that would be a great reward if Chum and DLIP came to visit!!

Patrician -- maybe it would make her BP spike with fear b/c I'm such a loudmouth. Though in person, I'm quite shy and sweet and even -- gulp -- koala-like. (The imaginary kind of koala that everyone here wants to believe in...not the clawing your eyeballs out to get to a passionfruit kind that Bell describes.)

Chum, dear chum-- that'd be PPS, PPPS, etc (post the post script, etc, ad nauseum.)

Oh, hell, dear pengii, I did not visit your brand new, fresh smelling, wee-themed journal to snark at a loved friend for a rare misuse of Latin? (or, hell, not latin, like I know.)(whatev.) ---------YOU, my dear, will be a roaring, medication free, non-blousey success, toward whom Koalas (and those seeking healthy molto deliciosio recipes) will look with adoration.

Chum's suggestions are spot-on, and your tread millin' goals and accomplishments are a fab-u-licious start. Keep on truckin' along, and that eighteen-wheeler's going to be on a two wheeler in no time. Just believe in yourself and do it to it!!

I'm reading Latin at the moment so I couldn't resist.

'tis Latin.

post scriptum (after that which has been written, i.e., above)

LOL. okay back to reading Latin.

OK people, fine. I should be editing my own DT posts now. Pfffwt. Here's what I say... psssss. I am not sure that "vurp" is part of the English language either, even if you do eat too much garlic.

Here is what dictionary.com said of "vurp:" No results found for vurp.

:blackeye:

hahahahhahahhahahaha

*Begins making Koalas Are People Too signs for her march on Chums building*

How is Wednesday treating you?

And why is it that you are a chef and you have no appliances and i LOATHE cooking and I have an oven, a convection oven, a microwave, a blender, a mixer, a food processor, a bread maker (that has yet to see a single loaf of bread), a foreman grill, a juicer, a dehydrator and a automatic salad spinner that the only time it was used I forgot to put the top on and had romaine on the walls for a month. I seriously think I should go all bohemian and ditch it all and dig a pit in the kitchen instead. Two small children, one large fire.. what could possibly go wrong?

I want to go carousing with ya Pengi, lets make some plans soon egh? You got my work and my home numbers ... and I am not above calling in sick =)

Now I have to go check out Bell's Blousey action ! her koala might just kick your arses after all that!

Chummers, I still remember that light little voice... my bp would calm with your company, I am sure !

I have no appliances and such as they all have to be replaced...just the fridge works

The list of things to do is very very long 8-|


Kendra a kitchen pit would prob be the best damn idea...maybe not in the apt but lol.... I had the top of a salad spinner fly off once too...evil things


playing hookey sounds damn fine to me too.... this weekend is gonna be busy again as my partner is gone then next days off I hve conractors coming for estimates... I can not start reno's until the roof top patio is fixed as it might come down...after that I can start painting, then floors etc... I am only doing main floor and one bathroom usptairs for the first goal.... will see after that

then I have a fair bit of mechanical stuff to check...but will go in mode


the girls are still commited to a wall paper peeling party and I am taking them up on that for sure...we could have the living room and dining room done in one day with 4 or 5 of us.

I do not want to make my list too big so I am not too overwhelmed



anyhow... thanks for all your posts... I have needed the diversion and spark !


took my damn pill again today, but later in day...when I stopped at grocers tonight I checked my bp on machine and it was 143/90... so much higher than yesterday.... no biggie but will check it whenever I am in there...not taking it too serious as it is over my shirt sleeve


ol peng aint stripping down in superstore lol


weight was 286 ...the fast fat will go fast, then I will be working for it

breakie was chicken boob & apple

yogurt for snack

bison burger (just the meat) and greek salad I made for lunch


supper was 2 turkey sausages, boiled blue spuds, asparagus, and prob 2cups+ of sauteed mushrooms...

4 huge strawberries and 1/3 c yogurt for dessert


quite full


could of cut supper back a bit..one sausage would of prob done it


some days hungrier than others I guess


logged back onto fitday today as I want to stay within a certain calorie range, or at least be able to review my weeks/results


that is what it will take right now to get fat off

I am going upstairs to do the mill now as I have been yawning and making excuses last hour...I had no prob watching big brother so can use the mill



I was thinkin as I was cleaning up...that when I was a healthy weight for so many years into 30's....I went to gym every morning..I ALWAYS made the time..it was like washing my face every morning

got up... dragged my ass to gym by 6 am at latest...ready for work by 8


I never worried about my food or wine much then and stayed a size 6/8 for years


I started feeling crap and getting fat fat when I quit working out and doing cardio


anyhow

day was good...I did breeze through kitchen (work) and almost dipped my hand into the bowl of crispy hashbrowns..they were put to side as they were overcooked and so crunchy...the way I pick em :o then looked at onion rings and knew there are so many things I want more... those things are not at my fingertips tho

a fast food fix is


I know once the weather is nice I will feel perkier and then the true test will kick in... I can not and will not justify 'one little indulgence'


nope



anyhow... today was good and I am happy w that



I called around pricing appliances out..I am so pissed off that the whirlpool stuff I want is only available in the states... I would drive to states to get it but am not sure about bringing it back

anyhow... kendra I miss not having company.. when my kitchen is done...it will be fantastic...I have an amazing collection of cooking ware and gizmos...just all still packed in boxes


weeks of reno's ahead so till then, pretty basic single stuff



anyhow



I hope you all had a great day


I am off for a quick bit on mill




:x


peng xo

Happy treadmilling! It will feel good once it's done, you know it! :up: You're doing good things for yourself, and it will pay off big. I am excited to hear more about your house projects... I need to get inspired in that department again. We use our kitchen SO much more, and I have been so much more interested in cooking since we remodeled it. Makes all the difference. You will get there!

Lisrey :x

GO GO TREADMILL! I watched big brother too.. reality tv.. a vice of mine! I'm good to go .. you let me know!

We will all get into walking synch..whether outside or on the mill... it is time


Kendra..I am so hoping next week goes better than this one


this one has turned into one of the worst I have had in forever


today I almost had to call an ambulance...if my mind would of been working good I prob would of

I was so pooped after dinner last night as I said, so did my mill and added 6x mins even as it got my heart working and made me feel better


I was gonna get on it this am but was so lethargic again


had scrambled egg and whites with a laughing cow light smushed in...went to work...had a chic boob at maybe 9:30ish

felt fine


was blabbing with girls and then my cook needed some beef so was off to superstore real quick

got my cart and away I went there..I usually walk at a good pace... got inside and felt a wee bit clamy...just thought maybe as I had had only protein (not unusual for am tho)..by the time I got to croissants in cart, I was started to feel real faint...was gonna go to truck and thought I have to wheel past cash anyways, will get the beef too..by the time I got there I was mid way to passing out
sweats, blurred vision, everything starting to spin

was so afraid I was gonna pass out...made it to cash somehow..by then my brain was not working right

gave her 50 bucks, opened my purse for change and tried not to barf anf go down

got to my truck and felt things slow down as I sat down, firgured I could make it back to work..I realized later that I should of never drove but my head was not right

got to work and put the groceries down and went to office...fortunately my head girl comes to ask me something and tells me I dont look good..I told her I thought I was having a bad reaction to a new drug , she got me a jug of water and asked what to do..I told her I was gonna call my partner

a good indicator of how messed up I was is that I tried to open the office door by pointing my truck remote at it 8-|

I knew she was familiar with bp and also I had a lot of money loose as I had not finished doing daily cash out yet

I called her just before 11 and said something was wrong and I thought i need to go get checked... in 2 minutes I bottomed out... was goona call an ambulance but was so worried about the commotion at the business
called her back and said I was in bad shape..she jumped in her car


anyhow..we get to emrg and I only had to wait 5-10 mins as I was going in and out... my partner had the bp pills from my purse

the doc said there was no way I should be on those drugs..he asked how long my bp had been at 140/90 . I told him that was the highest it had been and she only took my bp once that day... he told me if it was very high..like 220/120 they put you on the drug asap, 200/100 for more than whatever, then they consider it. Esp as I do not have a history of high bp


anyways...my bp was 140(he figured from fighting passing out) over 70 and that was an hour after the worst episode... I guess when I started my fast walk into the store it plummeted..I am sooooo glad I did not do the mill this am as I would of been poof for sure

anyhow..he sent me for a ecg , that took forever too... my ticker is fine, oxygen fine, he will send it to specialist to be sure but told me to NOT take those meds and said he did not want to get into a dispute with a doctor but that he questioned the prescription

the ecg showed everything healthy and no abnormal anything

my doc should of known how sensitive I am to drugs but so many people equate being fat to being totally unhealthy

I had told my doc that I had 2 weeks of very crappy eating, I told her I had been binging and had a week of salty fatty crap...that prob shot my bp up but my week of good eating had brought it back down

I just did not feel right taking that pill but yesterday told myself that the doc must know what is right and maybe it would save me a stroke


not eating copious amounts of crap will do more than any pill



anyhow

still feel flucked up... my body feels like it was hit by a truck... exhausted

he told me to eat small bland meals and drink heaps of water and it should flush out in 24 hrs


I never want to go through that again


even though I know it was just stress now last week... that can kill ya too...and I am not pushin my ticker any further


I want to drop 50 pounds

and no crap is passing these lips until I do...a bit of this or that is never the issue...you big girls out there know what I am talking about


no fried anything


cut the salt


lose some lard


I found out how strong I was today by being prob the weakest I have ever been in my life


I am praying to god that I am on the mend tomorrow


should be good real soon


gonna keeep steady with the exercise...and healthy meals...



today was nuts


I promise to catch up w you all soon



I hope I am making more sense soon... man.... what a weird feeling



anyhow



any of you thinking about that extra helping or bag of chips....run like hell while you still can :D




:x

Poor Peng! Yikes! I am so glad you are safe and on the mend. Drugs can do so many crazy things. Scary stuff. Get some rest & do as the ER doctor said... and let me know when you're ready for the walking challenge!

Lisrey :console:

That must have been so frightening Peng. Take care of yourself sweetie.
hugs bell :)

So glad you got through that without things getting even more complicated. Both my hubby and my mother had similiar reactions when their docs chanhged their bp medication and neither of them are overweight. I hope you start feeling back to normal soon. Lots of your problem last week was that you did most of that huge move on your own beside your regular word load. No wonder your body said enough! Things should start looking up now that you are settled.

Peng, how scary! You are one hard-headed lady to wait so long to go to the ER!! I get so MAD when I see examples of doctors acting like just because a person is heavy, OF COURSE they must have fifteen things wrong with them, so let's give them BP meds after taking BP once?!? My MIL has two of those home BP machines, both the electronic kind AND the old fashion kind, and for fun we measure my BP on there all the time; my parents also have one of the electronic ones, and we do it on that one also. My BP at home is ALWAYS 120 / 60. Well, EVERY time I get it done at a doctor's office, it's 140 / 90 -- unless they do it right before I walk out the door -- then it's 120 / 60 again! It's called "white coat syndrome" and every doctor should know that a patient's BP reading is highly influenced by the stress of being in the doctor's office to begin with.

However, since this gave you power to move forward in a very positive direction, I guess that's what they call a blessing in disguise? Or is it too soon to call it anything so positive? I have never had that kind of reaction but I have something called orthostatic hypotension (it's a totally harmless condition in which you basically go to 90% faint if you stand up rapidly from lying down). So it means that if I jump out of bed, after about 3 seconds, I lose all my vision and hearing and have to put my hands out to the wall and drop my head below my chest for about 10 seconds. So I kind of have an idea, maybe, of what that felt like. And it is NOT fun. Sleep well, and take good care of our Peng!

AAAK! Not fun times for Pengii! --glad the er doc seemed to have a good head on him (her?) and you have a great staff. Hoping for the best, hoping you get yourself some rest. (poetry, ahhh.)

really though-- take care of our pengii!

take care Pengii..so sorry this happened.. I actually wondered myself why bp meds for 140/ but I am no doc..
and the weight thing yes many folks think fat people are not healthy..Many aren't but many are ok.. I do the mill too and I do quite a good incline and rate...and nothing to it.. I shovel snow too non stop and all that is sore is my shoulders and arm.
So take care my dear.. Hope you get those other tests back.. so glad to hear your heart is fine.. and so is the bp..
:hug:
Lulu

oh wow... oh wow oh wow oh wow.... am I ever glad you are ok. That sounds so so so so scary! I think you need to call your DR and do some serious yelling! You also need to take it way easy this weekend. Is that possible?
Ok, that brought out the Mama Bear in me and I want to go grab you up and bring you here for the weekend to take care of you... promise me you'll be easy on yourself. Figure out a good eating plan and stick with it. It's good to say yes I'm going to eat healthy, but better to have an idea of how you are going to do it.

Thanks guys :x


It is just after 9 pm and I am feeling human again... I feel like I have more than one active brain cell even


quite weak today but soooooooooo much better than yesterday


Lulu I really wondered too but figured 140/90 must be very bad as I have never really had high bp and believed what she said...kinda...

I knew my crappy diet had set my nerves off to one extent


Kendra...I am def taking it a bit easy... have extra help for the weekend and will bake and such ...no hot kitchen till my feet are back under me... but I must say I feel really good right now...was very weak this morning but I think in a day or two I will be on mill and grinding it out


came home a putzed and cleaned tonight... def felt a bit of energy


naus I DEF call it a blessing in disguise... I have had a flawless week of food... I lost almost all the fat I gained during that binge, and that has brought my bp back to where it usually is (120/75 today)


I did grab a french frie today without thinking but when I felt its evil hot greasiness in my hand..i dropped it


I AM LOSING 50 POUNDs



I have never experienced anything like that before..if that is what it feels like when your heart f***s up then I do not want any part of that


girls....it aint nice.... I was almost completly useless


my brain fog is finally clearing a bit...but still had stupid moments today...my partner said that could take a few days



Kendra I am using the plan I did before I went away on holiday but a bit more restricted... just in that anything processed is gonna be really rare and I am watching the sodium more than before too... 3 days reg cals then one day with a bit more or that is the day I will have a ciabatta bun or something
like tonight i had 2 pieces of the mahi mahi (the smallest ones I had tho) made a whole grain pilaf with roasted garlic and turkey broth at work for home(will freeze portions in zippys)half a plate of veggies at lunch and dinner and the other 1/4s are a whole grain carb and a protien

mini snacks are at least half protien


I ate heaps of veg...no prob there...had 2 fruits but they were big..so more than 2 servings which is fine...prob close to 2 servings each


I am trying to reeducate myself about portion size again


we are so used to servings being so huge....when I go to costco next week I am gonna get that cute little scale for 20 some bucks

I am serious... 50 pounds is coming off by early to mid summer....will have much less body issues at that weight


I find it too defeating to think about being a teenie size right now...seriously...235 would be heaps better than the 350 of many years ago or the 284 of today

I would be damn proud to be that weight again and that is my only focus right now


I thought of my late sis...she ended up dying because she totally trusted that one doc who misdiagnosed her... I miss her dearly but am quite sure she would rather wait to hug me again... I like the doc I had seen too... but people never really believe me when I say I am so sensitive... I am def getting that across next time

I will go see that doc again in couple weeks and talk to her about this...I know she will feel bad , as she should.... there are just so few options for doctors here

it really is like a cattle call



anyhow



gotta go zzzzzzzzzz soon



sears has a good sale on this weekend so I am gonna order my appliances for the kitchen tomorrow...wont have them delivered till floors and paint are done but will feel better knowing I have them waiting

I am getting a double wall oven with one oven being convection.... that will be real nice..the whirlpool ones are priced very very good



anyhow



thanks for the wishes girls

I am really feeling almost human


I will be great soon



now gotta go find that wood to knock on :D



have a fantastic weeknd




:x



Peng xo

Is that your macadamia mahi-mahi? Did you like it? I hope so! :)

140/90 is borderline high bp -- that's about where I was when I was on meds. It's the bottom number they really worry about, and 90 is pushing high. You want it in the 70s I believe.

You WILL lose the weight & ride that motorcycle!! We will walk it off. Let me know when you're ready to start the challenge!

Lisrey :hug:

Lisrey, that macadamia mahi mahi is so good !! I am so glad you turned me onto that..I pop it frozen in the toaster oven and in 20 mins have a yummy, healthy protien

you know that is what my doc was thinking, I am sure... but she should of looked back to see that maybe ONCE in 6 years I have had 140/90...usually I am around 120-30/70-80 tops. There is such a doc shortage, those medi mall clinics are just nuts. The emerg doc had said like you did..if we monitered my bp for a month (at least) and diet and exercise (or lack there of) did not reduce the bp...then meds


anyhow, I can not tell you how good I feel to be back to normal


I have been busy getting stuff ready fopr th contractors and enjoying the work


friday I came home and putzed around...before I knew it it was close to 10!!!! whick is late for me on weekends... I just felt good and would do one cleaning task, then another

saturday I found my appliances on sale at sears :jn :dn :jn

I have been searching to no avail..I ended up getting a double wall oven (half convection) AND my fridge (with bottom drawer freezer) for less than what 3 other places wanted to charge me for one crappy wall oven that was not even self cleaning

then the guy at sears was so nice that he only charged me the flat 50 dollar delivery fee instead of the 90/hr usually charged for acreages

then saturdsay night again I felt so darn good that I ended up cleaning my bedroom, upstairs bathroom, stairs to basement scrubbed....before i knew it it was past zzzzzzzzz time


sunday a friend and hubby came out to take my old 4runner to town...oh ya..I also detailed it on saturday :up: and we had a nice visit and it was nice getting thier feedback on what I have done so far on house...they are such nice people and it was so nice of him to offer to sell my truck for me..he runs a bodyshop and said it was easy for him and he would love a dinner in trade


so got lots of yard stuff done monday but did try to relax some.... period started today so weight went from 283 to 286 but I know but it will come down quick...I did lose almost 10 pounds last week so will be happy as a clam to be back at 283 or 284 on friday and I know I will have another great week after that


my food has been good, but I want to regulate my portions a bit more as i did gte a bit heavy handed with some stuff..it happens easy


i went to costco today for that food scale but they were out so will try the sherwood park costco tomorrow

ended up with other crap tho 8-| only bought a spinach salad there and a cantaloupe for fruit and am having a crab leg and salad for supper



the food has reenergized me


I chatted with a buddy for prob an hour today and she is gonna try and help me relax..she knows I need to stop worrying so much...her hubby is a top contractor and is ripping off my roof next week..I know if he does it , it will be a good job... they are good to me too


when i slow down enough to take a good look...I have very good people around me..I just have to relax and trust more to let people close



anyhow


wanted to post as I have been gone.... I am just so happy not to be sick or having a heart attack



and I have gone to bed smiling as I got so much work done.... that big thing following me is getting smaller and smaller in size


I hope you all have a fantastic wednesday


I am back to work tomorrow and will catch up then :D


luv ya



:x


Peng xo

SOOOOOOOO Happy you seem in a better place. Less stress, more industry. It sounds juicy and fab-oo in Pengii land, and the weight will follow. --and now, a note about freezer drawers on bottom-- love mine, pray daily for a deep freeze. Pray daily for space for a deep freeze. Any kind of freezer space in addition would make me do a happy dance. *jigs off, thinking happy freezer plus Hawaii thoughts *

Yay! Glad you like the mahi-mahi. I had not thought of doing it in the toaster oven. That would probably be a lot more efficient. I will try that next time. :up:

Sounds like you've been getting a lot of scrubbing-type exercise. Are you ready to get on that treadmill & start a walking challenge? Let me know whenever you want to start. Maybe first day of spring? Isn't that Thursday or Friday?

Good to hear you back to normal & getting revved up on the healthy foods!

Lisrey :up:

ahhhh Pengi, so so good to hear you sounding positive and happy. And productive! Good girl. You were so down there for a it I worried about you disappearing. Glad to have my friend back again!

Glad you are feeling so good Pengii and that you are letting people help you with your house. Great on the appliances too, wow!!!

Hey buddy: Happy to hear you sounding so chipper an feeling so much better.. dang pills..great when we need them but watch out when we don't. Easting sounds good.. Isn't it niceot eat what you like..lol.. I love seafood and fish a lot.
Your appliances ound great.. I got new ones just over a year ago GE Profile SS fridge 22 cu ft with freezer on bottom and matching stove with convection/reg oven with cook probe.. now that little gadget I like.. Bet your double oven is awesome..
Great deal on the 4 runner... Hope you get a godo price for it..
Love seeing you this chipper... relax.. that is hard for me too..

That is how I know I am getting old girls... I am soooooo excited for new appliances hahah


I am such a deal shopper... gotta stretch that dollar... today I almost did cartwheels when i found my island pot rack light on clearance..so glad I went back to the store..I had seen one a yr ago...then looked online and nothing under 500... by some weird chance...they had that one left after so long...in a dif store...at a reduced price..I was hoping 200-300. $75 bucks!! I just knew they had one...not at what price...she said if I would of went there yesterday..it was marked down to 250. Today final clearance as they just had that one. :jn


anyhow....got ALL my kitchen lights, 3 spots (cute too), one matching curved track, and the pewter pot lamp that has 2 built in lights for just under $200. Should of cost me over $1000...not that I could spend that...but I could spend the 200!



yup, old as dirt...thats me :up: lol


Kendra I did not realize how stressed i was...I tried to tell myself everything was cool... but... I am not going anywhere anytime soon.


Just so you lovely ladies know :D



so Lulu I dont think I will get much for my truck...500-1000. I think the guy sold it for under 1000. I did not phone him yet, just got 2nd hand news lol. The mechanic was checking it out but I noticed a dark fluid from tailpipe and that cant be good lol. I hoped for 1000 as I could really use a tiller.

Yes, I said tiller



not a date, manicure or spa weekend



but a stooooooooooopid reartine tiller hahahahah I have so much landscaping to do but have to see where my budget will be at, the tiller would be nice but.... I will see.


anyhow.... I could barely drag my arse outta bed this am. was having such a good sleep...for some reason I have been feeling like I am going on vacation or I really need a vacation.


I can only hope to travel vicariously with jess and lisrey as there is no other choice coming up lol



My days off were busy...just today would of been a nice day off lol... soon... It might be spring fever creeping up



anyhow


I have to go pick out the deck stuff...have to have my info for next monday..(for my roof top patio that has to be rebuilt)...am sussing out the deals as usual




have a great thursday girls.... Lisrey..I am logging in time on the mill daily till we figure out a challenge



I better go to zzzzzzzz even though I just dont feel like it




god I hope spring comes soon





:x





Peng

Wow! Must be so exciting for you to think about finally having a real kitchen again! I was thrilled when mine was finally done, and I am not the chef around here, lol.

Yes, walk! Walk walk walk walk walk! We will be doing great in no time!

Lisrey :x

Howdy Howdy !! :wave:

The long weekend has kinda messed my sched up... friday was so busy, today too, sunday is always nuts... thats ok


weighed in at 283.6 yesterday ao that is good.... today I got a lindt choc gift, 4 carrots and one little bunny

I ate the whole thing...2 choc carrots at work, the last 2 late aft, and the bunny at home... then got my arse on the mill and figured I would need to be on it till morning to burn that choc :o


but I am glad the easter bunny gave me some choc...I sure enjoyed it...and I am glad the bunny knows I have no resistance and only buys me small choc gifts evry now and then lol



I truely dont feel overly motivated..I think I am piling too much on my plate...so gonna try to not worry so much


I have some great luck coming up and am gonna pile that happiness up

my appliances will be delivered april 1st. and with a huge stroke of luck, my partners buddy is a electrician and general handyman...he is from trinidad and LOVES his food... he is in city for 2 weeks (works in oilpatch)and has offered to install my new stuff for the cost of parts and some treats from my new equip!!!

installing the countertop burners, builtin ovens and all the lights would run several hundred dollars so I am so happy...plus I have a few wiring issues he is gonna fix for me..if he cant finish it all in a few evenings then he will fix it enough till he is back


Another person on the dinner list!! I will have some fun once this place is in one peice


Lisrey I am soooooooo used to doing without...I just cant imagine things actually happening


I bought another 2 boxes of cork floor tiles as the first one looks kinda dark...the 2nd one looks too light...before I invest that money I want to be sure of the flooring...I will not be able to replace it again...this has to last at least 10-15 yrs...hopefully more

I figure which ever one I dont use I can use to line my little wine cellar


if my camera picks it up good lisrey I will send you a pic of each to get your opinion..I know you like renos too



tough decision..I fear making the house look too masculine by the dark woods and floors...my windows are trimmed in deep walnut, the rails on banisters and dividers... then I have teak, oak, cherry, mahogany...a big mix of wood...so thinking the mixed color in cork might help...anyhow


the right lighting could make up for the floor...plus when I get to put in a couple new windows or doors, the natural light would open up the space



ah, i could blab on forever lol



gonna go stare at the floor some more, I keep moving the boards around... got lots to get ready for this week too...days off will be vry busy

floor guys come end of week to measure... then they go on hold till painting is done...should be warm enough to tackle that right soon



I cant wait for spring


oh ya... emer doc called and has detailed results from my heart test...going on wed to find out...hopefully all good


I sure feel better without the pills...got to keep building the exercise though



cant take the good feeling for granted



have a wonderful happy easter all




:x




Peng xo

that is such great help

Good for you to be able to enjoy a little chocolate treat then get back to what's good for you. :up: It's great to hear you were on that treadmill!

I am thrilled for you about the appliance installation. How wonderful! Every little bit of savings counts in a big project like that. I'm sure you will make the right decision regarding the flooring... but it is agonizing until you can come to that conclusion, LOL. It will be beautiful no matter which you choose, I'm sure... but would love to see the pictures if you get them. ;)

Have a happy Easter & don't work too hard!

Lisrey :wave:

YAY YOU FOR MILL TIME!

It's your house, do it how you want it. if it turns out all dark and masculine I'll bring you flowers and girly stuff to lighten it up =)

Oh Pengii.. I may have an oppertunity to buy a little French Bulldog.. I may have to ..

I am a horrible decorator. I just don't care enough to spend a lot of time or energy into picking stuff. Either I like it or I don't and if it takes too long I lose interest. I am that way with almost everything. hahahaha I will browse online at things for hours but only to avoid paying bills or other important stuff. For instance, I have lost the entire morning to such hogwash b/c I have so much to do (bills, taxes for three parents and us, etc etc., laundry) and don't feel like doing any of it. So, I browsed cars, DT, hip pain, just BSing my time away.

Ack. I had no Peeps this year. Proud of me?

Chummers, If I live to be 80, I will still smile and think of you every time I see a peep :D

you did marvelous not to have a few !


Kendra, french bulldogs are beyond cute too ... I like boston terriers too... hell, I just like critters lol


Lisrey, I did not hit the mill yesterday and I am just not feeling it today...I did do a lot of stuff but I KNOW I need the 15 mins on mill too... just because..it is as much a mental thing right now


maybe before I shower in a bit


today girl, my day sucked soooooooooo hard....I was ready to jump from my rooftop patio but it prob would of just collapsed before I could take a good run at it 8-|


I fell asleep watching the darjeeling limited movie (watched it later again) and missed the call from my builder...woke up this am when I heard the clock chime 8am. Saw a message flashing and it was my guy saying they were coming by 8:30 am and to call last night if there were any changes :O


lucky I had clothes on by the time they pulled up lol


so my $7,500 roof job has at least doubled and there is a chance it will top 20K. I can not even fathom that really right now. A good thing is that had it waited one more year it and the wall would of collapsed...the rot had been building for years...I knew there was work to do here but this was unexpected...every thing he took offf today exposed more and more rot. On the plus side he said the house was built exceptionally well...had the roof been maintained this would not of happened... and thank god the house was built with double exterior walls... so anyways...my whole outer wall has to be replaced.

the roof was built with custom trusses and al said if I had to replace those...the job would cap 40-50K as the upper bedroom would have to be rebuilt too



unbeleivable


anyhow...looks like I can no longer afford a painter .... and I guess I just have to swallow it and move on. Since we have to replace the friggin wall anyhow..I bought the double garden door to be installed...it will look marvy...it will just be a couple years till I can afford the deck it will open on hahaha


I had to cancel my plans for the upstairs and I am just praying to god I can stretch my money out to do what has to be done. I am so damn lucky I made money on the city house, but it will be gone soon. This extra 20 thousand has to come from somewhere... ah... you all know what I am saying..we all have our bills and crap... I had just been hoping so bad it would be all done for under 10. Oh well



I will post pics of my day when back at work wed... it is really unbeleivable to see the pics... my window in the dining room has dropped since that water was coming in last month...you can pass a pencil right through to outside now... so I have to replace 3 of the 4 windows... when my guy went to look he could not believe it...I could not either..I told him the window had only dropped this spring as it was solid over winter..I guess someone was watching over me somewhat...if I pushed hard the window would fall out...

like I said... quite a day... I will spend more fixing this house up than I paid for my last house and land... shesh



so much for getting ahead



I dont know how I would function anyways without debt lol... why start now huh



anyhow



My food was less than stellar today...too many carbs, not enough fruits and veg... almost no fruits and veg... Had a glass of wine after the boys left and that is also a no no right now


gonna not have anything else tonight and start with my cereal and eggies in am



I will manage this somehow...without food or wine....



will just focus on what good came of the day



or at least try


I hope you all are well



have a great tuesday



:x




Peng xo

Oh wow, $20,000, what a shocker but it is good it is going to be safe and leakproof.

You are doing great Pengii.

oh holy crap. that's nutty bad housing luck. (but food & wine won't fix it, and being less healthy/happy around it won't help. Fight the good fight, friend!!)

poor poor peng. You let me know where to start and i am a worker bee!

Well, not happy news about the rot and costs, but good thing you caught it now. House stuff can really snowball for sure. You know, you could think about the house like a mirror for your weight loss... As you move forward in time, you get thinner and the house continues to progress and improve as well. Neither will be fast but both will last!!

I hope you were able to convince yourself to walk that 15 minutes... It's tough when we're starting out, but you know that. Just do it!! :up:

I can't wait to see the pics! I hope your Tuesday is better. Take care, my friend. ;)

Lisrey :wave:

I'm with Jessica -- food and wine will NOT make this any easier and will NOT make the problems go away. They will just add new problems...mini-strokes, heart disease, bad knees so you cannot climb stairs, bad back so you cannot punch contractors in the nose when they don't do what you say, diabetes so the black-eyed contractors have to pick you up off the floor when you pass out from blood sugar fluctuations. NOTHING GOOD COMES FROM NOT GETTING ON THE TREADMILL EVERY SINGLE DAY AND EATING AND DRINKING WHATEVER THE HELL YOU WANT.

Don't do it Peng. If you have to, go back a few pages of this journal and remind yourself why you titled it "mini donuts mini burgers mini strokes."

You can do it. We are all here for you.

BTW, I'm curious. In NYC no one gets inspections when they buy an apartment. In DC and KS, you never ever buy without one. Do people not have thorough inspections of properties before they buy them in Canada? If you had an inspection and this was missed, I would sue your inspector.

Hey Buddies !!

Man, yesterday was a fantastic day compared to today lol I left this morning after dead mice started falling out the insulation 8-|


anyhow...tonight a six foot hole is in wall for my new door...no wondows... half an outside wall... but I am just gonna let it go.

Chum, I never had it inspected as I knew it needed work...was not sure as to what degree the roof was in...the rest of the probs were fairly evident. I got the house at a price that even all these unexpected costs will still keep it a good buy...hard to believe right now but just have to remind myself of that

I think the worst thing is not knowing how much $$ it will be. Today it went up a lot more as the complete wall had to rebuilt. Anyhow, cant quit now and at least it is a reputable guy doing it.

It could be a month before it is done...depends on how long till the windows are in... just gonna adjust

Kendra, you may have to move in for awhile lol



the treadmill and good eating just dont have the instant gratification food or wine does..I guess thats why it is so tough to change. The end effects of both are total opposites of the initial effort tho. The food leaves me feeling crap where the mill and good eating lifts me up


man, if only it was easy


I am afraid to get my results from my tests but know I must... I still feel vunerable and still am quite vunerable... I dont want to wait for the ol ticker to explode...just have to remind myself of that



anyhow, wanted to check in real quick



I am doing chores then gonna do the mill..even just my little bit



hope you all had a great day




:x

oooooooooooooo

might take a bottle of wine to bed with me tonight after all :(


the guy had to shut off some breakers to cut the wall out...anywho...now that it is dark dark...not night...but black like it gets in the country where NOONE else friggin lives.... I do not have power upstairs...and my yard lights have no power either... and... I am too chicken $hit to go to the basement and play with the breaker tonight lol


<<insert heavy sigh>>


so the wine bottle can be used as a weapon lol... it is sooooo drak without the yard light...plus it is freaky having the windows and door thing boarded over


so one of my dogs also bit the boss contractor today... he was ok about that as he knew I did not expect him to have to go downstairs..otherwise I woulda kenneled them... it was only funny as we had been joking about my watchdogs...and he said thier bark might scare ya but the bite was not too scary...next time he went downstairs he took his level and they stayed away lol

she only grabbed his jeans and he thought it quite funny that the dog would attack him as she is so small... like that old tv commercial of the mailman seeing one weiner dog in the yard then a ton of them run out from the bushes



anyhow..I came back on the puter as I was a bit scared to go upstairs... that is stupid and I can not let those thoughts enter my head... I found out today that my ghost did NOT build this house...it was the family that owned all the land around here...bernard was only here a short time... interesting


met some locals today... 3 neighbors...such a small world



anyhow...gonna find my flashlight and go zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz



I sure miss that outside light





44 is too old to be spooked



hell, if my last relationship did not spook me... I can handle a stupid ghost




night :x

Ghosts can be both good and bad company.. I hope for your sake he behaved himself last night.

All alone in the dark WOULD have freaked me out too.

Yes Kendra...this ghost is quite moody.

My electrician is from St Vincent Island and says he has a cure for the ghost..we will find out soon lol


ANYHOW


on the heart attck front


something to clear the old brain out again



I get to work this morning and there is a note telling me my friends hubby had a stroke on monday...remember me telling you of the buddy who picked up my old truck and was selling it for me? him...I work with his wife and they are the nicest people ever. He is 40 something...maybe my age or a year or three older... a smoker, casual drinker, m a y b e 10 pounds extra on him... but..a stressful job running the body shop...they eat higher cholesteral foods


It is so odd as we had all been talking about my heart scare and he had been saying how you just never know .... he is the last person you would think to get one...anyhow..he had been feeling crappy, bit of cold but now maybe mustaking the chest issues as cold congestion...he had never missed one day of work in his whole life...monday started having a tight chest at work... did not want to go to doc...got worse and the boys put him in the truck and drove him to hosp...when the cardiologist was checking him out he had a second stroke right then!!! so lucky he went in !! so they did the angioplasty and put in two shunts (sp?) so friggin lucky


anyhow...day was good today.. I am praying for my buddy...thier twins are only 13


I am sure he will be a non smoker now and prob change the diet too


I do NOT want to wait for that ticker to go too


I was too afraid to go for my results today so will go in morning



I asked myself in bed last night...if I thought I could cut my wrists or wash down a bottle of pills with a nice french red... to really seriously kill myself... of course I could not...to even ask myself that question seemed ridiculous...but.... if I know I am pushing my limits health wise...how is overeating, not exercising, and stressing out any dif from either choice above? except , of course, either of the above is quicker... but by how much I wonder today with a buddy in ICU who is not even obese


morbidly obese...I am not just fat...not to be harsh but gotta be realistic


at this stage, if I go right back to digging into crap just cause my heart was NOT blowing up and my BP was fine.... how is that dif from any other way of killing myself.... I know that is the end result of morbid obesity



anyhow..it was kinda an Ah ha moment for me... I laid there thinking why do I feel I deserve to be treated such a way... by myself no less



one part of me was saying I am fine and healthy as a horse...the other part is saying once you are the size of a horse the health can change



anyways



Once my patio is done I will use it as my zen meditation space I think lol... my mega therapy room



....... so ate prob more than I should of today but pretty good all in all..I could of had just one peice of baked fish tonight... but no crap


chix boob for breakie then fruit
bison on ww bagel for lunch with cup mushroom soup and a salad with soy nuts and pumpkin seeds
supper was 2 peices mahi mahi :-& and steamed asparagus that I then rolled in 1 tbsp ff cr cheese

bought a pineapple but am too stuffed now... lunch was big and I am just too full


I took my quad out to mark the spot for the big bin tomorrow (had to rent a 500$ bin since my whole wall had to get ripped off) then proceeded to get soooooooo stuck that i thought I might have to get my truck to try and get out

farted around in the yard....


they put my new garden door in and wow....even though the house is still trashed...it is amazing with the light coming in... I know the bill is gonna be over 20K but there is nothing I can do... so will find a way to pay it and move on...I will just have to juggle a bit and reprioritize

my contractor told me to get the big bin (40cyards) and he will have his crew also help me get some stuff outta the house... the sofas etc that have to go by the time the floor guys come...I will have the bin for at least 4-5 days so will spend my evenings hauling crap from basement up too


I wish I knew some laborers...my best one just had a heart attack lol...the guys at work joked that he is the kinda guy who would check himself out of the hosp to give someone else a hand lol they will have many people, including me to help them out if they need it... very nice people


so my monday and tuesday next week will be spent hauling garbage if it is not filled before then

I better take my vitamins and get healthy!! stronk like bull !! lol



:x



Peng xo

Wow your friend's stroke is exactly what happened to my BIL last June. He was 47 totally healthy and about 10 pounds overweight. His job takes him on the road and he was in Bathurst when he woke up not feeling well and decided to drive himself back home to Halifax. By the time he got back he was barely conscious. It has been a long recovery process,he was in hospital until August and an out patient in rehab for months. He just got back to work last week but is still totally exhausted. Strangly they have twins also, they just turned six last week. Anyway I hope your friend has an excellent recovery.

We also went through the roof repair and dumpster stuff for several weeks. My husband reshingled my daughter's roof. It was a big job but the dumpster part was a god send. It's a lot of work but it is a fantastic way to get rid of a bunch of crap. It was a lot of work but also lots of exercise. But not for me, everyone else did it.

You are going to be so pleased that you got the big garden doors in once summer comes.
Hope the rest of your week goes great.

Sending good thoughts your buddys way. It is an eye opener to realize that someone who isn't even as close to being at risk as we to heart issues can fall to them just the same.

Very much time to treat yourself as nice as you treat everyone else my dear Peng.

Penggggggggggggggggggggggiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii ... you better not be in hiding. We have puppies, sushi, underware and men to discuss...

Pengii... Thinking of you friend.. Hoping you are ok.. and that you got great results back from the doc..
:hug:
Lulu

Kendra & Lulu, I apologize for not posting since wed. I really thought I had posted thursday before company came over. I could of at least posted my results.

I have had a crazy few days.... you just wont believe it... I cant even write about it all as it seems so bizarre.


First off, my ticker is fine. The doc asked why I was there when I went on thursday (did not want to put it off after my fr having a stroke)..I told him a doc so and so had called and told me to come in. He apologized and said my tests had all come back NORMAL and there was no need to worry me about a recall visit. Bp was 130/80, I told him it has been 120ish to 130 tops over 75-80ish each time i check it at superstore.


so what did I do thursday night? 8-| I waited for my electrician...he never showed or called...waited for my 40yard bin...never showed..company came ovber with wine and a scrabble board and I am sure I drank a whole bottle myself... stayed up till midnight playing games...was quite buzzed, then only had a bottle of coke zero that someone had droppded off and I drank that too...big mistake as the caffiene buzzed me out..I went to sleep before 1 and woke up just after 2 and that was that


so friday morn had to phone the bin guys... that was nuts as the old fart who owned the company kept telling me I must of called the wrong place as he has no record of me...X-( ended up after his secretaries came in and told him I did NOT have the wrong number...there was a bin at my house by 9am

a fr came over and my 4 man crew... they hauled so much crap outta my basement..the guy who is my contractor was asking how I planned on doing it all by myself..I told him I would do the best I can...he rolled his eyes and sent me downstairs with his wife to start sorting...he told me he was so impressed with all I had done and was gonna help me out

those men were sweating..dead mice falling out of chairs...... nasty....


so friday was just nuts too...I took that off work as he told me he could help me out if I was home.


then saturday was crazy at work then I had to go out then my sis came over to get all my fridge stuff as I had the guys throw my old appliances away in the bin as well

played cribbage then zzzzzzzzzzzzz for work sunday am


Sunday was nuts too... not home till after 4

THEN

I dont know if I mentioned it over the last couple weeks but I have been watching one of my girls as she was showing a bit of bloat... I have been watching her as she had a sore back a couple yrs ago from jumping so much (she is so tiny and jumps up to see you) I noticed her abdomen swelling some and that is a sign of back probs

I had been restricting her food (no extras) so she did not gain weight but she was solid

then over the weekend she just exploded...honest..from friday to sunday I got worried...I had been waiting for her heat to be over as she is one of the ones I planned on having spayed as I did not want her preggers incase it hurt her back...I feared maybe she was having intestinal issues


anywho


last night when I fed her...she was just ravenous...she has been gobbling her food lately and she is usually so fussy...why she is so tiny..I picked her up and I swear to god her belly was twice as big as two days ago



I just felt sick....


I was so careful with her...I only let her by my 12 yr old rescue male who I know has never figured out what a penis is for... started thinking maybe he figured it out


started thinking she is preggers


then in bed last night i remembered one day, several weeks ago, when I was putting maxie(my stud) in his pen...I always give him a little kiss when he is kenneled..as I lifted him up that day he had something on his belly...i thought dirt, then I thought blood, then I thought I have no one in heat...I was wrong


I spent a good part of day at vets today


xray and exam.... she is preggers...and far along.. I told the vet I want a c section as I do not want to risk her body even though she is in perfect health

vet said she was very good and figures she is between 44 and 52 days preggers...they can deliver anytime after 55... so...Claire is having friggin puppies again


god, I am in shock... I have so much to do... I included a few pics so you could see what I have been up to


I go back friday for another xray...the bones are just starting to calcify so we will watch her close to determine a date for c section...she has had 2 litters of 4 before no prob... but I dont want to risk her health.. it was real hard to see skulls in the xray but kinda looks like 3 sacks right now, but no idea


I felt so bad and I am totally in shock... I was convinced she had no contact... long ago I had thought she would have the perfect pups as her size and maxies size is so perfect and small but have planned on breeding her daughter


so kendra, there will be pups again in less than 2 weeks I imagine

it would be so much easier to know the date


the 3 I want preggers have not come into heat...2 I did not plan on breeding are having babies...shesh


I cant believe I have to empty and paint this house AND raise puppies...least for the first 4-5 weeks it is no work at all....



I am still in shock



anyhow


I have been a lump with my food and exercise



not losing not gaining



it has been a tough juggling gme with all going on



I know it would be much easier on a healthier path...my fr who was over the other day wants to help me get my arse in gear and I will take it...every bit helps...


I was so friggin happy that I am not dealing with ticker probs...and I really dont want any to start



anyhow



sorry my post is so jumbled

I am feeling very jumbled



and am feeling so stupid too



puppies



god





pray for me kids lol




:x

oh ya


for all you ghost story lovers out there


everyone has been talking about my 'spirit orbs' in the middle pic


that is my dining room...since we had to rip the wall down I asked for a garden door to be put in.. I took that pic along with several others... that one pic has the two 'orbs' in it..they look really freaky when blown up on digital camera lol



you can see the sexy wallpaper that is gonna come down 8-| ...the door is in now and looks great except the wires are still hanging, no windows for a month, and the room is upside down... insulation everywhere, crab, oh well


someday I will look back and laugh



good thing is I found out the house was built with double wall construction which gives it w R-40 insulation factor and then some

also without the double wall, the dining room wall would of prob collapsed then the bill would be over 50 thousand


I could never pay that



so, blessing in disguise I guess that we fixed it at this stage



:x


quite a mess



anyhow

Hi Pengii..so glad to hear you a got a clean bill of health.. I kind of thought you would...:) Just because we are fat does not mean we are all going to die of heart attacks right :laugh:
haha puppies again... Poor little lady though...As long as her back can take it.. Those boys don't waste any time when a girl is in heat :)
You have what looks like is going to be a lovely home Claire.. You will enjoy it for sure..
Happy for you.. Take care .. Will follow the news of the pups... They will be darlings
:hug:
Lulu

Thanks Lulu

you know I am still in shock


I have house sat sooooooooo many times and no accidents

had the house almost a yr and no accidents


I guess I have been so busy, I am overlooking little details


kinda like I do with my bod & health



anyhow


I feel like whacking my head with a hammer to have it all sink in...I can NOT get over the puppy thing


I am def not telling my fr I bought the house from...I will invite her over once the pups are on the ground and my girl is healhty



8-| puppies 8-|



The vet said her back looked fine as we could see it in the xrays (those digital machines are so fast and amazing) and said she was very healthy... she also said she could understand my concern and agrees a c section is a good precaution.. she also wanted me to know that as far as health goes, porsche would be fine to deliver but we need to see how many babies she has in her as if it is 2 big ones..might be harder...4 small ones ok... but in any event I want a c section so she has no trauma at all


I take such good care of the dogs... thats why I am so flabbergasted that I made this error... guess I am learning the hard way



:c(




since it is gonna happen so fast... no time to worry really ... I am still fresh from the last pups and maybe it will motivate me to get my arse in gear before they want to run around and play


gives me 5-7 wks



:c(




oh well, they will be darn cute and the lady who bought the last two said she has people who want to go on the waiting list for next pups





just picture me shaking my head for the next few days girls





xo

puppies8-|sweet adorable puppies...8-|
Life is just full of surprises :laugh:

OMG PUPPIES!!!!!!!!!!

YAYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!
Also.. good to see you again. I was getting worried! And my cell did some weird little .. thing and I lost your numbers =/ GIMME! I'm not done checking up on you yet.

Putting in a reserve for a puppy now my dear! One of the warm wigglys are coming home with me! I'm cleaning the house from top to bottom disinfecting the children, buying toys, and bowls, and SWEATERS! I'll need a bag because that dog is coming to and from work with me! Claire you will weep with how spoiled this dogbaby will end up!

Now that that is out of my system, cut yourself some slack with everything.. you are doing amazing! And seriously.. lemme know when to ditch work.. I'll come help clean! Make it a day after them puppers are born and it's two birds one stone since I will in fact want to squish on them!

Seriously.. you got my numbers.. if ya dont lemme knwo and ill send you all three .. call me i your going MIA so i dnt worry your in a dtich with that quad squishing you.

the beautiful thing about pregnancy is that it can boil down to two responses (both the same) 1. *(consoling) pat on the back.* congrats, man. 2. * Slap on the back.* Congrats, man!

(apply whichever *you* feel you like best.) (as for me, I'm super duper excited for more weeniebabies!!!!!)


--happy to hear about your good ticker news, even as it comes on the tail of your friend's not-so-good news. Life is funny, eh? Never really happens as you expect it...

way to go pengii .. Iove the way of your determination .. you gotta do something before your fat do you .. keep it up & you will be fine in future ..

Well, you knwo your dogs better then I do obviously, BUT I would want one on the smaller side and preferably a male. And I'm not sure I can wait LOL. But you are the expert pengigirl.

Ha puppies! You had better not use them as an excuse to eat poorly and not exercise!

I am quite relieved to read that your heart is ok but again, as you said, it won't stay that way if you don't take your eating and exercise seriously. I've seen what happens with a stroke and it ain't pretty -- and you know people who are our age with them! Take heed my friend. Don't be a lump, but be a swimming, fish-eating flightless bird that skims through the water sleek and ready for a motorcycle!

Sounds like your place is moving right along. It must feel good to be working so hard for something you love and seeing a little progress each day.

Hey campers !!

So nice to seeya !!


Chummers, the pups def are no more headache than everything else at the moment. Just the timing sucks but that is my fault.


It has been a crazy start to th year.... I just have not grabbed hold of anything... seems so tough... which just adds more stress



anyhow...I am no where near giving up...nope...just some days I seem so far fr change too



I think if i saw some improvement with house I would feel better but it looks worse lol



it will come, I have been thinkin of the pool a lot lately...I will find out the spring sched and go fr there


a couple girls are coming over tuesday and I am renting the wall paper steamer this week coming up...might as well get started



my electrician never called or nothing..he was the friend of my partners...I dont know why he volunteered and then bailed...made me feel bad...oh well...who know..and I am not his fam...they are... he is always so nice...very busy, yes, but a call to say you had to change plans would of been nice... anyhow...found a guy who lives close so hopefully he can fit me in over the next couple weeks...my cooktop wont be in until the middle of month


I will just keep pluggin away


my sis lost her job today...they were dirty...just finished giving her a great review...nice pay increase blah blah blah... behind tho they were having her train two guys and guess what...they put them in her spot...cheaper for them I guess...not nice tho


tough too as she is a very big girl and some conmpanies wont look past that... I told her though this last company hired her fat so that was prob not it...they just used her to improve thier production then cut her loose just before her 1 yr mark to make it easier legally...not nice at all


so worried for her today... really worried... they need that paycheck... she sounds good tho and it kinda sparked me to get my poop in a group too


I will keep my eyes open for her and I really hope she finds something soon


I take my dog for another xray tomorrow...she is looking good, very perky and healthy... I think we have another week but will see if we see little skulls tomorrow,..thenm I will have to start taking her temp each day watching for a drop...as soon as it hits 99...pups are usually coming in the next 24hrs... dont want the csection too soon so as the pups are developed well

least my sis will be available if I need help now :( like I said tho...she sounded pretty good... that is a tough thing to deal with no matter what the circumstance



anyhow...gonna go have a quick shower before it gets too dark...still creepy without the outside lights lol


nice to see the days getting longer...a lot of snow still out here



food was much better today...much !!



I haave to start writing down every bite.... better not keep waiting for tomorrow





:x

Glad your food was better yesterday, penguinhead.

Sounds like your house is moving along. I have heard from many people that contractors of any sort or relation are the least reliable people on the planet (next to high school boys). I'm not surprised this family of a friend didn't show without a call. First, he was A Man. Notorious gender, that one. And second, he was A Contractor. Third, but not least, he was Helping You Out. Never good motivation for people who make one helluva lot of money for a skill that few people have. hahahah Well, I hope this new guy shows and does a good job for you!

Is your bedroom finished and beautiful? I think it is important to do the bedroom first, so you always have a nice, comfortable place to sleep. Or do whatever there. :D

Wow I never knew having puppies was such an ordeal. When my childhood cat had kittens, none of us even knew she was preggo, and then one Sunday morning, my family woke me to peek behind the couch and there they were! Easy as pie (except for the momma who had to squirt them out). Makes me glad I never got pregnant myself though. So much work! hahahahah

I'm sorry to hear about your sister's job. I hope she finds something soon! Do Canadians have an unemployment system, where you get money for a certain number of weeks after you lose your job?

I hope you have a terrific Friday, pal. Eat fish!

Tell your sis to look on Epcor.com ... a ton of empty positions here. Good money really good benefits. What does she do?

Yay for a puppy update. You'll find out tomorrow how many of them you can be expecting?

3 big puppies so far...thier little skulls and spines were lined up ass to tea kettle like sardines in a tin

my vet said there is a chance of one more on her other side but we only did the one xray today as we will do one more next wed


so we had first booked the csection for friday but there is concern we may be a couple days too early...so we have resched for monday 14th... I would hate to lose the pups at this stage

so i will prob take the weekend off work to watch her and i can work like hell in th house too

if she goes into labor on the weekend , there is nothing i can do...but she has had two litters of 4 before with no probs...I am sure she will be fine...the girls have only been allowed a litter every other year...no puppy mill $hit here...even with my boo boo...and vet says what a happy little girl she is


man...if I was gonna keep another dog...this would be the litter...but cant do that...too many dogs and I need the $ now anyways...there will be more down the road


food was ok today..I am just so uninspired...had a good chat with my bud who had the stroke...he hates oatmeal but is adjusting...I LIKE oatmeal...why the fork am I not eating it..I had 2 eggs, 2 ww toast, 2 bacon, couple spuds...he ate the heart healthy oatmeal...he asked if I would trade...I told him I should...he said it is like quitting smokin...not always so easy...



I almost thought of looking to see if there was a tops group in my town close...i think i need the human looking me in the eye...to help me grow up and make big girl decisions


I have so many great little biz ideas but I need a healthier bod to make them owrk




I feel close girls... i really do... I have friends coming to help this week..i think getting more done will really help



anyhow...was feeling blah so took the quad out to the back pasture and went for a toot... the ponds are quite small this year...way way way less water than last few yrs...we are talkin at least 10 feet in all around


was nice to get some fresh air...quite chilly down by the water and ice



anyhow



off to watch my movie soon...death at a funeral I think it is called...heard it is a hoot



hope you all have a fantastic weekend




:x

Ohh Peng! I know that feeling so well.. that is EXACTLY where I'm at. I'm close to getting it .. close to feeling that push again but i just don't yet. I need something.

ALSO.. Puppies YAY! Little Man possibly on the way! Unless you had people in line before me pengi and then I totaly understand if you hadda let them go to other homes.

So glad the pooch is doing good and the pups are coming along fine. What a surprise that was, lol.

You will enjoy getting more done on your house, it always feels good to be able to check chores off the list. Thanks for sharing the pics too, hope we get to see more of it as it evolves into Pengii's Place. :)

Hiya, Peng!!! :hug:

I am BACK, and you sound good! I noticed that you haven't been in the walking challenge thread -- what's up with that?? :whip: I know you are busy, but 15 minutes is only 15 minutes! ;)

The wallpaper stripping sounds like a great idea. How exciting to get some things done and make your house a home. That will give you a wonderful sense of accomplishment as it comes along, and you will be able to feel it in other areas of your life as well. I wish I could come lend a hand -- I love those sorts of projects!

Exciting about the puppies! It took you by surprise, but you missed those other little guys, right? Hahahaha -- you will have lots of fun with the squirmy little critters once they're here!

Okay, it's spring now. We need to see some good progress on our scales & in our pants challenge pants this month. Let's do this thing. Record your eating, walk your 15 minutes, and TRY. Even if you don't feel like it, do it. You KNOW you'll see some results, and it'll feel GREAT! *I* need the motivation & *I* need some results... I'm gonna try, so you can, too!

Luv ya, buddy! :x

Lisrey

Alright.. I am back to the one day at a time method. Today, I am eating well and walking and so, my dear friend, are you if humanly possible. It's one day, you can do this with me for one day right?

Apparently it takes 21 days to make a new habit.. We should maybe look at making these changes one habit at a time. It'll take a little longer but apparently neither of us is in any great rush..

How's my puppy today? Kicking Momma?

Having puppies must be expensive with all the xrays! Do you plan to make the puppy breeding a full time business eventually? Do all the dogs live in the house? How do you keep them from having sex all the time? hahaha Good to have at least some sex in the house, I suppose. hahaha (I knew that would make you laugh. :D)

So, let me get this straight. You went out for breakfast with your friend who just had a stroke. He ate oatmeal (good) and you ate eggs and bacon? No way. I can't eat out with you if I am trying to be good. Ack. I can't even smell bacon without eating it. This is such a classic situation, especially since you are both talking about what you are eating. Why did you get it? Other than the fact that it tasted delicious? (That is reason enough, I suppose, but you are always analyzing your decisions, so I am curious what you came up with.) Why not get poached eggs, wheat toast and tomatoes? Or a spinach and tomatoes and peppers egg white omelet (those are actually good)?

We have to knock our heads together to figure out what is going to help spur you onto better choices. I am reading a fantastic book now, you should try to find it. It is called "Secrets of a Former Fat Girl," by Lisa Delaney. She was once really overweight (her entire life in fact) and had binge issues. She lost the weight and kept it off for years and talks about how she did it.

She claims that one of the key reasons she finally changed, after trying over and over and over again for years, was that she began incorporating exercise into her life, before she adjusted the eating part. She said this was key b/c it showed her she could change something, she could have control over something. She didn't even tell anyone she was doing it, so she wouldn't have to hear lectures if she failed. She did it for herself. She said it gave her the "I can" attitude that was key to making other changes later.

It is the first weight loss book I've ever read that didn't talk about food restriction right off the bat. Plus, she really anticipates all the things you think about in your head, as someone who is overweight. If you can't find it, send me your new addy, I'll send you a copy. She makes sense to me, so far. More than all the other ones.

Hope you are having a great day, Peng.

Howdy campers !!

One day at a time is all I am hoping for too girls !

Chummers my fr came into my restaurant... I went to eat in the lounge before it opened and they came in for visit

I had 2 ww toast, 2 eggs and 2 bacon...not a truck drivers breakfast

anyhow


Lisrey, I have been a lump with the mill..a total lump and busy is no excuse at all.... nope.. I have had time to dink around and overeat so plenty of time to exercise


Kendra...I had a terrible binge last night...terrible... I read your post and felt every bit of your frustration... vowed to get my arse in gear...then lost my mind... I ate more toasts than I can count over the course of the night...oh ya..ww bread 8-|... woke up with such a carb headache and just felt blah


slept real crappy as i was just so full.... so empty emotionally and so bloated from the food


I really question myself a lot lately but really do not want to feel like any more of a failure right now



today was allright so far


had to get the carpenter out as the roof began flooding..the snow we have gotten started leaking in as we can not finish the roof until it warms up outside


quite overwhelmed


and yes I know eating does not help


yah, figured that out long ago...but am still fat


anyhow



just checking in.... thats all I am good for today



have a great tuesday



:x

Hmm if one whole day is overwhelming to think about for you at this point, and really who can blame you, maybe try the whole one decision at a time. Even if you make the wrong one you'll very much be aware of it and why. Mindless bad decisions put on the pounds, being aware of what we are doing gives us a feeling of being in control and that always makes me feel a bit better about life.

I think it is too overwhelming to think of a whole day too. I rarely do that anymore. If I did, I would scream. I often scream anyway, just trying to get through one hour or one activity or one goal during one day. I think Kendra is spot-on; don't look at a whole day as a "failure" -- take it one choice at a time. Every time you are hungry for more toast (isn't it funny? I had like 6 pieces of toast yesterday too!), then stop, ask yourself is this really what I want? That works for a lot of people here on DT and might just be what the doctor ordered now for you. (Not literally what the doctor ordered.)

Ha! You did not eat a truck drivers breakie, did you? Ha! Your earlier flowery speech made it sound that way to me. hahaha Are truck drivers usually overweight I wonder? We always called huge breakfasts of tons of bacon, sausage, eggs, pancakes, etc. "truck drivers'" breakfasts too. Poor truck drivers. They probably just eat rice cakes and tomatoes for breakie.

I have a friend btw, who refuses to keep bread in her house. She will eat a whole loaf of toast in a day (I'm sure you did not eat that much!) and then she will crab about it for a week. She said she tried keeping it in the freezer, then it wouldn't be so tempting, but it didn't work as well. It was better though, b/c at least it was out of sight and not on the counter calling her name. She loved her bread and that was so hard for her to control.

I've never heard of a carb headache. Horrible. I hate headaches (I also had a migraine headache yesterday! We are having sympathy headaches and toast cravings from all these miles apart).

I used to have good luck with this strategy when I used to binge. I would eat one of the things I wanted to binge on (for instance, piece of toast with jam) and then force myself to eat three pieces of celery before I could have another one of the more fun binge foods. This is a royal pain and you get full faster and stop with the binge. It worked! I also used another technique that worked. I would eat one of the binge foods and then force myself to write it down on a piece of paper before I could eat another one. Then I would write that one down, etc. It took only a few times before I was grossed out by what I ate (seeing it on paper) and it helped stop the binging eventually.

I had a nutritional therapist once who told bingers to binge if they must (at least until they learned other ways to retrain their behaviors, like doing some activity of some sort -- reading, going for a walk, calling a friend -- whenever they felt like binging, etc.), but she advised people to binge on something lower calorie -- like watermelon or air popped popcorn -- and that fixed it for some people I knew. Another technique she used was to recommend drinking a glass of water between every binge item. Soon you are way too full to finish. I tried the watermelon one a few times and that was good, b/c you can't eat that much of that before you are full. Sometimes it is just the stuffing food into your mouth that you need?? Anyway, all good things to think about trying.

Gosh a leaky roof? I hope it isn't leaking into where you are sleeping! Can they put a tarp on the roof or something until the winter is over? I can't believe they can't do anything to fix it until spring!!! When is spring for you anyway?

How is the little dog? Hopefully feeling ok.

I hope you have a better day today!!!

Today was better girls TYVM :jn


I dont know what the fork has been up with the bread thing..I think a little sabatoge...sometimes I like to bury myself in the sh*t at the bottom of the barrel and roll around a bit before climbing out


anyhow... I def am not bringing certain things into the house until I am past the frenzy


had eggs and toast and decaf this am... lunch didnt happen as I worked for hours hauling garbage...filled my truck 3 times...but got the kennel room empty and worked up a sweat

went to the little city near me and bought my mini scaffolding and 3 gallons of paint...will get the upstairs painted while the pups are on the ground

then went to penningtons and bought my sis a few outfits and to payless for a purse and shoes ... she has interviews coming up and wanted her to look good..told her I can not afford to support her and hubby so there was a method to my madness lol


skinned some chicken for a early supper and baked it with a ton of veggies, corn beets, asparagus

had baked blueberries and a bit of froz yog for dessert after when dying my sis' hair


an ok day



and I am not as blue as yesterday so tht helps



maybe tom is coming and that is why I am feeling extra :tongue:




anyhow... I am back to work for a couple days...will be an odd week with the pups coming... I know that is buggin me too cause if we time the csection wrong I could lose the pups...we will see as I go to vet tomorrow afternoon



anyhow



am gonna jump on the scale tomorrow and see how much damage I did and get back in my friggin canoe and start paddling...hopefully with the current for a bit


thanks for the support



I will battle through this funk



someday I will look back and laugh at this time...unless I am locked up in an institution somewhere :D




:x




Peng xo

Hi, I'm a bit at the same stage as you. We sold our house in Nova Scotia and I feel a little sad about that. But I feel really sad about the $$$ part of it because we sold a beautiful house with a huge lot there for $265,000 and can only get crap for that amount here. My hubby is a builder and will turn it around pretty quick, but I'm kind of scared when I see the neighbourhoods that amount of money would put us in.
So with travelling there to pack the house up on my break I got exhausted and started eating carbs too. I am one who can't have bread in the house either. Actually I have to have it in the house because hubby eats it, but I've had to learn to block it out. But I really got into it big time for the week. Also airports and travelling are my downfall because there is nothing good for you in them. It took me two long days to get to NS because of ice storms.

I had myself convinced that I had gained a ton of weight back and there was no hope for me.

But I got myself on track for two days before I had the guts to weigh myself and I wasn't as bad as I thought. Over the years I think I've told you and myself also that if you get right back at it when we slip, it comes off a lot quicker that if we let it turn to bedrock again.
Best of luck with the puppies, that will be a big stress over if she does fine.

The huge construction costs really put a wrench in plans too, but you got some major repairs behind you already, soon you will be snug as a bug in your new place.

Can we be roommates in the institution? We could try to untie each others' strait jackets! I think the food is bad though, so maybe we should try to stay outta there!

WOWEE. THREE trucks full of garbage? You are amazing! You probably burned a zillion calories too. ahhaah Where do you take all the trash? That is a LOT.

What color will you paint the upstairs? What is up there? Just your bedroom and a bathroom?

BTW, I think it is so sweet what you are doing for your sis. She is very, very lucky to have you in her corner (as is her husband!). It must be much easier on her knowing you are on her side.

How did you bake the blueberries? I am intrigued -- never heard of it.

How does the vet know when to give the c-section? It seems very scary to be a breeder!

I have info for your sister if she is still interested in it. I will email it to you and you can send to her.. =)

Thanks Kendra ! I emailed you this am... you know my addy ! She is shortlisted for a job now and will find out by friday I hope but is still appying...god it would be great if she found something that fast...any info is appreciated

Chummers...tossed the berries w bit sugar and a crumble oat thing ...I can do wonders with a toaster ovcen after a year of no appliances lol I do have an oven now but it is still in crate lol 8-|

I am not comfy with the vet today...the vet I love and who has a million yrs experience is gone this week..the young vet I have been seeing is really nice but I just have a gut feeling she and her co-vet are wrong on this call. She is saying she feels the pups are only at 55 days right now and wants to wait for monday (she says it is not just because they are short on techs) Portia is so huge, her milk is ready and she looks ready to pop...I stopped at my fr house who used to own her and she feels it will be next couple days too...


The reason why breeding is not cheap Chum is when you care about the animal and are not a mill or backyard breeder ...the costs add up. It is very hard on the dogs to litter after litter... I will only breed them every 3 heats which is a year and half apart and the two that are/were preg now are being spayed ...my 3 young ones will have 2 litters each over the next 3 years then thats it


when we all had animals on the farm...they were not always viewed the same way...we let nature take its course and most of the time it was fine...but toy or miniature breeds have been bred to where nature can be risky... and also most good breeding stock is very $$. Losing your female is a risk, and each dead puppy is usually a lot of money lost... so even if I spend 5-8 hundred now for a vet...having 3 live puppies will pay for it... thats why they are not cheap...good breeders do not make a ton of money on thier animals...you do it cause you love the breed and enjoy others loving them... puppy mills make the money

This girl is really tiny... 3 big pups could be really hard on her... so anyways...I think the vet is underestimating the xrays and pup developement..I hope I am wrong....i really do... my dog ate huge today so no pups tonight...her temp was down a bit tho and dropping under 99 degrees usually means puppies within 24 hrs...so I am praying to god she goes into labor by friday morning...then I am taking her in and they will have to find time to do the c section. Anything after that is considered an emergency and who friggin knows


too stressfull.... but just have to wait now..I am taking her to work tomorrow and will take the next 3 days off... am gonna get a lot of house stuff done while I am on pu[ppy watch



food was good today


I am still not in a solid groove but doing better and better


made that broc slaw salad I like so much for supper with corn and baked chicken




I am just so uptight...I am gonna go to bed and read a bit




Chum